Mr. beast is coming on the podcast
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Are you ready to have absolutely nothing of true intelligence spewed into your ear for an hour? Woo!

Like, I genuinely don't know that people walk away from this podcast learning anything, but maybe they learn to love. No, that's what I was about to say. They learn to love themselves because they look at two people that have loved themselves a little too hard. A little too much. A little too much. No, I think the point of loving yourself a little too much is... And I'm Drew, and this is Inya.

I was going to say, I think the form of loving yourself a little too much is when you get to, like, a Jake Paul, Logan Paul level. Like, a pure... Oh, speaking of YouTubers, MrBeast's last video... Oh, he's a danger. He's an actual danger. He is actually going beyond. Like, he is fully performing Squid Games. Yeah. No, he's... It's really, really...

it's actually dark. Like the ending of that video was actually dark. Like I literally was like almost tearing up. I felt so bad for that guy. Also, I found out he is a friend of another Mr. Beast type creator, that Arak guy who was in Arak's really early videos. And I wonder if there's some like drama or beef there because he left Arak. Oh.

Yeah, yeah. To do the Mr. Beast thing. But he was hella athletic. I know. I was going to say, that has to just be one of his homies who is very athletic. Because if you haven't watched, please go watch. Me, please go watch. Yeah. But it literally is so fucking odd. The water scene made me so anxious. And also just him losing and then picking him up and being like, come on, buddy. And you think he would hug him and comfort him. But he just puts him on the platform and shoots him down into a pit.

No, we've... I mean, we've said this for the last six months. Like, he is flying really, really close to the sun. And then he, like, posted about, like, a new video that he's doing where it's, like, this sterile-ass white room. Also, the fucking budget has gone up insane. Like, that was, like...

a $5 million video with the sets he was doing and then he built out another set that's super techy, could be in Space Odyssey 2001 type shit. Very sterile white room, high advanced future shit, whatever.

And he's locking people in there for 100 days. And if one there's two people, if one of the people leaves, they both lose the money. And I think it's like a half a million dollars or something. Oh, my God. Half a million to split or half a million per person? I have no idea. I think I would assume to split, but it's probably knowing. Yeah, he's probably just doing that. But people were like actually upset with him. They're like, damn, like he actually is like.

becoming like a rich supervillain watching people like brawl for money but like then there's like the argument well like isn't every game show ever like making people who need literally a lot of money like make fools of themselves like that's the whole point of a game show it's always been around so like why is it a problem now that Mr. Buse is doing it but I don't know he's just taking it to a level that like we've never seen before that was just so sad it was literally just so sad the ending of that like

Like, I feel like with game shows, but I guess he still walked away with, like, a good amount of money. So, boo-fucking-hoo. It's just crazy. Because also, like, I was saying to Drew in that...

like video he had to just keep going because or else like mr beast even made a comment about it he was like or else i just won't have a video so he literally kept pushing him towards the end of the video to keep going through the trials knowing that he wouldn't win yeah and even mr beast was like okay like this is there's too much money on the line like do not do this next one and he was like don't fucking convince me to do the next one and then he did it anyways and then flopped hard but then it sucks because that's like the worst trap they've

I know. It's like the Bungus Trap because it's literally just a Squid Games game. Squid Games. Squid eating my sandwich watching Squid Games. Also, last night, I was freaking the fuck out because I was just scrolling through TikTok and I stumbled on a live. And it was like, well, insert the picture. But...

it was like just this screen and I didn't recognize the app at first but I could assume it was uber and you could see the guy was in Denver he was like driving around and it was like two minutes to picking up Hannah and he's talking to the camera and like just talking but like he did it in a way that it doesn't show the exact directions like you know on the uber map it'll have the map and like the line but it won't show like where you're going um

because he probably has another phone it's connected to for the actual map. But I was watching, I was like, there's no way this man is about to stay on live and get a passenger in his car. He fully did, and he, like, interacted with her and tried to make conversation, but it was, like, late at night, and she didn't really talk to him. And that was freaking me the fuck out, because how insane is that, that this Uber driver is just live, picking people up, driving around, and there was a point where...

uh, he showed a part of the map when she got out of the car, he didn't move. And like he zoomed out and you could see the Lyft and Uber app open at the same time. And on the Lyft app, it shows like street names and stuff. And that I'm not going to insert, but I was looking at it. I was like, if I was actually, but this is also me just being extremely paranoid and fearful because I'm a woman. And I like swear this is going to happen to another woman and it scares me. But if I was

an insane person living in the Denver area and I saw that and I wanted to kill somebody like a random person I had no connection to I literally could have found that girl's cross streets very easily gone outside her house yelled Hannah she probably would have come out and been like why is someone yelling my name and I could have killed her and then that's what was freaking me out last night because I was like oh my god like literally it is such an invasion of privacy and then I thought about it because I get an uber's and if I'm with a friend I'm

I say all my fucking business. Like, we'll be catching up in an Uber. I'll be saying all my fucking tea. Like, I say literally everything that's happening in my life. Imagine getting into a fucking Uber and you're...

like on TikTok in the backseat like talking to a friend and scrolling through TikTok and you just see a live stream and you're like oh like there's an Uber driver live streaming and you click on it and you fucking hear your voice and you're literally like without your knowledge being broadcasted to a thousand people that's like my biggest fear coming true like I literally think I'm being recorded at all moments of the day yeah me and Kai talk about it literally all the time where we're just like

It feels like there's like a camera on me all the time. Like even in like safe spaces. I just like, I don't know. It's, it's fucking bizarre. But my favorite genre of video, ironically enough that you brought that up is

is right now watching uvu jovers kick out passengers out of their car for being psychos and like it's so funny watching these people be like tyrants in the back and then like get humbled when they're like get out of my fucking car if you're gonna act like i think you're forgetting like this is my car this is literally my vehicle yeah and like i've i've seen somewhere like people in the back are like lying and like we'll call the cops and say

