I feel stable ;)
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Hi guys, welcome back to this week's episode of Pretty Lonesome. This week I am in LA. I came here for six days, which is probably...

probably one of the stupidest things I've ever done ever in my life because I'm going to be so jet lagged for nothing and I'm already jet lagged but it's going to be worse when I go home because it always is. I came out here because I just needed to get away from London. I needed a break from everything and everyone, not everyone but some people and I just kind of wanted, if you don't know, I haven't had a flat in like six months or an apartment, sorry, in like six months and

which is really stressful. I needed some of my own space. So I thought, okay, I'm going to book a hotel. London hasn't seen the sun in years. So I was like, I want the sun. I have friends here. So I was like, fuck it. I'm going to go to LA. I'm going to treat myself. I never usually book big trips like this. Um,

Like I have yet to actually take myself on a vacation with like my money. So I decided I was going to come here because I just thought it would feel good. And it does. I'm at this hotel and it's one of my favorite hotels. And I never stay here. I've stayed here once for two days before and I didn't pay for it.

um I was on a work trip so it was covered and um I didn't think I could really like afford it it's such a nice hotel um I'm very very very frugal like I do not spend my money so I kind of like made an exception I was like I'm gonna spend I'm gonna go for a week at this hotel you know buy myself the flights buy myself the hotel like treat myself like I never splurge so I thought fuck it I'll splurge for once like I don't even pay rent so technically I'm saving money you know what I mean um

And I'm just here and it's so nice because it's like such a clean girl hotel. Like, I don't know how to describe this hotel except for like sparkling clean and smells good. And it's so comfy. And it's just like, I don't know, it's just nice. And the views are good. It's in a good location. I've been seeing my friends. I've just been like healing and taking like five showers a day and just like

Being in my... In some good energy. And also just like... I needed time to process everything. Because I've paid for this. And...

spending money stresses me the fuck out I hate doing it I have been like not trying to waste a single second like usually on trips when I'm there for like work purposes I find myself laying around in bed a lot more because it's like I'm kind of on the clock I'm on someone else's time and it's not very literal but it's like this feeling of like I'm not stressed out about how much I enjoy this because I didn't pay for this which is a really fucked up way to look at life by the way I'm trying to work on that

But I guess I've only recently known that about myself, that that's how I'm thinking and feeling because...

on this trip where I have paid and mind you I've paid an arm and a leg okay I'm like getting up in the morning and walking to go get coffee because I want to see LA and I'm like staying up at night to admire the views and I'm like going places and doing things with my day and my time and my life because I want to get my money's worth you know and it's really helped me be present and just like appreciate everything and like not want to waste a single minute or a single second and it's

It's been really nice. Like it's been very refreshing. I've just kind of needed to be alone somewhere clean. That was like my only requirement. Alone somewhere clean and preferably warm. And that's exactly what I've been doing.

um the day that i got here literally on the way from the airport to the hotel uh brooke called me and she was like we're gonna go horse riding i'm picking you up in 25 minutes and i was like what the fuck okay because obviously me and her have been going through a time in our lives lately and we have actually kind of lent on each other which is really sweet so she's like i'm picking you up we're going horse riding i was like okay

So she picks me up, not a minute past 25 minutes, like I said, like I literally ran and showered, got in new clothes straight from the airport and went to this ranch. Now, she did downplay the ranch because what she actually should have said was, we're going to my friend's miniature city in which he has also got a ranch. I'm not kidding you guys, this city is...

I can't even explain it to you, okay? It's not a ranch. It's a town with a ranch in it, okay?

So we get there and she, the guy who is the house it is, he's like showing us around my jaws on the floor because mind you, I've just come from London. And at that, I've just come from Shoreditch. Like I've just literally come from like the back end of Shoreditch where I've been hauled up for three weeks straight in my friend's little flat, you know, like hiding from the world kind of like with my mom and my dog and like, you know, just like London is so different to LA first and foremost.

