Airbnb horror stories
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Oh my fucking god!

Oh, my ovaries hurt so bad right now. Mine fucking too. I'm on my goddamn period. I have a flight to Paris in an hour. Wait, if you're on your period, you can't get on a flight. You're not allowed to get on a flight when you're on your period. Yeah, I know. Because it's going to stink up the whole cabin. The stink and also my ovaries will explode from the pressure and like the uterine lining will splat against the screen, like whatever. Yeah.

we have a flight to Paris because we're so booked and busy and every brand wants to work with us. And it's so lovely. And we're so important to the culture that they're putting us in economy on a flight. So it's like next to the toilets, literally. And it's just really important to us that like we,

We're not even sitting next to each other. I know, it's crazy. When we get there, we should see if we can sit next to each other. Because I want to sit next to my bae. Because last time we went to Paris, we didn't sit next to each other. That flight, I sat next to two sisters who I think were German. And I remember I was like, wow, they're like...

literally speaking German, leaving LA to go to Paris, which shouldn't be that shocking because they probably had a fucking layover and I'm just dumb. But I was like, wow, the world is so like intersected. Like they live in LA and they're also going to Paris, which is like in Europe. So they could literally just like go back home if they wanted. Well, we started a show called MILF Manor. And if you do not, if you don't know what that show is, please, this is the second time we are going to be recommending this.

where it's like so insane. And I actually don't believe anyone under like 21 years of brain function should be watching a show like this. Genuinely, I believe that. But if you haven't seen it and you don't know what it is, do not look it up and start watching it because it is the most insane thing ever. And Discovery Channel...

Someone needs to take away all their funding. There's a twist to it that don't look up the twist. Literally just go into it completely raw and watch the first episode. Wait until like a little past halfway and you'll find out really what's going on.

And it's the craziest shit ever. It should not exist. It's so fucking weird. It's dangerous. It is tampering with God. It's really fucking weird. But it is so addicting to watch. And you can watch all five episodes that are out in the same day because it's brain dead.

Oh my god, that's literally what we did. Like, watched all five episodes. There's a new episode out today. Then we ran outside because it was rain showers and there was a rainbow and we played in the rain. And it was fucking gorgeous. So basically what we were doing is we were doing the opposite of what God wants us to do, which is watching a show that is literally playing with fire and disgusting, but it is so insane that you have to watch it.

And then we did exactly what God wanted, which was it was gorgeous outside. So we went outside and we played around. And Josiah went outside barefoot and he did not wash his feet. No, he didn't. He came in and actually washed them because I made fun of him because I was like,

It's one thing to do this in like the country or like somewhere where it's not an inner city, but you are literally running around on glass covered hepatitis B infected streets. Like you need to wash your feet, please. And it's disgusting. And he tracked his dirty feet into our house and into the floor of our shower. And it probably got into all my wounds when I and all my orifices when I bathed.

Sometimes before I take a bath, like I'll like wash out the bottom of the tub. I do that every time. Because I get really scared. Yeah. I'm like, this is scary. If I don't shower right before, I'm like, I need to do that. Also because- Because when I shower, I use my feet and I like rub them. There's like body hairs and I don't even want to like look into what part of the body they came from. Always on the floor of the shower. And I'm so good about washing mine down because I'm like, I don't want people to see my fucking disgusting leg hairs and nasty fucking giant. I have 14 inch pubes.

And I just wash them down like after it's done. Oh, I thought it was your hair. That's why like usually when I see it, I play with it and I like twirl it. No, you're playing with my pubes. Oh my God. Yeah. They are very strong. Oh my fucking God. I can't, I cannot believe I forgot about this yesterday. I thought you were going to say it, but I was like, you're being so nice. I cleaned the shower drain yesterday because for the second time in like two months, like it clogged so fucking fast that,

which you would think oh we just live in an old building maybe that's what it is well i went in there and i was like oh maybe i just need to put drano down there no it was so clogged from the sheer amount of buildup from hair and other bodily liquids that we just said in the last episode that we don't like saying the word but i'm sure you can assume what it is not mine i don't know who the fucks it is it's mine pulled it out and it was like a

clump. It was alive. Stop! It was literally alive. It was like a clump that was this long and the odor that filled the room was like vile and it was all over my fingers and I put it in the trash can because I was like, I can't flush this. It's going to get clogged. It was so much. So it's sitting in the trash can in there right now and it was disgusting.

We're building biohazard because also my fucking old stinky pads are in there. So we're literally going to come back to the house like being like, no, we're creating a homunculus. You know what a homunculus is? It's where dudes put their semen inside of an egg and it creates a little creature. It

It's like a cryptid. Yeah. And some of them grow eyes. That's illegal, huh? Probably. We should try it. No. But we're creating that with the... With my pads. With my pads and the old coom. Four-year-old jizz. That is actually probably the most disgusting thing we've said on this podcast. Yeah, it's disgusting. Because that actually just made me sick to my fucking stomach. Yeah, sorry. That's just the way it is. But yeah. That is what make it nasty. Absolutely vile. We live...

