Our First Fight
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Welcome back to this episode of Emergency Intercom. I wanted to announce it. Fuck you. Emergency Intercom episode... Twelve. How many weeks is that, Drew? Let's do a little math. That's twelve weeks. I meant months. Three months. Ew. You're amazing, Drew.

I decided I'm going to start sticking my tongue out. It's kind of cute. I decided I need to stop doing that because I stick my tongue out so much. I'll look really good and someone will compliment me and I'll stick my fucking tongue out like a goddamn three-year-old. Yeah, cutesy little girl. I'm a grown ass woman. What is that from? Cutesy little girl. The tongue? No, yeah, the cutesy little girl. I don't know. Oh, Nicki Minaj describing her character in Ice Age 2. Yes, yes.

But she's a maneth. Stop, because

fact that that's like like my brain just was like you flip through the files i watched it in your eyes like like how did you figure that out um before we get on to today's topics i thought i should use this as my safe space to vent about the fact that i don't know if anybody else's cat does this i'm sure someone's gonna be like that's not good you need to take her to like the vet and like that's a bad sign i take azul to the vet way too often she's like one of the healthiest cats in the world

I almost I was gonna jokingly be like sadly but then I feel like people would think I hate Azul cause I'm He's a really good boy but sometimes he acts up I love him so fucking much but he actually is like a child a child he's like the most annoying little fucking child ever but basically when he gets kinda like fat he can't lick his butt clean so he'll finish shitting and have the audacity to get on my bed and rub his ass on my bed and yesterday when I woke up

I saw a shit stain on my bed and I was like, oh my god. So I went to go wash my sheets. That's why I washed them yesterday. Even though I just washed them like fucking four days ago. And then this morning I woke up to the smell of the biggest shit I've ever smelled. I walked up to your door and it was fucking rank. Dude, so bad. It was going underneath the door and up into the air like heat rises type shit. It was so bad. And then I was like, he's so fucking annoying and I was laying on bed and I felt him like

like twitching and scooting on the bed and I look up and he literally was staring at me and got so scared and jumped off the bed and sat on the floor and I looked and there was two fucking skid marks on my bed. So I have to wash my sheets again. But I have two sets so I'm just gonna put a different one. But I don't wanna put my white one because he's gonna fucking stain it with poop. He's gonna shit on the white one. My eyes went bug-eyed when I was thinking or because I was thinking like...

Why haven't humans evolved to lick their own asses? Why do we have to use toilet paper? Because imagine how much money we would save if we just licked our asses clean.

Or maybe it has something to do with our diet. My silence isn't like a warrant to keep going. It has something to do with our diet for sure. We shouldn't have to wipe our asses. No, it has to do with the fact that you speak in my face and if I smelled shit, I would punch you in the eyes. True. Or you could fall in love with my pheromones. Or if you actually... Okay. You've told me I have good pheromones before. I feel like...

You know what it is? Everyone has like a good like set. Actually, some people like I've smelt like they're like their pheromones and like

This is a different topic. I feel like a lot of the scent of your pheromones literally comes from your mouth. Because, like, I don't know. I think it's from, like, balls and armpits. But also, like, literally, this... I'd be liking the smell of some people's spit. I know what you mean. Yeah, people who I've, like, made out with. I'm like, you're literally, like...

Our bodies are doing human things and like... It's kind of cute. You're like feeding me like the thing my brain wants and it's like, give me. Like... You get addicted to it. Yeah. But I've smelt some people's like au naturel spit. Like it's not like a bad... Like it doesn't stink. Like their breath doesn't stink. But I've smelt their pheromones via their mouth and like their spit. And I'm like, we cannot fuck because like your pheromones are not...

They're not hitting. It's not compatible. They're not catering to me. The Ovali family has a good fucking natural scent. Yeah, their house smells so fucking good. And also their clothes all smell really good. Yeah, they all like... They literally smell like a fucking pack of wolves. Like they all smell the fucking same. Me, I feel like I know what a fucking pack of wolves smell like. But...

Yeah, I don't know why I just said that. Oh, but yeah, that's why you can't lick your ass. If you actually fucking care about sustainability. I'm a stinky fucking fly. As we're talking about me licking my ass. Josh hasn't been taking out the fucking garbage and he orders Postmates and lets it sit. So now we have flies. We have fruit flies and...

Nats. It's nasty. Nasty gnats. But they haven't attacked our fruit, which is good. It's literally just like the sour cream fermenting. That's also what I realized. The smell that our garbage makes isn't like normal garbage smell because of the sheer amount of fucking Chipotle sour cream that Josh like brings into the house. And it just ferments and rots. And it just like has this odor, this specific like...

creamy odor that, like, fills our fucking house. Like, that's our natural scent, our house scent. Like, you know how every house has a scent? Ours is fucking fermented fucking trash. Yeah, all our friends come over, like, pretty often. They're like, it smells... Kai came in and was like, it smells like a burp in here. Yeah, it does because Josh doesn't do his fucking job. Yeah, it's not our fault. I have incense. Josh has been good about it recently. We had to get on to him, though. Yeah, well...

Who's been taking us? I think he's been secretly taking out some garbage. What I do is I like pack up the garbage. It's like the garbage is left there. The two men take care of the garbage because you hate touching the garbage. But like the garbage, I pack it into bags because it's fucking stinks in our kitchen. I used to be really good about packing it up. Yeah, you used to do that. But I was like, I can't anymore. It's like. Yeah. So I've been packing it into the bags and then I bring them into the laundry room. And I think when Josh goes to the car, he just does it. But he hadn't done it yet.

And now our fucking laundry room is disgustiana.

