Sinister Energies
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I'm so excited. Call him back. Like, call him back and see if you can get him to call you back. I've been getting these insane... Wait, have we started the episode? Yeah, we've started. We started right. I've been getting these insane fucking spam calls that are like actually the scariest thing I've ever gotten, but I don't know if it's going to work.

Also, welcome back to this episode of Emergency. Yep. Actually, yes. Who was stealing from you? Which one of you was stealing from me? I haven't stolen anything as of recent. Fire! Fire!

Y'all praying for my downfall. They're praying for my downfall. Fire. Fire. Can this apply to me too? Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire.

Oh my god wait I got money for shit yelling fire Okay that's enough of that But yeah I just want to let you guys know That um I've been getting the most absurd Fucking Phone calls ever Like y'all wonder why I'm not okay It's because I get shit like that That triggers like some schizoaffective disorder In me where I'm like wait oh my fucking god Like are people actually trying to attack me Are people actually stealing from me In my day to day life like cause why do I believe them Um

Well, welcome back to this episode. And maybe that's a good leeway into what we're going to talk about today, which is our morals. Yeah, we wanted to talk about our morals and our ethics. Are we good people? I would like to think...

I'm good when I need to be. Ethically, I'm a good person. Morally, no. I don't know if you can be ethically good and morally bad. What's the difference between morals and ethics? Ethics, I think, is how you treat people business-wise. I might be... No, because that's business ethics. It's like the things you do and the rules you follow and morals are like... But I feel like morals are kind of the same thing. Ethics and morals relate to right and wrong.

While they've been used interchangeably, they are different. Ethics refers to rules provided by an external source. I'm a fucking genius. Codes of conduct, workplace, and principles. Morals refer to an individual's own principles regarding right and wrong. Okay, so yeah. Morally, I'm like a little corrupt. Like...

My morals are a little out of whack, but ethically, I'm a good person. Ethically, I'm corrupt because I don't believe in following the rules that people give me. I think that's stupid. You don't tell me what to do. I will punch you in the fucking neck. Morally, I am the most amazing person ever. There's a few things I can think of. Kai's laughing his ass off. There's a few things I can think of where I'm like, yeah, society's right. Don't do that. But you disagree with those things? Well, not everything. Just kidding.

Shut up. You're like, I don't like I fuck with murder. Actually, that's like in some circumstances. Yeah. I'm like, it's like I'll be damned if I go to court. If someone kills a family member of me. No, bitch. For an eye. Like, come on. Come on. Call of Duty and I for an eye. I literally kill so many fucking people. I've killed so many people. Before we get into this episode, I just wanted to state right off the bat that it is official that

I'm 23 years old. I've decided to stop breastfeeding. I thought you were going to age regress. No, I've decided I'm too old to be breastfeeding. It's just a little weird, right? See, that's what I'm saying. Morally, I'm a little corrupt. That's a good moral. It's okay to breastfeed because you just want to stay close to your loved ones and suck on a nipple. Exactly. There's nothing morally wrong with that. I need to be clear. I'm not sucking my mom's boobs. Oh, I...

You thought I was sucking my mom's boobs? Yeah, and to me that's normal. Why are you sucking the teat of another woman? I am sucking my mom's boobs.

Okay, let's get into these. The thing is, like, your mom listens to this. I know. She's, like, the biggest fan of the podcast. Hi, Mom. Hi, Mom. Shout out my mom. Ew. Also, you started this before we started. Drew was like, I'm just not feeling good. Like, I'm not mentally okay. See, that's what I'm saying. You cannot act mysterious in front of a camera because the second it turns on, all your brain...

brain can think about is like what can get clipped exactly no literally my brain is a fucking clip machine oh my god i'm sorry that literally freaked out that didn't even scare me i'm so sorry i like had to let that it was like bubbling like um yeah the consequences of your own actions okay that really just threw the vibe off like incredibly that like really ruined the vibe

You know what it was? You felt happier than me, and in that moment, I knew I had to take you down. You had to take me down with you. Like, knowing I should be... I am so miserable, but I still need to somehow be the happiest girl in the room. I need to... I... I saw...

When I walk into a room, I want the vibe to just change immediately to dark fucking energy. No, you used to do that and not in a funny way. No, it was... Like, you weren't doing it to be funny. You genuinely were a vibe terrorist. Yeah, no. Like, you were fucking awful to be around sometimes. And I'm good at it. I know how to fucking just ruin the vibe for everybody. And I just... Well, now we...

I'm very anti-empath. Like, if you're an empath and in my vicinity, I will destroy you. That's not true. You're just fucking annoying. I think I'm an empath. It was like a childish thing of you. You don't do it anymore because now we all know you so well that we're like, just let him throw his fucking fit and ignore him. Exactly. It's like a little baby. No, see, that's the thing is like, I need my space. When I'm in my element, I need my space. When you're in your element. What the fuck are you talking about? I need deodorant so bad. So I'm going to stand up and get deodorant, but explain what we're doing. Okay. Okay.

So on TikTok, I saw this one TikToker. His name is Tall. I think it's Tall Psychologist. And he does like these moral dilemma polls on TikTok. And I thought it was so fucking funny. So I decided to pull a few moral and ethical dilemmas and just like ask me and Inya these questions and

and see where we lie morally. And I just know it's gonna be so gnarly, and it's gonna be so... There's gonna be real arguments, and we're gonna disagree on a lot of things. And I know I'm gonna piss Drew off. Literally last night, we talked about, like, why me and Kai think, like, circumcision as a baby is a little weird. Like, that's just a little weird. And you just had to have a different opinion. Yeah.

