Epstein List Gets Roasted, Katt Williams Breaks Internet, & Jo Koy vs Golden Globes
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Jeff and Ghislaine, the traffic king and queen are back, baby. The much anticipated Epstein file has dropped. It's 1,000 pages, only Cat Williams can read that fast. So here are the hits. Turns out the Epstein Island conspiracy is some fresh blood. And no, I'm not talking about Hyman's. Human Hot Wheels' Stephen Hawking got rolled into this kid-diddling debacle.

Uncle Hawking, who apparently loves strip clubs and looked like he got a lap dance from a wrecking ball, visited Epstein's Island for an academic conference in 2006, where he was rumored to have an underage orgy, or as he calls it, the gangbang theory. Epstein tried to pay people to discredit the rumor and cover up Hawking's tire tracks. They even tried to erase Steven's memory by shaking him like an Etch-A-Sketch, Hawking

wasn't the only new name revealed. Voice actor for a cartoon dirt bike, RFK Jr. was on the list. He immediately blamed his ex-wife for being on Epstein's plane and at his house. Finally, a Kennedy that knows how to use his wife for cover. Honestly, though, does the CIA kill everyone this guy knows? Look, I just hope he wasn't at the Stephen Hawking orgy, okay? The Kennedys have seen enough brain splatter. Think about it.

David Copperfield also was allegedly at Epstein's house because when there's kids to entertain, you hire a magician. They actually asked Copperfield if he wanted a 26-year-old, to which he responded in true magician fashion, let's cut that in half. Aside from those guys, it's just the same cast of characters that deserve to take a submarine trip to the Titanic.

Bill Clinton was mentioned, but the worst thing they said about Bill in the whole drop is he likes him young. I mean, this guy is slipperier than Stephen Hawking's chin. As of now, the only minors that we know for sure Clinton fucked were the ones digging

of the rubble in Haiti. And you can't mention Epstein without his favorite royal kid rinser, Prince Andrew. I mean, how is this guy not in jail? Yeah, he's a fucking prince. I can't believe England pays for this guy to fly around the world and fuck

teens. At least in America, we elect people to fly around the world and fuck teens. The royal family claims that what Prince Andrew is doing is not grooming. It's air conditioning. Now, if that joke is confusing, try spelling air H-E-I-R. Ultimately, this drop was more useless than Stephen Hawking's Fitbit. The allegations are so old, Clinton wouldn't stuff his cock in them. Hopefully, more information comes out.

Hopefully justice is served. And hopefully Epstein and Ghislaine or Ghislaine or whoever the hell you pronounce their name, hopefully they both rot in hell. I mean, that would be a Mossad with a happy ending. Now let's start the show. All right, so how y'all feel about the Hawk? How you feel about the Hawk? Dude, young Hawkey. Yo, young Hawkey. The Hawkey Talkie. Yo, the Hawkey, is that what you call it? Yeah.

So what do you guys think about this? So when I first saw the thing that he was watching midgets do equations on the board, I was so excited. Yeah, that was the best. That was a Twitter setup. Yeah, not real. Yeah, not real at all. But what was the allegation? Fuck, I really wanted to watch it.

believe. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. So the allegation was that he used to watch midgets, naked midgets, do algebra problems on a chalkboard that was too high for them. Which, not illegal. Yeah, not illegal at all. Just that scenario is fucking... Bro, it's unreal. It's amazing, yeah. It's such a good lie, whoever came up with that. Somehow Stephen Hawking has become more likable through this. Right, like the idea that he was on this island, somehow like rolling around in the sand. Yeah, not wheelchair accessible, but he figured it out. Yeah, taking place in these like underage orgies, it's like

Which is wrong, but there's no way that he could communicate he wanted it.

What do you mean? Like, he could be like, I don't know, that was a computer. They were typing shit in. I got hacked. I got hacked. He got hacked. By a pedophile. A pedophile hacked him. A pedophile. Jeffrey Epstein was on the fucking, on the keyboard. I was disgusted. You could see it on my face. I was like, this poor fucking guy. But unfortunately, I had to do it. Yo. Because my AI wanted to get crazy. That being said, he has a little reputation of being a wild boy. Cheating on your wife while you're that crippled. Was he that crippled the time he cheated? Yo, maybe he was raped.

Son. I don't know. Low key. Like we always put on Stephen Hawking because we hate men. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Because women hate men. Yeah, exactly. Misandrist. There's a bunch of misandrists out there. We're living in a matriarch. We're living in a matriarch. They immediately assume a man who is crippled and can't even move his eyebrows. Yeah. He literally communicates with blinking that he has the capability to not only have sex with another woman, seduce another woman. No. He can't give consent. He literally can't. Come on. He literally can't. Yeah. Yeah.

This motherfucker been getting raped. They've been rolling him around the world from rape to rape. He's been trafficked. He is the traffic, bro. He is. He's the traffic. He's been through traffic all along. Yo, he needs an apology from Virginia Gufrey. He needs an apology from Soyberg or whoever the other girl. He needs an apology for every girl on that list. Why'd y'all diddle Stephen Hawking? He didn't want to fuck y'all. He wanted to do a science experiment. Yeah.

That's all he wants. And they're rolling him into the strip club, this mutant, and forcing him to do this shit that he don't even want to do. In cargo, probably. You're not wasting first class. You're putting him in the overhead. I put him under the seat in front of me. For a victim, he got a good hit list, though. He got a pretty good hit list for a victim. He knew, though. He knew. And he was hitting for a while. I mean, how old did he get?

Oh, wait, what do you mean? Like, how old did he live to? Like, usually they go sooner if you got that. If you got fold him up into luggage disease, then they usually go. If you got a way back syndrome, you do get you do that slightly earlier. He does fold up. He's 76. He went to 76. No fucking. Yeah. Oh, that's a good 76 right there. Anyway, my point is, I think that I think that Stephen Hawking deserves an apology. One from Twitter. Right. Right.

Assuming that he would want to do something so silly as to watch midgets do math problems on a chalkboard. It was too high for them on their tippy toes. Also, if it's too high for the midgets, it's probably too high for him also. Also, midgets on their tippy toes is mad funny, bro. Getting on your tippy toes just to turn a doorknob. Getting on your tippy toes to hit a light. You saw the raccoons trying to open the door? No. Oh, man, this is far. I love all the people that just send me midget shit, bro. Because they know that's your shit now? Yeah, they know it's my shit. Are you into midgets now?

they're just funny people. I mean, they are. They are a funny group of people. And now they're leaning into it too. So it's like, now they're like making TikToks and shit. Oh, come on now. That's what it looked like when they were trying to do the math problem. Come on now. I think, I don't know. This is, this is a,

Artistic interpretation. Nah, come on. Nah, to me, Stephen Hawking shit has been crazy. Isn't it wild? Like, if something is absolutely vile and disgusting as, you know, sexual assault and rape. I hate that. If you add Stephen Hawking into it, there is some levity. Yeah, it comes real funny. It's not funny. No, no, no. It's not funny what them girls did to him. Yeah. It's not funny. Yeah. It's disgusting what they fucking did. I believe in victims.

I mean, it's disgusting what happened to those girls with other guys. Yeah, that's fucked up. But what hurt people hurt people. Clearly, they were like, oh, I'm going to get my get back. I got this jellyfish looking motherfucker. Yeah. Unplug the scooter. He's not going anywhere. Sit your ass. Oh, you ain't moving on. Back it up, Ted.

I got your fireworks. Damn. Okay, so Stephen Hawking. But besides Stephen Hawking, this shit was, I mean, pretty much everything we knew. Copperfield was also fire. Yo, Copperfield was wild. So David Copperfield, obviously a magician. We talked about him in a rant. But like, apparently he was at the house. And just to put in context with all these things. So these are court-

court documents that have been leaked. So a lot of these things are allegations about people. So it's not like, hey, we have proof that this thing happened. Somebody is accusing or alleging that this person did it. So with Stephen Hawking, basically the way that they get him to the island is in 2006, he was at the island for this academic conference. So I guess there's a bunch of other academics there. And now to be fair, in 2005, Epstein was accused of

of sex trafficking. Yeah, but he wasn't convicted. He wasn't convicted, I think, in 2008. Yeah, yeah. But still, like...

Once they put that on you- That's the first bid he did in Florida? 2008, he does the bid. Okay. 2005, he gets accused. 2006, the academic conference happens. I'm just saying, if a dude who allegedly raped an underage girl invites me to his island while there's an open case, I'm going to wait until the verdict. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Are we really researching everybody we run into, though?

But you should know if you're going to the island. I think we just researched the pedophiles. It's not wire fraud. Now, to be fair, let's just call it what it is. Before we knew all this about Epstein, right?

It kind of was the place to be. And what date? What date? What year? Meaning everybody was there. What year? The president's there. Not after 2008. Michael Jackson's there. Yep. RFK Jr.'s there. Yep. Like, everybody's there. The parties are crazy. Like, there's a lot of people that went to FC's shit back in the day that are quiet right now. Like, oh, man, I didn't know he was out here. I just thought it was the party to be at. If the president goes to a place, where do we go eat on the road, Al?

When we were on the road together, where did we go eat? Every single city. Not Epstein's Island. We went where what? Obama's favorite spot. We went where the president went. It can't be bad.

You know, lo and behold, all those spots of rape is probably by the same logic. You brought us to a bunch of barbecue joints. Obama was never on the flight. He wasn't. He wasn't. He wasn't. What I'm saying is maybe they were owned by that. That's traffic free food right there. Traffic free food. All I'm trying to say is you never know.

You do never know. Yeah. But Copperfield was there. The whole transcript is so funny with him because they're like, he was doing magic tricks. Then he leaned over and he was like, do you know that girls are trying to get other girls? And that's like the whole thing that he's in the transcript for. And I was like, why would he bring that up after doing a magic trick? I mean, because he knows why he's there. Because he knows some other shit is going on? Yeah. I was happy there was very little black people on this list.

Come on. They were happy also. Y'all weren't invited. Who were the black people on the list? I don't know if that's a good thing. Y'all make it sound like y'all aren't pedophiles. No, y'all just weren't in the circle. Yeah, you're not cool enough. What you mean we got R. Kelly? Well, Mike was there, but he was white. At the time. We waited. That's what I'm saying. We be snitching, y'all. We be snitching on R.

Y'all be snitching. Y'all be bragging. That's your problem. We can't take you to some fun shit and then you're not telling anybody. That's how I know. 20 bad bitches on an island. I didn't know where I got this from where the second I experienced some cool shit, I got to tell everybody. But it's literally just growing up with black people. Yeah.

White people like to hold shit to themselves and be secret. Is there another group of people that do that? Bridge and tunnel folks? Send them back. It's okay. I love that. We're going to talk about the Jews and their tunnels now. Tanya had a funny comment. She was like, yo, this is the worst time for Jews to be caught building tunnels. Bro, it's insane. You were accusing Hamas of tunnels this whole time.

Also, I saw, I sent y'all this video. We should play the video, but they were singing like ceasefire Christmas carols in front of the Holland Tunnel. They were blocking the Holland Tunnel. First of all,

Palestinians and anybody taking up the Palestinian cause, the last people you want supporting you are white liberals. They're going to ruin this shit for you. That is a fact. I'm telling you, they lost pretty much everybody who drives a car in New York yesterday. Yep. Literally everybody who couldn't get onto the subway, everybody who couldn't, sorry, everybody who couldn't get onto the bridge or the tunnel, they're gone. The next thing they're going to tell you, put a colored square up on your Instagram, bro. It's a wrap after that one. Look at this is singing ceasefire Christmas carols. And you took this.

This is my video. TMZ Schultz. TMZ Schultz. I've been humming this tune. I mean, the harmonies. The...

That shit goes, though. Kanye could fucking... I almost don't want to see Spire so they could keep singing, bro. Whatever prolongs this song. Spire now. I mean, that's last. That's actually a pretty good song. I mean... What do you think, though? That was pretty good. That was pretty good. You got to give it to them. What's crazy is some of those liberal whites are like... Hang glider now. Hang glider now. Hang glider now.

Hang glider now. Hang glider now. Yo, you can't do the Palestinian remix? You got to do the Hamas remix. That's on the other side of the tunnel. Yeah, they're going hang glider now. They're singing into each other. Oh, paraglider.

If you stand in the middle of that tunnel, it's so beautiful. It's just two choirs going at each other in the middle. That's really what's going to stop this war. Because America's just going to nuke the whole area so we get to stop hearing these fucking songs on our tunnels that we need to go into. Also, another thing, Palestinian protests, don't be near a tunnel.

Okay, protest a bridge, but you don't want to protest tunnel systems because it looks like you're doing reconnaissance. Okay, it looks like you really like what we got going on in that Holland Tunnel, and you're like, I think we need a little bit more structural integrity. Okay? Jewish tunnels. Jewish tunnels. Jewish tunnels. Yeah, those Jewish tunnels are ass. Holland Tunnel is a Jewish tunnel. No, that's Robert Rose's tunnel. Say again? Did you see the Jewish tunnels? Yeah, but they're all filthy. It's disgusting.

What the fuck you think? You saw this guy. I said this to you yesterday. Just the most New York shit. This guy trying to get through the tunnel while all the people are singing. And this is where the intersection between like Free Palestine and then BLM like connects. Watch this. They don't know what to do. Here we go. Nothing traffic, idiots. Can't do that. That's against the law. Yo, black people calling out the law is my favorite. He just starts shoving people. Yeah.

Cease fire now. Cease fire now. Cease fire now. And they literally just let him go through. They're just like, all right, all right, all right. He's black. It's okay. He's black. Oh, fire. There's no time.

This is how I know I'm not a New Yorker, because I just would have turned around and been like, all right, fine. You would have. Of course I would have. You definitely would have. I'm not going to get caught on camera 4K fighting the gay dude. There's no New Yorker that's not going right through that fucking line. Three honks followed by you can just drive through. Let's just be. Al, tell me this right now. That's a warning shot. Is there a single New Yorker that is letting a group of pink haired,

stop them from getting on the Williamsburg Bridge or the Brooklyn Bridge? Absolutely not. I'm surprised he didn't hit them. I would have just that slow... Slow. Just slow. You were just slow in the movie. It's like, if I hit you at five, I've hit a friend before, so... You know about that life. Wait, you hit a friend with your car? Yeah, I remember. I told this story. Yeah, you talked about it on Patreon, I think. Yeah. Oh, that was Patreon. Yeah. What happened? He tossed me like we were roughhousing outside the club, and then he...

like tossed me almost to the other side of the street and I slid and fucked up my whole fit and I was with the girl at the time and he's a big dude so you had to get that get back you had to get that get back you had him with the front or the back like the little side just tapped him so it's like I was going you know this was years ago oh my god this is bad this is a public act yo I was 19 at the time I was in there with a fake ID um

Um, that makes it better. So yeah, so I was just saying bye to everybody and he was right there. And so by accident, I gave him a little bump on my way up by accident, by accident. That's fine. That's not that crazy, bro. If the legs don't fly in the air, I think you're good. Yeah. I think I read over his toes. His shoes stay on. I think his toes hurt a few weeks.