I get used to the smell. I don't even smell it anymore. But my room, like, if Azul hasn't taken a shit, my room has such a good, like, scent that's always there because of my candles. It's like ammonia. Like, cat piss ammonia. Your room smells like cat piss. No, it doesn't. Stop. No, it doesn't. It did for, like, a week because I was, like, so depressed I also wasn't taking care of Azul's litter box, which, like, is, like, embarrassing to admit publicly because, like, if you're not taking care of yourself, you should at least be taking care of your pets. But I was, like...

It's not bothering Azul. And it's not bothering me because I don't fucking care. I want to smell like this because I deserve to live in a scent that's going to knock me out. Yeah. Also, mustard gas. And arson. Girl, you keep saying arson like it's a chemical. Arson is when someone tries to burn down a house or burn down a building. What did you say yesterday? You were like...

I said that Ikea makes their rugs with fucking arson. And I was like, I don't... You don't know what that word means. But...

What the fuck was I gonna say? God damn it. Oh, you are very good at lighting incense. Like, incense are your thing. Like, I think you have, like, your room has just, like, a natural incense smell, which is really nice. It's literally because as kids, my dad would get those blue pack of incense. I feel like that was, like, a very, like, Latin thing is, like, lighting incense in your house. And I always be like, this is a very Latin thing, but it's, like, a many people thing. But I know Latin, so that's why. That's my reference.

but my dad would literally come home from work and we had like this like box that was full of incense. And then it had like matches and lighters in this little drawer. And he would come home and he'd be like, somebody light an incense. And all of us would literally run because it was like, yeah, it was like the 10 seconds of your childhood where you got to play with fire. Isn't it funny how we evolved from fire and now it's like, we're not allowed to play with fire. It says a lot about society. Think about it.

Think about it. You sounded like not like you. But yeah, and then I got to play with fire. So now I love lighting incense. I love lighting candles, but I've been hoarding off my candle for when it's like nice and crispy outside. I've been like saving my fucking candles up and I'm really, really excited to just like have like four candles lit when it's nighttime and it's like really dimly lit in my room by candlelight. Yeah.

And it's fucking freezing. It's going to be chilly outside. I'll open a window and let like a cold air come through. Like I will be so happy the day I wake up and it's back to being the weather where it's like raining and freezing outside. Yep.

That day I will be happy. No, actually, that's a lie. I will probably be so sad and sulking, but it will feel good. You know what I just actually randomly had a memory of? Is in 1304, everyone was taking a nap in the house and I was the only one awake. And I was in my room and only a candle was on and it was raining outside and I was sitting by my desk and I made that little incense holder, the little hand that I had made. And I was sitting there making it and I think I was listening to like

Like Anderson .Paak or something like kind of... For the time it made sense for me. Or I like... Weirdly, I think I was even listening to like Mac Miller or something. Like I was listening to something. But I was just like sitting there like making this and it was raining outside. And I had like an Andante's coffee like with me. And like... Yeah, that's just a memory. Why did that like make me tear up a little bit? That's like so cute. It was like such a sweet little like... I want rain. Rain is so like... It's so fucking comforting and like...

just like beautiful and it smells good and like I don't know why like it must be like some primal instinct deep down where like rain is means good or something because like I genuinely like when it's raining like

is actually when I'm the most content where I'm like, oh, maybe life has more to offer. Like maybe they're, they like reinvigorates my lust for life. My like birth mom used to be like, love rain and be like, rain is good. It like washes away all the problems and you can start new tomorrow. Like it'll wash everything off and then you can be a new thing tomorrow.

You know what? You said before that I was like, oh, that's like really cute that I started telling my parents and like Maddox and whatever. It's like when it rains, when it's like sunny out, like that means a deer was born or whatever. Yeah, my grandma told me that. Yeah, I've literally been like spreading that. I've been colonizing that. Yeah.

What's so annoying is because I remember the first time I said it, you didn't have a sweet reply. You had the most Drew, like, annoying reply. You were like, actually, deers are probably being born, like, every few minutes. So then just like, of course, there's a deer being born right now. You said, like, the most annoying thing. And I remember I was so annoyed because I was like, I was literally trying to be sweet. You're fucking pissing me off. Were they being serious? I doubt it. No, you were trolling me. Okay, I was like... But you were doing the trolling thing where you say it and you don't laugh after you just look away because you want me to sit in anger. Yeah.

And because I was so annoyed with you, I didn't comment on it. So it just like, we moved on. After, um...

I had a lot of time to, like, self-reflect and think about the way I act after the Mario Party game. And I was like, oh, my God. Like, maybe I am, like, a really awful person. Like, maybe I do, like, fucking suck a lot of the time. But then I was like, no, that don't even sound right. That don't sound right at all. Like, I'm a good person. No, that sounds like they're crazy. Yeah. Y'all are the crazy ones. Y'all are the mean ones. Literally, like...

Dude, I can't even like... I don't understand. I don't know if it's because I've just been like a little bit like easily agitated and like sad recently or what. But actually, no, it could have been that because you made...

all of us angry. Like, not Kai because Kai was so indifferent. Kai was pissed. I could tell Kai was mad. He almost left the house without saying goodbye to me. No, I was telling him to do that. He came up here and was like, oh, Drew was the one that brought me into the group. I knew I had to come say bye.

This motherfucker lied to me. No, no, wait. No, I told him not to say bye to you. Oh, you asshole. You asshole. Because me and Josiah just literally when he went to the bathroom after the game, I was in the kitchen and Josie comes up to me and goes, we have to do something bad to him. I was like, oh my God.

