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Hi guys, welcome back to this week's episode of Pretty Lonesome. This is the first time I have been home with my car in, I actually don't know how long, I think I left on like January 23rd and I haven't really been back since. I lie, I was back for like three days at one point and they were the best three days ever because my best friend was also back from
university so we spend the entire time at the fucking arcade it was so good actually I kind of fucked up our hangout because we decided we were going to hang out and we were going to go so like near to us there's like this area and it's like
the closest thing you can get to like an American good time in the UK. So it's like a, like, what would they be called? Like a fun park. Like there's a cinema, there's Nando's, there's Five Guys, like, and it has an arcade. Like there's, it's like a park, like a, there's like a location with multiple good things in it. And I just feel like there's not many of those. So we went to that. We love going there, but like,
It's kind of a thing you're only going to do a couple times a year. You know what I mean? Anyway, she said to me, do you want to go see the new Sidney Sweeney film? I said, duh. Because we both wanted to see, respectfully, like, her boobs. So it's up to me to book the tickets.
I said that I would do it. So I go online and I look for a, I didn't know the name of the movie. I just knew it was Sidney Sweeney's new film. And I thought, how many films can this girl be in at one time? There must only be one, right? So I go down and I'm looking at the posters trying to find Sidney Sweeney's face. And I thought that was a pretty good method of elimination. Like, I'll dial, I'll find it. Anyway, I booked the film with Sidney Sweeney in it and it turned out to be fucking Madame Webb. Madame Webb. I don't know how you actually say it. Madame Webb.
I love Sydney Sweeney so much, but when she showed up on the screen as a 16-year-old girl, we both knew we weren't getting any tits. So we were both disappointed. I have never loved Harder at a film, but for all the wrong reasons. Respectfully, it was a bad film. Like, I don't know if that's really mean and rude to say, and it's not Sydney Sweeney's fault. I thought she was great in it. Actually, the best. She made the film. Like, I would never have seen Madame Webber if it wasn't for her.
And I'm sure she brought in a lot of the numbers, you know, but respectfully, it was a terrible film. Like the worst maybe film I'd ever seen. Like actually bad, like bad that even the CGI was bad, which I haven't seen for a while in like modern cinema. So that kind of like got me excited. Also, I don't know what the cinema we went to is playing at, but they have put in
screens that run alongside the seats. Like, so you have the big screen at the front and then side screens. And that was how we watched Madame Web. And I've never been more nauseous in my life. Anyway, after that, we went to the arcade and we spent £20 on two-piece slot machines and, like, the claw-grabbing things. Guys, it was my first time in an arcade as a girl with her own money, right? As, like, an adult with...
my own bank account and money that I can spend, right? Disposable money. And it was the best experience of my life. Disposable income in an arcade.
crazy shit. Like, as a kid, my dad would give me a two pound coin to split between me and my sister. And that was for the 2P machines. And I made that shit last for so long. I was actually so good at the 2P machines. But now, it's actually a very dangerous game. And you know what these sick fuckers have done? These corporate greed fuckers, they've put in contactless machines on all of the rides separately. And to me, that just kind of takes away the fun of an arcade. Like,
I want to go to an arcade with a budget and like decide what, you know, things I want to ride. And like you beg your mom and dad once for money when you enter, you know, and then they get to go sit down. Like they give you how much they give you and you fuck off and you play the machines. If I was a parent, I would now never take my kid to an arcade because they're going to be coming up to me every five minutes saying, can we, can you please do the contactless? Can you please, can we have your card for me, please? Because I'm not sending you off in an arcade with my card. You'll bankrupt me. Second of all,
I'm not getting up out of my adult chair to come and tap my card. So no, I will give you cash. I have my dog here. I'm sorry if she's making a lot of noise. Bug, how about we sit down? I don't know what's wrong with this dog, but she cannot sit on these seats. I don't know. I think it's because they're leather. This is what she's doing right now. And this is how she stays. ♪
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Guys, I've actually been so busy. Like, I never want to, like, be that bit. I'm so busy and tired. Like, yeah, so is everyone. Shut the fuck up. That's not why anyone's listening to your podcast to hear about it. But actually, I'm so busy and I'm so tired. I have not really stopped. And that's fine. And I'm enjoying it. But I feel bad because she has been with me for the ride and she hasn't stopped either. And...
