Lil Nas X Trolling Jesus, Trump Picks VP & Partying with 50 Cent
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What's up, everybody, and welcome to Flagrant. Today, we're supposed to have a very special guest. Well, he's increasingly less special each day goes on. But at one point, he was a presidential hopeful. Yeah. He has dropped out of the race. We're gonna have Vivek Ramaswamy on. And he got his pipe packed in Iowa. And now he's not gonna be able to come on

What? I've never heard it. It does sound disrespectful. No, but you've never heard that one? He got his pipe packed. It's good. He got his pipe packed. It's like when the fudge monkeys stuff your fart box. You've never heard of this? I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying. No, I'm just annoyed about the timing. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Like, you could tell us, like, last night. It's just annoying. We could have planned something else out. We're already pushing the episode back to Wednesday. By the way, Wednesday episode is what it's going to be from now on. This is absolutely incredible. Come back from the road, have a whole day to prepare, build out a nice episode, do all this research just for some fucking Indian Johnny Bravo to not show up to the fucking podcast that he was supposed to be at. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

Unbelievable. I think the SEC should look into him. There's no way that he made a fucking million dollars. I think we need the IRS. We need the SEC. I need to go to Bermuda and look at some bank accounts. I need to see what's going on with this fucking guy. So I'm trying to get through his book, Woke Inc. I think this whole book was written with the idea that I'm going to run for president. Another question. I want to be somewhere in the periphery of Trump's power.

I always thought Vivek was trying to get a cabinet position or maybe VP. I genuinely believe that. I still think he is. But I don't think Trump would ever have somebody next to him that's more eloquent, more intelligent, looks like they could potentially do the job better. Because it's the same thing as having a star backup quarterback. The second your starting quarterback makes a few bad decisions, what do the newspapers say? Yeah. Let's get Cam Newton off the

bench. Give Cam Newton a try. Who was the black dude that did, he was a brain surgeon? Carson. Remember like Trump gave him a cabinet position. He's like, yo, figure out where the cars go or something. He made him a valet. Let's get Ben Carson on here.

I would have Ben Carson put us all asleep within five minutes. No, Doug, this is what's funny. He's maybe the greatest surgeon in the history of humanity. He's incredible. You believe that shit, son? I read his book before he ran. This guy did like historic surgery. Then he, where he got pizza hut or something to shit. Or that was somebody else. I thought he like first guy to separate Siamese twins. I think that were connected to the head or something like that. Successful surgery.

Like the guy's historically great. How is that hard? I don't understand. Sometimes you ask how is that hard to ridiculous things. I don't see why that's hard. There are things that are hard. I don't see how that's hard. Okay, hit the science real quick. I'm not even talking about science. Have you ever seen a chicken breast?

Okay, and do you know how a chicken breast is butterflied? So essentially there's two equal parts of chicken breast. Where do you cut it? Do you cut it down one third? Do you cut it down the fucking middle? Do you think the big mystery is where do we cut the Siamese twins that are connected to the head? It has to be. Look at that. I could easily do that. That one, no, because it's one central nervous system. What?

Y'all can't read X-rays? Y'all can't read X-rays? There's clearly one. Listen, the cranial pegas twins have one central nervous system. I'm familiar with this case. Is this the one Ben Carson did? Of course it's not. Of course it's not. There's one central fucking nervous system. It's not possible. But if you go to the yin-yang twins right there, if you go to the top left,

Those I could separate. I could easily separate the Ying Ying twins. I could give them a fitted baseball cap, but you wouldn't know the fucking difference. 100%. Now, if you go back to Jaga and Balea down there, they're the conjoined twins. They got separated. I could do this shit easily. I'm not playing around. Son, keep them together. It's better.

I agree with you. They're more interesting that way. You could either be a wonky-headed weirdo by yourself, or you could be a conjoined twin. You could be a superstar. Why don't you find the Ben Carson ones? If they don't exist, he didn't do it. That's the thing. He was doing these surgeries at a time where nothing was written down. Anybody could claim that they did surgeries back in the day. Look at him. What is he holding? He's holding a piggy bank. It's a piggy bank, this guy. There's no way. He's going to cut that open, and pennies are going to fall out.

There's no way in hell that he actually did the surgery. I need to speak to the kids. Why weren't they out there supporting him? Why weren't they in an interview saying, hey, oh my God, my life is so much better after he cut us in half? I'll tell you why. They're not getting pussy, okay? They're out there Stephen Hawking-ing themselves around with fucking saliva everywhere because he just chopped straight through Ginsu style and he didn't make their life any better. If he had left them conjoined, these guys probably would have went to MIT. Two brains! Ha!

They got double the brain. Why are we not having conjoined twins make all our decisions? This is a great idea. If the conjoined twins ran for president, that would be kind of fire. Bro, get me to fucking prove they're alive. If they're not alive, it ain't happening. Unfortunately, Schultz might be right on this. Of course I'm right. Why do y'all believe everything? Hang on, hang on, hang on. Why do y'all believe everything? Come on.

Oh, I'm a tired black guy. I could do conjoined twin brain surgery and we're just supposed to believe him? No, he did it. He did do it. He did do it. With what? He laid him on a train track and he let it slice him over. And of course, whatever was left, they get to go about their day.

But it's not like they're going to fucking Yale after you chop them apart. He was the lead neurosurgeon of a 70-person team at Johns Hopkins. They practiced for weeks. They rehearsed for weeks, practicing on two dolls secured together with Velcro. Can I tell you when I tell you something? Was it successful or not? It was not successful. Let me just tell you. Although there were few follow-up stories about the Binder Twins' return to Germany seven months after the op. Binder Twins is not successful.

It's not real. Oh, my God. It's not real. And they returned him to Germany never to be seen again. We still doing experiments on Germans? Guys, you can't just throw Germans into a lab and cut them up when you want. Those things are done. They were far from normal. Two years after the procedure, one was in a vegetative state. Neither twin was able to walk or take care of himself, and both became eventually institutionalized. One ended up dying in the last decade. Yo!

Fuck everyone who goes against me. It's the first one. Fuck everyone that goes against me. I could have turned two twins into vegetables. You think I could have turned two twins into vegetables? Took two years, though. Whatever. Took two years. So I speed it up. I thought you said it was super easy to do. Bro, kumquats. Squash.

Turnips! It's easy to put twins into a vegetative state. I told you I could do it. Did I not? All he did is literally took one of them ancient machines where you sit in like this. Stocks? The stockade? A guillotine. He did a guillotine. He guillotined the twins.

He did a Randy Orton. One of them was weighing by a pool and he ran up my eyes and just snapped him in half. I don't like the way you're talking about our future vice president. I don't like it. Yo, I'm not saying, with all due respect, obviously, but I'm not saying that he can't be vice president. What I'm saying is everybody gives him all this credit for literally taking a butter knife to some German skull and then doing a certain magical hands. What type of magic? What?

What is magical about your hands? Bro, there's a couple others. I can make two twins disappear within two years? Is that what's magical? And also 70 people on a team. How are you doing 70 people surgery? Too many cooks, right? You need 70 people to make two Germans retarded? It takes a group of 70 people to make two functioning conjoined Germans retarded? That to me, that to me right there.

You can't be the housing mayor or whatever he is. There was the Blox sisters. You can't be the... What is he, the mayor of housing? Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. Secretary of housing. Then the Blox sisters, apparently. This is from Cora, but apparently one died, the other one sustained severe neurological damage. She's blind and walks with a limp. Then the Bijani sisters, 29-year-old Persian twins conjoined at the head. They both died on the operating table. Damn, bro. And then here's the craziest part. You run on that track. This is a serial killer. This is a motherfucker. He need to be in Dr. Death. This is not going well for me. Listen. Listen.

When I tell you I can do it, I mean it. This is the craziest part at the end. Oh, we're not even at the craziest part yet? In March 2013, Carson announced that he would retire as surgeon, saying that he would, quote, I'd much rather quit when I'm at the top of my game.

Come on. Come on, Mark. Come on, Mark. Stop playing. I'd much rather quit when I'm at the top of my game. There's got to be some success here. You would think. There must be. There's a 20-year gap. There's a 20-year gap. There's no easier job than being a doctor of some shit that hasn't been discovered yet.

because you got no precedence for the success of it. Being conjoined twin brain surgery doctor is the easiest job you could possibly be because you can never do it successfully. So you just try, kill a few Persians, and then move on with your life. Write a book, then go be the governor of the houses. Okay? This is what you do with your life. What I'm trying to say is Ben Carson is qualified to be vice president.

But he's not qualified any more than me to do conjoined brain surgery. He can do the housing thing, though? Yes, of course. Okay. You know who else could do the housing? Those two fucking retarded Germans. That's how easy it is to be housing minister. Separate a duplex, turn it into apartments. He could actually do that. Honestly, I would let Ben Carson do it. That's a calm, cool, casual guy. Can you just look up some success? I know, I know, I know. I just really feel like you're only presenting one side. I probably brought up a bad side. I feel like you highlighted the negative. Show me a picture of the German twins. I agree. There's no photos of them.

It never happened, bro. It never happened. Why would it never happen and then they tell you they both died? Say again? Why would it never happen and then they say they both died? We don't know. It happened. It didn't go well. We don't know that they died. They'd be saying shit. Oh, is that them?

No. I already know. Come on. Give me another one. Give me another thing that you think I can't do and I'm going to prove to you that I can do it. I can fuck people up too. The fact that we gave him all this credit. The fact that we let him be the goddamn president.

You said we gave him a- What is it called? Pastor of houses. We gave him a useless position, like you said. He's the country's minister. Any retard could do it, like you said. Show announcement. The Life Tour is coming to Austin, Texas. The Moody Center. Those tickets are on sale right now. We're also coming to Nashville. Those tickets are on sale right now. And Phoenix, we just added a second show. Those tickets are on sale right now. Theandrewschultz.com. I will see you all there.

Peace.

We just announced that show. So go get your tickets to those shows and more at akashsingh.com. This year, we're going everywhere. We are going to Greensboro, North Carolina, Stanford, Connecticut, Tempe, Arizona, Denver. We're coming back to you guys for a 420 show. Tickets at akashsingh.com. Hurry up and buy.

Now let's get back to the show. I'm just saying, maybe he did some good things also. I don't know exactly what. I need to do a little bit more research. You read the book. Didn't you read a whole book on this motherfucker? You don't know anything? Bro, I don't remember shit I read yesterday. I don't remember some shit I read 15 years ago. Can I tell you something? I can't read shit.

I would bet any amount of money that you didn't read three pages of that book. I read the entire fucking Hudson news at the airport. You read two or three pages and then put that shit down. I read the entire book, forgot everything. There's no way it's impossible. It's impossible to read a book about conjoined twins and cutting their fucking heads open and not remember any of that information. The fact that none of it worked.

2007, probably I read it. That's a long time ago. How much do you remember about the book you read fucking night in high school? Elie Wiesel. I could tell you front to back what happens at the end, sees himself in a mirror for the first time. I literally started crying when I read that passage because he didn't even recognize himself because he experienced these atrocities, these evil atrocities in the Holocaust. And you know what? That's what Ben Carson did. Payback. Take those twins. Leonardo.

You can look it up right now. Now I do remember one part of that book because it made me cry too.

I don't remember the mirror. Don't hop on my shit. I'm saying I'm wrong. I'm saying I'm wrong. You're being a feedback right now. I'm saying I'm wrong. You're hopping on a Trump train. You're being a feedback and hopping on a Trump train. I'm saying I'm wrong. You would love to hop on that train. But if we found a more mundane book, you wouldn't remember. Say a book, I'll tell you what happened in it. I'm not forgetting a book, especially one that that's crazy.

I'm trying to think of a non-fiction book. A non-fiction book. Sandy book! Sandy book! He always reads books but never finishes them. He's the king of like, oh yeah, I just never finished that one. I thought he never read one book in his life. No, I finished this one. God damn, I promise you he never read one book front to back in his life. I promise you. It's not about forgetting. I finished this one. Name one book you read.

This one. We know you didn't read that one. We know that for a fact because you couldn't remember a single important fact. I said he did the first successful brain surge. How else am I going to know that? You can only get that in the book. That's what he literally was campaigning on. He grew up poor. I think he was dumb as fuck.

