Drake Took Me Backstage
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Welcome back to this episode of TheMarxian.com. This is the holiday episode. It's the holiday edition. Drew just can't do the holidays because he's... I've lost so many. It's not the same. It's a ghost town now. It's a ghost town at my house now. You're so...

You fumbling with that damn hat. I got these hats and I didn't try them on and literally the like white rim of the Santa hat is so fucking thick. It's the worst Santa hat I've ever fucking used in my life. Um, you know, but you should be fucking grateful because I'm gonna smack the shit out of you. I didn't say I wasn't grateful. I just said it's the worst. That is like the worst.

Anyways, hello. It's been a few days since we filmed. We're recharged. Yeah, we're ready to go. Sorry about the last episode. I'm not sorry. Well, no, I was just saying on my behalf.

Because I spoke a total of three minutes. You know what it is? Sometimes you don't speak nearly as much as me. And then I think people think that I just like am over speaking. But I always am over speaking also. So it doesn't matter. That's like my personality is like being the person who shares the most words in the room and says the most nothing. And you shouldn't apologize for that. Actually, I should. It's really like annoying. Well, I do the same thing. That's why I'm saying don't apologize for that.

Okay. Hopping right in. Should we start like where we've, what we've done the past few days or should we speak on the soup debate? Let's talk about how our life is a fucking movie. Okay. Where do we start though? Like, like it's, and it's a long movie. It's a goddamn movie. It's like honestly an excruciatingly long movie. It's, it's 10 out of 10. Um,

Review it on Letterboxd movie material. Yeah, y'all should probably just put our life on there. Yeah, if that's possible. Are you okay? Yeah. It was a cough. It was like a light one. It was like a little light tickle and I didn't want to like cough all the way. So I just like let out a little one. So first off, we saw Drake and Kanye live. It was fucking... Kanye was fucking awesome. I know. Kanye was awesome. Awesome.

I can think about is during the Donda CLB debate we had earlier when the album came out and how I was like, I was like, Drake is just the best, just the best. Maybe just not live. Yeah, that was, that was pitiful. Drake's performance. But I don't think after, after I was like, oh, like,

Drake flopped. That was embarrassing. I think Kanye did him dirty, blah, blah, blah. When I watched it, I was like, oh. When it was happening, I was like, Kanye literally told him, no, you do your five little new songs to have the whole crowd fucking lit. It'll be awesome. And then Kanye was like, I'll do my old classics. No one will give a shit. I'm an old fart. No one cares anyways. Which the classics were like,

So fucking crazy. Everybody was turned up. It was awesome. And then Drake did his like little five songs from CLB and it was,

The worst thing I've ever seen live in my entire life. It felt like he performed for a total of three minutes. Yeah, it was awful. I will say, like, what's funny is I bought my ticket literally, like, four hours before, like, five hours before the concert because Drew and Kai had already decided, like, the day before they were going. And I was just like...

I don't know, because all I could think about is I don't give a fuck about Donda. Like, the only song on there that I give a fuck about is Life of the Party. And I was like, I would rather actually keel over and die right now than be tortured by being in a stadium and hearing that album live. Like, I would actually, like, that is torture for me. Yeah.

Um, on the way there, I was like, this is going to be the worst fucking experience of my life. Like, I can't believe I did this. I'm so, and we spent, and also I don't want it to seem like we like went for free. We like spent a lot of way too much money on a lot of money. Um,

But I justified it because I was like, oh, it's Drake and Kanye, the two of the biggest artists in the world. Yeah, no, it makes fucking sense. Like, when I saw Drake in 2016, I think that ticket alone was, like, $170. Like, it was not cheap, even, like, in 2016 to see him. So, like, for two...

of them like it made sense it's like double that price so it made sense but i was just like i don't want to spend like fucking 300 to see an album i hate and then maybe maybe i get to see like pipe down live like or tsu live but then i was like getting ready to go to a museum with elisa and i was like just like doing my little thing and i was listening to life of the party and i was like

What if, by some grace of God, he brings Andre 3000 out? I don't know. What a delusion I have, first of all, as a human being. That he's just going to bring Andre 3000 out. But I was like, what if? I'm like, he's brought out the most random people at other things, but what if he does this? And I was like, oh my God. And it felt like such a...

a thing in their beef, like that song was such a catalyst for like the beef squashing in my brain. So I was like, this makes so much sense. He's going to do this live. And I was not excited to see him, but

I keep saying it. The second Jesus Walk started, and then he just kept going, and then he was doing all of the lights. I literally said to Elisa... Yeah, we cried. I literally... The sentence I said to Elisa, which is the most funny shit ever, is like... I made the joke like, what is this God-fearing man gonna do all of a sudden? Like, play fucking Gold Digger live? And he did. And it was...

Magnificent. I haven't felt that much joy in so long. Yeah, it was. I was smiling the entire fucking time. Everybody around me was smiling the entire time. It was honestly such a beautiful moment. Top 25 experiences of my life. You know what it was? It was probably because we went there. That's why he did that. Yeah, well, the craziest fucking part.

The craziest part of the entire fucking thing. And I don't know why it didn't catch on the fucking Amazon live stream, but Drake pointed at me. He pointed at me. Back me up, Inya. He pointed at me from the fucking stage in the middle of his performance. He cut every fucking... He did. He cut his mic. He cut all the music. He was like, hold up, hold up. Pointed at me and said, Drew Phillips. And I was like, holy fuck. Yes. He was like...

Did you shave? Like, did you shave? And I was like, shave. And I was like, oh, does he mean mustache? Yeah, I was like. I was like, what is he talking about right now? But of course I shaved my fucking pubes because in the off chance that fucking Drake saw me in the crowd, like I was going to be manicured and manscaped. He pointed at me. Thank God I shaved my pubes because I was like, yes, yes, I shaved my fucking pubes.

He sent his security guards. No, no. You're not even talking about... This is the craziest part. Not only did he send his security guards, but almost like in... You know the things you get on at the airport where it's like you stand there and it's like that roadway thing that keeps you. It's like an escalator with no steps. One of those shot from Drew's seat down to the stage. It was like he fucking planned it. I have no idea. I wasn't even sitting in the same seat my ticket was bought for. It was...

