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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

if you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful. Amazon. Spend less, smile more.

Welcome to this episode of Emergency to Intercom. I am the main host, Enya Yumanizor, and this is my co-host, Drew Phillips. Hello, hello, hello. I like that you ate that. I was expecting like a little fight to break out. Well, I'm not about drama. Like, it's none of this drama shit that everyone wants to happen all the time. Like, I'm not about that shit. I'm here to fucking work. I'm here to do my fucking job. I'm here to love unconditionally, and I'm here to fucking die. None of that drama shit.

I don't think I've ever heard your chair sound that loud in my life. Like, I don't know if my... Stop. I'm going to hit you. It might be this new Happy Nine-Nine shirt that's really lit and that you probably don't have but really want. If my lawyer is wearing... If your lawyer wearing this, you're going to jail.

Bro, I'm going to fucking jail. She was like, I'm literally the lawyer sending you to jail in my happy 99. In her biscuit heels. In her biscuit heels. Her JPG. Her Junior Watanabe skirt. Her happy 99. Her crazy, the best fit you've ever seen ever. Dude, it's going to be so awesome when Elisa, if you don't know, Elisa is one of our close friends who is one of our only smart friends who got a full ride, literally boss bitch. Doing the whole lawyer thing.

intelligent woman lawyer and sometimes when I'm out with her I'm like damn bitch you just be going to school and learning and me I don't feel real and I think I'm schizophrenic that's the duality of woman that's a new arc friend yeah that's how we know feminism hasn't failed us because I can be doing the life I live and Elisa can be doing the life like both things that weren't allowed at one point yeah me being stupid and actually the

People have always wanted women to be stupid. I'm actually going against feminism by existing. Exactly. You're actually the one thing causing the fall of feminism. Also, you don't cook. Oh, I forgot to button this up. Do you want me to button it for you? Yeah. Because she knows that she never will. But or lack thereof looks like. And she knows that she never will. I'll go out tonight. But I haven't got a stitch to it.

I literally I haven't either I just know that from TikTok wow a girl that loves the smiths do you smoke cigarettes do you smoke cigarettes um no because that's fucking nasty why would I do that girl who smokes cigarettes what did I do well how have you been oh my god long time no see yeah we didn't see each other for almost two weeks

I quit McDonald's. That place was fucking terrible. I sold my stake in the company for $300 million.

You sold your managerial position at McDonald's? Yeah, I was like the CFO. Oh, okay. Yeah, I had to... It was like, you know that show where they send a billionaire to oversee their company and they have to work in the trenches with their employees and then at the end they're like, I want to pay for your college. Yeah. That's...

what I was doing, essentially. Except they didn't have cameras on me and shit. You were just doing it out of the kindness of your heart. Yeah. Well, I'm the CSG at McDonald's. What is that? It's the cock-sucking general. Oh, nice. Yeah, because it's like, you know how a lot of we workspaces have the mental health awareness rooms? Or cunty stupid girl. I was trying so hard when you were talking. I was ignoring the fuck out of you trying to think of something funny for CFO. I was like, cock-fucking general.

Operator. Operator. Right. How have you been? Awful, but that's okay. Actually, I haven't been awful. I just don't think I'm real. Tell us about it. I feel like I've been saying that for the past, like, three years is all I say when it comes to my mental health is, like, I don't feel real or I feel sad. But I got back to L.A. I was in Miami for my little sister's quinceanera. And I got back and I was in the kitchen. And, like, the first morning I was here...

And I felt not real. Like, I didn't feel like a real person. I felt like I was...

impersonating myself like that's literally what i've been going through that's what i went through in texas yeah like i was just like oh i'm i don't know how to describe it like somebody one time commented when i described falling asleep and i was like dude i could like feel my body and like whatever someone was like yeah um and he's just describing like bodily awareness which is like something most normal people just have and that freaks me out because i

I am so disconnected from my body. Like, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. Like, do people just feel their body? Because I feel like I don't feel my body. Like, I feel like I'm literally just like a brain. And you've been doing an insane amount of ketamine also, by the way. Yeah, so that doesn't help because it just like makes me more and more disconnected. But yeah, I don't feel my body. Like, when I pick things up, like...

I'm not aware of my body either. - Yeah, I like don't know how to describe it. Like I don't feel like I feel it the way I'm supposed to. But yeah, when I was in the kitchen, I was like, "Oh my God, I don't feel real." I was touching everything in that corner and genuinely convincing myself that I am a puppet. Like I feel like a marionette toy and somebody has me up here. And like the only part of my body that has senses is my like brain.

I mean, if you think about it, we literally are brains and then meat sacks. Yeah. That's literally it. And I think, I don't know. But I was, like, in Texas going through the same fucking thing. Like, dude, I have, like, always been, like, okay with death, like, for myself. Or so I thought. And I, like, for the first time, like...

It was bad, y'all. I don't even know what the fuck it was, but I was confronting my own mortality and confronting the mortality of my family and friends. And it was just so fucking bizarre. And thinking about what happens next. Is there an afterlife? Is there...

Is it like when you're in the womb where you don't feel anything? There's like nothing. There's literally nothing. I can't even imagine nothing like before life. Is that how it is? Which I pray to fucking God. It's just nothing like you turn off. But I have a sneaking suspicion that like there's something else. Yeah, our souls go somewhere or like we literally are trapped in hell or something. And I know I make that joke all the time. But like sometimes like I'm like, damn, like what if like.

this is it and I just relive this life over and over again I'll be like damn I must have been good in like my real life because like this is a lit ass life but also I know if this is freaking terrifying to like confront your mortality like I just was like sitting in my room like fucking sobbing thinking about like my family dying and like me never being able to see them again and like then I started thinking about y'all and I was like holy shit like

