Shownotes Transcript
Hey guys, welcome back to another week of Pretty Lonesome. This week we're going to talk a little bit about school and stuff because I know that everyone's kind of going through this weird transition right now of like going to university or in the UK everyone's basically just got their exam results so I feel like it's a hot topic but actually first we have something way more important to talk about which is Sabrina Carpenter's new album I'm Not A Lonesome.
I am so insanely obsessed with it. And my favorite one is Juno because I think, did the bitch write it while she was ovulating? Like, what happened? I want to know what possessed her to put the words, I'm so fucking horny down on paper and then scream it into a microphone. Truly inspiring work. I love her. A lot of people know that I am a crazy Sabrina Carpenter fan, but I feel like a lot of people don't actually know how deep it goes for me. And I'm going to explain it because it's very relevant to this week's topic, which is school. I won't bore you too much with the details, but...
But when I was 12, I randomly saw an episode of Girl Meets World. And I say randomly because it was a Disney Channel show and I didn't have Disney Channel growing up in my house. I was on holiday in Florida and it was just like on the hotel TV. And so I saw like it was like one of the first episodes of Girl Meets World. And I was like, oh, my fucking God, what is this? And I fell in love to the extent that I faked sick off of Disney World the next day because I wanted to catch another episode of it, like a rerun or something. But there was no like channel guide or like
like TV guide for me to go to be like, oh, it's gonna be on at 4pm. Like, no, I had to stay home the whole day and wait for the next one to come. And I basically stayed that obsessed for the next three years of my life. So I came back to the UK, and I made an Instagram fan account. Now, this is not something that I'm that proud to admit, but I did do it. I made an Instagram fan account for Girl Meets World. And
off that fan account guys and this is I don't know if I've ever said this online before I'm pretty sure I haven't because I'm pretty sure that she has sworn me to secrecy about it but that's actually how I met my best friend Millie and you guys have met her she's the girl I went to Coachella with and I talk about her a lot we've been best friends since we were 13 because we met through Instagram because we both had fan accounts for Girl Meets World and she is so ashamed of this information I'm gonna have to run this past her but she's so ashamed of this information that even when I met her boyfriend she was like
don't tell him how we met. We have this whole fabricated story to tell people because when we were growing up and we were like 15, 16 and everyone would always be like, how the fuck do you guys know each other? Like you don't live near each other. We would tell people that our mums were co-workers and that worked for us for a long time. But now it's like, why are we still lying? Like surely it's like funny and cute now because we're not the same age, but like whatever.
That's how me and Millie met. We both have fan accounts. And we actually made a whole group of friends from these fan accounts. I'm still friends with most of them today. We have still got a group chat. We've been discussing the new album. We don't talk every day or every month or even every six months, but we do stay in touch. And I met them all. We all went and hung out in New York when we turned 18. We've all been friends since we were like 12 and 13. So it's just like the sweetest little friend group that I have. And some of the like most intimate friendships that I have as well, because we just used to fucking tell each other everything. We talked every day for like three years straight.
Now, at the same period of my life, when I was having this fan account and I was obsessed with Gummi Todd, I actually was housebound. I've talked a little bit about that before as well. I was housebound for three years. I had such bad anxiety and panic attacks that I dropped out of school when I was 13 years old. I literally couldn't leave the house for three straight years. And...
I was also out of education for those years because even though my mum enrolled me in homeschooling, it just wasn't happening. I just wasn't being homeschooled because I was so anxious. I couldn't even leave my bed without having a panic attack. I had a desk in my room and I remember I couldn't even sit at the desk without panicking. So that was where I was at. It was...
awful for three years and this whole time I was obsessed with Girl Meets World and it got to a point of my obsession where I wanted to be them so bad like I needed to steal their souls okay that I asked my mum like can I please go back to school because obviously the whole school that
Sorry. If you haven't seen Girl Meets World, the whole thing circulates around these two girls going to school. And I was so obsessed with that. I was like, please, you have to put me back at school. Like, I need to go back to school. My mom was like, bitch, you can't even fucking go to the grocery store. What do you mean you want to go back to school? I begged her. She...
