big oiled up twerking b00ty compilation
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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon. Plus, the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow. But at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim.

Wow. Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom.

I said it first. Welcome to this episode of Orange Unicorn. I already said it. And when you said it, it sounded like gibberish. And if I was, for instance, running and listening to the podcast, I would be so confused and disoriented why you sounded like that. Okay, like, you're being, like, so oppy right now. Guys, I have 40 ops. It's gotten up to 40.

Okay, I'll name the prominent ones that you might know. Enya, Orion, Kai, all three ops. Luna is my biggest fucking op right now.

now. Mind you, if you are unaware, that is an infant who is not even one years old. She's offing so fucking hard right now. Like she won't smile at me anymore. Okay. I almost just was like, oh my God, Luna's going to turn one soon. She doesn't turn one until like February. Yeah. So it's far. Also, we had like six or seven shots of tequila. Oh my God. Oh, my head is already hurting. I'm going to wake up at 5 p.m. So fucked up.

So if I get naked on the podcast, when I drink tequila, I get naked. Let's just say that. I'll get really naked for you guys. It's actually insane. I haven't seen you touch alcohol in so long. Like, I mean, I saw you have a drink, but I don't even think you finished it. You faked it out. You just like didn't want to be left out at a Ryan's birthday party. I don't fuck with that shit anymore. No, I had like half of a shot at a Ryan's birthday party because I was like, I'm going to be crazy. And it gave me a headache immediately.

Yeah, because it's poison. It is literally poisoning your body. It is the devil. The world is ending on September 23rd, 2023. Drew, like, believes this, by the way. Anytime I've spoken to him about something, oh, actually, this is a good leeway of you and how you navigate emotional interactions, which you've gotten better with over time. You are a good person to talk to about, like, emotionally tumultuous events. Also, me saying that word, I heard someone the other day

say at a cafe to a friend and the friend goes, okay, what the fuck does that mean? And they didn't know what tumultuous meant. And the friend was like, oh, it's like,

Oh, wow. Like she was like, she was like, it's I mean, you can't use context clues. And then they just like went back and forth over it. And she was like, it just was like, you know, like really hard, like you're busy, but like something's like really weighing down on you. But like, like she just started describing and I was like, that's like not the best definition to give your friend. But yeah, it's like literally just like hard times. But hard times. Gonna make you laugh and run and even cry. Hard times.

Whoa, we hit that last one together. I've been getting good at harmonizing. Because in the Midnight at McDonald's, there's that part in the video where I'm like... You are drunk. What's wrong with you? But Drew, while I was talking to him about something that's going on in my life, he goes, it's okay because the world's going to end on the 23rd. So you should just do whatever. Yeah.

And he has said that to me four times this past week. Yeah, he said that to me. What happens on the 23rd? Okay, it's essentially the rapture. It's like everyone at midnight on the 22nd. At McDonald's.

is going to hear a loud clap, a loud boom. It's going to echo and reverberate through everyone's ears. I know what's clapping. This is weird. Yeah, it's Jesus Christ twerking. It's his fat fucking stinky butt. Jesus Christ is going to come down to earth, oil up his ass and clap in front of everybody. Okay, we need more oiled up twerk compilations on my timeline. I've been saying that. We need oiled up twerking compilations bad. I've been fiending for it. But yeah, Jesus is going to come down and rapture all of us. And yeah, yeah.

The world is going to end. What does rapture even mean? Like, that's like, he's going to take us back. Yeah, the praying souls. But you're okay. If you're not a religious person or you don't practice religion, you're good. Like, don't forget Jesus loves every single one of you.

Drew is actually scared. Drew's a little scared. No, no, no, no. Okay, like, let me correct this. I see it on my feed and I'm like, okay, like, you're being absolutely insane. And then they'll, like, run through all of the predictive programming of September 23rd through all of the fucking shows, like, and movies and all the shit that we've been seeing and fucking meteors hitting the earth, world ending, war starting, like, all that shit. And all the movies we watch happens on September 23rd, 2023. Okay.

Well, when I see that, I'm like, oh, that's actually really curious and a weird coincidence. But then I remember that none of that's real and we're all going to be OK. But then the other night I was sitting in my bed and I had just like a lot of anxiety and I was doom scrolling.

And I was scrolling and one of them came up on my feed and it was like really, really eerie. And I was like, oh, wait, what if this shit is real? And I just started like thinking about it in my head, like processing like what life would be like if that shit did actually happen. But like it's not going to. But it did freak me out for half a second. What are you talking about?

Like literally, you're like one of them came up on my feed. We don't know what you're talking about. Oiled up twerk compilation. Oh, so all these messages have been hidden in twerk compilations? Yes. Oh, okay. Wow. Yeah.

Um, this is like when, if, cause Blade Runner is set in 2019, this would be the equivalent of people being like, 2019, like, was something big is gonna happen. But I guess, like, Blade Runner was at the end of the world. They just for some reason thought in 30 years, the world would look like Blade Runner. Yeah. I mean, I bet it will in 20 years. Or I guess in like 40 years. Wait, oh yeah, what's the number? Is it 20...

9.23. Well, there's 2049. There's Blade Runner 2049. Oh, okay, okay. But the original Blade Runner was set in 2019. I believe that. But I think it was made in like the 80s. Oh, yeah. So it kind of like... I can fix that. I can fix that. Is that like from Blade Runner? Touch me. Yeah, it was made in 1982. So they thought that in 2019, the world would look like that.

But what we had was iPhones and Charlie D'Amelio. Guys, there's going to be a fast profit for like three years after who like leads the civilization out of this slump. But it's actually the Antichrist. So like watch out for the Elon Musk's and the Mark Zuckerberg's of the world. Like they're going to lead us out of what? The rapture. The hard times. It's going to be like World War Three. Wait, the rapture is hard times or it's good times? It's going to be okay because we're all going to get taken up.

Isn't the rapture is good if you've been good and you get to go to heaven, right? When I imagine the rapture, you know what I imagine? Like, you know, outside of football games, when people who didn't get tickets to stand outside with their pickup trucks, like cooking and like, what is that called? Tailgate. I imagine the rapture looks like a tailgate. Does that make sense? Like, that's kind of like what the vibe is for me. Like everybody stands outside and starts like a cookout or like a barbecue and they're like, God's coming.

