Trump Survives & Kamala Harris Ends Democracy
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Biden is out and Kamala is in. The election went from drool runnings to cool runnings faster than a female cop can fumble her firearm. Move over, RFK. This November, we've got a new throat goat, and apparently her headshots don't miss. Kamala Harris, or as we call her, Warhawk Tua, the half-black, half-Indian parents met at a 7-Eleven robbery, is officially...

the Democratic nominee. Surely the Dems, the party that calls Trump the end of democracy, surely they allowed the voters to choose Kamala, right? What? No? Wait, there's no right to choose? Guys, this is a presidential election, not a woman's body in Oklahoma. Now, I don't want to seem like a flat-earth thing, dinosaur-denying believe-all

women conspiracy theorists, but it kind of feels like the Democrats dragged Biden's lifeless corpse through the campaign long enough to avoid a primary so they could place whoever they wanted as the nominee. And that's about as democratic as North Korea's Got Talent. Sidebar, last year's winner, Ching Chong Chestnut ate 36 rats.

Congratulations, Ching Chong. That's a lot of rats. We'll look forward to seeing how many you eat next year. What I'm saying is they used a vegetable to install a plant. And honestly, we would have been happier with a fruit. But the reality is it doesn't matter. Last week, Trump became invincible. Literally, he was leading before and now he's number one with a bullet at

At this point, if the Dems wanted to beat Thrifty Cent, they'd have to run George Washington. And Kamala could work for him. Paid. Paid. Now, why is Trump invincible? Because he has the power of Hulkamania. Obviously, brother with a hard R. And also because this pimple-lipped, pug-faced incel, we'll call him a trench bulldog, tried to make Trump's brain public domain. Fortunately, even a bullet couldn't make Donald open-minded. Now, getting a shot off it,

the president must be an incredibly difficult thing to accomplish. I mean, not as difficult as finding binoculars to fit his eyes. Jesus, he looks like the sloth from Ice Age, but he must have designed a pretty ingenious plot to circumvent the Secret Service. Oh, what's that?

Wait, you're saying that Herpy Potter was just walking around with a loaded gun like he was on an Alec Baldwin set? He was carrying a fucking ladder and a rangefinder? He propped it up on a building that had cops in it, positioned himself on the roof with a perfect sight line to the president, and no one did anything? This Mickey Mouse security detail was so goofy it made Donald duck. Oh, boy!

Oh, boy. Who was in charge of the Secret Service? A lady? Wait, what? Seriously? Well, of course she didn't have anyone on top of the building. Women only care about shots on a roof when there's a pool party. Now, I don't want to seem like a Bigfoot-tracking, moon-landing, denying Jews don't control the weather conspiracy theorist.

But it doesn't exactly feel like a 20-year-old fetal alcohol face, Mick Lovin, should be able to infiltrate the most advanced security detail in history. I mean, the only other thing he's penetrated was his palm. Did Kim Cheeto hire Epstein's NyQuil night watch? What the fuck is going on here? This just doesn't feel right. And that's the problem. Nothing feels right. We have officially entered the post-truth age. We can't trust the media.

We can't trust the government. We can't trust the pharmaceutical industry. We can't even trust the food we eat. So who can you trust? Me.

your good friend, Schulze. This episode has been brought to you by Pfizer. There is no promo code. There's nothing to fill out. They're already inside you. But before we bitch, whine, and complain, just remember, like it or not, this is what we asked for. We wanted fast content that makes us feel good. We want politicians who lie to us. We want sugary food to fill us up and pills to slim us down. We don't want what's good for us. We want what's convenient. So we made our bed. Might as well get comfy.

Sleep tight. We are back. That was hard. We are back. We are back. We picked a hell of a week to take off. Someone was telling me, I think it was Miles, that on Patreon, we said, bro, this is crazy. How weird is that? What exactly did we say? I think we opened Patreon by saying, hey, if we miss anything this week, our bad. And I think you said every Asian died, which that didn't happen. Okay, phew. And then we talked about Al being in the Secret Service and that he would have to protect Trump. Yep.

And then Al was like, I would only save Obama. I wouldn't save any other president. How crazy is that? Alex and that girl have the same M.O. They got the same energy. Al would have fumbled in his gun. Al would have stolen Trump's shoes for sure. He would have grabbed his shoes and been like, there's lifts in there. Don't throw the lifts away. Me too. Protect the shoes. When he put the black fist, I would have joined him.

Okay, so let's catch ourselves up. Obviously, last week we had a pre-recorded episode. Shout out to Shits and Gigs. And then everything happened. Literally everything happened. Yeah, the world shut down. This is crazy. And we're not even talking about you going to the biggest wedding ever. No, yeah, yeah. So we got to get to that as well. Akash was at the Ambani wedding. Ambani wedding, yeah. That sounds rich. Yeah, it does. It really does. Did you feel poor?

I was so happy to be there. I couldn't even be insecure. That's a yes. I was so happy. I just felt broke, boy. But I knew going in how broke I was relative to them. So there was nothing that was going to, I knew how not famous I was there. I knew how not rich I was, how ugly I was there. It's all,

I'm used to it. I'm ready. Stop it. Every time Akash goes to India, he always comes out, he's like, I just feel so bad at the level of poverty. I know. They're looking at me like that. They're like, no, America's struggling. Okay, okay. We get to the embody wedding a little bit. All right, let's just reflect on what happened. Okay, assassination attempt for Trump. Yeah. Fuck. Fuck.

I mean, is it dated to go back that far? Should we start with the immediate? No, let's start there. Let's just start there and go. Okay, so that's the nation. Immediate thoughts when you saw it. I'm in India, and I'm like, why the fuck am I going back? I'm in this opulent wedding. I got to go back to this shit? Yeah. Crime. Political violence. We got to stay in India. Yeah, I got to stay in India. Yeah. It's not like they massacred fucking 10 million Muslims for no reason. But now they're killing whites, dude. They're killing whites. That's the problem.

They were trying to kill Trump. Oh, yes, yes. That's what things get. Okay. My funniest thing was the group chats. So I have my black group chat and it was like, man, that shit is fake. It was just so funny, the dynamic. That was great. Okay, so the black group chat was like, that shit is fake. What was the white group chat saying? Also, you have a separate white group chat? You have other white friends? No, no, no.

Because my white guy, I still be like, stay black every time I leave him. Okay. I'm not going to lie. The only reason I thought that it was immediately, I thought that it was not fake. I knew something was shot, but the sound, like maybe I'm used to movie sounds for guns.

Sounds like New Yorkers don't know what guns sound like. That's the thing. So we were like, BB gun, of course. Or one of the mosquitoes. Assault gun. Yeah, the assault gun. Because the sound was like, oh, this isn't like a booming rifle like what you hear. So I was like, okay, what exactly is happening? I thought someone was shooting at him, but I didn't know what it was. Yeah.

So that was initial. And then I heard that Glass hit his ear. And I was like, oh, that makes more sense. You know what I mean? Like, how does a bullet hit your ear? Yo, you a hater, bro. What? That's what I heard first. Let him get shot. We just said first reaction. You said first reaction. I heard that too. Let him be Megan Thee Stallion. Sometimes a ricochet counts as a bullet. Now we know. We know a bullet actually hit him. Now, yeah. Oh, that's what they're saying. Good. I don't even really know.

I mean, how does a bullet hit your ear? It's so fucking great. What do you mean? Let him get shot. Look at your ear. He can't even be gangster. He won't let Trump be gangster. Let him get shot. I don't know. We got to see the wound. Okay, so what do you think? He's just trying to get into your black group chat. Don't worry about that. We have an insider. It's fucking Bustamante right here. Did you hit Bustamante? No, I just stole his style today.

Yeah. I just look like a racist. Nah, tell us, tell us. I don't know. It just seems so crazy. Like, I believe a bullet hit his ear because that's what the story is. Yeah. But it's the idea, like, your ears. You can hit mine. No.

You can hit my ear. But we got to look, though. Like, if your ear, like, Miles' ear, look at Miles' ear. Come on, bro. You ain't hitting that. Come on, bro. Nip and tuck. There's no way. You hit Miles' cheek before you hit his ear. Miles' ears are trans, bro. You hit that chimp. Chimp?

Miles Chin you are an American sniper from 400 yards John Wick Miles would come back with a surgery looking amazing giga Chad okay so that's what I thought at first I thought it was the glass and I was like oh maybe the bullet like ruptured his eardrum or some shit

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then now I'm like, nah. Okay, so the knee-jerk reaction for a lot of people was this can't be an actual assassination attempt. It's too crazy. It's too crazy. Yeah. Our generation has never really witnessed it. We've only kind of heard of it, imagined it. Yeah. And it got hit.

That's the craziest part. So, and also I think that we're like so detached from reality at this point. Like we really, just like we were saying in the rant in the beginning, it's like we really just don't believe anything. I'm desensitized to all of it. My first thought, honestly, was liberals really can't do nothing right.

like y'all fucking fail every time because the gravity of it didn't even sink in because we just see all this crazy shit so it's like man y'all fuck this up too yeah i don't miss it i don't ruin everything that's all i thought yeah i just moved on but you need your jump to it must have been a liberal or or if just yeah then second thought was maybe it's fake maybe this ensures the election win for him this is gonna because the way he raised his fucking fist up in the air it was so hard i was like

I can't imagine that being real. That was my first thought. It had to be fake because he was too cool afterwards. I thought if I would do it, I thought if I would sit back up or stand back up and try to take in the moment. I can't imagine. Bro, the wherewithal. Bro, I had a sleepover once in my apartment when I was young in high school, and there was a shooting in the parking lot outside my apartment. Okay? Okay.

And we dropped to the floor and we was walking around. I'm in an apartment building. We're here in a shooting next door. It's not like there isn't even a window the bullet could come in. But the rest of the night. But we are crawling like this to the bathroom, going to my parents' room. That's how terrified of the bullets. This guy got shot at, clipped, grabbed his insoles, and then stood up the extra two inches, raised his hand, and then kept it moving. That was... Yeah, baller.

I mean, how could you be so secure that, especially given America's history, there's multiple shooters? Yeah. Right? Like, you know the history. You looked at the JFK file. You know that there was three different people, someone in the know, someone in the building. I mean, maybe even this one. I know. There's some acoustic shit that apparently two, maybe even three. Oh, really? Oh, I didn't hear that one. That was a good spirit thing. Yeah. And then apparently Kim Cheadle didn't even deny. They were like, was he a lone shooter?

And she basically said something to the effect, we will pull it up. She was like, I, you know, she just basically like reiterated what her original comment was, but like kind of chose not to answer whether or not it was a loan. Kim Cheadle is the director of the secret service. Former. Former. That's right. She just resigned. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. The disbelief. I think there are some people that didn't believe it because they just fucking hate Trump. Right. Right.

And they saw that this was going to be something that really benefited him because he looks fucking majestic. I mean, unbelievable. The picture's crazy. If I'm framed, that's his next NFT. Damn.

Yeah, that's an album cover. Sell that. That's it. Yeah, I mean, you should make it $100 million off that shit. Which is a crazy thing. Miles even told me the guy that took that photo also took the photo of George Bush when he found out that the World Trade Center got hit. Holy shit. Nah, he's in on it. Where the guy's whispering in his ear. He's in on it, bro, because if you're in both of those moments and you have the defining picture or video evidence. Yeah, or he's just a good-ass photographer. Well,

Why does he keep his mouth shut? He's at a school in Florida? If a fucking president is showing up to a school, you send fucking news there to take pictures. They called him. They said, line up right here. Have that flag flying. That guy's a baller. We're talking about Trump coming up after a shot. That guy was standing there back to the shooter. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy.

Maybe. Maybe. But yeah, kind of a crazy photo. Okay, so a weird thing also happens when someone gets shot and survives. It's like anything that they've done before that, you forget about. Like after he got shot, stood back up, pumped a fist, and came back out. I think it was even the next day he went golfing or something. I was like...

I think I'm a Republican. Yo, Elon came out and donated the $42 million a month. Did you see this? So he came out, he's like, I fully endorse Donald Trump. I am donating $42 million a month to his campaign. How do we get him to subscribe? I'll tell you how. We just got to say, end puberty blockers and stop trans movements.

But he made that tweet, like a declaration, like, oh, I'm back in trouble. And I'm like, nigga, we know he was back in trouble. So here's the thing. This is the thing that a shooting does, or surviving a shooting does. It's a permission slip for all the people that were secretly Trump supporters to come out.

And that's where the benefit is. Yeah. Like the benefit is not like, I don't think there's someone that saw the shooting that was like, actually, I will vote for him. I think it's now you can see all the people in the public support him. I saw a baseball player like hit a base hit and just hit the fight. They hit the fight or they do, they go like this. They tap their ear. I think they do that in baseball. I think that's just a call. Oh, okay. Fair enough. That's a fastball. But like now you just see him. Damn, bro. I thought I knew. It's all right. It's all right. I thought they're shouting out the dog. Post-truth paradox. Post-truth paradox. Yeah. Yeah.

But now you get to see people like mask off supporting him. And that I think is going to do way more for him. And it's because he's viewed as a victim. Yeah.

And I think that you could take that victim narrative. You could also turn into, well, if they, whoever they is, is trying to kill him because it was suspicious. The circumstances were incredibly suspicious. Right. If so, it is easy for you to go down the line of thinking that maybe there was an organization or a group of people that wanted him out of here. Right. And if you go down that line of thinking, you're like, well, if they want him out of here.

What the hell is he planning on doing that these people want him out of here? And if these people are these nefarious individuals that are the deep state or ruling the country or whatever, I definitely don't like them. Man, I gotta support this guy to get those guys the fuck out. He's real. Everything he's been saying is real. All that drain the swamp shit, it must be real because they want to kill him. It confirms every... And this is what we talked about on the

call and you mentioned the post-truth era, whatever you want to believe, this one allows you to believe. If you hate Trump and you think he's a weak candidate and he knows even if Biden is old, he'll still probably lose this year. Like, oh, he did this. So he could win. How does a bullet graze you? You drop to the ground. Then we see the blood. You could very easily have whatever that, whatever you want to believe. This lends itself to it. It's the perfect. That's what we talked about. Why is there so much conspiracy theory around? Because whatever

you want to believe, this allows me to believe. That's nice. I like that everyone's on the conspiracy train now. It's just so nice. It's getting a little hacky. It was just right-wing people and now it's everyone. You don't feel a little bit like y'all are making a hacky? Well, now I'm switching up. Now you've got to do the reality theories. I believe in the Eastern media. CNN is right. I believe all of it.

But that is true. We have so much information available to us that you can satisfy whatever theory you have. It could be a conspiracy. It could be a reality. It doesn't matter what it is. There's enough information. There's enough information to show that there were multiple shooters. Yeah. So now the idea that like...