Oh my God. Y'all were diabolical. And then we started ignoring him and acting like he didn't exist. And then when Kai was leaving, me and Josie hugged him and started pushing him to go downstairs. And we were like, leave. And then Kai started getting scared because he was like, no, like I,

I feel like I should go say bye to Drew. He brought me into the group and like, I was like, well, you're in the group now. He doesn't matter. And I was like pushing him out the door. And then I could sense that he was actually worried you would be mad. And then I was like, that is kind of mean because like, I don't actually believe in doing that. So I was like, go say, go say bye. Dude, we should rewind a little bit. Just like preface this whole situation. Like I'm a winner, baby. I don't lose. See, there you fucking go. There you fucking go.

fucking go. I'm so good at Mario Party. It pisses people off and I would be mad too if I lost every single game I played against me. You know what? Someone did make a comment. Someone was like, I think had seen that I use Monty Mole and someone was like, you need to stop using Monty Mole. You need to use Wario if you want to win. Wario is the best.

You don't use Wario. You use Shy Guy. But no, Shy Guy is just like, he's a balanced character. When you're playing against, it's all about the nuances of the game and there's like- It's literally luck. It is literally just luck and it's just like- Well, I'm lucky, bitch. No. So, I win. And I'm not trying to piss you off. I'm genuinely just saying like,

Every game I've played, I've won. I don't know how I win. I genuinely, like, don't... No, it is sheer luck because we talked about it in the last episode. It's literally, like, you will be losing and then at the end just get all the fucking bonus stars somehow. But what's annoying is no matter if you win by, like, luck or by playing the game right, you react the same way every time as if you made it happen. Before we get into that. So, I didn't want to win. Like, genuinely. No, genuinely. Because, like...

People, like the way everyone was acting towards me was actually terrifying me. And I have never felt that way in my entire life. Like I, everybody was attacking me. I was like the underdog. They were like constantly, they were all making plans to make me lose. Like they were teaming up against me. And like I was minding my whole business, the whole game. To be fair, every time we've played, I've been so like nonchalant and doesn't, like didn't care if I won or not. They wanted me to be nonchalant. So I became nonchalant.

I don't give a fuck. Keep going. Come on. Keep going. Imagine when you were drinking that, I just went like this to the bottom. I broke my fucking teeth. Um...

I usually don't fucking care about winning because it's just like a fun thing. But the way Drew reacts to winning actually started to like seed a very deep and like tender hate in my soul for the idea of Drew winning. So then this game, I was like, dude, he cannot win again. And I started to be fucking evil because I always play nice and play fair and I don't care. And I was like, maybe if I'm a cunt and I like...

try to attack him in the game, I will win. So I was like using Kai and Josie to plot against Drew. As your pawns in your diabolical plan. And like,

And then it bit you in the ass. Because I gave him an idea and he used it against me. I mean, I probably would have came up with that idea on my own. Actually, I don't think you got to use it. Or you did use it, but the star didn't even get taken from me. No, it took it from you. Oh, it did? Yeah, but I randomized it because I was like, I don't want to win, but I kind of do want to win deep down. So I just let the game play out. Why lie? Why lie?

Why lie and say you didn't want to fucking win when you know you wanted to win? Okay, here's the real, like, Tia, the story is, like, I didn't want to win because I knew that it would have destroyed everyone and everyone would have been angry at me. But I wanted to win because everyone was against me. And it's just an underdog story. It really is just a classic underdog story. And I'm a winner, baby. Just at the end of the day, like, I'm better than everybody who tries to play against me. I'm literally going to...

Jump over the fence to the neighbor. Find a spot where the dog shit. Not pick up the shit, but pick up the fungus and bacteria-infested dirt under it and sprinkle it in your bed so that over time, bacteria grows and cultivates on you. Yeah. And you get some weird new disease. More attention, baby, for me. That's all I need at the end of the day. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You're pissing me off. But basically...

Drew fucking won and it actually like made me and Josiah specifically so fucking angry. Josiah halfway through the game after being an asshole to me trying to switch sides and get on my fucking good side. He was playing such little brother. This motherfucker. We were all against Drew and then he couldn't take the heat. Also,

The way Drew reacted to us not wanting him to win was making me even more mad. I should have felt pity for him, but it made me even more mad because he literally was like, you guys are just like being mean to me. And like, literally the biggest sob fest over like us going against him in a game. It worked. It didn't work on me. I had an enemy turned. I had an enemy turned. No, because Josiah then was trying to play like,

little brother where he's like i'm mad at all of you like i'm not targeting drew because you were making him fucking nervous because you were literally gaslighting him because we were like we want to win and you were like i just feel like y'all are coming i was like josiah if you choose me i will literally stop being friends with you i will literally never speak to you again i did that several times i pulled that card several times and then he tried it against me and i was like bitch i don't care for friends i care about winning you're so evil um

But yeah, it was like a really bad thing. And I'm never playing Mario Party again. Drew actually ruined the game for me. Something that like should have brought us together and made us all feel happy and joyous. And at the beginning it did because like even when he was winning, it was funny. But then his extreme need to manipulate you into feeling like a fucking loser and making sure you know that he won, even though it's just a fucking game, makes it unenjoyable. So I'm never, ever going to play a game with him again in my life. GG, no re-

Good game, no rematch. So I ended a winner. And no one's ever going to play with you again. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that. I'm a champion. I retired early.

I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore. And you're probably thinking, wow, oh my God, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads. But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste.

Okay, I can feel the anger. So we should just move on. See, it literally... No, it actually sends a raging pit inside of my stomach. It's full sibling shit where I want so badly to smack the fuck out of you. And not my usual where I'm like, I'm going to smack the fuck out of you. I want to genuinely smack you so that you go to your room and you're angry at me at first because you're like, how fucking dare she hit me? But then you start really thinking about it and thinking about the way you were speaking to me and you're like,

Maybe I shouldn't speak to her like that. I literally wasn't speaking to you in a bad way at all. I just said I'm a champion. I just said I'm a champion. It's you that are choosing. Here, let me. No, take a step back to gaslight me. Let me, let me clarify to you for a second. You literally are insane. You are the worst person ever. But let's, let's just go back to the beginning where I was like, maybe I am an awful person. Yeah.

