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What if episode one
What if they listen to Colin? Yeah, yeah. Hey, Alice. Sorry to interrupt. Oh, thank God. Colin. Colin, my main man. The tech lord himself. How are you? It's great to see you. Mm-hmm. We should go catch up. Grab a coffee in the break room. Share a few laughs. Catch each other up on... Literally anything other than sitting alone at my desk forever. Shh.
Problems? Everything is working just like you said it would. Told you. And all it took was ripping the entire system out and rebuilding it from the ground up. No more mad German algorithms, just nice straightforward web crawlers. Mm-hmm.
I want you to change it back. Alice... Just hear me out, all right? It's not like you've got anything better to do. I mean... And that's exactly the problem. When you said you could fix everything, I kind of thought you meant you would make it better for everyone. It is better. Is it, though? No.
Or am I sitting here alone, bored out of my goddamn skull? Alice, you were bored before. Besides which, this place was a madhouse. Nothing worked. No one could get anything done. It was wonderful. It was my own personal hell, is what it was. Now look around. Everything works. Takes you half as long to get through your caseload. So Lena gives me twice as much.
And now we're working days. We get weekends now, bike holidays, we get to see the sun. I hate the sun. No, you don't. And I miss Freddy and Chester and Norris. You said you liked the new system. And I did. Until it got everyone fired. How exactly did you think they were going to pay for the overhaul with all those extra bells and whistles you said they needed? I don't know. Lena said she'd take care of it.
Pro tip, Colin, mate. When someone says they're going to "take care of it", you might want to check if they mean it in a pinstripe-suit-concrete-galoshes kind of way before going ahead with it. You literally cheered when Gwen left. That was different. That was funny.
But what the hell do I do now? I'm a cat without a mouth. No one to bullshit with. No one to talk to. I'm trapped down here alone, the last years of my youth leaking out through every tap of my desperately ergonomic keyboard. Disgusting. Not my fault you had the best KPIs. Anyway, I might have something here to cheer you up. Oh yeah? New company phone?
Lena said you've been having issues with your old one. Yeah, it had this weird bug where it got thrown out of a window. Well, she said she needs you on call, so... Don't do this to me, Colin. It's got a really janky AI assistant. Maybe that'll fill the void. Well, it's a start, I suppose. Watch your backs! They're out of sherry, so I got you a G&T. Thank you... I guess. Next one's on you.
It's funny. I used to wonder how this place could afford to stay open. It's almost like pubs make more money at 6pm on a Tuesday than 5am on a Sunday. Right? You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I think I miss working nights. I've forgotten how the tube is during rush hour. Traffic's the same. Makes sense. So, what have you been up to? Went home to visit family. Sounds nice. It wasn't. How about you?
Uh, no. I'm staying as far away from Mum and Dad as I can until I've got better news. I've been applying for jobs, but for now it's beep beep. Beep beep? Ah. Sainsbury's. And even that was a struggle. Sounds... interesting? Does it? Not really, no. Are you still investigating that university? Hm?
Oh, the Magnus Institute. Ha, fat chance. This is the first time off I've had in two weeks. No, it turns out creepy mysteries are a bourgeois luxury. Careful, you're starting to sound like Alice. Have you heard anything from... No. Gwen, it's not her fault. So... Coming through, coming through. Oh, thank Christ.
Hey, there you both are! And you got a table! Nice! I got here early. I had time to kill. I hear that. Well, let's see if we can do something about that. Yeah, so don't get me wrong, Teddy. I appreciate the invite, but like, what's this about? I'm somewhat curious myself. Ah, right. Straight to it, then. Ahem.
Huh. Okay, so like, what do they...
Sorry? The OIAR was hardly a dynamic work environment, and no offence, Sam, but the ink was still wet on your probation when they kicked you out. Okay, some offence, but whatever. My point is, why on earth would they want to headhunt both of us? I mean, there's a certain amount of overlap, and you can say this for the OIAR. For all its faults, it was... specialist?