Un-fucking-real. It was one of the most unbelievable experiences of my life. Security guards grabbed me, put me on this fucking conveyor belt. I just scooted across. It was the most awkward 15 minutes of my entire life. Yeah, because I will say they also shone the spotlight on Drew. So it was just like, it was like the attention wasn't even on Drake anymore. The stadium was silent. And he was just whispering in my ear, like, all these really naughty things that I don't want to get into. He was like, come backstage after me and Kanye are going to treat you right. Like, all these really naughty things. You didn't tell me that.

Where did you think I went after the fucking concert? I thought... I don't know. I thought you went to a bar or something. I didn't know you... Girl, no. I was backstage with Kanye and Drake doing unforeseen things. I don't want to talk about it. Oh, so you're a slut. You give it up really easy. You're a fucking slut. It's Kanye and Drake. You wouldn't do the fucking same thing. Those are just people. And you're making them seem like this weird hierarchy. A slut is a slut is a slut. You gave it up easy. You're a slut. Like...

You're a bitch. Oh my fucking oh my god. Anyway, actually I'm calm, but yes, I had sex with Drake and fucking Kanye Did you want me to say it out loud? Yes? I had Drake. What's fucking sexy? I'm Drake Sexy Drake and Kanye sex it was unbelievable orgy orgy blood orgy. That's like a threesome though. That's not an orgy cut my thigh open Okay, chill

But I will say after that, like it was a quickie because he let you come back to your seat and then we kept watching the concert. Yeah, it was so fucking weird. And oh, you know what I realized is like, you know how... My pubes grew back. I don't, I literally have no idea why at all. It's actually really scary. I would hope they grow back, Drew. If they did, that'd be really bad.

Anyways, you know how, like, when I said this at the concert, and I just need to reiterate it, like, when I was younger and I would go to, like, a One Direction concert, like, yeah, I'm, like, I'm fucking stripping my coochie because, like, hair.

Harry Styles is probably gonna like he's 100% gonna want to have sex with me also it's just so funny like at the age of like 14 being like yeah this 21 year old is like def gonna want to fuck me tonight like it's such a like child thing like I'm just like the delusion but

Kids at Kanye and Drake shows dress up like... Oh my fucking God. Drake or Kanye is going to see them and be like, that fucking outfit. Are you a stylist? I need you on my team. I need you on the team. I need you on my fucking team immediately. How did you... How the fuck did you... Where did you source that jacket from? See, I allow it. I'm like... King. I'm king. I'm like king of fashion. We know this. I will allow it just because that is their moment. They prepared...

for months this outfit to wear to this concert and they feel fucking awesome in it. I honestly. Have you ever felt good in an outfit? I feel good in an outfit every single day because I fucking serve. Well, that's embarrassing. You should serve every day. You're being seen every day, babes. Dress it up. I

I'm okay with it. But the outfits were something I would never wear. So fucking bad. And, like, the guys at that show would walk with such a swagger that I'm like, who are you? Like, and who do you think you are? Because I need to know. Also, we saw a white girl with the craziest fit ever. She was literally from the fucking metaverse. She was, like, a NPC. I mean, a fucking character. Her character in the metaverse, but in real life. Like, a crazy neon pink vinyl dress. Like, the craziest skirt I've ever seen. Dressed.

Dude, what's worse, it wasn't even a skirt. It was like a cotton pair of shorts. And I was like, you're cold. You're fucking cold right now. It's freezing. Cold-hearted. But yeah, the show was awesome. And then the Uber home was $107. And also, we waited in line for a beer for 40 fucking minutes. And then we were getting to the front. I forgot about this. We were halfway through the line. And the show was about to start. Kai was waiting in line with us. Oh, my fucking God.

Kai was like, I'm going to go back. And I asked Kai, can you record the concert, please? So I don't miss the intro. I'm going to stay back within you so she doesn't get abducted by one of these barred out fucking Xanny monster freaks. They were all on Xanax. Like the amount of Xanax at that concert. That couple who kept walking back and forth who was like 16. I was like, they like can't drive a car. And right now they're probably the most fucked up. Like I've never been as fucked up as they are.

And I will never be that fucked up. It was insane. I was like, y'all need actually help. And the boyfriend was like walking around and the girlfriend was like trying her best to keep her fucked up vision straight and like follow him around. But yeah. But we got halfway through this line and I said out loud, I was, I said, you know, what if we get to the front and they run out of alcohol? I said it jokingly because I was like, that's not going to fucking happen. Of course, they're not going to run out of alcohol. It's like a giant fucking concert. Lo and behold, we get to the fucking front.

and they run out of goddamn alcohol to be fair they ran out of beer but i guess everyone wanted beer and nobody wanted wine and there was like wine left at the bottom of the coolers and the way i went into like i went into solution mode the second i saw a problem i literally walked to the other booth walked in front i was like i will buy whatever the you want from this booth if you buy my thing like i will buy you anything we waited in this line for 45 minutes yeah so i was like i wasn't even desperate to have alcohol like that i was like

This is embarrassing. I've just waited here too long. And also, I was so cold. I was like, I kind of need alcohol to sustain a living temperature in my body right now. To warm you up. I need it to like overheat me. And I was like, I'm going to have a drink because it's going to be fun. It's going to loosen me up and I'm going to like have a good fucking time. I was so excited to have one of those giant fucking cans of beer. Of like beer. I was so excited to have one because I haven't had one since I was like 18. Wait, wait, wait.

I'm from the UK. I'm from the UK. Okay. I was like, should I go into that? No, no, not today. That's like, dude, that's a whole story. That's your origin story. Yeah. Maybe I'll talk about that later. Yeah. But I was excited to drink about, or I was excited to drink that fucking tall ass can of alcohol, but we got wine, whatever it was, whatever. I was like, it's going to be fun. It's still going to, we're still going to have a fucking good time. It was so fucking fun. It was, it was a goddamn blast.