Sorry, I forgot this is the Drew podcast. So I'll just keep talking. I'm so sorry, but I'm going to interrupt because I got this gift made for someone. I set you up to yell at me. I'm so sorry. I just got distracted because I got this gift made and they made it in like five hours. Oh, that's really cool. I don't know how I feel about the top. The little nipple. It kind of looks like a little dumpling bun. It looks like my mom's breasts. Um...

Oh, yeah. Are you talking about last night when I literally got into, like, such a deep conversation with Kai? I felt so bad about that conversation with you. No, I literally thought it was a debate. Like, it wasn't, like... I just feel bad sometimes when I'm so on the opposite end of someone's opinion. And I just, like... Because I can literally go on forever. Like, I can, like, talk. No, we saw. And, like, I can push it forever. But I feel like Kai could have gone on forever, too. I feel like y'all were both just, like...

Just hashing it out. And then Drew kicked us out of his room. I was like, girl, it's 1.30 in the morning. Like, take this argument somewhere else. You know what it is? Because also we can't have talks like that for that long. Because it gets very, like, because you get bored of talking. And instead of just backing out and being like, okay, like, I actually don't want to talk about this anymore. Your stubborn, annoying ass says some shit to piss me off. And then I start going deep and, like, digging deep until it starts. I was doing it last night. I was like, oh, like, I'm going to get under his skin a little bit.

But no, I thought it was like a good conversation and points were made on both sides It was there was the conversation about like circumcision which was just kind of like funny It's like which I do believe that it is fucking weird like why are we doing that as a society like give me my foreskin back and

I will take pills to regrow it if I have to. That's another fucking... And I don't believe men have the hygienic intellect to take care of foreskin. For the most part. I'm about to just get into this one. But then also they had conversations about NFTs and crypto and just shit like that, which was an actually fascinating conversation. And I think y'all should have that debate.

Yeah, me and Ty are going to start our own podcast, and then sooner or later, it'll grow past this one, and we're just going to shun you. Yeah. I expect that. I expect to be shunned out of this group. I mean, the guy on the phone told you. I know. That's literally what I'm referencing. Y'all are constantly praying for my fucking downfall. You didn't yell fire loud enough. No, in private, I exclaim that shit really fucking loud. That's the first one I've gotten where he's asked me to interact with him.

Which is crazy. Normally he's like, press one now. Press one now. You should turn to God and start doing that shit. No, literally, y'all do not want my religious arc. You do not want it. Coming soon. Our religious homophobic tyrant arc. Coming soon. Coming real fucking soon. I like...

there are way too many influencers. It's literally like the child star theory. Like, there are too many influencers who started young and then all of a sudden got like religious and homophobic. Yeah. Like the amount, I can think of three off the top of my head. Big Nick, sorry. Yeah.

That I'm we need to talk about that briefly. He gets a pass because he literally has been threatened with death all his life. So like I like get that one. But some of you bitches just be bored. Like no he's like the checks start drying up and you're like. He's spreading misinformation. Okay that is true. He is like literally spreading anti-vaxxer. The vaccine has like the devil in it and aborted fetuses in it and it's like really evil. Which.

Like, again, like, I'll allow him to spread that misinformation. Like, I'll allow it. I'm sorry. He deserves that. I love him. I genuinely... We've hung out before. It was great. But...

I just... People change, you know? It's true. People can change. Can you get on with it? Like, with the topics? You're gonna go on a big Nick Rant. You're like... It's like when you were like, I guess that just says a lot about us. Like, a whole lot about us. It does say a lot about us. Okay. So, I have a couple loaded up in the camera roll right now from this guy's page, the Tall Psychologist page. So, okay. Okay.

This one's a gnarly. We're going to start off gnarly right off the beginning. Okay. Would you rather die happy now, like right now die happy, or live a long happy life but post-death people think you're a serial child abuser?

You know what the problem is? Is I was like... I'm dying happy now. I'm dying happy now. Just because, like, I get to be put out of my misery. Yeah, but also there's, like, an argument where it's like, okay, but who the fuck cares? I'll be dead as fucking bones. Yeah, I'll be dead as bones. I don't fucking care. Like, I'll literally be such, like, dust that, like, that will actually not affect... Actually, I'll take the long-ass happy life. Like, are you kidding me? Like...

I mean, I know deep down that I'm not that. I'm not an evil person. So I'm like, what? Oh, oh, at my funeral? Like, are y'all going to like start talking about me? Like, I don't give a fuck, girl. I'm not there. I literally don't care. Yeah. And then also just like the promise of being happy. Like, that sounds kind of awesome. I know. That sounds like, that sounds like there's no... Is there true happiness? No.

I genuinely don't think there is. No, I think I'm not kidding. I think like the idea of happiness is over like saturated so that people feel like they have to like work themselves to the bone, which in the end is only like profitable for like the people around you and corporations and like capitalism, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I think like it literally is like this like grand ideology that like most people are incapable of having. The happiest. No.

Nevermind. Let's move on. You have to say some fucking stupid shit. Yeah. I bit my tongue. I bit my fucking tongue. Okay. This is a good one. This is a good one. Poor people get 10% better lives, but the rich people get 1000% better lives. Do you press the button that's like activates that? Yeah. Yeah.

You do? Wait, I guess now that I think about it. Well, because I'm just like. I mean, it's kind of the same like right now. Yeah, it's just like doubling what it is. Yeah, I'm like, what does that even mean? Yeah, I'll press it. I'll press it for the girls. I'll do it for the girls. You know, that's just me doing my part for the people. I mean, that's literally what happened in the pandemic, except the most. Is it good?