Let's say the FBI or the CIA or some organization was involved in this, right? Let's just say, allegedly, whatever, was involved in this. That's not even enough. Yeah. Right? They didn't hire this lone wolf and then kill the patsy. No, no, no. There was three different people that did it. Yeah.

And they all somehow miss. Yeah. Which makes no sense. Yes, exactly. But if that's what you want to believe, there's enough information for you to go out there and get it. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if we're built for all this information. Yeah, it's crazy. Or maybe we're the first generation with it. And it's like the first generation of people who smoke cigarettes.

where they're like, yeah, this can't be bad. - Dax Shepard said that one time. - What did he say? - He's like, when we grew up, we were eating so much sugary junk food. We had no idea how bad it was for us. It's all fucking processed and fake and artificial. And now we're wising up and we're learning how to use that wisely. He thinks the same thing will happen with technology. Right now we're taking all of it in. We don't know how bad it is for us. We're gonna start to learn and then evolve and figure out how to use it. - So we're the generation that's gonna have to deal with it. Maybe the kids can discern between like real news and fake news, and maybe they just don't subscribe to any of it.

But us, we're the people getting, you know, taken advantage by the Nigerian credit cards camps. Yeah. Literally, with everything we read, every headline that satisfies my feelings. Yes. And it's only getting worse, dude. Have you seen the AI videos after Biden dropped out, which we'll get to, the AI videos of him being like, just cussing out the camera and stuff like that? The dubbing is off, but everything else looks perfect.

And they're going to get the dubbing better and better. It's going to get to the point where we're like, I don't even know what's real and what's not. Yeah, it's crazy. Now, I was thinking if the bullet doesn't hit Trump, if he's not bleeding, does anyone care? Is it just like, oh, there were some shots fired and then people can deny it? I'll tell you why.

uh r.i.p the fireman fireman yeah died there was a casualty i think if there's no casualty then people like there was no i think people i agree with you yeah i think there's enough plausible deniability that it even happened at all but the fact that the dude died that's when all the people that were trying to discredit trump that's true that's when they start to pump the brakes they're like wait a minute there's an actual death here you know i mean yeah

I was even looking at it like there's a thing in history like FDR got shot or got shot at. Nothing hit him. It hit the mayor behind him and killed the mayor. But we don't even remember. It doesn't even come up. It's not even a blip. I never knew. And just because it didn't hit him and missed him and hit the mayor. Which there's a whole conspiracy about that. I'll spare you. Wait, wait, tell us. People think it was the mob that set up the hit and that it was never supposed to hit FDR in the first place. That it was supposed to hit the mayor behind him who was Mayor Cermak of Chicago. And that the Chicago mob hired this guy to take out the mayor.

and so they killed the mayor and that was what it was intentionally supposed to do because fdr spoke for like 10-15 minutes and no bullets came and then as soon as the mayor came up that's when he shot him and apparently the guy used to be like a high-ranking italian military member

But why would they try to kill the mayor in the most difficult way possible? Because he was around. It was like a challenge. He was public. But I'm just saying, you could get to a mayor. Like, with the mayors near the president, it's going to be the greatest security detail you've ever seen. If the mayor's not with the president, we used to see Bloomberg on the subway. Really? Yeah. That's wild. He would take the subway to work. Yeah. I don't know. Apparently that's what... Which is crazy. That's what the story is. When you think about it. Yeah, shouts. At the time, he was liked enough where he could take... No, he's still respected, but like...

Like towards the end, people were like, yeah, you're doing, you pumped the brakes, you're doing too much. What do you mean? Like when he was trying to like

New York with like the sodas and shit. That was a straw. Y'all were really upset about that. You know what it is? He's like 5'4". You should be too. All your uncles and shit. Yeah, they're fucking up your business. Yeah, but the markup is better on the smalls. Markups are better? Yeah, I learned about this at the 7-Eleven conference. Oh, wait. We have to talk about that too? Yeah, we'll talk about it. It wasn't as clear.

And Akash also, I mean, you've done so many cool Indian things. You're living like an Indian dream. I know. This is the best three weeks of my life. Okay. Akash also performed at the 7-Eleven conference in Orlando, Florida for all the 7-Eleven owners. Yeah. We'll get to that. Yeah, we will. You thought the Ambani wedding smelled bad. I want to know what Orlando was like. Yeah.

- The Life Tour, last leg update this Friday. Del Lago Casino in Waterloo, New York. Then Saturday, the Mohegan Sun Arena. And then at the end of the month, we've added a second show at Oceans in Atlantic City.

And then the fall, we are closing it out. San Antonio, we've added a second show. Las Vegas, Cleveland, Columbus, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, Rama, Ontario, Portland, San Jose, we've added a second show. Denver, we've added a second and third show. Salt Lake City, we've added a second show. And Honolulu, we're finishing up the tour. I cannot wait to see you guys all there. And then that is it. It is done. It's crazy to even say. So these are the last options for you to come check out the live tour. Uh,

Thank you guys so much for making this the craziest tour of my life. All of my dreams came true, and I am so grateful for that. I will see you guys out there. TheAndrewSchultz.com for those tickets. Don't get fucked at the resellers. Go to the website and get them. It will be the most affordable for you. I promise it. Peace.

Also, guys, we got one more date in July. We got the Comedy Zone in Jacksonville. I'm there this weekend. Both Saturday shows sold out. Friday tickets still available, but they will sell out. End of August, I'm coming to Hawaii, Honolulu on the 29th and 30th. And then September, we got five weekends in a row. I got Las Vegas. I got Doral, Florida. I got Timonium, Maryland, Mugubi's Comedy Club. I

I got Greenville, South Carolina. Those tickets at Akashling.com. Also go to Fontanious. I told you guys I invested in a chai shop. The chai is fantastic. Go there. It's in Dumbo. F-O-N-T-A-I-N-H-A-S. I love y'all. God bless. Let's get back to the show. Obviously, Assassination. Every conspiracy theory under the book. The Kid. There's a lot of weird things about The Kid. No social media. Yeah, that's weird. The Black Rock commercial is fucking weird. You know who produced that commercial?

Ling? Yeah, so the guy that did the guy code, he created guy code, also does social media content for BlackRock. And he produced that commercial. He wasn't there, but his DP was there. Randomly, his DP was also in Israel on October 7th.

So I'm like, keep that bitch away from him. Him and that photographer. Yeah, this is odd. This is odd. He had to go and get all the footage and he had, because BlackRock hit him up. He's like, yo, we got to give all this shit to the FBI. Like they didn't fucking already know how it was going to go down. And he goes, he said he looked at the, not the NDA, like the permission slip that the kid had to sign.

And he goes, I'm sure I'm just thinking this retroactively. Like, I know what the kid did. So now I'm applying this to this permission form. But he goes, it was the creepiest handwriting I've ever seen in my life. I don't know what that means. He had a shaky hand. You know what I mean? We know that. We know that much to be true. Marquito! It's not crazy.

Anywho. But it is weird. No social media posts. Yeah. It has more BlackRock commercials than Instagram posts. Yeah. I mean, what fucking world? Yeah. There's no other pictures of him other than him saying he's got a 10-inch dick. Registered Republican. Yes. Donated to the Democrats. I heard something about this. Go. So apparently the theory, again, this is just some shit I read online. Yeah.

That he was a registered Republican so he could vote against Trump in the primary. That happens a lot. Like in Orange County, if you're a Democrat in Orange County that's always going to go Republican, you basically register as a Republican so you can vote for what you believe to be the lesser of two evils. Yeah. So I saw it and I was like, wait, he was a Republican.

Because he was a Republican first in January and then donated to Act Blue in September or some shit. And I was like, this makes no sense. But now if he's voting against Trump, then it's more consistent. Mind you, he's 20, so he just got the right to vote. Yeah. Donated under 18, I think. Yeah. But still, it's on paper the perfect person to convince to do this. Because if you're a registered Republican, but you've also donated to the Democrats...

America can't tear itself in two because you can't exactly pinpoint that this was just like an insane liberal that digested all the rhetoric about how Trump is actually Hitler and he thought that he had to do the heroic thing and take him out. Now we're confused about what his real intentions are. Is he a diehard conservative and he thinks that Trump's taking the party in the wrong direction? A conservative wouldn't have missed. What are we talking about, dawg? That guy would have been at target practice. Did you see people throwing trans on him?

People are throwing trans on the shooter. There's an early rumor right when it happened. They're like, oh, he's a trans shooter. I love that. And then they just found some random trans chick and they're like, that's the one. That's fire. I wonder if he's in hell. Yo, Elon's Twitter is cracking. He's on it. The shooter's like, yo, I'm trying to kill the president. I'm not trans. Come on, bro. Come on.

Yeah, be realistic here. Insulting my looks. Yeah. I mean, it is crazy. He looks like every school shooter ever. We didn't have that conversation. There was like a casting for him. There was like, we need a school shooter look. Who do we go to? Yeah. Open call. That's the kid. I'm a beard away from being a school shooter. No, you don't. If I shave the beard. No. It's so...

It's so distinct what school shooters look like. You got too much of a tan. I appreciate that. That was this weekend. But it's so distinct what they look like that I think that we need to stop being so polite about them. You know, in the way that we're

Kind of, I mean, no longer, but white people weren't polite with black people. Like they crossed the street, they exchanged their purse. Yeah, the slavery thing. Also the slavery thing. But like, there was like a fear of them. They're like, oh, there is not a single, I knew who the school shooter was in my school. He didn't end up doing it, but they found a list of people he said he wanted to kill. I talk about him on the pod all the time. You were on it.

No, I wasn't. Jameel was on it. Okay. Yeah. Jameel was on it. Carlos was on it. I talk about it a lot because I want people to know that I know. Maybe too much. That kid was racist. To hate Jameel and not you is racism. No, I was nice to him. He made him laugh, that's why. I was tickling him and shit. I had his back. I liked him. He was a fun kid. Turn off the lights, run to the desk. He was an entertaining kid to have in school. Talk shit to the principal. It was great. My point is, if every one of us know who the kid is that's going to do it,

why isn't there this like we had stop and frisk or whatever for black people profile them but you gotta be nice to them you don't want to push them no no no i i want to profile the fuck out of them yeah like you like brown people get searched more at airports it works in el salvador yeah we need el salvador for school shooters dude there is i'm glad you said that vala who works with us right every single flight we've ever been on he gets randomly selected for his bags he's not blown up one flight

It's working. Because it works. Even if he wanted to, he knows that they're going to look at the fucking bag. Clearly, he wants to do it. Clearly, they can't help themselves. But we have this ingenious system where they randomly select the people that do the fucking thing.

Yeah. So if we apply that to the school shooters, which I'm sure you knew one in your fucking school. Yeah. You knew one in your fucking school. My home school. Exactly. You knew which one of your brothers and sisters would have blown that shit the fuck up. Yeah. I got it on my head right now. Yeah. It's fucking you, Mark. No, it's not. It is fucking you. It's not, bro. My point is we could apply a little bit more prejudice to these kids. It's never a surprise. Whenever it happens, there's never all the friends that go, I couldn't believe this fucking happened every single time. Hmm.

It's like, yeah, I kind of thought he was going to do it. Say something. What is it? See something, say something. Yeah, see something, say something. Snitch. Call the cops the second you see them. Yes. I think it should be more. Yeah. We need the referral system. Also, if you're a Twitch streamer.

And you think that you fucking touch kids. Like, let's go. Let's go. You know, more of this. Let's go. Like, just call the cops. We're swatting the wrong people. Swat. School shooters. All of them. Swat, swat, swat. Yeah, but you said you had fun with the one that would have been the shooter in your school. So it's like if you snitch on them, now you get rid of the kid. Alex, I saved the school.

Do you realize I saved the school? If it was up to Jamil, we would all have been dead. Jamil was torturing this little motherfucker. Me, I was just tickling him and shit so he could, you know, make a choice. He still made the list. Once he started the list, then I had to be like, bro, okay, come on. We could do that, though. We could have a community resource officer that's in charge of tickling all the school shooters at every school, and that would still lead them off. That shit works, bro. Tickling a motherfucker that wants to shoot you?

That shit works. If the cops got up on that roof and they're like, Gucci, Gucci, there's no way that this goes down. Yeah, you're right. I believe that. I think we need to do this. Send them into schools, tickle all school shooters. Leave it love, dude. There it is. Everything, everywhere, all at once. Leave it love. You know what I mean? Love these little fucking crazy people. That's fire. Anyway, yeah, so we got to do something about them. We all know who it is. You know who's in your school. That doesn't mean that they are

going to do it, but they're the ones that are closest to doing it, and we need to just go to the teacher. Just be like, yo, that motherfucker's weird. Let's stop playing. Let's stop playing. They're thinking about it. Thank you. It's actually on us if we have more school shootings. That's true. Yeah. We need gun control. We need crazy control. You can't have one without the other. And it's not like the women shit, like, you know, why'd you dress that way when they get arrested?

or whatever. But when the school gets shot up, it is that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If we take both seriously. You know what I mean? Like, you knew today we were going to do it because of the way he dressed. He was in camo pants and apparently had body odor.

The body odors are dead. That sounds like you, to be honest with you. Not every one of them don't fucking clean themselves, bro. Which they should have known he was coming, bro. They should have smelled him or something. It's a real issue. If there's a kid in your school who smells bad and he doesn't have enough friends to tell him to put on deodorant, you're fucking dead. You can't be an immigrant. I got it. Listen,

Lump them in. Because then maybe that's enough to immigrants too. Maybe they're like, yo, I think he's going to shoot at the school. And it's like, no, he just needs the odor. And it's like, all right. A win is a win. That's a good statement. Then we got to have less 7-Elevens and shit like that. We got to have less 7-Elevens if we're stitching all these mudblocks. Yo, but the young Indians don't stink, bro. Yeah, they get fades and shit. Yeah. Yeah. They got black girlfriends. The young Indians don't stink. The immigrants just grew up in a place where there's much more smell, so they just fit in. And Asians don't have body odor. So you're not going to get away with starting to fade your shit, son. Why? I'm calling you out.

Call you out, son. I'm not getting away with that, son. I'm not calling you out, son. The movie's coming out. Nah, nah, nah. They announced the movie. Nah, you fainted. What do I have to do? I have to bring it back? Yes, nigga. That shit was fire.

So once I saw that shit go viral, did you see the kid getting everybody's attention? Once I saw that shit go viral, I was like, nah, I gotta fade this motherfucker. I can't let this actually become a trend. That kid's gonna be responsible for it, not me. You know, the fact that his last search on his phone was porn? Respect, though. What else are you gonna do? Rub on out, calm down.

