Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.
if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more. I hear y'all laughing at me. Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom because you have that big ass fucking laptop on your lap. I got the biggest one.
Possible. I know. That's why I'm like, why is it like, why do you have it? Because there's some things on here that we need to talk about. Oh, okay. Yeah. There's some things on here that... Your search history. We're going to go through it and talk about it. Honestly, we could. Can I type something in and see what pops up? Let me do it first. Well, you don't know what I'm going to look up. What are you looking up? Yeah, we're good. Looking up gay. Okay.
And looking up for, oh, that site has been visited before. Wait, what's that? What's that link? I would like to read it. No. No.
That's crazy. It says huge in it though. I can never. And it's talking about breasts. Big fucking knockers and bonbons. I'll never get over us talking about search history and me being like, yeah, I hate when someone takes my phone because the links will pop up. And then you were just like, why don't you use incognito? And that changed my life.
You know what? And people... Because I never did that before. I don't know why. I don't really use incognito because I'm not into damaging my brain because porn is really damaging and it's an addiction and y'all all need fucking help. And I would never partake in that. But I can clock someone who is an avid porn viewer by opening their phone and going to Safari and not even typing in a letter, but if it's in incognito mode...
They watch a lot of fucking porn because a lot of people just leave there just use Incognito mode as their search. I know somebody who does that we both are very close to somebody who does that and you know who? Oh, I know a few but yeah, like you need to be slicker with the way you view your p-word
Well, I just buy it analog. I believe in consuming magazines and then looking at pictures and leaving the rest to my...
To my imagination. But I also do this thing where I just, I make my own zines. And they're usually pictures of you. Send it to me. Send it to me. Oh, but that was pictures of you when you're not looking. And then I look at those and I let my imagination roam. And I think of the nights we've spent together. Were you using the shower camera? Yeah. Oh, my God. How did you know? I installed it. I know. But like, I didn't know you knew I had access to it.
Okay, whatever. Like, you're freaking me out right now. Like, you're really scaring me. Why do you have this big fucking contraption on your lap? Okay, so I did... We should have put a sticker over that. I know. I literally thought about that and I was like, no, like, Apple, respect. Like, give me money. But I thought... No, no, no. I got one of those Ancestry DNA reports done. Yeah, I got one of those Ancestry DNA reports done. Um...
To find out like what I am obviously like I'm cracker like I'm literally 100% cracker like it's what it is like it's okay but on top of that a Guy is like dying
But on top of that, I found out about this thing called Promethease. I think that's how you say it. But you take the DNA data that Ancestry.com extracts and you can download it as a text file and then you can upload that text. And it's like, I mean, it's all of your DNA. All that from some spit?
Exactly. It's crazy. But you can install it or you can upload it into Promethease. I got a few people I can do that test on, you know what I mean? Because all that spit. It's trapped in your crevices. Yeah. Yeah.
while you were talking, I had a moment where I was going to butt in and make a really stupid joke. And then I bit the fuck out of my tongue because I was like, I shouldn't interrupt this. You were saying something. And then no, and I was listening, but I was trying to juggle the joke that I had in my head before I forgot it and listening. And then I thought about it and I was like, the joke only made sense in that moment. And that's why I had to cut in. Um,
because now it's like not as funny as it could have been but the joke was and now I just have to say it the joke was when you were like oh my god Kai's over there dying and I was gonna be like for you audio listeners when he says that Kai's not actually on screen dying he's just like laughing really hard
I thought you were going to make like an old joke like Kai is over there dying now because he's like 86 years old. No, I was just going to like just for people who maybe don't understand that phrase. Like I don't want to like if someone's driving and they're like, oh my God, Kai's dying. I need to like switch over to visual like he's not dying. When we say that, we mean like he's laughing so hard. Yeah, when I say like I'm dead as fuck.
I'm dead as fuck. For anyone who's 8 million years old listening and confused. Okay. So Prometheus takes that DNA data and tells you, like, based off of specific, like...
um, whatever the fucking call it, don't ask me questions about it. It's beyond my head, but like it goes through each DNA strands and it finds like the markers in your DNA that like show higher risk for certain things. And it's like, it's good, bad, and just like whatever. And like it like, um, which it's actually funny because I have it just highlighted on bad and male is popping up, which is interesting. Um, but, um,
Like, you being a male. Yeah, it's bad. But, guys, like, it's over for me. Like, you really thought, like... I thought it was blood clots. Like, I thought it was black mold. Like, I thought it was, like, anything else other than this. But, like, it's so... Like, I'm down bad. Like, I might not make it. It's much worse than we could have ever imagined. I literally, like, might not make it. The thing is, I just don't... Like, I believe in science, but I don't know that I believe in this. Because I'm like, okay...
One, it's insane that like your data is just out there after doing that one thing to buy this information from someone else. But two, bitch, if I was running this business, I would lie. It's deleted in 45 days. Oh, really? Yeah. But that's why I did it because I was like, I'm not doing all that. But this is so bad. So guys, I don't know how much longer we're going to be able to do this podcast for because like,
This is really, really bad. But it says significantly increased, approximately 20 times more than the average person risk for a rare B-cell lymphoma. Bitch. I don't know what that means. Like, I literally, like, what is that? It's cancer. I have 20 times higher risk of getting cancer.
B-cell cancer. This is, it's like so bad. Like y'all. But you don't have, like, you don't, you don't know that you have it. It's probably already brewing in there. Like this is the equivalent to like reading someone's chart. No, that's what I was saying. You could have a bad day today, but we don't know. I was saying today that I was like, this is so bad for me because like, this is literally like looking at
how I'm going to die basically because there's more shit on here like I have an increased risk for type 2 diabetes like a generational risk like we kind of knew that I already have that your body physically can't digest any meal that's over like 10 calories and go to sleep immediately I got a 5.7 times increased risk for thyroid cancer what's a thyroid?
It's like this. Oh, in your throat. Yeah. Right, right. Well, I know how you got the throat one. This one's crazy. I got a 6.2 times increased risk of developing prostate cancer. Again, you know how you got that? Um...
