Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Hello everybody and welcome back for another episode of Pretty Lonesome. I am fresh out of Coachella this episode and I'm not fucking kidding you when I tell you I just got off the plane. I got off the plane, well what time did I land and what time is it now? I landed at about 11, it is currently 2.43. I just got back from the airport, put on some makeup and now we're in the car to talk some shit because I couldn't hold it in any longer. Okay, I haven't, basically I haven't
So I went from Coachella, which is in Palm Springs, and I flew back to LA and I slept there for one night before my flight back to London. And the morning of the day I flew back to London, I had scheduled...
a gossip session, okay? I had scheduled to go to Pilates with a couple of my friends and debrief fucking Coachella. Did they know that was the intention of the Pilates session? No, but I think it was insinuated, okay? And also, my Pilates instructor, I'm fucking obsessed with her and I know she was waiting. I know that she was waiting for the girlies to come back from Coachella and be like, guess the fuck what happened, okay? I know that that was- I know it!
And I woke up the morning of the Pilates session and I thought, if I get out of bed right now, I'm genuinely at a health risk. I don't know what's going to happen to me if I get out of this bed right now, but it is not going to be fucking good. And so I text and I was like, guys, I'm not fucking making it. And I think that was the right decision. And I got an extra three hours of sleep and then I flew home. And now I'm here, okay? And it's the same day, but it's not the same day. And I'm very confused about everything. So let me give you the fucking...
Coachella rundown, okay? Also, it's boiling hot in this car. What the fuck is going on in England? It's like, I don't even know that I'm not in LA right now. The weather is so good. But would you guess it? The sky is still grey. Oh yeah, that never fucking changes, does it? I forgot about that.
I am going to be in the UK for about a month and a half. I'm not legally allowed to leave because I'm applying for a visa to the US. Actually, that's a lie. I'm going to Marseille in France. I hope I'm saying Marseille right. I think I am. At the end of the month and then I'm applying for my visa and then I'm grounded to the UK because they're going to take my passport from me. Anyway, that's a story for another time. Okay. But basically I'm...
I am home for a little bit like I'm properly gonna be in the UK I got rid of my flat in London so that's a nightmare I'm living with my mum for a month and a half and as much as I love my mum and I genuinely love being at home I think that's gonna be an interesting experience for the both of us experience experience anyways let's talk about fucking Coachella okay because as we know I've never been and not only have I never before other than right now been to Coachella
I have never, and I can't believe that I'm still able to say this, I've never, like, fully met another influencer. Isn't that crazy? Okay, so obviously I know Alex L, and we're signed to the same network, and so I speak to her, and we hang out, and I adore that girl. And...
I obviously know Harry and I know Alex Cooper. When I tell you that is my roster, that is my roster. OK, I stay so far away from the influencer scene and not because I'm snubbing on it. I'm really not. I think that I respect what everybody does. And a grind is a grind. A hustle is a hustle. I do the same shit. I really don't care. But I just don't find myself in those spaces ever.
I don't seek it out and I don't find myself there because the UK is very much, there's none of it. Like there's maybe influences in the UK, but like it's not as rife. Like I was talking to someone at this after party at Coachella and she was like, what is like Glastonbury like? Like what are the after parties like? And I was like,
Look, there are after parties, but like there's no guest compound. Do you know what I mean? There's no there's no content houses at fucking Glastonbury. Do you know what I mean? Like if you're going to an after party at Glastonbury, either you're still at the festival and it's like some random party or you seriously knew someone. You know what I mean? Like it's like an artist is having an after party.
And it's like not everybody is invited. You know what I mean? It's like it's just such a different culture here. And so I never find myself in these spaces where it's just like, oh, my God. Look, I still have my fucking wristbands on. How gross is that? These are carrying brand new illnesses that were just created this weekend, I reckon. I could send these to a lab and they'll find something brand new. I was like, it's just so...
different and so I never find myself in these spaces and it's not because I inherently don't want to be in them although that is also true I don't so everything was very new to me and obviously okay I've been in I was in LA for like a month and a half maybe a little bit over that actually and always heard people sort of say like oh be careful in LA you know people will try and use you people are this people are that it's never you guys hear it too I'm sure it you never really get in
many positive anecdotes from LA. Do you know what I mean? Like I just hear bad things about most of the people. And so I went into LA very nervous. And then like halfway through, I was like, I genuinely haven't seen anyone be nasty. I haven't seen anyone act weird. No one's been weird to me. Everyone's been nothing but nice.
I think this whole thing is just a scam and actually LA is a great place and actually it's just the company that you keep, you know what I mean? And you can choose who you are around 99% of the time. So I was like, you know what? I'm not even worried about it. This is fine. Then I went to fucking Coachella. This episode is brought to you by Mejuri. You know, I had a thought the other day. Since Rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions...
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but I could read the fucking room. You know what I mean? I could see the vibe. I knew what it was. And I was like, oh, this is what they mean. Because also like, bear in mind, I don't really, like I say all the time, oh, I don't have any friends in LA. That is inherently not fully true. Like I do have friends in LA and I have met some really good people whilst I've been there for this past month and a half. Like I've really done what the fuck I needed to do in terms of like finding a couple of good people and finding like,
that there is people that I resonate with there, so I'm not so worried. But what I'm trying to say is...
