Rotten Girl vs Clean Girl
48:12 Share

Hey guys, welcome back to this week's episode of Pretty Lonesome. This week I want to talk about the rotten girl aesthetic. I don't think you could quite call it that but I'm going to call it that, the rotten girl aesthetic because why not? We should have our own aesthetic.

I came up with this term because everyone kept yapping on about the clean girl aesthetic, which for me felt so vastly out of reach because that is never going to be the way my life looks. As much as I may want it to be, as much as I may sit in this new car that is currently clean and have the resources to appear like I'm a clean girl, it simply is not authoritative.

authentic to me in any way. The way I live my life is with the utmost chaos. I'm not saying this is a good thing. The way I live my life is with the utmost chaos and disorganization and that leads to mess. It leads to rotting food. It leads to being a rotten girl. And what I meant when I said rotten girl is I was envisioning my one friend. Now she won't be offended by this. She would love this. I told her already that she was the inspo for rotten girls but she has always been the

the person that I deem like the coolest person because she was my big sister's friend growing up and also our neighbor. So I was like just in awe of her. She was just the coolest. In my mind, she was the most grown up. She's actually one year older than me. But like I just thought she was like a grown adult, grown woman, whatever.

And I was just, I just thought she was so cool, but she has always been quite violently rotten. She was Effie Stoneman before Effie Stoneman was even that cool. Or no, maybe, maybe that might've been her inspo, but she would like sit on her windowsill and smoke these cigarettes. And I just thought she was just the coolest. And that was probably not correct of me, but there you go. That's what I did. That's what I thought. That's how I felt. And

She has always just been someone that I think is so cool because she's always been someone that has their struggles and goes about life and kind of in the in this most interesting way takes everything in her stride and just like.

For me, the first time I ever struggled in life, my life grinded to a halt. I couldn't struggle and continue living because I was young and I didn't have any coping skills. So I locked myself inside and I couldn't go to school and I lost all my friends and I just didn't speak to anyone for two years. And she was this person who struggled and went to school and had a job. And I just thought that was the coolest thing you could ever do, to be able to

continue living despite hardship. Like that was just something I could not do at that age. And over the years, obviously, I learned how. And I always just thought that she was so lucky because she could go outside and come home and be miserable. But she could go out during the day. And so she kind of gave me almost inspiration to become the same.

I was never aspiring to be a clean girl or to be anything more than coping than like coping in a way that also allowed me to go out and see the world. So to me, being a rotten girl is an honor because it means that I am doing what I need to do to get by. But it is also something that I just find a little bit humorous because I just think it's such a treat. Like,

One thing I've never been bothered by is what someone does in their own fucking time. And I'll never understand people who are bothered by it.

This episode is brought to you by Mejuri. You know, I had a thought the other day. Since Rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions, Mejuri approaches fine jewelry a little bit differently. Each one of their pieces is handcrafted by jewelers committed to quality craftsmanship as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Created by women for women, Mejuri is breaking down barriers in what has long been an exclusive and occasional category of men buying for women.

In 2020, the brand launched the Mejuri Empowerment Fund in support of higher education for underrepresented women and non-binary individuals. Because fine jewelry doesn't have to cost the world, feel good about your jewelry in more ways than one. Start stacking your favorites, shop online, or visit the website to find a store near you. Hey y'all, Marce Martin here with a little Tampax story. One time I went on vacation in the Bahamas with some friends, and of course I got my period.

didn't want anything to stop me from living my best life on my trip. So I was like, why not be brave and try Tampax? Before that, I really just thought tampons were for adults, and I definitely thought they'd be uncomfortable. Guess what, y'all? They really aren't. It might take a few tries, but once it's in right, you shouldn't feel it, which is great. For a better way to period, just add Tampax. If someone wants to go home,

And I don't know, put on a fucking fursuit, let's say, and lock themselves in a baby cage and suck on a pacifier. That's none of my business. You know what I mean? Like, do what you need to do. If I want to go home and let my dinner rot in my bedroom, let me do that.

And also, like, I'm still gonna wake up in the morning and wash my face and put on my deodorant and put on an outfit and go out into the world and do my thing. But I want to come home and retreat into chaos and that is what I will do. I like the idea that you can allow yourself to regress into, like, the worst version of yourself.