As a kid, he was dumb as fuck. You're talking about Forrest Gump. You've read Forrest Gump, I think. I thought you went, books is like Mark with movies. Just be honest, you've never read a book. I read the book! We're going to still like you. You're going to still be our boy. Just be honest, you've never read one book in your life. I read the book. I hate all you guys. It's okay. Yo, it's okay. It's not cool to read books. Is that what you think? You think we're

I hate all you guys. I read the book. I used to read back in the day. Son, Ben Carson put out a book where he describes being a serial killer, and you didn't remember not one of the killings. Well, he left the part out that they died two years later. No, he didn't. It's in the book. You just didn't read it. Just be honest. You didn't read it. No, I don't think that's in the book. Bro.

I read it. I read the book. I read the whole book. That's what I'm telling you, man. Why would you read Ben Carson? He didn't read it. He'd be saying shit. Of all the books to read. He didn't be saying shit. He wasn't a political guy at this point. And my cousin was like, my cousin's a doctor. He's like, this is a good book. You should read it. But you not. And it's a short book. Come on.

It's like 200 pages or something. Why do you believe in this game? Imagine pulling up on our cars on the train and he's reading this book. Ain't no way. I didn't live in New York at the time. Ain't no fucking way. I lived in L.A. Get the hell out of here. Or maybe I was moving to New York. It's somewhere around there. The story about how a young man killed a thousand Indians on the table. It looked like a character from Captain Black. This guy was getting paid to chop off kids' heads, bro. How crazy is that? Customer reviews are fantastic.

You know what I mean? Think about it. Yo, did you get the hardcover or you got the softcover? Paperback. My cousin gave me his copy. He gave you his copy. Yeah, but that one wasn't it. It was a picture of him. Oh, is that one below it? Gifted hands in the black on the Google search? You see it? He has so many books. That's the one I read. Anyway, name another book you read. We're going to fact check you. Name another book you read. The Kingdom of God is Within You by Tolstoy. Oh, did you really read it? I did. Now, I'm going to be honest with you. Yeah.

I'm a huge fan of Tolstoy. Okay. I'm going to fact check you on Kingdom of God. Yeah. If you're wrong, you have to admit you've never read a book in your entire life. Okay. Fact check. Have you read this book? Yes. Okay. Do you know why I read this book? This is what inspired Gandhi to be nonviolent. I know. That's why I read it. Oh, you're welcome. You didn't know that at all. That's why I read it. You didn't know that at all. You're welcome, dude. Yeah. Dude, no. The fucking Sermon on the Mount. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Are you saying...

Yeah, yeah. Are you saying it was the Christians that inspired Gandhi to be a better person? Yeah, dude, this is what makes Hindus great is we can learn from any religion. We're not so myopic about it. But it wasn't any.

It wasn't Eddie, it was the one true one. Well, this is what sometimes you just need. But this is what pulled his cock out of the mud and made him actually do something with his ass. The other ones that fuck mud, by the way. But he pulled his cock out of the mud and then started fucking kids. That's what I meant by kids. You can't talk about fucking kids with Catholics. We Orthodox Christians over here. You Orthodox Christians. I'm an Orthodox Christian. You're a Russian Christian. I'm a Russian. I'm a Balkan Christian, obviously.

I'm a Balkan Christian. I'm an Orthodox Christian. I'm sure y'all fuck kids. We don't acknowledge the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church acknowledges us. They don't have a choice. The boys. It's the boys. Don't say that to me. Say it to him. Say that at him. Say that at him. What about people saying Lil Nas X is mocking Christianity? What do you think of that? Listen, just proves why Christians are the greatest. Wait, what? Oh, you want him on your team?

No, we're just the greatest, guys. We're just the greatest. Why are we the greatest? Because we let people do their jokes. We let people do their little music videos. Gross. Oh, you're calling him a joke now? That's what you're doing? Yeah, he's a joke.

But we let them do the jokes and we don't go blow them up. We don't get all crazy. Like everybody can have their freedom to do whatever they want. And then we let the creator decide what should happen to them at the end of the day. What do you think should happen to him? Say again? What do you think should happen to little Nas X? Whatever daddy wants to happen is going to happen.

I wish him well. I wish him well. You know what I mean? I hope he finds the Lord again. He apologized for what has happened. Yeah, he repented. He apologized. He repented. He repented. Also, Christians and God knows that he's just using Christianity to get views. It's the oldest trick of the book for music artists. I mean, rockers did it back in the day. You mean like being a preacher?

What's that? I mean, just using Christianity just for monetary gain and things of that nature. Oh, are you saying that there are people that do that? I think there's a lot of people that do that, but I don't know. In every faith, probably. In every faith. Yeah, every faith. That is disgusting. Does it happen in other faiths? Is there like a gospel, like Hindu? There's that kind of thing where like we can fix your life if you give us money. Yeah, that definitely happens. And they get paid off it? The wealth gospel exists?

Yeah, yeah. Well, maybe not like we can heal you and all that stuff, but that's what you call wealth gospel. Like I accumulate wealth off of promising you things. Yeah. No, that also is there. But I think the wealth gospel is specifically if you want to be rich, believe in these things. I'm sure that exists. I see that like I'll heal you and fix the problems in your life and all that stuff. Yeah, that's great.

And do they get millions of it? I don't know if they get millions, but they get decent money. Yeah, religion does make money. Yeah, the Christian grifters are pretty good at making the most money. Why do you think that is? And just be honest. Why do you think that is? Because... Isn't that crazy? Isn't that crazy? No.

No, Muslims are the dumbest followers, right? Oh, wow. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. They are the dumbest. They're also the scariest, so I'm not going to say nothing. No, but they're the dumbest. Like, at literal IQ, they're by far the dumbest. You're crazy. Why? Because they go blow themselves up.

No Christian can do that. Church is too far Sunday. He's going to miss out. He needs that wafer. Yeah, but then y'all have the followers that just get bopped on the head and all of a sudden they think they're healed and all that shit. They convince people that. Come on, that's pretty stupid. You can't say it doesn't work, Ben Carson. You can't say that what they're doing isn't equally as effective as what Ben Carson did. You can't say it. All right, but then there's other ones that just go, they think that the Holy Spirit is talking to them. You ever been to a yoga class?

Yes. Yeah. Get it out. Get it out. They tell you. They say woosah, whatever that is. Just get it out the system. You feel relaxed after you get it out. The Church of Martin is woosah. There we go. You got the woosah. What I'm trying to say is sometimes you just need to get it out. If you're going to get it out in tongues, you get it out in tongues. Sometimes you just need to get it out regular. Some of that speaking in tongues shit is crazy. It's really crazy. Y'all people believe that. I've seen people do it. I mean, it's...

Mainly the black Christians that I see. Hey, hey, hey. We just talk about Christians here, right? Just overall Christians. We're not going to bottom up? Come on. We're not going to bottom up? Yeah. No, when I was in high school, we went to a Bible study and people started speaking in tongues. I like it. It wasn't Catholic. It was like a Pentecostal church or whatever. So when Jamaicans do it, it's cool. They go wild. But what about like the skippity-boppity-beepity-whoa? That's what they were doing. But that's fire when black people do it.

Yeah, it was just a... What about when James Brown does it? It's the greatest song ever. But when you do it for Christ, then all of a sudden, oh, it's corny. These people are so weird. You're a hater. You're going to hell. You're on the fence. You believe. I know you believe. Hey, thanks, dude. Thanks, dude. I'm just trying to say, when James Brown does it, it's fire. When the Christians do it, all of a sudden, it's weird. That is Boulder Dash. Why haven't...

I call Boulder. Poppycock. That is Poppycock as well. That's also a fine word to describe it. Why haven't you spoken in tongues yet? Say again? Why haven't you spoken in tongues? I speak in tongues literally half the podcast. You know what I mean? Like, we make fun of Al when he does it too, but we shouldn't. Al's out here speaking in tongues as well. He's a man of God. Biden is the closest to God. He speaks in tongues every speech. If Biden would just accept his Christianity, I think he might win this election. Absolutely. If he was just out there, and he just went, whoa.

That's all he needs to do at the end of every sentence. He's winning. Guaranteed. See you later, Trump. Adios.

Do you accept his apology? He said he didn't know what he was doing. I mean, it's just like the same tacky notes. He was like, I wasn't trying to troll. I was just having fun or something like that. I didn't mean to offend anybody. No, you know it's views. You know the Christians are going to get all fucking upset about it. Yeah, absolutely trolling. And then he said something like, yeah, I read an article about his apology. He said something like, I'm not the first rapper to dress like Jesus and I won't be the last. And it's like, yeah, but you are the first rapper.

to dress like Jesus on the crucifix with fucking cheerleader boots. You're the first gay Jesus, for sure. And not just because you're gay, but you made him gay. He calls it art. That's cool, but don't act like this is something people have done before and you were trolling. One of the great things about the Judeo-Christian values of the United States of America is that you can do something like this and you won't get thrown off a building.

Also, there's a movie. That is awesome. Think about how great that is. Depends on what state he goes to. Say again? Depends on what state he goes to. That's fair, but I don't think they can legally throw him off buildings in any state in the United States of America. Lil Nas X toured probably like eight states, and that's it. That's true. And there might be people that get very upset about it, but...

Technically speaking, it is not legal for them to go to the top floor of the highest building and toss his gas off of it. It's not legal. Where there are countries where they specifically build buildings for this reason.

I mean, if you look at that, no, no, you look at those, like, uh, there's these, like, uh, these map images of what Dubai was like 50 years ago to what it's like now. Yeah. And I don't know if the gangs got good at flying or something, but they kept making the buildings taller and taller and taller. Slingshot. They put a slingshot on this. Yeah, they have to. And that feels like they have to. The Burj Khalifa is, I think the tallest building in the world. Yes. And, um,

The inaugural toss when that happens is going to be unbelievable. It is going to be so amazing. I mean, do they just take Mia Khalifa and throw her right off? That would actually be a fire way to go out. I'm just saying. The elevator ride, you'd be like, this is high as fuck, but I'm going to enjoy until this flashes.

It is crazy. I was talking to this gay dude. He's like, yeah, I don't travel to places where it's illegal to be gay. And it never crossed my mind. It makes complete sense. It never crossed my mind that like there's part of the world that's just cut off for me if you're a gay dude traveling. Yeah. He was like, yeah, I wouldn't go to Jamaica. Probably save all that money. Yeah, probably. I'm not traveling. But it just blew my mind. I was like, yo, this guy goes his whole life being like, yeah, I can't go there. It's illegal to...

But why would they know you're gay? Come on. Well, then, you know. They got Supreme Gaydar over there, too. I guess they do. I guess, like, if you really want to go to a place, I wouldn't let your sexual proclivities stop you from doing that. Yeah. Like, for example. You got detained and they looked at your phone, saw a lot of dicks.

Say I have friends with a great sense of humor. Like you don't send gay pics to your friends. They praised me when they fucked my ass for six years. I'm just saying, like, if you really want to go someplace, it's the only reason that you're traveling so you can get butt fucked. If you really want to go someplace and indulge in that culture, you're curious about that culture, whether you have sex with men or not is such a small part of your life and your existence in that part of your travels. Like when I go travel...

I'm not having sex. Can I tell you something real quick? What if they can't turn off the sass? Can I just say one thing? Bro, as a man who's sitting like this right now, let me tell you, it can be turned on and turned off, okay? You can turn it off. This is one of the more impressive things I've ever seen you do. What's that? Is to take countries where it's illegal to be gay and be like, what kind of are you for not visiting that country? Low key, facts. If you're gay and you wanna go see, is it legal to be gay in China? Probably, right?

I mean, what's the difference between fucking a Chinese man and woman at this point? This is where you go too far. What is the actual difference? What is the actual physical difference? No, no, but for example, let's say you really want to go to the Middle East, right? You really want to go out there.

Okay, go. You can't not fuck a dude for a weekend. You probably feel feelings that they don't like you. They don't know you're gay. They're not even thinking about you. Yeah, but they don't like gay people and you're a gay person, so you're like, fuck that. Well, yeah, if you're walking around in a burka like a fucking idiot, it's obviously going to be a red flag that you're gay. But if you, you know, dress like everybody else, you're going to be good to go.