Y'all be the judge. Y'all tell me if I'm a bad person for winning. Oh my god!

Okay, we should just move on because there's like this... The silence is filling the room and we just need to move on. But let's talk about... What? I was going to say this literally... Oh, you destroyed... You just reminded me of this fucking psychopath I heard talking to his girlfriend at dinner the other night with Elisa. I think I told you that. No, I didn't. I heard you telling Josh, but I didn't get to hear it. Oh, dude. Perfect. I went to...

So, like I've said, chismosa number one. Like, I love to talk. Elisa honestly was, like, not the best chismosa partner to have because she was not chismosa at all. She was, like, hella scared. You need, like, a Ryan or me, like. Yeah. She was, like, hella worried that they would know that I'm listening. And I was explaining this to a friend on the phone. The second you decide to have an intimate conversation near me, it is now my business. Yeah. Either speak up.

Or shut up. Exactly. Because I am going to listen. Yeah. You should not be having it outside. That's what, that is why humans created walls for privacy. Go behind a wall. Yep. You're literally five feet away from me. Yep. And I'm going to listen. Also, he was being loud as shit. So he wanted people to hear. And this is the story of a girl boss. Like a girl boss. Yes. So this is like me and Drew. A girl boss being taken down by a scary white man. A scary winner. A scary winner.

But no, it's not similar at all because this man actually, I was like, oh. I was genuinely like, should I... Should I step in? Yeah, should I ask her if she's okay? I was about to be like...

Like, do you need help? I feel like that's not the right thing and we always use it. Yeah. We're always like, should we ask if they need help? Literally some shit we saw on TikTok. Like only like three people know what it means and we're just doing it to like people. It's like when they're like, oh, if you like need help, like ask for so-and-so behind the bar. And like, that's just an internet thing. Like if I was at a bar in the middle of fucking Texas and I was like, is Ashley here? They'd be like, who? I'm like, what?

She doesn't work here. But yeah, we're like this and like they look at us and they're like, are you like hitting on me right now? Because I need help. I need help now. But basically he like the second I sat down, I was like, I was having a rough day today and God has blessed me with one more reason to stay around and it's to eavesdrop on people. Like this is what I needed. You looked really pretty just then. I'm not joking. When my eyes were closed. You looked very peaceful at peace.

Did I look dead? You look beautiful. You're going to be pretty when you're in the casket. We got to get that thing open. We bust in the casket open for you. Bust that thing open. I want makeup by Ariel to do my funeral makeup. Wait, what's the girl you said was found dead in her London flat? What's her name? What's her name? Bethany Moda? I know.

It's like a real person. Oh. I don't, actually, I think Anastasia might be a real person. We were sitting on the couch, and I was like, Anastasia Beverly Hills was found dead in her London back. And I was like, oh my fucking god. Actually, I didn't even know who the bitch was. But no, we need to get her to do your makeup at your funeral. No, I'm... She is real, because... Okay. What were we even talking about? Oh, she's Musa. But yeah, like...

And then I just can't be with someone who's like nervous about like letting someone know that I'm eavesdropping because I'm like, you don't have to worry. Like I am proudly doing this. If they turned to me and they were like, you're listening, I'd be like, you're loud. Yeah. Go somewhere else because it's my business, Mal. Checkmate. You are disrupting a moment I should be having with a friend of mine or just like this intimate relationship building moment. You were destroying it by...

Being a fool. So whatever not to the girl to the fucking man because he was a freak But basically the second I sat down she was like, oh like this is like the issue with us We always try to like I try to make sure we go out of our way to go on dates to like keep it pushing and like to do these nice things and it always turns into this and then he just started like ranting to her and he was being so loud and

And he was like, you know what? You treat me like one of your worst patients. Like, you don't care for me. At least leave the door cracked open and, like, come in and ask if I'm okay. But you just, like, leave me stranded. And you're so consumed by, like... Wait, so she's literally at dinner with a patient? No, she's at dinner with...

her boyfriend who i found out later on he's mentioned that they were coming up on 10 years but she's a doctor and he has not done anything with his life and it was literally a situation where like he felt not good enough compared to her and was like oh my god he's insecure yeah and he was like you have like you have your friends you have your family you're always either hanging out with like your brothers or your girlfriends and you're never asking if like if

I'm okay and like what I'm up to and you don't care what I'm doing and all this shit. And I'm like, girl, then maybe like get a life. Get a life and get a job. Literally, it sounded like he had no job. So I was like, she's literally girl bossing her way to the top and this man's annoying. Yeah. And he was just like drunk and like yelling and would like, he was literally having his Joker or he was going to give me a Joker origin story. Oh my God. Because he was literally like, he like slammed back some more sake, slammed it on the table and was like,

Man, I'd love to see me from your perspective. You've been the same all these years and me, I'm a fucking roller coaster. And like started to laugh and like screaming. And then also mind you, the whole dinner, she's silent. She's sitting there with the starkest face just staring at him while he's going off. And I was like, this is probably something she experiences all the fucking time, which is so fucked up. I know. He must have a big cock.

okay keep going you you you say it and you don't like the consequence of silence you know the thing is is i say what is in my brain because most of the time i'm rotating cubes in my brain you're closing your eyes to concentrate on the cubes okay um and basically she's like quiet the whole time and then

he gets up to go to the bathroom and she's just sitting there in silence literally isn't touching her phone isn't doing anything is just sitting there and i'm like she's like obviously fuming but is sitting so put together and he comes back and the bill is on her side and the waiter comes back to pick up the bill and he's like hey like how are you

know you put the bill on her side can you tell she makes more money than me too laughing it was like oh what the fuck am i here for right and like started laughing and then made like a weirdly like racist comment because we were at like a sushi spot and he was like you're you're stepping over my american territory and you're you're embarrassing me and you're hurting my pride and like i was like

What is... Ew. Like, what are you doing? Like, he was, like, trying to, like, teach this waiter about American... Ew. Not only is he, like, insecure and doesn't have a job and is, like, pathetic, but he's also, like, a Republican. Literally. And then he literally was, like, he paid the bill and, like, the waiter leaves or whatever. And...