the crazy people that I'm always hearing about that live in LA I don't hang out with like I don't know them because I don't want to but it's like I saw them in Coachella and I was like oh shit you guys are fucking real and this is real like I just for some reason I just thought I was immune I thought that I was immune to the fact that everyone said one specific thing about one place I was like no you are all crazy and I'm correct because it's usually the way it works you know what I mean I'm like
Everyone thinks they know things, but they're not me, so they actually don't know anything, and I'm right about everything. Turns out I'm not, which is disgusting. Anyways, I really have never met influencers before, and again, it's not the most intentional thing in the world. I just don't live in a place where they are really a thing. Like, or the culture, should I say, isn't really a thing. And even in the places and times where it is a thing, I'm never there. So I'm, like, very... Like, I just was separate from it, and it just wasn't... I kind of forgot the way things...
go and then I was in rooms that were just like filled with people who do this and I was like oh my god this is fucking insane like this is how you guys work this is what you do and like do I need to change my ways like what do you what is this and it was just so
interesting for me and not inherently negative or positive, I would say. I would just say it was interesting. Like, I was there fucking observing people. People thought I wasn't looking. I was staring. I was gawking, matter of fact. Yeah, I was. I was in the corner at Coachella with my eyes like this. I'm pretty sure the stress and shock of some of the things that I saw at Coachella has, like, changed the symmetry of my face. You know what I mean? Fucking insane. But
I will say, most of the people are really nice. And people that I didn't expect to be nice were nice. But then there were some people that I'm like, I love. And I was like, oh damn, you're fucking awful. You know what I mean? So it's like, it's a mixture. And I always forget that people are real. Like I watch someone online and I'm like,
yeah you don't exist and then I see them in real life and it's like I get fucking whiplash I'm like oh shit you poop like it's crazy to me I'm like you actually poop and you actually like got ready for Coachella this morning and like now you're here I don't know why I do that but I'm always just surprised
So anyways, first day, let's talk about it. We went to only go see one person and who did we see? Who played the first day? Oh my god, Sabrina Carpenter. She was our opening act and honestly after she was done playing I was like good to go. I was like guys we saw Sabrina, Coachella's done. It was the best set I've ever and I read an article on it and I only, I sound like an intellectual when I say that but I only read it because she reposted it on her story and I was like ooh.
and it was basically like praising her so much because it was like we've never seen an act this size come with this much equipment and put on such a performance with the space that they're given at Coachella and whatever and I was like that's such a good point like not that I know shit about who's come before her or you know I've never seen an act at Coachella before but I was like I could imagine that this is one of the biggest she brought an entire fucking set like
She had Sabrina's Motel. I'm pretty sure that's what it was called. It was such a good set. Also, I'm obsessed with her fucking outfits. I love how she has created such a specific style for herself. Like, you know it's Sabrina Carpenter by the shape of the clothes. And that's like... Listen, it's kind of not because if I put on that outfit, it would just look like any other outfit. But she has a very specific body. And so I feel like the way that clothes sit on her is very...
you just it's like she's got her own silhouette you know what I mean but it's like the tiny skirts where you are intentionally seeing the like boxer thing underneath or like the the pants underneath and it's like her ass is always out but her ass isn't out though it's like so interesting and she's just got like a specific shape of dress that she's been wearing a lot and then a specific type of skirt that she's been wearing a lot on stage
she had like a Coachella themed version of that and it was just like a little bit like raunchy. Oh my God, I was fucking gagged. What does gagged mean? Actually, matter of fact, because I've been saying it and I'm like, I don't know what it means. To me, it means shocked. But I think it might mean that someone like said something so bad to me about me that I couldn't say anything back because then I saw it in that kind of context. I was like, oh, is that what it means? Because then in that case, I'm not gagged.
In my context, I'm gagged. Shut up. Guys, I'm so dissociated right now. I keep looking around and I'm like, shit, I'm in my car. Where am I? I'm at my fucking house.
When did I get here? Like, I don't... I don't remember. Also, I got on the plane this morning. I was out the entire flight. Like, I don't even... I don't remember falling asleep. I was so comfortable. And then I woke up and there was, like, I don't know, an hour left of the flight. And they served me hot waffles with raspberry sauce and fruit and a cup of tea. Yes, please. Again, please. That was so fucking good. It was so good. I always feel bad. Okay, I don't know if this is a psychological issue. But I...
always feel bad when I get on a flight and I don't become friends with the flight attendants and I like ignore them the whole time why I don't know because like I got on the flight and I was flying business so obviously I could lay down and just go to sleep and I did and I that's exactly what I did I lay down and I went straight to sleep and then I woke up at the end of the flight and I was like damn I don't know any of these flight attendants like I haven't spoken to them at all and I don't know why because usually I like build up a little rapport with them you know like I like to be friends with them and
They didn't happen this flight and I feel bad. Pretty sure they didn't care. But I just feel bad. I'm like, I didn't even like get to know your names or anything. I one time had this flight where it was the flight where I lost my pretty lonesome ring. Oh my God, that was a scary flight. And I obviously called over the, what are they called? Stewardess? I feel like that's right. Anyway, I called over the lady and I was like, help, lost my ring. And she was doing so much to help me. And then she was like, okay, I can't find it. At the end, I'm going to call on the engineers to the plane. You stay behind, don't get off the plane. We're going to find it. And I was like, okay.
So she... Everyone gets off the plane. I stay. They call over the engineers. They get on the plane. They're, like, literally unscrewing the fucking seat looking for my ring. And I felt so bad. I was like, guys, I don't even know if it's... Like, I don't... It was worth their time because it's my ring. But, like, I was like, guys, I feel so... I can get a new one. Like, I'm sorry for taking up any of your time. And the...
flight girls all came over and there was like five or six like what the fuck are they called stewardesses flight attendants they came over and they were like talking to me gossiping to me and they were all having their like post-flight gossip with each other but i was there and it was fucking amazing because i got to listen and then the pilot came over and i was so excited guys i felt like i was meeting celebrities you want to know what makes someone a celebrity to me and this is the only thing
is when I can't attain them okay if someone for example is just out of my reach in any way say if I message them they won't see it because their dms are full or if they're on a stage and I can't physically reach them or if they're a stewardess or whatever the fuck and I can't get through to their real personality because they're at work okay so you're a celebrity then
because I can't reach you. You know what I mean? Anything unattainable is famous. And so that's why I get like so excited when like they reveal a little bit of their personality to me and I'm like, I'm seeing them off the clock.
