The Lost Tapes, Tape 3 - Are You Scared?
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There are bigger problems to outthink, greater challenges to outdo. When we never settle for the world that's been built, that's when we drive it forward. Welcome to the tour of the world.

towards better outcomes and better futures for our clients and our communities. At Cushman & Wakefield, better never settles. Previously on Are You Scared? Let us out of here! Why do only some things happen when we say them? Helicopter. Where is it going? Go to hell, you stupid helicopter! Oh, no. No, no, no. Fly, helicopter. Land gently. What did you do? Here they come.

I'm Ryan Bergara, and this is Are You Scared?

A show where I tell my friend Shane Madej the internet's scariest stories. Now if you've been following along, this is the thrilling conclusion of a three-part narrative story that we received in this special little envelope. - From England? - I have no idea what's gonna happen. - Yeah, that's how stories work. You generally don't know how-- - Boo! - There you go. - Oh, thank you. Shall we? - We shall. - Lock your doors. Turn off the lights. Let's see if we can make it 'til the end of the night!

- Okay, we've got the tape rolling. How's your head? - It's not bleeding anymore. - No, you're going to sit quiet. - I said you should do! - He did what you said he should do. - Knock him out and duct tape his mouth. Except for you, I would put a bunch of marshmallows inside your mouth first and then duct tape it. - I wouldn't like that, I don't like marshmallows. - Good, you deserve to be punished. - I don't like them, never have. - You've been a naughty boy. - What the fuck?

Sorry. I've not been a naughty boy. Well, you've killed like an entire block full of people. Oh, I guess in this situation I have been a pretty naughty boy. Yeah, exactly. He's not bleeding anymore. No, you're going to sit quietly. I need to turn this back on to have proof I didn't kill you. Stop talking. All I wanted was for us to have some fun and come up with some ideas. It wasn't supposed to be this bad.

Okay, I'll un-gag you. No!

- Don't un-gag him. He's gonna promise he's not gonna talk and he's gonna talk. Trust me, he's gonna talk. - He's even trying to talk with the gag in his mouth. - You know, at times we've been on a ghost investigation and I'm like, "Shane, please be quiet. We gotta hear the ghost." - I get bored! That shit is so boring. - You guys seen the last episode of "Seinfeld" before or some bullshit like that? - It's better than it's got a reputation for it. - There it is. - Yeah, it does. It's pretty funny. - Okay, I'll un-gag you. You have to promise to not talk.

Do not make things worse. Do you promise? Mm-hmm. All right. Stay still. Ah!

What the fuck? Be quiet! You smashed me over the head! For your own safety! Everything you were saying was coming true and you weren't shutting up! You crashed that car, you turned those medics on one another, you made corpses explode into bugs, you locked us in here, and then a mob almost killed us before you killed all of them! So yeah, I hit you over the head. What would you have me do? You could have killed me! Look at all this blood!

- That's pretty good. That's the thing they don't, you know, in a lot of movies, you know, they do like a judo chop or a, you know, knock someone out and they're just like, "Oh." But yeah, you hit someone over the head, there's gonna be a lot of blood. Don't do that. Don't knock people out with your fist. - I wanna know what he hit him over the head with. Oh, or like a block of cheese or something. Like very cold cheese. - I was gonna say it would have to be very cold. Cold cheese harder. Hot cheese, that's gooey. - Ain't it?

Yeah, yeah, dude. Killed me! Look at all this blood! But I didn't! And you've stopped bleeding. And you're not a cloud of bugs. I'm sorry, but we have to sit here quietly for a little bit. The hallucinations should be over now. Tommy, what's going on?

- It's fine, okay. I think it's all going to be fine. - Oh, wait a second! You were right. Maybe this is all in his mind. He gave him that special tea and he thinks he's doing all this bug and bird shit. - He gave him some old bug and bird tea. I think you've been with me on this though. - You're right, I have been. I was trying to give you some credit. - He gave him the tea and he was like, "Hmm, don't worry about this tea." When he was like, "What kind of tea is this?" And he was like, "Don't you worry about what kind of tea it is, love." Remember that?

