Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.
if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more. We're really late on this episode. I was almost going to not do an episode this week. Welcome to Emergency Intercom. Drew's late, so I'm stuck staring at Kai. What's up, guys? I don't like...
Wait, one second, one second. Drew, can you like turn on your phone? Hold on, shut up. I'm taking an order. Damn, one second. Hi, welcome to McDonald's. What can I get for you? Big and greedy. You want a Big Mac and a 10-piece nugget? Is this just for you or your family? What is he doing? I thought you were in Texas. Oh, okay. Oh, you actually want to fight?
You actually want to fucking fight right now. Hold on, let me mute them. This bitch is being such a fucking bitch, bro. She's being such a bitch, bro. Oh, you heard that? You heard that? I don't give a fuck if you heard that. Pull up, ho. Pull up. I'm dead serious. Don't fight. Don't fight. Please don't fight. Please don't fight. Why are you there? Where are you? Oh my fucking God. Where is he? I think he went to fight the patron. Ha ha!
Why is it only picking up handles? What the fuck? I thought you went back to Texas. Drew, are you okay? I just got my fucking ass beat. I fucking hate this job, bitch. I fucking hate this fucking job. What did you get your ass beat by? A ghost? What the fuck just happened? Hello? Are you frozen? Alright, we're back. Damn, I look big and strong right now. Yeah, I got a job at McDonald's.
that's what i do when i come back to texas dude i thought you went back to texas to see your family why do you have a job why did you get like a job at mcdonald's i need to subsidize my income um when i'm here i'm not really working so i just am addicted to the grind you know i just like getting money i like getting that bag i like getting that bread why are you oh are you packing orders right now
Honestly, I'm pretty impressed by like your multitasking skills. Like that's honestly pretty impressive. Yeah, well, in like three days I've been here, I actually worked up to manager. So I kind of make my own schedule and I can do whatever I want. Someone quick today. That's really quick. Do you think that like,
Do you think like your place on the internet gave you like more opportunity for that? Because I'm just unsure why they would like promote you. Yeah. And also like everyone here is like addicted to meth. So. Oh. And yeah. So I was just like, I told them I'm the leader and they were like, oh, you are the leader. And I just have that natural charisma. You know, like both of y'all know what I'm talking about. Your kitchen looks like. Are you putting anyone on the schedule though? Cause your kitchen looks like dead empty. Yeah.
I got the tile floor everything uh yeah no I'm the only one here right now actually that's why it's like kind of hectic well how are you gonna do the podcast and like fulfill orders wait what can you hear me sorry one second one second I have to mute the um mute the beeping because it actually if y'all don't know that shit gets on my nerves bro it's like actually so loud
Well, if you mute it, then how are you going to know that like things are what the fuck are those beeps actually? Like does anybody at McDonald's like no, like what are those beeps for other than like ambient noise? Someone please tell us. I think it's like probably. Oh, yeah. Also, yes, my skin is giving today. It's not grease. It's just I'm a natural glowy dewy look like.
I love myself. Every time we do the podcast on Zoom, you have to say something about your skin. Like, you have to make your own comment about the way you look. Well, if I'm insecure about something and I attack it first, it gives me ammo. Yeah, you control the narrative. Yeah, I control the narrative. And I'm like, yeah, I see it before you, so it's, like, not me. You know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm always making self-deprecating jokes about my...
My huge dick. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Were you going to say that? Sorry. You're not doing anything. You're literally faking like you got busy. No, I'm taking notes. Yeah. Okay. Do people who work remote do that? Do you think like they'll be on the computer like, oh, I'm looking that up right now. And they're just like,
faking it yeah but not doing anything or do you think they're actually working on the computer also stop bringing your laptop to a cafe that's my new take is i think laptops should be banned from cafes because why are you taking up a whole fucking day also stop doing your zoom calls in cafes like outside i was outside of a cafe in la and this dude gets on he goes hey
Oh, no, it's so good to see you all. Like, loud as fuck in this cafe and everybody was just... Also, we're all behind your meeting. Like, we're there. Oh, did you move positions? Yeah, I went to my office. Your office kind of just looks like right behind the counter. Yeah, it is. I mean, baby, I love this work. I love this job. I love the line of duty. I am an essential worker. I give to the community and I feed everyone, so...
We're actually like in the southern United States. We actually have the most foot traffic of any. That's crazy because you're in Granbury. So there's what, like 30 people there? Yeah, it's a lot. All 30 of those people eat 36,000 times a day. Wow.
was saying today on the way home um because the mcdonald's by my house was fucking packed and it was literally 12 on the dot and i was like damn i can't believe some people make the cognitive decision to like eat mcdonald's as one of their first meals of the day and then i remembered i live with drew um and that is why are you wearing that wig
It's not a wig. Sorry, I was fixing my hair. It's actually a toupee. He just had to shave the top of it. So the rest of it is his hair. I got a wig installed. Actually, don't fucking call my hair a wig, bitch. It's a toupee. Get that shit straight. Like, don't fuck with me. It's fucking different. Wigs are for girls. Toupes are for men. Other than your job, how's Texas been? I worked at my dad's job for a little bit today.
Luna is the sweetest baby ever. My mom has my grandma has cancer. I explored the ocean a little bit. It's been pretty chill.
Okay, wait, because you can say the thing about your grandma. I mean, like, those are just a few of the good things that have happened. No, my grandma's fine. She's lovely. I love her. She's a great woman. I went and saw her for the first time in a while. And yeah, she's great. She was happy to see the baby.
He's really happy to see the baby. All of the people in the rehabilitation place, when they see a child enter that building, like, their instincts kick in and they all want to hold it and touch it and look at it and play with it and shit. So it's just really cute seeing, like, all the old elderly people, like, want to take care of a baby. Yeah, it couldn't be me, though. I just, like, don't fall under that, like, weird, like,
matriarchal like whole like thing like I just I'm different like I see a baby and I'm like I want to fucking hit it yeah you know what I realize is the sexual revolution it actually didn't fail because they've always had prostitutes
True. When do you think the first time someone got paid for sex was? Dude, okay. Probably like the year 100. Yeah, Adam and Eve paid Eve to have sex with an apple. As soon as there was a way to have money, I feel like the next day they were like, alright, how do I make this money? Yeah.