Like, that's so exciting. It's even, I will go and see the worst produced show you've ever seen in your life, like a back-end pantomime. And I'm pretty sure that the actors are famous. And if I was to see them on the street, I would be so fucking excited. Also, sometimes, okay, guys, this is literally the only English people will understand this. But like, you know, because I don't think they do pantomimes in the USA. I could be wrong. But anyways, pantomimes, okay. When, okay, they're never good. They're never good. They're never high budget.
I fucking love them but I always end up with a crush on someone I like it's just the fact that they're unattainable again and are they really unattainable no like literally I could just go to the backstage door and be like hey guys and no one's gonna stop me like they don't have the security like it's a pantomime but to me because I can't reach them because they're on a stage I'm like oh if only if only I could speak to you if only you were in my realm you know what I mean if only I could get to you and you could never get to them and I love that
That is why I get obsessed with people who don't text me back. I love when people don't text me back. I love it. Like, you could be someone I have no, no fucking interest in. In fact, I could actively dislike you. But if I send you a text and you don't get back to me, oh, yum. But anyways, let's get back to fucking Coachella. I really didn't see anything crazy. You know what I mean? We really kept to ourselves because, well...
I don't know anybody as I've said about 500,000 times I don't know anybody so there was like the people that we were with they knew like everybody in the bar everybody everywhere and they were always saying hi so I met a bunch of people and most people were super nice but I didn't really know anyone like there were maybe three people at Coachella that I have met before and that I know and that I said hi to but like ultimately I don't know anybody like I'm so fucking out of touch I
And obviously I don't live in LA, so why would I know anybody? Because like it takes so many years to build up that community. But I did get to meet one of my favorite, favorite creators of all time. I was so excited when I saw her. Oh my God, Jules LeBlanc. I'm so obsessed with that girl. And I was walking somewhere and I saw her and my head whipped around so fast. She looked so good too. I loved her outfit.
I can't actually remember what she was wearing, but it was white and her friend, um, Delilah, I'm pretty sure, was wearing like a kind of matching outfit and I thought that's fucking cute. Why didn't me and Millie match? Probably because she hates me. Also, I'm so glad that so many people loved Millie. I was reading the comments on my, um, YouTube blog and everyone was like, we love Millie. And I was like, yeah, bitch, me too. She's mine though. So shut up. I'm sorry. I know I'm being really agitating today because I am so tired.
Anytime I sleep on a plane, I'm still not prepared for the next day. Like, I just still am confused. How did I get here? I went to sleep in LA and I'm suddenly home and I haven't been home for like a month and a half and I'm just a little bit confused, okay? And none of my friends are here right now because they're all at fucking university, so...
selfish bastards and so my best friend Kat is coming home in like a couple of days so I'll see her then but honestly I think I'm just like dying to talk to someone and be like can you believe this person said this but like I can't say it on this podcast you know what I mean I can't be like can you fucking believe she said that I'm not gonna do that here because I'm not that's not my grind but I just want to go back to LA and be like guys what the fuck because there's like only really two things that were crazy that were said to me and I'm just like I need to get this one off my chest but I don't
like to talk about other people so I'll only talk about it with people that like witnessed it and I'm just I just want to keep saying can you believe that and then wait five seconds and then can you believe that and wait another five seconds can you believe that like when something interesting happens you cannot shut me up about it I just want to keep talking until the feeling is so drained from me that it's just like boring to talk about and that takes me like at least five days of just consistently talking about something it's ugly it's an ugly trait but I can't get enough huh
Also, guys, oh my god, so a little bit of tea from Coachella, holy fuck, I don't know how I didn't think to tell you guys this first. So we, this fucking boy, oh my god, he would not get the fuck out our faces the whole time we were at Coachella. And everywhere we turned, he was that. He's some, like, TikTok boy, I didn't know him, but...
but he's just there all the time, okay? And he's got a little friend, also a TikTok boy. Again, didn't know either of them. When I tell you they would not fuck off, I literally have pictures with them from Coachella that I obviously, I won't post because I don't want anyone to know who they are because I'm about to talk some shit. But they are the most annoying boys I've ever met in my life. They weren't getting the message. One of them was hitting on my friend the whole time and she was literally being so rude to him to the point that
all three of us were laughing because we're like, however, you not got the message that you're not welcome here. Like, I do not understand what's happening in your head right now. Because obviously, always try and let people down easy. We don't want to laugh at anybody. But then at some point, you just have to be like, what the fuck is wrong with you?
He was being so annoying. He found us all three days. Okay. Like, oh, where is he? And then he'd like spawn out thin air and we'd be like, oh, there he is. Of course. And then we were stuck for the next three hours. Okay. He was very entertaining. That's why we didn't legit just walk away because like there's some men that like I won't tolerate. But he was like terrible. Like he was the worst person in the best way. Like he was so creative with the ways in which he was being terrible that we were like, okay, give us more. Like, what are you doing? Who are you? Anyway. Anyway.