That one's from me. You can blame that one on me. This one says, and it read me to filth, that I probably have scaly skin patches, which is eczema. So just like you're kind of ugly. You might die from cancer. But this is the greatest information I have ever gotten in my life. And it quite literally might be the only reason why I got this. Like that it's worth it. Yeah. And it says unlikely to go bald.
Not if I have anything to do with it. Not as long as you're living with me. Because when I hit it from the back, I ripped that hair out. I was like, it's such a bad habit. I'm also going to get breast cancer probably at some point in my life. Is that what it says? Yeah. I just don't find those kind of jokes funny. So...
Wait, there's some more shit. Age-related muscular degeneration. So you're going to get arthritis? Probably. Yeah, I feel like everybody... Does everybody not get arthritis? I have a four-time risk for rheumatoid arthritis, and it just says in Caucasians. Wait, does everybody not get arthritis? I feel like with age, you kind of just get it. Not everybody. Rheumatoid arthritis is like... You can get arthritis, and that's just like, I think, general...
Aches and pains. Yeah, just general like with age, but rheumatoid arthritis is like a disease. I'm pretty sure. Like it's like really fucking your shit up. Yeah. You're like down. Imagine not being able to finger yourself, bro. Like, damn. Yeah, that does. I guess you have the technology to do it.
with other things. God made so many things. But I'm trying to get where... Because you can just highlight all the good stuff, but it's not freaking popping up. There is no good stuff, dude. That's the thing. It's like there's no way to highlight it because there's nothing good in your future. I know, like literally. This says... Oh my God, right here it says...
you should kill yourself. Yeah, no, this one says that I have an abnormally large penis and big fucking... Wait, let me see because I don't see that. This one actually does say that my brain is really massive and that it probably goes over a lot of people's heads. Why are you closing it? Because I want to see that. Like everything I say and that you're really misunderstood and just things like that. Just generally misunderstood person. They got that from your DNA? How would they know that? Don't.
Drew has issues. Dude, the things Drew spends money on, I don't understand. Like, if you were ever wondering what Drew spends his money on, it's shit like that and this. And I think that's, like, a really good... And rocks. Rocks. And bugs. This. Okay.
For the girls that don't know, because I'm sure a few of y'all out there know. This is like an insane show and tell. This is called a Duomon. And like I said a few episodes ago, I am like so incredibly down bad and like I'm really addicted to Pokemon Go right now.
This connects via Bluetooth to your Pokemon Go app. And while you're driving or walking, you don't even have to open the Pokemon Go app. It just spins the stops and catches the Pokemon for you. Guess how much this was for all that convenience. Too much. How much? I know, so I can't say. I would guess...
70 bucks. Wow. That was actually a really good guess. That was a really good guess. I'd expect for a piece of... You were $10 lower. It was $80 fucking dollars. That's stupid. Oh, wow. Dude, let me touch it. For convenience. Let me see if that feels like an 80. No, I was going to make that joke because it literally feels like it should be three bucks.
yeah this you could have got this on sheen yeah but it probably would have hacked my pokemon go account and how do you know this isn't hacking your phone this is just collecting data like you're what doesn't make sense is you're somebody who's so scared of being surveillanced and watched but then you openly and willingly carry a data collecting thing in your pocket so that you can have digital pokemon on your phone i am i am a targeted individual but we all know this already i'm
talking about that the other day with somebody and I was like there was an era where Drew genuinely thought and at first I was like oh my god this is another one of his like when he thinks he has blood clots like he thinks he's like like has an ear infection or something but there was a time where Drew genuinely was convinced he was being followed and stalked which again doesn't make sense because no offense I
boring person to stop. No, no, who wouldn't want all of this? Like, I don't think it was, it's not like a sexual thing though, is it? It was, it was like they want me so fucking bad. No, it was more of like I knew too much.
like i was too what and what do you know that any other schizophrenic person with a tick tock account doesn't know like what did you know versus those people not much honestly like it's it's it's really bad no i was literally just like actually i really thought i was like being followed or the universe was sending me signs and through like blinkers and
lights that were out on vehicles like headlights when i was driving at night it was really really scary because i'd be like oh there's another one there's another one there's another one and it was it was abnormal there were way more than normal and i was like what is this telling me well it also was like if you think about it it was kind of during covid time so in my head that makes sense because i'm like people are less likely to want to go to a shop or like get their shit fixed
etc etc actually what it was is it was the higher powers telling me not to sit on the left side of the vehicle because that's car a car is gonna hit and that's why you were a passenger princess not because you didn't have a car and you're bad at driving but because the higher powers were telling you that you need to sit in the passenger seat you knew you know it
But yeah, I was a targeted individual for a while. I'm not anymore. I will say that light that shines, the like camera thing that shines in our backyard doesn't make sense. But I'm assuming that's like a mini 5G tower so I can watch more TikToks. Yeah, exactly. That's how I'll take it. It is weird. And they were working on it the other day and the workers were all really sketchy and looking at us. I think it is like a camera or like a LiDAR sensor like facing into our backyard. But like it's covered in like- What would they even get from that?
Oh, it's directly in the back. Yeah. What are you doing that you're like, you don't want to know that.
