Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Welcome back to this episode of Emergency Intercom! You idiot. You messed it up. You fucked it up. You fucked it up. This is our first fight. I'm gonna fuck you up. This is our first fight. No comment on me saying I'm gonna have sex with you.
Different energy drink. Yeah, I'm trying to yerba mate today because I feel like I may be breaking my... Actually breaking my heart with Red Bull. You know, I've been having some heart pains and chest pains recently. And I should probably just cut caffeine out of my diet. That's what I was going to say. It's definitely just caffeine. However...
How am I supposed to do this fucking podcast without caffeine? Like, actually, people are always like, don't talk to me before my coffee, but I'm not fucking kidding. Don't fucking talk to me before my coffee. Girl. No, literally, though, I've been having, like, crazy fucking chest pains recently. And then you go and sip, like, 80 milligrams of caffeine. You're like, literally, why does my heart feel like in the matter of, like, two minutes it will stop working? Yeah. I've been having palpitations. I've been having...
Uh, just incredible chest pains where I literally collapse on the ground in pain and I lay on the floor of the house hoping Josh comes and finds me. So I get a little bit of attention, but it never fucking happens. You know what's fucked up is like if it was something else that I didn't feel like I could relate to, maybe I'd be more worried. But because what you're describing is literally exactly how like a feeling I know, I'm like,
I know it hurts, but we live in pain and we suffer. Dude, it's not something we should ignore, though. I think it's very... We should both get it looked at because it's literally our hearts. It's our fucking chest. It's not something you should just be like, man, it'll fix itself. We're too young for heart issues. If I had a heart attack...
I like to think that like I would trend and that would be like a good thing. On Twitter? For me, yeah. No, but I don't have Twitter so I don't know if I'd trend on Twitter. So maybe I'd get like a lot of reposts on like IG stories.
Yeah, no, I would definitely be I definitely milk your death like crazy and you have all my permission to we've talked about this before I honestly don't know how I would react No, I feel like we're not the kind of people to like grief publicly like that and intensely which is kind of annoying because like My lifelong goal is to get like as much attention as possible and the idea that like when I pass my friends won't be like belligerently on the internet talking about me all the time 24 7 and
It's kind of annoying, but, like, kind of beautiful because, like, I know I'm, like... You're still loved. You're still loved. I want public love. Like, people are like, no, that's toxic. You shouldn't be, like, possessive and want people to be jealous and, like, angry at you. No, I want all of my friends to know that, like, if they lost me, it would be, like, the greatest... Whether, like, I just stopped being their friends or I...
Sorry, I left the front door open. If a stranger comes in, whether if it's Josiah or a stranger, I don't know how long that cut is or how weird it was. But if it jumped, it's because...
We were getting a knock at the door and I thought it was Josiah and it actually pissed me off so much because we told him to be quiet and I was ready to go down there and like be a mean older sister and be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? I told you to shut the hell up when you came here. But it was the mailman and then this is kind of weird. I got a poster delivered so it was like...
like like a circular object and he did like we did have sex and we did use it like a dildo so that was weird but like didn't yeah we did i no one knows i was gone for a long time you were gone for like seven seconds i'm a quick girl it was that's why they call it a quickie yeah that's because it is quick um was it like hot and sweaty
No, actually, because for once we like blasted the AC. So it's like actually just 97. Yeah, it's only 97 degrees in here, which is a good thing. I'm not kidding. I think we've like lightly touched on it, but like it gets so...
so fucking hot it's like it says it's like 85 but no it literally gets up to like 106 especially in my fucking room with all the windows like it's actually like almost unlivable but no it fully is unbearable especially like i don't know if we just got like the worst couch in the world and the fabric of it like absorbs and like maintains heat but sitting on our couch is like
entering a sauna. Like, I sit on the couch and I literally pass out from heat and then I wake up like 30 minutes later and I'm like literally dripping sweat and there's like a sweat stain on the couch and I'm like, like wicking sweat off my face onto my shirt and I'm like disoriented and dehydrated and I'm like, like,
Like trying to crawl into the kitchen. Dude, yeah, the living room gets so fucking hot. It like maintains humidity. That's what the couch does. Yeah. Do you know what I did when we were cleaning, like deep cleaning? I like moved the couch off the wall, like moved it forward like two feet. And I was like, this looks kind of cute. And you should see it like it when it's like that.
And I moved everything around it and it looked pretty nice. It looked like a new space. Refinishing the house. Yeah, the house down. Boots the house down. Actually, I like... I advocate for straight random people to start saying boots. But straight people already use gay lingo and it sounds funny. But they use it and they're trying to be serious. Like, I like the idea of like someone like Kai using it because it sounds funny. Yeah. Because him just being like...
Oh, whoa, that like instead of being like yo, that's fire being like, oh my god, that's boots that girl's boots Wow, that's boots. That's boots the house like the tiktok of the guy backing up and being like Yes, giving boots house slay mama. Like I like the idea of all those words being used super monotone I wish I was a monotone person. But every time I speak it's I feel like I sound like a bitch or I'm just annoying. I
But that's also because I'm insecure. No, I'm just monotone. I have like very little fluctuation in my voice. And I kind of like it. Like, it's intriguing. It's like, does he hate me? Or does he like me? Mine is like, this bitch fucking hates me and she's a bitch. I have a good radio voice. Like, I like sound good. I don't know anyone who speaks on the radio who talks like that. So I don't know why that's like... I like have the golden voice.
I have the masked singer voice. Literally. Can we talk about the masked singerification of the fucking world? Like, literally, I think, did we talk about that? We talked about it lightly because we were talking about liking sexy beasts. Oh, okay, because I was going to go into that. Yeah.
Dude, no, that whole shit is so fucking good. Just like all like shitty TV. Actually, I'm always like, I don't watch TV, but I watch like shitty TV. Like I will sit, if you put the like five hours of The Bachelor on in front of me, I will sit and watch it because like that shit is so interesting. I saw someone say like literally putting on Drag Race and not absorbing any of the information. Like it's just babysitting me with bright colors and funny sounds. It's like coaxing.
Yeah, it's Cocomelon for adults. And like, that's the realest shit ever. Like, I couldn't relate more. Like, I don't absorb any of Drag Race. I watch it simply for the loud sounds. That's a lie, dude. I eat the fuck up out of Drag Race. Dude, it's so good. Like, season, All-Star season six is like,
It's all right. It's, like, not the best season, but it's definitely not the worst season. And there have been some of the best lip syncs of all time this season. I wish I, like, was still into it like that. Like, seeing All-Stars Season 2. That's Magnum Opus. Yeah, that was Magnum Opus. It sucks because, like, you didn't start there, but, like. That was, like, the second season I watched. Yeah, which is, like.
It sucks because that's like it. I don't think it'll ever be as good as that. I mean, Bianca's season. Coco Montrese performing on All-Star Season 2 is literally like... The longest running fucking inside joke of the friend group. That is like a grailed moment for us. Like...
It's like the single thing I think on this earth that if you put it on, it will make us lose our goddamn minds no matter what you learn. That is like the hardest try not to laugh challenge in the world. It's like her jumping around with her top hat and then knowing that she wanted to perform a Janet song and she couldn't and then they gave her that. It's so fucked up. It also goes really well with It's Oh So Quiet by Bjork. Oh, really? It's such a big riot, damn it.