I chugged my glass of wine, my glass and a half glass and three quarters of wine. And I was the most sexy I've ever been in my entire life. I felt fucking sexy hot. Like there was a photo that I found of myself recently where I was like, this is the hottest I've ever been in my entire life. Maybe we'll flash it up on the screen. Maybe not.

you're literally holding like a gun in it i don't give a shit it's legal like it was a legal gun it was a legal strap and i have i'm practicing gun safety um my finger's not on the trigger but i was like i'm sexy fucking hot like i feel good and i even put on my story after the show wait at the

Oh my god. Oh my god. We fucking did that dude. Oh my god. I forgot we did that. I don't even know if we told Kai about that. Literally after. Okay but let me finish the wine story. Yeah. Drank wine. I was like why didn't no one fucking tell me that wine is like the best drunk I've ever had in my entire life. Like this is fucking awesome. I woke up the next day like

Almost the worst hangover I've ever had in my life. That's an exaggeration. Which is to lie because we've all seen you pass away on a sidewalk before. I wasn't hungover after that. That's the craziest part. I know because I don't think it was alcohol. But yeah, I was...

i was i had a raging headache i've never had a headache when i was hungover i had light sensitivity and i took a vow that very moment the very next day i will never drink wine again i had a great night it was awesome but the way it made me feel the next day but it didn't regulate my i did regulate my like i was constipated and i'm good again you know what i will say though i think um that was like really sugary wine and that's probably why it gave us a headache because i also had a headache and i think most wines

Peace out.

don't have like a high sugar content but since it was like canned wine it's like kind of shitty yeah um but after the fucking show we get out and I'm like I need a hot dog because I hadn't eaten for so long that my one I feel like you killed both of the glasses for the most part like both of the cans yeah I had I had a good amount of the second can but I didn't I made sure I was drunk but I was like not drunk enough to just like hog it I made sure to leave some left over but yeah I was like

drunk but i was just like i need food to absorb some of this like right now i know i'll have a hangover tomorrow if i don't eat and oh my god the best part about concerts in la is those motherfuckers with their fucking goddamn hot dog stands like i will literally i will suck them dry i will suck them dry both both metaphorically like i will buy all the hot dogs and leave them dry and also like

Give them head that will send them to the emergency room. I will deplete their bodies of hydration. Could you try that on me? No. My fucking God. You're literally a slag. A total fucking slag. A total fucking slag. Oh, Kai is the one who bought my hot dog. God bless you. That shit was so fucking good. Someone ran up to us later and I was like killing that fucking hot dog.

It was so embarrassing because I was like eating and I looked up and I see her and I'm like, she's watching me slurp the fuck out of this hot dog right now. And all the onions were like falling out of my mouth and I was like,

Yeah, I've never seen you eat food that fast in my entire life. It was gone in 30 seconds. It was so fucking good. And it's not one of those like pussy hot dogs that you get from the movie theater. No, it's a big boy. It's like the girthy fucking like four and a half girth. I take it now. It's like a very average size penis hot dog. Yeah. It's like four and a half girth, five inch girth, like six inch length. You're like going really in detail.

Anyways, hit my line. Anybody who wants to try. But we got out and Drew, I don't know where the fuck this came from out of him. We didn't tell you this guy. But he just like was like, I'm going to tap his shoulder. And I was like, who? And I look and it's a stranger. And he runs up and taps their shoulder and keeps walking. But I was slick with it. I was slick. No, I look back at the videos and literally...

We're moving so slow. We need to insert the videos after we finish the story. Oh.

- I literally felt like I was killing it. - I'm not kidding. That's the most childish fun I've had in so long. 'Cause also in the videos, one, I pissed myself. I fully let out a little piss from laughing so hard and it's just me walking with my hot dog and cracking up and my puffer is on. So it's like me laughing over that. - I'm walking up and I tapped this dude's shoulder

It goes over well. Like, I get him. He looks the wrong way. It's embarrassing for him. And I keep going. Which I blame this behavior on Mason. Yeah. Because Mason's the one who, like, brought this to the group. And then I do it again to...

couple and it goes over well and I'm like oh I'm like killing it and then I do it again and I'm like oh I'm fucking killing it and then we like reach this sidewalk and there's like these group this group of people walking in front of us and I'm like and yeah I'm gonna charge at this group of people and then just like

like run as fast as I can at this group of people and then just turn and I I'm not kidding I ran as fast as possible at this group of people like 20 like like if I didn't stop I would have given four people a concussion and sent them to the fucking hospital I would have plowed through them and I sprinted at them and then I stopped and turned and just started walking very slowly with the group and then

There is a girl in the group. We need to actually... We need to normalize running after girls in the dead of night. Like, we just need to normalize that and scaring the fuck out of them. We need to normalize men charging at women but doing no bodily harm. Exactly. So I did that. In the dead of night?

dead of night she was pissed rightfully so she was like that's not fucking funny like you fucking freak like she was like it's not funny to just charge at girls or like it's not just funny to charge at people and what made it worse is my goofy ass was like running behind him and then cat caught up and was like cracking up like i was drunk enough that i couldn't like i couldn't gauge the fact that says like

My social cue at that moment was to like laugh under my breath. I was laughing so fucking hard. I was laughing out loud. I was spraying like my spit in my mask. And my mask by the end of the night was sopping wet. Like you could have rained my fucking saliva out of it. It was disgusting. And then I have a video of Drew doing it. Like the first person he does it to in the video just goes, ha ha. Because like...

one point it just like was not slick he was like we got on a sidewalk where there was borderline nobody else so it was very obvious that it was us because it's also me trailing behind with my phone to my chest like obviously recording like

And then we and then the last one that we did I got we got to like where we were getting picked up like the uber spot and Just there was a bunch of people walking by and as I would walk by I would just tap their shoulder and I did it to like four Couples in a row and the last one like the video is so funny cuz I go to do it and then I realized he's like looking at me he's like, oh we're gonna fucking tap my shoulder like very straight guy and I was like

I just started like making up conversation with Inyo. And like moving his hand around so that he looked hella like flamboyant in movement so it looked like it was an accident. Yeah, it was like... Yeah, the Uber's on its way. It's right there. I wonder if these are Uber like blocks that are waiting for people to order. I think they're Uber blocks.

