Child Stars, Complaining, Conspiracy Theories
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Welcome back to this episode of Emergency Intercom. I have the urge to say Emergency Inter-Cuomo. I mean, is Governor Cuomo, is he, is that New York? Did he resign? Or he stepped down?

Yeah, you said it last episode. Didn't he get like called out for some like such shit or am I tripping? That's a different. There's too many politicians getting called out for some weird shit they do behind doors to keep up. There's too many people. I feel like today I look like a girl who started using Tumblr and then for like the holiday party at school, I was like, I'm not going to wear a dress because women, girls shouldn't be expected to always wear dresses. I'm different. And I wear like a button up and I'm like, but I wear my red lip.

to feminize it and I was in my and I'm in a Taylor Swift era you literally are in a Taylor Swift era I think everyone is everyone's just having a dabble back into Taylor cause good marketing I guess it's not even marketing it's like she literally had to re-record her album that's like not marketing that's like hell but it you know what

They worked out for her. I saw a TikTok yesterday that I was talking about all the trademarks she owns. And it is insane. She owns like 1989. She trademarked the year. And like, of course, like it's not like, like I could call a shop technically like 1989 or something, I'm sure. But like you can't, if you, you can't put that in an album title. You can't make that your album title. I don't think you can make it like a song title. I saw something about backpacks. You can't put it in a backpack. Yeah.

Fearless, Taylor's version, Taylor's version, TS, Folklore, Lovers Fest, A Girl Named Girl, Swiftmas. Yeah, Swiftmas. Swiftsteaks was one. Reputation, Swifties, Tay. Oh my god, Taymoji. Okay, I need to talk about this. Drewmoji coming very soon. Drewmoji has been coming soon for four years. Drewmoji is dropping very soon, y'all. I'm really excited. It's in its final stages of development.

It's coming soon. I just wanted to put that out there. I actually randomly brought up, Kimoji came up with a group of friends the other day and I brought up Drewmoji and they were all so confused. It was like a group of friends who didn't know who you are. It's not an inside joke either. And I just showed the picture to them and they go, oh, okay. That's like the reaction I'd expect to get out of literally anybody who doesn't know who I am. Oh, okay.

That is a lot of your life. It's like, hmm. I still can't believe the fucking rant you went on about aliens in the last episode. I did not rant about aliens. I ranted about space. And see, now I'm triggered and now I'm going to be having existential thoughts all day. Fine, yeah, you know what? I'll just keep my mouth shut.

I'll keep my mouth shut. You're just going to take a vow of silence on the podcast? I forgot I was taking a vow of silence. You are so annoying. Wait, when was it that you took a vow of silence and all of us were so annoyed? When was it or what was it? When was it? It was like a couple months ago. I just sat in the car silent. I was like, I'm taking a vow of silence. And everyone was so pissed and I was like...

Wow, man, like it really is. It's insane how much value I add to the conversation because when I'm silent, everybody's mad that I'm silent because I'm just not. Okay, you're exaggerating the fuck out of it. We were all like, girl, fuck you. And we just kept talking. And then at some point you joined the conversation. Well, no, because it was like actual anger I felt directed at me. So I was like, you know what? Maybe I am being a little annoying. But you were being so fucking annoying because you weren't even taking a proper vow of silence. You kept saying like.

I'm in my vow of silence. I'm in my vow of silence area right now. Like, you can't talk to me. And, like, y'all would ask me questions and I would literally ignore y'all. But I would answer them in my head. I literally think we were driving you somewhere you needed to go. And I think I was asking you questions about going there. And you weren't answering it. And that's why it was pissing me off. Because I was like, bitch, I'm literally...

taking you somewhere don't talk to a man in his silent era that's all that did you learn that lesson you know what needs to happen what i learned is more men should enter a silent era because for that moment in time the world was a little more peaceful i felt i knew well i think women and females should be more silent you know what's crazy is like growing up

I heard, like, female a lot, and, like, it was just so normal to me, and now as an adult, I'm like, being called a female is, like, disrespectful. Yeah. Like, because someone made a good point on TikTok again, because that's where I get all my information and, like, opinions. Wait, can I say something before it piggybacks off of that? Yes, I was telling Kai, I forgot to say this in the last episode, but...

A lot of the time I will like be like, oh, I was like reading this article. Like I was reading this article and it was talking about this information. And it's literally a TikTok that I saw that was three minutes long. I don't, I actually do read, but like, I actually do read shit, but like,

It just has more like behind it. If you say like if you were to say, oh, I heard it in a tick tock like. Yeah, it immediately invalidates the information in some way. But you know what I've realized is like gaining or garnering opinions and takes from to talk is no different than like a lot of information we know is things friends have taught us and like told us.

At least for me, that's like how I know a lot about it. Well, know a lot about a lot of things is through friends. So like TikTok is not different, except there are chaos agents who are like us. Yeah. That spread misinformation. Who are fear mongering. No, you know what? Let's change fear mongering. Fear slaying. Fear slaying. Oh, fear serving. Serving fear. I'm afraid I might be on my last lay. I can feel it coming. I'm not very boots anymore. Yeah.

The house is burning. In not a good way. In not a good way? A boot. Fuck. Oh, but someone was like being called female so disrespectful because like you could be a female anything. You could be like that's almost referring to you as like an animal and like less than a human. A female dog. A bitch. Yeah. But... Fuck. What was the thing people used to say as kids where it was like...

Yeah I'm a bitch Like Or like I'm a bitch I'm a boss I'm a bitch and a boss And I sound like gloss Gloss Why

of the only lyrics you've ever i was about to say that i was about to say that i don't know why that's in my brain because uh this morning you were trying to sing the little dirk song is that little dirk that's like i did my dance one time on tiktok and went viral with it drew literally said i did my uh my dance on tiktok at one time it was even worse than that i was like i did i danced on tiktok and went viral for it or something like i'm just dumb as shit like

We should do a full episode where it's just me playing songs that I know you love, like playing them for five seconds and then seeing if you could even repeat the lyrics. We'll do that on Patreon. True, because on here it'll get demonetized. We had our first fucking episode get demonetized.

Because Drew sucked the mic. But now I'm scared because last episode, I feel like might get demonetized too because we said wiener, but in proper terms. They are coming after me. I got age restricted on my fucking YouTube channel. Oh, your whole channel got age restricted? No, no, no. But the last two videos did. And I don't even know why. The last one did. I did not make any jokes at all in the very last one, but it got age restricted. I repealed it.

Nope. It's because you're sexy. TikTok. Okay, actually, TikTok hates my TikTok account. There's not a day that goes by that as I'm posting, I don't get a video taken down and get restricted from posting for a week. Damn. And it started with my fucking collarbones. I would be in bed fully covered by my sheets. And I'm not kidding. My collarbones were out. Not even like a sign of boob. Yeah.

I almost look like I don't have boobs in those kind of videos when I'm laying down. And like, what were you going to say? It's like actually fucked up.

Have you ever tried to suck your own boo before? Yeah, everyone has. Okay, I was about to say because every dude has tried to suck their own wiener. And I was like, there's like this correlation. Also, you said worse shit on the podcast and that making you like... But like, why did that come to my brain? Have you, but yeah. Maybe because you imagine me laying down in my boob falling in my mouth because you don't understand how women's bodies work. Rolling up their chest. Yes, I have. I remember... It's just curiosity. I remember...

I remember when in like seventh grade was around the first time where I like saw anything like porn related. And I remember in one of those videos, this girl was sucking her own boob and I was like, what the fuck? And mind you, I had no boobs in seventh grade. And I remember trying really hard and then being really upset because I didn't have boobs. And that was a big thing for me growing up is like I never had boobs and now I have them and I want them gone and I hate them.