Like, God's coming. That's kind of the vibe, right? I would get fucked up for, like, the arrival of Jesus. Like, I wouldn't want to be sober. That would be really traumatizing. Because also, me and Orion have talked about that. And what does that look like? It's like, when Jesus comes back, is he, like, cloned a million times over so he shows up at everyone's doors like a Jehovah Witness? Omni-person. Or does he just, like...

fall from the sky, but he would have to be so big for everyone around the earth to see him. Like people on the other side of the earth, like what? Some people are seeing the back of his head. Some people are seeing his bulge. Like, like, like, like, have you ever thought about that? Like, how does he come? Like, where is he projected in the sky? Like, it's an omnipresent simulation that we all see separately. It's not going to be physical beings. Oh, okay.

I just made that up. I was going to say, because then I would just feel like I was literally hallucinating. I'd be like, oh, here it comes. Like, I'm having a break. It's finally happening. But have y'all thought about that? Like, what does he like? Yeah, I always imagined it for whatever reason, like in the middle of America. Yeah, of course. Every alien invasion ever is in the middle of America. I'm like, oh yeah, Jesus will arrive in Iowa. Yeah, it's literally like the Book of Mormon when they're like, like every great,

religious thing that's ever happened was in America, right? We saw it here. Where else would it be? That is kind of crazy. Literally every...

attack happens in America like we can't even fathom it happening somewhere else because we're like they would have no idea how to handle that we on the other hand we got it covered it's gonna drop down in Seattle like it has to be here it's also only major cities as if the aliens would be like okay we need to go to Miami like we need to go to Miami like

we need to see oiled up booties twerking in miami yeah that's what we okay you know how they sent that gold disc to outer space we need to re-send it back out that like if a alien finds it's like transmuting like radio signals like playing music whatever if they find it they can scan it and see like a video of like it's basically a qr code in space they see like a video earth we need to put oiled up twerking booty compilations we need to put that but

we also need to put only our greatest freaks on it though. We need to put like Bjork and like Daniel Larson. Daniel Larson.

But like, do you see what I'm saying? Like we get, we should put like artists on it that make like the weirdest shit ever so that if there's a chance, if aliens are real, they're like, damn, they are mad weird. We're not going there. Like we are not going there. They probably already look at us and think that that's why they're not here. Oh, those little fucking critters that Mexico revealed as aliens. Those were actually cake. They cut into them and they were actually cake. Yeah, I was going to say, where was that? Did you send that to the group chat? Yeah, yeah. They were actually cake, which we found out, which is very weird.

No, for like half a second, I was like, I want to believe, so I'm going to believe, even though I didn't believe. But like, girl, like that is not real. Those aren't real. Like those aren't. Wait, play the music with it. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I've been taping my mouth to go to sleep at night. Yeah, the little aliens aren't real. Also, like, them, like, putting them in the box with some dirt at the bottom, it's literally, like, kids getting caught in a lie and then being like, oh, like, dude, if you put the dirt... Like, okay, okay, think about this. They need the dirt, so, like...

If anybody asks, like, if they were in there without the dirt that we found them in, it would be like, oh, my God, like, why are they, like, so clean cut and fresh? Like, they need the dirt. Like, why did they put the dirt under the alien in the box? Whose idea was that? Who was like, oh, and then we're going to scoop a little bit of the dirt under them so it looks like we just found them, like, in the dirt? Also, the dude who spearheaded, like, the whole reveal...

Also, like, the president of Mexico literally believes in gnomes and has posted on his Facebook page pictures of gnomes. Yeah, it's literally, like, it's, like, a Mexican superstition, but he goes hard for it. Yeah, he believes it. So I'm, like, and the dude that spearheaded the whole reveal is, like, a notorious, like, UFO grifter. So, like, none of that shit is real, and it's funny, but, like, their story was straight. Like, they got it down pat, like, the diatomaceous algae, like...

covering them and like solidifying over a thousand years ago but like yeah fucking right yeah fucking right I think they ran it through an MRI or something and metal plates yeah there's metal plates and bones but it's all just bones from other animals yeah the llama skull yeah I saw also that like the metal plate it's like

a metal that like we use which this was this is when I didn't believe because I was like this is too on the nose and this is like too sci-fi but it's like there's like a metal plate in its chest and it's like this alloy that like we use in our satellites and they're like in

furring that these aliens have satellites and that's how they communicate in their chest but I want to see the butthole like I want to see the alien butthole I was just thinking I was like why don't any aliens have tits well we need to freaking put them in like we need to give them tits yeah that's true like I want to see an alien with some big fucking boobs an oiled up booty yeah and they and they live in space so like you know those tits are sitting perky so we need to see yeah we need I need a video of an alien running in space yeah

We can get that. I just don't believe in aliens anyway. So I'm like, y'all are literally insane. Like, that's what happens when there's, like, nothing happening. Is there, like, what should we talk about aliens? Oh, but I was saying to Drew. It's a psychological operation. I was saying to Drew that it's becoming, like, a power play game. Like, I think every country is going to start. Yeah, it's literally, like, every country is going to start using, like, their...

findings of aliens as like a power play like oh you think you have aliens we've had aliens forever but we just didn't want to show y'all because y'all were gonna get scared and like I think every country is gonna start being like actually we found something too like I did too like I have that too like it's literally kids at school when they show off like good stationery it's like well I have that too like I'd be like that's not even like cool being first to the market like

that's why their review was so shitty was because they were first to the market. But yeah, it's the Space Race 2.0. People are trying to like get in on an early like profit. But also there was an airplane that disappeared. Another one. A fighter jet. Wait, a new one? It was a fighter jet. Is it on camera? No, but... Oh yeah, we never showed any of the video of the Malaysia flight disappearing. Like they have satellite footage that leaked of it. And it actually like...

You're talking about the orbs? Yeah, yeah. I take everything with a grain of salt because technology has gotten really crazy. But I had seen that video floating around a few years ago, two years ago or something, and I just wrote it off. But then the more I looked at it, I was like...