And then the second I'm off the plane, you're taking me to someone's private city. Okay. Like it was like actual like shock. And it felt good to be back. I'll be honest with you. It was really good. This episode is brought to you by Joiba Bubble Tea. If you thought bubble tea was just a trend, think again. In fact...

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joyba on instagram and tiktok at joyba.fun for fun giveaways and to find a retailer near you he let us ride horses and i haven't ridden horses in years if you guys know this law which i don't know if you do i actually used to teach horse riding in pennsylvania and i used to teach it in the uk as well i used to ride a lot and i haven't ridden in probably like five years maybe longer and

And so it was not easy and I was in a lot of pain afterwards, but it was fun to like be back on a horse and just like it was so random. Like I've never had someone just like hand me a horse before with no like, OK, now you're going to do a lesson or like let's go on a ride. It was literally just like a big sand school and he just let me go on the horse and like fucking ride it around really quick, like just kick it and just like go quick. I was like, this is so fun. Like this is my dream. So we did that.

And the guy kind of offered me help finding like an apartment because I was saying how like I kind of want to split my time between like London and LA. Also, I haven't had an apartment since December. I got rid of my apartment last year in December and I haven't had one since because I've been traveling so much and I've just been living out of hotels in between hotels and my mom's place and staying at my friend's places, which is fun. Like I don't mind the nomad life. I really don't.

but it is stressful to not have access to my belongings. Like everything I own is in storage or in one of my seven suitcases that I've been lugging around the world with me. And it is stressful. Um,

And I am ready to like have a home again. So I was like, look, fuck, if I have to rent in both cities because I can't make my mind up, then I guess I'll just have to do that. But like, I need a flat somewhere. Like, this is getting so stupid. So he was like, I'll help you find somewhere like you shouldn't rent if you don't know L.A. Because mind you, I don't know where anything is in L.A. Like someone will say like Rodeo Drive. And I'm like, where's that? Like, I don't like basic information. I don't even have that yet.

So he was like, I'm going to help you. So today he picks me up and I laughed when I saw it.

I walk out looking for like, I don't know, a black car, like a fucking Mercedes or something. No, no, no. This guy is in a vintage red Rolls Royce with the most fuck ass license plate I've ever seen in my life. When I see it, I'm like, oh, there he is. I can't see for a fact that that's the man that I'm looking for in the car. But I can tell you and I can bet my life on it that that is in fact him in his car right there. Now, mind you, this guy probably has like 55 fucking cars. He chose that was a choice.

and I've never found anything funnier in my life. It was really funny. Anyway, we went for lunch and then we went and drove around all the good areas of LA, basically just looking for like for rent signs because not everything is online. And he was kind of saying like, you should just see the area before you like rent there. I was like, okay, makes sense. So we drove around, we looked in a couple apartment buildings, saw some like show apartments and

took a bunch of phone numbers and he's gonna help me like figure it out but I had the most fun I've ever had in my life driving around in this car and I genuinely just had so much fun I don't know if I just had fun because I got to ride in a cool car or if I had fun because I got to see like where I might get to live I've had a really good day I'm not gonna lie but get this I came home from this fun good day and I don't know what happened to me I got this sadness that swelled up from my

actual fucking asshole into my chest, into my throat and out my mouth. Like genuinely, I had to lay and I haven't done this in years. I had to throw myself face first into my bed and just cry. And it came out of nowhere. I was like, whoa, what is this? And I want to tell you why I'm sad. Okay. And this is kind of off topic, but not really. I think

there is a thin line and stay with me for me my OCD sees my spirituality as like a trampoline to try and jump up and down on for

For example, if I want to order something on Uber Eats, like dinner, okay? And my card is usually fine. It's not an issue to order on Uber Eats. Nothing bad happens. And then one time I'm trying to order and it tells me there was an error or that my card was declined, even though I know my card shouldn't have been declined. Something doesn't happen immediately. Instead of that being just an inconvenience that I need to try and fix and I need to figure out why it gave me an error message...