But there was a ceasefire. There was, you know. Let's go. What's up, guys? A few new shows were announced for the Life Tour. This week in Boston, we added a third show. We added a fourth show in San Francisco. We added a second show in Phoenix.

And also we are coming to Austin to play the arena down there, the Moody Center. Go get those tickets right now, dandrushowls.com. More cities, more shows are available on the website as well. Go there, check it out. Thank you guys so much. I'll see you there. Peace. Anyway, anybody else that we saw on this list? Copperfield. Oh, yeah, we're going to get to the Jewish tunnels in a second. That's a pretty good tunnel. But like the Copperfield is on it. Who else is on it?

Hawking, I guess, was on it because Epstein heard there was a rumor that Hawking was involved in an underage orgy. And then he was paying people to discredit the rumor. So that's why Hawking was brought into it. And then besides that, it's like Prince Andrew. And... RFK already talked about it. RFK being there is wild. I mean, I had the joke in the monologue, but like, RFK being there is wild. It's...

It's interesting. There wasn't enough bangers on the list, and I think they're waiting for the second drop. Apparently, there's going to be a bunch more. Yeah. And one rumor is, and of course, this is going to end up not being true, and it's going to be boring like this, but there's sex tapes. I want to see the sex tapes so bad, bro. Bro. No, you don't. 100%. It's kids. Yeah, it's rape. Yeah, you don't want to see it. Oh, damn it. Yeah, you don't. We keeping that in. Yeah, we are. No.

I forgot that part. I forgot that part. Can I be honest with you? I forgot that part. Before he said that, I was about to say that too. I forgot the kid part. The second you said his kids, I was like, oh, this guy crazy. This guy absolutely crazy. Why didn't you say that before I said my thing? I forgot. Mark's pleasant playing the video.

I forgot the bad part. I thought it was just him banging chicks. Nah, you wanted to see Bill Clinton's in the second, bro. I do. That's the thing. I want to see Bill Clinton's stroke game, but not if it's with kids. You can see it before the kid. You can have no kid. Stop it. What do you mean? You can't. As long as there's no kid? I don't want to see that. I don't want to see that. If it's him with another consenting adult. You already said you wanted to see it, you fucking creep. You don't know which one I was talking about. Which one were you talking about? The one with him and a 23-year-old.

Come on, bro. Bill Clinton not doing that old nonsense. He's not dealing with these geriatric bitches' knees all crunchy. Yo, Clinton likes him young. Yeah, that's a wild bar. What does that mean, though? See?

Yeah. Because he's, how old is he at the time? This is how much I like Bill Clinton. I'm like, what's he young, really? 30 is young for Bill Clinton. Yeah. Bro, Clinton might be the most likable human being of all time. Yeah, he's out there. Just so many bodies connected with him. And for some reason, my brain is still trying to be like, yeah, but he ain't really, he ain't really doing nothing crazy. This is how much everyone loves Clinton, is that like, he does a bunch of fucked up shit and everyone's like, yo, fuck Hillary. Bro, bro, son, son, son.

Clinton got the accusations, right? He got underage. Yeah, I can't say too loud. He got sloppy toppy. He got the island accusations. He got a picture of him in Epstein's house, a painting, right? Yeah.

Well, he does have one, doesn't he? It was George Bush and him. Epstein had that of him. Yeah, Epstein has it. So he's intimately involved in this. But just bring out that saxophone, my dude. And I still hate Hillary more. Yeah, it's not wild. And I'll be bringing up shit that I don't even know. I'll be like, Libya. I don't know where that is. Because Libya. Yeah, what is a Libya? It's like the email. What about Libya? Fucking email. This bitch with her server. Pizzagate. Also that. Say Pizzagate. Yeah.

I remember there was a there was, you know, the Daily Show. There was the nightly show. Remember the day. So basically, there was the nightly show that would come on after the Daily Show. And I remember I was going to do like a audition for one of the correspondents or some shit. They brought me in there.

And I was just, you know, it's a liberal ass show, but I was like just running amok. I was like, yeah, fuck Hillary. And then they're like, yeah, but why don't you like Hillary? And I was like, Libya? And I said that in front of a studio audience and three other people. And I looked at this bitch's face. I was like, you better not ask me what the fuck Libya is. My information is done after the word Libya. Do y'all even know what happened in Libya? Benghazi.

That's a nice little buzzword. Don't ask me anything else, bro. Don't ask me. Son, we got buzzwords for days. Yeah. Son, the email. We got buzzwords for days. House was burned down. Yeah. Nah, the emails, bro. Yeah, the emails. Where are the emails? Come on. Yep. And she hid the fact that Bill was a rapist even though he didn't do that. Come on. How dare. Why was she hiding that? How dare you hide the fact that your husband's a rapist?

Even though he didn't do it. You got to hold it down even though your husband ain't do it. He still got to hold it down, bro. Yeah, that's kind of respect. Ride or die. Come on, man. Fuck Hillary. Free Bill. Yo, free Bill. He's free, I think. But free him even more. Apparently he's hiding out in Mexico right now. Is he really? Mm-hmm. Why Mexico? They need to secure the border, bro. There's too many Americans that are going down to Mexico, fleeing away. If I'm Mexico, I'd be like, yo, we don't want your pedophiles. Don't send them over here.

They got to lock up the border. You're fucking disgusting. What? You're fucking disgusting. We're not sending our best. We should send you. We're not sending our best. Oh, I want to see that underage porn video. I can't wait. I didn't say that. You did say that. You're like, I can't wait for those videos to drop. I did not say that. That's fucking gross, dude. I'm saying, dude, we're not sending our best. We're sending bad hombres down to Mexico.

Stop it. Stop it. I see what you're trying to do. Play that shit again. Play that shit again right now. We don't have this replay on the pod. Since when have we had this replay? We don't have that feature. I want to see the sex tape so bad, bro. Bro. You is so hyped.

I forgot the bad part. Nah, bro. You need to stop, Mark. You need to fuck that shit up. This is serious, bro. We're not talking about Stephen Hawking anymore. Okay? Are y'all on the nootropics? Y'all didn't even get me a nootropic? Nah, this is Herbamonte.

Oh. Yo, Shifty, don't laugh it out, man. I was a cultured individual, bro. Let him live. I get up on white shit like that's five years old, and now it's like, oh, this is a shit. Yeah. No, we're on this other one. I almost made fun of you for the same boots I complimented yesterday. I had to stop myself. I literally liked the boots, but I had something lined up, and I was like, ah, it's phony. I would have respected it, though, if the jokes were out. It wasn't no joke. No.

I'll wait for brilliant idiots. Okay. All right. So we got Jew tunnels. We got, this is a lot of good stuff going on today. We got Jew tunnels. So basically what happens in Brooklyn, the Chabad Hasidic Jews are basically creating a tunnel system that connects synagogues.

It's like two synagogues connected into one on one block that they connected to a woman's ritual bath place. That's abandoned. You didn't have to put ritual in there. That's how I know you, little anti-Semitic. You just throwing in a little ritual. Like a blood libel kind of spot where they bathe in blood, I'm pretty sure, under the ground. That's what I read. Ritual is crazy because you could have just said bath. But it's not a bath place. They do it for cleansing. Rituals? Yeah. Sacrifices? It's not just like a bathhouse.

It's like a ritual place where they go do religious ceremonies. There's a place you can send your bitch when she's on a period? That's what it is, bro. What is it, mikvah? That's why they're building tunnels for this shit. Be purified. Yes. Open that shit back up. Low key, they're doing the neighborhood of service. Yeah. And New York City is shutting them down. They literally have a layer that they could keep perioded women.

For that week to stop ruining the community, they're doing the community a service. Imagine what that person who's just selling fresh challah on a Monday has to deal with when he's got a mom of 17 with 14 different strollers pushing it down the street. She needs to get her fresh challah and she's giving him all the attitude because she's just bleeding like a faucet. What should she do? What should he do with her? You put her under

Yeah.

That is a great video. Jimmy, get on it. Yeah, that's a video, dude. Jimmy, you got to go underground with these bitches. I can't last that one. It's an hour. He's like, I'm out. All I'm saying is if we get, that's why they're fighting the cops. You see how hard they're fighting the cops? They're like, don't let my wife up. Don't let her up. She has three more days. I mean, yeah, this one is crazy. Nah, bro. Do not. That's it. Do not let my wife up.

You keep her down there. Yo, send them back to Israel. Yo, that's great. Look at my mans. This is like a zombie horde. Yo, what's that movie? World War Z. World War, yeah. This is World War Z. World War J, dude. I mean, imagine a zombie horde of Hasidic Jews.

Holy shit, someone bring out a strip of bacon to pause that shit immediately. That's like vampire scarlet, bro. They should have done that, actually. The crazy part is no one got in serious trouble. Just a couple of fines, a couple of misdemeanors. They're pushing the cops. I mean, they're going to be in trouble when they got to deal with their wife for the next three fucking days. And if you notice, every mattress they brought out was soaked with red blood. Why is that? Mm.

Because that's where they put them. This is a period center. This is a fantastic idea. I don't see a single woman. I don't see a single woman. This is where the extremists were trying to find their own other prayer room, and they use an abandoned mikvah to do so. And I say, those extremists, toss them out. I don't like that you call them extremists. Why is it extreme? I don't like that you call them extremists. Why is building a tunnel extreme?

Wait, wait, I feel like you're setting him up for something. That's not set up here at all. I feel like you're fucking setting him up. Extreme my dick on you. Put that back on him. Put that back on him. Let him apologize for that. Now I understand why your dad was upset. Now I understand. If it was jokes like that coming out, I feel calm. I wasn't doing it right. Big...

What was that? No, you gave him a big little one. I actually don't understand. Why is this extremism to build a tunnel to a thing? Like it might be unsafe, but why is it extreme? Yeah, I think it's for a small little group. Yo, yo, take your wind, son. You got him to hate Jews for at least a minute. I'm not mad.

Take your victory, brother. I'm genuinely curious. Take your victory. We should all hate. You turned him against his people. We should all hate. We should all sacrifice a couple percent of all our grief. Y'all asking for too much. You know what you're up? Now you're the Palestinians in front of Holland Tunnel. You went too far. We all went too far. We all got to sacrifice a couple percent. Please, tunnel, now.

Seas tunnel now. Seas tunnel now. Seas tunnel. That shit slaps. That's a Kanye song right there. All right, so Dove Hates Jews, moving on. Mm-hmm.

Listen, shout out to Chabad Lubavitch. Thank you for always trying to wish me happy Hanukkah. I appreciate y'all. They already tweeted thanking the NYPD for helping them. See? Shout out to Chabad Lubavitch. Y'all know what you're doing, man. Do you know how they found him? How they found out the tunnel existed? A cheese trap?

Wait, wait, wait. Come on. I was going to say. Come on. That's good. I just wonder, how does it come so quick? How does that come so quick? That's a little racist that it comes that quick for you. I don't know. Why do you have that just in the chamber? I don't know. Maybe I'm a fucking detective. Maybe that's why. Maybe I'm Axel Foley. Maybe you've got real life Axel Foley in front of you right now. You need to appreciate it. Come on, Miles. Top me on the racism. Miles can't wait to get in. Miles cannot wait to get in.

Call me a coach. Okay. Great mouse detective. But I said great mouse. Fucking miles. It only works for blacks. Speaking of my new favorite college football player. Oh, yes. Everybody's favorite.

Here we go, Miles. Miles, it is your chance right now. Can you tell us about your new favorite college football player? One free shot, dude. What is his name? Noah. And what is his last name? I don't know. You know it right there. It says it right there. You can read it. It's right there. Miles, this is your segment. I can't read anymore. Miles, this is your job. No, I could never. It's your job. You've got to perform your job duties. What's this guy's name? I don't know. I don't know.

I'm not doing it. Not even close. Oh, I can't wait until he makes it to the league. This is going to be so good. So fucking good. I mean, is he good enough to make it to the league? I hope so. They got to sabotage this shit like they did that gay guy. Nah. Who's the gay football player? Oh, yeah.

I think he was on the Rams, right? I think he went to Missouri. Carl Nassim? No, no, he was in it. Carl was in it. There was one guy. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Dino Carl. Yeah, yeah. Carl. Page's ex. Michael Sam. Page turned him. Why are you going to do that? No, I'm not doing anything. Yes, Michael Sam. You've got to be gay if you've got two first male names. You know what I mean? That's super gay already. That's a good point. Two first names is wild.

Yeah. Anyway. But let me find some highlights. Shout out to Noah Nigger. That's my guy right there, son. It's not how you say it. It's Kuh. Nigger. That's what it is. That was actually cool how we did that. You enjoyed that. Noah Kuh. Nigger. Noah Kuh. Nigger. Noah Kuh. Nigger. Come on, son. I think he's making it to the league, bro. Let's go. Come on, Nigger, go. All right. Let's see it. Come on, Nigger, run. Oh, God.

That was assault. Oh, I loved it. Wait, why is that assault? He should be arrested for that. He's a white guy. What? He's white. Oh. Yeah, I know. Well, why would he have such an accurate name? Because he's really good. Oh. Oh, got it, got it, got it, got it. Flag in a play. Flag in a play.

Yeah, I don't know. Apparently he's a two-sport athlete. He plays basketball and football. Come on, man. Shocking. Come on, Deion. Are you telling me? I can't do it. I can't. What? I can't. You're setting me up for things. I'm not setting you up, dude. I feel like you're genuinely... I have trust. You're not looking out for me at all. 6'2", 208. Big guy. Should we give him a flagrant NIL sponsorship? Immediately. If he makes it? We have to sponsor him. 6'2", 208 is not that big. Junior in high school.

I guess a little bit. We absolutely should get him on the pod and have him just say his name over and over again while staring. Nope.

I think you're editing yourself now. I got to save Miles' time, bro. I got to save Miles' time. Also, very important that I bring to everyone's attention the Akash Singh locks. I know Akash is not here right now. He's on tour in Europe, but he still has his locks for you because I know that y'all are relying on those Singh locks to make some money. So what he's doing is he's going with C.D. Lamb. More.

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Follow those same locks. You could make that money if you believe in the Cowboys. Let's see. Also, I got to shout out Skyler C for being the winner of two tickets to an NFL playoff game with flights and hotels included. Thanks to PrizePix Skyler C. Shout out to you. Okay. Congratulations. Make sure you go to PrizePix.com. Use that promo code SHULTS. Let's get back to the show. Okay. Come on. Can we be serious? Let's start the pod. Can we talk about how Cat Williams...