Oh, yes. No, I was like, that's a good point. Oh, yeah. Like, the richest got, like, even more richer. Like, $7 trillion richer or some crazy fucking number. I'm pretty sure most poor people got poorer. That's what I'm saying. Except, also, the poor people literally got even more poorer. So, we could take poor people back 10% up. Yeah, I'll do it. Okay, but would you make poor people 10% more poor? Oh, wait, wait. Is that what it's asking? No, no. Oh, okay.

I misread it and I'm happy as fuck to slap the button because I think it'll make it. And y'all are like, oh my god, what? Damn, she's evil. Okay, let's see what this one is. Oh, I screenshotted the same one twice. Okay, I have to go down this list and find some, so just talk for a second.

i don't know oh you know what i i went and got and i it's actually up that you told me to talk for a minute and it took me one second to get something to talk about i was like if you put me on the spot like that i literally would have nothing to talk about and like i just have infinite dumb to talk about um

Today I realized that I am like kind of fucking stupid. One, it was so beautiful out and it was like raining and I was running my errands and it was like so sweet and I was like walking around in the rain and it felt so good. And then I was getting really paranoid because I was like, oh my God, I don't know if my immune system can like handle just like being cold and in the rain like this anymore. But I also don't believe that I'm like someone who will ever get sick by any means. Like I just don't think my body does that. Are you talking about the booster?

No, I was just talking about getting sick in general because I was walking around in the rain today. Oh, I really want the booster though. They won't let us have it. Yeah, they won't let us have it until it's been exactly six months, which is so annoying. But I can get it. I'm going to get it.

Does Johnson and Johnson need a booster? Yeah, right? I don't fucking know. Yeah, you're about to go get a booster and fucking die because you're not even paying attention. I'm going to boil my blood. Anyways, when the fuck are they going to change the eye? You know when you go and get your eyes checked and they show you that little fucking house at the end of the road? One, I want to live there. Yeah, it's like the most magical place out there. I want to live there so bad. And two...

why the fuck are eye tests like literally ye olden machines like why are you blowing air into my fucking eyes like what is that doing for you like you're just embarrassing me you're actually embarrassing the fuck out of me right now it makes you cry because i'm sitting here and i'm like like jumping in my seat and i look like a fucking pussy um what a fucking pussy

And also I got a new prescription of eye contacts today and I think it was the wrong one, but I was too scared to ask more questions because I felt stupid for taking so long because I was trying to explain him. I'm like, my vision is blurry that like things like bleed out and are blurred out, but it's not like I can't see. It's just like things are like really like...

like blurred out. And then I was too scared to ask questions. His job is literally to answer those questions. Um, well, I was too scared and intimidated and I walked out with the wrong prescription and my left eye like does not see as good as my right eye. And like, I can't change it. And I already spent $300 on contacts. And then I was too nervous to be like, yeah, I ordered them off an illegal website. Cause like you can't tell that to your like optometrist. You probably could. Um, yeah,

Yeah, he literally was like, I lied to him and I said, oh, I just get my contacts. My friend has the same prescription as me and she gets them from her company. Don't lie to your doctors. I made up the craziest lie. And I was like, and then he just looked at me. He's like, yeah, you know, if you get that from a third party website or anything like that too, we could just price match it. And then I was like, okay. But I like was too embarrassed to go back on my like extravagant lie I told. So I just spent way more money than I had.

so you didn't learn a lesson though um no don't lie to your doctors and i'm gonna keep lying they're there to help you no they're fucking not they're there to take my money doctors are there to take my money and tell me i'm sick when i'm not exactly exactly my anti-doctor propaganda um okay here's a good one the trapped mining crew so this is i guess a moral dilemma

Okay. Heather is a part of a four-person mining expedition. There is a cave... Oh, my God. I can't read. I can't read. There is a cave in... There is a cave in and the four of them are trapped in the mine. Okay. I have to zoom in so I can follow the words. Okay.

A rock has crushed the legs of one of the crew members, and he will die without medical attention. She establishes radio contact with the rescue team, and it is learned that it will be 36 hours before the first drill can reach the space she is trapped in. She is able to calculate that the space has enough oxygen for three people to survive for 36 hours, but definitely not enough for four people. The only way to save the other crew members is to refuse medical aid,

To the injured crew members so that there will be enough oxygen for the rest of the crew to survive. Should Heather allow the injured crew member to die in order to save the lives of the remaining crew members? Well, can't the medic... Like, the Medicare isn't even getting to them in time anyway, so the motherfucker's gonna die. Well, okay. So they can choose the injured motherfucker to die, or...

I think the more moral thing is to just let whoever runs out of oxygen first. That's what I was going to say. Like, this is not my business. I didn't set this up. Like, this is God's plan. And, like, whichever one of you motherfuckers dies, because I know it won't be me, because I'm about to be sucking the fuck out of the air. Yeah, I'm going to be sucking up that air. I'm about to be taking big-ass gulps for the next 36 hours. Actually, no one knows.

it's on the injured motherfucker for getting injured like don't get injured in my vicinity like literally you know who i am there's four of us now how the fuck did that happen to you and only you you wanted that okay but out of me you kai and let's say josh who are we letting you you exactly like you know and you say that because you want to hurt feelings

I have to let Kai die. What the fuck? I've known y'all. I was going to let myself die. I was going to sacrifice myself for the people. Oh my God. You're so evil. You're so fucking annoying. I just set your ass up.