nails are so fucking brittle and thin right now I feel so emasculated like like when I when my nails get cut or I bite my nails too short it makes me like 5% weaker like I don't know how to describe it but when my nails go when they're after being long and I cut them short like I feel you don't live in a primitive time where you need strong nails though I know well I climb trees like a lot I don't
think like i think even if your nails were strong would they help you climb trees imagine putting all your weight on your nails
I don't know. I really don't know. Well, I think porta potties are like, remember how you keep talking about barbarian things that we do? Porta potties are so barbarian and weird. I've always felt so weirded out by them. They are so nasty. Like there has to be a better system. It's just shit and piss sitting there and you go cooking in the sun. Yeah, you go and you spray your piss on top of it. All the
particles are like bouncing up all the bacteria is bouncing up right into your hole you're gonna die you're gonna catch something like I would rather piss on the street than piss in a port-a-potty I also would just like to piss in public in general
Me too. I would like to see you do that too. Can you do that? Yeah, you want to see me pop a squat? Yeah, I would like really like that actually. No, yeah. Port-a-potties are really scary and they give me bad fucking vibes. Like even beyond just like the shit and piss stench like in there, like literally just like the energy it gives off. I'm like,
some weird shit like there's never a light in there even when it's in a dark place it's like fully dark and they make the plastic thin enough that a little light seeks through and it's just like they make it dark in there so you can't look directly into the hole that you're doing your business in because then everybody will step back and be like this is the weirdest thing ever and that's why they don't put lights in porta potties is because they don't want you to see exactly what's going on in there also you are a
fucking maniac if you're going in there and tagging a porta potty on the inside that marker now is carrying like a new strain of virus that's gonna kill like the whole population that might be their goal that might be the goal yeah but they're really gross and they scare me also those little water contraptions that you step on to wash your hands that they've like invented in the past five years before that there was nothing to wash your hands outside of a porta potty which is really fucking nasty but also like the water sitting in there is just like
freaks me out because I'm like, there's no way there's enough water in here to sustain watching, washing this many people's hands. And I'm convinced that the water in there is being just like recycled and we're all washing each other's hands with like piss water. Yeah, I know those. I think those were like a really, really great invention. Um,
um it was a reactionary invention though they need a mirror on it or something though also when mirror like bathrooms don't have mirrors i'm pretty sure i've said this but it literally feels like a death sentence like it feels like i'm being thrown into an asylum candy man is that what that movie is about no mirror but if you say candy man three times into a mirror it pops up oh so it's like bloody mary yeah wow so they replaced bloody mary with a man candy man is candy yeah candy man's the one with the hooks and did you see that movie
I saw it like 20 years ago. Like my dad loved that movie. For some reason, Candyman sounds like a new movie to me. They remade it. Oh, okay. But the old one, there was like a scene where he was like covered in bees or something and it scarred me for a lot. Are we taught to be afraid of bees or are we just like, is it primal? Like is it in our DNA? I think it might be natural human instinct because it's not like in school they taught us like what bugs to be scared of.
Was that your fucking Pokemon thing talking to you? Yeah. It has a speaker on it? Yeah. Can you play music off that thing? No, but I can... Listen, listen, listen, listen. It kind of keeps track of everything. And since I've gotten it, 97 Pokemon stops visited. That's incredible. Well, your bag is full. That's what it just told you. So it's not going to be collecting anymore. I'm going to set this over here a little bit.
Something's wrong with him. I have to put it under the roof. Oh, why don't you just turn it off? You don't want to stop catching Pokemon? No, yeah, I'm going to keep it on to catch all of the rare Pokemon in our vicinity. Dude, something is seriously wrong with you.
It's up and it's stuck. I saw Drake and actually for once I was... Actually, not for once. Two people I've seen live performing who have actually made me feel like I had a prank being played on me was Doja Cat at the Heaven event in New York. Well, she's part of the Illuminati now. No, I'm not kidding. I genuinely...
I rarely am stepping back and I'm like, this is insane. Actually, that's not true. Every time I see a famous person and see the way people interact with them, I genuinely feel like a prank is being pulled on me because I can't believe that our human brains are...
are, like, that intrigued with a random fucking person, and it really freaks me out. And two, it literally makes me step back, and I'm like, this is Holly weird. Like, I understand. I understand the people with, like, 20 likes on TikTok who are, like, going off and going on a rant. That's how the Drake concert made me feel, and I didn't want to explain it to you because I wanted to say it on the podcast. He scares the fuck out of me. Something really sinister is happening. We need him on the podcast. No, I swear to God. I would have sex with him, though. Do not...
If you're hearing this, I will have sex with you. Like, no questions. Because I will say he did come down, like, near where we were standing, where our tickets were. And I saw him. And the way my, like... I, like, was like, oh, my God. Whoa. Hi. Like, the way I felt...
I felt like a teenage girl. But then the second he was on stage, like, the second he was, like, 10 feet away and I saw him touching everyone's hands and everybody yelling at him, I was like, this is the weirdest thing I've ever witnessed. And that's not necessarily a commentary on, like, fan culture, but more like he, like, something, something is happening. Something really scary is happening. The concert felt weird.
really weird. I was so happy I didn't get high because I was high at the Doja Cat heaven thing and I felt like she was playing a prank on me when I was there. Like, that's the only way I could describe it. There is a video of me post-crying, like, in the car with my hand out and I'm wearing that green shirt if you've seen that video. That was literally me after seeing Doja Cat live and I cried because I felt so scared and uncomfortable and I was so happy. I almost took an edible before I went and saw Drake and I'm so happy I did it because, like, also,
the little kid who he keeps bringing on stage, does that kid not have school? Like, is he being paid? Like, do we need to help him? Like, why is he just on stage? And I literally thought he was a hologram or like an animatronic for half the show. And it was genuinely terrifying. Doesn't he have holograms?
He has, like, filters playing on people's faces and stuff. Or, no, like, on stage. Isn't there, like, a hologram of him? But it's, like, someone projecting mapping his face on, like, a younger version of him. Yeah. It is, like... It's weird. Like, I don't understand how they did it. Well, I wasn't close enough to see if the kid actually, like, looks like him or had something on his face. But on the screen, they have it, like...
like a deep fake thing of his own face playing and the kid is like i guess told to move really weird because he looks like an animatronic and i when i first saw i was like oh my god he has a hologram like what the fuck is that and then i realized it was actually a couch and like actually a person on there but it was really really scary um
So that's my update is I'm really scared of Drake. Yeah, any time I'm at a concert, like, it's, like, the most euphoric I've ever been. Like, I'm like, oh, like, I love this so much. I love that everyone is here for the same thing. And then, like, I always have these really, really low moments where I, like, am looking at a sea of people in the back of their heads and, like, they're all, like, barely moving and I'm like,
are y'all even alive? Like, are people existing behind me? Like, this is really fucking weird simulation shit. Like, and I'm sure everybody has that moment where they're like, what the fuck are we doing? Like, this is so weird. But yeah, I get like the most. Or other people just like enjoy their life. I get the most existential I've ever been, like ever self-aware and existential at concerts. Every time I go, I'm just like, this is so, so bizarre. It gets so scary. Like, I don't know. It was really weird.