Do we know what the video was that made him shoot a president? I need to see what... I think it was Lisa Ann as Palin. Palin, Palin. It was a classic. Now, do we know the video? No, I don't know if they put it out. I don't think so. But that is... If you're going to go through with it post-Nut Clarity, he really meant it. Yeah, that's true. You know what I mean? He wanted to not do it. So if it's Stormy Daniels, and he's like, how dare he do it to this angel? I got to defend this woman's honor. Yeah.

Yeah. The real white knight. The whitest knight ever. Facts. Okay, whatever. So now we have it. So we have the stuff on the phone? Like, was he planning? Was there stuff on the phone? We're never going to see that phone. Like, we're never going to see the Epstein list. They said he searched, like, Trump, Biden, DNC. RNC. Like, a lot of important people. I think he also searched, like...

former military people. But no planning of the situation. Not that I've seen. Not that I've seen either. That's weird. All right. Well, it just gets weirder because RNC happens. RNC is a banger. Yeah. Like, the clips from the RNC go crazy. It does feel like WrestleMania. I'm not saying that just because the Hulk was there, but also the fact that when you have someone that can move, like, political audiences are always the easiest to move because you just say the talking point, they go crazy. Yeah. But then when you match...

like a god-given talent to move an audience which obviously hulk has with the talking points tearing open the shirt it was funny he ripped an american flag like his shirt had an american flag on it and he ripped it and i was like wait a second hold on now isn't that part of the hold on now we gotta look into it yeah i didn't notice that at all yeah it was like an eagle and shit

Yeah, we got to look into that a little bit. But I'm surprised Trump let people outshine him, though. Because his actual speech I heard was a bit of a snooze fit. So the speech was mid, but I thought that that was kind of brilliant. It's like, I was hoping he wouldn't make the mistake he made last time, which is essentially, he's a great, what is it called, like chaser. You know, like...

What is that? The Prefontaine. Did you guys watch that Prefontaine running movie? Yeah. Like he was like a front runner. He always had to be way ahead. But like in running, it's actually most effective to be right behind the person so you can like draft them. Yeah. Right. And so when he was chasing in that first election. Yeah.

Yeah, underdog. Underdog, unstoppable. And then when he was the president, it was hard for him to do it because the same rhetoric just seems like bullying. When you're the underdog, you talking that shit. When you're on top and you're doing it, it's just bullying. So when he gave the mid-speech at the RNC, all he needed to do was show up, right? That's really all he needed to do to be heroic. Like, he was shot a couple days before, and now he's out there, you know, with the tampon on his head just giving speech. And...

When the speech was mid, I was like, oh, he's actually playing this really well. Yeah. It was nice to see him get emotional. Like seeing him get emotional was like, whoa. Only time I've ever seen him genuinely smile is when Hulk was doing his thing. There's a great clip where it cuts away. You never see Trump smile, by the way. Yeah. Genuinely. You never see him laugh. You can't describe his laugh. Never heard it. Oh, shit. Never heard it. It's one of the reasons why he's so funny is

Because he never breaks, in my opinion, because he never breaks. So everything he does, you think is serious. Yeah. Right? So even the things he's doing sarcastically, you're like, is he serious? Yeah. You never see him just laugh or chuckle. And when Hulk is, when the Hulkster, when the Trumpamania comes for you, and it cuts out of him and he goes, and he clearly has this like human moment. Yeah. That's awesome.

He gives this kind of mid-speech. He's talking about unity, and it's like, oh my God, it's his. Here we go. Yeah. I mean, you've heard him on the phone with the RFK. The RFK convo. You guys heard that? I haven't heard this. It's a different Trump, in my opinion. You hear Trump on stage, and he's just like this crazy energy, never really breaks, all the same shit. And he's on the phone with the RFK, and he's like, yeah, Biden called me.

And you know, he's not a nice guy. Yeah, nice guy. And I was talking trash about his policies. Ooh, I didn't want to, I didn't have the heart to tell him. But anyway, vaccines cause autism. This is apparently like what he's like in person. Like makes you feel like a superstar, love bombed. But it was just like so charming on the phone. And he was saying that. He was like, RFK, yeah, I think we need to look into the vaccine. Why don't you drop out and I'll have a place for you. You can start looking through this stuff. That I can understand because

Prior to being president, he was liked by a lot of people. So it's like I can see behind the scenes he's actually- 100%. Yeah. I mean, those guys are brilliant at maneuvering, period. So he knows how to move large crowds. He knows how to move one person. You know what I mean? It's like a brilliant level of charisma. Yeah. Social savant. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so yeah, I'm like, okay, he's got this. And then immediately after that, Biden gets COVID.

Do you guys think Biden has COVID? I do think he was sick. You're trying to get speedy COVID, you think? Is that what's going on? We've got to look into that. I don't know. I'm just saying, it is amazing timing that he would get COVID, which would force him to step down. Well, he hasn't blamed COVID yet, is the thing. Has he? Well, it just stopped him from making public appearances. Yeah, okay. And so immediately after the peak of Trump's fame,

He gets COVID and he's fucking 81 years old. You're like, oh, is this going to take him out? Yeah. Like, is that how you top Trump?

Obama sit him down and be like, Joe, we need you to die. There's only one way that we can get the energy back here and you got to fucking croak. So we're giving you the vid. Well, have you heard the theory that he's done? There's like a whole like, this is a thing. I haven't seen a video of him. I haven't seen a picture of him. He literally, we were talking about this. Like he resigned like a fuck boy. Like you've been with us for decades and you just send a text to Twitter. Like, yo, I'm out.

Yeah. Like usually you would have some sort of video. And I understand he has COVID. So it might be bad to have people in there. But he's upset. They bullied him. They forced him to do this shit. He also can't talk. He's fucking gone mentally. Like all the jokes that he's dead, fine, whatever. He can't talk. I don't want to see you make another fucking statement where you fumble through every word. Off the teleprompter, he's pretty good.

He's pretty good off the teleprompter. I think the point we all agree on is that when a president says they're not going to go up for reelection, it's usually done in a more public, forward-facing way than like a post on Twitter, you know, with a digital signature. Like he didn't even sign the shit. He's tight. So that is the theory that they bullied him out, essentially. They definitely did. And the same people that were like, nah, Joe got this.

all of a sudden flip on him. My question to you guys is, was that the plan all along? Were they waiting for the, because they did it at the perfect time. They didn't do it right before the Republican National Convention. If they do it right before, then the whole RNC is addressing Kamala. They do it right after. So now all the addressing of Joe and everything that they did at the convention is useless because Joe's out of here anyway. I

I think we're giving Democrats way too much credit. They don't ever do anything correctly. And they're all fucking it was I'm not here to do this. We salute you, Joe. Shit. That motherfucker should have been dropped out. That was selfish to you to stay in. In the same way we put our Ruth Bader Ginsburg on all these fucking T-shirts. If she just decided I'm in my mid 70s with cancer, I should drop out of being a Supreme Court justice while Obama's in office.

Roe vs. Wade might not get overturned. These motherfuckers are selfish at every turn. I don't think there's some grand conspiracy. I think that motherfucker wanted power and he stayed in. And I honestly think the visual of Trump getting shot and then standing up and raising a fist in the air. Think how he looks versus Joe Biden walking up a flight of steps. There's no fucking

the way you vote for that man. And the Democrats are inept and they're gonna, when Trump wins, I think it's a shoo-in and maybe Kamala's better than I think. When Trump, I don't want to hear nothing about white supremacy or racism or they didn't want a black woman to be, y'all fucked it up at every fucking turn because you're selfish. You don't give a fuck about nobody. Don't blame us when Trump wins. Now, first of all, I agree beautifully said, okay, cold world, very cold world that they would do that to him. Now, is there any truth to

That the longer they waited, the easier it would be to just make Kamala the nominee. Yeah. That's what I suspect because I had so many different people pull me aside over the last three months, maybe even longer, that said, Joe will not make it to the election. They are going to pull him out and they're probably going to put in, and some would say Michelle, some would say Kamala, some would say Gavin Newsom, even Hillary. Michael Malice said Hillary here. Michael Malice said Hillary. So if...

Every one of our people that seems pretty invested politically said they're pulling him, they're waiting for the right time, and then it happens.

It's hard for me to not believe that there is some potential design to this. But here's where I would argue with the he's dead thing. Yeah. Because him being, if he's actually dead, that's perfect. No, no, no, I don't think he's dead. I don't think he's dead. Yeah, but that theory, if he was actually dead, that'd be perfect. No, no, no. Yeah, no, that theory, yeah, yeah. I was just addressing the previous, like, is he dead thing. But then in terms of waiting, it would be a brilliant time to wait. Because you subvert your constituents, right? You basically remove their ability to nominate the person. And then you get to put up the person that you think will,

hold down the party. And by hold down the party, I really mean do what you tell them. Because I think we can all agree that Biden is just doing what people tell him. There's a few people out there, we imagine, I don't even know what the system is. The managerial class. The managerial class, but...

And the crazy thing is we don't even know what this is. The balls, the chutzpah to call Trump the end of democracy when right now the elected official isn't even the person making the decisions. And there are people that are kind of okay with this. They're like, yeah, but they're doing a good job. He goes, well, they're doing a good job or not. Doesn't matter. Like if there's a tyrant in some country that's doing a good job, it doesn't mean that he's not a tyrant. He's not a dictator. This is...

in a lot of ways, this is like fundamentally against the core values of the American political system. You have to have representation. If we vote for Biden, I want to know what Biden wants to do. If we vote for Trump, then I want to know what Trump wants to do. Now, if his cabinet is... Wait, what are you saying? I think that all...

All presidents have a bunch of people around them making the decisions and then they give the cosign if they agree with it or not. I think he's still capable mentally to give the cosign on other people making decisions. Now, he's that far gone. Now, I will say this. I agree with you. And I do want that. I want like my president to be like the best H.R. director ever. He doesn't have to be the expert and everything, but I want him to have like experts around him.

but I also want to know who the experts are. So if Biden was like, hey, here's my cabinet, and these are the people that help me make all these decisions, then I would also know who I'm kind of voting for. And I'd never really know. No, but actually, maybe, I don't know. My understanding, and I think with Trump, the idea with Trump is...

I'm not trying to make it a comparative thing, is the reason why he's so volatile and scary is he won't necessarily listen to those experts. He's going to do what he wants to do. And I think with Biden, it was like, he's going to do what the party wants him to do. He hasn't done anything to like,

move the party line in any direction. Right? It's been the exact typical thing that the party wants. And it's just funny to call Trump the end of democracy when we're kind of seeing democracy be subverted by the Democrats as well. I'm not saying that Trump wouldn't end it, but stop acting like you're holier than thou. I think that's why people get annoyed by Democrats. They're like,

there's this like arrogance and condescension with the way that they describe Republicans as if they don't do the same thing. Yeah. And if you vote Republican, it's, there's something wrong with you. Yeah. That is infuriating. Y'all are, again, you're just as corrupt as them. They just don't lie to us. I was saying, I was, I was, who was I fucking talking to? But it was just about like democratic identity right now. Like,

I don't know a straight dude under 60 that identifies as a Democrat. I know straight dudes that vote democratically. I voted democratically my whole life. Yeah. But I don't know one that identifies. Yeah. As I did. Like someone's like, I'm a Democrat. Yeah. Republicans be leaning in on that shit. Hey, I'm conservative. I'm a Republican. Republicans are the day I die. I don't know a straight male under 60 years old that identifies as a Democrat.

Do you know one? I think it's... The fact that you got to look up. No, because I just... You got to look up and calculate because you don't know one because they're gay. Yeah. They're the party of gays. That's why he identifies as a Democrat, but he doesn't know if he's straight or gay. That's the oddest way. No, but I was just going to say that. I was like, it's like being straight. Like, nobody needs to be like, yo, I'm straight. It's just like, okay, if you're not yelling that you're a Republican, most likely you're a Democrat.

But Republicans feel the need to have to yell and tell everybody. You could make that argument because they feel like they're victimized by the fact that the media is controlled, etc. And that's a good argument. Don't get me wrong. But I also think that there's a branding issue with Democrats that they lean too far into the rainbows and straight dudes. Like when I grew up as a Democrat, this is how I saw Democrats. I was like,

This is, again, this is the perception of what happened as a kid. I was like, yo, the Democrats seem to like black people.

Yeah. And I like black people, so I want to be with the side that likes the black people. Black people make cool shit. And Republicans seem to hate gay people. No, no, no, no. Fuck gay. We're not even talking about gays yet. Republicans were seen as racist. Yeah. The branding of it. I don't know if that was true, but in New York, it was like, yo, you're a Republican. Are you kind of racist? You know, I'm even looking at like my family was all Republicans, you know, outside of my dad. And even the way that my dad described it to me, he's like, yeah, I grew up in like a Republican household, but

When it came to the civil rights, it seemed like they didn't really step up and they didn't really care. You know? And like my dad was like, you know, he saw, I saw all my like my brothers and shit dodge the draft. I'm the only one that entered the draft. So you're talking all this warship, but you're dodging a draft. I'm the only one that actually was in the army here. And you're just ignoring the civil rights thing. Nah, I'm a Democrat. So it was this, this feeling of, to me, acceptance and like looking out for

this group of people that were very important culturally to America. Yeah. Right. Okay. So black people, cool. Democrats. You don't like black people. Republican. Right. Now, Democrat got nothing to do with black people.

Now Democrat is gay It's just like how do we protect the gays How do we make everything trans How do we make everything DEI And DEI is just gay everything Just gay women It's like women gay trans That's the only branding I feel like they don't give a fuck about black people no more They front like they do But here's the thing It may be all parts front like they do But you gotta ask yourself this question And this is why I think that straight dudes just don't identify with it

Let's say that Republicans are thought of as racist. I think that's going away a little bit, but let's just say Republicans are thought of as racist still, but Democrats are thought of as gay.

Would you rather people think you're racist or gay? Gay. You'd rather people think you're gay? Gay. Because you're black, you can't be racist. Damn. He got out. That's clever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think for the average dude, right? You're cool with the gay shit, obviously. You're looking at fucking nails and stuff. But I think for the average dude, they would rather people think that they're a little racist than a little gay. Right.

Well, yeah. They already tell you that you're kind of racist. They'll be like, oh, yeah, you got implicit racism. Yeah, you're implicitly racist living in America. So you're already racist. I'm like, all right. Well, if I'm already racist, I'm not going to be gay too. Not the nip tucks. I don't want to fuck with the nip tucks. So the branding, I think that they really thought that they were doing the right thing being progressive and protecting these oppressed people. It could come from a good place. Mm-hmm.