Anybody who has never seen that, not a Cudi reference, but it's the most like random reference ever. And there, I bet there's so many people who were like, what are you talking about? Literally. And like us gesturing like top hats. It's like, I wish I had never seen it. And I like heard someone talk about it because it sounds very interesting. Yeah. It's single-handedly the best moment to happen in drag race history. Herstory. I'm trying to think of any other like video or something that's like a
a grail for the group. I guess the mustard video, like that's a video that every time we're all together and we put on, it's like, it's too funny. It's game over. We lose our fucking minds over it. Can I, can I admit to one that's like one that always makes us laugh that I always DJ on? Which one? You know what I'm talking about? Coachella. Oh, bitch, yes, please, please. One of my favorite videos to laugh at because it will never not be funny is James Charles. Ha ha ha.
Dude, not enough people talk about that collection of videos, but that is actually the best thing, the best content he ever made. Dude, that and the one with him singing with the Lopez brothers dancing in the background, actually dystopian. No, that is also, that is a person who did all that and then was like in the middle of the Grand Canyon singing.
I mean James Charles like is so effortlessly funny and it's unfair because everything he does makes me laugh. No, and it's no what makes it so funny is like it's like very serious like he thought him singing in the middle of that canyon was like ethereal like it was like it was like this is He watched that video back. He was like, are you kidding me? Like that was everything.
Dude, if you can right now, literally open up a separate tab and look up James Charles Coachella Beyonce. That person, I'm not kidding, that is like the least rhythmically inclined human on this planet. And I stand by that. Yeah, period, point blank, period, everything. It's just so...
Like it's so perfectly imperfect. Like there's so many good, bad things about it. It's like, I think I've said this before, but like I actually enjoy watching bad movies more than good movies because like you literally don't have to focus on it. You just fucking laugh and make fun of it. Yeah. Like that's purely what those James Charles dancing videos are for me is it's just like so bad I can't look it up. It's like Coco Melon. Exactly. It turns off my brain.
No, but we've analyzed them. Oh, yeah. We've gone in. They're just so like... It's just a different world. That is like a different reality that I will never understand. Yeah. And like what freaks me out is I'm like, there's plenty of videos of me dancing on the internet. Does anybody like watch them and laugh like that? Because like, I don't know. I guess the difference is like...
i'm like a sexy hot girl so i like slay and like i'd like dude the whole thing is just it's so funny that those videos of him dancing are awesome and just like the chaps moment like the coat the curse of the coachella dude the curse of coachella cowboy like like what happened how did that happen the curse of coachella outfits why the are y'all treating it like the mad gala like
It literally gets treated like the Met Gala. We've had that conversation before where, like, James Charles, like, tried to, like, pave his own way in fashion and, like, tried this whole, like...
I don't even know like what he was going for, but it really was just such a big miss like in general. Dude, that whole style or like section of fashion, I like don't get and like to each their own, but I don't get it. I don't get like the buckles and like the weird chaps and like,
Like, weird, like... Body suits. Like, I don't get it. Blue spitting body suits. It's literally, like, prepping to go to war. Like, I'm like... Dude, he literally has, like, buckles all over him prepping for war. He's ready to jump out of a fucking plane. Dude, I, like... We've also never been to Coachella, so I don't know. Maybe, like, the day I decide to go to Coachella, like, something's gonna fucking click in the back of my brain and, like, a chip is gonna be inserted. And you're gonna have to fit up. And I'm gonna have to go to Melrose, the street, and, like, start fucking grabbing outfits off of racks. But...
I don't get it. I'm like, it's a festival. Like, that is so uncomfortable. Like, dress comfortably. Yeah. I mean, there are some people who do it right where I'm like, oh, bitch, you threw fits. Like, Ricky and Denzel. Oh, Ricky and Denzel are just like... They throw fits constantly and I'm jealous of everything they do. But that's the difference though because they're like on top of their shit. Like, again, not to get into like the fashion...
conversation of who knows what and who gets to wear what whatever I don't give a fuck what anyone wears like do you I'm just a cunt and I'm a hater and I'll make fun of anything that comes on in front of me but like Denzel and Ricky are just they're learned they know they're like they know they're rehearsing it they don't wait till you know what it is they don't wait till Coachella to throw fits they're always like caring and catering to like what they wear I think it's usually the people who like are like
I'm crazy. I wear sweatpants everywhere. And then all of a sudden it's like Coachella and they're like, I have to like wear fucking Ariandy Grandi boots to like this three day festival. And then it's like stomping around in dirt with broken heels. Like squishing into the dirt. I, yeah, I just don't get it in my head. I'm like, I've been to, I haven't been to a lot of festivals. I think I've been to like two, I've been to Flognaw and,
and like three point festival in miami and both times i'm like i literally think i wore like a tank top and dickies because i'm like i'm gonna be running around it's gonna be hot as fuck it's gonna literally you're gonna be melting like you're being pushed around but i guess it's like vip section but even that i'm like i don't i don't know i guess are these the real question is these people aren't like no one's going to watch the concerts it's like i'm gonna go get fucked i
three days i'm gonna go do molly for three days and take ig pictures and and post me dancing on my story dude that that is just i was so devastated when we didn't go to coachella i think in 2018 because i i so badly wanted to see afx twin like that was literally also 2018 was beyonce too i think
That was like just a crazy Coachella. Literally the best Coachella. I don't know. People don't fuck with us. All these people get to go out for free and get their little tickets and stuff. And like us, no one gives a fuck about us. I guess y'all don't want to. No company wants to see my Coachella fits. No company wants to see me throw on my IMG. Boo-boo man. Boo-boo man. Or boo-hoo man. Boo-boo man. I made a boo-boo in my pants. So boo-hoo man. Fashion Nova man. If you want to sponsor Drew's Coachella fits for 2022. I'm trying to go.
i'm trying to figure it out i'd wear um i'd wear some fashion nova if i got to go to coachella for free no i wouldn't i literally know i wouldn't a fashion of a bodysuit i'd be like i'm saying home i guess if it was just like a tank top and something simple i'd do it yeah but like i'm not dude again again i just can't certain things like i can't wear because i'm just like kind of funny so it's just it's like could i see myself wearing like
I also just, like, don't have, like, the body for a lot of clothing. So, like, I see it and, like, I'm like, imagine that on me. Yeah. Like, that sounds funny. I think, um, just... Like, I don't know, like, what the fuck I would wear. Like, I don't have, like, a fashion sense, really. Like, I don't... I mean, like, kinda. Yeah, I guess me too. Like, I don't... I'm like, what's the... What is the yossification I would pull? All I know is that I want to go to Coachella so fucking bad so I can...
twerk my little ass dude yeah listening like seeing like I haven't been to like a concert that I'm like oh I mix like I go to a lot of concerts but it's usually like a friend or like a homie and I'm like going and it's always fun and it's like I enjoy their music but I haven't been to a concert where like actually I got a
tickets to a concert in like October so like I'm trying to do that more because I like I'm trying to like buy tickets I want to go see Claire I want to see Tyler but that's dude 2022 like I that was my one gripe about like buying tickets for fucking anything when someone goes on tour I'm like I'm buying something that I have to wait six months to go to like are you kidding me what if I'm busy literally what if something comes up what if I'm dead what if I have to go to Coachella and what if I got Delta Alpha COVID strain
Dude, all of the like people who like went to all the festivals and got COVID. I'm not kidding. I saw some of those videos of like the crowds at like Lollapalooza and Rolling Loud. And that...
part of festivals I can't get. Like, I don't understand, like, standing at the barricade all day because I would literally freak the fuck out and I'd have to go home. Like, and all the sweaty bodies touching you and just, like... I would cry. Dude, I have been in so many concert situations where, like, the, like, humidity from, like, body sweat, like, actually starts making me gag. Like, it literally makes me, like, nauseous. Like, because then I start thinking, like, oh, like, slimy bodies touching my arms and, like, sweat and, like, it just, like, literally, like...