I don't know. And then I just started thinking about like time dilation and how quickly like life has been ramping and speeding up and like the first 12, 15, 16 years, 18 years of my life were like so slow. I felt like I literally like was 18 forever. And now the last four years of my life have just fucking

blasted by and it's terrifying. And then I'll like talk to an older person about it and they're like, buckle up, bud. Like it only gets quicker. And I'm like, don't fucking tell me that. Like, I don't need to hear that. That's fucking terrifying. Like, it's so scary. I'm like, damn, this life is so short, bro. This is really such a blanket answer to that. Or like, not answer, but...

thing to throw in. I will say I feel every time once August is done, it feels like the year blasts through. And it's because also taking into account where people who we go and see our family a lot at the end of the year for holidays, and we just naturally are moving around more at the end of the year because we're trying to make up for the time that we quote unquote feel like we wasted in the beginning of the year. So that has to do with it. But I do agree like,

Thinking about my teen years, it feels like they lasted forever. But then I try to ground myself because I think about the fact that

We're only in our mid-20s. Old as fuck. I know. Literally old, like nasty old fucking hags. Like I literally hate it. Like that's another thing I was like, holy shit. Like I'm a 25-year-old man like making poop and fart jokes and dressing the way I dress. Like that's not normal. I need to fucking grow up and become trad and like I need to like settle down with a partner and have a family. You need to get that nuclear from your mom.

family literally we all got that nuclear family in us it's about if you want to tap in or not i know like maybe my grandma was right like maybe she was right bro but i think it's also easy because we haven't i'm trying to also i want to set the record straight sorry for cutting you off i am actually 17 yeah that was my altar that came out that was really fucking weird but i'm back i'm back y'all

Ooh, he was being weird. What the fuck was he talking about? But a majority of our life so far, we've spent it as children. And I think about that a lot. When I think about how I feel right now, how I feel really lost, I feel unaccomplished. I feel as if I should have more done. And I feel all these pressures of what I want to get done, whether it be for myself or for my family. And that's something that really burdens me when I go back to Miami because I'm

As we all know, all I talk about is coming from a broke family. And I think everybody who comes from that, and this is just me speaking on my personal experience, but most people want to, and you're kind of embedded with the idea to provide for them. And I get really caught up in that. And you know that I get really caught up in the ideas of how I can provide for my family when I am still

really young myself and I'm still learning how to provide for myself. And then I just always think about how we have spent majority of our life as children so far. It's not even half adulthood, half childhood yet. Because in my head at this point, I think we both look at our 18 year old selves and we think you were a child. I even look back at my 20 year old self and I'm like, dude, you were a child. You still had so much to figure out. You were so lost. You were so confused. You had so much growing to do. So then when you put it in that perspective, it's,

I think that's when I feel better about my age because I am hitting the point that you hit when you were 24, I think where you started looking at 25, 26, 27, and they felt so close versus when you're 23, even 25 felt far. Yeah. Um,

And I always just try to remind myself that I have lived majority of my life as a child yet. I am just now coming into my adulthood and I have time and it's okay and I'm not old and I don't have to live a traditional life. Literally an old person saying they're not old. Like, I'm not old, I swear. No, I know. I know that. Yeah, but I know what you're saying though because it's so scary. Also...

I don't know how to fucking fix it either. You know what I was thinking about? I was like, damn, like I really did take this year to be like my year of rest and relaxation where like at the beginning of the year, I was like, I don't want to travel as much. I kind of want to just fucking chill and like fucking plant some roots for the year and like weather the storm and just like fucking chill. And like, I didn't really do any of that, but I was like,

Like as much as I've spent my life online, like I was like consumed about like posting online and like my whole it was my identity was like posting online. So I took a step back for this last year and was like, I'm not going to post as much online. I'm going to do the podcast. I'm going to do my things. And like I have to feed myself. So I'm going to post every once in a while, but I'm really going to take a step back. And I'm.

starting to realize like my life felt slower when I was posting online. So I'm gonna start fucking posting online and becoming like psycho again and like literally doing that and like reverting back to like all my unhealthy habits because life felt better when I was unhealthy.

That's what I fucking realized is like when I like cut soda out of my diet, like nothing about me changes. I'm just less happy. Like I'm just like I don't drink soda or like when I'm like, oh, like I can't have that bag of candy. I'm like fucking sad about it. But when I eat that bag of candy, I feel fucking fine. Like it's so annoying. And that's how I

been feeling and this is not to promote the usage of this boo I know I know I know that's literally I feel about I was watching that thing yesterday that was talking about nicotine and how it's bad for you and I genuinely was looking at it I was like this means nothing to me like what are you telling me right now it doesn't mean anything to me it goes in one ear out the other because I

Are you promoting nicotine right now? That's what it feels like. That's crazy. You're crazy. But don't do it because any addictive habit that is not...

healthy for you is bad for you but um you know from my family line you pick and choose what you're gonna get addicted to yeah same same same but the mortality thing reminds me is i think you know more than anybody i literally will convince myself something bad is gonna happen and it's just like i have a gut feeling i have a gut feeling i have a gut feeling i have a gut feeling but

I had a moment at the airport that was so odd. Okay, so I was sitting at my parents' house before I went to my flight and I just had this like,

Heavy feeling I always get a heavy feeling before a flight because I love you I like literally have convinced ourselves something bad's gonna happen to me every time because now I have like a weird fear of planes But I mean a not a weird fear you watch plane crash compilations for like six and now I'm like compulsively Attached to the idea that I'm like something. I just know I know I know like you can't convince me not whatever But

I was sitting there and I was like, wow, what are the chances that I die naturally versus by accident, whatever. So I looked that up because I was really convinced in that moment. I was like, damn, you know what? I don't think I'm going to die of natural causes. I think I'm going to be murdered or something like something really bad. It's going to happen to me soon. And I'm like, something really bad is going to happen to me before I turn 26. I just have this feeling. Well, I did write down something big is coming. I thought you were going to say I did write down something bad is going to happen to you.

I might have written that down. Let's check. So I looked that up. And then I also have just like PTSD from loss, whatever. Like boo, boo, boo, boo. Everyone has that. Every time I say bye to my family or my friends, I'm also genuinely convinced. Knock on wood. That is going to be the last time I'm going to see them. Like it's a big thing for me. But this time when I was saying bye to my family, I like shockingly didn't sob. Like I teared up.