But they lean so far into that. Yeah, and they need some protections, but they lean so far into, you know, to your point. Then you alienated all the straight dudes, and now you just got a bunch of women, gays and trans, that are like, rah, rah, rah, Democrats, and everybody else is like...

All right, bro. How many Disney movies we got to make gay? Why was Grindr going crazy at the RNC? Sorry, really quick. To your point, you know who else? The public is gay, too. But they keep that shit on the low. Do you know what I mean? They on Grindr, not Instagram. That's right. Yeah, that's true. They're gay as fuck. They're gay. Biden got the trans in the fucking, in the White House.

By the end of Trans Day in the White House. Oh, yeah. He got his head, what is it, executive for energy is wearing a fucking dress and shit. We're like, what is going on? Put a fucking suit on. Go suck cock on the weekends. Monday through Friday, you got to dress like a soldier. You know what I mean? This is why we don't ask, don't tell. Because you're wearing a skirt. Yeah.

It is performative too It's like a lot of performative shit Like come on Sorry what were you saying though What were you saying To your point about just Democratic The branding They used to be for the blue collar worker You know the head of the Teamsters Spoke of the Trump thing Yeah He called the RNC And the DNC head And was like hey I would like to speak And then DNC never got back to him RNC was like come through and speak Stupid

So all your blue collar workers, even if you don't, if you're not union, whatever, you're looking at the head of the Teamsters, the most powerful union in the country, maybe saying, I'm pro Trump. We're going to fix this.

Am I going to vote for him or the guys that are gay, gay, gay? Y'all aren't speaking on my behalf. Nobody ever talked about how a large part of what created it is those people felt like all I hear is I'm white, I'm racist, I have white privilege, I'm poor as fuck. There used to be manufacturing jobs in my town. Now it's a ghost town. What's happening? Not only are you telling me you don't care, you're telling me I'm privileged? Fuck you, suck my dick, I'm going this way. And he's trying to make my kids gay. And he's trying to make my kids gay. That's a huge...

I don't got enough to deal with. I don't got enough to deal with. They still got the racist stink on them, though. Like, you have Hulk Hogan there speaking like, oh, my daughter can't date a nigga. Like, come on, son. He didn't say it like that. He did say it like that. Oh, he's a nigger. Sorry. Oh, jeez, Al. Wait, what did he say? Yeah, his daughter couldn't date a black guy. Oh, yeah. That's good. He just wanted to hit you.

You don't got a daughter, yo. You don't know what it's like. You should take pictures with them. Come on, Al. One day you're going to get a daughter. You're going to have a daughter. Then we're going to see how you feel. Do you think you're more gay or racist? Nah, I'm way more racist. Way more racist. I'm 3x more racist than gay, for sure. I can even tell you which racist. Yeah.

But you could also tell us which guys you would bang. I'm not banging no dude. But if I had to line up the people I'd be racist to, that's light work. That's light work. Yeah, and I'd be open with that. But, like, honestly, Al, get over here and change that. Like, if you had to do a racist act or a gay act, which one would you do first? Now we're talking. Racist. That's the thing. Because there's so many...

racist things you could just say and most people would be like, yeah, they do be doing that. You're not even upset about it. But if you have to kiss a dick for a little. Yeah, I'm a curb stomp motherfucker. You don't even have to go that far. You can say black people out of the boat. I'm going with that. He's an Asian, bro. Stop Asian hate, Al. Al can talk all the shit he wants. I know who he voting for. Who? Maybe he voting for Trump. Stop!

Bro, facts. The Trump train is coming, dude. Yo, we going MAGA on the pod, bro. We might have to go MAGA on the pod. Oh, we starting now? We was never MAGA. You've been at the Hamptons too long. That's what happened. You know, the Hamptons is funny as shit. We gonna be MAGA now. No, what are you like?

as kid as his trans and he blames the woke mind virus not the fact that he's been building rockets for 20 hours a day ignoring that little motherfucker you know what I'm saying that crazy fucking it's so great that's the most you know you're like 12 kids you don't spend no

time in their life. Shut up, Eli. Yeah, it's like, what do you think your kid is going to do to get attention from you? Yeah, yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? He's going to wear a dress so you start at least going, yo, what the fuck is going on over here? Yeah. Matter of fact, he's probably trying to send that little motherfucker to the moon. There ain't no gay people on Mars. Yeah.

Transition to another planet. But that is a good question. Like, how many trans kids have both parents in their life loving? Okay, all right. Come on. I don't know if there's date on it. It's just a question. It depends on what borough you're in. It's just a question. If you're in Wayne, Brooklyn, probably a lot. Yo, I don't know. Also, Elon got like 10 kids. One of them was bound to be gay, statistically. Odds are. He got 12 kids. God damn, he got 12? And only one of them. That's not bad odds, dog. Well, my parents had seven and none of us are...

But you would be if you were allowed. We've talked about this many times. I mean, there's a gay. Do you think I'm more gay than racist? There's a gay in there. A little one. What do you think? Are you more racist or gay? Bro, I'm pretty gay, dude. I'll be honest. I mean, last night I watched like five hours of talent show singing. Which one?

The kid, Tong. North Korea's Got Talent? I watched a little North Korea's Got Talent. That shit made me tear up. I was crying. Mark's definitely a little gay. I got the other kid in me. I got the other kid in me. If you were at the RNC, he'd have Grindr. Let's put it that way. I don't see him as gay. I wouldn't believe. I would bang a dude, but it wouldn't be a black guy. So what does that make me? What?

Every other one. No, let's talk about it. Make some soft gay. If you're not taking black dick first, is that racist? I wouldn't take black dick first. Is that gay or racist? Is that Asian, Mexican? Then work your way up to it. I can't tell if that's gay or racist. Are you not taking black dick because of gay or because of racist?

because they look rude because they look rude about it they they fuck rude take your shoes off in my house don't wear timbs to fuck me come on yo yeah take that shit yeah no black dude yelling at me while i'm already getting fucked come on be loving or speak another language i'll make it up in my head yeah yeah i'll go mish i might go mish no yeah that's way more loving

Y'all are so gay. This is why we need MAGA. MAGA! You're racist. MAGA! You're so racist. Son, where is Matthew Crooks when you need him, bro? I find it funny. Adam 22's wife, like the only dude she slept with were black guys. She went straight black when he let her do her thing. Mm.

Like, she's fucked three times. He's selling it. That's what's going to sell them. That's the only thing that... I mean, that's the thing that's going to make the most money. Really? Yeah, you need the most pay-per-view. And Money Mayweather turned heel to get pay-per-view buys. It's the same thing. You want the porn category blacked, right? Yeah. There's no...

Yellow. It's the most shocking yellow testnut. And that's not urine. So they know exactly what he said. There's no T-Ton testnut in the porn category. And wasn't that crazy when he ate 46 rat sips?

I couldn't believe it because I've been a fan of his for a while. I remember last year he ate 37 rats. And I'm watching Mr. Ching and I was like, yo, this guy... Nine more rats is crazy. I was like, there's no way he could consume more rats. There's truly no way he could. And I remember the crowd, they were cheering. Ching Chong! Ching Chong! Ching Chong! Did he dip it in water and shit like that to make it salty? Duck sauce, bro. Fire. Fire. He's mixing animals. You know what I'm saying?

I can't put a rat in duck sauce. That's not how all of you. Not at all. You know who else was there? Black Widow. Literally was actually there. No way. I'm pretty sure. What was happening with that? She was just taking that rat. No, she wasn't. 100%. Dude, that's crazy. Black Widow, I don't know. You don't know? No. Let me put you on, bro. Dude, this is the one. The greatest competitive eater you could say. Let me pull it up. Let me pull it up. This bitch look bad.

Right there. Not that one. Wait, she's actually a competitive eater? Yeah, she's one of the greatest ever. You don't know who Black Widow is? Nah. Why are Asians good at this shit? Because they got to compete with two billion people for food? You would think more Indians would be in there. When are y'all going to step it up on the hot dog eating contest? Can you eat hot dogs? Nah.

oh there's too many different animals to around we didn't even know it's in there god damn yeah that's fair asians asians care about weird sports is honestly the thing they don't care about cool sports like cricket and badminton that's a good point that is awesome all right guys let's take a break for a second i need to tell you guys about symbiotica okay symbiotic is a whole bunch of supplements that we don't have time to talk about so we're going to focus on these right now first sheila jeet

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cricket's kind of fire ain't gonna lie it's so fun did we kind of fire kind of fire but that um i know this is gonna sound like i'm making like a loyal to the soil joke i'm not but the longer the game goes the more bowling the more pitching it affects the grounds yeah so you could fuck it better

I didn't see it coming. I didn't see it coming. I got you. In all seriousness, so it affects the ground and the ball starts, the ball, I guess you would call it. The ball starts bouncing in unpredictable ways later on in the game. So if you have, I don't know if it's better if you have an advantage or disadvantage bowling, but that's something that you got to calculate with it. Yeah. Hmm.

I think that's like a thing you never even consider. Imagine like the wood started changing during a basketball game. And right when you start to figure out the spin of the bowler, the ground starts changing. So now you've got to calculate... Yeah, everything. Yeah. But that's tennis, same thing. Like Wimbledon, they play on grass. That's right. And the later the tournament goes, the harder it is to... Bro, I mean, this is even like, you want to get to the minutiae. The later the game...

the higher the grass grows. Oh, shit. So they have to keep the grass at a certain level. But it's like in hockey where you need the Zamboni to come and fix the shit. Anyway, I thought that was an interesting component with...

with the coaching of... I'm very, like, what's the word? A noob or whatever with cricket. But yeah, there's so much detail that they think about everything. Also, you could, like, send a guy into bowl and then take him out and he could still go back in. Yeah, but they can only bowl a certain number of overs, a certain number of bowls. But you can mix and match throughout. Yeah.

So there's constant strategy. Anyway, I'm... We got far. We got far. I don't know. I mean, if two billion people like something, it's probably... I feel like we're treating cricket the same way that Americans treated soccer, where first we reject it and eventually they're like, nah, what you need is like the video game.

Yeah, and also you need America to get... Once America's good, if anybody... We're invested in it. Yeah, then we don't fuck. But I don't know who posted in the group chat, like it was... They were playing... Paddle with cricket? Yeah. I was just laughing because you were like, yo, this is fire. And I'm like, this is just...

pickleball with the lost stick. No, but that shit is heavy. It's just pickleball. You thought it was fire? It was a hand-eye coordination. It was a dexterity. True athletes. They really are true athletes. Did you see how focused they were when there was no mud on the ground? I think they didn't miss one single ball. Do you know which? We're either going to have an Indian president or an Indian vice president wife.

We're going to have an Indian in the White House. Yo, can y'all explain this J.D. Vance thing? So Trump picks J.D. Vance. Who the fuck is J.D. Vance? I've been trying to research this guy all day. So grows up, born in Middletown, Ohio, big Rust Belt town, like blue collar. Grandfather is a steel miner. Goes to Yale.

So his mom estranged from his father. Mom was a drug addict. Who? Like men in and out of her life, whatever. He has to move to Kentucky. He gets raised by his grandparents and goes to OSU. Like really pulls himself out of whatever, out of the tough situation. Goes to OSU, then goes to Yale Law School. Weird story or cool story. Vivek. Him and Vivek are homies. He has three kids. He has an Indian wife, three kids. Only one of them has an Indian name. The name is Vivek.

Yeah. It's quite possible the guy's named after Vivek Ramaswamy. I don't know. They're like homies. There's a thing where Vivek is being asked that and he's kind of denying it, but he's like, we're close friends. We're close friends. You have to ask him about that. Yeah. Yeah. But the other kids are like Noah and some other Christian name. So gets married 2015. Uh,

Starts a venture capital fund, I think. And 2016 rolls around, election rolls around, very anti-Trump. Fucking hates Trump. Doesn't just hate Trump, the person. Says something about his policies. I have the quote written down, but something like, they range from absurd to immoral or something like that. So he goes at Trump.

As a person, and he compares him to Hitler as a person, goes at his policies, shitting on him all the time, starts a charity in Ohio, doing all these things. I think the charity eventually folds. 2021, he enters the Senate race. All of a sudden, loves Trump. Pro-Trump. Hey, this guy's great. January 6th wasn't that bad. What y'all did to him didn't make any sense. I think a lot of Democrats are like, what the fuck? We loved this guy a few years ago because he wrote this book in 2016 called Hillbilly Elegy. What does that mean?

You know, I had to look it up. It's the same thing as a eulogy, but a eulogy is typically written, I'm sorry, spoken, and typically more like praising. And an elegy is more like sad in tone and is written only. So it's the same thing. But it's a eulogy for Hillibut? For like, yeah, this part of America that's just...

Dying. Oh, God. It's not a movie. It made it into a movie. Ron Howard did it. Ron Howard directed it. The book liberals love. They think this is like our kind of Republican like this. He's not in office yet, but we love this guy. And he's... This is what's also funny. A lot of the book is like blaming hillbilly culture for what happened. Not...

like he's like you can still pull yourself out this is america hillbillies feel like if you work hard then there's no point there's some like uh self-reflection yeah there's some pull yourself up but it's funny because liberals are like that guy's great if he was black writing that book about black people republicans would be like this guy's awesome and then left would have been like what's up fuck you yeah so they love him but all of a sudden anti-biden in 2020 voting for trump this is weird

He says, oh, I got to know Trump. I like his policies. But it is a really fucking strong 180 when you call his policies idiotic. When you knew them in 2016, what changed in those four years? It seemed kind of like that's just what gets you elected. Yeah, he got asked to be the second most powerful person in the world. Yeah, but this is 2021 before. So he started angling for it, probably. He needed to win the election. You want to win as a Republican. I need Trump on my side. Let me just say I was wrong. That's kind of what it seems like. Hmm.

So how does he pivot? What does he say? So he's just like, I didn't know the guy. I actually agree with a lot of his policies. And this is where it's like, I don't hate the guy, but it's just a politician fucking thing. If it was genuine, I'm cool with that. I like the fact that people flip-flop. I think flip-flopping is important in life. When you get new information, you should change your mind. But that's too big of a flip-flop. If you're doing it, it's impossible for you to be a person in politics

and not know somebody's policies. So you were either ignorant to your field, if he was in politics when he was saying this about Trump, or did he switch...

I tend to believe the latter. And I try to do a lot of digging on this guy the last couple of days. And here's one thing that's like, yeah, I don't know how genuine you are. One policy that he really agrees with Trump on is stopping illegal immigration. Fine. He says, my mom... Why is that? I don't get to it. Let me get there. Let me get here. So he says, my mom almost died, and this is true, from a heroin overdose, from probably drugs that were shipped in here illegally from Mexico. Come on, get...