Oh, the greatest. Is not only one of the greatest comedians of all time, incredibly hilarious, but he is without a doubt the greatest marketer in the history of comedy.

Whoa. Cat Williams went on one podcast. I guess it like went on one podcast, did one interview and sold out his next tour two or three times over. I bet I would put any amount of money down that he has a new tour that's either on sale or coming up and that he's adding shows left and right. Because after watching that.

You're like, I just need to watch more of this guy's most entertaining talk of our life. Yes. And is he making shit up left and right? Is he saying some shit that's true left and right? Sure. But when you mix truth and made up, what did we learn from the Epstein? It's entertaining. It's very entertaining, but I think it's all facts.

All facts? All facts. You think, and we might have discussed this on Patreon, you think that Harvey Weinstein said to him, if you let me suck your dick, I'll put you in my movie. Yes. You think he read eight books a day from the age of six to ten? We saw him run the 440. We saw him. Well, that's different than reading eight books a day. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter. You prove one thing. That's where you're wrong, actually. It doesn't matter. Everything is true. That's all you got to do. It's true. And if you disprove one thing, everything is false. Exactly. So you never know what is true and what is false. Not a single lawsuit. He made mad claims. Nobody's suing him. Let me ask you this question. If he's coming to New York, are we going to the show? A million times. Absolutely. I'm front row. Are we the only people thinking this? No, I'm bringing Noah Nigger with me, bro. Come on.

The front row. You forgetting the K, bro. He got to spell his name with three Ks. That's part of the sponsorship, Doug. Yeah, unfortunately. Put that in the sponsorship deal. Okay. I'm just saying, like, what a genius way. If, for example, you already are not, like...

On the up and up with some of these people, let's say they're your enemies. Let's say you're no longer friends with them. You're no longer doing business with them. I think the reason why, again, I'm not exactly sure, but if you don't like some of these people already, you don't fuck with them. They don't fuck with you. You don't have anything to lose by saying these things, right? You could lose potential future relationships with them. But if you don't give a fuck about that, then you're good to go. Mm hmm.

It's an interesting approach. It's a very hip hop approach when you think about it. It's like Drake drops the album. There's shots at a bunch of different people.

Now all of a sudden you're like, oh, is he talking about Kendrick? Oh, is he talking about J. Cole? Oh, is he talking about the whole world's talking about it? Now we know the album's coming out. Maybe we know the tour's coming out. It's a hip-hop blueprint. And it's, I think, an even hit harder than hip-hop because comedy has this code where you guys don't do this. Don't even talk about one another. So now he's the one person that's just lighting it up. Going after it. And he didn't even go lightly. He went hard. He went hard. Nuclear. Nuclear.

So y'all got to stop with this little code y'all got and just start shooting. 2024, all y'all just got to start shooting. Mark, just tear him down. I mean, look at this. Yeah, so he's got a bunch of dates. He's doing these arenas. These first couple are pretty much sold out, which is cool. Wow. I mean, you're crazy if you don't go see what he got to talk about. My question is, like, how much of his material did he already say on the pod? Or is he just riffing the whole time?

Because some of the things he had set up were like jokes. Yeah. So I'm like, some of this got to be- I think definitely in the beginning. Like he had stuff he wanted to say. He was prepared to say like that first 30 minutes. Shannon didn't talk the first 30 minutes. He's like, I got shit. He had all these questions and he was just going. Yeah, I love how Shannon got the cards, bro. Oh, that's awesome. And then-

What's his face is looking at the cats looking at the cars. You don't even need those, my man. I got this. You sit back, relax and enjoy the show. I mean, he went on there with an agenda and the world was mesmerized. I mean, it's all anybody talked about the same day. Stephen Hawking was having underage orgies and people like, yeah, that's cool. But what is Kat saying about Michael Blackson? Yeah, like unbelievable. Thirty eight million steam cover up. So.

So, you think he was paid? Speak on it, Al. Come on, Tom. Speak on it, Al. Every time there's some Epstein news, something big happens to overshadow it. Yo, speak on it. They paid Kat.

Wow. They paid Kat. Wow. To cover it up. Yeah. Wow. To cover it up. So RFK, Talking, RIP, Billy, Copperfield, they're like, yo, we need to take off the pressure. How do we do it? Kat Williams. The only one. Wow. I'm a side. Yeah. I mean, it is crazy. 40 million views in a week. Unbelievable. Yeah.

And I'm going to the show. When he's in New York, I'm going to the show. How can you not? His story is insane. The whole going to Miami thing, that whole breakdown, I didn't know any of that. And it blew my mind. Going to jail, having a kid young, all that shit is fascinating. Some of the shots, my only thing is it is just a lot of negativity. All right, let's go through the highlights. First off, did you see that he's now going on the road apparently with Kevin Hart's ex? Did you see this? Nah, this guy's crazy.

No, no, that's crazy. Crazy. Because Kev's ex does stand up. Oh, she does? Yeah, his first wife, I believe, does stand up. Oh. And Tori Hart, is that her name? I think so. Yo, taking Kev's ex on the road is crazy, bro.

Nah, you can't do that. Also, if you kept ex, you can't do that. No, no, no. You got to leave the wives out of it, man. That's what I'm saying. But he already brought the wives into it. He was talking about people's wives on the pot. Wait, pull her up. Does she keep the last name, though? If you divorce, nah. Because the last name is he. That's what I'm saying. You got to negotiate that in divorce. You keep the house, I want my name. Yeah.

I do know women that keep their husband's last name even after divorce just because if they have kids. Well, kids, that's true. But also, it's just such a pain in the ass to like you got to go to the DMV to switch your license. Your insurance is like all this shit. And you a single mom?

I don't know exactly if this is true. This is just what's being reported. I'm assuming this is from her Instagram. No, you can't do this. So she's doing a couple select dates on his new tour. No, you can't do this. I'm sorry. Dirty business over here. That's too... That's wild. Devil's advocate, why not? If she's just a comic... If she's not just a comic, she's the ex of the guy he's taking shots at. I mean... So there are a couple ways to look at it. One, is it a device used by Cat Williams to...

to annoy or embarrass or humiliate your ex-husband? And if that is the case, are you okay with potentially aiding and abetting the humiliation of your ex-husband so that you could further your comedy career? Because I'm sure if she was like, listen, he's offering me these things. I don't want to take it. Is there anything else? I bet Kev would be like, yo, come on the road with me.

You know what I mean? Actually, I don't know. But yeah, man, that ex-wife on the road is crazy. But like, you call up one of your boys, you be like, yo, Earthquake, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, going on a road with your nemesis, someone who's been talking shit about you for a minute that you're openly beefing with. That's some hip-hop shit, though. Because rappers be doing that. That's some gangster-ass shit. They go with their enemy's ex. That's the Jay-Z Nas thing, right? Hmm. But yeah, so he just like goes at everyone. Faison Love, P. Diddy, Martin Lawrence. Yeah.

Not a single person sued him. It's all facts. It's all facts. He went on an earthquake. It's just like a lot of, I don't know. That is the thing. It's like if you're a comedian, you can't sue when another comedian makes fun of you or says you. You got to come back with jokes. Kevin Hart sued Tasha Kay. But Tasha Kay not a comedian.

What I'm saying is another comic's coming at you. That's why I was annoyed by the Jimmy Kimmel shit. It's like Jimmy Kimmel made jokes about Aaron Rodgers. He joked about it. And then Aaron Rodgers made a joke about Jimmy Kimmel. And then Jimmy Kimmel's like, how dare you? You're threatening my livelihood, my family. I'm going to sue you. It's like, no. You open a can of worms, close it with jokes.

You could ridicule him with jokes to the point where he's like, I don't want to mess with this guy. This guy problem. But if you start it, you can't be upset if somebody tries to finish it. And he threw a jab back. So I think it's disappointing. You're like, first of all, Jimmy, like has insanely funny history, like in terms of comedy, like literally an icon growing up. The earlier stuff you saw of Jimmy was incredible. And then to see somebody you look up to like that.

It's corny. Yeah, like basically going, if Miles is calling you corny, that shit hits different. I love you, but that shit hits different. The jokes were easy, too. He's saying, like, I'm going to find him on the list, whatever. Easy. I don't know. I just thought that Jimmy really could have came back at him easy. Yo, Aaron didn't even say he was going to find him on the list. He said he doesn't want it to come out. He's going to pop champagne. You say, yo, you can't pop champagne this year. You're not playing. Like, it's easy. Bro. I don't know.

- Got it right for him. - Yeah, you got it right for-- - I should hit him up.

Now, Jimmy, I guess Jimmy's argument was initially making fun of Aaron was that Aaron was saying that the aliens was a distraction from the Epstein list, right? Whether he believes that or not doesn't really matter. Once you call someone a tinfoil hat conspiracy weirdo, he has the right to make fun of you. Yeah. Like, I don't know. You just want to see a comedian come back with jokes, bro. Yeah.

And we're still holding Jimmy to that level of accountability as a comedian. If you just want to be show host, maybe we don't. But we see you as a comedian. Does he still go up? I don't think he goes up. He owns a comedy club. I mean, like, he's... He doesn't go up, though. I don't even know if he was a stand-up, really. He was doing sketch. Yeah. Pranks. Man shows. Man shows are incredible. Like, he has some, like, incredible work. Yeah. And...

But if he's not a comic, you're kind of holding him up to comic standards. I still do because if I found you hilarious, I know what you're capable of. So that's where I hold you. It's like with Eddie Murphy. It's like even if he never gets back on stage again, I'm always going to hold him to the standard of where he was on stage. Yeah, I get that. And it just can't be legal action. That's the only thing. Yo, legal action? It's crazy. Who's suing for jokes when you started it? Yeah. Yo, your shirt sucks. You go, yo, Schultz, get longer pants.

How dare... No, I'm saying, Dub, sue Al. Call a lawyer. How dare he say something... You want to sue him yourself? Sue him. You sue him. What the fuck? Why are you bringing Dub into this? Get out of the tunnel, Dub. What the hell? Get out of the tunnel. You sue him. Yeah. Damn. Yeah, it's just a... I don't know. So the whole lawsuit thing with Kat...

I don't know if that's like the move. If anyone were to sue him back, it would just look crazy. Did anybody handle it the best? But I mean, some of the accusations like Keegan, I don't know if Cedric still goes up on stage, but if you're basically saying, hey, you're not funny and you steal all your shit, who's going to Cedric show?

I feel like that's something warranted where it's like, no, no, no, I need to clear that up because that's going to hurt ticket sales. That's going to hurt my reputation. So that's something that if he said I'm coming back legally, I would respect it. That's a good point because it could actually affect his livelihood. But what if you could come back and clown him in a way that-

We'll reverse any of that damage. That would be better. Yeah. But if he don't got nobody writing his comeback. So now you're saying. You crazy, bro. He's not a comedian. You can sue him. Yeah. Sue his ass. No, no, no. Sue the show. No. Jesus Christ. These motherfuckers. He's dragging you down the ship. We got representation. Anyway, yeah. I'm just like.

But I think Cat's talented enough and funny enough that I feel like he could sell out a tour without having to be taking people down. He's undeniably one of the most talented and hilarious comedians ever. That being said, this works. Yeah. And sometimes when something works, it's hard to change. Like there are rappers that are, Drake is talented enough to not mention another rapper ever once in his music, ever. Mm-hmm.

But when he does it, it works. When we start talking, we think about the rival, we think about the beef. So, yeah, it's one of those tricky things. Talent might not mean that you'll just rely on that or find some other creative way to get the attention that you want. Do you think this is going to start a trend of people promoting their shows by... Shitting on one another? Yeah. Usually you see it with more desperate comics.

You know what I mean? Like, Cat, to me, is not desperate. Like you said, he's a fucking genius, and he's been doing this for fucking decades. But, like, usually you see with comics that are, like, they're struggling for relevance, or they either lost relevance, or—and it's not just comics. It's pretty much any industry. Or they're really resentful that other people that they think they're funnier than have success. Mm-hmm.

And that resentment or bitterness kind of comes out through that criticism. You know, and they're like, oh, yeah, these people are only on or these people only doing this because of this thing that they don't do. And but it's rare to see somebody at this level to take those shots. Unless you in hip hop and the highest level is who's taking the shots. Right. You might even argue that it happens more at that level. You know what I mean? Because at the lower level, who you gonna beef with, Drake? They don't even know your name. Yeah. So...

Yeah, I don't know. It's fascinating to see. I do think the person that handled it best was Joe. Joe killed it. He's like, we love you. We talk about you on the show all the time. I'd love to have you on the show. Because Cat was like, yeah, he doesn't want me on his show. And he could have been defensive. Not defensive at all. He's like, I love you. I want to have you on the show. Yeah, come on. And that would be... He saw those numbers. Amazing. I'm sure he probably did beforehand, but after seeing that, who doesn't want Cat on the show? But he's always spoken highly of Cat. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, Kat's just got some iconic specials. That's the thing. Like, Kat, I think Kat is maybe in his head, he sees himself as like a street dude comic and real for the streets and blah, blah, blah. But, like, I think Kat has crossed over to mainstream with stand-up.

Like only maybe a handful of other comedies that came up in this in the strictly black circuit in history. Like, I don't know a white person that hasn't loved it's pimping, pimping or what's the other one? Hustle. Every day. Like Pim Chronicles, American Hustle. It was like mandatory viewing. Yeah. So I'm just like, I wonder if his perception of his fame is actually skewed.

Maybe he doesn't realize how much he's actually crossed over and how much white people, brown people fuck with him. Possibly. But he also is just acting like a comic because you guys are some of the most competitive motherfuckers alive. And sensitive. And sensitive. So if you combine those two things, competitiveness and sensitiveness, oh my God. Yeah. And ego sometimes, like that shit is crazy. Yeah. So he's just kind of just,

talking I think the way like sometimes comics might talk in like a green room with some shit like that but he's just doing it publicly he's just airing it out but he's so calculated he's so smart he knows what he's doing that's the thing like oh yeah he absolutely knew yeah he was right there's a couple times he chuckled to himself dirty he's like oh I'm the greatest dude this shit was gonna go crazy

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A lot of reactivity online. Joe, not very proud of his performance. Did you see him on Good Morning America? No. And they were asking him about it? I read some of his comments. I don't know. Not very happy about it. Thoughts on the whole thing? Did you guys, we all watched it. Yeah, we watched it. I mean, tough. To take it on 10 days for that audience is like...

It's kind of a nightmare situation. Also, following arguably the best version of that ever. Yeah, Ricky killing it. Ricky. Yeah. That's the expectation. Okay, Al, thoughts? I don't know why any comedian wants to do that, bro. So that's an interesting one right there, too. Like, it's an incredibly difficult job to win at, right?

