Enya is drunk and bored
01:04:33 Share

Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon, spend less, smile more. Welcome to this episode. Another Zoom. Another Zoom. Hi.

I am going crazy. I'm literally going to do meth or something. I'm going crazy. It's so boring in Miami. I'm going to kill myself. And you texted me and Kaya saying that she was going to kill herself for fun because she's so bored. It's so... I said that she was going to get drunk alone, which was so concerning. Which isn't a lie.

actually it's technically a lie because i made my parents drink with me because i'm so bored so i made my parents drink soju with me because yeah i made luna like drink with me because i didn't want to drink alone so i lucky big shots and she like was just fucked up she but she knock out no she's being such a lightweight she was being like crazy like crazy girl like bag of chips on the head

Well, here is my soju and tonic water in my Sephora Beauty Rogue Points cup that my parents kept. It's always that damn Sephora Rogue sale. I'm telling you, bro. Kind of on trend. It's like a dotted cup. Dots are on trend. Wait, Victoria's Secret Pink. Hello. Bring it back. And when I was a young little lad, when I was a little boy, I'd walk in there and just bust.

Okay. What did you just say? That was not... That's actually sick as fuck. You guys, did you see the huge news about Trisha mentioning me on her podcast? Yes, and saying you were friends with Dua Lipa.

kind of a good podcast name to go on a gag okay like who could have that name like emergency intercom oh do they get to keep their name though right i think so yeah because they started it before yeah they're like zooming now for their podcast i kind of like that vibe i like that too i love it i'm gonna zoom in but there's like a third one now yeah is he always there

um i think he's been there on occasion and he's friends with he's good friends with drew and friends with dualipa i'm 95 sure yeah i saw that and then someone was like my favorite thing is neither of these people know anything about each other's podcast because like we don't like seriously like watch it in a way like

We're not sitting through full episodes, so it's this thing of like, we kind of know what's happening on either side, but we really have no idea what the fuck anybody's up to. And we're just regurgitating like false information about each other. Yeah, the lack of research was kind of jarring. Like that's I'm Dua Lipa's friend. I'm obsessed with that. Damn, Kai, that's clouded. That's really sick.

Highs up and it's stuck. Yeah. Well, I had a dream that Drew died and it made me so sad in the dream. I woke up sobbing like,

literally like I woke up in pain and I remember waking up in the dream and I was like in a room with Orion after it happened and everybody went back to normal in the dream like once Drew died things resumed as normal like I literally my manager called me the next day and was like hey like you have this opportunity for a sponsored post and was like talking to me like nothing fucking happened and I was like how'd it go no one really be like oh he's gone on to the next like I wouldn't be like that I would fucking freak out

Well, Kai, I was already freaking out. So I'd probably freak out a little bit more, but it's not a competition. No. In the dream, I was laying on the floor with my head like,

I would say this is the wall. My body was like this and this was my head. And I was literally using my feet to kick myself and hit my head on the wall because I was in so much physical pain from Drew's death and nobody was paying attention. And that's how I woke myself up. And I'm convinced I was hitting my head against this headboard in my dream. And that's how I woke up. And I woke up and I cried. And then I was like, oh, my God, this is perfect for a TikTok. But this was the only like the last saved sound I had.

Oh, you can't hear it? Yeah. It's the song by What's His Nuts. Okay, I get it. By NLE Choppa. And it's... Smell like Boudoussi. I'm trying to eat that. I'm trying to eat that ass in a pussy. So... That's the song I would use for your memorial.

I would love that. I have a funeral playlist. It was supposed to be a surprise. Like if I randomly died, it's on my Spotify account. So when y'all were like reminiscing and going through my like abs and shit, which there are a few that are off limits, you know that. But I have a funeral playlist that I won't play when I unfortunately pass away. Not if, when. That won't be happening. I'm so confused why I'm in space right now. Shut the fuck up.

Did you not change it? No. Okay, there we go. We're back. Drew, this, you... Okay, Ian. This is your professor on the first day of class. What do you do?

I'm smashing. I report because I want him to be checked for guns. I'm getting a D in failing so I can be reprimanded after class. You can do office hours. No, I'm literally like that audio of Natalie Nunn on TikTok that's like, sir, check her. Her to her purse. Like, that's me to you.

search i came i've never seen the context of that clip like of that audio and i need to know so badly while where she was and why she was doing a gun check on people's purses like and who was the girl who she pointed out and was like her to her her um i just want to know so if anybody can tag me in that yeah let us know down in the comments below

Kai is pissing me the fuck off. Take off those fucking glasses. You get too much attention sometimes. Take them off. How does it matter if I have the glasses on, though? It's too much sauce. It's too sexy. Really? It looks good? Because I was like, I need these, but I feel like I look really normal and not cool or special or anything. You look fine. You know you look fine. I miss when you were insecure, so you would turn off the camera more often. I am insecure. No, hold on. I saw a TikTok video

where someone was like oh it's another zoom episode i don't know who to focus on and it was of inya and i was like oh it's gonna be me next it's gonna be and it was fucking kai and they literally made it a point to ignore me see i'm telling you it's buggy i'm literally getting bug in the fucking face i'm giving like i'm like a disordered breathe i can't fucking breathe like it's over for me like

Y'all got thirsted over in that last episode and they just ignored me and acted like I wasn't there and said the vibe feels off. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're missing the point of that video was they feel really bad for Kai because people usually ignore Kai and they knew they couldn't ignore me because like to ignore me, it would be a dead giveaway because I saw a comment. I went through the comments and it was like, oh, thank you so much for actually posting this. They were from a group chat that was conspiring to give Kai confidence.