He just became like a back of the mind joke to us of like, oh yeah, that fucking guy. R.I.P. A teenage girl just walked past me during my podcast in my car. That's so embarrassing. Anyways, so then I'm scrolling on my For You page and what the fuck do I see? A video saying that two boys were squatting in this girl's house, all of Coachella, illegally squatting in her house. Why is it the two fucking boys that stalked us the entire time of Coachella?
This episode is brought to you by Mejuri. You know, I had a thought the other day. Since Rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions, Mejuri approaches fine jewelry a little bit differently. Each one of their pieces is handcrafted by jewelers committed to quality craftsmanship as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Created by women for women, Mejuri is breaking down barriers in what has long been an exclusive and occasional category of men buying for women.
In 2020, the brand launched the Missouri Empowerment Fund in support of higher education for underrepresented women and non-binary individuals. Because fine jewelry doesn't have to cost the world. Feel good about your jewelry in more ways than one. Start stacking your favorites, shop online or visit the website to find a store near you.
When I saw that video, do you know how much money I would have paid to be in a room with my friends and just have been able to switch my phone around and be like, guys? Because to know that they were harassing us at fucking Coachella and being the worst people I've ever met, one guy wouldn't stop dancing, okay? And then to know that they were doing all that,
And then climbing someone's fence to get into their house to squat in it every night. I've never heard anything more funny. Never. And if you guys could have seen the dance moves this guy was doing, I wish I could...
I wish I had the room in this car to show you but unfortunately I don't I need like a dance room to show you what the fuck he was doing at Coachella and it wasn't even like we were at a gig no we were at the bar that's another thing the bar at Coachella oh my god it's like a trap so there's obviously all the stages and then there's like a couple VIP bars like dotted around and then there's like
the VIP place I don't know what it's called but it's like it has a bunch of food like merch stands like a big bar that everyone hangs out at and it's like the place that most people kind of spend their time if you have the wristband for it because it's like really comfortable and there's like seating areas and it's like not crowded well it's crowded but it's not like crazy crowded and it's just like the most nice place to be and that's where we spent
a little bit of time and then the last day we spent like the entire we spent eight hours there and all i had was white claws and somehow i was off my fucking face i don't know what happened to me white claws get me they really get me i want to know what's in them because i looked at the ingredients and it just said alcohol like babe what fucking alcohol what have you put in this because it says spiked and i'm like yeah i think it is like i actually think you spiked this anyway most of the people just stay at the bar you know what's confusing to me about coachella
is obviously everyone knows like one of the biggest things that gets said about Coachella is the outfits which makes sense to me what doesn't make fucking sense to me is how that is so hyped up when this place is fucking freezing okay Palm Springs during the day boiling hot you literally have to be basically naked during the night
Do you want to know how much I spent on jackets? I spent $150 for one jacket and I bought my friend one too. So it was like $300. And then I also bought a hoodie because one jacket wasn't enough and I was still fucking cold the entire time. It is a desert. So it's like, it doesn't keep the heat at night. It is so fucking cold at night. Like to the point you can't just enjoy yourself unless you have something on. So what are you going to do? Carry a coat around Coachella all day? Like why?
What are you meant to do? I don't get how people wear these tiny little outfits and they look so cute. Because also, no one really goes during the day, I've noticed. Like, obviously, like, the biggest acts are at night. Like, Doja Cat played at, like, 11. Tyler, the creator, played at, like, 11. And then who else was headlining? I don't know. Like, there's, like, the smaller acts that everyone also likes at, like, 5 p.m., 6 p.m. Like, there is stuff going on during the day. But, like, the ones that everyone really knows start at, like, 6 p.m.
At which point it's cold. Like I watched Sabrina Carpenter. I was cold. I watched Renee Rapp. I was cold. I watched Doja Cat. I was freezing. I actually left the Doja Cat set because I was like, I can't fucking do this. Also, my dumb ass decided to wear a brand new, not broken in Dior cowboy boots to Coachella. Do you know how much pain I was in? And it wasn't even fucking funny. Like within the first five minutes, I was like, oh, I've made a massive mistake. And then I ended up spending another like 50 bucks on socks from one of the like Coachella shops.
and that didn't help and so basically what I did the entire night people were actually so good to me they gave me piggybacks everywhere I got on Jeff's back he's really strong and not only is he strong he's considerate okay Jeff Wittek I believe his name is I just met him and he gave me a piggyback halfway around Coachella okay we were going to Doja Cat set it was like a fucking 20 minute walk he gave me a piggyback and when we got in the crowd okay so considerate he got my ankles and like
pushed my feet together in front of him so that I wouldn't kick people in the crowd, which my dumb ass would never have. I would have been kicking everybody because I just don't think. Like, I have no ability to, like, think ahead like that and be like, oh, wait, I'm going to hurt people. No, like, I'll just, like, kick 10 people and then be like, oh, maybe I should move my feet in. Like, I'm dumb. So he, I'm glad that he was thinking, but people were so...
good to me that night I didn't walk anywhere and then I couldn't fit my feet in my shoes because they swelled up with the socks on and then I had to like get this one guy I don't know who was he I literally was like can you please help me and put my fucking boot on for me and he spent like 10 minutes just trying to get my shoe on for me
Because I couldn't do it. And my girlies were all in little skimpy dresses. And I was like, guys, I can't have you bending down in the middle of fucking Coachella with your bum holes out. So I just got this guy to do it because he was in sweatpants. And I was like, please help. Help. And everyone treated me good. They were like, you know, they made it doable with my feet. I should have taken a picture of the blister I had on the back of my foot because half my heel was numb.
