halloween episode w josiah
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon, spend less, smile more. - My name is Gay Little Monkey and I'm from Nebraska. - My name is Ryan and I'm from Buckwheat.

Welcome to Emergency Intercom. The Halloween special. This is Halloween. This is Halloween. Happy Halloweener. Happy Halloweener. Guys, we're back. We're back. Like we never left. We've got Joe here. Hey. Joe Joe. I'm Joe. If you don't know me, now you know me. I'm Joe. If you don't know, now you know. Um...

Dude, you in this fucking costume. I thought you were going to say, I'm gay little monkey from the Apple store. Oh, yeah. Go ahead. My name is gay little monkey and I'm from the Apple store. Ew. Dude, I actually love when you do that way too much and I don't think it'll ever not be funny to me. There's no water. Wow. Oh, oh my God. Starting off strong. You're fucking drinking. It's just holy water, babe.

That's a flat. I've been possessed. Oh my God. You are possessed. The power of Christ compels you. The power of Christ compels you. The power of Christ compels you. I was using all the props in the first like one minute. Like we should not be allowed to have props. That's what I'm saying. It's like literally we haven't really done an introduction or said anything yet. And we've just been like yelling. We've just been playing. And that's okay. That's okay.

that Halloween is really about. Everybody wants to make it about being a slut and nasty and sexy and using it as an excuse to whore yourself out.

out. Period. It should be a fun thing with your friends. I actually agree with you on women for once. Y'all are acting hella different. I just think... Says the slut. I have a feeling this light is not doing me justice and nobody had the decency to check and see if it's making me look good. I can't see. I have these contacts in and I'm not joking. You look beautiful. I'm like...

Feels like I'm dissociating. You know when you get like tunnel vision? Yeah. It's like that, but like to the un-teen. Have either of y'all wore like colored contacts? Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. But back to like women being sluts. Oh my God. We could have just like moved on. If you have big boobs and you show them off, you're annoying. You're annoying? Well, what if it's like huge boobs though? Like huge. What is the conversation? Okay. I guess like what? Like triple F?

A, B, C, D, E, F. Yeah, F is after E. There's no way, no one has triple F boobs. I've seen some triple F boobs before. I mean, there's like 8 billion people in the world. Like, yeah. Do you mean like real organic, like natty? Yeah, like nobody has like natty. You're hella natty. I'm hella natty right now. Yeah, you're so natty. Yeah, you're serving natty. Nice socks. It's like you're so nat. Aw. The foot episode. Let's see what's in between those toes. Yeah.

Well, should we talk about me getting a scam call while we were getting our costumes? The single topic we have. Yeah, the one thing we have to talk about today. Okay, well, I need to back up. How about that? You need to back up. You need to leave. Sorry, sorry. Am I good with audio if I'm back here? No, hell no. Oh, hell no. Oh, oh.

21. 21. Who knew that the scary maze... LeBron James. Who knew that the scary... LeBron James. Who knows that the scary maze girl had such a good voice? Ew, something leaked out of your mouth. Yeah, you...

What was that? Chocolate. Oh, it's one of your guts fell off. Yeah, it's your gin gut fell off. Yeah. Okay, so yesterday we were getting like the final pieces of the costumes and just figuring things out and we were in Spirit Halloween and I got a call from a random number like twice and by the

third time i had an inkling i was like wow maybe this is something serious and i should answer it so i answered and immediately i heard a beep which to me is sign of a scam call because like it immediately beeping like that i'm like why why am i being recorded like are they cussing you also being recorded without being told you're being a recorder i'm like this is a scam call yeah so then he was like um i'm from are they cussing you out

I, like, didn't understand what you were, like, saying. I'll be thinking. Wow. Yeah, sorry. So they called and they were like, yeah, we're from American Express. This is the security region. Is this any Manzor? So I was intrigued. I won't lie. There was a split second of my brain that was like, oh, no, what did I do? What did I do? Oh, no. And you'd be like. Dorothy would be like. Oh. Wow.

The witch is dead. The witch is dead. Maybe when the witch in question is Drew's stinky pussy. Okay, I do not have a stinky dead vagina. You kind of do have a dead vagina. No, I have... No, no, no, no, no, no. I have a pretty pink boy furless pussy. Is it pink? It's shiny. Yeah, it's pink. To be honest, is it pink? It's pink as fuck. It's definitely painted. It's definitely painted. It's definitely painted.

It's definitely tainted by years of... Is it pink? No, it's not pink. Okay, that's okay. If anybody's going to know if it's pink, I know, and it's not pink. Mine's like purple vibes. Oh. Or like... It's green. Yeah, some days. It's rotted. It's gutted. It kind of just depends on the day. Because the girls I'd be fucking like, wow. It's like the pH is green. It's the green goo. I feel like I'm on Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards when I'm down there. Getting slimed. Dude, the laugh you just did.

It was really like scary. Sorry. The scam call. Anyway, so I am talking to him for a while and Drew's kind of lingering and he's like, who are you talking to? Who are you talking to? I was like, it's a scam. Just ignore it. Like, ignore me.

And then he's like, you took out a credit card and I'm a part of the security team and I just had to let you know that I will be sending the FBI after you in the next two hours if you don't resolve this issue. And I was like, what's the issue? And then he tells me that under my name there was a charge for $3,000 worth of firearms. So then I'm

it was like okay first of all like pick a scam that's like realistic because in what world am i spending that much money on firearms like also he said firearms.com white people do how much is it guys how much is the gun like as low as 150 dollars can i borrow 150 dollars why

Because I got some business to take care of. But yeah, so Inya's like getting, like chopping it up with this man. And I come over there and I'm like, what's going on? Like, what is all this about? And then she's like, she keeps, she has him like repeat it like 30 times. Yeah, I was like, what did I do?

What did I do? What did I do? Like, what are you saying? Can you repeat the website again? And then he keeps going. And he's like, firearms. You bought firearms. And then he's like, no, I didn't. And then he's like, you bought firearms without a license. And I'm like, and you tell him you have a license, like you're licensed, like you have a firearms license. And then he was like, I did. And then he came up with like a new lie where he was like, well, it's actually not.

a card open up under your name so it's not the card because he kept reading card numbers that wasn't inya's and then he was like oh it's actually like a different card number um that was opened up on your name

And yeah, it was just like back and forth for so long. Also at one point I was like, you know what? I do get drunk and I always have the issue where I get drunk and I always order a firearm. So it honestly might've been me. And then he was like, yes, it was you. And I'm sending the FBI. And I was like, are you seriously going to snitch on me? Like you're going to call the fucking FBI on me, bro. Oh, his name was Travis, by the way. Yeah. He,

He said his name was Travis. And then I started asking, I was like, have you gone on your lunch break today? And then Josie was like, ask him if he's had a chicken sandwich. Did you have a chicken sandwich today? Sandwich. Sandwich. And then we put him on a three.

a three-way call and I can't believe how long he stuck on. Yeah, I was like, we need to call my phone as like the business manager. So we like tapped my phone and then I gave it to Josiah because he's so much better at shit like that. And then we just like had a back and forth where I was like, I'm the business manager. And then we patched in Josiah's phone and like acted...