Also a girl asked for me to cover for her to piss and then she just pissed right behind us. Like she was like

come and watch like over me while I pee and I was like looking around I was like there's nowhere to piss girl like go piss I said go piss girl yeah we were like I was just like you might as well just like do it you're not a good ally I was like oh I would do it but the Uber it said that it was right there and I was like also I'll ride for any of my girls piss like

Alisa, Orion, Elsie, like any of my girls, like I'll let your piss like splash off the concrete off to me. I love you. But this random ass girl. Would you let my piss splash off the concrete and hit you? No. Really? Because it's probably like I've seen your diet. It's like actually going to like radiate through my skin and then I'm going to get like a tumor wherever it lands. Fair. Fair enough. But I was also like, why? I don't even have anything to cover her. Like I'm like, what am I going to do?

She's just gonna piss on me and then I was and her boyfriend was with her I was like what a bad boyfriend just cover for her bitch literally and he didn't he just like stood there while she pissed and I was like you Are going to hell. I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed We don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking wow. Oh my god. I feel so bad for them They deserve ads, but we're doing our job. You're not doing your job You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again

I can't believe I miss reading ads. I miss the taste.

yeah it was it was naughty and then we got home and laid in my bed and we were just like that was the best night of our fucking lives i know like little kids came home and we're like sitting around it was so fucking cute and i was watching all the videos i took it was really it was a fantastic night and to think that i was indifferent about going i was like i know i almost bailed i was like if i didn't spend this much money on it i would have bailed yeah i was like i should not have come

Because then the Uber was like hellily. I don't know. It was a mess getting there. Getting there and then even the beer situation was like, this is not working in our favor. But it was fucking awesome. It was such a thirst. And the second Kanye came on, I was like.

My jaw was dropped the entire time. Them walking down the stairs was so fucking funny, though. I'm like, I've seen models. Yeah, I've seen models go downstairs and look up straight. I'm like, they're so embarrassed about the idea of following right now that they like they can't even take the risk and look up for a second. Yeah, they're like, literally looks so goofy. Then what?

then jay-z offered us 20 million dollars it was fucking it was so psycho it was like i like couldn't believe it was a little weird and it was weird to say no because it was like listen i know you're like not only like a fucking gazillionaire but like an entrepreneur and a glizzard glizzard sorry keep going a billionaire at heart like you're good

No, because you want me to keep going immediately, like I've told you before. Your consequence is silence, so watch what the fuck you say to me. Your consequence is a nipple slurping. That clap was so loud, it hurt me. I wanted to make it seem like I slapped Drew. Anyways... Oh, fuck, it hurts so bad. It was a delayed reaction. Your consequence is a spank. Yeah.

Anyways, we went to the Le Fleur Purpurp and... Le Fleur Purpurp. Jay-Z was there. And I... Okay, like, honestly, I, like...

I like going to things like that and supporting friends and people who I look up to. I'm like, this is awesome. But it was really weird for someone like Jay-Z to show up. And I was like, oh my God, he's here to be here. But then he immediately pointed me and Drew out. He was like, you guys are having fun. You guys are having fun on that swing set. I want to join. He ran up to us, which was so sweet and human-ish.

Like it was just like such a human moment watching Jay-Z like run in grass. It was skipping. Yeah, it was like a little bit of a skip. And then he did come up to us and he was like, oh my God, like, can I use the swing? I haven't like been like on a swing set in so long. And I said, no. Yeah. And then he was like, I like your spunk and that you stand your ground. And actually I wasn't going to bring this up. And I was like, my spunk? My jism? Yeah.

just he's a bit older so he was like i like i like your spunk and um my coom like your cum

That's what spunk means. That is not what spunk means. What the fuck are you talking about? That is like a slang word for Spunk and charisma. That's like spunk is like, oh, you got spunk kid. Like that's like an old people thing. But it's also an old people thing for cum. No, it is not. It is, yeah. The fact that two people who claim to be straight know like such a random word for cum. I'm straight. That's it? That's the sentence? Yep.

I'm a straight 15 year old person. A partner to many. Okay. So yeah, Jay-Z just came up to us and he was like, honestly, I wasn't going to bring this up because I was kind of shy. And I was like, oh my God, Jay-Z's shy to be around us. And then he was like, oh, I love your podcast. I love emergency intercom. Okay.

And then he like really tried to buy it from us. And we were like, no, you're like freaking me out. He was like, I'll give you $17 million for 15%, which is a disgraceful amount of money. Like, are you fucking kidding me? Like we have an estimation of this podcast being worth like upwards of 500 million. Yeah. Like a $200 million evaluation. Like, are you out of your fucking mind? Um, yeah.

Probably. But basically we denied him and then the rest of it was like really fun and beautiful. But like, that was like, that was just such an unreal moment. Yeah. Um, is JC trying to buy the podcast from us? And then I jumped off the fucking hill and rolled down and got cactus thorns all in me. I tried to kill myself. I was gonna, I was gonna be the first person to kill myself at the Lafleur pop-up. That's,

I'm not kidding. That's the first thing I said when we got there. Because there was this beautiful fucking view off of a cliff. It was literally the most magical thing I've ever been to in my life. It was like a utopian society. When you got out of that fucking car, it felt like you had entered an entirely different world. There were kids running around. It was super cute. Yeah, it was just actually beautiful. And the perfume smells fucking awesome. It was also just so well thought out. And I bought...

Way more than I expected. I bought like three things, but no regrets. What are they called? The little hat that I bought? Babushkas. No, it's not a babushka. That's a grandma. They'll know what fucking hat. They know the hat. Cubes made of thorns. Like what? Babushka thorns.

Sorry, I'm actually like losing it. I'm a little crazy right now. I'm a crazy little guy. But yeah, it was actually so fucking awesome. And then like it was so beautiful and we got there and I looked over the edge and I was like, I'm going to be the first person to commit suicide at this fucking, at this event. Because I was like, I'm going to jump off this cliff right now. That's not funny. It is a little real.

I want to just like say this. I saw two things where I was like, okay. I beat your ass in chess too. Shut the fuck up. You got your shit rocked. You should care about beating some ass in real life sexually and not about beating ass in chess. Do you hear yourself? Like I eat ass in real life and I beat ass in chess.

I brushed my hair and all my curls out for the first time in a long time. And they're really fucking annoying. I hate my hair. Anyway, it was beautiful. Oh, but I saw this thing that it was like, oh...