So she signed me up for a school in a whole new district because my local one wouldn't let me come back. It was a whole thing. So she signed me up for this whole new school. I'd never been there before. I didn't know anybody. It was like an hour away from my house. And I started going. And I was so excited, but I forgot.
that I was actually still very mentally ill and still completely not being treated for that. So obviously within like a week of me starting this new school, I couldn't go anymore because bitch, you still have panic attacks. What the fuck were you thinking? So I stopped going off like three days, but because this was a new school in a new district with new resources, they were like, are you okay? And I was like, no. And they were like, oh, well, there's this school for mentally ill kids and you qualify, bitch. You're going to go there instead of coming here. ♪
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So off I went and it was the craziest experience. They would pick me up in a taxi and it would be me and like four other kids that were like completely fucking mentally ill, like so unwell. And then we would all be packed in the back of this fucking taxi and be shipped off an hour down the road to this tiny little school with a capacity of maybe 20 kids a day. And we would be sat in there. All the staff were mental health trained. It was a really nice environment actually. And we would be taught two days a week. And
And then on the other days, we would have tutors sent to our house and we would be sent home with a laptop so that we could do basically like internet school, like basically what everyone did during like the pandemic, like basically Zoom. And then after doing that for about a year, I finally was ready to transition back to my original school. And that's where I finished out my education.
I always think back to the fact that that happened for me and that all those events transpired, ultimately enabling me to get an education, get my exams, get qualifications and then go about my life as normal. You know, whilst I healed in the meantime, if I hadn't had that intervention of that mentally ill people's school, I don't actually know what the right term for it is. Forgive my like brash, is it brash? I don't know, whatever the fuck.
Sorry, I don't actually know what the fuck you're meant to call those things. I don't know what it was called. It was like a flexible learning center. I think that's what they called it. But it was just for kids who were struggling with like their mental health. It was no one that was like chronically ill, I don't think. And I don't think it was anyone who was like naughty because there was a school for the naughty kids and that wasn't the one. This one was very specific and it facilitated me so nicely. Like...
I always... That's why when I talk about Sabrina Carpenter and I'm like, no, no, no, you don't understand. I love this bitch. It's because, weirdly, she had this actual effect on my life where, obviously, it wasn't her. It was, you know, a... It was a TV show. But, like, anyway, Sabrina Carpenter just makes me nostalgic. And she just had, like, this...
really weird effect on my life I'm not really a fangirl like there's no one else I've ever really been like that for I've never felt compelled to make a fan account for anyone I've never really dabbled in like fandom culture like it's not something that I care about now like when I love someone I just don't even think to follow them on Instagram it's so weird how obsessed I was with Girl Meets World it wasn't even Sabrina Carpenter at the time it was just Girl Meets World it was just the fact that they could go to school and I couldn't like I was so intrigued by it
And I always like credit it weirdly because I'm like, if I hadn't got my life together when I did, like if I didn't work as hard as I did to get better the way that I did and when I did, I wouldn't have the life I have now because I just think back and I'm like, when I finally left the mental ill school and I went back to the regular school, I only had six months before my final year.
like my final exams, basically in the UK, if you're American, you do like a big set of exams right before the end of what would be your sophomore year. And that determines if you can like go on and do the next stage of study. It's kind of fucked up actually. But, and then your, your senior year and your, what the fuck is the other one called?
Wait, freshman? Sophomore? Oh my god, I forget what they're called. Anyway, the last two years of high school are different in the UK. You have to like pass these exams to do them and then you... everything like changes. But I very nearly didn't sit those exams because I'd been out of school for so long and I always just think like if I didn't do it then when everyone else my age group was doing it, would I ever have managed to do it? And I honestly think...
No, I don't think I would have. I don't think I'd have committed to it in the same way. I think I would have got really, really down and it would have been harder to just do it after that. And then I went on to pass those exams. So that was my GCSEs. And then I passed my A-levels as well. And then I went on to university and university was the biggest thing that's ever happened to me. Like it changed my life completely. I grew up so much. When I, and I always just credit Girl Meets World. So when I tell you I'm a Sabrina Carpenter fan, bitch,
you actually need to believe me. I am like the final boss fan. I love her so much. And I did obviously get rid of my fan account when I like, I just grew out of it. I think I was like 15 or 16 when I like completely deleted my pages because I was honestly so scared that someone from my school was going to like find them.
So I ended up deleting them and grew out of, you know, the obsession. But I always still listen to her music and I listen to every album she's ever put out and I've always loved her music. And now that she's put out this album, I'm like...
so proud of her in a way because I'm like I've always enjoyed your music but this is like you've gone from just like she's just jumped up like the most insane level and I was so excited because I was like I feel like she's gonna be freaky with this album and I was really hoping she was gonna go for like the freak route because like her music video for please please please and like the whole espresso thing I was like okay she's definitely going for like a sexy freaky vibe and then she
She did exactly that. The video with Jenna Ortega was fucking insane. And then also Juno, just as a song, what the actual fuck, like genuinely what possessed you? What possessed you to put that on paper? I'm in love with it. Oh, and her and Chapel Rowan just existing at the same time. What did we do to deserve this? Like, I'm so grateful. Anyway, it
It got me thinking about school because she does actually mean a lot to me. And my school journey is something I don't even think about that much anymore because I'm not in school anymore. So I'm like, well, you just forget it pretty quick. I feel like once you leave school, you don't really think about it anymore. But I was thinking like when I finished my A-levels, which in American terms is just like finishing high school.