Oh, really? No, I just made that up. Okay, okay. That doesn't sound realistic. Drew, every single gay friend that I have, and I have hundreds of them, wants to fuck you. No, ew, hell no. You're supposed to be like all the hot girls I know, but I guess then it would be like, what, me, Orion? See, Kai's gay friends are very trad and very like...

Nevermind. We'll move on. I went to, I went to the, okay, back it up. So we all know I got sent it 46 trillion times on Tik TOK. Like people were making videos. People were texting me about it. My hometown, a time story was written about my hometown and everybody was like, wait, this is fucking Granbury. This is crazy. People were so goofed by it that they were emailing it to me. Um, but yeah,

Basically, the story goes that this mega Bitcoin mine was created in sort of like a disenfranchised area of my town. And the noise pollution was so bad that people were like literally getting sick and having seizures and having nosebleeds, like freaking the fuck out. That's like not funny, but it's funny because like imagine explaining that to somebody...

in like 1842 you know we're gonna have electric currency but it's so real to a point that it's giving people literal sickness like physical ailments yeah it was crazy and so they complained i don't know i'm on the fucking beach now like hello you're so annoying

Oh my god. Y'all are pissing me off. We haven't said anything. This is the problem. Also, to let y'all know, we're doing this episode. It's 10pm my time and 9pm Drew's time. So this is around the time where Drew becomes volatile and can't get past a few sentences without wanting to go to bed. I'm creepy. I become creepy. I become a creepy crawly. But I...

Was like, oh, God, like these people are literally getting sick. Like that's tea. Like, I believe it. Oh, God. The sound that I've heard of, like noise pollution causing illnesses. And like, it is sad because these people moved from like inner cities for peace and quiet. So they built up their life. And then like.

5, 3, 2, 1 years later, they built a fucking Bitcoin mine that is loud as fuck. And the decibels at some points were like reaching like what it sounds like to be inside of Times Square, which like if you've ever been, it's hell on earth. It's the loudest, most overstimulating place ever. Awful vibes. I think it's like 86 decibels or something like 89 decibels, which is loud as fuck, especially for just like existing in like all day long. Yeah.

Well, they built up this mine. Times got a hold of it, wrote an article, did a couple videos, and I think they turned down the sound. They had a noise-proof wall built up, and, like, it was whatever. Well, I wanted to go and experience it for myself and, like, see what all the fuss was about. So me and my mom drove over there. And, like, we all know I'm a hypochondriac. We all know that, like, the slightest little bit of, like,

I know your ass is not about to say what I think. Just wait. The slightest amount of sickness enters my brain. The thought of it, I become like hyper aware of it. It festers and it becomes a thing. Like that's who I am as a person. Sorry. Like placebo works on me. I don't know. Well, like the closer we got on, ironically, I started feeling like a pressure behind my eyes and like in my sinuses. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? And I was telling my mom about it. Fuck y'all. Like for real, I'm not...

No, keep going. Keep going. I believe you. I believe you, Drew. So like I started feeling oppressed. No, y'all don't. Bye. Like, bro, you are literally schizophrenic like you.

I know damn well your ass was like the 14 year old that if I gave you a cup of apple cider like sparkling apple cider and I was like oh this is champagne you're about to be fucked up your ass would have been rolling on the floor like 20 minutes later like oh I'm fucked up Drew Drew please come back Drew I believe you you got sick I'm gonna kill myself bye Drew Drew please turn your camera back on please I believe you

Oh, fuck. It's taking you so long to do this bit. This is insane. It played through my fucking headphones, bro. It was so embarrassing and it was so loud. I wish the camera was on. But I opened Safari. You didn't even do it. I know. It played through my headphones. It was a gunshot. It made me flinch in real life. We'll add one in. Oh, fuck.

But I was... Oh, my God. This is crazy. My rat's nasty. I literally, like, can't see. Like, you mean, like, what? I don't want to go... Okay, okay. I opened up Safari and your mama's pussy vagina, stinky pussy fucking stinky box was pulled up all over it. Okay. But anyways, I drove to...

This place, I started feeling a pressure behind my eyes and I was like, I'm being facetious. Like I'm making this up in my head. My mom. Yeah. Fetishist foot fetishes. And he was like, girl, shut the fuck up. Like, no, you don't. And I was like, yeah, you're right. I don't. And we like kind of hovered around there for literally like,

an hour or two because i was trying to get videos i just it was kind of a pleasant sound and then across the way was like a big open field with beautiful trees the sunset and locusts and i haven't heard locusts in a very long time so it was just like a gorgeous scene so we were kind of just keying and i also got a we were hanging out in a church parking lot and i took videos for you and orion because it is the cuntiest church i've ever seen in my life y'all are gonna gag over it yeah um

We'll insert it here. But I was just chilling there. And like, unironically, I started feeling weird. And then my mom was like, I that's funny. I feel fine. I feel fine. Like, and I was like, Yeah, you're right. I'm making it up. And we were gonna try to sneak in or I was gonna try to sneak in. But it was literally like a complex with like armed security guards and security cameras because I was just like, I want to see I guess there's probably hella people who are trying to like, hang around there now.