Not even red. Purple. Purple. I don't know why. One random girl gave me a compede. I appreciated that from her, but unfortunately it did nothing. It was already at the point... Like, it should have been a preventative measure. I shouldn't have let it get to the point it got to. But I did, because I'm fucking stupid, and that's the way that I like to behave in my life. I like to never think things through and just get myself hurt all the time. I will say that I think having my friend who is not an influencer and not in the...
Society, culture, whatever. In any way. Because she is so... Okay, first of all, Millie... Before I did this for work. Before I did any of this. Millie has always kept me grounded in my life. In very special ways. Like I... Millie is... I've talked about Millie before. Millie's my best friend. And she is...
so stable and she even said to because I've always said this I said you are so do you know how stable you are and just how solid of a person you are and she's always kind of been like no I'm not I'm crazy and then I think she even kind of said it to me like when we were at Coachella she was like you know I never realized about myself really just how normal I am and I was like yeah it's wonderful babe like I think because she's she really surrounds herself with people who are very similar to her as well like I meet her friends and I'm like I can't say a lot of the things I would
would normally say in this room they just remind me sometimes that the way that i fucking behave is is insane but i surround myself with people who act like me which is probably why i do what i do for work because no let me tell you no one in this industry is fucking normal and everyone knows it everyone says it's like it's a thing okay everyone's got something a little bit fucking wrong with them otherwise none of us would do this and it doesn't it's not a bad thing it's just a thing like 100 okay and it's like 99 of people are at least a little bit fucking strange and um
So I've always said to her, like, you are so wonderful in my life because you... Even since I was 12, right? She has been... I've been making strange decisions with my life and she's been like, what the fuck are you doing? And I need that. And...
having her there to observe with me the kinds of people that we were around and just like kind of have someone to look at and be like what the fuck is so good because a lot of the time if you're around people who are the same and are just as insane it is you kind of forget that it's craziness you kind of forget where you are and that you're at Coachella with a bunch of crazies and you may even start to
feel more comfortable doing stupid shit and saying weird stuff because everyone else is doing it. And it's like, no, this is normal and healthy. And, um...
You know, like, this is the way that people behave as normal and healthy. And this is the way that you speak to people as normal and healthy. And then having her there just being so normal. Like, hi, how are you? I'm Millie. Not realising that she's speaking to, like, fucking Justin Bieber. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's just like, yeah, like, none of this is that deep. You know? And, like, she doesn't know who anyone is. And neither do I. But I have learnt a lot recently about who people are. Because I've kind of had to. I'm not even kidding you. We took Millie to an after party. And it was...
I don't even know. It wasn't a very good after party, but Justin Bieber and Hailey Bieber were at some table, right? And once they came, everybody came. Like it was suddenly full of every person you've ever seen in your life.
And because it was busy, okay, in the UK, if you're at a club, okay, first of all, most of the clubs in the UK are not nice. I'm not talking the top 10 London clubs. I'm talking fucking Prism in Nottingham, okay? When you're in one of those scenarios in the UK, which most people in the UK will be at some point,
if someone pushes past you the typical thing to do is very much that okay I'm guilty of it I do it all the fucking time not anymore because I've learned that that's not safe but I adjusted my behavior when I started going to fancier places because I realized that I was screwing people who were billionaires say and millionaires say and perhaps potentially very famous people and I was there like excuse me you don't need to fucking push past me okay because the
because that's in my blood and then Millie's there Justin Bieber's right behind us some guy pushes past her and I see her I see her do it she goes I said Millie you can't do that you can't do that here that was Alabama Barker hmm you just you've just turned your nose up at Alabama be careful be nice it's so scary like you really can't because even if you don't know who they are and you don't care or really have like utmost respect for them like you still can't be like
You need to fucking push me. You could have said, excuse me. It's tempting, but you can't do it. I was like, babe, composure, composure. We don't know who these bitches are. So it was really funny to see like the UK university bread habits that we bring to fancy LA parties. We bring a certain vibe to the parties. Shall I say in that vibe is aggression. I've had to tone mine down, but I've had a year and a half to learn to do that. And this was her first time. Stop. Stop.
But it was so entertaining and just like having her like being able to watch her experience influences for the first time was probably top three experiences of my life in terms of how entertained I was.
it was so good. Like, because I have really, like, I realized that I've really become very immune to it all. And just like, because even now I feel like I watch more YouTubers and watch more TikTokers than I used to. Cause I've never really been someone that consumes much content online, which is like, I have content that I consume. I was very specific growing up. Like I liked watching like family vloggers and like, I,
I'm not the proudest to say this online, but like I like Dan and Phil. Like that was my vibe growing up, you know, not like the LA content house people and like that kind of vibe. So I feel a lot of time like I'm super behind and like,
I don't know who people are and that's fine. But I also sometimes just feel like I would like to know more about who people are because I feel like I'm kind of coming off like this dumb bitch of a lot of places when people are talking about someone. I'm like, who are you talking about? And it's just like not the sexiest thing that I could be doing. Like I want to be in the know. I feel left out. So I've been watching more content, you know, and that's just like gradually increased over the last year and a half. I've had to stop recently because I'm like, my brain is going to fall out of my ear if I don't.
stop because it's shrinking but millie doesn't millie i don't know what she watches on her phone or like but like she doesn't know who anyone is like like name the biggest influencer you could fucking think of like think about alex l not a clue emma chamberlain not a clue david dobrik not a clue like she's so funny and like what do you do on your phone mind you this bitch doesn't have spotify you understand she i don't know what millie i'm not entirely sure millie is a real person
Like I say I'm offline, this bitch is offline. Like she has a Spotify account that she shares with her family and she has like a playlist on it. My Spotify is almost equivalent to my notes app in terms of how much you can learn about me from it. It is in-depth, it is personal.