This like looks real and this would be really hard to create but like I I don't believe any alien reveal videos like none of them They're all bullshit They're all fake because I could literally do it on blender in my bedroom like I literally could figure it out like y'all are all lying and corridor digital did one but anyways a fighter jet disappeared and the United States was like Begging the population to go find this jet for them like no

like don't you have like gps's inside of that shit or something like why okay sorry i love sorry i'm like my name is drew you need to show me that video because you can't bring up something about a plane and like i i need to see it like i need to see it yeah also this thumbnail is cracking me up because like why am i like i wish this is what it was that would be like it was just like underwater just like fully in peace screenshot that

What would I look up for that, Kai? Shit like this is crazy, though, because this YouTube video using this thumbnail is so gnarly because...

I mean, this is like any video that has to do with people who literally lost their lives. Shit like that cracks me up because I'm like, why would you even edit this photo and have humans standing around the wheel like insinuating that like it's just like fully in like tact somewhere like.

So apparently it's like satellite footage, which we do have satellite, like in the fucking 60s. This is what freaks me out is like the technology we had in the 60s, like we could take pictures from outer space of like a coffee cup in France, like essentially like, and that was like years and years and years ago, like they have crazier shit, like, and that's tea. So this would be hard to fake. You think so? Yeah. Yeah.

Like, see, that's where it gets funky. But then I'm like, oh, but they're supposed to be aliens and moving at like warp speed. And then this is the part that gets me every time where I'm like, crosses my suspension of disbelief. I don't think it happened yet. Oh, yeah, that.

Bitch, if one of my family members was on that damn plane and people were still talking about it like this, I'd be like, let it go. Y'all made the Netflix show. You do the videos. You do the YouTube. Like, leave my family alone. Dude, that is so insane. Yeah, I don't know that I believe that, but also, like...

I understand. It's kind of like with religion, but not to bring it back to religion, but like things like that is I think humans have a hard time like grieving and understand catastrophe. So it's easier to theorize all the different ways it could have gone down because it makes it easier, especially when it's an inexplainable when you don't have a conclusion, your mind can only go so far. And that's what all science is. And that's why science isn't real. I've thought about I feel like since there isn't.

I don't actually believe in that. There's not nearly as much religion now, obviously, as there has been throughout all of human history. Whenever I see a video like that, there's some mechanism in my brain that's like, oh, yeah, yeah, no, the plane disappeared in a wormhole, for sure. Yeah, exactly. And it's just, I feel like it's that part of my brain that, like, desperately wants... To put the blame somewhere to explain something. Exactly. I want to believe in, like, a higher power or something. Why is that, like, like...

Part of the human experience is, like, needing, like, a higher power. Obviously, it's because, like, life is fucking suffering and, like, every aspect of life is hell and pain. But, like, that's obviously why we have beauty. Like, not... Whatever. Like, that's why there is love. But, like, why do we need to put the blame somewhere? Is it, like, fucking primal brain syndrome or something? I think it's, like, beyond that. It's, like, we genuinely, as animals, shouldn't have the capacity to think that deeply. Yeah. And it's, like, a...

like a protection, like instinct. It's like an instinct to be like, it's literally just like, oh, oh my God, that is so scary. But God's here. Hi, God. Literally, yeah, like build that wall, like build the wall. Wait, what? What does that have to do with? Like the barrier in your brain. Oh, no, that has a different connotation. You shouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that. That is insane. He literally like- Freaking libtards.

He literally took the term building a wall and made it bad. Well, it's just like the LGBT taking the rainbow and making it bad. I'm emotionally cut off right now, so I just had to build the wall. I just had to build the wall back up.

I had to build the wall between the quarter of me and... They're all autistic. They're all autistic for like becoming so hyper obsessed with that's their special interest is building that damn wall. Like, let's talk about that. You're so stupid. Should we talk about the alphabet mafia?

Gay people? Yeah. Okay. Why do you call them that? Because they're all comprised of killers. Okay, first they took the rainbow, then they took the letters LGBT and Q. Like, what next? What if I wanted to abbreviate those myself? Like, what if I wanted that abbreviation?

Also, the new religion for our generation is literally just the bitches who believe in, like, astrology so badly. Oiled up twerk compilation. It's literally, like, that's the new religion. That's why so many of us aren't religious. And it's because... Drusian sacred geometry and an oiled up twerk compilation. No, that's always been a thing. Yeah. But it has, like, completely... It's become extremely prevalent. Yeah, it's completely replaced. Like, our parents...

That was demonic. Or family members who are religious. Like, I have religious family members who will go on Facebook Live and watch, like, a pastor do, like, a sermon and, like, talk about religion. But on TikTok, there's literally, like, people who are constantly doing tarot card readings. They're constantly, like, going through, like, the astrologies, like, things for the week and all that stuff. And it's literally the same thing. Like, you're tuning in, like, hoping that you hear a message that relays to you so you can find comfort in a situation you're going through. And that's what people who, like, sit...

through sermons are doing. They're waiting for like the pastor to say something like everything's going to be okay. That thing that you're going through that, like that money that you need, need to pay that bill, that like friend that you're hoping to hear from that person who's sick in your life will be okay. Like you're literally just listening out for those things that you need to hear for comfort and you sit. Okay. Yeah. Which is like necessary. It's literally a mess, a necessity for like everybody, but that's what astrology is. It's like you'd sit in because you're like, like your crush will text you back.

your Postmates will get there in 10 minutes. Me trying to think of like... Hard things you go through as your Postmates. Gen Z problems. Like, your Postmates will not be late. The Zaza will fry your brain. Like, I swear, just give it time. Your wax pen will get hot enough that some of the residue will melt down and you will have one last hit of your pen. Your girl will be bisexual. She will perform cunnilingus on another woman in front of you. Like, I swear, it's gonna be okay. Damn.

Otto Felicia. Y'all ever heard of that? Yeah, I've heard the term, but isn't it just like you giving yourself head? Why is there a picture of Taylor Swift buff on your phone? Well, I was going to ask if y'all think this is real. Actually, I don't know. I can't tell.

Oh, yeah. That looks real. I could see after somebody going on a tour that long. Bro, she got buff. Yeah. She cut really hard. She got built. It's actually honestly really impressive that you can do that on tour while diving into a pool. That's all she's doing. All she's doing is swimming? Mm-hmm. That's what I heard. Well, that's crazy because I've been swimming in your mom's coochie because she gets so wet and I'm not that buff. Okay.