Our friends that come in and out of this house, nasty people, nasty people. They hate us. And then sometimes we have visitors and it's just, who would have thought? Yeah, last night we had one of the craziest encounters of our entire life, I think. Genuinely. It was literally so funny. We're not going to name this person, but just know they're an uber celebrity. One of the most famous people you've ever met.

seen met in your life and they hit up india and was like yo i need a place to stay like really badly like i need somewhere to stay and then he was like okay i literally my first was i was like damn damn

Damn. Yeah. Because it was so late and I was like, I can't make these kind of... It was 5.40 in the morning. Yeah, I was like, I can't make these kind of decisions. Like, I live with people. They'll wake up to another person in this house and be like, the fuck did you do last night? Like, where were you? Why is this person here? And I was just like, well, fuck. But I am an angel. Literally, like, oh my God. I am a fucking angel sent from God. Like, genuinely, I am so... I'm just like a really good person. You can just like...

like set grudges aside. Like I think, okay, so what I need is somebody to make an edit of me and like make it like best person in the world. I'm trauma checking this right now. Are our mics even working? Yeah, they are. Okay. But I got hit up way early. So basically it's like 5 a.m. I had said yes to this person coming and like crashing for the night and

And I was like, oh, well, now what? No one I know is awake. Drew's not awake. Josh isn't here. I don't want this person sleeping in the living room. I want to throw them in Josh's room. So I called Josh first and I like Josh doesn't sleep, but he just wasn't home. And I call him and I tell him and he's cracking the fuck up because he cannot believe what's happening. And we're just on the phone for like 20 minutes. And then he was like, does Drew know?

and i go no because drew's asleep because it's 5 a.m and he sleeps at fucking 8 p.m because he's actually old and i was getting ready to wake up yeah i know which is also why i didn't feel too bad about like waking you up because i was like his wake-up time is literally in 40 minutes but i felt really bad doing it because i knew you were gonna have trouble falling back to sleep it scared the fuck out of me when you woke me up i was like it's like i know you were literally so scared you were like this and then i told you and you were like

What? No. What? No. I really could not believe it. I genuinely thought I was dreaming. Being woken up to that is so confusing. It was really jarring and scary. But then it became the funniest thing I think we've ever experienced in our entire life at 540 in the morning. And basically...

This person came over but before they came over me and you were like freaking out like what if like blah blah blah happens? Like what if they do this like why is this happening? This is so weird I can't believe this is happening just like gossiping about it and it was so funny cuz I was like stay up I was like you need to stay up and then drew was like that would be so weird if I was just away. Yeah, um

Which is true. But I didn't want to be alone with this person. But you weren't alone because I was awake in my room. Yeah, listening. Because I was like, I'm going to listen to make sure nothing weird fucking happens. And I need the tea. I need to be able to tell y'all what goes down. Even though we have to hide a huge part of it. The identity. Yeah.

There are so many layers to this. I know. It goes so deep. And I know people are going to be so fucking mad. And speculate. Because it is so annoying to tell a story and leave out the main parts of it. But why it's so funny is basically Drew fully injured. I got Drew so awake before. It took this person like almost 40 minutes to get here also. And it's.

it took so long that in that time I got Drew at-- like, Drew was out of bed and walking around in the house with me, and we were cracking up. We were literally, like, I had it laugh like that that night and so long because we were giggling like little kids. It was so funny. - Well, this person gets here,

I'm listening to the entire conversation it's really interesting it's really weird for me I can't believe it's going down it's hilarious I'm literally in my bed cracking up that this is actually happening and going down in my house right now

And they just come in with their luggage and put it on the floor of Josh's bedroom, get ready for bed. And that's pretty much it. Yeah, like a quick encounter for the most part. Yeah, very quick encounter. They like knew what they had to do. They knew it was like a kind of a weird request and they just got what needed to be done, done, sleep, sleep.

and getting ready for bed. But the funniest part about this entire fucking story is Inya texts me and she's like, can you hear this? What is that? I heard that too. Was it a little like... Oh no, it's like a piece of fuzz. Oh no, I heard something outside and I thought that's what you hear. I was like, I think it's a dog. But Inya texts me and is like, can you hear this? And I'm like, no, I can't really hear anything. And then she plays the caveman scream, but...

Like, over her... My home pod. Her home pod. Like, just loud as fuck. And you can hear it clear as fucking day. Like, it's like... It sounds like it's resonating in my room. And I start dying laughing. Because, like, the dude that's staying here has no idea that we're doing this. And the reason they left the place they're staying at is because...

They were horrified of their Airbnb, which we'll get into more horror stories from Airbnb if you'd like. And we just started trolling them really hard. Which is so mean because this person probably just got, like, PTSD'd out because they basically had a barbarian incident happen to them. And...

We just ignored that because it was too funny. And we started playing horror movie sounds. Like, we started... I just, like, from... Like, basically muffled, but very clear. You could hear this. I have a video of it. And I'm like... And I'm like, the other one. I'm like, this is the funniest thing ever. Let me record this because, like, I can't believe this is so loud. Like, how are you doing that? And then so she plays...

This sound which I didn't mean for this one to play basically what was happening on my end is me and you were texting and we're literally sending each other audio messages of us cracking up like I am laughing probably the loudest I've laughed in a long time and I felt really bad because I was like I hope this person doesn't like hear us laughing and like think we're like oh my god this is so embarrassing for them or whatever exactly but I'm laying in bed and I'm sharing a wall with this person so I'm like

freaking out and I'm like sobbing real tears down my face and trying so hard. The picture you sent me of you is like still the funniest picture you have ever seen in my fucking life. I'm trying so hard not to laugh out loud but like I've never laughed like this like ever in my life and then Inya plays this sound and I get a video of it.

I'm sure a lot of y'all have noticed we don't have many ads anymore and you're probably thinking wow oh my god I feel so bad for them they deserve ads uh but we're doing our job you're not doing your job you need to fucking subscribe and engage with me or I will never do my job again I like I can't believe I miss reading ads I like I miss the taste oh wait it's this one and I didn't so basically just play play play it no wait no no no no

Play it again. Play it into the mic. Play it again. Play it again. Let me play it. This sound. And I record it and I'm like, what the fuck was that? Was that like a crying baby? He was like, why did you play that one? We were not supposed to play that one.

was happening on my end i'm screaming laughing at this point what ended up happening on my end is my fucking phone wasn't connecting to my home pod for some of the sounds so i was like fuck i need to find a new one because like i want to keep doing this because i don't want this person to fall asleep before we keep yeah before we keep so evil because it's like 6 a.m and like tired as fuck and i kept scrolling through them and i accidentally played that and it literally made me laugh so fucking hard wait

Did you hear what I just said? That one is not connected. I don't know why I said that, but I was like, I wish we could, we'll put that video here. Yeah.