But I usually like sob on the way to the airport. And this time I just teared up a little. But then that made me feel really weird because I was like, something deeper is happening right now. But I'm not going to think about it. But something deeper is happening. And then I was like, I should have hugged my dad longer. Knock on wood. Knock on wood. Even saying that out loud is literally terrifying. But I was like, I shouldn't hug my dad longer. I feel like something's going to happen to me or something's going to happen, blah, blah, blah.

Again, I was just like, but let me rest because I don't feel the anxiety I usually feel about this. I feel so weird. I got to the airport and when I got on the tram to go to my terminal, there was a man in the tram who...

His vibe was just so fucking suspicious. First of all, his outfit, which like that sounds stupid, but he's wearing like a bright pink shirt, like green basketball shorts, like Crocs and like colorful tie dye socks. And then his suitcase was really tiny. What are you wearing? And then he had a Spider-Man full mask covering his face. He's entering the airport like this. So in my head, I was like, cool.

he's gonna fucking shoot me. Like, he's gonna kill me. He's the killer. Because we live in America, and if anybody is looking that suspicious, going to a big public place, it's a red flag. But I didn't get scared or, like, act the way I feel like I would have, because I was genuinely convincing myself he was gonna kill me, but I felt such an eerie calm about it. I've been doing that too. Where I was like... I literally started telling myself, I was like, wow, all these times I've been so fearful of, like, my ending and my doom, but...

maybe when it comes to me, I will feel like this. I'll just feel so calm and accepting of the life that I've had. And I'm so grateful for the life that I had. And like, literally like thinking like that convinced this man with me alone on the train is going to fucking kill me. And then obviously he didn't kill me. He's just a fucking freak. And he definitely got in trouble because why are you wearing a Spider-Man mask? Like fully covering your face at the airport. But that's a different conversation. That's what I think about like all the time though is like literally what if like,

all of the stupid things like me, like drinking, like mixing alcohol and Ambien and fucking Percocet all at once when I was like 17 years old and like blackout drunk and sitting on the floor laying there and like my whole body vibrating. I'm like, what if I literally did die there? And like all of these moments where like, I like, I'm like, what if I died? Like, what if I did die in this moment? Like, what if I just fell asleep and died in my sleep? And then like,

I wake up in the same body in the same life, but little things are different. And what if that's the Mandela effect? I know it sounds fucking weird, but like, that's literally how I think. I'm just like, what if like every time I'm like,

I don't know. It's hard to verbalize, but I, like, literally just... That's what I've been thinking about also. And, like, what if in the afterlife there's no good fucking pussy for me to eat? Like, literally, what am I gonna do? Like, how am I gonna mack on boxing shit, bruh? What the hell? That's something you think about is, like, giving head in the afterlife? Yeah, yeah. Like... I guess you are a feminist by nature, so it's, like, no matter what soul you part... You don't even have to reciprocate. Like, I literally just mack box. I'm a munch. I'm a munch. I'm literally a munch. But, yeah, that was...

That was our really morbid opening to the talk. I know, we're literally gonna have to put a trigger warning. Like the title is just trigger warning. Hey guys, like and subscribe.

But I do have something I want to talk about that could fix everything. I really do think this would fix everything for us. So you know those videos of the staircases and they have the glass jar full. And they throw everything down it? Yes. And they have like the sodas. Also, the beer, like literally every single time the beer bottle is going to get it. Like the beer bottle is going to hit every fucking time. But I also did the numbers because I'm fucking nosy.

um of how much money these accounts are making and like this is based off of like like my experience and like other people who's in this industry and like how much money they make off of

TikTok video views just alone. - I still don't understand TikTok income, but whatever. - So they implemented this new feature where if your video is a minute long, your CPM, which is how much money you make per 1,000 views, skyrockets. It goes incredibly high if the video's one minute long.

And based off the people around me and like collecting that data, the statistical data in my mind and seeing how much they've made, I've been able to extrapolate how much money these accounts make when they roll the bottles. The OG account, like there's like rules that you have to get set up. So it wasn't like from the first video he made, he was making this much money or how much money they were making, whatever. They probably posted three videos. They met the requirements of like,

55,000 watch hours which like sounds astronomical but once you're getting hundreds of millions of views it's not that hard to get but anyways these accounts like within the first month that they are made like if it hits like the algorithm and like

TikTok is like feeling good about this page they're making 180 grand a month plus like and that's off of like six videos and like obviously there's like some investment like you have to fucking buy like 20 bottles of soda and like do you know where they're filming these because I feel like they're in like somewhere in

deep in Europe or some shit. Yeah, they're all foreign. They're all foreign. I feel like a lot of them are foreign, like, from out of America, which also I don't know if the CPM rates are the same, but sometimes they're higher. Like, I can see, like, where the CPM rates are higher. And, like, in Europe, I get paid more per thousand views. I don't know. It's really interesting, but basically all that's to say that, like...

You one thing about Inya is she's gonna spill like she's gonna cause a big mess I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking wow. Oh my god I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again I like I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like I miss the taste

We're back. We're back. We're really, really back. We're happy. We're happy. We're really, really happy. But yeah, so we can fix everything wrong in our lives if we start pouring bottles of opaque liquid down staircases with marbles inside. I really love the nail ones. I love the nail ones. And the glass beer bottles, I swear to God. They pop so good. Every time they just pop.

they like like yeah they are really good really good it's the carbonation they gotta start they have to implement like like mexican cokes like glass coke bottles topo chico oh a topo chico would fuck no a topo chico would be literally a hydrogen bomb also i have another fix for us

I think what I'm going to start doing is like intentionally falling on like sidewalks or like asphalt or whatever and giving myself... Suiting the city? No, no, no. Yes. But I'm going to give myself like...

cuts on my knees, like, you know? And then I'm going to go to the bathroom really quickly after and pour hydrogen peroxide and alcohol into my wounds. Ew, so it pusses up? Just so I can feel something. Oh. And I think that will get us back in tune with our bodies. Yeah, I was thinking, like, maybe we need, like, acupuncture or something. I don't know. Or...