Well, oh, I just, can I say it, but we might have to bleep it, but it's like really horrifying. Yeah. But it's about your mom. Okay. No, I don't even want to say it. It's so dark. It's really dark. I don't care. I don't care. Um, okay. Well, uh, your mom got so wet. I made your mom so wet that she turned into mud. Okay.

No, that's good. That's good. That's good. That's dark. We have to leave that in. That's really funny. I thought you were going to say you got her so wet you rehydrated her and she's back to life now. I reanimated your mother. You reanimated her.

I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking wow oh my god I feel so bad for them they deserve ads but we're doing our job you're not doing your job you need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again I like I can't believe I miss reading ads I like I miss the taste okay well should we move on to tipping tipping yeah I don't know we had a we no we had a conversation well yeah

I mean, he's from Texas. Yeah. No, we had a conversation about tipping and we were like, let's write it down. And I just wrote down that like when we tip, we make sure like if it's a jar in front, like I'll wait there for five minutes. I need them to see that. I'm going to put that in there in front of y'all. Have you ever had it where they miss it? Yeah. And I'll like kind of like

I'll like reach back in there. Linger my hand. I'm reaching back in there and pulling it out and dropping it back in. And I'm taking a few bills with me. Yeah, yeah. And I'm just going to make my tip look extremely generous. Now, I literally had that at the dispensary, even though the girl who was checking me out was literally so mean to me. Like, but I think I like, to be clear, I tip all the time. My mom is a waitress. I'm a big tipper. Why do girls... And especially people who perform sexual acts on me, I tip well. Why do women be mean to women? Yeah.

Like literally like y'all are fighting the same battle. Oh my God. Wow. Why is the sexual revolution failed? Why do women be mean to women? Wow. It's like I was channeling. I was channeling. Would you wear? Nothing came good from being gay or whatever you said. Oh, wait. But nothing good. Oh, wait. He says it fucked up. Wait.

You know what we're talking about? No. From being gay, nothing came good. Yeah, he says some shit like that. Like, he thought he was fucking tearing, but he's just literally a freak bitch. Oh, he says... Gay people does not produce anything good. Like, he thought he... Gay people does not produce anything good. Gay people do produce... Wait, we need to finish this. Oh, wait, this is a quote. Like, I need the full thing. Literally. Literally.

Oh, like you agree? For sure. No, with Kai. But yeah, should me and Kai... Okay, and yeah, actually, stay quiet real quick, because me and Kai need to have a conversation. What the fuck? And if you butt in, like, I'm actually gonna get really fucking pissed. But has the sexual revolution failed for women? Oh, yeah, we should get into that. Oh my god. Yeah, and yeah, we're just, we're trying to figure this out. I'm on the side of no.

Yeah, I mean, like porn is not that bad. But like, I mean, I'm so sorry, but you spent the whole episode asking for more oiled up twerking booties. Exactly. That's why it hasn't failed. Because until you see that. Yeah. Once like my feet is all oiled up twerking booties, then it has failed. But it's like one every three videos. It's like hella annoying. You can't just scroll? Yeah, it hurts my fucking finger.

I've always thought about how much I scroll a day. Like, I have to, like, swipe up. Like, I'm not kidding a mile a day. Like, it's really horrifying. You know what it was is the iPhones were made for pro-fingering girls. Oh. Because you get, like, such good dexterity out of your fingers. And then you become extremely, like, well-rounded in terms of fingering girls. That's actually a fascinating theory. Yeah. Yeah.

What the hell were we talking about until we were talking about gay does not produce anything good. I literally don't know. Oh, tipping. Oh, my God. Actually, that just reminded me in high school once the first time I ever went to a restaurant alone with my friends. The waiter was literally lying, bro. OK, I was I'm going to be I was making that story up and I don't know where it was going. But.

time I ever went to a restaurant alone with my friends. It was TGI Fridays. It was me and three of my friends. We walked in and the waiter immediately was not fucking with us. We weren't being rowdy. We were like practicing like being like little adults. So we were like, can we get a table for four, please? Like we were just like being nice, but we sat down and he literally immediately before we even started ordering goes, no,

I don't even know why I'm serving you guys because I know you're not going to tip me. And starts, like, cleaning in front of us. How old was he? He easily... We were, like, 15, 16. He probably was, like, 26. Oh, my God. I was going to say, if he's, like, 18, that's understandable. No, he was, like, a grown-ass man. Like, he, like, had, like, the facial hair of somebody who, like, when he has... When he's 30, it's going to fill in all the way. But he was, like, 25, 26, like, trying out facial hair for the first time. And we were, like...

And then he walks away and comes back with the menu and we're going to order. And he literally is like, everything we're doing, he's like...

I just can't fucking believe I got left with this table. Like, to us. We literally, but we didn't eat there. We just got up and we were like, bitch, fuck you. I hope you fucking die. And then we all just, like, got up and walked out. But we were, like, 15, 16. So I can't be held accountable for that reaction. Now I would have been like, dude, I swear I'm going to tip you. Just please serve me. No, that's like when I was, like,

2013 probably and it was like I was I was a pretty big kid and I was going trick-or-treating and we got to this one house and I was so excited I was like oh this is like one of my final years of trick-or-treating like I'm already like pushing it like whatever I got to this house and they like looked me and my sister and our two friends up and down and they were like

you're a little too big to be doing this, aren't you? And literally just didn't give us candy. And it scarred. I literally did not fucking trick or treat ever again after that day. It was so scarring. And my, this will have to, nah, I'll tell y'all later. But like, there's more to this story because like,

They knew my parents in some capacity. And like my mom and dad went like fucking mama and papa bear mode on them. But like literally so easy. But they're both dead now. So I won. Whoa. I did. Hello. I'm the champion. Did you kill them? I know. Because that sounds like it was like a revenge. Why would you ask me that? What's going to ruin our friendship is when I post revenge porn of you. I think that's going to be the final straw. Wait, how do you even have that?

You know how I have these glasses, but then my other glasses? Yeah. My other glasses are the Ray-Ban Snapchat story glasses, and I've been recording when we have sex. Don't fucking do that, bro. Drew, that's on you. You should have wondered why she had sunglasses on. I thought she thought I was ugly. Well, I lied to him and told him that I had just gotten my retinas scanned, and I'm sensitive to light. Your retinas scanned? I can't say why. Why?