right i couldn't live with it it's like actually a part of my psyche okay it's part of my personality millie doesn't have that and she doesn't like go on tiktok like not once did i see this bitch just sit down on her phone and scroll she didn't do it once like if she had a moment to be on her phone where we didn't have somewhere to be she would call her boyfriend and catch up with him mind-blowing stuff
probably that's why they're so healthy she's in a healthy relationship isn't this she's an alien I love her so much she's so interesting and she has Instagram but she just uses it to like keep up with her friends and stuff like I don't think she follows any content creators which is why she was my top pick of person to bring to Coachella because I was like you just come on like you just come see what the fuck I'm dealing with out here please and it was great you know when someone works off of a certain psyche like a certain set of beliefs and
So her belief system would just not be that anyone would ever use anyone or like want a picture with you for any certain reason or want to talk to you for any certain reason. It would just be like, oh, they're coming up to say hi because we're friends. You know, that's like how she operates. So that's what she thinks other people do. And it was really entertaining because it was like, that's how she greets people. Like she'll greet.
Justin Bieber the same way that she'll greet her grandma you know what I mean or she'll we didn't by the way I don't know why I keep saying Justin Bieber's name I just can't think of anyone else we didn't have an interaction with Justin Bieber once like I don't know why I keep saying Justin Bieber but like other than like if Billie Eilish came up to her to say hi I think she would probably be like oh my god hi but like
I don't think there was anyone that we spoke to that got a rise out of her, which is so entertaining for me because she doesn't know who the fuck they are. And there were just a couple people that came up, maybe with a big personality, like maybe they had a little bit of a, like maybe potentially a bit of an ego on them. And they would talk and then they would go away and then it would be like, hmm, I want to happen in their childhood. You know what I mean? Like it's, she's coming from such a different standpoint, whereas I just would immediately write that off as like, oh, something's gone to their head. You know what I mean?
with Millie it's like damn I wonder why they would behave like that like this makes no sense because it doesn't make any fucking sense when you don't have that piece of context the way that people behave makes no sense when you don't know who they are it makes no sense and that's something that I realized I was like ah that's how you know this is not real none of this is real Coachella's not real and also it's nothing like I expected like Coachella is not what I expected at all it is I was just expecting something so glamorous I think and like
so intense but it really wasn't like the bar area is just it's just like being in any other bar except there's just a bunch of like influencers and celebrities and like that's the only difference and like it's like it's just a bar and it's just like shops it's not I can't describe it to you how much it's nothing crazy maybe I was in the wrong places I don't know but I was just like this is I I
The after parties were pretty cool. I will give it that. I would say that those were like where I was really like, oh, we're really somewhere cool right now. And like really people love this and are celebrating. And like I can see that everyone's dressed very nice and like everyone's made an effort. But at the
At the actual Coachella, I was kind of just like, this, I could be anywhere right now, which is kind of strange. Like I just, and I've seen videos of Coachella before, but like, I guess it's the pictures that I'm more talking about. Like I always see pictures and it just looks like this crazy other world, but it's really not. It's really just a festival, but it was so fucking good. I'm not,
I'm not gonna lie to you guys. I had so much fun. Like, I had so much fun meeting the people that I met. I had so much fun listening to the artists. It's a good festival and it's done so well. Like, we didn't have any, like, logistics issues. You know what I mean? Like, we were taken... We were taken care of by guests. We had transport everywhere. We were fed. We were bathed. We were everything, you know? And we were IV'd up.
up even though I fucking passed out when I got my IV I don't know why I passed out because it's so embarrassing I think it was basically so I was getting this IV and I'd had one the day before and I'd been absolutely fine I didn't feel sick or anything and but that was my anxiety was that I would feel sick or that I would feel faint so but I didn't so the next day we book another IV and we're going
I have a fear of needles, but it's been getting so much better the past couple years. And for some reason, I'm way more scared of needles when they're bringing something out of me, like giving blood or getting blood taken for a test. I will pass out every single time. But getting shots, I still freak out, but I don't mind so much. And it's always after the fact for me. Like, I won't shy away from you if you're giving me a shot. Like, I'll give you my arm. You can give me the shot. I'm not scared of the pain and the needle doesn't freak me out. It's the foreign body in my body.
in my body that freaks me out. Like, I don't know what was in the shot and I don't know what was in the,
IV drip. That's where I get fucked up. But I don't like the needle either, but like I'm not terrified of it, right? So the next day I'm like, it's fine because I've had the stuff in this IV drip already and it didn't kill me. So I'm sure I'm going to be fine. And I wasn't super scared of the needle. I'm going to be fine. So she gives me the injection. Immediately it feels different. Okay. I can feel that it's cold going into my arm and I don't like that. My whole arm is going cold and I'm like, ew, I'm so aware that it's going in my body right now. Whereas the day before I didn't have that.
And then just I think just the way she placed the needle was slightly different. Like I could feel that I had some like an IV in my arm, but I was still feeling fine. I was like getting on with it. We were halfway through the drip and I was starting to like sweat a lot. And then I was talking to the nurses trying to distract myself. And like they were so fucking funny. It was like having a laugh.
And one of the nurses was like telling me that she's an ER nurse. And she was like, yeah, like last week I cut this guy's leg off. Do you want to see? I have a video. I was like, yeah, I really do want to see that actually. So she showed me one of the surgeons soaring through the leg and it was completely open on the table. And I was like, that's fucking disgusting. But I'm not like, I don't have like a soft stomach. I was like, no, that's fine. Like, I don't mind seeing that. But like two minutes after she showed me the video, I passed out.
