Brian Simpson Gets Flagrant
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- You're like a black Larry David. - No, no, no, no, no, no. My maximum irritation comes from me waiting for people. That's why I check a bag. Everyone's giving me shit about it. But the truth is, not checking a bag only makes sense if waiting for your bag is the number one concern. For me, I like to get on the plane last. I don't wanna get on early 'cause I don't wanna be sitting there the whole time. What happens is sometimes people will take the above space. So you gotta put your shit

back deeper. Yeah. And then you gotta wait for all these f**ks to get off the plane before you get off the plane. And that is the moment where I might f**king pop. You don't like the S&M? Nah. Nobody want no pain. That's gonna take me out of the whole thing. I don't wanna get choked, scratched, nigga poked, shocked. The tied up s**t's stupid. As if we can't hold them there. Like it's just redundant. Have you ever dated someone who's dead? Oh man. Hooked up with someone who's dead now? Yes. And? But they died after so that's I hope.

Crazy the questions that have been asked on this podcast. Have you jerked off to her since? No. Of course not. You got to delete dead people like just bang, bang. No, because what if she's like an angel watching down? That's bringing it up. She's looking at her work. Love you, Grandma. Grandma just passed. Grandma!

I always hated it when they did the, like, the Don't Do Drugs episode of comedies. Like, whatever Saved by the Bell did, or Family Matters, or anything, would, like, decide to do, like, a serious episode. Wayans Brothers did a wild one. Like, Break the Fourth Wall. Hey, kids. What is the Don't Do Drugs? They make the kids do drugs and something bad happens? Like, I've never seen that shit. Dude.

Do they do drugs in the show? Fresh Prince had one like that. Fresh Prince episode. St. Baudel did that too with the caffeine pills. That was caffeine pills. Mark is doing that with Zins right now, bro. Mark is addicted to Zins. He hasn't had food in 48 hours. He only eats Zins. And he looks incredible. I mean, the guy is absolutely shredded. I mean, he's like six months, probably eight months. But now he's really ratcheting up the Zins and he doesn't eat any bread. He doesn't eat any sugar. He doesn't eat anything. It's just Zins.

No, it's steak and vegetables and fruit. Also steak, vegetables, and fruit. Are you doing the prime or what is it? I'm just trying to eat what our ancestors ate. That's my... But they didn't have zins. Yeah, but they had to go run around and shit. But it is funny you'll have like a zin outburst. Like just right there was...

What was the episode about the drugs? Did they tell the kids to do the drugs? He just got laser-fired. It's like the Ancestry Diet. That's what it is. Primal. Well, they also ate hairy pussy. Are you doing that too? Of course, bro. Yeah, that's part of the diet. That's how I get my protein up. I'm holding, every carnivore person, I hold them with consistency. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do all the shit they was doing back there. Do you think they ate pussy back there? I don't know if they did. Oh.

Yeah, I don't know if they even got consent back then, to be honest. We got to check the record on that, because it seems like that's a liability. How can we check the record? Let's not check very hard. I mean, there's got to be, like, images of it in a cave. A cave drawing? A pussy? I think a guy going down to a girl. I mean, I think it started happening. It was pretty...

Well, a lot of the early people were black, and I don't think y'all ate pussy. Great point. That's a fantastic point. Yeah, white people really invented that shit with a cult. Pussy wasn't eatable in the sub-Saharan Africa. But we had eatable pussy before fire, though. I don't know. There might have been people who did it, but it wasn't like... How did they describe good pussy before fire? What did they even say? I don't know.

Yo, this shit is water, bro. Yeah, I don't know when pussy started getting eaten. Tough one. When did you start? Eating pussy? Yeah. Oh, man, in my 20s. Oh, nice. That's pretty grown to do. Yeah, I know. You started late. You had no curiosity? No, because we were shamed about it. By whom? I was at the tail end of that where it was like people didn't

Oh, yeah. Black dudes, this is a more recent thing. Yeah. People didn't eat pussy. They didn't admit to eating pussy. They would do it. They just wouldn't tell their boys they didn't. Exactly. Yeah. And why was it? Is it the positioning? Is it your butt being in the air or something? I don't know, man. I don't know. I just think it's like an extra macho thing put on black men.

where you kind of, it's like there's an expectation that you... Don't eat pussy. Well, that you do whatever the manliest thing available. And I think back then it wasn't seen as manly. That was an Italian thing too, apparently. I remember an episode of Sopranos. One of the old mob bosses had like a mistress and then she told people that he went down on her and he broke up with her. He was like in love with her. He was like, fuck you, how dare you. They had that episode? Yeah.

They had that episode of Family Matters, the don't eat pussy episode. It was a big PSA. Be careful. Merkel was doing it a lot. Okay, so as a grown man, 20 years old, you go down on a girl for the first time.

Oh, yeah. Black chick, white chick? White chick. Yeah. Did she just expect it and you're like, okay, I got to do this? Or you actually wanted to, you were curious? No, I was just trying to remember what I was being told by the OGs. Okay, okay. The OGs, the winos, the creepy uncles. Yeah. All of you were like, all right, now when you get in there, make sure you got there. Yeah.

Yeah, I didn't do it good. Yeah, what were you even doing? What strategy? Because, you know, it's weird that we think that the only thing between us and doing well is just getting to the pussy. But you're not just automatically going to be good at this shit. Yeah. But comics especially are fucked up. One thing, ask any comic this question, are you better at comedy or fucking? And what would they say? They would say, they would act like it's a hard...

That's the easiest question I've been asked in my life, dog. I've never insulted my comedy like that. You know, it's funny. In my head, I literally was thinking...

Yeah, they can't fuck. Everybody thinks they're good at... It's driving, comedy, and fucking. Well, sex is a little easier because it's mostly the same person. You know what I mean? But stand-up is different people all the time. You know what I mean? Also, like, what... Okay. You're married. When you say you're good at sex... Don't say mostly. But you're one of the top comics in the world. You're not one of the top... Fuckers in the world. Fuckers in the world. No. But also, like, what makes you good at sex? Like...

Is it the bag? When it comes to basketball, there's a bag, right? Do you have crossovers? Do you have all the things? When it comes to sex, I judge it by if the girl orgasms or not. Right, I think that's part of it, for sure. But you could do nothing and then they orgasm.

So does that make you good at sex? That's a hot crowd, dog. That's a hot crowd. Or that might just be a hot crowd. Yeah. The audience is kind of, you know how you say the rim isn't always 10 feet in comedy? Yeah. I would assume it's like that with sex. I don't know, but I would assume it's like that. No, no, you're making a good point. Like sometimes the crowd is really good. Sometimes you perform at the ice house. Sometimes it's so easy. You're like, this ain't me. This them. Right, I get that. Like I don't have like, you know, sometimes it's only black dudes that do this. They have like a video where they're like doing air humping.

And they're doing like the worm and shit like that. They're like, it's only black dudes on TikTok or Instagram. I've never seen one white guy like do his fuck moves on nothing. It's like R&B video choreography from the 90s. Yeah, but we do like air guitar. You guys actually do air fucking. Okay? And I see those moves. You're acting like you don't know. It's you I'm watching. I'm never doing that. I don't do that. Like I'm not like doing the worm in it. Yeah.

Are you doing the worm? No. No, no, no. I'm very by the numbers. I'm fucking very like German engineered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Efficient. Yeah. Efficient because I'm out of shape. Yeah. I mean, you can't be doing all that extra shit. Yeah. Yeah, your motherfucking shoulder, you give out, start shaking, you start dripping sweat on the bitch. Yeah. You ever got a cramp? Oh, yeah. No.

What part of your body? I've thrown up whatever this is. What is this? The glute? The glute. Yeah. I've had that shit cramp up on me. I've had it cramp up on me. What do you do? Why are y'all laughing like that ain't ever happened to you? I don't think it was my glute. I think it was my foot.

What you mean your foot? I think my foot cramped. You had a toe curler? Yeah, I think it was like a toe curling thing. Oh, she had you curling her toes. That must have been tough. That must have been that hard too. Yeah, I did have a couple stops. Yeah, that's where we go. But they like that. I think anytime that you have to take a break, I think that's a compliment. It's like when the other team calls timeout.

That's like if you're about to cum and then he's like, yo, chill, chill, chill. But if you have to stop because of a cramp, that's not sexy. Yeah, but I act like it's because I'm about to cum. Like, I'm just like, I'm like, yo, chill, chill, chill. But like, well, one leg is just sticking out straight. What does he think when you got to walk it off? That's a little weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're doing a jog around the room. You want to know the craziest shit I ever heard? A buddy of mine said when he's about to nut, he'll stop and then he'll hit his dickhead. Whoa. What? Yeah.

Why? As if like that will stop him from nutting. Why does Dove do this? Yeah, bad dog. He bad dogs his dickhead. Why? The pain people, fuck out of here with that shit. Nobody want no pain. What do you mean? You don't like the S&M? Nah. You're not into it? Not even a little bit. That's going to take me out of the whole thing.

Yeah, I get that. You don't like getting choked? I don't want to get choked, scratched, nigga, poked, shocked. None of that shit. Tied up? No, scraped. None of that shit. The tied up shit is stupid. I think it's so dumb. As if we can't hold them there. Like, it's just redundant, right? Like, it's not like it's needed. But some people might need it, though. Don't you feel like it's the girl saying that you're pussy? If a girl's like, yo, can you tie me up?

Like that's the girl being like, yes, motherfucker can't hold me down. Like a girl that knows you could hold her down never needs to be asked for that to happen.

Yeah, but what if it's actually literally knowing she's tied up? That's what the king did. They don't think that hard. You think they think that hard. It's not that much. Well, she just wants to be there for a while. He goes and eats a motherfucking sandwich and I'm sitting in this chair by myself tied up. Oh, that's kind of smart. I should convince my wife to do that for a long time.

Don't play FIFA? Pop downstairs, bro. Put that little red ball in her mouth. Throw the TV. Watch some cricket. Just wait. Just wait. I'm building anticipation. Really torture her and make it sound like you're having a good time from the other room. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Then she'll use her safe word. Yeah.

Brian Simpson. We got Brian Simpson on Flager today, guys. We got Brian Simpson on Flager. We already started recording. Yeah, we already started, man. This motherfucker's watching the recaps of the Young Thug trial. I bump into him outside, and I hear through his headphones, that's like, it's just...

The prosecution wrestling. What the fuck is this guy listening to? And he's listening to the recaps of the Young Thugs trial, which is quite fascinating. It is kind of crazy. Are you watching too? I watch YouTube people who explain. What's going on? Yeah. Oh, so you're in on this too? Yeah. That's fascinating. Son of a judge is wilding, bro. Fannie Willis. No, Fannie Willis. The new one. Fannie Willis is the DA. The judge got kicked off the case. Yeah. What happened to the attorney that got arrested?

He was only in jail that one night. The judge held him in contempt

for not telling him how he found out about a meeting that the judge had with the prosecutor, which was, which is illegal. So the judge and the prosecutor did some illegal shit. Yep. Right. The lawyer found out about it. The lawyer snitched and the judge was like, you can go to jail for saying that we did something illegal. Right. That seems like he called him out on it. And he was like, how'd you find that out? And he's like, I'm not going to tell you how I found it. It's none of your business how I found it out. Well, that's what he held him in contempt for. But why does he have to be honest about that when they can have this meeting and

without telling people that they shouldn't have had. That's true. He caught him out there. That's why the judge got taken off. And then the judge was taken off, replaced by another judge, and then that judge recused herself. So now they're on their third judge. Oh, he's getting off. Yeah. Oh, Young Thug getting off. I'm starting to think that the dumber attorneys are prosecutors.

Like, you just watch these cases that are supposed to be slam dunks and the prosecution fumbles the fuck out of it. OJ, there was one in Dallas with like a politician. The most evil ones is prosecutors. Ooh. The ones that's like, they'd rather take a pay cut just to fuck people. Just to put somebody...

I think they're just not smart enough to be defense. I think the smartest ones are like, hey, I can get paid millions of dollars to be not even killers like rich people on tax shit. I can make so much money defending the vile people. Yes. Why would I be a prosecutor? And then what's left of the prosecution jobs, a bunch of fucking idiots who can't ever prosecute OJ. They're just like, ah,

Yeah. No, no. I think, I think you're onto it because if you could make tons of money, most people would, there's a few people who are just like great teachers, for example, um,

But like if you're teaching finance But you could run a hedge fund You're probably going to run the fucking hedge fund But there's a few people who are like I just love teaching kids and I want to Help the next generation But those are few and far between But I feel like the prosecutors are like aspiring Politicians Those are probably the best prosecutors Politicians are geniuses This is the worst people Where who? Wait why?