Last night, I've genuinely never seen a dog so, like, demented with tiredness. Like, usually... Like, OK, I'm actually a mother. Like, guys, if she doesn't get her nappies... Not nappies. That's, like, diapers. No, if she doesn't get her nap on time...
I feel bad. I feel neglect. Like I, this is why I always say I don't have kids. Actually, interesting discussion, right? I always say that I won't have kids because I hate kids and like kids are annoying. And like, I do stand by that. I just, I'm not, I love other people's kids. Like I actually genuinely enjoy children. Like, I don't know. That's not fucking insane. But like guys, what I mean by that
wild statement is like I feel like kids and me kind of are on a similar wave wavelength and I don't mean it in the sense that I'm like immature I'm definitely not I prefer adults guys I'm not fucking weird but like I do like the way that they bounce from conversation to conversation and they kind of stick up for a good time I think kids can be really enjoyable in incredibly small doses and when they don't belong to me and also when they only know me enough to only see my good sides like they just think I'm so fun and cool like I remember when I was a camp counsellor
At this summer camp, I actually need to follow up with these children because they're adults now and I can do this and it's not weird. I want to go back and ask my camp children, the like 15 or so kids that I took care of that summer, did you actually think I was lame? Secretly? Did you fucking hit me? Did you talk shit? I need to know. Like, I've actually been playing with my mind every single day since...
And I would like to know, I would like an answer because they made out like they liked me. Right. And I was like, well, I don't think I was the cool camp counselor, but like of our group where there was like four of them. Anyway, you guys don't give a fuck. Basically, I like kids. I think that they're fun. And so that's not why I say I don't want kids. Right. Like, I don't say I don't want kids because I'm like one of those people that's like, I fucking hate them. They're so annoying. I hate when they scream. I hate when they pick their nose. I kind of don't care when they scream.
like I'm just a little bit jealous that they can do it in public so I don't hate kids inherently the reason I say I don't want kids and that I could not imagine anything worse than having one is because and this is actually kind of so sad but like I am someone who will put that baby completely before me like my brain is
rewires itself. I already know this. Like when there is someone in my care, be it a kid, be it an adult, anything, anyone, a dog, a cat, fucking a hamster, anything that gets put into my care, my body is like primed for it. Because I think there are some people that genuinely just are not. They just are not maternal. They just are not people who like swap into that role. And that's fine. I don't know what makes you that person. Probably fucking hormones. I don't know what it is. Like, I don't know why I'm like this, but
when there is something vulnerable and it is in my care nothing will stop me nothing will stop me it is like the only characteristic of mine that is strong like and out of my control like and not strong but like
like strong beyond, like I can't change it. Like it is like actually primal within me. When I took care of kids at summer camp, I went deaf that summer. I got a really, really bad infection and they didn't treat it. And it took away hearing in one of my ears. And it was actually a really scary experience because I went to A&E because my, it was like, I basically neglect my health. So I didn't go to A&E or like the ER for two weeks. And then on week two of my ear bleeding and bubbling, I was like, you know what?
gonna go can't hear anything I'm in extreme amounts of pain getting a bit concerned because like it's close to the brain you know you don't want an infection there so like right I'm gonna go and basically the doctor was like yeah I honestly I can't tell you you're gonna get your hearing back you should have come in the day this happened like why didn't you and I was like oh I don't know why I didn't actually um I was busy I guess so anyway
He was like, "Yeah, you're gonna probably need surgery if anything, but I'm not gonna promise you that you're gonna get your hearing back." And I don't actually know why he was saying all this to me, because he was an ER doctor, like, actually mind your business, and I did get my hearing back, so... He was wrong. But anyway, he was a bitch. Anyway, I was crying, he was like, "Yeah, you're probably gonna be deaf for life. Also, might happen to your other ear too, because you didn't treat it." Give me a break! You're not even a fucking specialist. Anyway...