Someone really worried about my finances, which it sounded like a man said it because then one of the things was, do you think she'll have to start an OnlyFans? And I hope you fucking slip and get a concussion and twist your hip and you can never walk straight again. Because what the fuck are you talking about? Like, like, and that's not a diss to OnlyFans. But like for you to act like you give a fuck about my like my safety and like me like my like my like, oh, I hope she's not raking up debt.

do you think she'll turn to OnlyFans? Like, what? You don't actually care. You just want to see my fucking hole. I was about to say, that's just him, like, projecting his, like, hopefully. He just wants to fucking suck my nipples. And I'm like, girl, like, you're not going to get to. Like, shut the hell up. Me and him both. He's going to hear this and be so sad. Good. That was a little weird of him. Like, actually, it was a little weird. I know all the comments were like, fine, but also, why did you mention OnlyFans? All of, like, my followers were like, oh.

Why did you do that? And then someone else was really worried about your like mental health and like was like, yeah, they say like really like scary things sometimes. And I'm so sorry. You better fucking be worried. I don't want anyone to actually worry about us. Oh my God. I have fucking therapy tomorrow. Cancel it. Cancel it. Come on. Because we've been filming at night. So tomorrow we just have to keep it the fucking licorice pizza. We're going to go see it tomorrow. Oh, it's at seven. And my therapy's at eight. Oh,

Damn. Damn, damn, damn. I got really scared because I was like, oh my God, this episode is going to come out before you watch it. And like, they're going to fucking spoil it for me in the comments. But I'm going to see it before this is out. Three weeks before. Happy Christmas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What were we even talking about? Your fucking balls. Oh, yeah. We were talking about the LeFleur Pop-Up. People literally being worried about my mental health. Oh, yeah. You should be worried. You are so annoying. You should worry about me.

No, it's a worry. I have a second thought about me before you go to bed every night. I'm not kidding. I don't think I'm capable of being like depressed anymore because of how dumb I am. I literally feel the same way. I'm like, I'm so good right now. I make all these jokes to like combat how to combat those feelings. But I feel actually fucking awesome. Like genuinely, don't worry about me. I may say some dark things, but like at the end of the day, like I'm fine.

It's funny to joke about how scary life can be. Exactly. Also, I actually, I haven't had like, no, that's a lie. I was like really fucking sad for a minute, but that was like, what's it called? Situational. Yeah, that was situational. But I haven't had a depressive episode since this time last year. So...

on a good streak depression comes through yeah seasonal depression hasn't really bothered me but i think it's because there's not a single moment where i'm in silence i know there's there's i we've been working so fucking much we've been so social it's like we don't have time maybe this is this is probably why like normal people are normal because they're just always scaring me though

Normal people scare the fuck out of me. Normal people make me horny. We should get galaxy tights for the podcast one episode and wear them. I'm literally going to get a shank in during a filming of an episode. I'm going to stab you in the fucking shins. I would actually allow that. Literally just one day stab me. I don't care. As long as it's hot. I won't sue you. I won't press charges. I deserved it. She's protecting herself.

I just want to feel it. Let's go. The soup. Oh, should we do soup? We'll say. I don't even know what you wanted to talk about with the soup. Because you don't fucking like soup and it's disrespectful. I was. Okay. I mentioned it way earlier in the podcast. I was like, y'all are lying about soup. So, but I gave it a chance. I gave it another try. Like gorgeous, gorgeous guys.

Hate soup. That's the real fucking saying. Fuck soup. Still fuck soup. It's not filling. It's way too fucking hot all the time. There's absolutely no flavor in any soup. It sounds like you've never had soup made by somebody who's like making it with a passion.

That may be correct. You may be a little right about that. Like, no one was as passionate as my mom and dad hungover as fuck making a soup because they need nutrients to, like, regarner life. And, like, that soup was always so fucking good. Yeah, soup just fucking sucks. Sorry, end of conversation for me. There's no convincing me. I tried to convince myself. Soup fucking blows. You fucking suck balls. Blows fucking chunks.

It's just not also it's not a pleasant experience. Like it's like liquid and chunks. Like how are you supposed to fucking eat that? Like you're eating. Are you fucking dumb? Like actually you're dumb. I'm not dumb.

I'm a genius, actually. I have a very high IQ. That's something we still need to fucking do. I've never once seen you take a fucking IQ test. Like, you've, like, I've never seen you show me IQ, like, results. I'll look it up right now on my email. Good, though. I mean, like, a real life one, not one off the fucking internet, girl. Like, you sound like kids who are, like, at home taking ADHD, like, tests on Google and being like, yep, that's me. Yeah. Yeah.

That's exactly what it is. Soup is fucking good. I just wanted to defend soup because Drew claims he doesn't like soup, even though you fucked up your bowl that you had today. Never mind. What were you going to say? I was just going to say another thing, and then I thought about it, and I was like, oh, she's going to react with silence. So I'm not going to fucking say it. No, say it. I won't. No. I won't give you silence. You'll give me fucking silence. Say it. The only soup I like is squirt soup. Or jism soup. Ooh, egg drop soup, but instead of eggs, it's sea. No! What?

No, it's still egg drop soup over soon. No egg drop soup would be if I took my diva cup and dropped it in some fucking Wow Dude, I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going on with this fucking chair, man. It's cramping me up Fucking you up. My leg is like numb as shit right now. Oh

Yeah. Egg drop soup. Delicious. Delocious. Okay. Should... Oh, this is just something I wanted to say that I just need to get this thought out there. Get off your damn phone. Sorry, I was trying to see if I made plans with Orion tonight. I was like, I don't think I did, but she texted me and I got really scared that I made plans that I forgot about, but...