The DA, you're saying? Yeah, the DA. Why? Why is she evil? Because you know what the meeting was about? They were trying to threaten a witness. So a witness, a key witness was supposed to testify against Young Thug. He said he didn't want to. So they had a meeting with him, the judge, and the judge was basically saying, hey, so I'll keep you in jail. If you don't testify, I'll keep you in jail until all these trials are over. Because it's a RICO case.

so he's basically like so after thug it's gonna be someone else someone else you could be in jail for years if you don't testify so then he changed his mind like i want to testify and then goes up there and then please the fifth right but the judge ain't supposed to be helping you coerce nobody to testify nothing like that that's crazy yeah prosecution can do that but judges cannot right yeah and they've been doing way more dirty they're like

accidentally turn in evidence late so that they don't have time to go over and, like, keep getting away with all that little shit. Like, she do all that little shit. Yeah, this is my cousin Vinny. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Do you remember my cousin Vinny? Like, this is literally everything that happened to my cousin Vinny. This is old school tricks. Yeah, she's dirty, man. Okay, so he's gonna get off, huh? Yeah, it looks like. I mean, if he gets off, that's gonna be one fucking story. I think that case is gonna be over. It's gonna be over this week, for sure. This week? What? Yeah. I think tomorrow is when all the...

All these motions get ruled on. Motherfuckers going back and forth saying, you know, I want him gone. I want her gone. He broke the law. She broke the law. You got to understand, like, she's against maybe like eight or nine other attorneys. And they all just keep...

submitting motions. Yo, help me out with this. I'm 40 and Indian. Gunna, did he snitch or know what happened? I don't even know. Because I'm not... I didn't even start paying attention because I'm not even watching for the actual trial. It's this side shit. Like, you know...

The judge and the prosecutor possibly getting thrown off the case, that's the answer, because they dirty. Which is wild, because they probably, right? Like I said, the YSL people are fucking guilty. Yeah, but still, they breaking the law so they can put them in prison. So what's your professional opinion? What do you think the ruling's going to be? What do I think the what? The ruling. Like, guilty, not guilty? Oh, no, I think it's going to be a mistrial with prejudice, where they're not going to be able to try them again.

Oh, mistrial with prejudice. Yeah, I think it's gonna be a mistrial because the trial is already the longest running trial in the history of Georgia. Wow. And and now and now the judge is gone. So a new judge is like, how could they possibly know enough about what's going on without going back through two years of transcripts? How do they know enough about what's going on to like rule over the trial for real?

Oh, wow. I mean, imagine you get selected for that case and then you have to go through two years of evidence, information. Yeah, you're not going to want to do all that. And all the money and all that shit. And not to mention all the shit that was stricken from the record that you're not allowed to see. So you got to go back and watch these videos, but you can't watch the little pieces that...

were taking off the record. It would just be a lot of complicated shit for them to actually give them a fair try. I think they're going to get thrown out. So maybe that was the goal the whole time, is just stretch this bitch out as long as fucking possible. Mm-hmm.

But he's incarcerated the whole trial. Better be incarcerated for this time now than for 25 years. Because what they were going up again is attempted murder, right? Or actual planning a murder. The actual murder conspiracy. Yeah, so you locked up for, that's 25, right? Yeah. Yeah, he was going to be away for a while if he got that guilt on everything. So if he does four or five now, that's a bargain. Yeah, but still. Damn. Damn.

Guys, that segment, it was brought to you by Morgan & Morgan. And if you're injured, you should definitely get your compensation by going to Morgan & Morgan. I mean, you can literally go to their website, forthepeople.com slash flagrance. And you dial pound law. And for that, we cheers. Cheers, Morgan and the other Morgan. Let's get back to the show. Yeah, I mean, really what you're hoping is he'd get out before...

it's too late for his music to be relevant. Oh, I mean, the comeback album is going to be crazy. I think no matter what, he's going to be on fire. Nah, that's when we thought that about Shine. Well, Shine also had been sent to Belize and he also lost the case. Yeah. He was convicted. Shine went to jail for like 10 years. Oh, right. Yeah. And now he's a politician out there. We talked about that yesterday. We thought that about Bobby Shmurda.

But Shmurda came back. He didn't really have a hit. I don't think he came back with music. The music didn't hit. But he came back and his energy was crazy. All the streams were crazy. He just didn't have the song that matched it. So you still got to make the music. But Thug's a great artist. Shine better than me. I'd have told on everybody. That big still won't sell. Shine was so good, man. We were talking about him yesterday. I thought he was the greatest voice. Can you explain him to me? I have no... His voice was just... He was a rapper in what, Brooklyn? Brooklyn.

uh yeah he's from brooklyn and uh he had a pretty iconic first video that came out like really cool voice uh none of us knew what the fuck belize was we just thought he was this black dude like yeah he sounded like biggie yeah but like more but looks yeah yeah just yeah like great everything was was cooking and then he's you know chilling with diddy and then uh

Diddy, him and J-Lo are at this nightclub. There's a shooting. Somebody gets shot and killed. Diddy kind of says to him, yo, my lawyers are going to take care of you. Don't worry about it. And then his lawyers pin the murder on Shine. Shine happens to be from Belize, even though he spent his entire life, I think, here in the United States.

he gets convicted and extradited to Belize. He can never come back here. He just recently came back because now he's a politician in Belize. So he came on some sort of like diplomatic trip. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's... Anyway...

This is at a time where Diddy is dating J-Lo. He's this sweet guy running marathons for the vote. Everybody loves Diddy. He's a teddy bear. Now when you look back on it, you're like, whoa, this is a nefarious individual that is trying to destroy the life of another human being when he was the one that was definitely a coward. And Sean still won't say his name. Isn't that crazy? He still won't tell on him.

Ain't that crazy? Yeah. Think of the threats you must have gotten. You're a politician in Belize and you're still worried. I don't think he's really scared. I think it's just that street code shit. Yeah. If I tell, because people don't care why you told. They be like, nah, you a snitch. I'd have just been a snitch then. That's the only way to get revenge. This nigga let me get locked up for 10 years. Yeah, fuck all that. Yeah. I'm snitching on him. Can Thug get paid for the time he spent locked up? Yeah.

That's a good question. Like, yo, it's a mistrial.

No, not really. I was never found guilty, but I still lost three years of my life and all the music that I could have made and the money from the touring, da-da-da-da-da. No, that's an interesting point. Like, can you keep somebody against their will? You can't incarcerate somebody without cause, right? Isn't that what habeas corpus is all about? You can't hold someone's body without accusing them of a crime? I guess he is accused. Yeah, he's accused. So while you're accused, they can hold you? There's no bail system? No, because it's a dangerous crime. Yeah, they deny bail because it's a dangerous crime, yeah.

so they're holding them to protect the population i mean that makes sense like you got someone accused of rape or murder like you know but but you also have a right to a speedy trial so it's like a balance where it's like yeah but that's that's another thing in that county it's many people that's just been locked up for years and years and years with no bail no trial haven't been charged with anything

So they play the game. They kind of muddy the motherfucking waters. Like, they should let him go. He's been locked up for two years, and he hasn't been convicted of anything. Yeah. And is this their way of pushing you to accept a plea? Mm-hmm. Accept a plea or coerce other people to snitch on you. Yeah. Go to state's evidence or something. Wow. Yeah. That's pretty wild.

That's pretty wild. Yeah, fuck those people. There's no reason to go to Fulton County, Georgia. Why? Because they dirty as shit over there. There's no reason to even be nowhere near that place. Yeah. Nah, Fannie Willis, the prostitute, she's...

She gonna find something. She gonna find some crack under your beard. She one of those people, man. Is it to try to be a politician or is it to try to clean up Atlanta? I've heard if you go there, you don't feel as safe as you used to. Now, they say that about every city post-COVID. Yeah, but they all say they're cleaning up the city.

Yeah. Nah. A lot of these motherfuckers is just, they narcissists disguised as activists. That's politicians in general. Yeah, they just want to be seen. They just want to be in charge. They don't give a fuck about the actual place. They don't give a fuck about crime. Don't you see the irony in her

having him on trial for a conspiracy and her conspiring with the judge to put him in prison. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah. They don't give a fuck about no justice. She ain't paid. She giving her boyfriend, you know, million, million dollar no bid contracts. I mean, that's crazy. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. The no-bid contracts is crazy. She don't give a fuck. She don't give a fuck. Yeah. And I think she just wants these two big cases on her books so then she can move on up. Be a judge or something? Yeah. No, probably go into politics. Yeah. I think if you're DA, you try to be a mayor or something like that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But she wanted to take down Trump and the... Clean up Atlanta. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of want to do jury duty, bro. That shit sounds fire. What? Yeah, like a real good trial. Can I tell you some shit? Like a long murder. Your cell phone's changed jury duty, yo.

Yeah, it's true. No cell phone. Jerry Doody was tortured. Miserable. Show up every day at 8 o'clock. You sit in these fucking pews waiting to maybe get called or not. You're there for multiple days. You just got to be there. Maybe they call your name. Maybe they don't.

But you just have a newspaper. You'd read the whole fucking newspaper. You're bringing like a book. There's nothing to do. The idea now that I could go somewhere for three or four days that I would have to be. Bring a paddle. Bring a paddle racket. Oh, my God. Yeah. It's a dream. Yeah.

I just scroll all day, get all my emails done, do all the work that I need to do. Are you allowed to scroll, though? Hell yeah. You're not on a trial. You're just waiting to maybe be selected. Waiting to get selected. I remember the first time when I thought I'd be miserable, but I had an iPhone and I was like, this is great. Eight hours, I'm just chilling. You've never done jury duty? I'd be dodging that shit. Man, someone told me it's like you get arrested for dodging it. No. That shit is bullshit. I hear that, but I don't know nobody that's ever got in trouble for it. Apparently you can just say, I never got it.

I never got the summit. You would get off. You go to trial for dodging jury duty and they're like, should we convict him? All day the jurors would be like, nah. Nah. I wish I did. That sucks. Yeah. Bro, that's so funny because they'll send you like a, in New York, they'll send you like a blue one. And if you miss that a few times, it's like a red. And I got the red one. I was like, I'm getting locked up.

So I went and I pleaded. I was like, oh my God, I didn't see it. Could you please let me try to do it next week? And the dude looked at me like, is he trolling me right now? He's like, you don't got to be here. I was still working there. When I pulled up and then we hung out. I told you. Don't worry about this. I'm dodging. They're going to have to come get me.

I don't got it, man. What do you mean? It's not money. I don't have the time. I don't have the time to be sitting around deciding if a nigga guilty. It's so funny because you voluntarily enlisted in the Marines and you're dodging juries. I know. I know. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice. You'd be a good juror. No, but he would be a pain in the ass juror. He'd be asking questions. He'd be raising his hand. Yeah, don't give me no power. Yeah.

Would you try to convince the other jurors of your position? No, but I would just be the stubborn one. It's like, yo, not guilty. No matter what. Nah, he confessed. He said guilty. Nah, he didn't know. He admitted it. I'm trying to get thrown off the trial. Under duress. And if they all said guilty, would you be like, hold on now, I don't know about all this. I'm trying to get thrown out of there. Yeah. But what if you actually start to really believe in the trial, like it was something that was important to you?

How could that be possible? It was giving you material, and you're like, I need to see how this shit closes out. But what if it's a storyline, like a show that you really appreciate? You're like, I need to know. I need to know where this goes. Oh, like I'm on the Alec Baldwin joint. Yeah, you're not tapping out of the Alec Baldwin. I'm like, no guilty. No guilty. No guilty. No. And they're like, that's not an option. No guilty. Freedom. Freedom. Yeah, I don't know, man. Just the idea of being stuck there just makes me fucking...

I would just lie to you still. I would shit my pants. Anything to just get the fuck out of there. You would shit your pants to dodge a jury? Yeah, for sure.

What do you mean? I've shit my pants for free. It's like six hours. Yeah, that's a good point. You shit your pants for no reason. How would you tell them or would you let them find out? I'd be like, objection. You say ejection? Ejection. Ejection, I shit my pants. It could be a couple hours, but it could be up there for months. Years.

These young thug people, it's been two years. Oh, no, that's crazy. It's been the same journey. That's the peak of somebody's career. There's somebody... I think it took them a year just to finish the selection. I think they must weed you out. If you make over a certain amount of money, they're like, we can't. So there's some dude

He plays for the Blue Jays. And he's at the peak of his athletic career, and he's sitting on this young thug trap. Freedom ain't free. We gotta wake up. Nah. He could be making 20 million a year throwing a baseball. I have never seen

of any note, any celebrity, whatever, ever on a trial in jury duty, ever. Tom Hanks did jury duty in 2013. For what trial? Tom Hanks. It was like a small one. They set that shit up. Yeah, PR, dog. Come on. They set that shit up. He wasn't on a murder trial. He wasn't on a two-month, fucking eight-month thing. That's what the jurors and the OJ doc said. At the end, they were like, so why'd you say not guilty? And she was just like...