And that it is completely safe to do so because that is your space. And I find it thrilling to imagine like, I don't know, it's kind of like, did you guys ever see that episode of Friends when Ross, I think it's Ross, starts dating a girl and I cannot remember her name, but her apartment is like a

pigsty and she has a mouse or a rat on the loose but she can't ever find the rodent because she's got so much crap on her floor but you can just hear it scuttling around and she's named it it's a completely feral rodent by the way it's like not her pet and she's named it Mitzi now I took inspiration from this character I saw this episode when I was like 12 and I was like oh my god

that is so cool I just thought she was living her best life like it really struck a chord with me I was like I relate I like this girl this is me and because I like her and she is me I now wish to own a rodent and I wish to name it Mitzi guys I wish I was fucking joking I went to my mom the next day I said I need to buy a rabbit my mom was like you can't have a rabbit and I was like well why give me one good reason anyway two days of going back and forth

And I won my mum over. My mum loves animals. So anytime I would ask for a pet when I was younger, it just didn't take much. And we had like so many. We only ever had rodents. We never wanted to commit to like a dog or a cat. But anytime I'd be like, what about a new hamster? She'd be like, oh, okay, let's go get one. But it was the only thing my mum was easy to persuade on. Like my mum really stood her ground with me on everything else. But like the second I was like, how about a mouse?

she'd be like, oh my god, yeah, let's treat ourselves. Like, she was so funny. So after seeing this girl have this rodent called Mitzi, I was like, I must have one. And so I went and I bought a rodent and I called it Mitzi. And she was my first rabbit. She lived for like 10 years. I loved her so much. She was the absolute best. Actually, she didn't live for 10 years because then she'd still be alive. But she lived for like seven or eight years, I think. She like died not that long ago. She was so cute. She was like a really rabbit-y looking rabbit. She was like

blonde and just like had the big ears and she was the best so needless to say I've identified with the uh ilk of unhygienic girls women for an extended period of time now so it's not surprising that I've grown up to be someone who does tend to live in filth I think there's something to be said for how much your respect for yourself is reflected in your surroundings and

And I think certain people just hold different weight to their surroundings than others. And I think that's fine. For me, my self-respect, quote unquote, was never reflected by my surroundings. Like, I don't typically feel like I love or hate myself any more or less based on how clean my bedroom is. Now, there are exceptions to that. There have been times in my life where it's like, wow.

Like, you can't function in this. This is bad. This is actually ruining your day. That's when things change. But when it's just, like, not the clean girl aesthetic and your room's just a bit of a mess and you're just a person living your life, maybe there's a bowl of food in the corner or a mouldy coffee, whatever, right? It's a bit worse than it should be, but it's not dire, you know? It's just gone bad. I never feel like that has anything to do with the way that I respect myself or the way that I'm treating myself.

And I think that that kind of comes from like...

living in unattractive spaces because I have never lived in a place... Actually, that's not true. I think when I was at university, I lived in really ugly accommodation and it was the first time I'd ever moved out. So it was the first time I'd lived anywhere but home and it was bad. Like it was the cheapest or like the second cheapest accommodation. It looked like a jail cell. Like it was one of those rooms with like the super old beds and

like not been refurbished since like the 60s. The walls were a salmony pinky white and they were a brick that had been painted on. There was like a strange little sink in the corner, a big desk. Nothing was like stuck to the walls. There was nothing modern. Everything was made out of wood. And then the bed was like this thin metal frame. And then there was a little tiny window and that was it. That was the room and it had a blue carpet. Yeah.

It was miserable. Like, it wasn't attractive. And so I think from that kind of set tone for me of, like,

My surroundings cannot impair my mentality. I don't have a choice here. Like, this isn't... If I'm going to go, oh my god, this room is fucking depressing, I'm going to be unhappy, or oh, this room doesn't look good, so I'm not going to go and make myself a clean girl breakfast, or oh, this isn't, like, organised and it doesn't look cute in here, so what's the point in sitting and doing really aesthetic revision with all my highlighters and all this bullshit? And their life looks...

simple and easy because they don't work the average job which is why they can afford their high-rise. Even if you go and you buy matcha and you go and you buy the little thing to swirl it with, you can't change that so easily. Like it's not that simple. It's not, "Oh, if you do this, you'll look like this and your life will look like this and it'll be this easy." Like it's not true. And so I actually think that living in directly unpleasant places

was the most valuable lesson for me because it taught me that I can only rely on my internal state to accomplish what I want to accomplish and that my external state has very little to do with it because...

yes, it's nice to have a clean room and that usually does help, especially if you're feeling down. You probably want your room to be clean. It's just nice. It's just going to help you. You're just going to wake up feeling a little bit fresher. And yes, you shouldn't have rotting food in your room. It doesn't smell good and it's unhygienic. I get it. But it's also not the be all and end all. You can still be successful and you can still create the life that you want

regardless of your surroundings. I feel like a lot of people, because of this clean girl aesthetic, could be in a position to end up feeling like they're further behind than they actually are because they don't have the right look, they don't have the right surroundings, oh but they have acne so they can't achieve the clean girl aesthetic or their hair doesn't go back in a ponytail that neatly, like whatever it is that makes you unable to match that clean girl aesthetic,

your surroundings or your hair or your skin, you are not as far back as you think you are because your internal workings are all still there and they may be at a much higher advantage point than any of these girls that you're seeing online. Like I just could imagine being at university, still being a first year or even being in high school,

And seeing all of this content around clean girl and minimalism and yoga and fucking pilates and being like, oh my god, I'm not taking care of myself, I'm not where I need to be in life, why doesn't my life look like this? And I would end up probably feeling like I'm further behind than I am when realistically...