He's trying to run me over. And they have the camera footage and it's just him sitting there just being like, why are you literally lying right now? It's really, really advanced level shit to bring up. But yeah, we've definitely gone too far. We've said it a million times. I was scrolling through my TikTok feed the other day and I was just watching live streams of just the most bizarre shit. I mean, you saw it yesterday. I don't want to mention what it was, but it was just literally like

people dying on my live stream and like people donating gifts. Like it was so fucking weird. Yeah. It's like gone so far what you can see on live stream. Like it can either be like you're invading someone's privacy or it's just the most random person ever, which actually I will insert this woman who was doing karaoke on her live to like 30 people with like

the eye contact filter on and I watched her for so long. Like, I was just so mesmerized because I was like, damn dude, she's literally just at work and she's passing the time and this is awesome. But then you scroll another one and it's somebody like going around on the streets of LA. I watched this one for a long time because last night was a really nice foggy night and I was actually so upset that I was high so I couldn't drive around because I don't believe in driving while you're high. Even though I feel like some people do that and I'm like, you are literally actually insane. You're still under the influence. Like, get a life and like grow up. But...

I was so upset I couldn't drive around, but he... It's the dude. I feel like you've seen him. He's like...

OG live streamer on he he has like a police radio and he literally goes to scenes that police are going to which is one dangerous to also invasive like he was yesterday this was freaking me out he was at the crime scene where someone had gotten shot and he was just on live stream and then also like that's a whole other thing because then I was like dude the 24-hour news cycle has gone gone to a new level where citizens are just partaking in it and like

I don't know. It was like... Last night, I was literally freaking the fuck out. I was like, this is so insane that I'm just sitting in my bed and I can see everything happening, like, everywhere. Everything, everywhere, all at once. Like, literally. Do you remember, like...

like two or three years ago, like when TikTok was getting really, really huge. And like, it was just like, it was breaking through like the mainstream and like they just wasn't like chronically online people on TikTok anymore. Like everyone was on the internet, like in the pan early pandemic. And we would see like glimpses of like different cultures, like, like

In China, for example, like the most beautiful person you've ever seen like live streaming in like a cardboard cubicle underneath like an overpass like bridge. And it was like hundreds of these girls just live streaming. And I remember seeing that and being like, dude, that is so dystopian. Like I cannot believe that is happening. Like what the fuck? And now I like scroll down my TikTok feed and like literally that's essentially what like everybody on live in America is doing. It's just like –

fully just like I don't know like and it's all selling something like it's so bizarre like everything is like and I mean I'm like even guilty of this but like everything I see on my fucking feet is like selling something and it's just like it freaks me the fuck out like

I don't know, like late stage capitalism vibes for real. I know, it's so odd. Also, like on TikTok, I bought one fucking thing off the live store or the TikTok store. I bought like, this is so embarrassing. Oh my fucking God. I bought Pokemon cards and it was crazy. I bought Pokemon cards for a guy to open them on a live stream and show me what Pokemon cards I got on the live stream. So you paid for live disappointment. Yeah, no, exactly. Actually, I did get a hit. Like it was actually fire. I'm going to go back.

That is so insane. What does that mean? Like he got a good card. Oh, well, they're all wrapped up. But I paid for them on the live. I spent, I think, like $10 for him to open and ship the card, and he opened the pack live. And then now all my TikTok store feed has been is Pokemon related, and I'm like, damn, that is...

algorithm is like fucking vicious like literally i guarantee i could scroll down my feed right now and find like one fucking pokemon video within 10 minutes or 10 10 seconds i mean like it's so insane our timelines are so different it's like unreal didn't you buy something else too

I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking, wow, oh my God, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads, but we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste.

From TikTok? Oh, you bought food. Dude, stop. Yeah, you bought... No, no, no. I think we need to talk about this. No, no, no. You bought like a... Hold on, hold on, hold on. Like a... I literally... Oh, look. Two videos back to back. I told you. Of Pokemon, yeah. Yeah. But on the TikTok feed, I was... Or on the TikTok live store, I literally bought... So, okay. Okay. Like, literally give me fucking like props because like, if you know, you know, but...

Yeah, I partially understand this, but buying this online and non-person is the... That's what makes this a crazy buy. I know, it is. Tell them what you got, Drew. I got a hot bowl, which with...

- Like buying the Pepsi on top of all that is just so insane to me because you have Pepsi here. - No, no, it was in on it. It was a part of the- - It was a bundle? - Yeah, it was a bundle. It was a bundle ruski. - Yeah, but like what was in the hot bowl? - It was boiled eggs,

40 like hot and sauce like it was sausage and like nasty I literally I'm not even joking I did not have a bite of it because it took two weeks to get here like and by the time it got here it fucking reaped and you actually had a bite of it and it wasn't bad I am

like I grew up eating hot sausage and pickled eggs. So I was like, oh, this might be good. But then when he told me he ordered it online, I was like, that's going to sit in like that. This person transferred this to a container from the original container, made this mixture, put it into like a random container they bulk bought and sent it to you with like

No preservation of it. It sat in a hot truck for two weeks. The eggs that were in a DHL van. I think it flew because the Pepsi was almost exploded. The end of it was bulging out. The air pressure had fucked it up. But the craziest thing is it really did take two weeks to ship because TikTok has...

Um, like, the TikTok shop, like, if you don't ship your order out within three days of getting the order, the order is canceled. So it, like, promotes, like, fast shipping and, like, fast turnaround in processing times. So that means she shipped it out in three days, but it took 10 days to fucking get here. Because they probably stopped it through the fucking postal service and was like, what is this? Why are they shipping a bowl of soup? Like, what?