I'm so sorry to all the English people watching this. I know you don't sound like... This is why we have to... It's fine. Okay. I think it's all going to be fine. You think? What did you do? It's this tea. I brought it back from abroad. I don't know. It seemed cool. The guy who sold it to me said it would help with...

dark creativity. It's supposed to open the mind, go to new and weird places. So you drugged me? Without my consent? So you just expect me to crank out idea after idea while you just say, not that one, over and over? That's different! I'm not forcing you to live through your ideas! I didn't think it would be this real! To be fair, it was working pretty well.

Because you imagined it. You've never come up with a premise that good. It's always been me coming up with the ideas.

- Whoa, dude! - It's a bad batch, man. - Oh, I thought maybe it was like an interstellar thing where it's like the time is actually stretched, but it really is just a minute. - No, I think maybe it's never gonna wear off. What about that? - You can't be handing hallucinogens to your friends and telling them they're not hallucinogens. Even if you know they're hallucinogens. - I assume that's illegal. - I think hallucinogens for the most part are illegal, but like, if you're gonna do 'em, everyone should be consenting to them. - Hallucinogens are very scary to me because people are like, "They open a door in your mind "and you'll never be able to shut it!"

And that, like what? That's elicited as a pro. And that to me is a big con. That sounds so scary! You know what's the scariest thing to me? Me. Yeah. You scare me too. Good. The guy who sold it to me said it would be less than a minute. Less than a minute? It's been almost an hour! Maybe? Maybe! We're hallucinating! We...

We may not know how much time has gone by. It may still be the first seconds. The first seconds? So this is, what, gonna last days? Or months? Now? Which are what? Things that we say that are awful come true? More or less. I don't think we can hurt each other, though. Like, I've told you to stop talking a thousand times, but your mouth hasn't clamped shut or sewn itself up or anything. What the fuck? Don't say that! That might happen!

I didn't though. See? We can't hurt each other. My head begs to differ! I didn't say it, I actually did it. At the risk of sounding ridiculous, sticks and stones can break our bones but... Looks like words can't actually hurt us. Whatever. Until the things we say stop happening at all, stop saying bad things happen to me. You don't want me screaming that your foot's broken or something, you know? Oh shit!

- Whoa! - Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

I thought- Why did that happen?! Because you said it, you arse! I thought it was just a hallucination, unlike my cracked skull! At least anything we say will be fixed when the tea wears off, tea that you poisoned me with, by the way! You piece of shit! Even if this is a hallucination, it hurts. So why does nothing happen when I say things about you? I don't know, maybe it's- Adam, your foot's broken!

Oh! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Dude, I'm loving the turn here. Yeah. I'm having a good time with this. This is great. Think they're going to destroy each other? Maybe. Is that what we're about to witness? I mean, they could just keep getting more outlandish with the claims. When he said, you ass, I thought he was going to just, like, turn into a donkey or just a human ass. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. What would we do to each other if we wanted to destroy each other with our words? I'd probably be like, it's not like I made your balls weigh 800 pounds. To match my beautiful pet.

I would make your face disappear. Just turn into one smooth nothing. I'm good with my choice. Okay. I think it'd be funny watching you drag your balls around. Thank you. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I didn't think it would work. I'm sorry. Fuck you, your other foot's broken. Oh my God. You did that on purpose. You broke mine on purpose. I didn't think it would work. You knew it would work. Fuck.

Okay, okay. I won't say anything else. Truce? Truce, truce. Truce. Fuck, that hurts. Fuck you, Adam. Oh, fuck you, Tommy. Don't drug people, okay? Don't buy weird drugs from strangers and don't slip them to your mates in their manky tea. Sorry.

Also, just to point out, you bought a hallucinogenic that, what? What do you say? Opens the mind to weird places or whatever. That's the definition of a bad trip, okay? You bought drugs that only give you a bad trip. I said sorry. Yeah, well, say it again. I'm sorry. Good. Me too. Why do only some things happen? What do you mean? Like...