I'm at university, I'm getting a degree, I'm opening so many doors for myself, I'm networking every day of my life with people at school. It just doesn't look pretty. And that is a really dangerous thing to, like, start to believe. Oh, it doesn't look pretty. There's an issue. Or I'm not good enough. Or what I'm doing isn't going to work. And it's also just, like, how vulnerable that would make you if you actually believe that, that your surroundings have that big of a hold over you.

How much worth you have or how clean you are. Like, trust me, when I was living in an ugly university hall with a shower covered in mould, like, I was still clean. I never smelt bad. I brushed my teeth in the mornings, you know what I mean? I still hit all the...

correct demands to be doing what I should have been doing in terms of I'm cleaning myself and I'm going to my classes and I'm doing everything I need to do. I'm feeding myself, you know? I've seen some criticism where people are like, oh, you know,

these girls, they post like in their messy rooms and they make it look like it's okay and it's normal. But what you need to realize is they get paid for this and you don't and it's marketing and you should make an exerted effort to not be like this and not or not to not be like this, but basically kind of warning young girls that this isn't the best way to live and it's not completely normal. And, you know, you should

be aware that most adults don't live in filth and that just the ones that you are seeing are living in filth. That kind of messaging to like basically just to younger girls of like just be aware that this is something that they're paid for and I get it. I always feel like a sense of responsibility to younger people to be like to show them the way and like tell them and

not show them the way, but like you just have a duty of care. I think just as a human being, you have a duty of care to others, but also especially to those younger than you and to those more vulnerable than you, which is a young person on social media is like the epitome of vulnerable. And so I agree with it. And I think that

It's always good to be aware that not everybody lives the way that I live. And not everybody is as inclined to be okay with living in a messy room as maybe I am. Maybe it does affect some people's mental state a lot more than it affects mine. I don't know. I'm not them. I'm me. But I could imagine that that would be the case. I think

I don't have an issue with the clean girl aesthetic. I love it. And it kind of does motivate me, but it also, it just motivates me to like get a new fucking flat, like live in a new build. Like that's kind of as far as it motivates me. Like it doesn't really make me want to go to the gym because...

It's not going to look like that. It's not going to feel like that. Like I said earlier, like I would want to go to the gym if I lived in her apartment, but I don't. Like if I lived in her apartment with her clean bedding and her big windows that look out onto the city, then maybe I would feel inclined to go to the gym in my building in my cute set of loony lemon. Like it would interest me then.

But it doesn't because I don't. You know what I mean? And that's fine. I don't want to be motivated by that because I don't think that that lifestyle would serve me any more than the one that I live right now does. Because I'm just not that kind of person, which is fine. I am much more inclined to enjoy driving around the countryside and that's going to be much more refreshing on my mental health than going to the gym most days. Most days, a trip around the countryside in my car is just going to do way more for me.

And it's just about figuring out what works for you. And I don't love the criticism that I see towards girls who live in mess, who live in squalor. It's also just like, why is it an issue? I mean, I don't love the idea that it's something that young girls see a lot of, right? I don't love the idea that young girls are seeing all their favorite adults living in mess and being unhygienic.

obviously that is not good, right? Obviously you don't want that. But I don't really think that we're at risk of that. I feel like it's so saturated in social media. Like you'll see me who's rotten and then three posts down, you're seeing a girl who's gone to the gym three times today because she's doing 75 fad and her apartment's spotless. And she, by the way, she's also got 20 children and she raises them all by herself somehow. Like,

I feel like there's good representation for everyone on the internet at the moment. Because I guess I've seen people be like, you should be careful how much content or how much you believe that these girls really live in mess because they could pay to get it cleaned or they don't have to live like this. And it's like, no, I don't. And yes, I could pay to get it clean. But first of all, if I wanted to, I would.

I just haven't because I don't care. But second of all, I think the issue that I take with that is like, but why is it so wrong? Because I'm actually an educated woman. I have a degree. I graduated with honours. I graduated with honours.

This episode is brought to you by Mejuri. You know, I had a thought the other day. Since Rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions, Mejuri approaches fine jewelry a little bit differently. Each one of their pieces is handcrafted by jewelers committed to quality craftsmanship as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Created by women for women, Mejuri is breaking down barriers in what has long been an exclusive and occasional category of men buying for women.

In 2020, the brand launched the Missouri Empowerment Fund in support of higher education for underrepresented women and non-binary individuals. Because fine jewelry doesn't have to cost the world. Feel good about your jewelry in more ways than one. Start stacking your favorites, shop online or visit the website to find a store near you.