Well, please don't post revenge porn of me. I'm not going to do it now. It's just next time you piss me off, think about it. Okay. Next time I'm rude to you and you want to confront me about it, think about what I have on you. Well, let's think about what I have on you, Reb.

remember for the last 37 nights I've been oiling up your booty and making you twerk and taking videos of it. Yeah, but I thought those were for you because you just don't find them on Instagram. This is for the private spank bank. Nope, I've started an OnlyFans for you. If we live together for the next 10 years, it's literally going to get there and not in a sexual way,

but we're going to be so goddamn fucking bored. Oh my God. Someone asked last week, like what intrusive, what's like my most common intrusive thought. And for the last week, this is crazy. And it like, there is nothing behind this other than I think it would be so fucking funny. And partially because like, I do forget sometimes, but after I pee, like,

I'll just like go wash my hands with my wiener, like sticking outside of my shorts. I can not pull up my pants all the way. And I always have the thought to walk out here and like just expose myself to y'all and be like, oh, fucking like say I forgot it. Like we're almost there. We're almost there.

because I've literally done it with my butt crack and like half my fucking bush. But you see me naked and I'll, but I'll do it to Orion and Drew. Like I'll walk out with my pants literally so low and my fucking coochie is half out. And I'm like, this is, I think the new swag for 2024. And they're like, no dude, you like, that's not a swag. And I'm like, oh, but look at the back. And like my whole ass crack is out. Yeah. And what's fucked up is like when I start jerking off, like when she's doing that, like I'm the bad guy. Like you can't put feet in front of a man and I expect him not to jerk off. Oh,

Oh, feet versus furries. Okay. Listen to this. I have one more thing to add on to the tipping conversation before we move on. But it's kind of a little tangent. And I just want to hear your reaction to this. But this mom took like a birthday party full of kids. Like I think like it was like

17 kids or something like that to the sugar factory. I saw this. Okay, so you already know. But basically what happened was the sugar factory is notorious for their alcoholic drinks and they were just serving alcoholic drinks to these children. And all of them were passed out at the table. And they were all passed out like hella fucked up. I'm sorry, but that is... Oh, okay. That's what you're asking. It's like...

would I tip or not? Yeah, I would tip because I'm like, cool, the kids are asleep. I'm going to throw them in the van and take them home. Dude, the mom was pissed. Yeah, imagine like taking your kids. Also, you're supposed to protect them. It's like embarrassing because she was the adult supervisor of a bunch of other kids that weren't her kids. So it's literally the worst thing ever. Like imagine having to call your homegirl and being like,

Hey, so, Jessie's... I'm gonna drop Jessie off at home, but you're gonna notice a difference in her attitude. She will be slurring and falling all over the place. And it is because she got drunk at Sugar Factory. We got her fucked up at Sugar Factory. Like, I would be so humiliated to have to make that call. I would honestly just lie and be like, dude, your daughter's fucking crazy. She took a Xanax. Like, you need to get that thing under control. But...

But I would also just sue the fuck out of Sugar Factory. I think they might have. Yeah. Or in the process. That's a bad. How was the waiter...

literally looking at that table and be like, oh yeah, they want alcoholic drinks. I think they like switched them out or something. There was like more to the story, but like when the waiter found out like they were getting served alcoholic beverages, they like grabbed them all away from them immediately and like ran to the back and like tried to correct the situation. But I don't think it was fully the waiter's fault. Oh my God, that is so insane. But that's what you get for going to Sugar Factory. I know. I can't believe people are still going to Sugar Factory. I've never been and I really want to go.

Should we go? But oh, we've actually thought about going, but we've literally on the podcast actually have looked up sugar factory, but all the ones in LA are closed. You would have to go to Las Vegas, but sugar factory is having a comeback because I keep seeing it all over the place. So maybe they'll reopen the ones in LA. I,

I have a note in my podcast notes that I just looked at and I was like trying so hard to figure out what I meant by this. Iced oat milk, cortado, simple syrup, Asian chicken salad. But when we went to Jones, I wrote it down in the podcast notes and I was like, fuck, dude, like what am I trying to say here? It's just my order. It's just my order. Well, this is a conversation me and Drew started off camera.

I was saying that foot fetishes need to be normalized because it's not that crazy. I think they're fairly normalized by now. But, like, I think the mass majority still, like, ew, feet. Like, you got your dogs out. Like, I think it's normalized in a way of, like, for free. Like, that's, like, a thing. But it's not because people are like, oh, it's, like, normal to, like... Inya has a foot fetish is what she's saying. I do. I would suck on the toes of the right person. No, I don't think we need to normalize that.

But then you said we need to normalize furries first, and that makes no fucking sense because we're talking about normalizing a human body part versus people who get in fucking animal costumes and fuck. Yeah, no, I think furries are demonized. Obviously, there's bad, but there's bad and a lot of good and everywhere. But I think like furries are like...

They're braver than the fucking Marines. Like, I really do commend them. I'm not a furry. Could never be a furry. I do want a fursona. I'm not a furry. I fucking hate them. They're disgusting. But they're so great. But the, like, conventions, like, the bug furries, those are sick. Like, the moth ones and the critters, like, when they freak it. I will say the costumes are fine.

fire like the commitment to it is fire but then i think about like actually you know what no maybe in this one conversation you're changing my mind what i will say is like if i had to choose between having sex with like a random person who has like no interest and no passions versus having sex with a furry that furry is about to fuck me crazy like that is gonna be some crazy ass like you know

furries are fucking like anybody with a passion that fucking like intense is fucking I have so many passions like so many passions that I love you want to prove it in the bedroom my love yeah no but yeah I think foot fetishes are normalized I think they are a thing and I think it's just like I think true equality is when you can make fun of something and

and being able to make fun of foot fetishes i think just makes it so like it's hella normalized also like i there's like some like like connection in the brain where like the sex center of your brain is right next to like the foot center or something so like sometimes those like neurons like cross fire and that's why some people develop is that real i think so like obviously like

I saw one fucking... I actually did see an article on it. This wasn't me watching a fucking TikTok. Watching a TikTok and saying you read an article? Literally classic. Classic 20-something-year-old vibes. F-E-T-I-S. Foot fetish. Did you just have to spell foot out loud to type it?