Yeah, I would throw a rock in the fans and fucking break the whole operation. But it's like a $10 million operation or some shit like that. But anyways, I started feeling weird. I kind of kept it to myself after my mom was like, you're fine. I was like, yeah, you're right. Well, we were leaving...

And my mom just starts violently coughing. Like she just starts violently, violently coughing. And she was like, what the fuck? Like, what is this? And then she started complaining about the same pressure behind her eyes and her neck right here, like behind her jaw and just like pressure in her face. And she was like, oh my God, like I actually do think like this is doing something. And she was just like, imagine like living here, like constantly, bitch, I'd be having seizures too. Like, what the fuck? Like, and so she was like, even like,

feeling it so i called kai immediately after i called her so annoying like the frequency of the sound or something like i i have no idea if it was like electric or like invisible frequent or whatever invisible frequencies or like what it was but it was just like it was like this deep deep deep humming sound and like fan sounds and then just like indescribable like

Sound it was just so loud. It was unbelievable and then mixed with the fucking locusts is like girl Fuck that like hell on earth for real But yeah, we wouldn't affect someone like me. I

just a tiny little pea brain no because i am strong-willed by nature yeah well you look beautiful today every time we get on zoom i just get to see your beauty in 4k and it's thank you drew thank you i know he was not talking to your fucking frail sad looking ass like you low-key look like an oil sheet before i blotted on my face well i'm so sorry

What? I look fucking disgusting. Well, I'm insecure because I have a side part and I thought I was giving 2016 Batty, but I kind of feel like I'm giving Glee, Bethany, Moda, Mona. I'm giving Sky a fuck. And you're giving Ian and you're giving Sky and Drew is giving... You're giving White Lotus. I'm giving Lykoid Cat.

When I turn it aside and that shit comes out, I look like a lykoid cat. It's cooked. It's over, bitch. It's because of your hair? Well, it's because you have that fucking green screen on. Yeah, you're right. Let's turn it off. Dude, you're at the beach. You should take your shirt off. Anything for bae. Ew. I'll send you that video later. Well, I decided... Okay, so when the last episode went up, the Olympics had just actually started. And...

I have been like trying to keep up, but I still think that the Olympics are so confusing. Let me see. It's not even bad. Hold on. Let me turn the blur off. I'm going to kill my golden gate bridge, right? Fucking now, y'all. Beside that, I'm going to prevent me, bitch. Are there actually nets on that? I don't know. I don't think so. I'm sorry, y'all.

Hey everybody, I wanted to take a quick moment to thank one of today's sponsors, Dip Sea Stories. Y'all, it's the summer, we're bored, we're losing our minds,

Scrolling the apps is getting monotonous and boring and you're looking to try something new. That's a little spicy and a little fun. And Dipsy is the perfect app with hundreds of short, spicy audio stories that bring scenarios to life with immersive soundscapes and realistic soundtracks.

characters, Dipsy will make your life more adventurous. Dipsy releases content every week, so between listening to your favorite stories again and again, you can always find something new to explore. Dipsy offers a modern approach to romance through high quality and captivating audio fiction. For listeners of the show, Dipsy is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com slash intercom.

That's 30 days of full access for free when you go to D-I-P-S-E-A stories.com slash intercom. Dipsystories.com slash intercom.

Another moment to thank one of today's sponsors, Shopify. All right, y'all. The big thing happened. We released merch and Shopify made the experience entirely seamless. All of the backend stuff was so easy to control.

to build, to take care of, and our life would not be the same without it. Shopify is a global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business from the launch your shop online stage to the first real life store stage.

all the way to the did we just hit a 1 million order stage. Shopify is there to help you grow. No matter what you're selling, Shopify helps you sell everywhere. Shopify helps you turn browsers into buying with the internet's best converting checkout, which is 36% better compared to other leading commerce platforms.

Fun fact, though, Shopify powers 10% of all e-commerce in the United States, which is actually insane to think about. Also, they have extensive help resources that are there to support you and your success of every step of the way. All right, now to the juicy bits. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash intercom, all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash intercom now.

to grow your business no matter what stage you're in shopify.com slash intercom um well i still don't understand the olympics i don't understand how long it's gonna last but what i do understand is that i cannot believe

synchronized swimming is an olympic sport like i didn't that never crossed my mind that that would be worthy of olympics it's gorgina though it's insane but i've also come to the realization because we've seen synchronized swimmers in person before and it made me so anxious and so uncomfortable and i could not focus and it was freaking me the fuck out because the whole time i was convinced that i was going to see someone drown like i couldn't i couldn't

I just could not be present in the moment. And I was surfing through like all the Olympic channels and I saw that and I'm not kidding. I watched it for like two seconds and then had to stop because all I can think about is trying to watch how often they breathe and think about how my body would feel if I had to hold my breath and move around like that. And then I start like inducing physical like

panic on myself so I can't watch it and I just I will never be able to enjoy synchronized swimming because it freaks me out have you seen water polo

No, I thought that was like... Is that a real thing? Yeah, no. Is that like Marco Polo? No, no. It's like soccer with your hands in water. And they like scratch each other and shit. Wait, is it like deep water? Yes, they're treading the whole time with their... It's so embarrassing looking, but like they are the most fit people on this planet. I am so sorry. Half the sports we do are so weird and they are so bored. Like...