I can take care of that. I remember I used to stuff my bra. I was one of those girls. Where, like, my friend gave me one of her old bras because she was growing rapidly. And so she gave me her old fucking bra. And I did not anywhere near fill it. So I would stuff my bra. Because I remember one time in literally fourth grade, which is belligerent and makes no sense.

that in fourth grade, this is a conversation, but this kid, Elijah, and I'll say his fucking name, he would like never hear this, but it was this kid who I had a crush on, but he was actually like psychotic in behavior. And he came up to me and my friend who had boobs at the time and was like, Enya, why is your chest so flat? And like said that loud as fucking lunch. And I remember I would just like was silent and I was like, um,

Oh, I'm just not wearing my bra right now. Like, I don't know what I said, but I tried to dismiss it. It's like, oh. So evil, dude. Kids are so fucking mean. Yeah, I was just as mean, though. And we've talked about that. So, like, really, maybe I deserved it. Maybe karma got its kiss. Oh!

Oh my god, another thing I... It literally got its case. Sorry, but another thing I just remembered is in seventh grade, this kid, Brandon, asked me out, and my best friend at the time, he asked me out, and I was like, no, like, I don't want to go out with you. And I was, like, really nice about it, because he was friends with me, and his friend... I won't say this kid's name, because he's a freak, and I've seen his IG. But his friend, who later on made fun of me, but we used to be best friends in second grade. This is such a convoluted, stupid story. But basically...

They were next to each other and I was really nice to Brandon over and my best friend at the time laughed in his face and started mocking him really loud because I think like because I was like so like trolly and annoying she thought that would make me laugh and I was just like Stop it, please and he like got really really sad and like walked away and didn't talk to me for a long time Oh, but you're actually being nice. Yeah, I was like because he was so he was like one of the like chillest like guys There's a lesson there

There is a literal lesson. What is the lesson? Just like be nice to everybody all the time because like it's like the boy who cried wolf. How is this connected to boy who cried wolf? Because the boy who cried wolf was lying and then when he was telling the truth, like no one believed him. But like all the time you're mean and when you're actually being sincere and nice, no one believed you.

I guess. No, because you know I'm right. I know. I mean, I guess. I was curious where you were bringing that because I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, I was a bitch in school, but that's okay because now I'm a bitch behind closed doors and I'm nice to everyone in open space. Except for Kai. No, I'm nice to Kai. I've been really nice to Kai before. Like, no one believes that, but like, I can think of nice things I've done for Kai. Yeah, that's true. Mm-hmm.

I can't. So. Literally in Josh Retreat, no one cared that Kai was passing away. Oh, yeah, you literally did. Everyone cared, but no one was taking action. And Kai was literally passing away from dehydration. That's honestly one of the nicest things someone has done for me in like a while.

And also, it was right before my therapy. So I was like, oh, am I going to push it? And I was like, you know what? He needs this. So I went and got him Pedialyte so he didn't die. That's really sweet. I don't even remember if we saw you for the rest of the night. Oh, yeah. Then y'all stayed up fucking talking shit until five in the morning. And I had to listen to all of it.

But it was like locker room boy talk. That's what I genuinely thought it was. I thought they were... Can I say what I thought y'all were talking about? I don't even know if I told you. I know you didn't. I literally thought y'all were talking about giving head. Like, I like heard something like that. And then I was like, I heard...

One of you making comments about how like, oh yeah, I do it every time. And I was like, now what the fuck are they out there lying about? I was like, what? I mean, that's not like an abnormal conversation for us to have though. Like we literally like talk about that with you. Like... Yeah, I know. And then I like shoot you all down and put you in reality. I'm like...

Okay, I've said this once and I've said it before. Unless, like, some man who's taking a master class in eating pussy, you do not have to do that. Like, don't, like, don't disrupt the peace. You're actually disrupting the peace. Like, you're, like, you're taking, like, feminism, like, eight steps back. Yeah. Because now this poor girl has to sit there and act like you licking the bowl clean is, like, doing something for her. And it's not. Yeah.

Licking the bowl clean. Like literally, I'm like, it's not working. Damn. Well, I was gonna like try to like think of a like a witty response, but I've like literally said all of them. Like... Have you finally run out of like gross... No, I have not. But just like in that case, I have. Every girl I've been with has like cummed. Easily.

Actually, you know the joke? It's like, oh, men only last two minutes. No. No, babe. No, babes. Girls last 30 seconds with me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about it. My sexuality is so confused online. No one knows. And I'm going to keep it that way. That's good. You got to keep them guessing. I'm going to keep it that way.

I will say, every time you talk about women, it sounds like you've literally never looked at one for more than three seconds. You've made all of the women in my life have "camed." "Cummed." "Cummed." "Cummed." Um, I believe that though. You do... You do do a good job with the pearl. I can polish a good pearl. I can polish a good pearl. A pink pearl. Fuck it. Oh, just now?

On this one? Fuck it. Give me that damn bucket. Okay, this is what we can talk about. TikTok is the worst thing to happen in the world. Okay, that's literally where I was going to go right after this. I was going to bring up the fact that TikTok is single-handedly the worst thing to happen to the human race. I wholeheartedly agree with that. It connected us in a way we never, ever needed, should have needed.

ever been this far connected. I don't know. Literally, I just like, I'm so passionate about it being the worst thing to ever happen that I literally can't even like think of words to like describe it. I just think if it was eradicated today, I would be a happier person tomorrow.

Yeah. Point blank, period. I feel that. Part of me is like, that's like kind of the only other social media app I use. I use that Instagram. I use this and Instagram. And then like, I barely touch YouTube other than podcast. So I'm like, oh my God, like who would be paying attention to me though? Like that's like the only part of it, which is like a bad thing because like I, what I will say too is, I don't know. I'm like kind of flip flop. One, the fun part about TikTok is it literally is just like fun bullshit for me. Like it's,

Because I'm like, everything I post on IG, especially main feed posts, is kind of more curated. And I take more time to think about it and work on making content for there for the most part. And then on TikTok, I can literally just sit on the couch when I'm bored as shit. But that's the problem is how easily you get sucked in. You can't just watch TikToks. Because it's an endless fucking cycle. You can't just watch TikToks for 15 minutes. It's like an hour long process every time you get on. And then...

the yeah like you said the feed is literally endless like with like apps like vine and shit like you could get to the end like you could like reach the bottom and be caught up um but like tiktok is literally forever because there's too many people on there and also like this is just real nerdy weird shit but like the algorithm is actually sinister like it is diabolical like how it works like there's like parts of it that like

This I was actually reading and you can go into my fucking history. I was actually reading about this and I think you have to prove something because you get all your to talk info I think I mentioned it to me as well, but I may be wrong but like there's a part of the algorithm that like you you like for a week it gives you like really like happy content like where you're like super happy like it makes you feel good like you you

And the timeline might be different. It might be a day and the cycles, whatever. But like for a week, it gives you really happy content. Like you're on top of the world. Like you're, you feel good. Like you're seeing the shit you want to see. Like it's really like just genuinely like dopamine, serotonin, like hits to your brain every fucking time. I don't know which fucking feel good chemical comes from fucking scrolling on Tik TOK.

God damn it. I don't need to see that shit in the fucking comments. One week, the TikTok algorithm gives you good shit. The next week, it gives you bad shit. So then your ape brain gets addicted to it because then the next week it gives you good shit. And then your ape brain is like, oh, like this is how I get these feel good chemicals. And then it's just an endless cycle. And that's why you're all addicted to TikTok is because part of it is the algorithm giving you bad content to make you feel bad. And then it gives you good content to make you feel good. And then...