Like, I'm just there's no way anybody would know you're gay if you're not butt fucking a dude or trying to fuck a dude. And if you really want to go to a place, just eliminate the sex part of your vacation. It's very easy. It's called marriage. We do it every single time. Am I wrong for thinking this? Yeah, it sucks that they don't like you. OK, we got that out of the way. Do you want to go or not?

But what if they're the super flamboyant ones? And also, again, I think you... Sorry, sorry, sorry. The super duper flamboyant ones? Are we still doing that? Yes. Are we still doing the super flamboyant? Did you see the Lil Nas X video? I know. But we can't still be doing that. In this, what is it, 2024? Yeah. We still doing that? Yeah, man. That's... Yes. Bro, I'm sorry. Those are like the Luggs boots of gays at this point. Who else is going to fix your closet and shit? Like, you need them.

I'm not saying that they don't have impeccable style and are absolutely hilarious and you would never want to be in the other end of a rose from them. Of course, that being said, if they are interested in going to Iran, hide it for fucking four days. I think they're probably not that interested because they're resentful that they hate gay people and they're a gay person. You understand what I'm saying? So that makes them be like, you know what, fuck y'all too. I don't. I'm American. I go to every country we bomb happily. How can they not? I went to Tokyo.

Oh, this thing's still here? They don't hate America, though. They got more of a reason to. They got way more of a reason to than some gay guy who's going to a place where it's illegal to be gay, but you just got to not suck cock for a week. Would you go to China? Hell yeah. Would you go to Afghanistan? Hell yeah. North Korea?

Hell no. I got South. It can't be that different. Yeah. It's like, realistically, it cannot be that different. It's actually wildly different. Oh, but the culture in the North, I'm not that interested. Right, okay. But in terms of, like, the people.

I mean, you can say that about any of those countries. True. Would you do a tour for like a guided, like you would be safe. You just do one day for six hours. No, I'd be terrified. Never, ever. No, I've seen people's tours. It looks boring. It's like there's nothing. Sweden doesn't have enough to offer that I need to go back there. Like it's not worth putting white face on just to go back to Sweden. I hear that. So maybe for them, they feel it's just not worth it. But you know, the repercussions, they don't know the repercussions yet. Hmm.

How many people have been arrested for being gay in these other countries? Like, give me the number. Like, where does the fear even come from? I'm saying if you are truly interested in travel. If you're truly... For example, if you're truly interested in travel and you're going to a country that is incredibly religious and you do not adhere to that religion, you're going to put your religion in the tuck when you go there. Yeah. Like, your Hinduism, your Christianity, your whatever it is, because you know that that might put you in danger. For example, if you're going to a place where...

If you're a woman and you've got to cover up because the religion asks you to cover up, you go cover up, right? That's not how you actually dress. That's not how you actually are. That's not how you actually exist. But you cover up. You don't touch men because you're not supposed to do it. You respect whatever the culture is there if you're interested in seeing the culture. I don't think being gay, gay being illegal is enough of a reason to not go to a place unless you have to have a cock in your throat every 24 hours. If you can't take a...

72-hour sabbatical from getting your shit. Have you ever met a gay person before? Man, you're making a good point. They can't go a day. They can't go an hour. Lise's half gay. Would she not go to a place? Because really? Yeah, I'm surprised you didn't know the answer to that. Really? I don't believe that's true. I believe that she would go to Jamaica. I don't think they have a problem with the women gays. It's only fish boys. It's true. Fair enough. Yeah.

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We got to meet 50, man. That seems so fucking cool. That picture? Yeah, like when you grow up in New York City. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, obviously, 50, like, legends just musically, culturally. But, like, when you grow up in New York City, it's a little something different. You didn't just meet him. He posted about you on it.

Yeah, it was fire, man. That was so sick. But yeah, I mean, we went to the club and then, bro, he told me for like an hour. He was just telling me the craziest stories I've ever heard in my entire life about like New York street shit. And I don't want to share anything because I don't know what can even be shared. Now you don't want to snitch? Yeah.

Come on. Hey, hey, hey. Get your blind side out. I need to, I want to hear it. The consequences of snitching on 50 are way different than the consequences. That is very true. Who did I snitch on? Who did I snitch on? You could be snitching on just like the industry or whatever. Taxes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to get it up. I'm not afraid of them. Yeah. But no, it was just amazing. It was literally it.

hour 51 of it did probably 25 30 minutes of just bangers in a row at this club yeah walks directly off stage and the dove is obviously Dovin and so he's like yo 51 say what's up and they dap up and I expected to be like two minutes and

The club shuts down. The lights turn on. They're still talking. It's been 45 minutes. Bro, it was crazy. I'm starting to get tired. I'm starting to be like, all right, all fair. I want to hear these stories. Story after story after story. Wrap it up, guys. Literally, I don't want to be rude, but I was like, can we go home? Bro, the craziest stories. Like, he's with all of his boys that he literally came up with. Like, they're still around there and just talking about his come up. I'm literally, he literally told me the wire for New York.

Like, that's what it should be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm just sitting there, like, digesting all this, and everything is starting to make sense. Like, just him and his position in entertainment. Because basically what I said to him was like, I don't know how the fuck you do it. Like, I don't know how you say whatever the fuck you want, and you're still in Hollywood. Like, how is that possible? Because usually when people get a taste of Hollywood, they're like, okay, I'll do whatever I can to, you know, make sure I'm still in this. And...

A couple things were very clear. Like one, when he went up and he did the show, right? This is a nightclub. He's doing like an appearance, right? Usually people phone that shit in, right? This is the... And he's way big enough to phone it in if he wants. Right. And nobody's saying shit. Yeah. On top of the DJ booth...

Banger after banger after banger after banger. You forget, like, kind of how many hits. Bro, I completely forgot. It's wild, the amount of hits. I missed Get Rich or Die trying. I was too young for it. The whole thing is bangers. Oh, man, you missed that? He's a kid. Think about it. Damn. And I'm, like, listening to these songs, I was like, yo, I know all of them. You know all of them. And I went to the gym today, and I listened to the whole shit all the way through. Crazy. Crazy. Even the shit he didn't play, I was like, oh, this is another heater. Yep. So...

So goes and actually puts the effort in where a lot of like people do like the two cool shit. But then when you put the effort in, everybody there and us, we're just like, oh, a concert, a concert concert like the fucking arena tour he's on is probably crazy. The grip he had on everyone in there was wild, too. We walked in. It's probably like one in the morning. I think he was going on like 120, 130 something. And when we pulled up, it was just packed wall to wall and everyone just staring at the DJ, just like waiting. Hmm.

DJ's playing bangers. He's a great DJ. He was actually mixing super nice. Nobody gave a fuck. They're waiting for 50 and they're not missing that opportunity to be front row 50. He just had a grip on them.

Anyway, these starts dropping like story after story after fucking story. And I'm talking about like New York come up real New York street shit like names. I didn't even know. I had to be like, wait a minute. Who's that guy? Who's this? And he'd be like, oh, man, you need to do your Google. I'm giving you like actual street OGs that if you're not familiar with what was happening at the time, you're not hearing about these guys on the news. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like deep cut. Yeah. Yeah.

You might hear about him in like albums. Honestly, I wish you were there for that. For real. Oh, yeah, man. Yeah. And, but yeah, it was just fire. And like, you got to see it. It was like, oh, wow. Okay. And I understood now like where his place in the movie business is. Because think about it. You're a street dude. You got all these like white executives and producers trying to option your life story. Okay. Actually, let me go back even more.

All the American street stories that have been massively produced have been predominantly Italian-American crime stories.

Right? Family stories. Now, if you're going to put out a Godfather or you're going to put out some sort of Martin Scorsese movie, you basically want Francis Ford Coppola or Scorsese to put it out. Right? Like that's who you want to tell your story. Why? These are Italian guys. They understand what it is to be Italian. They understand your culture. They're not going to make you look foolish. They're not going to make a character that is representing you say something stupid that you would never say. Because keep in mind,

That's your likeness and that's your identity. That's how you're going to be remembered, right? If you're an Italian dude and you want to call what is you want to call sauce gravy, not can you give me some more spaghetti sauce? Like that's embarrassing to your culture if it's not done right. If you're a street dude and I'm thinking the next line of street crime sagas will exist within the black community.

Those stories will be told so I don't think we'll hear that many more of the Italian crime job is kind of done the mob Scott or it's either done or it's or it's like a blended into like Legit business. Okay, do they like like now they're in construction They're doing whatever the time where they were coming up the come-up stories Yeah, the broke two millionaires are in the black community and a lot of those trickle and mix within the hip-hop community and Let's say you want that story told

Who are you going to go to? Are you going to go to some Steven Spielberg motherfucker that is going to have, you're a crip and he's going to have you wearing a fucking red hoodie the whole time because he doesn't understand street politics? Yeah. He doesn't actually know what's going on. He's going to have you throwing up the wrong gang signs. You're going to look goofy. He's going to have you dress and speak in a certain way that you don't feel like is going to be respected. Yeah.

And keep in mind, there's like nuance in, there's a lot of nuance, especially in crime, because the words that you use mean something. You're trying to, you're in this cat and mouse game constantly with the police. So everything that you say is probably specific to your set, your crew, whatever it is. Who are you going to go to? Who do you want to tell that story? You want the guy who fucking knows how to do it? Someone who did it. Like Scorsese could tell a million different stories. Mm-hmm.

But if you want to get the Italian mafia story done, right, you want the guy who's familiar with it. Yeah. So anyway, I'm like seeing that. I'm like, oh shit. Yeah, this is. That's another like testament to longevity. Like if you've been in the game a long time and been able to like pursue different careers and like be able to like make money a bunch of different ways and have your music be relevant, stay culturally relevant for like 20, 25 years. Yeah. There's a reason. Yeah. You know what I mean? Authenticity. Yeah. Authenticity, but also like just like you have to be shrewd.

You have to have like smart business, just a smart business brain. Dude, the vitamin water thing was the early 2000s. We had no idea that was an option. You killed it. To just be like, no, give me a percentage in the company. Yeah. That was insane. Yeah. Yeah. Just hearing about that. I was asking stuff like that too. I was like, yeah, you're like doing all this at like a young age. Even before that, like the streets are like, where are you picking up game? Like so much of this is politics. Mm-hmm.

He told me one story. I don't even know if I could, I don't know. I don't want to share it, but like, it was like a social IQ and a social awareness that was beyond his age. Like really. And I was like, where is it? He's like, you got to understand. I was like 12 hanging out with like 18 or 19 year olds. So I learned the game young. So by the time I was that age, I was mentally already there for years. And I,

Yeah, because so much of it, like even when you talk about the OGs that you're like familiar with their name, a lot of these guys, it's not all just, hey, let's go out and murder. A lot of this is politics and being respected by other people and knowing how to play that political game. Sometimes the political game, you know, requires a hit or something like that. But a lot of times the hit is done for peace. I know that sounds crazy, but killing one person

might cause less violence because that person is the source of the violence. Does that make sense? Yeah, it makes sense. It's not just, oh, I need to show force and murder everybody. It's like, no, no, that person is going to be a problem as long as he's around. There's going to be more violence and more killing and then we can't sell anything if there's all these people getting killed and people getting shot up. The police are on the corners. It's a problem. So from the outside...

The headline is like, yo, murder and cold blood. Gang members are killing people. From the inside. It's like, yo, we're trying to keep the block safe and keep making money. Yeah, this guy's too violent. It's a bunch of drug dealers going, this guy's a problem. This guy's a criminal. This is a criminal out here. We're trying to do an honest living and sell some drugs on the corner. This guy's shooting up everybody. Yeah. But anyway, just hearing that shit was...

Was cool, man. It was very cool. And you see it. You see why he's having success in TV and film. If I'm an exec and I hear the stories that he's telling me, one, I go, okay, this guy's got the charisma to win over a room. So I can put him in the room with these people. But also, I'm like, oh, he understands. He's a knack for storytelling. He told me one thing. I was like, so what are you saying with these writers? He goes, don't invent shit. He goes, when you're coming from, you need to invent because there's nothing interesting.

You don't have source material that's this juicy. With this, it's there. Don't exaggerate. It's already there. You don't need to invent a guy shooting his gun in the air. He did it. And I thought that that was a good note to keep it. It's already so surreal. Make it grounded in that surrealness.

