Halloween spooktacular special
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- The Incomparable, Ken! - Oh, sh-- Alright, now I understand why you were saying you were hot. Dude, I don't even think she-- she can't sit. - I got it. - Now announcing Drew Phillips RGB with wheel-- I can't help you. - Can I look?

My name is Drew Phillips and I'm Ruth Bader Ginsburg chair. All right I'm in position. Now introducing the dog who wishes to vote! Reveal yourself.

It's so nice of you to have me. Let the dogs vote.

I wanna vote, I wanna wear wigs, and I wanna get an abortion. Let dogs get abortion! Let the dogs pierce their ears. This is actually me. Let the dogs wear wigs. Dude, this- This is the most insane you've like ever looked at. This is like horrible. This was terrible. I mean like, for context, I am 8,000 degrees right now because not only are there lights shining on us,

This is insulation foam and I literally the heat radiating from my body through my neck hole into my face Can you see my face look how fucking sweaty I am oh you are sweating. Yeah I bet you wish you were out on a cold winter's night with all that insulation be real warm I bet you wish we would take you on a walk so you can pee anywhere but the floor of our house And we're not gonna clean it up

I have been like peeing myself lately. I've also been hella hungry for like bones. Can you use the fucking pee pad? Like what was the reason of getting that? You bagged and bagged and bagged. I know, he like literally he got our phones without our permission and ordered on Amazon a like lifetime supply of pee pads but he keeps just peeing on the rugs. I forgot to get into like pose. It's more comfortable to sit like this for me.

Because you're a dog. What the dog doing? What is the dog doing? Every time we do a Halloween episode, I forget that at the end of getting ready and doing all this, we have to actually do an episode of the podcast. And then my brain just feels genuinely jarred and confused. But I think a good topic to start on would be... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Welcome back to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Halloween Special 3.

I think this might be four. No, this is three. No, this is four. Because I did the devil, the devil made me do it. Cruella, Harley, Exorcist, and now this is the fourth one, the dog. What was my second one? The devil, Pearl. Oh, Pearl.

The Devil, Pearl, Dorothy, and I'm Drew's chair. Why do you keep laughing when you look at me? I feel like I'm in an insane asylum or something. It's not an insane asylum. Oh, hi. Thank you, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, for everything that she did, actually. No, did I shout out Ruth Bader Ginsburg? I wish you were still alive. Yeah, did I shout her out for real? RIP, RIP. That's why y'all need to vote. That dog on the poster is probably also dead. It's probably an older photo.

No, I don't think that dog is dead. No, he's not dead. Okay, fuck it. I mean, he's not. He's right in front of you. He's reanimated. We found the wig hair and we reanimated him. Dude, like, the fact that it has come to this point with this bullshit, like, have y'all told a story about this? No, we haven't. Or did we say that, like,

that like this was pulled out of the garbage. Yeah. By the way. We just said we stole it from a fan accidentally. So the fan who got it made a story time on how they got it and they pulled that out of the trash. On their way to the show. On the way to see us. They saw it and they thought we'd think it was funny. So that piece of garbage literally like it went from garbage to Josiah fully embodying that person. Dude, because when I saw it, like I'm not joking. Something...

Like, it just made me so happy. Like, seeing them hold it up and I was like, grab that. Please grab that. We need to get that. Josiah's profile looks so fucked up. It's so scary. Why is it fucked up, bro? What are you talking about? I think your skin looks really nice. I know. I've been using tretinoin. Very clear. I'm getting the tretinoin ugly right now. This is objectively horrifying to look at. It's not, bro. When you walked in, I got chills down my spine. I would sleep with this guy. Period. I would sleep with...

And he's into pup play. Yeah, I guess now that we know. Beastiality, really. The more you know. Oh, yeah, because you watch that movie Fucking Animals. Okay. I don't think I've talked about that on the podcast, but I did say that at a college show and I was so embarrassed because I was like, why did that just leave my mouth? Oh, no, I think I did say on the podcast. One time I was trying to find this one French movie and the director's name is literally fucking Amal or some shit. And I looked up fucking animal movies.

And I was really, really scared. And now we're on a list. Aren't you on a plane? No, I was trying to download it for the plane. So it was like 3 a.m., which is really worse. I was imagining you like typing in fucking animal. Wait, Kai, you need to reveal your outfit. Oh, yeah, guys. Wait, wait, wait. I have an outfit. I have a costume. Kai is the scariest, the scary tip jar.

Pretty cool, right? I'm like creative. My name is Kai and I'm the tip jar. My name is Kai and I'm the... No, say it with like... You gotta put some fucking... My name is Kai and I'm the tip jar. Oh, did I even do one? That was misogynistic. I did one for you. How is that misogynistic? My name is Josiah and I am the dog. My next investment is...

is going to be a realistic mermaid tail because i've never confessed this on the podcast but when i was a kid i would get my ass on the family computer and i would look up mermaid tails for purchase did you go through that phase did you want a mermaid tail me yeah no why would i want that look at what dogs can't swim dogs cannot swim wait can dogs not swim wait can dogs actually no dogs can swim i can tell you from experience bro dogs can't fucking swim

Okay, that is anecdotal evidence. Like, you can't swim. I can't swim. I am a dog. Therefore, dogs can't swim. Josiah really does have that dog in him, though. I do. This collar is so fucking itchy. And, like, I think I have fleas or something. Well, no, we got you the anti-itch collar, so I shouldn't be doing that. Then how do I still have fleas? If you leave this fucking room, it shocks you. Yeah. We should have got a shock collar. We should get Josiah's shock collar. Wait, we should get one and try it out next episode. Aren't shock collars, like...

Aren't they vibrators? They're just vibrating on the neck? No, they shock them. No, they shock. People actually use shock collars? They have vibrating ones, but yeah, shock collars. They shock and it hurts. I always thought shock collars were fake, like a thing that they say in movies. No, it's real. No, they're real. I've tried one before. Actually, no, I tried shock wire at my grandma's farm.

Kai's vaping again. No, it's the fog machine. Kai opened his stinky fucking mouth. Yeah, my big stinky pussy opened up. Ew. Kai, you can't say the P word. Basically, I really want a mermaid tail, but at this point, I feel like I'm too old to get it. Does that make sense? At this point, if y'all caught me dead with a mermaid tail on my body, I would get ridiculed for it. But when I was a kid, I wanted one so fucking bad. There were like...

They were like people who would do unboxings and they would get it for Christmas and they would go into like their pool, the shallow end and like flap their tail around. All the sounds that fucking thing is making is like so distracting. Sorry. I think you'd be surprised. I...

There are probably so many people watching that would love mermaid content from you swimming in a fucking pool. That's kind of my vibe when I'm like 37. I think I'll just move to a house in Florida with a pool and start making mermaid content. It's kind of my life. Also, I'm so. Fuck, that scares me. It's actually really scary. Like something's starting to burn. I'm so hot that it's kind of. I know it's like blowing cool air. Yeah, I'm not that hot.

Okay, well, we've been watching What Would You Do a bunch recently. You'll have? Yes, like a lot. Dude, it's so good. Like, it's so good. I don't think y'all understand. I know there's someone out there that does understand, but the LGBT episodes of... Okay, it's actually coming out of my mouth. You got to turn it off. Like, I'm actually... It's like I'm vaping. Like, look. Where the fucking thing is. I know.

Just turn it off from the back. The LGBTQ episodes. But the LGBTQ episodes of What Would You Do? genuinely made me feel so fucking good as a kid. I really was like, oh, God is good. Life is good. Everything is going to be fucking okay. Although, I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at the ones we were seeing where people would be homophobic. There would be people who were being hella homophobic and then John Keones would come out and be like,

Why did you do that? And they're like, I just don't think it's that big of a deal to be gay. Like he would just, everybody would switch up once John came out and then they would replay it and be like, that's interesting because that's not what you said. And then they replay it. And these people have already signed away their rights for their face to be like not blurred. And also. The face card declined. I love, I love that what you just said. I love you. I love you too. I'm glad we're finally getting it out there.

Did you say, "I love Ruthie"? I love... That feels weird, 'cause like she really was... I was related to her and she's passed away. You were related to Ruth Bader Ginsburg? How do you think I got all this money? Hey!

Me driving my Honda Civic. Josiah paid for this dog plastic surgery with Ruth Bader Ginsburg's money. Dude, what actually happened is... Well, she did get a bionic leg attached. So she really did have like a lot of fucking money. It like literally like hurts to like be crouched like this. Do you want your chair back? Do you want to put on your other... What's in your chair? Well, beauty is pain. That's true. Remember Beyonce said pretty hurts.

You don't know that song? Oh, bitch, I know fucking Beyonce. You don't know Beyonce. I don't know if anyone knows Beyonce. Whoa, chill. She's like the biggest artist in the world. Everyone knows her. You don't know her like me, though. Okay, well, what I was going to say is should I break the news finally here of the diagnoses of my stomach? Oh.

Oh, yeah. I haven't said it on the internet. Well, you should give context just in case some people haven't been keeping up with their goals. If you didn't know, bro, I got essentially spit-roasted. I got an endoscopy on one end and then a colonoscopy in my bum. Eiffel Tower! Yeah, it really was. And they did it at the same time and it was two men. So now I suppose I'm going to hell. Yeah. And...