Oh, no, no, no. I was a store employee and I kept walking up to Inya and being like, you need to get the fuck out of Spirit Halloween. Like, you've been in here for three hours like on the phone. And it was so sad. Like, whoever this man was, he was like, is there any way you could go somewhere quieter, please? Because it was just so loud. Like, the music in that damn store is crazy loud. It was like 25 minutes in and he wasn't hanging up on us. And at this,

I told him I was in Turks and Caicos. I was like, you can send the FBI to my house all you want. I'm literally in Turks and Caicos right now. Like I'm at the mall in Turks and Caicos. Like I am not being arrested. And then Josie went up to the speaker and it was paying like the monster jam loud as fuck and spear Halloween and played it there. And then we put our phones together and we're making it like echo and like make a

crazy noise and he stayed he was quiet for so long we were like Chavis hello Chavis yes I'm still here he really thought he hit the lottery like he really thought like oh my god I have like a stupid bimbo girl like I'm literally gonna

get three grand out of her yeah but he literally wouldn't tell us how to resolve it like because i was like can i pay you can i pay you he was like let me finish let me finish and then he would start his whole tangent over again so basically he was one of the worst scam callers ever but we started calling him chavis instead of chavis and uh josie was calling me anna and you said your name was david i said my name was david you were annie and he's chavis

And you'd ask him, you said, Chavez, do you have a computer? Yeah, I think I was really offended. He was like, yes, I'm looking at the database on my computer right now as we're talking. And I was like, what database? I was like, are you sure you have a computer right now? He said he was in the New York headquarters. He said, I'm here at the New York headquarters. Bitch, what?

Who is stationing their customer service like area in New York? Not even that. It was like anywhere in America. It was 340 p.m. Yeah. So that would mean it's like past the workday. But I miss him and I honestly wish he would call back because he hung up on us. We didn't even end up hanging up on him. So am I allowed to say Osi on here?

No. Snapchat me to Usi and you can cash at me to Usi. Well, also we wanted to talk about, so me and Inya have been seriously, genuinely with our whole hearts. It's not even a bit anymore. Like actually getting married. Yeah.

Like we really, really are considering it. Josie's jealous. And Josiah's like actually hella pissed. But like, we just think it would be so fucking funny. One, to get married. Two, like all of the benefits. We essentially are married already. Like we have such a domestic life. We like do everything together. We go everywhere together. Like we're married. Are you guys going to sign prenups? Um,

We talked about that. I guess, yeah. We're just going to sign it so that everything is split. We own the things we own. There's no sharing of properties or anything. Or businesses. Because I know Drew is a gold digger, so I can't trust him. Who would wear the dress for the wedding? Drew. Me, yeah. Oh. I wear the pants. I wear the pants in this relationship. We've got a comedian. Yeah.

I'm not kidding. We are going to get married. Are you going to officinate the wedding? Officinate the wedding? What is it? Yeah, right. I don't believe in weddings. Officiate. Officiate? No. That's the part I do believe in. That's the thing is I believe in the wedding. Like, that's fun. But like, bitch. Yeah.

unless it's really good for my taxes i'm not getting legally married to you like well it is really good for your taxes yeah if y'all are getting tax breaks and shit off of it zoo it yeah i think we're gonna do it for that yeah so are you gonna officiate or what because you didn't really answer that if i got yeah it doesn't take that long to get a license yeah you have to become like an ordained minister as i'm sure like it takes like literally a day yeah i'll do it max like maybe an hour yeah but you have to be dressed like the way you're dressed

Right now? Yeah. I'll do it as it is. It feels kind of sacrilegious, though. Are you the Joker? Is that what this is? No, I'm the girl from Scary Maze Game. Oh, you are Scary Maze Game, girl. Oh, my gosh. Y'all know who that is? I would love to go through a dark tunnel and bump into a wall and see you naked at the end of it. Do you know the scream that she does? Do the Michael Jackson scream in that. Oh! Oh!

This is like every time I look, it's like I keep seeing something right here walking. Maybe I am fucking possessed. Yeah, you might be possessed. And I'm like, oh my God, Azul is in here. You're seeing your own hand. Is Azul your Toto from the movie? What movie? From the fucking Wizard of Oz.

What is that? That's what you're dressed as right now. You said my name's Dorothy. No, I'm Pearl from... Babe, that was last year. You have Midnight Games. I'm Pearl from Squid Game. No. I'm Pearl from Squid Fun. Can I polish your pearl?

It's cool that we planned no fucking topic. I know I'm going through all of my notes trying to find something. Maybe we talk about some scary stories, like some spooky scary stories. I don't have scary stories. I fell for them. I'm not even kidding. I like literally don't. My life is like, well, the scariest part of my life is the decisions I make and then having to face the consequences of them.

Damn. Flop. We have a comedian here. So yeah, I have a pretty scary life as a DoorDash driver. It's very hard. Okay. You actually have done DoorDash. Has anything bad to you ever happened while you've done DoorDash? No, just like seeing fans, like delivering to fans and then being like, oh, are you like good? Yeah.

but no, they're like, oh my God, are you Josiah? And I'm like, no, I'm not. And they're like, it says your name is Josiah on here. I'm like, oh. And you're like, what a coincidence. But you know what? Like, I don't give a fuck. And then they're like, can we see you sing?

Like, they know. Like, I mean, I don't make money, you know? Like, they know. Like, this is what I'm doing. I mean, that's why you have to get on the podcast so often. You need just a quick check. Jordan and you pay me, like, $40 every time I come on the podcast. Yeah. $40 and some special effects makeup. And if the episode gets past 300K views, we give them an extra $10 bonus. An extra $10 bill! A crisp $10 bill for your birthday, sweetie. Should we talk about how bad we've been...

with making music and I bet we can't because then we would have to show one of the songs. I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking, wow, oh my God, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads, but we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste. I feel like there's a clip we can show. Is there an earthquake just now?

Yeah, I was shaking my ass. Josie, you are actually fucking possessed because you're like tweaking out. I've never seen the first Exorcist. You should see it. It's fun.

We saw the... Did we talk... Did y'all talk about that last week? Seeing the exorcist in 40X? Yeah. But you have to talk about the fact that there was stink all over you. What do you mean? Because didn't it leak on you? Oh, yeah. When I was seeing it, I was sitting right there. And there was like... Because they do the water mist stuff, but there was like a leak in front of me. So I just kept seeing this like solid water stream come down right in front of me. And I was like, oh, damn. Because I was wearing my nice shoes and everything. Yeah.

And it was nasty. It was gross. Your little get up? Yeah, my little get up. We gotta get you some more clothes. I have enough clothes. They just all look the same. At this point, like, I used to be like, fuck that. I'm never buying clothes. Like, I've got, like, my two outfits. I'm good. But now it's, like, kind of by choice. I, like, find a shirt and a pair of pants that I like, and I wear it for a month. Remember your diaper butt? I wash it, though. Remember Josie diaper butt era? Those jeans. Yeah, he had diaper butt jeans. Yeah, like...

I just didn't understand yet. And my ass hadn't really filled out yet because I like was 17, 16. You weren't doing any squats. I wasn't doing squats. Yeah. But now it's like if I'm in the club, I'm definitely getting people groping me. So yeah, it's pretty awesome.

I brag about that. Josie, if you were going to start a business, what business would you start? Like, I'm not even kidding. Like, if you had to start... Probably the Saki. You remember the Saki? What is that? So, when we were on field trip, we did that Shark Tank episode. And my invention was the Saki, which I, like, actually believe in that. Did we upload the Shark Tank episode? We did. That was the one where we were locked in the place. Oh. We almost didn't upload that episode, though. Yeah. Should we talk about that? We predicted fucking COVID. I mean, I didn't want to upload it because...

But you hadn't seen it yet. It was just based on like what we had done that day. Like did we didn't feel good about it? We weren't that involved in like doing like planning all this shit for that episode. And we didn't feel good about it. But then once the edit came through, it was like, okay, this is great. Yeah, this is like, it was like, dude, like that day was

It genuinely felt like we were in there for like two weeks. It was hell on earth. It was like actually like being trapped in a box. It was like being trapped in a closet. Yeah. Like a glass closet. Should we talk about how ketamine is a club drug now?

Have you done ketamine? No. Have you done ketamine? I'm like terrified of it. Like literally, I think ketamine is the new devil and I don't know how people have fun with that shit. Like literally the cat rats of New York, like come on now, like figure your shit out because like that is not a fun drug.