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It's a vicious cycle. I was trying to think about that, but I was like, I don't know what is considered like bad content. Like I rarely get content on my page that makes me sad or anything. But I guess the algorithm, but I don't think the algorithm does this on purpose. I think it thinks I want to see this because it has my name in it. But there have been TikToks of dumb fucking fugly bitches talking shit about me that land on my For You page.

And I'm like, oh, TikTok thinks I want to see this because this dumb fugly rat put my fucking name in their shit for fucking views because they're a goddamn loser. And it's on my For You page. And that's the only time that something's on my timeline that I'm like, now what the hell is this? But I get joy from it because I'm like, the girls are talking. They're using my name for views. The girls are talking. That's embarrassing. You should be fucking embarrassed. You should be embarrassed. Get a therapist. Get a therapist.

um but yeah that's the only time that on my timeline that i'm like what the i guess like there's like feel good happy that makes me sad um what's her name the i think her username is like a blogger something fashion blogger average fashion blogger but she has a really funny tick talk about it where she well was it her and it's her and this other girl who are both like these white girls with freckles on their face that i kind of mistake for each other

But I think it was Average Fashion Blogger. Yeah, it was. Where she was like, how TikTok feels. And it's her crying. And then it looks like she scrolls. She's laughing. No, exactly. And she's scrolling and she's crying again. That's literally what it does to your brain. This is your brain on TikTok. This is your... Oh, that fucking old marijuana. Marijuana. That old fucking weed. Fucking old ass. That old weed. Marijuana.

commercial that we watched the other day when she was like how did i do this to myself yeah she like steals money out of her mom's purse and shit that dana was reposted i used to be such a dear kid i used to be one of those people that was like exactly like weed is gonna fuck your life up and you're gonna pass away from it i remember this is so amongst all of the things that i posted as a 14 15 year old that are extremely embarrassing to look back on one of them is

I posted like a dare on dare day or on 420. I posted a dare post in a dare hat. And I was like, cause, Oh, cause I made a bunch of friends in freshman year who were hella stoners. And we would argue about it all the time. Cause I'd be like, you are kind of fucking dumb. Like I was like, you've been smoking since middle school. Like girl, I can tell. And like, we would always beef about it, me and this guy. And then I made like an anti weed smoking thing. Prude.

it makes sense. Like with my, like my, like shit I'd experienced in my head, I was like, any substance is bad. I was like, and I feel this way about alcohol. Um, but,

But little did Enya know that drinks are pretty. Drinks are pretty and weed is sometimes fun. And tastes delicious. We went to Medbin the other day, which is like a weed store in LA, and we got transdermal weed patches. We have not touched them. I got them because I was like, okay, this is like taking it too far. Like how far can we actually go with like getting weed into our system? Like transdermal patches that you put...

put on like venous... What is it? Venus? Venous areas on your fucking body and then you just get dosed with weed all fucking day long. I was like, this has to be like...

the end right also why would i want that on all fucking day i would freak the fuck out well if it's a 12 hour high we're like why would we want that literally the ones we got drew got a pure cbd one and then i got a three to one ratio and also and also they're not for us they're for people in like chronic pain that like can't smoke weed so they put it on their arm i am in chronic pain mentally um mentally yeah we haven't tried it yet and i have we have our honey you know what it is it's like

Again, I just, I can't, I've said it so many times. We spoke about it in like the last episode. I can't with weed because it just, it feels like a big like project that I have to undergo. It feels like a chore and it feels like I have to like make space for it in my life. And like, I get scared. I have to make space for it in my life because there's a chance that it makes me feel like shit. And then I have to go to sleep and then I'm like, uh, I don't want to do it. Um, like I'm scared of our honey, which is also literally tendency to be.

It's 10 p-CVD and 2 THC, which like if you're not familiar is a very very low like the lowest dose. Like it's laughable. Like I have friends who enjoy weed who like I'll offer them like our canned drinks which have 2 milligram THC and they will literally laugh at me. They're like, are you fucking kidding me? Like why would I want that? And I'm like, okay, I'm in. That would make me feel worse.

It's not enough THC. Those things get me high off my fucking ass. I'd be goo goo ga ga laughing. I had a fucking panic attack. But what...

We'll stop talking. We always, like, somehow, like, mention weed and how we're scared of it. So we'll just make sure we do, like, a Patreon episode where we get high and everyone can see us. So you can see us tweak the fuck out. Like, that's a good idea. Like I've said before, I'm, like, lucky enough where I'm like, yeah. But I will say if Drew starts tweaking next to me, like, I will fully consume that energy and freak out. You know what would happen is I would, like, see the camera and I'd be like, oh, my God, like...

This is like I'm doing... This is my job. Like talking to like an inanimate object and then on the other side like are people living inside the camera? Like it would get dark, dude. It would literally get dark. And then I would mention space and it would be done. Yeah. It would be over. It would be over. I see you eyeing that stupid fucking list of thoughts. Well, I'm seeing if there's anything else and the only other thought that I have on this list that I didn't touch on already is imagine dating an influencer. Like... Like...

It sounds like a nightmare. And I understand that. Are you talking about like us influencers or like influencers who are very like, this is my life. This is what I'm doing. No, just us. Any influencer, like literally anybody who is like self-absorbed, like,

Like, because I'll be the first to admit, I think I'm the best person on planet Earth. Like, I genuinely think I am number one. I don't even think that's an influencer thing. I think there's plenty of people who, like, suck to date because they, like, think they're the best. But that just is piggybacking off of that. Like, having to take photos of people. Like, also, like,

the idea of a thirst trapper is just so fucking gnarly. Yeah, I guess I'm like being too biased because I'm like, what does that have... I was thinking about us being dated, but I think the worst part about dating one of us is like...

Just the inevitability if people do find out about your relationship or if, like me, you've had a public relationship, bitches won't shut the fuck up. Yeah. Like, bitches just won't shut the... Like, take a hint. Yeah. Leave me alone. Yeah, it just sounds like a fucking nightmare to date.

either another influencer or again like a thirst trapper like that sounds fucking embarrassing as hell embarrassing yeah i'm just like i think a lot of people usually have one public relationship and then they realize oh that was like not a good decision and that was awful because um the chances of it not working out are pretty high and then the chances of like all of your young followers not being able to take a hint and then saying things like i'm

believe in love anymore i'm gonna fucking kill myself like because of your relationship um those chances are pretty high so most people don't do it but i agree with you i'm trying to think luckily people dating us don't have to take pictures of us though imagine like because we don't post ever and any on anything i just i would be damned if i gave one i just can't have anybody i'm interested in romantically taking pictures of me in general i'm like now why are you doing that like

So, you know, I want candid photos of me. I don't I genuinely don't think there's like any candid photos of me anywhere in the world. I have so many random photos of you. But I just clock the camera immediately and they're not candid anymore. Like a lot of people do. But I'm saying I want like candid photos. I just want I want to be out in the wild, like enjoying nature. And then someone just like take a picture of me. You may find that significant. Others also this needs to be spoken about.

Men in relationships take the worst fucking photos. Inulations. It is fucking true. No man I've ever been dating or into has taken a photo of me and I look at it and I'm like, wow, that's such a good photo of me. Or no man in general, but specifically the men you're dating. Because I don't know what fucking little spell I have you in that all of a sudden you think I look good there. Like you're lying. Now you're just letting me know you see me as one of the ugliest people ever.

And you're like kind of into that. Yeah. For me, I feel like I take like decent photos of you. Now. Yeah, but now. You said no man ever. No, but like it took you literally three years. I would say a year ago I was taking decent photos of you.

You got really good. When I realized you got really good is when you took photos of Orion and me for the Celine thing I did and you took Orion for a thing she did. That was the marking of turnaround. But I don't have you take IG photos of me the way I used to. I used to be hyper obsessed. It used to be a fucking daily. Can you take IG pictures of me today? I'm like, no. Because I fucking hated myself and I felt like I had to take pictures. Also, I fully cut off your whole influencer day.