I was tired, man. We were going to our hotel room every night, couldn't see my family, no phone, watching the same fucking TV every day for a year and a half. Yeah, I'm out. Yeah. Yeah, speedy trial. We got a right to a speedy trial, too. Yeah. Yeah, I would have voted not guilty, too, on an OJ trial. Have you watched all the thing back? I haven't.

No, no. But I watched it in real time, like as a little kid. That shit took over all the cartoons. Yeah, but it's different now, bro. You were 10 years old. You didn't know nothing. It's different now, bro. You know nothing about nothing. You just knew black people were like, he didn't do it. And you're like, yeah, sure. Agreed. But be honest. So when the verdict came out. No, see, that's beyond this thing. Black people didn't think he didn't do it. No, they knew he did it. But they were like, it's our time. Just like crying. Yeah. Now you crying about justice. You know? Yeah. Yeah, let's get one. And we didn't know that white girl. Like, she wasn't like...

What, like a Shirley Temple or somebody that was like, J.R.R. Hart? You know what I mean? If he killed Shirley Temple, that'd be a crazy fucking story. Right, right. Then it would've been hard... He would've been hard-pressed to defend. Yeah. Yeah, but just killing this girl, who they really made her out to be, uh...

She's a whore. Yeah, kind of a floozy. You were a little aggressive with that. She's still a girl who's dead standing up. I mean, she wasn't anybody's wife. She was a whore. That's crazy, bro. That's not like a euphemism for whore. She isn't anybody's wife, if you know what I mean. She is not white. She's nobody's girl. The R.I.P.

That is crazy you're not watching the Olympics. I'm kind of surprised by that. Have you been peeping it? Yeah, a little bit. It feels like too much. I see the highlights. I saw what Simone Biles did. I saw...

I saw an Asian nigga do the, with a sword. Is that a thing? Yeah. Yeah. That's the Olympics. That's the Olympics. Yeah. What did he do with the sword? I think he cut a baseball. That's the Olympics. I think that's American Ninja War. I think you're watching Wipeout. You were watching Wipeout. He cut some fruit in the air like so fast. Yeah. Yeah. The Olympics is boring to me.

There's a couple events. Gymnastics is fun when you put a country behind it. Yeah, that's a good one. Racing, that's always fun. Also fun to see how diverse gymnastics has gotten. There's like Dominicans and Blacks. It's not an Asian girl one. Asian girl, yeah. Asian American. Has it always been that though? Nah. I feel like gymnastics is always either Asians or Blacks.

Nah. The 90s was like old whites. Yeah, Russians dominated that forever. Yeah. Wait, the dudes or the women? Either. Both of them. Oh. Yeah, black people didn't get into gymnastics until very recent. Oh.

Oh, I thought black women been killing for the longest. Who was the one? Who was the black chick? I guess those are the only ones I hear about. Dominique Dawes. That was 96. Those are the only ones I hear about. That's the only one I heard of, though, but that was 96. But at the same time, the last white woman you heard of was like the little cute white girl. Carrie Strode. Carrie Strode, yeah. Yeah, she lost, though. Why they keep celebrating her? No, she won. She won the gold. Oh, with the broken leg? Yeah. Oh, wow. That's why it was fire. Mm-hmm.

couldn't have talked me into it. What do you mean? I'd have let the whole country down, nigga. What do you mean? Think about how bad she could have fucked her leg up if she didn't. One mistake, nigga. Just for the chance to maybe win. No.

I ain't got it. I don't love my country that much. You were a Marine. I know. That's why, that's why I know better. The light tour, the last leg. This is it. Atlantic city. We've added a second show on August 24th. Then we got San Antonio. We added a second show. Then we have Las Vegas, September 13th. That's the sphere weekend. We're,

We're all going out to Vegas for the Sphere. On Friday, we're coming to the Life Tour in Vegas. And on Saturday, we're going to UFC the Sphere. Then we got Cleveland and Columbus. Then we have Minneapolis. Then we have Milwaukee. Denver, we've added a third show. That's going to be October 16th through the 17th. We added a third show.

October 18th, Cincinnati, we've added a second show. Rama, Ontario, we're up there. Then Salt Lake City, we've added a second show. Reno, Nevada, we have two shows. San Jose, we've added a second show. Portland, and then Honolulu, Hawaii. And then the Life Tour is over. So if you want a chance to check out the Life Tour, this is the craziest tour I've ever done. This is the tour that brought all of my dreams.

Made all of them come true. Actually, you guys actually made all of them come true. But I think it is by far my best work and it is the work that I'm most proud of ever.

I would love if you guys come and check it out. These are your opportunities to check it out before it is over. Theandrewsouls.com. Do not get hit over the head by the scalpers. I will see you guys out there. Peace. What's up, guys? It's date time. This is important. I'm going to start doing a monthly show at New York Comedy Club. People in New York don't even realize I live here. They keep asking when I'm going to come. I'm going to do about 20, 30 minutes at this show once a month along with some friends. I'm going to do a big chunk of time at New York Comedy Club. First show is August 14th.

New York Comedy Club. Also, August 29th and 30th, I'm going to be in Honolulu, Hawaii. September 6th and 7th, I'm going to be in Vegas. September 12th and 13th, I'm going to be in Doral, Florida. The 19th and 20th, I'm going to be in Timonium, Maryland, which I'm pretty sure is outside of Baltimore, but I don't really know. 28th, Greensville, South Carolina. And we are going to have more dates coming at you guys. Go to akashsingh.com for those. Also, if you want the best guy in the city...

Go to my brother's Jai shop that I have also invested in, Fontainhas. That's F-O-N-T-A-I-N-H-A-S. Go there, check it out. Best Jai in the city, or I'll give you your goddamn money back. Let's get back to the show. I won't give you your money back, probably, but I'll think about it. Let's talk. Wait, what did you do in the Marines? He was deployed twice. I was a technician. Oh, like what'd you fix? I fixed...

I've basically fixed communications equipment for this giant radar. Oh, wow. Let me ask you a question about the Marines. Is there within the Marines a hierarchy how much respect you get based on if you're a technician? J.D. Vance was a war journalist or something. It's all gay stuff. But yeah, journalist is like, you don't even got a gun. You're not even in the armed forces. You're in the forces. But you could get murked.

Yeah, so I'm curious, within the services, do they look at you? Well, yeah, of course. I think it's the same in all the services. Like, do they look at you as a technician? But the closer you are to danger... The higher you're ranked. Right, but you probably usually aren't also not that intelligent. So that's really the only comeback you got. Got it. That's what y'all niggas don't. So the smartest... You're expendable. Right, right. So the smartest people are, like, the cooks. No, no, no. Those are the people that are...

Dumb and pussies. No, no, I'm kidding. But you're not. The Marine Corps don't have cooks. What do you have? I think the Navy cooks for us. Get out of here. I'm serious. Go make me some mac and cheese, Maverick. Maybe shit's different now, but there was no cooks on the Marine Corps.

Really? Nah, there's no cooks or no medics. I thought that's the whole reason they let women in. Isn't it a little foolish? I mean, yeah. What? Go hard. No, no. Okay. Okay. What is the purpose of having like infantry women? And there isn't one. Yeah. You know, I have no idea. I don't think those ain't real. All right.

I don't know. I'm just trying to understand. I understand, like, okay, if you're a sniper, I understand when, like, the field is level, right? You're a sniper. Athletically. Technician. Drone pilot. Drone pilot. All these things, absolutely. But if it goes to, like, breaking down the door and potentially hand-to-hand combat and, like, actually carrying a heavy thing around the desert for a while, don't you just want dudes to do it because they have an advantage? Yeah.

that's what i would want son if the other side saw me in the infantry i think they'd be like america's over but at the same time though i think man some a lot of that that training is so hard it's like so weed them out yeah i mean it's because it's definitely listen it's definitely one or two or three women in there that can do all that same shit yeah yeah because most of the dudes crying about it is dudes that couldn't pass the training anyway yeah do we give soldiers steroids

we should we should bro I mean I think a lot of them are on it but like that should be just part of it yeah I think so yeah why not like what's like every day you show rage could be yeah they're ready that's perfect Mark had a good argument that they should give the um the people in the Special Olympics steroids how do you feel I did not say that because I think that makes them too powerful yeah Mark said that I didn't say that but

But he thinks that they should be given. If there's any Special Olympic athlete, they should be allowed steroids to increase the amount. Well, they should be allowed. Yeah. Why not? I don't know, man. You want a level playing field? Right. Or what if you activate the mutant gene?

But yeah, I guess we have to see. Has that been tested before? No, see, white people always play in guard. No, I'm not. When you're closest. Man, we can't juice up our special needs kids, man. Yeah, can't do it. It's too risky. No, no. Yeah, we can't. People in Paralympics do it.

There was a guy missing an arm that was like a slalom guy that got his metal revoked because he was juicing up. He was juicing. But just let them fucking juice. They're already at such a disadvantage. Just let them take whatever. The rule should just be like, as long as you only inject in the nub, then you're good to go. Apparently it's a whole problem because there's some people with spinal cord injuries that need steroids in order to function. It's basically medicinally prescribed. And they're like, yo, I need this shit to live. Let them do it. But see...

I feel like, man, you had your chance, man. You don't get to participate in the Olympics just because you want to. Like, oh, you recover from spinal cord. That's kind of what I feel. It's like, we don't owe you that because it would be a great story. Like, you're like, oh, I hurt myself and I climbed all the way back to the top. I should be able to do steroids so I can be in the Olympics. Like, why? Well, this is para. This is para.

Oh, it's people that's paralyzed. No, Paralympics. Wow, I went on a long rant for nothing. There's been a couple people that do both. Like Pistorius, he was a legendary one. Right, that was, okay, the dude with the bendable leg. Yeah, he did Paralympics, crushed everyone. Wait, did he kill somebody? Yeah. Yeah. That's why there's that whole other thing. Probably because he was doing steroids. Yo, low key. Yeah, he might have. Who did he kill? His girlfriend. His girlfriend. Yeah. Wow. Okay.

No. Allegedly. That whole thing was wild. Allegedly. So he didn't get found guilty? I mean, he did. He got found guilty for copable manslaughter. You don't buy it? What is it? He shot up into a door. Copable manslaughter. He shot into a bathroom door where she was. So it's not like there was a big space. He thought someone was robbing the place. And also taking a shit. Yeah. And you're in the restroom right now. And also, yeah.

arguing with him about domestic things. Was she pregnant? No. It was on Valentine's Day, I believe. Oh, no. God damn, you suck. You can't be nice for one day. You can't kill her on the 15th. What is that? You wouldn't break up with a girl on Valentine's Day. So he got found guilty. What did they give him? They gave him 10 years, I think. I think it was a longer sentence, but some of it got commuted. I think they gave him 10 years and took his legs for 20.

Punishment. He got released, though. I think he's back. We got to get him on the pod. He's around. Really? He's wheeling around now. I would talk to him about that experience. January 1st, 2024. Yeah. Wow.

He's a computer guy. You gotta fight and put the leg to stand on jokes. I mean, a lot of those would go, but now those jokes can fly because he killed somebody. Like, you get to have no empathy. So he has a really interesting story, and we can make fun of him as much as we want because he did something really bad in his life.

He really did. Yeah. Apparently, I was looking into it, even if it wasn't his girlfriend, even if it was an intruder that was stealing shit and also took a shit in the middle of it, he still would have been found guilty. Really? Because I don't think you could just shoot through a door without knowing what's behind it in South Africa where he was at the time the crime took place. I mean, I would imagine there's pretty good self-defense laws out there. It's a dangerous spot. So apparently his house got robbed before and he was kind of like- On edge. A little anxious about getting robbed.

Yeah. I mean, I'm sure if I got into a fight with my wife, I'd be like, someone is robbing me in the bathroom. That's ridiculous. Sounds like an intruder is here. That's a great excuse. And apparently he had to cross her side of the bed in order to get to the bathroom. And there was nobody there. Yeah. And he didn't think, whatever. Did he put his legs on first?

This was contested. This was a part of the whole trial. Because that is important. And so I think the prosecution was saying that he did put his legs on to prove premeditation. But I think they were able to prove that the bullet holes were going up.