I suppose you could call it resource allocation. Hmm. Not my first choice, but I could definitely be convinced. So, like, do they want to meet, or...? Yep. Okay, cool. I should be able to get some time off booked next week if, um... Now. What? I told you they were keen. That's why I asked you here in person. If you're interested, I can get you signed up right now. Oh, okay. I am available, I guess. No. No? No.
Oh, I think you should definitely take this opportunity, Sam. But I think I'm going to have to be a bit more discerning this time around. No offence. Again, kind of offended, but whatever. If you're sure. I very much am. Working for the OIAR was a phase. I've been talking with my father and, well...
Anyway, if you'll both excuse me, I have a car waiting. Watch your backs. Hot stuff coming through. Oh, er, hi. Miss Dyer. Surprised to see you here at this time. Oh, yeah. We're on days now, so, you know. Of course you are, if you'll excuse me. See you, Gwen. Yeah, bye. Hey, Sam. Teddy. Hey, Alice. Hey. Hey.
So, yeah, tell you what then, Sam. Why don't I go call them and let them know you're coming and you can follow after you've had a chance to catch up? Sure. Catch you later, Alice, yeah? Sure. Look after yourself. Always do. So, you haven't drowned? What? My new therapist tells me I need to think more positively. I notice you haven't been flayed by an industrial shredder either? Yeah, no, I'm fine. You? No.
Same old. Enforcing the evil will of a self-interested government one taxpayer-funded paycheck at a time. Cool. Listen, Sam... You don't need to apologize. No, really, I... It's fine. Honestly, you couldn't have known. None of us did. I mean, Lena was literally interviewing another newbie the day before. I get it. It just sucked, you know? I do. It was good to see you again.
Would've been nice if it had lasted. Yeah, well, unfortunately this is clearly a pretty bleak timeline. You're forgetting about the one where Colin went mental and built an army of robots to torment us in his cyberpunk sex dungeon. Meh, at least it wasn't boring. Speaking of... We got a table! Nice one! Oh hey, uh... Sam. Sam. Right, yeah. How you doing? I was actually just leaving.
I've got an interview. Oh, great! Assuming it lasts longer than the last one. Yeah... Let me know if they need anyone to turn up and make the corporate culture impossibly toxic. I'd be wanting six figures and use of the corporate jet, of course. Of course. Have a good one, guys. Say hi to Chester for me. Will do. I doubt he could have hacked it anyway. I'll hack you in a minute.
The Magnus Protocol is a podcast distributed by Rusty Quill and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Sharealike 4.0 International License. The series is created by Jonathan Sims and Alexander J. Newell and directed by Alexander J. Newell. This episode was written by Alexander J. Newell and edited with additional materials by Jonathan Sims.
with vocal edits by Nico Vitesi, soundscaping by Meg McKellar, and mastering by Catherine Rinella, with music by Sam Jones. It featured Billy Hindle as Alistair, Shahan Hamza as Samama Khalid, Anusha Battersby as Gwen Bouchard, Ryan Hope Veer-Anderson as Colin Becker, Kazim Tosin Amour as Teddy Vaughan.
The Magnus Protocol is produced by April Sumner, with executive producers Alexander J. Newell, Danny McDonough, Lynn C., and Samantha F.G. Hamilton, and associate producers Jordan L. Hawke, Taylor Michaels, Nicole Perlman, Cetius DeRaven, and Megan Nice.
To subscribe, view associated materials, or join our Patreon, visit RustyQuill.com. Rate and review us online, tweet us at TheRustyQuill, visit us on Facebook, or email us via mail at RustyQuill.com. Thanks for listening. The new Boost Mobile Network is offering unlimited talk, text, and data for just $25 a month. For life. That sounds like a threat. Then how do you think we should say it? Unlimited talk, text, and data for just $25 a month for the rest of your life? I don't know. I don't know.
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