Because this video has been making, the weekend dancing has been making me laugh for days now. I don't know why they're so funny to me, but this one cracked me up when I saw it on TikTok.

And I was like, damn, imagine we could, like, somehow project or map that into that room. And, like, that would be my dream right now. It's just, like, that person, like, laying down and then, like, feeling, like, light shine through their lids and they wake up. And it's just, like, a big thing of the weekend dancing. The worst dance we've ever seen in our life. But, yeah, so we troll this person all night until 6 a.m. I stay up really late on accident because I'm basically already awake.

Oh, yeah, play that again. You're like, don't do it again. And I kept doing it. Yeah. And then the next morning, it's like 11 a.m. And...

They wake up and literally nothing is said about it. We don't say anything about it. And they move on with their life. Yeah, they just they got up and left. They did exactly what they needed to do, which was just like sleep somewhere because it was fucking 5 a.m. And I was the only person awake. Basically, we're thinking about renting Josh's room out on Airbnb because I think we would be better Airbnb hosts than Airbnb.

98% of airbnbs that are on the market right now um because for some reason we attract negativity and violence when it comes to airbnbs um and we have a few horror stories um it starts with when we were first coming to los angeles a bunch um a bunch and um

We get this Airbnb for 10 days. And it felt like 8 million years. Yeah, it felt like 10 years. It was like probably the longest I've been away from home. But anyways, we get there and it's like Airbnb defied the fuck out. Like gray walls, Ikea furniture, like weird paintings that I don't know if they actually exist or it's like an alien is projecting them onto the wall. Like I do not know where those like red bubble paintings come from. But they're all over the walls. And.

And we get there and we're staying for a couple days.

And then Enya realizes she has bites all over her, but she doesn't say anything because she's, like, kind of embarrassed. Yeah, because I'm like, why do I have little marks on my leg? Yeah, and she doesn't really think anything of it. Hasn't really had an interaction with freeze before. Also, I'm really sensitive to, like, dust mites. Like, if a bed, like, has dust in it, I will break out into, like, little hives and bites from that. So that's what I thought it was. I was like, oh, that's so embarrassing, my eczema. And then I'm sitting on the carpet, and I start getting...

like in the living room and I start getting bitten alive on my legs, hands and wrists. And I'm like, okay, this is literally not normal. So I like look at the carpet and I'm like, oh, nothing's wrong. And then I keep looking at it and it starts moving. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm like hallucinating. Like this is fucking crazy. And then I look a little bit closer and I realized that there's millions and millions of fucking fleas in this carpet. This is 2017, 2016. Yeah.

And I freak the fuck out. I jump up and I'm like, Inya, those bites are from fleas. We have flea bites all over us. And I was like, no, no, no. Like, no, there's no way. Like, why would we just have fleas? Yeah. And then I start panicking because I'm like, oh, like we're going to get Lyme disease. My dumb ass thought fleas and Lyme disease at the time were correlated. It's ticks and Lyme disease. And I started spiraling on my phone thinking about Lyme disease. Inya's going throughout the entire house, like trying to get to the bottom of this, like ripping sheets off the bed. I'm being Mama AF.

Mother AF. Seeing little black dots in the bed and we're like, okay, evidence of fleas in the bed, evidence of fleas in the carpet. Well, we move to the backyard where there's an outdoor washer and dryer. Where I was already washing my sheets because again, I thought it was dust mice. So I was like, I'll just wash the sheets and move on with my fucking life. I go into the washer to pull this thing out and it is a white sheet that is borderline black at the corner. No, it is literally all black. Yeah, it was just like colorless.

in fleas and I drop it and we were like, oh, fuck no. And they're jumping out like pop rocks. Yeah, they start jumping out onto us and then we're running through the house and we have white socks on and we look down at our feet and our socks are basically black covered in fleas and we're freaking out and then I call the Airbnb host. They're like,

This was, I remember this was the moment where we all realized that I was no longer like an angry child who was crazy. Because I remember you made a comment and it actually made me feel so good that day. Where you were like, I am so shocked you were not screaming your head off and freaking the fuck out and yelling at this man. Because I was like so calm and I was like, this just sucks. We got to get it figured out. They have a way of getting to my sis's heart, like my girl's heart. Like I can make her feel good in ways she can't even describe. And sexually? Yeah.

I can't satisfy you sexually. Yeah, I know. We're still not there. But one day, hopefully, with the right machinery, we can get there. Yeah, with the jackhammer, maybe. But that just reminded me of the... Wait, what the fuck did you just say? I said it reminded me of the TikTok sound. You did not say that at all. You said... Sorry, I'm drunk. I'm really fucking drunk right now. But my...

My cramps right now are actually hurting and it's making me think my body right now is so unused to cramps that my body is convinced I have to shit. Oh my God, our periods sink because I have cramps right now too. I can feel them in my shins. It's just like you can't let me have anything. I know, I can't. I really can't. I wish I wasn't this way.

Anyway, it reminded me of the TikTok song that I was like, I'm going to need some WD-40 and something else. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's that streamer. Whatever. You're just not in the loop and you don't have to. And duct tape? Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes. But...