A lukewarm bowl of soup with like jalapenos, boiled eggs, sausages, and like onions in it. Yeah, I wish I took a picture of it. I don't think I got a picture, which is like one of the biggest regrets. It tasted really fucking nasty. No, no, I think Inya did. Did anybody taste the egg? No, because even as somebody who eats pickled eggs, like at least pickled eggs, I know that like pickling foods is an old time process, but this wasn't a pickled egg. It was literally an egg she boiled and threw in that fucking random ass bowl of like mush. No, fuck y'all.

but that's the kind of shit like TikTok convinces me to buy like oh the best white t-shirt you'll ever have or like oh a lip stain like blah blah blah and Drew's like oh my god uh uh

literal bowl of fucking acid and Pokemon cards. I need that. And slime, actually. He's bought slime. Oh, yeah. My hell of slime. That's like a normal thing. All right, let's look at my cart right now. Dude, I have a really good video, actually, of Drew looking at slime on his... Oh, fuck, dude. My cart, everything's sold out. I really do want the pickle. Chamoy Skittles.

Axolotl stress ball, Chamoy Gushers, and oh, I was looking at these Rice Krispie Treats. Like the Rice Krispie Treats on TikTok shop go hard as fuck.

I think I've said this before, but you know when you go into a store and you're like, why did Reese's or like Hershey's or all these brands, what is this new random ass candy they made? Like, why are they doing that? Or like chip flavors and shit. And you look at it and most normal people walk into a store and they're like so weird. They go for the thing they were there initially for and they keep it pushing. Drew will try anything. Like your mouth is literally a garbage disposal. You will put anything in that mouth. Yeah. Oh, anything. Literally anything. Yeah.

Yeah, we know. Yes, you will. Yeah, we know. I'll put anything in his mouth. Also, guys, sorry that my voice is fucked up. I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I was locked in a room.

I was trying to get the prize. Were you in the Mr. Beast video? Yeah. He's actually Mr. Beast's newest victim. He's literally like developing Logan Paul syndrome because that kid in that video like cut his fucking leg open and was like dripping blood down his leg and it's getting really close to him accidentally beheading someone and I'm just waiting for the day like when David Dobrik flew his fucking friend around that fucking whatever. What is that thing? A ski duper? The tractor thing. What is it? I don't

Girl, you're asking us what that machine is? A crane. The crane, yeah. Crane's in the sky. Mr. Beast is getting really close to being David Dobrik. Yeah, really flying too close to the sun and literally just like... Mr. Beast is gonna just like put people in cannons and shoot them into the ocean. No, literally he's like, we're gonna...

if this guy can go over three school buses via a cannon we made. And it's like they put like just only a helmet on him and then a Mr. Beast merch. Wait, actually, no. They would cover him in the chocolate bars and be like, this will cushion your fall. Yeah, literally. This is actually a really good idea that I think Mr. Beast should do.

More oiled up twerking booties in the videos. That's what I'm saying. He wants to reach an algorithm. You made such a good point. MrBeast wants a billion views on a video so bad. Oh, he's fiending for it. That's his dream. I can tell. I feel like he has some videos that are half a billion. I don't think so. I think the most is 280,000. Squinch Games. Squinch Games, I think, got almost a billion. No, no. I don't even think it's at half a billion yet. Really? I think it's 280 million.

It might be 400, but... No, yeah, 500 million. Oh, wow. For Squinch Games. Wow. He wants a billion views so bad. But then I was thinking about it. I was like, how the fuck does he secure budgets like this? But, like, of course some venture capitalists would want to be a part of this. Like, he's getting more views than, like, any TV show has ever fucking gotten, ever. Like, it's unprecedented. It's unlike anything we've ever seen before. Like, it's so sustainable, too. I wonder what the, like, GDP impact is.

what state does he live in south carolina he run he dude he bought part of the charlotte hornets basketball team like he like is running like in bitch he's running for mayor oh my god he needs to run for president he would win he would have a well no because most of his audience is too young to they're all like 12. they're like too young well like 12 year olds and 14 year olds are on the internet so like we're getting to the day and age where like 14 year olds might be able to vote soon

Yeah, in four years. I mean, they already technically do because they like swing the decisions of so many fucking voters in different directions. Wait, what age can you vote? 18. It's 18, right? Yeah. I mean, Mr. Beast definitely has. Like a handful, yeah. A good amount. I mean, we are literally three mid-20, late 20-year-olds sitting here talking about Mr. Beast for 15 minutes. So he definitely has 18-year-olds. I feel like he will win. If he runs for president, he will win. Yeah.

We were talking about if Taylor Swift ran for president, it would be like a third party, like Republican, Democrat, Swifty. Like she would literally win. No, she would get those votes. That shit was real, right? With the diapers. What diapers? You know, there were like photos of like seats at Taylor Swift concerts covered in shit.

Are you kidding me? You didn't see that? No. Yeah, it was like people walking through like cleaning up after the concert and there was like shit stains on the seats. I'm pretty sure this is real. Can I pull up a picture? I literally need to see this so fucking bad. Why? Is it because people like even during intermissions like they didn't want to leave? They didn't want to leave. I guess it is like the longest concert ever too. It's like three hours. That is so fucking funny. Dude, performing for three hours? People wearing diapers and then at like

going out of the diaper having a blowout like i know like when babies sit in car seats and have like liquid poop but they like have blowouts up their back like that's literally what was happening to taylor swift fans as they were having they were sitting in those damn seats for too long it was like they were like camping out and they just had like a backpack full of loaded diapers and then they just like had to empty them somewhere but they didn't want to go to the trash can maybe i made this up because i'm not seeing it but it might have been scrubbed from the internet

People confirmed wore diapers, though. And you know people were shitting in the diapers. Yeah, 100%. I mean, that's, like, one of my dreams. Like, I want to pee and poo in a diaper. Like, I want to piss and poo. You say it like it's not, like, an attainable dream. Like, you can do it. I think your body just won't let you. It is an attainable dream, but, like, it is so... Like, you know, like, internal homophobia? Like, I have, like, internal diaper phobia. Like, I literally, like...

I'm like, I don't think I can do that. Like, I don't know, like, if morally I'm allowed to shit all over my butt. Luna's standing up. Huh? Luna is standing up. What? Really? Yeah. That happens that fast? Bro, no, she's just advanced. I swear to God, she's like the most advanced baby. Not as advanced as that baby that we saw on TikTok that was reading. Two-year-old reading? This guy.