Yeah, but do you think by then people were like that horny and couldn't fuck? Like there was literally nothing else going on. So I would assume for a long time people were just fucking for like, oh, fuck it. Like you're ugly as fuck, but I'll fuck you. Like there's literally nothing to do. I think women like are genuinely, I actually believe this are more like cunning than men and they...
understand quicker than men. Yeah, per... So they early on realized that like, oh, I could make money off of this and...
Fuck with the man brain. But that's really the only good thing women have ever done is like sell their bodies. That's the only good thing they've ever done. Oh my God. What the hell, dude? Like we've done good things too. We have good other businesses. Like a lot of women have Etsy shops. Hello? Pregnancy. A lot of people, women get pregnant. Yeah. Dude, this is. As a woman, you either do OnlyFans or you have an Etsy shop. You're one or the other. No.
No, there's some girl bosses out here. Those are the two choices. I've seen a few girl bosses. What is a boy boss? Is it just a boy or just a boss? We need to fix that. It's just a boss. So true. Yeah, we need to fix that. Are you going to start implementing that change, or are you just going to say there needs to be a change with no action? Oh, wow. Call me a boy boss. Call me a boy boss.
Drew, since you're like an expert on female sexuality, do you know how prostitutes like didn't get pregnant in like medieval times and shit? Not enough sugar in the diet. Oh, okay. I've like genuinely, I've genuinely been wondering like, how the fuck do you not get pregnant? I, okay. First day of being a prostitute. That's because you start wrestling with your homegirls.
To get rid of it. You just start fucking mud wrestling. Yeah. I feel like it might have just been harder to get pregnant back then. Like now we have just so much technology, but actually we haven't changed anything. I don't know. But that's a good segue because we've all seen it. We've all seen it.
each other's partners asking how much they think about the Roman Empire, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm 100% positive 98% of the men are lying. However, I fall in that 2%. I do think about the Roman Empire fairly often. Kai, how about you? How much do you think about the Roman Empire? Probably like every other day. Yeah, okay. And yeah, how much do you think about it? Is that a real answer though or are you just saying that? No, honestly, my real answer is like once every...
Every 10 days, I think about it. Yeah. Because I think about how the United States is a collapsing empire. And I'm like, oh, what is it like to live in a collapsing empire? I wonder if they saw the signs. Their currency was being inflated. I don't know. Yeah. No, I'm on the same wavelength. I think about it once every hour, probably. Oh, okay. Wait, is it good to think about it more? Yeah, for me, yeah. I mean, I believe so. It just sounds like time.
once every like day is good and anything more than that is like really low but what are you gonna say in here i was gonna say it just sounds like kai's trying to change his answer because he wants to know if it's gonna make him seem smart like no no but is it good to think about i think yeah i mean i even go as far as like every minute i'm thinking okay okay because i do think about it every day i just think about it at first i said every 10 days because i was like
literally thinking about the roman empire but i feel like just thinking about empires in general it's kind of like goes hand in hand i'm constantly thinking about like power being passed down from generations you know generational wait is roman empire um code word for your mama's coochie because if that is the case then yes i am thinking about it all the time and if kai is thinking about it every hour that's kind of weird actually i'm not that's what i'm saying he has an obsession i just think about it like
Before I go to sleep because I'm like, I wish I had some. That's actually really, really interesting, Kai, that you would think about your mom's bajani every like hour. I'm not thinking about that.
I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking wow oh my god I feel so bad for them they deserve ads uh but we're doing our job you're not doing your job you need to subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again I like I can't believe I miss reading ads I like I miss the taste um okay well anyways let's let's move on so
I prepared a quiz for Enya to see how much she knows. We have to give context. Like, it's so annoying because, like, I, from the beginning of the podcast, have said that I have emotional intelligence, no academic intelligence. And then when I show that, people are like, damn, she is fucking stupid. And it's like, no, I'm not stupid. Sorry, my light keeps turning off because I'm literally in prison right now. Hey, hey, don't let these evil people dim your light. Wow.
Don't let them. Huh? Don't let them. Okay. Did you make that up or? Quite literally, yes. Yeah. Well, I don't know anything about the Roman Empire. I wish I remember exactly how our conversation about it went. You're like, because I just didn't know what it was. I was like, what, like?
Yeah, I don't I don't either. I just know like I was like, I know a lot about it. I don't think about it like super, super frequently, frequently. But I do like have knowledge on it that I just retained from like school and just other fucking like video essays and shit. And then you were like, I literally know nothing about it. And like I asked you like where the Roman Empire even was and like.
You were like, I literally don't know. I said Greece. Yeah, and you said Greece. Girl, they were at Mykonos. They were at Turks and Caicos. That's where they had it. They flew what's Drake's airline?
OVO Airways. They flew Air Drake to the Mykonos. And the Roman Empire collapsing was like a group of homegirls who went to Miami and one of them wasn't splitting the bill every night. So then they like broke apart as a friend group when they went back to where they were living. And that to me is like, that would be the equivalent explanation of the Roman Empire collapsing. Wait, Kai, have you ever flown Drake Airways? No, right? No, I flew it when it was still called Backshots Air.
No, you haven't. I was just asking because me and Nia were just on it. That's how we got to Texas. Yeah, also, like, everybody knows that once you have sex with Drake, like, you've already signed an NDA. And, like, you can't even say that. So... Yeah, he, like, bought me a house. Are you serious? But you guys are talking about it. Well, he didn't say why he bought him a house. That's just our friend and he bought him a house. Why do you have to assume he did something like you? You're just nasty and you give up your body for no return. Mm-hmm. I got, like, tickets to a show.