You're performing in front of quite possibly the worst crowd to perform in front of, meaning everybody there is already pretty self-absorbed. I mean, they're actors or filmmakers. They're artists. Artists, we are self-absorbed. We're part of this ilk. Not only that, they're acutely aware that the cameras are on them.

So, Timothee Chalamet and the Jenner girl- Kylie. Kylie Jenner having this moment where she's fixing a tie. Both of them know that there's a camera right here and they're playing up how cute they could possibly be. Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez and the other girl gossiping all together. But they know, everybody is aware that the camera's on them. Nothing's candid about the situation. So, you have to snap them out of their own head, which is I'm being watched.

We've all had a conversation in front of cameras, right? Have you ever had one where like,

It's like, for example, an interview right after a fight or something like that where the camera is a guy holding it right here. And then the interviewer is trying to have like a normal conversation with you. Or like vloggers will do this. Yeah, there's a giant light on the shit. I remember the first time I think it was Mike Malak came over. Mike Malak came over for, it was like a Super Bowl. This is when we were back in Miami. And he started having a normal conversation while his buddy was like filming. And I was like, what's going on right now? And I was like, oh yeah, this is what vlogging is essentially. Right.

When we're doing it on the road, it feels less uncomfortable because we're talking to the camera guy. It's intentional. Chifty, hey. Bala, hey. But this was, what I'm saying is it creates a very uncomfortable environment. Okay? Now, how do you win in that room? What did fucking Ricky do so well?

He opens up by saying, I don't want to be here. I don't give a fuck. I don't care about this. I literally don't. I have my beer half drink up here. This is not a big deal for me. And then he patronizingly says, guys, these are jokes. I know you're self-absorbed actors that take yourselves way too seriously, but these are jokes. So he's already going, we're at school. You guys are the children. Yeah. And.

And we believe him when he says it. And we believe him when he says it. And he don't got to give a fuck. He made all the money. He got the hit shows. He got the huge tour. And he goes out there and...

He doesn't give a fuck, which is intoxicating to people in Hollywood because they give so much of a fuck. They want it so badly. Especially on that night. That night they're auditioning for their next movie and their next movie after that. And there's an award on the line and their clients have an award and everyone's thinking about that. They've worked their whole life for this. They're not worried about your stupid little jokes. They're like, get it out of the way. Did I win? Did I win? Did I win?

Or did the movie I'm in win, and then I can get this other thing. They're trying to schmooze with the director that they might have had a connection with. They're like, ooh, when that director goes to the bathroom, I'm also going to the bathroom, and I'm going to go meet him, and my agent's going to... The whole thing I'm imagining is this networking moment that they believe is going to change their whole fucking lives. Dope. Dope would love that shit. Oh, he's a master. He'd be a master. Dope would love that shit. That just sounds like the... So...

What Ricky did great was he goes, all of you guys care about this? I don't give a fuck. And y'all know I don't have to give a fuck. And I'm going to make fun of your asses. And when you don't react, I don't give a fuck equally. And if you watch that, he doesn't care when the jokes don't get the reaction that they do deserve. The jokes are great. Yeah. And

And I think what happened with Joe is and even from Joe coming on the pod and talking about, I think he really did care. And he talked about it was an important moment for him and his family and everything that he worked for and everything he came from to be there for that moment. And then when he started to get maybe the reaction that most most hoped most most hosts get, I think it rattled him a little bit because it wasn't.

The massive laughs that he's used to. Yeah, he's used to killing in an arena. Exactly. Whereas Ricky's like, I know what this fucking room is going to be. I know that they're going to groan. I know that they're going to be pussies. And then eventually I'm going to bowl them over. Is it also the fourth time Ricky hosted? Fifth time? Fourth or fifth, yeah. And I think that he reacted to that lack of reaction. You could tell that he really wanted to win and succeed in that moment. Whereas Ricky wanted to, it felt like he wanted to troll him a bit. And I think that's the best position to be in as the host.

You got to want to make them grown. You got to want to make them uncomfortable. That's the win. It's almost for us as an audience. We like to see them squirm. We want to see the closeup of Tom Hanks, which we all love feeling a little uncomfortable about a joke. We fucking love that. Yeah. And, um,

along with just, you know, you gotta have like amazing jokes that let them know you don't care if they like you or not. And they react to that. That's the big thing. Like, you gotta not want to be in Hollywood because those jokes actually might cut deep and somebody be like, yo, fuck that guy forever. You're making fun of this director and he's like, all right, well, you don't need to be in my movies anymore. Now the guy who goes, I don't care if I'm in your movies or not, that director's gonna go, I kind of

I want to work with that guy. Yeah. So, yeah. I think you either need that if you're a comic or you just get like a TV dude that's like,

a regular kind of milquetoast host that's gonna like make some cutesy jokes and just let it be that exactly yeah yeah that's not gonna slap no but if you're a tv guy you don't need to necessarily be funny you just need to like make a fun environment oh okay yeah you can do with music because i think they did that once with the oxers there was like a lot of songs or something like i see chris like yeah tight person like that yeah or you

There's different ways, I think, to do it, but the expectation will definitely change. But I think when you have a comic up there, now you have the expectation it's going to be really funny. When you have a non-funny person up there reading a prompter and it's a little bit funny, you give it a little bit more. Ah, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. You know what I mean? It's like a fat person dancing. Like, if they've got some coordination, you're like, oh, look at this fat piece of shit, right? A girl hits a three-pointer, you're like,

How'd she do it? That's awesome. She did her little step in. Like a midget grabbing something. Yeah. He's like, good job. Like a raccoon. Yeah. So, yeah, it's a tough situation to win. A certain style is definitely going to work for it. Like, Joe is so charming on stage. That room, they don't want you to charm them. Yeah.

They don't want it. They're like, we do the charming. We are the likable ones. This is about a, you don't need to charm us. And Ricky was like, I'm not going to charm you. I'm going to fucking roast you all into oblivion. And then they start laughing because they're like, well, I don't want to be the one that doesn't get the jokes.

They're all still in their head about how they're being perceived. And then once the jokes are about them, they're going, well, if I don't laugh, I look like the person that doesn't have a good sense of humor and isn't willing to laugh at myself. I better start laughing. Yeah. But if you do laugh and you're the only person that's laughing, then it's like, wait, am I condoning something that I'm gonna look crazy for?

Hollywood is a race to be second. That's what they say about everything, with movies, with TV shows, but also with reacting to the comic that's on there. So I think Joe's beating himself up about it. Was it Joe's best performance? No. But maybe now...

Maybe now he knows how to win that environment. Or maybe he's like, that's not how I want to win it. You know, maybe that's not the thing that I want to do with my skill set. You know? And it's probably even harder for him seeing the reception online.

Because like, you know, most of his stuff he's playing to his fans. His comedy is great. So he's like, I don't think he's probably ever had to have public. To deal with the masses like that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's used to performing for, you know, 10,000, 15,000 people every single night and destroying. Exactly. Yeah. So that shit has to be rough. And you're in front of people you fucking admire. Like, it's also hard. I can imagine literally him talking about his mom loving Meryl Streep. You don't think that that's playing in his head? No.

Like, there's part of it that's like, holy shit, this woman is, my mother looks up to this woman so much. I've created a deity out of her. Yeah. And now I'm in this kind of awkward situation. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And then also, like, the mix. Like, this is something Cassetta pointed out. Like, the mix from the room and how we actually hear it. The structure of the room is actually important to that point. Yeah, that also. Everyone in that lower basin, it's intense.

Not a list. It's the A plus list. And they get one guest to be with them in the back. Second layer of that's it's at the Beverly Hilton. It's a mix of like young, younger agents, people on the team, studio executives, HFPA and their their guests. There's like a it just gets busier back there. So you hear the laughs more in the back. But everyone in the front knows that their potential victim. But also like those first few jokes got a slap.

Those first few jokes got a tone, set a tone. They got a bite and they got to let you know. Like I think Ricky's first joke was something about Felicity Huffman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My license plate said something. Felicity Huffman actually made it. Felicity Huffman is an actress that's in jail because of that college admission scandal. Yeah. So justice. Yeah. Justice. But but he set a tone like, first of all.

I'm going at y'all. She's not here. So we can laugh a little bit, but it's going to be for you too. So get ready. And yeah, you just got to go immediately. Calling them all pedophiles, like right up top. Right up top. He's like, call that Jim Gaffigan did that. Yeah, I like Gaffigan. Oh, that's great. So it's like, you got to go right. And honestly, maybe treat it like prison. Like go at the top dog. Who's top dog?

Is it Tom Hanks? At your head. If Tom Hanks is laughing, we all fucking do it. Or if he's there and upset, I'm not, you know it's going to come to you as well. Yeah. You know, if it's, what's the guy that made Oppenheimer? Chris Nolan. Nolan. Christopher Nolan. Love Christopher Nolan. But that movie was an atrocity. Well. Ah!

I'm just saying, it's like the fact that that like it has all the things that should make it good. It has Christopher Nolan, my favorite director ever. It has Cillian Murphy, one of the best actors alive. It has Robert Downey Jr., one of the other best actors alive. Like everything should be good here. But you watch it and you would rather be in Japan. Yeah.

during the explosion of those nukes than watching this movie. You really hate it that much? This is so crazy. I was envious of the people in Nagasaki. I was envious. I don't know if that's true. I'm being honest. I was watching that movie. I was like, oh, if I could only be in Nagasaki or Hiroshima right now. Can you imagine Andrew delivering that joke right there on stage? Now, here's the thing. It would have to be a real good joke. I'm trying to think, what do you say to Nolan

God, I don't know. And these guys, I mean, it's their art. They're taking it so serious. It's like, imagine somebody criticizing...

you know, your favorite joke that you poured a year, two years of your life into. Like it's, well, the Leo joke that Ricky did was fucking, it was like a similar kind of prose, but like, that's the kind of thing. It's like super sharp joke. So we can remind people. It's basically like, uh, I forgot what movie he was. Oh, the Irishman. He's like, the Irishman was great. It was long though. It was pretty long. I mean, it was so long. Uh, by the time I finished it, Leonardo DiCaprio's day was too old for him.

This is, okay, first of all, so many things why the joke is perfect. Great delivery for me. Delivery is amazing. Thank you. Two, you get rewarded as an audience member for knowing things. You're only laughing if you know that Leonardo DiCaprio stops dating him at 25. So as an audience member, you're like, oh, I'm smart. I know things. Two, the joke ain't about the movie being bad. Right.

The joke is about Leo and his sexual proclivities. And Scorsese knows the movie's long. Yeah, man. He made it. So it's not offensive to him. He's like, yeah, it is long. Yeah, the only problem was Leo had to break up with his girlfriend. Which he was already going to do. He was going to break up. That's great. So crazy. Has Leo ever denied that? Shh.

He's just like yo, oh yeah, I think that about me. I'm gonna keep dating these young bitches. He probably likes it. You right. His reputation precedes him. Every time he meets a girl, he's like, you know what this is. He doesn't have to explain nothing. And every girl that dates him is like, I'm gonna be the one. I'm gonna go the distance. Every girl that dates him is like, I'm gonna be the one. And they feel the birthday coming up. They act extra nice. I would love to see a biopic of like the last six months.

of all the relationships. Because you know the girl is just going hammered trying to keep it locked in. I would love to see it. I want to see Drive to survive. But it's just the girls trying to make it last in the relationship with Leo. They try to change their birth certificate. What do you mean? I told you I'm Colombian. Look, I'm actually 20. That's amazing. Yeah, I want to see that too. That would be beautiful. Anyway, so stay up, Joe.

You're going to be all right, man. One thing I didn't like that he did was try to use the writers as a scapegoat when the joke didn't work. Oh, yeah. Like, don't point that out because it's like I'm sure the writers worked hard on those shits too and now you're going to be like –

oh, my shit's funny, but everybody else sucks. And I think that was like... But I don't know how that feeling is. You never felt the sweat from feeling like you're bombing. Yeah, so... And I think it might have been like... I've been in... I've been here before. Give it 20 minutes, I was gonna be like, who wrote this, bro? Who fucking put this outfit together? Everything sucks. But yeah, I think it's like a... That's like, okay, how can I call out what's happening in the room? Like, how can I have this honest moment? But there's probably a little defensiveness. You know, I...

going on as well. And, yeah, it's a high stakes moment. Bro, it's live. It's live and it feels like it's in front of the world. It kind of is. I mean, nobody gives a fuck about this shit.

To be honest, it's probably viewed more because of the negative reaction than if it went great. If it went great, less people would have seen it. Yeah, that's true. More people know about Joe Coy now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So maybe it works out. Maybe it works out. And then they go to the show and they're like, oh, this is awesome.

It might actually work out for him. I also think that the reaction was so negative that if you hear that first and then go see it, it's not close to as bad as how awful Twitter made it seem. Twitter made it seem like not a single human being laughed. He went to Taylor Swift. That was the thing. He had one super... That must have been later because that wasn't part of the... It's not in the monologue. It's in an interlude in between. What did he say? He says, what's the difference between the NFL and the Golden Globes? The Golden Globes has fewer cutaways to Taylor Swift.

That's a joke. Now, you need to come hard if you go at T-Swizzy. And she just took a sip. Didn't react, didn't laugh. I thought she was in on it. You're really going to do that on camera? The joke needs to be so biting that they have to make a decision in the moment. Am I somebody that has no sense of humor about myself? Or am I someone that can laugh about myself? And most times, Hollywood people will go...

I want people to think that I have a sense of humor about myself. So that might even fake the laugh. But if it's not biting...

Then they could just look at you and be like, yo, you're joke bombed. And everyone in the room is looking to that person for confirmation. Is it okay to laugh at this one? Because I still want to be in Young Good Graces. What do we do? What is the Taylor Swift joke? So he does that and it's not super, like he doesn't come super hard. And then as a result, all the Swifties on the internet are like, this guy, who is this guy? Blah, blah, blah. So I think that was where part of the disordinate reaction came from. I mean, yeah, the Swift joke that's like the likable fun one is playing into the...

We don't know who Travis Kelsey is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Meme that kind of started like the TikTok challenge. Taylor Swift's boyfriend, yada, yada. Taylor Swift's boyfriend. That's the likable sweet one that Taylor's going to laugh at, that Taylor fans are going to find hilarious. And then you would connect that to an acting couple or something. Mm-hmm.

Sorry. Then you connect that to like an acting couple or like a directing couple where we know one more than the other and then you kind of flip it. And then here's something we can all laugh at and this is kind of cute. They do this with George Clooney sometimes because his wife is like a human rights lawyer. Right. And so people will be like – someone actually did a joke somewhere that at his recognition for some award or something, they're like his wife saved these people, did this, did this, did this, and we're giving George Clooney a lifetime achievement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. I remember.