No, that's scary. His two-year-old baby, he was like, just found out randomly at this Petsmart that my two-year-old son can read. That's scary. And it literally is, he was holding his baby, looking at the fish, and the baby just looked at the label and read it and was like,

uh like zebra fin and he was like what and he was like what and he's like zebra no he was saying like words like tetra and zebra and daniel and i was like bitch if i looked at that shit i wouldn't even be able to read it it's like dead ass some like glitch in the matrix like stream of consciousness like you know like give my baby away

I always say if you have an idea, act on it immediately because there is this thought ether that everybody's inspired by the same shit and everybody's getting the same stream of information. So if you think of something, someone else will think of it because you had that thought. So act on it immediately. But it has to be something like that where the kid tapped into a wavelength that we can't even understand yet. The crazy shit. Because how do babies learn how to fucking stand and walk? Have you seen the babies that flip through?

TikTok filters and they'll choose it and then they'll stand back and they'll like dance. Dude, Luna is like... That is so terrifying. The iPhone is literally like so evil and wicked and like it is literally harvesting of all of our fucking juices and energy and money and like all of our time and energy. Like it's fucking crazy and it's so good at doing it and it's so like scientifically dialed into like

every fucking chemical in synapse to fire in our brain all at once that like when Luna sees this phone, she has no idea what this is. She's not cognitive enough. She's never even used one or like been able to understand what people are doing on it. But when she sees this fucking screen light up, she crawls to it immediately. Like it's like, and she has the biggest smile on her face and she like knows like what this is. And it's just so fucking weird.

It literally is so scary. And it's because she's around every human she's seen with cognitive abilities has held one in their face and like smiled at it and laughed at it. So she is immediately programmed to be like, that's a good thing. Like I need that too. So babies just like,

nowadays are growing up like I saw this funny picture but it was like baby's first time at Disneyland like from their or from our POV it's like us taking a picture of the baby but from their POV there's just like a black box in everything they see and it's just like literally like so real like babies are gonna grow up with like

With that being said, me and Drew will be waiting in line for the Vision. Oh, yes. Apple Vision Pro. Yeah. I'm going to suck and fuck my way to the front of the line. Yeah. I'm going to spend seven grand on the attachments.

the battery the vibrator whatever the it kind of sounds like you're talking in two times speed right now does it actually yeah like you're the way your voice sounds right now i'm trying to compensate for the fact that my voice is up so i'm like pushing kai your morning voice is sexy is it sexy is it actually do you like do you like that i like a nice looking all right we're gonna get demonetized

um when is that coming out like what is that actually coming out next year yeah next year i'm pretty sure why the would they announce that so early to revolutionize the game like i don't think y'all are understanding it's literally just to lay claim it's like we're doing it we're

it we're doing it we're doing it exactly i know it looks bunk as and it's probably not gonna be that good but like do we remember what the first iphone did for the world like now we cannot live without a device with a touchscreen in our pocket just imagine in a few years when like

they figure this shit out where they make it smaller it's the size of a glass and then in 20 years it's the size of a fucking contact like we will literally be living in augmented reality like it's very very real like we are on the precipice of like becoming borderline fucking cyborgs right now but yeah me and kai are waiting in line at the apple store for it just to feel something because like i just want to feel happy i just want to feel good i know and it's it is it does feel good to wait in line for something like it's like

Your obsession with lines is very real. Because if you think about it, there's such a big reward. It's not about the destination. It's about the journey. No, literally. It's like so much fun can happen in a line if you're with a friend. You can make some of the best conversation you've ever made because you're literally struggling to be entertained. Heads up by Ellen DeGeneres. Yeah.

You're going through the ups and downs. There's moments where you feel defeated and you're like, fuck, why did I wait in this line? Why am I in this line? This is so stupid. I feel like an idiot. I could have done better things. And then there's moments where the line picks up a little speed and you're like, oh my God, I'm getting so close. This was worth it. I'm so happy we waited. Imagine we didn't wait. Look how long the line got now. Imagine we left and came back. We would have been fucked. There are so many things that happen in the human brain. And then you finally get to the thing and you have the biggest peak of dopamine or serotonin you've ever had.

had in your life and then it immediately drops because the thing you waited for was not as tantalizing as you thought. And that's why foreplay is so important. Yeah. Yeah. No, I feel like everything I've ever gotten has not lived up to the hype I've like wanted it to be like ever. It's never, ever. Nothing is ever good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. I was going to say I'm right here and you got me.

Why not the best? No, you're really scary, actually. Oh, my God. Well, I'm not tapping into fucking augmented reality because I live in the real world and y'all are fucking weird. And also, why does breastfeeding but organizing the milk sound so fun? Oh, I can tell you. Breast milk is really good in florally tasting.

Florally? Floral. Like it tastes like flowers. It tastes flowery, yeah. Like flowers. Have you had breast milk? No, you haven't. Yeah, I've had hella breast milk.

I fucking love breast milk. I don't know why you're buying it. I buy that shit off Etsy, bro. It's good protein. No, you buy it off the TikTok shop. We're like two seconds from people selling their breast milk on TikTok. I bet it's on there. Because they sell like weed chocolate on there. I've seen people selling psilocybin chocolate. Oh my God, I signed a psilocybin thing yesterday. I can't believe I've done this. But anyway.

I literally did. I can't believe you've done this. I like can't believe it. But fuck, what was I going to say? What did you just say about? Breast milk. Oh, the apple glass. One last thing and then we can move on from it and then we'll get into the breast milk. But I mean, I'm done with it. I was just going to say organizing my breast milk sounds fun. I think it's like a nightmare. Is that like when you wait, wait, wait, let me say this. Wait, let me say this. Yeah. A bunch of baggies to save. Okay. Okay.