Well, no. We need to be medicated. Yeah. What I need is to see a psychiatrist and like get on medication. But I don't want to rely on Big Parma. Like I don't want to be a part of Big Parma. Parmesan cheese. That's still one of the best things I've ever said. The Kardashians pushing dairy. Like that will always be. Big Parma. I will never forget. That was one of the first moments where I was high where I was like, I'm really seeing through the veil. Like I am seeing past the other side. Like they are brainwashing.

Evil, evil. They're brainwashing us to drink milk. Like all of it is so evil. I'm back to milk though. Low key. Like I am. Milk is lit. Yeah. I'm like back to dairy fully. And I've been back to dairy. Like I've always been a cheese eater. Like I've always been a cheesy girl. Yeah. Like I'm a cheesy girl. Dude. And the best fucking cheese. Oh my God. I had it back in Texas is to pick between your toes after you haven't washed your feet in like weeks and just like fucking get that. That's what you were going to say. She's my God. I love that.

I don't have foreskin. I want my foreskin back. We can get you some. You really can. You can get it back. But it's just not the same. It doesn't have all the same nerve endings and whatnot. Yeah.

Maybe that's what you should put your money towards investing because like you can make a whole company out of that. Like axe the blind boxes and make foreskin. Yeah, like no more toys, just do foreskins. It's like there's so many companies like that that like prey upon people who just have like a different perception of reality like in John Wilson. Did you watch it? No, you didn't watch it. But

I don't fuck with that show. Oh my God. This fucking show sucks. What is your issue? Sucks, bro. Well, this doesn't give much away about this episode, but the last episode, it's talking about like this company that,

claims it will freeze your body and your brain so that in 100 years they'll take you back to life, whatever. There's no proof it works, whatever. But so many people do it and it's really expensive. Like it's like $150,000 just to start. And then that doesn't count on like, I think paying off your tube that your body stays in. When do you freeze yourself? At what point in your life? It's when you die. So when you die,

your body will be taken. So I'm going to come back as an elderly, nasty, fucking gross bag of bones. Well, I think if you killed yourself and you signed up for it, you would live like this. So it depends on how committed you are. But some people just keep their head because they're like, I want a new body. And people will like arrange that they get each other's bodies.

bitch I'm getting somebody with a huge pair of tits a huge butt and a big vibrator yeah that sounds lit I mean back like in the future we'll probably have like vibrating penis attachments cyborgs like we're literally gonna we're already like becoming cyborgs like like literally like we literally already are and like

oh, bitch, I forgot about this. But like that whole Elon Musk Neuralink, I swear to God, I'm going to be one of the first people to get it. And he, it got cleared for like FDA trials. And I lied on them and said I was like, met the requirements so I could be on the list. What were the requirements? It was like you either had to be like hard seeing, hard hearing, blind, or have like some sort of conditions.

so i'm gonna get it i'm gonna get on the list we can make you blind yeah i'm gonna get near a link i'm gonna change the world like next time the jewel spits in my mouth i'll just spit it into your eyes yes blind me um okay what else do i got um okay i have i need lotion so in the last episode um we were talking about pompeii right

Tell me why I literally predicted the next natural world disaster, the volcano in Europe. You ever heard about that? Yeah, you fucking wouldn't shut up in the group chat. Nobody said anything. I know no one replied to it. I know all Drew does is get in the group chat and give his doomsday report and then disappears.

You literally come into the group chat, give a doomsday report, and then leave. Yeah, well, no one inquires about it, so I just dip. But if you would inquire about it, I have a lot of knowledge. The world's second... So there's a caldera of volcanoes in Italy, around Italy. I think it's the second most powerful earthquake, if it were to explode, behind Yellowstone. We all know about Yellowstone. That shit's going to be the end of humanity in 50,000 years. That shit's not even going to explode. Don't even worry about that.

The caldera volcanoes have become active. What if I put a bomb in Yellowstone, though? Would that shake something up and make something happen? Or would it just be like... I mean, maybe if the earthquake were strong enough, it could. But yeah, just know Italy, Europe, you're down tremendously bad. Winter is coming. Like...

And in our lifetime, there's going to be a we thought it was going to be a nuclear winter, but it's going to be a volcanic winter. And the soot and the ash that's launching the atmosphere is going to create like a big cloud that stays over Earth. And it's going to get really cold and sun's not going to be able to penetrate to it. And we're going to have acid rain and shit. Good luck. Good luck, y'all.

That's it? That's all you have to say? Is good luck? I don't think we have anybody who lives in Italy and stuff who listens to us. I can't imagine. It's going to affect the whole world. We're so far from Italy though.

it's a big fucking volcano like how big like big as fuck like like as big as a city like it's like as big as it's actually funny they have like cities right on the edge and i think they started evacuating some of those cities or they had like a 72 hour evacuation plan in place because it's become active again um it's uh what's the big city at the very tip of the boot

It's like, name Italian cities. I know there's like Sicily and Milan. Might be Milan. That's it. I don't fucking know Italy. City and Italy. Let's look it up.

baloney there's a fucking city called baloney i have no damn well there's not a city i think it's naples yeah yeah it's naples damn you know what's fucked up is i was supposed to go to italy this summer and since i didn't this is probably why it's happening like the the place is mad no i went to spain and portugal portugal

Second quake in days shakes Italy volcano. Ooh, guys, it's literally coming. Wait, was there another earthquake there? Yeah, they've had like a few there, which is why everyone's kind of like worried. They're like, ooh. It's called a, I don't know how to fucking say it, Campy Flagrier? Camp Flognau? Yeah, it's Camp Flognau. The people jumping for Tyler's set is going to like cause an earthquake. What do you have to say? Do you got anything? Nothing.