And I was like, guys, why did I pass out? Like, I didn't feel like I was going to pass out. And they were like, honestly, I think it's a mixture of you knowing you have this IV in right now and seeing that video, your body is like, I don't know what's wrong, but something's wrong, something's wrong, something's wrong. And it just, like, freaked out. So I knew I was going to pass out, like, 10 seconds before it happened because I was already, like, feeling shaky. But I was like, I think I'm just anxious and I just need to, like, shut up and ignore it. And then the IV started to make me feel really sick. And then I could, like...
so deeply feel it in my arm and then I said to the nurse I think this is making me feel sick and the second I said that I was done for because it's always when I say something like the last time that I blacked out when I got my blood taken and she took so much of my blood the last time I got my blood taken it was like six months ago she took like
20 vials of my blood so I was getting a bunch of tests done the last time she took my blood I was fine and then I got up off the table to go walk into another room because I had to get my fucking vagina examined okay turns out I have an issue I have oh this is another podcast episode but I have something on my cervix sorry TMI anyways another time um and I was like feeling okay and then I s
Slightly was like, oh, things are going black. And then I was like, no, I'm going to be fine. And I sat down and I took off my jumper to try and cool down. And I was like, I think I can deal with this, but I'm just going to tell the nurse. And I said to her, I feel really faint. And just like that, it was lights out, baby. I was fucking gone. It's always once I admit defeat that I get defeated. Manifestation. I don't know what it is. I think I get scared because I've said to someone that something is wrong and I've made it real. And then my body just goes into flames.
fucking overdrive and it murders me it's like we were trying to help you but now we fucking can't because you've just admitted that something's wrong so that's how I function but yeah I passed out getting an IV it was really embarrassing and then they like I thought I was fine because like before I passed out
Like on my way down, I said to Millie, film this because I'm a content creator now. Okay guys, I learned things from people like Coachelli because I also like in right now, I'm sitting in my car screaming into a microphone. It's 3 p.m. People are coming back from school. People are coming back from work. They're walking up and down my street. I don't give a fuck.
I think being in LA has been really good for me because I've realized like, babe, you can either be embarrassed and not make any money or you can fucking just be embarrassed and like get a little bit of money and do your job. Like it's not, it's made it very much easier for me to be like, why do I care what anyone thinks about me filming?
like it's just kind of drill I don't know it's just like switched my brain and it's like no I actually don't really give a fuck if people see like I I'm still gonna walk around town with my fucking camera out but I still I'm like a little bit more comfortable now but yeah point being I said to Millie film this as I was on my way out and then um everyone was like laughing and I pulled out my own phone to like film myself with my head between my legs because I found it so funny but I was so embarrassed and then like
after having my head between my legs for like five minutes, I felt better. So I like lifted my head back up and I was like, let me see if I look dead. And I pulled up my camera again to look at myself. I was so white. I've never seen myself look like that. I looked literally like I was decomposing and I was like, oh my God, oh my God. So that was a bit embarrassing. And then I like tried to get up and they were like, no, you should just stay here for a couple of minutes. We just want to keep an eye on you. And I was like, wow, isn't this like,
Meant to resolve itself way quicker. Like if you pass out on you're meant to be Gucci within like. Ew I can't believe that just left my mouth. That's how you know I've seriously been in LA too long. When you're meant to be good within like five minutes. I literally looked dead for about 20 minutes. And then we sat there and waited for me to finish our IV drip. And then I went back to my house at the guest compound. And I slept for like four hours. And I felt so sick.
sick. I felt so unwell. I lay down and I took like a three hour nap before Coachella and I honestly was gonna tell like I was gonna say to people like I'm not going today. Like I can't make it today. And um they made me get up and come out because Rene Rapp was playing. Okay I actually wish I had more tea for you guys but unfortunately I'm anti-social and I don't have any. Well I was so social actually. More than I probably ever have been in my life. I
We stayed out pretty much every night except the first night. But the thing is, I really love Coachella so much. It's so fun. I will never go to any kind of like social event pertaining to that vibe again though. I think one was enough for me and I think I'll probably go next year but then that'll be like my social event of the year. Also,
I'm not drinking anymore. The thing is, I have a rule with myself that I usually keep to. That is, I don't drink around people that aren't my friends. And the only scenarios in which I ever drink alcohol is either alone in my bedroom as a little treat or with like very, very close friends when we're in like an intimate setting.
I do not drink at social events, public events, people... places where I don't know people. One, because it's fucking dangerous. And two, because I have the biggest mouth. And I don't even know how I got like this. I just do. And it's so out of character for me. What is it? All I do is yap. But I yap in a polite and kind and thoughtful way. Not when I'm drunk. I just, like... The thing is also, my social cues are not on point. Like, I really... When I'm sober, I'm fine. But when I get drunk, like, sometimes I just...
I don't say anything, like, mean ever, no. But it's just, like, sometimes I am talking and I'm like, why am I telling this person this? Like, I spill my own secrets, you know? Like, when I get drunk, I spill my own secrets. And I can't stop myself. And every time I wake up with the worst anxiety, like, wait, why did I tell that person that? They have, like, the biggest mouth I've ever seen on a person. And I know this. And I knew that when I was telling them the secrets.
One theory that I implemented to try and get away from doing this was I basically started saying to myself at the beginning of the night when I was sober or tipsy, I'd be like, okay, what would I not be okay with telling someone when I'm drunk? What are secrets that I'm keeping tonight? And I would make my mind up. And then that way when I'm drunk, I can't be like, would sober Madeline actually, she should just get this off her chest and fucking tell everyone.