They also drugged me. I mean, well, okay. I mean, they put me under anesthesia. They put me under anesthesia, which was scary. But like, yeah, basically I did all that. They took a bunch of biopsies and everything. I have erosive gastritis. Yes.

I don't know what that is. I still don't. You've explained it to me like 18 times. Okay, basically to put it in a really short thing, it's just the wall of your stomach. The lining of your stomach is being eroded because your stomach's producing way too much acid and it's harmful acid. And then it goes up to your esophagus and you have esophagitis as well, which is what I have, which is why I've had a sore throat for nine months. I mean like four months. I thought you had a sore throat for that long because you guys share a bed every night. And I thought you guys were just like... Well, no, it's because we make out. It has dethroned you as the throat goat.

Yeah, I got acid in my throat. You let him pleasure you? I also have a hiatal hernia. Wait, do you actually? Yeah, it's like... What does that even mean? It's like too much jargon to explain. It's not that big of a deal. Like, they put me on some fucking medication. We'll see what happens. Well, the good news is I'm like perfectly healthy personally. Like, bowel movements are good. Eating very well recently. Lucky you. I've shit out a single...

chicken tender in the last fucking 20 days. 20 days? 19 days. Also, I would like to clear the air. Drew has only been eating salad for the past week. Only salad. And you might find that no shit has come out of his butt. Yeah.

Have you been having fruit a lot? No. You should be. That makes you shit like crazy. I've been drinking prune juice. That's good. That'll make you shit. Yeah, I've been drinking a bunch of prune juice. I've been drinking a bunch of Miralax daily. Lots of Miralax.

It's giving me a lax. I bought drew something called like, what is it? Diatomaceous. Oh, yeah. And you got me diatomaceous earth, which is what's used to like kill bugs and fucking your like flower beds. And I'm going to drink it. Laxative. Diatomaceous. Wait, what is it? Diatomaceous earth. Diatomaceous D sounds like a slam poetry rapper. Diatomaceous D's nuts. Diatomaceous earth is Didi Megadudu's daughter. Oh, yeah.

mega doodoo we wanted to be one of us wanted to be the announcer who said DD mega doodoo and like get like I was thinking like I was I was gonna be that and then I was like thinking in my head I was like damn that'd be perfect too to get like a little like wire frame to hold up a picture in front of him so it looks like he's in the newscast but then we remembered that that joke also involves somebody who literally died we died yeah so it's like getting like but also Ruth Bader Ginsburg is dead I know but like this

It's paying homage and it's a tribute really. Yeah, it's like a tribute. We love her. She did so much goodness for us and without her... Without her, you wouldn't be able to have a bank account, babe. Well, you can't have a bank account or fucking anything because you're a fucking dog. But he's got that dog in him. But I got that dog in me. I'd be fucking crazy. And that's why you're sitting around begging for the right to like... Begging, begging, begging strips. Those have been sounding so good too. I don't know why, but my appetite's completely changed.

Hungry for bones, hungry for like chow. Like, do you know chow? Yeah. We gotta get you like some tennis balls. Oh, now you can finally eat a shoe. Yes. Oh my God. I wish you could prank call the place in FaceTime. Wait, should we prank call someone right now?

We should prank call someone right now. Yeah, but I wish you could prank call with a FaceTime because imagine answering the phone and it's a dog and he's asking to eat the shoe. That would be funny, but I also, we should prank call someone. I've been seeing this guy online recently prank call places and ask if they have room for 16,000 people.

And it's been fucking killing me. Like $60. Did he call like a pizza hut or something and ask like what they're... It was a McDonald's and he asked if they had room for an event for 150,000 people. And they were like, uh, no, like 50. What is the capacity of most fast food restaurants? Fast food restaurants

fast food restaurants literally if you go in there and you're sitting down to eat honestly you are such a vibe like i genuinely have so much respect for people who walk into the fast food place to eat there like anytime i've done it i genuinely feel very good it's all it's it's a very grounding thing to do yeah like you like it on vacay a lot i feel like yeah i love it it's just a good path it's a way to pass the time without feeling useless i haven't been inside of a taco bell in

- Dude, I was about to say the only one we don't be going into is Taco Bell. - Yeah, I wanna go to Taco Bell. - We have to stay outside. - There's roaches in every Taco Bell, I feel like. - One of the ones in my hometown got shut down for that. - Also the taco meat, yeah, the taco meat. - Roaches? - Yeah, no, no, no. I feel like the taco meat is just roaches.

at taco bell day it was mystery me up until a few years ago when they had to disclose it well i started tasting different i was gonna say i can't say anything because i was the girl who was like i ate tuna from subway until tuna box it's the tuna box the bread is made out of yoga mats i think i brought that up last time i was on here i'm just full of fun facts

It's not made of yoga mats. You're like... It is. Why do you think it's so good, bro? Why do you think Ellen has so much money? Because she saves all that money on editors. She saves it on editors. She doesn't spend jack shit on editors. Watch the show. Watch Ellen's Game of Games and tell me that she spends shit on editors. She doesn't. Fuck.

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You know what? I was going to say, like, one of the topics I wanted to bring up is that although I know there are some good performance art pieces, like, there has been performance art that I've seen video of and I've been like, damn, that actually is, like, so innovative and, like, so interesting. Most performance art looks like

bat shit crazy fucking doo-doo in my butt like I've never seen like a friend go to a performance art show and post an IG clip of it I've been like damn I wish I was there it just looks like people actually tweaking out and like freaking out um but with all that said I wish so badly we planned this properly and we rented out a space and we got you in there for a performance art piece

I mean, we have an extra. Yeah, we can do that tomorrow. Yeah, I was freaking out trying to get Josie's costume ready and I bought like three separate dog snouts. So I'll be expecting to see a lot more of the dog. And also, I think it's becoming like a really big thing online. I've been seeing a lot of people protesting, let the dogs vote. Which, thank you. Which is very real. It is very real and it's close to my heart. What are they going to vote for? A bone? Yeah, yeah.

That's offensive, bro, to me. Yeah, like he's right here. I haven't said anything. I wanted to jump in with a good bit just to reaffirm.

Because if you were listening, he also said let the dogs wear wigs, let the dogs get piercings. He could vote on those matters. Let the dogs get a divorce. Let the dogs get divorces. Exactly. Also, not even divorces, but get married. Get married. I don't think they can legally get married. Period. Thank you. Thank you. Y'all are actually like... I'm getting my life right now with y'all. Y'all are really...

Making me feel better about what my life's gonna be like. Your legacy. Yeah. Should dogs be able to adopt children? I don't think so. Yes, please. No, I think that's pushing it. Because they need two human parents. Yeah. No. Because that's not taking into account the parents of the dog. You're saying two dogs couldn't raise a baby? No. I don't think so, no. Y'all lick y'all's asses. Y'all are fucked up. You literally were sniffing me earlier. Since we put that on Josie, he's been sniffing around. He's been freaking out. I'm good.

Why did you look at me like that? I'm tipping over. Drew, my favorite part of this whole costume genuinely is the glasses with the head wrap combo. Thank you. Oh, but speaking of the dog protest, so we didn't talk about it yet, but the dude that does the Spider-Man cosplay and dances in front of the camera. So like...

Obviously we were in that video. We were in his live stream and it was gaggy and like it was such a funny moment. Da da da da da da da insert here. Oh wait Alex remember. Corn. Pepper ill. Pepper yucky. Pepper ill. Pepper yucky. Ice cream yummy. Hey let the dogs vote. Chat. That's what I'm up. That's what I'm about.

Notice how he moves the fucking camera at the end. Yeah. Something is seriously sinister there. And I was really offended by it. And he moved it twice. But I read the room and I was like, okay, he's uncomfortable by my presence. I'm going to just like get out of the frame and I'll dip. So that's what I did. That's what I thought at first. I was like, I wonder if so many people go see him on live and get behind him and start being dickheads. And that's why he moves it. But...

he like literally we came in hot we were like let the dogs vote yeah well he didn't know who we were and then he saw the video that was posted online and he commented on it and he commented on josiah's video bitch he thought we were fucking pita protesters he literally was like oh my god pita is protesting my live stream right now i have to move them out of the fucking frame i wish

so badly I could spy on him and know the conversation he had with his friend group because you know damn well he was like someone literally like PETA protested my life tonight and I'm like so freaked out like I don't understand why and I bet like I just want to know so badly if his conclusion was that because he was Spider-Man Spider is technically an animal too that's true

I wonder if like his friends were like there's no way PETA protested you that doesn't make sense and he was like no spiders Yeah, don't squish the spiders I mean but also what I want to know is like did he really think it was a PETA protest because we said let the dogs vote I mean PETA can get there They've gone there I'm sure PETA pushes it PETA is like a bit freaky deaky I know unless it has hummus PETA PETA and hummus

Thank you. You ate that. I'll take my raise now. You ate that pita hummus up. I'll take my Christmas bonus now. Your Christmas bone. I'll take my Christmas bone. Thank you for the Christmas bone, by the way. You guys know about Christmas haul?

What? In New York? Okay, forget about it. Well, I'm in my flat tummy tea era. I just decided I need flat tummy tea. I think that'll heal me. Can y'all fucking believe that IG baddies were just selling laxatives? I know. We all were just like, yeah, flat tummy tea. Hey, I want some flat tummy tea. Meanwhile, girls were just shitting out of their butt all day long. Yeah, it's fucked up. Which is illegal. Girls pooping is illegal. True.