It's definitely only bad things, but some bad things don't happen. Like every time I told you to stop talking, you didn't, but it broke my feet instantly. I think the drug doesn't want to stop. What? Whatever's responsible for these hallucinations, it...

He doesn't want to let go so it won't let us hallucinate anything that would prevent more from happening We can't stop the other from talking. This is actually this is a good premise This is actually playing on something very visceral inside of me anybody who's perhaps engaged in some marijuana The gun has had a moment when they're like hey, I'd like to get off the ride right now Yeah, and when the ride keeps going you're like

Uh-oh, that anxiety spiral is terrifying. Because everyone's had the idea of like, what if this trip never ends? - What if the drug takes you? Are you scared? - It is scary. - It is scary. - It is making my heart beat a little bit. I hope they're not trapped in a trip forever. That would suck. - It's one of my great fears. I don't like that one bit. - We can't stop the other from talking. - So it can always unlock more ideas. - Yeah, I think so. God damn it, I'm in so much pain. - At least it's not real.

Our feet aren't broken. It's all in our heads. It's all in our heads. Feels real though. Yeah, my foot is. Almost said something that could have gone very badly. I'm glad you're finally getting the hang of it. But since it's hallucinations, as long as we don't say anything about the other one, it's no harm, no foul. Okay, so the building across the street explodes.

- Why did he do that? - Oh my God. - Oh wait, wait, wait, okay, so now they're just saying they know they're hallucinations, so therefore it's just like, let's see some funny shit. - Maybe. - But what if it is real? - Put yourself in their shoes. This is an entirely nonsensical thing going on. - Yeah. - So the only possible explanation is hallucinations. - Yeah. - So yeah, I'd be having fun with it. - Yeah, but there's still a possible chance that you have powers. - Then like, what does anything mean? Time for the world to end.

- That's, and I'm-- - Holy shit! - I'm bringing about the apocalypse. - Oh my god, dude, I hope you never get power. - It's all me. - Oh my god. You get like limitless power and you're like, time for the world, and you literally are a super villain. - Well, but if only bad things can happen. - At least Thanos was like, I'll kill half the world so that the other half gets resources. You were like, I have all the power, guess the world ends today. - If magic is suddenly real and only bad things can happen, I'd be like, it seems like the universe is maybe a little too volatile.

You don't get to make that call! That's why a super villain is- No loose ends! Just don't do anything, man! No, I'm burning it all down. Oh, I can only use magic for bad? I guess I have to make the earth explode. That's what I would do! Where could it go? Even as an hallucination, it still doesn't feel great. It's kind of like watching a scary movie. Right. Not real, but emotionally tough.

I think the tea's starting to wear off. I'm definitely feeling less creative. Same. Are you team hallucination or team real at this point? Well, you know, I would say it seems highly unlikely that a simple tea could cause all these things to be real, but... stranger things have happened here on Are You Scared? Same. Although, I thought it might have been because of the broken feet. Yeah.

Any horror you've always wanted to see, you know, before the tea wears off? No. I'm good on horror for a while. Well, do you mind if I give it a go? If you must, just be careful. What do you think he's going to do? What if I was like, Michael Myers is real and he's at the door? That would be fucking horrifying. I'd say, please don't say that.

He's very strong. - Is it like a Matrix situation where if you die in the Matrix, you die in real life? So if you're like, Michael Myers comes here, then he stabs me, I die. Am I gonna die for real? He's not there. - I'm not trying to tempt the fates is all I'm saying. - I'm tempting the fates, baby! - If you must, just be careful. - Careful, right.

Satellites rain down from the sky, smashing into the cars of all of the wealthiest pricks in the city. Jesus! Pretty good. He's a bit of a hallucinogenic Robin Hood, if you will. He's an ally. That's crazy. That's pretty fun. That doesn't seem horrible. I mean, they're still killing people. They ain't real! It sounds like just their cars. Watch them fall. It's like a meteor shower. With a social conscience. I wonder if we'll remember all this.