yeah actually I have a lot to say to you because I'm pissed at you um no but I do want to give my conspiracy theory um everybody got that nationwide alert this week and they weren't clear about why we were getting the alert I didn't read what it was because I was like you literally can't um it was just a test yeah it was like a test of the

system, but they weren't saying why. They were like, oh, they're just testing out the new wireless system for, like, to see if we ever had a national emergency, if we needed to send something out. Bitch, be clear. It's because y'all think we're gonna get fucking bombs. Like, nuclear bombs are headed our way soon, and you just wanna, like...

like test it out so that the country can be like well we we had a system to tell our citizens it's not necessarily on us whatever but what I was thinking is bitch if a nuclear bomb is headed this way I don't want to fucking know like I don't want to spend the last moments of my life evacuate where where the fuck am

the fuck am i gonna run bitch i'm gonna outrun a nuclear blast yeah no i'd rather just be in peace and silence and not know that my death was upon me or that like the destruction of everything i know and love was upon me i'd rather just be at home high as fuck playing fortnight just in my own little world doing my silly little thing and then in a split of an eye like i like in the blink of an eye i'm done i don't want to know i'm surviving

How are you surviving? A bomb is not going to kill me. Can we get in the fridge or is that a myth? That's a myth, I think. Not with that fridge, at least. I think it has to be one of the shmagma fridges. The smag ones? The ones in Nuketown? Yeah. Like, I'm not kidding, Drew. I just thought of that because I was thinking of the Call of Duty map Nuketown. I was like, what survived? Like...

The house has survived in Nuketown, so it's not really realistic. I'm going to get inside of a $5,000 Schmeg coffee maker and survive. In the Schmeg toaster? Yeah, yeah. But that was something I had to say. And then also, I don't know if you saw, but we were tagged a million and ten times in...

The video of, like... It was, like, every gay household or something... I'm not... Ended up watching... I automatically don't give a fuck about that. I know, that's why I was like, why are we being tagged in this? But it was, like...

Fuck, wait, now I need to find it. But it was that group of kids watching Telephone. And it was like every gay group ends up doing this at the end of the night. And we got tagged in it so many times because we've been so vocal about how often we do that. But genuinely, what is it about gay people and Telephone? Like that music video. Because we were showing it to a group of friends and they hadn't seen it.

seen it and they were our straightest friends it was a cultural awakening like we were all on tumblr when that shit happened like it was it was literally a vibe you just had to been there like if you weren't there i'm sorry you will never have the emotions attached to it that we do but it was a very very important moment i did see one where like gay people love sitting around and watching music videos yes literally what is it about gay people and music videos i'm straight and i like that shit i know we're breaking

the code yeah like so it's like ground breakers where earth shatters we broke the glass call me the volcano in Italy because I'm about to erupt all over you and shake the world call me the volcano in Italy because I'm about to erupt my jism all over you and after you blow me up it is so interesting though because we

Are you disgusted with yourself? Yeah. Because we showed that video and I was shocked that they had never seen that music video, that group of friends, especially because like a bunch of them worked in music and they hadn't seen the Telemundo video. And I was like, wow, this is really crazy. This is also the same group of friends every time we mentioned RuPaul. Like it literally goes like crickets.

silence no rupal's like that girl rupal um but rupal stilt skin i love rupal stilt skins hag race um but drag queen there was um another thing oh i saw a video where it was like all bnc uh bnc bnc fans all beyonce fans um

know this moment and know this moment like is a stain on her career and we look away in solidarity and it's during the Super Bowl performance when she's not hitting her mark she hits her mark every time but she's laying outside of the thing it's cringy like and it's only cringy because she's so perfect yeah because her standards for herself are so high yeah exactly I want to see her again but I think the show the Renaissance tour is over yeah like it just finished yeah which is heartbreaking ugh

I hate that she did Europe first because I'm like, damn, we could have went to Europe, saw the volcano, saw Beyonce. I do still need to stand next to an active volcano shooting lava. I know. Because of fire of love. Yeah, fire is love. Love is blind. Love is blind. Wait, wait, wait. My throat actually hurts. Oh my God, get the fuck away from me. I mean, you literally are sick. Josh got you sick and now I'm sick. Like this is the worst day of my life.

No, it's because I gave you that crazy head last night. You know Dennis can tell if you got gave head. Yeah. It like gives you little tiny hickeys in the back of your throat on the soft palate. So they can tell. They can tell because you'd be sucking like crazy. But...

Because I was sucking a dent out of a car door. Okay, so we did talk about this in the last episode very briefly, but I want to revisit it and have a different take. I could suck an olive through a syringe. Okay, keep going. I love how accessible music has gotten. Yeah.

Like, I know we talked about how annoying and bad it can be, but, like, I literally just love the idea of, like... That anybody can make it? Like, a working person, like, going and making music in their garage with their friends and then posting it and then, like, hitting the fucking lottery and, like, Spotify putting them on and just, like...

Literally everyone I know has some sort of music career. It's really actually cool, but it's also damaging because we'll never have a pop star again. We'll never have whatever. Beyonce is our last mega super icon, I think. I genuinely believe that. The Weeknd is pretty...

Pretty damn mega. But I mean, like, Beyonce is just performer. Like, The Weeknd is just scary. Like, he's just scary. Something about him is scary. Spooky, ooky, ooky. You know what I mean, though? Like, she's, like, dancing, moving, floating. Like, she's literally hitting all the marks. Yeah, she's hitting all the marks. Yeah. Also, all of the people saying Beyonce's concert was demonic, you're very wrong. She had God behind her.

I felt this happiness and like this contentness and excitedness that a demon could not give me. Maybe that's what we need. We need like, you know, when people just talk. Yeah, that's what I was about to say. Like when people talk about how they were just in their lowest moment and they asked for a sign, they got the sign and now they believe in God. That's what we need. But that's... I don't believe in Christianity. Fuck Christianity. I love you if you are Christian. But...

There is a god. There is a god. It's probably a fucking alien 14-year-old boy and wears a science experiment or some shit. But, like, there is some god. And what if god literally is an inanimate object? Like, what if god is, like, antimatter? Like, the god particle. What if god is a woman? Wait. No, that's impossible because she would be in the kitchen. Wait, but she did cook us up. She would be too emotional to, like, run the world. Yeah, she'd blow it up. God. God.