So that was fire. Yeah, so we did that. We did these three shows in Boston. Thank you, Boston, so much for all these fucking hauling me down. The shows were fantastic. Genuinely, every show was amazing. Boston's a great comedy city. It's a great comedy city, man. Great city, great comedy city. We were talking about why that is. We were thinking about why that is. And it's... Yeah, it was like... It has... It has like...

a culture of comedy, obviously, but they're also like educated. Like there's all these institutions. They're like, you should go to school. There's this idea that you should be educated. You should know things. There's like a history in, but it's also has like a working class energy where you're not going to be offended by jokes. Right, right, right. Does that make sense? Like working class guys bust balls all the time. Yeah. You're on the job. You're at the union. You're a bunch of dudes. You're just making fun of each other constantly. So it's,

They're informed and not sensitive. There's no pretentiousness, really. Yes. They look down on pretension. Like, Good Will Hunting is the perfect Boston movie. Boom. You know what I mean? Absolutely. It's like working class genius type dude. I think that's, in a lot of ways, kind of how they see themselves a bit. Like, there's a little Will Hunting in every Boston dude that's working the job. He's like, yeah, I'm way too smart for this, but these are my guys. And I'm not better than anyone. I'm not better than anyone. I'm smarter than everybody. I'm not better than them.

Yeah, it was awesome. Yeah, so the show was fucking great. And then we got to go see Travis Scott as well. Oh, that's sick. That was an amazing show. It's the best rap arena show I've seen. Yeah. And I don't know the songs. I know Butterfly Effect. I know Fiend. Yeah. That's pretty much it. Yeah. That's funny. I don't know the songs. If I knew the songs, it would be even crazier. But I asked him afterwards...

And I was like, yo, man, usually rap sucks live. Like what? Like why? The show is really good. Like I was like, it was really it was an engaging, fun show. And he goes, yeah, he goes, I think the problem is a lot of artists don't make music for the live show.

He goes, "I'm making music for the live show." So it is for this environment. It is for this arena. It's for everybody to rage to, that's the term that he uses. It's for us all to go crazy.

And that's why it resonates when you're at the show. Some people make amazing music for you to drive to. And now you're at the show and it's like, oh, this is better when I'm sitting down in my car and I'm just cooling. And I thought it was like a really interesting distinction. Yeah. Like the songs that we love are dependent on an environment sometimes. Yeah. And we love them for that environment. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And for him to recognize that, I was like, oh, yeah. I saw him at Wylan out. It was like 2016 or something. Yeah. I'd never seen anything. As I'm...

I was leaving because I was like, I'm not filming the episode. I'm just going to go. But as I'm leaving, I hear him. He's starting to warm up. He's just like singing in the mic. And then the music starts playing and I'm just sticking around a little bit. You can feel an energy in the room. It's crazy. And I remember the fucking whole thing. The venue is shaking. This is a comedy show taping. And he's got the venue literally shaking. Oh, bro. Everybody had their shirt off. Yeah, it was awesome. It's crazy. There's all these white dudes with their shirt off. If he said jump off the balcony, I...

500 would have done it probably. Like I literally, I told him that. I was like, dude, that is like a dangerous amount of power right there. Like if he said jump off the balcony, I 100% promise. He knows. Yeah, I know. Yeah. But no, it's like he did something at the end that I thought was really cool. It was, you know, the song Fiend that he has, Fiend with him and Cardi, right? Yeah.

They're fiending for more, whatever that shit is. And then the beat drops and she goes, fiend, fiend. So he plays it while he looks around in the audience for interesting couples or people. And then he kind of points them out and he goes, I know that person right there. How old are you? And the kid's like, I'm 14 years old or something like that. And then this was actually a funny moment. He goes, and you're here by yourself? He goes, yeah, I'm here by yourself. He goes, 14 years old, here by yourself. I love that.

And we were like, wait, what? And then he goes, yeah, I think this kid right here is feeling it for more. And then it drops and the kid's going crazy. And he does that with interesting groups. There was a dad and his son. His son is 12. His dad is 50. He goes, we got a 50-year-old here. I know he's feeling it for more. And the kid and the dad are going, and they're on the jumbotron as well. He made it so small. He made the whole place feel so small. Yeah.

It's super connectivity and also a moment like for that person. I remember I saw Jay do this back in the day. When he points out what people are wearing. Yeah. And he kind of like, it's almost like a roast, but he's acknowledging them. Like, oh, I seen this girl going for you in the blouse. You're going crazy. And you have a moment with Jay. What I like about this is you have a moment with your favorite musician and then the whole crowd sings for your moment. Yeah.

That's dope. So it's like you get to be Travis for a second. Wow. And it's like, and he played the same song maybe eight times or something at the end. And it wasn't like, okay, I'm over this. As long as the people he picked out were interesting or the story was interesting for some reason, I'm like, okay, I want to see this go down. Yeah, it was awesome. The 50-year-old dad and the 12-year-old kid,

The kid was so excited. Yeah. I can't even imagine. And every person had their own little moment. It was so cool. And it was just like, he really curates the live show. And I think this is something that like a lot of rappers fuck up is they don't try to make the live show, which is the thing that they make the most fucking money at. Mm-hmm.

as dynamic as it can be and lean into the type of music they're making and create that experience that those people need to have. Yeah. Cause you see some, he's like, Oh my God, this is the most boring fucking show I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. Yeah. But he's always been one of those artists that he puts so much effort into the live show. Like,

Since the beginning of his career, he's always been known. His live show is nothing. He's cool. He's objectively cool, but he doesn't try to make the whole experience too cool, which I actually really appreciate. There's moments where he's pulling people and putting them on these moving risers that are floating throughout the arena. He's not just only picking bad bitches to bring up. He's like, yo, that guy in the crutches.

That's a real fan. Shirt off with crutches. Get up here. And he brings a dude with crutches up on the thing. And then like, there's a dude with his shirt on. He's got like, he's in his underwear. And instead of him being like, yo, that's us. He's like, yo, that guy, I need more of that. That guy's fiending for more. And like, boom, goes in.

What's crazy is that was a stadium show in an arena because he did that same show at SoFi in L.A. with 70,000 people. So when you're in the arena and he covers the entire floor in this dystopian temple. Almost the whole floor is the set. It looks like, what is that show? Legends of the Hidden Temple. It looks like Legends of the Hidden Temple. But it puts him close to everyone in the arena. Put it this way. So let's say this thing right here is the arena.

and this is the floor. This is where the Knicks would play. This is where all the seats would be for Scotiabank. Almost that whole section

is his set. There's a little trim that like people that have like the floor access can go around, but there's only maybe a few hundred people on the floor. So most people are seated and he's walking around the set and there's like all these elevated components in the set. So he's kind of always in your visual and people can kind of follow him around. But, um,

Yeah, it was just like, it was extreme attention to detail to the show. Like, not to compare it to Taylor, but it felt like Taylor in that every part of the show was really, I don't want to use the word choreographed, but it was thoughtful. Thoughtful, yeah. Which is important. Yeah, incredibly important. I always loved that. But it sounds like an expensive show, though. Oh, it must be so fucking expensive to produce that show for him. Like-

I mean, we know we look into these things like mind bogglingly. I got to look up the price for the tickets because just to break even on a show like that. Yeah. And keep in mind, you're limiting the amount of people. Now you have no floor.

That can be thousands of people on the floor. So I'm like, is he making money? Some floor, a little. We lost Shifty to the mosh pit. Oh, yeah. Shifty hit the mosh pit. That was Shifty's first concert. Dude, one of his favorite artists of all time is Travis Scott. That's lit. He gets to meet him, but also goes to his first concert. And he hit the mosh. It was crazy. The craziest thing production-wise is he was in Boston in that arena 10 days before, and

And the normal logic is you would leave up all that stuff and do two nights in a row. So they had to set up and break that down. The reason that's crazy is because the expense for a show a lot of times is the staff to set it up and then take it down. So if you can stay in a city for multiple days, you only have to pay to set it up once. Set it up and take it down twice is like super expensive, moving all the gear, whatever. But yeah, it was just cool. It's cool to see people...

that are at the highest level with that attention to detail. Yeah. Like I like that. I like seeing successful people and not being like, oops, I guess. Oh, here it is. Yeah. I like seeing someone go, yeah, we thought about every part of this. These people pay a lot of money to come down to the show and they deserve to have this experience. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it was awesome. And it looks like tickets aren't actually crazy if you get them right when they sell. Obviously, resale is probably wild. But you can probably get like nosebleeds, it says here, for like $25, $35, $40. Get the fuck out of here. And then at the floor, it looks like $250, $300. Even that is not that crazy. Just let everyone know, most seats in an arena are great. So get your seats like that. That's a bargain. But no, it was dope. I mean, just what a fucking cool weekend. And then the picture y'all took was funny.

Oh, yeah. I didn't know. Again, I don't know Travis that much, so I don't know that he always looks down in the pic. So he does this thing where he always looks down. Yeah. Right? So we took the pic, and I'm like, you asked to say hi to me. What is this? So I didn't know that that's his thing. Yeah.

But it's fine. That's his thing. So you don't look cool. You got a little cigarette. No, no, no. We're fine. But it was one of those things where I didn't get it at first. I was like, oh, no, this is crazy, bro. Like, are you going to disrespect me like that? Like, that's wild. All right. What would you do? Show your pose if you knew he was going to do that pose. I would have acted more excited.

I'd lean in to him being the cool one and me being like the nerd. I wish I kind of knew what it was. But then somebody sent me some pictures where he was doing it with different people. And I go, okay, okay, okay. This is his thing. But there was a moment I was like, this motherfucker got me.

He's about to step to him, son. I'm used to that shit because that's how black dudes take pictures. Black dudes come up to you, ask you to take a picture, and then you look like the one that asked. Like, you're looking, because I'll take the selfie and the black dude will be looking off to the side. I'll be cheesed up.

But it was fire. The whole weekend was amazing. That sounds crazy. Yo, shout out Boston, man. Thank y'all, man. That was fire. All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second. You already know what time it is. You see the lighting. You see that cool breeze. But you know what's not going to be cool? The coochie! The coochie, baby! Because the blue chewy.

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Plus, as a listener of the show, you can get an extra 10% off when you use our code. Head to tryfum, that's F-U-M, tryfum.com slash flagrant, and then use our code flagrant for an additional 10% off. Plus, buy one, get one course until January 31st to help make starting the good habit that much easier. Now let's get back to the show. Got some sports shit going on? Yeah, we do got some sports shit going on. Yo.

Football's awesome. Talk to me. Why is it awesome? Football's awesome. I've just been finally understanding what's going on. We watched the Dolphins, other guys play. Chiefs. It was the Chiefs. It's so hard to keep all the names. I thought it was Liverpool for a second. They were wearing red. I didn't know what was going on. But I watched the whole game. I thought it was amazing. What was fun about it?

I feel like you're mocking me. No, I'm being dead serious. I told you, Derek explained the strategy of football to me and that it's war. Like if you told me it was war, I'd be like, oh, you have these two guys and they're all trying to outthink each other with war strategy just to try to like get yards to eventually get points. Yeah, they're getting territory. Yeah, it's crazy. It's literally like risk. You're like, okay, what do we do right now to get 10 yards? And what do we do to get 10 more yards? Well, you said war and then you said risk and it just really got a lot less cool when you said that, but yeah.

Risk is the greatest game ever. You've played Risk? Fair enough. That game is fucking awesome. Fair enough. But yeah, I don't know. I understand it way better. And then understanding the quarterback, how much importance they have and what they're actually doing. Yeah. Patrick Mahomes is awesome. He's fucking incredible. He's really good at football. Son, and if you watch that show on Netflix called Quarterback...

This guy is a dog, dude. Yeah. He's a fucking dog. He's just guy. He's nasty. Talk shit. So sick. He had this one crazy play in this Netflix series that I'll never forget. It's like a play where he scrambles all over. They're at the two-yard line. He scrambles like 10 yards back. One guy tries to sack him. He ducks out of there. Then he goes toward the sideline, runs back toward the end zone. Can't get to the end zone. There's two more guys trying to tackle him. Ducks them.

jumps in the air. One guy tackles him at his feet, tosses it over the defense, throws a touchdown, then just gets up and looks at the defenders and goes, I'm like that. I'm like that. Fire, dude. He's the best. He's Jordan.