Also, people kept taking videos of me. And I'm like, guys, come on. Yeah, I know. That was really weird. I was telling...
everyone that that video is like literally i think one of the funniest things you've ever done one and two like it was one of those moments where i was like jealous like that i wasn't the one to make that joke like i was so like damn this is so funny somebody reposted that video on tiktok and one of the top comments was like do you understand how confused the people who were trying to film drake are when they look back at the video and they just see you looking at them like
Yes, I'm here. There was one girl who she like behind her phone, like had her phone like this and kept being like, she was like,
Like, didn't want to look at me. Like, kept trying to, like, maneuver her phone where she couldn't see my face. Because everybody... I was, like, right by the stairs. So everybody right there was, like, staring... Not staring at me, but they were trying to see Drake. Yeah. But, like, I was just staring right at all of them. And I caught eye contact with every single person. Every single person probably thought I was a fucking psychopath. Like, the way...
walk into any situation and I clock one person who makes me uncomfortable I'm like cool they're gonna stab me I was giving that to someone else that night a stabbing today a stabbing today I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking wow oh my god I feel so bad for them they deserve ads uh but we're doing our job you're not doing your job you need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again
I can't believe I miss reading ads I miss the taste
Yeah, I think we need to have Doja Cat on to fight the Illuminati allegations. I think what I think is it's a case of all publicity is good publicity taken too far. And this whole satanic panic, like everyone playing off of this satanic panic, like as publicity is just so tried and fucking boring. And like everyone was just fucking fed up with it. And like Doja just took it too fucking far. She was just like,
Like, yeah, I don't know. That's my take on it. Like, no one's actually in the fucking Illuminati. The Illuminati isn't fucking real. She just took it too far. Guys, is it? Like, how would we know? It's right in front of you guys. We're not in the Illuminati. Oh, you remember the black eye photo of me? You know the thing of those people like touching the orb?
No. Do you know what I'm talking about? Why didn't you ask me if I knew about it? Well, I assume since you're a girl. Well, you're a girl. You're not as intellectual. I was just making sure that was why. You're not as intellectual as us boys. Well, Drew's obviously the schizophrenic one. And I'm the normal one. Yeah. There's always one normal one and one schizophrenic one in the squad. But no, it's like...
Some island that all these conspiracy theorists were like, oh, elites go to this island and they do rituals. Oh, it's like the big owl burning? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like photos came out of like actual people that were like touching an orb. And like Hillary Clinton's there. Bruh, that's like the equivalent to when white people just like take an overly holistic viewpoint of their life because they get so bored and they don't have problems. And then they're like, we need to do something. Yeah.
the end. Like, we just need to do something. Like, I'm literally so bored. So they, yeah, so they start just, like, going and making shit up. Like, that has to be the equivalent of that. It's like, it's like when people go on, like, a spa retreat, that's their version of a spa retreat because they've been to too many spa retreats. So they're like, we need to start our own thing. Yeah.
And then there's that big fucking tunnel, too, that they dug through. Oh, the tunnel under Ocean Boulevard. Yes. And it was for a Lana Del Rey release party. And they had, like, a really demonic, like, ritual done. Like, a big dance thing. And, like, watching it, like, when I was 14, I was like, oh, wow, this is really crazy. But I think it's literally just, like, people, like, being stupid. And that's what I'm going to choose to believe so I don't go insane. They're all fucking high as shit. They all did, like... But I'll show you the video. It's...
It's honestly really bizarre, like, the shit that they're acting out, and it's, like... Wait, is it famous people? No, no, it's, like... Rich people? Really, really wealthy people, like, bored through a mountain, and, like, the opening... It was, like, a big hole in the ground, and, like, the ceremony after was, like, just really creepy. And it was, like, the Olympic ceremony in 2012 or something like that, or 2016, like, had, like, a big-ass, like...
of like a grim reaper and like... The Olympics? Yeah, they had like a big, like their Olympic ritual and then there was like viruses everywhere and people were like, it was predictive programming for like the pandemic that's going to come in 2020. Yeah.
Or it could have been like 2018, but it was one year. Well, the only time I watched the Olympics was in 2012 when One Direction performed. That's the only time I've ever seen anything about the Olympics. Like, I'm not kidding. Is it the Olympics happening in LA this year? Or is it next year, 2024? 2024. 2024.
Why are we going to the Olympics? That's fucking lit. Wait, that was the Olympics. I know. And then it's kind of insane for the Olympics. That's what I'm saying. That was the Olympics, too. Yes. And then there's like crazy people in like beds and shit.
It is really bizarre. Wait, why is it a pirate? 2028. This is Hamilton. I've never seen Hamilton, bro. I don't know what that is. Yeah, I just know that one dude is really creepy. Yeah, exactly.
right but what did you just say oh you just said something i said i've only seen the olympics when one direction played i was the only time i tapped in and i remember that day so vividly because that was the day i was like i was 13 i was like i'm gonna live in new york and be a writer and i was sitting there watching one direction which is like okay like you swear like what the fuck like you're literally watching and i was eating special case cereal
And it was really fun. And I miss those times. The only time I really tuned into the Olympics was Michael Phelps' gold medal run. And when I found out Michael Phelps smoked weed, it was earth shattering for me. Like heartbreaking? Yes. It's like when we all found out Zayn and Justin Bieber smoked weed and we were like, stop. Well, Justin Bieber smokes meth.
With Selena Gomez. Have you seen a video of them like literally like running through like a meth populated area and like they just bought meth and they like are running away? No. It's really crazy. You're saying that reminded me of Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello. The video of them walking. That's literally one of the best videos ever. We got to insert that. We have to insert our recreation of it too.
We were so fucking... We were literally... Was that pandemic boredom? Yeah, because they were going on their pandemic walk and it was like Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello taking a pandemic walk. Oh, there's like a big ass fucking squirrel in that tree right now. You have ADHD as fuck. Squirrel! Shiny squirrel! Ew. What was I saying? Shiny. Shiny object. Um...