I was told that summer you should probably fly back to the UK because then you can get all your health care for free on the NHS. If you have like this surgery out here, it's going to cost you a million pounds. Like don't stay out here if you have a health care issue, like a serious health care issue. But.
one of the kids in my bunk was getting bullied so I stayed I was like no you guys don't understand like no one's gonna resolve this issue for if I'm not here and it's also one of those like ailments where you're like oh no if I don't do the job no one else is gonna do it but like this time it was actually legit like no one's gonna fucking fix this and I was like absolutely no I'm not leaving my babies and I genuinely felt like just this like such strong role of responsibility towards them of like no nothing like actually nothing is gonna hurt them whilst like
I have something to do with that. And I was like, if I fly away from them, then anything could just happen and I'll just never know about it. So I'm like, I know that I just couldn't have a baby and do anything else with my life. Like I do kind of want kids, but like I can't think of anything worse than having kids right now because I know that if I had kids right now, I wouldn't do anything else. Like that would be my life over because I physically have too much involvement. Like
I can't leave them I can't do anything else like I can't think about anything else like when something is in my care that is all I'm doing which is actually really unhelpful most of the time it like does not lead to a productive happy life like I'm gonna have to figure it out because if I want kids when I'm like 70 which by the way I do when I'm 70 literally like I am not having children young because I have to be done with everything first like I can't have kids
when I still want to do anything else because I actually know it would just break my heart and I know women's brains rewire themselves when you have a child to put that child's needs before your own isn't that fucking crazy
And I know that women combat that all the time. And I know that women with young babies and kids have the most successful careers. I'm not saying that it's not possible that people don't do it because of course they do. I'm just saying I don't think I could do it. I really don't think that I have that ability. Like I become so involved. That's why I don't want a kid. But I actually really fuck with kids. Again, insane sentence. But like I do. I don't know about babies. I've actually never met like a real baby before.
And I was thinking about this. Well, okay, I did meet a baby. Guys, actually, I'm lying. So this is what got me thinking about it, right? Because I met a baby and I realized he was my first baby. Because we went to this football game. It was a Chelsea football game. And this woman brought her baby. And...
my friend was holding the baby and the baby was staring at me and holding my hand. And I was like, oh my fucking God, this is the first time I've literally ever touched a baby in my life. And I realized that. And I was like, I have baby cousins, right? Like cousins that are... Fuck me, how old are they? I have one that's 16, one that's 13, and one's that... One is...
one that is 10. And so the 10 year old, he was a baby when I was like enough to remember him, right? I never got to hold him. I didn't hold him fucking once. I think they probably didn't want me to because I was like a teenager and like absolutely just not going to let me hold that. But
I never held him. I held my second cousin as a baby once. I remember it for some reason. And like, I don't think I liked it because I think she was like half of my size. Basically, since my cousins were teeny tiny babies, I haven't looked at a baby. I haven't seen a baby. I've definitely never touched a baby. Like I babies don't mean babies don't mix. Like I don't have any friends with kids. I'm too young. My mom's friends are too old. Like they're
There's no one in my life that would reasonably have a child. I don't know anybody that's not my age. I mean, I do. Like, I work with people that aren't my age, but, like, they don't have kids. They actually do have kids. Can I please see your children?
Guys, no, actually, it kind of weirds me out. I was like, this is a whole big part of life that I'm completely, and it's youth, right? I'm actually waffling. Can someone make me shut the fuck up? Guys, I have to get on a train. I feel like I'm on drugs. This is what is good for me, okay? I haven't stopped. I have not stopped in years.
Like I went from Paris straight to Oxford, which I live in London. Oxford is like an hour or two hours from London, right? And I did that because I was speaking at the union, the Oxford University Union. By the way, fucking terrifying. I mean, I loved it and it was an honor. Terrifying. I swear to God. So then I slept the night in Oxford because I came back on the Eurostar, went straight to Oxford and I drove. And then I was like, I'm not even going to try and get back to London tonight.
because by the time we finished it was like 9 p.m I was like absolutely not so I got a hotel room and I slept there and then I woke up the next day and I drove back to London and I did all of this with the worst cold in the world like like so unwell and I'd done two days in Paris I'd come basically straight from Milan kind of and then I'd done a bunch of shit in between somehow and then anyway Oxford and then I drove home the next day from Oxford to my flat in London
And I saw my friend. She came over, and I can't remember why, but she came over for a couple of hours when we were talking. And you know when you have a cold and your whole head is full, like, not even of mucus, but, like, you just feel, like, actually, like, shit and, like, heavy and, like, you can't even think a straight thought. Like, your brain is, like, it's, like, brain fog, but, like, physically you can feel it. Like, it was awful. And I was like that, and she was looking at me, and she was like, you know what, I'm just going to shut the fuck up and go home because...