in my head it is um because the food was gonna kill me and so that was the universe saying don't eat this and so i won't reorder and it's really fucking annoying because when anything goes wrong i take it as redirection and i think that that feeds me in a lot of areas but it's also very destructive to my life a lot of the time i think i can't say for sure because i don't know but i think i would i would very

venture to say that that is not having sound, a sound thought system, right? Like you shouldn't, that's irrational to be thinking the way I'm thinking. And I think it a lot and I am trying to work on it. It's an issue. But the way that that genuinely became my reality the other day, yesterday, let me tell you what fucking happened. If you don't know, which why would you? I don't have a manager. I don't have management and I kind of need management. So I met with two managers in one day to have interviews with them.

And they are managers that I have spoken to before. And I have dwindled down a list of managers. And these are my two finalists. Okay, so I'm about to hire one of them. So I meet with them both on the same day. And...

After that, I go to my friend's house. Now, one thing to know about these two managers is that they each have a very small clientele. So they each only have five or six clients that they take care of. OK, and that's within the entire company. So very small. So that

is about 14 people in total that can say that these people manage them anyway so I have these two meetings with them and then I just go to my friend's house and she had a friend over as well so there's three of us and as we're sat there I'm talking to these girls that this one girl starts talking about her manager and then she says her manager's name it's not a very usual name so I was like wait do you mean this person she's like yeah and

I was like, no way, I just had dinner with them. She was like, what? Like, it's so incredibly unlikely that I would have met one of her clients ever, let alone the same day, not even the same hour as I seen her. The other girl in the room, my friend, is managed by the other manager that I had met with.

First of all, can we just appreciate for one second what are the fucking chances they are astronomically small that I land myself on the same day in the same room as the two girls who are represented by the two managers that I had just had meetings with when their clientele is 14 total? It is so, so, so, so, so, so rare. So unlikely. So I had certain perceptions of these managers and their strengths and their weaknesses, okay?

And I had like this one for this reason and dislike that one for that reason and vice versa. And the exact energy that I received from these people was personified by these two girls sit in front of me. And I was like, the universe couldn't be clearer right now. But I don't know what it's telling me. I don't know if it's saying sign with this one or that one. I'm still fucking confused. And I'm going to lose my mind. But I'm not kidding you guys. When these girls were sat in front of me...

And the likelihood of that happening was, let's be real, that was insane. Like, I'm in LA relatively frequently. I've never really met this. In fact, I've never met this girl in my life, okay? There's been a hundred times where I could have met her, where she may have been mentioned to me, where I may have bumped into her. Never. It's this one day that I meet her and by happenchance or whatever the fuck the word is, happenstance,

I don't believe in coincidences, but she's there. Okay. And that's her manager. And she brings up the manager, not me, which is rare, by the way, people don't typically talk about that kind of stuff. Crazy stuff, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy stuff. And it genuinely couldn't have been a clearer message, but I'm still just like, but I don't actually know what you're telling me. I know you're telling me something. I know you're showing me something, but I still don't know how to make the decision, even though you've just handed me something, but I just don't

I don't know what you're asking me to do with the information you've just given me. And I'm scared that I'm going to make the wrong decision. And I think I know which decision I need to make. But my logical thinking and my gut feeling are two different things, which is really scaring me. And I don't know which one to follow. And it's genuinely just stressing me the fuck out. And that's why I was crying because I was like, I give up. I'm not giving up. But like I just for a second, I cried and I

threw myself face down on my bed and I was listening to I Love You I'm Sorry by Gracie Abrams which by the way I've been listening to on fucking repeat because I like the melody I haven't been listening to the lyrics in an emo way I've just been enjoying the melody because I think it is one of the most beautiful songs I've heard for a long period of time but then because I was already crying on my bed I started listening to her lyrics and then I was like oh fuck and then I just cried you know when you start crying and then you just cry I was like oh good good good this is probably what I needed um

But I am having fun. I'm genuinely loving existing right now. And I am loving meeting new people and being myself again and seeing the life come back to my face.