I'm done talking about the fucking Olympics. I guess, yeah, we are giving them like quite... Us acting like we're giving the literal Olympics. No, no, no. It's satanic. It's dark. It's sinister. It's evil. They recreated in the opening ceremony. Bitch, wait. Opening ceremony? I thought that was the brand. I thought we were talking about the brand opening ceremony.

Oh, no, it was satanic, dark, evil, twisted, like wicked vibes, demonic. No, I'm just kidding. But it's so fun to go through my mom's Facebook and read. There's 30 posts about it a day from people like in Texas, like they really actively watching it. No, like the opening ceremony. There's about it because it was quote unquote demonic. And I was like, girl, one, it's the fucking fringe. They're weird as fuck. We all know this. Like they're going to do whatever they want to like.

bitch your religion is not everybody's religion so they're not targeting your religion and then the third thing is bitch it was like about a fucking greek god or some shit like i didn't watch it i think it's stupid to be mad about anyways like what i just don't understand i guess it's fire what happened oh my god steven has his ass out um

Well, I guess like maybe if we actually cared about religion and we like held it to a high standard of faith and acknowledgement, then that would offend us. But I can't think of anything that would make me mad. Like to me, this is the craziest comparison I will ever make. Trust and believe. I know it's crazy.

But it'd be like if somebody got me tickets and they were like, we got you tickets to see Hall and Oates. And I was under the impression that Hall and Oates was not beeping. They fucked with each other heavy and they were doing a reunion tour. And I went and it was a cover band of Hall and Oates. That is like the only way I can describe would be like me watching somebody reenact. Like, what was it? The Last Supper.

Because I hold Hall & Oates to such a high standard and I like praise their music. So I would assume that's how someone feels about God, question mark. Maybe they feel deeper. I don't fucking know. But like, why would that make you mad? Like, you know what the last supper was like seeing a bootleg of it. It's like, it's like you went on Timu and you found like a fake bag. You wouldn't be mad about it. Like, I don't know how to describe it. It just doesn't make sense to me why people get mad.

So but her because they all have ego mania. They're literally egomaniacs that are wicked evil Dark people that think everything's about them and it truly never is but

Yeah, well... Did you guys see the South Korean sharpshooter video? I was just about to. Sorry, my phone. I got the new update. It makes it invisible. That is the coolest person that ever existed, I'm pretty sure. Or

Aura. Literally, aura. I feel like they have a similar presence. Why didn't America win? We got shooters, fucking school shooters and shit. Oh, I feel like they have a very similar presence that I do. You know what I mean? But I don't even need all the gun or the cool outfit. You think you walk into the room and that is the energy you give people? Yeah. Shooter, yes.

I guess. Yeah. Oh, actually, Drew, that's a good point. I guess you do walk into a room and usually people clutch their purse. They kind of turn their back, but like not all the way so that they could keep their peripheral like view. No, I guess that does. When I walk into a room, I have the same presence as an Olympic athlete.

I think we can. So no one knows who you are and no one gives a fuck. Like, say, swear, bitch. If I wasn't seeing these bitches TikToks about their fucking bed and the village and switching pins, I wouldn't know them. And God bless them because, like, they don't know me either. Bitch, what am I, the Olympian of annoying podcasts? Like, I'm not shit either. Team captain for the male podcasting team. Damn. Yeah.

I hate how much that made me laugh when you posted that. Yeah. Where did you get that video? Like, in the room? Because I didn't see it on TikTok anywhere. I didn't even know they did those crazy fireworks at the Olympics. So when you posted it, it felt like you paid somebody on Fiverr to render that. Also, dude, it was so compressed. Yeah, it was like three pixels. Yeah, I mean, it literally was tiny. Yeah.

I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. No, yeah, it was hilarious. It was goofy vibes. I was feeling myself. And the amount of people that saw the Eiffel Tower photo

that thought it was real um genuinely horrifying like that i know in real life did not know i was joking was it people from home or like anybody who lives in la la people oh hell no that's a little funny i was gagged by it but yeah i don't even know what the fuck i was saying i wasn't fooled by that for a second because i know you're a fucking liar

Okay, shut up. Turn off your camera. Go? Yeah. Okay. Wait, can someone edit me, please? Oh, Drew, you're hot. One of those candid edits where I'm like... Are you serving? Do one of these. Do one of playing with your hands and then being like, what? What? Oh, well. Well, shit.

No, I'm still getting editing material. Fuck. Well, we said this. I talked about this on the last... True. I talked about this on the last episode we did in the set.

Rest in peace. But I'm still thinking about it, especially like I'm back home in Miami and a few things getting ready to do the podcast like because bitch, I looked like shit 20 minutes ago. So I had to do my makeup and like fix my hair, even though it still looks like shit. Yeah, that's what I feel like.