They were GA. Oh, the free thing he gives out? No, Drake is actually evil. Like, the more I think about it, he's actually a wicked, wicked person. Like, I'm like, he's like a supervillain and shit, like, actually. But anyways, let's get into the Roman Empire quiz. Okay, I'm going to give you multiple choice, and then you have to pick from the multiple choice. Okay. Who founded Rome? Romulus, Ulysses S. Grant, Thor, Artemis,
Girl, none of those are real names. They're all real. Say them again. Romulus, Ulysses S. Grant, Thor, and Artemis. Is it the second one? No, it's Romulus. Okay, who the fuck knows that? I swear I fucking know that, bitch. I don't fucking know. Who is commonly regarded as the last, though illegitimate, Western Roman emperor?
georgie and augusta amor sacratico octavia cortez or romulus augustulus the last name is not a real name like you can't tell me that last one was a real name well which one is it bitch i don't know a b
Georgina Gusta is a name I made up. Amor Sacritico is like gay in Italian whatever. And then Octavia Cortez is AOC and the one you thought I made up Romulus Augustalis is the real one. Okay, that's not a real name. That's like not they were just like making noises. Everyone's just making noises if you think about it.
Okay. Which Roman emperor self-adopted a title that means Restorer of Worlds? Barnabas Collins, Yao Ming. No, bitch. Not Barnabas. Aurelian or Giannis Antetokounmpo. I can't tell where the option starts and ends. Okay. Barnabas Collins, A. B, Yao Ming. A.
C. Aurelian. D. Giannis Antetokounmpo. Bitch, I'm going to say C. You're right. Hey, celebrate. All right. Giannis Antetokounmpo is a really good basketball player. Yao Ming is a really good basketball player. And Barnabas Collins, I literally don't know who that is.
But my dad said to put it down, so I did. Which ancient Roman city was destroyed after the eruption of Mount Vesuvius? Bitch, Pompeii.
Whatever the fuck. Like, don't play with me. Don't give him the easy one. I gave him the easy one. Well, also, do you want me to go on my little- I only even know about Pompeii because of that picture of the statue with her ass up. So I looked it up. I was going to bring that up in my shit. Like, that's fucked up.
I literally didn't know that Pompeii was real. I thought that was a mythical thing that someone made up. And then I saw the picture of the statue...
And then I think I said it to you. This was also last year, mind you. I didn't know that shit was real. I have it written. You can't see it because of the green screen. But I have it written down Pompeii if it happened today meme because I'm about to go on a crazy Pompeii rant. But Pompeii freaks me the fuck out because like it was 2000 years ago, but it was like hella fucking civilized. Like you can see how they lived very, very clearly without like much erosion because like it was so like,
frozen in time because of the like blast um whatever the ash that like laid upon it and like it was so civilized that like there were like people who had like second like stories that they would rent out to people and people would live up there they had like
restaurants attached to their house so they would like live inside the house and walk outside and prepare food for these restaurants and they had like fast food places and shit like it was like actually hella advanced and there was like actually one restaurant which was considered like the nicer restaurant of pompeii um that would serve like delicacies and like rare meats for
Italy at the time and they were like in the eruption like one of the pieces that of meat that were frozen was Drew Phillips's giant fucking penis wing and they would eat on that shit all the time wait if that's what they eat then what do you use to have sex and stuff um
We can move on. But no, actually it was they would eat giraffe. Like they found giraffe meat and bones in Pompeii where they're like not native. So they were like bringing giraffes over and feeding them to people in sea urchin, which like isn't that crazy. Wait, did they have toilets and shit? I couldn't figure out if they had toilets. I think they shit in buckets and then poured it into the middle of the street because they had like these canals like between sidewalks and then they had like bridges over them and like
They had bridges so people could cross the street without walking in like shitty, like dysentery infected water and shit. But that is literally so fucking nasty to not have a toilet. Like I would be pissed. Like if I woke up tomorrow and I was like in the middle of fucking France in like 18, who knows what the fuck. And it just smelled like shit and fucking do do like all smell like shit.
How did we not die? Like, what? Like, how do you not, like, die from that bacteria? I think the, like, age life expectancy was, like, 28 or something. Yeah, dude. We were hella, like, I was an old man back then, low-key. Like, six and seven-year-olds were, like, rulers of kingdoms. Like, it was really insane back then. But this is also crazy. So, you know, like, the statues of the people that were, like,
killed by the blast like that were frozen by the ash like there is a literal picture of a dude frozen in time beating his meat because he wanted to like climax right before um the that can't be real yeah it's real look up the picture i'm not even fucking playing why don't you send it to me okay i literally will guy jerking oh shit it is real
2,000-year-old masturbating pump. Yeah. That can't be real. Okay.
Okay. We can put this in, right? Yeah, yeah, 100%. I feel like he's desecrated enough. Yeah, like he's 2,000 years old. If my video footage of me beating off isn't like blasted into the cloud by the time. That's me with the rose. Yeah, that's his rose toy. They need to start on The Bachelor. Instead of giving like actual roses, they need to start giving those roses out. Rose toy level three. That shit hurts, let me tell you. On a stick.
Yep. But actually to ruin the vibe he when he died his muscles like were heated up and melted in a way that like made him like jerk and like move his body and contort his body into a position he wasn't in so like he wasn't jerking off it just looks like it. But
That would also be such a crazy response to a volcano explosion. It's like that one joke where it's like, like my teacher said, like teacher be like, oh, the boat is 15 feet long. Me in the back of the class feet and starts like jerking off. Yeah. But also. Drew's impression of jerking off.
It's crazy. You're literally at work. Like, I can't believe you're doing that in the workplace. Why you had to bring that shit up? I forgot I was at work, bro. Like, you brought me back into the fucking grips of capitalism immediately, bro. I'm just letting you know so you don't get fired. This shit is actually rough.
This shit is actually out there. Well, I can't believe that there's people. Wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no. I have a few more Pompeii facts that I really have to say. I really have to say them. I swear to God. I swear to God. I swear. And then we'll get into the music shit. But the brothels in Pompeii were like fucking lit, y'all. Like they were crazy. So basically... Yes. Basically...