I kind of can't tell if it's leaving or coming back. I'm like, am I doing really well or am I about to die? I can't tell, but either way, I'm having fun, I think. And tonight is someone's birthday party. And I'm like kind of nervous to go because the friend that I was meant to go with bailed because she had to go on a last minute trip out of town. And now I'm like, I

I feel bad if I, not that I feel bad if I don't go, like it doesn't really matter if I don't go. I just like, I want to go. I think it would be fun. I never go out in LA, like ever. Like I do not go to events. I do not go to parties. The most I've ever interacted with the LA demographic is Coachella. And that was crazy.

genuinely enough for me. But I do need to start putting effort in. If I wanna make friends in LA and if I wanna like form a life here, which I would kind of like to do, I guess, like not too much, but a little bit. I'd like to just feel like I have community here, even if I don't have to have like trusted friends. Community is important regardless and acquaintances matter. And I just wanna live. I just wanna have experiences, even if they're bad ones, even if I regret them, even if I don't wanna do it again, I wanna have the experience.

and so by the way i'm tugging at my sock not my fucking vagina sorry that looks really weird anyways um and so i want to go to this party but my friend isn't gonna go and now i'm like i don't know if i i don't know what to do because i should make an effort and i should go and i want to go and i think it would be really fun and this girl throws good parties i've heard so i'm like i should if there's a time to pop my pussy it's now but um

It may not be tonight, unfortunately. My friend bailed and I'm a scaredy cat and I will not be going to a party without having someone's leg to cling to. So we may have to sit this one out. But I mean, I'll tell you guys about it if I do end up going.

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Actually, my friend is in town from upstate New York. Randomly, she happens to be in L.A. and I haven't seen her in ages. So I'm thinking I would like to go and well, she's actually I'm saying it like I'm going to go maybe see her. She's on her way to my hotel right fucking now. Thank God. And I miss her so much. I cannot wait to see her. And I'm going to watch SpongeBob with her in bed. But I also might be dragging her out unexpectedly.

to someone's birthday party tonight and she may just have to deal with that, you know? She just might have to deal with it. And that's okay if she, if that's, you know, that's the case, that's the case. I genuinely think it would be hilarious because, well, I just think it'd be funny. Anyways, guess what I tried today as well? Crumble cookies. It's actually quite funny because obviously I took these two meetings with the managers and

and each sent me a little gift afterwards. One was flowers and one was crumble cookies. And I'm like, is that a sign too? Like, which one do I like more? These were the crumble cookies. I did try and eat some. They are very yummy, I will be honest with you. But I feel like they'd be better hot. So maybe I need to try that. But I really want to get Raising Cane's while I'm here too. And I really want to get

In and out. But I don't have a car this time. I didn't rent a car. Because I wanted to be more present in the moment. And I also didn't want to pay for my hotel's valet. I'll be honest with you. That was actually why I just didn't want to pay for the fucking valet. But also, like, when I have a car, I just stay in the car. Like, I just drive absolutely everywhere. I don't interact with anyone. I don't walk at all. I don't get out the fucking car. Like, I'll just...

And if I'm bored, I'll just get in the car and drive around for hours. And it just kind of depresses me. Like sometimes it's good for me. I'm very creative when I drive and I think a lot and I love driving and singing. And I love that it makes me see new places. But like it is also antisocial. Like I'll go to a lookout point and I won't even walk around the lookout point. I'll just sit in my car. Like bitch, get out of there, you creep. Like you are in an enclosure. Get out. So I've been trying to like force myself out of my comfort zone a little bit more by like...