I'm also very like squeamish with injury anyway so if I saw one of y'all with broken legs I would just kill myself yeah literally anytime I'm like about to throw up from being like drunk you're like no like you have to take care of yourself and I'm like I literally can't like I cannot take care of myself well one you're a man so why the fuck are you looking to me for help should we roll the clip of Inya literally leaving me to die on the fucking concrete yeah roll that real quick I mean we could drive him to the hospital no I'm not going to the hospital

We could just drive to the hospital. It wouldn't cost $4,000. The thing is, Mason last night was literally throwing up like four times in a row. We did take him to the hospital, so I'm like, why do we have to take Drew to the hospital? Look at him. He's way worse than Mason. This is like Project X.

I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking, wow, oh my God, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads. But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste.

Yeah, I know. What if this is like... You're so annoying because that went, like, got around on TikTok and there were comments being like, this girl is like, whether it's his best friend or not. He needs to leave. I'm like, how about this? I'm going to smack the fuck out of you, you dumb bitch. You don't know our relationship. Like, you're fucking stupid and I fucking hate you. And you know what? If I saw you dead on the floor, I'd leave your ass too. I'd actually, like, exponentiate your death. I would do something to make it faster. Yeah.

I am like so annoying because obviously I understand that like there are going to be people who come across us on the internet and don't know us or our dynamic and make comments on it. But like how about you shut the fuck up if you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Yeah, don't comment. And that's the other thing is if everybody just shut their fucking mouth, minus us. That wouldn't be a problem. Minus us. I will say because it is like that's no, that's the difference. Like I do this because it's my job. You do it for what? Like...

to get under my skin read read a book like if you're that bored like literally watch a movie disgusting right now okay the life insurance policy mary is in the hospital lounge waiting to visit a sick friend a young man sitting next to mary explains that his father is very ill the doctors believe that he has a week at most to live

He explains further that his father has a substantial life insurance policy that expires at midnight. If his father dies before midnight, the young man will receive a very large sum of money. He says that the money would mean a great deal to him and his family and that no good will come from his father living a few more days. After talking with him...

Yes. I would do it.

I would do it if he gave me money. If I'm on my deathbed and I have an insane life policy. Yeah, kill my ass. I'm like, put me away. Like, put me under. I don't give a shit. Like, what's three more days on this earth living in this fucking hospital going to do for me? Make me more depressed? Like, I don't need that time to, like, spiral and freak the fuck out. Kill me. But I think, does she have a moral obligation to do it? Absolutely not. Yeah, no. Why doesn't the son do it since he wants it so bad? Yeah, like, why...

yeah literally why is mary the one having like who is mary mary's just there she's like i'm literally here for like a sinus infection i know like you're she's like my mom is up in her room dying right now um uh just for the fun of it i'm like mary kill him yeah i'm like mary don't be a bitch like literally if she was gonna get bread for it too like go ahead like do it wouldn't the doctors just give you the what he's on life support he's like not talking like

This hypothetical makes no sense because don't you have the option anyway to like yank that motherfucker out? I don't know. In this hypothetical, that's not stated. Well, in this hypothetical, that's what I assume. And I wouldn't even use Mary. I would just ask the doctor and be like, yo, like we can't afford to keep him up for seven more days. Like kill his ass. I don't know if that's how it works. I think the doctor like comes to you and is like, it's just like too expensive to keep him going. Yeah. I'm going to, if the doctor hasn't said it yet, I'm going to keep hinting.

and be like oh like i really can't like i don't have my pockets pull the plug right fucking now and i'll give you 25 grand in the morning please just pull the plug that's me to the doctor

Sorry, Dad, but I'm pulling your plug. My dad has always said, though, this is so morbid, but he has said to us so fucking often. It's probably why I'm very morbid about the idea of getting old and dying. But he was like, I don't want to be a vegetable. Like, don't fucking play with me. Like, are you dumb? Like, are you actually dumb? Like, if I can't talk to you, why are you keeping me? Like, he's like, he's always told us, like, let me go. Don't, like, play with me. Real.

And I stand by that. But that's like a lie. Everybody who gets in that situation can't do it. And I keep my little old decrepit dad. I'll be like, you better keep pushing, girl. I want to come play. I want to come see you. I'll meet you in the afterlife. Okay, I don't know what this one is, but the title's insane. The title. The Mad Bomber.

What a way to end the year is just people watching me crack the fuck up. Well, no, you're seeing our morals like we're laying we're showing who we truly are as people. Dude, like the mad, like someone writing that was like, it's like the Mad Hatter, but with bombs. Yeah, they all have really clever titles. Insurance policy. A madman who has threatened to explode several bombs in crowded areas.

has been apprehended. Unfortunately, he has already planted the bombs and they are scheduled to go off in a short time. It is possible that hundreds of people may die. Why do all of them have to deal with death? Why aren't there just fun ones like, oh, do I spit in someone's drink or not? Yeah, exactly. All of them are so incredibly morbid. It is possible that hundreds of people are going to die.

The authorities cannot make him divulge the location of the bombs by conventional methods. He refuses to say anything and he requests a lawyer to protect his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination. In exasperation, some high-level officials suggest torture. This would be illegal, but the official is sure that it will make him tell the truth in time for you to defuse the bombs. What should you do? Torture the motherfucker. Um...

What if you know that the bomber can withstand torture himself, but would talk if they were... Oh, this is... It got crazy. Okay, what should you do? He's actually into torture. What if you knew that the bomber can withstand the torture himself, but would talk if you were to torture his innocent wife instead?