Okay, so true story, I was scared to try tampons because I didn't know if they'd be able to protect like pads. Took me a few tries, but once inserted properly, tampons shouldn't hurt. If you feel it, it's not in far enough. Believe me, it changed my life. Like pads, tampons offer up to 100% leak-free protection, whether you're on the go or chilling at home. Now I do and wear whatever I want on my period, thanks to the freedom and flexibility I get with adding Tampax to my routine. Learn more at Tampax.com.

The pressure to be perfect is something that's been talked about so much on social media over the years and it's weird because I've seen no discourse about it when it comes to the clean girls. It's just interesting to me, like, you can see these 12 year olds trying so hard to replicate the adults who are...

buying expensive skincare and putting them on in the mirror and clearly feeling great doing an everything shower and like if it if they're already replicating the skincare like i'm sure it doesn't stop there you know i i guess it's it's just it's a money issue as well because you're never gonna see the girl with no money doing fucking drunk elephant routines in the morning before school in her room that's super cute in the background and and um their quiet peaceful house at 7 a.m

I don't even know how these girls have time for those videos. My home at 7 a.m. on a school morning.

there was not a moment of silence I don't know all my all my school mornings were chaotic like I I'm amazed every time I see like a girl having time to put her makeup on before school in the morning I'm like wow I didn't even have time to eat cereal like I was up and out like and my friend was my neighbor my whole life she used to tell me she'd hear my feet smacking the pavement so aggressively because we live on like at the top of a hill and she lived at the bottom of the hill

And so I'd be like running down it and my feet would be like smacking the ground so aggressively as I ran down it because I'd like lose control of myself because I'd be running for the bus because I'd always be late and 9 to the 10. I was late to school.

So props to them because they're obviously getting up on time. I have seen criticism about the whole rotten girl aesthetic, I think, because people kind of have the idea that it's not good for the younger generation to have that something to look up to. I think it's really important to be mindful about why you're seeing what you're seeing or why someone has posted what they've posted and always look beneath it.

If you want to be mindful about the media that you consume. But I also find it interesting because I feel like there should be more criticism on the clean girl aesthetic. Like, I mean, there should be criticism on everything. Everything should be thought about critically if you have the fucking time and willpower and energy. Right? If that's how you want to live your life and live your life really mindfully, then you should be thinking about everything that you consume.

why did this person post a picture of their messy room? Why did this person post a picture of their clean room? Because most people don't live like that. Like I, the videos that I can genuinely fuck with is, I saw this video like three days ago and it was this guy and he had a couple of kids and his wife was taking a nap and he was like, I have a dinner party for like 20 people tomorrow and this is the state of my house. Then he went through and he cleaned up, like actually cleaned up a house that was like messy, but like just, it was just mess. And like, there was no like filth. It was just mess everywhere. And I just thought,

This is the only true content I've probably consumed in like three weeks. This is the first real person I've seen on my For You page in weeks. Like this is a genuine human with an actual situation that they've actually exposed on the internet. But it's like all this fake nonsense, like fake elevation that people do. Like they rent a fake car that's not theirs. Like they rent a G-Wagon or like...

I just find it so draining. And it's really hard to tell. Like, when I was on the other side, before I, like, worked in the industry, when I was on the other side just watching, I would never have thought that it was fake. Like, I just, there was, there's things that are so subtle. Rented apartments, rented cars, rented clothes. Do you realize that people rent their fucking clothes? They rent their handbags? Like, all this bullshit, you have to consume your media carefully, right?

Or not. Or you don't. It depends how much it affects you, I guess. Like, for me, as a relatively stable, I say relatively, we all know I'm not, but like as a functioning sort of adult, I can consume that kind of media and not be affected by it because it doesn't appeal to me. I know what I like. I like a little bit of mess and it doesn't bother me. And I like my old broken down car. I'm also lucky enough to have a car that keeps me safe and starts every day.

So I can kind of appease myself in both ways. I can drive my old car and feel super at home and just so comfortable and happy. And I can also drive my new one when I need to go out of town and be safe and film podcasts in it because the fucking heated seats keep me warm. It's minus five degrees today, so there's no way I was going to film in the one without heating. You know what I mean? I have control over my life and I know what I like because I've tried.

to do things that I don't like and I've thought that sucks so I won't do that one again. I could imagine how hard it would be as a kid to have all these different influences. I just think the amount of influences is overwhelming and everything is always changing. Like one minute you're meant to be clean, girl.

Then the next you're meant to be a mob wife and you're only 12. It's too much. I'm just kind of at my wits end with the For You page right now. Like, it's just, it's over, it's just fucking overload. And I'm just like, what are you guys talking about?