Like, you making a point with this on is, like, killing me. Like, which is illegal? I'm like, he's a judge. Girls, do not shit. And if they do, I don't need to hear about it. I don't think that's something Ruth Bader Ginsburg would be, like, happy about. Ruth Bader Ginsburg was. Wait, wait. How did you say that? Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Ruth Bader Ginsburg was very for girls shitting. No, she was for girls shitting. Ew. And getting the abortion. She liked girls. Wait, someone should have done Dream's face reveal. Has no one done that yet? For Halloween.

Yeah. Oh, that would have been really good. There's a creative way to do it. There's something... Y'all need to tap into that aura real quick. I mean, when this comes out, there's still going to be time to get Halloween costumes. So we should just give away the extra Halloween costume ideas we had. Um...

Did y'all talk about your buy? Oh no, that was going to ring a bell. We were going to do the your buy, what would you do joke where either me or Inya had blue hair, green shirt, that whole vibe. Let me look up because I have a whole folder. Dedicated to it. I can't give away what I was going to be because I want to do it next year. Wait, we can bleep it because what was it?

Oh, yeah. Kim Kardashian did it a few years ago. I also wanted to do Selena, but I don't know. I still kind of want to do like there's this like group of cosplayers online that I found that have been making their own like kind of masquerade like puppets.

masks and i still want to do that but i just don't know i have the time and dedication because i saw a tutorial on how to do it i was like i can do that and then i look through the pages and they have like freddy fast bear costumes that they made also and i'm like okay that's how i know i'm out of my league because once you're carving foam and i'm out like i'm not doing all that also all i could think about was the carcinogens

uh seeping into my body because i am so sweaty all of my pores are open anything from this that is bad for me is in my blood imagine how tired we are imagine imagine how tired we are yep um i just i feel like i don't look pretty right now you're beautiful i love your beard yeah dude you look really good you look really hot honestly thank you i just i don't know if i feel i think you look smart

You look kind of abusive. Yeah, no, I hit people. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, I hit people. Like, not in that way, but, like, you look like a guy in, like, 2010 who's, like, kind of a piece of shit and would, like, hit me if we were in a club and I bumped into you.

You look like David Foster Wallace, kind of. Oh, yeah. Didn't he wear headbands? Yeah, he had like a red band. Wait, what were your other ideas? I couldn't find them. And they're too good to give away. Mustard. Yeah, meaning you're going to be mustard and ketchup or like a socket and a plug. I love that.

Top and a bottom. We didn't even talk about what would you do. Basically, I need to be on that show. So if anybody has connects, just put me on. Just confront me at a random time. No topics are off limit. I will probably always do the right thing because I'm a really good person. It'll only do good for me. Bitch, my ass. I was thinking about that. I was like, yeah, no. I would immediately step in on a lot of these. But no, I wouldn't. I am such a fucking coward and afraid of confrontation that like,

i don't know i would probably step up i think my move would probably be like there because they're my glasses are fogging up yeah they are there's three sides of like reactions to what would you do and it's the people who see someone in trouble and they go up to the person in trouble and they're like hey and they comfort them then there's a person who confronts the perpetuator of evil yeah and then there's a person who just like sides with evil

depending on what day it was i'd either side with evil or comfort the person i'd be the first one yeah we're like no confrontation but i just want to go and like give them a yeah i would go and like be nice to the person who's being attacked but also my first thought would be like i'm on what would you do so i really gotta do i gotta do the right thing right yeah in the newer episodes you can fully tell everybody knows they are on what would you do like without fail everybody knows everyone's getting into character and like they kind of just let it run

Stop fucking staring at me. You look insane. Like, I literally feel it from here, and, like, I'm trying to listen to you, and then Kai's, like, staring daggers at me. It's fucked up, because I think you look like, you look the best you've looked in probably, like, the six years we've been. Yeah, easily. Probably since I was, like, 17, right? Yeah. 17, I looked great. Minute 18, and I was fucked. They only want you when you're 17. When you're 21, you're no fun. Ah.

Guys, I am just like overheating and fucking dying. Me too. Oh my God. Last week you were talking about like nasty British food and we cut it out because- British teeth. No, I was talking about British teeth. I saw British teeth in real life last week.

Really scary y'all like I know all of y'all aren't like that but like really like bruh like actually brush your teeth challenge like I'm Genuinely not joking says the man who can't shit like y'all y'all are gonna Drew we should Oh Sorry Drew's okay, we're back. Yeah took a nasty spill But Drew's fine, but I'm chill. Oh

No, you're not chill. You're too crazy and I can't take you anywhere. You can't take me anywhere. My friend is so crazy. You can't take me anywhere. My friend is so crazy. I'm so fucking crazy. I'm crazy. I'm so fucking crazy. Why are you clacking those around? You're missing a pinky. Oh, because pinky's up, darling. I guess she's not British. Fuck. I don't really know this character too well. You wanted to do it because you had a bunch of bits planned.

I don't know. What else does she do in the Michelle Pfeiffer one? She hisses. You're a red girl. I'm fucking Minnie Mouse, bitch. And it's so cute. It is so cute. I'm Minnie Mouse because I know y'all know I was talking a lot about Disney and about her house and Disney contacted me. They kicked that bitch out. I'm taking her spot. It's kind of fucked up. Does that mean you have to have sex with Mickey Mouse? No, they don't fuck.

They're open. I guess they don't have kids. Mickey and Minnie or Polly? Yeah. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. What do you think that was about? Goofy's gay. I didn't say Goofy was gay. Goofy's bi. Goofy's gay. Goofy's gay. But cuckold. No, he watches them have sex. He's a cuck. Goofy's kid. He's gay. Collect that. Max...

is a child. Yeah, I clocked that to you. He's an adult now, baby. That was like 20 years ago. I clocked that to you. He's like 48. Max is 8,000 years old now. Okay, something I've been dying to talk about this entire episode. Okay, you know those chiropractor videos where they like break the woman's spine and she like screams and like da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Why are 98% of those soft core porn? Like, I'm not kidding. Like it is so hypersexual to the point where it's like almost like mukbangs being like feeder content. It's like chiropractor videos on TikTok are just soft core porn because it's like two dudes grinding up on each other or like a dude and a girl like the

breaking each other's back the moaning and then i saw one recently where this guy like breaks this girl's spine and then like holds her from behind like this and i was like this makes me so uncomfortable but it's so funny because what they've started doing instead of moaning is they add like tom and jerry ass screams over it so it's not the actual screams have you seen that no dude i liked like three of them recently because i was just laying in bed and i thought they were so

-So fucking funny. Wait, let me find. -Also, one of those chiropractors reached out to me two years ago. -Oh, you should have done it. -I didn't. He was like, "I'm coming down to LA and looking for influencers to collab with. I could adjust you for free, but I would want to post the video."

I was too pussy. It's like a masseuse. It's like a masseuse vibe where like masseuses are like, they come into your hotel room and like rub you up and then accidentally touch your boner. Who said that? Did that happen to you? That never happened to me. Like when you're at a massage parlor and they touch your boner and they just like jerk you off. Bro, the thing,

is like my ass like every time the only weird thing I ever have happened during a massage is sometimes they like pull my fucking nasty ass underwear down because somehow every time I've gotten a massage I'm wearing like my most beat up like destroyed dry rotted underwear like oh

She's not crazy anymore. You're so crazy. I'm so fucking crazy. I'm so fucking crazy. Putting your bag of chips back on your head. Bag of chips. Oh, it's actually, it's like way too dark. We can brighten it in post. We can a little bit. Kai will finger it out. I'll finger it. Okay, don't. You aren't supposed to repeat that. Okay. Kai will finger the video. Kai is always fingering the video. That's the best one ever.

No, okay, this is like the Tom and Jerry scream. Like that is... That is not that woman's voice. That is literally like Jerry getting his fucking tail snatched by fucking Tom. Or is it reverse? Who's Tom and who's Jerry? Tom is the Tom cat. Jerry snatched his tail. And Jerry is the mouse. Hello. Oh, Jerry's the mouse? You're the mouse, baby. I'm the cat. Let's play a little game of cat and mouse.

-Oh, also I found out that-- -Did she say that? -No. -What'd she say? -Oh, I found out that Jerry's a side. -I thought Kai was Sideman. Do you all know what side is? -No. -There's top, bottom, verse, and then side. -Oh, you have to-- -I'm giving like--

You're giving like celibate, no one wants to touch you. You're disgusting. I'm giving top secret information away for free, but a side is someone that doesn't want any penetration at all. Honestly, respect. Penetration in their mouth though? No. Damn. No top, no bottom, no verse. They're just hanging out. So they don't give head either? They give head. Oh, okay.

- And you're saying Jerry's aside, the mouse, the little tiny thing that's like this big? - This is just what I heard. - Who did you hear that from? I guess LA is a crazy place guys, just so you know. - That part, clocked up. - You need to stop doing that. - I need to get nails like for real, 'cause like this. - Metal nails is kind of a vibe. - Dude, have you seen the people on TikTok who are like, what is it called, like jewelry makers?