She would blow it up like with nukes and shit. She'd get on her period and have a PMS attack and blow up the world. Literally. You can't let girls cannot be in power. So I'm thinking about trying an incel, trying out being an incel. You are. No, I'm voluntarily celibate. Yeah. Involuntary celibate. I think I'm going to like really fuck myself up in a crazy way and like want sex really bad, but like never get it.

become an incel but i think you're just too attractive for that to happen no yeah keep going what do you think i'm like attractive what like even if you made yourself like look ugly or something though i think if somebody met you they would just be like wow i need to get to know him and through all that i can see that he's sexy you really think that yeah no i think i'm ugly

Are you digging for compliments right now? No, no. No, yeah, you're right. I'm ugly. I didn't say you're ugly. I said you were sexy. Well...

You know what's crazy is your least liked era of yourself is when I thought you were the most attractive. When you had long hair in New York. I think that was, to me, your sexiest era. My Conan Gray era? Yeah. I saw a video of Conan and Olivia and I was like, they are literally us in 2021. Wait, I didn't send it to you, but we'll insert it. Give me a second. Come on, guys. I got a lot on this phone.

I hate that when you look up something on your phone, on your iPhone, like I look up TikTok and it shows me the first TikTok I ever saved on this phone. Oh my God, wait. No, we need to invent something called TikTok and it's TikTok for porn. It's tits. There's TikTok. Big fucking oiled up twerking asses and booties everywhere and fucking tits. There's already so many. But this is literally us in 2021. That's how your hair looked. It literally is us. But just she has longer hair.

Olivia Rodrigo. One thing about me is I love Olivia Rodrigo. I ride for her. If I was out and this is a made up scenario because no one in their right mind would ever like do this to this woman. But if I was out and I saw somebody bullying Olivia Rodrigo, I'd

fuck out of them and I would beat the fuck out of them and then I would pick her up like a little princess and take her somewhere safe and be like oh my god you're an angel like I love you so much mind you I don't know her personally like I literally don't know her personally but I stand for her

So crazy. Like, she genuinely is that girl. Like, I don't know. I just ride for her so crazy. And this is coming from a notorious hater, especially of new musicians, because I'm just evil and conniving and I'm a cunt and I'm a hateful person. 90s and early 2000s music only. But I love her so much. I think she's doing everything so right. I stan her. Like, I literally stan her. I will never not watch.

content of her like and he's been listening to i don't know what song it is it's uh i wanna i wanna get it back yeah and he's been listening to that song on a fucking repeat like it was all that would play in the car and repeat also that um agora hills by doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji doji do

And I love her. It's because no one can deny, like, music. Like, if you make good music, it really does just, like, cross. Transcend everything. Yeah, it transcends everything. Like, you can try all that demon shit all you want, bitch. But, like, people want to hear that shit. Like, people want to hear that music. See, I just want Doja Cat to come on here.

like i just want doja cat sitting next to you and like us talking she would actually sit on my lap though or she'd be like glued to the fucking ceiling like a demon i was gonna say something so gross and i was like right all right these are real these are real people right these are real people and that is harassment okay wow yeah right um no but like literally paint the town red like i'm about to paint your town red why did you steal that from me

You said something annoying to me. I said, I'm going to finger you a finger. What are you on about? You're crazy. Last night when you said something stupid to me, I was like, I'm going to finger your butt to you, please. And I was like, I don't give a fuck. Like, I'm into that type of shit. But Doja Cat stole Paint the Town Red from me and Josiah. Because we painted the town pink and green. We painted it green. Green Saturday. Green Saturday.

I'm like actually gonna piss and shit myself if you don't stop. But yeah, finger in my butt. I don't give a fuck. Oh, but we did start a conversation that we never really fully finished. Which is this whole podcast. Ever. No, but not in this podcast like a few days ago. But we were talking about our siblings and like that generation in general. And how like...

Kids that age now like that grew up from their conception with like a phone like iPad babies that grew up with technology are like like smart as fuck but also like they have like literally like

statistically lower like reading and grade averages like I see a bunch of people like teachers complaining about how like their sixth graders are reading at a second grade level and their pandemic babies it makes sense like I'm not faulting them for that but like they are like

like my equivalent to being street smart is like being internet smart they're like internet smart like in the same capacity like they know how to navigate the internet they know what's funny they know how to make memes like all that shit it's to the point where like my nephew who is 10 years old literally looked at me as a god like he loved me i loved him like we literally had like

Like, it was amazing. And now he's too cool for me. Like, it always happens, but he's too cool for me and it will never not fucking hurt. Like, literally, it hurts so bad. And you were saying the same thing about your siblings. Yeah, like, my little siblings are getting to that point where I'm just, like, not that interesting to them. And it's because...

We used to have this relationship with the younger people in our family where they would look at us and think, wow, these people left places that we grew up. They have it together. They're living such nice lives and they're making it for themselves. They have a little bit of attention online. And that was like something to look at and be like, wow, that's cool. But now they see everything all the time on their phone. So it takes so much to make their...

It literally is going to be so hard for them to get serotonin and, like, dopamine boosts in real life because they're so used to getting it on their phones. And that's kind of what I, like, like...

Related to my siblings used to be so satisfied with just leaving the house with me and going to fucking Target. And now that literally sounds so fucking boring to them. I mean, we went through the exact same thing. Yeah. Like, I mean, like, it's like a right. Part of it is teenagers just not wanting to be around their family and being like, I'd rather be inside. But the difference is now they're like, why would I leave the crib if I can get literally all the human connection I can get through my fucking iPhone? Like, I don't need to go out and like go roam around the mall because I can roam around Amazon Prime. Also, like,

Me and Kai have talked about this, like, but there's this idea that, like, their generation, like, is gonna grow up using the internet through avatars. I think we've, like, talked about this before, but, like, it, like...

like so you and i are like cringy to them like they're they're like why would you show your face and use your real name on the internet that's fucking cringy just use an avatar like everybody else and we're already seeing it with like v tubers and like yeah all that shit like v streamers like they like get more viewers than the most viewed people on youtube and twitch like and they're just fucking artificial like ai like i don't know but that's like another thing i just thought about like

Like, that's probably why we're carrying you to them subconsciously. And then also, we have gone so fucking far away from just consuming content normally. Like, the introduction of a fast-forward button on TikTok, like a two-time speed button on TikTok, makes sense. It makes sense, but I don't fuck with it. But I was on Netflix, and you can change the speed of, like, movies and TV shows and shit and watch them in double speed, which is...