Getting ready late at night reminded me of like being a teenager and just being at home with my parents and bored as hell in the summertime, like doing my makeup for no reason just to get on like the internet and post a thirst trap. And I fully, oh, and that led me to another thought. Like I was just thinking about things that I felt very deeply about in terms of the internet when I was younger. And one of them was one of my first memories of using the internet was,

getting on YouTube and watching the Beauty and the Beat music video so many times because I already said this to Drew and Kai, but like, I genuinely believed that I would go to a party like that at some point in my life. Mind you, it never occurred to me that that video also, Drew, is filmed at a fucking water park. I thought that was someone's backyard. Backyard.

No, it's not. That's bullshit. I don't think it is. There's no way that's someone's backyard. I think it's a little water park. I've seen people with lazy rivers in their backyard. I think it might be someone's house. That kind of wealth is gluttonous and you are going to burn in hell. You may be living a cushy, soft, awesome life right now, but you will burn for your fucking sins. If you are rich enough to have a lazy river in your backyard, I hope you drown in it. Oh. Oh.

Oh my God. No, this has to be at a water park. Where was Beauty and the Beat, Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj filmed? Filmed in a swimming pool

at raging waters in san diemos california okay oh you scared the fuck out of me anyways i was under the impression when i was like 13 14 that that was somebody's backyard like i fully believed that and i was like oh my god i cannot wait to get out of miami and like go and have a party like this in la because i thought it was in la like at somebody's house um

And if only I knew that the pure, real joy of being like 25, what I would be doing. Like, you can't do that because why is it going to make me really fucking sad? Feels like we're... You can't do that because I've been practicing with this whole situation. I've been practicing avoidance, like pure avoidance, no thoughts, nothing.

no saying right like don't talk about it any team member wants to talk about it i'm like don't don't because i'm not even home so don't fucking don't worry me with home troubles i'm not there exactly and i feel bad for being so unavailable but like it's protecting myself um well the amount i think kai died by the way

Hi. No, I didn't. I just, you know, and you told me to turn off my. Okay. So I did. Keep going through. And you can you fix your camera, by the way? It's like driving me insane. Like you. This little line. No, you just look rancid and ugly. And I think I'll put on here. Yeah. I think you got a filter on that's making you really ugly. No, I don't have any filter on. So I didn't want to do that. Does that look good?

Oh wait, you can put filters for real on, huh? I see you. Hello? Can you see me? Okay, we need to stop because we do this thing where sometimes we just get sidetracked and we start like playing around. No, for real.

The amount of videos, I swear to God, God is testing me, playing games with my fucking mind. He knows how serious I take these videos. And it has taken everything in me to just start ignoring them. But the amount of...

I'm getting that say, ignore this and August will be the worst month of your life. Ignore this in your mind. It's like, ignore this. Like, your dick is going to fall off or like whatever the fuck. Your dick is going to fall off. It's actually absurd. I'm not kidding. It's one in every 10 videos and I click not interested on every single one of them and fucking TikTok keeps feeding them to me. And like, I'm like, is God like actually trying to tell me something? Like, do I really need to do this chain mail? Um,

I've been doing them again. Wait, is God trying to tell me something? Do I actually have to send this text to 10 people if my crush is going to kiss me tomorrow? Is God talking to me right now?

What's fucked up is even as kids, like we still were so desperate for manifestation because it's like in your adulthood. We all knew damn well that those text chain mails would not do shit. We knew deep down it was a thing at school. Everybody knew that it wasn't real. But if somebody texted me saying my crush would hug me tomorrow, if I sent that shit to 25 people, I don't even have 25 numbers in my fucking Android phone. And I am sending that out to 25 random numbers. Oh,

Did you ever, have you ever interacted with a woman like phone book? You said a woman now? Yes. All the time. Like the boobs, sandbag boobs, like hedgehog pubes. Oh, hell no. Wait, before I go on to my yellow books thing, I interrupted you. Those aren't real drew and your month will just be normal. Those aren't real.

Also, you keep getting them because you watch them through and you use them. You put them in your drafts. That's why you keep getting them. As of late, I have been not interesting them. And then I'm not kidding. I got 50 like in the past two days. So I was like, OK, like this is unbelievable. And I actually have to start

using these sounds i don't know um but also this is fucking ceo this is t this is how i know i'm loved um i don't need those silly fucking edits i don't need all this bullshit there is a word in here that i don't agree with um but other than that this is how i know i'm special

is this the picture you're saying how you know your special yeah this is actually really awesome you better not be drinking philips sitting gay also i saw somebody on tiktok like tagged us in dressing us up like in dress to impress and somebody was like oh my god i keep like dressing up as them for like like fashion icon or like

like favorite celebrity and they're like and i keep not even placing or getting last place yeah bitch because nobody knows who the fuck we are like if you know us you're weird but like in a cool way but like you're the oddball like in a good way like drew was saying but in fact you have that big like shock that they were getting last place i'm like

yeah i'm bunk as fuck i think you guys are awesome thank you kai for that you could put your camera back on all right only because um oh my god bro this motherfucker is always doing some shit like you look like those goofy ass fucking emojis people use in slideshows for tiktoks oh so i look cute like a little emoji i look cute

What are you doing, Drew? Because that looks like...