I would not do it. Because, I mean, what does it do to you? It just detaches your mind from your body. So you dissociate, but on another plane of existence. I don't understand the point of taking drugs that are downers like that. Things that literally just put you to sleep. Take melatonin and fucking go lay down and go to bed. It makes you numb. I think it comes from the euphoria. Yeah.

like do you get like a spike of euphoria from it well that's not a downer it's a dissociative ketamine oh and you fall into the hole yeah marshmallow if you remember when he who will not be named like walked into the elevator at like a youtube convention and like saw me and india in the elevator and was like david dobrik i don't give a fuck to say his name you're a freaking what are y'all y'all are on fucking ketamine right now or something and we were like it's like no you're the

You're the weirdo bitch. The fuck? His last name is Toback? Yeah. He was like, you're on ketamine right now? And we were like, no. And he was like, oh, that shit's lit. Like, it turns your feet into marshmallows. And we were like, okay. Like...

what the hell? We literally haven't said anything to him. He is fucking weird. And he had that damn camera in his hand. Like literally, I swear to God, I swear to God, like vloggers like that, the hand, like their hand has like been mutated and evolved to hold cameras. Because like, if you hold a big ass DSLR out, like that shit's like heavy as fuck. Like they, you know, that one like, um, dude that held this hand up in the air for like the one, um,

not nun but like whatever the nun equivalent with the shaved heads in like Buddhist cultures monk monk he held his hand up in the air like this that's like in America the equivalent to that is vloggers like cause they're brave as fuck like

Speaking of them, they take like vows of silence. How long do you guys think you would last in a vow of silence? Maybe 30 minutes. I think I probably would last less than 20 seconds. No, I could actually do good. I think I could actually like stay silent for a while. Well, am I like in a room alone or are there people around me? You're alone, but you'll have to deal with people. You're just living life like quiet. Regularly. Quietly.

But I think I could do it because, like, when I really, like, am down tremendously bad, I already am just silent. Yeah. Also, Gandhi was sneaking food. I'm sorry. He was. Yeah.

They told me he didn't eat for like two months. The exorcist said. Who they told me. And why did you bring that up just now? Because like I think about it a lot. Genuinely, I'm like, okay, yeah, you're telling me he didn't drink water or eat food for months on end. Okay, but if Mr. Beast did it, you would fucking believe it. No, maybe. But that's like now. That was like in the fucking 1800s or something, right? I don't know when he's from. But he was definitely eating. Oh, since he ate. Yeah.

Like they like found a bunch of pizza boxes like under his bed. Shut the fuck up. Did y'all know the 72 emojis can correlate directly with the 72 seals of Solomon?

What the fuck is a seal of Solomon? Emojis are demonic is what I'm getting at. Yeah, like literally. I feel like there's more than 72. No, no, no, the first 72. Was there only 72 at the beginning? The last five sigils and emojis, they correlate where it's like skull, ghost, robot, alien, boom or some shit like that. So basically it's like predicting that sooner than later we're going to become...

We're all gonna die and upload ourselves into the cloud and become like cyborg robots and then like we're gonna be controlled by Solomon. Who's Solomon though? Yeah, who is that? Like the devil. Oh, he has another name? The devil. Oh, like the shoes. He's a demon, not the devil. Oh, Solomon. Yeah, and that's the tea with the Solomon sneakers is they're also evil.

oh my god and also listen to this the new jamba juice logo i actually recognized this recently if you turn it on its side i'm not joking you could look this up and they changed it for what reason i don't know it literally is six six six all you have to do is turn it on this is where we got into last night was six six six it had four sixes on the end of the license plate i really didn't honestly didn't want to get in that car you know it was uncomfortable should we do a ouija board

Fuck no, bro. Why? You don't know me. I will not do that. I don't believe in that shit. My name is from the Bible. Like, I'm with God till the day I fucking die. You and the exorcist. Believing in the truth. I know. I like told my mom that I was like, I'm doing the exorcist. She was like, really? And I was like, yeah. I didn't want to do like the cross on my head though. I wouldn't even fuck with that shit. She'll like be mad.

Do you remember the field trip? That's kind of cunty. What, the cross? Yeah. No, I know, but, like, my mom would be like, oh, so you're going to hell. No, it's giving, like, a Playboy cardi. Oh, yeah. But do y'all remember when we recorded that field trip pilot where the house was haunted and we did a Ouija board and Josiah ran and hid in another room? I did. Actually, let's tell that story real quick because what really... Okay, it was me, Drew, Orion, Josh, and...

I think that was who was in here. And you went to go take a shit. She was blowing something up. I don't fucking know. You were in the bathroom. We were trying to do it. Josh kept moving. I know it was fucking Josh. Or was it you? I wasn't putting my hands on it. It wasn't me. I refused to put my hands on it. It was Drew. He just fucking lied to his teeth. No, I genuinely don't remember this story. I just want to act like it was me. I felt like it was Josh. But Orion was like, put her hands on it. Honestly, it was Orion.

I don't think it was because she started laughing, crying, like freaked out because she really thought it was moving. And then... Well, no, that's the whole point of like Ouija boards is like the Juju guy gets it and like makes you laugh and cry. That's why I... Who the fuck is the Juju guy? Juju is the demon. Juju, J-U, J-U. Is that true? And there's Juju and Bobo. And those are the ones that... Oh, not Bobo. Those are the ones that like infect you and make you laugh. What a joke.

I've never interacted with a Ouija board in my life. Dude, fuck that. And I didn't. And what happened next is Enya has a home pod on this side of the house. The living room's right here. She's in the bathroom on the other side of the house. So we're not even thinking anything of it. Right after, like, we all, like, they all take their hands off it. Everyone's kind of, like, freaked out. Like, or I guess just Orion and me, probably. Um...

plays a fucking knocking sound on the HomePod and I genuinely sat there for a moment and was like, damn. Like, I'm fucked. This is the rest of my life. It was really, really scary. And my mom's gonna be so pissed. And then when we fucking went to...

and like we were already spooked out. It was the first time we all went up into the mountains together and like Orion thought it was so fucking funny to like scare the shit out of all of us. And like, it literally was just like so scary. I was like shitting fucking bricks. - Oh my God. You know what's a funny scary story is Big Sur this last trip, me and Orion got these motherfuckers so good. We got to this Airbnb. - With what?

when we remember the fuck out of y'all in the window i was just scared i was like literally please fucking tell me if it was y'all or not because i need to know if i need to like ready up to fight like i was like i have my switchboard okay let me explain this so i'm my taser like big sir cabin in the middle of nowhere like

We left really late. We didn't get to the property until, like, 3 a.m. And it wasn't like you just drive into a driveway. It had, like, really intense directions to go through this whole, like...

to get there. I'm driving. I'm like really anxious and so tired. And everybody had fallen asleep except me and Josie. And we're pulling up and like Drew and Orion start waking up and like the directions are super unclear because it's so fucking dark. There's like no light pollution over there. So it's literally pitch dark driving through these fucking roads. It's also like kind of on a cliff. Like we're just going around. It takes us an hour to get to the Airbnb. And within that hour, like it's,

we kept landing at other houses on the property and literally thinking we were gonna get killed but thankfully the owner came out and like saw us and like guided us to the house we get to the house we go in and it's like two homes and me and orion take one and they take the other it's like two like like smaller like hut houses like situations so we get one they get one i don't know why but like