So this is the last thing I'll say about like Apple glass and augmented reality, but like literally look around. We are living in like a suffering dystopian society. Like it is a literally dystopia. And like, we are finally getting like the good things of a dystopian future, like fucking Apple glass augmented reality. Yes. I want to fucking escape this shit. Like, okay. We're seeing like the big sphere in Las Vegas. Like it's really scary and big, but like buildings are like animated now.

now like we're about to have fucking like this is the one thing you consider that the the good part that's that's what i'm saying nothing is good in dystopia except for augmented reality and buildings that fucking are covered in leds but they literally destroyed everything around us to force us into that's what i'm saying like thank god we're getting the good things finally like it kind of gets what i'm saying but i'm so against thank god we have the tv sphere

that we can like literally watch an emoji on but also we're like two steps away from you've seen the drone shows where they like send up the drones those are gonna be coca-cola advertisements in like five years they're gonna be floating above the fucking sofi stadium turning but all right let's get back into breast milk i'm just so against that dystopian ass future like and i also don't believe in it like i literally don't believe in an augmented reality i don't believe in it being fulfilling i believe in it like

To me, it's like the same ideas like cryptocurrency and stuff where it's like people who are going like a little too ahead because they wanted so badly to be the martyrs of a cause just to turn around and be like, okay, so that didn't work out, but that's okay because that's just the first run and we'll try again next time. And it's like...

Yeah, I feel like I will suck and fuck my way into the front of the line for the Apple store. But I do agree with you 100%. I feel like it's net negative. Like we're just creating bigger and bigger problems. Like the AI shit, we're just creating like the matrix goo pod. Like we don't need that. You know what I mean? And I also, the theme of my thought process over the last year has just been like, I wish I just didn't know.

like any of this shit. Yeah. I wish I was just. Ted Kaczynski, let's move to the woods and blow up the fucking. Yeah. Let's blow up every technology ever. I'm not like pro blowing stuff up, but I am like, I'm pro like not knowing. I just said he was pro blowing things up. No, I didn't. That was a weird thing to say. No, I didn't. Because Drew was testing you. Mm-hmm.

And I passed it. 21. 21. That's where everything went wrong. Like that was the end of everything. Like to me, the furthest technology has to play in my life is the fact that we can sit and rewatch the same YouTube videos and laugh. Like that is as far as I need technology to take me and like posting my fun little pictures and doing this. And then I just don't need it anymore.

because it literally is so weird. It is... Last night, I'm not kidding, I was, like, freaking the fuck out in my bed. Like, I was trying to sleep, but I literally couldn't because I was just being bombarded with how scary it is that, like, just 24-7 surveillance. And I used to not care. Like, when I was younger, I'd be like, who gives a fuck, bitch? Like, watch me through my fucking MacBook. I don't give a fuck. And now I'm like, what is there on this planet for me? And just me. Nothing, because I also won't shut the fuck up. So, like, that's a different...

Okay, but back to breast milk. Can I has your breast milk, please? I'm forcing all my friends to drink some of my breast milk when I have some. You're not going to have to force me. I'm going to be drinking along with that fucking baby. I'm going to make everybody. Oh, my God. I'm going to be the first person to do a breast milk infused smoothie at Air One. Oh, wow.

I mean, breast milk is hella good for you. Like, if you have, like, psoriasis or some, like, inflamed eczema on your skin, like, pour a cup of breast milk into your bath water and, like, that shit will fix it. I need Madeline to give me some for the eczema around my mouth. Yeah, it literally is because there's women whose babies have bad...

They add eczema and psoriasis. Oh, interesting. And they'll mix, like, an oatmeal bath because, like, oat is really good for dry skin with their breast milk. And they're, like, it is insane how, like, quickly it changed it because they used to just do, like, oat baths and, like, all these medicines. But a lot of the medicines that you use for eczema and psoriasis are literally, like, because...

It's not necessarily curable, but a lot of them have steroids in it to make it seem like it cured your situation. But really, your face becomes reliant on it because that's literally what's happening to me. Like, I have really bad eczema around my mouth. And the cream I use, I'm...

100% allergic to like it makes all around my lips like overly sensitive and like warm and like feel really weird and it burns my eyes like just like treating the symptom yeah you're just like treating the symptom and you can't cure it but breast milk does like eradicate the fuck out of it so i need some of madeline's breast milk for my face yeah and i need her to just squirt it directly onto my face though oh that's my fucking sister

Okay, and that's my girl. Well, me and Kai and Inyo were having a very serious discussion and they fully agree with me on this. And like, this is borderline they're saying, but they agree that women should stop breastfeeding in public because it's nasty and you're a slut. What?

Oh, my God. I don't think we said that. Oh, now you're saying it. I was actually saying the opposite. I was saying, you know how like there's kiss cams? There needs to be tit cams in public places. So if a woman is breastfeeding, the camera goes on to them and then it gets displayed to everybody. And actually, it's like really fucked up and like weird. It is really bizarre. And I don't know why I'm admitting that I think that's okay. It is really bizarre that like women can't freely breastfeed in public because people like Kai are there to breastfeed.

Dude, what are you talking about? I look away immediately. If I notice that shit is happening, I actually will sprint away. So you hate women's bodies. It is weird. It's so weird. Like, why is that a sexualized thing? I know it is fucking insane. It's like that baby literally needs its food and you're going to force this woman into a pod like the airport pod. I'm like, this is too crazy. It's so crazy.

It's crazy that in the airport, there's literally pods. Why can't this mother sit at the gate and feed her child without people being fucking freaks? People are just weird and nasty and women will never escape the cycle of being sexualized and it is so upsetting and awful and I think men should kill themselves. Maybe we give up time. I agree. Men should kill themselves. I agree. Can I suck your boobs now? Wait, I actually... Just taking that 10 seconds. Well, I hate...

you're standing in line for the bathroom, which I don't feel like y'all would know this experience, but when you're standing in line in a woman's restroom and like the line is filling up and there are people who just like cut through to like look to see if the bathroom is actually full. You, if you do that, you piss me the fuck off. That is so you coded though. Because why the fuck do you think? No, because I was literally about

to get so upset at that. Because why the fuck do you think we're standing in line in a public restroom right now for fucking fun? The line to the tampon machine? Like, what the fuck do you think we're in line for? I hate when bitches do that. And then they'll look and they'll be like, have you checked if the stalls are open? Like,

Are you dumb right now? Bitch, you want me to fucking hit you? One of the greatest inventions ever. I see it at airports and bathrooms are the green and red lights above the toilets in the parking spots. Like, that's co-cunt-y. Like, that's... We ate with that. Like, if the light is green, it's open. If it's red, it's occupied. And you don't have to walk up to it. Is that a thing? Yeah. I don't know if it's in bathrooms. Yeah, I've been in airports with those. Wow. Yeah, it's really... It's really fire. How does it know? Is it because of the lock? Or...