When I finished my A-levels, I actually didn't get the grades that I wanted. And I was meant to go to Edinburgh University and I missed my grades. I needed... I think I needed AAB. I did not get AAB. Let me fucking tell you that right now. And...
I was so upset because I remember the feeling of being there and opening my results on results day. And first of all, I was trying not to throw up the entire morning because it's the most nerve wracking thing ever. The day that I had gone to get my results, I'd had this English teacher and she was my favorite teacher. And when I had done my GCSE results, she handed them to me and she was like,
Look at them. Like she'd already seen them and she was already excited for me. When I did my mocks for my A-levels, she also handed me my results and she was like, open them, open them. So I go in for my final A-level results and I see her there and she doesn't look at me. And I was like, fuck.
fuck my life like actually fuck my life I failed I knew from the jump just because she didn't smile at me I was like I have fucked it and I already kind of thought I had fucked it you know it was like a little suspicion in my head that I had not done very well this year and I took my results and I like ran off to like a back room of my school because I was like I don't want anyone to fucking watch me open these I think I'm gonna like throw up and I opened them and
Correct. I had indeed failed my, I hadn't failed anything, but I did not get the results I needed for my safety uni or my firm choice at nothing. And I had to go through clearing. And I know a lot of people have that experience where they have to go through clearing and it genuinely sucks. But I always do believe that rejection is redirection. And I think there's something waiting for you and you just need to get in the right position to receive it.
And I ended up going to Kent University through clearing. Kent University was, would never have been something I chose. It was close to where I grew up. So I was like, I don't really want to be that close. I wanted to go far away. I wanted to go to Scotland. Like I was trying to get the fuck away from where I grew up. And
And then suddenly like the only place that would have me through clearing because it took me a few hours to make the phone calls and then everyone was full and I just was like so overwhelmed and Kent happened to have a space. They were like, we'll take you. And I was like, I want to go to Kent. Like this was not a school that I give a fuck about. I've never taught it. I don't know what like anything about it. I've never heard something amazing about it. I've never heard bad. I just don't even know what this school is. I was so set on Edinburgh. It was the choice I had firmed. It was my dream school. I had gone to
gone on the applicants day because they'd given me obviously an offer so I'd gone on this applicants day they'd given me like they had done like lectures for us to do and like basically like a trial day it was so fun and I loved the city and I was just so set on this one place that I
that in my head was going to give me everything I needed to do the career that I wanted, which was forensic linguistics. I was going to go to Edinburgh, then I was going to do a master's at the University of York, and I was set. And I'd already met the professors. Like, I was so... I would just, like, fall asleep to the idea of Edinburgh. And I didn't get to go. So when I was going through clearing, I was just like...
I don't even want to go to university anymore. Like, this is... Fuck it. Like, I don't even want to go to university anymore. I ended up accepting a place at Kent. And I was very nervous because I hadn't... It just wasn't what I was expecting. And when you get such a big life event thrown upside down like that, especially when you're so young. Like, I was only 17 at the time. That's just so scary. Like, it's genuinely a huge issue. Like, you are moving out for the first time. You're about to be independent for the first time. You...
have just picked everything like you've picked the city you've picked the place you've picked the course you've set your expectations and then suddenly someone comes along and tells you like actually you can't go to this location you have to go somewhere completely different you maybe even have to change your course change all your expectations you also might feel a little bit embarrassed like 417 for that being the first major external turn of events it's really overwhelming and I genuinely feel for people who have to go through that clearing process because it is actually scary
And I remember sitting in the office at my school with the lady who was helping me phone the clearing people and just being like gut wrenched. Like, this is just not how I...
saw my life going. And it's not even like it's a bad day, bitch. This is the next three or four years of my life. And you're asking me to decide on the spot where I want to spend them. And then the other option was you could stay here and resit the year and hope that you can go to Edinburgh next year, but they might not let you in next year. And also now you have to stay home for another year. And I was so set on leaving. Like at that point in my life, I really just wanted to get away. And so I was not...