I'm not joking. I looked at it and they were like, yeah, I think they're going. So I think they confirmed that he didn't put his legs. Which would also indicate like he was panicked. You know what I mean? Like he just hopped out of bed thinking that someone was in there. Crawled, army crawled. And furthermore, he's vulnerable. Hit him with that odd job. Yeah. Yeah. Legendary Olympic moment right there. That was it. Yeah. But I feel like, do you think people will be surprised if you killed your wife? Yeah.

Like, we woke up in the morning and it was like Andrew snapped and fucking threw his wife out the window. Would it cost me? Like, no way. Yeah, he would be like, no way. Yeah. Unless it was, unless he heard it right before the podcast started. Unless, unless, unless the conversation right before this podcast began happened and then he heard the information, then I think it would be quite believable. Oh,

But outside of that, no. I don't think anybody would believe me. I can't think of a person I know who would kill their wives and I wouldn't be surprised. No? Yeah, who are you thinking that you're like, I could see it? Damn, see, I don't want to throw that business in the street. But you got someone in mind. Oh, you should bleep it. I mean, for public safety, you should. No, no, no, fuck you. I ain't no snitch. I need to know that I should look at this guy funny. Yeah, well, just bleep it. Have you not tried to intervene?

Would I intervene? Like, have you not tried to, like... If you think... If he's gonna kill a girl and you're not... No, no, no. I don't think he's gonna, but I'm saying... But if I heard that he did, I would be like, no way. Is it because of the relationship or because of who he is as a human? Because of who he is. Oh.

You don't know nobody like that? Or y'all all just friends with the best? You know, no one that I think is a muscle. Also, I love how in order to not murder your wife, you got to be the best. What are you talking about? That's his bar. Only the cream of the crop doesn't kill their wives. I mean, I've met a couple people I think are probably dangerous. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And so I'm like, I wouldn't be shocked in that regard. My dad kicked my mom's ass and I still wouldn't think he would kill her. Really? Yeah. That's a giant leap, dog. I'm starting to think that's why you don't want to get married. Is that why you're single, brother? He's like, I know what I'm kidding. No, that's not that big of a leap. If they would beat their ass, you don't think they would kill them? I actually think it proves the opposite.

It's kind of a good point. Really? Like I'm showing restraint? Yeah. It's like there's proof that this is as far as I'm, you know. Okay. Yeah. I gotta retake my damn heart on the whole class or whatever. Are you capable of killing your future wife? No, of course not. Let's focus here. Who's the person? Yeah, who's the person?

What are we talking about? Just blank it. We'll bleep it. We just want to know. Nah. Why? You don't trust us to bleep it? We'll absolutely bleep it. But I don't have to trust you because I'm not going to tell you. But that means that you don't trust me. When this bitch is dead, I want you to know it's on you. Yo, real talk. I'll write it down on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope that you can only open. After she dies? True.

to be like yeah no he yeah this is crazy he got it you act like we're being weird you're being fucking weird dude i hey listen i didn't i don't have a problem with being weird or with a woman dying do you mean what would you want to do it cause you're gonna go over there and save her right now foil the plot that's actually actually you're saving us the guilt yeah i don't want to know exactly you bear that burden

You're iron, man. I'm comfortable being a terrible person. You're not terrible. They're terrible. But you didn't do anything. Right. But they're not planning on hurting anyone. But they might. And you know that they could do it. Right. I don't want you to tell me that. But it's not against the law to want to do it. That's true. That's a good point. Yeah. Wanting to do things is not wanting to do drugs is not against the law. Wanting to sell drugs is not against the law.

Yeah, restraint is good. We value restraint. Right, right. But I just know in the character of your friends, you know a guy. I know a guy. I'm sure you know a guy.

Do I know the guy you're talking about? No. Oh, then I definitely don't know. Yeah, why would I care? What's the longest relationship you've ever been in? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Three and a half years. And what happened? He killed her. She did. Wait, it just fizzled out? Yeah, people grow apart, you know.

Hmm. Have you ever dated someone who's dead? Who's dead? Since? Like she's dead now. Oh, no, no, no, no. No, man. Hooked up with someone who's dead now? Yes. And? What do you mean? Like in memoriam.

Give the eulogy. Like, you made him give the pussy a different review? Yeah, give the pussy a eulogy. Like, how was it for real? Postpartum review. No, no, it was awesome. I mean, man, you trying to get me to put my business in the street. Okay.

Not really. But I guess I never really thought about it until you said it like that, though. Yeah. Yeah, but they died after. So that's the people. I hope they died. Like way after. Before it's definitely a different thing. Brian, what question did you think? Did you think I asked you if you're a necrophiliac, Brian? I mean, you could have been. I don't think you would do that. Crazier questions have been asked on this podcast. You think? Yeah.

That is probably true. Or do you fuck the dead? Yeah, that's it. Sincerely asking that question has got to be the craziest question I've ever been asked on this pod. Or any pod.

Amy Potts? Yeah, I just don't see you fucking the dead. Also, you look too lazy to fuck the dead. Well, that's a good point. You gotta dig and shit. They way stiffer. They're stiffer, but also I don't see you all humping and doing all the moves and everything like that. I see you more like relaxing. Digging up a grave. You ain't doing all that. No, I'm not a cold cut kind of guy. Wait, so what happened to the girl? Can you share how she passed away? No. She killed herself.

Well, that's different than no. That's way different. Specifically, like, did she jump off a bridge? No, no, no. All of it was, like, natural causes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah. Yeah, she met a tragic end. Oh, wow. Yeah, poor thing. Damn. And how shortly after was it that you... Oh, this was way after. Oh, God.

That's important. Wait a minute. Do you think I did it? No. Can I ask you a question? It kind of sounds like this. I think he thinks you pushed her to it. I don't know. Have you jerked off to her since? No. Of course not. That's the craziest question that's been asked on this podcast. That's way crazy. Poor little liquor for the dead homies. You know what I mean? So you just went from we would never accuse you of necrophilia to... No, no. You didn't beat off to her being dead, but you beat off to what you guys had. Yeah. Poor little...

Pull out of your dick. That's it. Spill some. I think you got to delete that. People are just bang, bang. Really? Yeah. I think, yeah. I think, yeah. No, because what if she's like an angel watching down? That's big enough. Yo, what's up? She looking at her work. Yeah. That's kind of fire. Love you, Grandma. Get cursed, man. I'm not saying it. I'm saying she's up there. Grandma just passed. Grandma. I'm so old.

I'm saying she's up there. She's also looking down. Nah, nah. She's not even cold yet. Nah, I didn't mean like that. Mark, that was crazy. I don't mean that. That was crazy. I'm just saying she's also there. Wild boys. Your grandma's watching you. You got to shoot one extra high. She just swooped down and grabbed that.

Just saying, all y'all grandmas are watching y'all. My grandma didn't even know me like that. I never met my grandma. Oh, she met you, though. I mean, she's looking at me, but we never built anything. At that point, she's just watching me for dick. She don't have memories attached to me or nothing. She never hugged me, never gave me a kiss, nothing. So she's just watching me jerk off. Jealous. Little freak. Yeah.

What kind of freak shit is that? What is she up there jerking off to you jerking off? Freaky ass grandma? Yeah. Don't say it. I can't say it. I can't say it. I can't say where a freaky ass grandma is. No. I mean, she would watch her other grandkids before me. Oh, really? You don't think you're the best of the best? I'm not a jerking off. Yeah.

Nah, nah. She got way other grandkids and great-grandkids. She ain't looking over me. She not worried about you at all? You're still in touch with your grandma? No, all my grandma's dead. Because you were in foster care, but you still knew your grandma's though. Yeah, yeah, but they dead. Damn. Yo, Samson. What's going on right there? You voting for Trump or what? What?

What's going on? Y'all got a Zen problem? Yeah. Yeah, it's really. It's crazy. I had one for 30 seconds and shit for three days straight and you're just cracking them off. I'm good. No, you get used to it. Wait, are you going for Trump or what? I mean, man, I don't give a fuck. Honestly, I think all of y'all are just groupies.

Who is y'all? All you political people that's paying attention to these people. Talk to us. I like this take. Y'all sound like groupies to me. The Trump people, the Biden people, the Kamala Harris people. It's like, none of these niggas don't care about you. It's a complete waste of energy. Yes. I ain't having kids, so I don't care how the earth gonna turn out. But what if you got kids?

They'll figure it out. But I'm done with the delusion that it's something I can do that's going to change things. Yes. So you want to take the emotional weight of caring about politics when you know no change is going to happen. Right. I've absolved myself of it. I only pay attention to what rides to the surface. Which is? You know, like when somebody shot at Trump, somebody told me about that. Right.

Well, yeah, everybody got... We weren't there. Right, right. I was watching a lot. That's what I'm saying. But like, before that, before that, I didn't even know he was doing a thing that day. I wouldn't have known. Right, right. What speeches, who was winning. I don't...

Those people, they irritate me. Every single day, they made it their whole personality. Yeah. Oh, have you heard what they say at this time? Yeah. I think we agree with that. Yeah. Those people are searching for identity. Right. And they don't have it and they can find it within politics. Exactly. Some people find it within religion. Some people have their own unique identities. But yeah. Yeah. Some people do it with damn Zodiac. Some people do it with college sports. Right. Yeah. Right. So this is just another version of that. Exactly. And I don't want to hear about none of that shit. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't care about your passions. I hate it when people try to share their passions with me. Interesting. Nah, I don't care about what you, I don't want to hear you nerd out on stuff. I'd rather just be alone and nerd out on my stuff. What do you nerd out on? Just nerdy shit. Robert Downey Jr.'s Doctor Doom? No! Actually, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't care about that that much. I don't, I don't think that even matters. We were saying, we were doing a pod the other day and, uh,

That would have been like a fantastic reveal live in the movie. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, let us find out in the fucking movie. Now, it's a ballsy move because you got to pay him 50 million or whatever the fuck he needs for a movie. And then you're not even using him in a promo. But once that got out, did Robert Downey Jr. is Doctor Doom? Yes. It would have been cool. But if they got the whole Comic-Con, that's the only big news? That's the thing. Because it's over, bro. All the stories are sold.

Yeah, it's a wrap. All right, guys, let's take a break for a second. You guys know fume. I've talked about fume for months. I think it's absolutely fantastic. The flavored air category is quickly becoming the leading alternative to vaping and smoking. People are realizing that vaping and smoking, it is not worth it. Yes, we still like the indulgence, okay? You want to take a puff of something, an inhale of something, fume has got your back. It's a whole new movement towards better habits.

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He don't miss. He really don't miss. You watch Jackie Brown? Yeah, I've watched every single one. Multiple times. Reservoir Dogs? Reservoir Dogs, Jackie Brown. What's top three for you of Tarantino? Pulp Fiction. Hateful Eight. Hateful Eight? I never saw that one, actually. That's one of my favorite ones. I didn't fuck with Hateful Eight that much. Um...

And Glorious Bastards. Glorious Bastards was good, bro. Glorious Bastards was good. Channing Tatum. Western. Morgan Freeman. Samuel L. Jackson. Yeah. Oh, damn. What about Django? Django. Django. Yeah, I have to go Django. Kill Bill, Django, and then I don't know what my third is. Oh, Kill Bill. Fuck. Yeah. Bro, that's tough, bro. You know, credit to Tarantino. Like, you make a movie.

It is Reservoir Dogs. Wait, what was first? Reservoir Dogs? Reservoir Dogs, then Pulp Fiction. Then Pulp Fiction. So you make two movies. But actually, True Romance, I think, came before. Wait, he did True Romance? He wrote it, yeah. But he didn't direct? No, I don't think he directed it. So you do those two, and then you can pretty much do whatever you want in Hollywood. And I think most dudes in that situation, they get scooped up by some huge movie studio. And they're like, yo, do the next Superman. Yo, do the next this.

And he was like, how about I don't do that? How about I just keep on making the movies I want to make? And then that shit worked out. It's hard to not be seduced. And I remember people were upset at Jackie Brown because they expected Pulp Fiction again. Yeah. Got a whole different movie. They didn't understand this is what he's going to do. He's going to dip into a bunch of different genres. Yeah. And then he probably led a lot of other people to fail thinking they could do the same shit. Yeah. It's like, no.

Yeah, not everybody got it like him. Nah, you can't do it like that. You gotta do some of the bullshit before you can do what you wanna do. I love Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, too. I think a lot of people didn't like it. I thought that shit was fire. My favorite channel movie is always just the last one I saw. That good. What about Death Proof? Is Death Proof? Death Proof is so underrated. I never saw that one. I never saw it. It's horrible. So he did a double feature thing with Grindhouse thing with... Oh.