You know, if you Uber, you have to at least talk to the driver and then you have to get out and walk in, you know, and you don't find parking and you can't linger in your car. It's just like you become less recluse when you have to do small interactions with people. Like even like this is maybe small, but like I have to get in the elevator down to the first floor if I want to leave my hotel room and I'm going to see someone in there. And it's like very small, positive interactions make your day so much better. For me anyway, at least I love interacting with people like I genuinely love interacting

walking through the world and getting to be me because guess what I'm nice and I'm pleasant to people and more often than not that means that people are pleasant back to me and so I genuinely just enjoy getting to go out into the world and have interactions and speak to my uber driver and

And, and I don't know, speak to the front desk guy and flirt with the valet guy and whatever the fuck it is I want to do. I just love existing and being me. And when you're happy, and people feel your happiness, and you see them respond to it, it's just like life is worth living when life is like that. And lately, that's what my life has been like, again, it's just been like a little bit more carefree, a little bit more like...

I'm beginning to perceive myself nicely again because you prove yourself to yourself 24 hours a day and what I mean by that is like if you walk out and you're a bitch to your uber driver and you're a bitch to the guy at the concierge desk and you're a bitch to the the girl that cleans your room you are telling yourself that you're a bitch and that you're negative you know and it's

It's just like you prove yourself all the time. And so when you walk around and you're pleasant to people and you're forgiving and you're kind and you're gracious and you are funny and you're happy and you smell good and you've showered and it's nice and everything is good. You know, there's always going to be people who are still rude to you and still like,

don't want to have a conversation with you and are still stressed and will still take that stress out on you. But you'll find that it happens less and you'll find that you see less of it, feel less of it. And just that you've proven to yourself at the very least that you are good and that you are nice and that you are happy and that the world is happy too. And it's just like, you control your interactions with other people.

Well, you don't. That's not true. But you control how you behave at all times. And it's just fun. It's like a big game to me. How nice can I possibly be? How much fun can I possibly have? And I just don't know why life wasn't like that for me. For so many years, it was how stressed can I be? And how miserable can I be? And how much pain can I possibly...

find for myself like I'm gonna gather up all the pain and I'm gonna give it to myself and I I don't know why I genuinely think I fucking hated myself for years and it's probably an issue I'm still gonna have to work on because it doesn't just go away just like that but to actively like seek pain is so weird to me and I was doing it like I it's so weird let's we don't even need to get into it but it's like

I've kind of realized that doesn't have to be the way life is. And I'm just like excited to wake up every morning just to go and have small talk with someone, which is so lame, but I don't care. Like I'm just having fun and I'm just genuinely grateful to be alive, which is something I haven't been feeling. But now I am, even though I'm sad and I just have this like kind of mysterious pit in my stomach.

it doesn't matter to me because I'm just happy. Like I don't know how to explain it. A lot of the time, I feel like I'm the happiest when I'm also the saddest because it's when I feel a true range of emotion that I feel the most alive. When I know I can feel sadness and extreme happiness all in one day, that's when I feel alive.

When I feel nothing but happiness, it feels disingenuine. Again, I don't know what that word is. It doesn't feel genuine. And it feels like I have an impending sense of doom. Like if I'm really happy consistently, I'm like, this has to break. And it will break because what goes up must come down. And I'm like, the longer I'm just happy without interruption, the bigger the break is going to be. And I'm going to be sad without interruption or it's going to feel worse because I'm not used to it. You know, it's just like I've been happy for so long now I'm sad. Fuck.