Next time I go to a store and a like clerk or sales assistant is being too pushy and really trying to make me buy something I don't want to buy. I'm just going to fucking steal it. Where were we when you want to get rid of it so bad? It was literally a video game store. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They were like trying to push video games on us. So I stole a bunch of stuff. Yeah. In retaliation.
for a business that needed my purchase I stole from them yeah I think we should all just start stealing from small businesses because like the big businesses are getting hurt it's also just boring yeah like stealing from people who have enough money like that can afford it like no I want to ruin people's lives yeah I want this to like really I want to cause a domino effect I don't do anything just to do it I do it for the domino effect
We should destroy the economy. Oh, when they're like all these freaking financial studies coming out that like Taylor Swift, when she goes to certain places on tour that she like stimulates the economy like in a crazy way.
crazy way like i think it was it was philadelphia or it was either philadelphia or another p word um place that she visited the p word you're thinking of is your mom's p word because when i go there i over stimulate it was actually your gat pussy like girl you got a gat for a vagina your vagina is gat yeah but what is that you got a gat a gat vagina what
It's like when you see a big butt, you're supposed to go, God damn. Oh, okay. But people are... You're not supposed to say it like that. God damn. What? Gat. You got a gat. But Taylor Swift... Pretend to be straight. But Taylor Swift...
stimulates you. But and not boobs. She's that big button. That's true. So it's not straight. Okay, Taylor Swift stimulates herself. Keep going. No, she stimulates the economy in the craziest way like that. But you know, in Pennsylvania, Philadelphia or somewhere, the like tourism board,
said that it was the most hotels ever rented out in a single three day period and it was something like 300,000 hotel rooms were rented out which like if you think about that for three Is there that many hotels? That's like a billion dollars in revenue for Pennsylvania Philadelphia or something like that. That's crazy and then not even to mention like all the Ubers and the people eating Fuck when we go on tour we're literally gonna like the economy is gonna be boosted back up like it's gonna be fucked up I'm honestly gonna feel
gonna feel bad for everybody in those towns who like aren't used to that kind of like traffic traffic yeah they're gonna like be late to work and stuff and it's like damage the economy we're gonna have to like file for bankruptcy yeah we're gonna have to like beg the government to give us money back what the fuck were you looking at looking at your vagina the thing is you like work because you're gonna it reeks in here
I almost said something so fucking gross, but... What were you going to say? It wasn't even that gross, but it was just disgusting to say to you. But I was going to be like, oh, do you want to just give it a taste so you can put the rumors to rest? But the idea of me looking at you and saying, do you want to eat my fucking food? You can't look me in the eyes anymore. Well...
This is one line in one line only and we're not touching on it for any longer than we have to. But big sexy man had emergency intercom playing in the background if you're watching. Hello. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I know. I know because I said it to you immediately. And what's crazy is I had already stalked this person a lot. A lot of videos were seen. Why are you backtracking? Because now you're embarrassed? Because I'm embarrassed. Um...
But... We don't have to talk about it. Yeah, we can move on. Let's move on. This is all notes on a specific event that happened that I was like, I wanted to talk about. What's the event? I want to make a movie about it.
or like write a movie about it because it is the one of the craziest things i've ever heard happen and no one's made a movie on it yet and it's crazy because it would be like a sick cronenberg movie i mean not cronenberg uh cohen brothers or like wes anderson he's he's another like really creepy director he makes really creepy movies okay um but it's the 1904 olympic marathon
I don't know about that, bro. Like, I'm sorry. 1904 isn't a year I need to have any, like, knowledge on. It's the worst. Okay, I'm sorry, but that squirrel is going in. He's hanging upside down right now. Squirrel. It's the worst race ever in history. Wait, please come here and look at it, Drew. His feet are hanging off. Do you see that? His feet are hanging off the left. What the hell is he doing? He's tweaking.
Where is he? Where'd he go? I don't know. For some reason, they're like... Oh, you can see him. I've never seen them do that. He's like using his feet to hold him and his tail. He's gonna fall and fucking die. Dude, what's crazy is that animal has no fear of literally falling to his death right now. Like, that's not even on his mind.
Do you see that, Ty? Oh, whoa, yeah. He has really big nipples. It had, like, six big-ass fucking nipples. Fucking massive areolas. I've never seen a squirrel actually do what a squirrel was meant to do. Usually, they just, like, run up the trunk of the tree. Or they're, like, climbing on roofs and fucking wires. Yeah. Um...
But the 1904 Olympic marathon was the worst race in human history. It was, like, in 1904, so they obviously didn't understand, like, proper hydration and, like, how to take care of people. By 1904, they didn't know they needed water? They knew they needed water, but they didn't know, like, at the rate. They didn't know that they needed Red 40. Which I'm still, like, I don't believe that we need that much water to survive because I swear to God, from, like, 6th grade,
six years old to like 21 i only drank coca-cola for that's being really nice to yourself from 21 to 25 right now because you still don't really oh my god it's funny because it wasn't on camera and i haven't seen that in your hands listen since we last recorded i haven't seen it in his hand proper hydration that's like sugar cum water well it is just jizz
Add your Adderall water. Addy water. When me and Inya were on press play, we would find...
and dumped them into bottles of water because we wanted to share them, but they were the ones that you had that like capsules that had a bunch of little beads in it and we would put it in water, but it's not water soluble. So we would shake it up and it wouldn't melt and we would go to drink it and we would each give each other. And like whoever gets the most little pellets gets the most Adderall. Yeah, and we were like fighting to be the person to get the last swig and like whoever got the last swig got the full dose. And you will never guess who won.
Yeah, and you won and it was fucked up. I won. But yeah, we were drinking Adderall water. You know Molly water? And I was up till 8 a.m. And then we continued to go and meet all of you guys hungover at the ripe age of 17. It was crazy. Bloodshot eyes shaking. In like purgatory almost. Like it was really crazy. Like you couldn't even think thoughts. Okay, so this race...
was on unpaved roads. It was like dirt roads. They were running on dirt roads through the middle of the city in St. Louis. - They were running from the coming of Christ. Like why are they just like running on unpaved roads? - It's so crazy. And like also they started this race at 3:00 PM in St. Louis in the middle of fucking summer. So in the shade, it was 90 degrees and outside of shade, it was upwards of 105 degrees.
running a marathon which in today's standard like you cannot start a race legally if it's higher than 70 degrees like really i mean i think you can but it's like really really hardly recommended that like you you don't start the ideal temperature to start a race is 40 to 50 degrees damn like you want to be cold and then work your way up yeah and you want to be done by fucking 10 like you don't want to be racing yeah you don't want to be racing um
And on top of all of that, on this race, there were only two water stations the entire marathon. This is the Olympics? This isn't like someone was just having fun? This is the Olympics. Was it the first Olympics? No. There were only two water stations. And the reason why is fucking crazy. So the commissioner of the race was using these people as experiments. And he wanted to research, quote unquote, purposeful dehydration.