Actually, it might be. I was going to just say some bullshit that there's like a sensor in there, but it probably is like the lock. But those, you know, those cameras on the toilet that like the sensors are actually cameras looking up your vagina and your breast. I, without fail, always think that. And I will never not think that. And I'm like, it's like how...

Ever since I saw the video of somebody taking the thing out of an ATM or like a gas station pump, like the card thing. Oh, I do that every time. Ever since like I saw the video of somebody committing fraud and like they rip it out and they're like, dude, they were scanning everybody's cards. I look at everything and I'm like, that is fake. And it is a replica on top of the actual thing to surveillance me right now. It is literally tracking me. This is going to be augmented reality in a couple of years. You're so annoying.

But yeah, I only even said the bathroom thing because we were in Malibu at this restaurant and this woman came in and there was a regular restroom and then the employees only restroom. And she was like, what's that? And then we were like, it's employees only. And she goes,

Well, we can just go in there. And all of us literally said nothing because we were like, bitch, you need to fucking kill yourself. Because then she went and wiggled the handle and tried to open the employees-only bathroom. She was like, why don't one of you go get the key to ask one of the employees since the line is so long? Why don't you? I know, and we were...

None of us said anything, but I know all of us were like, bitch, why don't you fucking do that? And she just got in the line. She's like, this is ridiculous. And we've already been in the line for 15 minutes. So, bitch, why the fuck are you getting in this line and trying to start conversation with us? Shut the fuck up. And then the man she was with got behind her and was like, oh, now I see why it's taking so long. Because you girls, you girls just take so long in those bathrooms. And no one said anything. And no one said anything.

Girls was like yeah I need to go in there and do my Blowout like like do a like a hair Blowout her back out yeah With what well she had her She had a rose toy in her hand Which I was like wow level three Rose toy level three What is Dude that was like not What was that I'm E.T. I'm an alien I'm extra Hey

See, there's levels to this bar shit that if you get it, you get it. But like, you got to read between the lines, motherfucker. You're shaking. I'm not. It's just when I like my tendons. You have no dexterity? No, I got that. Because you don't be fingering. You don't be fingering? Yeah. Look at this. I got too much dexterity. You're literally shaking so bad. You're like trembling. Drew, look at your nails really quick.

Look at your nails. Mm-hmm. Okay. What? Were you seeing if he was going to go like this? What? You know, the fucking gay test for middle school? Yeah. I never saw that. I just know it. I did. I failed that. And I actually remember it in seventh grade and everyone was like, oh, you're gay. And I was like, that doesn't make sense. I remember like...

not knowing what it was in seventh grade and someone doing it to me and me passing as a straight man and like literally being like like I literally am straight but like I'm not hiding anything yeah I remember that like actually kind of like being like determining for people like for that week being like oh I guess maybe I am questioning the sexuality I am queer questioning I wonder what like

If that has to still those antics have to still be a thing in certain areas. They've probably gotten so much worse. Like I guarantee like the pendulum has fucking swung. Like the kids are really scary. They're evil. Like I'm literally scared every time I walk next to a kid like like a fucking 17 year old. I'm like terrified of 17 and 18 year olds right now. Like y'all are scary. And I know you're watching this. You scare me. You know too much. Wow.

Yeah, I don't like seeing groups of teenagers out because it really upsets me. Also, where are your parents? Like, I don't know. Like, when we went to Halloween Horror Nights, there were so many, like, groups of teenagers hanging out late at night. And I was like, literally, where are your parents? Like, I can't believe your parents left you here alone. Also, why is it legal for them to be there alone? Like, I don't know why. I just felt so...

So odd. Like we're in a place where they serve alcohol. Like why are you here alone? Like it feels really not normal. No, it's like a vibe. I remember going to Six Flags alone for the first time and it being like I'm like a grown up now. Like I can do things like this. But my mom was just waiting at the Denny's across the street. Like...

But Halloween Horror Nights was fucking lit. That shit was a vibe. I was like, I'm not scared as shit. Nothing scares me. And then when those motherfuckers with the chainsaws came up and blew that fucking exhaust in my face, literally gave me carbon monoxide poisoning. Literally was like, and blowing the exhaust in my face. I was like, bro, chill, I can't breathe. I lost brain cells. I was actually scared. I'm just like, so I realized like...

Oh my God. Okay. Sorry. I've just realized like, I'm not, I'm like not easily scared like that, but more than anything, like I'm just so embarrassed. Like I'm so easily embarrassed by like the antics of it. And I understand that's just me being a bitter person, a bitter hater. I know, I know trust and believe, but like, I just like couldn't like, I,

I couldn't like, I just would see them and I'm like, ew, you're literally in a costume trying to scare me right now. Millie Bobby Brown's residency, like in the Stranger Things. Yeah, she does. How much is she getting paid to do that? Only like 60 bucks a day. What? Yeah. That's crazy. She did it because she loves her fans. Millie Bobby Brown fell the fuck off. No, but she ate, the girl at the end, I was like,

Like, the theatrics of it all was, like, amazing. Yeah, that's the thing is, like, so at Halloween Horror Nights, there's a bunch of themed houses. So there's, like, Stranger Things, Last of Us, like, an Evil Dead one. Like, there's all these themes. But the ones that are, like, show-based, like The Last of Us, they have actors in there, like, playing scenes. And this is so fucked up. And I, like, feel so bad for saying this, but there was...

is this one part where Elle's character, whatever her fucking name is from Last of Us, like the character... Also, like, it's just so funny to see, like, obviously they cannot hire a 14-year-old to play a 14-year-old. It has to be an adult playing a 14-year-old, but all the adults playing the 14-year-old, like, looked 28. They were just short. They were just, like, really short girls. Yeah.