It's humidity made from body sweat. And I'm like, I shouldn't be here. I need to go to the back. So then I like leave the crowd. Yeah, I usually hang in the back of like concerts. I've been in like the middle of that. But yeah, I don't last very long because I'm like grossed out by like the touch of other humans that I don't know. It's like very disgusting to me. But also as part of that is like kind of cool.
Yeah, like jumping around in it, like a bit of like a mosh sequence. Like that's fun because at least you're moving. But when it's like stagnant and you're like sweaty. Like, oh, at Flogna when we saw Playboy Cardi and we were like jumping around and shit. Like that's fun. But would I stay there? Girl, we saw Playboy Cardi at Flogna. Like, come on. That's awesome. But would I stay there for a full day? No. Not a chance. No. Dude, I loved reading about like all the...
Miley Cyrus stands waiting barricade for Miley, but Playboi Carti came on right before, and obviously Playboi Carti fans go hard as shit. They mosh like it's crazy, and all these girls were getting trapped in these mosh pits and had to get thrown over the barricade and all this crazy shit, and they were super pissed. They were like, why would you put Playboi before Miley and all this shit? They're two fucking humongous artists. Yeah, they're the biggest...
Yeah, whatever. But I just thought it was funny and I would have been the Miley stan pissed off. Okay, can we talk about how it's like really fucking hard being like a grime stan in 2021? Dude, it's hard being a fan of everyone. Like,
You can't be a fan of anyone. Like anyone. Myself included. You just can't. You publicly can't claim anybody anymore. Like being a Lana Del Rey stan is actually harder than being a Marine. Like I go to war every single day with my own mind. I go to war with my own consciousness every single day. Yeah, with my own mind. Like, yeah, it's just like you grow up and then you're like, oh, yeah, you should just keep making music and not talk. Like you should definitely... Keep your fucking mouth shut. The times you should be talking for the most part
is when you're melting notes. Like, let's keep it there. I don't need to hear the thoughts. Get a therapist. Get off of TikTok. There should be like, there should be me being like, celebrities don't deserve to have like a voice. I was like, you're like, let's take celebrity second amendment away. And then like people who don't follow me, they're like, yeah, stop speaking. Like, please. Which I agree with. I don't think I should be able to speak, but I do it because it's my rebellion. Like, I know you don't want me to do it and I do it because like, that's.
That's me being crazy. Literally Grimes. She's like, I want to though. No, literally. She's just like, I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed. We don't have many ads anymore. And you're probably thinking, wow. Oh my God. I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads. Uh, but we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste.
I think she knows. She knows. I mean, obviously. She knows exactly what she's fucking doing. Everything she says is very calculated. And it's like all publicity is good publicity moment. Like, she says the things that she knows will piss people off. I don't think her, like, comments on, like, communism and shit were really thought out. I think she was just, like...
saying shit but like at the end of these videos like she has like elon musk in the background saying like invest in bitcoin or some like crazy shit like that and it's all just like fucking psyop mind games like playing with people's brains which like it's also like you get to that point and you kind of don't have to care about like what people on the internet think she's literally married to the richest man in the world yeah or second whatever it is second richest man like
Do you think the hate that she's getting is really affecting her? Well,
Which is insane to get to, like, I've never understood the idea of, like, good publicity is all publicity is good publicity, especially within, like, influencer worlds. I can't understand, like, the whole, like, enjoying getting into a scandal and, like, making your whole thing being, like, a bad person. It's always, like, really confused me. And it used to actually make me really fucking angry. But now I'm like, oh, you were born in, like, a different reality. Like, that's how I, like, understand things now.
I'm like, oh. Freudism. You probably didn't get enough attention as a child. So you have to act out. Which we didn't, but we know not to be evil fucking heathens. Yeah. We troll and we do our little thing, but I like to think we're decent people. Not to question anyone's morals because I hate when they do it to me. But I don't understand when people's whole thing is like, oh, publicity is good publicity. I say crazy shit. I'm like, how do you not...
have the most anxiety because I literally care so much about like making sure that like what I say comes across like how I mean it because I fucking hate when I say something and someone takes it and like is misinterpreting it and it becomes like a big thing it literally drives me crazy and like
to the point of tears because I'm like please like this is not what I meant like I swear I'm sorry this like goes back to what we were saying earlier like we should just shut the fuck up like period we should just shut the hell up I guess maybe those people are like the people with like smaller egos because they literally don't care what anybody thinks about them well what I was gonna say is
is no one is... I don't think anybody's ready for this conversation, and this might be the hottest take of my life, but Tana Mongeau is the most based, red-pilled person on the internet right now. I have to disagree. I literally, like, I don't need to get too into details, but... I was joking. You're so annoying. I do not think she knows. We don't have to get into that conversation, because this isn't the... We're not pulling... We don't play the same game of tea spill yossification of the world, but...
Let's just say I agree to disagree fully with my whole heart with the actions of a lot of people and yeah I'll do it. Maybe if you caught me in like 2017 before 2018 before what yeah, I got therapy in 2018 So if you caught me before therapy and you brought anything to my plate, I would be very ready to give like my hot take. Yeah, um
But then I got a reality check and a therapist. And I was like, oh, you know what? Maybe I should mind my fucking business and shut up. It's literally the biggest blessing that we waited four years to do this podcast. Oh, fully. Because the shit we would have said about people or just in general...
Like, it would not have been okay. Like, we would have fully, like, made enemies. Like, people would be attacking us constantly. Which is, like... I don't know. That goes back to my thing about pride is, like... I don't believe in being friends with people I don't fuck with. Like...
If I am friends with someone... You can be friendly, though. Yeah, I can fully be friendly. Like, I'm not the kind of person that if I, like, met... Can you be friendly? You've had moments where you don't like people and you are not friendly in person. Okay, I... You know what it is? It's like, if I get to know someone a little bit and I see, like...
Whether it be like, again, I am very like, I'm a piece of shit. I can't stress this enough. I say it all the time. I'm like a hating bitter bitch. And I like understand that. And I know that I've gotten very good at not being open about it because I know that it's like an insecurity thing and I project onto other people and whatever, whatever, whatever. But like at this point in my life,
If I get to know someone and whether it be like, I don't like what they like make or the way they act or whatever, whatever. If I get to know someone and I'm like, oh, you're cool. Like, I feel bad. I was like a cunt about this person. Yeah. And I can be chill. Do I have to publicly be homied up? No. No. No. No. No. But there's, there's been a lot of, which is a fucking even in the last. Yeah.
Like, do I have to publicly... That's, like, the most high school shit ever. We've talked about this before, but, like, imagine dating someone who, like, is, like, a creative person and they make the worst shit ever. Like, imagine dating someone and, like, their music is just, like, fucking garbage and you have to fake... Forever 21...
The festival. You have to fake... No, and I couldn't. I, like, could not. I am such a bad fucking liar. Yeah. Like, I was talking about this, I think, to Lucas. Oh, because for Lucas' thing, he, like, came up to me. I was supposed... Orion was going to show up as a surprise. Because...