Which is crazy. Yeah, so they only put two water stations in 100 degree weather to like experiment on these like poor fucking racers. Like it was so, so sad. And then I could keep getting into it. I could go deep. I want to know what happens. I could really go deep. Is it sad? There's like some parts that are like, damn. But...
Only 34% of the people who started the race finished. So only 14 people finished. And this is the Olympics. I would not want to fight any of those bitches. Yeah, they're real, real healthy. And people were literally just collapsing and coughing up blood and literally almost dying because of all the dust they were inhaling on this race. They were sprinting through the-
Or they just... It was just through the city. That was just a plus for the freaks who were putting on the experiment. They were like, oh, cool. Now there's, like, inhalation of toxins. Yeah, now we get to see their freaking... Well, like...
This race was so insane that people were literally like being run off the fucking course by rabid animals and like dogs were chasing them around. Yeah, it's like really, really crazy. This is in Canada. Yeah, yeah. This was in Orlando, Florida. So this is a story I'm like, oh, Wes Anderson needs to make a movie about this. But one of the racers... I thought he was like happy with his movies. Yeah.
Oh, the story of one of the racers. Yeah. One of the racers was this mailman from Cuba. Kai, shut the hell up. Yeah, he's fucking talking. I think that was the first time I've ever sneezed on a podcast. I think so. I think so. It sounded very like a girl sneezing. Yeah, it was like a really girlish sneeze. It was like...
What's wrong with that? I bet he's going to put a vocalizer on it to make it deeper. Yeah. Yeah, because it was like... And like stretch it out a little bit. Like you like let out a little bone. Yeah, and I'm going to edit a bunch of farts throughout the entire episode while you guys are talking. That's good for us, actually. Are you calling me fart mouth? Whoa. That's good for us, actually. One of the racers was a mailman from Cuba. And like, so...
To get to the Olympics is, like, it's really fucking expensive and, like, you need sponsors and, like, you need funding. Like, a lot of people just can't afford to go to the Olympics on their own, especially in 1904. What was it, like, $3 to go? Yeah, yeah, before inflation. Yeah.
It was 20 cents. He was doing this thing called like running for money or something. I don't know the fucking term for it, but he was literally just like run around Cuba. He was doing this thing called like working for money. Yeah, he would run around Cuba and just like collect donations.
from people. Yeah. And like, to get him to the Olympics because like, he wanted to go really badly. Well, it's finally time for him to fucking leave. He gets on the boat and he's driving across the ocean and fucking partying on this big ass boat like with all the money he just got. Then he lands in...
And when he gets to Louisiana, he's not supposed to be there very long. But he like gets there and just gambles all of his money away and parties the entire fucking time he's there. Like he turns the fuck up. He turns up and he goes to Miami.
and starts a family and now he still lives there. He's alive. Yeah, exactly. Well, this dude is like, oh, fuck, I have a race. So he starts hitchhiking, but he has no money to get to the fucking race. So he starts hitchhiking and he's taking buggies and cars and riding trains all the way to St. Louis. Okay, what the fuck did the cars and shit look like? There wasn't cars yet. They were insane. And then he gets there.
And when he gets there, it's like seconds before the race. And there's photos of him. And right before the race, he's in like civilian clothing. He fucking stinks. He's been traveling for 40 hours. He hasn't eaten in 40 hours. He's like so...
Bitch. Oh my God, imagine getting this on your sweet 16. I'd be pissed. No, that'd be fucking lit. What are you talking about? I actually was reading an Eve Babbitt's book and she was like, in this book, sorry to interrupt, but in this book, she's talking to somebody who grew up in like the fucking 1920s and shit. So by the time this girl was 16 in 1927, her parents gave her a car and they were like, oh, it was a Ford Model T. And me looking for a vintage car, I'm like, oh, what's a Ford Model T, bitch?
You were looking at this. You were going to buy a Ford Model T because fucking Eve Babitz. Because not even Eve Babitz had it. Her friend had it. Wait, Ford Model T. Look at this fucking car. Oh, no. Steven's dad has one. Yeah. Bitch, here I go. The fuck? Bitch, here I go.
Wait, it was literally like one of these. Yeah, those are classics. Actually, this is low-key lit. Like, I'd be serving great Gatsby. Yeah, great Gatsby, Cora. It's giving Gatsby. Follow the light. Okay, so this dude gets to the race right before it's about to start, and he's in just full civilian clothing, and all these racers are in, like, short shorts, like, cut-off sleeves. Theme sluts. They're literally just, like, ready and prepared for the race. Well...
he's like fuck I can't race in this so he literally cuts off his pants like into shorts and he cuts the sleeves into short sleeves and he's just gonna race in civilian clothing well he hasn't eaten in 40 hours because he was just hitchhiking the whole way there and like there's like mixed um
like people recounts yeah mixed accounts of like recounts of this happening so like this could be real or it couldn't could not be real but I'm gonna choose it to be real you choose to take it how you want but this dude was starving so he ran up to two strangers who were eating peaches and he stole these peaches from them ate them really quick and then just started the race like he did the race started and
He's like, obviously, Two Peaches isn't doing anything for you. You have to run like, what is it, like fucking 10 miles? How long is a marathon? Like 14 miles or some shit? 20 miles? 26 miles? I don't fucking know. Because it's in kilometers. Like, bitch, fuck kilometers. Like literally fuck kilometers. Kill yourself. Well...