They're sitting there and she keeps talking and he's like, you're just like your mom, you know, like, oh fuck. I like honestly feel bad for your dad because some people they would like, they might not like a girl who like always has some, like they have a girlfriend who doesn't really say much, but you always like, let me know that like you're, if you're disappointed with something or you don't like something. So communication. Yeah. Literally. A healthy relationship. Um, and then.

he's like, I feel bad for your dad. And then she was like, yeah, where do you think I got it from? And then he was like, you know why they argue is because your dad has something that your mom doesn't. Testosterone. And then she's just staring at him. This sounds like the worst...

Like, the final boss man. Like, he literally is, like, the worst man ever. No, this part is so embarrassing, Drew. She has not said a word. She's not said a single word other than, where do you think I got it from? Like, I got that from my mom. And then he, like, looks at her and he's like, you know what you're getting tonight and why you don't like it? Because you're getting some of that testosterone. And you don't like it, huh? And, like, said it like that and started laughing. And then she just looked at him and was like...

And like kind of scoffed and like let out a chuckle at him. And he could not fucking take it. He literally stood up. It was like, oh, I'm a fucking joke. Huh? Like literally stood up. It was like, no, no, no. I'm a joke. You want to you? Oh, you want to laugh at me? Well, I already paid the fucking bill. So you go laugh at that. And like put his like, like down and got up and walked away.

And left he like walked away and then she sat there for like five minutes again Didn't touch her phone just sat there for five minutes in silence Then got up used the bathroom and left the opposite way. What the hell? What if you were on what would you do with that john guy? And then he comes up to me. He's like, why didn't you do anything? I was like because that's not my fucking business None of my fucking me sitting here being like you're making it my fucking business. I'm like, it's not my business like

It's my business. That's the way to navigate life. It's my business, but it's not my business until someone's getting physically hurt. Then I'll step in. If I, if I had that concern where I'm like, this is going to turn into something else, I'll step in. Oh, we've done it before. Yeah. But it just seemed like a white dude who had like three beers and was like feeling himself and was being annoying. You know, the craziest thing is you just gave me more ammunition to use against you.

Just like to manipulate you a little bit. I'm just going to be like, oh, you can't handle the testosterone when I win games against you. No, because that's embarrassing. I don't have testosterone. What do you have? I'm like, I don't know.

Let's move on. Let's move on to me predicting the earthquake. Dude, again, you're fucking annoying me. We were just like butting heads that day. No, you were butting heads with me that day. I was doing things I do every day and you were just angry towards me. And I just was taking it. I just let it happen. You know what it was similar to? What it reminded me of is when you kept seeing crows around the house and being like, I'm going to fucking die. And that was the same energy it was giving me. Did we ever talk about the crows?

No, bitch, because shit like that, I'm like, we don't have to talk about publicly because it's just you pissing me off. And it's you saying something and me being like, don't say that. And then you just have to say something back to me that's like... Exactly. But, okay, so...

About a year ago, I was seeing a lot of signs. He was seeing a very native bird to U.S. territory. I was seeing a lot of signs. Someone, something was telling me something, and they were sending crows my way. And at first, I thought it was a sign of death, but then I realized it was a sign of wealth. Literally me when I first read Edgar Allan Poe in fifth grade. I was like, hmm, I'm going to die. Yeah.

But, so, similar incident. For, like, the past, like, they said months. It has been months. It has been upwards of three months because I went to Miami,

Slash new york for almost three weeks and you had been doing it like two weeks before that i'd say that's weeks I'd say that's weeks like four weeks total I've been saying no I said you've been doing it weeks before that and i've been back here for two weeks So that in total is already five weeks and then you were doing it for like four weeks before that So that's closing in on almost three months of you saying it. Okay, so for about two weeks I had been saying um

Okay, for a few months I've been saying, oh, it's like earthquake weather. It's like earthquake season. Which also pisses me off because you know what it is? Again, from my Latin brain, I do believe in superstitions. I'm somebody who's like, I don't fucking believe in ghosts. I don't believe in this blah, blah, blah. But certain things, if I see a certain number a few times, I'm like, this means something. Buy a lottery ticket. Yeah, like...

I have things like that. So if you're sitting around fucking saying, it's like when my mom would pull out of the driveway, she would, every time she pulls out, she's like, and she's like, may God protect us or whatever.

And if we pull out and she doesn't say that, well, I'm like, bitch, now we're going to fucking die because you didn't say it this time. Say it now. Say it now. Say it now. So I believe in those kind of superstitions. And when you're saying something, it's kind of like you're also fueling the part of me that I'm like, the house is going to explode today. Like,

I'm going to die from like a disease because I didn't wash my hands. Like, so when you say those things, you're putting it in. Like you're like clocking into the universe that you want something to happen. So manifesting it. I do want an earthquake to happen. I do want the big one to happen because we'll be fine. But basically, I had been saying for a few months that it's earthquake season. It's earthquake weather. It's earthquake season? Yeah, it's earthquake season. And then so I...

Had we were driving to OC and I was like, oh my god I feel like an earthquake's gonna happen and this was like three days ago And I was like I feel like an earthquake's gonna happen soon And then we got into a big conversation about like the big one we freaked the fuck we freaked the fuck out of Kai like I was like literally having like an actual existential crisis It was really sad to watch and I was like no, it's not gonna be that bad. Like we'll be fine but then three days later

Like sure enough an earthquake happened and I predicted it I said like the earthquake was coming and it came and it went and that at the end of the day that's like Just a testament to my power and like what I give into the world and the energy like I basically can manifest anything at this point like Absolutely anything if I can predict an earthquake, you should manifest a good fucking therapist for yourself, bitch That's what you should do

No. No, no, no. But it pissed me the fuck off. Like, I don't even...