Did the guy who sold you the tea say anything about that? No, but I'm confident I won't be forgetting tonight for a while. Everything is so vivid. I guess we have the tapes. The tapes. If we didn't hallucinate them. No, I started recording before we had the tea. The first one at least is real.

- Wait a second, all story aside, big fan if you're really high of just pressing record on like a voice memo or something. - Oh! - Because you'd have some crazy conversations on tape. Remember that one time we got really high in New Orleans and we argued what's more dangerous, a bear or a shark? - Yeah, you want audio of that? I still have it, here it is. - Wait, do you actually still have that? - Sure I do.

- That's real? - A bear could fight much longer in water. - How long does a bear last underwater? - I don't know how long it lasts underwater. - How long can a bear hold its breath? - It wouldn't matter. - That played like a tape of like an interrogation that's gone bad. - Yeah. Maybe the folks at Rusty Quill would like to take that tape. We could send it over to them. - Yeah, we could send it over to them. - Returning the favor. - Thanks for the collaboration. Here's us arguing about what's stronger, a bear or a shark back in 2017 after swallowing a joint. Okay. - I started recording before we had the tea

The first one at least is real. Yeah... Right... I wonder if it's just going to be us sipping tea, then a minute of silence while we thought the worst shit in the world was happening. Even... even assuming the pains in our heads. Wait a minute! If we're taking these tapes at face value... Which we are. Which we are. Then all of these things have happened because we're hearing the sounds of everything! Why has it taken us this long?

- I didn't realize that. - Are we high? Am I high right now? Is that what this is? - So, yeah. No, I'm here. I'm here, man. - You're right. - Yeah. - We did hear a bird smash into a window. - Several. - We heard a helicopter explode. Yeah, EMTs beat the shit out of each other. - These two men are mass murderers. - They blew up Elon Musk's Tesla. We heard it all. - Yeah. Okay, here we go. - Even assuming the pains in our heads, I'd be surprised if my screams weren't real.

The satellites are about to crash. What? Oh. Too bad it's not actually destroying those assholes. Question. You started the tapes before we had the tea. Right before. But we've changed the tapes. You did once and I did once. Right. This whole experience has been less than a minute, right? In reality, yes, apparently. But the tapes...

- I think the train might be arriving at the station for them as well. - Yeah, the time dilation aspect of it doesn't square with the tapes. - No, really funny realization of like, I murderer now. Wait a tick, uh oh, I'm a murderer. These guys are making Ed Gein look like a little bitch. - These are some of the worst monsters in history. - Yeah, and they did it in an hour flat. Holy smokes. - The tapes aren't in reality. They're longer than a minute.

What are you doing? Getting the first tape. We can interview them right up to past. Oh, you're seeing if we pitched the ideas out loud or not? Kind of. And then when they finish telling him about themselves, he reveals he can't stop and he just crashes the car, killing them both. Hey, now we're on to... What was that? Oh my God.

Tapes on tapes on tapes! Yeah, but the thing is though, if they're still in the hallucination, they could still be hallucinating this part. Of course, we know that's not the truth because we're listening to the tape, but they could still convince themselves. But who's listening to our tape? Wait, are we a part of their mind? I love it. I love this. It's a lot of fun. What was that? Oh my god. What? What? Didn't you hear it? Yeah, it sounds like we were actually talking, so that's good. We have it recorded. The car crash.

You can hear it. Yeah? On the tapes. That means it's not a hallucination. Maybe we hallucinated the tapes? You said so yourself. You started the first one before the tea.