Here's what, here, let me get to this. So, okay. Mom died because she does drugs. She did drugs. But we could shut down the heroin. We could shut down the fentanyl, all these things. She's going to have another drug. She's going to have alcohol. Here's where, here's where, again, let me, let me get there. Sorry, sorry, sorry. You're going to see this is like, oh, all right. I see what it is.

His mom started as a nurse addicted to painkillers and then Oxycontin. When he graduates from Yale Law School, the first law firm he works for represents Purdue Pharma, who makes Oxycontin. So you got no fucking problem with Purdue Pharma, with Big Pharma. I'll go hard at illegal immigration, but the pharma lobby, I'm not...

That's fine. Also, this is even fucking crazier. His charity was called Our Ohio Renewal. And it was just, I think the initiative was like, let's rebuild Ohio. Let's rebuild this part of America that I grew up in that I love. One thing that he did, very nice in theory, he sent a psychiatrist to middle America to help people with Oxycontin addictions. The psychiatrist he sent was essentially on Purdue Pharma's payroll, literally did studies being like, Oxycontin is not addictive. It's not that bad. Yeah.

And now you're sending this lady to get these people clean? So to me, it's just like, oh, you're kind of a fraud. You're kind of- Also, it doesn't feel like a drain the swamp guy. Yeah. It kind of feels like a swamp creature. And I think this is where- Again, I don't know anything about him. I got to do my research. But from what you're telling me, this does not feel like this political outsider that would galvanize the Trump base. Other dots to connect that tie back into the Elon thing that you brought up earlier. I didn't even know that he was donating $40 million a month or whatever. Yeah.

He said that before Vance got elected or chosen as VP, right? So when he starts his startup in 2015, his venture capital fund, Peter Thiel backs it. This guy, J.D. Vance. In 2021, when he decides to run for Senate, Peter Thiel donates $15 million, which is a massive amount of money, to a guy just running for Senate. So he seems to be in the kind of the pocket of these Silicon Valley guys, it would seem. Yeah.

And apparently Biden, Biden has done or the people behind Biden have done some things that you should praise. They broke non-compete agreements. They are cracking down a little bit on like techno fascism, which is like Silicon Valley. This is an interesting part of it. I've looked up techno fascism. I asked Robbie. Robbie's on vacation. I was like, tell me about it, this guy. And he's like, just look up techno fascism and whatever. Basically, one important part of this idea of techno fascism is.

Silicon Valley doesn't have to play politics anymore. They can kind of set the agenda. If Elon Musk wants a policy out there, instead of going to the government, he can just start tweeting about it. Maybe even theoretically, not that he's doing this, pumping tweets that push the agendas he wants, then that becomes what the voter base wants and then the policy changes that way. Biden is kind of cracking down on Silicon Valley. Y'all shouldn't be able to just run amok like this. I don't know how much he's actually accomplishing, but that's his idea.

You look at this guy, J.D. Vance, he's already in Peter Thiel's pocket. I'm Elon Musk. Shout out to Peter Thiel, though. That motherfucker's badass. He's a badass. All these guys are bad. Elon Musk is a badass. He's the best gay. Yeah.

And he's not even a Democrat. Isn't that funny? Isn't that interesting? Even the Democrats are too gay for Peter Thiel. He's more racist than gay. That's the thing. This guy fucking gets it. He's not going to let himself be defined by smoking cocks. He's a billionaire that developed all these incredible businesses. He's like an early investor in all these different startups that have now become these billion-dollar companies. You think the only thing people want to think about him is he's gay? Matter of fact, I think he took down Gawker.

for Hogan simply because Gawker outed him for being gay back in the day. Oh, wow. And they took his name. Which is low-key a gross thing. Yeah, that's gross. Gawker's fucking gross. They're vile. That's disgusting, bro. I think you're talking about the gay. Yeah. I mean, that...

No, yeah, to be gay back in the day. That's not what you were doing. No, that's what I was saying. Fucking AIDS everywhere. What the hell? Come on, bro. No, no, it is gross to just out somebody like that. Absolutely. But that makes this guy seem like he's kind of in the pocket of big tech. How is he going to be able to manipulate people that want to get their start in tech if they already know he's gay? Yeah.

Peter Thiel. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good question. He paid millions of dollars, honestly. Yeah, that's what he'll do. But shout out Peter Thiel. I like that guy. I got no problem with it, but it does seem like this J.D. Vance pick happened because a lot of money got thrown behind him. Yeah. Trumpy, Trumpy, Trumpy. So what does Trump see in him? I think he sees someone who can't overshadow him.

That's probably part of it. Talk that shit. Think about it. I think... Fucking cream puff. A little cream puff over there. Take that cream puff. I won't shoot you now. Alright, go, go, go. Let's start with Kamala. I do feel like four years of Biden, Kamala was silenced a little bit. Like, hey, don't make Biden look bad. Don't overshadow him. Shut up. Um...

And that worked for Biden because people are like, I'd rather keep Biden here than have Kamala. I think Trump saw that and he's like, I don't want anyone who is like people would even want to replace me. Like Pence. Yeah. Yeah. But Pence was kind of like he had the evangelicals on his side and like they backed him a lot.

This guy, nobody gives a fuck about him. I think he helps you seal Ohio, which you probably would get anyway, but you need that Rust Belt. You need Ohio, Michigan, all that. I think he saw the debate, and I think after the gun shit, he's so far ahead, he's like, I don't even need anybody right now.

He's actually distancing himself from the abortion ship. Which he's smart to. Exactly. He distanced himself from Project 2025. Yeah. This is what I hope he doesn't do in 2016. He doesn't need the extremist anymore because he's like, oh, I got this shit in the back. So now I don't got to be extreme anymore. So it's like, let me pick somebody that nobody gives a fuck about, that nobody wants to replace me because I got it. He has straight Democrats. Yeah.

He does. I genuinely believe he has straight male Democrats. Nah, I just think people are going to stay home. Which is almost a vote for Trump. Almost a vote for Trump, yeah. Yeah, that's right. They will abstain. Yeah. I agree. I don't know if people will go as far. I mean, the shooting thing, the day after the shooting of the election was there, I'm voting for Trump. But you got four months till then. That's the thing. He could fuck it up in four months. Like,

It's so tricky because- When they announced Kamala, well, when Biden said, like, I'm supporting Kamala, and then immediately Trump was like, nah, we got to change the- Debates. Debate. I'm like, are you scared, bro? Because you don't want to give her shine. Nah, bro. It's not scary. Come on, it's a half black, half Indian. You ain't going to argue with this girl and make nothing. She can kick the fuck out of him in the debates. That's what I'm saying. But she just lost the debates. The fact that he wanted to change the debates, he's like, oh, I think he's a little scared.

That's because she tried to be white. She's going to be black as fuck in these debates. This is the only time she's ever going to look into a sandal or something. Former prosecutor against a convicted convict. I mean, it's a great matchup. It's a pay-per-view matchup. But I wonder if he's looking at it like a prizefighter. Like, Conor McGregor can't listen to every single person that calls him out. Because you're just going to give that person a shine. But if you notice...

After Jake Paul's win against Mike Perry. Shout out to both of them. I hope they made all the fucking money in the world. Both of them. But

started talking shit to Jake. Yeah. Because he knows Jake got the energy. Jake is at a level where it's worth talking shit to. Jake wasn't initially. Yeah. When Jake was fighting the YouTubers or whatever, he wasn't big enough for Connor. But now Connor had to step out of that fight. He feels he's coming down a little bit. And this Jake guy is unstoppable. Yeah. So now he talks some shit. So I wonder if Trump's looking at it like, okay, if I go on the stage with Kamala, I'm going to give her shine. She cannot create herself. Right.

I can just create shine. I can create moments. I dodge bullets. What is this chick going to do to galvanize? I could give her an opportunity to galvanize. I'm already on top of her. High risk, no reward. Now, the American people deserve a debate. That's what I would say. They're doing a debate. He just said, let's put it on Fox, not whatever was supposed to be on CNN. Oh, because he wants the moderators to be a little bit more. Well, actually, the last one was on CNN. It's also crazy you can pay for the rights to a debate. That's insane. Yeah.

We should not be exclusive. And the same with the State of the Union address is for every network. This should be bigger than network. Should be on C-SPAN. Absolutely. This is fucking insane to me. It's insane. This is like a thing that we should be objective about and I should be able to objectively vote for who I want. I don't want you swaying the questions in either direction. I should be allowed to make an informed vote. What the fuck is going on? You can just buy the rights like it's a Super Bowl. It is tricky though because that is like...

I hate even saying this because it sounds like such a fucking trope, but the culture of consumption, the fact that we only really value things that are monetizable. I know you're laughing because it does sound gay, right? The culture of consumption. It's the same thing. I even talked to my wife about this a little bit. The reason why I think motherhood isn't valued in American culture as much as it is valued, let's say, in Indian culture is because you can't monetize it.

Like the things you can monetize are valued. Hedge fund directors, ooh, that's valuable. Why is that more valuable than- Teachers not valued. Should be the most valued. You can't monetize it. So when culture is dominated by money, we only value those positions that can generate revenue. Mm-hmm.

And then you leave to the wayside these very important positions, i.e. teacher or mother. You have women out here that feel like they should work even though they don't have to just to meet up with societal expectations. And then all of a sudden, they're not hanging out with their kids. Or you got, I don't want to sound like I'm taking shots at Elon, but you got a dad that got 12 different kids and he works 20 hours a week at all these different things. And you could argue that he's upholding democratic values and doing all these amazing things for society, which he is, but at the cost of what?

Yeah. Right? Like he might be chasing a bag, but at the cost of what? Yeah. I don't know. Sorry to derail, but you get what I'm saying. There are limitations to everything. I agree. That's why it got this way, but there's got to be a line. It started out as gay, but then I think it got to a good point. No, it was pretty straight. By the end, I got straight. I think so. But it started pretty gay. Yes, beginning straight. I started with culture of consumption, and we don't give moms enough credit. I was like, I got to dig myself out of this. Yeah.

But yeah, you just got to, I think elections should be spin free in those, like we're all going to do afterwards, spin the fuck out of it. When they're talking, let them talk. So genuine question, how do we decide who the moderators are then? Like, and who makes that decision? Does each, is it like a juror? Now the jury would be decided by the defendant's lawyer, right? To a certain extent, they get to eliminate certain jurors. How does it work out? Decided by both.

But don't they get to omit certain... Each side gets, I think, 12 people they can knock off. Find someone each side is okay with. Yeah. But now we're going to have like a super... Now you've got the fucking Supreme Court.

Where you've got the Republicans and the Democrats. What is the... But that's how debates used to be. They used to have one debate on CNN, one on Fox, one on... A neutral platform. A neutral 13 PBS or something like that. That's what they used to do. When? As a kid, there wasn't even... Most of us didn't even have cable. I saw debates in 1992 when I didn't have cable. So it wasn't on CNN. There's no way it was on CNN. I remember when they used to have the...

the ticker at the bottom of like, oh, how much people were like scoring the debate as it was going on. And that was a CNN thing that they started doing. Every channel would play it. That's what, it wasn't exclusive. Exclusive rights is bunk. Oh, I could have swore. No, it was on every channel. For a fact. 1992, 1996. In the, not a declaration of independence, but it's like, they have to do it.

So I think that C-SPAN, it's like a government thing. So they put it on all the channels. But now the tricky thing is like... I don't think a debate... They have a commission, apparently. Yeah. They have a commission of presidential debates that is responsible for selecting the moderate. Now, I will say this. I thought CNN did a great job with the last debate. Yeah, I thought the last debate was good. Yeah. But I do agree with you, which is like, you shouldn't be able to put up money...

It's crazy. To the exclusive rights to democracy? What the fuck are we doing? What the fuck are we doing? That's the most capitalistic shit. The exclusive rights to democracy. Yeah. It really annoys me. One thing that... You did that J.D. Vance shit great. Thanks, man. Hey, man, you really locked in on that. Thank you, Doug. We got to send your ass to India. You absorbed IQ. That's your Tesseract. We got to

He was around so much brilliance that he came back a genius. You're talking about hillbilly elegy and shit? Yeah, dude. I need to be in December. I'm going back. I'm getting little goosebumps at this shit, bro. Okay, go on. Apparently one thing that Trump can do against Kamala is be like, do you think Biden was senile?

Like, do you think during his presidency he was senile? And then if she says no, then it's like, well, why didn't he continue to run? Like, what's going on? And if she says yes, then it's like, well, why did you support a candidate that was senile in the White House? That ain't gonna work. You don't think so? I read it. I was like, it's good. I don't think people will care, but it's a good... I think what will happen is I think that

It's so funny how pendulum swing, like, didn't we always say, even on this podcast, like Republicans get in line. Yeah. Republicans get behind their candidate and Republicans are going to support it.

Now it feels like Democrats are adopting that same philosophy where they're like, you know, where's the party going? Is it going with Kamala? All right. Give her all the money. She raised some crazy amount of money. And I don't know if that was transferred from Biden or she generally. I think got the most donations. But that's also a bit like, of course, you only have a fucking month to donate. You're going to donate. There's only a month. We're all going to give it three weeks until the DNC. Yeah. So, of course, we're going to donate. I thought that was a bit misleading.

I heard another crazy thing. Go, go, give me, give me. This is a fun little, just like weird. I love, I love. People are talking about all the Trump shooting. They're saying like, oh, this is Teddy Roosevelt moment. Yeah. Because Teddy Roosevelt had an assassination attempt. I think it. The guy shot him and it got stopped by his whole speech. He got shot. It hit his eyeglass case, hit his speech, went into his body, didn't kill him and then gave the speech. Where did he get shot? It happened in Milwaukee.

Now, Teddy Roosevelt gave his speech after he got shot in Milwaukee and gave like an 86 minute speech. And then Trump gets shot, goes to Milwaukee for the RNC and then gives a 90 minute speech. Had to do it. And Miles pointed out, he's like, yo, he must have gone an extra four minutes, heard about this thing. And he was like, fuck it, I'm doing a 90 minute speech. Just a top four more years. Teddy Roosevelt. Yeah, that was definitely intentional.

He wanted to have the longest speech ever. After I got shot, I gave a 90-minute speech. Which is a good move. You can't fuck with me. But he went off script and then it got a little boring. Oh, that's always hurt Trump in the past, going off script. No, but it's so funny. When he's on script...