What do you mean mob wife? What do you mean clean girl? What do you mean high face value or high face fucking weight? Low face weight. Eat your carrots and you'll get a natural tan. Like ins and outs. I know I just did an episode on ins and outs. I actually like the ins and outs trends because it kind of inspires me a little bit. But like there's just so much bullshit everywhere.

I think actually the most refreshing thing for me when I got on social media and like started to be invited into rooms of other people is to see how much of it's just a facade. I've just seen my mum run down our house path because she's forgotten something. She's so cute. I see her running through the house.

My mom is so tiny. She's somehow my mom is so tiny. I don't think I'm that small, but like I'll stand next to my mom in the mirror. I'm like only like an inch or two bigger than her. But then I look at her. I'm like, you are the smallest woman I've ever seen in my life. She's like five foot one. I mean, obviously I'm like six foot two. So there is a big height difference. But I think what's important to remember as well is, you know, what's never going to trend on TikTok or any social media is the average life trend. Like that's never going to happen. And I think that's

for obvious reasons, but let me state them anyway, because I think it genuinely skips over the brains of some people. No one is interested in seeing their own life played out on a screen. Most people go to the internet to escape an aspect of their real life, right? So the last thing you want is to click on and see your exact situation played out

on a screen? Do you want someone who is a little bit better than you, but with aspects of your life? So it's attainable, they're relatable, you see yourself in it, but in a desirable way, right? That is the premise of social media. It's all a projection of the self. What do people want to see on their screen? Well, they want to know how they can improve their life. They want to have a, they want to see something desirable or funny or really depressing, but what they don't want to see is exactly what they have already.

because that's never satisfying. So whilst 99% of the population lives in one way, the people on the internet will never show that. They'll never live that. And if they do live like that, they won't put it on the screen. They'll make it look way worse or they'll make it look way better, right? So that's why these stupid fucking things trend, like hot girl, clean girl, rotten girl, stinky girl, poopy girl. We should make that trend. But

You know what I mean? Like, yes, it's like we trick ourselves by loving, like, relatable influencers. But what you've got to realize is if they were completely relatable, they would never have made it to the point they're at because you don't want to watch yourself on a screen. You wouldn't find it interesting. You already lived that life. You're already seeing it through first-person PLV. 23 hours a day. So you want one hour of the day.

where you get to watch someone else be a little bit elevated but still relatable or be a little bit de-elevated and it's interesting there. Ultimately you want to see something different. So most people will put out something different meaning they're not going to put out what the average person does. So even if you see a clean girl

a chance as well she doesn't even live like that herself. It's like a model. They don't even look like that. Like maybe I post a picture of my room when it's at its messiest and then every other day of the week it's only half of that. You know what I mean? Like why did I feel inclined to take the picture of my room when it was that bad? Well because it was that fucking bad that I walked in there and went and I laughed and I took a picture. You know what I mean? Like something provoked me to put that content out.

Well, probably because it shocked even me. You know what I mean? Like you don't post things that are completely mundane. And a lot of people do a very good job of hitting the balance between something that is mundane enough to be relatable, but not mundane enough at all to be interesting. And that is social media, right? That's the whole point of it most of the time.

Well, it's the whole point of TikTok. I think other social media channels maybe have different purposes, but I think the point of TikTok and influencers in general, have we just like cracked a code or am I just like stupid? And I've never thought about this before, but like, I think, but yeah, I think that's, it seems like such a basic fact of life. Like, of course they wouldn't post something boring, but it's like, okay, then you've got to think about why is this thing boring versus this thing not being boring?

What is the psychology behind what they're doing? Or they might not even be thinking about it consciously themselves. I think a lot of people who are successful on social media don't even know why what they do works. They just are so attuned to the app and to what works and what doesn't because we're children of the internet and we just know what resonates and what doesn't resonate. They probably don't even know why they're posting that.

You know what I mean? But I could almost promise you that like if you went behind the scenes to the clean girl houses, they wouldn't even live like that the other percent of the time. They probably clean before the videos and they probably don't clear up their fucking matcha ingredients after they've posted it. You know what I mean? I mean, they might. I don't know. When I have the privilege of a clean room.

Or a hotel that's been cleaned. I'm so excited. I feel so good. I might be more inclined to take an everything shower and then get into bed and do my little things. But it's a novelty and it'll wear off. And then I need to go back to being in filth and squalor and, oh my god, where are my shoes? And throw them on and run out the door at full speed because I'm late.

That's fun to me. Everything is fun. Life is fun. You need variation. You can't just be clean all the time. Equally, you really can't be messy all the time either because you need to break that up with periods of cleanliness and overt organization in a way, you know. Life is a spectrum of things. It's messy and it's nuanced and that's why it's fun. ♪

This episode is brought to you by Joiba Bubble Tea. If you thought bubble tea was just a trend, think again. In fact...