It's fucking crazy. Like, we can't even watch a TV show in the time it's supposed to be watched. You know what's fucked up is last night when we were watching Love is Blind, I almost was like, we should just hit double speed for the first uninteresting episodes and then get to it. Oh, I did that. And I almost, when Orion was talking about The Sopranos last night and how she has a hard time watching the first season, and Christian was saying, skip it, I almost made a comment and was like, I wish you could just watch it in double speed because you should watch through the first season if you could just get through it.

I only have three episodes of Sopranos left. I know everybody is like, damn, bitch, you've been watching this shit for two years. You don't know my business. So fuck you. Yeah. First of all. And second of all. I'm savoring it. Okay. I'm being gang stalked. You've.

Always thought that. I'm being gang-stalked by my ops. Oh, but I was thinking, you know what it is, too, is because kids see it as cringy because just the idea and perception of celebrityism has changed so much. We grew up putting our face to things and stuff because...

Celebrityism used to be such a smaller bubble, so it felt like you had to be fully present to be a part of it. And now celebrityism has become so large that people are just like... Also, it's just become larger than what celebrityism used to be. It used to be like this is somebody is like... Like they were a caricature or a character and they weren't a personal being. And then once...

started blowing up, people were like, I'm tired of seeing this too cool for everybody. I want somebody who I really connect to. And then it got too far where people were oversharing too much. And now the younger generation is like, you are literally exposing yourself for capitalistic gains. Um,

And you're suffering from it. And we don't believe in that anymore, which I do think is a step in the right direction. No, it's a good thing. Don't get me wrong. I literally think that as a good thing. Like, yeah, I like, although like I...

Yeah, young people just shouldn't be posting themselves in general because you're going through such a tumultuous change.

in your life to be posting that. I've always had this like problem too with overturning on the internet. I think I've said it here before. I understand that there is a double edged sword. There's some good parts. There's some bad parts of it, but I've always felt it was unhealthy. Like get ready with me to go break up with my boyfriend. Imagine being the fucking partner in those. Like imagine being on TikTok and seeing your partner being like, get ready with me.

to go break up with my significant other. - Get ready with me to go to my grandma's funeral. - Yeah, get ready with me to go and pull the plug on my mother. Like, what are we talking about? This is such a traumatic experience and you need to be dealing with it offline and then you can come back once you've grown and gone through it.

No, we need to get ready with me to twerk. Get ready with me to twerk. Oh, yeah. I was going to say people are lacking empathy in their personal lives so that they have to go to the internet to find it. But the problem with that is then you open the door to so many evil fucking conniving cunts on the internet who use it to be awful and shaming and judgmental and whatever. Yeah.

That's a whole other thing. But I do agree. We need to do get ready with me to go to the twerk-a-thon. Get ready with me to finger my butt. Get ready with me to fuck your mom. I was going to say, so you know how there's like wet t-shirt contests? Like, oh, like I'm going to spray you with a water gun and your shirt's wet and you can see through it. Oh my God, you're like so hot.

I'm over that shit, bro. I need. How many have you gone to that you're over it? Like I can't even count it on two hands. What I need is the wet head, like wet brain contest where you spray women with knowledge and books and throw books at them. Yeah. We should do like, it's like stoning, but with books. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay.

And it's just like, it's like, oh, your mind is so wet and juicy. Like, I love the way you see the world. I want to finger your brain. Yeah, let me finger your brain. There's definitely a picture somewhere of somebody like fingering like a brain. Oh, there's that was like one of the OG memes I posted on my meme account. Like, let me finger your brain instead. Something fell behind you. I just don't want it to like stab you. That's my phone. Okay, so I have. Let's do one more topic. Okay, okay.

I have one if you can't find one. I have a bunch. I'm just trying to pick up. You're a pick me. Okay. So one thing that is going to make me cry without fail every fucking time is someone getting the golden buzzer on American Idol. Like or whatever America's Got Talent. Like one thing. Yeah, I know what you mean though. Like somebody who obviously like

Isn't a popular person at school. Or in their like day to day life. Yes. And is a little awkward. But they're on that stage singing their fucking head off. Boots off. Yeah it is. It's probably also one of the most validating feelings ever. But then it's also probably one of the worst things ever. Because how do you match that moment. To anything else in your life. How do you break beyond American Idol. Nobody does. You can't. Yeah you don't. Especially anymore. Like I'm always so shocked when those shows are still a thing. Because I'm like...

are the people who are winning because I've never been like, oh my god, who's this artist? No. Kelly Clarkson. Kelly Clarkson. Mariah Carey. Mariah Carey was far beyond that. She was in that band in OC, I know.

you know Mariah Carey? Yeah. Oh my God, wow. I didn't know she was indie like that. Oh my God, I asked my little sister who just turned 15 if she knew Mariah Carey songs and she said she didn't. And her and her friend were like, we don't listen to fucking Mariah Carey. And I was like, and I started playing it and I was like, does this sound old to you? And she's like, yeah, this sounds really old. Whoa. Willie Scali. I mean, she's old as fuck. They don't listen to Michael Jackson either. I get that one. But I did have that same thought where I was like, damn, like,

We're starting to... Drake is going to be vintage soon. That's weird. If he actually fucking shuts up, which he should. Vintage Drake. I feel like I should talk about this because it's not going to be... Relevant. Relevant next week. So Taylor Swift is seeing someone new and...