And so it was like some version of that you could tie together and make a banger job. Yeah, perfect. And then that's a fun, likable one. And then there's one that's actually stinging that's like... Mark's a better looking woman than she is.

I mean, this guy is crazy. Damn, that is... Damn, bro. That's a compliment. I'm not a woman. It needs to be at least... You would look better, that's what I'm saying. It needs to be at least a little clever. It can't just be me. It can't just be me. It can't just be me. Yeah. I came in with the cat Williams right now. Yeah, maybe there's something about like... You know how she will do an album about all her exes? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so then... And I think we probably joked around this on the show, but like...

Something about Taylor's already found 20 different ways to rhyme CTE. You know what I mean? Playing off of what she's going to write about. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe not that. I was trying to bail you out for all this time. Maybe not that, Chuck. Show the tapes. Maybe not that, Chuck. These fucking writers, bro. The problem is these fucking writers. Anyway, what else we got, boys? Should we rifle through some of the feelings? No facts? Let's just rifle through it, dude, okay? McGregor's returning to fighting. So he says. You think he's going to do it or not? I'll believe it when it's signed, sealed, delivered, and I see him walk into the ring. My man's looking beefy.

I mean, he looks phenomenal. Looks amazing. But I don't know if he's, I have no reason to believe it. I don't know. He look a little Zac Efron in the face, though. Oh, so what are you thinking? They just look a little puffy-faced. I feel like you're making an allegation. I'm just saying, he looked. I think we need to check the documents. He's been eating a lot of protein. I see. Okay. Changed his diet.

So you think that McGregor's on HGH? Is that what you're trying to say? I am not. You think he's on human growth hormone? Is that what you're saying? McGregor might be one of the whites that could fuck me up. So I'm not saying all that. No, you'll say it to his face. You'll say it to his face. You would never say that he's on HGH, would you?

Not to his face. Not to his face. But on the couch right now, you would never allude to the fact that he's on human growth hormone. That's why he has that skull shape that's peculiar. What skull shape? What skull shape? Yeah, he has a bigger skull than normal. He walked in here, he's like, full moon? Yeah.

They call it moon face when you get like when you use a bunch of steroids in HGH Oh, I thought that's when you're Asian I think you just invented a new racist term. I swear to God. I thought you call moon face crescent This guy's so racist. It's unbelievable. You're a fucking racist bad guy We don't want to talk about them Chinese tunnels, huh?

We don't want to talk about Chinese stuff in Chinatown, huh? We don't want to talk about that. We're about the Chinatown tunnels. NYPD, y'all don't fuck with the Chinese ever. Patriot Conference. You don't fuck with the dreidels. You don't fuck with the dreidels. You're not fucking with the chopsticks.

Get down there. We looking at all tunnel systems. All tunnel systems need to be vetted. See, y'all whites be snitching. I be snitching. Don't tell me nothing. I'm black, bro. If I know some shit, everybody knows it. I didn't realize that was a black thing. I did not realize this. But once I learn some shit, everybody gonna know. Put in a song. Release it. We get a dollar, I'm like...

Everybody knows. So we up. We up. You ever see a black dude find money? That's one of the greatest things ever. Amazing. What happens? Usually they're just stealing it from people. I found it in your pocket. I found it in your wallet. Damn, Al. Why'd you do that? Your boots are awesome. Let's go. I feel like a Noah Nigger walked in. Yes.

Did you see LeBron's three? Yeah, but I don't care about it. Did you see the judge that got attacked? Yes, and I cared about that three days ago. Right now, we need to talk about our good old-fashioned American experience at MSG. Oh, that was awesome.

Four miles birthday. We went to the professional bull riders at MSG. They basically transform Madison Square Garden into a rodeo for three days. And they ride these bulls. You guys, I went last year. You guys got to go this year, I believe, for your first time. Thank you for hooking that up. Thank you so much. All right.

Amazing. I straight up, I don't know why, I was trying to talk to Miles about this. I was like, that energy is just, feels nicer. I don't know if it's just growing up in Florida, but like, hey, let's just pray before. I wonder why. Let's just pray before the rodeo. Let's just pray. Let's just sing the national anthem. Why do I get all the allegations? We do that before every game. No, you don't do a prayer. Yeah, you do. Yes, we do. You do a prayer before an NBA game? What God are you praying to? I'm praying to God.

We go like this. Matt, we playing to a Christian guy right there. That was a Christian prayer, Matt. Shout out to you, Matt West. But just bow your heads in prayer. I don't know why, bro. That shit feels nice. Does it not? Am I crazy for this?

It was amazing. I loved it. What did you do when they got me in touch with my God? I was laughing at that prayer. The God. Lord save Jesus Christ. That prayer was straight out of Talladega Nights. That was so long. I know it was kind of corny, but I really enjoyed it. Wait, what was the prayer? I thought the prayer was going to go, yo, bow your heads. We're going to pray for the people that are about to risk their lives right in front of us and the animals. And they go, don't forget about the NYPD, the FDIC.

The Border Patrol. The Border Patrol. The people out in Afghanistan. They start naming wars we're done with. Korea. Vietnam. Call them all out. The anthem came next. I was about to take a knee. I was like, oh, I'm in a rock spot, man. I'm in a rock spot. Can we talk about how Vala almost pulled up with the keffiyeh? No, he did. I thought he was. No, Vala, we're at Dove's house, and Vala's like, yo, I don't have a hat or anything like that. And he pulls up, and he has the Arab scarf.

He thinks he's dressing like Southern also. Yeah. Which is so funny. Southern Pakistan, yeah. I'm like, bro, you have to understand, we're going to the fucking... We're going to the rodeo. Like, everybody here has a cousin, dad, uncle, or nephew that's missing a leg because of people wearing that scarf. Okay? You can't walk in there and give them all PTSD. They're gonna be riding you like one of the

one of the fucking balls. So I go, you can't do this. He goes, can I wear this bandana? And then he shows up as J-Lo for the whole fucking thing. We need to post the picture. Get the picture. Post what he thought he was going to be looking like, which was the old Tupac photo. Looked like J-Lo. Anyway, we all pulled up. That shit was incredible. You got to see this. I mean, it's just crazy. Shout out to Matt West. Yeah, I just shouted out Matt West. Surprisingly entertaining.

I thought that show was going to be corny as fuck, but it was very entertaining. I do think with my hand strength, I can stay on the ball for eight seconds. I'm down to put money on it. I think I could do that. I last year ripped off his groin completely. I got six months off. Wait, wait, wait. Strength. Dove's got a great ball riding story. Dove, what happened last time you were on a mechanical ball? I pulled my groin. He pulled his whole groin for six months. I pulled it. This guy from the PBR last year, it tore off of his pelvis. Hold on a second. Six-month injury. Ow. Ow.

I thought he was talking about one of Duff's girls. Tell us that night. Yeah. Do you genuinely believe that you could, because of your hand strength? Yes. Okay. Yeah. But it's more about balance also. Yeah, I got good rhythm. Love making. I do. My hips move. Bro, that dude, Matt, the announcer guy, you saw his arms, Diesel, pythons. He rode a bull. He told us this story. He rode a bull. The next day, it got slaughtered. It was too old.

It was like the last ride the bull ever took. He rode it thinking like, oh, I'm going to be able to ride the bull. He said the bull was so old it couldn't jump over a shoelace. Yeah. Okay. Within two seconds on the ground. I mean, he not me. So here's the thing. I'm him. Like, I'm about to tell you. All right. At the thing. Let's go someplace. Let's test it out. We bump into Cowboy Cerrone, UFC Hall of Famer.

says, yo, you know Dana's got a bull. And Dana's bull is what's called a rank bull, which means it's like a really good elite bull. Basically what happens is the bulls get

rating system and so do the riders. So some people are rooting for the Bulls, especially if you're one of these people who owns the Bulls. You want your Bull to be the best. And the way that the riders can get the highest score is they have to ride the Bulls with the highest score. And the Bulls really have to buck. So it's the only way you can get in the 90s if you have a really big bucking Bull. So Dana's Bull bucked the guy off in like two seconds. Cowboy tells us, I'm going to ride Dana's Bull

at the professional bull rider championships in Dallas, Texas later this year. I go, have you done this before? Like, what the fuck's going on? He's like, no, not since I was like a kid. That is some next level, absolutely insane shit. His bull's name is Twisted Steel. 94% buck off rate. We're not talking about a bum ass bull that he could get on just for fun, donate some money to charity. This is, yeah. This shit could kill him. Yeah, you're playing in the NFL for a play.

wide receiver. Just if someone clips you, they're going to throw it over the middle. You got to go for a fucking prayer. That's insane. Yeah. What would you rather do? Ride a bull or go up in the middle of the NFL? One down. I mean, go up in the middle. I'm not even trying to catch the bull because you can't even not try. Like once you're on the bull, that is true. You can't even be like, I'm jumping off.

You're gone. Yeah. There's a chance, and I hope to God that this doesn't happen. Let's do this shit. Bro, Al, I swear to God. I'm telling you. Do you want to do this thing? I honestly believe I can do it. My brother-in-law wants to do it, too. I might even set it up for y'all. I might even get a bull for a day. Please. How much is a bull for a day? I've had a few in my lifetime. Bro, Mark and I, we could find someone in Florida that has bulls. Yeah. Bro, look at this.

Yeah, you can show me your pictures. That's cool. This shit is 10 feet off the ground. I seen it in person. But look at, I don't know if you realize how high the fucking light is. I wouldn't get on one of those. Okay, now you're making all these caveats. What fucking bull are you going to get on? A white bull? The bigger, heavier ones were a little bit less. So you want a bull with what bucking rate?

Probably like in the 80s or whatever. The 80s? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that one. That one I could do. The 80s. That means out of every five riders, one of them makes it. Yeah. Yo, the percentage of these riders that stay on that shit, I didn't know it was that low. No, no. The whole weekend. If the bold buck off was six C's or maybe in the 70s, they got a ride. Everyone else was just getting thrown off. Yeah, that shit. Someone in the 80s is crazy. Someone in the 80s is crazy. Five people? Yeah, six people made it. And they're professionals. That's my point. So what is the argument here?

I'm him. You couldn't even get a bull. What was that shit that we did in Florida with the water? We like surfed. You couldn't even wakeboard. I broke it. I don't have balance, but I broke that shit. No one's ever broke it before. They told you that. Come on now. So what do you think is going to happen? You're just going to pull the rope. You'll rip the rope. You're not going to break the ball. So the rope is tied around the bull. And the moment that starts to go, you're off.

I'm not letting go. No, that's not what happens. Yes, it is. I'm telling you. That's the first thing that falls off is the rope part. No. It's not tied. It's just wrapped around and they're holding both ends of that shit. They hold like this. They put their hand in like that. They're holding both ends of that shit. The moment it loosens up a little bit, now you can't stay on because nothing's securing you to the boat. I will hold on for dear life. You will do this if I arrange this? Yes. Matt West.

Matt? Yes. We're doing this. Get the PBR to organize this. You can wear a helmet and shit, obviously. Of course, of course. Padding, whatever else you need. No, I'm wearing all the shit. Let's organize this and let's do this. Matt, I mean this sincerely. Let's not give him a real bull. It doesn't have to be 80%. 80% buck off. No, 50. Give him a 50% buck off. Come on, man. You want 80%?

You're going to die. Anything. Son, this is just going to be another sport that black people come and take over. Come on. There were a couple of black dudes that were killing it. There were a couple of black dudes there. Nah, they were Brazilian. No, no, no. Keyshawn Whitehorse, right? Yeah. He's a black dude. He did it that night. And he stayed on, right? Also, Ezekiel Mitchell. Yeah. It was close. Next topic. We're going to set that up. Shout out to Austin Richardson for winning, by the way. Yeah. Shout out to him.

All right. Them belt buckles are fire. Yo, you got one. Oh, yeah, you got one. You guys were supposed to bring it to me. Oh, it's at Dove's apartment. I gave it to him to bring to you. Have you been wearing it? Yeah, this is what happens. Oh, they're going to give me shit and then it's forgotten. I saw a pack of like 200 pairs of fucking culprit underwear in Dove's office. It seems like it would be for the whole office, but it's just in his office. By the way. Kind of interesting how that happens, right? When all the nice bottles of wine are... Listen, if you're someone who likes the show or a sponsor of the show and you have to send us something...

I'm going to give you a different address. I'm going to give you a different address if you wanted to get to all of us because Dove filters through and it's like the fucking, the guys who work at the docks. There's some spillage. But the spillage is 90 fucking percent. It's not weird, right? Yes, very weird. We were at Dove's bar. We're at Dove's bar in his house.

Every fucking alcohol bottle has come from the studio. Done. How'd it get there, though? I don't know. How did it get there? You have a fucking truck. Good shit. Good shit, my boy. Good shit, my boy. And those corporate undies, all of them yours. I sent mine to my house.

Real quick, did you hear what Shifty did? So for New Year's Eve, Shifty comes to the studio, picks up some alcohol from the studio. He grabs all the Heinekens in the fridge and takes them back to his place. So he's drinking the Heinekens and he's like, yeah, man, I wasn't feeling it. Two, three beers in, I don't drink a lot. I'm not feeling it. They're non-alcoholic beers. Come on, dude. Just carbs. He doesn't pay Shifty 90 carbs every beer. Why do we have non-alcoholic beers in here?

Nah, because we had Bert. We had Bert Kreischer. Oh, yeah. Okay, what else we got? Feelers, no facts. Marquito. What do you think about this Alaskan Airlines flight who had a door fly off and they had emergency land in Portland?

I mean- It wasn't even a door, actually. It was just a part of the plane. Let me be- It's a plug. A plug of a door. If they said we're landing in Portland, I would have swan dove out of that. That's the saddest part of the whole thing, right? Yeah, 100%. If it's emergency land in Los Angeles, if it's emergency land in San Diego, emergency land in Hawaii. Not bad. All these things are fantastic. We're going to emergency land in Portland. In January. I'm-

The only upside is that this part of the plane might have flown off and then hit some protesters singing ceasefire. Ceasefire. Like they got us. They fucking got us. Yeah.

No, I mean, that's crazy. You always think about that shit on the plane. Yeah, but all those movies that lie, when that shit happens and then everything goes flying. Now the kid's shirt got sucked off. The mom's holding on to him. His shirt flies off. Oh, no, you're going to get... The Stephen Hawking plane? That's crazy. And there was no one in the... Show the tape! Son, I never wear a seatbelt when I'm on a fucking plane, so... Even on takeoff?

I mean, I don't want to snitch right now. Come on, bro. Put it in a song. Put it in a song immediately. This guy snitches on himself all the time. Dry snitching king of the world. I really am. I need to share. My point is, if that shit popped open, I'm out. Like, I'm getting sucked out immediately. Hey, yo. You're getting sucked out immediately. Would you try to cop some head if you were in that kind of situation? Or do you think you'd be too nervous to get it up?