you're not even here right now and I was like okay I love you bye and then I went to bed and I slept and I slept that was the first like proper night's sleep that I had had in probably like a week and a half and and to wake up and not have anything to do the next day or like I had things to do but like all of them could be done within my flat you know what I mean actually no I had a photo shoot but but it was mostly in my flat right like I now was in London and I had my car and I was I was chilling for the most part right and
And she came over that night, the next night, and I was, she looked at me and she went, are you having a romantic episode? I said, no.
I just haven't stopped in so long that I haven't had time to fall into what I call like the ADHD nothingness, which is basically when you have things to do, but they're not completely urgent. So you procrastinate and then they start to stress you out so much that you can't do them. And then you know that you're stressing yourself out even more because the due date is getting closer. And then you just like basically can't move for weeks on end. Right. That is what that's like. You fall into some kind of like pit.
ether nothingness I have no time I physically can't because if I fall into that there's places that I physically won't be like I have to physically be in this room at this time right it's when the deadlines are imaginary to me because if if the deadline is send an email or upload some footage yeah to me that's not real unfortunately because like no one is gonna be physically seeing me not coming what do you know what I mean like it's
Okay, if I don't come to the room that I need to be in at 4pm and everyone's like, where's Madeline? I could never do that. I would rather die. But if I don't upload at 4pm when I was meant to and everyone's expecting me to, oops, that was imaginary anyways. You know what I mean? That was like an imaginary deadline anyways. It didn't exist. So...
That's the difference for me. And I was like, yeah, I haven't been able to like fall into any like swamps because I've been busy and I've been engaged. I've been seeing people and I've been conversating and I've been thinking. And then I basically just like shot a game plan at her. Basically, what I think I'm saying is I think I've cured myself of ADHD because I figured out a cheat code, which has never stopped.
Because I remember hearing this a couple years ago and it was someone talking about ADHD and basically they were like, ADHD hack, when you come into your home, don't take off your shoes until you've done everything you need to do. That's really clever. I remember thinking that's so smart. That would work on me. If I was the type of psychopath to walk around my home with shoes, it hypothetically would work. Unfortunately, I'm not. But I was thinking like, yeah, that's smart because I would still be kind of on the roll from wherever the fuck I was beforehand, you know, because I'm productive when I'm out the house.
It's the second I'm in the house. The issues arise. Why didn't you guys tell me that my fucking lip gloss was doing that disgusting thing where it gets like a white line? Ew! Knew you were all fake. Why would you not tell me? It's this stuff. This stuff is the best stuff in the entire world. The Laneige lip glow. But it does that so bad. I just stopped doing it before video interviews and stuff because I was like, okay, any time if you guys have ever seen an interview of me and I'm going like this,
It's because I'm fucking terrified that I have that like white line that you get when you've been wearing too much lip gloss or like lipstick or something. And it's not spit. It's not when people get the stuff in the corner of their mouth. I can proudly say I've never had that happen to me and I never will. And if I, if, if, if it ever does, euthanize me. Huh? Who said that?
This episode is brought to you by Mejuri. You know, I had a thought the other day. Since Rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions, Mejuri approaches fine jewelry a little bit differently. Each one of their pieces is handcrafted by jewelers committed to quality craftsmanship as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Created by women for women, Mejuri is breaking down barriers in what has long been an exclusive and occasional category of men buying for women.
In 2020, the brand launched the Missouri Empowerment Fund in support of higher education for underrepresented women and non-binary individuals. Because fine jewelry doesn't have to cost the world, feel good about your jewelry in more ways than one. Start stacking your favorites, shop online, or visit the website to find a store near you.
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My dog is absolutely sick of this. I made her come in the car with me to film the podcast. I'm literally at home right now. I'm actually, like, I'm not in the forest. I'm at home and my dog is right next to me.