I try to remember why we decided to scare them. Were y'all like high or something? No. There was no way. Yeah. Cause it was like 4am. Yeah. At that point it was like really late. So we weren't high. We were just like bored. And Orion's like, I'm going to throw something at their window. And I was like, okay. So she gets up and she throws like a

pebble at the window and like we can because we can hear them through the walls talking and we heard y'all stop talking. Oh the reason why y'all started doing it is because me and Drew were photoshopping photos of our window with like eyes so me and Drew started it. We started it and we were sending photos and being like oh

my god like look outside the window and i made it like super faint so you could kind of see like a silhouette outside our window but before y'all or orion threw the thing there was like there's like critters like all like in the roof because it's like an old ass house and it was like this noise like

like we kept hearing and we were like what the fuck is that like that's because it sounded like someone tapping on our window like with their fingernails we thought that was you guys yeah that's what i was scared of that's what i was scared of doing that first she threw something and then she crawled out of the room and went to y'all's window and was like going like this on it and tapping on it and ran back inside and y'all facetimed her and i acted like i was sleeping so she y'all

called her and she was laughing and I was like what and I was like I just came back from peeing like I like I I just woke up like what and then they were like stop fucking with us like stop fucking with us and we were like no I'm being dead ass bitch it's so fucking scary out there why would we go out there to scare you like we're not going out there to scare you and we dragged it on

for like 20 minutes and like they were getting so freaked out and they kept begging us to tell the truth and all night we didn't tell the truth I don't think we told you all the truth until like two nights later I think the scariest part of it was literally the next day I was like just packing my bags getting ready to go and just like cleaning up and I hear that fucking sound again and then I realized what it was the first thing we heard and that we kept hearing as we were falling asleep after we realized it was them and

Because it happened way more after we realized, like, oh, they're just fucking with us. Was there was, like, nesting birds in the side of the building. So, like, these birds were, like, flapping their wings and cleaning themselves and making their nests up there. It was, like, so, like, sketchy. Like, it was... It scared the shit out of me even, like, the next day. Oh, fuck. I wish... Wait, I think... I want to see if I have any videos of me and Orion laughing. Because, like, we were dying. I thought I was close to death for a second. But...

Then I thought, I was like, bro, there's no fucking way on earth that Orion is not behind this. Yeah, no, literally. She does that shit literally anytime we go somewhere. Orion loves scaring people. She scares the fucking shit out of them. Did I, like, have a video of her, like, going to find a rock to throw at y'all's window? Yeah, because also I remember after that big thud, like, hearing, like, y'all's door shut. Yeah, yeah, we could hear her. We heard y'all, like, scurry away. Ew. Ew.

See, like, that's what we need is, like, going on trips and having fun like kids. Like, that's what a lot more people need is, like, go out and heal your inner child. Like, go and be with the older man. Whoa. You're saying it like it's a joke, but it literally is so, like, true because we, I think about how we played hide and seek in Big Bear.

And shit like that is so fucking funny and fun. One of my favorite videos of all time is me hiding in between like the shower curtains, like the two shower curtains, the one that goes in the tub and the one on the outside of the tub.

and like me hiding in there and i was like oh this is like one of the best spots ever and then josh finding me and i have like a video of josh like opening them up really quick and it's just so cute because he's like smiling so big i'm gonna find it yeah people are hiding like better than i thought they would i just immediately saw that was it was good that was like i know it was it was i know how did you see me i looked like this and

Like this is not an appropriate space. Dude, I was trying to make it as small as possible so you wouldn't hit it. Dude, that like actually playing hide and seek is so fun. And if you have a large house, because that's the thing is we never can because like no one we know except maybe like Lucas has like kind of a bigger house. But even with Lucas' house, it's not that good to hide in. We've tried to play hide and seek in there. Yeah. It has to be like a huge house.

Play hide and seek or bodies, bodies, bodies. One of our friends recently was like, one of our friends recently was like, oh, we want to start like a hide and go seek league in LA and just like get a bunch of people to get like a giant mansion. And like you spend like 50 bucks each to throw down. And it's like a 23 room. That would be so fun.

We should literally do that. Doesn't that sound weird? And then I can like make punch for everybody, but like... Put LSD in it. Yeah, put like a gnarly psychedelic in it so everybody freaks out and gets scared. Okay, if you did that, I'm not kidding. I would probably put a fucking bullet in your head. Oh, wow. No, I'm sorry, but like that's not cool. Anybody who's doing like LSD to people, that's screwed up. I mean, I would only do it to you, so it's fine. When I was growing up, we literally like...

would play like laced blunt roulette like i would lace everyone's blunts and there was one that had a bunch of lsd and you would smoke it that actually people three people had psychotic breaks and like never returned oh my god and you're proud of that yeah it was fun as they knew what they were getting into that's actually they did and i was just doing it behind their backs but oh my god it was like a fun game that i might face like legal like consequences yeah

I'm just saying, like, it's, like, really gnarly to do that. Everyone's just so boring. Like, anytime I've ever just dripped LSD into someone's, like, sleeping mouth and they've woken up in, like, a full-blown, like, LSD trip, they, like, spaz out. Is that what would happen? What would you do, Exit?

I think so. I mean, what? If I was asleep and you dripped LSD or something into my mouth, would I wake up or would I literally just have the craziest dream on my goddamn life? I just know that trying to sleep on LSD is literally impossible. You cannot sleep on it. Someone should do an experiment like that. Are you sleeping over tonight? Fuck no. Okay. Not after what you guys just said. I woke Enya up this morning with my finger in her butt. Yeah, and it was the second...

the second day in a row what a good way to start the day you don't need coffee anymore oh we should talk about how i could survive my uh my silence if you don't give me my coffee then i could be silent but i guess then i would be angry if that's how the joke goes and i'm in um we should talk about how josiah literally like josiah sleeps in my bed

- Oh! - And like, we like he, like it's a vibe, but like, it's more because I like a warm body next to me. He's just like something I pass around and like, - Pass around? - That's all you are to me is a warm body. - I'm not a slut. - If you slept in my bed, I would make you feel pleasures beyond your wildest imagination. - I don't want that for me. - Okay. - But, Josiah, - You might be shocked a lot of people want that. - Every once in a while, once every like three months will like become like vibe.

violently cuddly with me like to the point he just like forgets that it's me and like it's just like a body and then like he'll like get on me and I'll like be like yo Josiah like get off of me get off of me and then he'll get back on me like 10 minutes later I'm like yo Josiah get the fuck off of me and then he'll get back on me and I'll like push him off and be like yo you're tweaking the fuck out like literally like I have to like kick his legs and shit but like this last time he like

was wiling the fuck out. And it was like, he had his leg over the top of me and had his arm over me. And for a moment, I was like, I'm just going to let him stay like that. I've done that to Orion a handful of times. Thinking she was somebody who I was romantic with because my brain was just like,

I did that to Lucas. I'm always sleeping with people. Yeah, you did. And I did it to Lucas so bad that I put my sausage like on him. Do you know that? Oh, yeah. I know about that. Yeah, like a... Word got around about that. It was really rough and it happened twice. But you know, it happened also. Christian also did that to him. So it's not just me. It's Lucas's energy. And Grace, his own girlfriend.

said to me she was like well like when he's asleep he like you know kind of rams his butt into me a lot so she was like it really could be that like he like inches towards you so dude it's not just me because also it happened with another person like did that to him bro how could you let your best bro date your sister bro

That like I honestly don't know what switched in my brain It really was the Fiona Apple album Where I was just like they like need to be together But like I can't play God like that You were like fighting so hard It was I listened to it that night And the day after I literally like Called or I talked to Grace And I was like I think you guys should get back together And she was like okay well you gotta go fucking talk to him And I did Well that album ended my relationship I know and a relationship sprouted from it though

Wow. Yeah. So many things on and off. Yeah. You're lucky I don't sleep in your bed. Yeah. No, you're lucky. Again and again and again and again. Squirt so hard you'll fucking die. I literally thought this was a real fucking foot just now. That like scared the shit out of me. I was like, how the fuck did you get your leg up there? I'm really flexible. Okay. Let's do a spooky question. How do you want to die? You're always like, I want to drown.

no okay so no no no let me clarify when i was a kid i really wanted to drown because if you don't know i love water i love swimming if i see a body of water i will get in it and i've always been like that since i was a kid that's not and i was really go ahead what the fuck are you saying yeah i'm sorry but no go why would that be a lie disclaimer lie let's go guys i'm sorry are you gonna keep interrupting me i'm good because we can take this off camera and you like to swim in the body of water keep going

Annie. Annie. Brain-eating amoebas. But I used to really want to drown when I was a kid, and then as I grew up, I obviously realized that that is one of the most excruciating ways to die, and it would be terror. So my theory is I will not be dying by accident, and I will not be dying by the hands of somebody else. Exactly. I will have a natural death, or I will kill myself. Yes. Like, I literally, if I was in a

situation where I felt like somebody had the upper hand and was about to kill me bitch I'd fucking kill myself because I'm not letting you have the pleasure of it like you're not getting that from me because I am very stubborn and I will get my lick like if I don't even need the lick back if the lick will be had on me I will be licking first and I will not be got like that oh your mama's vagina I always get that first lick in

- It's like a Tootsie Pop. - It's like a-- - The deeper you go, the more you lick. - It's like a taste lick. A taste test lick. - Your mom is so rich because of Red Lobster sources all their crap from her. She's like wholesale. Like she just-- - When I look at your mom's pubes under a microscope, I see the beach.