I don't remember what I said, but you know what was so fucking annoying about it too is Drew was knocked out on the couch. Didn't even really like feel the full like experience of sitting there, it happening and then standing up. He literally woke up because all of us were like, um, and like stood up. And I think that's like, obviously the shake of the house like might've like jostled you a little bit. But like you didn't like have the full experience of sitting there experiencing it and like being fully awake the whole time. So the fact that the first thing you fucking said-

Oh my God. Like I predicted that. Like I like, that was the first thing you said. And so I immediately got pissed. Cause I was like in the state of emergency, God forbid, that was just like the first wave of aftershocks and something else is about to happen. I'm like standing up because I'm like, okay, every time an earthquake happens, the first thing I think of is like, where's Azul's carrier? So I could like grab her.

So I'm like thinking about that and like thinking like, oh dude, what if another one hits? Like again, like do we have to go outside? I'm thinking in terms of like our safety. And Drew's first fucking thought is I predicted it. Because he wants to be able to say that he did that. And I did. You didn't. You fucking did it. Like you did not. You did not do that. Okay. I can admit that I didn't fucking predict the earthquake. Okay, good. That's all I need. Like you take everything from me. One good thing happens to me and you just take it.

like not a good thing to happen so well when i eventually win the lottery and i win all this money and i'm like oh i predicted that i manifested that i'm gonna say that's not i don't care nothing i don't care because literally if you win the lottery that's still not you fucking predicting it you just can't let me win you just can't let me win i'm used to it i'm used to this behavior you're so annoying who are you calling

the list to see where we need to go next. So we have, okay, we talked about me beating Inya in Mario Party. We talked about Drew predicting the earthquake. Why are these all written in the way to cater you? Oh, this one is catering to you, Inya being the dad of the group.

Literally just now that proves it. It's like us, an earthquake happening and me standing up and immediately being like, all right, like what are the things that need to be done around the house and like grabbed so we can get out? And you being like more concerned about what you're going to post. Because literally I know you care because you want to post it on your IG story or something. I didn't though. I just was like, I was happy. I was like, oh my fucking God, I did something cool. Like. Oh my God.

what's annoying is like none of this we're not like playing any fucking character this episode is genuinely us like butting heads over what we were butting heads over yeah like there's real anger rooted in all of these for some reason not for me oh my god that's the worst thing you could hear in an argument we were talking about that because that was me like playing it up a little bit i've been playing it up a little bit this whole time

Shut up. Dude, the worst thing to hear in an argument is like, oh, and you kept, we were like saying that to you, but then you started saying it to us and it literally, I was like, this is the worst thing to ever say to someone is when you're like,

You're like, it's literally just a game. But we only start saying that to you because you were saying it to us when we first started getting mad about you always winning. You were like, it's literally just a game. Like, I'm just playing the game. Like, I'm not that mad about a game. And then when we said it to you, you were getting so mad when we were like, I'm literally not mad. Like, why are you mad? Like, it's just a game. That when you're like, when someone says like, I'm not mad. Like, you're the one that's mad. That like...

me the fuck out. That is evil. Like that scares the fuck out of me. That's what I was like being like, oh, are you actually mad? Wait, why are you mad? Like that is diabolical. Like I'm literally because then that just makes me mad because I'm like, I'm not fucking mad. I'm not mad. I'm not mad. Now you're making me mad.

Gaslighting 101. The word gaslighting can be used for anything at this point. Literally, because I guess that is, gaslighting is literally just making someone think they're crazy. So I guess saying, are you mad? Oh, you're mad? Like, why are you mad? Why are you mad? You have no reason to be mad. Drake said it like in a verse on one of the new songs. And I was like, that is like still one of the main things. To be like, oh, you mad? Brooklyn in the house.

You mad or nah? Is that where that like starts off? No, that's this new TikToker that I've discovered through Dana. That's their saying. Brooklyn in the house. Oh, the guy who's always on Broadway. Yeah, he made the fastest video I've ever seen. It was literally like half of a split of a second. And that's it. That's just this episode has been us arguing.

See, that's what we were saying. Like, within friendships, you still have real arguments. And these are our arguments. These are not real arguments. These are just, like, siblings butting heads arguments. But look, at the end of it, we can still hold hands. We held hands in, like, the last episode or something. And someone was like, them holding hands, like, I don't know what I just witnessed, but they look like they fucking hated each other. But I think we held hands, like, in, like, a cute way. So I was like...

do we just like look annoyed to be touching each other touchy touch touch we are always touchy and we say the same thing sometimes but yeah me and you would literally be we'd be physically affectioning each other yeah we are i just like hugs like where my hug at

I look he was that person. I was like, you're not going to hug me? I've said it in very inappropriate things too. Like in an argument and been like, you're not going to hug me bye? Me to my brother at his funeral. Where my hug at? You lean in and knock it over. The casket falls over.

body falls out. Okay, no, when I die, y'all have to like, y'all have to set something up that my body rolls. But it has to be my real body. I want it to like, float up. And then, but your body rolls, but you're actually attached to like, strings that fly you up to the sky. And you float above everybody the whole time. Like, why is someone playing with you? That's what I want for my funeral. I want to be above the whole funeral, like, like, like floating. Exactly. I want the Halo soundtrack. But I want it to be my urn because I don't want to be buried. Yeah.

No, they'll burn you after. OT. They burn my mom right after. They're like, all right, put her in. Put her in the oven. Collect the ashes. Not us. Didn't you imagine family members like burning? That's literally in my head. We're deranged.