And I'm like, I could have just left her in the house to sleep, but I made her come in the car because she's going to be sad. Guys, can you hear it in my voice? Like I've gone insane. I don't know what it is. It's the fact that I'm on a roll and I'm like, I'm actually succeeding. What is this? Because basically I got home yesterday, right? Moved out of my flat. Well, actually, did anyone see my TikTok? I said that I have to move out of my flat within the next couple of hours and that it was like completely everything was just where it always has been. And I don't even have a box.
Well, here's what happened with that. Basically, I ended up... Well, I actually kind of had done this anyway, but I basically called my people and I was like, help, help, because what am I going to do? And they've hired moving people and I'm paying extra for them to pack it because I'm actually not here. I have... My tenancy is until the end of the month. I'm filming this podcast right now on the 4th of March. So I have loads of time, but...
I just am not here. I'm going to Paris today and then get a load of this tomorrow I fly to LA. This is how quick a turnaround it is. So I go to Paris tonight and I was going to go on the 4pm train and then I was like, what the fuck am I doing? Because then I have to leave my house at like 1 or 2pm to get to London in time. And I was like, that's so stupid because then I'm going to get to Paris at like 6pm and what the fuck am I going to do? Sit in my hotel room, pick my ass? Yeah, exactly. I hate
I hate those kind of evenings where you're just in a hotel room with nothing to do because it's so like you're in limbo unless you're like relaxing in the hotel and like you're in the hotel but like when you're just like I
I feel like I hover in the hotel. I'm not staying here for more than 20 seconds, so I don't know what to do. And I just feel uncomfortable and I feel really lonely. I always feel... I love Paris. I love Paris. But I always feel very lonely the second that I get there. And I don't know what it is. It's really weird. Paris does something to me. I've never had a trip to Paris that does not have something behind it. Like some kind of crazy piece of law behind it. Like every...
Every time I go to Paris, I think nothing could possibly happen on this trip. And then something happens. Anyways, I'm making myself probably sound insane. Oh, and then tomorrow, I'm going to LA from Paris. I don't remember what time my flight is. I actually don't know what time my flight is, but I'm going. And I'm actually really, really excited to get back to LA because I don't know what it is. I hate it there. And I love it there. Like,
I was so unhappy the last time that I was there. Like, I was actually, like, depressed the entire time and just, like, would wake up every day with this, like, sinking feeling in my stomach of, like...
Just gut-wrenching loneliness. And I don't know why, because most of the time in my life, I'm alone and I'm fine with it. But in LA, it was like I was so aware that I didn't know anyone. And usually that would thrill me, but I don't know what it was. I think I was partly aware that there was so much going on. Like, it's LA. Everyone knows that's where things happen. There's this illusion of like, oh, it's where you're meant to be. Oh, it's where people...
become successful and like so there's so much going on all the time there's always a room you could be in or someone you could speak to so I think when you're there and you're just laying in bed with nothing to do and you're not seeing anyone you're speaking to anyone you can feel it a little bit like it's not FOMO but it's like almost this guilty feeling of like I shouldn't be laying in bed or like I just something like it's like an anxiety gnawing feeling you know I know what it is but I had this weird feeling the whole time I was there pretty much
But even so, I knew that it was going to be one of those trips that I get nostalgic for for the rest of my life. And it already is. Like, I'm already nostalgic for those two weeks, three weeks that I spent in LA. And I don't know why. It was just there was something about it. Like, I was just driving around aimlessly all fucking day. And it was so fun. Like, it was so weird. Like, I was so sad and so lonely. And I was actually also preoccupied.
progressing, progressing? That's not the word I want. I was actually also processing something really personal and difficult at the time. And I just couldn't seem to do it. And I like didn't know how to process this emotional process, this event that had happened in my personal life. And I was like, Oh my god, I'm kind of scared to even try and process this because I think I might have some kind of breakdown. And by breakdown, I mean like months long,
she goes insane you know so I was like oh my god what the fuck am I gonna do I think it might actually be best to just suppress this one because I actually don't have time to go insane right now and oh and also I feel like once you've gone insane once you just like can't be arsed again like I okay my like era of insanity is so funny for me to look back on but like respectfully I could not go back like
It's so funny for me to look back on. I shaved my head. I genuinely became the worst person you've ever met in your life. Like, I was only doing what I needed to do. I was only healing and I was doing everything I should have been doing. You know what I mean? But I was also the worst person you've ever met in your life. Like, I was... I'm just going to say, I was actually chronically online for about a year of my life. And thank God it was before I ever fucking posted anything. But I was actually one of those bitches. Like, I was... I would, like, police you. It was bad. Like, I...