I called and then like you made a good point of this the first time we tried to record this fucking episode. But actually it was the third time. Oh, he scammed the fuck out of us because what should have happened is that Airbnb. We were just taking advantage of because we were young. Yeah. That's really what it was. At the time that Airbnb for us was so expensive. Like that was I remember I remember us booking that Airbnb and being like, well, fuck, like

We can't go shop at round two now because we spent all of our money here. Yeah, literally. And it was like, well, we're just that's our thing. We're going there to do that. And then we're going to like fucking eat French fries for dinner every day to survive. French fries and alcohol. Yeah.

but he moved us. It was like a duplex. I remember, remember at first he moved us into the side unit and we were like, there's still fucking fleas in here because that place was covered in fleas too. It was a full flea infestation. Like the entire house. Um, even though humans hadn't been in there the whole time we were there. Um, and then he just got us to pack our bags, pay for our own Uber to another location, to another Airbnb that sucked balls of his. And we just went and,

We just stayed there. We just stayed and we didn't say anything. We were like, yeah, this is just it. And then I think like we ended up moving back to the other one. Like, cause he got somehow, oh, he got it cleaned and like got it sprayed down and there were no more fleas. And he tried to lie to us and say, oh, there weren't fleas anywhere. And we were like, no, look at these photos we have of the fleas. Yeah. He was like, oh, it wasn't even an infestation. It was just like a few little, like, it was like, no, look at our ankles and wrists. We were literally covered in bites.

You feel good? I just have like sometimes like a word reverberates in my head over and over again. And if I don't say it out loud or if I don't mimic something someone else is saying, it's

It will ruin me. It'll melt me. Dude, I know that for like repeating what someone says to me and it's so bad. Like why do I have the biggest urge when someone says something that I think is funny just repeating it back to them? I know. It's so bad. Or just like anytime they say something and I have nothing else to say, I just want to repeat it back. If I don't get it out of my head, it feels like my brain is going to melt. Also, Drew pointed out that we only speak in high – what is it?

What is it? How did you phrase it? When we were at the store and I was like, what would you do if I blah, blah, blah right now? I don't know. We only speak in... You were like, we only speak in like hypotheticals and like really fictional hypotheticals to each other when we're out in public and we're like running errands. All we do is...

What if I did this? What if this happened? Yeah, we don't actually ever communicate when we're in public because we're in like a constant state of bit where we're always trying to troll the people around us to like give them a story to tell. And that woman that day who we were doing that in front of had no reaction to the way we were acting and talking. Also, bystander effect. No, literally, like we were genuinely fighting and she said nothing to us, which is.

She could probably. I mean, we were in there for like 30 minutes, so she probably saw us being normal. And she's like, bitch, I'm not letting these kids. I'm not letting these kids troll me. But the other Airbnb story. I'm not letting you 16 year olds troll me. I'm not 16. I'm 24. I'm 16. Why are you hanging out with a fucking 24? Why are you hanging out with a 16 year old? Because you're my fucking son, bitch. I raised you.

All these bitches is my sons. You're turning 17 soon. How do you feel about that? Honestly, really good. One step closer to being able to buy cigarettes. Too bad puff bars are banned. But the craziest fucking thing...

that has ever literally ever happened to me happened to me yesterday i don't know how crazy it could be because everything that happens to you is the craziest thing that's ever happened everything that happens to drew is either the worst thing that's ever happened to him the craziest thing that's ever happened to him or the greatest thing that's ever happened to him and it is yeah it simply is okay so yeah i go to the front door you heard me talking to this man for like an hour right yeah not an hour it's probably like five minutes when you came back with

No, I went down to the door. I spoke with him for 15 minutes. It was yesterday. And do you want to know what he said to me? What? He said, it sounds like I'm fucking making this shit up. But he looked at me and he was like, yo, like, if you show me your balls, I'll give you a puff bar. Apparently, he had known that I quit.

I don't know how he knew I quit, but I said no. Yeah, but you were good, though. You were like 10 days. Like he went like 10 days without a puff bar, which is like good. I still am. You're on day like 13. I still am. Yeah. So I was just like. You said no. Obviously. Yeah. Okay. But you came back upstairs with no shirt on. So did he just like. Well, I was getting my water bottle from Mason at the same time. Oh, okay. Yeah.

That's just suspicious that you were down there for so long and you didn't show me your balls and you had no shirt when you came back up. Like, yeah. Okay. But you didn't show him your balls. No. Still no puff bar. Okay. I'm, I'm proud of you. Yeah. I haven't puffed in 15 days. And you, and you, and you kept your pride because you kept your balls in your pants for once. So that makes me happy, which is honestly really hard for me. Yeah, I know. Sometimes they just like fall out. Yeah. Well,

Well, I'm proud of you and your self-control because that actually takes a lot. So I am really proud of you. Should I say the other Airbnb story that got me like the worst review that actually made me. This is the thing. The one with the rats. Yes. The garage. Yes. I fucking booked this Airbnb because I was like, this is cute. Like, I actually want to look at pictures because that's what I did last time is like the other one. I was like, oh, I remember these Airbnbs being super nice and being like, oh, my God. Yes, this is everything. And then being like later on, like,

Where'd you get that? They don't sell the- Oh my god. Oh my god, you were fucking disgusting. It's not cheating, he just looked at them and played with them a little bit. He even asked to fucking play with them and you let him play with them. Oh, no, I'm done. I can't with you anymore, I'm done. Oh, so when I cheat it's a problem, but when you don't cheat it's not a problem. Do you fucking hear yourself? Also, you think I don't cheat. I don't get caught. I cheat, bitch.

See when the tables turn. Now it's a big deal. Did you just spit? Did it squirt in your mouth? It's squirting on you. So this other Airbnb was in a fucking garage. And I was like, oh, this is cool. This is retro. This is retro AF. Like, wow. So cool that he did this. Wait, I wonder where it is.