So when it's like happy and sad all in the same day, obviously not up and down, up and down, up and down. But when you're capable of feeling all these things at kind of one time and in one phase of life, I feel stable. Like I feel normal. I feel well, it's just being regulated, I guess. It's like it's like nothing bad is going to happen to you and nothing lasts.

and everything's okay and it's like a sense of control and it's like I just feel more alive because there's no impending sense of doom it's I can be sad for five minutes and then I'm gonna be thrilled again because my life actually is good and it's just normal and things don't have to come crashing down things can just be bad and it hurts and that's okay and then you stand back up and you're happy again like it's just life can just ebb and flow it doesn't have to be one way or the other like

It doesn't have to be painful all the time. Like you can have pain and joy at the same time. They can coexist and you can deal with that. It's just nice. Like I just feel like alive and also just like very present. Again, like I said, I'm paying for this hotel. I'm paying for my flights. I'm paying for everything.

and it's not cheap this fucking hotel is so fucking expensive and so I've just been living like waking up early going to coffee shops like going on walks seeing more of LA than I've ever seen before and I've only been here for three days I was here for two months at the start of the year and I didn't see fucking any of it because I just didn't care like I don't know I cared but I had my car and I had a house and like I was just kind of hiding away like

yeah this is you know taking it for granted kind of I guess I don't know taking it for granted is the right thing but just like not you know not desperate for it whereas this time I'm like no I'm only here for six days I want to see it I want to be here I want to be present I don't want to like lay in my bed you know

And it's really fun. And I'm just, I don't know, I'm yapping so much. Usually I feel like I take more pauses than this. I'm like, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap. I have some pretty cool plans coming up soon, but I can't tell you because I can't have a certain person know about the plans. And so I just can't tell you guys. And it's making me really upset because it's not even you I'm trying to keep the secret from. It's someone that I know is going to watch and I just can't have it happen. And I'm so upset about it, but...

I am excited to go back to London because I miss my friends.

And that's very rare for me. Like I'm very happy in LA and I love it here. And it's so warm. And that's something that London is not. I'll be honest with you. The sun has not come out a single day in London this summer. Like it's fucking ridiculous. LA is warm. It's beautiful. It's stress-free, but you know what? The air pollution is on another level. Like I, everyone says like, oh, it's polluted. And I actually remember I came to LA when I was like 11 on a trip with my family and

and we drove in from somewhere else and I remember my mom saying can you guys see that cloud or maybe we flew in I don't know she was like can you see the cloud and I was like yeah and she was like that's called smog and it's above a city called LA because everyone there drives and it's very very polluted and they have lots of buildings and so it creates smog and it's pollution and

And I remember thinking that's fucking disgusting. You should never go to LA. And I made up this crazy rule in my head that like LA was this big bad place and like it's like a dangerous city and no one's supposed to live in LA because it has smog, right? Obviously London also has fucking smog. I just didn't know that.

Everywhere has smog. LA's is very bad though, I'll be honest with you. But it was like a personality trait of mine for like 10 years that LA was dangerous and deadly and I was the only one who knew about it because I was the only one that saw the smog that day. Anyway, I forgot about that. But the other day I was walking to go get coffee and I have no...

I never walked in like central LA. Like I was walking up and down, what the fuck is it called? Sunset Boulevard, okay? That's, I was walking up and down it, which is like very unheard of. No one walks there. Like it's the busiest street in terms of it has like

six lanes of traffic, I think, and they are always full. It's always a traffic jam the entire way up and down it. But not one person is on the sidewalk, not one person. And the people who are are a little bit worse for wear, okay? They are not doing so good. It's like not a used sidewalk. And honestly, it's a little bit intimidating to walk down it because the kinds of people that do populate the sidewalk are...

A little bit maybe volatile. And there's no one around to help you if something went wrong because no one else is walking. And so even though there's like six lanes of traffic flowing, there's no one around. Like it's weirdly empty. And it's not empty at all, but it's empty. And you would hope if anything went wrong, like someone might get out the car and help you. But honestly, I don't know. So I was walking up and down and I started to feel like really fucking sick.