Dating thing. I literally, I kind of got all my thoughts out. I just think it would be fucking awful. Like, I genuinely think it would be the worst experience of my life. Yeah, I can't say. I feel like, oh my God. I could see, I can't see myself if, I just don't think men should be like thirst trapping. There, I said it. No, exactly. I don't think men should be posting photo dumps either. Yeah. There are no real men left. No, they post a photo dump, but why the fuck are there three photos of you in this photo dump? Yeah.

Three selfies? Why are you taking a selfie? Why are you taking... No, ew. Stop. I'm sorry, but the idea of men, like, finding good lighting and taking a selfie, like, no, you need to... If you see good lighting, you should be able to look at the sun and know it's time to go to fucking work. Like, you should be like... Go to war, bitch. The only reason

you should be clocking sunlight on the floor and good lighting is because your farmer that's the that's our no that's the female like farmer gathers no that's men's work now because it's like oh my god i have to go like farm i have to go like rally up the cattle and put them back inside because tend to the farm yeah i have to go to the farm ew oh my god like i can't i can't i'm gonna

The idea of like men seeing good lighting and like taking out their phone to film a TikTok. What are you doing? That's what I'm saying. Like imagine walking in on your significant other making a TikTok. I would throw up. Oh my God. I would start crying. I would start throwing things at him. Like actually I would run away and disappear. I would disappear from my life. Like, but for girls, I'm like, yeah, like. No, I'm like, get it girl. Like you're hot. Like get it. You better. Turn it out. But if a man finds himself attractive.

And is airing it out online? Now, you know, you need to work on that personality right now. I know you're insecure. That's my thing is like men like will curate their look before their personality. So if you're looking at a man and he's like really invested in his look, girl behind that. This is straight men, by the way. Yeah, I'm talking about straight men. Like if there's like a straight man who's like, oh, I'm like so into how I look.

Behind that forehead, there are no thoughts. Behind that forehead, you are in that relationship to be a character development tool. This is literally killer. The killer is gonna come. Ew, oh my god. I would like...

I'm like actually repulsed. If you're dating... Never mind, never mind. I'm just like, I could keep going forever. I was going to be like, imagine dating a straight man influencer and like you're going to events as his plus one. Now what the fuck are you doing? Oh, absolutely. Why the fuck are we... What is happening? Like...

Why do you want to go have a key? Like, you have to make a house right now. You have to go build the house. Go build our home. You can't be having a key. Go be an accountant or something. Like, literally, go put that business degree to use. You need to go file your fucking taxes. I just, yeah, I just don't believe in, like, straight men having fun. And I'll cut off my rant there because I could, God knows I could go on an anti-man campaign.

I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking, wow, oh my God, I feel so bad for them. They deserve ads. But we're doing our job. You're not doing your job. You need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again. I like, I can't believe I miss reading ads. I like, I miss the taste.

You know what? I'm actually going to start... I'm going to start a pro-libotomy for men campaign. Oh my god. Yeah, and I'm going to run for... I actually would support your... Libotomy queen. I would support that. Yeah, so I'll have a petition up soon. We'll do like a parade rally in LA on Fairfax. I literally support it. I said... I made a joke about lobotomies the other day and people were really like...

Oh my god, like in real life. I said a lobotomy joke on- I said the lobotomy joke online and people were pissing me too and I was like, um, I'm gonna lobotomize all of y'all, you fucking losers. Get off fucking Twitter. You got Twitter brain, bitch. It's so funny how it finds a joke funny for like three minutes and then randomly it decides that like, actually that's like not chill. Yeah. I'm like, bitch, you know what's not chill? Your breath. You stinky bitch. Go shower. I was gonna say something really violent. Go wash your fucking clothes.

yeah i know you got dirty clothes on your bed dirty clothes under your bed oh that's one thing that i just can't like i can't like get with like dirty rooms like now why the fuck are you filming a tiktok and i can see your whole mush pile of stinky undies behind you at least hide it like please no we have kick it to the corner we have normalized dirty dirty ass rooms like where the fuck is your are your parents your parents aren't telling you they're depressed in yeah

Hide your depression pile and I know everyone's like oh, I want to show the real sides of me on the internet I don't want to see your stained fucking undies in the back of a tick-tock. You look good You beat your face now kick that pile out of frame and then try again Try again. Yeah, I I don't think I've ever just been like a messy person I think literally my entire life I have just been a clean fucking freak and it's not even something my parents like I

forced into me. I just was. Because I just don't like messy spaces. I think it's very uncomfortable. My dad drilled being clean into us. I used to be messy as a kid. Under my bed was full of shit and like

it was so bad and now like my room right now isn't even necessarily messy but it's like driving me insane and i have to clean it yeah i like when you were gone i completely like mop swept the whole nine yards because i feel like i haven't done that in so long and i did it throughout the house too it was so clean when you got back my presence has made it a little messier like yeah i'm not like the cleanest person ever i just like put things where i like want them when they're where they're easily accessible to me

And then I like come through and I'm like, okay, we have cabinets and cupboards for a reason. But our cabinets and cupboards are all like full of shit. We should clean them out.

My makeup bag. I've been doing my makeup in the bathroom. And I leave my makeup bag because I got a new Lafayette makeup bag that I just leave on the counter. And Drew put it... I didn't say anything to you. You put it on top of the fucking toilet. And all the germophobia in me literally went to my throat. And I'm like... I was like, I'm literally going to fucking break out and die in the next three days because he's going to give me fucking E. coli from putting my shit on here. And I freaked out. And then I put it on the towel rack and said... Word. I'm sorry for doing that. But...

It had to be done for my brain. You know what it is? I have to think... I need to start doing my makeup in my room, but I hate my vanity. And I, like... I don't know what to do with my room. I, like, need to throw things away and, like, get rid of shit. But I'm attached to all my items. And also, it just sounds like work. I'm like, ugh. I don't want to... Mama, no. Please. I go through and, like, throw shit away. I'm... That's one thing I'm actually really bad at is, like, keeping, like...

certain little things and pictures and stuff. Like, I don't save all of my photos onto hard drives. Like, I've been trying to get good at that, so I have, like, shit to look back at. But I am so, like... I don't need it now, so I won't ever need it. And I'll throw it away. Because I'm like...

I don't care. Yeah, all of my shit is backed up and I have all my old iPhones because I'm like, dude, one day, like, like literally last night, Madeline, my sister, was sending me pictures from our old, like, yearbooks from second grade and it was cracking me up. Like, my,

My parents, when we got our yearbooks, we were fucking evil. We would go through and mark out the people we didn't like and write the meanest shit possible. And we were in second grade. Half their shit, I'm like, how the fuck did we know this was something mean to say? It made no sense what we were saying to these people first.

but i will say every person we marked out was a weirdo freak and ended up being a weirdo freak later in life so i'm not saying our intuition was correct in second grade but i am saying our intuition was correct in second grade because all of them are weirdos now but that's beside the point um literally i think it like my my parents would be like don't mark in your yearbooks and i was like

because now my... I mean, I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore. But basically... Now you don't have as much content of your books. No, I'm happy I marked in the fucking yearbooks because they're funnier. They're way, way more enjoyable than if I looked back and was like, oh, this is a bare yearbook. Now I have something to fucking laugh at. Dude, I literally don't have any yearbooks. Granted, because we kind of couldn't afford them and my schools also didn't make them. My school... My elementary school didn't have a yearbook. Yeah.

No grade until senior year was there ever really an offering of a yearbook. Damn. Senior year there was, and it was like $50, and most of us were like...