No plans. She was replying to one of my toxic girl TikToks I've sent to her. I was about to say a toxic trait we have is our friends not texting us back for one day and immediately assuming they're dead. No, that's different though. Because like I hear from Orion at least once a day. Like there is once a like at least one time a day where I will get a TikTok. Same from Kai and me.

from Orion where it's like a toxic TikTok and I'll send her one and it'll be some sort of reaction or like interaction but not only did she not and she didn't post on her story for like two days and I didn't hear for her for like two and a half days so I was like oh this bitch died like she was murdered I'm gonna go find the murderer I'm gonna like solve it no the fucked up thing is we were like oh she's dead but like let's make let's make lunch first and then we'll go drive over to her house and check on her

I know. I was like, I'm going to make breakfast first. Because you know what? I'm not kidding. This was a genuine thought I had. I was like, well, when I find out she's dead for real, like I'm going to lose my appetite and I probably won't eat for a few days. So I need to get some nutrition. Like I literally thought she was dead. This is the second time it has been very real that we thought one of our friends has passed away. Oh, yeah. We thought Kai died. Yeah. And okay. Okay.

also I want to like say I keep clarifying this but I said it in Patreon and I haven't like said it publicly yet yeah if you want to hear me talk more go on the Patreon like whatever yeah we have a bunch of episodes up now it's a lit little community we have over there I know the discord is fun as fuck it's fun as fuck but it's scary as hell I've said it on

there I've said it on there and I have to say it on here just because we bully Kai doesn't mean y'all get to fucking bully Kai we bully Kai but then we have sweet sweet loving sex with him we do not it makes up for it we do not do the second part we we do love each other though and we make passion we make love

And we thought he died and all of us freaked out. But then he was alive and he just had just... See, he turned off his phone for like two days for fucking attention. Like, literally. I'm gonna do that. What are y'all gonna do? What would y'all do if I disappeared for two days? If I disappear... I would freak out.

I would not. I'm not kidding. Because of the way you talk about it, you need attention so much, so much more than any human I know, that it's going to be a really fucked up day. God forbid something does happen because I'll just be so annoyed with you. I'll be like, this dumb motherfucker wants attention. You said something to Kai right before we started filming that I was like, that is not true. And he's so annoying. Like, I forgot what it was. You lied. I picked up.

I picked up my new heart medicine today and I was like, I walked into the kitchen and I was like, he walked in and he was like, should I start the medicine that I'm going to have to take for the rest of my life? Like, and he's so dramatic and I'm like, you're not taking that for the rest of your fucking life. I got so mad. You don't know that. I do. Like I do though.

But yeah, so it would be really hard to know if Drew actually like needed help because he like you're so annoying. I just need attention. I know but like to the point that it's like delusional. Yeah. Like I need attention too. And? But I don't think I need as much as you do. Yeah, I do need attention more than the average person. But that's what makes me me. It's part of one of my fatal flaws. It's like not so fatal. It's like oh like it's kind of quirky and cute.

'Cause I don't, like, do insane batshit crazy things to get attention. You have a video where you put, like, cats on yourself.

And then like it took so long to get them off. That was, I'm scarred. That video literally scarred me. I have scars on my hands and my fucking ankle from that asshole that cut the cast off me. Actually, I shouldn't say that because like he literally saved my life. But I had to sleep in those casts for like three fucking nights. It was actually awful. I just existed in them. That was insane.

Fuck Le Labo. Le Labo, if you're listening, fuck you. Your candle sucks ass. Le Labo, if you hear this, please send me a PR package. Actually, same. This shirt is so fucking warm. It's like sweating up and like sticking to my skin. I feel like I, when I'm out of state, like nobody hears from me. Like I don't, I'm so bad at texting people and keeping up with people when I'm out of state. I think maybe I've gotten a little better at it. Yeah, I mean, we were talking a lot when you were out of state last.

I just feel like you were bored as shit though. Yeah, because I was just like kind of at home. But most of the time when I like if I go to New York, I'm like, I am MIA. And nobody ever wonders if I fucking died. Typical. Typical of you bitches. Yeah, because you never wonder if I died. That's fucking different. You're so annoying. I'm going to disappear for five days. And I'm going to let you. And I'll be here with you. What if I never come back? Well, then I'll panic.

If like a month goes by, I'll panic. Oh, okay. So the month is the cutoff. No, I don't know what I, I would just be fucking annoyed with you. I genuinely think if I was AWOL for two days, like, like you would actually be concerned. You would be concerned if I didn't come home after like four hours. You'd be like, okay, where's this motherfucker at?

Like my location went off like both of theirs did. I would be, no, I would be so fucking annoyed. I would be. Oh, he's just having a stinky link. No, I would just text your mom and be like, can you get your son? He's pissing me off. Then you call me and my phone goes to voicemail, but my voicemail box is filled. And then I go on your fucking meme account and you're posting. So I'm like, you're alive. Cause you can't shut up. There.

I posted 36 memes in the last four hours. That is like my toxic trait is that goddamn meme account. My other talk. Another thing that's fucked up is. Okay. No one talks about this, but being a gamer is a mental illness and I am suffering so badly right now. Like. I know. I.

the last episode that you disappear into your room for like four hours and you're like no no it's not four hours i actually timed it our gaming session the other night because i was like okay you get on different gaming sessions you go to war with your brother and then you do it with like hunter and then each time it's like 30 minute increments and i have like four hours in between each time that is a lie that's there's not that much time in the day you don't know anything about me

I know you sit at that damn PC all day. See, every day I get closer and closer to running away. Then go, girl. You can't run. Yes, I can. And you don't have a car. Where are you going? Bitch, I'll Uber. You would never spend the money on an Uber to run away via Uber. I'd steal your car. Then what? If you stole my car, I would ruin your fucking life. I'd be so pissed. Then what? You wouldn't know where I went. Am I in Iceland? With my car? I'd drive it off a cliff. You shit like...

I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch. I would have survived if we drove off that cliff, Kai. Oh, wait, was that us? No, we've talked about it. When we were in Malibu? Yeah, I would have survived. And we would have survived. If I drove us off? Yeah. No, I would have done it so that the car would have landed on your side and smushed you and killed you. And I would have lived. Okay. I mean, how long have we been talking? 44 minutes and 15 seconds. Let's just save this for tomorrow. Mm-hmm.

I can go into my dream that I had last night that was actually so fucked up and it like I woke up sad um

So during the day before we went to sleep, me and Inyo were just like really into the like tornado outbreak that happened. Rest in peace. That's so fucking sad and scary. Yeah. Also, we weren't like really into it, but we were just like literally blown away. Yeah. We were watching the videos like just taking in that fucking devastation. It's like so dark. It's so evil. Natural disasters are fucking obscene to me. I used to be obsessed with tornadoes. Still am. Yeah.