He is in the middle of this race and he's starving, his stomach's hurting, and they're running past an orchard on this race. And so he goes up and he grabs a bunch of apples on the floor and starts eating them. Well, those apples were like hella, hella fucking rotten. So he starts getting really gnarly cramps and bubbly guts and he feels really sick and he's about to throw up. He's also been running in 100 degree weather for like fucking...
two hours or something and he's just like freaking the fuck out so he lays down in the shade to take a nap well he wakes up and
he's like, fuck, I need to finish this race. So he just starts running. And he is one of the only people to finish the race. And he placed fucking fourth place while taking a nap in the middle of the race. If that shows you how fucking awful these conditions were. This seems like a story like a teacher would tell you about taking your time in life. Literally. So there was this man. So then there was this guy named Fred Lohr's
who was the winner and he finished the race in three hours and 15 minutes, which I think for today's standards is pretty fucking fast, let alone doing it in a hundred degree weather in, uh, 1904. Well, he had that, he had his Arcteryx, um, water. Yeah. Yeah. He got, he had the, yeah, he had his Gorp on. Yeah. He had Gorp core. Um, well, this dude was a good runner, like world-class. Um, and he was actually really impressive. Um,
But as he crossed the finish line, he was like partying with like Franklin Roosevelt's daughter. Like the press was like hyping him up. He was about to receive... He was about to hit. No, he was about to bang. He was getting interviewed. Like it was a big ass... Being the lone survivor of the world's most chaotic marathon and getting to hit. Yeah, no, he won. He was probably really stinky. Ooh, he probably had good pheromones. Yeah, she was smelling his pheromones. I mean...
He's getting interviewed and then it comes out that this dude halfway through the race collapsed at mile nine from like dehydration and cramps and took a fucking car all the way to a mile before the finish line and just jogged the rest. And like he made it believable enough that like it was like
Yeah, so he cheated and got first place. Did he hit though? Yeah, he smashed. He hit. He fucking finessed Franklin Lozabelt's dauble. Um...
fuck man um but the real winner was thomas hicks and halfway through the race he was like begging for water and like freaking the fuck out he was like so dehydrated like as everyone was and he had his like two trainers with him this dude is like a world-class runner i think he went on the next year to actually win first place again um in 1905 um but like halfway through the race obviously like everyone else he was like freaking the fuck out dehydrated and he had his trainers with him
And they were like really trying to motivate him to like go further. And it was to the point where he was like collapsing in their arms. He was like, I really, I cannot finish this. I cannot do this race. Well, his trainers are like, fuck, like we have to do something. He's like, there's a puff bar at the finish line. Basically, basically, dude, what they did is they propped him up on their shoulders and they didn't want to like shock his system. And so they got like a dirty ass fucking rag and just like dripped water into his mouth and
and like sponge bath him with water and they were like is that enough and he was like no like I'm not gonna be able to finish this race so what they fucking did in true 1904 fashion gave him a bottle of brandy and a bottle and they thought it was a stimulant back then so he chugged a bottle of brandy they cracked
an egg into his mouth and he ate the egg whites or I think he ate the whole egg into his mouth and like that was supposed to give him enough energy and that still wasn't working on my birthday we are going to crack a bottle of Casamigos into my mouth throw an egg in there and I'm about to literally run back to Miami yes and then so that still wasn't working so they gave him fucking strychnine which is rat poison they just gave him a bunch of fucking rat poison so they gave him brandy I don't think this sounds like
I know, dude. Well, he was, like, tweaking off the fucking bean. Like, he was literally, like, hallucinating. Like, this shit, like, affects your nervous system. Like, I forget what it... It's, like, toxic to your nervous system. So, like, it just, like, whatever motion you're doing, your body just does and you, like, can't fucking stop. So, he's, like, repeating this, like...
jogging motion like all the way to the fucking finish line and eventually like another couple miles in like his he's like kind of failing a little bit so his trainers forcefully
flagged down a dude which in 1904 this is crazy they flag a dude down in his car the dude is like hey do you have anything to give him he's like oh I have another bottle of brandy so he drinks another fucking bottle of brandy and like so he's two bottles of brandy deep he's strychnined like the fuck out like hallucinating like think about doing like DMT and that's like what it's doing to this man and
Um, and he's like geeking, like we literally told bro we geek hard. Like he's like the OG geek. It's hard to believe, to believe that all these things were happening during this one. I know it's really, really crazy. Um,
Well, he's literally like a zombie at this point. Like, just, like, stumbling through. Yeah, getting through it. And even crossing the finish line in this race is, like, you deserve a medal. Like, it's crazy. They were, like, breathing in fucking glass dust and, like, chemicals and it was dirt and it was so bad. Well, like...
Oh, I wrote down A.H. American Horror Story Asylum post-lobotomy. It's like what he was like, what he looked like. Yeah. Full-blown LSD trip. Well, he crosses his finish line and he's like tweaking so hard off this trick nine that when his like...
People lift him up. He's still running like, you know when you like put a dog over like water and they like swim like with their legs He was doing that in real life, but like jogging he was like and there's a photo of him sitting in like this buggy and he's like Like he's literally like freaking the fuck I would literally do rap poison just because it sounds fun, but this dude is
In three hours and 20 minutes, lost eight pounds. And I'm like, damn, like skinny, like skinny, skinny, skinny. Like, I need to do that. So basically he walked away like a triple winner. Yes, exactly. Best high ever, lost weight, and won the race. And won the race. So he was... But what's crazy is he didn't get to hit Roosevelt's daughter. No, no, no, no. Like, let him hit, come on. But yeah, he...
He won the real race, the skinny race. And yeah, he came out of the closet and was a winner.
Wait, what? What if I told you that I made all of that up? I would, like, seriously think you need psychiatric help. I made all that up. Did you actually? No. Oh, I believed you. You were like, damn, you're so creative. No, I was just like, damn, we got to take that iPad away from you and take you outside. But no, that's, like, obviously 1904 stories. So there's, like, a lot of, like, fucking lies in there. But, like...