What does it look like? Please stop doing that. I don't like it because it looks like you're sucking dick, bro. Like, it's really off-putting. Y'all, I heard something, and I don't know if it's real or not. It could very well be fake and misinformation, but it tracks to a certain point. So, like, when I get to the certain point, you'll understand. But basically...

When you hike up Mount Everest, it's like an excursion. It's days and days and days, right? You're sleeping up there. You're eating up there. You're camping out. You're wading through blizzards and shit. Pissing on the mountain, yeah, that makes sense. But people have to shit while they're on Mount Everest. They shit and they just...

shit on the floor or they used to just shit on the floor and like it essentially just like would freeze immediately so you'd shit and then the turds would turn into like shit popsicles and

Oh my god, imagine an avalanche and they would just like come down and you get knocked out and concussed by a big shit turd. That's literally, they were saying that that's a fucking thing. That like on Everest, like the snow would slowly thaw out and then there would be these big poop mudslides of like human shit. So they started implementing rules where now if you shit on the mountain, you have to bring it back down in a baggie with you because there was so much shit everywhere. Oh.

Okay, I guess actually because it's so cold, thankfully, I don't think the shit would sting. But in my head, I immediately imagine a bag of stinky, humidified shit. Do you guys ever have a pooping in a Ziploc bag phase? Like in middle school? I had a bang in your mom's face my whole life. Oh, I do. That is true. I've known him for long. Okay. That sucks.

okay but tell us more about that no I was just saying um never mind and we're not just like passing up on that you're gonna talk about your shitting in a bag phase yeah you want to talk about it you know you guys never ziplocked like ziplocking you have a name for it too okay never mind I was just kidding I was just trying to like make drew laugh and squirt um laughing squirt laughing y'all are so fucking disgusting it's

You succeeded. Is this like sexy eyes? Whoa, yeah, that is really sexy. What about this? Eww, Wakai! That was so gross. Discipline me. Yeah, that's why I spank you because you talked too much in class. Okay, enough. Enough. Look what you did. Drew, please come back, dude. Please. You're the glue. Drew, you're handsome.

Every gay person I've ever met. Okay. Oh my God. Enough, motherfucker. Well, um... How the tampon eat. What? Wapped, bro. You said the tampon eat? Yeah, the tampon eating...

What is the equivalent to that now? Is it like the kids who don't shower so they can like pheromone max? Like we don't have people eating their tampons anymore. It's like... I need to hear you say max ever again. Pheromone maxing, looks maxing. Like I've been Riz maxing. Can I try it out on you? Who? On you. No, try it on Kai. I'm not doing that. I'm ready. Begin. I just, I just like feel so ugly.

No, you're not ugly. I just feel like worthless and stupid and like an idiot. No, don't say that. I think you look great. I look great? What was the first word you were going to say? You look hot, honestly. Like, you look cute. I'm just a piece of meat to you.

no way are you is your riz maxing just uh gaslighting like yeah it's just you manipulating me stupid fucking idiot like don't call me stupid oh whoa that's that i love you miss being in high school because i was so fucking mean to any motherfucker i had a crush on like any guy i had a crush on all i would do was be mean but not in a flirtatious way at

At all. I would literally meet them and be like. What are you the fucking dumbest motherfucker. That's ever walked the planet. Get out of my face. I would literally just be evil as fuck. And I would do it on purpose. It was fun. You're beautiful so you get away with it. Yeah.

Well, I don't know if this was in the episode that got axed, but Trixie and Flava Flav were on our flight to New York. Oh, Trixie Mattel. Trixie Mattel and Flava Flav was on our flight to New York. And Flava Flav was a fucking sweetheart. Yeah, he was so cute. So cool. And Trixie was lit as fuck, too. We tried to say hi to her.

Oh my god, I tried to say hi. We were walking down and he had headphones on and I was like, I'm just gonna say it. I'm just gonna say it. I'm just gonna say what's up. So I was like, hey, like, good to see you. Just sprinted away. Like, literally ran back. Like, the second Drew turned his head is as he was, like, starting to sprint by. So Drew basically just said it to, like, the side of his person. Yeah.

Right. Oh, you know what we did talk about on an episode that I feel like we'll still post eventually, but I need to hear it right now. Fuck to a girl. No. The fuck to a girl is fucking bad, bro. I'm sorry, little kids, but I'm going to kill a clown today. I could say bullets are going to spray. I'm from Brooklyn. That's all right. All right. I'm from Brooklyn. All right. Like, that is so awesome, bro. Yeah.

It's all right. Well, sure. What do you got to say? I miss you guys a lot. And I'm really excited to do an episode with you guys together. For real. It's going to be so nice. Yeah. And also there's someone looking for you, Drew, in L.A.

It's the tickle monster. Hell, motherfucker. I fucking jacked on it, too. I, like, really was like, okay. You got Drew Halleck. Me, too, bitch. I was tapped in. I was so excited for, like, the gossip. Bro, I am not kidding. I am so bored in Miami. My phone is so dry. I am so bored. I booked a bunch of doctor's appointments. Like, I am that bored. Like, I am...

So bored. I'm losing my mind. And every time I booked, cause I do use ZocDoc, I would always get a text notification from a random number, like a full written out number. And the excitement I would feel at the prospects of a random person texting me was so embarrassing because I was like, Oh my God, I'm losing my mind. I'm so bored.