Oh my god, no. I don't actually even want to think about it because my own family fucking hated me. I was a lot. I was hard to be around. That is the best way to describe me. And I love myself for it. I think I'm so proud of that bitch. She did everything she needed to do and she healed from a really difficult situation. And she did it very thoroughly.
And like she got me to a great place. Like I'm eternally grateful, eternal love, no judgment, just love. But sometimes I think about the fact that some things that have transpired in my life since that event could warrant quite easily another equally as intense healing phase, right? I do not have time. I can't go insane right now. I actually get why people suppress things because I'm like, nope.
Because I think healing can make you quite an ugly version of yourself. It's like, you know when you're cleaning your room and it gets really messy in the middle of it and then it's cleaner than it was before but at one point it gets worse? That's how I look at healing, okay? Like, I just think it can be challenging for onlookers at times. I mean, it can be. And I think when you're healing and when you're very healed, I don't ever agree with the term, like, healed version of yourself because, like,
like 100%. Like, what do you mean healed? But like, you know, those people that are clearly like very into the self-love, self-work, always very much picking themselves apart, right?
I feel like those people often stand as a mirror to other people for, again, in quite a brutal way. Like, this is what you're not doing. And they don't obviously mean to do that. I think that's the literal just effect that they have. Like, it's hard for me when I am in a phase of my life where I'm not taking care of myself and I'm maybe in situations that I know are not feeding me and are probably directly hurting me. And when I'm in situations like that,
And I speak to some friends of mine that are very, very consistently self-love, healing, self-help, all these things. I can find them challenging to be around. And I am, thank God, self-aware enough to know that that's me being a little pussy. But it's basically like, I don't want to look at you and see all the things that I could be and should be. And I don't want to...
I've realized right now how much work I'm not doing, right? Because I know that you're correct. I know that you, in this version of yourself, are doing the right thing, and I should be doing it too. Or should be, but could be, and would like to be, but I'm not. And so I find that people who are very into that grind...
can actually be some of the more disliked people because if you're not self-aware enough to see oh this is why I feel uncomfortable around this person it's not a jealousy thing but it's like a it's it's like I'm looking into an ugly mirror right now right they hold that mirror up for you
And if you're not intelligent enough to fucking acknowledge that or you're scared to acknowledge that, then you just dislike the person, right? Because I swear to God, some of the most emotionally intelligent friends that I have ever made in my life are some of the most isolated people or they have very intense but very few friendships with people that aren't necessarily very good people. ♪
- Hey y'all, Marci Martin here with a little Tampax story. One time I went on vacation in the Bahamas with some friends and of course I got my period.
I didn't want anything to stop me from living my best life on my trip. So I was like, why not be brave and try Tampax? Before that, I really just thought tampons were for adults, and I definitely thought they'd be uncomfortable. Guess what, y'all? They really aren't. It might take a few tries, but once it's in right, you shouldn't feel it, which is great. For a better way to period, just add Tampax.
Anyway, you know what else just happened? Okay, so my dog just knocked the little connector out of my podcast recorder thingamajig and generally caused a scene. And it got me thinking very briefly. This girl has taught me more patience than anything.
anybody okay actually let me show you how she's selling me right now because it might be the cutest thing I've ever seen look she's so vulnerable look at them look I'm just sitting in mum's lap and I just think oh because she really had to teach me patience because she's really the one like she just gets in the way so much like and I remember and I actually curse myself out all the time for the fact that I did this once but
basically when she was a puppy I used to kind of yell at her a lot not a lot and I wouldn't yell at her but like it would be the case of like I was in a rush because of my poor organizational skills and my poor planning and then I would need to get her like shit like her collar on her or like her harness on her really fast because I'm late and we need to go
and she as a puppy did not like having it put on her. I think it kind of like, I don't know, it was like a weird experience, like someone clipping her into something. So she would kind of freak out and she would run away or she would just like not give me her fee or she should just be difficult to put it on, right? And I remember one time I actually yelled at her for it. I said, Pugs, stop it.