and it was humid which didn't help but I realized every time I breathed in it was a smell of like fumes and petrol and I couldn't get away from the smell and I realized it wasn't like oh there's a bad smell coming from a car it was literally everywhere the air was polluted like there was no getting away from it and I've never had that experience before not in New York City not in other parts of LA I don't know what other big cities I've been to I've been to a lot of

major major world cities world cities duh where else would I be and I've never felt like I'm choking on fumes and then I was walking up and down sunset and I literally nearly had a panic attack because I was like I can't breathe right now and it's so scary and it genuinely nearly got the better of me and then I got back to my hotel and like they have air conditioning and it smells clean in here and I was like

Actually, as I walked up to my hotel's entrance, this brand of hotel is very known for the way they smell. So when you come anywhere near to the hotel, you can smell the perfume. So I started smelling the perfume and I wondered, are they doing this because it needs to be like a noticeable change from the horrendous outside world? Is that why they have such a strong perfume here?

And I was like, is that actually why? And I walked in and like, I don't know if they have air filtration, probably like air purifiers and air conditioning. But it was, I could breathe again. But it's been on my mind ever since. Like, I feel kind of claustrophobic being here just because of the air quality. Okay, Donald Trump, what is this? I hate when I do this. The air pollution. Actually, I can't do his voice. He's one of the only people I can't imitate, which genuinely makes me really fucking upset. But, um...

The air pollution is so disgusting. And I think it's only really on sunset because there's so much like stagnant traffic and it's disgusting. But I do remember when I came here when I was like 10 years old, I remember looking at L.A. and being like, what the fuck is this? Like, so disappointed. Like, this is Hollywood. This is where the stars come to live. This is the home of, you know, at the time, Michael Jackson. Like, what is this?

It was a shambles. And now I know why. It's because my mother took me to Venice Beach. And I think we stayed downtown. Like actually, no, no, no, I'm lying to you. We stayed near Venice Beach. And I actually remember exactly where we stayed. Comes to think of it because I saw it in someone's YouTube blog one time. And I was like, I know that hotel. And it's just this random like motel basically in like a back end of Venice. But I loved it. And yeah.

I remember being at Venice Beach and being like, wait, is it Venice Beach, the big one? Fuck knows. The scary one. I remember looking around being like, this is not glamorous, you know? And then the other place that she took us was the Walk of Fame.

And I remember like a Spider-Man and I could see like both of his balls, you know, in his costume and they were like being strangled. And I think he was holding a sign saying like, I'm Justin Bieber or something. And I was like, oh, I'm not sold on this, this city of angels. I'll be honest with you. I also found it uncomfortable as a child because obviously it's sold to as a city. And I got here and I was like, well, where are the buildings? Where's the tall stuff that

the rule of having a city is you have high rises and I'm not seeing enough of those and I for years was like fuck LA it's just suburbia and I hate it like why are they calling it a city it's literally just a million houses because I had only seen the worst parts of LA and then I came back reluctantly at like 23 years old came back for the first time and obviously saw the real like what you know most people would think of when they think of LA which is like

and lovely and like, you know, beautiful people, beautiful events, the, you know, the best parts. And I was like, oh, okay, my bad. But I don't know. I like LA. I really do. Um,

I just think it's like a big villa. Like I just walk around and like I am on vacation. Like don't know how else to tell you this. Like even like if I walk into a meeting and it's in like a big building, I'm still on vacation. My friend is going to get here like any minute. So I need to go jump in the shower because I kind of stink. I

Actually, I don't. I literally showered this morning. It's just so humid here that I'm like sticky all the time and I feel gross. And then I need to go do my makeup, maybe get ready, maybe go out. I feel like I want to get drunk, but then I don't want to be hungover. This is life's...

greatest pain okay don't don't don't argue with me on that okay definitively I'm going on right I'm kidding but I love you guys so much I will see you next week for another episode of pretty lonesome I love you so much I love you so much I love you so much thank you for coming thank you for listening to me

And I guess that's it. Okay. Love you guys. I will see. Oh, this is so uncomfortable. Love you guys. I will see you on next week's episode of Pretty Lonesome. Okay. Love you. Bye. Bye.