He's Jordan. Wow. Yeah. He's got he's just like ultimate shit talker, ultimate competitor, got all the skills. He's Jordan. Wow. Mentality and everything. He's the fucking guy. OK, fair enough. Yeah, I strongly suggest just investing in the playoffs, at least even though the Cowboys got mouth fucked. Yeah. Yeah. I'm thinking about switching teams. No way. I got to do it. I can't keep doing this to myself.

I'm not even saying this to... You gotta ride it out. We've been Knicks fans our whole life. They ain't one shit. They're the same. Yeah, but y'all got rings, motherfucker. 28 years ago. We don't got nothing. We've never seen victory in our life. We're not gonna stop being Knicks fans. You're spoiled. I was spoiled. I was spoiled early on, but it's also like that's part of being a New Yorker. You have to be a Knicks fan.

It is not inherent to being a Dallas person. It's America's team. I don't know about that. It's America's team. That has more clout than even a Knicks. No, because there's not a lot of people who are just like, I'm so proud to be from Dallas. And if you don't root for the Cowboys, how could you possibly be? It's so stupid. This is propaganda you guys have bought into, and it's so dumb. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Y'all are the loudest motherfuckers, bro. Y'all louder than Knicks fans. You're telling me Dallas people are not Cowboys fans. No, they are Cowboys fans. But it's not like if you're not a Cowboys fan, how fucking could you?

How fucking could you? What is it like? Oh, you're not a Cowboys fan. That's a little weird. Okay. I don't believe that. If you're not... You don't even have to like basketball. You have to be a Knicks fan. You can be a Knicks fan. Alex, I'm not even saying this to take a shot at you. You don't really keep up with the NBA, but you have to be a Knicks fan. There's no way you cannot be. That's my point. If you're not a football fan, you're not a Cowboy fan in Dallas. If you are...

There's people that didn't root for the Cowboys, but it's not like I don't care if you watch football or not. You have to be a Cowboy. Okay, so what you're saying is the Dallas Cowboys are not part of the identity of someone who is from Dallas. Yeah. Whereas the New York Knicks are part of the identity of a New Yorker. You cannot be a New Yorker. Without being a Knicks fan. And I mean that in terms of the people that move here and they're like, hey, I've been here for 10 years, so now I'm a New Yorker. Not until you're a Knicks fan. Yeah.

You have to pledge allegiance to the New York Knicks and suffer with us. If you get to keep your team that wins championships and then call yourself a New Yorker. That's not fair. That's not fair. That should be a part of immigration. They can breathe. If you immigrate here, you got to buy a ticket. Nosebleeds. You can go to a Knicks game. Can I tell you what I did when my mom got her citizenship? Brooklyn fans. Wait, what? I tested her on the Knicks. Did you really? I did. What did you ask her? I said, what are the chances you'll get butt fucked first? 100%. The dad or the Knicks? Dad.

And she got it right. She got it right. She got it right. The Knicks are going to break your fucking... Nah, but the Transplants, they could be Brooklyn fans because they're equally as shitty. But we never are going to consider you a New Yorker. So it's like you could have that. I'll be honest. I don't consider New Yorkers that are Brooklyn Nets fans New Yorkers. No. Like if you're born and raised here and you're a Brooklyn Nets fan, to me... What if you're from Brooklyn? You're from Connecticut. Okay.

You're from Connecticut. If you identify as a New Yorker, but you are a fan of the Brooklyn Nets, you're from Connecticut. And I kind of feel that. Wow. Wow.

I'm being honest. If Jay-Z stayed part owner for a little bit longer, I might have switched. But the fact that he even gave up. He even gave up. He was like, fuck these motherfuckers. I'm done. I'm a Knicks fan. If Dolan would have sold Jay-Z a piece of the Knicks, he's not even looking at the Nets. That's true. 100% right. 100% right. Now, if you are a fan of the Brooklyn Nets, you have to revoke your New York...

And that's my point about y'all. You have to be Knicks fans because you're proud of being New Yorkers. But you're saying this doesn't exist in Dallas? No, dude, the vast majority of people in Dallas who watch football are Cowboys fans. But if you don't watch football, you don't care about the Cowboys.

Who in Texas doesn't watch football, Akash? A lot of people don't watch football. Come on, son. That's the biggest sport in all of Texas. They have high school football games that they play in Dallas Stadium. It's the biggest sport by far. It's the biggest sport. What I'm saying is, and again, I'm using you as an example. I'm not trying to shit on you. I don't give a fuck about basketball. He's a Knicks fan. He dies for the Knicks. I care a little bit. I care a little bit.

Who are the best? You kind of care. But you're not like, you're a Knicks fan. No, you're like, come on. I'm not Mark, bro. He could have went with Mark, but he went with you. Well, Mark's not a New Yorker. Mark was in New York, born and raised. He'd be a Knicks fan. Never would watch a game. I'm a diehard Magic fan, dude. I'm a diehard Orlando Magic fan. Don't ask me anything about it. I'm going to be honest with you, bro. I'm going to switch teams. No, no, no. I know you're going to do that.

You're sick. I thought you were calling me ill. No, no. No, what I'm trying to say is I don't know if I believe you when it comes to being from Dallas and not being a Cowboys fan. I just can't. I don't see that. I don't know. I knew plenty of kids growing up who weren't Cowboys fans. What were they? Gerald was like a San Francisco 49ers fan. Yeah, he's fucking Chinese. That does make a little bit of sense. I think just the Mexicans and any other race non-white probably weren't.

Mexicans love the Cowboys. Mexicans love the Cowboys. No, that's a fact. Culturally, they see themselves as Cowboys. Mexicans love the Cowboys. They just try not to get kicked out. Dude, in Mexico City. Smart. That's smart. In Mexico City, 100,000 seats.

When you travel abroad, pay attention to that. Adopt the culture. If the culture is heterosexuality, that's what you are for that week. Okay? Yeah. They like dressing up. Why not just dress up heterosexual? You know what I mean? Just put it on. Like drag. That's the costume. Yeah, you drag. You drag straight for a week. You know what I mean? No brainer. So are you a free agent fan right now? I'm a free agent fan. So who are you going to go with?

Chiefs are an option, dude. Oh, you're going to come on. No, you can't do that. No, no, no, no, no, no. You can't do that. Be a Jags fan. Be a Jags fan. Why would I do that? You got to pick a bad team. No, I'm not picking a bad team. You can't pick the best team. It's like becoming a Bulls fan when Jordan was after he won. You said he was Jordan. Yeah. You know a lot of people were Bulls fans when Jordan was there and they're not Bulls fans anymore? And did you respect them?

Sure, who cares if I respect them? They're happy. What are they going to fuck about my respect? They're not happy. They're happy, dude. Nah, they were happy. It doesn't mean nothing. They were probably happy. They were happy. They had the black and red. They got to get fly and shit like that. I mean, the outfits were black and red. Nah, they were killing shit. Were you a little bit of a Bulls fan in that time? I was a Bulls hater. I was a motherfucker who was like, yo, Jordan ain't better than Bird.

I was a fucking Jordan hater, son. I ain't gonna lie. I was the loudest Jordan hater. I was the loudest Jordan hater ever. Bro, I said Magic Johnson was better than Michael Jordan. I ain't seen Magic Johnson play once. First time I saw Magic Johnson was when he had eight. And I still was like, yo, nah, he would have whooped Jordan then. I was a Jordan hater too, and that was stupid. But why were you a Jordan hater? It got nothing to do with you. I just decided. My brother didn't like him, so I was like, yeah, I guess fuck that guy.

That's the dumbest shit I ever heard. I have a reason to be a Jordan hater. He's giving me pain. Yeah. Destroying us in the playoffs. Yeah. I just wanted to see someone else win. So I remember when he came back, I did the, I was a Jordan celebrator. I was like, no, I just got to appreciate greatness.

This motherfucker going to fuck around and almost lose in game seven to the Pacers. I'm like, he would. He would the second I start rooting for him. Push it to seven fucking games with the Indiana Pacers. Piece of shit. The team we hate. The other team. The other team.

Oh, that's actually what made me an NBA fan, was Reggie Miller. Eight points in eight seconds. Nah, shout out to him. That was unbelievable. Shout out to him. But you can't be a Chiefs fan. They're from Dallas. How are you going to be a frontrunner, bro? It's because it's logically the smartest thing in the world to do. Oh, so gay. You're so fucking gay. You suck dick. You fucking suck dick. You can't go to Jamaica. You can never go to Jamaica. You're so fucking gay. No, if I went to Jamaica, I'd be a Cowboy fan. Are you defending being a frontrunning bitch? Yeah, dude. They're geniuses.

They're the ones that, they're always happy. Oh, God damn, you're so gay. Yeah, this is disgusting. Like, it really is disgusting. I'm so happy. Y'all don't even really watch sports. Don't read a book, you fuck.

I can't believe that you were going to be a frontrunner. Real talk. I like Taylor Swift's team. It's like, Steph is cute. I'm on white. I'm Team Taylor Swift. Yo, I'm Team Taylor. I'm Team Taylor. Let's go Chiefs. You got one thing right. Taylor's fucking amazing. But I didn't wait until she was the biggest artist in the world to like her. Yes, you did. Wait a second. What did he say? I did? I think you meant to say, yeah, both.

You might be hypocrisy. Literally her last show in America. Are you saying? You got me disgusted, bro. Literally the last time. You don't even watch sports. You don't get to judge me, dude. No, I said, Akash, no, you're too real for this. You actually care about football.

football. You know the game. You love the game. And I'm done. And the Cowboys are never going to be good unless Jerry Jones dies, and he's not going to die anytime soon. So this is what it is. Lions are an option? The Cowboys win the Super Bowl the next year. I'll come back. I'll come back. Trial separation. Why? Are there no rules for this? No, there's not. What do you want, chaos? That's what I realized. There's no rules. Cam runs are the funniest thing. He was like, yo, Jerry Jones, I got to bring the Coke back.

in the locker room. That shit was working back in the 80s. He's absolutely right. 90s. He's absolutely right. 90s? Yes. Do whatever it takes, dude. But you can't switch. Come on. Not

Can you at least acknowledge what you're talking about? It has a little hint of bitch ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'd be much happier. Would you? Yes. Because you're not really a fan. You don't really know the culture of the team. You haven't really bled for the team. You haven't rooted for that team for decades. It hasn't been a cold night at Arrowhead. What is all that about? Who cares? That is sports. Come on, dude. If you always just go for the team that's about to win, it's nothing. I can't just like the player, root for the player?

You can like the player, but your team is different. You can have a team, but then you can have a favorite player that's of it. You can do that. You can do that. You can like LeBron, but have another team. Yes. Yeah, I don't care about the Chiefs outside of my homes. Okay, so they're just like the player. Just like my home. But suffer through the losses and the adversity like the rest of us because the victory feels so sweet when you do it. Let me tell you something. The Cowboys will never win. The Knicks will never win. Don't say that. Nah, you bugger. Nah, you lie. Y'all got...

Some chance because you're at least on an upward trajectory. Yeah. Because you took Jalen Brunson from the Mavericks, which also fucking crushed me. And you won the Chris Stapps trade, which also fucking crushed me. I'm sticking with the Mavs. Cuban at least is not going to let his ego get in the way every single time. So I'm like, okay, fine. But then supporting Jerry Jones, it's like, why? You're never going to hire a GM. You're always going to ruin everything. Why would I just keep watching this? For what?

If he dies, I'll come back. Because. That's why. Because that's life. Dude, I got to give Dolan- That's what it is. Give Dolan credit. He stepped back and the team looks promising. They got guys running it who know what they're doing. I would still be a Knicks fan. I'd still give it a few more years. Cowboys, I'm out. I think I'm out. Nah, dude. We need some more Boston working class energy in here. When I saw- Boston had the most spoiled fucking sports run in history. I was in Aruba, I'm pretty sure. And I saw- Great place.

The Cleveland Cavaliers with LeBron win an NBA championship sitting next to two people from Akron, Ohio. Wow. When I saw the reaction from this guy and his wife, I mean, I think he literally teared up. I rightly so. Yeah. But the excitement, the joy. I mean, I'm excited watching LeBron.