willing to sit there and do another year of education at my same old school and
and so I picked Kent. I was like, fuck it, let me just go. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. And when I got there, I was so fucking miserable. And I feel like this is, if you've just done A-levels, if you're about to go to university, it's so exciting, and I'm actually, like, envious because I miss being in that position of, like, buying plates, buying forks for the first time, like, owning things for the first time. Like, I own a pot, that's so exciting. Like, I remember being so fucking excited. I went to Ikea, and I did the whole, like,
buying a cheese grater and buying a chopping board and like I was so excited and it was so fun and I miss it when I got to university I realized wait let me actually kind of backtrack just going to university is fun like getting to move out for the first time is so much fun the way that I one thing I would recommend if you are in that position where you're like gonna be moving there next month is and I feel like everyone's gonna give you the same advice when it comes to
the transition from like university school to university obviously get in all the group chats like the way I made my friends was the group chat like we had a group chat for our like accommodation and that was where I met my core group of friends I feel like that's kind of rare but it limited I feel like a lot of people rely on the flat that they're in to like be their friends but if you're in the group chat for the entire block of accommodation that opens you up so much more and it also gives you a chance to talk to people before you get there for me I
I made friends through the block accommodation chat and then the people in my actual flat sucked ass. Guys, this is why I say like broaden your horizons. Like do not rely on your flatmates being the best people because I know some people who had the best experiences, the best flatmates, like just luck.
for me when I moved in and I moved into like a relatively cool accommodation block you know what I mean like there was no like stigma against that block for it being boring or anything and for some reason every single motherfucker in my flat sucked they sucked like there was these two girls who would only speak to each other one of them wouldn't go anywhere without her stuffed toy and it was a little bit scary because it was it wasn't even stuffed it was kind of like a china doll but like
Not quite. It was like a little bit scary. And then we had this one girl who was just fucking mean. Don't know what her deal was. She just like... Every time I would walk in the kitchen, I feel like she would just look at me and be like, you're in my way. And I was like...
fair enough like I also hate when people are in the kitchen when I'm in here but like I don't know do you want to do you want to play like a board game or something it was just so lonely in there and then we had this one boy who actually I think he dropped out after like three weeks like he never came out of his room just the most anti-social flat and like we tried to do like the freshest thing of like let's all get to know each other and like sit around and drink but like on my first night
no one spoke like no one you know no one hung out in the kitchen no one like hung out in the hallways like it was very slow burner and even when we did get to know each other a little bit more it was still just like we are not friends like we are we're not nothing like no one's cooking together no one's drinking together no one's doing anything I did end up taking one of the girls in my flat out to one of my society things and trying to like show her the world a little bit outside of the flat but she just didn't really give a fuck about any of it and I was like okay bitch I tried so
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I ended up moving out of that flat because they fucking sucked and it was way too expensive for me. I realized I couldn't afford it. So I moved into the cheapest block of accommodation at my university. Actually, was it the cheapest? I think it was the second cheapest. If you go to my university, it was Darwin. I was in Darwin. I loved Darwin. I thought it had a little bit of character despite it being kind of disgusting. And it is. I'm going to put in a picture of my room in first year. I think I made it cute. It definitely does give like jail cell vibes, whatever.
My flatmate's in that flat, so I moved flats like...
two months in. No, it was less than that. I moved flats like a month in. If you're not happy with your flat, if your flatmates suck, if you don't like the way it looks, just move. Like you can. I don't think anyone is going to like judge you for it. Like when I decided I was like, I can't fucking deal with these bitches. I'm moving out and I also don't want to pay this rent. I went to the accommodation office, which was like on campus. And I was just like, hey, like I want to move. I can't afford my rent. And they were like, okay, we have two available in this block of flats. And
And I was like, okay, cool. And they were like, do you know which one you want? And it was basically just like flat A versus flat B. And I was like, no, I'm going to go there right now. And I'm going to speak to flat A and then go and speak to flat B. And I'm going to see which one I vibe with more.
Thank God I did that because I went to flat A and they fucking sucked. And I went to flat B and I was like, oh, you're my people. I just like knocked on this random girl's room and I was like, hey, you guys have like a spare room and they're thinking of moving me into it. What are you guys like doing for fun? Basically, like, who are you guys? And she was like, oh, you should definitely move in. Like, we're fun. We all hang out. Don't worry about it. And I was like, OK, perfect. I'm moving in. Whereas the other flat that I went to, I'd knocked on this girl's room and she just looked at me like, what? And I was like, OK, never mind. Don't worry about it, babe.
And after I moved flats, my whole university experience changed. And so that's why I can't recommend it enough. If it doesn't fit you, just move. It's really not a big deal. No one's going to think you're weird for it. And also go into university knowing that you can always change flats. You can always move. Don't worry about your flatmates being the be-all and end-all because you can make friends in other places. You can move flats. It's not going to be the end of the world. I did it and I survived it. It was great. And...