And there was this one scene where like walking through, she's like behind the gate and she's like, um, this is awkward and like moves. And I really wanted to get it on video. So I stood there trying to get it and it was dark. And I stood there for way too long and she saw me trying to film her because it's literally her behind the gate going, oh, this is awkward. And I'm moving to the side and I got a video. It was so sad. It was literally so sad. This is so fucked up and I'm so sorry. He's hiding.

She literally ran away from the camera and she missed her cues. That's so sad. Also, thinking about how haunted houses work, it's just him repeating the same thing for 30 minutes. The same motion over and over. And it has to be on time and they have to know it on time. But it was just playing on the speaker and she wasn't banging on the glass. This is awesome.

Oh, that was her line? Oh my god.

But that's like her character in- Also, she was like 37 in the show. Or like in real life. That's a 37-year-old woman. The girl who played the girl? No, she's literally fucking like- 37. You're so not. You scared me. I was like, dude, damn, she looks really young. She looks great.

But yeah, I got a video of her like hiding because I couldn't see like at first because I was just in this like loud room. I was looking at my phone and I was like, where is she? Like, I'm not seeing her on camera. I was like, oh, maybe it's just too dark. So I turned my flash off and then I realized like, I was like, oh,

way she's literally hiding from me and you can vaguely see like through the cracks she's like at the side like waiting for me to move so she can keep doing it she's gonna be blinded by your flat but I felt really bad and I if somehow this crosses your page I swear I'm not making fun of you it was just funny to me that this is awkward in this like haunted house

And I'm really sorry, but it's cracking me up. What they need, like a really actually scary haunted house. Like the scariest thing I can imagine and this would be really easy to do is just a...

A haunted house where there are no oiled up twerking booties like everywhere like imagine a world like imagine a world like Where that's not happening like I can't even imagine you coming out shaking Like sweating like I'm withdrawing from opiates cuz I'm like need it. I had a I had a question Would you guys? Still let me be the producer of the podcast if I was a worm. I

No. You're barely making it now. You're barely making the cut now. I'd squitch you. I'd squatch you.

All right. When you say worm, the thing is like this really goes to show how I view you. Because when you said worm, I was thinking more like maggot larva, like this big of a worm. Like I wasn't even thinking, like you weren't even like an earthworm. Yeah, in my mind I'm an earthworm. I was thinking of you like as a fishing lure. Or like a caterpillar that's about to turn into a butterfly and metamorphosize into something great. Okay, all right. I got the answer. Okay.

I mean, don't ask the tough questions that you don't want the tough answers to. You're actually hella right. Also, I stopped watching plane crash videos and murder documentaries, and I am no happier than I was before. Like, if anything, like, I just, like... What I was saying, like... Like, I just need to, like, tap back in. Like...

Drinking Cokes or stopping... It's the same idea. When I stop drinking a Coke, stop drinking sodas and doing cocaine and shooting up heroin and smoking meth, I feel worse. I feel worse. So I just fall back into those habits. It's like the people who are like, I cut out coffee. Whoa. I cut out coffee. I feel so much better. One, no, you don't. Two, you're lying to yourself. Three, you're fucking boring. Four...

Is coffee bad for you? I think people, because it's like if you take melatonin a lot, you are depleting your natural chemicals that like make you sleepy. Can I just say one thing? Don't talk to me until I've had my fucking cup of coffee. Okay? Exactly. Just don't even speak to me until I've finished it. Don't talk to me until I've macro-dosed porn.

Yeah, y'all are on that microdosing shit with porn. Don't talk to Drew until he's gooned for seven hours. Edging and gooning session. I don't know what that is. Honestly, that makes me so happy for you. I don't know what that is. You know what edging is. I know what edging is. I don't know what gooning is. Kind of the same thing. Oh, okay. Edging is good for you. Yeah.

Promotes testosterone. Makes you last longer in bed for the ladies. Oh, we all know those 30 second and over guys. Whoa. I met Five Nights at Freddy's. Wow.

I literally did. Like, I'm not even fucking pulling. Dude, you're, like, literally on a crazy tip. How do we get invited to the premiere of Five Nights at Freddy's? Like, I feel like we could make that happen. I think we did. Nah. Yeah, I think. Oh, no, no, no, no. I got invited to the premiere of. I'm not going to say that. I'm not bragging.

Okay, well, one last thing I want to talk about before we move on to media and Drew's psyop corner is y'all have you seen the insurrection of Mojang?

No. Mojang, Minecraft Mojang. They are... The community is finally rising up against Mojang. I was thinking of the restaurant Mojangles. I thought that's what you meant. Mojangles? Mojangles? Is that what it is? Yeah, it's Mojangles. Oh, I thought you were talking about a restaurant.

No, I'm talking about Minecraft. The community is finally uniting and rising up against Minecraft and all their crimes against the community. Every so often, there's a voting system where you get to vote for a new critter to be added to the game.

They could add all three. Like, why don't they add all three and they make us vote and the community is like, just add all three of them. You already had the monotheism. Add all three of what? The critters, like the new animals, like the bees, the cows, the horses. That's what this is about?

I thought it was like they were taking money from like developers. I always imagine like a January 6th. Yeah. They know they are. What? Look at the poster they made. We need to do that for Fortnite and get rid of the fucking chickens and all the animals that attack you because it's so fucking pointless. Like the amount of times I've been on such a grind, but I get caught in the fucking storm and then I get out and a fucking chicken is attacking me. Like that's the last thing I'll eat on my plate. Do you remember the wolves in Fortnite?