But him, I'm like, oh, wow, it's going to be so sweet when the Knicks finally win a championship. Like, that day, just being out in the streets, hugging every single person that's wearing a fucking Knicks jersey, even if they're not, walking up to the guy selling a fucking hot dog. We fucking did it. Every single person that's been through decades. Burn down the city. Punch people. Light a couch on fire. Yes. Loot the stores. Come on, our car. We will light Barclays on fire. Yes. We will walk across the bridge. Which, that's it.

Witch with tiki torches. And we will light sparklies on fire. We're going to unite. Philly was bad. We're going to start eating rats and shit. It's so crazy, bro. Don't you want to be part of that? No. Come on. Not at all. That sounded awful. Every part of that sounded awful. Go back to reading books. You might read. You might be a big time fucking reader, bro. Are you going to be an Australian cricket fan?

No, no, no. Why not? Because the Indian is a part of my identity. That's a part of my DNA. That's genetically a part of me. Australia is a winner. That's genetically a part of me. You should be an Australian cricket fan. And at least India makes it to the final. The Cowboys haven't even been to a conference championship. Yo, you should be an Australian cricket fan. Y'all have been to the finals. Once? In your lifetime? In my lifetime. Yeah. The Cowboys have not been to the conference. I think we all just got a football team, dude. I'm a Cowboys fan.

Hey, have fun. I'm a diehard Cowboys fan. I want you to do this, and I want you to invest and see what it feels like. Now that I'm into football, I'm a Cowboys fan. I want you to see it. As long as you're not, I will be. If they win, we can't ever let Ockham celebrate. If you make this decision right now, and Dallas wins, it means nothing to you, and you know it. No, I don't. You'll pretend to be excited, but it won't be there, because you abandoned your team. Oh.

I abandon my team. Don't act like you're over this. What a dickhead I am. What is this over this? What an asshole I am. You're better than sports. Is that the guy you are? You're the I'm better than sports, sports are dumb? No, but you abandon your team. That's the character you're playing right now. You abandon your team. A bunch of adults just running into each other with helmets. That's not what I'm saying at all. Why do you guys like this? I love sports. No, you want the joy from sports, but you want to put in the effort. I put in enough effort. You want to do your part as a fan. What effort have you done?

Exactly. That's the effort. That's the effort you do. That's literally the effort you just talked about. The effort is the pain. You don't think I did that? The effort is the despair. Oh, get out of here. You've got championships and you're still, it's not enough. You're a void. You're an empty hole. You're a bottomless pit. How many Knicks games have you been to? Season ticket holder. No, this year, season ticket holder.

Zero. Don't talk to me about investing emotion. Why? Don't you dare. Because you don't even go to the games. How many Cowboys games have you gone to? I've been to one in the past. No, this year I have not been to any because I don't live in Dallas. If I lived in Dallas,

lived in Dallas and had season tickets. You go to Philadelphia to see your girl's family all the time. Why don't you go see them when they play the Eagles? Come on. You bitch. I'm afraid for my safety of the Eagles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You won't do it. You won't do it. No, no. I will not go to an Eagles game as a Cowboys fan. Yeah, absolutely. Scary. Let me tell you something. If the Knicks are playing Philadelphia, do you think that we're going incognito? Hell no. Mm.

You're not going. It's far. It is kind of far. It's far. And they play here. They play right here. You got to wear a Chiefs jersey in the next pot. You got to go full Chiefs uniform. Mahomes jersey? I would do that. I cannot believe that you're doing this. But what I don't like is the pretension that you have. Why is it pretension? Why is it pretension? Like, what the fuck is that? Yeah, why? The fact that you're like, oh, what are we so silly? Like, you are so silly to root for the same team. No. Like, you're above...

Like you're better than people who've been rooting for the same team their whole life. Why would you do this? You're so stupid to do the thing you're supposed to do in sports. Yes, we're all submitting to it. This is what happens with sports. You're doing the stupid thing.

No, I'm jumping on the bandwagon is the super thing. So fun, dude. Patrick Mahomes is so good. You don't feel it. You actually don't feel it. I really do. I really do. What were the boys from the tickets? Condom sex. Here's the options. Condom sex for the rest of your life. You're going to come. You're going to come. But it's not going to be the same. You're not going to feel the walls caving in. It's not official. You're not going to feel that wet. You're never going to feel wet from Patrick Mahomes. Patrick Mahomes will never make you feel wet. Yeah.

Cowboys have been giving me dry dick for 28 years. And you know what? One day they're going to spit on it and it's going to feel incredible. They're going to spit on that little turn cutter and slice it right open and you're going to fucking love it if you stay on. I'm not saying. Also, the Chiefs were way worse way longer. No, I'm just joking. Go, go, go, go, go, go. The Chiefs were way worse way longer. No, they weren't. When's the last Super Bowl? Like,

They didn't go to the Super Bowl. They went to conference championships. Again, they would get there. They'd be the best team in the league. They were good. Oh, God. They were good. Hold on. Even Miles is fine. Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? You want your team to just go to conference championships? No, but you can't say they were so bad for so long. They were way worse. Why did they win a Super Bowl? Like 65 or something. 63. Yeah, yeah. Again, I wasn't a fan then. The Super Bowl is one. I always had kind of a soft spot. And this is where it also lines up a little bit. Also, they're sort of rivals. It's crazy.

Why are they... Because the Chiefs were in Dallas first, right? They have a Dallas tie. Yeah. So this is your bullshit excuse. Another one that's a bullshit excuse. The coach of the Lions. Oh, God. Dallas Cowboy. Fucking great. Friend of the ticket. Was always on once a week. Fantastic. Fantastic.

Dan Campbell. That's another team that would be fun to root for. And the Lions are historically the ones. They've never been. They're historically bad. But he's great. I root for them. But you're also joining the Lions when they finally show a little bit of life and Lions fans probably don't want you. If I did this, if I did this, hold on.

If I did this, if like the Nets were going to go to the finals and look like they were going to win and I jumped on the bandwagon, you would never let me have the end of it. You would call me the biggest cock sucking flame throwing

idiot, stupid head, fucking cocksucker. Every single time. You would hate somebody? I would support you. I would support you. Whatever makes you happy, dude. At the end of the day, I just want my friend to be happy. That's all I want. Yo, therapy sucks. Don't ever go to therapy, yo. This is what happens to you. I'm canceling mine this week. Fuck this. Don't go to therapy. Just be a fan of the sport. Miles, who's your team?

You don't even watch football. I do watch football. This is the hard part. Growing up, I picked the Rams randomly. It's worse when you do. It's worse if you do watch football. Yeah, I know. Sure. This guy's just talking. He don't watch enough. No, I'm saying it's worse that you do watch football and you're still willing to bandwagon. If you didn't watch at all. If you loved the Bucs growing up, what happened? They were good in 2002. And then what happened? Why'd you stop rooting for them? I just stopped watching football in general. Like, I slowed my whole thing.

But you love football, and you can't change in the middle. Yeah, it's worse. What you're doing is worse. You love the game. You know the game. What I'm doing is much smarter. It's much smarter. Why is it smarter? Because— Lose the respect of every man you've ever met in your life. Instantaneously. If you tell men, hey, I'm a bandwagon fan, if that's your identity, hey, which team do you like? Whatever's best. I just like to feel the victory. Yeah. Ugh.

You will immediately lose respect from every male that you ever meet. Women don't respect that shit either. What's the equivalent in stand-up? Because he needs to understand this, so figure out what the equivalent would be in stand-up so you get it. Because this is disgusting. Like a new style of stand-up comes out. Let's say like...

Puppets are really popular. And then you just start, oh, I could do puppets. It's not the same. Yeah, it's really not the same. I'll be honest. I tried to get there, but it's not. But let's think of something else. If you wanted to be a Giants fan, it would make sense. There's nothing like sports.

There's British soccer fans right now that are rolling. Even if the Eagles were actually good, I would never root for the Giants. We don't believe you. Oh, we don't believe you. Because I hate them too much. But if you like the Giants. Because that's popping right now. If you just started to do woke comedy because it's popping. Yeah, but a comic is who I am.

A Cowboys fan or not, it's a part of my identity. He separated the team from his identity, which is bullshit. Yes. That's supposed to be your party identity. So you don't care about everybody that you meet losing respect for you? Is that not like a little part of you? I don't think that happens. I don't think that happens. It is. It is. Now, Luther, my best friend, big Dynasty guy, so funny. It's the funniest thing in the world. It's so funny. Oh.

For him to just be a Lakers fan and then be a Warriors fan and then maybe come back to the Lakers. It's the funniest thing to watch. I love it. You get annoyed at first and then you're like, you know what? This guy's got it figured out. This sounds like a bad guy. Yeah. I don't trust Luther. He's a fantastic guy. He's a fantastic guy. This is a character flaw. Yeah. This is what Gandhi was talking about when he's like, I love your Jesus. I don't like your Christians. Luther. Perfect example. This is a character flaw. We have to get to the bottom of this.

We have to get to the bottom of this. Really good, because Luther is very Christian. He's incredible Christian. He's really, this is the one un-Christian thing about him. It's really, he is. This guy's happy all the time, dude. Ugh.

Oh, what if you just get like a few things? That's the reason you're miserable. It adds a lot of misery and a lot of misery. You don't even know, dude. You might sleep better. Yeah, I would sleep. I would sleep better for a fact. Have you ever talked about the Cowboys in therapy? Be honest. No, that's for the Christ. You got to bring that up. Not that crazy. You got to bring it. Let's just work out like you're at a bar. Ready? Yeah. And we're hanging out watching. What's your team, bro?

I'm a Chiefs guy, dude. Yeah. Oh, there must be nice being a Chiefs guy. You got the best quarterback maybe in history. I mean, this guy's incredible. He's incredible. They've been on a run. Yeah, he's the reason I'm a Chiefs fan if you get down to it. What do you mean he's the reason? You weren't a Chiefs fan before him? No, no, no. I kind of liked him, but not like that much. I didn't care that much. What were you before? I was a Cowboy fan. And every football fan right there would be like, oh, I get it. Right there would be like, oh, yeah, fair enough.

Fair enough. So wait a minute, you just stopped being a fan of the Cowboys and then started becoming a fan of the Chiefs because they were the best team in the league? Yeah, eventually I finally just realized that until Jerry Jones dies, they're just never going to actually be good and he's not dying anytime soon. And his son also seems like kind of a fucking idiot, to be honest with you. So I just don't, I think. This is when you stand up and fight.

a new shit at the bar. I'm like, I'm going to talk to somebody else. What are you drinking at this bar, dude? Everybody is miserable with their team. He's going to go to another scene. I'm not going to tolerate this from non-football fans. If you guys were football fans, I would... We're Knicks fans. We don't want to hear anything else about it. Yeah, but you can't, again, you can't be a New Yorker and not a Knicks fan. You're a spoiled brat when it comes to sports. It's been 28 years. You have an absolute dynasty. 28 years. I've invested thousands of hours. What I would do for one championship, what I would do for one singular championship... That's the gayest thing I've ever heard in my life.

Honestly? Yeah. Would you sacrifice someone on this couch? Like murder them? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Which is like an injury that, you know. Your meme. What I would give for a New York Bigs championship. Holy shit. This is actually interesting right here. That is like, I got to put my money where my mouth is.

I'd give a toe. I'd give a toe. I'd have four toes on one foot. You wouldn't. You'd get rid of a toe? Yeah, but the pinky one. It doesn't affect my stability. I would give Russia Ukraine. That's not a sacrifice. Yeah, that's not a sacrifice for you at all. That's the fucking worst thing I've ever heard in my life. Wait, how is that not a sacrifice for me? It's not a sacrifice for you. What is he even talking about? I can't even go to the selk of one more time. If I'm the one that's responsible for giving...

Ukraine back to Russia. Oh, that's your big sacrifice? You can't go back to Veselka? I can't go back to Veselka. Think about my life. Go back to Veselka. That is tough. I would do it. I would do that for a Knicks championship. I would do it. I would do it. I'm sorry, Veselka. Would you give him a toe? You can lose a sandal with a toe anyway. Which one? I think it might help with paddle. Think about how the shoes would fit.