All of us were friends and all of us were good to each other other than this. Okay, we did have our run-ins to be fair actually. There's a few things I could say about that one bitch. But regardless of her, most of us were friends. We got on. And my point is if you don't get on at university, there are things you can do. Like don't panic about your flatmates being it.
being everything and like I still have my friends from like the original group chat which had like 500 fucking people in it and it was kind of like who joked the most in that group chat got put in smaller group chats that would then have like 100 people in it and then those would condense down to another smaller group chat of like
50 people and then like we'd all go out and we'd have fun and then you'd make smaller friend groups based off of that so like it started out as like a big group chat and then whoever was the most active in it we would hang out and then it just became like friend groups and it was nice and the people that I met in that group chat
stuck with me the whole way through university. I was friends with them the whole time, as well as having my flatmates from after I moved flats, obviously. And that was really the only way I made friends at university. I was not a big society person. I feel like a lot of people will really push the you have to join societies thing. And I did join societies. I was only part of the LGBTQ one. That was my...
That was my bag at university. I loved it because I had the biggest crush on the president of the LGBT society. I was in awe of that girl. And I was actually... I...
I don't actually know how to say this about being creepy. I'm pretty sure I only went for her. Like, I went, obviously, for the first time just to, like, see what was going on. And, like, I was... I had come out before I went to university, but I was very still, like, just in my shell about, like, being gay and, like, being queer. So I...
to, like, have some community with it and just, like... I just thought it would be really fun. Like, they advertised going to, like, drag nights and, like, gay clubs and I was like, OK, I want to go and do this stuff. Like, I'd never done any of that before so I was like, I want to go. And I went and
And then the whole thing changed because I was like, oh no, my agenda is one singular thing. I have one mission with this queer club that you lot have going on. I want to fuck the president. That was it. I was like, I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you. And I was. I literally was obsessed with her for the next...
three years of life although she was actually way older than me she graduated after my first year I forgot about her within like a week so you know there's that I move on quick I suppose but oh my god I kind of miss having a crush like that and so I'm like I was obsessed with that bitch I actually completely forgot about her until just now this is like the first time she's even crossed my mind in probably like four years I was obsessed with her it was really genuinely a bit weird oh well but I didn't really make
many friends through like the LGBT society. It was just like knowing people. It's good to just know people because as good as it is to move somewhere like university and have friends, it's also very important to have community. Like you need to branch out and just like know people everywhere. I think that was always what made me feel the most at home because I really struggled with homesickness when I first went to university. Like
very very badly and to the point that I almost dropped out because I just constantly had this pit in my stomach of just being so homesick so lost without my mum I was freshly 18 when I moved to uni I've been 18 for like a month and a half when I moved to uni because I'm a summer baby so I'm always the youngest in my year group and I was just like very very very scared and very very like I just wasn't
quite ready for it. I think if I'm being honest, like when it when I moved, I think it was a little bit like, I was a bit young for it. I got through it. But it was hard. And one of the things that really helped me shake that feeling was walking into the library and walking past a few people that would smile at me and know who I was. And that just gives you a feeling of like warmth,
And just like, it is just important to have community is as important as it is to have a core group of friends. You have to have community. I was lucky that I met, I had like a best friend in first year. And she was this girl who just was like, we were just like,
attached to their hip inseparable for like an entire year and it was so nice to have someone like that I feel like it's really important just to be in the group chats be active in the group chats don't expect people to come to you because they won't go to society things you don't have to join every society but I would say go for the first few weeks just to meet people like you don't even need to be I joined the fucking caving society just because I wanted to meet people like I didn't ever go caving that's like actually my worst fear
but I just wanted to meet people and it's a really good way to do it. Like just go to, in the first few weeks of society stuff, it's just drinks and talking. Like it's not, it's, you're not going to go and do the activity that they're interested in. So you can literally just go anywhere you want. I didn't buy a freshers wristband. I saved myself so much money by doing that. I just literally would rock up to an event. They're always going to fucking let you in. I mean, I'm, maybe it's different. The university I went to wasn't like a huge party place.