Dude, yes. They were so fucking annoying. They were so annoying. We had such a domestic like last few nights together that it was literally cracking me up. Like when we were sitting watching Love is Blind on the couch and we were both in PJ sitting there, I literally was looking at you. I was like, oh my God, this is literally what married couples do. Like we ate dinner and then we were sitting and watching TV and like it felt so funny. Like it was just cracking me up. And then we made dinner last night.

Yeah, sometimes we fall into such a... Like, yeah, we literally made dinner for Orion and she came over. I was like, this is literally so funny. Like, we have fully hit mid to late 20s. Like, we are there. Like, there's no...

Wait, what? I'm mid-18. Oh yeah, because you're 17. Are you excited to turn 18? I feel like it's been forever. Yeah, I'm excited to finally be fucking legal. What's the first thing you're going to do when you're legal age? Vote. Oh, wow. Vote for Joe Biden. That's really responsible. Vote for Joe Biden. We did it, Joe! I'm going to vote for Marianne Williamson. Williamson.

She likes birds. It's a real person. She likes birds and she's really sweet. And she's like... Oh, wow. Well, that was this episode. Wait, no, no. Do like... No, I had a really good one the other day. Oh, I know. Our other one was... Josiah, come here. Josiah, come here. I had a really good one last night.

Oh wait, I know what mine was. My name is Sadie and I like to sing! My name is Danielle and I built Largemont Village! Yeah, it's Steven Peterson and I built-- My name is Tyler and I love the Hollywood Bowl! What is that? What has it become? My name is-- Oscars!

is jessica bale not a person jessica oh like steak no steak like goats i'm the fucking goat hey greatest of them all yeah if we cut you up and ate it and we'd be eating veal yeah and if we cut you up and ate it uh you would be like ground sausage no i'd be like ground sardines i'd be a sardine piece

Fishy, fishy, fishy. All right. Well, media of the week is Love is Wine. Duh. And my I only have one thing to say for song media. And it's I Want You, the deluxe version by Marvin Gaye, which I think is what I said last time. And then I just listened to When the Morning Comes by Daryl Hall and John Oates like eight times this morning. And it made me so happy. Mine is Wonderwall by Ryan Adams.

sugar ross i think sugar ross i love them just listen to the music get into it yeah then what's that song i was listening to i was blasting it in the car oh well um y'all wanna get those too what'd you say oh yeah yeah the new 10 tricks point never album y'all

tap and that first song is like so good it is one of the best intros to an album i've ever fucking heard in my life and um other than bambi by clero i re-listened to sling and bambi is such a good opening song to an album it's crazy the whole album is literally just so cool it's like the best parts of all of opn's music and albums that i like

mixed into one album and it's really freaking good please listen to it an invisible man by the breeders please listen to it um okay let's get in to drew's psyop corner welcome to drew's psyop corner i need a couple of y'all's ugly ass boyfriends to sit on my porch this halloween that's stupid you looking for applause

Oh, wait, no, you're calling me and Kai the ugly boyfriend. Yeah. Oh. I pray body dysmorphia is real because if it's not, I'm ugly as fuck.

Imagine if you died on Spotify wrap day and your friends had to figure out what they were going to post to their stories first. Your obituary or their Spotify wrapped. Dude, if my friends mix up their story with me and their Spotify wrapped, I would literally haunt them from the dead. Like, you can't just wait a few days.

Imagine if you died on emergency intercom release day and your funeral was planned at the same time and you have to decide if you're going to listen to emergency intercom or go to your friend's funeral. You just said imagine if you died. Die, die, die. All of you die. I have one more but it sucks. I definitely would have been stoned to death in a town square.

I don't think that sucks because it's true. It's true. Oh my fucking God. Drake, I cannot believe I did not put this earlier in the episode. And we might have to put this earlier in the episode because I know bitches are not listening this deep. Drake...

Fuck you. Fuck you, Drake. Oh my God. What did he do to you? He literally pissed me the fuck off. So one, he wants to go online and say, oh, everything Drew is saying about us hooking up and shit is not real. Bitch, I have the fucking footage. Do you want me to release the fucking footage of your tiny penis? You and Kanye giving each other back shots? Because I fucking will. And then you have the audacity.

The fucking audacity to put a song about me on your album. Hello, Drew's a Picasso. Drew is a Picasso. Fuck you. Now you're calling me a work of art all of a sudden. Yes, I have a nice body. Yes, I have a monster fucking dick. Yes, I blew your fucking back out. How the fuck are you not? Oh my God. I'm so actually fucking pissed. You shouldn't even do like you were ignoring the fact that you signed like a crazy NDA and I don't know why you're saying all of this. Like you're going to get in trouble. He knows if he tells me I broke the NDA, he knows his nudes are getting leaked and he's embarrassed. Yeah.

He's an embarrassed guy. Drake, delete the fucking song or tell them who it's really about. Have you listened to the song? Because I haven't. I haven't either. It's probably like terrible. The new album is good, actually, unironically. The Sexy Red song is like the one that's the one. All right. Well, thanks for listening to this episode, guys. I hope you have an amazing day. And I hope nobody had any comments to make about my scary bangs. All right.

oh someone made a this is drew phillips playlist i like that cover drew can i use the toilet no you need to go home and use your own toilet can i please use yours i have to pee he's gonna get our shit released what did you just ask me what did you just ask me drew can i please use the toilet i need to pee so bad can i please use the toilet ew look at his legs ew are those new shoes

yeah these are you actually ate them up I had to tap into the Samba's just as they were exiting you're the last person to wear a song you were the last person known to mankind to purchase Samba's you know what sucks is now the Onosuka tigers are literally the new Samba's

And that's okay because it's such a niche bubble. That's why I got these. I posted them first. I'm such a fucking annoying, ugly piece of shit. Kyle, you cannot be saying that. Kyle? I said Kai. Why did I call him Kyle? Can I please pee in the toilet, Drew? No. Okay, stop. Cut that. You're done. It's crazy. I'm the toilet. You're saying you're going to pee on me. No. All right. Thank you guys for listening. Bye.