Because there's crabs everywhere. And Sandy. And Sandy. Sandy Gash. Sandy Gash. Ew, imagine like, imagine you're like, you know, doing that with somebody. Stop. And you like, they have like a curtain of like a bush. How do you want to die? How do you want to die? They're like,

How do you want to die? Like a huge gash, like open wound. I also am the same way. I'm like... Okay, copycat. No, I've talked about this a lot. But I did like original, bro. But no, it really is like... There's documentation of me talking about that way before, so it's just weird. Hey, tomorrow you're going to die. Like this person's going to kill you. I would be like, oh, then I'm killing myself tonight. Like it's no question to me. It really is like I don't want that to be like, oh yeah, he got killed by somebody.

like no i want it to be like he killed himself isn't that all i want it yeah if like a murderer is coming after me i want it to be so embarrassing because the murderer is still gonna get like charged with like attempted murder but i killed myself and then he's gonna have to go to court and be like oh my god no no no i was gonna kill her but she killed herself i didn't kill her and it's gonna be so embarrassing but probably hanging is i've always been drawn to i don't know why i feel like it's such a don't it's like a man thing i don't know why

It just is. It is. It's like a comedian thing. Yeah, I just, that's how I feel like it would be. It'd be real funny too. Like, it would be awful, but like, it would be funny. I'm gonna turn the fan on and watch you flail in. There'd be fucking poo-poo everywhere. I would be like the potato from the potato flue around my room. If I died, I'm saying a cave exploration accident.

Like, I want to be trapped in a cave and, like, with three other people and have to, like, explore our way out. And if there is not a way out, then just, like, die in the cave. That's, like, awful. There's, like, so much fear and panic in that. Yeah. That's kind of... I'm addicted to fear and panic. I'm addicted to it. Hi. I texted my ex every time that she texted me. Hold up. You know what you need to do? Because you wanted to do it...

show us some of the people you find attractive because that's what you were gonna do you were gonna like look people up and find show us who you that's what you should do look up your weirdest fucking person who you're attracted to and i need to see it john ham i already already john ham is not weird like classic like mine is like willem dafoe mark duplass willem dafoe is gorgeous the fuck are you talking about he's hung like a horse like recently oh yeah he's got a huge wiener he's still he's got a great face everybody loves him yeah i guess it's not that

weird like um steve buscemi would be a little more niche i think like nasty buscemi in the movie ghost world though when he was younger he was pretty good looking and yeah when he was younger he was pretty like hot adam sandler is one of mine that's like not that crazy to me though mine is marie bartlett let me see who's that who the fuck is that yeah he's like gorgeous he's a coppa

Yeah, no, he's like hot. I like Michelle Pfeiffer, I think, actually. She's gorgeous in Meg Ryan. Oh, you know who one of mine is? It's Nick Offerman. Oh, yeah. From Parks and Recreation. Oh, yeah, he's sexy boo. What the fuck? Y'all, there's something going on. You said oof? Don't scare her. Bombastic side eye. Creaming all over you side eye. Creaming all over you side eye. Just keep going.

I guess. I don't know. We don't have... Actually, now that I think of it, I don't know if I have anybody who I'd like... Mark Duplass. To the general... Mark Duplass. Who the fuck is that? From Creep and The Morning Show. Ew, bitch. Get the fuck... Get a life. I think it's just because he's so lit. Like, he's so lit and funny and like...

Actually, you know what? I immediately take that back. I immediately take that back. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. When he has a beard, he's fine. That's what I said last night. He shows full frontal in the second movie for real. I don't want to see that. I literally don't want to see that. You need to see it. He shows the back. And he's acting like she's not going to rose toy to that picture tonight. Actually, I am... That's like... I don't want to say that. But I'll say it and then we can bleep it out. I am...

Oh, is that true? Yeah. I decided I need to take a step back. Let me change that tonight. No, I'm going to change it for you. I'm going to put it right on your fucking butthole and shake you around the house. Oh my God. Shake me around the house. I can fix you. I'm going to super glue my rose toy to your fucking butthole. I can fix that. I want to do a rose toy brand deal. Please. Please.

I think you can get that. Okay, here's the thing is they don't want me. They don't. I don't know why. You're flashing the camera your freaking balls. They don't want me. You have to sit crisscross applesauce, Josie. I'm not kidding. Your fucking bulge is going to be showing. I don't care. They can see my bulge. It's huge. I'm not kidding. I know we talked about naked attraction last time when we were doing this. Would you go on that show? I would body that show.

And do you think you'd do well? Be honest. You know what the thing is? I don't think I would do that well. I think you'd do well. Like, I don't know. No, I've seen you. You'd do well. Trust me. Oh my God, thank you. Drew, do you think you would do well? Yes. I think so. I think you would do well. No, I'm too like nasty and twinkie and skinny. Like, it wouldn't work. I see the scrawny guys winning. The scrawny guys win a lot. No, they get voted out every single time. They're like, you're too skinny. Both.

No, I've seen a few Scranty guys win. I've literally never seen one win. Oh, I saw one win the other day that I was genuinely shell-shocked. The one that was giving Mac Miller vibes? No. He was the one picking. He was a dime, though. He was so cool. You know who I'm talking about, right? Super chill. Yeah, I know who you're talking about. And then when he walked out at the end, it's huge. No, we might be talking about someone else because the one I'm thinking about had a tiny...

It was pretty big. It was me, you, and Sabrina watching it. We'll have to look back at the clips. We'll have to roll the footage back. I don't think I would do well on there. Let's just, yeah. No one's going to contest it. I don't think I would. It's too... Contessa. I mean, if you go dressed like this, I think so. It's scary. My grandma's going to die soon. Oh, my God. That's awful. Do you want me to come visit her like this and speed up the process? What's funny? Scared her to death. Be like...

Oh my God, Josie. I'm sorry. Actually, that's a lie. I think I would do pretty well on Naked Attraction. I think I would at least make it to the faces. Yeah, she's cocky. And then once it's the faces. Face card decline. Yeah.

he'd be like oh put it down like let's put it down y'all put that one everything oh she's a butter face everything but her face I never knew that's what that meant really no I thought it just meant like greasy like ugh butter so nasty like I literally that's what I thought it was oh she's got a domino's pizza face

It's like greasy garlic. Actually, I think if it was a man choosing, I would lose. If it was a woman choosing, I would win. A naked attraction. Wait, wait, wait. What the fuck did you just say? You said if it was a man choosing, you would win? No, I would lose. And it was like... What? Were there blood prints on the ceiling? I'm so sorry. That was me. Well, she had her period and then we didn't have any tampons, so you had to... The new exorcist to me was okay.

Just saying. You don't feel like they did a good representation of your story? Hell no. I'm not an exorcist, bro. What the fuck are you talking about? I am Scary Maze Game. Sorry, you guys look, do you know her?

Huh? Do you know the exorcist girl? No, I know. And that's actually really fucked up to ask, like, other demons if they know other demons. Like, they all know each other. We don't all know each other, bro. Oh, my God. Like, that's really weird. Like, I just would assume you guys probably, like, live in the same, like, areas and stuff. Hell no! They live in hell. Well, let me tell you guys something. Hell is the big place. Okay. Hell is actually so lit. And, um...