Like, there was like three clubs in the city center and then our student union. But I didn't buy a freshers' wristband. Maybe that's bad advice. I don't know. I didn't actually go out very much in freshers because I got the worst freshers' flu...
known to man. I was coughing up like neon green. Sorry, gross, but I genuinely was for like six months. I don't know what the fuck happened to me. And the worst part was is I came down with it on like night three. Like I literally had barely even spent a full day there. And I woke up with a raging temperature, sore throat, the works. I still went out, but I didn't have very much, like I didn't have very much fun. But you know what? I probably got fresh as flu because I was, I was
jumping around in the smallest skirt you've ever seen. I was practically naked and it was what fucking September, October like
what do you think is gonna happen bitch I of course you're gonna get the fucking flu that also brings me to my point freshers flu is real and I'll tell you why university is comprised of a lot of people from a lot of different places which a lot of people at age 17 18 are not used to being in those environments you spent your life probably in one or two places going to school with the same people from the same area and you probably aren't used to a lot of like foreign bacteria like
flus from different areas and like just different people in general. So when you have people come from like all areas of the world,
and also the country and just come into one big club and party all week and kiss each other and drink loads and smoke loads and take whatever the fuck they're taking. But like breathing the same, drinking the same things, you are going to be exposed to so many new pieces of bacteria, so many viruses. There's just going to be so much in their
And the worst you can really catch through the air in an environment like that is the flu. So, like, if you're like me and you have a big fear of vomit, don't panic because that's not airborne most of the time. Unless someone literally throws up, like, in front of you because they're unwell. Like, don't worry about it. I don't want to freak anyone out. You will probably get a cold, though. And you should be mindful of the fact that freshers' flu has...
such a catchy name because it is such a catchy thing and I wish I had taken electrolytes I wish I knew what I knew now about like just generally health like just fucking take some vitamin C take a fucking electrolyte packet with you and just like stay healthy because freshness flu was the most foul thing to ever happen to me not because it was worse than any other flu I've ever had but
But because it didn't leave, it was in my body. I'm not kidding for about three months. I had the flu for like three months. It was genuinely disgusting. And you also just don't want to get a flu when you should, when like, you just don't want to have the flu when you're trying to be like the most social you've ever been. You know, I would also say looking back, there were certain rooms I wish I had been in to make certain kinds of friends.
For example, one of the best friends that I had at university, still one of my best friends to this day, I met him through my flat. So I was just very, very lucky. And I love this man. If I hadn't been so lucky for him to have been in my flat, I would never have met him. And where I should have gone to meet him and people like him was debate and politics. You need to have like a range of people in your life. I would say you should go to a society meeting for every different type of personality.
You should go, if you're queer, go to LGBTQ. If you want very intellectual friends, you should go to debate club. You should go to whatever political societies your university offers. If you want, you know, girly pop friends, go to the club. You know, like you need to meet people everywhere because there was a lot of people that I met at university who I met in unlikely ways. And by chance, more than anything else, we were not in the same rooms for any specific shared interest other than chance. Who...
I wouldn't have genuinely thought I would like. Like at 18, I was very naive to who I wanted around me. I was very naive to different types of people. I was very limited in my perspective. So I didn't know that like the geeky boy who spends all his time in debate was going to be probably like my, probably someone that's going to be at my wedding one day. You know what I mean? Like not because I want to marry him, but because I want him to like, you know what I mean? Like these lifelong friends that I made, like,
were in the most unlikely places because I just didn't know who I was as a person yet to go out and find those people so I would say don't limit yourself to the normal kinds of rooms that you're in university is about like expanding your horizons broadening your perspective so don't just stick to the people that you meet in your flat if you get lucky and you have great flatmates that's amazing but I would say like don't stick to that you should also go out into the world and
force yourself to meet people that you wouldn't have met before, you know? Because this is like the first time in your life where you are truly going to be exposed to every type of person, to people of all different walks of life. Everything is going to open up for you. Don't limit yourself just because you got lucky and found someone you're comfortable with. ♪
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I feel like people in first year had a huge tendency to like cling to people like you find one good friend and you're like perfect like you're gonna help me through this I'm not alone now like
cling cling cling like just scared to be without them and that's how I was like I really met this one girl and I was like okay you're my person now I was just very lucky in that when I changed flats I had these amazing flatmates some of them were like I've not spoken to them since but two of them I would say if they're not at my wedding they've either died or I've not got married or I've fucked up like it's they're the kind of people that are so special to me that I'm like
if we're not friends in 20 years, either you've done something that I would never bang on you doing or I fucked up. Like I, I just, if they're not in my life forever, something went wrong somewhere, you know? And I always think about that when I think about how I did get rejected from my first choice uni and I was shattered by it and my plans did change last minute and I was overwhelmed by that. I didn't love Kent because it wasn't my first choice and I,
I ended up being happy there, but I was never, I never loved it as much as I think I would have loved Edinburgh. And I will, I can say that even now upon reflection. And I struggled a lot at university with my mental health. I struggled with getting to classes. Obviously at the time I had very undiagnosed ADHD that I wish I could have known about sooner because it would have changed my entire life.