What's the name? With Del Toro's brother. No, no, no. Robert Rodriguez? Robert Rodriguez. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So it was Death Proof was his movie, and then Something Dead was a zombie movie. Oh, fuck. Fuck.

yeah yeah the shit that it's not Dusk Till Dawn right? Dusk Till Dawn no no it wasn't Dusk Till Dawn he was in Dusk Till Dawn he was in it but just a different thing Robert Rodriguez directed it but I think he was in it because it's a different thing Planet Terra yeah Planet Terra so they did a double feature like it came out together as one thing okay but Planet Terra was first and it's like this fast paced action packed thing and uh

Death Proof is kind of like slow. You would literally go to the theater and it would be two movies that you would watch back to back. Yeah, and Death Proof was super underrated. It might be one of his best ones too. You think going to the movies is done? No. What do you see the future of that? No, no, no. Because you can't get rid of that communal...

Because there's part of you that you check in with people. You want to feel other people around you when you're watching something. Think about all your top moments watching a movie. Top Gun. Maverick. It was with other people. Even if it's not in the theater, it's like that group feeling of like we all... It's almost like having a good meal. No, you're right. You have a good meal with the homies. When it's done, you have that feeling of satisfaction. I don't need 300 people watching it, but I do like...

I mean, Game of Thrones is a perfect example. Even like Breaking Bad, like when shit builds to the point where every week it's important, it becomes a communal viewing experience. Right. Yo, let's all get together. It's like watching a pay-per-view fight. It's like, let's watch this shit together. I want to be able to, I want to see the knockout and then I want to look at you and see you reacting the way I'm reacting to that fucking knockout.

Right. But we don't do that with just entertainment. It's everything. No, it's like, but I don't think every movie justifies that communal experience. Right. Like, it needs to be Nolan, Tarantino, Spielberg. Right. Cameron, maybe. Yeah. Yeah, James Cameron did it with the Avatar shit. He did it with... I don't even fuck with Avatar, but it was so...

Just mind-boggling that the world was created. He's another one. He's got a hand. Yeah, yeah. Aliens was crazy, apparently. It was before time. Terminator. Terminator 2 was insane. I also like the... He's crazy enough. Avatar. This is making me feel dizzy. What? I'm telling you. You gotta take it out every once in a while. Oh, word. I do. Oh, okay. I was... Take that shit out now. Swallowing it like gum.

You ever rip one before? No. What's that do? Oh. No, I'm saying you never put one in. This is your first time doing a zen. No, you must have done a zen. No. I mean, maybe I've tried one. I've tried something else, not a zen, though. Yeah, take that shit out. It's just nicotine. Okay. Why do you have to take it out every night? I do because I don't smoke cigarettes or nothing, so it's just like... It's too much. Yeah, you just keep getting nicotine delivered to you, and you're dizzy, and I keep telling you to take it out, and you keep just keeping it in.

Okay, well now I feel like you're challenging me. Yeah. Now I feel like you're like, oh I betcha. I knew the second that we said take it out that that shit wasn't ever leaving his body. Yeah, dog. Come on. I can handle it, bro. I mean, bro, if you saw the edible I ate before I walked in here, you'd be like, man, that dude's, he's really rolling in the dice. You like edible high like that much? Yeah, I mean, no, I actually, I ate one last night to go to sleep and it was the wrong, it was too much.

And then I woke up this morning and I kind of... I was, like, too high still. So I was like, you know how you do, like, the hair of the dog? Oh, my God. You get back after it. Yeah, get a little good. Yeah, stay... So I remember when we were in Portland and we ate them fucking gummies. Oh, yeah. And I thought that the...

The lamp in the green room was the Pixar joint. I started acting out the Pixar lamp. I was so depressed after that weekend, bro. Oh, really? It was like, whatever reason, like, I can do. You need to hit him differently. Yeah, that shit. Like, Molly, maybe I had a little down on it or whatever like that. I did that coke one time in Burning Man, and I felt a little down the next day. But nothing makes me feel more down the next day than weed.

I agree. I agree. That shit. I feel a little hangover, but no. Oh my God. I'm just like so depleted. I have so much fun, but I'm taking out that loan on tomorrow's fund. I don't think I feel that with shrooms. Really? Oh no, shrooms take it out of me too. I can't.

I mean, everything kind of. But now I'm at that point where I know what drugs I like and how much I can get away with. Yeah. Yeah, I don't be getting fucked up by accident and shit. That's little kid shit. Yeah. You just got too high last night. No, but too high? No, not really. You know? I just never heard, like, hair of the dog. For weed? Like, that's dead. Well, I mean, I'm sure we have a different name. We can make one up. Yeah.

You know, it does work with alcohol, though. I'm not going to lie. Like being hung over and then you start drinking again. Like you, you have that moment where you're like, oh, I'm back. And then 10 years later, your whole family left you and you're just sleeping under a bridge. The hair of the dog is like, it's like going to the ATM at the casino. I'll get it back this time. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But I do it. I'll do it. You ever do DMT? No, man. It was so, it's so funny because I thought that, cause, cause I feel like I'm close enough to Joe Rogan where I should be able to get it easy. And I just can't. What do you mean? You can't get you to ask Rogan right now. Can I do some DMT? And he got you easy.

Oh, maybe. Maybe not. I haven't had some directly. What's going on? But I thought it would just be around. But actually, what is going on?

What actually is going on right there? Yo, what is happening, bro? Bro, your grandma just passed. She took DMT. That's the problem. Is that how you think it works? No, I mean, I just thought eventually like it would... Somebody's bringing some other shit. I'm boys with a son. I thought I'd be Muslim by now. Turns out they didn't ask me. Yeah, but I have had more lamb than I have had before. Yeah.

Oh, that's a good point. Sometimes it just be Lam around, nigga, because I know him. You feel what I'm saying? So that friendship brought Lam into your life in a different way. You're not as close to Joe as you thought. Now with Rogan, that's like, you probably done worked out. Like I don't hunt, but since I'm an only child. You shot a bow. I've shot a bow, nigga. I've seen like dehydrated

Yeah, elk pieces, nigga. Yeah, I've seen different sorts of smokers. And none of this shit, I saw it. So I thought every now and then I would be like, hey, what's this right here? They're like, DMT. But that's never happened. Certain things you don't just leave around, though. That's true. That's true. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's a crazy expectation I have. I mean, I really got to admit that, you know. But you wouldn't try it, though. Of course. Yeah. I would try it if I found it.

I would try it. I've been trying to try it, but... You know, it's something that our boy Poston, shout out Derek Poston. Yeah, that's the homie right there. So, you know, I was asking Derek, I was like, listen, we got Simpson coming on and, you know, like, tell me some stuff about Brian. Like, I just need to, you know, know some things about him. And this is how I would distill the conversation.

That justice, social justice, not like in terms of like rights for Asians or whatever, but like social interactive justice is very important to you. I go, what do you mean by that? And he goes, like, for example, like we were going to the movies one time and Brian has like the fast pass in the movies and there's a line for the fast pass and there's a line for regulars. And if they take a regular before you, you're shutting down the movie theater. Yeah.

Yeah, they get what I'm paying extra for. Most people would be like, you know what? I'm not going to make a scene. No, this is my policy. And I do the same thing in the airport. Okay, go. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It doesn't take nothing for me to be like, excuse me, ma'am. You know you're not dealt a medallion.

Excuse me. I'm Diamond Medallion. Thank you. This is the medallion line. You know that. I remember we were at, like, was it Uchi or some shit? No, no. What was the Japanese spot? It was Uchi. We were in Austin. We were at Uchi. And, like, I remember the waiter wasn't, like, bringing enough water or something like that. And there was a moment where you were like, yeah, I don't know how much more of this I can take. Yeah.

Bro, the best moment, the best moment, Brian. You remember that? He had a moment. He was like, yeah, there's something going on here. And I don't know how much more of it I could deal with. Bro, he's in the middle of telling a story and the waiter in the middle of his story comes over and goes, oh, excuse me, sir, would you like a glass of wine also? And Brian just looks up at the waiter and goes, yeah.

Yes, please. The waiter walks away. He just keeps staring into space where the waiter used to be. Just staring off. Damn. Just looks back at the table like, what the fuck was that? I might just be foreboding by accident, nigga. Trying to stare niggas down. But I know I get irritated easily by... Social ineptitude. Incompetence. Or shit that... Like, I need things to make sense, which I know is kind of tough in being in show business.

You got to kind of fight that. Wait, explain that. Sometimes things ain't going to make, if you need everything to make sense to you or be fair or whatever. Yeah, it's not how the world works. You're going to be miserable. Yeah, go code. Man, so I'm also good at letting shit go, but like. Sometimes. When it comes to certain stuff that don't make sense. You're on an airplane. You're about to get off and the people behind you try to get off before you. What happens? I'm not having it. And what are you going to do? I'm stepping out on the aisle.

I do that. I put the bag in the aisle. Yeah, you know it's not your turn. Yeah. Yeah, because people will try you. Because if you fly enough, you know that people will use... Your kindness. Yeah, the fact that you don't want to cause a scene, they'll use that against you. So they'll be sitting in your seat and saying, oh, I was just wondering if you wanted to switch. Well, you should have asked me before you sat right there. So fuck you and your whole situation.

Because whatever story you got from me, I ain't trying to hear it. I don't know. A hundred times. Mike, but my child. Fuck your child. Now, if they ask after you sat down, is it different? It is different. It's still going to be a no. But I'm not going to be rude. Yeah. But I'm going to be like, yeah, I'm sorry. I don't switch. What if you're in my situation that happened a couple months ago? What was your situation? I'm sitting there. I get onto an airplane. This is fantastic. And I have an aisle seat.

And there's an old man in the middle seat, and then my friend Dove is sitting in the window seat. Okay. So we all get on. Dove goes in the window seat. The old man in the middle. So you're... He is selected in aisle seat. You're in a three-person room. Yes. Three-person room. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember those days? Yeah, damn, bro. What the fuck? Why are you saying it like that? I'm sorry. Yeah, damn.

Come on, bro. Yeah, I'm in the back. He already can't relate to your stuff. But maybe you can give some advice. So you're already starting with poor choices. So the guy stands up and he looks old as fuck, bro. He's so old. And so he stands up and he's in the aisle. And I sit, Dove goes in and he sits in the middle. Then he leans over. He's like, excuse me, sir. I just got back surgery. My whole back is just so fucked up. I'm going to go to the bathroom a lot during the flight. And is there any way I could just sit in the aisle seat?

And I was like, hey, man, you're an old guy. We're only going a couple hours. I'll switch with you. Nah. No, I'm not switching with you. Oh, it gets better. I'm not switching with you. It gets better. Yeah, that sound like bullshit. You should have thought ahead. I switched with him. Okay. I was like, I'll be next to my friend. And, you know, I'm an old guy. That might make me switch, being next to Dove, whatever. He's an old guy. I'll just give him, you know, whatever. Okay. Throughout the flight, he got younger and younger.

every minute that went by he gained a year by the end of the flight he was like 50 years old he was spry didn't go to the bathroom one time and he even leans over me and he's like by the way i didn't have back surgery i just wanted to get an aisle seat and then like five people around him started laughing and he was flying with all of his buddies like we're going to a construction convention no no what would have happened there brian man i i

Might have to crash a plane. Yeah, man, I might have had to crash out right there. But also, that wouldn't have happened to me because I wouldn't have switched with him. I've heard all the sob stories. I'm immune.

I'm immune. White people tears since the Amber Heard trial? I'm like, whatever. Crying. That's what it took? A white guy getting wrongfully convicted? No, but I just mean just the tears. I used to pause and everything. I'm like, no, that's part of your... It's a tool. It's effective. If it's not children crying... You know how Batman had a whole tool belt and the first thing he always went to was the Batarang? That's their Batarang. It's tears. It's tears. Yeah, but I'm like,

Excuse me. I had surgery. That's too bad. That's too bad. You should have stayed home so early after the surgery. Have you ever switched? Well, yeah, I switched when I was younger, when I didn't know better. When I was dumb. But now I'm cold-blooded. I got the noise-canceling headphones. So you don't even hear their cries? Nope. I've gone like six, seven-hour flights with a bitch behind me just...

Bitch, I don't even hear you, bitch. Bitch, she mad because I wouldn't switch. What's the biggest scene you think you ever made that you look back on and you're like, yo, maybe I was low. Or you're proud of it. Either one. I just want to hear the biggest scene. The biggest scene. I don't really make scenes. I mean, I don't know. What stories was Derrick telling y'all? It was just that one. I don't ever make a scene. Like, I ain't about to do it. Because I'm going to get revenge in a way where I'm going to get away with it. I'm not about to lose my cool and then have it cost me something. Because you stupid.