Really cheap rent. A lot cheaper than L.A., I'll tell you that. Dude, this episode is driving me crazy. It's dragging me through the fucking mud, y'all. Okay, well, I will say this isn't my story to tell, but I just wanted to say this. Something spooky really did happen last night.

Like, really, really fucking spooky. Should we tell that? Nah, y'all can have that for Billy and Dean. Y'all tell that. Because I don't even know what his vibe is on it. Yeah. Because I was thinking about that, too. Just know I had to run because they scared me, not because anything happened to me. Drew ran for his life.

And dredged up a lot of trauma. A lot of trauma. From the break-in? Can I admit something to you? No. That was me. I knew it. You're like the eighth person that has said that to me. No, dude. His fucking nasty pubes, they're seared into my brain forever. They're still in that shower, no? They probably are. Because no one uses that shower. No, ever since the break-in, it's been like two or three years, like that shower has not been touched. And I mean, even before that, was it ever used?

a couple times we had like also just moved in yeah the reason there was a razor and what was in there is because I had used it and I had to get through that weed whacking that bush would love to see that

Let's celebrate each other's beautiful bodies. New Fortnite map coming out. Actually, yeah, that is true. Wait, when? In like less than two weeks, I think. Oh. It's the OG map. Like OG map. Which is so exciting. Well, I don't even know what that looks like. It's got like Tilted Tower. Moisty Mire. Loot Lake. Tomato Town. Oh.

Pleasant Park, I think, which is that's the hot spot to land where you go to get a bunch of fucking kills. That's where you go. Are you going to hop back on when they update it? 100%, yeah. I'm actually so excited.

The game will play here. They're getting rid of the cars. It's only going to be like maybe golf carts or shopping carts that they used to have. Oh, the shopping carts is lit. So the mobility is going to be ass from what I've seen, which is fine. I wonder if that's a good idea. Shopping carts? Yeah, they used to have that. You could like hop into a shopping cart and... And roll down a hill really fast. Yeah, that was like... Because I remember when I first played, it was probably like 2018. You were like 12? In 2018, I was 17. I knew you.

I didn't know you. You did know me. Okay. You invited me over a lot. Big talk. And I was 17. Hold up, they don't know you like I know you. Sit down, they don't love you like I love you. But also, I wanted to take a quick moment to thank everybody because I feel like I said thank you, but not big enough, you know? Okay, no. Okay.

Are you watching TikToks? Are you watching something? I was just going to say something. Yeah. Oh, what were you going to say? I was going to say thank you. Oh, my God. But just say it. Dude, your phone is like the loudest. You unironically did that while me and Josie were in the bathroom, like getting ready. You unironically.

I noticed myself doing it, so I turned my phone down, and then I left. Drew is the only person I know, maybe like one other person, who will sit in my car, like in the passenger seat, and go on. Dude, oh my God. It drives me fucking insane. I'm not going to be like, hey, get off TikTok. But you're one of the only people I know who do it. What else am I supposed to do? Look out the window. We are outside. Nasty fucking gross LA, where it's just concrete and fucking glass.

No trees, no rocks, no gravel, nothing. It's just concrete. I'm an Angeleno originally. No, you are a fucking Orange Countian or whatever the fuck they call you. I take offense to that.

No, literally, it drives me fucking insane. Like, I'll be trying to listen to music and Drew is sitting in my passenger seat watching TikToks out loud. And sometimes it'll be on a day, like, going to or leaving the gym where you have headphones on your person, but you don't put them on. And he will just watch TikToks and he watches them so fucking loud. And it's the worst thing ever. I bet the people watching relate more to me than they relate to you. I think you might find that most people...

are lit and love drew phillips um wait did we talk about you're running a red light completely with eight people yeah i mean you like briefly spoke about it but we went to halloween horror nights if we didn't and if we didn't i um we went to halloween horror nights if we didn't oh if they didn't know sorry but um i we were i was driving home i had my car and we there was like 20 of us and

I was like, "Oh, y'all don't have to Uber." And then I was like, "Oh wait, I miscounted tragically." Two people had to sit in the back of my trunk and one person had to sit in the lap of another person. And then I was just driving home and I was whipping the piss out of my car. - It was a two minute drive. - Yeah, it was short. - Literally three minutes. - It was from Universal, yeah, it was two minutes away. - To somebody's house. - Yeah, it was crazy. It wasn't crazy.

And I'm just driving mine in my business. And I've literally never done this once in my life. But like, I just didn't clock that there was a red light in front of me. And I just drove through it. And literally everyone in the car but me noticed. And they were like, you just ran a red light. And then everyone was like, did you just...

Did you run that red light? Yeah. And you were like, oh. Also, it was, like, hella late. It was really late. And I was like, yes, I did. And, like, what about it? Dude, and it doesn't help that Drew was so drunk. Like, it definitely was, like, a lot of suffering. Drew had had... I mean, you had, like, four...

I want to say like five drinks there. Seven drinks? Like an hour before I left. I literally cannot imagine you drunk anymore. Like... I haven't seen Drew drunk in so long. Dude, I think I like broke my wrist or something because when I like press on my arm, it like hurts so bad. You think you broke your wrist? Yeah, like... But after Drew ran that red light, everyone kind of noticed and Drew like was just like,

as i fucking should and they killed it killed it killed yeah it was a really good result because everybody laughed and they were like you go girl yeah you're like honestly like i can't even be afraid or scared that that happened yeah you um i'm never drinking again yeah i can't imagine and also after that when we finally was just me drew and anya in the car like we dropped everyone off drew was like

Dude, I didn't notice that red light at all. And I knew when you said it, I was like, there is no way Drew just like did that for fun. Yeah. Like it was it was not like a very cautious driver. Yeah, I'm very defensive. But I want to clarify, I did not have anything to drink. I haven't had anything to drink in like two

But the reason why I will never drink again, and I feel like this is important to say, is because I feel like drinking is a very, very, very slippery slope, especially for people with addictive personalities. And if you can just bite it in the ass, if you can just eat the ass of the addiction, like before it even starts, I would recommend that. Yeah.

Because every time, the reason I stopped was because every time I drank, I would drink to fucking black out. Like it wasn't, it wasn't like one or two drinks. It wasn't fun. It was never like a fucking vibe. It was literally just like, how drunk can I get? Like get all this shit down my throat so I could be crazy.

Like, I don't enjoy drinking it. So to me, I'm always like, I'm just going to get fucked up. A good night out, like, binging, like, eight drinks in the span of, like, three hours is, like, fun. Every now and then. Every four months. But, like, we were, the amount of times we were drinking, it was just, like, unhealthy and it very easily could have became a problem.

Tour? I literally become an alcoholic on tour. I'm sorry I do. It's so goddamn boring. Like... I feel like every musician I know goes on tour and they, like, just drink. But I will never go on stage drunk. Fuck that. Fuck no. Fuck no, baby! But I get free drinks. We get free drinks wherever we go. And after the show, I'm like, yeah, I'll get a vodka lemonade. Sure. Yeah, my issue is that I, like...

can't say no to somebody i was gonna say i'm really bad with like anytime anybody on the planet could be like do you want to drink it i'm like yeah if it's an open bar also it sucks because like as like a beautiful person like essentially the beauty standard like borderline 10 out of 10 psl god borderline personality like really really like attractive like

the beauty standard, period. For me and women. It's just hard when people flock to give me drinks. To give you drinks? Who else am I talking about? Look at me. Notice me. Drew is giving body. Touch his body. Look around the room. Marty girl! Marty girl! Give us a Marty girl. Marty girl!

My name is. My name is. Oh, are we going to bleep that out? Wow. You're over. Wow. That literally just happened. I can't believe that just happened. Yeah. Look around the room. I think it's really just like I'll drink. I'll probably drink so much that I'll die. Drink till I'm drunk. Smoke till I'm high. I'll probably drink chocolate on my throat. What? I'll probably drink chocolate on my throat.