Oh my god. I'm ripping that bitch's nipples off. I'm literally... I'm ripping her nipples off. I'm literally peeling her fucking fingernails up. I'm beating the shit out of her. I'm putting her on a bed of bamboo for a... And I'm gonna let the bamboo grow through her. Because it grows really fast and it's really gnarly. Yes, I don't know why. I'm gonna put a rat cage on her stomach and starve the rat so it starts eating through the stomach. Have you seen that somewhere? Did you just make that up? Like...

I don't torture people that way. I'm not weird. Yeah, I'd beat the living shit out of his wife. Are you kidding me? Next question. And then I would get a Nobel Peace Prize for beating the shit out of someone. I think it would just be like swept under the rug. No, I would be like, yeah, I did it. Do you know what I had to do to save those people? I had to give this woman two black eyes. Kai, what are you doing? Oh.

I would give the bomber a really good head. And then I would... Well, no, in this hypothetical, you can't make yourself, like, good at something. So, like, you can't all of a sudden be good at giving head. So it's like, how would you... Like, we're thinking of real life. She's making points. So you would probably give, like, mediocre, like, but closer to, like, really gnarly, like, almost scarring head. No, I feel it. It's really good.

And it would be such a good head that he would call off the attack. He would call off the attack. That's really like actually brave of Kai. He would call off the attack and switch the bombs for fireworks and start the pride parade. It becomes his coming out party. His coming out YouTube extravaganza. The Robin Hood robber. On to the Robin Hood robber.

I'm so sorry that all of these are just so funny because like... Like us immediately laughing at someone planting bombs. Like that's all you need to know, people, about us. That's all you need to know. No, the idea of someone like writing that, like you are so fucking bored. You're literally bored. Like in what world is that ever? I mean, that's probably happened before, no? I don't know if it's like...

I don't know. Just all of these are funny because they're all written so that someone can be a superhero. Yeah. Like, all of them are like, I'll take the... I'll do it. Like, I'll take the L for the team. Like...

Okay, I don't know what this one is. You witness a man rob a bank, but instead of keeping the money for himself, he donates it to a local orphanage. You know this orphanage has been struggling for funding, and the money will allow the children to receive proper food, clothing, and medical care. If you report the crime, the money will be taken away from the orphanage and given back to the bank. What should you do? Keep my fucking mouth shut. Say it again. I'm so sorry. I'm not reading all that again. Basically, a man robs a bank. You see it.

But he gives all the money to an orphanage. Do you report the crime? Yeah, why would I report that?

fuck them kids yeah i'm a narc like wait wait oh wait i i misheard you i thought you said no no no you're right let them keep the fucking money oh yeah you're saying that he like robbed the bank but like gave the money to an orphanage yes yeah why would i say anything actually i would be like can i get a little bit too i'm hungry yeah i'd be like i go up to him and say give me 50 of that money or i will tell

No, I'd be like, hey, can I get like 50K? Like, you're robbing a bank. You're walking away with a lot of money. I'm like, can I get 50K, please? I wonder how much is like the average bank robbery because I don't think it's 100 grand or more than like half a million dollars. There's no way they're holding that much money. Look it up. There's no way they're holding that much money because we have Venmo now. I feel like the average bank robbery is like $4,000 max.

What? Oh my god, dude, the average bank robbery netted about $4,333 in 2006. That is so sad. That is so whack. Account for inflation, account for inflation. Is it a felony also, like robbing a bank? Yeah, that's like you go to jail for 15 years, 20 years. That is so depressing. For $4,000? Yeah, like that's embarrassing. Get a fucking life. Get a real job.

Just kidding. Okay, then I guess, yeah, like, have the fucking money to the orphanage. They're gonna, like, literally feed, like, three people with that. I was about to say, you're not feeding an orphanage off of $4,000. Yeah, so whoever made this one is just, like, not really thinking logically. They're just thinking more about being a superhero. Okay, um, there's so many of them. Okay, these ones are, like, more fun, I think. Telling a secret. Oh, telling a secret. Okay.

Do you want to read this one? Yeah. Is this a fucking Google Doc? Wait, why is this on Texas.gov?

I don't know. I switched to this website. Telling a secret. Your friend tells you that they committed a crime. They explain that they are having trouble sleeping at night and feel you're the only one they can trust with their confession. A few days later, you read in the paper that someone has been arrested for your friend's crime. Do you go to the police and tell them what you know? B, encourage your friend to confess and warn him if he does not do so, you will tell. C, say nothing because you will not betray your friend. I'm shutting the fuck up.

Wait, but someone went to jail for your crime? Yeah, someone went to jail for your friend's crime. If like a random white dude went to jail for your crime, I'm like, whatever. Like, I'm like tip for tat. There's a white dude out and there's a white dude in. And it was like, if it was a POC, I'd be like, all right, girl, come on. Like...

I'm like, listen, like this is I mean, regardless of the person I'm sending your ass to jail. I'm going to say I'm going to say I'm literally I literally just told you I wouldn't send you to jail if it was a white dude who got arrested. See, that's that's the thing. Our morals lie in different places. Maybe you are morally corrupt. No, I am morally correct, bitch. Like, that's the correct thing to do.

Is to send a random white dude to jail. Instead of my random white dude. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Like, you're gonna tell me if, like, a Tana Mongeau-ass motherfucker got arrested for my crime, you're not gonna just let her go to the slammer? Like, let her go! In that case, like, sure. Yeah. Like, if it's, like, a bad person, like, it's like Dexter. He, like, kills only bad people. Yeah.