It was a big thing. And she was like not going to come to his like birthday party because she was like busy moving. And she was like, oh my God, I can go like, don't tell them because like Luke was sad. She wasn't going to show up. Literally, he came up to me and without thinking twice, he was like, is Orion coming? I go, yeah. Oh my God. And I was like, oh my God.
No. And then remember when I forgot to feed Orion's cat for literally three days and the normal person would have lied and been like, yeah, I fed him. And I immediately was like, no. No, I'm too good at a liar. That's how we balance each other out. Yeah. I think like, I'm not a good liar, but like growing up, I lied a lot to my parents and I just got good at it. And I got good at like making like,
oh dude it was gnarly like I would like you were gaslighting I was gnarly like I would like say some crazy shit like I would admit to like the lesser of two evils like I would like be like blah blah blah blah blah and then like keep this like evil shit that I did on the side or like I would like tell the truth about like
Someone like an acquaintance and be like, oh, yeah They're like fucked up while I was the one doing it with them like type shit and like I I don't know how I like Got away with half the shit I did as a kid, but dude I was on fucking demon mode I like I'm a chameleon like I can just like turn it on and off but also at the same time like I
If I love and respect you, I'm not gonna fucking lie to you. Oh, yeah, fully. Like, of course, like, I don't lie to people I love. Mine isn't even a flex. I wish I could fucking lie. Like, I want so badly to be able to lie. But, like, I'm just, like, a pussy and I'm, like, scared and I'm like, yeah. Like, I just admit to it before, like, it gets too bad and I'm like, oh. But... I think a big part of it is also just, like, literally my entire persona online is, like, like, I don't understand how people, like, follow me.
Like, as, like, a... As a person. Because, like, I don't think I've posted a single, like, real thing online ever in my entire life. You do it in, like, little ways. About, like, things you like. But, yeah, you're not very personal online. You got, like, pretty good at it. You got, like, more personal in the past, like, year maybe. But, yeah, before that... Also, I just, like, took a step away from the internet for, like, the last year. Yeah. Like, I just kind of, like... I mean, we all did. We kind of just all dropped off the face of the earth for a year there. But it...
It was needed for me, at least. I was gonna say, I think, like, even... We just... I don't know that we have the, like, the brain to be, like, top-tier influencers anyways. I was about to say... Like, I was about to go into that. Like, my entire outlook... The way I view the, like, social media landscape has completely changed in the last year. Like, it's almost, like, bad, like, the way I view it now. Like, I don't know. Yeah, I, like...
I used to get really like hard on myself and we make jokes about it a lot about like our lack of consistency but I just I don't I don't know that I will ever have like I look at someone like Emma and I'm like you are a machine and you are built for this and I'm so fucking jealous yeah I'm so jealous that like you like work your ass off and you like go in and like still I think she's someone who like openly like struggles mentally and she's like open about that I'm like how the fuck
the fuck do you have that and you're still working the way you do because that is insane to me like a beast mode it's i'm so i literally have zero lust for life to like chase like that like i had like i'm always like why don't i have a five million dollar home in the hills and i'm like bitch what have i been doing like what do i do what do i do i don't i don't work at the pace of someone who like would have ac in my apartment like i i just don't like that's not the pace i work at and everybody's always like how do you get all these things how do you buy all these things i don't know
I shouldn't the real answer is I shouldn't have this I saw that comment someone was like this isn't supposed to be offensive but like how the fuck do they live like they it's not from YouTube like they never post on YouTube like how do they make money to live by the hair of my chin literally like I graze by and I have no lust for anything and
I'll fake it till I make it or break it. I don't care. Yeah. That's the real truth. I just, like, I think for me, I just don't... I actually have, like, trained my brain. I used to, like, plan out my future, like, to fucking T. And now I literally don't give a shit what happens tomorrow. Like, now I literally, like, I can't think into the future because I will lose my goddamn mind. So, like, now I'm kind of just, like, money comes and goes. Maybe that's also, like, an attention, like...
disorder. I mean, like object permanence. Yeah. And I like can't, I'm like, I can't plan. Like you, dude, I can't stand a motherfucker who's like, use Google calendars. Read this book. Write a planner. I'm like, I will suck out of you. Like what? You want me to use a planner? Yeah. Cause I'm, bitch, you want to know what happens to planners? I write in them.
The day I get them, if I'm lucky. And then they sit. And then like eight months later, I'm like, I find it. Oh, what's in this? And it's like one thing. Three pages of maybe some shit. I did attempt the bullet journal shit for a little while. Dude, we tried hella hard. Dude, it just, like, I don't know. Like, I just forget that things exist. Like, I literally just like...
Forget about it. And I... It's... Whatever. I was literally just talking to a friend about this because... Two days ago... Got home from Lucas' thing and I had a bathing suit on and I was like, I'm gonna use this in two days so I'm gonna wash it now. And I...
in my head thought I took it out of the washer and I just walked around for like 30 minutes trying to find it and I was like dude you know what happened is like the thing where I pick something up and I carry it around for like 30 minutes and I drop it and I literally will never see it again and then it was still in the washer but I didn't check in the washer because I was like no I picked it up and then I picked up like another thing and lost
We should do an episode where like we're medicated for our ADHD or ADD. Like we should just like get medicated. Bro, we're just quiet. I don't want to. It would be like the worst thing ever. And like that's something I talked about it briefly on the last episode. We didn't really go into it. But like someone was like, why don't you like medicate yourself? And I was just like, dude, like if you've seen me on...
like ADHD medicine like I literally turn into a zombie like I become like wallpaper like I'm so uninteresting like it's really terrible which it's like a vicious cycle because like online like I have to be like like quirky sporadic whatever but like in like balancing like work like actual work like it's like
because like I'm not medicated. My manager is like, can you please do this one thing? And I'm like, oh yeah, I'll do it right now. And literally within an instant, I'm like gone for 14 days. And then he's like, you haven't done it. And I'm like, yeah, I did. And I didn't. And I thought I did. And I didn't. But the thing is too, like it is just like, yeah, it's a vicious cycle because it's like there have been times where I'm like, you know what? I have to get so much done today. I'm going to do it. Like I'm just going to medicate myself for the day. And then like I'll be fucked up because like,
I don't like that I'm, like, not as witty and cutty because my brain isn't moving a million miles an hour. And, like, literally a very specific incident I think of is I was, like, working in my room and, like, medicated and actually getting shit done. And Josh came in and said something to me. And I'm not kidding. The fact that I had to, like, dig deep in my brain to find a witty response and then it took too long and it wasn't good, it, like, destroyed me. And I was like, no, I'd rather literally never get anything done. And that's...
Like, exactly. I'd rather be myself. Which is like not okay. Okay. It's like, what if I lose my spark? What if I'm a functioning human? The sparking question. Yeah. The sparking question. Yeah. No, maybe we need to lose it. No. Uh.
Not enough people are talking about Josh's short film Minimal Max. Because like he... I'm not saying that as a joke. Like he literally like made a short film about this exact topic. I know. Literally when he was like fucking 14. And it actually is like fucking good. Like I'd watch it and like tear up at it. Because I was like, oh my god. That was like me as a kid. It's how I felt. I wonder if I would still be... Okay.
Okay. I was supposed to be a doctor. I've said that a few times online. I was supposed to be a fucking doctor, and now I'm here. I was always supposed to be a doctor. Imagine if I was medicated. I would be a doctor. If I was medicated, I would...