I can be like, no, so Madeline told me not to. She's directly decided that this was one secret that can't get out tonight. And that works for me a little bit. Like certain things in my life that I can't tell anyone. I'm like, okay, you're not fucking saying this tonight. It's like a right drunk Madeline, a list of rules. I'm like, please fucking follow them. But if it's already at that point where I have to say that shit to myself, maybe you just shouldn't be drinking. Like if you can't keep your big fucking mouth shut,
then you're not allowed alcohol okay it's revoked and so i've had to revoke it from myself again no more alcohol for madeline i'm sorry drunk madeline's gone for a while because and the thing is like i don't even i say i don't have that many secrets i have so many and they're all terrible and i can't tell anyone it's just like i get drunk i'm like who wants to fucking hear about it you stranger in the cute top get over here and then she's trapped yeah and that's how it goes for me
And I'm like, babe, you don't know who you're fucking talking to. Fucking? Hello? You know who you're fucking talking to right now. Like, this could be, I don't know, TMZ. This could be, name another person. I can't. Like, this could be anybody. Like, this could be someone that's known for, like, having a podcast and talking shit on people. You don't know.
Who you're talking to. And also, you don't know who's listening. Because why are you even talking to them? They might be listening. The thing is... You should never tell anyone your secrets. Because if you can't even keep it a secret... Which you can't because you're fucking telling someone... Then why the fuck would you think that they could? Okay? Especially if it's juicy. Okay? And I just... I need to shut the fuck up. Way more often. And unfortunately...
I just can't do that when I'm drunk. And I don't mind telling my friends things, even if it's something I wouldn't tell them. So, but I'm like, fuck it, I'll tell you drunk. I don't care. Like, I really don't like my friends. I trust them and whatever. Like, I don't care. But it's like when we're in like a group of people and there's a couple of people that I don't know and I'm still yapping. That's when you need to stop drinking, babe. But hey, we live and we learn, I guess. The thing is, I don't live and I learn. I live and I learn and I regret and then I do it again.
Because like I fully have learned my lesson a hundred times, but it doesn't matter. Like it goes out the window when someone presents me with a glass of crispy white wine. I'm like, you guys want to hear about my relationship? I'm kidding. I'm actually not. No, I am. No, I'm not. Yeah, I am. The UK doesn't have any good fucking fast food. We don't have In-N-Out and we don't have Rose and Cane. So what is the point of being here? Okay, and the sky is grey.
Okay, I don't get it. I don't get it. And also like I thought spring may have sprung by the time I got home No, well, I was fucking wrong because I the one thing I hate about winter in the UK is when the trees get naked Hey, I fucking hate a naked tree because it looks cold Okay, naked trees look miserable and I hate it because even if you're in a good mood You wake up in a good mood. Even if the sun is shining you wake up you look outside Oh, it still looks freezing and everything looks skinny and miserable. I
I like when trees are fat and healthy. Why did I just spit healthy? Disgusting. I don't know what to eat for dinner. I was thinking I'm going to make a big bowl of pasta with cheese, but for some reason, the idea of that is making me feel really sick. I don't know what I want. I don't want anything, but my stomach is grumbling. I hate that feeling because it's like wasted hunger. You know, for me, one of the top 10 feelings in life is hunger. I put it next to sex. Like when I'm really hungry and then I get a bite of food, that is next to sex for me. Like good sex, not even just like
Bad. Good sex. The other thing would be taking a poop. And then the other thing would be like peeing in the morning. I love that. I love peeing. Because I just feel like.
oh, I'm washing away something and then I'm a new woman. And it's so tactical. Like it's so like efficient. Like my body's just on a process now. I'm dumping it out and then I get to go about my life. Like, yes, my body's working. And like, yes, I just like exploded. Excuse me, no. I just like left something and now I can go about my day with like so efficient. Like, yes, I peed and it was quick and now I'm ready to continue.
continue you know and I love pooping because especially at university when I was really stressed and I had deadlines and I like couldn't take any time off without feeling like an immense soul-crushing amount of guilt I always have my poopies you know because when you need to poop what are you gonna do not poop like no you have to and it's like I always wanted someone to like force me to take time off during university still now like I would just love like I take time off all the time but I'm still and I barely fucking work a job like hello but I just would wish someone would come up to me sometimes I'd be like
I'm not going to let you even think about anything for the next hour.
So that I could take time off without feeling stressed or guilty, you know? And like, I'm, oh, I have things to do, but I'm not doing them kind of vibe. I hate that feeling. I just wish someone would come and be like, okay, for the next hour, I'm not letting you do anything. That is what pooping is like to me. Because I'm like, what am I going to do? Not poop? No, I have to do this shit right now. And like, I always reward myself with like TV time when I'm on the toilet. Like I'm going to scroll on TikTok or I'm going to watch a YouTube video. Like I'm not just going to sit there and not do any, like I'm not going to do my work on the toilet unless I'm like on a serious crunch, you know?
Okay, my poopy time is for me, I earned it. Thanks for watching this week's episode of Pretty Lonesome. Guys, I love you so much and I had so much fun at Coachella and I will be going back next year if I'm allowed back, if I'm invited.
which I hope I will be. I really had so much fun. I love it. All negative things included. Every bad thing I've said about Coachella, every complaint I've made, be not mistaken, okay? It only adds to my experience. I was thriving. And I am happy to be home, but I am hopefully going to be back in LA in a month and a half. So for everyone that's saying, we need more of you and Brooke. We need more Brooke content. Don't worry, bitch. I'm not done with her yet. She's not getting out of me that easy. Away from me? Out of me? I don't know. Anyways,
I'm gonna make a big fat bowl of pesto pasta and probably fall asleep early. Okay, I love you guys. Thanks for watching. Bye.