Oh, wait, the guy jerking off was literally Kai, by the way. That's like how I imagine Kai would die in Pompeii. But you would walk through this town and you'd see like giant penis statues everywhere pointing in a specific direction. And so like in the ground, you'd see like rock penises and on the wall, you'd see like
penises like pointing in a direction and they would all lead you to these brothels. And when you got into the brothel, you'd like get into this room with like a bunch of so like imagine like a square room and then like on the side, there's like a bunch of offshoot rooms with like just a single doorway. And you look up and you see like the most beautiful fresco paintings you've ever seen in your life like true like Roman and
and prior like paintings like on the wall, just like gorgeous. Like they don't make them like they used to above each of the doorways. And it would be like different sex positions and you would choose, it was like a menu and you would look up and you would choose like which position you want to hit it from. And like, for me, like I get back shots. I love it. You can only pick one position. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you pick a position and then the girl would be waiting in there, like ready to get back shots. Like it was crazy.
And she had all the stuff. Recently, I was getting something like that printed for our house. So there's a long hallway to you and Josh's room so that our guests walking down to you and Josh's room could pick one. And they usually give me money. And I'm like, just go in there and do it. Is that why that kept that shit kept happening?
Yes, and you let it. I mean, you were down. Yeah, I was down. I thought I was just getting natural play. No, no. They were paying me to hit. But since you're just open for the public, it's just like it didn't make a difference for you. Well, now we can insert the Pompeii if it happened today meme.
But yeah, then it made me start freaking out because all of the houses around us right now are made of like plastic and cardboard and like paper and like it's going to be melted to the elements and everything that's on earth right now will be Kai has flies in his room. I know, bro. Dirty ass room. I hate moths so much. It's because his room is hella humid. My room is not humid. It's a normal. He rubbed it on his pants. No, I didn't.
Yes, you did. We watched you. No, I rubbed it on something else. Continue, Drew. He did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So our houses now are made of plastic and cardboard and are just going to melt to the elements and everything we live in now will never exist again. Oh, wow. What happened? Why did she leave? I'm just bored. Oh, so I'm fucking boring? Bro, I talked for five fucking minutes. These motherfuckers are on here talking about the Roman Empire and Pompeii.
How many times? Oh, this is a good, this is a good fact. And this is the last one. Genuinely. How many times was Caesar stabbed? 23, 31, 21, or 57? 57. I'm going to say 57 because I'm assuming someone was pissed. No, it was 23. But listen to this. You'll love this, Senia. The song is,
Ides of March is literally because the saying Ides of March was because Brute stabbed Caesar 23 times. And so the Ides of March song that we really like is based off of Et tu Brute? Caesar getting stabbed. Wait, really? I thought it was Agua de Marx. No, it's Ides of March. I'm pretty sure unless I just like literally made all that shit up. No, it's yeah, it's Agua de Marx. De Marco.
Wait, no, no, no. Waters of March. Oh, damn. Yeah, never mind. You know all this and that about some stuff that doesn't even apply to today's life. And that's why you're a fucking bum. Sorry, I was trying to make history interesting to you. You made history sexy.
No, it's fucking boring. Like, I literally just don't give a fuck. Like, it has nothing to do with me. It literally has nothing to do with me. Like, what? Like, if, swear me knowing about the Roman Empire, bitch, if shit collapses now, we're all gonna be scared and confused anyway. So me knowing about the Roman Empire, what, I'm gonna know where to hide? Like, what am I gonna learn? No, no, it's just to pass the time.
If society collapsed, I would just fucking kill myself. And that's what they should have done the second that fucking volcano erupted. Bitch, I would have killed myself. Like what? Sorry, there's like a creature in my room crawling around on the floor. It's actually like hella scary. There's something in the McDonald's walking around? Yes. What is it? A rodent. Wait, what? Okay, what were you saying about music though?
Oh, I was just gonna say that it's crazy how like, so for me, I understand that like music is a spectrum, especially on a consumer level. I haven't been feeling as good being in Miami. And I'm like, what's missing? What's missing? And it's because I don't have any gay people around me. So I don't have Drew around me. How fast you went like this? You're like,
bro i'm literally straight bro like um what's funny is i thought about that joke before i got on here and then i was like i'm gonna stop because like i make way too many gay jokes and it's not fucking funny no but i had to oh we have to insert the gay police fuck it i'm gonna call the gay police we got gay police cars in miami right now oh which is like i don't know if i like that combination like why are you doing that no it does feel a little off have you seen the police cars
No. They got puzzle pieces all over the police cars. I was cracking up because while I was like taking that video of the cop car, another cop car passed right after. I was like, fuck, I wish I got the other cop car because I wanted to be like, OK, so do I call gay police or normal police? Which one? But most heterosexual. What are we going to say? Keep going. Oh, I was just going to say that.
I've been really scared of my TikTok timeline recently because I fucked up and there have been people who are like sponsoring their really bad music on TikTok and I keep saving it or sending it to friends because I think it's funny but now all
All of my ads on TikTok are really bad music, like really bad music. And then it was freaking me out because I'm like, damn, dude, music can make you feel so fucking good or it can make you feel the way this shit makes me feel, which is so weird. And it feels like, oh, my God, music is literally like it taps into such an intense like sense of like the human mind, because like we all know, like smell is one of the like most.
like prominent senses. Like it's the most, I think it's the sense that I'm around you. That's for sure. What the fuck did you just say? You stink, bitch. You fucking reek. Most heterosexual men, most heterosexual men are attracted to men.
that makes sense. Hi, queen. Yeah, no, it's like men just are like, oh, like I want a girl who I can sit with and drink a beer and watch a sports game with. I want like a girl who will go to the bar with me and like, let me talk to girls and shit. Like, no, you want a man. You want to date a man. And men are like, men are the most obsessed with like the way other men look like men are literally taught to look at other men and be like, that's what you should be. Bitch. And if you look at something long enough, you're going to be like,
like you get big and strong in yep no men get big and strong only for other men to like hit on them and no literally i'm like okay you're attracted to men it's okay it was me can you not hear it a little bit barely okay so this is my take on stuff like this because i'm like
It's like hoop dreams. Like, I'm like glad that you have like a dream to like pursue something. And like, I'm glad you're creating. And like, I really am like, like, yes, like do your thing, but like, don't shove it down my fucking throat. Like that ass, like keep that shit to yourself. Like that would be the first time you've ever said that about something. Are you, Oh, he's, he's going to come back. He's just clocking out of work. He'll come back. No, I think you offended him.