But the reality is, is like, I'm so bad at texting that what am I going to do? Start a conversation with somebody? Bitch, I'm not texting you back. I don't want to fucking text you. You did this to yourself. Your phone is dry by your own volition. But, oh, fuck, what was I going to say? Oh, I already said it, but I know that I'm referencing. Y'all are mad annoying. It's like...

It's like my gay friend who is like built like in a lab for true. And whenever he posts, he just posts like all day of him eating like pizza and lobster. And then this week there was this photo that he posted on his story of him like diving into an ocean. And he's fine. He's really fine. Yeah.

He's married to, like, a fucking billionaire or some shit. Oh, I know who the fuck you're talking about. You're so annoying. Y'all are so annoying. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. I was playing Would You Rather with my teenage siblings yesterday, and that shit was cracking me the fuck up. Like, them...

seeing them rational, like rationalize certain things. First of all, my little sister is the worst at it. Cause all she says is like, would you rather get hit by a car or a bus? And there's no financial like want, like there's nothing that makes one of the options better to be like, Oh, would you rather like fall off a balcony at 50 feet high or like get pushed out of a plane without a parachute? And it's like,

Why? Like, you're basically asking me how I want to die in all of these scenarios. You're so bad at this. Well, I'd get pushed off a 50 foot balcony and I would get hit by a car.

No, I'd get hit by a bus. To both of them, I said I would just shoot myself because I'm not letting anybody put me in those. No, you play it wrong and you poke holes in all of them. You're like, well, I just kill myself. Well, because in what scenario would I realistically not be able to kill myself before you got me to do what I was going to do? Because I'd be like, oh, I have to go to the bathroom. I'm about to piss myself. Can I at least do that? Can you give me the human decency to at least let me use the bathroom? And then I would go in the bathroom and I'd kill myself. I'd jump out of the window and run away. Hello. Hello.

I guess, yeah, with that, like, ideology, I don't know why I don't think of, like, how to save myself. Well, you don't want to be saved, don't save her.

You know what I mean? Bitch, fuck Tory Lanez because that song Say It reminds me of high school and I love that song so much and I'll never be able to just like make a TikTok to it or post it on the gram or like play it like without anybody thinking that I like Tory Lanez. Why though? I don't know because I don't want anybody to think I like that motherfucker. He's nasty. Did he do something bad? He shot Megan Thee Stallion, Drew.

That's who shot Megan. I didn't know that. That's why the whole, that's why she's like, Nikki says you foot fragment bitch. And that's why they have beef is because Nikki doesn't think Tory Lanez did it. And she thinks that Megan, the stallion is lying about it. Oh, see, I knew she got shot in the foot, but I did not know it was by Tory Lanez.

So that two-shot Megan. We got to the bottom of that. Do you know this song? Also, did I say Megan Thee Stallion? Like, her name is Meg. I feel like I said Megan Thee Stallion, but I might be making that up. I think you did say Megan Thee Stallion. I don't know why I called her Megan. I don't think that's her fucking name. It's just Meg. Megan Thee Stallion. That's what she said. Well...

Y'all know the song What's Up by 4ix9ine Blondes? I don't think so. What's going on in that city? Oh, yeah. Well, you're not about to act like you just sounded good, bitch. No, no, no. Run that back. Kai, run that back in the edit. I unironically... Flashback in the episode. Yes, black and white. I unironically sounded good. What's going on in that city?

Y'all are so mean. Y'all are haters, bro. You know I said that. You did sound good. You sounded super good. Every episode you do some wild shit and then you gaslight us into praising you for it. Like my bit is lying in that.

I just thought about how sometimes when we're in the house, like, I have one of those moments where everything you do makes me laugh at you, and sometimes, like, very rarely, but sometimes it makes Drew so mad. Like, what's so funny? Oh, I'm just a fucking joke. Like, fuck it. Like, whatever. Oh, my God. I don't like being laughed at for simply existing. I'm simply myself. Then you should kill yourself. What? What did I do?

You told him to kill himself. I feel like it makes sense that that would upset him, you know? Oh, so you can't say that now? No, you're not supposed to say that to your friends. I think that, okay, I've like, I don't know. I don't think that's going to be an easy one for me to drop. Really? Yeah, no. You don't think that's normal to not?

Damn, we can actually just take over from here, I guess. Ew. Kai, sometimes I feel like we look related. Like, I don't like this. I feel like I'm on a phone call with my family member. Whenever we do Zoom, I'm always like, we look like siblings. Ugh. Why us? Drew, come back, please! Please!

Like, oh my god, I felt like I was like, I don't think I've ever FaceTimed Kai and I felt like I was like FaceTiming him. We have laughs here, guys. Like we have laughs here.

Love each other. We love each other so much, y'all. We literally love each other. I, like, didn't want to do the podcast at all because I'm just, like, lazy, bored, and I feel like I have nothing to say. And then I put myself in the mindset of a mastermind of being like, okay, it's summer. I'm, like, 16, 17. I am getting on Oovoo with my internet friends who I don't get to hang out with. And then Oovoo. Oovoo Jabber.