I don't want to spend $50 on that. That sounds like a lot. So I don't have anything. I just have like a few like of the school photos. But even that like my dad has a storage unit that all of us like stay away from because it's too much shit in there that I actually really want to go in because the one thing I do know that I have from like when I was 14 is every psychotic, dramatic, like

depressed young teenager had a fucking shoebox or some shit where they would write like very

insane notes and throw them in there and I have like some crazy shit that I wrote and I would love love love to find that box because I know it'll make me so sad my fucking parents when they moved out of like my childhood home I like my room kind of just stayed the same when I like moved out and they um moved all my shit out of my room

for me when I moved. And they were like selling the furniture, but in one of my drawers I had just all of my like really gnarly, sad like notes, journals, like all this just like really fucked up shit that like no one should see.

And I'm pretty sure that like when they went through it, like they saw some of it and I trust them enough to like not like go through all my like sad shit. But I know they saw some of it and I was like, oh, I was like irking inside because like but now I mean, I'm like fucking 10 years older now. I literally don't give a shit. But like, yeah, it was just like.

funny to think about that they probably saw all my like 14 year old thoughts. As we're talking about this I'm thinking about like when I went through my big journaling phase even in high school and like junior senior year and all the things I was writing and I have those in the house right now. I'm like I want to go look at those because now it's so scary. That shit is like six seven years old which is so terrifying because I remember I read some of that like even like three years ago when I was like this wasn't

that long ago and it's just like kind of embarrassing but now it would be like oh my god this is like almost a decade old like me exaggerating i'm like talking about something from when i was 17 i'm like this is almost a decade old but i guess it kind of is because it's like six years it's like leaning i love growing old someone oh someone actually made a comment where it was like we saw those tumblr posts where you would hate about aging yeah nobody when you're 17 18 it sounds like the worst thing

17, 18, 19. It sounds like the fucking worst thing ever to grow old. But once you hit like 21, it's like, okay, let's speed up the process. Like... Not for me. Let's keep it going. Like, at least for me personally. No, literally, it's fucked up that like somehow through all these years, I've like... I'm only 15. Still 21.

I literally just turned 15. I remember that. Oh, you know what it is? My 16th fucking birthday is actually in March on the 4th, which is crazy. I'm super excited to get my fucking license. Oh, yeah. Drew's age regressing out of paranoia of becoming old. Exactly. So we're just going to let him go with it. Exactly. No, you have to at least... Please just be turning 21 so we can still go to bars and shit. I'm turning 16. Oh.

okay can you get a fake no bitch why not i don't look 21 at fucking all okay that doesn't matter bouncers literally don't care like you're being like dramatic i'm i just be too nervous to like give it to the no because you'd be with all your older friends so you would get in still okay maybe i'll get a fucking fake maybe i mean like six you're just peer pressuring a fucking 15 year old and it's a little weird like i will i

to say like yeah sure being 16 in a bar with a lot of adults is like very not okay and dangerous and know what to do that but like you're gonna be with your other friends who are protecting you true so if y'all have my back i'll dd i'll be the uh designated you don't have your license yet you're 16 all right 15 yeah

I can't believe I never got a fake because I was actually so scared of it. Like, you know what it was? I never got a fake, not because of being scared, because I have too big of, like, an ego and pride to get turned down. Like, it would, like, eat away at me if a bouncer looked and was like, yeah, this is fake and, like, turned me around. Literally, in shit-ass nowhere Texas where we grew up, there was nothing more to do. I mean, there was nothing else to do other than fucking drink.

in people's attics and that was actually it. So we all had fake IDs when we were like 16. And everybody in town knew we had fake IDs. Everybody knew who we were. Like, I don't know why they were still selling alcohol to us, but like... Well, because the money. Yeah, literally. Like, there were a few gas stations you could go to without fail and use your fake ID at. And...

When I was 16, I did not look 21. And neither did any of my fucking friends. Like, we all looked like fucking actually 13-year-olds. Like, why were you giving us, like, 30 racks of natty light? Like, obviously... What the fuck is that? It's, like, white people culture. It's beer. It's, like, a 30-count beer pack of natural light. I am not.

But you know what it is. It's the worst. It's water beer. It like literally like is fucking disgusting, but it's cheap as fucking bones. Um, but it's actually crazy that you mentioned this cause I was just talking to this with one of my friends. Um, one time, so we were like, I want to say we were 17. Um,

And me and my buddies, like we went to, no, we were 18 because we went to a club in Dallas. And we went to a club in Dallas and my friend, we were just like on the dance floor. I think it was a lizard lounge. If you know the lizard, that is the most cursed place on earth. I have so many, I have so many stories from the lizard lounge in Dallas. If you know, you fucking know that place is evil. Sinister has very dark energy. It fucking sucks. Anyways,

We were dancing on the dance floor, like, whatever, and he looked down and found an ID on the floor. And it was, like, the holy grail moment. It was, like, holy fucking shit. Like, it looked just like him. He was 21. It was a scannable ID. Like, it was a real ID. And it, like, changed our fucking... I was 17. It changed our lives forever. Because I had to be snuck into the fucking clubs. Anyways, we...

took this ID back to my hometown, Granbury. And we used it in all these places. It was going well. We used it for three months, I want to say. It was the jackpot. We were not going to get caught. It wasn't going to fail, whatever. A side note, my hometown is two hours away from the club that we found this at. So it's a two-hour drive to this club. Well,

We're just like using it like literally, like I said, it was like hitting the jackpot. Well, we try it at this new gas station that we've never been to or that we've been to, but like is notorious for taking like fake IDs. Like she knows like you're not getting past her. She's not going to jail because she sold a 16 year old some fucking beer, whatever. We go there because we're like, oh, it's a real ID. Like she's not going to know. And we give it to her. And like I'm standing behind my friend and she looks at the ID and she's like,

This isn't you. And he's like, yeah, it is. It's me. Like, what are you talking about? And she's like, no, it's not fucking you. This is my nephew. And literally, I don't know what the chances are of that fucking happening. But I'm pretty sure he was in the military and, like, away, like, on duty or whatever the fuck. Like, I don't even know why. Like...

Whatever, that's beside the point. But, like, he literally, he was, like, away in, like, serving the army or some shit. And this fucking ID, like, sure enough, like, was her nephew. And she was like, I'm going to call the fucking cops. Like, this is fucking insane. Y'all are insane people. Like, what the fuck are you doing with my nephew's ID? Like, started freaking out. And, like, we just ran away. And, like, she kept the ID. But, like, the chances of that happening are, like, zero. Dude, that's fucking awesome. I cannot believe that fucking happened.

Her nephew two hours away was just on the bottom of like on the floor of a club like that the chances are better. You will not even sound like he's like dead. Literally. Like her nephew two hours away on the floor of a club. Found dead in his London apartment. I don't have any stories like that because I just never did shit like that. Actually, there is this ID like a fake that Orion has had for like ever. What's her name?

I feel like I shouldn't say it. Should we bleep it? Say it and bleep it. Yeah, say it. I'm going to say it and bleep it. Yes, Miss... But she like...

She doesn't really look like Orion or me. She just has, like, a very, like... You know when you bitches love to tag me and, like, any other Latina girl with, like, a wide face? And you're like, oh, this is you? Because, like, everyone assumes that, like, because I have a wide face, like, I'm gonna look like every other Latina on the internet? That's kind of the vibe that this ID was giving, where it was like, she just had the same, like, face width as me and Orion. So, like, it worked. And I remember the first time I was using it, I was...

I was so fucking panicked about it because I was like, they're going to know, they're going to know. But I don't think a lot of bouncers, especially when you're around other people who are actually 21 and up, actually give a fuck. No. Especially in LA. It's actually fucked up. I've been in a club and there has been a 15-year-old at one of these LA parties and I'm like, who invited this motherfucker? With a Red Bull vodka? Yeah, and trying to order me a drink and I'm like...