October. October. Dude, looking back at the Airbnbs we've stayed in, these Airbnbs are fucking gross. And we thought it was like ultra lux. Yeah, we were like, this is such a loss. We're living the best life. Dude, this is it.

the photos make it look better than it was. Like the photos. It's so chic. It's actually really nice to this day. Yeah. Like the photos make it look really nice. But then when you get inside, you realize, oh, this is actually just a man's garage. It's a shack. Like it's literally, this is fucked up. Yeah. Like I did S here. Yeah. Like I made S happen here. Like that's, like,

that is the magic of me. And then I slept on the floor in the other room in a sleeping bag. You slept on a sleeping bag. I slept in a fucking sleeping bag with rats running all around this fucking room. And we knew there were rats because again, your snooping skills kicked in and Drew was snooping around and he was like, there's a fucking rat trap up here. And I think it was you, me and Emma hanging out that day. And we were like, there's a fucking rat trap. And we were all looking. We were like, there's, there is a rat trap. Like what the fuck? But we didn't think anything of it because I was like,

I got a few little buddies at home. Like that's not the biggest deal ever. Because I would assume it was just precautionary. No, there was fully a fucking rat in that Airbnb because what ended up happening is Drew ended up leaving because he was there for a shorter time than me because I had business to take care of. That was very important for me at the time.

Sex. Yeah, I had lots of sex. There was lots of sex to be had for me in this beautiful city. And I was there for longer and I had just gotten this gorgeous vintage tour shirt. Now it's vintage. At the time, it was only like four or five years old. But it was a Lil Wayne shirt.

Drake merch t-shirt from when they went on when they went on tour together and I had I had it laid across like the makeshift kitchen table counter they had and at the time is that's when I was like vegetarian I think and I was like obsessed with just grabbing like cheese crackers and avocados and I would literally like scoop out avocado and like chomp and eat avocado and I left half of an avocado on the counter because I was like I'm gonna eat that later but then

something happened where i just had to leave the house so i was like oh my god got ready quick ran out of the house always leave half avocados out or do you just forget about no i leave them out because i don't like putting them in the fridge for some reason like i don't know why i think it dries it out and like but that's my family does that like my family like leaves out like they don't refrigerate cut onions and like avocados and stuff they leave it like in the fruit basket at home so i think i just do that because they did that and i was like this is the way of life um i

just oxidize it a little bit yeah also like i don't like cold avocado like when i'm eating like i it's like too much for my teeth like and i'd rather have like a room temperature tomato too like i hate having tomatoes in the fridge because when you go to eat i'm like this is so cold for what like you don't go to a restaurant eat a cold tomato on a fucking bagel like the tomato is never cold it's room temperature but um that aside i when i came back i'm like on my phone i look up

And the avocado is bitten the fuck up. And I was like, I know I didn't do that. And there was rat poop and fucking avocado turds all over this fucking Drake and Lil Wayne shirt. And I was just looking at it. I was like, that is fresh because I was just here and I just put the shirt down and that was not there. Bitch, the fucking rat came, ate my avocado and shit all over my new shirt. And I just freaked the fuck out. I was like, fuck no, I am not staying here. I had friends at the time. So I was like, I'm not even going to say anything. I'm just going to like,

I contacted Airbnb and then not say anything to the host. I contacted Airbnb and they were like, we can't do anything about it. You need to talk to the host and like get a refund from them. And basically telling me I needed to convince the Airbnb host to give me a refund. And then the Airbnb host was like, no, I'm not giving you a fucking refund. Like I don't have rats, even though I had a picture of the rat shit all over my goddamn shirt and his rat traps.

And he just wouldn't give me a refund. The Airbnb just like stayed empty until... And I left my shirt there because I was like, I don't want my shirt now. It's literally covered in rat piss and shit. I'm not going to take that shirt anymore. And then he left me the nastiest review. He was like, she was so fucking dirty and disrespectful, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I didn't know that your replies on Airbnb to the host are public. And I said, wait, I want to look...

my exact words. And while you're finding that, I, one thing about me is I'm a snooper. Like, do not let me into your space because I will learn everything I need to know about you

By looking through your shit, because like I can if you have a junk drawer versus if you don't, I can tell the type of person you are. I can tell by what's inside the junk drawer, the type of person you are. I can look at your pills and vitamins and your prescriptions and know the type of person you are and what you get up to in your activities.

your mental state. Like I can learn so much through snooping. I can find your tax documents and go through those. Like, don't let me into your space because any Airbnb I've ever been in, I have ripped to shreds and gone through everything to find anything about this person. Which is good because it's like, I need to know if the killer lives here. What if the killer owns this? Exactly. Exactly. But,

So also, I'll read his review and then my review. Bitch, I'm gonna hit him. I'm gonna find him and hit him. So to the beginning of his review, he leaves a note about how I had a bad review before him. And the bad review before him was this fucking bitch who I stayed there with somebody I was seeing at the time. I didn't know anyone in LA at that time. So I wasn't having fucking parties or anything. And in her review, she said,

In her thing, she was like, don't have parties. And we were like, cool. We don't have parties, whatever. She claimed we had a party because we had red Solo cups in the garbage can. And she had messaged me and she was like, you threw a party. And I was like, what? And then she was like, well, what?