Put that fucking peach down, freak. Do you know why I grabbed the peach and put it face first? Because of it looks like a butt and you're wearing your anal shirt? That's a good guess. But no, it's because I was going to make a joke about me fucking the peach like Timothee Chalamet.

in Call Me By Your Name. Okay, no one is talking about the implications of Cool by Gwen Stefani, the music video, literally being the mood board and inspiration for Call Me By Your Name. Oh, I was like, where are you going with this? I was like, we, but yeah. Can you hear that? Yeah, 100%. They can hear that. Kai's not even fucking paying attention. Oh, he was mesmerized by my moaning and kissing. Sorry, we had to fucking cut Drew eating a goddamn fruit out. I'm gonna do it again. Are you gonna keep going? Yeah.

Don't leave me a nasty one. I'll have one of these. Back to me being the dad of the group. Drew, it's like probably so loud in the mic because even when I like move my eyes around, it's so loud. No, it's not too bad. I give you permission to eat. Feast. There was... I'm trying to think of how to talk about this situation because it's like...

There has to be another situation where this makes sense. But I... No, I fully am the dad. I drive us around. I'll be like, are y'all hungry? Do you need me to stop anywhere? Like, I stop and I, like, help to run the errands. Like, I literally build anything that needs to be fucking built in the house because no one else can build anything. I drill the holes. I fill the holes. Yeah, you do fill the holes. I do the things that need to be done. And I...

This episode is just Drew seeing how annoying he can be. It feels like now that you've mentioned like call me by your name and you're like eating this shit and sucking your fingers, I keep looking at you and like it's like not. Can I get a bite of that? Yeah, it's actually really fucking good. Keep going though. It drips. No, just... ASMR. Are you into it though, Kai? Yeah, it's kind of cool. No, is it like sexual for you?

Okay, but on all aspects like that I am dad yeah, honestly even when we go out together I'm always like hurt like huddling up the troops and me like alright I'm calling the uber everybody come on like wringling like oh

Situation like meaning is when we go out to like drink. We're not drinking. I'm driving. I'm taking the family there. Exactly. I'm always like, let's go to the movies or like some stupid shit. I'm dad in those aspects, but specifically in protectors mode. Like if I even see the hint of someone speaking to one of y'all a certain way, I go into full protector protector. Like I will beat the shit out of someone. Yeah.

There was like an incident that we can't really talk too much about because it's still ongoing. And it's also like invasive to this person. Yeah, it's really invasive to this person. So we were at the tennis courts playing tennis.

And then I don't know how to say that like tiptoe around it. Like do we even we don't say what was going on. There was an altercation happening at the gas station across the street. And like we were playing and I saw it and describing it sounds like me being like I deserve loquify.

No, it literally wasn't like that at all. It was genuinely terrifying. It was like if something wasn't done now. What was scariest? No one was moving on it. Everyone was just watching. Yeah, no one wanted to be involved, which I was like, that's the scariest part about like

Did I fuck up my lipstick? No. The scariest part about like seeing something like that happen and being one of the only people to involve yourself in terms of like trying to find safety for this like person who obviously needs help is the fact that in my head I always think about like okay if something does happen I'm in public someone will do something and that was like a really awakening moment where I was like holy shit humans can actually be so fucking selfish and like

and the fact that it feels like more energy for them to get involved than it matters for your safety. Yeah. Which I like because I'm always like, oh, I can kind of understand it because of like who knows what they have going on. I was about to say, I can kind of understand why people weren't immediately getting involved because what we were witnessing like was really terrifying. Like it was very erratic and like it could have like

been turned on to another person very I mean it literally it did get turned on to us like his anger which like at the end of the day like

You come first in these situations, but I will say them not immediately jumping to like at least call someone. Especially when there was like grown ass men. Yeah, like not calling someone or like, like just not doing like typical things like that you would do. In a situation like that. Yeah, it just that did really rub us the wrong way. But basically we were like witnessing something crazy and I was with Drew, Christian and my little sister Sophia and we were at the tennis courts and

near our old apartment and it was like 1:00 AM ish and they were just like open really late. So we were out there playing and I saw something we all saw happening. And then I like ran to go grab my phone and started calling for help.

Damn. Three burps. I ran to call for help and I was trying to get this guy's license plate number just in case he drove away before anybody got there to help. And I crossed the street to go...

get the license plate and I like said the license plate and then he saw me and like started... And Christian was filming too. Yeah, and Christian was filming just so that we like had everything to be like this person like... We have evidence of what this person was doing to this other person, whatever. Yeah. So I was like... I feel like it's almost kind of obvious what was happening. But again, like I don't know. Also...

We should clarify that. I don't know if it's triggering. We're not giving, like, any details. But they, like, came... He came up to me and he was like, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, oh, I'm calling an Uber. Like, what? And I just, like, was being a cunt. And, like, literally to this man. Like, it was crazy. To this man who was being fucking crazy. He came up to me. He's like, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, I'm calling an Uber. I'm going home. Like, what? And then I...

said that and had my phone to my face and I turned to go look at the like cages of the tennis court and Sophia Christian and Drew were like staring at me so he obviously made the connection that I wasn't calling an Uber that I was like on the phone like trying to get

stopped from what he was fucking doing and he saw and he started darting over like cross like four lanes of traffic towards me Christian and Inya's sister and like Inya immediately jumps into action and is like oh fuck no like get to the cage get inside yeah I start yelling at them like go

- Go back, like go back. - And so like, Enya, I mean, we now we're in this, like locked in these tennis cages. This like erratic man is just like being erratic with us now. And Enya literally is like bowing up to him and like. - We like had our tennis rackets and everybody had theirs still in their hand. And I like ran and I grabbed mine and I like stood up to him and I was like,

Like, he was literally, like, trying to, like...

fight us and then like eventually he realized like oh it's four of them versus me I'm five foot six like I'm a tiny fucking embarrassing gross little man like I get my ass beat and they also have tennis rackets so like he eventually like

Backed away and he was like, okay, I'm scared of Inya. Let me just back away and try to keep my peace. I'm now stuck in this fucking cage. I'm cornered. And then he sees our shit. Also, the best part is we had picked up most of our shit and he pointed at something that wasn't ours. Oh, yeah. We picked up all of our stuff and we were about to leave. And then he saw something that wasn't ours and he was like, is this y'all's? And we were like, no. And he was like, I'm going to steal this anyways. And he was like, this is mine now. And we were like...