Just because the one that hit my hometown, I like wanted to see one again. So fucking bad. But we watched those tornado videos and it just like kind of lingered with me all day. And I was like, oh, dude, that's like so dark and sad. So but anyways, I went to bed and in my dream, I it was me, you, Christian and

And I, it was Elisa and Orion or Elisa or Orion. I don't know who it was either four or five of us. Um,

And we were in this like, what building it was, was my old youth like church building. It was like the building detached from the church. It was like this big glass building with like games. And it was just like this place, this like youth center at my old church. But it was basically a building like covered in head to toe in glass in the entranceway.

And we were in there and it was storming really fucking bad outside. And I was like, guys, like, it's getting really bad. We should probably go and take cover. And everybody was like, okay, but you, you were like, yeah, fucking right. Like, I want to see this shit. And I was like, no, like, I promise like this isn't okay. Like, this is not like normal.

It's not going to be fun to watch happen. And you were like, no, I want to see it. I want to see it so fucking bad. And you ran out the front doors. And I screamed at you. It was like the...

This is a sad, like, it was the gnarliest scream I've ever, like, I yelled at you with, like, my entire being. Like, I was so fucking angry at you. And, like, you were still ignoring at me. And I was still yelling. And you were, like, running out into this fucking storm. And sure enough, the fucking tornado came and, like, literally, like, took you away. And.

then I woke up and I don't know what happened next but like the building got fucking destroyed like you could see the glass break and Then you got sucked away and you died. That is so gnarly. I know that's why I was saying I woke up sad and I was like if Inya ever fucking does that to me I'll be so pissed. Yeah, if there's ever a tornado and I really want to watch it and get sucked away You'll be pissed. Yeah. Well, I think like in real life I'd be more lenient. I'd be like, yeah, let's go watch it and we could disappear together buzzkill

Well, I haven't had... I killed Anya in my dream. I haven't had any nightmares. Someone did come up to us and talked about their dreams. And was like, yeah, in my dreams... I smell blood. I have nightmares that smell blood and the scent of my body, like my family's body is burning. And I was like, okay, well, that's like... I can't say that I've smelled...

It's like, you scare the shit out of me. And then also we were walking to the concert and a fan like locked eyes. And like, normally I know when y'all, when y'all know who I like, I know when you know who I am. Like, it's very easy to tell you're not fucking slick. It's a seventh sense. Yeah. It's like literally it's the sixth sense or the seventh. Yeah. Like there's six senses. The sixth sense is you seeing dead people.

Oh, there's only five senses? Yeah. Seeing, touch, hearing, taste, and smell. Oh, yeah. And then there's like intuition. And also squirting. So I guess I have seven. I have fucking seven too. Well, that's funny because you were saying you only have five. I have six senses.

Plus seven. Yeah, see, you have six because you can sense when people know us, but I have seven because I squirt and I can see. Oh, I forgot. I have eight because I squirt and I see dead people and I'm on the cream team. So you have nine. Oh, I forgot about that. I actually have infinity, so... What the fuck was I saying? Oh, yeah.

This girl walked past us and I was like, oh, she knows who we are. And she looked at both me and Enya and then just laughed at us. She just laughed. She laughed in our fucking face. She literally went...

Like, scoffed at us. Like, half laughed, half scoffed and kept walking. And I was like, don't fucking do that because I'll kill myself. Yeah, I was like, are you laughing at me? Like, do you enjoy... Like, do you like my content or are you laughing at me? Are you scoffing because you can't believe you see these two idiots walking by who you know? In real life. Yeah, and it's, like, funny to you or are you laughing at me because you think I'm annoying and you hate me? And, like, seeing me in real life is, like, entertaining to some way because I'm going to kill myself and...

See, look, we're spiraling. We're spiraling all over again. We had this same conversation at the concert. We were like, oh my god, did she hate us or did she like us?

And then someone came up to us in the grocery store and was like, I know you're listening. And I know her friends are listening. But I actually laughed. I thought it was fucking hilarious. But she said, she's like, I love your podcast. And I was like, thank you so fucking much. That's so nice. And then they were like, I tried to show my friends, but like... And then she was like, no, never mind. I won't say it. And I was like, no, say it. Like, what? And she's like... Then they were like, you're...

kind of annoying to them like they don't think you're funny and i was just like i was like okay i'm just trying to buy fucking pasta yeah i'm literally in the pasta aisle like don't say that to me you were right i that's my problem is that people like try to bite their tongue and not say what they were gonna say and i'm like i just need to let them be because you know what it is kai said the thing to me that ruined my life for three days

Literally ruined my life for three days. Three days? Bitch, your fucking pee brain forgot about that shit the second you stepped out of the kitchen. No, but the second I sit in this fucking chair, it's reignited and I'm like, oh, yeah. Now you're thinking about it. Yeah, see, I literally am. You can see me going to deep thought about it. Well, you know what the thing is? Um, I,

like the perfect human and nobody talks about that. Like you may find me annoying, but it's just a repellent because like for really, that's you projecting. Yeah. Like for really uninteresting people who don't have the confidence to say what they're thinking and like who are really like introverted and they like want to be extroverted. And you're probably ugly as fuck. Fugly bitch. But like me,

I'm perfect because I talk a lot and like I can like keep someone entertained. I have like gorilla grip pussy and I like give good head. Fugly fugly girls hate Inya and Drew. Gorgeous gorgeous girls love Inya and Drew. I'm sexy. I have good style.

I'm also like all knowing and like wise. Two truths and a lie. Which is a lie? And I be fucking hella good. Three truths and a lie. Which one's the lie? That I have gorilla grip. I actually have a loose goose down there. I had a loose goose. She does. I've had situations. Never mind. That's my bad. My bad, y'all. Drew did stretch me out.

We're like, why are these episodes getting demonetized? Wait, what's the equivalent? No, no. Okay, shut the fuck up. I need to shut up. I've been trying sounding out recently. What does that mean? I stick things inside of my penis. I haven't done that. I was going to say, I've had an issue where it's like... I've been exploring. I'm going to do the business and then someone's part is kind of like knocking around the walls because there's too much space in there. Girl, oh my fucking...

It's like when you throw a penny down a well and it'll bounce off the side of the wall until it hits the bottom. It's cavernous. I do have a wishing well down there. It's deep and scary and it echoes. I crawled. Drew's burrowed in there for warmth. Yeah, it was nice. He shrunk me down to 14 inches and I got in there. Body parts are so funny. I know.