Yeah. It occurs in the part of the brain called the somatosensory cortex, which is the area that makes you feel things. Apparently, this part of the brain is right next to the part of the brain that controls your feet and toes. So it crossfires the neurons, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that's why some people develop... Dude, that's why I can't stop looking at your feet.

Can you take your shoes off? We're a no-shoe household and no socks. We've become a no-shoe and no-sock household because your socks can pick up dirt from your house and bring them into my house. Being a no-sock household would be so nasty on hard floors. You need to take your bare feet out immediately. Take the dogs out! I love the sound of feet hitting a floor, like walking around. It's literally so funny. No, because it's funny. It's like duck feet. Our feet literally are like...

Yeah. Like it's so funny that like our feet just like make sounds like we literally as humans, like nobody can be silent. Like everything you do, like there is a sound to it. Yeah. Well, I mean, you never hear me when I sneak into your bedroom at night and watch you sleep.

Well, that's because I'm a heavy sleeper, but sometimes I do peek my eye open a little bit and I see you and then I'm like, oh my God, I'm so happy. Like, I've said this a hundred million times, but Inya in the morning when she wakes up, she has like zero control over her body and like she stomps through the fucking house. Like she like...

I'm just heavy footed as fuck. Literally heavy footed as fuck. Bitch, if I was in Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I'd be done. It's done. It would be done. That game is a key. Like if I was in Fortnite and somebody had their like visual audio thing on, you know how it's like the little feet when they're walking around you? My sounds would be like humongous feet walking around. It would be like an earthquake. If you had to, if you ever had to walk into a room full of everyone you've ever met, who would you look for first?

You. Me? 100% you. I think it would be you too. When I thought of it, it was you first. And then I was like, fuck, that's a hard question though. Because like, it would depend on how I'm feeling. Like, not how I'm feeling. Oh, ew. Because like,

I would be like really stuck between looking for you or Ryan, but I think that includes your family too. Like it's literally like everybody you know. If it was everybody you've ever met, who would you go in looking for? I think without second thought, it would be you because I'm just literally so like used to you. Like I've been away from my family for like a few years now. That's what I was thinking too. Like it's literally just like, oh, where's like Enya? Or like where's Josh? Like where... Yeah, where are my people? Like I always think about that like end of the world situation. Like where...

I would collect you, I would collect Josh, and I would collect Azul, and we'd get in one of y'all's car and, like, drive across the country and... Like, drop off at where we need to go. Yeah, drop off everywhere. I know. That's, like, my biggest thing when I think of, like, the apocalypse and the world ending. I'm like, fuck, dude. Like...

I hate that I wouldn't be with y'all too but I need to be with my family like because of just like I want I love my family but when I read that I was like damn I was like I thought of you and then I was like no it should be like my fucking dad like that's what I should look at for first but just the reality is like I don't think I would like look for my dad first I would look for you which is who would you look for

Oh, I would look for your mom so that I could bang one last time. Yeah. Well, that's funny you say that because in the room of everybody met, if I was with Drew's mom in the room, we'd already be banging. Well, what's funny. So you get your heart broken for no reason. And what also is funny in a room with all the women that I've had sex with, your mom would be the only one in there.

But it's like a thousand times. What? She's like, we've had sex a thousand times. Okay. Oh, okay. Yeah. You've only had sex with his mom? No. No.

Also, me and Drew have realized, or I realized the other day when I was going to get in my car, I looked at my car and I immediately got so humiliated because my car has a fucking nasty little antenna on top of it. Ew, I forgot about this. It was freaking me the fuck out.

the fuck out because I saw it with a friend and I was like has that always been on there and she was like yeah that's always been there and I was like there's no way my car has always had that goddamn fucking antenna on top of it antennas are so stupid looking I immediately got so I got so embarrassed I contemplated going and ripping it off the top of my car because it was so humiliating and then when we were driving we kept looking and every car has like a little nub or

antenna. I was like eye blind to it like I like nose blind to fucking seeing antennas like I literally like it was freaking me the fuck out and there's so many different like variations and shapes there's like nubs and then there's nubs with a stick which those are horrifying the nubs with the stick. Mine has a nub with a stick.

I hate those. I hate those. And then the tall ones that are like on the hood of trucks. Trucks get to have that. Trucks get to have that because like that, like I need to get my truck so I can have that tall antenna and put a little thingy. Like I'll put an LGBT flag on it for Drew because I'm usually going to be driving around with Drew. Yay! Yay!

No, when we were talking about it, like my fucking capitalistic rotten brain like was like, oh my God, like we need to start like a new like antenna like head bob business. Like, you know how people would put like the jack in the box? Yeah, I know. That's not a thing anymore. I was like, we need to restart that. We should make emergency intercom little nubs. That would be fire. That would be really fire. But it's fucking disgusting. And but then it had me thinking, I was like, damn, people who design cars and just like

design objects for everyday use in general you have to be really good at it for it to be a um widely adopted design and those are such good designs because i've had that car for five years and not once have i ever looked at it and seen that stupid fucking nasty tail nub ass and

antenna like why don't they put it in like the fucking taillight or something like this this can do more than what my car can do with that fucking antenna and this doesn't have an antenna like why don't we have an antenna the phone talking to the antenna be like i can do anything you can do better actually technically your phone does have an antenna but it's not sticking out of it like a fucking nasty wiener kai that's what i meant kai oh boo i gotta go into detail for kai

And you got bodied. And you got bodied. But you know what I mean? Like, that shit is internal. Why the fuck does mine have, like, a little chub? Like, my car has a chub. Like, it's so nasty. It's got a little boner. Okay, well, I got a couple more notes. Also, who uses the radio? Why does it need that for the fucking radio? Are you serious? Also, it says it needs it for the radio, but every time I listen to the radio in my car, it is always staticky. It has never been a clear signal.

pisses me off sorry you're beautiful when you're angry because i'm passionate um okay i wrote down i got so lucky to experience uh never mind that one's gay i'll just tell you that one in private this one oh no that's sweet why did you write that just because i thought about it and i like was like literally like that's so real like i literally do i literally do i'm saving that one for me in india