I don't know what the fuck I'd be doing. I'd be like an orthopedic surgeon. I literally, I never ever once in my life thought like I should do something that like bases on academics. Like I never once in my life, never once in my life. I guess I wanted to be like a journalist or like a writer in general. But even that, that was just me being fucking annoying. And I'm like, I want people to listen to me still. Like that, like that's still very a narcissistic thing. And like it is creative based. But like I was like, I want people to like listen to me. Like everything I've ever wanted to do.
- Hear my thoughts. - Literally everything I've ever wanted to do in my life had to do with getting attention. I wanted to be a model, attention. I wanted to be a gymnast, I could do flips, attention. I wanted to be a fashion designer for like three minutes. Again, attention, wear my clothes.
I wanted to be a radio host. Listen to me. I'm doing that now. A disc jockey. I want to be a journalist. Listen to me. Like, it was just all like, listen, look, listen, look. Mine was like, oh, I like animals. I'm going to be a biologist. Oh, I like water animals. I'm going to be a marine biologist. Oh, I want to be rich when I'm older. I'm going to be a doctor. Oh, but I want to like also help people love themselves because I hate my fucking body. I'm going to be a plastic surgeon. That was like my...
thing and then also I like fucked up my knee at a really young age and I think that was very pivotal for like my career path because I was like oh like I loved my doctor I was like I want to do that and I wanted to be an orthopedic surgeon for a long time but then I switched over and then I was like pre-med for a little bit and I just fucking hate it I can't believe people like have doctors
Like, just in general. Like, when you go fill something out, it's like, you're a doctor. I'm like, what does that mean? Yeah. My doctor. Dude, my heart doctor ghosted me. I just realized my heart doctor just fucking ghosted me again. I hate this shit. I hate doctors. I love doctors. Like, that's a lie. But, like...
anybody practicing to be a doctor and I was like stop don't say that if you're no one is listening I was gonna say actually if you're practicing if you're in med school and this is what you're listening to I'm not get help like you I'm not I'm not going to you like I don't judge you the funniest thing that I was like no because you need to go to old ass doctors because these motherfuckers are copying my homework literally they're they're googling the answers I
Yeah, they, oh my God, doctors, old doctors didn't grow up with Google. That's something I realized today. But old doctors are like also evil. Everyone's evil. The internet was invented in the 90s. Like, that doesn't make sense to me. Like it should, it was invented like in the 50s or like in the 40s. When you said that, I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Because in my head, it's the complete opposite. It feels like, I mean, it literally for me has been here forever. For your whole life. For my entire life. So I'm just like.
It's been around forever. I don't know. My brain was just like fucking blown away that it was invented like just in the 90s. And like look how far it's come. And now it's like an actual cesspool of hate. The internet has literally only been around since like 2010. 2012 maybe. Oh my god. What if the internet is just like a Harvard social experiment and they're just going to shut it down and be like, yeah, we wanted to see the human condition like. I'm always like that would be awesome. But then I would have no job. And I like what?
What am I going to go? What did I say the other day? What am I going to be? A fucking coal miner in the communes? Like, no, like I'm going to be a comedian in the communes. I'm going to be a fucking jester. I'm going to get stoned. Not everybody can be clowns in the commune, but we will. We will. You were like, you were like, if everything, if so, if like everything collapses, I think we were talking about like EMPs or something. I don't remember what I said I was going to be.
Like I'm not gonna be fucking making bracelets. Like I'm gonna- they're gonna put me in the fucking coal mines and I'm literally gonna get black lung. They're gonna make me go have a kid. They're like "go have a kid!"
I'm like, what's the worst thing someone can say to me? Even though, what, two episodes ago I was just being like, oh, I'll do it. Yeah. I'm bored. Life is boring. Do what you want. Do what you want. Live your life. I mean, this episode's gone pretty smooth. We haven't had, we didn't even come up with topics and I'm pretty like, we've like just been. That's what happens when you have an attention issue. Yeah.
we were going to talk about our zillow addiction and how we love looking at houses that we'll never have yeah so i anywhere i fucking go like no matter where it is like the first thing i'm doing is looking up the real estate market in that town and then like whatever house i'm at i look up the real estate on that i'm so fucking nosy about it does that josiah is a fucking freak if he he'll be like what's the address and he'll go on zillow and look around yeah so he can know the
the house before we go in it. I'm so nosy about people's financials. Like, like I, I met this person and like the first thing, like, I don't care. Like, why is everyone so like, like, don't talk about money. Like, bitch, no, we need to talk more about money. I need to know how much money you're making. And I compare myself to you. I, I don't ask about how much money people are making, but I'll ask like really invasive questions, which in my head, I'm like, they're not invasive. I don't give a fuck if someone knows how much I pay in rent. Like, I don't
Like, I don't care. But, like, I will go into someone's house and be like, this is invasive, but how much money do you spend to live here? Like, I always ask that shit. And, like, if someone has a nice car, I'm like, how much money did you spend on that? Yeah, every time. Every fucking time, I'm like, what's your monthly payments? And it's just like, I don't know. I just... I always get an answer. Yeah, I get an answer every time. And that's the thing. And no one's ever uncomfortable by it. But why did we create this stigma around asking people about their finances? I don't get it. I never will get it. It's because our parents...
Our parents, the generation before us, they're the boomers, baby, whatever. But Zillow addiction, the first thing I'm doing, I'm looking up how much this house costs and how much the real estate around it costs. And if I could afford any of these houses, never can I afford a house.
Never once. I've said this. I think I said this in like an episode already, but like I just don't understand the concept of owning anything. Like owning little things I get, but like.
I don't like understand big things. I'm like, why? I'm like, why do I need it? Yeah. Dude, I forgot what I think I was talking with my dad about this. This is like the whitest shit you'll ever fucking hear. I was like, we were like, like the billionaires are buying all the homes. They're making it a renters based economy. And my dad was like, that's not a bad thing. Like, like, and I was like, I want to own a home though. And he was like, I mean, it's probably more expensive to own a home now than to just rent one for the rest of your life. And I was like,
Maybe. I like don't know what the comparison of that would even mean. Like, I don't understand. I'm like, I'm like, would it be cheaper to spend even if I got like, say if an apartment was like $1,000 a month, which is like in what fucking world? Yeah. Like a decent human sized apartment being $1,000. But even if that was, I was like, okay, spending like $12,000 a year for like 80 years. I guess that is cheaper than like buying a home.
Yeah, in some markets. But like literally that is like the craziest hypothetical ever because you cannot live anywhere for a thousand dollars. Yeah. For the most part. That's 800,000? You're asking me to do that math? Are you serious right now? I'm dumb as fuck. I took my SAT and I didn't even know you needed to bring a calculator. This was in 12th grade and I couldn't do long division.
I can do long division. Don't ask me to do long division. Yeah, I'm like, I don't even remember the like little bracket thing. I don't know what goes anywhere. Like what does that mean? No, I actually, when I first moved to LA, like that was something I wanted to test. Like me and Christian just sat down and we're just like trying to do like long division together. And like I could do it then, but then like recently I tried it and like it just like left my brain. I was just like,
Like, it kind of freaked me out, too. I was like, I don't know how to do, like, simple, like, even simple division. No, same. Like, whatever. I mean, I can, like, do some mental math or whatever. But, like, writing it down on paper, like, the fucking tree stems and whatever, like, I don't get it. It doesn't make sense to me anymore. Math has, like, never really made sense to me. I was really good at, for some reason, at geometry. I was really good at geometry. And then past that, I was like, oh, okay.