Maybe we hallucinated this whole night. Maybe we don't remember drinking the tea at the start of the night. - Okay, this is actually kind of like fucking freaking me out a little bit, dude, because I've been in this moment-- - Because all the chickens are coming home to roost. - I've been in this moment, first time I ever partook in marijuana. - Did you have like a little panic attack? - I had a full blown panic attack. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I thought that my heart was gonna stop beating and I begged my friends to watch me while I slept. And they were like, "We'll do it, man." And then one of them was like, "Hey, it's okay, buddy." And when he did that,

the touch was so delayed that it felt like there was a caterpillar walking on my arm and I went, "Ahh!"

spider on my arm. I was freaked the fuck out and this brought me right back to that moment. - Yeah, that doesn't sound good. This is like waking up from a nightmare only to discover the nightmare is real. - I've done that before though, except like I was still dreaming. You ever done that where you wake up from a nightmare but you're still dreaming and you think-- - A false wake up. - A false wake up. It's happened before, it's really scary. - I have had that once or twice. It's very funny when it happens 'cause you're like, are you kidding me? - Okay, it's not funny. - Well, but it's like, it's such a goofy thing to occur. It feels like it only happens in movies but then when it really does happen to you, you're like,

Really? Maybe we don't remember drinking the tea at the start of the night. Adam. Oh my God. This is actually happening. No, it can't be. Oh my God, the building next door. It's gone. It actually blew up because we said it would. So what, bodies are actually being devoured by insects in seconds? How can that be happening? I don't know.

I don't know. He said it would only last a minute. You've unlocked the horrors of the mind, but we can't lock them back up. Because you poisoned us with cursed tea! I didn't know! I swear I didn't know! We have to stop it! We can only make things worse! Maybe it's wearing off. We thought it was wearing off earlier. A bird shatters that window. It's not wearing off! What do we do? Frankly, the most English story that could possibly be written is about bad tea.

That is true. They've really nailed it, you know? This is gonna have people over the pond hollering at us. They're gonna be like, "No! Not the tea!" Thank you, tea. It's not wearing off! What do we do? We have to fix it! We can't! We tried! Well, then we can't make it any worse! Stand up. I can't! You broke my feet! Then I'm dragging you! Stop it! Let go of me! We have to do this together. What are you doing?

Get away from the edge! - Listen, maybe this is all a dream and we'll wake up before we hit. - Oh, what if we don't? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - They're just gonna throw themselves out the window. - I'm waiting for a train. - Oh, I don't doubt! - Take me far, far away. - Yeah. - 'Cause that's the only way you could get out of the dream. So they're doing that kind of logic. The fall will wake me up. - A kick. - Except this time they're just gonna splat on the ground like a bag of spaghetti. - Maybe. - And then turn into bugs.

- It'll work. It has to. - Adam, let go! - They turned into bugs! Their asses turned into bugs! - Holy moly. - We're good, right? This isn't actually happening right now. - We are safe. We're safe in the void. That's why we read these stories here, because it's outside of time and space. - No, he's got normal pecs. - He's got normal pecs. - Normal pecs. - He's got normal pecs. - Not impressive. - I'm not gonna check the balls.

Regular sized. That's it for our sweet English boys. That was a roller coaster. They're dead as hell. Pretty close to destroying the world. I mean, satellites falling from space, that's not going to be good. They took those Skynet mushrooms. Yeah.

- Yeah, I guess so. - Shit is crazy, dude. - I was gripped. This was phenomenal. Rest in peace to those men. - Well, that concludes our three-part series. Obviously, this has not been a real story. Don't worry. You don't have to look in your driveway for satellites or 20 birds. - You're not gonna turn into bugs. - No bugs. There's bugs in the world. - Or you will, but it'll be a very long process. - Exactly. That does happen. - You won't be conscious for it.

But this has been a great collaboration with Alex and Johnny from Rusty Quill's The Magnus Archives. This story was written by our friend Garrett Warner, and all three of them, actually, all three parts. And yeah, this has been such a fun little mini-season of Are You Scared?, a three-parter. I had a great time. Hey, if you want us to do more collabs like this, let us know. We had a great time. See you guys next time. Are you scared? And then bugs. JPEGs of spiders.

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