Okay, like you can have it. We were like, it's not ours. It was just like really fucking crazy because he was trying to threaten us. But there's that one picture of like strong Barbie. And I remember that night we like took a picture of you, Christian and Sophia and like edited like the strong Barbie with a tennis racket because that's what it felt like. It literally was. You are a protector that night. But yeah, you fully stood up to that dude and yeah.

The case is still ongoing. I don't know. Genuinely, I've said this before. It's not that I carry this idea that I can beat anyone's ass. I have belief in my strength, but let's face it. I'm a 5'4", 22-year-old woman. I feel like you know how to fight, though. Actually, I think you know how to fight. I do have some fighting... Experience. Experience and some...

hand-to-hand combat on my resume but I haven't gotten into like a physical fight or altercation in quite some time so who knows but no I do have belief that I could like fight for my life and beat the fucking living shit out of somebody if they piss me off or if they deserved it could you take a grizzly bear no oh yeah

I think so. I think so. Because I was going to say, I would do the smart thing and I wouldn't fight a grizzly bear. I would stay still and wait for them to leave. Well. And you have to use your brains. You have to use your hands, but you also have to be brave and use your brain. Yeah. Fighting a bear is all about intellect. I think I could take a bear. No, I would get fucking torn up. Not like physically fighting a bear. I'm trying to get torn up by you. Don't. I was trying to kiss my hand.

Okay. Should we just move on to media? Yeah, I have to grab my phone though. Go ahead. Should I flash my tits to the viewers? Actually, yeah. I think so. I haven't addressed the camera once this entire episode. I always look at the camera because I feel like I'm like, I need to know that I look decent. But I like, I've come to the conclusion that I don't look very good in this format and that's okay. Well, my media of the week is...

I already have it prepared. Why is my phone on 1%? These fucking old chargers don't do shit. No, that charger, you plugged it. I noticed you plugged it into that one. I was like, oh, it's working now. But yeah, my media is... So I have three songs this week and they're all by Young Lean. I went down the Young Lean rabbit hole again.

And I think Hurt, Yoshi City, and Ginseng Strip 2002 are like three of the best songs ever fucking made of all time. And unironically changed music forever. I think those are fantastic songs. And then I guess another one is Pastel Hell by Bad Trump. Oh my God. Pastel Hell by Brad Trammell. Yeah, that would also be my favorite.

Yeah, I think there were some takes that were... He just eloquently put all my thoughts into words and I haven't had them laid out for me in that way ever once in my life. And I was like, oh. Sometimes people think the way I think and it's really...

And it's just really fucking well done. Like actually a genius, I think. Yeah. He's just like genuinely a very smart person. It's not just off the top of the dome. It's like actually well researched. Yeah. That's it. It's very well researched. And I learned a lot of words. I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot. Gave me some more things to think and ponder on. And, uh,

Yeah, really, really great. It personally made me so horny. Girl, how are you supposed to be looking at media and you're on Instagram right now? How is that possible? Because you were fucking talking and I wasn't listening. I know. Okay, my media is Will I See You Again by the Sacred Souls. Fantasy by Mariah Carey. Just because like, what a classic. What a hit. Many Times by Dijon Nunez.

Pipe down by Drake because I've literally been in Such a Drake loop It's been so bad it's been so bad I go from like listening to Drake To listening to like pure like 80s classics and hits And like Janet Jackson and then I switch Back to Drake and then I like put on Eve's Tumor and then I like go back to Drake And it's not like she's just listening to it by herself We'll just be like writing or something And she will blast it and I'm like I can't do this like I need to Well I'm getting work done you were sleeping

Yeah, I was sleeping. Also, no, there is mold in that couch. It puts me to sleep. No, you just, that's what finding comfort is. You like the couch and it brings you comfort. I've never been comfortable a day in my life. I don't know what it feels like. I'll put a fucking finger up your butt. And then I'm still watching Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Yay.

I still haven't finished crying in H Mart because I haven't been reading the past few weeks because I don't have like the lust for life or words. I started reading Homo Deus and I stopped at like page 60 because it's actually ruining my life. But if you want to read it, go ahead. But it is like if you want to like have like an outlook, a healthy outlook on life, don't read it because it'll ruin everything for you.

Oh, you know what else I watched? I watched Variety did a video with Sacha Baron Cohen who like I will have sex with. He like has a waifu like 10 years. No, I don't believe in that. Um,

but he was talking about the filming process for Bora and I was like dude this is so like complicated and insane it's really cool um and we were watching like the outtakes like thing they were doing where it's like just like leftover footage that they didn't end up using and that was really good and also I started impeachment um

And that was really good. I will say, I don't know if I love the directing style because the guy who did... Josie told me the guy who did American Horror Story did it. And I was like, this makes a lot of sense, the way some of this is shot. But I don't want it shot like this. But the cast is fucking phenomenal.

The dad from Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I'll have sex with him too. Yeah, literally. I'll have sex with him. I was just about to say that. But Mrs. Maisel's dad, not Joel's dad. No, Joel's dad's gross. Yeah. Maisel's dad is really gross. He's like sexy. Joel's fucking ugly. I'm sorry. Let me stop. Let me get off this thing. But yeah. Who gave me a mic? Who put this here? They know I'm going to say something that I don't mean.

Okay, I'll see y'all next time. Bye.