I'm like, who? So fucking embarrassing. I don't get hit on. No one talks to me. And one of the only times a person has been like, oh, let me buy you a drink. It's been a fucking random minor who I'm like, why are you in here? It was the most insane scenario I've ever been in. And then I just had to play nice because I didn't want to like embarrass the fuck out of this child. And I was like, oh,

head and they got me a drink and I literally grabbed it and then pushed it at the end of the other side of the bar and walked away and then I was like that was the most embarrassing experience of my life um it's humbling me with my literal child being like what are you literally like that's how I felt because they had no idea what to order they were like what are you getting I'll get one for you and I was like oh my god

You need to go home. Someone needs to talk to you. If only, if you could say the name, it would literally, it would be so much funnier. It would be fucking insane. It's, it's just literally like insane. Who it is is so funny. It is. Um, but I won't make fun of them like that. Okay.

Or, like, I won't publicly shame them. Because they literally are a fucking 15-year-old. They're a child, and I just, like, I always feel bad because I'm, like, there's a line between, like, being a child and, like, having fun and then, like, being a child in an environment where it's, like, only adults. I'm, like, you... You're in a dangerous situation. Your parents need to... Your parents need to fucking throw an air tag in your pocket and, like, track you. Track your ass. Like... Dude, the crazy thing is, though, is that, like, these kids are all, like, child stars and they, like, pay their fucking... Ow! Ow!

I just fucking had electricity. No electricity. Electricity fucking zapped through my leg. Holy shit. But yeah, they're like paying their parents bills. So if their parents speak to them, they're like, fuck you. Exactly. And that's why if I do have a baby, I won't give it an iPad and I'll tell it that that there's nothing outside of our house. So it doesn't believe I'm going to gypsy rosify my baby. Yeah. The funny thing is,

is as like a teenager one of my really cynical funny memories that I have is me and Dante we were like always just making up really fucked up hypotheticals and this is such a fucked up hypothetical but the fact that when I was making this joke the gypsy rose thing was happening and I had no idea because I didn't know about it until like 2017 2018 I literally made a joke to Dante where I was like I'm gonna have a baby just to like

fuck around and see how far I can take like lying and like borderline abusing it until like I get in trouble. Gypsy Rose Blanchardiana. Yeah. And so I was, I remember I was telling Dante, I was like, I'm just going to tell the kid it's, this is so fucked up, but like, it's literally what Gypsy Rose mom did to her. But I literally told Dante, I was like, oh, I'm going to have a kid and like convince it. It can't use its legs.

And, like, be like, no, you can't walk. Like, the doctor said so. And, like, get fake doctors to tell it this information. And then I was like, and then one day, I'm, like, a little lenient. And I'm like, okay, fine. You can invite a friend over. And then, like, the friends are all hanging out in the room with my kid. And they're like, have you ever even tried to stand up? And my kid's like, no, my mom always told me I couldn't. And, like, the friends are like, just try. And then I walk in on the kid standing. And I freak the fuck out. And I'm like, I really can't. Oh, my God.

I know. That's a really fucked up thing I said as a 15 year old amongst a lot of things. But it's okay because at least I didn't do it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's still time. Yeah. There's... I'm... That's in my 30s. Yeah. I enter my... What's the name of Gypsy... Like the thing... Munchausen Syndrome. I'm going to enter my Munchausen Syndrome in my 30s. In my like mid 30s. I... You could just do that to me. You could... You could Munchausen... No, because you would like that. Exactly. You... You are... We could... No, we could take over the fucking world together. Everybody.

Everybody has seen you move, bitch. What are you about to do? I could get in a car wreck. I could get in a car wreck. I mentioned in the last episode that I've seen a lot of people die. And I feel like not... People don't believe me, but I have seen a lot of people die. I think I have an omen. Oh, my God. Like, we were almost done with this episode. You, like, could not... You couldn't not squeeze it in. No, because I just thought about it. I was like, I have seen a lot of death. Like...

Okay, I won't get into it, but... Oh, I know what you were going to mention. Your live text to me. I'll save it. No, no, not even that one. I forgot about that one. I have like three more deaths that literally happened in front of me. One when I was nine. Dude, actually, two of them happened in the same fucking year when I was like nine years old. And I remember them so fucking vividly. Like, I'm not kidding. This close.

Like, people dying in front of me. Oh my god. Personally, I haven't experienced that, which is why... I'm not kidding. People don't believe me when I say I'm, like, buttfuck stupid, but it's by choice. Like, I do a really good job at turning my fucking brain off. Like I said in the last episode, like, it's usually on, like, autopilot mode, and

And then sometimes I have to spark my brain up with like on some like plugging your car in and revving the engine. Like that's what I have to do to my literal brain to get myself to have certain conversations. But for the most part, I'm just on autopilot and I couldn't care less. I'm so like disconnected from my own reality. Like it's a big fat joke to me. I'm trying so hard to enter my NPC era where I just like exist and I'm just a background character in everybody else's life. It's just like so hard for me to do that.

So hard for me not to be the main character. Everyone thinking they're the fucking main character. That's a fucking disease. Girl, I didn't see you at the grocery store. I don't care what you were wearing. I didn't fucking look. But you saw me. I saw you because you won't shut the fuck up. Exactly. I will.

I will say, I don't think I'm the main character, but I do like when people look at me in public. Like, I love screaming in public and being annoying in public. Like, I'm not kidding. Nothing beats that feeling. I don't even, like, if someone told me, okay, you could either never have sex again in your life or you could never scream and shout and be obnoxious in public, I'd be like, all right, I'm entering my celibacy era. Wingbot can take it from here. I'll be okay. Because I love screaming in public. Josh's sex robot theory. Yeah.

If everybody had a sex robot, life would be so much better. Oh my god. I won't go into it. I'm like, let me stop talking about sex so that our podcast doesn't get fully demonetized. This shit is demonetized. I say the S word so much that the podcast at this point thinks we're having an S positive debate every time we get on here. It is interesting how...

The iPhone 13 is released. And they got a little slick with it. Apple got a little slick with it. But it's interesting how... Six months after...

The iPhone 13 was released. My phone is now buggy as shit. You and every other dumb fuck on the internet says that shit. But it's true. It's true. All of my apps are crashing. It's not. That doesn't happen. All of my apps fucking crash now. I never once has TikTok or Instagram or anything fucking crashed on my phone. And now they're all crashing. When's the last time you updated your phone? Like...

No, I wanna say like, "Mona's like, 'tis me, 'tis me.'" Exactly! Like, that's your own fault. That's not a thing. I hate that theory. I'm like, "Y'all are fucking dumb." You'll-- it'll come-- I think that actually was proven true. I think-- How about this? People-- Get off your fucking phone. Kyle, it was proven true, right? That they literally throttle your phone on purpose? Yeah, it was proven, but I think there's like, a weird nuance to it where when your battery gets older,

The iPhone will throttle the CPU so that it doesn't die faster or something. Like that was the excuse that Apple said. Oh, so it's true. No, I still believe that it's like when someone shows you like a car or like someone you know gets a certain model of a car and now all of a sudden when you're driving you notice that car a lot more and you feel like you're seeing it a lot more but it's because it was pointed out to you that you see it a lot more. Me and my schizophrenic era.

I was literally in my schizophrenic era. Drew thought he was being gangstacked for so long. Dude, I'm not kidding. Every time I saw a car with a headlight out on the right side... Okay, I love you with all my heart, but sometimes you do shit like that, and I'm like, if you were my kid, I would smack you so hard in the back of the head. I genuinely thought I was being followed. I'm like, you want a problem so bad, bitch, I'm gonna give you a fucking problem. Like, Drew is so annoying, and he'll be in the car with me. I'm driving. I can't even control it. Oh, I see this light all the time, so...