Now you can have it in the comfort of your own home. I have seen it all over my TikTok page. Ooh, bubble tea. Ooh, ooh, ooh. I'm like, okay, what is this? I need to try it. All of my friends are now drinking it. Joiba bubble tea comes in several delicious fruity flavored tea combinations with popping boba, like strawberry lemonade green tea and mango passion fruit green tea. Enjoy your popping boba moment anytime, anywhere with Joiba bubble tea.

Follow Joyba on Instagram and TikTok at joyba.fun for fun giveaways and to find a retailer near you. I love life so much and I always have done even like

In every phase of life, I've never regretted anything that I've done and I've never hated where I am. I remember when I was in my first year of university, I just moved and I was in my first set of halls. I ended up moving out of them and moving into the cheaper ones because I realized I couldn't afford the nice ones. So I was in this like really modern, it was a terrible design. It was bright orange. Wow.

And it just kind of looked like a cheap hotel room. And it was just really hard to make myself feel at home. It felt clinical. And I didn't like any of my flatmates. So I was really homesick and I really hated university. Like I just, I was like, this is just not what I envisioned. I had this like pit in my stomach. It was 2019 or 2018, can't remember. And I listened to Noah Khan. Is it Khan? I never know his surname. But I listened to him.

every minute of the day and I would just call my best friend from home and like cry down the phone like I fucking hate it here I want to come home and then I remember at the time thinking should I drop out and I said I'll wait out till Christmas and then I'll like re-evaluate and I remember thinking

I feel so strongly that there is a greater purpose to me being at this university. And I didn't know what it was, but I was like, I just have this gut feeling that I'm not necessarily here for my lectures or for my seminars. And that this is an experience that I need to facilitate something much greater in the future. And I couldn't put my finger on it and I didn't know what it was. And I just had this feeling and this instinct that I, this is where I needed to be. And that

because it was hard was not a reason to run away from it or to leave in the name of comfort. You know what I mean? I was like, yeah, it's hard. Life is hard. And yes, this is unpleasant. But, you know, what am I here for? Like a life full of pleasantries? Like that wasn't really what I thought I was in for. So, you know, why am I running away? Because this is unpleasant. I didn't think it was always going to be fun. And so I forced myself to stay. And I would say, I mean, that was four years ago.

And now I would look back on that feeling and I would say, ultimately, the reason I didn't leave was in the end, university was what facilitated me doing what I do now because it gave me life experiences to talk about. It created my personality as it is today. It completely transformed me as a person. Was it fun? Not really. Did I like it? Not much. Did I learn a lot?

Not much. Like, I can't remember much of what I learned at university, I'll be honest. I was reading my dissertation on my laptop the other day and I was like, God, I used to be so smart. Like, I don't even know what those words mean anymore. Like, genuinely not a fucking clue. But my point with that is I've always been certain that any kind of life experience leads to something good. You know what I mean? And I've never thought of anything...

that I've gone through as having a permanent negative effect. So the fact that I can never clean my room and that I've tried and tried, but I always end up with dirty dishes by my bed.

And I always end up leaving my towel on the floor, which is unhygienic. And I always have a messy vanity and my mirror always has spudge marks on it. And my floor is always covered in clothes. And I leave my dirty underwear in the bathroom. And all these things, I cannot possibly let myself see them as like a devaluing characteristic almost. Exactly.

Like I just rebuke it, you know, like maybe, I don't know. It's so tricky because I don't want to encourage anyone to like live in squalor, but I, I just, I hate the idea that anything is innately in and of itself going to ruin something for you. You should have the ability to live amongst and endure many, many things.

and still come out on top and I think it's a really good life lesson but then I'm also like oh you know you should make life as easy for yourself as possible and you know maybe that's just like clean your room and I clean my room frequently like let me let me I feel like I'm making it sound like I never clean my room and I just love living in mess I clean my room all the time I'm gonna clean it so I clean it like last week as well and when I say clean I mean like properly clean

But then it gets messy in between because I'm not someone that picks up after myself. I have raging ADHD. I just don't pick up after myself. It doesn't bother me. But then I do go through and I clean and I take care of myself and I make sure that I'm living in a nice area, you know? But I guess what I'm saying is like, I think it's too easy to feel like

something makes or breaks you. Like, I'll be happy when I have Drunk Elephant Moisturizer and I'm gonna be so clean and so good when I get this new t-shirt or this new sweater that's gonna make me look like this person and like,

when I'm on trend with this, everything's gonna feel good again. Like, it bothers me. And I was like really adverse to like posting a podcast like this because I was like, no, because it's going against the grain and it's saying something that a lot of people are not saying and I don't want to like get told off for it and be like, have people fucking quote me with their opinions. But it's kind of just like, I don't know. I still don't want any of those things. You know what I'm doing this year?