There's like a name for it. I can't remember the name for it, but there are people who... No, it's not... There's jewelers and then there's like people who are literally like fucking cobbling the metal.

jewelry maker oh no they're called blacksmith blacksmith blacksmith no blacksmith makes swords and shit well he might as well be a fucking blacksmith because there's this motherfucker on tiktok who makes like nails like they are doing uh sterling silver and gold nails and they'll like take a mold of your hand oh i actually have seen that yeah that's kind but also like what are you supposed to do how

How the fuck am I supposed to bite my nails? I haven't had my teeth cut. You know, like, grills? I want one for my ear. Have you been seeing those? They take a mold of the inside of your ear and make a grill for your ear. It's like an earring? It's kind of, like, Schiaparelli coated. That would be cunt. But also, like, that's the kind of shit that here I go gluing on my gold fucking nails. Like, I'm going to be at a party and come back home and have, like, a pinky, a pointy finger and, like...

-It's for main events though. -Because it's gold. Ellen DeGeneres saved a lot of money on the show because she didn't hire editors. -She didn't hire nail tech. -Also, did you all ever see Will.i.am's metal hair? -Yes. -Remember at the Super Bowl, he had metal hair? It's like a metal-- It was his hair but made out of metal. -Yes. -The shit people were doing when like,

was in popularity and main culture was so funny. We need to get back to that, but I fear we are like too far in the future for people to do it for fun. Black Eyed Peas tour. Back then, it seemed like the year 2010 and 11, everybody was doing whatever the fuck they wanted. Like Katy Perry was on a cotton candy cloud and then riding a giant metal tiger. And Lady Gaga was dressing up like Joe Calderon. And Beyonce. Someone should have gone as Joe Calderon. Yeah, one of us should have been Joe Calderon.

Girl, for main Halloween, you be Joe Calderon and I'll be Gaga. No, bitch. For main Halloween, I got to be this because I already spent my money on this. This is getting boring. If you see me out in this like three times, don't say shit to me. Act like you've never seen content of me in your life in this. Because she sewed it herself. Thank you. Yeah, I made this all myself. It took me like three minutes. Probably like three minutes. 30 minutes. Okay, 30 minutes. For a lot of people, this would probably take like three weeks, but it took me like 30 minutes.

Did you know you have 30 minutes? Did you know you have 30 minutes? I love this bag of chips on your head. You're crazy. You can't even see us. I'm genuinely concerned that you can't see us this whole episode. Remember when that happened when we did the outdoor episode in Joshua's movie? Yeah, like by nighttime. And we turned on the night vision. That's a vibe though.

Also, I was gonna say you look like pretty. You look good. Like, I don't know why. I like, I think you look like a girl right now and you look pretty. Like if I saw you at the bar, Drew...

I was like 10 drinks in. Doubles. So like 20 drinks. So you would need to be completely wasted to hook up with Drew? You would need to be dead to hook up with me. That's really homophobic. I'm calling it. Thank you, Kai. No, it's not homophobic. Let me tell you. He's gorgeous. I mean, look at him. Long brown hair. 20 drinks deep to hook up with him? I would do it sober even. And we would laugh about it. We would laugh about it. We for sure would laugh about it. You honestly do.

look good that's what i'm saying you should grow your hair out i was trying to convince drew so much oh my god okay so since the last episode we went to the brat tour we went to sweat and it was so fucking fun it was like such a good concert it was transcendental yeah i genuinely think charlie is one of the best performers i've ever seen and trust and believe

I've been to a lot of concerts. My life's been pretty awesome. You said Beyonce. Yeah. She's not better than Beyonce. Are you saying Charlie's better than Beyonce? I didn't say that. No one's better than Beyonce. No one's saying all that. But Charlie's stage presence...

is the closest you can get no i'll say that like she has like sex appeal like crazy she's such a good performer she is like i i couldn't keep my eyes off of her and also the way she interacts with the crowd too is so fucking funny she'll just like i don't know if it was la specific but like her just like cussing us all out for being fucking bunk was like really sick like i know it was

It was very authentic feeling. It wasn't like a bit. Also, Troy can dance his ass off and I found myself mimicking the way he was moving on stage. The way he has such a specific body movement and I felt myself like, you know what I kept doing? You know that video of Rihanna when she was high as fuck? I know, body is crazy. That video of Rihanna when she's high as fuck watching Lady Gaga and she's like, show me your teeth and she smiles. I unironically did that at one point. Like,

Oh fuck no, who was on stage? Oh, okay. Actually, I'm Can you keep your fucking bag of chips on your head because you're actually being crazy too crazy Like now you're pushing it with being too crazy. Can y'all shut the fuck up? All three of y'all y'all want to see crazy. I'll show you fucking crazy. I mean the chips are already on the head Our little comedian

You know what's crazy is I don't think Orion knows you were doing that for Halloween and she sent me that yesterday. She was like, this is how I've been feeling lately. That's so fucking funny. But I was mistaking my Rihanna moment was when we saw Conan because I was with you. You came to Conan with us because we also saw Conan Gray. We have had a...

blessing of a time at the Kia Forum. We got to see... We took Englewood over. We were running Englewood this week. Don't fucking play with me because I also went to the football game out in Englewood. I went to SoFi. Oh yeah, you went to SoFi. And that was really fun. Shout out Orion. I miss and love you. It was so fucking fun. We got to see Charlie. We got to see Troy. We got to see Conan who was like so awesome. Also watching like there were a few parent-daughter...

couples around us at conan's thing or like duos not yeah and it was really really sweet to see like moms i wish i had a mom um but more importantly conan at one conan at one part goes like this like i don't know if you saw him on stage he went like this and i was so high i literally looked at him and i went like i did him back and i got so embarrassed because i was like

I was like, oh my God, what if someone saw me doing that? Because he was like telling us to clap and I was clapping. And then after everybody like finished clapping, he went like this. I was like, thank you. And I was like, thank you. Like I did it back and I was like, oh my God. Everyone thought like Charlie was like Gru and her fans were the minions. Like I saw that joke a bunch because like it really was giving that at some point.

conan is grew and his fans are the minions and i was clapping along i was waving my hands i had my flash out like i was doing the whole fucking thing and i truly believe and this is not my take this is a known take but if more people went to fucking concerts there would be a lot less bigoted religious people in this world because it is a very religious experience to be in a room of

15,000 people all there for the same reason, singing the same fucking songs and hearing loud music. - I mean, yeah, let's see why people love church. 'Cause when you think about it, they do that damn concert. They get someone up there and they sing. It's probably a kid who can't fucking sing for shit. - It just makes them feel included. It's like you're a part of something. And that's really what concerts make me feel like. - We hate church.

No, we don't mind. We don't hate church. We don't hate church, but would you see me in a church by choice? Absolutely the fuck not. Like, I genuinely don't think I could sit through... Is it a sermon? Is that what it's called? It depends on the religion, yeah. I want to go to the Mulholland Drive Church really bad. I feel like that would be iconic. The Kris Jenner one? I don't know which one it is. She was in a freaky church. Kris Jenner...

I just know there's like a church on Mulholland Drive with a beautiful view and I just want to go to it one time. Well, yeah. But I'm really about to enter my religious heart. And then I stepped outside and it was gorgeous and you had a view like that. I'd be like, wow, God is here. Like he was here this morning with us. But I've only been to Jehovah's Witness Church. So I think that's why I'm like, I don't want to go because...

That wasn't fun. That was not a fucking vibe at all. That would have not been chill. I literally, if I move, if I have any sudden movements, y'all, like the chip bag goes flying. So I have to like really be slow. See? I move suddenly. Y'all, the Juul class action lawsuit is going down and people are getting their fucking payouts finally. I saw one for $8,000. Wow.

Bitch, if I signed up for that lawsuit, I swear to God, I would have gotten paid 15 grand. I was smoking that shit when I was 15 years old to the age of like 28.

And I even like tried one like at 23 or some shit like that. Like really, I was like hitting the fuck out of it. And the fact that I'm still only 16 is like actually crazy. Wait, that doesn't make sense. Did you like go back? You regressed? Yes. No, I, yeah, I timed out. No, I've been like 16 for the last like six years. But like the real craziest part about it is I haven't aged today. I really haven't. Yeah.

Wait bitch, this is my RuPaul's Drag Race. My, what is it called? Oh, your Snatch Game. Yeah, my Snatch Game. If you get it, you get it. If you don't, you didn't get it. What the fuck does Catwoman do?

She's low-key quiet as fuck so you're not giving catwoman. Yeah, you're supposed to be stealthy and quiet You should have just been fucking Ariana Grande in that one video. I'm quiet. I'm very demure. Oh, yeah Josiah is being very demure right now. I'm very demure. I'm very quiet. Dude your boots make so much noise. That's the biggest plot hole in Catwoman is that leather outfit and not making sounds. Well I think if it was real leather it wouldn't make as much noise actually. This is real leather.

No, that's from Amazon and we got it for $0 because we're going to force Josiah to take it back. Dude, talk about it. Amazon will let you do $0 and don't pay for it. And if you return it within seven days, there's no money taken out of your account. It's a method for real. I was going to say, I also think it's a ploy because most people don't have fucking time to return something. They're lazy.

A lot of people don't want to work nowadays. You don't want to go down to the coals or the whole foods. Josie, you don't want to work nowadays. Actually, no, you've been working. I've been working. I've been working. No, you had a good year where the work was stagnant. And I wasn't even trying. I was like, fuck this shit. I got these credit cards. Let's max them out. What's your credit score?