What? I didn't even say anything. I feel like that might have been too far because he hasn't come back. He looked really hurt. I'm just saying he looked really hurt. That's not my fault, though. If the things I say offend you, like, just, like, ignore it and keep it pushing. That's how it should be, right? Yeah. No, I think that's fair. Oh, no, I'm wrong. I'm wrong. Oh, my God. Drew, your camera's on. We can see your ass. We can see your hairy ass. Fuck, is this live?
Yeah, well, it's not live. We're not live. We're never live. Him yelling. Yo, we need to cut that for real, bro. You looked caked the fuck up. Did I actually? Yeah, that shit looked good. Oh, okay, okay. Thank you, guys. What is going on with this mouse? What is going on? But yeah, that's just been freaking me out because I'm like, damn, music really does...
tap into your brain chemistry and does something to you. Because when I hear a sad song, it actually makes me sad. Like vice versa, happy songs make you happy. But we all know that. But hearing bad music makes me feel like I'm going to kill somebody. Like it literally feels like... Have you ever... It's literally like...
like a government operation. Like it feels like someone's trying to hack into my brain. Like someone's trying to get back there. They're trying to find something that they shouldn't know. Like that's what bad music feels like to me. Like, and that's why they play bad music in forever 21 and H and M and all those fucking stores because they want you to go in there, lose yourself. You lose connection to who you are. And then you're just picking stuff up to buy it because they're trying to get into your brain. Yeah. Fuck. What was I going to say? Damn it. Um,
Oh, my fuck. Oh, have you ever read my Letterboxd movie review for that movie about the girl in school? But basically, I wrote a review about...
This movie that was like so fucking bad like you know me like fangirls what it's called It's actually about a girl who's a fan. But anyways, I like watch this movie Like I watched bad movies all the time for fun. Like I literally love a bad movie as much as a good movie like literally They're so funny. They're like just as much fun as like watching a good movie action movie or comedy, whatever and
that's how this movie made me feel and yeah like i felt like i was like literally going through like opium withdrawals like my body was like fully restless i was like my skin was crawling i started sweating and getting nauseous and then i had like really gnarly diarrhea but like i'm not even fucking kidding like it literally is like a psychological operation bro like it literally that's what i'm saying like designed to the creators of like
Horror movies need to get together with people who just make incredibly bad movies. But the people who make the worst movies are the people who are the most passionate about it. Like, does that make sense? Because there's some bad movies where it's like the middle ground, like Hallmark-ass movie where it's like whatever. It's a job. But the best...
worst movies ever is somebody who for some reason has a little bit of a budget but doesn't know how to spend it and is extremely passionate. Like, too passionate. And they already feel like in their mind, they're like, I have the mind of a mastermind and nobody wants to put me on. And I'm gonna put myself on. And those...
I was going to say it honestly feels like that might be why I like certain bad movies a lot because like literally I say it all the time and this isn't like a hot take and everyone knows this, but like you can like sense passion in projects and like I really, really like if someone's giving like a good, good actual effort and something to create something like I will tune in and I will give it a fucking chance. And even if it's fucking terrible, like I can feel your passion in this and I can feel that like you really do like
mean well and you're trying to make something good and I think that might be why that might that might be the reason why I like bad movies partially that's how I felt about the Barbie movie like it's just like I never saw it I can feel your passion but I just like don't fuck with your vibe that's my new saying is I can feel your passion but I just don't fuck with your vibe did you really not see Barbie true no it's a personality trait for me now it's like I've never seen her I really wanted that to be my vibe because that's how I am with like
Like Harry Potter and stuff. I'm like, never seen it. Never will. I'm Twilight. Never seen it. Never will. Wait, you haven't seen Twilight? No, I wasn't allowed to watch it. My parents thought it was fucking brujería. They were like, no, that's evil. They literally were like, no, that shit's evil. There's sex, weird demons. No. So I wasn't allowed to watch Twilight. Miss Abuelita is brujería. Miss Grandma is witchery.
Bruja. Abuelita. My parents used to call me... Oh, wow. This is crazy. Are people still passing notes in school? Are kids still passing notes in school or do they just have their iPhones? They have Neuralink now. They literally just transcode it through a Neuralink implant.
I guess also, like, the fun in us passing notes in school was because we didn't have any technology. The fuck was that? Nothing. Oh. Kai, what were you reaching for? Could you get that moth off your wall or a sticky note or whatever you were reaching for? It wasn't a sticky note. It was...
It was the mark where the moth was left on my wall. I like smashed it against the wall and I've just been looking at it. Well, my bills have been affected because my lights keep going on and off. The bills has literally been affected. Why do you want me to reach over the camera? Bruh, because he wants to smell you. He's trying to smell you through the fucking screen because he's nasty. Y'all make everything fucking weird, bruh.
You don't think it's weird that your friend reached his arm up and you went to go smell his pits? I'm not even fucking there, bro. Alright, I think I got it. Ew! Ew, dude! For some reason, this feels so, like, gross.