It is not that same excitement that you get from Trump that you get from, let's say, Mike Tyson. I think we even said on the pod, the most engaging thing a human can do is not let you know the next thing that they're going to say. And I think that's why Mike is so engaging. Even on the podcast, he'll be on fucking pounds of shrooms, and then out of nowhere, he'll just start crying and telling you the importance of having no ego. You're like, what the fuck? You never know what he's going to say next. And Trump has that quality, but when he's reading off the prompter,

you limit the superpower. Yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But at the same time... I think it kind of backfired a little bit on this one. Well, I think when he's the underdog, the superpower is really helpful. Yeah. When he's the frontrunner, limit the superpower. Exactly. And then he started going, saying the same things that he says, like, I'm that dude or whatever, everybody's fucking shit, and I'm going to do this and that. And it kind of... It took the sincerity out of...

We feel bad for you right now. He should have milked that shit. Cause he started on like reading the teleprompter and it was like, Oh shit, this is a new Trump. That's how you get the fucking people in the middle. He's like, Oh shit. Okay. Maybe he's like changed a little bit. And then he went reverted right back to his old shit. I think that kind of hurt. That was like a misstep. He could have really capitalized on that moment. If he's like, you know what? After getting grazed in the ear with some glass,

I'm going to change men. Yeah, those guys are haters, bro. Can't even get a shot. He's just, he cannot help but do the funniest thing at all points of time. When he walked over...

to the fireman's outfit and then kissed the helmet. Unbelievable. It's like, I think he's being genuine. I think he's being authentic. It just also happens to be the most ridiculous thing to kiss the helmet. Yeah. I mean, that was part of the speech. He was like, go over it. I think he went over to it genuinely. Feeling compelled to

Kiss them back for health. I think that's just Trump like, okay, what is the funny? Yes, and. I mean, the funniest shit is the one I sent you where he's doing a speech and he's like, I'm not supposed to be here right now. And everyone goes, yes, you are. Yes, you are. He goes, thank you. But I'm not. I'm not. Like, he wouldn't even listen. He's so stubborn that they're like, you're supposed to be here. He's like, you guys are wrong, actually. I'm not. Listen to my point. He's just the funniest. He can't help it. He's so good. Yeah, it's wild. Okay, so now we get Kamala.

And we see what happens in the coming weeks, the coming months, whatever. America is just the most interesting country when it comes to these elections. It's not fucking close. This shit is reality TV. It's weird that like... Yeah, I'm glued to this shit. I'm like a little... And this is not good, but I'm a little like excited about...

You know what I mean? Like, it's not good. You shouldn't be excited for what's happening. It's not a reality show. It's not fucking House of Dragons. But there is this part of me that's like, oh, it's it's happening. It's the new season. Yeah. Yeah. It does feel like a finale. Season finale is coming. Yeah. You think Biden will be able to acknowledge the election results?

And he's going to have the mental ability to be like, I won or I lost. Oh, dude, I lost. The clip of him, it was seeming like he greets that girl and he thinks it's his wife. And then his wife grabs him and is like, no, no, no. Have you seen that clip? That clip went viral. He's talking to some woman and he seems very warm with her. And then his wife comes over, Jill, and like kind of pushes him aside. And what everybody was saying is he thought that was Jill. Like genuinely thought that was Jill. With all due respect, there's a picture of Jill Young. Yeah. That could have been Jill.

Yeah, come on. What do white bitches look like? Oh, no. Oh, no. Now, that's actually a good move. Guys, remember this. Yeah, like, oh, I thought it was you. Yeah, we know what you have to, my boy. He almost leaned in. Yeah, you saw that? He came up with the finger. Oh, fuck. Okay. Anything else with politics before we get into this wedding? Diddy needs to hire those people.

this or well now the shooter's dead but hire a bad shooter because that's the only thing that can save his reputation nothing will save diddy yeah if he gets that he's done it's grazed maybe it's grazed you're gonna feel a little bit bad not even a little bit not even a little bit not even a fucking fraction you don't think so i mean i don't give me the gun i'll hit

that motherfucker. Maybe an album. Maybe an album. Nah, I don't think. Musician, you ain't gonna do it. I mean, once that video dropped of him just fucking ragdolling Cassie. Yeah, I mean, that was insane. Yeah. Yeah. Al, I think that's a bad take. Yeah, that was the worst take I heard in a while, to be honest with you. I'm staying on business. I'm staying on business.

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Let's get back to the show. Akash was at the... The wedding. Yeah, what would you say in terms of history? I'm sure there's like royal weddings that were talked about, but they weren't, they didn't happen in the social media age. Yeah. The energy around this wedding... Yeah, it was like trending. Yeah.

Yeah. This was our royal wedding. Okay. Like when Meghan married Harry. Yeah. And we were all talking. This was that for Indians. Yeah. Way more opulent because you didn't have to do it in the castle. That's the other thing. I feel like this was bigger. Oh, much more. They spent $600 million. The reason why I think it was bigger in terms is they could flex in a...

What's the word that I'm trying to use? The royals have to do it in a certain way. They have to be dignified. It was on TV in America, the royal run. We were watching that shit. Sure, sure, sure. But this shit was on social and TikTok in a way. They're also allowed to flex more. Exactly. The flex culture is like, it's sort of encouraged, whereas with British aristocracy, flex culture is discouraged. Yeah.

But I hear Al saying, yes, it was this huge moment. This is by far the biggest non-royal wedding in history. Yes. It felt royal. Yeah. You get the invite to go. I need to know a few things right off the bat, and I want you to tell me all the stories. How many people are at this event? 9,000 the first day that I was there. Keep going, keep going, keep going. I heard the Sunday they were expecting 20,000.

I didn't feel like it was that much more crowded on the Sunday. Maybe we're all just tired. So there's 9,000 people at this thing, and then as it goes on, maybe more and more people are invited. Correct. I imagine you're invited to the whole thing. To all three. I wasn't invited pre-wedding, obviously, but all three of the day's events, I'm invited. Okay. And then it's more exclusive earlier and then gets... Yeah. Okay. You're invited to all. Your head going into this, are you going...

Are you thinking like, where are they going to seat me? You know how like there's that. A little bit, but I try to remind myself a month before this, if you told me at the pre-wedding that I was going to be invited to the wedding, I would have been like, you're out of your fucking mind. There's no way. Is this like, I'm trying to understand culturally, is this like if Jay-Z and Beyonce got married in America? Yeah.

Or is it even bigger? Yeah, they're not famous like Bollywood stars are famous, but they're like, imagine Bill Gates really wanted to flex his wealth and then married another super rich person. And then they happen to be friends with all the Hollywood celebrities from childhood. And they're all at this wedding. Okay, okay. So you go. There's 9,000 people. Yeah.

Are you in like a different area? Cause it seemed like you were rubbing. No. Okay. Everybody. So first of all, I've been trying to, from the moment I got in, I was like, how do I describe this to the boys? Yeah. And it's so big that it's hard to wrap your mind around. Where is it at? It's at a convention center. The entire convention center is dedicated to this wedding. Okay. Every floor. And it's like, it almost feels like a fucking Metroplex place.

Like each floor is its own little city. And you're walking through what look like beautiful movie sets. Like there's that, you remember that movie I had you watch, Gangubai? Yeah. Like that old India. There's one, like one floor where you're walking and it feels like old India. That's fine. And you're seeing people play sitar. If you hear music, it is done live. There was no music music. Everything is live.

You're walking through. As soon as you walk in, it's just palatial, like just high ceilings, beautiful carpet, decorations everywhere. So they completely renovated this convention center. Entire convention center is dedicated to this wedding. What's parking like?

Oh, you don't even park. You just pull up. Like you're getting an Uber. You're getting a driver. They had a driver for me the whole weekend. So everything for you is curated the entire time? Yes. Because they're so on it. Like I said, they curate everything. They took care of the flights. They took care of the hotel. They took care of the car. I just have to be there. Wow. You're getting a driver to and from every event. You show up for the first day? Yeah. Yeah.

Is there seating? Is it just everywhere? So the first event, do you remember when I did the Bharat? Do you remember when we were in the parking lot of the Grottoir and I was in a little tuk-tuk? So the idea is you are a king and you are going to meet your queen. So the whole kingdom, which is your side, is out dancing and celebrating. That's the first thing I walk into, that. But with them, it's inside, air-conditioned, but it's like 9,000 people. And whereas my Bharat was like an hour and you're like...

end of it, everybody in every Indian American wedding is like, let's come on. We're done. We're tired. This one was four hours, but you come and go as you please. We literally left in the middle, got Jai, hung out for like 30, 40 minutes, then just walked back in. And this is the fucking craziest thing. You walk in, you see all these Bollywood stars, beautiful, like all of them look better in real life, but they are friends with this kid since childhood. So they're in the bridal party. They're all dancing in a little circle, no security around them.

If you wanted to be an asshole, you could just bully your way into that. It's amazing nobody did it. But you can just bully your way into the dance circle, talk to everybody, give everybody high five. Like I'm looking at massive, massive stars, no security. We're all just there. Thousands of people. How many people there would you say were familiar with you and your work?

So a good number of people, one Bollywood actor actually came up to me and was like, I'm a fan. I really like what you do. That's awesome. Which was fire. Shouts to Ritesh Deshmukh. I really appreciated the love because that made me feel like, dude, one person knowing me. I'm unbelievable. But...

So this other kid, Ranveer Alabadia, who helped, he's a podcaster, shouts to him, fan of the pod, this pod as well, helped me get there. He was like, I'm telling you a lot. So I got recognized a good amount. You did the pod with him, right? Yeah, I did a pod with him. Beer Biceps is his pod? Yeah, Beer Biceps is his IG handle. But he told me, a decent number of people approached me, and he was like, honestly, a lot more would have, but there's like a- There's a respect thing here. Yeah, and there's like the weird thing with you as like an NRI, meaning you don't live in India. They look at you a certain way, like he's not as approachable.

So there's actually even more people. You're like a Kardashian. There's a huge flagrant fan base. Sick. Huge. That's fire. So many people, unarmed by childhood friends, are like, yo, we love flagrant. You tune in all the time. Respect. Fans, shout out to them. They were so sweet. My gang. They don't mind the joke.

Love it. Love it. Love it. And it was cool because I didn't feel, I thought all his childhood friends would be like kind of pretentious assholes. It felt like a whole family vibe the whole time. Celebrities, dude, there's one guy, his name is Skudden Jor, and I want to shout him out because like,

You know how women love the Titanic here in America? This director, he's not even an actor, director, he's directed like six movies like that, that women love that much. So I saw this guy literally every 20 seconds in the bottom, a girl asked him for a selfie. And every single time, great energy, take the selfie, get back to it. Another guy, my wife asked for a selfie.

He takes a selfie and I say to him, we're next to each other. Hey man, thank you. That meant a lot to my wife. He puts his arm around me. He's like, hey man, don't worry about it. I got a wife too. I know what you got to do. You got to keep him happy. Something like that. It's loud. I can't hear him. I'm pretending I can hear him. Yeah, yeah. Dude, the fucking most embarrassing thing. I expected Bollywood stores to be there. So I'm like...

I'm kind of cool about it. I didn't expect Indian cricketers to be there. Game over. So this guy, Harthar Pandya, the one that you said can't be Indian because he's so swaggy. Oh, yeah. He walks by. I swear to God, he's this close to me. I'm maybe here. He walks by. I look up. I see him. I go, Harthar Pandya! I scream his name. He did me the fucking courtesy of pretending he didn't hear me. But I had to grab myself and be like, you're 40.

What the fuck are you doing? Now, we're allowed to lose it for athletes, man. Come on. Yeah, I realize athletes are different, but I was like, this kid is at least 10 years younger than you. This is a child to you. Why are you screaming like that at him? It was so fucking embarrassing. But it was just like, dude, I couldn't.

believe how cool the vibe was and how cool everybody no pretension it was a fucking awesome experience that first day especially where were the the western famous people situated like is kardashian near you is who else is i didn't see kim john cena i missed but i know john cena was in the bada he was dancing john cena was in the mix he was in the mix oh yeah nobody could see him but he's in the mix i know people that got selfies with him he was in it okay i didn't see the kardashians

Whatever. I didn't see them at all, really. But we saw other Western famous people. Also, it was fucking crazy. Again, I told you, if you hear music, it's being done live. I hear Calm Down, that Remy song. I look over. It's Remy doing Calm Down. Wow.

Does two songs, leaves. Kenan, that other guy, he comes up, does two of his bangers, leaves. Another massive Indian rapper, AP Talon, comes up, does two of his bangers, leaves. Like, if you hear a song that you like, it's the motherfucker that does

did the song, doing the song. So that's what we're dancing to. That's fine. And again, I'm so happy to be here. I don't feel self-conscious. I'm dancing my ass off. I don't give a fuck who's looking at me. Y'all can judge me how you want to. You're not going to remember me tomorrow. You didn't recognize me in the first place. So I'm having a time of my fucking life that first day, especially.

Food is crazy, but the problem is in the barat, you're like walking with everybody and you're trying to kind of, I'm so mesmerized by these Bollywood stars. I'm like kind of trying to stay around them. So we missed all the fire food stands. There was like tiramisu with caviar, all this crazy shit. I missed all that. But that was the first day.

You just saw everybody. Yeah. Dude, we're waiting for parking. This guy, Salman Khan is there. He is. Oh, Salman Khan. Top three. Shah Rukh is the one that I fucking would lose it over. Oh, Shah Rukh Khan is the one. He's the one I would. He was there. I didn't see him. Thank God for me. I met his son. Son is a very sweet kid. Yeah. But I didn't. Yeah. Salman Khan is top. He might just be as big. Maybe. Maybe.

Top two, three, probably top five of all time. He's just waiting for a car at gate 19 with me. I just see him kind of standing, no security, no nothing. Just waiting, saying what's up to people wearing like a fucking $900,000 watch or some crazy shit like that. Un-fucking-believable. Saturday event.

So because the prime minister comes, if you get there after him, Modi shows up. If you get there after him, they don't let anybody in. Obviously, they actually take security seriously in India. So we didn't get to go to the actual ceremony because he got there fairly quickly. And we assume Indian wedding. I'd be an hour late. But then we go upstairs to this dinner area.

They have food for you. What was that conversation with you and your wife when you were late because she was getting ready to be missed out on the Prime Minister? You know what? I didn't realize how many stars were going to be there. I would have been upset if I knew. I thought we were all going to be late. I was like, everybody's going to be late. Everybody's on time. This is one fucking day. So then I was tied afterward. But we go upstairs. You got to flip this and be like, nah, we were boycotting on behalf of the Punjabis. Yeah, we're for the farmers. Exactly. Yeah, we're for the farmers. So we go upstairs.