You know, if I cause a scene, I'm getting away with it. That's the best kind of revenge. What does revenge look like? Or justice, whatever. Budget justice, just a little quick single-serving justice. Just a little shot. Yeah, yeah. I caught a bitch. I was sitting in my car a few months ago. I was sitting in my car waiting for somebody to come out the grocery store. And she tried to leave her cart behind my car. And she didn't know I was in the car because the tent, perfect, right? Yeah.

And I wait till she climbing in and I cracked her window. I go, hey, bitch, put your car, put your car back, bitch. You know, and she started right away crying. I'm sorry. I've seen the Amber Heard trial. Unmove, bitch. Put your car back. And she's like, the way you yell triggered me, reminded me of my uncle, you know, whoop, whoop, whoop.

He molested me. I'm like, dude, I don't care about that. What? She shared a molestation story with you. Yeah, because I didn't care. Because she was like, I was molested. So she kept going hot. Yeah. And it just didn't affect you. You're not special, bitch. My whole generation was molested. What you talking about? We used to, our parents would leave us places where we might get molested at. Ooh. You know, hoping you would get it out the way like the chicken pox. Yeah. God.

That don't have nothing to do with you putting your cart back though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, putting your cart back ain't gonna unmolest you. Right. Exactly. You can walk your heart over there with your booty cheeks clenched. What the fuck you mean? Did she? Oh yeah, she put that shit back. She sure the fuck did? She put her cart back and she put her cart back and the cart that the homie brought out the store.

Oh, wow. At this point, I'm sure you've heard of this company, Eight Sleep. Gotten a lot of buzz in the news. And basically what they're using is technology that adjusts the temperature of your sleep vehicle. So whether you have a mattress or whatever you use, they can adjust the temperature of that sleep vessel. They also sell mattresses, but they also sell this mattress cover, which I think is actually genius because some people love their mattress. I like my mattress, but I still want

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50% off their first order, then 10% off their next three weeks when they sign up at cookunity.com slash FlayRent. Go get that. Let's get back to the show. You really are happy alone, huh? Yeah. I'm dope. Yeah, man. I'm the homie.

I'm the homie. I'm the homie. Yeah. I'm good people, man. Would you be totally fine? No wife, no kids, nothing. In a fucking cabin somewhere? No civilization? Yeah. Yes. Really? Yeah. If I had Wi-Fi, if I had like strong internet. Yeah. Yeah. If I could keep my Google 5, I would live out in the middle of nowhere. Really? Yeah, for sure. And just keep tabs on the... Yeah, come back every now and then. Be, you know, pop up. Be celebrated. Dip.

You know? Yeah. I'm one of those people like I want to be invited to the party, but I don't want to go. If you're not invited, you're going to be a little hurt. It's going to bother me a little bit. I want you to want me there, but I also want you to know me well enough to know that I don't want to be there. Oh, that's a free invite. That's perfect. No, that's why me and Derek, we understand one another. We've been friends for so long. What do you mean? Because he knows, like he'll tell me, oh, bro, we went to the such and such and such.

You know, we did this other thing because I know you didn't want to go. He said you got the best excuses to get out of being in the sauna or working out. What you mean? When you guys do the workouts with Rogan. That's propaganda. He said you got the best excuses. He'd be like, I left my alarm on my phone. No, no, no, no. I got to get out this hot ass sauna because my alarm could go off. This is what these niggas don't understand. It's

Like you said, I'm efficient and they not. Okay. You know what I mean? And that's all it is. Yeah, I don't think Rogan's efficient. If we all say, hey, let's work out at 10. I'm there at 9.45 ready to start working out at 10. And then we don't start working out until 10.30. Right. And it's like, I got other shit to do. I planned on being here for two hours.

But now I've been here for three hours. Because y'all are late. Because y'all are late. And that's social injustice. And now you're giving me shit about leaving. You're not concerned with my time. Well, whatever it is. I mean, you can be concerned with whatever you want. But it's like, I got to go. I got to go. And also, I didn't want to do this. It's like, I'm here. I like the camaraderie. But I like working out by myself. Yeah, you like doing everything by yourself. Right. Stand up.

Right. It is that. But stand up. But also it's stand up is the perfect thing. That's because it's you get the community. It's alone, but it's also. Yeah. Right. And it's both of those things. And it's on your terms. You get to talk about what you're talking about. Oh, yeah. That's what every every job I've ever excelled at has been one where it's like, give me the night shift. Put me in the corner. Put me where I know what I got to do every day. And I got to talk to no fucking body. And what are the jobs like that?

- I worked, you know, I was a night shift at Intel and that's not really alone, but you kind of are working on it. And basically my job was just to move- - The computer company. - Yeah, it was just to move the wafers from the dry ash to the next step or whatever. - I don't know what that, I don't know what's going on. - But like, you know how they make this computer chips? They fucking, they take silicone and then they trace some chemical over top of it. And then when they put that shit up to a certain temperature,

It gets hard and then they scrape away the rest and that's how you get the mini circuit chip. Got it. And so my step in the process was the plasma oven that took it up to that temperature. Got it. But I worked alone. You don't have to delay shift. It's crazy. Computer chips and fake tits are made of the same thing, ain't it? Sure. Yeah. Yeah? That's a good-ass point. Actually, but I think you can get fake tits made out of other shit now.

What? I don't know. But I mean, you know, and you would think they would have saline, I think. You would think some of them would come with like a little charger, you know, something like that.

More stuff. If you're going to get stuff implanted in your titties. Yeah. Titty technology is not advanced the way you would think it would. You should be able to like. The amount of money in it. Like a USB-C port. Or just dictate the size. Like sometimes you want to have big titties for like an event. And then sometimes you just want to have smaller titties. Like a sleep number mattress. To work out. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, you're really stuck with one thing. Yeah. Sleep number titties. That would be great. Have the titties for the outfit you need. Mm-hmm.

because you don't want to carry around big titties all fucking day but then sometimes you want to pop out and show people this is a billion dollar idea I think we right we really figured it out you got a family pool event you don't want some fat ass you chilling you chilling and you get doctors to like start using that as a basic stat you know like they take your blood pressure they ask you how much pain you in one to ten and they go how much do you like your titties

- Yeah. - One to 10. - Boom. What's your tit number? - Yeah. And so you pay the doctors to push it on people. Like the last 10 times you came, you weren't happy with your titties.

So have this flexibility. I can prescribe you something for that. So now the doctors are in there because they're getting money too. See, this is one thing I love about Brian is that he knows all the future technology shit that's on the horizon. Every gadget that's out. Every type of gizmo. Is that true? You're a tech dude like that? Yeah, I'm into it a little bit. Are you fucking with the AI shit at all or no? That shit's bullshit. Talk to me. It's bullshit. I think what it is is I think Chad GPT scared the shit out of all these companies.

And they all rushed to put this AI shit out. And don't get me wrong, it's here to stay. Yeah. But none of it can do what it claims it can do. Right. Because Google just, Google kind of tried to force their AI on all of their users. And nobody gave a fuck. And it can't even do shit to throw Google a certificate. I think I read that their CEO is getting fired off. He need to get fired, this motherfucker. Yeah, they need to get fired. Because my thing is, I let Google spy on me a long time ago. They know everything about me. I'm like, so use that information. Be better. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bitch, like when I'm asking you a question about me, you should know me well enough where you shouldn't be getting it wrong. Yeah. Yeah, they get that shit wrong all the time. You got no excuse to be wrong. You have all of my text messages. You have all my Google searches. You have all my emails. Every bit of data. Every YouTube video I've ever watched. Yeah. Yeah. So when I'm like, so when I go, I want a strawberry shortcake, like, you know, that's what I want. Yeah. So why are you saying something else?

No, I do. I do. Like, you got no excuse to fuck up. Like, your friends can fuck up. Like, I can fuck up a gift for my wife. Maybe I don't know the exact thing she wants. I don't have all the data. But the algorithm should know exactly what she wants. They should know you in and out. And that's why TikTok works, because they take our decision making out of it. They're just like, yo, just scroll. We got you. Right. We'll figure it out. I promise we got you. We got you.

Whereas Instagram's like, don't you want to see what your friends are doing? No. I would have asked them if I wanted to see what the fuck they were doing. And then if it's fire, then it should pop up. If it went viral, show them. Yeah. Yeah, maybe we don't have high enough expectations for AI. We really should. It's trash right now. Try to get it to do anything. All that stuff they're telling you. So basically, everyone is scrambling to invest in this thing that can't do what you want for the investment.

It will be, but I think we're way farther away than they, but they've all already went all in. Okay, so what's the fire shit out now that we're not giving enough credit for? Or giving enough credit to? The fire technology? Yeah. Like, what is available right now that we're all seduced by this AI idea that we're not going, hey, this is really great? Oh, shit. I don't know. I mean, TV technology is...

Like screen quality, you're saying? Yeah, the screen shit is the QD OLED shit. What's that? It's QD OLED. It's basically the latest version of the newest screen technology. So it's an LED screen, just more sophisticated. But it's quantum dot. Yeah. What does that mean?

Go ahead. It's just like local dimming zones, really small pixel density. So you can like, your blacks are super black. I knew he was going to do that. Nerds don't know how to, you know what I mean? Wait, tell me, tell me, tell me. No, because I thought, because when he just did was he Dr. Fauci'd you.

Where it's like, you're not talking to other nerds, so you got to break it down. You're right. He spoke to you. So the local dimming zones, he don't know what that shit means. You're right. So look, basically... They got light-skinned and dark-skinned black people now on TV. So basically, I'm going to oversimplify, but basically, the last shit, the LED technology...

It was basically a light behind colored LEDs. Okay. With OLED, the colored LEDs have their own lights. Right. And so it gives you more perfect contrast and it's more accurate.

Right. That's why when you look at an LED TV, you're like, holy shit. OLED TV, you're like, holy shit. Well, the problem with OLED was that they weren't bright enough. Yeah. So you would have great quality, but it didn't have the... It was impossible to make it bright enough without it overheating.

Oh, so they had to make it dimmer so it wouldn't overheat. And now they're getting to the point where they can make it. Right. So you can watch sports first. It was probably the other stuff was probably good for movies where shit can be darker and dimmer. But I need to watch football. Right. Right.

But basically, don't buy a TV without talking to me if you're ever going to buy one. Oh, really? You got a nice one? Of course. Are you kidding? Okay, what about that curved shit? Is that just propaganda? Is that just like, oh, people are going to buy some curved TV? No, that's better. I mean, that's good for gaming. It's more immersive, especially the thousand-hour curves, which basically, the more it curves, the more immersive it'll be. But the Samsung has like a...

Like, I have it. I have that monitor. And it works? Yeah, yeah. It's immersive. That's what it's for. It's a monitor, though. It's not a TV. It's for gaming. Yeah, but their monitors are also smart TVs. So, like, you can go to the streaming services and everything on the monitor. Right. Based on what I'm hearing, for a TV, for it to really make it feel immersive, it would have to be massive. And then the curve, you're going to feel like, oh, I'm in this. No, it just depends on how far away you sit. Because the whole point is that...

You're supposed to fill up your peripheral bed. And then I imagine you'd have to make content for that. You have to shoot in a way that it can wrap or otherwise it's going to get distorted at the edges. Well, they don't, they don't do that. No, but they got, they have, they got AI processing the image to make it. In real time to curve it. Cause I put it like this. I had a curve monitor for like a few years and I've recently gave it away and got a flat one. And for maybe like two weeks, uh,

It looked like the middle of my flat screen was bulging. Because your eyes had adjusted. You ever watch porn on the curve? Of course. How was that shit? Immersive? Immersive, yeah. Now that's scary. Like, what the? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking pubes right there. You throw porn on the TV? No, but it just looks the same, honestly. It doesn't look curved when you're looking at it. It just feels like your whole field of vision is full of it. It's almost like wearing a VR headset.

I was just going to ask you about that. Is that going to take off? Yeah, I think so. Why is it taking so long? I feel like it got hot for a second and just dropped off. It's taking so long because Apple hasn't made it not cumbersome yet. Did you try the Vision Pro? Oh, yeah. I tried all that shit. I have a Oculus that I never used.

What's better, the Oculus or the Apple Vision Pro or whatever? I would get an Oculus over there. It's more stuff. It's more games. It's more... I bought the shit, and it was cool for, like, a day. Like, I did the rock climbing thing where, you know, you're with Alex Honnold on the side of it, and it was amazing. You're looking at all this stuff. But that's the novelty that wears off soon. Yeah. It's not going to take off until you can do that in addition to other shit. Yeah. Like, right now, they call it... Like, they say, like, we multi-screen people, because some people will have...