I'm not doing this. But also like Miami-Dade like schools, like you didn't have to actually know how to do anything and you could just like graduate. And that's how I graduated. I was just like, I was good at reading and writing and like weirdly enough history. But that's because I like, I've said this before. I had like a favoritism. History repeats itself. I have a favoritism for like really fucking cunty, like evil teachers. And they always like me too because we're both like based in like bitterness and hatred. Yeah.
So I was like that in my history class. Also, actually, what were we watching? Oh, we were watching David Cho's show yesterday. Who, this was such a good question. Who was like the first person to believe in you? Like to like look at you and like see something in you? Because. Literally probably you. Really? Yeah. Like no, like I swear to God, like legitimately like.
All the internet shit I was doing up until, like, I met, like, you or Christian, like, everyone was like, you're fucking weird, you're whack, like, cool, like, you have half a million people following you on the internet, like, those people aren't real, those are just numbers. And then, like...
We just turned it into something way bigger. Aw, that's sweet. Yeah. Who's the first, like, adult, do you think, though? My mom. Yeah, your mom. 100%. My mom is literally my biggest fan. Yeah, I know. It's so sweet. She, like, watches every podcast on Apple, on Spotify, and on YouTube, like, six times. Like, she's like, I need to get the 18 streams in. I think the first, like, adult... My dad, like, obviously always, like, knew I was, like, smart and, like,
well-rounded and I think he always like believed I would do something but like culturally he didn't he's just like a he's like a guy from fucking Endurance like he doesn't understand like the internet and stuff and I think like with a lot of like older parents like of course they're like what does that mean like it's very traditional like go to college and shit but the first adult to believe in me and like
whoever like really listened to me and like what I was saying and thought I was like an intelligent person was my English teacher from high school. You talk about them a lot. He literally changed my life and I've told him that a million times but like it always blows my mind how like some people don't realize like how important it is to fucking listen to a teenager. Literally yeah just like to tell them they're doing okay or like even just like to let them know like oh you are like
chill as fuck. Like, you have a different... You see things differently. Yeah, and it was, like, so important for me that, like, I remember I would, like, get in a lot of trouble in school in reading and writing classes because I didn't believe in, like... And I still don't. I think it's fucking stupid. But I guess I get it, like, on, like, a school basis so that, like, everyone's following a certain set of rules and it's, like, maybe easier to grade. I don't know. Whatever. But I fucking hated doing a draft of a paper and doing, like...
it has to be five paragraphs and it has to be like this and I would always get in trouble with English teachers because I wouldn't do that and like on like we had FCAT like that was our like yearly thing and I would always make it everything that I didn't have like some weird resolution paragraph if anything I would always pick a topic that there was no like resolution to and I would write about it so that at the end I could be like there is no resolution to this and like I
I would never conclude things. I would always just write it exactly how I wanted it. And somehow I always passed. But like my teachers would get really mad at me. And then like he was the first teacher who was like, that is so awesome. And like he was just really nice about it. And then like I remember I obviously as a teacher, especially as like an English teacher, I feel like he...
any teacher is like go to college and i remember once he told me like in my senior year he was like you have fully changed my like mind on like the idea of like what people decide to do with their life like whether it be like education or like career wise that's fucking awesome and like we he was just always so like nice to me and when i would be like i'm not going to college from like freshman year when i was like i don't think i'm gonna go to college like i i can't do like school it doesn't work for me
He was, like, always open to it and, like, open to a conversation with me. Meanwhile, I had teachers who would literally bully the fuck out of me for not wanting to go to college. But, like, yeah, it's just so crazy how, like, adults really don't... I think it's hard for them to understand that, like, the things they say to kids, even out of anger or, like, trying to, like, guard them, like, you have to be careful because, like... Yeah, you're damaging. You're doing a lot of damage. And then when you're doing good, you're, like, you have no idea how good you're doing. How helpful you're doing. Yeah, I think, like, um...
I forget her name, but I had a vice principal who like, we had like a very like tumultuous relationship. Like she like was always getting onto me like, and like, like anytime I would post shit on the internet during school, like she would be pissed. Like all my internet shit, like during school, she was always so like anti it. But like, I think she knew like deep down that like,
I was doing what I wanted to do. So she kind of like fucking respected it. And I think she was like, kind of like the only person like in my school system who like really understood like what I was like doing on the internet and like,
like, oh, like, this is, like, different. Like, maybe we should hone this in. Even though she, like, was an absolute bitch to me all the time. But I think she, like, realized. And I think now she even knows even more, which is, like, super cool. But, like, your English teacher was, like, my bitchy vice principal. And, yeah, she was super chill. Just very sweet to think about. Literally one time she, like, called me, oh, my fucking God. I'm just going to tell this story. Like, I'm not going to lie.
One time a long time ago, I like made a fucking video of me like, like I had like a toaster and I like walked into my mom's bedroom and I was like, I'm gonna shove this toaster up my ass or some like crazy shit like that. Like just like, like absurdist comedy, just like trying to get a reaction. That's all I did on like the internet was just like trying to get reactions out of people and say the most crazy shit.
So I posted that and the next day she, my vice principal, called me to the back office with like,
a bunch of my tweets, like, I'm gonna shove a turkey up my ass, like, tweeted out, like, all of them printed out and, like, stuck on, like, this paper and, like, like, pages, like, flipping through those, like, giant, like, notepad things. Yeah. And, like, she would, like, read off my tweets to me and, like, it was, like, probably the worst feeling I've ever had in my entire life. It was just, like, like, like, just, like, complete embarrassment, like, like,
I don't know. I did a shitty job at telling this story. But like basically, long story short, like she got to like the I'm going to shove a turkey up my ass tweet. And she was like she read that out loud. I was like, please fucking stop. Like, please stop now. Like, I understand what you're getting at. Like, I will tone it down on the Internet. Bitch, no, I fucking didn't. I like literally on the way out of the office to like history class in the hallway. I tweeted some crazy shit like just like.
Yeah. About this situation. She was like, you're representing the school in a wrong way. And I was like, bitch, like, I'm the coolest motherfucker in this school. Like, what do you mean? Like, I'm representing it in a cool way, bitch. Like, I'm fucking awesome. Dude, I remember in ninth grade, I don't think I ever spoke about this publicly. Actually, I got suspended in ninth grade for a vine. And it was a vine. It's so whack. It's like just stupid little kid shit. I was literally like 14. And I was like...
went to the bathroom and i was like bathroom shenanigans and it's literally me ripping paper out and throwing it on the floor and tossing a roll of toilet paper into the toilet like a full roll which my fucking principal didn't believe me but i was like i took it out there was like an empty like roll in there and i just like went and yanked it out and put it on the side which is still fucked up because the janitor had to like touch that but like i i was like i didn't clog the bathroom like the
And the next day the toilet was fine. Like I didn't fuck up the toilet. But basically I was sitting in my French class, which I was failing miserably, but whatever. That's besides the point. I was sitting in class and the principal came up and, or the vice principal, I think it was a vice principal. I fucking hated him. And I hope he has like a hemorrhoid or something really annoying right now because I fucking hate him. But he came and he was like- I'm going to eat that hemorrhoid like a jelly bean. I just want to bite it off. I love biting hemorrhoids. You know what I'm talking about?