Till you might throw up? Drink chuggle on your throat? I said a drink... Wait, drink chuggle in my throat? That's what you just said. I said I'd probably drink till I... Drink and I'd die from throwing up. Wait on it. Give me like a year. Y'all been seeing how many celebrities have been getting robbed? No. Yeah, a bunch of celebrities. Like Bling Ring 2.0 is happening. And they're being very secretive about it. And we didn't do it. Um...

The fact that it's not us is, like, fucked. Yeah, and it's not. Like, it would never. It's definitely not. Like, we wouldn't. Because I wouldn't do that. Don't check my computer. Yeah, we would not. Don't check my closet. Like, we weren't stealing from celebrities. But no, like, a bunch of celebrities were getting robbed. And, like, the only reason why it's leaking is because, like, someone went to this, like, party of, like, a bunch of, like...

LA people and like the commissioner and people there were like just talking like shit talking and whatever and we're talking about how like a bunch of people have been getting like notable people have been getting robbed recently and

That's crazy. They can't have a ring camera? How do you get all that money and no ring camera? I mean, they probably do, but they know how to bypass it. Paris Hilton and people like that with the bling ring. Paris Hilton, every time they went to her house to rob her house, it was unlocked. The front door. And no one was home. I feel like

that's like a big thing when you grow up or like you live in like a good neighborhood though I don't think we're paranoid I think we're just like normal people who grew up in normal neighborhoods growing up in fucking suburbia you didn't have to lock your door yeah like that shocked me when I moved in with these freaks and they were like yeah they would always forget to lock the door yeah I like it was like a learning curve for me to learn to lock the door

That is so intense. It's like small town shit. So if I was going to commit a murder, I should go to a suburban town and it'd be easy to get in. Yeah. Would you do it? Also, I'd have my big boobs out. Have I ever talked about fridge hopping? Y'all know? Yeah. On the podcast, have I talked about it? Yeah, you've talked about it. I don't know what that is.

- Well, let them know. - It's basically what we used to do is literally commit crimes when I was like 15, 16. And we would go around my neighborhood and find open garages. Don't fucking do this 'cause you will go to jail. It's 2023, there are cameras everywhere. You're fucking stupid and you've been warned if you try to do this shit.

Okay, keep going and then I'll say my piece on this. But we would go house to house and find open garages and then we would look inside their garages for refrigerators and if they had a refrigerator, we would open up the refrigerator in the freezer and...

and steal all of the alcohol out of it and like every time we did this we had alcohol for like four months like it was crazy that's would you still food too no we didn't steal anything else there was one thing that I feel really really guilty about still to this day ashes but no there was like they were making someone was like making their own wine or beer or something and there was like a glass jug like

with handles on the side like this. And like it was full and like we brought it and we put it like into the getaway cart and like we like smelled it and it smelled fucking rancid. So we just threw it in the lake and every time, every time the lake, like there's like a drought in Granbury, like in Hood County, there's like

a part of the lake that we drove over, we can still see the jar. - You can smell it. - Yeah, it just floated down to the bottom. - Oh, that was somebody's hobby. That was probably keeping them from doing something really evil and bad and then they went and did something. - Or hurting themselves.

So you have to live with that forever. Yep. I feel like you're over it, though. It's, like, fine. Yeah, I don't give a fuck now. Like, hell. But I still, every once in a while, I'm like, damn, I just, like, ruined. I would ruin people's days. Like, they would, like, look in their refrigerator and be like, where's my beer? Yeah, I would be fine with that, though. I'd be like, bro. Like, I would assume it was kids and be like, whatever. And I'm, like, kind of pro being an adult and giving kids alcohol, too. Oh, don't do that. What? Don't make me drink alone. Okay, mom. Are you guys mad at me? Are you guys mad at me? Are you guys mad at me?

you guys mad at me? I mean, I risked my job for you guys to have a good time and now it feels like you're mad at me. You know what else? It's fun. I was withholding this because I didn't know if I wanted to say it or not, but one of the houses that we would hit a stain on every single time was a cop. But,

We would steal from his refrigerator and the last time I ever did it, we went into his house and we were all very deep into his garage and we had the beers in our hands and

we heard his front door open and he said, sit! And like, like sent his dog after us so we had to fucking run up the goddamn block. It was so spooky. Is it worth it for a beer? When you're like 16, yeah. Like it's lit. Like,

Yeah. Like it's, I saw someone who was like, it's a Canon event to like sit in a circle with your 15 year old homies after you stole like a single wine cooler out of your like garage refrigerator. And you pass it around and each take a sip. And it's like, you act like you're drunk. Like that's such a right of passage. I think I said this on the podcast, but I will never forget. My dad was leaving. Oh, um,

Can you not hear yourself? Why are you plugging your ear? Just like your presence is hurting me. Are you serious? No, I have a really bad headache. I've been getting really, really gnarly headaches. Let me hit you in the head. I want to hit it from the back. Can I give you head? You can hit it from the back. Oh my God.

You know you can hit it. Can I teach you how to give head to a woman by me doing it to your penis? You actually don't need to teach me because I study porn. I macro does porn, obviously, every morning. And I actually. Is macro a lot or like it's a tiny bit? Macro is a lot. Micro is a little. Oh, so you like you consume it in lump sums. Yeah. Like a lot. Wow. That's really bad for you, I think. I mean, no. I guess it depends on how you look at it. That's what you all talk about on this podcast.

Porn and boobs and stuff? Yes. You know what? I told Lucas that I was going to hurt myself. Or that I tried to hurt myself the week prior. And he said, damn, you can't even do that right. Wow. And he told me that I have no commitment. I mean, I have to agree with him. Joe Biden could instantly improve his rating if he grew out of here. Insert the photo. Insert the photo. I pray to be as oblivious and geriatric and senile as that man is. Literally, that would be so fucking nice. Melting, melting, melting. We were put in a position where we had to

I cannot believe I literally cannot believe that that is our president. He's lit. I mean, every president ever has been a fucking puppet. But like, I watched a clip of him. Like he literally cannot form his own fucking thoughts. Like he looks like my grandpa. Like the last time I saw him before he died. Like it's he's over. He just needs to fucking drop out. He needs to drop out and give another. He needs to drop dead. Marianne Williamson.

Thank you. Marianne Williamson. She's gorgeous. I love her. She loves birds. She's a really sweet girl. Who is that? She's a chinchress. She's cool. She can mind the gap. Mind the gap. Sorry, I'm looking for something to talk about on here. Dude, let me see your gap. Also, we're at an hour. Inya? Inya? Inya. Are you okay? No, I'm ready. I'm ready to go back. It's okay. Guys, we had to cut. Inya started crying.

She started thinking about all the girls that don't get good head from men. But like Drew Phillips, he gives good head to women. Yeah, it's just like so... Do you actually give head to girls? Yes, he does. If I was a girl, I would let you do that to me. Sleepover!

celebra celebra oh my god i don't even want to talk about celebra like how crazy do i look right now you look fucking insane you look awesome i've like become used to it but like it's honestly if i look like this all the time would you guys still be my friend probably not probably not dude you look terrifying touch my body drew a serving body body yeah this is

I feel fucking crazy. Oh, what's cool is I thought about this the other day. Me and Drew will die historians for sure because since we were on Vine and like at the cusp of YouTube and stuff, I get to tell my kids that I did a lot of good on the planet. Yeah. Wait, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't even know. What did you just say? It was a really high thought I had where I was like, oh my God, low key in a way.

I'm a historian. I have always thought about that. I'm a historical figure. They're going to write me into the books of history because low-key, we invented this shit. Why are you saying his story, though? She's saying his story instead of history. Why are you saying that? Historian?