And I felt so bad. Because it was my fucking fault that we were late anyway. And I was like, oh my god. And now, I always look back on that one specific memory. Because now, I would never yell at her. I have not felt frustration at this fucking dog. Really ever. Like, she's such a good girl. She...
She really doesn't do anything wrong ever. Is she looking out the window? Like, she doesn't do anything fucking wrong. Like, she's really just a little angel. And if there's ever an issue, it's probably my fucking fault. You know what I mean? Like, she doesn't really cause issues. In fact, she can't control anything. So if there is an issue, it's definitely not her fault. I don't know. I just think I haven't got frustrated at her or stressed out at her.
Since she was probably like seven months old, right? I think that's when we started to figure things out. I don't know. She was kind of a little bitch actually during puberty when she was a teenager. I can't lie. She was no fun to be around. She was vicious, like actually vicious, but so was I during puberty. So it's okay. But yeah. What have you seen?
She's just so precious and vulnerable and I just could never be frustrated at her anymore. And I realized the other day how much patience she has taught me. And I was interested in it because I thought I actually never thought patience was something you could learn, which is weird. I don't know why I thought that, but I thought that it was kind of like a given, like a characteristic you're born with.
And I think obviously some people are born with more of it than others and naturally have more of it than others. But I have actually grown patience and it was not a trait that I ever had before. Like I, I never even thought about if I had patience or not. But looking back, I had no patience. I was completely impatient. And even now I still am a little bit impatient with work.
And then I was thinking, if I ever had kids without first having a dog or a serious pet, like an actual pet that you have to take care of all the time, I would have been in for a fucking world of shock because I feel like having a dog before having anything else is actually almost should be mandatory because...
It just shows you, like, can you even handle... Like, a baby dog is actually like having a baby human. You can't fucking look away for more than a second. They'll be dead. Isn't that right? Anyway, so...
My situation is I only have a couple of hours. I've kind of packed my suitcases to go to Paris, but I have finishing touches to do and then I need to clean out my car. I need to clean out my room because I don't want to abandon those two things in a mess. I hate coming back to mess. And then I need to have a big cuddle with my dog because I'm not going to see her. I'm not going to see her for two weeks.
When will I see you next, babies? Two weeks. I'm just going for two weeks. So I'm going to... Actually, guys, it's going to be really exciting. Actually, really exciting. Why have I left this to last to say? So basically, I'm going to Los Angeles, LA. Then the part that's exciting is I'm going to Texas. Why am I going to Texas? Because I'm going to go hang out with the Unwell Girlies. And boy, it's a South by Southwest festival.
festival and we're gonna go and have a good time and here's my dilemma right now let me know what you think but i have a pair now not to flex but this is actually a massive flex i have a pair of dual cowboy boots i know i said it i know i said it anyways i have a pair of dual cowboy boots and i've obviously never worn them living in london
I want to take them because by going to fucking Texas, like, why would I not, you know? And I texted Alex and I was like, oh my God, so excited. I have a pair of cowboys. I've been like waiting for an excuse to wear. She said, oh my God, call me too. So I'm like, okay, so cowboys is the vibe then.
Here's the thing. My suitcase is full. I have no space for these motherfuckers, but I don't want to miss out on taking them. But they're so big and they're so precious to me. Like, hello, they're Dior cowboy boots. You fucking joking? They've been an ornament in my house for a year. Like, I don't even want to look at them for too long in case I burn a hole in them. Like, they're so precious to me. But you know what? I remember reading this story when I was like four years old and it was about this little boy. And I think it was one of those like lesson stories.
maybe someone read it to me. I don't think I could read it for, but anyway, someone told me there was a little boy and he got a pair of sneakers that he really liked. I think they had like, they were like Heelys or something. And he liked them so much. He was so proud of them. He never wore them. And then he put them in his attic and he wanted to always go up and look at them. And he lived them for years and years and years. And then when he decided that he was finally going to wear them and he put them on and they fell apart because they'd been too long and they'd got eaten by the moths or some shit. I know they'd fallen apart the way that shoes do.
