Advice Sesh
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Hey guys, this week is so exciting and so fun because I asked people to write in on my Instagram story about stuff they wanted like

I'm not going to say advice because I feel like I'm not in a position to give that but like to chat about so that we can have a two-way conversation. So that's what we're going to do today and I'm very excited and I've been scrolling through for like an hour trying to find interesting ones to respond to and I'm going to start with this one. Okay the first one says what do I do about staying friends with benefits with an ex that I may still love? Okay here you kind of just have to decide what the fuck do you want for yourself because you can't get over somebody if you're still sleeping with them and in love with them.

and you're kind of putting yourself in a really sticky situation here because when you're in a relationship with somebody, like a decent person at least, you're kind of signing a contract with like, okay, I'm trusting you with like my sanity and my mental well-being that you're not going to do something directly to fuck it up.

But you're not in that contract with that person anymore. Think of it like a fucking business contract, right? You're not in that contract anymore. So even though they might owe you the sanity and the respect on a humanity basis, you can't actually guarantee that they're not going to go out and kiss somebody else because unfortunately, they're well within their right to. And do I agree with it? Would I do it if I knew that somebody that vulnerable was still that involved with me? No, I probably wouldn't. But he is not obliged not to. And I think

in this situation you have to be the one to put yourself first because now your emotional well-being you are the only person who has any jurisdiction over it and you kind of have to just recognize that you are putting yourself in a level of danger by being with this person not danger but like a vulnerable position right like this person has a little power over you and you're giving them that power increasingly by sleeping with them and it's a very violating feeling when somebody that you're sleeping with goes out and gets with somebody else or sleeps with somebody else it kind of

Also, I don't know what position you guys are in, but they might not even tell you. You know what I mean? I mean, you'd hope that they would, but I've had positions. I've been in the position before where I was sleeping with an ex and then they went out and well within their right, got with somebody else, but didn't tell me about it because I hadn't made it explicitly clear that that is something that I would want to know. I mean, I thought that it would just be assumed, but they clearly weren't on the same page with that. And because we weren't together, we weren't clearly communicating all our boundaries anymore and shit. So they went out and did that.

and I was so hurt I felt like almost kind of like violated because I was like if I had known I wouldn't have slept with you last night and now I feel like I did something that I didn't fully know the details of and I it was consensual in the moment but now I feel weird about it it can definitely lead to something unfortunate also babes you deserve someone who does love you to be sleeping with you you know what I mean like

for whatever reason, this person has not got the same emotional affinity for you as you do for them. I mean, I'm assuming that they're not still in love with you because you've said that you're still in love with them. I mean, I don't know your situation, but I feel like it's reinforcing a little bit of a mean message to yourself that it's okay to be so giving of a big part of yourself to somebody that's not giving it back. And it is, if you want to do that, then by all means do. But I feel like

It could possibly be you not affording yourself the correct love that you deserve from you by letting yourself be in that situation. So take back a little bit of power. I think don't sleep with your ex. I mean, that just goes without saying, don't sleep with your ex.

Because the thing is, the only reason you would ever sleep with an ex is that you're either still in love with them so the sex is still good. Because, I don't know about you guys, but me personally, I don't like sleeping with people that I don't have an emotional attachment to. Like, it does nothing for me. So I would sleep with an ex because I still like them. The alternative is, is I no longer like my ex. And once I don't like an ex anymore, like, once I'm out, I am fucking gone. Like, I... The biggest ick of my life is an ex. Like, I cannot fucking go near you. Like, once I've seen the light, even if they're not a bad person or, like, a weird person...

Once I'm out, I'm gone. I could not go back. I'm like icked out, grossed out to the max. So, anyway, the next lesson said people who don't invite you places are

This is the biggest fucking pet peeve of mine. And let me say, there's a distinction between people not inviting you places. Like you just haven't seen your friend in like six months and like they haven't been like, do you want to go get coffee? That's one thing. And I don't mind that because life is busy and I don't care like that. I do that all the time. Like I have friends I don't see all the fucking time and it doesn't matter to me. Like I would never think of it as a bad thing. But it's when people have like group plans with mutual friends and you're consistently not being asked to them or invited to them.

I could never be in that situation again. I think you need to leave. I don't know why people do that. Obviously, there have been situations in my life where there's been a friend that me and my friends decide to not invite to events. And it could be a reflection of like poor behavior from that person. But I've also had situations where I've just witnessed people being fucking mean and just not inviting someone, whether it's an effect of jealousy or an effect of like just...

like outright fucking bitchiness. You know what I mean? And I don't fuck with it at all, especially when those people like reminisce on the plans or make the plans even in front of you. Oh, like I would actually rather someone just like slap me in the fucking face than not invite me somewhere that they know I know they're going. Do you know what I mean? I, I, that is so beyond, it makes me angry. Like, why are you like, also, I know that you're like a human being with a brain. So I know, you know, you're doing.