I guess a historian is somebody who's like really like well versed on history. Oh, you're saying you're gonna be a historian? Yeah, I'm gonna be a her-storian. Oh, okay. Her-storian? Yeah, her-storian. No one's ever talked about her story. Let's talk about Enya for the day. I saw somebody was like, oh my god, Enya, when she talks about her life and the things, like, when I talk about my life in an emotional or like an emotionally intellectual based conversation, people are like,

I'm so bored of you talking about your life. People were like, it was like, oh my God, when you turn 24 and your life changes, they were just like making fun of me, but you don't know what I've been through. And that's what I have to say. You don't know my story. I know your story. You don't know my story.

My story makes you a little horny, does it not? No, seeing you and Drew touch will make me feel that way sometimes. And I hate when you guys fight. I'd rather you guys touch and be happy because, no, it turns me on. It does. And then I get to go to Josh's room while he's not here and do my... Do what you gotta do. And freak it. Do what you gotta do. Do you freak it in the sauna? Like in the corner? Yeah, you gotta. You freak it in the corner of the sauna? Yeah, you have to freak it out.

Necessity. Somebody... I won't say that. Okay. Media of the Week!

We watched the Scooby-Doo movie, and it is so fucking good. It's classic. Yeah, I fell asleep during White Chicks, though. White Chicks. Like, I knocked out. And then last night, I watched The Descent. Amazing. Scariest movie I've ever seen and will ever see. I literally am fucking traumatized by those critters. I hate that movie so much, but it's so good. It scares the fuck out of me. When she's swimming in the pool of blood...

Girl Interrupted. You are so Girl Interrupted right now. You're actually Girl Interrupted. We gotta put the Scary Maze girl in the Girl Interrupted movie. I can't do that scream. I wish I could do that scream. You know what I'm talking about? Like the lime lip scream? The lime lip scream? Yeah, the Scary Maze scream. Yeah, yeah. If I see it, like a hero. Y'all need a fucking soundboard. I know, I want one so bad.

Dude, actually, like, we need to switch Gibby and Kai for, like, a day. Oh, that would be so funny. Dude, I don't want fucking Kai in there. Hey. Yeah, that one. Okay. Wait, can y'all plug your ears real quick? I can't even hear that well, honestly. Play it one more time. It's about to go. Oh, that was good. I kind of matched the pitch. Oh, fuck. Wait.

That's pretty good. Oh, what the fuck? I see you, see you. I see you, see you, see you every time. What else was it? You did something the other day that pissed me off, but it was like a sound. Oh, we did karaoke. We didn't even talk about karaoke. You literally look pretty. Like, hello.

Wow. I look pretty. All right. Well, my songs of the week are It Ain't Me, Babe, Joan Baez. Joan Didion. Our House, Graham Nash and Joni Mitchell cover, Milky by Pram, and 99 Miles from L.A., which is a me about. That's true. You're welcome. My song of the week is Can't Escape by Little Yarn.

What the fuck is that? Again and again, I'm gone. Again and again and again and again. I fuck with that. And if anybody in this goddamn world is going to be mean to that girl, I will hunt you down and I'll go buy a fucking gun. I don't care. Okay. No, I will. I literally will. I feel like every episode that you're on the podcast, you threaten buying a gun. I'll buy the fucking gun. I don't care.

Okay, my songs, I'm still listening to Opus. I don't listen to music anymore. I went too fucking deep and burned all my music brain cells. You burned all the dopamine that there was to get from it. I don't like music anymore right now. So listen to, what is it? Good Day by Opus 3. Good Day by SZA. Have a good day. I love that song. But y'all, we almost forgot.

what drew's psyop corner welcome to drew's psyop corner i smelled my co-workers breath inya and josiah and damn near put my two weeks notice in for the podcast oh okay that's not even your co-worker but um crow worker this is when do you remember when you had braces yeah um i nutted in inya's braces and now my kids are behind bars hashtag free my kids

Did you really have braces? Yeah. Did you have braces? My teeth were fucked up. I had braces and I was so good about it. And the first fucking tour date I went to on press play, I lost my retainer and I got the gap again. I love the gap. You need the gap. You need the gap. Mind the gap. Literally, you are minding the gap. What does that mean? I don't know. It could mean something like political or something. Sorry. I don't know. I think it's like mind the wage gap.

I believe in the wage gap, though. Yeah, we got to keep some levels to this. I'm part of the 1%. Like, I make $300 million a year. I don't think I could live without that. So I'm tired of bitches complaining like, oh, like, I only make 60, 70, $80,000 a year. Okay, I make 300 million like and I'm barely surviving. Like we both have it rough out here. Drew owns the crypto arena.

Shut the fuck up. Yeah, you're not supposed to say that publicly, so now we have to believe that. If your pussy stinks and your dick is little, y'all belong together, fish and shrimp basket. That's a good one. Okay. Crop tops with no titties. Bitch, that's a bib. Crop tops with no titties. Bitch, that's a bib. I didn't feel that one.

If your pussy's wet and you're ugly, congratulations. You're a water bug. What the hell did Josiah say? Can you do one about Tuna Box? Leave my Tuna Box alone. Have y'all been talking about Tuna Box on the phone? No, we have not mentioned Tuna Box at all. Wait, just mention it once. This is Tuna Box. Welcome to Tuna Box now. I think you can infer a lot. They used to call me Chunkla, like Suckla.

- Bitch, I never called you that. - We called you Chonclita. - Yeah, I never called you that. - That doesn't make it better. - Josh called you that, I never fucking called you that and I didn't think it was funny. - Josh used to call me Chonclita

fucking time and then they knew it would piss me off so i feel like y'all would say it to piss me off when you wanted to bother me i never had those tuna box yeah and they keep calling me i've adopted tuna box um we you used to get so mad when we asked you to say in your face like damn yeah and on one christmas like because josh made it up he was like and his catchphrase is then your damn business

But she's like, I've never said that. But on Christmas one year, I was at the bottom. I was the only one who heard at the bottom of the stairs. She came in and I was like, what did I ask you? No, I was at the top of the stairs. Was that the top of the stairs? Yeah, I think we had just come back from Christmas. And you said, none of your damn business. And it was a Christmas miracle! It really was. Okay, y'all have heard of pre-nut or post-nut clarity, right? Y'all have heard of post-nut clarity? Yeah. Well, I'm introducing something called pre-nut insanity. Okay.

Where it's like me literally going insane until I get my nut off. Okay, wow. This shit I do though before I get my... Okay, that's no. Alright, well thank you guys so much for watching. This is so disgusting. It is really disgusting. And your butt. Ew, get away. Thank you guys for watching and listening. Thank you so much. See you

Thank you to Drew and Anya for having me on. No, I'm not doing this anymore. Go listen to Billie and Jean. We literally didn't do the one thing I wanted to do. Okay, you don't have to be here for this, but I literally need to do... What's it called? I need to do this so bad. What is it called? Smelling Salt? Just make it be goodbye. All right, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. Fuck, I don't want to do it. Just do it. Are you okay? No.

Jira, imagine if this podcast was just me and you. No, guys, I'm not even kidding. I think I caused a brain aneurysm. I literally can't see. And you don't have health insurance, so good luck. That cleared my sinus so well, though. Does it feel like you just got a bunch of chlorine in your... I can breathe for the first time. Like a chlorine cleanse? I feel like I can breathe for the first time. Okay, well, this has been...

This is Drew. And this is Enya. I'm Billy. Wait, you do look like Enya. Like, you actually look like her right now. Enya in 2018 would be like... I'm Billy. And I'm Gene. I know. Wait, imagine... I don't know, why do you need a different outro? Imagine us on this podcast. Dude, I know. Should we start a podcast together? We should do, like, one spinoff episode. And we, like, start it under, like, the Emergency Intercom, like, universe. Emergency Intercom owns Billy and Gene. Yeah. But, um...

Anya, you wanna say bye? Goodbye, Stanford! Happy Halloween! Spooky Halloween Spectacular Special! Goodbye!