Yeah, I'd be too nervous. Would you proposition a flight attendant? Maybe, just one last time. Yo, gay guy. One last wrong. Come over here. Suck this dick real quick. Let's run it back one time. Run it back? Did you see the flight attendant that walked up to the person sitting in the aisle or sitting in the chair next to him? They were like, was anyone sitting here?

Those are actual questions. Yeah, and the guy's like no no After they landed no this is in the air walking around at the fucking plane is a someone got fucking sucked off Why isn't he worried about getting sucked off because not sucking that hard. It's open now the pressure differential is the same

Oh, so you don't even need... We could have the windows open on the plane the whole time? You skydive. You went skydiving. Yeah? You don't get sucked out of the second door. I got sucked out of me. I feel like I got immediately sucked. No, you were waiting a little. And a guy was strapped to your ass. You got sucked, too. That's a good point. I was getting sucked and fucked in. You get sucked a little after it opens. I thought that was a different type of plane, bro.

And that's a different altitude. The sucking really starts around 30,000 feet. I was going probably around 10,000 feet. That's why it wasn't a lot of sucking. I just get sucked. Yo, when was the last time y'all got sucked? Shit, bro. I've never seen this happen. This has never happened before. Never got sucked. Exactly. Women. You know what I mean? Look at these women out here talking about their shit. Suck some! Yeah.

Suck some. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about the airplane. Suck some. We're talking about the airplane. You've seen that offset clip with Cardi B. She's in bed. He's waking her up online. He goes, yo, I got 12,000 people in here. I'm not going offline until you say suck some.

some he's like I'm sleeping now you need to suck some that's fine some need to get sucked oh that's awesome see what husbands gotta do yeah that's a man right there that is a fucking man that's a man I took the L like a champion that's an L alright I'm going back to sleep suck some I'm gonna try that tonight

Does this change your perspective if you're flying with your girl? And she's like, oh, can I get window seat? Are you going to be like, nah. Oh, you think we were still talking about this? Yo, we talking about blowjobs, bro. I was trying to bring these on track. I was trying to bring these on track. I don't want you to get bricked up. No, we talking about sucking something. I don't want you to get all wood in the middle. I'm trying to plan to suck something. I'll give you one more thing, Mark. I'll give you one more fucking thing.

I'll give you one more thing, Mark. One more feeling no fact. You get one more feeling no fact, man. I'll be honest. There's a brand new drug test that just dropped. Oh, man. Brand new drug test. Oh, man, Mark. You got one more thing, Mark. There's a brand new drug test. I should slap them.

This came out in Minnesota. If you get pulled over, this is how they're going to test if you've actually been doing drugs or not. So it can test for cannabis, test for heroin, test for opiates, all that shit. Test for Zen. It looks like they're testing for Zen. You got a little Zen right now? Nah, I wish. So this is how you do it. Hey, yo. Hey. Look at his eyes. He loves that shit. Damn, bro. What the fuck? He didn't have to wrap the lips, bro. That was crazy.

Come on, yo. Come on, yo. Look at his eyes. Nah.

He looked hot as fuck. His eyes dumbed dilated. No way. You got to get that taken down, detective. No, this is what happens. If you get pulled over in Minnesota, you better watch out. I'll just have my mouth open. I'm not going to suck back. That's a suck back. Yeah, you can do it like you brush your teeth. Exactly, brush your teeth. And some of the cops did that. And then they gave it to this lieutenant. He just fucking started sucking off. Yeah, but not this wide-eyed, creep, baby-looking-ass adult.

That motherfucker misses the nipple. Hopefully the nipple. Hopefully not something else. Yeah, it might be a little something else. I mean, that's like insane. Nah. But now they can test for it. If you get pulled over, they can see if you got cancer. He's on that fence. You think so? That's fence. Look at his eyes right there. Yeah, he got them dick-sucking eyeballs. And there was a little saliva, too. Bro, look at Mark's Twitter. Look at his trending Twitter. Have this shit aliens.

Suicide Squad, Aliens, Aaron Rodgers, UAPs. This is just what's trending in the world. My Twitter don't look nothing like that. Your Twitter's trash compared to my Twitter. No, it's not. My Twitter's fire. My Twitter's got the yo-ho. Ceasefire now is really the new yo-ho.

Yo. People started sending me those stupid ass videos, bro. Yo, it's fire, though. There was one that was kind of lit. Which one? Which one got you? Nah, it's like they almost went overboard because fucking all the water was coming inside or whatever, but those shit suck, bro.

Stop it. No, it's awesome. Don't you ever wish you were just on the high seas with your friends? I want to see trending. I want it to say suck some. Like, that's what my trending shit is. Damn, bro. That was so harsh. Why are you so harsh? Yeah. You frustrated, son? Yeah. That Noah nigga got me lit. Stop blaming it on Noah, bro. Noah nigga has nothing to do with this. Nah, he is. He is.

He's gonna be the goat. Maybe. He might be the goat. I can't believe that you don't like all that boat shit, but you dress like a wicked tuna captain. He is wicked. There's something wicked about that. That is like a New England boating fit. Come on, Al. Get into the fish life. Yeah. Yeah, you are a fisherman. Are you a fish? Not even in the fish life. What are you talking about? You got high waters. I'm not.

I'm not into fish. He's far fishing. No, you're not. When's the last time you fished? I am a fish. When's the last time you fished? I am a fish. You little fish boy. I'm a sea creature. Big up. Big up. Big up, fish. Big up, grab your ankle. Yeah, yeah. Big up, grab your ankle. Doing drug tests right now, you little fish boy. Check for the cannabis in his cheek, boy. Academics would be crying right now. He's like, what I want to say to you right now. Little fish boy.

Yo, poor Ack, bro. This is crazy. Why didn't he tell us any of that shit? He literally came on the pod. We spoke for four hours. He didn't talk about all these horrendous things that happened to him in his life. I don't know. Why don't y'all keep that inside, Ack? He was saving it for Rogan. That shit was crazy. That shit was crazy, man. Did you see? I don't know if you want to talk about his logo. Did you know the...

the details of it all? I watched CoffeeZilla's response. Okay, break down CoffeeZilla. Coffee's on that ass. When the suspenders are on, it's a problem. On that ass. Son, if a video comes out with a dude wearing suspenders and he's talking about your shit, forget it, bro. Son, you better... Forget it. You better watch out. You better watch out. Can we talk about how insane this album is, son? You look like Noah Zilla. Son. You better watch out. We close or what? Why do you want to start calling black people Noah's? Oh, wow.

Oh, did you see the McAfee thing with the naysayers thing? Oh, wait a minute. Hold on. McAfee. There's a few McAfee things that we got to talk about. Bro, this one was fire. So he's on a broadcast with a dude. I forget the broadcaster's name. We're coming back to Coffeezilla. We're going to circle back. Yeah. But he, I mean, this is something I might just need to pull this up real quick. What was it? I wish a...

Yeah, I wish a naysayer would. Oh, wow. That's not the one I was thinking of. Is what some guy tweeted that this guy read. And McAfee was just like, hold on a second. I did not think you were going to say that. And so now all on Black Twitter, everyone just calls each other naysayers. I mean, white people should be able to say that. Naysayer, please. Naysayer, please. I mean, you can. Naysayer, please. Yeah, that's fine. My naysayer. It don't slap to say. It really don't. But it's close.

Yeah, fire.

So this went viral. Everyone's calling each other naysayers. It's kind of awesome. There's another thing going on with McAfee, though. What's that? I got to read the article from it, but... Just make it up. All right, let me just make it up. So... Come on, Kat. We're trying too hard, bro. Yeah, just make it up. People aren't here for the truth. So Pat McAfee basically called out someone at ESPN and said that he was sabotaging his show.

Did you guys see this? So he basically called him out and then, if I'm not mistaken, brought him on the show. Let me make sure of this so we don't fuck this whole thing up. But I like your version way better. He calls out a guy named... He says, there are some people actively trying to sabotage us from within ESPN. More specifically, I believe Norby Williamson is the guy who is attempting to sabotage our program. He...

He's been trying to sabotage the show and say he isn't worth it. So he called the guy out by name and said he was a rat. The guy is like third in charge at ESPN and said he's a douche. So people were like, what's going to happen? And ESPN did nothing to him. He went on the show. He went on the show today. I guess that guy went on the show and said he stands by what he said. Oh, or maybe that's McAfee. Yeah. Yeah.

He posted a photo yesterday with the number two in charge and called him a good friend. So people are perplexed because nothing is going to happen to him. But it's kind of a wild thing. Call out someone at your company that's saying he's trying to sabotage you? I love this. I mean, it's fantastic. 2024, everybody. Everybody's just shooting. That's a page out of Barstool. Creating or using the internal drama to draw us all in. Barstool does that better than anybody, I think, on the internet.

On the planet, or besides the Kardashians maybe, which is like using that internal drama and then showcasing it and then monetizing it. Create the drama, or if they're drama that exists between workers, podcasts, creative shows. Let's show everybody, get everybody invested and become part of it. Portnoy made me care about the dude from Business Insider.

I don't even know who that guy is. Yeah. But if I see his name now, I go, oh, this guy's a bad guy. Fuck that guy. I don't know anything about him. Yeah, Blodgett. Yeah, Blodgett. Who is that guy? Henry Blodgett. Yeah, and I don't like him just because of Matt. Portnoy said so. So I think this is maybe McAfee doing this, using this same playbook over at ESPN. I like it. And it's working. We talking about it. I like it. All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because some of y'all are going bald and you don't have to, and maybe you don't know that.

Some of you are going bald. You don't have to, and maybe you don't know that. So I'm going to tell you that right now. This is a choice you get on keeps right now. You put a stop to that. Okay. You can stop it. Some cases you can even grow that hair back.

This is the difference maker. You get on it now. Now, before you're completely bald and you got to go to Turkey to get a hair transplant, you don't want to have to deal with that nonsense. Get on it now. You can stop the balding, keep what you got, and maybe even grow some back. I've been doing it for over, how long? I've been doing it for almost 20 years now. Look at this mane.

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The package should have sparklers attached to it, okay? But if you want it to be discreet, obviously it can as well. What I'm telling you is Keeps has helped nearly 1 million men keep their hair, and you can be one of them as well. You can find a plan that works for you and your schedule. They offer flexible delivery options. You can adjust, pause, or cancel your plan at any time. So hair loss stops with Keeps. And for a special offer, you can get started. You go to keeps.com slash flagrant. That is K-E-E-P-S dot com slash flagrant.

Get on it. Anyway, back to CoffeeZilla. Yes. Okay, talk about it. So the suspenders are out? Suspenders are fully out. He's got a green screen behind him. Full mug of coffee? Smoking hot? To the tip top. Talking to the robot in the shot? That's a problem. There's a robot in there. Great thumbnail. The title is short and succinct. I mean, he's a master. He's a master. Ass is being on right now. Okay, okay. $10 million studio, right?

At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At least. At

Coffee, coffee, we need a video exposing Al. Dissect this immediately. We need a video exposing Al. We need an investigation. Watch, I bet you you're going to see Colm pull up with this shit. Watch. He's going to make it just mad colorful. Watch. You saying Kid Super is going to rip you off?

I'm saying I'm an influencer. Yo, coffee. I'm an influencer. Coffee. Coffee. We need that, bro. Yeah. Coffee. We need that. We need a video. No smoke. I don't want no smoke. Coffee. We need a video. Please do a video. So I'm not going to explain the whole Logan Paul saga thus far. Basically, he created this game, CryptoZoo.

The game never came out, people bought eggs with the game, they lost money, and then they haven't been made whole as of two weeks ago. So the internet's been absolutely destroying Logan for this, cuz it looks-

From the surface as if he did a, what is it, a catch and run or something like that? There's a- Pump and dump? Pump and dump or whatever. But basically, it looks like he stole money from all these people who really want to invest in this game. And Coffeezilla busted the whole investigation. Did the whole investigation. People absolutely furious, rightfully furious about it. If you invested in money and nothing ever came to fruition, yeah, it's like stealing money from somebody. Now-

You know, we've obviously had Logan on a few times. Every time we have him on, people are upset at us for not asking about this crypto thing. I just want to clarify here. We obviously asked him about the fucking crypto thing. He said that there's an open investigation. Can we not talk about it? Can you cut it from the episodes? We're like, yeah, sure. We'll cut it from the fucking episode. Now that he's paying back, I think that we can talk about this.

But, yeah, if there's any friend of the fucking show that doesn't want a thing in the episode, we're not going to do it. I asked Louis before the episode, can we talk about – or is there anything you don't want to talk about? He's like, yeah, there might be one gigantic fucking story. We didn't talk about that at all either. Yeah. Okay. So – but now I guess he's saying that he's going to pay back the initial investors in –

People that purchase the eggs. That purchase the eggs. And the eggs are supposed to hatch into these animals and then you can use them in this game. That functions like an NFT and you can use it inside the game. I don't know the exact mechanics. So there's two things. Okay, go. So, or kind of three things. So the people that bought the eggs are going to get paid back. On the face, it sounds amazing. And again, I haven't seen like Logan's response. I just saw Coffee's response. So maybe there's something happening behind the scenes that is not being fully acknowledged.

or examined? I don't know. But basically, it seems like he's going to be paying those people back, but not paying back people that bought tokens. And the tokens are used as in-game currency in order to buy the eggs. Okay. And I think basically Logan's team is saying, look, the eggs was our fault. The game never came out. You lost money, so you're going to be made whole on the eggs. But the tokens is just a cryptocurrency, and I'm not going to pay back the people that speculated and gambled on crypto.

And if you lost money on crypto, then that's on you. Now, let me think about this. Let me think about this. That's how I understand it. There's part of me that goes...

Okay, a lot of people invested in different cryptocurrencies that went belly up. They speculated. In other words, they thought that they could make a bunch of money if they bought this thing at a very low amount and hopefully it would go high and they'd be billionaires. So this could be one of those things. That being said, if the value of the token was derived from your ability to play the game and the game itself never came to fruition, then

I do feel like there's a responsibility for the token. That's how coffee made it seem. I don't know if the tokens can be used outside of the game. Thank God me and the fucking suspenders are on the same fucking side. I don't want that fucking smoke. You're suspended for right now. Don't say that, bro. You just got to wait, though. You're fucking, you're making them come after me. I'm just saying, I don't know. Who knows what will happen?

I've been trying to get him on the pod, man. He's busy. Every time I hear him, he's like, I'm in the middle of an investigation. I'm like, all right, bro, do your thing. He's a real detective. Do whatever you got to do, man. He's in the tunnels in Crown Heights right now. Do whatever you got to do. He's in the tunnels. That has nothing to do with online tech or money. We don't know. He's investigating. That's part of investigation. All right, get down to it. Okay. So what are we thinking here? So it's just tricky. In my mind, I'm like, I'm glad that he's paying back the people for the...

eggs. That's awesome. Yes. Right? We need that. I guess that you could make the argument, which is like the token is not defunct.