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I had a couple of friends in university who they weren't really good friends of mine and they had a friend group that I had nothing to do with, but I was friends with these two people. And I remember one time,

They both knew that I was kind of depressed because it was during lockdown and like I hadn't gone out my house in ages. We'd taken a beach day and we'd gone down to the beach. They were talking about some group plans that they had in like a week with like their bunch of friends and stuff. And they were just like discussing the plans in front of me. And I was like, look, I don't feel like it's malicious because I'm not in your group of friends or anything, but you don't need to discuss it in front of me.

especially knowing that I'm struggling and I'm lonely right now and also like where what filter are you lacking in your head that makes you do that I don't know fucking weird don't stay away from those kinds of people because also even if there's no malicious intent behind it or no ill intent behind it they're still just not considering your feelings and you deserve that much like how would they fucking feel

Anyways, guy friend keeps pushing boundaries so I get annoyed and other guy friends act like I'm being dramatic, just like, don't joke about pulling my skirt up, you twats. You get me? I get you. Okay.

Men who cannot appreciate the ability that they have to make a woman feel uncomfortable make me furious. Like how low IQ do you have to be to have no perception of male as a general species fucking track record of how they've treated women throughout the years? And I don't care if you think it's nothing to do with you. You've never hurt a woman. You grow.

with a mother and a sister so you're not misogynist all well and good right but if you're not aware of how women could possibly feel around you even if it's not you specifically you still have a duty to not you aren't in the same position as women

when it comes to touching other women, even as a lesbian woman, when it comes to touching other women, it's a different situation. And no one's saying anything bad about you by saying it's a different situation. It just fucking is. You make women more uncomfortable when you cross those boundaries because of the general rep... rep...

Because of the general, what the fuck is the word? Reputation of men. And I cannot stand to be around fucking stupid people. So men who have a lack of awareness about their power as a man, I just can't be around them because I'm like, have you never gone to a history class? I really hope that you can...

Prosper, queen, because you do not deserve that. It's so gross. Also, you're not being dramatic because no one should be pulling your fucking skirt up. It's that fucking simple. Especially not a man. A woman shouldn't be doing it either. If a woman was doing it, it'd be the same situation. You don't fucking do it. Leave people's clothes alone. What the fuck is wrong with you? I would never pull up someone's fucking skirt. That's so weird. Even if I was in a relationship with someone...

and like we were gonna have sex and we were like heading into the bedroom I don't think I would just like randomly grab their clothing and like pull it up or like rip it off unless we were already like kissing and it was clearly okay for me to like remove an item an item of their clothing even if it was like my partner I just wouldn't like do that it's like so shocking and it's like unpleasant I don't know unless they were like very very into that kind of thing it's just it's it's a clear fucking boundary so I don't know why these guys can't like see that or sense that

irrespective of their manhood, they should be able to realize that that's just like bizarre behavior. I don't fuck with that. Also, oh my God, girl, I used to live with four guys. It was the biggest mistake in my life. Actually, I never lived with them. I'll explain. And there was three girls, myself included, and like five guys. So it was very well split. Then a girl...

fell off she fell out the friend group so then there was two girls and like four or five guys then I decide that I'm gonna move into a flat with four of the guys which I don't know why I made that decision I was very naive and I thought living with boys wouldn't be awful so it gets to the point we've signed off on the house we're all like picking our rooms blah blah and one of the guys had been previously very very creepy to me and had made me uncomfortable and it was very well like he'd like I remember one time we were like pre-drinking or maybe we were in afters or something and he grabbed my hand and just put it on his dick like shoved it down his pants and I was like what

the fuck he did that and I was like that made me really uncomfortable I did not like that um I was really upset by it and everyone kind of like laughed it off but then I remember one of the guy friends he like sat me down he was like you know that was really weird when he did that and I was like oh yeah now that you're validating that I actually see that that was weird I needed other people to be like hey what's what he's doing is really okay he was really fucking weird he did a bunch of stuff like that and just constant comments constant touching constant things I was not okay with

And then when we were all planning to move in together, I was already having my like qualms about living with this guy. Then he says to one of our guy friends, because me and him were meant to have rooms next to each other in the hallway. And he was like, when Madeline's girlfriend goes to university, I'm sure they're going to break up and I'm going to sneak into her room and have sex with her. Like can't wait kind of thing. And I was like, what the fuck?

Like, you expect me to be fucking comfortable living, breathing, sleeping in the same house as you when you've just fucking said that? Like, how much self-awareness do you lack? And also, I don't doubt that you would do something. Like, you're a weird dude. And so I basically put my foot down and I was like, okay, you know what? This was the final straw. I don't want to live with this guy. Sorry, guys. Pulling out of the housing arrangement. Then one of my guy friends was like, hey, no, you shouldn't have to pull out because he's the one that's a fucking perv. So we did this whole thing and basically got him out of the house.