Vaginas are funny. Someone tagged me in this thing that it was like,

It was a girl. It was like things I thought before I found out I was a lesbian. It was literally every talking point in the like last two episodes. Penises are so funny. They are funny and gross. Like I do genuinely think like most people think that, but I don't know. Who am I? But I think that about everyone's body for the most part is gross to me until I like them. And I've said that before and that's just how I feel. Do you think my body's gross? I would like to suck on some boobs.

I would like to be breastfed and treated like a little baby. By a woman who's older than me because I did not get that kind of love and satisfaction from a mother. Damn.

We need to do an episode where we dissect our Freudism, whatever it's called. Freudism? What is that, Kai? Yeah, Freudism. Dissecting our, what would it be? Like dissecting our Freud tendencies? Oh, I don't know like the exact terminology. It's called dissecting my horny thoughts. Oh, that would be a dark episode. I'm thinking about it right now. That would be really dark. Y'all don't want to know anything about me.

Y'all know a lot about me. You don't want to know about me. You don't. I want to know what you be getting up to in those dirty ass sheets.

Absolutely nothing in those dirty. Literally, there's like dust mites. You're building a new breed of bed bugs in your fucking cheeks. Yeah. Because that's how long it's been since you've washed them. It's a little science experiment. Drew literally told me that where his body lays, the sheet has thinned out. I said that on the podcast before. I forgot. You know when you see a shirt that's rubbed a little bit and it's thinner there and there's little beads of fabric all over it? That's what my bed's doing.

She was like, is it stained? Is there a body print where you lay? And I was like, no. But I did wash my sheets when you went back to Miami. I texted you about it. What a coincidence. When I wasn't here, it just so happened to happen. Girl, go smell them. Hell no. It's like you're making your own chloroform back there. Like, I go smell it. I like knock out. What is he building in that bed?

Are we going to have to remove me saying I want to suck on some nipples? No. No. Well, let's do media. But before media, I just want to say thank you to all the patrons. The patrons. Thank you to the patrons. And also, I guess this isn't. Will there be an episode after?

No, the next episode will be in the new year. So before the new year, I just want to say, one, Merry Christmas. This episode goes up on Christmas Eve. I hope you get to be with people you love. I know sometimes it's going to be a very lonely time for some people, whether it be lack of family, lack of friends. Just know that you're pointing to yourself, but like...

You act like a mom nuked your whole family. Like you still have your whole family left. Nuke coming soon. Let's just say that. No, but really, if you are solo this Christmas, I hope that this episode kept you company. We're sending our love to you. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Twas the night before Christmas.

And also, thank you guys so much for the love and support on the podcast this year. It honestly has been, like, astronomical. Shocking. It's been so awesome watching, like, a community be built out and, like, watching you guys not only find each other, but, like...

sending us support and, like, loving us and, like, what we do and giving us a platform. I just want to... And attention. Yeah, reiterate that. Without your attention, we would die. So just think about that before you decide to, like, maybe stop keeping up with us. That you've already built up this, like, expectation in our brain and we will, like, we will disappear, but, like, in a very gnarly way. They can't leave. Like, we've, like, we've...

plowed deep into these people's brains like y'all y'all do realize that like the withdrawals from emergency intercom are like next to none like it's like withdrawing from benzodiazepines like you will have a seizure so just like be careful like any other normal people knows what the fuck that is like i don't know what the fuck there's some people out there that know what that is but yeah thank you guys so much sending all my love have a safe night

Hug your loved ones if you have them, because I guess we all know Drew and Drew and Climbs doesn't anymore. It's really rough. It's been rough. I wanted to get that out before you made the joke, because I know your ass was just going to, like, say it. But yeah. Yeah. Merry Christmas, happy holidays. And happy new year. And happy new year. Okay. Let's get into the media.

Okay. So I watched Grizzly Man. My media of the week is Grizzly Man. I don't take back what I said. I still think grizzly bears and bears in general would love me and I would have like a really deep connection with them and I could change them. However, watching Grizzly Man was a rude awakening and that was a very sad moment.

But kind of hilarious documentary. Like the people in it were like actually monsters. And I want to fuck the man with the mustache. The like quiet man. Drew kept being like, if you watch the movie, you'll know who I'm talking about. But Drew kept being like, that's me. As if Drew could ever stand on screen and be silent and mysterious for like more than three seconds. I could. You don't like put a camera in front of me and I could. There's one right now.

Just say scene. Am I not recording? Just say scene. Scene? You can't even keep your mouth still. Ew! No, he wasn't doing that. It's such a... Anyways, yeah, I want to have sex with him. But it was a good movie.

No, it was a great, great... And scene! There's me being stoic. No, it was a fan-fucking-tastic documentary. Elsie has been telling me to watch it ever since I said the joke on the podcast. Didn't know it existed, but now that I do, it has changed the trajectory of my life forever. I loved that movie. It was fantastic. Check it out, Grizzly Man. I do relate to him a little bit.

I don't think I could live with bears for 13 years. Yeah, I think you could be that fucking delusional though. Yeah, there's something about him that if I never discovered the internet, like that's who I would be. Absolutely who I would be. And then my music is, I found a bunch of new song looking for daydreams by Holger. I don't know how to say their last name. And where is it? Where is it? Where is it?

uh privin by merlot and then and he's gonna be pissed that i'm saying this but i'm gonna say it um driving on nine by the breeders oh i don't care because and you showed me that song the other day coming home from the low floor event after jay-z tried to buy a podcast um i don't think i even played it that day but i was playing it no you did because i recorded it right when we were going through the tunnel that's why that is what was playing oh i'm not pissed

The Breeders are really good. Shane. I'm basically a Breeders fan. I listened to the Breeders for 45 minutes today. And I'm basically a fan of theirs. That's okay. That's good that you think that. Shane by Liz Phair. On by Ray Harakami. And especially for you by Manchild. And Aeroplane Reprise. And that is my media of the week. Be safe. Be slay. Wait. Is that the version that we were listening to in the car? Yeah.

So fucking good. All right. Goodbye. Love y'all. Be safe. Happy holidays. Love yourself. Love yourself. Party. Party. Love yourself. Okay, try to stop it because you're, like, going to keep going.