Pinky. That's what I'm saying. A pinky toe. We don't need that shit. For a Nick Jeremy chip. And you have to wear it like a necklace. He's thinking about it. The fact that I'm thinking about it means it's that serious. Because I'm not doing this like, I'm going to just say, yeah, whatever. If I say this right now, it will probably happen. So I have to be very careful about what I say. Yo, you would get the key to the city.

If you gave up a toe for a championship, everybody will just... You put your toe in the lock. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I would take away what the players did. Once everybody knew that it was just my toe that got us the championship, it don't even really count as a championship. But if I committed to playing basketball for one year of training...

And did nothing else but play basketball for one year of training. Okay? And then carved out enough time in my schedule where I could play. Why is he still going? As soon as he said give up one year of my schedule, this is not real. No, no. He's getting it. He's getting it. He's getting it.

40-year-old. He could do six-man. He could be 40-year-old because I need one year of training. I think he could do six-man. Vince Carter was 43. Exactly. Same. Same athletic ability. And I would help the Knicks win a championship. Then I would definitely get the key to the city. And I would do that for my city. Missing a toe. No, no. Toe intact. I would play on the Knicks.

and win a championship for the next four in my city. You would do that? That's really, honestly, what's selfish with me is like to go after my career in entertainment and stand up and podcast. That's selfish and not giving my team. Because you're withholding. Because in a way, I am just like Akash. Yeah.

Like, in a way, I am just like that. Like, I know fully that I could give Nick's a chance. Yeah. Yeah. I've never even tried to help my team. I've just watched. I've seen him dunk on a kid. Five foot two. That counts? That counts? That counts. Yeah, absolutely. Who was five foot two? Some, we, we, we've hooped one time and there was some kids from like Cornell or something, some little Mexican kid. Yeah, I did bang him on that motherfucker. That was bad. Game point. That was bad. How do you do that? That was bad. To a fucking bitch. I,

You know what I mean? DEI. That's my peep. Diversity, equity, inclusion. You know? You can get these balls in your mouth too, you f***ing asshole. Jesus Christ. I had to. I had to go crazy. He bleeps it? I had to go crazy. Why did you just say a bleep right there? Why did you say a long bleep? I had to go crazy. You got to bleep my mouth too because you know exactly what I said. That's a treasure adventure. I can't believe my mouth. No, we can't. I really can't. Anyway. Wow, that was wild. Guys.

Do you have anything that we can discuss? Do we have any feelings? No facts. Facts. No feelings. Yeah, there's a couple of random things. Oh, we should do prize picks real quick. Yo, can we do that? What do we got this week? Do you have those locks for us? Yo, last week I ended up being right because I picked two cowboys. Of course you're right. No, no, no. It's Akash's locks. Akash's locks. That's it. I got, I believe, Josh Allen getting more yards. I have him at like 270 right now. Josh Allen more. Okay, okay. And then I had, who did I have?

Jordan Love, less. I don't think he's going to repeat the same performance. Jordan Love, less. These are my Akash thoughts. Really? Yeah. Is this because... The 49ers are just an actual good defense. Got it. And I do feel like football is so up and down that after he had like...

It was the greatest performance ever for a rookie quarterback. And then they brought him back into the game and he threw one in completion. And so it became tied for the greatest ever. But it was unbelievable. And he was perfect. And I just don't think he can repeat that. Got it. So what you're saying is sometimes in football...

You're not riding the high. Yeah. It sounded like I was setting them up, Miles. I wasn't. But meaning you're not riding the high. There's a come down from the high. The high almost satisfies your competitive instinct or whatever. This is kind of what I feel. I do think momentum is a real thing throughout the season, but sometimes you just hit such an apex that there's really only one place to go. And in order for him to beat...

The 49ers, he needs to play at that level. Yeah, and their defense is so fucking good. Their pass rush is so fucking good. I just don't see it. Okay, well, that's the prize picks. PrizePicks.com. Make sure you use the promo code SHULZ, S-C-H-U-L-Z. Get them picks in. Get that money because you know what they're going to do? They're going to match that initial deposit bonus up to $100. $100, yeah. So you put in $100, you get a free $100 to go gamble. You got the Akash Singh locks. Yep. Okay? Simple as that. All right.

We need some feelings of factors. Speaking of gambling, this is an amazing video that went viral the other day. This is a blackjack dealer that's playing. This is virtual blackjack. Okay. So there's one guy playing right now at four in the morning. And this is an actual guy in some type of, some type of little, some type of little like studio that he's in where he's basically dealing the cards, playing blackjack on stream. Okay. And he starts chirping the dude that he's playing against or that he's playing with. Fuck that motherfucker. He's talking about me.

Yo! This your last day, buddy? *laughs* *laughs* *laughs* *laughs*

Cool, yo, man. This is a blackjack dude chirping at this random guy playing with him one-on-one. It's just the two of them in this fucking chat room. What is this? I mean, what is this casino? I mean, this is an amazing marketing job for the casino. There's no way this is real. It's FanDuel. So, like, this is just a guy playing virtual blackjack.

I mean, this has to be. It's too good to be true. It really is. It has to be marketing. And if it isn't marketing, they just got so fucking lucky. Yeah. But this is marketing. He needs a raise. Well, people are like, oh, did you get fired? No one knows if he got fired yet.

Like he's talking crazy to the people paying money to the platform. People thought this shit was always AI. Yeah. I didn't even think I was a real person. I don't get why they are paying a real person to do this when you can just have... Isn't that like what Draco was posting on Stake? Like that's him? I think that maybe people like to see it, but it seems like an exorbitant amount of money. But maybe it personalizes the gambling experience a little bit more. You actually feel like you're gambling, not like the...

the computer generated numbers. I think people don't trust that shit as much. They're like, you know what I mean? They're like, Oh, I don't know how expensive this is. Right. Like he's probably making, I don't know. It can't be 20 bucks an hour. It's cheaper than a fucking app.

But to build that, to develop it, to have the trust, yada, yada. But think about it. This is cheaper than a casino. You could put this in... You could put 50 of these in some hotel conference room. And if it's profitable enough in the casino, it would be profitable enough online. That's what I'm saying. More profitable. More. You don't pay the overhead, nothing. The only issue is...

You can't tip him. He probably gets way less tips than these guys make their money from tips. I bet you can. You can tip him, but like if he's not right there, it's like, yeah. 100%. But I think this needs to be all online poker or

all on my blackjack. Yeah, talk shit. Like, you should be able to choose. Like, okay, give me like a straight up and down, just like Asian dude that doesn't really talk much, just deals the cards. Give me just a shit-talking guy that just calls me a loser at four in the morning. That's awesome. Like an Uber black. Yeah. That's fire. I would gamble. I would have a gambling addiction if I could just talk shit with this guy for hours on end. Right? Fucking loser. That's why you open at four in the morning playing blackjack. Fucking loser. Fucking loser.

All right, what else we got? Feelings no facto. Oh, my God. Okay. Oh, yo, this Taylor dude that is assaulting these models. You saw this? No. We were talking about this. This guy has these Chinese boys. Oh, I love this guy.

Have we talked about this? No, we haven't. Bro, this is unbelievable. No, this is like this... Your timeline is different. This is on TikTok or like Instagram Reels. It's this random thing. The guy lives in like Asia or something like that. He's basically a tailor. But his marketing for what he does is he like sexually assaults and harasses the guys that are putting on his suits. I don't even know if he's gay in real life. Tom Segura actually just went out there and I think connected with the guy. And it was...

It was actually really impressive. I was like, oh shit, Tom is like really into the nuanced niche parts of the internet. Like he enjoys that shit because you got to be deep to see this. And I don't even know if the guy's gay or not, but watch what he does. No, he gay. I'm Chinese boy. How old are you? 21. Say it again. I'm 21. Are you sure you're Chinese? Yes, I'm Chinese. I don't fucking believe this guy. He's a fucking Filipino wannabe Chinese motherfucker. Oh, Jesus. Jesus.

are you sure you're 21. i'm 21. are you 20 one i'm gonna bite you this is the start how old are you are you filipino no you're chinese yes two buttons two glorious mother of clothes buttons my dot dot dot hand needle and thread pick stitching on a narrow semi-notch lapel check out the peak of the pocket square undersized flat pockets that are slanted pick stitch and fully lined functional cup i still think he's filipino chinese

Just look and feel different. He is definitely a Filipino, but he is gift wrapped. Absolutely gift wrapped in my 4D fit. Let me open up the young boy. Chinese or Filipino, I like opening up young boys and show you how he is just gift wrapped in Manila, Shanghai, Cebu, Beijing, everywhere else in the Philippines, all across China. Young half Chinese boy. Are you happy? Yes. Okay.

At the end he went, okay. And it kind of sounded straight.

I think he's straight. I think it's schtick. Yeah, it's crazy. This is uncomfortable. They know what's going to happen. They go there for this. Yeah, what are these? Why? That's weirder than this guy. I need to unpack all of it, bro. Why are these dudes, these young men, signing up for this? They want a good suit, bro. They're the Chinese. They don't know anybody who can make clothing. So this guy's been making that suit since he was four years old.

Yeah, I mean, this is insane. No, that's what you do in China is you get a custom made-to-measure bespoke suit and like... Yeah, we did that in Singapore and they didn't fondle our assholes while they were doing it. They didn't go to the right guy.

guy. You still wear that suit? GIF wrap. Yeah, if you were GIF wrapping. If I was GIF wrap? Imagine, what would you do to be GIF wrap? You wouldn't let him grab your fucking cake a little bit and slap the shit out of it hard? That was crazy. I was following through. That was disturbing. That's why he's over there doing that shit. He can't be over here. That shit made me miss paddle, bro. You heard those sounds? Oh, yeah. Sweet spot.

I was just insane. And like, I don't know. I'm assuming he sells more jackets and suits. That's a really nice tailor shop in Hong Kong. So they've like made suits for presidents and shit. That place? Yeah, that place. And that guy works there and now made it viral on TikTok. I think it was his dad was also doing that. That's what Segura's shop.

Bro, we got to look into that. Check his computer, bro. Yeah, the slap in the face was crazy. That was a little wild. Aggressive. I don't want to get suited up ever again. Clientele include Queen Elizabeth, Ronald Reagan, Prince Philip, King Charles, Gerald Ford, H.W.W., Clinton. Prince Andrew? Clinton? Thatcher, Blair. That's how he picked up that behavior. Michael Jackson, Richard Gere, David Bowie. I mean, it's crazy.

Yeah, I mean, that was weird. It's weird, right? You have a very strange timeline. They have a stamp, a postage stamp. That's crazy. Okay, what else we got? Tell me about Ariana Grande talking that shit. Oh, yeah. Because that's what I really want to talk about. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I didn't know about it. I want to talk about Ariana Grande talking that shit. Yeah. Who cares what dick she rides out?

Al, do you care what dick Ariana Grande rides? No, she's still a child in my head. Facts. It is so weird. Yeah. Yeah, apparently the lyric is, yeah. Has she got that disease? What is that? Andy Milonakis shit? She might have Andy Milonakis disease.

She might have Andy Milonakis. She somehow does look younger than she did. She probably has Andy Milonakis disease. Well, have you seen how she goes through different races? Have you seen this? So, like, she's, like, Asian now. Mark, Mark, don't bring that up. Bring up the fucking lyric. We know what she looks like. She got Andy Milonakis disease, and she wants to know who cares what dick I rock. Yeah, why do you care who's dick I rock? So she came out with a new video, and then apparently that's the lyric.

Oh, that's the lyric in the song? But do y'all care what dick she rides? Because I think we do care a little. A little bit. Yeah, a little bit. Like if she's riding a dick that we think that she shouldn't be riding, we care. Yeah, Mac Miller, that's a good dick to ride. That's a fantastic dick. Yeah, respect. RIP, but that's a fantastic dick. What, is it not a good dick? Hall of Fame dick? I'm just saying. Hall of Fame dick to ride. It's just a wild ass dick. No, that's a good dick to ride if you're R.E.O. It's like you're talking from experience. Wallace said one of the craziest things I heard in my life, bro.

Vala. Crazier than that? I don't even want to preface it. Vala goes like this. This is verbatim. We're on a car. We're talking about probably Cat Williams and Shana Sharp. And then he shows a picture of like Shana Sharp looking like fucking jacked and crazy. He goes, dude, this guy looks incredible. And then he goes, man, he must be crazy in bed.