- I think I have like a 705 now. - T, what's your credit score? - I think it's like a 740. - Ooh, what's your credit score? - I think honestly mine's like 810, so. - Respect. - You're annoying. - Okay, like-- - No, I buy it. - The thing is I-- - It's good. - I believe it, but like-- - Ty is good with money. - It's like mine is good 'cause I'm nonchalant. Like mine is good 'cause I'm nonchalant and I don't like, I just like keep up with my life. - Well, it's good to know we'd all get approved for an apartment.

Yeah. I guess that is. What's yours, Josiah? No, Josie. Josiah's is 220? It's about 340. It's been rebuilding. Josiah's in his building era. I'm in my building era because in 2022, I was like, because I got a girlfriend. The thing is, what were you even doing, though? Because you wore the same fake Prada shirt every day. Food. All I spend money on is fucking food. I love food. I'm obsessed with food. I eat all three meals out every day. I mean, we can tell.

I mean, Stan, because it's going somewhere. It's going right to that bulge. It's going right to that pussy. It's going right to the pussy. It's going to the big pussy. Dude, it's way too close to my face.

But really, like, I'm rebuilding my credit, y'all. Just wait until I get back to that. Because you know what? One last thing about this. I'm so sorry. But by the time that I was 19, about to be 20, my credit score was at, like, 780. I was so close to 800. Like, it's close.

And then the pandemic hit and I realized, oh, I have credit cards and I can just max them out and I'll pay them eventually. I literally think I only have a good credit score because I've been paying off cars my whole fucking life. That's tea. That is the only reason I have it is because of my car payments. Credit is the fucking devil. I fucking hate credit. Don't get credit bullshit. Don't take loans out. It is evil. I fucking hate credit. I wish I...

I did not get a credit score until I was 25. That's true. I just got a credit card. Well, yeah, but that also made our life incredibly difficult because my credit used to be bad. So then when we got this ugly fucking nasty apartment, we had to beg for it, which is crazy because we had to beg for the apartment. We did change a lot of things around here. I mean, yeah, we just shored this place for sure. We did change a lot of things around here.

We made our landlord more trusting of people under the age of 30. I mean, actually we did because when we moved in, there was nobody under the age of fucking 35 in this building. Now it is ransacked and run by children under 30 and a 16 year old, AKA Drew. And my neighbors, they scare me. I don't want to talk about it. That's it. I'm missing my middle finger.

Y'all, we have not addressed like the main thing that happened this week. That is legitimately the most insane fucking thing I've ever seen happen in my entire life. Hate the man.

Trump working at McDonald's. And then E. coli surfacing literally a day later. It's because he licked, he fucking scratched his ass and sprayed the E. coli particles. And also, Trump smells like shit. That is not like a made up thing. No, people have said that. People know, like, this is a real thing. He smells like shit. He doesn't brush his teeth. I mean, he doesn't rub me as a man who's like,

using clean towels. Like, I know exactly what his towel smells like and it smells like just like a nasty fucking man's building towel. Well, that's how he saves so much money. Yeah, true. It's because he uses the same towel. Also, he eats a fish filet like every single day. Like, so gross.

That's not true. But also, part of me is this. Is that true? He eats a fish filet on his private jet. He always gets fucking McDonald's for his private jet rides. He's fucking nasty, rancid bitch. Go fucking vote, please. Please, for the love of God, go fucking vote. He wears a girdle. That should be enough to tell you. Also, he had to sit on a fucking pee pad on a talk show because he has a leaky fucking cut. That can't be true. No, it is. You...

Do the peace sign. He is so nasty. I literally like I'm not kidding in my head. He is not real. And if oh, you know that new AI thing where you put in a picture and squish like the image. That's what I imagine is Donald Trump. Like to me, he's not a real person. He's somebody that if somebody wanted God could come and squish him up. And I wish that's what would happen.

I wish that can happen. So what you need to do is go to the booth of voting and go and vote for Miss Kamala and Mr. Walls. Please vote for me. Please vote for me. Oh, yeah.

that actually hurt oh i saw that drew you felt that yeah you got a really bad headache like not long after that was uploaded they like reanimated wait that was real yes oh i thought that was fake if only the people who killed bitches who were left-handed and called them witches saw what we could do on our iphones today they would actually fucking die like they would come it's

You can't call anybody a witch for that kind of shit anymore. You're just like, oh, what website did I do? They are literal witches on Etsy, by the way. They sell potions. They actually do. They do, and candles. I want to buy them. I bought a bunch of witchcraft candles. And he never lit them because he was scared. I got scared, and I'm also in my era where I'm not supposed to be lighting them. I did a lot of research, and I'm not going to light them anytime soon, and I may never, but I have them in the off chance that...

Something horrible horrible horrible happens in my life, and I really do need to sell my soul to the devil Me and the devil walking side by side Me and the devil I think me Drew and Josie are gonna start a trio and we're gonna defeat the ones who made the like

We're gonna make a song clickbait even worse. It's kinda looking like clickbait. We're gonna make a song like clickbait. Deep fake. It's kinda looking like clickbait. Deep fake. It's kinda looking like clickbait. Tell me what you need. You know what I mean? Tell me what you need. I feel bad for them though. I truly, I really do. I don't. No, no, no. The song is horrible.

They don't make good music. There are people out there who like that thing. Like, that's okay. I know, but I was just thinking about it and I was like, dude, why the fuck...

Like we live in such a crazy world where like this has become a topic that has lasted for weeks. When a shitty song used to come out, it would just be like, oh, that sucked. Like, but now it's like, just no one has anything to fucking talk about. Like, just shut the fuck up. I hate it. Don't get me wrong. But like, it's not funny to me anymore. Respect, honestly. It's not funny anymore. It's been like three weeks. I actually love this behavior. We need to like, the trend cycle needs to speed up again. Yeah.

For real, because we're running out of shit. We've been spending so much time on this bitch. Yeah, I mean, we actually don't have a lot of time. Or not a lot of time. We don't have, like, a lot of things to, like, talk about anymore. We also grew up in an era of fashion, like, that will never be replicated. I mean, like, 2014. We were, like, the last era of slow fashion. 2016, 2017 is not going to give. Like, when they, like, recycle that shit, like, it is not going to eat. No, I think about that sometimes. 2012 to 2014 will eat. Specifically 2010 to 2012 will eat.

That's not going to happen. And you're never going to make it happen. It will happen. The movie theater glasses with the lenses popped out. This is her. Dude, the mustache on the finger. She definitely had one. We'll come back. Also, before I lose this thought, the time is the new younger kids version of like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Guys, consent is important. No, no, no.

Yeah. What did you just say? Consent is important. That's true. That actually is true. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I was like, why are you saying that? I fucking ate, y'all. Like, leave the fuck alone. You need to start eating those damn chips. Bag of fucking chips. I'm not gonna lie, I can't wait to eat pretzels, even though pretzels low-key give me PTSD. Pretzels are fucking disgusting. These. I love pretzels. Oh, hell no. They jumped off my fucking head, dude. They hurt you. No.

Dude, pretzels? No, they're not. They don't give like... What they remind me of is church. Oh, fuck. Church with a plastic cup that you would eat the pretzels out of and then they would put some sort of juice inside the cup with the pretzel. Wait, y'all's body of Christ was pretzels? No, it was like a youth group.

Like it was just like a snack they would give you? Oh, I thought this was like the communion and I was like, y'all were using pretzels and like fruit juice. Oh, because I was going to say pretzels low-key remind me of being in YMCA when the only snacks they would give us was Fig Newtons and pretzels. Fig Newtons are so good though. I don't fuck with Fig Newtons. I haven't got over that hump. Josiah, please. I'm trying to fucking readjust. We don't have HR. Stop staring at me. Stop staring at me. I mean, you are looking.

Why are you looking? He's playing with his like... Why are you looking? I saw you looking. I don't even know what to call that. Hit him? Hit him. Yeah. Fucking please. Honestly, yeah. I've been talking to you my whole life. God, it'd be a Halloween miracle. And hit me fucking harder this time because last time it didn't... Okay. Hit me hard and soft. It's giving Billie Eilish. Oh! You knocked the bag of chips off my head. I didn't do anything. You hit me in the fucking face. Oh, he ruined your bag of chips! Sure, yeah. Hit me again. Do it again. Again. That wasn't enough. I don't even flinch looking at it. Ew, ew, he wants it. I don't give a damn. I know.

Yeah, that's great. Oh, why'd you bend over like that? Yeah, because you're too afraid to hit me again. Drew's being a slut. Drew's being a slut. Damn, your ass actually looks super good in this pants. No, not you, Josiah fucking Drew. Look at his ass. It looks great. The headband fell. Yeah, no, I'm just going to commit like this. Just balance it. Are you fucking taking selfies right now?

This is my fucking podcast! Yeah, and you can do whatever the fuck she wants. Yeah, it's her podcast. You dare talk to my girl like that, Efric? Kony 2012. Okay, you need to take those fucking chips off your head because if I hear them falling one more time, I'm gonna be like, ah! Because it's all the salt in there. Kony 2012. Just put the bag down, dude. Wait, maybe the bag of chips wasn't crazy. Drew, Drew, Drew!