It's true like Dexter kills Imagine if Bryce Hall got arrested for your crime Like we're going and having a key tonight Like we're celebrating A key Yeah that's how I feel I wouldn't snitch because I'm not a fucking snitch Well no I'm still sending you to prison You just want to send me to prison for fun Yeah it depends on the crime also Like how long are you going away for Is it like 30 days No I think it's supposed to be like murder No if it's like a robbery I'm like go to jail

I'm gonna go to jail. Or like, go to court. You're white. You'll be fine. You're like a white guy. Like, you'll be good. True. This one's called Sarcastic Friend.

Yeah, I'm laughing. It's like, what?

Like it's a safe space. It's behind closed doors. Also like that's not your friend if y'all aren't pointing at people and making like yourself feel better in a situation. Like what the point of... The morally correct thing to do is to correct your friend

But like I said in the very beginning, I don't give a shit. Like if I'm, if you're not like going up to that person and making fun of them, who's it hurting? Like blissful ignorance. I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm not saying like people should make fun of people in their face. Do it behind their back. Like a normal person. Like that's what most people do. Guys, we're joking. I'm not. I think everybody needs to be made fun of. I get made fun of. So why can't I make fun of other people?

Hit and run. Late one night, you are driving home in a bad rainstorm. A drunk reels out in front of your car and you try to stop, but you hit him. Nobody sees you. The guy looks and smells as if he is homeless. Hey, where is this going? I thought a drunk driver hit me. That's what...

Whoa, this one's really targeted.

I'm reporting it anonymously and I'll live with my demons. That's enough punishment for the crime. I literally, I would kill myself. Like that's what I would do. I would actually kill myself. Simple. Also like, also like the description of this, like the guy looks and smells as if he is homeless. Like that is not an upstanding citizen. Like to go to him and be like,

Like after you just literally hit them with your car. These are like really Texan in nature. So it makes sense that it's on this website. I'm reporting it anonymously. What are you doing? I'm snitching on myself. Because I would like, I'm going to kill myself in prison anyway. So I'll let the family have satisfaction in throwing me in the slammer and then I'll kill myself. But no, that's the point. Like no one knows that he's going to, there's no family.

Then I'll just... I'll still kill myself just for fun. I'll still do it for fun. So dark. We have to normalize talking about... No. No, we do not. These are so fucking whack. You buy a pile of clothing items on sale at your favorite department store. When you get home, you realize one of the items is not on the receipt. Do you go back to the store and pay for it? Fuck you! Wait. Reread that? You buy a pile of clothing items...

On sale, which I don't know why they're like saying that. You buy a bunch of clothing items on sale at your favorite department store. When you get home, you realize one of the items is not on the receipt. Do you go back to the store and pay for it or just let it go? Just let it go. Like literally, are you fucking insane? You have to be a fucking psychopath to go back. You're a fucking weirdo. You're such a freak.

If I was working the counter and someone was like, oh, like I drove home and like I noticed that like you didn't charge me for this. I would be like, you're a serial killer and I am going to charge you three times as much like for this product because you're actually dangerous. And you're like, I was like having so much fun sitting here on my phone on TikTok. And now you're like, you're ruining my fucking day. OK. Also, you know what? I just realized these are 28 top moral dilemma questions by the.

Oxford Dictionary. Like, these are, like, according to, like, this is literally a government document that it's, like, these are the, like, ways you know if someone's good or bad. Yeah. The shopping one. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you actually kidding me? That being on here? Also, the government of Texas talking about a homeless person and saying they're so stinky. Morally, you should go and get it back. No, I think that's ethically you should. No, at the bottom, there's ethical dilemmas. So these are morals.

And then at the bottom it goes into... That was an ethical one, I think. Yeah, that was an ethical one. The shopping one. Wait, what are ethics again? Ethics are like rules placed by society, kind of. So it's like a rule of thumb for society as you bring it back. Yeah. Like another ethical one is... I guess it's kind of both. Like morally, are you like okay enough to like... Yeah, I guess because it says ethics are defined as moral principles that govern a person's behavior when conducting in a certain activity. Okay.

Oh, well, it doesn't matter. Like, this one says, you receive a package at your home that was delivered to the wrong address. The shipping label indicates it is a favorite item that you cannot afford to purchase yourself. Do you keep it? I fucking keep it. Yeah. I keep it because I'm an old person and I know that the person who actually ordered it will just email and be like, hey, my package was stolen. Like, this is so fucked up. I paid a lot. Or like, my package never arrived.

And they'll get sent it anyways. I think in that case, I'm going to try to find... If it's on my street or literally next door, I'm like, I'll just give it to them. It depends what it is. I can't lie. I'm taking it. I'm bored. It's the new Miu Miu puffer coat. And I'm taking it. And I'm wearing it every day in and out of the apartment. And the neighbor's going to be so jealous and think that I got mine first. But really, I stole theirs.

A friend gives you a gift for your birthday. Unfortunately, it is a type of perfume you are extremely allergic to. Do you say something and ask for a receipt to return it or keep quiet? If that's your friend, why wouldn't you just be like, girl, this shit makes me itchy. I know, literally. Switch it. Stop playing. Exactly. How is that ethic? Also, how is that ethics? I guess, again, yeah, because it's like on a societal standard, the manner driven thing is like, oh, if you have manners, you just stay quiet and you accept the gift.

But me and my dumb fuck friends don't act like that with each other. Yeah, we tell each other the truth. If it's burning my skin, like I'm not wearing it. I don't give a shit. I'm like, oh, let me go get some good shit that I like the smell of. Get rich.