- Oh, it was really sweet guys. But I know he showed me that 'cause he wants to hit later. I know it, I just know that's why it comes up. - I'll let Kai read it. - Oh. - Jeffree Star goes live. - What was that? - I farted. - Insert wing bite. - That sounded exactly like a fart. Was that your phone? - Yeah, it was my phone. I don't know why it made such a strange sound. - Y'all ever get the PS5 controller and put it on your fucking clitoris? - Okay, actually I was saying the other day

the other day I literally was like I'm gonna make an attachment to wait I think I said it on the podcast I'm gonna make an attachment to the PS5 controller that has like a little stick that goes down there but then it would be really bad for your brain yeah it would be bad for your brain because then like what you're running away from someone in Texas Chainsaw Massacre

They're literally killing you. And then like your brain would be getting stimulated in that way. And you're seeing that. And that's how we have so many fucking killers is because the porn industry is so fucking gnarly and disgusting and teaches you to have signaling for abuse to sexual events. And it's really gnarly and it's disgusting. It's because Ellen DeGeneres saves money on makes a billion dollars. Oh, on her editor. It's really good that they did that idea. That's really good that they did that. No, but you said just now. You tore. But I was going to say Jeffree Star goes live every day.

Okay. So I know all of y'all have probably noticed. Wait, I'm sorry, but I do need to clarify that. Like, I saw people the other day being like, why do they keep saying Disneyland and Mardi Gras? And it's gone too far. Mardi Gras! It's gone too far where we're taking, like, our jokes that we have as friends behind closed doors to the public. And we are not explaining it properly.

There is no explanation. There is no explanation. The Mardi Gras thing is just because I said it in Josiah, in like one of the midnight at McDonald's and Josiah thought that it was really funny for some reason. So he's been like, every time he sees me, he's like, say Mardi Gras. And I'm like, Mardi Gras, Mardi Gras. And like, we keep doing it and that's become like a joke. And then Josiah said Disneyland. Disneyland. Mardi Gras.

So now we just keep screaming it. Also, the Ellen DeGeneres joke, I'm keeping that for us. Yeah, that's for us. But that's like an inside joke that you're just never going to understand. And you should have connections with your own friends so you can have those kind of things that you can throw at people and use it as a device to make them so jealous and incentivize their own emotional connection to other people. Jeffree Star. Going live. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jeffree Star. Hello. Oh my God. Hey. Hey.

Hey, just between us. Are you okay? Where'd you go? Where'd you go? Where'd you go? Look at me. Look at me. You seem lost. You looking? Ew. All right. So... I was asleep last night, and I woke up at like 3 a.m. to go pee. Fell asleep with my lights on on top of my covers, by the way. But I did remember to shut my computer this time. Never forget that. Or always. I don't know. But I woke up.

And like my tongue hurt, like the tip of my tongue hurt really bad in my dream. And I woke up and like I was chomping down on the tip of my tongue, like biting on it almost the entire night that I was asleep. And I woke up and I was like, damn, my tongue hurts. And I went back to sleep.

- Oh, I know why your tongue hurts. - And like, my tongue was hurting again in my fucking dream and I woke up this morning biting on my tongue again and if that becomes a fucking habit, it hurts so bad. It literally feels like I just like bit all like, like you know when you burn your tongue on like, like a coffee or hot chocolate? That's what it feels like on the tip of my tongue. Like I scraped all of the fucking taste buds off and it hurts so bad. - Good, now you can give yourself vegetables or something and you don't have to think about the taste. Okay.

You almost made me yell. You almost made me yell. You're lucky. You're lucky. You almost made me raise my voice. Yeah, you almost made me. Wait, what were you on? Jeffree Star. It took four seconds.

Four freaking seconds. Oh, what I said, though, is it's literally like, you know what? I'm going to tell you something. I wasn't blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm not even sad that you broke your elbow. Yeah, it's like the same. It's the same phenotype of person. Is it not the same person? No, no. Whoa, my brain just fused those together. Yeah, exactly. But...

What the fuck? Oh, Jeffree Star goes live every day. I'm sure everyone has noticed. Like, why is Jeffree going live every day? It probably started out as, like, boredom, like, in fucking Wyoming, wherever he is, like, being bored as fuck. Well...

it's evolved into him doing those TikTok battles right well I ran the numbers you can see how many gifts people get like there's like a ranking system and Jeffree Star without fail every single day is in the top three like that I've been checking for the last week he's in the top three every single day with like anywhere from like 1.3 million to like 3 million gifts a day

there's a calculator online that I looked and I did like very conservative numbers and

He's making eight to like 13, $15,000 a day on TikTok live streaming only. If that, if this calculator is correct, but it's so insane. Like he's, people are giving him essentially $40,000 a day and then it's getting cut down and after taxes and everything, it becomes eight. And then I was like, that's why he does it. He's making more money doing TikTok live than he ever did on YouTube or anything like that.

That's an exaggeration. Well, no, he's making so much money because of all that yak meat. God knows it's flying off the shelves. I would eat yak meat, but it probably just tastes like meat. Like when people start eating like extravagant meats from other animals, I'm like, bro, iguana tastes like chicken. So like there's probably just like 18 other species that just tastes like chicken. I will say like there is like a level of like nasty gaminess to like wild caught meat that I don't fuck with. Wild cock meat. Yeah. You don't fucking suck cocks? Um.

Whoa. I don't know why I said that. Like, I literally don't... I didn't even think that thought. It just, like, came out of my mouth. That was, like, so weird. But, like, there's, like, a level of, like, this flavor profile that's just so fucking nasty, Boots, that, like, is, like... Ew, dude. Gave me a taste like it's been outdoor and it's, like, astringent and it's, like, fucking stringy and tough. It's, like...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. But I'm sure it tastes just like oxtail. Oh, I would... Fuck. Oh, I'm getting oxtail today. Oh, okay. Well... Oh, yeah, I got one more. I guess it could go into Drew's Psyop Corner. Yeah. Yeah, we'll do Drew's Psyop Corner. It's the grind. Oh, my God, guys. Exciting news. I...

have something to say and just joining this one is not nearly i think magnum opus was last week like drew sap corner last week was magnum opus your magnum opus was you saying to out people in the comments that was like the funniest thing i've heard in a long time um being a grimes fan is like being a lana fan in 2014 we are in the trenches we're