Maybe the like real meaning of that meme is like when she puts a bag of chips on her head it actually dilutes the crazy and when she takes it off that's a good theory. Drew come back. Why did he run away? Because you guys are being homophobic. I wasn't being I'm You said a bunch of homophobic coded things. No I didn't. And I'm an ally so I do pick up on stuff like that. Drew come back. Drew. I'm not begging.

I don't give a fuck. I'll keep going. Drew, please come back. Ew, ew, ew, ew. Stop. Drew, please. You look gross. Like you're scaring me. Drew, bro. What the fuck is this? He's fall girl now. No, I took my wig off and this is what I dyed. Wait, when did you get your hair done? Like today. When did you get your hair?

I got it done today, y'all. It was under the wig. I wanted to do like a reveal. Like a double wig reveal? Yeah. Like a wig under a wig? Yeah. So I took my hair off. I just want to say I wasn't here for the last Halloween episode. It is such an honor to be here for this one. The eve before your C-section for your poop. You're hitting your word, Max. I am. Every word is 50 cents and it adds up quick. So think about it.

- Kai, I just wanted to ask you a question. Can you give me a 40 word dissertation on why I'm so hot? - 400 words. - The thing about the way that Drew is so beautiful and his body goes crazy, I love his hourglass figure. I like the way that when he runs, I can hear his nuts slap against his ass. - Ew! - No, I can make it clap with my balls. Like girls make it clap with their ass, I make it clap with my balls for real, my dick and balls. - Can you actually make it clap with your ass? - Yes.

I can. Can you clap those cheeks? Actually, he can. Maybe you show me or us. I think when I turn 26, I'm going to get a BBL, by the way. So y'all stay tuned for that. But I'll only have it for like a month and then I'll get rid of it. I was trying to come up with a joke. You're going to have it for a month and then get it sucked out? Yeah, you can do that, right?

I unironically- oh what'd you say? Drew said he- no that was important. He's fine! He's fine! No he's not, look at him! He says that stuff all the time and I'm just like "Boo, ahhh" He looks fucked up. Like, that's fine. What did he say? He said he's gonna kill himself, you know him. He says that all the time. Bro he won't, he has no fucking commitment. Yeah he has commitment issues over here. He won't fucking commit. You guys are not being empathetic. Oh my god I have commitment issues. No one hates me more than I hate myself. True.

I think I'm gonna start using my phone like this. Like, you know how old people hold it from the bottom and they just like use their finger to like navigate around the screen. I'm gonna just start fingering myself on the podcast. Yeah, just like, Jinx, you owe me soda. Jinx, you owe me coke. You can talk. Jinx, you owe me bottom tonight. I'm not doing that.

- Why not? - That would have not been true. - Guys, should we tell ooky spooky scary stories? - Dude, I was trying to think and like, I don't know if I have scary stories that I can tell. - I have one that I've been withholding for the last 12 years for this moment. - What is that? - I was a home alone. Actually, I was in bed with my father and my mother.

Wait, really? I am hating this wig on you, by the way. I'm like so confused. No, no, no. When I was about 14 years old, I was home alone. Okay, Macaulay Culkin.

Drew, I mean, you gotta fucking continue with the story. You're actually starting to freak me out. Like, it's really scaring me. Because also when you move around like that, I can't see your face and I'm just looking at a blonde head of hair. No.

Do you actually have a fucking story? I don't think he does. I have a scary story. Tell it. So I've been thinking a lot and I feel like I'm not straight. I'm actually a bisexual person. Cool. It's 2024. That doesn't mean shit, bro. You choose the worst one. Like that's what you're going to be? Because it's like scary. Bro, just commit. Like, bro, you're either straight or gay. Exactly. Exactly.

I love you for that. Oh, thank you. I'm a bisexual, but I'm only hooking up with girls. That doesn't make sense. Kai's a side with women. Yeah. He's the first straight side.

Yeah, Harvey Milk would be so proud. Who the fuck is that? Who's Harvey Milk? Are y'all fucking kidding me? More homophobia. Who is Harvey Milk? This is actually crazy. Who is Harvey Milk? You don't know who Harvey Milk is? Drew, Drew. I know who Harvey Milk is. Oh, okay. What did he do? This makes us kind of stupid. What did he do?

He was a politician who risked his life for LGBTQ. He went crazy in San Francisco. I'm glad that Harvey Milk existed because he paved the way, but I don't know who he is. I mean, that's just a fact. Yeah, thank you for everything you've done for Drew's Kind. That makes me really happy what you've done for Drew's Kind. And I'm happy I get to witness it now. And Kai now. Not me. Nope.

Oh my God. Back with the crying shit. Why are you crying? Why are you crying? Why are you crying? He does that all the time. He's dramatic. He's in pain. No, he's withdrawing. He needs vodka. He just needs a little bit of vodka and he goes right. Dude, I have a bunch. I brought a bunch. I brought my car vodka and

- Into the house. - Your little bottle of car vodka. - Yeah. - That you keep in the car that you drink. - Yeah. - Your little bottle, your little baby bottle. - Yeah. - Do y'all think if I went out this Halloween and went to a party and like hit like two people I knew that if the next day I was like, oh my God, I like was going through psychosis. I didn't know who anybody was because everyone was in costumes.

Do you think I could like do that? You would get away with it. Yes, because you have pretty privilege and you can get away with anything. All of you do. Stop flirting with me. I'm not flirting. I'm not flirting. That was a platonic compliment. Well, yeah, ours is more. Ew, what are you doing? Ours is more like non-verbal. It scares me. I have a good wink, no? Oh, Josiah, does that piss you off? Watching that? No, I just worry for Drew. What are you worried about? He's scared of you. I can hear you when you whisper. I'm so scared.

Okay, well, should I go into my little facts about TV remotes 25 years ago? Bro, fuck. All right, I'll get into them. Y'all, so you know... Fuck. You know why...

Some people on the West Coast are like, oh, that's a clicker, like a remote. A remote to me is a remote. A clicker is a remote to them. It's a remote. You grew up saying remote. I said remote. Remote. I think Josh is the only person we've ever met who actually does that. Some people call it a clicker. Yeah. Really? Like, give me the clicker. And I was like, the switch.

They say, oh, can you pass me the Switch? And I'm like, my Nintendo Switch? The fuck are you talking about? And they also call the ATM the teller. Maybe they call it, what the fuck? The verse. Wait, I genuinely think Josh's family has time traveled because why do they only use the

They're weird for that. The teller? That's what ATM stands for. I did not get to tell my TV remote shit and you interrupted me. This is really important. We are adding to the facts of life you are serving. We're just like making a combo. It is called a clicker, right? And I was always like, why do people call it a fucking clicker? Well, 25 years ago, remotes...

They literally changed the channel, the volume turned on and off by making a high-pitched frequency that was inaudible to human ears. That was a loud clicking sound. So it would turn the TV on and off. But they discontinued it because people would open a soda in the other room or like turn on the faucet and it would change the channel and turn the TV off. And then at night...

When the wind was blowing and like a tree branch would scratch against the window, it would turn on the TV. Wigless. The ghost took my wig because I was going to get into the spooky story about Poltergeist. People, there's TVs would turn on because the trees would scratch against the window. I just got my fucking phone fixed. I swear to God.

Drew needs a fucking phone case. Get a phone case. I have AppleCare, which Donald Trump is promising to take away. That's why you need to vote for Kamala Harris. I don't know if that's why you need to do it. Like, there's a lot of better reasons to do it. But if you are, for some reason, an idiot and you haven't decided, I hope AppleCare can at least push you. We didn't talk about the Pharaoh at all. You made that up. Like, what's fucked up

fucked up is he's fucking insane and i believe that like the clicker thing no apple care i literally believed i heard you say in the room earlier and you were repeating it i was like damn he really is trying to take a like apple care away from us the clicker he's trying to take apple was so interesting wasn't that fascinating i was like enraptured no no listen and people would think the tv would turn on automatically so they thought their houses were haunted by poltergeist and so that's why they discontinued them because people were like stopping buying tv stopping buying tvs

That's why they saved so much money. That's why Samsung lost a lot of money. Samsung is the biggest company in Korea. Fun fact. I knew that actually. What we didn't talk about was the Pharaoh and the Captain and Hulu and Tim Walsh. This is Josiah's scary story. This is my scary story. Get into it. I was... Okay. Paint you the picture. It's 2010. I was like 20 at the time. So...

We were at the startup of Hulu. You know Hulu, the streaming service? Yeah, yeah. We were at the startup of Hulu. It was me. No, you created it. Well, I created it. All the codes for everything. Someone comes along. His name is Jason, but he calls himself the Pharaoh. And everyone in the industry is like, oh, the Pharaoh. He's so prestige. He's great. He ended up getting me onto the ship. And...

It's not funny, bro. I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at your drama. I'm laughing because that's my way of connecting to people. Well, okay. It was a wooden ship. It was made out of wood, if you must know. And it was green and it floated. And the Pharaoh chased me around that ship for years until eventually...

He ousted me from the company. No, he caught you and put you in the hole of the ship and trapped you down there for months. Well, yes, I was in the brig for quite a while. But also, finally, he ousted me from Hulu. I have no ties to it. No stock options. My options diluted down to zero. But remember what you always say. That TikTok ostracized me from my family. And also that Tim Walls is putting tampons in the boys' bathroom. So there's a hope that maybe I'll get my access back to Hulu.