I'm gonna fucking like we're gonna crash. I'm driving bitch. Keep that shit to yourself. Like what the fuck are you talking about? Also of course you see it. You're doing nothing. You're like sitting in my passenger seat bored as shit and like you use your phone for like 30 minutes of the time we're in the car. No but we're not talking about those rainbow lights right outside our house on the fucking boat. I will say I don't know what that is and I don't know that I care. It's eerie though. Oh I remember

one time I got into a really really big like debate with someone I knew like a few years ago about privacy and like I don't give a fuck about my I don't care I'm sorry like I'm literally a public public figure y'all sell my data I don't give a shit yeah sell my data look at my tits look at my coochie like I don't care like I literally don't care like I'm doing nothing wrong why should I care yeah I'm like I'm not laundering money I'm not like looking at shit I shouldn't be looking at if you want to like

stalk me like the FBI agent behind my camera, whatever the fuck the dumb joke y'all make is like, go ahead. You go and see me taking a fast shit. You're going to see me like watching TikToks. You're going to see me like using my phone in the shower sometimes because I'm a fucking lunatic. Wait, the Kodak video of him live in the shower and it falls on the bottom of his shower and you see his fucking gooch and wiener. That shit is the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. And then it just like slagging out kind of. But yeah, I remember that. And then like,

The person I was arguing with got really mad. They were like, I want my privacy. I was like, you're fucking boring. Like, no one cares to look at what you're looking at. Like, dude. And we were in the middle of a nice restaurant. I genuinely, I do need to educate myself on that more. Because, like, when people are like, you need, like, they're taking away your privacy. Like, what are they taking away? That, like, is not, like...

I don't get the conversation. Yeah, I guess maybe I'm uneducated. But again, I like that. I like the simplicity that my little, like, fucking eight-point listen... You're just another cog in the machine. And I don't give a fuck. You're a pawn in their game. If I can buy my cute little clothes and go on Depop and, like, distract myself and, like, do my little tasks, like, I don't care. You're a pawn in their capitalistic game. Oh, and then they were like, it's not okay that, like...

Oh, they were taking the take, which, like, for them, they... Like, I think the reason this argument pissed me off is because they didn't care about it for, like, any other reason that they were just, like, being annoying. And they were like, but I want my privacy. I'm like, girl, you're, like, white. What the fuck are you scared of? Like, you don't need your privacy. Oh, because they were like, oh, there's, like, surveillance cameras on every corner now and, like, cameras when you walk into restaurants. And I was like, literally...

That's not affecting me. Like, I don't care. Like, I would post a TikTok in here anyway. So why the fuck do I care? Like, why are we having this conversation? Like, they want their privacy and the off chance that they do commit a crime. Like, I'm confused. Like, why do you care if there's cameras filming you all the time? Like, I'm like, it's not like you're saying like, oh, like, I'm worried because there are some people who like have to steal to live. And like, now with the technology, it's like not even that argument. It's just like, I want, I don't want to be seen. I'm like, girl, no one's looking anyway. Like, congrats. Like, no one cares.

But yeah, that's my take. I'm sure there's one of you big brain bitches out there who can explain to me why it's bad. Educate us a little bit. How about you do that, but in a nice, non-condescending way? How about we try that for once? How about we try educating each other in a non-condescending, asshole, fucking bitch way? I'm tired of literally saying one thing wrong and then everyone being fucking assholes about it. I'm like...

Okay, how about you just say it like, oh, actually this was kind of wrong. Don't say that. Say this instead. Well, no, because the internet is black. It's a moral game. Yeah, it's a moral game and it's black and white and there is no middle context. Exactly. It's like, here you do this or that and no one fucking cares. And you know what? Y'all can play that game, but once my iPhone screen locks... It's all gone, babe. I'm not on Twitter anymore. I'm not on Twitter anymore. It's gone. I'm like, you know what? I don't have to look at what you're saying.

I'm locking my iPhone right now. Lock. Dude, that's the funniest thing about arguing on the internet is literally like, it's like hanging up on a bitch. It's not real. Yeah, I'm like. It's not real. Who was saying, oh, that girl Cola Monkey like always says that and I think it's so funny and such a like blissful take as like a young person because I feel like now, I feel bad for young people because of course there are the pros to being educated, like highly educated at that age so you don't make mistakes a lot of us made as younger people and

And you're like well educated. But to a certain extent, a lot of it is like this like deep, deep rage for like moral hierarchy that young people shouldn't have. Because especially as a young person, like you have not experienced nearly enough to have played the game in real life of like learning rights and wrongs and learning what makes you feel good, what makes other people feel good or bad or blah, blah, blah, blah.

And Cola Monkey is always, like, jokingly, but, like, obviously seriously being, like, y'all are so fucking annoying and angry on my phone. Like, you're literally on my iPhone. Like, I can, like, I can just lock it and then you are silent. Like, you, like, this isn't real. Like, y'all have to, like, just, like, stop. And I'm, like, that is literally it. Like, I can...

I can delete this app and you're fully destroyed. You don't exist anymore. My life has gotten so much fucking better ever since I realized that the internet does not matter. It doesn't matter. It's not real. No, it's not even like... I'm like, this is like...

For fun. And it's fun. And of course I learned things here and I further educate myself here. But the last thing I'm going to do is have a stranger yell at me. You know what's terrifying is I thought the internet was tiny, but then I like, like just like try, like did some research and over, I think it's like

60% of humans on Earth have accessed the internet in the last year. But really, it's, like, also the argument of, like, a lot of the energy that you can carry out online, like, it just doesn't translate to real life because humans don't talk to each other like that. Yeah. You will find that people in real life are a lot more careful with the way they talk to other people because it's a lot different when you're, like, trying to verbalize a lot of this stuff to the face of someone else. Like...

Unless you're a fucking psychopath. Most people, if they're saying something to someone and it's obviously building physical fucking discomfort, you stop and you like reevaluate how you're carrying yourself with other people. But other than that, the internet is fun. It can be fun. The internet is a great place. It's like the saying, everything is good in moderation. And that's how I feel about the internet.

um and i love when people i just so badly want to be put into the metaverse already like i don't give a shit like everybody's so anti-metaverse i'm like fucking beam me up please like i'm done in this physical body that's failing the thing is you're gonna be in a physical body like they're they're gonna put big heavy goggles on you that are gonna hurt your head and you're like oh like i need to take this off we'll be no we'll be uploaded into the cloud not in your lifetime in our lifetime yeah we will

it's growing so quickly it's like i just feel really the neural link is already happening

It's like... It's gonna be you and, like, every other white dude who's, like, way too invested in VR and, like... Actually, you know what? Never mind. If that's... I'm like, that is good. If we could, like, just elevate all, like, the white dudes who are, like, really into finance and, like, crypto and shit into a different world where I never have to, like, see them again, that actually might be one of the best things to happen in my life. That's actually hell. That's very good for me. I know. I'm like, all of... Y'all are like, I wanna go there. Ain't no bitches there. Go have fun. Like,

How about you fucking upload your consciousness? Y'all need to worry about uploading some bitches in the fucking universe. But yeah, maybe that'll be good because I would love to stay here in real life and do my shopping in real life. I just don't... Girl, shut the fuck up. I just... Yeah, no one... You couldn't pay me money to convince me about virtual reality. I just like... Again, maybe it's because I'm just not educated. But I've tried to be educated about it. I literally... There's not...

I don't want to go anywhere that Mark Zuckerberg is telling me I should go. That is the last place I'm going. Like, I just think it's an inevitable future. And not in my time, babes. Like, I'm also sorry.