The whole band just goes, what did you just say? No, I'm just saying, he's got to be crazy, like, doing all these types of things. He does that. He's like, no, with chicks. Like, when he's having sex with chicks, you know? Yo, what y'all on about? I don't know, but I almost ruined the whole weekend, bro. Sorry.

We didn't let him come meet 50. We're like, nah, you're going to say some crazy shit. We can't have you around. Y'all got to get back on a bread or something. Something's going on. He must be crazy. What the fuck is that? But he must be, though, right? He must be crazy. He probably is. He's jacked. You've seen him. Bro, he must be so crazy. Do you not think he's crazy in bed? So listen, if Ariana Grande was with the...

With Shannon Sharp, we might care. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, we do care whose dick she rides. Like, let's just be honest. Yeah, that was Mary Dick. The song is right. But we don't care because it's Mary. We care because he's a nerd looking. And we care because it looks like she shouldn't be fucking that dude. Yeah, especially if they're married.

Wait, wait, why keep harping on this marriage shit? She broke up a marriage. This guy had a kid with that girl. But that's why you care? I think it's kind of foul. Yeah, as a Christian man, you should care too. People have pointed that out. That's a commandment. Apparently she's like split up some famous relationships apparently. But is that why we care or do we care because it looks like that? Both. You can't care about both of them? I don't think it's a marriage thing. I think it's because he looks like that. No offense to him, obviously, but...

It sounds like a fence. It sounds pretty fancy. No, with all due respect. Now, if you think about it, he must be crazy. Yeah, he must be crazy. Think about it. If you think about it, he must be crazy in bed. He must be crazy. He must be crazy. Bro, I saw him. I saw him in real life. If you think about it. No, I'm just saying, like with girls. Like, look at him. Nah, he's crazy. He's crazy. He's crazy in bed. That guy's crazy in bed. Look at him right there. Enthusiastic lover.

Come on, dude. Mark is really bothered that this guy got Ariana Grande. Have you noticed he brings this up multiple times? Yeah. It's so funny. I love it. I'm happy for him. I'm like, look at this. Shut up! Why? You're not happy, bro. Just admit it. Because Mark wanted to be a musical theater kid. I was a theater kid. And I think he feels like he could have got bad bitches if he was a musical theater kid.

You stopped being a musical theater because you thought you wouldn't be able to get such an amazing woman as your wife. Yeah. And you picked up something else when in reality you could have got your wife. Yes. It just kept doing whatever you wanted to do. Exactly. No, as a musical theater kid, I'm like, yo, look at him. He actually, he made it. You're not one anymore. No, I used to be though. I was Wickersham number three in school to musical. I was Peter in Line of the Woodchips. All right. I was Peter Pan in fifth grade. So I'm a theater kid too. No, but you didn't have what it took.

I was lead. In what? Peter Pan. I was Peter Pan. You were Peter Pan. Yeah. Wait, really? Deadass, fifth grade. Damn, that hurt him. I know, I know. Lead. You know how many songs I had? Did you really sing? Deadass. How do you sing? I don't know.

I don't remember. I'm like, I caught you with books. Sometimes you be forgetting shit. Sometimes you be forgetting shit out. Exactly. You know what I mean? Decades old information. Stop. No, that's fine. You don't forget a whole book. That's the most ridiculous thing. I could be lying a lot, but that's the most ridiculous lie I've ever told in a podcast. Why would I lie about reading Ben Carson's book? Why would I lie about reading Ben Carson's book?

You're gay. That's a good argument. No, that made sense. Yeah, basically. Come on. You lie about being a Chiefs fan. You lie about a lot of things. Now... What the fuck is up with you, Seth? What's in your throat, bro? What is that? Yo, you guys need to chill out, dude. I'm asking. No, you guys are going overboard right now. Who cares what Dickie writes? Now, listen. I almost read the last thing. The last thing that we need to talk about here is...

Chris Cuomo sent a text message, a private text message. There's nobody else's business besides him and the person he sent it to. Yeah. That text message was shared. I believe that that is that porn thing. Revenge. Revenge. Porn revenge. That's porn revenge. I believe by sharing this text message, it's porn revenge. And-

I think that we might have to press charges against the lady that has, you know, done porn revenge on Chris Cuomo.

What was the text? I didn't see this. I think he said to Angela Rye. It was either DM or text, and it was a picture of her. Good morning, tinsel underwear or something. Tinsel crotch, he called her. Happy New Year, tinsel crotch. But she was wearing a bikini with some, like, something. So she had tinsel on a bikini. Yeah, and he said, Happy New Year, tinsel crotch. So she is a tinsel crotch. I mean, that's funny. She's tinsel crotched up. She's tinsel crotched up. She put it on. She posted it on social media, or she was there with it. Oh, that is tinsel crotch.

Yeah, she's a tinsel crotch. But he don't know Angela Rye like Colin. What do you mean? They worked at CNN together. Yes, but he should know you're not going to get away with that. She's a very outspoken woman. He was trying to treat her like an equal. He was trying to treat her like an equal. He was trying to treat her as he would treat. He was just being Italian. That's what I was going to say. He's just being Italian. He's just being Italian. That's what we don't get. He's just being an Italian guy. He's an Italian guy. Sometimes call people a tinsel crotch. It's it. He's just Italian. She's being a little tinsel crotch and he's calling her out.

Now, the reality is she shared, allegedly shared this private correspondence that they had. That is porn revenge.

Revenge of the poor. I know. I believe it's porn revenge. That is porn revenge, and I think you get prosecuted for something like that. She should be sued? If you're a porn's revengelist, you probably should be sued. I think that he has grounds to sue her. She's walking around with a tinsel crotch. She's posting it on, is this social media? She's posted her tinsel crotch on social media. So describing something that she publicly posted, if it was a private thing,

thing that only he knew about and then he said it maybe that's one thing. She's posted the tinsel crotch on social media. The shot is majority crotch and tinsel and less the rest of her. I don't think that's inappropriate. Personally, I think posting this on social media, you can argue. She was mad he didn't put the comment on the post because she wanted the engagement.

Don't give me those side comments that don't help my fucking shit. That's what it was. Now, you say that she wanted the engagement. As far as I'm concerned, she's never been. Yo, you're a dick. You really are. Do you think you know where he's going? I didn't say anything. Sweet.

Sweatpants crotch? I didn't say keychain crotch. I didn't say anything about you keychain crotch. What are you talking about? Why are you being so mean? You are messy, bro. You are messy, bro. I'm going to tell y'all on you, bro. I'm a snitch. I'm a snitch. I'm snitching. That was funny. But what were you going to say?

I don't remember. He forgot. Sometimes you be forgetting shit. Name a book you read, another one. I'm reading Tyson's book right now. Which Tyson? His autobiography. Mike Tyson. Oh, Mike Tyson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a quarter through it.

I remember what I read this morning. What'd you read? He met Iceberg Slim. They formed like a relationship. Get out of here. And Iceberg Slim was like living in like kind of a dilapidated place and like... That's what happens to pimps. But he was like, he said something that was interesting. He said like...

pimping is not about the women or how you treat women. It's about having control of everything around you or something like that, which is an interesting perspective, I thought. He was like, the women, that's just like some shit that you do. And then he was like, don't mistreat women. He said something to Tyson like, no, mistreating women is not cool, which is the last thing I would have thought he would have said. I mean, yeah, you should read his book.

I know. It feels very spirit-breaking to read that book. It feels like... Boy, that's brutal. You gotta break them. I don't read books, and I read that book. That book was great. The part about breaking a girl? Yeah, I know. That's great. Not like breaking her to get her into it. When you're done with her, you gotta completely destroy her, or else she's gonna come back and fuck your whole shit up. Oh, God. I mean, it is like... Yeah, it's an absolutely shocking...

Oh, did 50 tell you about Mike Tyson's friend who I think either shot at 50 or they had like an altercation? I was wondering if that was just one of the stories. What was the name? I forgot, but it's like...

He had just shot at 50 or some shit like that. Oh, another guy from Brooklyn? Yeah, yeah. And then Mike actually brings him or shots him out after a win. So it's like 50 was just so tight because it's like, yo, I'm here paying money for your pay-per-view and then you're shouting out the guy who just shot at me. Wow. Yeah. But it's like... And then he ends up... I think that's why he has a little grudge with Tyson and he ends up buying his house for the low when Tyson was having money issues. That's a legendary thing to do. But he did say something like that. He's like...

Yeah, yeah. I don't know how much I can. He said something to the extent. I mean, that story's public. That's why I only mentioned that one. He said something to the extent of like, you know, if you're from Queens, why is a dude from Brooklyn shooting at me? Like, that means you don't have people within your crew that can handle things. And if you need to do something that serious, you got to handle that yourself or you're not willing to stand on it. It's like, why is a guy from Brooklyn? Yeah, yeah. Like, it's something like that. Like, again, more just politics about what's going on.

But that was the most impressive thing, being able to manage the personalities and manage these other people that live outside the system, gain their respect, you know, like, whew, kind of cool. And all the different figures and their ability to do that and how they all have respect for them, even if they're at odds.

Like sometimes somebody's so respected, if they make a call, hey, can you give that guy back his stuff? You do it because you have so much respect for that guy. How do they build that respect? How does that happen? It's not just through fear.

It's through your ability to like politic with all these harmful individuals. So imagine if you're somebody in 50s shoes that's able to politic and manage his way up in one of the most brutal industries in the world, which is the crime industry. I'm not talking about it's easy to sell drugs. People want them and they're addictive and they want more. That's not hard. The hard part is managing psychopaths and killers. To manage them at a young age is...

That's impressive. Yeah. Oh, he had a bar, bro. I wish I said this even earlier. You gotta get 50 on, bro. He said some shit about a pop smokes killer. Pop smokes killer is 15 years old. Fuck. Right? So he's gonna get out in like five years. And he's a tough dude. And when you're a tough dude, you gotta be tough your whole life. So he'll be back in jail.

Immediately. Because you don't have a choice to be tough or not. And in order to be tough, you've got to prove you're tough. We don't just trust that you're tough. You've got to keep being tough in order to be a tough dude. And eventually, you get caught. And you get locked up for life. And that's exactly what's going to happen. Anyway, guys.

I think we learned a lot today. Flay or not, I think we learned a lot today. We learned a lot that Ben Carson ain't do shit but hack up little kids. We got to have him on the pod, dude. We got to get Ben Carson on. I would love to do that. I would reread it. It is shocking to me that it just came. It basically took me saying I could do what he did for us to realize that he did nothing.

but take a buzzsaw to a kid's brain. That's all he did. We'll fact check some of this. Any contractor that's currently destroying my apartment could do what Ben Carson did. Maybe more effective. We need to look into this, I think. Rock and chisel to a child's head. Split them. They'll live for a couple years, and then they die. That's what he achieved. You should really read the book.

What's the ending like? You do not see it coming at all. He looks in the mirror and doesn't recognize himself. Yeah.

Because his twin isn't attached to his head anymore. If you do the surgery on yourself and separate your brother, that's what a great story. That's hater shit, bro. But what a great story. You go to school. You study. You become a doctor. You become a surgeon just so you could cut your brother out. My brother's in the gangs and shit. He's on the streets. He's selling drugs all the time. You guys are conjoined the whole way through. Imagine that story, right?

That'd be a story. Yeah. Bro, some guys pitched me the worst fucking movie idea. They were like, yeah, we're thinking of a movie for you. These producers or whatever that I did a movie with already. They're like, yeah, we were thinking about a movie with you. Are we keeping this or... No, we can keep it. I don't give a fuck. And he goes, he goes,

They go, hey, we're thinking, you know, you're doing comedy. Like, what if, like, it's your comedy, and there's someone who's, like, a clean comedy, and then it's a body swap. And now you got to do the clean comedy. They got to do the dirty comedy. And I'm just like, I'm like, all right, man, whatever. Yeah, we'll figure it out, man. We'll figure it out. Freaky Friday? There's geniuses in Hollywood by that time. Anyway, y'all.

He's so creative, man. That's an awesome movie. I would love to see that. It's been Playground. We'll see you on Patreon this Friday.