I'm driving a fucking Honda Civic for God's sake. The rats are eating the wires. Bro, my life is a fucking cartoon, bro. Okay? They're eating the fucking wires in my car. Why don't you fucking eat the rats since you're Catgirl? Oh, yeah.

I wasn't cat girl at the time, but what I'm going to say, it's too much work blurring that out. You can't keep doing that. Damn cats have it hard. But what I'm going to really say is what I'm telling you right now is that the, this is true. It looks like a brain. Kai, you don't know this. The rats. I parked my car at Drew and Enya's for a week, which says a lot about this street.

oh okay don't talk about our street like that but i hear people yelling at each other every night into our house i love it i would live here i would live here i think what it was is i parked it by that abandoned house that burnt down and i think there's rats in there and they got up into my car oh my god bro you're a man spreader no i'm actually very compact right now

Okay, let him talk about his trauma. Bro. You laughed about the shit. I'm uncomfortable. He's physically intimidating me. You laughed about the pharaoh. You laughed about him being ousted by the pharaoh. And ostracized from my family. He was ousted by the pharaoh. Like, let him talk about the pharaoh. All you care about is his giant pussy. You care about his giant pussy. His botched tuck is freaking me out. Oh.

Okay, just keep going. I'm so sorry. Just keep going. That was really annoying. I shouldn't have said that. Just keep going. Is someone going to hit me for what I said? But really, just the rats crawled up into my car and ate all the wires and caused $5,000 worth of damage. And I was like, damn. Did you hear that?

the rat how much five thousand dollars the rats crawled up and like bit all the wiring so his car just wasn't working which i'm like why like why they cannot eat it why are you biting through it like why are you pressing with me because yeah cat like i really don't understand because my life is like a fucking cartoon bro like the last few months my life

It's not even a joke at this point. So your life has been like a nightmare. There's a lot of good things that I'm grateful for. My family is alive. I have lovely people in my life. But like there's a lot that's like cartoonish. God is messing with me for real. Well, the good news is or I guess it's bad news for you. But we are not loving people in your life because we've actually been secretly poisoning you. And that's why your stomach hurts. Yes.

You know, I thought my girlfriend, I really, two months into this whole stomach debacle, I looked at her when we were like sitting outside and I was like, are you poisoning me? And I genuinely, I was losing it. Yeah, I like Phantom Thread because she loves that movie. And I bought her the book from that movie, The Poisonous Mushroom Book. Yeah. Like that tells you which one. And you thought she went into the woods and scrounged around. Think about what was going on with me like a month and a half ago, two months ago. I was losing it. It was dark. Like a lot of stuff happened in my family and stuff. And I really genuinely looked at her and I was like,

like are you poisoning me like i really i mean well i really can't even blame you because the first half of this year was so bad for me um that i genuinely i genuinely believed i had either a hex put on me i thought i was genuinely i didn't grow up catholic but i somehow had intense catholic guilt

that's none of your business but i genuinely was going down i was going down a rabbit hole that i was like last year i was committing sins that are like i'm repenting like i literally i genuinely for a day in my life thankfully it only lasted a day but my like i had four awful things happen within the span of two weeks and i just sat upstate with orion because i was on a brand trip when one of these things happened and i was sitting outside looking around and i was like

Okay, like God is like actually attacking me. Like he's just attacking me before I die and that means I'm gonna die soon. And now I'm on medication. The feeling hasn't gone away. And here you are. For the most part it has though. Yeah. You don't complain about it as much. You look really beautiful. Your eyelashes look really good. Thank you, they're fake. Are they really? Are they really? I put two fake ones in there.

Damn, they look good. They look good as well. So that I could have like a Minnie Mouse cuntiness. Can I hit now? Could have fooled me. Yeah, you'd even have to give me a compliment. I'm actually like really easygoing and like nobody has to treat me right now. I don't want that shit anymore. It's ran through. Oh, okay. It's ran through. Are you talking about the kitty? The purr purr. Don't talk about the kitty. Oh my God, thank you. You're not calling it tuna box. It's not the tuna box anymore, baby. She had it cleaned out.

She had it flushed out. Yeah, you know the videos when somebody goes so far down a drain that the snake comes out the other end of another apartment? That's what they did to me. That happened to us. They did a snake through Enya's whole body. And it came out my mouth and sloshed around a bunch of fish scars. Dude, that's literally what happened with my colonoscopy. They were like...

Like both ends. I need the footage. Was there a camera in there? Yes, I have all the pictures. You guys want the pictures? Wait, you actually have footage of it? I don't have footage. I wish. I have photos. We can insert it. Ew. My terminal ilium. The cobblestoning. It'll go on Patreon, guys. It'll go on Patreon. Cobblestoning.

It's too much to explain. It's not fun. Y'all are like, literally the reason y'all feel sick is because you have iPhones. Like it's that damn phone. I'm not even kidding. It's definitely a big part of it. It's because y'all can, I've realized I am in a group of friends who are all extreme hypochondriacs. And it literally, every time I walk past the room, it's like, and I know, and I'm like, I think I need to go to the hospital. It's literally like every waking moment is like somebody being like, I think I need to go to the hospital. No, you should, I'll take you. Do you want to go? And like, it's literally,

For the first time in my life, I have not been taking my health serious. I know. And it actually is where it has been. Very valid reason to go. And it has been begging me to go to the hospital. And I just I think I'm going to perforate my colon on purpose and I'm going to lose an arm because I know I go septic. No, no. OK, because this this is a dark. I'm going to go septic. Don't. Yeah. We don't want to see you. These are bad thoughts.

coming out in different ways and you're not taking your health seriously. I'd rather lose a leg. It's a projection of something you're feeling mentally because you haven't been feeling good mentally. So now...

- You are not taking your health serious. - Exactly, no, I wanna die. - I know, that's why you need to go to the hospital. - When it finally comes out, you're gonna have to get a husband stitch. - But I will say I am genuinely so jealous of the relief you're gonna feel when it's gone. - Y'all, I went to the fucking gym. - Oh, the euphoria you'll feel? - I went to the gym. We don't have a scale in our house. I think there should be a legal in homes, but we have a scale at the gym and I've been trying to gain weight. I've been trying to gain fucking weight and I stepped on the scale and I was like,

I'm like putting on muscle like crazy. Bitch, I hadn't shit for 14 days at the time and I had 12 pounds of shit. Wait, when we went the other day, did you? Yes. There's no way it's 12. No, no. It legitimately is. Every time we're like at the gym randomly, like when we're leaving, when Drew has like finally started to gain weight, he'll update me on like if he is gaining weight. And I hover around 138 to 139.

144 on like a really good day and like when I'm 144 I'm like fuck yeah I'm like I'm gaining weight this is tea bitch I weighed 152 like actually yeah that's 12 pounds of poop

12 pounds of Wingstop, babe. I did shit out a tender worth of turds out of my butt. He described it as a chicken tender. And I was like, oh, that's like a pretty good amount of poo to come out. And he said no. Total. That's the total. He described the measurement unit as a chicken tender. It's like the volume of it. Like they come out as little marbles. Like a Wingstop chicken tender or like a Chick-fil-A chicken tender? A Wingstop. Okay. That's better. Okay.

But like no like a dinky one Not like a big girthy one Like when they accidentally throw it in and you're like oh my god They were being nice Or it's like they give you a giant Second tender and then a tiny third tender But like bitch It's really over for me But the pain has Stopped over here But it's still going on up here

yeah i guess i'm taking i have toxic mega colon i've been claiming that i have toxic mega colon is the best title for like a disease or like condition they've ever come up with it's literally when your colon that should be a drag name toxic mega toxic no toxomelic could you put this off well i can't say it's so fucking iconic your colon gets so fucking big that it like

Can't go back down and then the shit just falls out of your body. Well, a reason why I've been thinking my hex is back to being activated is because I've been getting really embarrassed at the gym recently. And one of the things that happened was

I was leaving the shower and I when I leave the shower I literally just leave it butt naked nasty because I'm like I'm just gonna go to my locker and put my clothes on Well when I was walking out My bag girls each other naked. Yeah, we play and stuff. Okay, I was gonna ask that we don't have a sauna room We have like a slip and slide and we all push each other with your boobs out. Damn. We only push by the boobs Oh

When I was leaving the shower the other day, I have this like drunk elephant zip bag that I got in PR once. That's kind of like a little briefcase with a zip and I didn't zip it all the way. And I walked out into the hallway and everything. I have like 40 random pieces of shit in that fucking bag. Everything dropped on the floor, exploded in shock.

cross and around the locker room. So I had to embarrassingly run and grab a towel and half like cover myself to try and pick everything up. And then a girl came and started to help me because she felt bad for me. And because I was carrying everything, my towel kept falling. So this girl basically just watched me scrounge around the floor naked and grabbing things. And I kept being like, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, so sorry. I'm so sorry. Like, you don't have to help. And we had a back and forth like that for three minutes straight. And

I don't believe in apology. That's so sad. And then when we were walking to our car, I saw her again. So she saw me. Also, it was right when I was telling Drew what happened and I think she heard me. So that was embarrassing. I think women apologize too much. Straight up.