Yeah, it's crazy. Also, there was just like a lot of weird funky shit going on like previously with that Olympics and like it was just it was a really really humans are so bored like we are literally so the Olympics like it's so funny. It's literally like dude, let's see how good we could get it doing a flip. Let's see how good we can throw this ball. Like it's so weird. Dude, they need to do.
the sex olympics because i'd probably win gold like in most of the categories like most sex had like goodest at sex like biggest penis like that's probably i would probably win all those categories i don't think so right well i'll leave you off with one more thing and i was watching a tiktok
And this dude like fell down that slide and like one of the comments was like, oh, he gave us like a whimpering audio or something and it was highlighted blue. And I was like, I shouldn't click that. I really I should not click what that blue text right now because it's going to be the worst thing I've ever fucking heard in my life.
You can link stuff in TikTok comments now? I don't know how they did it, but it was blue in the comment. And I clicked on it, and what I found is the most appalling, horrific, craziest shit ever. It's just a bunch of blank screens with exclamation points saying, turn it up, turn it up! Literally just in headphones. And it's a whimper challenge, and it's fucked up.
Stop, stop, stop! Dude, that is really gross. It literally was the most horrific thing I've ever stumbled upon. And it's literally just like fucking... They're all boomers. Do you remember that silhouette challenge where people would get naked in the doorframe and it was just all really fucking old people? I'm literally red. That was fucked up. But like...
Yeah, it's literally those same people. Like, humans are so funny because how are you that horny that, like, you're, like, just, like, on the timeline? Like, it's so insane. A silhouette of your, like, dong hanging between your legs. Like, it's crazy. That's really gross. Yeah. Well, you don't have any Drew's side? Actually, I have a side. I do have a bunch, actually. I completely forgot about that. Fuck, wait. I have one for you.
while you're looking for it there's this thing called ghost kids and they're industry plant gorillas and it's the craziest i've ever seen in my entire life yeah there's like um industry point gorillas now um like the band the gorillas and they posted a flyer of rolling loud and was like oh we're like gonna be playing rolling aloud
and everyone was like "who the fuck are you? no you're not, why are you lying?" and everybody thought it was like this Drew's psyop corner when the face ID fucking up and I gotta lock in our phones literally make us serve to it to like unlock like sometimes it's just fucking everybody has to be like
Yeah. You gotta lock in. You gotta lock in. But yeah, the Gorillaz industry plant, they said they were performing Rolling Loud and even Rolling Loud was like, no, the fuck you're not. And everybody thought it was like this big publicity stunt. Well, they literally did play Rolling Loud and they opened for Lil Uzi and it's the craziest shit I've ever seen. And it is the...
most obvious industry plant I have ever seen in my entire life. And they have a song with like Vince Staples and like,
I don't know. It's really, really fucking bizarre. And you should look up videos when you get a chance because it's so, so weird. And like all of their accounts are like super fucking botted. Like on TikTok, they have like 5 million followers and they get like 100,000 likes. We need to bought our own accounts. I know. I'm literally about to. People probably say that because like why the fuck do all of our views like our videos get that many views? Like it's insane. It's because we bought them. Yeah, we do bought our videos. Yeah.
okay i'm gonna get my charger welcome to true psyop corner the za got me thinking about tragedies that haven't even happened yet march 3rd 2024 damn damn that was then when that that was right before my birthday something bad is gonna happen um okay this one's good imagine giving me head and i yell out boring
um don't come to my house uh don't come to my house pouring big cups of juice washed up bitches love throwback thursday that's literally me emergency intercom release days is like the super bowl for people with crumbs in their bed burger king be like 20 nuggets for one dollar and 50 cents boy that shit is leftover bbl meat shut up
i'ma fly a lucky follower out to my house and them all day all right well i'm gonna start media i don't have any movies or anything somebody was like oh my god it's taking you so long to watch the sopranos because of the thing i posted but that's a draft from like may uh that i made but it is taking me forever
I only have 20 episodes left to watch, which is literally a full day worth. I heard you all talking about it last night. You had like 21. And I also heard you talk shit about me briefly. What did I say? You thought I was asleep and you were walking to the bathroom and you said something to someone. You said my name. What did I say? I don't know, but I heard you. And it woke me up immediately because I was like, oh, wow, someone's talking shit about me. But you said it angrily. I think you were talking to Josh and I was like, oh.
Oh wow, this is crazy. I don't remember talking shit about you. Everyone talks shit about me behind my back. It's so weird. Sis, I talk shit right to your fucking face because I'm not fucking scared of you. How about that? Oh, Spring by Angel Olsen. I'm going to need your phone too to go to the emergency intercom playlist because my phone's dead. Glad Tidings by Van Morrison. Um, Drew Wimper Challenge that only I have. Ew, um...
And honestly, those are my only medias that I can give you today. Like, how about that? I don't really have much to give you. You've taken everything from me. That's my media challenge. I just got so tired. I actually don't think I have any media for you guys. I don't think anybody cares about media. So, how about that? I know. Literally, no one cares. No one actually gives a fuck. We do it for ourselves. International Players Anthem by OutKast and UGK.
Close to you, the Cranberries cover. I was listening to that again because it's so good. Flynn by Aphex Twin. My girl, there you fucking go. Oh, I'm rewatching Death Note again.
for like the 18th time and every time I watch it it's so fucking good bruh like it is so good all the twists and turns in the first two episodes I'm like gagged every time even even though I've seen it like a hundred times I'm gagged every fucking time and those goddamn apples like I want to eat those fucking apples so bad
So, so, so, so bad. Oh, my last actually media song is Sprung by T-Pain, which I think I said last week. And then I heard it in a store yesterday and I haven't heard that in public since 2009. I don't think I've ever heard that song in public. Really? It was such a popular song. Yeah. Uh,
But also like the public I went to was Granberry and there were like eight stores total and all of them were like grocery stores. And they were playing a CD. Yeah, exactly. All right. Well, thank you guys so much for listening. I just want to apologize that I wasn't myself today. I'm going through a lot right now.
He's lying. He's like not going through anything. So he just wants to tell you. I don't tell you everything I go through. Y'all don't know. Like that's the thing is I keep a lot of things in and to myself. Hey, you shouldn't do that. You should be open with me. Well, no, like men aren't allowed to cry. I'm going through like stuff too. Men aren't allowed to cry.
Boys don't cry. Men shouldn't go to therapy. Yes. Because therapy is for bitches and women. Yeah. Wow. Okay, that's a good way to leave the episode. All right. Thank you guys for watching. Bye.