When I was going to take out the garbage, I saw a bunch of red Solo cups and you left a bunch of new ones there. And I was like, I left the new ones there just in case you wanted to keep them because I didn't want to throw them out. But I didn't throw a fucking party. I just didn't want to have to wash dishes. I can't even buy alcohol. Yeah, I literally, I'm a child. I don't drink.

but I was like, I just didn't want to wash dishes because Airbnbs are fucking scams that make you do chores. And why the fuck would I want to wash dishes at an Airbnb? And I was like, no, we just get road solo cups. I don't know, just out of habit. Like that's just the cup we got. And she was like, no, no, no. You had a party because I also saw two bottles of like wine or something. And I was like,

I was staying there with someone for like a week and a half. That's not that crazy. And we just got into an argument. And then she was like, it was so fucking dirty. She went against the house rules. I always say parties are not allowed. And I'm sure she did throw a party in my apartment. I fucking didn't, bitch. I went and watched Call Me By Your Name and cried for three days. That's what I did in that apartment. So this is the review from the other person.

and it was very messy and uncommunicative as a guest i had read a review stating that she left an airbnb unit in a super messy state and asked her about it before i accepted her reservation she assured me it was a weird set of circumstances and that i had nothing to worry about because it was i also sent him fucking dms with the bitch that's why he let me stay there because i was like look at the dms she was just mad that i used red solo cups convince i had a party i'm pretty sure i sent him pictures of

what I was doing in the Airbnb and I was like I didn't do anything I don't know anybody here why would I throw a party I'm also like 18 like I'm a girl um and he's like I figured everybody deserves a second chance and gave her the benefit of the doubt she left garbage and personal items everywhere moved things all over the unit and didn't put them back things was I moving bitch I didn't put your chair in the fucking front yard what are you talking about

She didn't follow a single rule or a single one of my checkout instructions, even when I gave her a late checkout as a courtesy. I wasn't there. I literally wasn't there. She was also extremely uncommunicative, didn't reply to most of my messages or let me know when she would be leaving or arriving. I would not have any back. My response. You had a fucking rat asshole. That's what I said. Didn't realize. Didn't realize that was on the.

front of my thing. And then I couldn't get an Airbnb until 2022. Yeah. That was the next time I was able to fucking be accepted for an Airbnb because he fucked up my reviews. Me and Orion are the only ones that plan getaways with our friends because we're the only ones that have drive and ambition. So me and Orion had to book the Airbnbs on our accounts for years between there because...

And you couldn't. Yeah, I literally, anybody I went on a trip with, I'd be like, yeah, let's split it. But I can't put it on my card or my name because Airbnb will detect me and not let me fucking set. You know what's crazy is I booked an Airbnb in New York for all of our friends because we were like, oh, let's go to New York together. It was me and a few friends in India. And then I got COVID. It was the year Playboy Cardi dropped a whole lot of red. And it was right after Christmas. And I was like, oh, that's going to be so cute. Got COVID, couldn't go.

um everybody went to the airbnb and stayed there but i got a horrific review on my account because someone dyed their fucking hair in my airbnb on my account and stained the pillows the bed the towels everything and turned them bright red and i did feel bad for this lady and i did have to pay out of my fucking pocket for her to replace all these things but i wasn't even there and i got the bad review on my fucking account which is

so evil and i had to take the fucking you had to take that love you had to take it and you took it like a champ i remember there was an airbnb i used to stay in a lot when i came to la um and it was like my favorite place to stay and i became like not friends but kind of acquainted with the woman who owned the airbnb um oh my god this one drew oh my god what

Why is that there? Is this the one? This is the one, which we should all start that story later. We'll talk about it in a different episode because we talked a lot about Airbnbs. Well, this one's more of like a funny high story than anything. But yeah, I became friends with her and that was the era where I was dying my hair a lot and I had stained a towel and she was really nice about it. She was like, hey, like...

I love having you as a guest. I think actually this might have been the first time I stayed there and she was still nice to me about it. She was like, hey, one of the, I think I might have let her know. I was like, hey, just to let you know, I didn't realize this would happen, but one of your towels stained because I have red hair right now. I can pay it back. And she was like, don't even, she was like, don't worry about it. Like, I'll just repair it.

place it this kind of stuff happens all the time like it's not that big of a deal I'm like yes that's not hotel etiquette where it's like yes I did spend so much fucking money you can afford a $10 fucking towel off Amazon because no Airbnb even carries good things also the morality of owning an Airbnb is kind of twisted if you don't actively live in it but that's a whole other conversation because there are

Never mind. There's such a... There's literally... Never mind. Yeah. The morality of it all. Like, there shouldn't be 8 million Airbnbs in Miami right now and making it literally impossible for someone like my family to get, like, an actual home. Exactly. What's up with that? Do you feel good about that? You're literally landlord-

Is your $2,000 a month really worth keeping a family house list? But whatever. That's up to you. That's up to you. That's up to you to decide, you fucking freak. There's no way anybody who watches this owns an Airbnb. But if you do, I'm sorry. Think about it. Don't fault me when I start my Airbnb landlord arc. I've been saying that. And then I'm going to get really religious. Going to oil money. And then I'm going to escape the Matrix.

I saw someone kind of dissect the Andrew Tate like escaping the Matrix and all like his weird fucking creepy followers that are like, I'm finally escaping the Matrix. And it's them flaunting like having like supercars and staying in nice hotels and having a bunch of. Bro, you are locked in the Matrix. You know what they're not realizing the Matrix is, is capitalism and that they like before they escape the Matrix, like being in the Matrix is just like.

being like another cog in the machine and then escaping the matrix is like them having enough wealth where they don't have to play the rat race game capitalism.

And that we're all on the same team. It's just these people are stupid and decide to follow this dumb ass. But another conversation for another time. That's something else. I do think we should say the high story because it is so funny. When you framed it like that, it's really funny. So last story of the episode. Get your blanket. Wrap up.