I put myself in the brain of my seventh grade self and I'm like, I'm getting on chatterbait and I'm about to go fucking crazy. Whoa. First of all, first of all. I'm getting on Omegle. I still don't understand what chatterbait is. I will never. I don't know what chatterbait is. I know what Omegle is. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. I know that it's like naughtier. I know it's not. I thought it was just like a text message.

chat log room like which but for like people fingering their butts and shit i so it's like omegle or not like voluntary omegle yes it's like twitch you don't have a camera on you're a part of the audience and you're like donating in in the comment section watching just like like it would be like this

with a comment section. Wait, we low-key need to tap in. Like, when we're, like, air-playing something, we should, like, find a creator we like and just, like, donate to them and become friends with them on there. Me, Jake, and Dana used to get on, and there was a girl that if you donated, she would spank herself, and we would make her spank herself over and over, and she would, like, moan really hard.

No, we need to find like a farter on Chatterbait. Like, you know, when we just get bored and we look up girls farting, we need to find that side of Chatterbait. It's a classic. It's a certified classic. I feel like we've watched every girl farting video there is on YouTube. I'm not kidding. Like 300 videos that we just scroll through and find the best ones.

There's one of a girl like laying on the bed in yoga pants and she twerks the fart out. Those are my favorite. I'm not kidding. When they like crybaby twerk the fart out. It's like. It felt so good.

Okay, well, we're cutting the episode off there because this is getting out of control. I know, we're starting to go, like, now it's for real, just like a phone call at 10.30 p.m. Like, we're just talking about, like, really whack shit. Oh, so you're saying I'm whack as fuck? These are my fiber pills. I take fiber pills, guys, because I'm literally geriatric. Media is your fiber pills? What?

Boy, I just said your media is your fiber pills. Oh, I seriously didn't hear you. So all I heard was, yeah, fiber pills. And I thought you said something stupid, but you said something actually really smart and like witty. Immediately assumes that everything I say is stupid. Well, my media of the week is Music and Friends by Robert Lester Folsom, who reached out to send me a record.

So I'm actually so happy about that. He's one of my favorite artists. That's actually crazy. I know. It genuinely made me so happy. I love his music so much. My other media is Footprints on the Moon by Johnny Harris. Questions in a World of Blue by Julie Cruz. Shame by Terrence Boylan. And for movie media...

I haven't watched a movie, bitch. I don't fucking know. I've been watching the Olympics because I'm bored as hell. I'm so bored. I know you watch Twister without me.

no did you watch twister without me because i have a feeling you're gonna no i would never do that i'm not kidding i turned it down three times okay i was gonna say because the same thing i've been asked to go so many times and we were gonna go in jordan i was like seeing that without drew would be fucked up and i wouldn't even be able to lie to him that i didn't see it yet i turned kai down i turned down tag and i turned down my dad

Keep turning it down. Watch us get back to LA and it's not going to be in fucking theaters anymore, bro. I know, it's going to be so beat. I just need to see it in 4DX because I want to get squirted on. Yeah, I want to see it in IMAX and 4DX. Okay, I don't know if I want to watch it twice. I'll watch it in IMAX. I want to come with you guys so I can get squirted on too. No, it's kind of a date situation. We're not looking for thirds right now. It's a date? Yeah. Drew? Yeah.

Good luck. Good luck with that. Bitch, I mean, good luck. I've hit that more times than you can fucking count. Like...

Doesn't mean you have to try to ruin my life. I don't care that you don't want me anymore. I'm just, I'm wishing her good luck. That's it. I'm happy for you. I don't need your luck. You fucking bitch. You fucking funky ass bitch. I don't fucking know you. Fuck your luck, bitch. Okay. Yeah. Well, we'll see how it goes. And then good luck to you, Kai. Thank you. I appreciate that, but I don't need it. So no, you need it. You know, don't drew. Don't even let him know what's coming his way. Like, let him just like he, he thinks he's good. Let him think he's good. You're good. Kai, you're good.

What does that mean? You're good. Like a fucking bus. A bus. I hired, yes, I hired a bus driver.

To run you over. Dude, you just admitted that on video. So you're going to fucking jail. It's like fun in the episode. Fuck you. No one's going to know. I edit the episodes. I'll fucking leave this in so people know. Do your medium. Bitch, I'm going to step on your fucking glasses. Shut up. Sabali, Amadou, and Mariam. Parakeet, Damon, Auburn. She wants to move. NERD.

organ donor DJ Shadow movie vibes I started watching this show that was filmed in Granbury and in the surrounding towns it's like a prequel to Yellowstone it's called like 18 something 1883 yeah 1883

I watched the first episode. It was chill. But yeah, I just watched it because it was in my hometown and I recognized one of the locations. It was crazy.

That's how I feel anytime I watch a movie now that's in LA. I'm like, I've been there. I've really been there. Me and GTA 5. We got Kai in glasses before GTA 6. We got Kai looking fine as fuck before GTA 6. Oh, okay. I'm leaving that. I'm going to leave that in. Oh, please let me do my media. Please, please, please, please, please.

Oh, bruh. Yes. Okay. Hell of a Ride by Nourished by Time. That's it. Just that song. I'll keep it short so I don't annoy you guys. Ew. Wait, what is... Never mind. We'll talk about it now. Okay. Well, bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.