Your friend offers you an opportunity to make a great deal of money very quickly. He has arranged to set up an offshore account for your profits. He will not tell you exactly how he is making this money, but you get the impression that it is not exactly legal. He only wants an investment of $500 and promises you that you will have enough from your minimal investment that you will never need to work again. Do you...

A. Give him the 500, deciding if you don't know how he is making it, you're in the clear. 2. Demand to know the details before getting involved.

Three, decide you want no part of this as you trust your instinct that the offer is shady and you might even get in legal trouble. I'm shutting the fuck up and giving you $500. Yeah, run me my fucking money. Yeah, I'm like, well, I didn't know what he was doing. We're going to get scammed by fucking cash app scammers. I know. Like, give us $200 and I'll make it $4,000. I'm like, what? How the fuck are you going to do that? Like, actually. Okay.

Okay, money isn't real because how am I sending you rent over my phone? How am I sending you rent? Like, that makes no sense. Like, how do I give you, like, I literally, like, type in my phone like it's a calculator app and then I get to live here. Start paying me rent in Bitcoin. I, no. Like, what? I don't even know how you would do that.

Like I genuinely like if you put me in a room and you were like, you can't Google it, but you have to figure out how to like figure out Bitcoin. I would like just crumble. I would like have to kill myself. Same. Actually same. No. What did I ask though? Just now? Yeah. I asked the question, but then. I did not hear you ask a question. You were talking. Fuck. Oh, well, it doesn't matter. We'll listen back and it'll be there and it'll be unanswered forever. This is insane. Yeah.

A difficult choice. Yeah. You and your family. That's underlined, by the way. I'm going to, like, say... I'm going to emphasize what's underlined. It's only two things. You and your family love the beach and decide to spend a weekend in an isolated beach cabin. Your teenage daughter...

often gets bored on your getaways. So you make plans to take your niece along. As soon as you arrive, a storm is looming on the horizon and the water looks rough. You tell the girls they can get ready to swim but to come back and help unload the car. They are so excited they do not pay attention to the last part of what you say and run down to the beach to swim.

You do not realize they have done so until you hear your daughter scream. You realize they are both caught in a strong current and might be swept out to sea. You are a good swimmer and know you can save one of them. You have a difficult choice to make. Do you save your niece first as she is a poor swimmer and will not be able to last as long as your daughter? Or B, save your daughter first because although she is a strong swimmer, it may be able to last longer for you to come back after...

After saving your niece, you cannot stand the idea of... I'm saving my daughter. I'm sorry. Like, what? But if the daughter can swim better, like, I'm... That doesn't mean... Swimming... I've been in rough currents. Same. She could swim. Like, she could swim all she wants. Like, if the ocean wants her, it's taking her. I'm like, we can drag the niece onto the shore and resuscitate her. Like a little game. Like, life is a little game. And I'll... Um...

I think I'm going to save the niece and then go after my daughter. But also I'm answering that as someone who will most likely never have kids in his entire life. And I kind of don't care. And I'm also a narcissist. So I just am like, I'm saving my fucking daughter. Are you kidding me? That one's mine. That one's literally mine.

But like also imagine like going to your sister and being like, your kid died. No, I'd save my daughter and kill myself. Duh. Oh my God. That's not the answer to every fucking moral dilemma. Well, it's my, it's, it's the quick fix. Um, these are, the rest of them are like so fucking whack. Oh, is this the insurance policy one you read? Yeah.

Maybe. You have worked years to be successful in your father's business. You felt you were obligated to take over as he worked his whole life to build the business left to him by his father. However, the large businesses in town have seriously cut into profits, and for several years, you and your family have just managed to scrape by. Your father's health has declined,

and he has been hospitalized. He has a substantial life insurance policy that expires at midnight. If he dies before midnight, you will inherit enough money to pursue a career you've always dreamed of and provide adequately. No, listen to what the government wrote. Do you, one, pinch the oxygen line, making it impossible for your dad to die, or smother him with a pillow? No.

Making it impossible for him to die? Oh, making it possible for him to die. B, tell your dad the problem and let him suggest a solution and go by what he says. C, do nothing. You cannot imagine living your life if you terminate your dad. Terminate? I just say pinching the oxygen. I'm pinching the oxygen line. I'm fucking pinching the shit out of it. I love you, dad. No, like actually personally, because like in this hypothetical, like obviously it's my dad. I would talk to my dad and he'd be like, you know what? Yeah, you're right.

No, yeah, you're right. Let me try. But yeah, the government saying pinch his oxygen tube, making it impossible for him to die. And then using the term terminate your dad. Terminate. Terminate.

I'm looking to see if I have anything else to talk about because I feel like we did that for enough time. But I have nothing else to talk about. And I've talked about everything in the last two weeks. I'm all out of topics. You're up to two minutes. I'm all out of ideas. Well, I think that's it for the episode. Yep. I'm trying to think of anything else I want to say. I know I gave my big sappy speech in the last episode because I miscalculated. And actually this...

I was wondering why you did that in that episode. I was like, girl, we still have one more episode. Because I was like, okay, it's Christmas Eve in five days. It feels good to hear it twice. In seven days, it'll be the first. Like, I thought this episode was going to go up on the first, but I miscalculated because I forgot that there's 31 days in December. You're 31 days. You're 31 days in December. Like, why isn't there the same amount of days in every month? It just doesn't make sense to me. Driving on nine.

Looking for a shotgun. My daddy's got a shotgun. You sing it right, I sing it wrong. What, I sing it right? Yeah. Yeah, I know. But I just started going with you so you don't embarrass the living fuck out of yourself. Let's do some Mediana. Some mediation. I have no new music for you guys. I have one new song. Cigarra by Fabio Caramuja. Caramuja? Caramuja?