I was like, oh my god, deep. So basically, I want to wear the Dior cowboy boots before they get eaten by moths. But yeah, they've been like an actual decoration in my flat. Like, I'm so proud of them. Like, they are on show. Well, they were. I've got them with me now. But I'm like, do I put them in my suitcase and potentially squish them because it's a very full suitcase or do I just go without? ♪
So guys, anyway, I think that's it for this podcast episode. I'm very, very glad that you guys came and joined me today and we got to hang out. What? She is so cute. You know what? She really needs to go to the groomers though. Oh my God. Also, so disgusting. But wait, guys, I can like tell you where I used to live now. I'm not going to do it until next month because technically my name is still on the lease and I just feel like it's not a good, safe thing to do.
But I think I've told you before that the area of London I was living in was Shoreditch. And I live there because it's where all of my friends live. I'm actually not a fan of Shoreditch. Well, I am now because I feel like I know it and I feel like it feels familiar and so I like it. But in terms of like if I actually had to pick where do I want to live in London? Okay, first of all, I would just say fucking Mayfair because duh, who doesn't want to live in Mayfair? Do you have something to say? Oh, I need to clean her ears.
You are so cute. Anyway, I kind of want to live in Mayfair, but I am unfortunately not yet a billionaire. So one day, but not today. So I don't know where I'm going to move to next in London. I have to pick because obviously I'm back in two weeks. I kind of thought it was going to be away for longer. I don't know why, but I just think I was like, oh, March is like off the calendar. Like I'm not going to be here. So let's not bother like flat hunting in March.
Gully, you're homeless now, actually. Like, what are you going to do? I don't even have a storage unit yet. Like, I have nothing to my name. No. Show home, no storage unit, nothing. So I don't know what we're going to do about that. But I was like, yes, and March is like just scrap March. We'll resume everything in April. And now I'm like, well, I'm actually going to be back in March unless I might decide to not come back from America and I might just go to Miami.
crazy that it's still cold in the UK like it's gonna be cold up until like April May so why would I come back in March do you know what I mean I'm so sick of the cold I actually fucking love the cold I
I'm such a big fat liar. Like sometimes I catch myself telling porcupines like white lies. I'm like, why did you even say that? Because I think I hate the cold. But then I remember that I actually fucking don't. I used to hate the cold when I was a university student. And when it was cold, I'd have to walk between classes and they would rain on me and I didn't even own a fucking decent coat. And like, yeah, I used to hate the cold. And also like when I couldn't really put the heating on in my uni house, I'm like, yes, I used to hate the cold. I used to despise it. And I used to get really bad seasonal depression.
But now that I'm lucky enough to be able to afford my heating bills and just like I also own a coat, it's actually not that bad. Like I actually kind of like the winter. I don't like when it gets dark at 4pm. That just makes me feel like extremely lonely. But I don't generally mind the cold weather.
I think cold weather in and of itself, if you have the ability to wrap up warmly, is so much fun. But not for six months at a time. The UK kind of has an issue with that. So anyways, I think I might go from... So I'm going to LA to Texas, back to LA for a week. And then I think I'm... That's when my flight home is booked. I'm meant to come back on the 20th of March. But then I'm thinking I might just go to Miami and just like get... Stay out there for like a week. Oh, okay.
That's nice. Guys, is this ASMR? Oh my god, she got me on my fucking teeth! Oh god! Fuck! You eat raw chicken for fucking breakfast! Ew! Oh, it's not your fault. Anyway, guys, I'm gonna go brush my fucking teeth. That was really disgusting and not good for mummy's OCD. Anyways, I love you so much. Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Pretty Lonesome. I'll see you guys next week. I don't know where we'll be. Well, we'll be in LA. Duh! And then...
And then, whoa, then we'll be in Texas. With some friends, I hope. Anyway, I don't know. They might say, oh, we don't want to fucking carry on with you. We don't want to fucking speak to you. Because you stink. That's what they might say. Fingers crossed they don't. Anyways, that's all from us. Alright, well, I'm going to go to Paris now. I love you guys very much. Thanks for hanging out with me. Thanks for watching this episode of Pretty Lovesome. I have no idea what I even talked about. And I'll see you next week. I'm going to say bye. Bye.