If people want to use it and they want to trade it, it will have value without said game. Just like any other token that doesn't have a game attached could still have value based on the people trading it. And if you buy a token, you're a speculator in the crypto market in general. But you would only buy this token if you thought that it would have value due to the game. Whereas the other tokens that people buy, they're pure speculation on that piece of crypto. It is attached to absolutely nothing. Exactly.

Hey, that's a tricky one. Now, how much more would he have to pay back if he was going to pay back the token? He didn't specify that in the video.

That's the question we need to know because I'm like, if it's an amount that's not crazy, I'm like, yo, take the hit. Yo, son, if it's another 600 grand or whatever, my whole feeling with this shit is like, my man, every time I pay taxes, I hate everybody that lives in Puerto Rico. So my whole thing is like, how much money have you saved living in Puerto Rico over this amount of time not paying taxes? That's free money. Right?

We all got to pay taxes. Yeah. You get that free money. Just dump it back into this thing and then you're done. Like people are here. People are excited for you to pay this thing back and then just get that stain off. Yeah.

Yeah, I kinda doubt this Logan. I assume it's his team, it's his lawyers. He pays people to save him money and they're like, yeah, we're gonna do this. But Logan knows what's going on. He's not stupid. He's acutely aware of public perception. And if they feel like you have stolen people's money on this thing that you got fucked over, I hope he can speak more about it. He did get fucked in this thing. Now granted, he has to take accountability for hiring these people and not vetting them out more, but he did get fucked by some scammers. And he's suing those people also. Good, as he should.

And maybe with that money that he makes or wins from that, maybe he can pay back all the token people. But he's probably not going to be cleaning the scandal until everybody that bought a token or egg is paid back. Is that what Crypto said? Is that what Coffee said? Yeah, Coffee said that you're good. Coffee got us scared. You got to check in with Coffee. I check in with Coffee every time I go on the internet. Do you?

Don't make me read DMs, brother. Don't make me read DMs. Hey, man, just log in for today. Don't want any problems. No one. No problems. Just going to be scrolling a little bit, maybe some TikTok. No problems. He's customs for that. Coffee need to go after them Nigerian scammers. Oh, have you seen the guys that do that? Yes. That's awesome. These guys are amazing. They are.

They literally build these systems. Have we talked about this? Yes. They build the systems where they just waste the Nigerian scammers' time. Oh, you're talking about the other thing. This is kind of fire. Wait, what? I was talking about literally the Nigerian scammers. But there are people who they don't scam the Nigerian scammers. They just waste their time. Yeah, this is awesome.

Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. So like, cause you can't get them. They're in a different country. Like not all of them are obviously in Nigeria, but they're like, they're abroad. They're in a country, they're scamming old people. And so what this guy will do is he'll be like, Hey, look, I love what you're doing. I'm going to send you $10,000 and then you send me $20,000. And he's like bought into the scam. Right. And so then he builds a website where he's like, Hey, I just sent you 10 grand in crypto. Mm.

You can download it from this website. And so the scammer goes on the website, and the website is a fake maze. It's amazing. So the website is like, okay, enter in your birthday. But the only way to enter in your birthday is clicking by one day at a time. So you've got to go all the way back to 1985 to make an account, clicking one button at a time. It takes 25 minutes. He can watch the whole thing. How's the guy's using it on the website? Oh, that's great. So he goes back. He's on the phone with him. He's like, did you get the token yet? He's like, no, not yet. I'm still working. And then the next thing, he's like, put in your address. What address was that, man? That was Australian. Australian.

It's an Australian guy living in Australia. But yeah, it goes all the way back. Why are you gay? Yeah, that's basically what they do. And he just wastes his time. One guy spent like 23 hours on the website trying to get the token. I like that. I like that. I would do that. Trying to get the cum? What was that fucking slip of the tongue there? Yeah, it's a crypto. It's a new coin. You haven't seen this? No, I missed out on that one. Dude, it's sick.

Just a clarification on the Zootoken suspenders investigation. They're saying that

The estimated damages based on the ZOO token, version 1, 2, 3, and the NFT sales is $18.5 million. So his pie chart on his investigation was Logan's refund offer is $2.3 million of $18.5, which is estimated total damage. Yeah, it's tough. The cut of that pie is not that big. And that money, right, it would be distributed across people that have...

Let me tell you something, bro. Yeah, he's definitely not responsible for all of it. But maybe you just say, hey, that's a 100% loss. You're going to report, and you're hoping to make a lot more money. Yikes, man. That's a hard one. That's a hard one. Yeah, that's just about the amount of money you're like, ugh. $18 million? Yeah.

That's where you just throw coffee two million and then you'd be like, hey, don't make a video. Bro. Suspenders is too honest. Are you trying to- Are you saying coffee could be compromised? Yo, that's kind of really what you said. No, no, no, no, no. You said some shit about suspenders, bro. Everyone's got a price. Yo, coffee, get him. Yo, get him. Y'all need to look at a kid.

in a camp gag nun. I got $5 million for you to not make a video. $5 million. Don't let her buy you coffee. Don't do it, coffee. I'm going to release the tapes, coffee. Don't do it. What tapes? Are you threatening coffee, motherfucking Zilla? Wait, are you threatening coffee or are you threatening us? Also you. Also y'all, dude. Yo, I'm about to snuff you, son. Don't snuff me. Coffee.

Mark ain't got fucked up enough lately. Yo, don't fuck me up. Yo, Mark ain't got fucked up enough lately. I'm about to give this young bull eight seconds right now. That shit was wild. That shit was wild. This guy's got a boner right here. I'm about to give this young bull. Why has bull got to be young? Yeah, bro. He's got a boner right now. That's crazy.

That's so wild. I'm still on it. I got you at it. Be lucky. Remember that. Coffee pointed out a couple other things. He's like, you have to accept it. Oh, now you dick riding. Stop glazing coffee for two seconds. If the dick is good, you gotta ride it, bro. If the dick is good, you gotta ride it. Go make him some coffee, you fucking p***y. Piping hot, just like you like it, Coffee. I don't know what you're saying.

That means bashful, bro. Yo, coffee. Get on that ass. Yeah. I wish you would. Get up. Get in my ass. They're on it. What did you say? What did you say? Yo, Miles, bring up a new topic. Come on. I don't even trust this motherfucker with the topics no more. Play the video again. Miles, do something, bro. Miles, come on, bro. This guy's just wilding. We're just trying to have a nice conversation with friends. I got nervous, bro. Oh, me and Mark had a fun debate last night. Oh, brother. I don't know if we want to save it for Patreon, but we had a hell of a time. Go.

Go. We had a couple good debates. We had a movie one too. Yeah. The one I want to bring up is let's say you're dating a girl. You're not married to your girls, whatever it is. All right. You're just six months into the, I'm going to make it real quick. You're six months into the relationship. It's a great relationship. And you guys have a piss kink. Okay. And you have to bring it to your girl that you have a piss kink. You want to do this. Can I tell you something real quick before you just say that? Cause it reminded me.

My wife was in a bad mood the other day. And she was taking a bath. And I was like, do you want some time alone or do you want me to cheer you up out of this bad mood? She's like, I think I want you to cheer me out of this bad mood. I go, all right. I bet you I could get you out of that bath without even touching you. And she goes, what do you bet? I go, I bet you I won't even touch you. I could get you out of that bath. She goes, well, what is the bet? I go, whatever you want.

She goes, okay, $100 bet. I go, okay, $100 bet. I pull my dick out.

And I'm trying to pee into this motherfucking bag. Into? I'm trying to pee into it because if I pee into the bath, she got to get out because nobody want to be in a bath with my pee in it. That's not a bath anymore. That's the opposite of a bath. Boom, 100 extra of my money back in my pocket. I just want 100 of my dollars back in my pocket. That's the best way to get your wife out the bath. Pull your dick out and try to pee in the bath. Did it cheer her up? Yeah, she's laughing, but she's also like, I'm going to get a yeast infection. Don't pee in the fucking bath.

Now, I didn't get any pee out, but I did that shit, and I would recommend you guys do it. Now, back to your pee, King. Go. This is what goes in white houses. That's 100%. I need to get my wife out that bad. She was in a bad mood. Now you're not. Yeah. I thought you were just going to turn the cold up. That would have been another option. I would have been way meaner. I would have been way meaner. I would have turned the hot up. Yeah. That was option two. Would you rather take a cold shower or get a little pee in the bath?

Cold shower. Come on. Anyway, go. Tell your pee kink. Six months in the relationship, you bring it up to her. You say, I have a pee kink. Do you think it's easier to convince her that you want to pee on her and let her pee on you in the shower, neck down? Or is it easier to get her to piss on you? Is it easier to convince a girl to get peed on or to pee on you? It's hard for them to pee on us just functionally. Yeah, it's a hard. Why are you looking like that? How do you know that?

What do you mean, how I know that? You've asked this before? How does a girl pee on you? Her vagina is by her asshole. It's like a recessed light. I mean, you laid it. They pee down their legs. It's a mess what they got going on. Oh, yeah, I never get girls to squirt. Even when they're squirting, they're on top of you. What I'm trying to say is... That's peeing on you.

Oh, but now you're going to sit in a cold bathtub and get peed on? This is not sexy. You're in a warm shower. You're going to pee on this shower. He says to her, oh, she's going to pee on you. What is easier to convince her of? The only way that she can pee on you in the warm shower is she has to go doggy style on your thigh. You know what I mean? She has to bend over, and then you have to put your thigh in between her legs. Put that into your calculation on your answer. Yeah.

Or you pee on her? Just pee on her leg or something like that? Anywhere. Just neck down. I think they're honestly equal. Then you say which one's harder to convince them. I think it's equal. Okay. Al? I think it would be harder to convince her to let me pee on her. Dove? You think it's easier to convince a girl to get peed on or pee on you? It's your kink. You're in the shower. Simple. Simple what?

It's easier to convince her to let you pee on them. Thank you, dude. What? Yeah, just pee on her feet while they're already wet. It's funny. No, but that's not sexual. If it's a kink, it has to be like neck down. There has to be like other body parts involved. Yeah, but if I'm peeing on you, I can't jerk off while I'm peeing on you. That's crazy. That's not how it works. They're so used to getting jerked off. What's the point of peeing on a girl if you can't jerk off? I don't know.

I don't know how a pinkie works. I've got to lock it into my memory after I pee on it. I don't know how pee kinks work exactly, but I do think it's easier to convince a girl to get peed on, dude. But it's to ejaculate. No? Is it not to ejaculate? I don't know how a pee kink works. No, I think it's just pee for pee's sake, I think. Well, then that's not a sexual kink at all. That's how kinks work, I think. No, that's like an exercise. Exercise on what? I don't know. It's just exercise. They've never seen the R. Kelly video. They've never seen... Be comfy, cump. Comfy, cump. You have to do comfy, cump. Oh, is that what he's doing? Yeah, yeah.

Come, pee, come. I've never seen that. I've never seen that. Even though I've never seen it because he was with the younger girl. But I heard it was crazy. Come, pee, come. You should watch. Wait, you saw it? You watched the tape? He did too. You watched the tape? You guys both watched the tape? What a full circle moment.

You're gonna watch some young girl get fucking pissed on by greatest musicians of all time I just heard Wikipedia like mark the Description

I mean, Charlemagne told me on the pod that's how I know Come Become. It's in the title. Come Become. Come Become? Remember it wasn't Come Become in every episode? Wow. Come Become. What does this mean? This was Brilliant Idiots. Yeah, but he ain't see it. I ain't putting it on him. He seen it.

Someone told him about it. Someone told him. This guy's a snitcher. Let me get a new topic. This guy's a snitcher. If I know about it, everybody knows it. He knows it. Put it in a song. Tell us you want the world to know. Come, P, come. Stop it, bro. Sing it immediately. Come, P. Come, P. Yo, yo, you're always put a penis to his heart.

This guy's a comfy cum guy. You're, honestly, you're pathetic. You know, you're pathetic. The way that you talk about children getting urinated on by musical geniuses. You're a fool. Absolutely disgusting. You're a fool. Yeah, maybe I'm a fool. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, pee on me. Maybe I like cocked.

You know what I mean? Maybe I do. If you fool me twice, maybe I do. That's an old college saying. You got to cut it out. Y'all got to cut it out. You got to cut it out. That's an old college saying. Y'all won. I got it. I think most people would rather just pee on someone than get peed on in general. We called a bunch of girls last night on speakerphone. What was the record? What was the record?

One of your calls was bad. One of your calls was real bad. Why is it bad? Because it was your sister. Yeah. With all due respect. No, with all due respect, did you ask your sister? Of course I did, bro. Come on, son. I'm joking. I didn't call my sister. I don't know the answer to that. All right.

This guy is crazy. This guy is crazy. Did he really call his sister and ask if she wanted to get shit on? Who said that? You didn't say it. With all due respect, did you call your sister and ask her if she wants to get dumped on from an Afghan warlord? Is that what you asked her? You almost got... With all due respect...

With all due respect, I'm not calling my sister if I had one and asking her if some guy in a turban is going to take a fucking dump on her head. What are we talking about? She's like, I've been to Dubai. I'm just not going to do that with all due respect. That's my family. I don't even want to know that information about my family. No, that's why I didn't ask. God.

I didn't ask. I was fucking disgusting, bro. I asked some other random people I know. Have some more respect. So you're saying that these slutty cunts that you guys called yesterday, with all due respect, just wanted to get urinated on or they wanted to pee all over guys? They wanted to pee all over guys. Yeah, probably some fucking fat lesbians who were out protesting the tunnel system all day and then they got home and they wanted to take a nice pee on a weak beta male. Pee fire. That's what they were singing, dude. No, they weren't, Mark. Yeah, that's true. Fuck you. Fuck you.

It's really irritating, man. And you're fucking going along with it. Yeah. Did you call, with all due respect, ask any of your family members, Miles? No, I did not call any of my family members. Tell you, someone who's not going to ask his sisters if they want to get fucking peed on. Who's that? Dove, my man, with all due respect, is not going to call either one of his sisters and ask if they want to get drenched in urine. But if you're the guest, he's getting a lab dance.

With all due respect. It doesn't feel respectful, but with all due respect, I agree. I do agree. That was his cousin with all due respect. When his cousin was reverse cowgirling him at the bar, that was his cousin with all due respect. When she was literally adjusting on his groin with all due respect like that. She's like, eight seconds. Stop it.