And it's like, when I say they have food from Dubai and food from Singapore, I mean, they have restaurants flying in. - This is cool, this is cool. You were telling me this, yeah. - And I'm assuming this is like, un-in-the-buys favorite places. They have Italian food from a restaurant in Dubai. There's a guy, asshole Oswell fan, from Singapore, has French food. The French food from Singapore is catering to the thing. You go sit at a table, they bring you whatever you want to.

So the food from those restaurants is literally the people from those restaurants went there. Which is in a giant ballroom. It's like 15 different restaurants with food. And outside of the ballroom, the entire hallway, 100 yards of desserts. They're making fresh waffles. They're making crepes. They got gelato. They got...

cupcakes with flowers on them and then edible flower petals. Like, any fucking dessert you can fathom is there. Is there any, like, Indian dudes, like, sitting cross-legged, mixing a soup with their feet and, like, real traditional street food? No, no, not at all. They had Indian street food, but it wasn't traditional enough. That's the problem. Damn, that's the shit I like. Yeah, yeah, I know. I was like,

a lot authentic in that way. But then we go sit at the ballroom. This is when it's like, oh, this is fucking crazy. The caliber of people that I'm with. My wife and I are sitting at a table. We're alone. This sweet girl comes up. She's in her 20s. She's like, hey, is anybody sitting here? We're like, no. And she's like, can my mom and I sit here? We're like, of course, sit down. We start talking 20 minutes

She asks, how do you know Ananth or Mukesh, whoever she says? And I'm like, I don't. I just don't. I'm like, I don't. And they're like, she's like, what do you mean? I'm like, I got invited. I showed up. She kind of chuckles. I ask, how do you know Ananth Bhai? And she's like, oh, I know Mukesh. We are on this board together. And I'm like, oh, okay. I ask, where do you live? She's like, oh, California and New York. So I'm like, okay, she's got some money. She asked me what I do. We start talking. I asked what she does. 20 minutes into the conversation, she goes, oh, we on teams, like sports teams.

Not like arrogantly, very sweetly. It was like, oh, we own teams, sports teams. And I was like, what? And she was like, yeah, we own, I'm not going to say which team, but I'll just bleep it. She goes, yeah, we own, I go, which team? She goes, ****** and ******. And I was like, and then Justina's like, yeah, we've heard of them. She's saying it like we haven't heard of it. Big drop off from ****** to ******.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could say, we own a sports team. You know what's funny, though? She's probably going to make the greatest ROI on the second one. At what point did you look at your girl and be like, this is pretty sick, right? Son, the whole time, she was like, at the moment, she was a little anxious at how small fish we were. And I was like, who is this?

We're here. What the fuck are you talking about? You're there. Yeah, like this is crazy. We're here. They don't need to know who I am. I'm here. You can't kick me out now. There's always going to be somebody more wealthy. There's always going to be somebody more successful. But you got to, it's good that you were able to stop and just be like, hey, a few years ago, we were living together with three roommates at Airbnb to make ends meet. And now we are guests. Yeah. Insane. Yeah.

I mean, just an insane, like I really, of all the moments I've had, this is the number one I've made it moment in my life. And not to say I'm done or whatever, but like, oh, I, this is a thing that I'm going to remember forever. Outside of actual, the craft and specials and all that, this is number one. Like what a fucking. The validation. The validation. And as a kid who grows up outside of India, you're never really validated by India.

And it means so much because to Americans, we're Indian. And then we go there thinking we're Indian and they're like, no, you're not. Yeah, you're American. You're American as fuck. So that felt like, yo. And then seeing Bollywood stars, it's like, imagine y'all grew up in China and the only connection you have to America is Hollywood movies. Imagine if you went to America and saw Tom Cruise. Like that's the level of what, oh my God, this is unbelievable. That's what I'm feeling. And then, yeah, we touched on this earlier, but like,

I think this, it was also cool when we talked about Anant, when I saw him interacting with his wife, genuine love. The pictures of them interacting, they're like giddy to be with each other. And that was fucking cool. Cause like, yeah, this wedding is about the Ambani's establishing themselves on a global scale. It's about changing the perception of India. All these things are happening, but it's very cool that it's an actual love wedding. You know what I mean? Like not a love marriage, like they fell in love and they'll see if they can make it work. But they're like, they've been together since like high school, childhood friends, schoolmates.

super in love and it was like, yo, it was just a fucking great experience all the way around. That's fire. Shout out you. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. You're Illuminati now. For real. I'm so happy to be there. I've been dreaming of selling out and I just, I'm very honored to be asked to do it. Now, that wasn't the biggest event that you went to. Yeah, you had to leave. Yeah, I had to leave. You had to leave to go to something else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, something that was potentially, this is like the American Imbani.

Yeah, it is. It really is. And it's a real full circle moment for me as well. I went to the 7-Eleven, the National 7-Eleven Franchisees Convention. I mean, bring back a poo to this. Like, it just, look at God, dude. You know what I mean? Like, I asked for this. I manifested this. Are you performing at it? I'm performing at it. Now, before you perform, are you interacting with people?

I got there the night before because I went straight from India. Yeah. Got there the night before. Saw a few people, but I hate seeing people before a show. Yeah, yeah. I fucking hate it because it's like, this is a private gig especially. What if I bomb and then you're just going to remember me being this fucking cocky whatever. You know what I mean? I hate it. Yeah. So I'm trying to not see too many people, but you also don't have much time. Yeah. We go there for sound check, sound check.

ceilings are dumb high it's another one where it's like oh god we'll see what this there's a crazy fucking echo on the microphone i'm like oh boy here we go different convention center i get there these indian motherfuckers jip me dude these good juice i perform for a certain fee and they tell me it's pg-13 i'm like all right this is what i would do for pg-13 i get there and he's like hey by the way you can't cuss and i'm like you got me you sons of bitches because i definitely charge a lot more i can't cut what the fuck yeah i just cussed yeah you know what i mean yeah

So I'm going there and I'm like, I'm a cuss. Yeah, yeah. I don't care. Y'all are not going to tell me what to do. Good. I get, first of all, they're doing some charity auction. The chairman of the whole convention keeps complaining about the echo. He's like, what's going on? He's talking to Mike. He's like, this echo is killing me. So I'm like, I got to go to 40 minutes of comedy after this. Mark's boy, Ross, opened up, shouts to Ross. He did his thing, brought me up. And I'm like, I'm ready. I'm doing my thing. I'm cussing. I don't give a fuck what y'all got to tell me. I look.

I see all families and there's a six-year-old girl, a seven-year-old girl, an 11-year-old girl right in front of me. Right in front. The closest human beings to me. Oh, God. So I'm like, I can't. Now I have to perform clean. Or you could just auction them. That would be a good idea. Come on. I don't work for Mr. Beast. I...

I did a little crowd work that was like, what do you want to be when you grow up? And they were like a teacher. And I'm like, oh, that's so sweet. I want you to know your parents hate that answer. Just little jokes that I could get away with that aren't remotely inappropriate. But then I still got to do 40 minutes of comedy cognizant of the fact that there's children here. That is the worst. Don't bring your kids to comedy school. So any cuss word that isn't a punchline, I have to edit it. It's not hitting. I got through it. They were all very happy afterward. But like...

I should have known when I was doing an Indian gig that it was not going to be worth the money. I should have known. But it's still such an honor. What percent was Indian versus white? Oh, this is so funny. If you were Indian, I knew you owned a 7-Eleven. And if you were white, I knew you were a vendor trying to get your products into 7-Eleven. Into 7-Eleven? Oh, that's fucking great. Celsius is there. They want to slang these drinks. God bless.

if you're Celsius or you're fucking core water or whatever, every white person is like, you don't know nothing. But that must have been a wet dream to see all these white people groveling from respect to the moon. Oh, yeah. Oh, and even at the Ambani wedding, Europeans are serving me food. Like, not even white people, Europeans. I mean, what a fucking, like, just like the white people. I mean, like, oh, not, not,

JD Vance whites. I'm talking fucking. It's like Forrest Gump at the end. Yeah. When she gets the white mate. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, dude, what a time. Watching these white people grovel and serve. Oh, I got to fucking, what a weekend. Did people come up to you at all and say like, hey, thank you for doing Bring Back Apu or that? Nobody. You know what's funny? This is how much the coast thinks they matter and they don't. I asked. I was like, I was going to do some Apu jokes today.

And then these guys are young guys born in America. They live in Jersey, obviously. And he was like, what happened? They like got rid of him or something, right? And I was like, yeah, it was like a whole thing. The documentary is like, yeah, I think I know about that. And I was like, oh, I was gonna do some jokes about that. He goes, nobody's gonna give a fuck. Wow. Yeah.

So I didn't do it, but I felt it, but they didn't give a fuck. That's so interesting. It's so, we're so detached here. We were so attached here. We don't realize how detached everyone else is. Yeah. They don't care. Yeah. They care about free things. This ain't making the list. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Oh, that's so funny. Did you tell them like, yo, I just came from the Imbani, wouldn't you?

I told one person he was very excited. I would have opened with that. I had no material about it. I'm still so thankful to fucking get invited. Yesterday I'm at the embodiment. Today I'm at this shit. It's that simple. I might have mentioned it on stage, actually. I might have thrown it out there, but I definitely didn't get a big pop off of it. That was...

God, I hate this term. You know, what do they call it when you're, I heard this term in the black rooms actually, but when you're like really up against an audience. Slavery. No. When you're fighting against a lot of obstacles and the crowd is kind of like doing their own thing, you got to really fight to get their attention.

Mud fighting is what they call it. So my first thought was... The gift that keeps giving. I know, I know. Because my first thought was, oh, this is going to be a mud fight. And I was like, I can't say that on Flavor, but I have to be honest. So what did you say? A love affair? I said it. No, I actually came at the end of the set. I said it.

A couple times. Bro. What an experience. Dude, what a weekend. Did you brought a fucking weekend? No, no, no. She's like, fuck all this shit. She stayed in India. She stayed at the wedding. We talked about moving there. No way. Orlando?

It is awesome. It is nice. Yeah. No, but you talked about moving to any, like spending some part of the year there or full time? Some part of the year at least. Dude, that'd be, what would be the ideal time to go? Hopefully it aligns with our schedule. Yeah, that would be, yeah. Whatever we do would have to align with the schedule. Like is summer there too hot? Well, where my mother-in-law lives in Bangalore, it's perfect year round. It's LA weather.

All year. So then that's your Hamptons, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So this wedding was that nice. You're like, yo, I'm buying a place. I know, yeah, I know. I think about it, honestly, every time I go back. But also- This is a no-brainer. If for a certain amount of time- Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Also the cost of like living, like the cost of being, so the guy, this guy, Thunme, but big comic out there, Shasta Thunme, he was talking about. Yeah, just say this guy. Cause whenever you get into their names, it just sounds like we're muting the audience. Every name has been the

The only name I heard was Radhika. So there's guys talking to me about the kind of the fuck you number in fires, the number five financial independence retire early in India. It's about $1 million US. So you have 1 million US. You never have to work again. The money that you make will supply your interest rate.

You're rich forever. Wow. So you could have a place there where you live for a certain amount of time, but you could also just live full-time there. Yeah. I mean, I think... Then you'd be away from the boys. I know, I know. I wouldn't do that, but I think... A place there is great. A place there and like...

I grew up so disconnected from my roots to have kids. I'm fucking crying talking about to have kids that feel connected. Yeah. Go there and like make fun of my Hindi and tell me how white I am. And like, they feel like that's home as well. Oh God. So what, so what would be so much to me? What would be like an, uh,

Would you do July and August to go there? Yeah, maybe like a summer. I mean, ideally you live in a few different places, honestly. But that is a place that's... Two places there? India, fucking California, Spain. That'd be great to be able to live everywhere. But with kids, it's all influx. Would you host us?

Like if we wanted to come by and do a pod? Dude, I'd host the fuck out of you. Yeah. I mean, we would have to do that. If you had a place in it, we'd have to go once a year. Yes. For a week. Yeah. Dude, come on. Servants? Come on. I don't need to host you. We're not going to be servants. Oh, you mean you're going to host me? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

We ain't doing shit when I host you. I tell them what to do. So that's kind of fire. I like that idea. Where is it located geographically? Like where is all the water? Is it? It's South. And I want to say West, but I don't know geography, even America. I don't even know where the fuck. Ask me where Maine is. I got no clue.

But like, what I'm saying is, do you get a house on the beach? Do you get a house? We did this on the pod once. We talked about, I think Akash said- South Central. There you go. Akash once said Bangalore was on the beach and then everyone made fun of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. It's a little warming. Yeah, man. We'll get there. Yeah.

Chen and I have also heard it's beautiful. Most of my family's in New Delhi, but it's too fucking hot. And the air is terrible. Let's all get a time share. Go as flames. But you could get on that beach. If you get a compound on the water, we come out

for like a couple weeks. Yeah. Al keeps shaking his head. Anytime we say Andy and Andy a word, he just starts shaking his head. It's very disrespectful. Fuck him. He's good at it though. I gotta be honest. He's nice at it. That's Goa. Look at that. And they're Catholic.

Yeah. And? Is that the beach where all the Indian dudes stay? No, no, no. No, no. Nope, never. Goa's the greatest. Goa's the greatest. You got palm trees. Yo, I'm kind of feeling this Goa move. What about Goa, my boy? I'd be open to Goa, too. I just want my kids to feel Indian. They won't feel Indian there? Bangalore will be more Indian. How Indian you want them to be?

Very. Dude, there's some, my friend was telling me, there's some people that grow up, their kids don't even speak Hindi. They're so removed from, they're growing up in India, but so many rich people go to Western schools. Oh, they don't even speak Hindi. I'm not doing that. If I'm going to India, we're going to India. Let me,

Let me see what we got going on here. Just give him a month. That's Goa right there? Yeah, bro. Yeah, the Catholic's coming through with that. Bro, I was going to say the same thing. Yo, Catholic's got fat tits in India. That's what I'm saying, bro. I ain't never seen Indian tits like this. Yeah, I didn't know that. Hey, man. Yeah, Catholic's got it going. That's what I'm saying, bro. She even almost got abs. Yo, we might have to do the Goa, man. I think Goa's the move. I'm open to it. Can you go to Zillow in Goa?

I need to see some properties in Goa. Oh, dude, it'd be astonishingly affordable. It's 83 rupees for a dollar. But when people do that, 83 rupees to a dollar, when they do the conversion thing... Things are more rupees over there. Like a Coke is like 30, 40 rupees or whatever. But it's still, you're just... Okay, so there's still a difference. Got it, got it, got it.