When you get the hemis. They're little jelly beans around the edge and you just like pull them off, like bite them with your front teeth. Bloody. Bloody hemorrhoids. No, keep going. The hemorrhoids. Like you were gonna keep going. I'm just not gonna say anything. Basically, I got pulled out of French class and they were like, come down to the office. And I was like, what the fuck did I do?
I go down to the office and they have my fucking Vine playing on the computer. And I was like, I was like, oh my God. And I think someone at the school snitched on me because I was like, I was like, you motherfuckers don't know about Vine because people at my school didn't like care about Vine. And then I heard through the grapevine that someone had snitched on me. So one of the like motherfuckers who like were one of those nerd ass motherfuckers who worked in the office. I was like,
bitch, fuck you. You're a hater. But yeah, I got suspended for a week and that's actually how my dad found out about my Vine account. Yikes. And that was a nightmare because I was like on there screaming about Niall Horan being shirtless and being a liar. Like a fucking hornberry. Dude, literally, that reminded me of probably the most trouble I had gotten in in my entire life was...
From my Twitter account. So I had like... Oh, I know. Yeah, I had a reef tank, like a coral reef. Like I had a bunch of beautiful coral, a bunch of like really expensive fish. Like it was like my pride and joy. And they obviously with that, like you have to like test the water chemistry. So like I had this like set of like chemicals that like you like get samples of water and you put it in there and it legitimately looks like...
Breaking bad vibes. Breaking bad vibes. Like, it looks gnarly. It looks like I'm making meth with this fucking kit. So, like, obviously my, like, young ass fucking 15-year-old brain is like, oh, like, I'm gonna make a banger tweet. So I take a picture of it and I post it on my Twitter account and I'm like, cooking meth, bringing some to school tomorrow. Who wants it? And, like, just, like, the most psycho shit. And sure enough...
I know who fucking snitched on me. I'm not gonna say their name. And I'm sure they're fucking listening to this because they were like my biggest hater fan. And they're a grown ass fucking man. Bitch, I fucking hate you and I hope your house burns down with your family inside. No, he ruined my life. I was meeting to that lady the other day for no reason in the car and I was like,
She honked at me and you were like, 'cause you scared her and I was like, "Yeah, I fucking scared her 'cause she has two more days to live. Fuck that bitch." And I said like the meanest thing ever. Dude, literally, no. So basically, I tweeted that. I went to school the next day.
And again, I was greeted with my vice principal with that tweet and uh, like I got pulled out of class and I was fucking like handcuffed and they were like searching all my shit like the craziest stuff like they were like "Where's the meth that you brought to school?" and like
It was obviously all, like, to scare the shit out of me. Like, they knew I didn't fucking cook meth and bring it to school. Yeah, but of course, like, as a kid, you're fucking terrified. Exactly. I was freaking the fuck out. And before this, they called my dad, and my dad was fucking livid. He was like, are you kidding me? They called my dad, and he was like, Drew's, like...
cooking meth, like, blah, blah, blah. We're gonna come by the house and, like, search y'all's house with a warrant. And my dad was like, okay. So, like, I went home and was greeted. Like, my... I was, like, handcuffed for... Whatever. Long story. It was just crazy. The craziest shit. I came home and my parents, like, legitimately, like...
were so angry with me and my dad told me they were like they're gonna come by and search the house like so if you have anything upstairs go and flush it and like of course like I was an angsty fucking teenager I had drugs upstairs in my bedroom so I grabbed all of my like
really expensive designer drugs and flush them down the toilet and they never fucking searched that they never came by and searched the house and i'm i guarantee that was just a fucking ploy for my dad to get me to flush all my bad shit that he just knew like like they know he he whatever that fucking song is like um she knows yeah she knows yeah like you were just mixing she knows a
No, no, no, no, no. But yeah, then they told me they're like, well, like, we have like, anytime we see your car and we can just pull you over and like search your car. Is that true? No, it's not fucking true. Like literally, they just were lying to me. And I mean, I had a very recognizable car. I had like a
silver car with black wheels like you can see my car and I believed it so for like the longest time I was like never riding dirty like maybe I'll get into that like high school shenanigans like all the bad shit I did in high school which will literally be like such a fun episode to hear about your life and then when it's my turn I'm like yeah literally I'll talk about like my experiment experimentation with
illicit substances and whatnot one day. And we could talk about how I literally was like a part of the D.A.R.E. program until I was like 16.
You were literally a spy. I was such a snitch and I didn't believe in smoking weed. And I was like, y'all are fucking crazy. Y'all are losing your fucking minds. Actually, one more thing because I think we're hitting our hour. I want to close it off. The most bad thing I did as a teenager actually was a hit and run. Oh my God. People think I mean like I hit a human and ran.
ran girl you still did a hit and run that's like still yeah I know but I just wanted to say that because I feel like if I'm just like oh my hit and run people are gonna be like yeah bitch you killed someone like no it was like okay basically we me and my brother were like
the ones who always got sent out to do laundry at the laundromat. So like we would be at the laundromat and like the laundromat we would go to was really close to a Starbucks. And by this time I would have like 20 bucks on me to spend. So I'm like, this was like maybe like 11th grade and we were doing laundry and we had the car and
things still had to dry so i was like um i told dante i was like i want to go get starbucks and he was like you should ask dad and i was like why do we have to ask dad like we we asked dad for everything like this like it's not like i'm doing something bad i just want i literally want a strawberry salad refresher like leave me alone um let me get my starbies i literally think i was going to get like a fucking like green tea lemonade like that used to be my fucking shit in high school but
I was like, I'm just gonna go. It's gonna be quick. So, Dante's scared as fuck in the car. Actually, I think we finished the laundry. I think we finished... He was like, wait till we finish at least. I was like, okay. So, we finished the laundry. We put it all in the car. And, like, we go to Starbucks. And then, like, the Starbucks is on a corner. And where there's, like, a two...
I don't know how to explain this without like visuals, but basically the Starbucks is on the right side. We're like at this intersection and I have to make a left, but then get into the plaza that's on the right. And there was two turning left lanes and I was all the way in the left turning lane. And this was like a big street. Like if you live in Miami, like Biscayne Boulevard is like basically a highway. It's like four lanes. Shibuya Crossing. Okay. It's a big street. Yeah.
It's a big street. It's the only other big street I know. I came from shit-ass nowhere in Texas. Population 7,000. Basically. We had one lane roads. I know. That freaks me out. There's really nobody there. I'm in the left lane. And I don't know... Obviously, now as an adult, if I was in the left lane and I had to get all the way to the right in an instant, I would just go down the street, make a U-turn, and figure it out. But I...
turn left. You're a child without a license. Yeah. I'm, Oh, I also have no license and I'm 15 in this. Yeah. You didn't, you didn't say that. Like you're unlicensed. You should not be driving behind the wheel. I like learned to drive like a year ago, like, and illegally, like I should not be driving. And I'm in like a big ass suburban. Like I shouldn't be driving, let alone like a three road car car. So I'm driving the boat and I get in
and I'm like, fuck, I have to get to the plaza. I have to get to the plaza. We're going to pass Starbucks. And I just try to merge three lanes over and someone was in my blind spot and I just smacked the fuck out of this car, pushed it onto the sidewalk and immediately...
kicks it and I fly. I literally, I like look and the guy gets out of his car and I see his frown. I'm like, no. And I just slam the gas, do like a very loud U-turn into this other lane. He literally, it's a big ass lane and I'm at a red light and he literally like just walks and takes a picture of the drunk. I'm so scared because I'm not supposed to be driving.