Remember those TikToks of the hot guys on TikTok that would be in a car and they would be gripping the head of the car? Do you know what I'm talking about? Guy, this might be your TikTok feed.
i know because i've never seen this shit always guys no i know you're talking about do you know what i'm talking about though like they're always on live too yeah they'd be like i know like a white thing is okay what's crazy is y'all know about this but i've never seen this girl it's the uh dilemma we were just talking about most heterosexual men are attracted to men you know what's crazy is that like i feel like tiktok's just been dick prints for like a year now like
you know isn't it annoying to just always go on tiktok it's just only dick prints dude it's crazy because mine is only pussy prints it's only like girls like with huge camel toes it's so weird like why it's mostly for me like getting that money and shit you just have the like 14 year old uh stock trader and drop fucking sneeko aiden ross and stock trading
That's been my vibe lately. Wow, that's weird. Is that just like your Texas vibe or are you going to bring that vibe back to LA? It's just my like when I'm working at McDonald's vibe. I might open a franchise up out in LA though. Been thinking about it. I think I need to open one like in...
the big bear lake like put a parking lot in there yeah yeah it needs a parking lot yeah yeah it needs like a walmart slash mcdonald's so it needs to be the walmart with the mcdonald's in it yeah how often do you get in fights at the uh at the office oh every day i have to beat a bitch down every fucking day i'll pull i'll pull anybody's hair like i don't give a fuck dog
I'll rip that fucking tail off. Bitch, I had to beat up the dog the other day. It really seems like you work alone. I haven't seen any other employees. I know. It kind of seems like you just broke into a McDonald's and you're just hanging out. I cut my fucking finger open cutting. I made a bunch of Rice Krispie treats the other day.
And last night, it looks good. You can see that, right? And last night I like was it was like 1030 and I had just gotten Sonic corn dogs. If you know, you know, the shit's cake. You eat you eat like box. Yeah. Yeah. Pussy. So if that's nasty, you're just a hater of women.
uh-huh no no i eat terribly i know it's really bad it's really actually a problem it just constantly shocks me i was talking to someone the other day and i was like if i didn't live with drew i genuinely do not think i would eat fast food but living with you it's just like okay i could have a real meal or me and my friend can order mcdonald's for the eighth time in a row but i put you the fuck on to this lifestyle
You think you put me on the McDonald's? When I met Drew, I feel like I only saw you eat spherical foods for the first like three months. You did make fun of me for that. It was just like a brown sphere, a red sphere with like yellow. That was my healthy arc. Oh, yeah. That was you. You caught me in my healthy arc. The fried nacho cheese with hot Cheetos. Classic. Classic. Whatever the fuck that was. Literally classic. What was I saying, though?
Oh, I was eating. I made like literally three trays of Rice Krispie Treats and I like freaked it. I did like Fruity Pebbles in one. I did Rice Krispie Treats in another and then I did Reese's Puffs in another and it was like the Reese's Puffs were so fucking good. Are you okay? I didn't say shit.
Oh, I did have a schizophrenic break like a week ago. I texted Enya about it or called her about it. I know. Yeah, you called me and told me and I was like, OK, cool. You should go see a psychiatrist. I booked an appointment because of it. You guys can't hear my I need to go really bad, too. No, I can't hear you.
Because my roommate makes like Jersey Club music. And it's just been like that kick the entire time. In the frat house. Jersey Club remix. Yeah, guys, I have 12 roommates, by the way. Guys in the trenches. But I...
was cutting the rice crispy treats last night it was like the last night i was gonna eat them because they were gonna go bad and i grabbed the knife and i put it down and it wasn't cutting through the Reese's pieces i was like damn these bitches got stale already what the fuck and so i pushed down on it harder and i realized i had the knife upside down and i was cutting through my fucking finger and i just cut through the tip of my finger oh you can kind of see it no yeah you can yeah i
But yeah, I gashed my finger open. I probably need stitches, bro. It keeps bleeding. That's embarrassing. You should get a bigger cut and then go for the other cut and then be like, oh, while you're at it, this. Because if you go for stitches for just that, it's going to be really demasculating and embarrassing. And you might as well just thug it out and get an infection because that would be cooler. I do need to suture up my pee hole because it's just so big.
Because it's loose. Because you let bitches stick their finger in it. I love sounding. I'm into sounding. Yeah, that's my vibe. Y'all ever seen sounding videos? No, we haven't seen it. No, and I don't even want to talk about it. It's fucking nasty. The fork, right? That like aligns your frequencies? No, that is sounding. But sounding is when they stick like a tube, like a glass tube or a metal rod. Oh, right. Yeah. That sounds like it would feel good. Mm-hmm.
That's fucking nasty. And that just makes me think about the fact that like, I'm sorry, but I have an inherent belief that if you're somebody who's like getting too fucking freaky in the bedroom, bitch, you're a freak. Like you are weird as fuck to me and not even on some slut shaming shit. I'm literally like,
Can you like go into Joanne's fabrics and find a different hobby? Like why is sex your hobby? Like that's just something humans do naturally. Like why are you making it like your whole lifestyle? You're just like, yeah, and here's my sex room. Your sex room. Bitch, have you ever like gone to the beach and enjoyed the sun? Like what are you doing? I agree with that.
Once people bust out the sex swing, I'm like, why? You just have to have sex on a bed. You can do positions on a bed. You don't need a swing. Yeah, it's a different thing for me, though. I think y'all are two virgins that don't get play. And when I bring out my sex toys and my fucking swing bed and
My dragon egg laying dildo. Y'all, like, want to have problems with it. But, like... Imagine Drew doing, like, Cirque du Soleil with a girl. Yes. Oh, of course. Yeah. Of course. Why do you even need to say that? Like, we knew that. I just...
I don't know. I feel like just to be clear in case anyone was wondering. What the fuck are you playing with? Why would anybody be wondering? It's a zip tie. Why would anybody be wondering? Is that one of your toys? It's one of my fidgets, yeah. It's a sounding tool. And you're putting it in your mouth? Yeah. Okay. So I'm at that age now, 17, about to be 18, where I can look back.
on my childhood and realized that it wasn't so bad. I was just an angsty teenager and I made it bad. And I remembered this thing that me and my family used to do or
specifically me and my mom and my sisters and brothers would do with our friends and we would go to like nearby ponds and go frog hunting and i know oh my god he killed frogs what the fuck no frog hunting what we would do is we would get nets and we would absolutely no one's reaction
Literally everyone was like, wait, what the fuck? He killed frogs? No, I never have, never will. I love frogs more than anything on this fucking planet. But I went to, we would go and get really big long neck nets. Oh, what? Catch the, yeah. Yeah. Long neck style. Big gulp slurpy straw.
girl what where are you going with this we would just catch the frogs and then bring them back and put them in the floor of the shower for a day and just take pictures with them and play with them and then we would bring them back to the pond and release them but they were big fucking frogs like literally like bullfrogs like when you held them by the top their legs would go this low they were like hella low yeah and we would just like
catch them and take pictures and play with them and my dad was like is petrified of frogs because he thinks they're gonna like jump in his mouth because he has like childhood trauma from a frog jumping in his mouth and um he uh and you really do look gorgeous today like i'm not even playing like i'm stunned by your beauty oh do you want to see something where i look really gorgeous too this one's just for you is it naked oh
You look like your dad, bro. You look like your literal sibling. You're not going to hit? No, absolutely not. Like a hell no. Kaya's crying laughing. This is when I woke up. Ew! Bruh. Wait, I took a good picture too.