I'm surprised we were able to get this much time. I know. Like, it was really hard. We're going to start doing 45 minute episodes, by the way. Just keep that in mind because I feel like nobody gives a fuck to listen to us for an hour anymore because you all hate us. But so to preface, we were staying with some friends who were going to

like anime con and this wasn't a thought that like passed our brain we didn't think anything of it we were like cool yeah we're down for that and this was one of our last nights and me you and our friend at the time were like we need to get high we haven't gotten high this whole trip because you had to be 21 you have to be 21 to get any edibles or weed and like we didn't know anybody to buy weed from in LA so we were like we need to get high and

So we literally went... Do you remember the trek it was to get that weed? We went and hung out with like... We were fucking maniacs. We went and hung out with like five different groups of people, praying one of them... Trying to get hooked up. Because I think at the time, you could already order it. So we were literally going around praying somebody would pray. Somebody would order us weed. And finally, we came across...

Some good-hearted people. Who was it? It was... I can't remember her name. I know her face. She was... She was, like, one of Alexa's friends. Like, one of Alexa's close friends. And I can't remember her face for some reason. I can't remember her name, but I know her face. Like, her face... She has such a distinct face. It's, like, actually kind of, like, scary. Not in a bad way. Like, she's a gorgeous girl. But, like, the most...

face person I could think of. I don't know how to describe it. But I remember we literally sat out by the pool with her for like an hour and a half waiting for this weed. So

So fucking like. Also, there was like a thing at the time where like you had to order a certain amount of weed and it was like a hundred bucks minimum plus delivery fees. So we scrounged up the little bit of money we had left to buy $130 worth of weed and we left the next day. It was literally we like we what we could have done

is go to a nice dinner for our last night there but we ended up getting the worst pizza of all fucking time because we spent all of our money on this weed also you know I just remembered this was when all the viners and everybody was living at the W so that's where we were because we had friends who lived there at the time

So that's where we were. We went to Bryce Hall's house to see if he could get us. Yeah, to see if he would buy us. No, I think that's literally who it was because the girl I'm thinking of at the time was I think Bryce's assistant or something. She was friends with all those people. So we were literally in Bryce's like apartment complex at one point, literally like looking at me like,

And standing in the hall and seeing like a bunch of just like Viners pass by us and be like, oh, that's who that is. It was literally so weird. It was like a college dorm room for like Viners and TikTokers and you nowers and musers and all this shit. Yeah. Not TikToker. Yeah. But musically. But...

whatever we literally wait around forever and by the time we get this weed like we're all like fucking like tapped out i think we like we got it so late like i remember it was so late because our flight was super early we already had it we had already packed all of our bags like in the meantime like whatever

So we eventually get this weed delivery. It's the most weed I've ever seen in my entire life. Like it's joints, it's edibles, it's edible drinks, which I'd never heard of. - We got like gold joints, like gold wrapped joints. - We got like the craziest weed we could buy 'cause we needed to fill out that $100 thing, but we didn't want a super big surplus, but somehow we still ended up with so much weed.

And we just proceed to get absolutely obliterated, obliterated, obliterated, faded, then a ho, faded, then a ho, faded, then a ho. Like blackout high. So high that I don't remember.

don't remember i like i know we had to have been watching something and i remember a tv on but i don't i don't even remember what we are watching yeah i don't remember what the fuck we were talking i remember we after we ate that pizza we proceeded to stab the pizza box a thousand times we had a knife close and like one of us just did it and we were like dude this feels so good like doing this feels so good because it was me it was me that was like dude y'all need to feel this like it

And it did because like stabbing cardboard is fun, but we looked insane. We are just all on the floor high as fuck, like stabbing this box. So we're just hanging out. Then our friend who we're staying with comes back and we didn't know they were going to be coming back with a friend. Um,

And they just came from AnimeCon. So in our high brains, what we thought was happening was we were being introduced to somebody with like short hair and a mustache and then our friend and we were like, oh, hey, what's up? And like, we all like shake hands and we're just like, whatever. And they're eating In-N-Out. And like, we like keep- The stinkiest In-N-Out I've ever smelled. It felt so bad. And we keep looking back at like the one friend because like we were so high that their figure was like disoriented, at least in my head. Something was off. Something was seriously wrong. Like something about them was like a little,

off and we were like their energy and like we're all on the couch like turning around like looking like at the same time like in unison and it's like

Very obvious like we're not like nothing else on the TV anymore We were sitting in like whispering and we were like I really was pretty laughing asses off after Literally who the fuck is that like what is that outfit like we literally because mind you we had fully forgotten They came from anime. Yeah, so in our head. We were like this person is dressed the craziest I've ever seen somebody on like a Thursday night dressed in my fucking life. Yeah, and we were just like who is that?

who is this like why are they like they don't even sound the way they look like we were like we were so confused and we weren't crying this is the craziest part of the story this is the craziest part of the story so this person walks in front of us and we all follow them like this to the bathroom and they like announce that they're going to the bathroom and they start like they spent like a

really, really long time in the bathroom. It felt like they were in the bathroom for 30 minutes. It felt like 30, 40 minutes and we were like, what the fuck are they doing in there? Realistically, now knowing what they were doing, they fully were in there for that long. But because we were so high, we were literally like, dude, they're literally gonna kill us. Like, who is in the bathroom? It freaked us out. And our friend who was with them was just silent. Like, I don't even think

Like, they realized that we were sitting and freaking out about the friend they brought. And we didn't want to say anything because we were like, that's so rude. Exactly. They're going to kill us. Exactly. So then this person, after 45 minutes, comes out of this fucking bathroom and is completely different. Like, long hair, colored hair, like new outfit, like everything in it. No mustache. No fucking mustache. No makeup on. No makeup on.