My dad's gonna fucking freak out. Like, I'm just freaking out. Dante's in the passenger seat also while all this is happening and he is freaking the fuck out. And I'm like doing 70 down this like street that I shouldn't be going like 30 down. And then I just pull over like a mile away and Dante's like freaking out. I'm like, oh my God, oh my God. And I get out and I check. And because we, I was driving a fucking tank and
Although the guy's car was all fucked up. My car, like the car I was driving didn't look that fucked up. And my mom like would always get into fender benders. So the bumper was kind of fucked up anyway. And I was like, you can't tell I did anything. And I was like, and don't you fucking tell anyone to Dante. And he was like, like, they're going to know. And I'm like, they're not going to know. Don't fucking say anything. And we got home after like everything was chill. Girl, you said you're not a good liar. Um, this was like the one time I lied and like got away with it, but I got
I was about to say. Yeah, so I got home. Everything was okay. Dante's freaked out, and I go in the room, and he's still freaking out, having a full panic attack. I'm like, you need to shut the fuck up because they're going to know. And then I just act like everything's fine. I had finished my drink before we got there. I rid of the evidence because I'm smart in that way. And then it's a nice day out. It's raining, and the car is parked, and my parents are sitting on the front porch. And I hear my mom, and she's looking at the car, and she's just like,
What? What is? The car looks weird. And then my dad looks at me and he's like, did you get into an accident? And she's like, no, I haven't. Oh, God. And then they're, like, talking about it. She's like, maybe someone backed into me at work or something. Yeah, someone definitely backed into you at work. And I was, like, out, like, in the, like, front room, like, of the house, like, listening through the porch. I remember I just walked away and I was like, ah. And then I thought I got away with it.
And three days later, my dad gets home from work and I open the door for him. And the first thing he says is like, did you crash the fucking car? And I just start sobbing. I'm like, yes. And I like ran away and I got so scared. And then I just had to call the insurance and be like, yes, I stole the car. I'm a delinquent child. And then it was fine. That's crazy, dude. And yeah. And that's like the only accident I've ever been in. I was about to say, I've never, ever, ever once been in a car accident in my life. I've like...
I've been in an accident but like I haven't gotten into an accident. The only time I've ever been in like a car accident I had we I was like probably like 12 and we just went to a quick trip and gotten Slurpees and you know the Slurpee straws at quick trip are like 14 fucking feet long like the world's biggest straws for absolutely no fucking reason and like we're drinking our Slurpees in the back seat and
my friend's dad gets in a fender bender and we like are all slipping our slurpees and like I deep throat this fucking slurpee straw and it like yeah whatever we all deep throat our slurpee straws I
I would actually take the car a lot as a kid, which my dad doesn't know. But, like, when him and my mom would go out on weekends at night, like, I was notoriously always taking the car because we also lived really close to McDonald's. And I would take the car to McDonald's, get an iced caramel coffee from McDonald's, and then go home and listen to Right Hand by Drake in the shower. Again, 2016 vibes. I was freaked the fuck out by driving. I still am. I'm, like, a very...
I've gotten used to driving, but before I drove, I didn't drive the car once. One time, Drew drove us down a one-way. No, that was wrong in every sense of the word. I did that the other day, I feel like. Yeah. I don't know, but that was the scariest moment of my life. Yeah, and then I had to get out of the car and take the... I've never feared for my life. I've never had a moment where I'm like, I'm about to fucking die other than that dream I had. The only time I thought I was going to die was when I almost got hit by a car, and I think I spoke about that.
When I was in New York and I almost got hit by a car. Like I've never been like survival mode. That's something I need to experience once in my life. Girl, I talk about this all the time. I'm going to disappear. And you'll never ever see me again. Drew's always like, I'm going to run away. I'm going to disappear and y'all aren't going to know where I go. Bitch, one, I have your location and I don't think you're smart enough to know. I'm going to leave my phone.
It's gonna be a big game of hide and go seek. The day Drew disappears and y'all start posting missing posters, I'm not fucking reposting it because I'm like, I'm not giving him what he wants. Like, that's what he wants. I don't know what I want. God forbid you get abducted because I'm gonna be so fucking annoyed. I'm gonna be like, no, you're not. Like, you're pissing me off. I'm gonna pinky promise you right now. Right now, look.
No, what is the pinky promise before? Lock your pinkies. I'm not locking my pinkies in to something I don't know. That's like signing a contract before I read it. Oh my God, I swear to God I'm not going to disappear. I'm not just going to randomly disappear. I swear on my life. So if I do get abducted, please look for me.
I'm begging you. Like, please. I guess, yeah. Your fucking rings. Damn. What? You would just cut the shit out of me. You're jealous of... I'm icy. I'm icy. Icy. Icy. Why do you want to be me? Dude, you know what's the most annoying thing ever? My AC unit in my room turns on via my Siri. And I'll be like, hey Siri, like, turn on the AC. And she'll think I say, hey Siri, turn on Icy. And Icy by Saweetie starts playing at six in the morning. And I literally want to end my life. Freak the fuck out. And I freak out. And I'm like, hey Siri, stop.
And I just like yell. Hey Shiri, shut the fuck up. Um, and yeah, and that was the episode. And that's all y'all get. Y'all get media now. That's it. No, no media today. No media. You snooze, you fucking lose. Um, here is the media. Um,
The movie everyone should watch, especially if you are a woman in your younger 20s because this is such a good coming-of-age film. Not even younger 20s, just in your 20s if you're a grown-ass woman. Sometimes it feels like all the coming-of-age shit is for 17-year-olds and it's like, bitch, I'm coming of age right now. I'm still figuring my shit out. Frances Ha is such a good fucking movie. The monologue that is written is like...
red in that is like so good it's beautiful made me cry um my like audio media of the week nabi by peggy goo escape by dj kiro nico i cannot say anyone in the world's name and these chains by mid-air thief
Yossify. Yossify the world. Mid-earth-y. Slay-fy. Okay, my song is Dreams of Nostalgia by Lion's Milk. If you want to like... I don't know how to describe this song. It's genuinely... It's such a weird feeling. It gives you such a weird feeling when you listen to it. It's a good weird feeling, though. It feels weird, but good. I've been listening to that recently.
Jamila by Mansour Brown is just like bleeps and bloops. It's like the most repetitive song ever. It's literally like the same like... Over and over again. But I don't know why I'm so obsessed with fucking bleeps and bloop sounds. They're good to just like...
It's kind of like... It's like patterns, I think. It's like the coco melanification of your brain. It's like you can turn your brain off and just be stimulated. It's nice. I just love that style of music. And then not enough people are talking about fucking Birdman. The movie Birdman. Wait, is that the one with... I'm thinking of Lawnmower. Yeah, yeah. You're thinking of Lawnmower Man, which is also something you should watch. But that's the media for next week. We'll go into that later. But Birdman...
Fucking perfect still one of the best movies of all time. It's just like a one-shot movie about like this like play Happening I don't fucking know how to describe it It's good go watch it if you haven't watched it and watch it again if you have because it's just really fantastic and then
We should start a little book club. No. Yeah, fuck you. Fuck you. I'm about to start reading Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, the book adaptation. So if you want to read that with me, do that. Stop reading. No more reading. And that's the episode, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for listening. Go take that poop. My brain has been turned off. That you've been holding. This whole time. No more. No more brain. I refuse to use brain power ever again. I don't think we need to use our brains.
Bye. Bye.