But every single time I look back on all the various things that I'm like, yeah, Kent wasn't everything I wanted it to be. And I think maybe I would have been more inspired at Edinburgh, blah, blah, blah. The only reason I would not take any of it back, if I could go back and change anything, it would not be the fact that I ended up at Kent University.
purely because I met two of my best friends there. And that is worth literally everything to me. They are some of the best people I've ever met. And I just know I wouldn't have come across them otherwise because we were so different. And that's why university is so good because we're so different. And we just don't really share any hobbies. We don't really share any like...
locations like one of them doesn't drink so I was never going to meet him at the club we don't work in similar jobs we weren't on the same course we weren't you know like it's I just think about him all the time I'm like they're just I just don't see us meeting otherwise and likewise with my other friend like I we just wouldn't have crossed paths unless we just got shoved in
to a flat together in the first year of university. And that's what happened. And like, I just wouldn't change that for the world. So even if you feel like your situation with your results was not what you wanted, I'm sorry, because I genuinely do know it's stressful. If you didn't get the A-level results you wanted, it is stressful and I am sorry. But I do think that there is always a reason to change.
just take the life that you are given. Take the path that is shown to you. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. And if the right thing to do is to not go, if the right thing to do is drop out after three months, do it, you know? But don't despair at life not having gone the way that you wanted it to because I look back and I'm like...
everything happened perfectly everything aligned the way it needed to I see that now and I don't regret anything was it hard yeah was it what I wanted no but now with like four years worth of perspective on me I
I'm so glad that I ended up at that university and I'm so glad that everything happened the way that it needed to. I'm so glad that I went to Florida and I watched that episode of Gummies World and I discovered Sabrina Carpenter and I made my best friend Millie and then I went to the mental illness school and then I went to my normal school and then I had to go to Kent and then I met my best friends and then I studied linguistics and then I finished university and then I started posting on TikTok and then now I'm here doing this fucking podcast telling you guys don't worry about it because it'll be fine. Like,
If there's one thing I could go back and tell my little 17 year old self opening my A-level results, it would be relax, bitch. Everything's going to be fucking fine. Your life is so long and it's so good and you are going to be fine. That's it. Like there's nothing deeper to it. You will be fine because you are you. Like you get to be with yourself throughout your life and you've made it okay so far and you'll make it okay again. Like it's everything will work out the way it needs to work out. And sometimes the universe just knows better than you. Sometimes the place that you thought you were meant to be
wasn't the place that you were meant to be and I always think about it even down to like there was one year at university where me and my friends had applied for a house and I guess they decided to give it to someone else we didn't end up getting the house and we had to go live somewhere way shittier like like miles shittier but for the same fucking price obviously and
and I remember being so bummed about it because I saw my whole life in this house I was like we're gonna live here for the next two years like we'll never have to leave it's gonna be so comfortable I knew where we were gonna have our dinners I knew where we were gonna host our friends we even had a fucking fish pond in the garden we had a
basement. It was literally also like an 80s American house. It was gorgeous. It was like out of Stranger Things. It was cozy too. The rooms were big. Like we, I just saw our whole lives in this house. We didn't get it. We ended up living in the shittest fucking house. Like genuinely the worst house I've ever lived in. It was miserable. It was a horrible house and it was way further away from university too. And the way I looked at that was like, you know what?
maybe if we lived in that house, I would have taken a different route to school and I would have got fucking hit by a bus. I don't know. I don't, you never know what the universe was protecting you from when you didn't get your way. You don't know that it wasn't just as simple as, well, they wanted to give the house to someone else. Hey, maybe it was. Or maybe if you did live in that house, maybe you would have, you know, taken this route and you would have met someone you would just never meant to meet and they would have fucked your life up. Because if you think about it,
something as small as living somewhere affects everything in your life because it's going to affect how long it takes you to get to school. It's going to affect every minor interaction you have. Like, it's not just, oh, where you live. It's think about all those times you leave your house and if you'd have left 12 seconds earlier, you would have got in that car crash or you would have not seen that old friend of yours or you would have not met that
person that you ended up meeting that day or had that interaction or you know something terrible might have happened to you maybe you would have hit that deer or that kid would have run out in front of your car there's so many small things that happen every day and imagine the difference based off of where you live it's not just the bigger things that we think about like the the people we will become friends with if you go to the university of edinburgh versus the university of kent obviously that changes huge things like you
who you'll become, who your friends are, what course you'll study. It's also the small things. Who will you meet that will hurt you? Who will you, what car will you step out in front of? You never know why something happens the way it happens and hopefully you'll never have to and hopefully everything that is given to you, even when it looks wrong, feels wrong, feels sad, everything
could be a blessing in disguise and you never have to see proof of that I never have to see proof that the reason I didn't get that house that year was because I would have got hit by a car I can only see that I didn't get hit by a car and be thankful did I get through that year of my life relatively unscathed and pretty happy and pretty safely yeah I did
And would that have happened if I lived in the other house? Maybe. But I don't know that because I never lived there. So I'm just going to be grateful for the fact that I am okay and alive. And that's all I need to know. As far as I'm aware, I was protected that year because nothing bad happened to me.