Would you hit that? How do I turn this shit off? Hold on. That's just what I've been looking like in Miami. I just got back home. That was a really fast commute. Next topic. How about that? Our sex tape. The leaked one? No, no, no. The one that we're going to drop on OnlyFans. We have to record it first, but you've been stingy. You won't let me hit. Well, yeah, because...
I don't know. When I can't get it up, it's not because of you. You know? It's like a me thing. Oh, okay. Did you guys actually have sex? Sorry. Did we or would we? Yeah, we've had sex a few times. A couple times. Yeah.
How do you think we made our children? Oh, right. Of course. Me and India were talking about the other day, like if it ever gets really, really rough for us, like if we ever get like down tremendously fucking bad, our fallback plan is to literally just man up, woman up and do S on camera and release it on OnlyFans. And I guarantee you,
I guarantee it would make $2 million. Curiosity killed the cat. No, curiosity killed the cat, bro. I think that's pushing it. I don't know. I don't know if we'd make that much. Over time, I really do think we could generate a good amount of money. Because, bro, literally think about it. We...
a lot of people know our faces and if people found out we did S they would have to go fucking watch like you literally would have to like all of my friends all of my family like literally everyone I know would buy that shit for $5.99 like literally everyone would like I don't know but maybe $2 million is a reach though yeah because I mean you're getting like you're getting a huge deal because you guys are it's like incest and you're gay and
Your friends. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was like, which one of us is he talking to? Because it's not me. Never me. Okay, sorry. It's hard for me. Could never be me. It's hard for me to keep up with what the narrative is. She's changed. It's so fluid every day with him.
I mean, me and Drew are both straight. That's why we fuck. Like, why would we fuck if we're not straight? Okay. Yeah, totally. Dude, you pushed him to going back to work. I think he's back at work. Literally, he needed to go get his mind off of things and now he's back at work. Dude, that was crazy. Why is your commute to work so quick? Hold on. I'm getting in on this shit, bro. Yo.
Yo, why are you back at work? I thought you just clocked out. Because Kai is a fucking Wiccan. You just need to get your mind off of things. I'm actually going to have a panic attack. That was crazy. I can't hear y'all anymore. Oh, wait. Why did I turn off the video?
we're watching drew use a computer for the first time dude your hair you have so much hair that was insane you do have like such insanely dense hair i have them on backwards the whole time i don't know if you feel this true but i want to go back to la so bad i agree like i want to actually miss i actually miss la i know i miss home that's my home
Alright, well. Oh, guys. I wanted to show you guys something before we ended. Is it your penis? I was in your house. Why were you in our house? At 3 a.m. Let me see. Oh, 1.14 a.m. Get out of my fucking house. When? It's like a couple days ago. But anyway. Why? It doesn't matter. If you ever enter my house again without my permission, I will call the cops. Yeah. Do it. Call the cops. I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to call the gay cops on you. I'll have sex with him. Yeah, I'll have sex with him. Oh my god, wait. Drew. If you haven't watched The Sopranos, this might be a spoiler for you, but it's not really. There was an episode with a sexy firefighter who looked exactly like the firefighter who was sexy from the fire being put out. I was like, damn, I should have had sex with him. Send me the picture of him.
Yeah, the firefighter in the show was so sexy. Yeah, send me a picture of him. Should I do some Drew's side up corner? Oh, yeah. Hold on, let me cover up this fucking nasty, shiny...
forehead there that's better oh you look disgusting all right so these are just like a few of them are just certified classics that need to be said um women not knowing what to eat is a residual memory of when men suddenly showed up with whatever food they had managed to kill a lot of women going through shop flipping shoplifting phases and
A lot of women are going through shoplifting phases, and this is inherently intertwined with their subconscious and the fact that they used to gather berries, nuts, and greens. Do you think if I use that in court, I would get away with it? 100%. Yeah, depending on what I stole, right? Yeah. You can't steal my heart any more than you already have, though. Why did that make her go away? I don't even want to fucking talk about it, bro. Okay. Oh, I hate when you guys do this. Girl spelled backwards is liar.
That girl's a liar. Uber Eats prices make you want to dig in your butt and eat the same shit from last night. That's like one of my favorites. Yeah, you sent that one to me, I'm pretty sure. Make you want to dig in your butt.
Some of y'all air pods looking like they were in y'all's ass is not your ears. That's literally me. That's when Josie had my headphones in Japan and he was like, ew. I think we put it in the video too. Y'all did. It's so fucking annoying. Nasty air pods. I done ate this garlic bread from Dollar Tree. Now my leg won't move. They should add a feature where we can fuck over Instagram.
Yes. I'll do one more. I got a bunch. They should make a close friends that's like only fans. But like you can make your close friends pay to see you naked on Instagram. That's actually a good idea. That's what I'm saying. Why would I say if it was a bad idea? I don't fucking know, bro. All right. We'll end on this one's more for you, Enya. And I forgot to send it to you here. I'll actually send it to you. Oh, my God. Do you want me to read it or? Yeah.
people just walk into my room and sit on my bed like I don't be squirting there y'all can't sit on my bed with your outside clothes as if my bed isn't like hardened steel from Cummins squirt if you jump on my bed that shit would crack like I into a million pieces it was just covered in cum
Come everywhere. Just fucking come everywhere. What's crazy is like... Never mind, actually. That's too explicit. Never mind. Well, should we get into media? Yeah. You watch any movies? No, but I did have my cousins watch Talk to Me, but they're fucking annoying and they're all like...