I just don't believe that that's gonna like be a thing in our time. Actually, it is a capitalistic hellscape. And I just want to make it clear that I don't actually want to be uploaded into the fucking metaverse. I'm just joking. But I do want the Neuralink installed. I was gonna say, you kind of do want that. I want the Neuralink. But like, isn't that just gonna lead to the like being in a virtual reality?

Maybe. We'll see. I also just don't care because I'm like, it's just not accessible to like most people. So I'm like, how is that the future? We'll figure it out. Capitalism always wins. Not in my books. Not in my books, babes. I'm actually, did y'all know that I solely me, I'm going to destroy capitalism soon. Actually? Yeah. Um, part of my lobotomy plan, there is a capitalism plan like tied into that.

The lobotomies do have to come first, which is, like, pretty obnoxious. Especially because, like, to ensue on the lobotomy, I do have to engage in capitalism. Because, obviously, I don't have the equipment to... You could crowdfund it with every other person on Earth. Yeah, but I still need to... I would like the lobotomies to be done by a professional. Like... No, I'm saying you could crowdfund it. Little old me shouldn't be committing the lobotomies. Good.

Oh, we could do a crowd. A GoFundMe. Not a GoFundMe. A Kickstarter for I'll have someone create like a lobotomy machine. And then we could do a Kickstarter for that. And then like have it ready. And we'll go from there. I'll figure it out. But the next step is. Just know. Enya destroying capitalism. Utopia coming soon. Yeah. There's no utopia under capitalism. We'll end it on that.

Let's do some questions from the Patreon. Mama. Kalani asks, favorite Erewhon product? Oh, hey. Wow. That's such a mean question to answer because Erewhons are only in LA, right? I think so. Yeah. I think they're adding one to New York soon. Oh, I'm moving.

The way that was literally a concern of ours. We were like, wait, if we moved here, we wouldn't have Erewhon anymore, though. Like, that was a genuine concern. I like the buffalo cauliflower and the macaroni and cheese from the hot case. And then also all the little mini shots. Yeah, all their juices are really good. But...

One thing I really liked that I never see anymore, and I don't know if I always go there when it's sold out because I'll see that the sign is still out for it, but they had the kelp pesto pasta that was so fucking good, and I haven't seen it for a long time, and that's really upsetting. And the Asian chicken salad they do, I want to go buy another one today. Yeah.

I'm gonna have my macrobiotic salad today for lunch and it's gonna change everything for me. It's gonna flip my day upside down. Right side up. - Oh, also if you have like an issue with, wait, I'm gonna grab it out of the fridge actually. This one's so old and I don't even think I could like take it.

But I'm sure they sell this other places. But I'm sure I've talked about it on the podcast before. It's how I have like a big issue with my stomach hurting really fucking bad after I eat certain things and bloating up like really poorly. This thing, aloe herbal stomach formula. I think it has like

Marshmallow root. Yeah, so it's like specifically marshmallow root, peppermint leaf, chamomile leaf, barrage leaf, ginger root. It's like a bunch of shit. But it's the marshmallow root that stops the bloating and stops your stomach from hurting. And this shit fucking works. Like there was a guy... And then I have marshmallow root vitamins that I got from Air One too. Or like little capsules that are like... They're supposed to be Tums but natural. And they work great.

Just like Tums. And then you don't have to take Tums and ruin your liver lining and kidneys with Tums. ODing on... And that's it. That's fine. Did you know that's a thing? You can take too many Tums and you become too basic, like your acidity levels. There's a word for it. I will say when I take Tums instead of these natural ones, my acid reflux is really bad after taking a Tums. Like...

Like, I'll take it to, like, subdue the acid reflux, but then the next two days my acid reflux is, like, even worse. Oh, yeah. But that's my answer. Cell asks, what made y'all move to Los Angeles? Mistakes. Work. Yeah, literally work. Work, and I used to love it here. Yeah, we just had that conversation. Yeah. But... Oh, we had it in real life. Yeah, IRL. Yeah, just work, and all my friends are moving. Like, all my internet friends are moving, and I was like...

I am probably going to only have this opportunity once in my fucking lifetime. I can always go back to college if I really need to. I'm just going to take this opportunity and see where it takes me. And so far, so good. Yeah, literally that was it for me too. And then I did love it because I was like, oh, it's like the non-humid, humid version of Miami in terms of weather. And I was like, that's like amazing. But now the weather scares the fuck out of me because every day feels the same and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I also want to clarify when...

We say we don't like LA. It's not on, like, the usual influencer shit where it's like, I'm some privileged white person who moved into, like, a very, like, abundantly cultural city and I'm like, everyone here is fake. I fucking hate it. When I'm actually just talking about, like, the other white people in entertainment. I'm very cognizant of the fact that LA rocks, but I just don't think it's for me. Yeah. I need seasons. I need isolation. I need grass.

Yeah, I literally just need seasons. I'm like, I can't. Like, every day feels the same and I'm losing my fucking mind. But yeah, that's our LA. Megan asks advice for being in a creative rut. Girl, if you find out, let me know. Wow.

I think just don't put pressure on it. It'll pass. That's like kind of it for me. This too shall pass. Yeah, it's just like the more pressure you put on it, almost the deeper you'll dig yourself into the rut because then you'll start to feel really like upset with yourself and resentful towards yourself because you're not creating anything and that'll only keep you down longer. And if you just kind of like let go, go out.

go experience things you'll find inspiration outside of your room where I'm sure you're like trying to rack your brain for some inspiration yeah that's actually a good like go experience fucking life I think we were just talking about that with Josh like literally I think my most of my inspiration for anything I've ever done is just like literally going and fucking living instead of just being locked inside all day and working so go experience some life is that it

Sir! Media, media of the week. What is the Lohanthony thing? New videos every week. Lohanthony? I didn't actually ever watch Lohanthony videos. I was a stan of Lohanthony. Me and him got into beef once and I made fun of his crooked teeth and I felt really bad about it because then we like became, we like squashed the beef after. Squashed the beef. Okay.

I'm going to go first. Death Metal by Panchico. Where Did He Come From by Sunday. And You Can Fly On My Aeroplane by We. And also Mary Jane, All Night Long, Mary J. Blige. Because what a just classic. What a hit. What a certified...

Emergency intercom classic. You know what's such a serve when you just like a bunch of songs and you don't make a playlist, but then you listen to all your recently liked songs and they sound really good together and you're like, wow, I'm a genius and I need to take this somewhere. I don't even have to think about it. Okay, Moon Age Duster. We filmed yesterday. Circles Tourist and Summer Rain by Wosum and Youngwing.

Serve. And then, oh, actually, yesterday I binged the whole second part of season two, Pen15. One of the funniest shows ever. Yeah, literally. Such good fucking writing. Like, all three of us were sitting there cracking the fuck up. Yeah, it's just like, I just know it was so fucking fun to write. And that's inspiring. And that's it for Media of the Week.

I slay, you slay, we all slay. Oh, my media of the week is the new Call of Duty Warzone map, Caldera. Come on, people. If y'all knew how much Drew, like, sits in his room and plays Call of Duty, you would be... It's not that much. It's like...

Max two hours a day. No, you tap in. The last two days have been a lot because the map that originally started Warzone was going away and I was getting sentimental and emotional. So I was like, I'm just going to let myself be in play. But not every time I'm in my room am I playing Call of Duty. You tap in for like four hours. Absolutely not. Not every fucking time. There are times. Yeah, but that's not every time. There are times when you're at war in your room for hours and I don't see you for the rest of the day.

Yes. Alright, that's it. Thank you so much for tapping into this episode. Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap that subscribe button. Yes. Tap that. All on the flow. Alright. Bye. Bye party people. Bye.