I'm a closeted Grimes fan. You can't say publicly that you're a Grimes fan, but like, I'm sorry. No, it literally is like what it was like saying you're a Lana fan in 2020. It was like saying you're a Lana fan from like 2014 to 20, like 22. It was like, oh, you're a Lana fan. Like, okay. And now, now it's all the right. Yeah. But,

Grimes is just misunderstood y'all aren't really listening to the message as she's saying you're just hearing the words and taking them at face value and very literally but also she has said some really fucking whack shit but like like I said we're in the trenches like Lana doing cocaine and like telling her 12 year old fans to do cocaine

Oh, I didn't talk about the Halloween mask. They made a fucking Halloween mask of me and are selling them at Party City. It's kind of fucked up. It's fucking crazy. Charge your phone, be bisexual, eat hot chips, and lie. Yeah, it's true. That's so real. I'll show you the video after. Do you have it saved in you? I have it in our text. It'll be easy to... Okay. Drew Psyop for real this time. Welcome to Drew Psyop Corner.

You ever get high with someone and bust out laughing because they ugly as fuck? That's fucked up. That's why I can't get high around you. What the fuck? The male version of Shein is he out. Okay. Oh, I have gay people does not produce anything good. But like, obviously, that's not true because Kaya and Anya are here making the podcast. But like, wow. I thought I had COVID, but I was just in pussy withdrawal. Okay.

That's all I got, guys. This was a flop. I tried so hard. That's really crazy. Yeah, mine is girlhood, bitch, you're 28. We need to take that word away from people. Girlhood, she was a fairy. Bitch, you are 32. You need to calm the fuck down. Womanhood.

Part of girlhood. No. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to shut the fuck up. All right. Media of the week. Yay. I saw past lives and it made me want to kill myself. Unknown Death 2002. Just listen to the album. Give it a listen by Young Lean. I feel like you might like it a little bit. Shawnee Bin Laden, Grinch Shed Shit.

whole lot of wickedry, walk heart. Chani Bin Laden is just fucking lit. You know who I was listening to the other day and I was like, damn, like, you're actually like the voice of a generation. Like you shaped so much culture. Like, and I don't even know he realizes it, but young thug, like young thug is like that bitch. Like no one's really like talking about it, but like we need a free young thug, like for real.

We need to free me from the prison that is having to do this podcast with you. Vespertine. Listen to Vespertine by Bjork. I know I say it like once every month, but like literally I'm begging you. It's like best album. I'm trying to get everybody on that shit. Like stop saying post or debut as her favorite album. Like there's skips. No, I will say Vespertine is like between Vespertine and post, I would throw on Vespertine over post. But like possibly maybe. Yeah.

Possibly maybe. There's like, it's oh so quiet, hyper ballad, army, possibly maybe like the modern things. But like other than that, like. Did you say army of me? Yeah. There's not like much replay value for me. Oh wait, but I really like, I miss you.

But I haven't met you yet. And headphones. Actually, wait, this is hard. Maybe this is like actually. Wait, I'm going to count. Headphones, I Miss You, Possibly Maybe, It's So So Quiet, Hyper Ballad Army. I mean, I didn't count those, but that's like more than half of the album. It's like bops, bops, bops. Vespertine's Got Hidden Place, Cocoon, It's Not Up To You. It's not? Undo. Oh, fuck, but also Debut. Pagan Poetry, Frosty, Unison.

So like they're pretty pretty tight. But debut has human behavior like someone in love. What do you sing that one? I like literally can't. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Around me. Big time sensuality. Big time sensuality. Damn, it's a Bjork day. No, I think we're the first humans to tap into that octave. Like literally.

No, Bjork is that bitch. And I know a lot of y'all are in the phase of faking liking Bjork because like you want to be a part of it. And I swear to God, just keep pushing and it will click for you one day. No one listens to Bjork the first time and likes her. I swear to God, it's like Blade. Like Bjork finds you. You don't find Bjork. You don't find Blade.

It'll come to you when you need her. Well, my media of the week is Suzanne by Leonard Cohen. And that's no way to say goodbye by him. But I don't think that's the real name of that song.

Actually, let me just find it. Like, as if anybody actually listens to what I say because nobody gives a fuck. Hey, that's no way to say goodbye. April by Brian Greene is such a good song. Hey, hey. The album Anyhow by Leland Witte, which is an album you convinced me to listen all the way through because I had only originally listened to like the popular. Is it the Greene?

Yeah, I had originally only listened to the first two tracks on this because it was like like glass moon was the only one I had listened to and then I listened to the whole album and I love the album I listen to it every time I'm in the sauna. It's like freaky like it's like nice like jazzy like yeah It's like a nice like jazzy ambient album weird and it like has like drums in it which I usually like like for ambient music to have like drums is like really nice and

A Summer Wasting by Belle and Sebastian, Together We Are Beautiful, which is what I said last week. And honestly, anything by Blossom Deary. Nice. Or like not the song, but like just Blossom Deary, period. I am... I'm shadowing you. ...watched...

Adventure Time, which I know... Wait, hold on, let me restart. I watched Adventure Time for the first time, like sat down and watched like a bunch of episodes back to back because like obviously like I've seen bits and pieces and episodes through like friends or like...

on cartoon network when i would watch cartoons or like whatever that vibe was but like i never sat down and like consumed it and everyone in my life was like drew you would like love that show so much it's so drew core like it's literally it i know it's probably like hearsay for me to even say like as a 25 year old man like to that i haven't seen adventure time but i sat down and watched like two hours and 20 minutes worth um yesterday while i was like drawing and working

I can say that everyone was right it is the best cartoon ever made yeah it's really good like a best cartoon ever made you've seen midnight gospel right yeah yeah yeah dude that's such like a also that's from the same creator yeah it's so genius for them to like take a podcast take or not even that but like or that plus like that's I've never even had a thought close to that level of like ingenuity and geniusness but like

The fact that we grew up watching Adventure Time and then now that we're old enough to consume these deeper...

Topics. It's cool that the same creator, so it's familiar and it's nostalgic, but it's also heavy and deep and it's things that we actually have probably experienced. And I need Duncan Trussell. I need him. Come here. Come here. All right. Come here. And we'll end the episode with that. So thank you guys for watching. We want to have sex with Duncan Trussell. Tag team. Tag team.