It's a great song. It has bird chirps. It's very natural sounding. I think that's something that I really like in music that I don't think enough people utilize is like water sounds and like bird sounds and just like nature sounds. Dirty Column uses that a lot. They're pretty good with that. Yeah, I think that's like a really...

A lost art. And we need to bring it back. And even like park sounds, like recording conversations at a park or recording out of your street window in New York City and just hearing street sounds. Hearing that in a song, I'm like, oh, I feel like I'm home. What? You feel like you're home. You come from the most quiet city in the world. No, I just meant like home is a feeling, not a place. Yeah.

That was deep, bro. That's literally like such a saying. Like you didn't make it up. Girl, I bet if you look that up, it's not a thing. Are you actually kidding right now? You're fucking trolling. Kai has something to say. That was a really deep saying that you just made up. Thank you. Thank you.

I'm gonna disappear and you guys will never hear from me again. I think... I don't know if I did this song before. Kimmy by Bogdan... Oh, my God. Oh, okay. Yeah, Rosinski. Is that it? Bogdan Rosinski. Come on, wig. Like, turns up every fucking song. You...

insane. Come on wig turns up every single song. It's really great. And then I'm going to say Protection by Massive Attack and Tracy Thorne. Tracy Tracy

I kicked a boy by the Sundays. Red and gold by MF Doom. Knocks me off my feet, Stevie Wonder. And put me down the cranberries. And then I started watching, this is going to shock a lot of people. Oh, yeah. I started watching Kevin Hart's new show and it's actually so fucking insane. It's really, really good. It literally, it's insane because it actually did catch me so off guard. I'm only two episodes in. That little motherfucker can act. It's insane.

He can. I know. He's like, he's like really good at showing like nothing but fear and desperation and like human cowardness, like cowardliness in the face. Like he's got the whole short male audience on his back. He's carrying them into the new year. He's like killing it. All of them on there. Yeah.

But yeah, that's it for media. Live yourself. Love yourself. Happy New Year. See you in the new year. Don't do that, Drew. What are you doing? What? What was that hand signal you were just doing? I didn't do anything. Drew was throwing up Illuminati.

Oh my God. Oh my God. We're going to be cursed. I just want to say 2022 will not be my year. I know everyone goes into the new year being like, this is my year. This is it. 2022 will probably be the most terrifying, terrorizing year of my life. I feel like there will be a black cloud cast upon my life. That's what I'm saying when I say something is coming. See how I'm talking about me and you have to make it about you. I'm saying something is coming.

Well, something's coming for you, but something bigger is coming for me. No, I'm saying in general. In the world, something is coming. Something is going to happen. No, and I'm not talking about the world. I just want to know for myself. Clip it, Chad. Clip it when the big thing happens. I'm feeling alien invasion. We found a block on the moon. Aliens don't exist. No, we found... Have you heard about that, actually? No, because I don't fucking think about things that aren't happening in front of me. A Chinese rover that is just roving the moon found a giant... Like, a massive...

a massive fucking cube an unnatural shaped cube just on the fucking moon and they took pictures of it and over the last like four days they've been driving towards it they just be like putting shit there now um but i just think it's really interesting that like that's just something that happened i'm not saying it's aliens i'm just like like what is it it's just it's cool to think it's a fucking box it's a pr package

It's an Addison Rae item beauty PR package that she accidentally sent to the moon. Look at this. Y'all like don't say that is you were showing me a picture of fucking nothing right now. Are you actually kidding me Drew? What? Are you kidding me? Give me right now. And I'm moving up to the camera. No, they can see it. We'll insert the photo. You on the moon.

I'm not that's what I'm saying. What the fuck is it? There's nothing there. It's a fucking girl you show you okay? You're starting misinformation. I did not show you that photo show me the circle which is no different This is different this It's literally the Rover seeing another fucking Rover on the other side of the fucking massive and no one the top down photo is crazy What the hell is the top down photo this one?

I think so. Like... This one. Yes. What the fuck is that? Literally, what is that? Y'all are actually so fucking annoying. That's wicked. That looks like something from Fortnite. It's... Literally, there is a fucking event. Yeah, the bus from Fortnite crashed into the moon. No, there was a Fortnite event and everybody was like, oh, it's like the Fortnite promotion for the new season because they did like a cube thing. I don't fucking know. I don't play that game. But...

quite eerie. It's very weird. Y'all are so annoying. Y'all are so annoying. Like, can I acting more interested in it to piss me off? Like, it's literally fucking nothing. It's huge, though. It's like absurdly big, which is the other thing. I'm like,

That's what people say about my big honking vagina. So new alien invasion coming soon. Should we do another hour about the cube? Yeah, we should. Let's keep this going. I'm so annoyed. All right. Well,

Well, happy New Year's, you guys. There's no such thing as aliens. That cube is stupid. Nothing matters. You should think about your real life and the people around you because you're not going to space anytime soon. It's about to be our real life. If it is something crazy, think about it. No, you know what it is? We're going to go up to that fucking tesseract. I'm going to call it a tesseract. It could be...

It could be the fourth dimension. The portal to the fourth dimension. Yeah, and y'all can go in there. It could be... A huge DMT crystal. Exactly. Y'all are so annoying. Like, you're literally one of the most annoying people ever. Um, anyways, I'll see y'all... What if it's the moon's vagina? I'm gonna be the first person to fuck the moon. Bye, happy new year. Be safe. Love you guys.