TV on, a tablet right here, and a phone right here. But it's like, to do the Apple Vision Pro or the Oculus, you gotta put everything to the side and clear out space. And it's like, that's all you're doing. It's setting that up. So that's why you get it and it's cool for a day, but it's like, I'm not gonna keep moving the fucking coffee table to sign into a game when I got games on my phone. I can just turn on the PlayStation that's on the TV. So maybe it needs to be your glasses. Like, maybe it needs to be Ray-Bans.

But you need to have all the cool. So they have to find a way to distill all that technology into something that's this small that you're putting on. Because putting that headset on, maybe for a flight. Like, have you done it on a flight, Al? Yeah, I did the Oculus on a flight. And worth it or not? Not really. It's like... You look crazy, too.

Yeah. You can't see if people are fucking jacking you. You know what I mean? Getting in front of you on the plane and shit. No, you can see. You can have it so you can see through. Okay. So you keep tabs if motherfuckers are trying it. Yeah, yeah. And people will try you too when they see that on your face because they don't know you can see them.

You know, but you can push a button and you can automatically, you can see what's outside. Yeah, yeah, I've seen. And what will they do? I don't know. I mean, what are you going to do? Your face is covered. Yeah. And you definitely shouldn't be out in public with no damn headset on. You look ridiculous. You look crazy, bro. It was like a fashion accessory. Remember people said that about Bluetooth headsets?

First, we're making just phone calls on them. Yeah, the first AirPods. These fucking douchebags. Yeah, now everyone has... But they had to change it to a design form that we didn't mind. You still don't see anybody walking around with that stupid fucking Bluetooth with a big mic. When you see that thing...

The one that's like a little rectangle. It almost looks like a little PEZ container. Plantronics used to sell them and shit like that. Yeah, they looked stupid. Flash drives. Everyone, I was like, I'm not doing it. Yeah, I think that's the thing. You just have to make it functional for our lifestyle. And that stupid-ass headset is not functional for us at all. Yeah, it's not. The way it is now, it ain't happening. Nah, people ain't willing to give up that much. And it doesn't do that much cooler shit than...

than what you already got. It's hard to compete with the phone, man. You iPhone or Android? Android. He really is a tech dude. Yeah, some of you, listen, again, some of you Apple people are in a fucking cult and you don't realize it. I just don't want to make everyone's text green. That's it. I know, but that's the trick they played on. I know, they got it. Son, if America used WhatsApp...

Apple's stock would plummet. And listen, and I'm going to stop you right now. You can't shame or embarrass me in the switching. I don't give a fuck. Keep your iPhone. You know what I'm saying? And I don't give a fuck about ruining your group chat. I don't even like being in group chats. But that's maybe why you do it, because you get to be alone. I get to be alone. Don't throw me in a group chat for what? I don't want to be in no group messaging.

Cause I can't, cause you can't leave. And now it's like, cause nothing pisses me off more than I get a group, I get a group chat and there's four people in there who number I don't have. Who is this people? Now you just gave them my number. Um,

I'm going to now they pass my defense. I'm going to check Indians. We'll just put you on family group chats and WhatsApp. And let me see. All right. I'm ruining it. Twenty one messages. One, one, one. There's one that I just deleted. It's always like 87. It's just it's just always running. All right. If you want smoke, throw me in a group chat. What are you going to do? I'm going to ruin it. What do you mean? Because some people don't listen to you. They'll throw you in one anyway. All right. It's going to be the last one. You the last time you do that shit.

I mean, how do you nuke a group chat, though? Like, what's the, like, just... It depends on who's in the group chat. It's all shit people don't want to talk about in front of their parents. They don't want to talk about it in front of their lady. You've done that? Oh, yeah. Why not? I asked you not to put me in a group chat so you knew what the consequences was going to be. You feel me? Yeah. And what do you say? You're like... Just whatever. Like, yo, how come...

I'll just ask an insensitive question. You're like a black Larry David. What? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no. I guess maybe I am. It's really hitting me. You're just incredibly principled. You have a very set... Except I keep it more in. I'm only opening it up because I'm talking to y'all. And I probably drank too much this early. Larry David keeps it in too, but the character is everything he wants to say. Do you drink coffee?

When it's necessary. Like, if you were to go get, like, a cold brew at a coffee shop and the lady just pours it in the thing and all of a sudden the tip thing pops up, like, do you tip on that? Like, if she just poured a little coffee? Yeah, I tip on it. That's fine. Even though she didn't do much. Yeah, well, I ain't trying to get into all that with people. Alex made me start tipping.

Yeah, you got it. You got it. You were anti-tipping? Honestly, it was just like, I didn't like... For black people, tipping is another thing. To me, it was, it's gratuity. You haven't even given me the fucking product yet. How am I gracious about this? What am I showing gratitude for? You took my order? First scene in Reservoir Dogs.

Yeah, but that's Akash. I'll tip. Why should I tip the fucking, the guy at the, what is it, the bank? Is that the, do you guys tip the teller at the bank? Mm-mm.

That's a good point. I don't tip, and I'll over-tip some people. Grocery delivery, you take caring fucking grocery. I'm going to tip fairly handsomely on that, I think. I think. I don't want to be presumptuous. No, we're doing, I've done like $12 orders and like $20 tips, because I also see those guys, and a lot of times they're like, cool. You see these guys, you feel bad for them. I don't feel bad for the barista fucking cuckold.

What amount of money could be missing out of your bank account that you wouldn't notice? - 30 cents. - Like you go to check your bank account, if it's $20 missing, would you notice? - No. - So then what you crying about? It's an amount of money that's nothing to you. - And this is some shit I think you would relate to. What do I think you deserve for what you did?

Yeah, but that's not... It's not about my money. It's about... Yeah, I understand what you're saying. Some of these baristas, they're just giving you a little bit of attitude, then they flip that fucking thing. You ever have somebody get nice to you right when it's time to tip?

You have a waiter be kind of shitty the whole time, and then right when they drop off the check, all of a sudden they're real gracious about it. Fuck you. I'm under tipping now. Fuck you. Just tip a dollar, tip whatever. I tip a dollar now because he made me. At the coffee shop. Yeah. But I used to just be like, you haven't done anything. I don't know what I owe you. You're a fucking smug barista. There's a certain amount of social lubrication, too. So even though it doesn't make sense, you're like, am I really just going to start a thing over this? Especially you go there regularly. But I don't feel I'm starting a thing at the coffee shop.

I didn't. Now I'll do it. They remember. They need a non-tipper. If you go to the same place, they're going to remember. Can I tell you something? I'll sign and flip it around if I want to tip. I'm not going to pretend we didn't tip. Here you go. There you go. It sounds like you're looking for reasons to not tip. Oh, that's for sure. What are we doing wrong in America?

We're being nice to everybody. What do you mean by that? I think people should feel... Tipping baristas? No, I just think people are scared to be rude now. People are scared of being recorded being rude and nobody being honest. So they act like they're cool with shit that they're not. For example? You know, like the bitch that's not down on the medallion getting in the diamond medallion line. So everybody's being polite because we don't want to be on camera saying,

representing a part of our personality that we could be shamed for. Exactly. So we're worried about social shame and therefore we're operating in a fake way in the world. Is everyone confrontable? We need more people that don't give a fuck. Right. Because then they'll allow other people to also not give a fuck. And by not giving a fuck, then we will be more authentic and honest with one another. And check the entitled people who might be trying to get away with too much, I think. Right. Sometimes the entitled people are scary, though.

Like in my neighborhood, there's this like giant dude, Dominican guy, jacked, steroids. He's got a dog off the leash. Pit bull. Yeah, that's a little crazy. Off the leash. And the pit bull shits on the sidewalk. And then he keeps on walking. And I've seen it happen like twice. And what'd you do about it? I fucking walked away. Wow. What would you do as a pit bull? Off the leash. And a giant dude.

He's talking about the Dominican. There's no dog. You're saying he's a giant dude like you're scared of him? Yeah. Wow. You can still ask him. Can you curb your dog? I could be scared of another grown man as well. That is crazy. There's no guy you're scared of? He bleeds just like you. Yeah, but you have to make him bleed. I'm just fucking with you. You make a smart decision when you get a pistol.

What is happening? You came to New York. That's why we got pitbulls. Yeah, are you serious? I mean, is it serious enough for you where you were hurt a motherfucker? No. I'm not going to go fight a guy over dog shit, literally. Okay, so then what you crying about? I don't get it. But I'm saying, is this someone that you would be like, hey man, you got to pick up the dog shit. And he goes, oh, what are you going to do about it?

And then what? Oh, then, then, oh, I see what you're saying. So if I try to be cordial and was like, hey man, you mind picking up your dog? Yeah, and he goes, fuck you. I'm good, what are you gonna do? I wouldn't say another word to him, but I would slowly start planning revenge though. So you give people a chance to do the right thing. Well, what I'm not gonna do is be uncomfortable where I live at.

I'm not asking you to do something unreasonable. What does revenge look like? I don't know. Maybe hiding some fucking laxative and some bacon along the trail so the dog gets back home. I was thinking the exact same thing. I'm like, hide some laxatives and some doggy treats. I almost thanked this dude the other day. There's this dude who was almost homeless with a pit bull the other day. Almost homeless? Yeah, they got those in New York. White guys that are like,

He was a black dude, but it was close. He had the pit bull. He's almost homeless. We're at this park, and it's a kid's singing class. My daughter, she's five months old. They don't know what the fuck they're doing, but it's something for them to do, whatever. They do it outside. They do it outside, so they don't got to pay rent. We're outside singing, and this dude had a pit bull. What do you want? You want tequila? Tequila?

We'll get some more tequila. Nah, that one's not good. That's just for show. Oh, that's not good? Actually, it is good. This one? That's harsh. Oh, it might be strong. We'll get some more tequila here. Miles, ask them to bring some more tequila. Okay. Anyway, and some ice too, Miles.

So this dude had his pitbull. He was on a leash and it's just a bunch of infants around. And the pitbull turned around and like barked a couple times. Okay. And all these parents are so polite. They're not going to ask the guy who's got his fucking shoes off with the pitbull to not do anything.

And he saw the dog bark and the guy got his fucking feet out. Like, I don't know what's going on. And he saw the dog bark and he called the dog over and he put a muzzle on the dog and they just kept back enjoying his day. And I almost went to him after and was like, yo, thank you for doing that thing that made everybody else feel comfortable without me.

us having to have this awkward social interaction where I ask you to make the kids feel comfortable because you've got the dog that needs the kids. I wish I actually thanked him because I think that behavior needs to be rewarded. Yeah.

Like, he did the right thing for no reward. It was considerate. But it was considerate. Considerate. And in New York, so oftentimes, people are not... Everybody's in their own world because there's, like, millions of people here, and you just ignore everybody around you. That's why I did finally try the Cat's Deli that everyone keeps talking about. Yes. But I will never go in there again. I almost exploded in that place. Wait, why? Because it's an hour wait in line. Yeah. And what happens is... I'm not going to say the race of people. But what happens is sometimes people...

They will. Because you ever walk in there, there's like 10 different cutters for you to walk up to. So they give you a ticket and you're not supposed to have more than two people on one ticket. But this family of like 10 decided to put two people in there to order for the whole family. So now it's 10 tickets. Right. So now it's right. So now the line I'm in, I'm, you know, everyone behind this lady is waiting like an hour for this guy to make 10, you know, and I'm sitting there the whole time, like, and I just took everything in me.

You know, and then they put little samples up there, you know, and I wanted to be like, really, bitch, you don't know what brisket tastes like? You're here for the brisket. Yeah, you've been in line for an hour and a half. Exactly. It's not like it's some exotic Cambodian dish, right? It's a fucking hot dog. Yeah. So I just, you know, I can't do anywhere where people have to, like, be thoughtful. Yeah. I just can't.

See, but the thing is, New York, we kind of call it how it is. So I think other people online would have respected the fact if you called that family out. Yeah, it's not as polite as California. But listen, I'm in the middle of an iconic Jewish deli. I didn't think I was going to have to New York for the New Yorkers. I was like, where's New York?

New Yorkers don't go there. Right, right. A New Yorker would never wait an hour for a sandwich. But I don't think you can fake it either, though. What do you mean? Like, you can't fake the attitude. But that's just who you naturally are. Hey, I'm New Yorking over here, everybody. It would be weird because you're with tourists. But if it happened at, like, a real New York establishment, if that was going on, it'd be like, yo, this is crazy. So it's not a real spot? It was.

Yeah, it was. And I think now it's mostly tourists. And the food is fire. There's a lot of tourists by now. All right, let's say you're on the train. And it's a little packed, all right? And you're trying to sit down. It's been a long day. You're exhausted. And there's a guy sitting there. He's playing music. He's got his feet up on the seat. And you want to go sit down. What do you do? Can you move your feet, please? And all of a sudden, he's like, no, no. Go sit over there. Am I bigger than him? Yeah. Yeah.