So thank you for not giving me that house. You know what I mean? Every time something happens that feels wrong, just trust it's right. And even if it's so wrong that you have to drop out and your life feels like it's going off track, I also believe that that's in the name of something greater for you. You know, everything will... I believe everything will happen the way it's supposed to. ♪
For everyone who did get their A-level results and for everyone who did get their GCSE results, I hope they were what you wanted and I hope that you get to go where you wanted to go. And I hope that you will thrive there. And I'm excited for you guys. I honestly have a little bit of FOMO. I loved university.
As much as I do talk shit on it and I'm like, yeah, I was fucking depressed the whole time. It was terrible. I was very depressed, truly. But they are the fondest memories for me. And I met so many good people. I discovered everything about myself and not everything, but I discovered a lot about myself. I grew as a person. And also, you know what I miss about university? And this is what you guys have to look forward to if you're about to go or if you're still there. I always saw university as time to be broke, time to be ugly, time to be developing, time to make mistakes, like major ones, like, you know, be
be stupid, have stupid fucking friends, do stupid fucking things. And I'm allowed to. Like, I always just had this idea in my head of like, these years are mine to be extremely young and naive. I think affording yourself the grace of just being, and look, I'm not saying be as unhealthy as I was because I genuinely think it was a health risk. Well, it was a health risk, but like, I was so carefree and I was just complacent.
completely allowing myself to be broke, to be messy, to be lost, to be scared, to be sad, to be young, to be...
like stupid, everything that I needed to be during those four years of my life without any stress or guilt about being them because I had allocated those four years for that. You're so young and it's university. What are you meant to be at university? Fucking put together? No. And it was great. And I learned so much and I kind of miss, I don't miss really anything about university except living with my friends because that was sick.
And I miss my friends. Like, we all live in different areas now. I see them, like, once a year, my university friends. And, like, I do just wish I could see them more. That's probably... If I miss anything about university, it's just having my best friends be two doors down for me. Like, that's just so crazy. And I miss...
Sitting in the kitchen. I used to go into the kitchen at like 9 p.m., you know, to make dinner. And I'm not kidding you guys. I would walk out of the kitchen at 6 a.m. because my friends would be in there and we would just sit down and talk. And this was a regular occurrence for me and my two friends that I had at university. Like...
The two guys that were in my flat that were my best friends, the ones that I want at my wedding, we would be in there till 6 a.m. And we would just be crying with laughter the entire time. My one friend, he was a law student. So he was up studying. He's the hardest worker I've ever met in my life. He would be studying like literally all night. And me and my other friend, we would just be there in the kitchen with him, like tormenting him the entire time. It was amazing. I miss that period of my life. I miss being carefree. I miss...
not having any genuine pressure, just like, well, I'm here to learn. I'm not fucking going anywhere for three years. Let me just...
chill. Like, you know, all I need to stress about is my deadlines for this essay. Nothing wider, you know, like I'll figure out the rest when I get there. And it is a time to be enjoyed and it is a time to learn and it is a time to just be stupid and be 18 and 19 and then 20 and then 21. And I hope that you have fun if that's where you're headed. And if you're not headed there recently, then I'm sorry because this podcast episode was probably a bit boring for you. But anyway, that's it for me this week. And I
congratulations on exam results if that was you this month and I hope that everyone has a good day and oh my god I think next week's episode if they come back in time is going to be my 23andme results because I've done it finally and I'm so nervous I don't know if I'll have them by next week's episode fingers crossed I guess but anyway love you guys so much and I hope that you have a good rest of your day thank you for listening to this week's episode of Pretty Lonesome and
And I think that's it from me. Yeah. We could talk more about university if you guys want to talk more about university. I just don't want to overdo it because I'm like, I don't actually know how old you bitches are. Are any of you even going to university? I don't know. Okay. Well, thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. I love you guys so much. And I see you next week.
And by the way, I know I said that I would be in Greece by today. That's a whole nother story for a whole nother time. I'm obviously not in Greece. I'm going to Corfu tomorrow. Okay, love you. Bye. Bye.