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I need it on the water, bro. If you going for it, let's go for it. Do you need to do like security? Would you need to have like fenced and everything? Oh, fuck are we talking about, dude? You're not worried about that at all? Why? You don't scare me. Come on. I grew up with, I didn't grow up with, I know black people. I'm scared of them. Yeah.

yeah but you still smoke that is i have a real car like when you leave new york you have a real like overconfidence and how tough you are i'm like this shit don't scare me oh you know what i mean like you go to cincinnati or whatever you're like it's like a st louis you're like this shit ain't scary and then you read about st louis and you're like i should be scared oh gosh the beach compound in india that you go to for the summer flames that's kind of a vibe idea it's kind of a vibe bro you walk this one down

Come on. He need to be on the sand, bro. This is great. I think this is damn near. Yeah, this is fire. Come on. Cop that, bro. How much is that? Let's look that up. Let's do the conversion. Ooh-wee. Ooh-wee. Looking at some water? I mean, I would prefer you right on the water, but whatever. We can work things out. I would prefer you right on the water. I would prefer that for me. No, I agree with you. A mil seven? Don't take a mil four. 1.7 mil for a 4,200 square foot loft?

That's not even bad, dog. On the beach. No, that's expensive. I think that's expensive. I don't. I don't know. I feel like that's pretty good for that. I'm not really familiar with the Indian housing market, to be honest with you. Relative to America? I feel like, come on. On the water? Yeah. 400,000 square feet? That's a $10 million house in Cali. Yeah. It is an apartment, though. It's not like a... We need a compound. I think they need to own the land. Yeah. We gotta look. Yeah. We'll get this going. All right. We're going to figure this out. That would be fire, though.

How about y'all? Y'all do anything interesting? Nothing like this. Al had trouble with his flights or something. I don't know. Entire weekend, but it was just that whole outage situation. Yo, what happened with the outage? Microsoft, dude, a fucking automatic update, apparently. It's a company called Strikeforce, and

they sent out an automatic update that bricked a lot of computers blue screened a ton of computers basically all computers and the problem was that they can't fix it automatically it wasn't that they oh we fucked up we'll resend another update or revert all the computers all the computers had to be manually fixed yeah so like encrypted you have to put in the 48 digit code to like get it back online so if you're like a college with like

1200 computers on it yeah it's a long weekend oh and then it shut down all the flights and it's like the least it was like one of the times where it shut down the most amount of flights since like 9-11 oh wow yeah crazy amount of every airline except who was alaskan air and spirit a spirit don't give a fuck they don't update they don't have a computer they go by sexton they're still going by the moon

But yeah, it knocked everything out so no one could fly. Yeah, we were delayed as fuck coming from... But it got resolved fairly quickly. It didn't affect my life at all. Nothing. The only way you feel is if you had to fly that day. I was supposed to be back yesterday and then push my shit 24 hours. Oh, so it's still affecting you. Yeah, it's still like a chain effect. Because everything got backed up. Yeah. So now the problem is getting...

flight crews because they have a certain amount of time they're allowed to work. And so when you try to pull people from different crews and then if they're about to go over their time, they'd be like, oh, not, you can't fly on this plane because it's going to go over the time. So now clear it up by Friday. Yeah. It's going to be bad for a while. Oh, you think it will be bad? Yeah. It's still, yeah. Just yesterday. Like my flight got pushed 24 hours because they didn't have that. That's crazy. Miles got at the worst.

Miles bought NCAA football. And I paid extra money to play it early. You can play it on the Friday or you can pay extra and play it for three days. How much extra? Like $100. Do they have like a... To play it three days early. $100? $50 maybe. Okay, just real quick. Do they have like generational teams? Like you know how you could play... As the Mannings or some shit? Yeah, like back in the day. I'm not...

I don't know. Could you play like Sandusky coach Penn State? Probably. Like a Paterno version. A what version? Joe Paterno. Joe Paterno. Joe Paterno.

But yeah, he got it three days early, spent a hundred bucks, and then couldn't play until the day it was available. You gotta get that money back, Miles. Microsoft's having a lot of problems. I'll get it. Yeah, you'll get it. Oh, it was Xbox? Yeah. Microsoft, dog. What the fuck are y'all doing? One of the fun things about the post-truth era is that when these global cataclysms happen, we're so desensitized because we're just hearing fucked up shit all the time. Yeah. Like, I was a...

I was way too calm about everything that happened in the last two weeks. And it might've been that I was out like at the Hamptons, I'm chilling and like, dude, the president got fucking shot. I'm like, Oh my God, like his paddle going to be open. It's so easy to just be in your bubble. And I guess maybe that's what happens to New York and maybe more so California, New York, you actually have to be in the street. You have to like walk places, but imagine like, you're like a rich person from California. Right. And like,

You're living most of your life in your house, right? Some shit happens. It's really fucked up. But then you go walk on your yard and you look out to this beautiful view. You take a swim in your pool. Like it doesn't feel...

as annoying. It doesn't feel as stressful. Like in New York, you feel it. Like when the, the, the black lives matter marches were happening, like you couldn't avoid it. Like it's, you see it is right there. They're not feeling that shit in Santa Barbara. They're not feeling that shit in San Diego when you're living in this like beautiful two acre house and out there out east, man, nobody, nobody was, people were joking around about it. They said, uh,

They said, yeah, there was assassination attempt on Trump. Like they shot him like five times and missed. And then I can't say who, but someone's like, yeah, bro. I thought it was Bronnie James that tried to. Like it was people just joking around like it was nothing. Yeah. And what is that? Like, I don't know. Why are we so desensitized to these things that are, they should like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was, it was wild how desensitized I was to the initial, my initial reaction was like, all right.

Here we go. I got to deal with people yelling. That's what I was annoyed by. That's funny. For me, it's the opposite. Tell me. I was just glued to every news station. I wanted to get updates, find out all the tea. I was interested in tea, don't get me wrong. So I had one of my boys hit me, and I will protect his identity, but a friend of all of ours. And he hit me, he said, you got to get security for your family.

He goes, get security for your family. Shit is about to go down in America. Anybody talking about these political issues could potentially be a target. You got to be ready. You got to lock down. Be careful out there. I love you, brother. And I was like...

Is paddle going to be the only thing I could think about? Yeah. Well, I think urgency is a greater thing than importance. Explain. Yeah. I mean, like the president getting shot at is like more important than like your kid's football game. Yeah. Your kid's football is like more urgent. You know what I mean? Like on like a grand scale. So you're like, yeah, I got to go to my thing today. Or like I have work or whatever the fuck. So like, yeah, you just, or what's in front of you. Like my whole family lives in the suburbs. Like they were talking about it. They're just like, yeah, we had a birthday party for my niece.

So they all went out and just like drank and you know what I mean? Like I want, but I truly wonder, I remember being younger and I hate to chalk this thing up to like having a little bit more financial freedom, but like, I remember being younger, being so invested in everything that happened, like watching every fucking YouTube video that would come out about this issue and that issue. And maybe I just have like, I mean, I don't know if you guys feel this way, but like,

Maybe there's like an exhaustion that happens with it. Yeah. You don't have more shit to tend to. That's true. I mean, you have a wife, you have a baby. My baby's like engaging with me. Yeah.

Oh, dude. That's urgent. You get to make her laugh and you connect. She spilled some shit for the first time. I was like, oh, it's a lip. I went and got my wife this coffee that I knew she really wanted and the straw was sticking out of the coffee and she hadn't even taken a sip and she put her sugar in it and put her cinnamon on top. She's ready to have the perfect coffee. I saw the baby reach for the straw and I was like, get that shit. Knock that off.

fucking coffee down. I was like, what's happening? What is happening? The coffee assassination is more interesting. Way more. It's more urgent. Exactly. This is kind of fucked up. I don't know if we have to cut it, but so I went to the gun range when I was out in San Diego and I'm like,

I wonder how hard that shot was. So I tried to put the target out the same distance, but the ranger is at it. It only went a hundred yards. And how, and how far was the shot? 300, 400. Oh, I thought it was 160 yards. That's it. Yeah. I think so. This guy's a loser. Yeah. It's hard to impress. You got to have a $600 million wedding for outcasts. Execute or don't dude. Execution is worshiped. You know what I mean? Literally. Okay. So you win it.

Put it all as far as I can go, 100 yards. And I was using a rifle. Hit it multiple times. Not bullseyes, but it's like we had the person target. And all shots hit. You hit body, though, because I saw what you posted on Instagram. I was aiming for body. But my man was aiming for head. He's a hero. Well, he's an idiot. You can't aim for body. Bigger target. No, but body that you assume that they got the vest on. So you got one of those big ass bullets. That goes right through. That shit is. That's ticking them out.

Really? Even the, it will go through a, what is it called? Kevlar? Kevlar vest? Well, I don't know about that, but Trump wasn't wearing a Kevlar. I would imagine they put him in a... No. You think he wears Kevlar when he's like doing a... You think they put him in like a minimum vest? Like a cheap vest? No, I just... Like a Hanes. Don't think he's wearing anything. I thought it's like, hey, this is supposed to be secure. Either no vest or whatever the best vest is. He's not doing anything in between.

I imagine they would clown him if he wore some shit and it was obvious. They'd be like, oh, he's scared. But you should be scared. Bro, we were looking up the stats. You remember this, Mark? We were looking up the stats of the amount of presidents that have been, there's been an assassination attempt on. Mm-hmm.

It's coming in at like 25%. Really? Let the record show, all of them have had attempts. Sorry, sorry, sorry. How many have actually been shot? Yeah, three have been shot, four have been assassinated. So that's seven. I thought we got up to 12 with... So then there were other ones where it's like bullets got fired past them.

And then, like, someone threw a grenade at Bush one time. Yeah. And the shit just didn't go off because it had a handkerchief wrapped around it. Oh, shit. There's so many of those. So we're looking at, if we got, I think we got to 12 where there was, like, a bullet actually missed them or hit, but a bullet was shot at. A job where 25% of the people are in...

killable situation. Like literally that's more than ice road truckers. That's more than the gas station attendant. Like, yeah, this is a, I don't know. Maybe I'm detached from how dangerous being president is. Most of us are. I don't think most of us know the numbers that they all have assassinations. Everyone. How did Barry, how did Barry make it past Barack? Oh, he had a bunch. There was a dude that shot bullets like at the white house thinking that there was that he was outside and

And then there was a bunch of other ones that like, just got me. Take the shot you get, bro. But there was the thing. I remember when Barack was- That's like what happened to you with the parking lot shots. Barack rolling on the ground. Everybody's like, fuck off, man. They probably got bulletproof glass at the white house. But-

I remember when we were in D.C., there is a restaurant we ate at. Do you remember this restaurant we ate at? You actually came to the hotel. Yeah. Capital? I think it was the Capital Hotel or something like that, or the American Hotel, whatever the fuck it is. And it's literally across the street from the White House. And at the restaurant that's on the roof, you can look down on the White House. You look down on the lawn, and you look down on... There's the lawn in the front, and there's the lawn in the back. And...

I saw that and I was like, oh, the president just can't walk around. Yeah. Like, because nobody checked me for weapons or nothing. I just walked into this and I went upstairs to eat calamari. If I had anything...

So when your president... Stop giving them ideas. I know, I feel bad even saying it, but like low key, it made me feel like a little bit of empathy for them. Like they are in a shoebox the entire presidency. That's why they gotta go to Camp David. Camp David is walk around outside. Yeah, they can drive on Camp David. That's the only place where presidents are allowed to drive a car. But then Trump's at his fucking golf shit. Because they could block it off.

from people getting inside. Gotcha. So I almost, I'm like, yeah, I need to get out. Yeah. Like, I can't be just sitting in a fucking old wall. That was all that. Yeah, bro. Gerald Ford almost got murdered by two women at separate times. They pulled the gun on him and like one of them misfired and the other one didn't have any bullets in it. Go figure. Yeah.

Andrew Jackson, they try to shoot him. The guy pulled out a gun. Gun misfires. Throws it down. Pulls up another gun. That one also misfires. And then Andrew Jackson beats the shit out of him with a cane. Fire. That's so sick. They try to pull him off. They go, yo, let me have him. And then he starts beating the shit out of him. Let's go. And it took down the Fed. It tried. But yeah, crazy, bro. He thought it was an inside job. Andrew Jackson was like, oh, this is a setup. It was. It was.

I kind of feel this one was. And they've smeared him. They smeared his reputation because he was bad to Native Americans like every fucking president was. That's what happens when you take down a Fed, bro. Never forget. I remember this. You remember when I went on that one? See, that was when I was into YouTube videos. The last one that I watched was the way I felt about the world. Yeah.

I could have been radicalized. Thank God I'm not watching them shits no more. Anything Mark sends me, I go, what is this? I got to bet it before. This one's good. This one's good. This one's good.

Okay, boys. First of all, great to see y'all again. So stoked. Yeah. You got to have this weekend. Thank you, man. I mean, really fucking awesome. Yeah. And yeah, man. Yeah, it was good to see y'all. Yo, Flagrant, we really gave them a pump fake with the episode. Like, I just want to let y'all know we were all away and we were in the group chat like, yo, we have to...

And we were in the group chat. We're like, yo, we got to come in. We got to do this episode. Like, this is huge. And people are going to need it. And my mom texted me because I told her I just went out there and I was like, yeah, I'm going to take some time off. And I think this happened. So I'm going to I'm actually going to go in. And my mom texted me this. Take the 10 days off. Life is short and can end at any moment. I'm only your ma. So what do I know?

And my mom had just had surgery. That shit is scary. I know. Why are you talking like that? I think it's like...

she was like, she's a tank, like nothing. And then she, you know, she has this gallbladder thing. They got to take the gallbladder out and like, obviously everything with my dad. And I think she's starting to realize her mortality a little bit. And I remember sitting there and I'm out with my family and my fucking wife and my daughter there. And, uh, and we were out there, Dove and Mark came out and, and I was just like sitting there and I'm like,

Okay. I think that, I think it's okay to take some time for you. I think we've dedicated about 17 straight years to try and achieve everything, you know, that we wanted. And you've earned a fucking 10 day stretch, even though that there was an assassination attempt. And I'm glad we did it. Yeah. Yeah. It's a great app. I'm glad we did it. You want to talk about pump fakes? I called the, the patron up said secret service dropout. I want it. I cannot. I can't.

They wanted it. They were so mad at me, and I apologize, patrons. I really apologize. Anyway, patrons, we got something cooking for you this week. It'll be fun. Let's go to Patreon. Yeah, let's get it. We're going to go to Patreon right now. Join us over there, patreon.com slash flagrant. Thank you all so much for rocking with us. I hope you all enjoy Shits and Gigs. It's a really fun episode. Yeah. So I want you to check that one out if you haven't checked it. Really cool guy. Yeah, good peoples, good peoples. Lie about their dicks, but it is what it is. We all do. All about it.

He admitted it. That's admission right there. I don't know what you're talking about. Peace.