Um, is I'm starting to reduce my sugar intake when it's not necessary. Like I keep sweets in my car. Well, they're not sweet. Well, they are sweets. They're like, you know, humbugs. They're like basically like mint candy. Um, I keep a bunch of them in my car because they're so fun to suck on like while you drive if you're bored.

And they're also really good if you're trying to quit smoking. I... Again, I hate talking about this, but, like... I just hate saying the word smoking. Like, it feels so unclean. I hate it. Yeah, because I fucking hate unclean things. But, like, I hate it. I used to smoke and...

I still struggle occasionally. Like, I just... It's like, I just am so used to having something in my mouth or in my hands. Not in a sexual way, but, like, I'm so used to just having, like, a busy mouth, busy hands, like, always holding something or craving to hold something. And it's such, like, a habit that's still so ingrained in me, even though I've broken the addiction and I've broken the habit, but...

I do still struggle sometimes with, like, I just wish I had that right now. And so sometimes having sweets is really helpful for that, especially when I drive, because I always used to smoke when I would drive. So I've been using these humbugs to fucking cope. And then I just kind of realized, like, how bad they are for me. And I was like, I...

have dental issues right I've always needed really like bad fillings like I have an issue with my mouth my mom took me to this like dental specialist when I was like seven because I kept getting cavities and no one could really figure out why because I was brushing my teeth as much as they should have been and so then I went to the specialist in London and he made me drink and we were so disgusting he made me drink like half a cup of the thickest syrup you could imagine I was literally retching and he made me drink the whole thing it was

awful I've never gotten over it and then he made me blow into this mouthpiece and he said that the level of acidity in my saliva was something like 60 times what it should have been after consuming the amount of sugar that I'd consumed which is why my teeth were eroding so quickly so sorry it's kind of gross I have an acidic mouth I didn't really want to open up to you guys about that but there we go

So I have like this really weird acidic mouth basically. And so I've always tried to be cautious about how much like unnecessary sugar I put on my teeth. And I actually kind of forgot about that for years, but I should try and be more careful. And then if you watched last week's episode, Pretty Lonesome, I was talking about my new, how tea is in for 2024 and how that kind of chimes in with me drinking less wine and stuff.

And as part of that, I've also been trying to reduce, essentially just reduce the amount of things that I consume that aren't good for me. So I'm not trying to do anything too huge or too crazy, like no more sugar, no more dairy, no more this, no more that. No, it's just like keeping humbugs in my car. I'm just trying not to eat as many of them.

It doesn't mean I don't have to. It doesn't mean I can never have one again. They're still in here. They're in my little console. But like, I'm just trying to like not reach for them as often because it's just not good for me. And like just little tiny changes where it's like,

Yeah, sometimes I won't take sugar in my coffee. And then maybe the next day I will. And it's not, I've not ruined anything because I had sugar in my coffee today because I didn't set the goal that I was never going to do that again. But I'm proud of myself because I'm gradually reducing my usage, you know? It's just like implementing change where you can. It's like I don't eat meat very often. So I consider myself better now.

than most. I'm kidding. I meant to say something else, but that just came out. So I don't eat meat very often, which I just think it's, you know, it's better than people who eat meat once or twice a week because it's so bad for the earth. And I do give a fuck about that stuff. So it's like, I don't eat meat very often, but I love meat and it's good for you sometimes. And I really like red meat. And I do very occasionally find myself really craving red meat, which I usually know means my iron is low. So...

when that happens which is probably like four times a year I think like I so rarely find myself craving meat that whenever I do I'll usually go out and buy myself some meat because it's my body is actually saying something to me it's not like an addiction or like something I just habitually do it's like oh my god I can't believe I've just craved that so I'll go out and I'll get it which is like four times a year maybe max but yeah

I usually get scared of eating meat though because I hear that if you stop for an extended period of time you basically lose the ability to like fight off a lot of the bacteria in the meat. So if you've like

been a hard veggie for like 10 years and then you go and eat chicken you're probably gonna get sick which is really scary so that's also a reason I try and eat meat a couple times a year is like to keep up that like immune response to it and like make sure that my immune system remembers what the fuck it is because I hate getting sick so we don't want that so yeah I eat meat a couple times a year what the fuck was my point everyone needs to know that I eat meat a couple times a year

I'm so glad it's also staying light out for longer now. It's currently 2.52pm and the sky is still, like, relatively blue. It's just so much nicer. Like, even an extra 30 minutes on the end of the day is just so special. Like, I hate when it gets dark early. Like, I like winter. I like the cold. I have no issue with the cold as long as I have the means to be warm. Like,

a good jumper and a good pair of sweats and a good pair of shoes. Like, then, as long as I can bundle up, I'm happy in the cold. But it's like, when you're stuck and you're cold all day, that's what I hate. Like, I used to work outdoors. Actually, I didn't work outdoors, but I worked...