That wasn't even scary. I'm like, yeah, bitch, because you're stuck on your iPhone and you're never going to live a joyous life of being outside and being a normal teenager. So now what? Your life is going to suck and you're not going to have any clean water for your kids. How about you enjoy things or you'll literally be like me when I was 17 and just too cool. I know me upset that my family is full of haters just like me. I'm like, fuck you, bitch. But I did. Oh, my God. Actually.
um at my sister's kinset i got high because i didn't want to drink so i like took an edible instead and i took a little bit because i'm around all my family and they would scare me and i would look at them and know that they were real people and freak the fuck out
But I was sitting down and I just hear like the lights go down and they have a fog machine blasting. And all of a sudden I turn around and this was behind me. Drew, I am not kidding. I was crying. Like I need to see if any of my cousins got a video of me crying. Like I'm going to cover Natalie in this because I really don't want her to be seen. But look at that fucking robot guy. Wait, they got that? They got one?
Dude, yes. That's fucking a big suit in this. You know, that would be so scary if you were high. And it was cracking me up. It was freaking me out. I was like, oh, my God, there's literally a grown ass man who has to go back home to his family in that right now. And he's like being paid to dance on stilts. And my little cousins kept running around his feet and he kept pushing my cousins away from him because I was like, oh, my God, this man's going to crush my cousins and like kill them. He probably loves that job, too.
no he was that's a good ass bitch and then he had lasers on his fingers and was like scanning scanning scanning um yeah i didn't watch any movies i cried in the airport listening to jump style music no no wait what did i cry what was it um oh shooting stars by the bag raiders and i was just looking at everyone's families and like
uh people sleeping on each other's shoulders and just being stressed out together and like being happy together and like getting on the plane together and it just made me so fucking happy and like I had like a moment where I was just like wow like life is beautiful family is beautiful like but yeah one of the songs you know what's insane is I had the same vibe at
take off for my flight coming here like I was looking out the window and I was like god dude like the world is so beautiful humans are so funny why did we make so many lights and I was like looking down and I was like dude it's so funny like there's so many people down there and they all have their lights on because it's dark and humans just can't see in the dark like I know we like we literally conquer everything like the like human unconquerable human spirit what is it the undomitable human spirit like
bitch try to fucking play with us like we'll figure out a way like yeah we might be just yeah one thing about humans is we're gonna figure it out yeah straight up straight up but yeah we might be destroying the world with global warming but like we'll just get on rockets and fly to a new planet and leave everyone behind the the billionaires that created the global warming will just leave us all behind and go to a new planet and do the same thing
That's really morbid. Okay. Well, I'll give you a few songs. Jump, Aiden Music, Jump Style, TikTok, MP3 Psychosis. I really like... I kind of avoided saying this song for so long because it became like a TikTok song and it pissed me off. But 180 Decibel underscore 130, Apex Twin, off of Syro, Syro. Yeah. And it...
pissed me off but it is just really a great song and then i've been listening to ice peak i've been listening to like really really dark music um while i've been in texas but ice peak has been like at the peak of it or at the top of it the bills has been affected literally i've been using my little sister's vanity like i haven't been wearing my glasses because you'll see like oh but you're all the dogs from her vanity okay wait but why is this three queens
Why is this three queens getting together to maximize their joint slay? That's all emergency in our comment is. It's nice to call Kai a queen because for sure doesn't give queen. Oh yeah, two queens and a peasant. Oh yeah, two queens and a jester. Two queens and the janitor.
Yeah, that's more accurate. Okay, well, mine is Just Had to Tell Somebody by Dorothy Ashby. Goodbye, the Sundays, Traction in the Rain by David Crosby and Nothing Could Be Good by the Bee Gees. What album is the Dorothy song on? Is it Afro Harping? It's off the one, the white. It's Dorothy's harp. It's like the one with the white background and then just like the blue harp. I don't know if I've listened to that one.
It's the one that has By the Time I Get to Phoenix. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Oh, also, yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, Oreo Milkshake by Young Lean is a great song. Kai, do you have media? And don't you dare say you watch porn. I get to do my media. I don't watch porn anymore. Oh, I Thought You'd Change by Hotline TNT. Shout out Eric Rahel. He's in that video. He's really funny. He was also in my video. So...
That's it? Oh, I get to do more than one? Well, yeah. Do two. Don't get carried away, bitch. Okay. Greatest Hits by Jockstrap. Life is Perfecto by CFCF. And then for movies, Fight Club, Wolf of Wall Street. Fucking Fight Club 2, Fight Club 3. Thank you guys for watching. Just like going in. Y'all fuck with my hair like this? Should I wear it like this more often? Yeah, you look like an anime character.
You look like when people are lighting candles and then their hair sets on fire, but they get it out before their whole head goes. I have this photo. Me and Drew looked at something and we took this photo that I'm kind of afraid of bringing up on the podcast because we both... I don't know what was going on with the lighting, but we both look so bad. Oh, I showed it to you. Oh, I know what you're talking about. It's really gross and you have to insert it. It's so bad. And I'm using that as the...
Instagram promo pic because it's fucked up. It's literally it looks like Drew got hit by lightning. Twice. No, you know what it is? It's for the first time the iPhone caught how you guys look in real life. So I'm honestly glad. Dude, I saw that. I saw me. I was like, I literally just look like a toe. You know, you know the movie like the they that dude that made a bunch of movies like recreating entire franchises with their thumbs.
it was like the thumb wars yes that's what i look like that's what we look like yes and yeah i'm embarrassed because i've been hitting this stupid fucking jewel oh my god i freaked out because i thought i lost it and i was actually so sad about losing my red one i'm gonna do jewel asmr from somebody who made fun of people who used vapes for five years and now loves having her jewel yeah the mic isn't
*singing* Ladies! Alright, we're- okay, bye! Bye! *singing*