Dude, she hasn't spoken to you since y'all were kids. Yeah, she hasn't fucking apologized. But what I'm saying is how does that still hurt? I'm not hurt. I just said I was not hurt. But it's weird seeing a person you loved

and have love for be with someone else. Like, it's so... Why do you still have a thing for her when y'all were, like, together when you were, like, 16? I don't know. She wrote a song about me. Yeah, she wrote a song about me. Yeah. She wrote, Drew looks at me. Like, who else is she fucking talking about? We need to stop the fucking epidemic that's unraveling online that y'all are going on TikToks with let the light in and commenting, Drew, let the light in. Drew!

La, la, la.

No, I think she said Drew let the light in. When you drew, you drove. Hey, no, I do think she actually said Drew the light in in that video, but it sounds like she's saying let the light in, but it could be like that green needle, Laurel Yanny. No, I think she says let the light in and people, someone just commented that. We listened to it because I swear to God, I heard Drew the light in first before he sent it. I was like, damn, like there's so many people in on this joke. Let the light in.

But I will say, although it hurts, I'm happy for Taylor because she is dating one of the hottest people I've ever seen in my entire life. Travis Kelsey, if you're listening to this, also, your brother. No, literally, your older brother, Travis, I think is Jason Kelsey. I don't fucking know his name. Let me look. K-E-L-C-E brothers.

Oh, it literally is Jason. Holy shit. Jason Kelsey. Call me. I'm dead serious. Call me. We have some things to talk about. And I want you. Sorry, I'm like... Less than Travis. Travis is ugly compared to Jason. I'm dead fucking serious. You're so annoying. I can't find this to talk. You'll agree. You'll literally agree. Yeah, let me see. Look at this fucking lineup, bro. Ooh.

Let the light in. Excuse me? I just can't tell. We need to get to the bottom of this. Let us know. Let us know if you somehow hear this, let us know. What's their name? Hayley. Hayley. Doja Cat's pinky toe. Ow, my chest! My chest hurts! Uh-uh, bitch. Don't fucking play with me. He's disgusting.

He's fine. That's the one Taylor's dating. Yeah, he's fine. Yeah. So, I mean, honestly, like, either one, like, hit me up. Like, fuck you, Taylor. Because she left you? She broke my fucking heart. And then she took my man. Oh, my God. Like, I've had a fucking... Also, why did Taylor put Travis Kelsey on the map? Because he was not, like, any good. Okay. Let's go D'Amelio. Let's go D'Amelio. Okay.

Let's go, Danilo. I want to be where you are, Marvin Gaye. Oh, so I guess we're just not going to do Drew's size comment. Wait, that's weird. Marvin Drew. No, it's Marvin... Oh. Oh, okay. I want to be where you are, Marvin Drew. I never realized that was his name. Wow. See you later, I'm gone by Robert Lester Folsom and Agora Hills Doji Cat. Doji. And...

That's it, honestly. My media is Love is Blind season five. Love is Blind is a terrible fucking show. You cannot convince me otherwise. But season five, that's good TV. I love this fucking TV. I'm literally going to start it when we end this. Like, we're going to watch episode three together. It's so fucking messy and, like, drama and, like,

All of the other ones are like happy. Like I don't want to see people fall in love. Like I don't want to see that. Like I need drama. I need like filth. I need anger. I need like lying. I need fucking conniving. Like I just need it all. And that's all you get from my media. Mine is also all about my mother. Such a good movie. I love Pedro Almodovar and Handmaiden, which I watched on a plane and don't watch that on a plane. It's like it's literally like watching a

like Brokeback Mountain on a plane. Remember when that was just like on the plane? Like they were crazy. I watched it like 36 times when I was flying. Oh, wow. I still haven't seen Brokeback Mountain. I just know that there's sex. Don't. I'm about to shit myself. I'm not even gonna lie. Okay, well, I still have to do Drew's Psy Op Corner. You've already left once. You should have shit it when you had to do that. Okay, okay. We're doing Drew's Psy Op Corner.

Okay, okay, hurry. I'm not kidding. I'm, like, actually gonna shit myself. Um, okay. Uh, five nights at Freddy's? Nah, you need five nights with some bitches. Um... Sis, stop smelling his dick to see if he got pussy. It's 2019. Oh, wait. It's 2023. You gotta turn him over and smell his ass to see if he got dick. Weird shit turns me off. Like, why are you following Instagram on Instagram?

Does Instagram have an account? Yes, they posted me. And they haven't verified you. Yeah, and they still haven't fucking verified me. I don't even want that blue check. That shit's bullshit anyways. I don't give a fuck about the blue check. I love my blue check. I've had it for so long. Okay, like, I don't even want it. So, like, I don't know what you're saying. Enya's vagina is not a kitty. That shit...

how did i say it how do i say this um inya's vagina is not a kitty that shit is not purring that's a chainsaw and it's revving up yeah because we were in the car and i was talking about how sexy my vet was and i was like bitch my fucking pussy was revving like a va engine like i was like oh i was not talking about the vet never mind um okay boy he listens just because i cheated on you doesn't mean you gotta cheat on me back be a leader not a follower

okay one more this one's a flop and i know it but i'm just gonna give it to you anyway when the first one wasn't a flop the first one fucking ate down what are you talking about i bet people quote that shit for life now um old people give you five dollar and say grandson get a girl get a special girl a lemonade no grandma these girls want perks give me 40 a perk is only 40 dollars

It's like one high for like four hours and some people have to buy like eight a day. That's $10 an hour. When I was down tremendously, but I'm not getting into that. Yeah, don't do that. Oh, wait, should I give them one song? I'll give them one song and one song only. Cash money time motherfuckers all around me. Clouds up air. Olsen Boards of Canada.

I've just been boards again. When I go up to Texas, I just fall in love with boards of Canada. Like it's so bad. Make love Daft Punk, Aquarius boards of Canada. I want Dave and cowboy boards of Canada. Um, a river man, Nick Drake. Oh, sweet. Well, thank you guys for watching.