We were like, what the fuck is happening? We freaked the fuck out. And we were like, did this person just go into our bathroom and, like, come out a different person? Like, what is fucking going on? We were, like, blackout high. And, like, we were dying. And then we started greening out. We were like, oh, my God. Like, what the fuck? Like, that person never existed. We made them up. Like, how did they look like? We all saw that they looked so different. And then our friend went into the bathroom.

Also, the friend is Michael. Our friend who we were with goes into the bathroom and comes out and he's like, dude, her mustache is on. Like, the mustache is on a towel. And we were like, this motherfucker went in there and shaved their mustache off. And put it back together on the towel. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. And then...

It wasn't until the next day that we were like, dude, they were cosplaying. They were in full-blown cosplay. They were literally in full-blown cosplay. We just didn't realize it, but we were so greened out. Yeah, that was so... Literally, we were like, dude, they wiped off their fucking mustache. Sure, mustache.

She's just on the floor. And that was our... That is so funny. That was like equivalent to as funny as me thinking that I was burning alive when I was high for the first time under the heated lamps. I didn't know that there were... That was like our first bonding moment. Yeah, I didn't know that there were light bulbs that got hot. I've said this before, but I'll just say for anybody who doesn't know,

The first time I got high was in like Colorado during the winter. And it was like me and Drew got high. It was the best time ever. And then I went back to my room to go shower. And I was like,

I'm butt naked nasty brushing my teeth with the shower on and I'm like sitting there brushing my teeth standing there and I'm like, dude, the back of my neck is burning. Like I'm like literally on fire. Like I think I'm melting. I need to get in the shower. Just like fucking lay down. Like it's so hot in here. I think because of the warm shower or whatever I get in the shower. I'm still burning. I'd like my body feels like it's literally having like fucking insane lasers pointed at it.

And I'm melting away. And then I get in the shower and I'm covered in soap. And I'm like, oh my God, I think I'm going to die. Like I am actually burning to death. What the fuck is happening? And I was so paranoid that I got out covered in soap and just laid butt naked on the bed and like fucking knocked out because I was so scared. And then the next morning when I was walking around, I was like, bitch, the fucking lamps, the bulbs are hot. In the morning, I was like, dude, I'm still burning in here. And I realized, oh, they make light bulbs that work.

Radiate heat. That are heat bulbs. But yeah. And what did we throw in the... Oh, we were playing with pads. Yeah, we were playing with pads and tampons. Um...

So that's the podcast that we tried to record three times. And I'm so happy that we were able to... I know, and give you a product that was actually not bad and pretty funny. But now for some media. Sanctuary by Arca. In honor of Arca missing the Arca concert... I know, we missed the Arca concert last night. Well, by the time this comes out, it's like a week ago, but we couldn't go because we had...

We had to like just change our life around to go to Paris. Femme by Arca and Your Jerk, New Boys and After the After CFCF. And then what did I watch? Oh, watch Milf Manor. No, you look awful. Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm never going to smile again. Thank God. You have an ugly smile. Wow. Well, my media is... Oh, I need to watch The Sopranos. That's why I'm going to download an episode to watch on the plane.

But we won't have time because we literally have to call an Uber in 15 minutes, which is fucking crazy. My media of the week is Popping My Collar by Three Six Mafia. I Am Trying to Break Your Heart by Wilco. Real Love Baby by Father John Misty. Fluffy Tufts by Cock Two Twins. Where Did Our Love Go? The Supremes. Did you hear me? Terrible. Wow. And How Could I Forget? I'm Starting My Summer Playlist.

Favorite by Nicki Minaj. Cockiness and Love Song by Rihanna. Drank in My Cup, Kurt Cobain's. Bodies, Jasmine Sullivan. One Thing,

a Mary I don't know how to say her name and I'm sorry and that's the start of my summer playlist right now I have a few other songs but I'm really trying to think because right now for the most part that whole playlist is like throwback to being in high school and middle school other than bodies by Jasmine Sullivan because that's a new song but that song is just so good and her her live performance of it like that she did I forgot on what it's not tiny desk but it's like one of those things tiny meat gang

Jasmine Sullivan's performance on Tiny Meat Gang. Oh, my God. Wow. I didn't think they could get her, but they did, huh? Wow. Wow.

But yeah, that's my media of the week and MILF Manor because I'm going to be watching the new episode tonight. And yeah, thank you guys so much for listening. And Drag Race is fun this year. Oh, yeah. We have to catch up on that too. Sugar and Spice honestly were sleepers and I was terrified for them. But they turned out to be amazing. And I think they were handed a short end of the stick because they're new drag queens, new age drag queens, and they just don't have the...

respect yet from every other drag queen. They definitely need to like step into the scene a little more but I think that's with a lot of just like people in creative scenes all across the board because people seem to forget that we had three years of complete isolation so a lot of the new artists in every fucking creative field are not as in depth as they used to be also even before that the internet changed the way we communicate as people and like if you're from the 80s you can't be mad that nobody is like

in the streets running amok anymore because, like, that's just not the way life goes. But that's a different conversation. But, yeah, I love them so much. I think if they did more shows and, like, really tweaked it up and, like, tweaked up their comedic skills, too, and everything, all those ends, because they serve. They're so good. They weren't winners at all. Yeah. Oh, not a chance. Like, don't get me wrong. They weren't winners. God bless, but not. The obvious, we all know who's going to win this season. Like, it's not hard to see. We all know the top three of this season. But...

and spice. I just like them as a duo. I like them. I think they're cute. I think also a twin duo on Drag Race was like so cool when they did their lip sync against each other, which if you haven't watched it, sorry. The producers were producing. I know. That was so good. And they made it like a whole little thing for themselves. But yeah. Well, we literally have to run because we have to get on flight. Peace and love. Bye. Bye.