Well, it was indoors but there was no heating and it had like only half of a wall. There might be some white noise now because my car engine is on because I think I need to let it run to charge up because I get the impression that I've run the battery down. It said 12V battery C owner's manual. What does that mean? I don't want to break this car. So I'm gonna let it run. Sorry if you can hear the engine. Hopefully you can't.

Listen up, you naughty little pelicans. It's Harry Jowsey here, host of the new video podcast, Boyfriend Material. Dating, sex, and relationships in your 20s?

It's messy, confusing, and sometimes you just want the male perspective. That's where Boy For Material with Harry Jowsey comes in. Every Tuesday, I'll let you in on what the male brain is thinking, breaking down all of your relationship questions and situations and giving you honest advice on them all.

Watch Boyfriend Material with Harry Jarzy every Tuesday here on Spotify. You know, you might potentially land the guy of your dreams or the red flag, but there's no judgment here. Follow Boyfriend Material with Harry Jarzy on Spotify. I was going to do an episode today on how to enjoy your own company. And then I ended up doing this one instead. So maybe I'll do that next week. But

I probably will forget, so I'm just going to talk a little bit about it now because, I don't know, I've got nothing else to say. Guys, I feel so bad. My dog can see me from inside the house and she has been watching me. She's at the windowsill the entire time I've been out here. And I know she is confused, like, why are you out there and why am I in here? I hope she doesn't think she's done anything wrong.

I saw a video on TikTok of this girl's cat on like her home security camera and the cat like brought the toy to the camera crying and then like just sat there crying. If that was my cat, if I saw that on my home security footage, I genuinely would quit my job. I would go home so fucking fast.

like you know what animals are such blessings like i my dog is like the biggest thing that keeps me sane recently and she's just such like a steady certain part of my life and i love actually she's not steady or certain because she tries to kill herself every three days you know she racked me up 1 500 pounds worth of veterinary bills because she ate an entire candy cane off of my tree did i ever tell you the amount that cost me 1 500 pounds

She is so lucky I have insurance. Because I don't actually understand how my insurance works. Like, I'm not completely sure if they're going to cover that or if I'm going to have to get it.

anyway i said to the vet the day that it happened because i thought she was gonna die because i thought the candy cane had xylitol in it so i was like she was like like this is gonna be really expensive like we're gonna have to admit her overnight or you can take her home for observation and i was like no please like money's not a problem please just do everything you can i was like she in tears i was like please don't do everything you can take up and then she comes back to me the next day after having so much treatment and so like she had a surgery she had charcoal she kept

She stayed in for observation overnight. She was on a fucking drip. And they hand it back to me the next day like, "Yeah, the candy cane never had any xylitol in it. She's completely fine."

So anyways, love her. Oh, she's so lucky that I love her. Isn't she really? Okay, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna also, I've been looking at my car this whole video and it is so messy. Like, I think because there's grit on the roads right now because it's icy. It's all been like flicking up at my windows and like sludge and stuff. So there's like crap all over my car and it looks filthy. So I'm like,

I could take it to the car wash. But then I am under the impression that you're not meant to put nice cars through the big car washes because it like scratches the paintwork or something. But then I'm also like, but those are fun. I don't want to go anywhere else. You know what I mean? So I'm going to Google if it's wise to take this car through like a big machine car wash or if I can go...

Or if it's a better idea to, like, go get it hand-washed. I think, unfortunately, I probably should get it hand-washed. But, like, I'm not that precious about my paintwork. Maybe I can just go through the big one. This car has a car wash mode, whatever the fuck that is. I have no idea. Maybe it's, like...

something like anti-theft because you have to give them your keys. I don't know. I don't know. I was thinking like car wash, like water sealed, water safe, but like that's obviously not what it is. I don't know. My brain is not functioning. But anyway, thanks guys for tuning into this episode of Pretty Loans. So I'm going to

Leave your eardrums now. I'll leave them alone until next week. See you same time, same place next Monday. Oh, guys, the next time I see you, I'm going to be in LA. We're going to do, I have a car. I've rented a car. I'm not going to tell you what the car is because it's a surprise. I've rented one of two things. I'm kidding because I didn't rent either of them. I rented a complete surprise car. So you'll find out when I find out.

oh yeah it's gonna be so exciting i the request that i've put in is that it's large which everyone told me not to do they were like don't fucking drive a big car around la you don't know how to drive big cars and you don't know how to drive on the other side of the road and i was like you only live once kiddies so i've hired a big car in la so i'm really excited and i'm so i have so many fun things planned in la we're just gonna have so much fun i'm so excited i'm excited that we get to go together and i won't be completely alone because i'll have you guys to talk to so that's fun and i love you guys so much and i'll see you next week on

Next week's episode of Pretty Loathsome. Okay. Love you, bye.