Don't move your fucking feet. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, I'll escalate real quick. You'll take it there. Oh, yeah. And if you're not bigger than him, then what? You just got to eat that. Yeah, like I said. But you would be down to fight? Don't put yourself in a situation where you're going to lose anything. You would be down to fight, though. I would be down to threaten. Obviously, I don't want to fight, but if I'm bigger than you, I'm going to take the chance that you're a little bitch, especially since you need so much fucking room. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's misbehavior. Has that ever gone sideways for you? Oh, yeah. Do you get in a lot of fights? No, not anymore. But you used to? But I mean, I'm pretty good at avoiding... Bigger guys. No, no, no. But most of the time, you can reason with people. Yeah. If you're dealing with somebody unreasonable, you should probably just get out of that situation. Yeah. Because I learned from working the door in so many places, most men just want to save face.

Yeah. So as long as you ain't trying to make a man look like a bitch in front of his woman or his homies, yeah, but if you're pulling somebody to the side, you're like, hey man, look, I know what's going on with the world. Like, you can reason with most people. Women, you

You know, it's really 50-50 whether they're going to be logical or not. Yeah. 50-50, I thought it was zero on hunting. Yeah, because 90% of the time my shows are interrupted by drunk white girls. Yeah. If I see a white bitch with a tiara, I know she's going to ruin the whole show. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to definitely have to speak to her. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Anything that makes a white lady feel special, you see a sash, you see a crown. What do you think that is? Why do you think they need that?

Why do they need to feel special? Like, oh, it's my birthday week or whatever. I have no idea, man. Because I think if you ask them, they're going to be like, it's the patriarchy or something like that. And I'd like to try to take them at their word, but that shit don't make sense. Yeah. So I don't know. I think some people just want to, if they feel powerless in their real life, they want to feel powerless. Powerful. Powerful. Yeah. So maybe that's it.

But I don't know, but almost every show you got to tell somebody, I don't care that it's your birthday, you know? Yeah. Yeah. You're not special. What is your day when you're like at a club, you're doing a club weekend? What is Saturday like for you? Wake up, gym, best buy.

Wait, why Best Buy? I don't know. Best Buy is so soothing to me. I like to walk through a Best Buy. You just like to be amongst the gadgets. Yeah. What's wrong with that? So you find a Best Buy after the gym and you just go peruse the Best Buy. Yeah, I usually peruse the Best Buy, get my mind off things, maybe make a little perk. Because you got to understand, like,

When I walked through there, it's like all this stuff I used to walk through Best Buy and I couldn't afford. Now you got it. Now I can buy any of that shit. And now, so I walk through like, I'm like, you can bang one day, have that over there with that. Yeah. So it's just my little place. Yeah. Go to Best Buy, go get some food. I go to a nice little, good little steak or something.

And then straight to the show. And then shows. Are there days where you won't talk to anybody before you go on stage? Oh, yeah. You mean a perfect day? Yeah. I have those every now and then. You know? Oh, man. When you don't see nobody all day? That's the best, man. That's so funny. My experience on the road is completely different. Because I would have those days where I didn't talk to anybody before I went on. And I always felt weird.

Like, I want to, like, warm up the social interaction before I have the highest stakes version of it where I'm on stage. No, there's very few people...

that i can be in a room with and i feel like i'm and i still feel as relaxed as if i'm alone really yeah but certain people can't derrick you and derrick can do this like like if it's before a show like before i shot my specials like everybody needs to get out except him really yeah a couple of comics usually comics yeah if it's a comic that i respect yeah then them being there doesn't make me feel like there's someone here that i need to meet you know yeah

So Derek will give you your space to just kind of do your thing. He don't need my attention. He don't need attention. He don't need to be making it. You know what I mean? Yeah. But alone, that's perfect. That's the bee's knees.

Yeah. And that's why, like, when people go on the road with me, like, that's the first thing I always say to them. You ain't got to do none of this shit I'm doing. In fact, I prefer you don't. Interesting. You know? Do you enjoy the attention you get on stage? Because for me, I remember wanting attention when I was younger. Now that I get it on stage, I don't care for it. But, like... Well, you know what I realized? For me, it's not about attention. It's about control. Mm-hmm.

It's the fact that I'm in charge. There's no variables. Well, the tiara happens and that drives you crazy because now you're not in control. Because now I got to fucking vibe. And the thing is, those people, they don't realize that they're doing that shit at your expense. And the other people there, too. Yeah. When you interrupt, then I have to still make it funny.

Yeah. And if I don't make it funny, it's still me that didn't make it funny. And so you're doing it at no risk to yourself. You think that everybody is trying to aggrieve you, huh? No, but I'm not going to give you the opportunity. Have you been sued before? No, I've never been sued. But I have got guts.

Have you ever gotten got? Yeah, of course. He gets got all the time. Yeah, enough times of getting got and you're going to bow your head on a swivel. Like, have you gotten got? But you have to be careful not to appear paranoid. That's the thing. I think that ship has sailed for you. For me? Yeah. No, what I do is I just go to extraordinary lengths to avoid things that irritate me. You know, but I'm not everywhere just constantly complaining. You know why? Because I'm not everywhere. I be at the crib. Yeah. Yeah, I just don't be there.

You know? Wait, when have you gotten got? That's why, listen, if you ask any, if my reputation in the comedy world is that I'm chill, I'm always chilling. Yeah. Right. So, but I'm always also always irritated. Yeah. But you ain't never heard no stories of me flipping out because I leave. Because the way you handle your irritation is you exit. I'm living at about a three. Once I'm over five, I'm leaving. Done. I'm leaving. And some shit send me straight to 10.

So I avoid all those situations. That's why I check a bag. Man, we had this whole argument about checking bags. Because you were like, why do you check a bag? I would never check a bag if I don't have to at the airport. Right. Well, everyone is giving me shit about it. But the truth is, not checking a bag only makes sense if waiting for your bag is the number one concern.

I have another one, but go on. See, for me, my maximum irritation comes from me waiting for people. So, because I like to get on the plane last. Yeah. Right? I don't want to get on early because I don't want to be sitting there the whole time.

What happens is sometimes people will take the above space. So you got to put your shit back deeper. And then you got to wait for all these fucks to get off the plane before you get off the plane. And that is the moment where I might fucking pop. You know what I mean? And so to avoid that moment, I don't put nothing above. Everything gets checked. And it keeps it from stealing from you. Son, I had a girl grab my fucking suitcase out of the overhead, leave the airport, left her suitcase there,

Thought mine was hers. Different color, different shape, different weight. All my... She was still in the suitcase when I went home. But she just... This dumb bitch just reached up, grabbed the wrong suitcase, and left the airport. This drove our cops crazy. And it is an infuriating thing to happen. Yeah, absolutely. How did you track her down? Big cab. My, like... The guy who shoots and edits all my stuff. He was like, yo, she might have a tag. I didn't even think about that. I'm so fucking irritated. Open the tag up. There's a phone number. We call her, like, four times. Finally, she calls back. And then what annoyed me is...

She seemed pretty apologetic on the phone, but then when she came, she was a little embarrassed and she was like, sorry, and then left. But I need like a profuse apology. That was like an hour of my life that you just had my fucking suitcase in a car. And also, your suitcases don't look the same. Yes. Different size, different color, and hers, she was heavy. I think she just didn't want to carry her goddamn suitcase, if I'm being honest. Mine was light. It was a two-day trip. Wow.

That would drive me crazy. I would have to have an explanation. I was annoyed. I wanted to be like... You was nice to her, weren't you? I wanted to, so I felt bad because she was older. But I was going to be like, I'm going to ask her, just what were you thinking? I just need to know. Not even angry. I just need to know how you made this mistake. And then she was older, so I was like, ugh. Nah, you got to... She at the very least deserved a...

over the shoulder, you know, dumbass bitch. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pour some water in the suitcase. What are you thinking is what I wanted. I just need to know what, did it never occur to you that the suitcase was a different color, it rolled differently, it's a different brand? She must have been drunk. She wasn't thinking. Bro, I had, so you know, if your flight gets delayed due to weather, they don't owe you nothing.

They don't owe you a hotel. Oh, that drives me crazy. And they be making up the weather, too. And so I had to lay over in Seattle, and I was pretty much going to be in the airport for like 10 hours, right? And I kept going out, coming back in to smoke, blah, blah, blah. Then the morning shift, people get there. Now it's a problem with my shea butter. Now, you know enough black people to shea butter.

It's like rock solid. You need a fucking blowtorch to get it. And so this dude, this black TSA agent is like, yeah, you can't take this through. And I'm like, bro, I've taken this through here like 15 times in a row. He's like, yeah, I don't know what to tell you. He's like, you can't take butter on a plane. I was like, it's not butter. It's shea butter.

And he calls over the supervisor. He calls over this white dude. And before the dude even gets there, he goes, can he can he get butter on the plane? Knowing that the white dude doesn't know what she's right. He's like, of course not. And walks off. So he takes my fucking shea butter.

He wanted your shave. He wanted my shave because it was high quality shit. And so now I'm in Billings, Montana, one of the driest places in America with no fucking moisturization. And there's no black sections in the CBS. There's no urban curls. None of that shit. And so that moment burned in my head. I said, never again. Never again. So I check. Yeah.

I checked bags because I could have killed somebody. You know what I mean? He deserves, because if I ever see that motherfucker again, I'm going to get revenge. You know what he looks like? Oh, yeah. Yeah, looking fucking moist. Remarkably slick. Skin clean. You've never seen how clean he looks. Yeah, I know what he looks like. I will never forget that face. And I'll never forget the smug way he fucking... Can he bring butter on a plane? Right.

Why can't you bring butter on a plate? You knew what you were doing, bro. You used his cultural ignorance against me. That's got to be the most diabolical black-on-black shit. To be like, I'm going to use what this white man definitely don't know about our culture to fuck a black man over. Out of his moisture. And now you just look fat. This guy's trying to bring butter on a plate. No.

He said it loud. That's why they get hypertension. Because here's the thing, man. Black people know that being ashy is such a big... Cardinal sin. In our community, for you to send me off being ashy. Yeah, it's a little crazy. He didn't like you. There's something about you he didn't like. What do you think it was? I think he just wanted the shade button. Or was it a power thing?

I'm behind this bat. Oh, no, man, but you know what? But I do know that sometimes when you have a visceral negative reaction to somebody, right, when you meet them and you don't have a good reason, it's usually because there's some trait in them that you hate in you. Like you see it in them and you hate it about yourself. Will you suspend all of your grievances on social interaction for pussy? Temporarily. I would, but not solely that. It would have to be like...

I mean, I have gone both ways. I've been like overcome by lust or whatever, lonely, whatever. But most of the time, I stay loyal. I stay true to the soil. Really? Yeah. And what do girls that you're dating do when you stay true to the soil? Oh, they stop dating me. Really? Yeah. And you're okay with it? You're like, I'm not bending for this shit at all? Yeah. Bye, bitch. Has there ever been one where you're like, I really liked her?

But I just couldn't, she just couldn't handle my idiosyncrasies. Oh yeah. Every single one. And there's no sadness. There's no, like, I could have, I could have let that go.

I could have let that one little thing go. Listen, I understand that I'm complicated. And listen, sometimes you just got to put the Rubik's Cube down and walk the fuck away. You don't get to blame me if you keep twisting it. You don't even have a plan. Yeah. I don't know the answer either. This is just what it is. No, bro. This is this is the math book. And the answers ain't in the back.

This is Larry David. You know what I'm saying? The impossible solution. Whatever, nigga. I'm fine. This is Larry David. Remember when he wanted Cheryl back and then immediately they got back together? Yeah, because what he really wanted was for Cheryl to not have left him. He didn't really want her back.

He wanted to be invited to the party. Exactly, but he didn't want to go to the party. Brian Simpson, ladies and gentlemen. Brian Simpson. Brian, let them know where they can see you. Hey, listen, I'm coming back here, New York City, on October 12th. Oh, amazing. And I'm also going to be at the Wheelboard the day before that. Let's go. 11th in Boston. Amazing.

And I'll be at the Punchline in Philly in September. Amazing. And I think that's all the next shit that's coming up. Also, go watch my special live from the Mothership currently streaming right now on Netflix. Let's go. And check out my podcast, BS with Brian Simpson, on YouTube and all the other stuff. First special from the Mothership. First special from the Mothership. Go check it out, man. It's a fantastic special. It's outstanding. It is. It is. It is. Brian is brilliant. Brilliant comedian. God damn. Thank you so much for being here, my boy. I appreciate you.