I think women should die. Oh, I'm with you on that too. Yeah, weirdly me and Drew also agree. I feel like cats should also be able to vote. No, not just dogs. Cats are very conservative. My disdain for men has gone to a different level that's scaring me. Dogs are liberal. Cats are conservative. That is not true. Azul is a Republican. Azul is a liberal goddess. Azul

voted early by ballot i would i would go so far as to say azul is a turf azul also i said early by ballot she did vote in i would say azul is a libertarian honestly yeah azul has blue eyes and white fur that is an aryan cat she has some orange tips oh that is blonde hair yeah you have a republican cat hair

Azul is liberal. Azul is liberal, guys, I swear. Loki, you know what's the worst part? Is I'm being so defensive because I know Azul is conservative. Like, I know that's a conservative cat. But I had a question, um...

Yeah, mama. No, no, no, no. How would you get away with murder? How would I get away with murder? If you were going to kill someone. I would fucking kill someone and kill myself. No, just... That's literally the easiest way to get away with murder. No, no, that doesn't count. You get away with it. How would you kill somebody? How would you do it? Can you say it really quick? And how would you get away with it? Okay, well, I know the method that I would dig a hole that is...

12 feet deep down vertically that only the body can fit into, but it's going down. But I can't smell it. It's like this.

So this surface area is super small and then put a dead animal carcass on the top of it so when the dogs hit the scent they see they dig it up and they see an animal carcass and they're like oh this fucking phony ass dog god damn it. So you're gonna make the dog lose its job. Yes. Let the dog lose its job. You're gonna get the dog fired. Like you already killed someone and now you're gonna get the dog fired. I don't give a fuck about the dog. Give dogs unemployment checks. I don't give a fuck about police dogs bitch. Exactly.

And yeah, how would you do it? I guess where do we stand on like police dogs, guys? Seriously, because we're like pro dogs. But where do we stand with them? I don't give a fuck about police dogs. I feel bad for them. I genuinely feel like police dogs are abused. Well, most of the time they're German shepherds. So that means they're also German. I mean, I don't want to say it, but like I'm saying it. And yeah, how would you kill somebody? Bitch, I wouldn't kill anybody because I'm an angel.

about to say publicly because what if I do kill someone now they're just gonna have also I would just bury the bodies in Central Park next to the big rock no I actually I'm not kidding I think I genuinely would be the last person to get away with murder I can't keep a secret or something that I've done in me to save my life I have I have admitted to everything I have ever done or I

Pre told someone that I'm going to do something. I quite literally can't shut the fuck up. Like written all over your face. I literally I feel like I'm a bad liar. So like if the police came up to me and they were like, you know, I just came up with that. Y'all did you hear that? Huh? Wear your heart on your sleeve.

You didn't come up with that? Yeah, that's not me. Like, Enya wears her heart on her sleeve. I actually never have sleeves, so how would I wear it on my sleeve? That was really good. Thank you, Kai. Well, when it's hot, how am I going to wear it on my sleeve? Where is it going? Josiah, how would you kill someone? I'd kill somebody by really just the vacuum. Big vacuum. Death by vacuum.

Or I'd put them in the freezer or something. I really don't know. I kind of would. I was curious to hear y'all's. I was like, I feel like mine kind of ate now. Yeah. No, yours. Yours ate in a way that I really don't like. Like, I feel like, you know, something or you've done something. Well, no, you just have to think about it because you got to be prepared. Also, the blood stains in the car.

Can't forget about those. Bloodstains in the car. What are you talking about? You're saying that's always what gets someone caught. Y'all, if you want to know where my mental health's been, I've been back to watching a lot of murder stuff. Yeah, it's iconic. That should tell you where I'm at because there was a good run where I wasn't watching any of that.

That is a great way to tell where our mental health is at. No, because I was going to say, when I was getting a little better, I was actually, oh my God, no, it does say a lot. Because literally right when I started taking my medicine, I stopped watching murder stuff. But a little before that. Drew, sigh up. Drew, sigh up. Joe, sigh, sing it. Like, how does it go? Just any way you want. Drew, sigh up. A little more. Drew, sigh up.

Like how that girl does it. Yeah, exactly. Tell me what you need. Gotta look alike. Deep fake. Deep fake. That's how he sounds. I'm touching it. He keeps like patting it. I only have three. Order more food on your phone with your ass. I only have three, y'all. Oh, okay. The worst part about COVID is those damn QR menus. Worse than all those people that died.

My I'm allowed to my grandpa and technically my grandma both died of COVID. And your bug. Yeah, bitch. No, my you killed my bug. No, I gave your bug COVID. She sprayed it with. I fucking ate it. Dude, I have this such a good picture of Drew with the bug. I don't know if you guys have seen it, but it's really good. We'll insert it. We'll insert it right now. We'll insert it.

Uber drivers just said... Somebody said he drew with the bug for Halloween. Oh, geez. My Uber driver just said he's his own boss. No one controls him. Bitch, make a left right now.

So in a polyamorous relationship, who sits in the backseat? That actually is fucked up. I'm not sitting in the fucking backseat. Drew, you love sitting in the backseat. You love sitting in the backseat. That is true. I know for a fact that you rotate. You rotate in a polyamorous. I know that. Also, did I tell y'all that my Uber driver... I told you guys that my Uber driver was trying to kill me the other night. Yeah. Yes, I was Ubering to LA because my car was getting fucking chewed up by rats. But no, he was also...

maybe it's so effective. Yeah, he was trying to kill this guy. He was telling me, talking about how, because he was like, I live in LA and I was like, oh, is this like your last drive of the night then? And he was like, no, I got like 12 more hours. And I was like, oh, a night shift. And he was like, no, I've been working since like 9, 10 a.m. And I was like, and he, and I didn't even ask. And he was just like, yeah, I try to work like 24, 32 hour shifts.

And I was like, oh, driving. That's like the last job you should be doing for doctors. He made pilots do that shit. And that's why so many planes go down. It's always because a pilot error. And that's why a lot of pilots because they don't spend money on their. And yeah, that's how airlines save money because they don't hire editors for their. Basically, this motherfucker was telling me I was like, do you have insomnia? He was like, yeah, he was like, I don't know. He was like, I'm just like super paranoid.

And then started going on this whole long tangent about how like he was like pointing at the lights outside the window. He was like, have you noticed these lights have been off lately in L.A.? And like kept looking back. That's me. I'm sorry. You are crazy. Like, let me out of this car. And this was the last 10 minutes he started talking like this. And I was like, so this is why you've been trying to kill me. And then it made sense why he kept checking the mirror like every five seconds. There was nobody there. There was no car there.

So he just thought he was being followed? I don't know. He said it himself. He's paranoid. I mean, I gave him five stars. I tipped him. I can relate a little bit. I thought that headlights were speaking to me. You did for a while. Yeah, you did. Yeah, I really... I thought that the left headlight being out was a sign of cars for like...

And he kept saying it in the car with me to be like, I feel like I'm going to die, like probably by an accident or something. And I was like, I'm literally driving the car. So that means we would both die. So I think like really what it was like, I'll tell you exactly what it was when I would see a headlight out that side of the car hit my side of the car and killed me in a past life. That's what was scaring me. And I was just waiting for it to happen in this current life. Yeah.

I'm going to start it something inside me again. You are a crazy person, bro. I love you, Drew. Bye, y'all. Dude, I literally can't wait till Drew's 50. I know. It's going to be so good. All right. Well, thank you guys for watching. I'm going to have leaky bowels in a minute. Are we doing media or no?

Oh, shit. I forgot about that. I also have media, so don't forget about me. Guys, good news is it's 11.40 fucking p.m. No, it's not. Yes, it is. Okay, my media. I'll get it over quick. The Substance. Seen it twice. Gonna see it again in theaters. Love it. I'm sure you guys have already been talking about it. Still, I mean, I just re-listened to that Clara album when we were on the way back from Big Sur. And since then, I've been on the kick of it again. It's a really good album. It is amazing. And...

Greer's new album is coming out. Greer's coming out with a new album soon. Within a month, you'll have something. That's all they get. That's all they get. That's all they get is something. I'm featured. Mine is Ladies and Gentlemen, We Are Floating in Space by Spiritualized. Can't believe I got to see them perform in person. That's crazy. Oh. Oh. I'm going to kill myself.

I can't do that song because they're a bad person. In God's Childlike Hands, Lauren Alder, Pluto, Bjork, Everyone Knows, N.E.R.D., and re-watching Nurse Jackie again. Yes. Go to it. Boom. Oh. Mine is... Oh, Healing Todd Rundgren. Sorry, Nia, I stole that from you. Oh, that song's so good.

Please read me by the Bee Gees. I've got to see you tonight, Timmy Thomas. You make me feel brand new. The stylistics, because that's just the classic. And I rewatched Edward Scissorhands, and I think his hands were unnecessary.

That's it. It is giving. Why were his hands made of this? Also, the blood was not tea in that movie. The blood was ridiculous. But that's a goaded movie. It was redonkulous. It's a great movie, though. Oh, guys in my media is I've been seeing these really cool videos on TikTok. I think they're called edits where I'm the subject of them and it flips around and it does all these cool motion graphics type things. Anyway, I think they're really cool. I would love to see more.

I'd love to see more of those. More high edits, please. Yeah. I'm just giving them content so instead of making edits of you, they can make edits of us. Okay. Well, guys, I like it when you do the slow motion thing where it's fast and then it's slow and I'm kind of taking off my jacket or something. I actually don't even know if there's a video of that. But yeah, so just keep making those.