Ride a cowboy. No, she was using both hands. That wasn't one hand. She's disqualified. She would be disqualified from the bull riding. With all due respect. With all due respect. With all due respect. With all due respect. Can I ask a question? Yes. Jim Harbaugh, did you see last night? Oh, shut up. Oh, brother. It leads right to this. This guy stinks. Shut up. Did you see the kiss?

You shut up right now. Did you see the kiss? What you're doing right now is so disrespectful to your family. It's disrespectful to your cousin. It's disrespectful and we're rocking everywhere. Guys, it's a hot topic. No, it's not a hot topic. What was hot was you made your cousin put on them little bell waistbands so when she was rocking you, we heard that little jangle jangle. I thought Rudolph was showing up. Yeah. That shit was awesome. Dude, she did do a little belly dance. Did she not? No.

It was smooth like that. She did do a little bang down. Doves love handles.

With all due respect, Andy's getting a trainer. Okay, with all due respect, with all due respect, you have two sisters that are absolutely brilliant, beautiful, and successful. You do. With all due respect. All we're asking is with all due respect, I'm stalling until he gets that one. What I'm asking is with all due respect,

If you had to pee on them to save their lives, with all due respect. With all due respect, cease fire. You win. You guys. Which you mean? You had to pee on them to save their lives. Would they want you to pee on them or would they say, just let us die? Like if they have a shark bite and you have to pee on them. You have to pee on them. It's easy, Dov. They're captured by Hamas and Hamas is like, there's only one way to get them back. What? What?

Why are you laughing at that very realistic scenario? Any due respect for that? Yeah, I said with all due respect. With no respect for Hamas. Go back to the sharks, not Hamas. I'm just saying. I'll let the sharks eat them.

- Yo! - Eat Hamas? - Can we say with all due respect here? Sorry. - What about you, Mr. Question and Asker? - Would I do it for my mom or cousins? - Yeah, your mother. With all due respect. - With all due respect, to save my mother's life, would I pee on her? - Or get peed on. - I've peed inside my mom for nine months in utero. - Oh, that is a good point. - I've been peeing inside my mom, I've peed on my mom, I've peed in my dad's eye once, I've peed all over my parents.

peeing on my parents is nothing. It's the easiest thing they've ever experienced. They miss it. They probably miss it. They'd probably be getting peed on and they'd be like, oh. The good old days. The good old days when I was connected with my child. When you were this big. This big. So peeing on them is nothing. Nothing. I had top bunk when my brother and I were little kids. I sometimes would pee the bed. Let it soak down to him. Soak down, drip drop, alarm clock. Done.

Wake up, Greg. Chinese water torture. Chinese water torture. Hit him in the motherfucking forehead. It's nothing to me. I'm willing to save my family. Sounds like y'all are hesitating. Stalagmites under the bunk bed? Just fucking calcium buildup? Yup. Damn. Bro, that's insane. What you looking up? If you're peeing, you can't have the top bunk, dude. That's a flag. I mean, he was younger than me. He's probably peeing, too. Yeah, but you're on top of him.

Casualties of a dice game, bro. Casualties of a dice game. What I'm saying is I'm willing to do whatever it takes to save my family. It seems like you're not. I would. You'd pee on your sister's head? Oh, spray crazy with all due respect. With all due respect. I agree. You're saying you'd piss on your sister's head with all due respect. Son. Bro, my nephew right there. Motherfucker, bro. I'd knock him down with a string. Like the carnival game? Oh.

I was going to say, oh my God. With all due respect, I was going to get miles of this bitch.

But I agree. I actually, I'm with Alex. No, no, no, you wouldn't. No, I would. I would pee on Alex's family. 100%. With all due respect. With all due respect. To save their lives. I would do that for you. I'm not peeing on your family to save their lives. Save them, bro. I'd pee on Mark's sister. What if they're on family? Whoa! Whoa, dude! With all due respect. With all due respect. Whoa, whoa, whoa. He didn't even say the family. He's like, nah, just your sister. Just your sister. I'm saving your father. What if they're on fire? But not including the ones you've already peed on. Are you sure? Are you sure?

I'm trying to get the whole family. I'm trying to collect them all. With all due respect, you can't pee on... Y'all can't pee on my dad, bro. With all due respect. And I'm not peeing on y'all's dads. Thank you. To save his life.

You'll have to find him first. Good luck. Mark, you better give us something new to talk about right now. Mark, Michigan. All right, what happened in Michigan? Jim Harbaugh. You guys saw the Jim Harbaugh thing? No, what did Jim Harbaugh do? He was on Michigan. Yeah, what the fuck is this?

He kissed his mom right on the mouth. What's wrong with that? That's white people's shit. I had my mom with a lip kiss the other day. My wife asked about it. All right, we done. My wife was like, yo, did you kiss your mom? No, no, my brother was like, yo, did you just kiss mom on the lips? I was like, yo, she went for it, bro. I didn't want to curb her. Come on, son. Show the pucker. She was like this.

Why is that gross? Was it a head turn and she caught you? I think she went in straight. I went in, you know what I mean? I thought she wanted it. I was like, all right, whatever. I'm going to give it to her. And then she watches the pod. So you know exactly what I'm talking about, Mom. And then my brother saw and he was like, yo, yo, could you just kiss Mom on the mouth? And I was like, yeah, I think.

I think. Come on, son. What? Is that crazy? That's a little weird. Why is that crazy? How different is this to this? Like, why is this more important? Why is this texture right here that much different than this? That's what you're going with. That's what you're going with. That's a pretty good argument. That's a pretty good argument. Objection. What about people who got cleft lips and they got to take a piece of their cheek to make it a full lip? Are you kissing them on the cheek every time? He's making solid points here. I like what he's doing. I'm just saying. Interesting point.

What if you're dating a girl, she kisses her dad on the lips? Is that wild? It's not wild. It's wild for her dad because, you know, she'd be swallowed up. Oh, whoa. You can't talk about sucking off right now. I'm saying hypothetically. It's dating. So those things happen. Okay. Respect. All right, let's go. Come on. Let Jim Harbaugh. They tried to get him out the game. Having a moment with his mom. Let me see. This is a beautiful moment. Let me see. Let me go. Come on. Give me that. Give me that one more time. Cease fire now. You got to run this back. Cease fire.

Thank you. Start from the start. No, no, no. Right here. We got it. Why you speed it up at that moment? I'm not speeding it up. It's the internet. The Wi-Fi is hating on us. Landlord's hating. You fucking suck at this. Come on, dude. Mark's like, she's too old. Yeah, Mark's not into it. She was a nice young girl. I'm not Bill Clinton. Watch. Oh, that was a good one. It's not crazy.

It's just a peck. It's a quick peck, but she is hanging on his neck, which is a little interesting. Y'all are really... Y'all disgust me. You disgust me. Y'all disgust me, man. It's just a little weird. Even as a kid, I don't think I would do that. When Tom Brady's kissing his kid, I'm just a little bit like... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You're definitely going to kiss your kid on the lips. I don't think so, bro. What? No. I never did that with my parents. It's a baby. I never did that with my parents. That's the issue. That's the problem. Exactly. I remember my dad would kiss me on the cheek and it was all rough because his beard, he had a 12 o'clock shadow, but never on the lips. It was always here. Nah, bro. You kiss your parents on the mouth when you're young. We know you were doing it. Probably sucking their dick. Close-ass family. Close-ass family, right? If we kiss it on the mouth, you know what they're doing. Yeah, doing a little drug test. You know what I'm saying? Yo, whoa.

You always take it too far, bro. I went too far on that. You really took that way too far. With most respect. Expose his family, I guess. Don't release the tapes. Don't release the tapes, dude. Upstairs, baby. Don't. No. Yeah. What'd you see was going on? Was it a ritual? It was a ritual. There was a black cat in the corner, so there was weird things going on. Were y'all fleshlighting the cat?

Yo, please tell me y'all wasn't fleshlighting the cat as a family. Sometimes you gotta fleshlight the cat as a family. I understand that, but please tell me y'all weren't doing that. No. No. Witcher hour or whatever the fuck that shit is called. What? What is it called when cats go crazy at a certain time at night? A witching hour? Witching hour. There we go. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know about that. Oh, you really do be fucking that cat. No, what are you talking about? I was helping him out. I know. I was trying to help him out. I know what witching hour is. Now we on that ass. Coffee. No. Coffee, we got it. No. Yep.

I don't have sex with my cat. Nah, bro, we're on it. It's also not my cat. Oh, this guy disgusted me. I don't have sex with a cat. You're doing the Woody Allen. Technically, I didn't adopt her. My wife adopted her. It's not my daughter. It was my wife's daughter. So then I just married a girl. Nah, we're not going to let you do this, man. Exactly.

All right. That's beautiful. We all really hate him for a beautiful moment. It is a beautiful moment. This is cute. Objectively a beautiful moment. Oh, disrespectful. Dove, shut up because you're too close with family so you don't understand. But you're from a mouth-kissing family. That just seems a little like your bias. Do you kiss on the mouth? Now? No. At what age do you stop? Bar mitzvah. No, like seven? I think you can do it at six, seven. I think that's fine. Six, seven is fine. That's more fine. That's more fine.

But, I mean, 40. Yeah, that's, come on. 50. Brady was like. These whites are weird, right? These whites are weird. 20 and a half. Oh, let's go. You really see him as 18? I know you kiss on the mouth. I know that. Fuck off. Latin family, are you fucking kidding me? Side, side, side, side. When you're a five-year-old, you think a five-year-old mom is not kissing right on the fucking mouth of their baby. I don't remember. She calls you poppy. That shit is mad weird. Come on. Yo, what's up?

With all due respect, you're talking sexual. With all due respect, you're talking sexual. Stop that shit. Poppy is wild. Latinos need to account for that. Can we just have a honest conversation with the Latinos? Yeah, yeah, Latinos, you're not going to cut that shit out. You're going to call your son Poppy. He's crazy. That's why. You already have a Poppy. You're married to him. That's facts.

That is crazy with all due respect. That's a little wild. That's all I'm saying. So she definitely kissing you in your mouth. Probably other places with all due respect. With all due respect. With all due respect. With all due respect. Where you're going, you're going to need that. I'm just with all due respect then, you know? You're going to need that, dude. All right, what else we got, my boys? There's one more debate that me and Miles have. All right, go. And then we cease firing. And then we'll do a cease fire. Go. I don't remember this one. If a movie...

Is a movie a black movie based off who made it or who consumes it? How do you not remember this? I remember this one. Oh, this is actually a great conversation. I don't think that's what is distinguished. What makes something a black movie? Is it the director? Is it the actors? Or is it the people that consume it? Plot. The plot is what makes it black. What's up with the plot? It's black-ass shit. If the movie is about some black-ass shit, it's a black movie. There are white movies that are actually black movies. Like? Yeah.

This was Mark's first point. Oh, you made this point. Go. Because we were talking about this. So like Meg or Anaconda, any of these movies where it's like a big animal, it's made by white dudes starring white people. It's a black movie. It's a black movie. It's not a black movie. Hillbillies go to those shits too, bro. They're black. When we say black, we don't mean the color black. Oh. Yeah. But, okay, here's the question. Is Fast and the Furious a black movie?

Would say it's a Spanish movie. I give you that. Yeah, it's about families. I give you that. Yeah But like scary movie one two three five six seven is it a black black one? Is it like is this the Marlon Wayans one other rip the regular one? He was in all of them was a scary movie was the spoof the spoof. Okay, that's a black movie That's busy, but it's a white cast with a black director Jordan Peele

His movies are not black movies, but they're starring black people. Yes. For a white audience. No. They're just movies for everybody. Yeah. Okay. They're just movies for everybody. Black movies are movies that are specifically targeted to black people. Now. Loving Basketball, Friday, all those types of things are black movies.

Ooh, is Friday a black movie? Friday's a black movie, but it was so great that you guys have to put some respect on it. But it is a black movie. It came over a little bit. Okay. It's a black movie. Okay.

Technically, they're all Jewish movies since we got the money. Oh, my God. Get in the tunnel, Doug. We're trying to keep them out. It's our fault. I'm going to spar to kick you into a tunnel right now. Yeah. I love black movies. Black Christmas movies. You have black friends, too. Yeah, he has many black friends. Django Unchained. Django Unchained is not a black movie. Because it's not speaking to something culturally black that they're relating to.

and being expressed through, right? The Jordan Peele movies, black people can relate to these situations they're put in, but so do white people. It's not something specifically black that's happening to them that they're relating to the characters in that movie. The anacondas in those kind of movies are black movies because the reaction to the events are seen through the eyes of the black dude. They're like, oh my God, that's a big ass snake. Yeah.

There's going to be a moment. Oh, my God, that's a big-ass shark. Oh, my God, that's a big-ass shark. Oh, my God, that's a big-ass alligator. That is what they sound like. Guaranteed. If there's a line in the movie where the black guy goes, oh, my God, that's a big-ass animal that's bigger than it's supposed to be, that's a bad movie. I never went to any of these movies. He did. I'm black. We already established this. He raps. No, there's a difference of like six.

Seeing movies in a New York City theater versus anywhere else, pretty much. It's wild.

That's true. We smoke in the theater. A lot of talking in that theater. I don't know if you did that in L.A., but we were smoking in the theater back in the day. The conversation would happen. That would be part of it. And if someone would try to shush the people talking, they were confused. That's a skittle to the head. Yeah, we're like, what are you talking about, shush? We're here for the movie. This is what we're doing. Like, Magic Johnson movie theaters were popping because people would get into it. That is true. Okay. Okay.

So what makes something a black movie? What is the black movie that's not black? The Jordan Peele one. There's other ones. A black movie that's not necessarily black. It just has black actors. Moonlight? No. Just a gay love story. More white than it is black. That's an interesting point. Black movie that's not necessarily black but has black actors. Let's go Denzel Washington movies. They're not black movies. They're just movies. But they might have more black actors in them. Mm-hmm.

But it's just movie. So what makes it black movie? It has to be culturally representative or relatable in some way. And it's not trying to cross over. It's not trying to speak to everybody. It's trying to go, hey, these are the people that we want to relate to this movie. Anybody else wants to look? Boom. Tyler Perry. He's not trying to speak to anybody. He's just speaking to us. And other people can like it and they can love it. But it's not the attempt. Black Panther? No.

Not a black movie. Not a black movie. That's actually the greatest example. Black Panther is not a black movie. That's a hot take. It's more African than it is black dead ass. That's a good point. True. That's a good point. I mean, like all the slave movies, 12 Years a Slave. White movies. Those are white movies. Those are white movies. Very slave movies, a white movie. Interesting. Morris Chestnut movies. Oftentimes they have similar actors playing for sure. Yeah. I think we learned a lot. Guys, it's settled. That's been flagrant.

We'll see you, Patreon, this Friday. Join us on armypatreon.com slash flagrance. We love you. We appreciate you. Peace.