And yeah, worked out for the best part. Anyway, if I hadn't had another guy friend stick up for me in that scenario, I would never have had like the, at such a young age, I would never have had the strength or the knowledge to be like, this is so not okay. So this guy coming to me and being like, hey, what he's doing is really weird and it makes me uncomfortable to watch it. And I don't think that you should have to live with him. And I think that you should stand up for yourself. Whoa.

very important to me. So the fact that your guy friends aren't doing that for you and they're just letting this guy do it and being like, it's not a big deal. It is a big deal. And they're all lame and stinky and I hate them and you shouldn't be friends with them anymore. Okay, love you. What to do if you're an accidental homie hopper? Because as long as it's accidental...

It's like manslaughter versus murder. You know what I mean? Like, with accidental queen, it doesn't have the same sentence behind it. Guys shouldn't have so many friends. You know what I mean? Like, goddamn. How am I meant to know? Also, these bitches never talk about their friends. It's like, how are you meant to know?

I mean, I don't ever support intentional homie hopping. That's awful because I love that there's like such like a hee hee homie hopping term to it. Like it sounds fun. It sounds like hee hee crazy. But like it's actually locally very helpful. And I feel like it diminishes male friendships when we should probably be uplifting them. Anyway, I just have something completely out of order, but I'm going to cut it out. So next question. My ex refollowed all his old bitches.

That's just embarrassing to him because it means that he can't get new ones. So don't worry about it too much. When I crush on someone, I am obsessed with the person. Girl, me fucking too. Me fucking too. But you know what's relieving to know when you do that is that you're just crushing on an idea about them that you've made up in your head. Like that's the one thing you can reassure yourself with because there's no possible way that you know these things about this person. Like even if you're close with them, even if you're friends with them, people are very different in relationships. People put on a front like you don't know them. You don't know things that are genuine about them.

For you to really have feelings for them. You know what I mean? Let me tell you about the worst crush I ever had on someone. I genuinely was Googling, like, fucking personality disorder symptoms when I had this crush on this person. I didn't even... I didn't recognize myself. It was awful. She was so...

This person, I was literally... I would have put money on the fact that they were the most attractive person in the entire world. I was like, I don't know how other people don't see it. Like, this person is...

the sexiest human alive and the most interesting. And I was literally obsessed with them. And I'm not even going to tell you some of the shit that I did because that is just for another fucking time. But I was obsessed and I was obsessed for an entire year. Like he wasn't going away. Normally I get little crushes. They last like a week or two and then I get over it. This one was here to stay. And it was awful because I didn't know the person at all. Like at all.

or we were not friends. We'd have, like, three conversations over Snapchat, and they lived so far away from me, so, like, there was no chance of us even becoming, like, friends. It was awful. And then I actually met them very recently. I flew to their country, and I met them, and they sucked. And here's the thing, they didn't suck. Like, they weren't a bad person. They just weren't my type of person. Like, they weren't even my type of person to be, like, friends with. I was just, like,

you just have a crazy energy to you girl and I respect it but I don't fancy it and like it was immediately I was just like I don't want this and then one night we were like hanging out we hung out a couple times and my friend was like you know you two were like flirting a second ago and I felt my stomach drop I was like oh my god ew no there's no way I was like I didn't mean to do that because I'm just a flirty person and I think I was drunk and then my friend was like yeah like you should probably stop that and I was like oh fuck and um

It was so funny because I was like, literally, if you told me this six months ago, I would have foamed at the mouth. Like, I think I would have genuinely, like, my body temperature would have soared to a point. I would have had a fever just from that information. And when I actually met the person, I was like, yeah, you're not like the God that I imagined you to be. And it's given me the ick. So I think that's one thing that's reassuring to know is that you're...

Obsession is never going to be, like, real. So just know that. You know what I mean? Like, just be, like, discount it in your head. Be like, I know I feel this way, but I also know it's not real.

This episode is brought to you by Mejuri. You know, I had a thought the other day. Since Rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions, Mejuri approaches fine jewelry a little bit differently. Each one of their pieces is handcrafted by jewelers committed to quality craftsmanship as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Created by women for women, Mejuri is breaking down barriers in what has long been an exclusive and occasional category of men buying for women.

In 2020, the brand launched the Missouri Empowerment Fund in support of higher education for underrepresented women and non-binary individuals. Because fine jewelry doesn't have to cost the world, feel good about your jewelry in more ways than one. Start stacking your favorites, shop online, or visit the website to find a store near you. Okay, having a really fucking hard time properly expressing my feelings without absolutely cringing. Me too. I don't, I...

I can't give you an ounce of advice on this because I might be able to express my feelings very well to this camera, but I can't even say the word happy or sad in real life. Like, it's awful. Like, if my friend was to ask me how I feel, I would just pluck all my eyebrows out. I don't know. So I can't help you, but I do wish you the best. Someone said, will I get a new rat anytime soon? He was a fucking mouse. And no, I'm done with rodents. Am I allowed to make bad decisions that I know will hurt me purely because I'm routine?

Oh, interesting. I would say yes, but don't tell your mom. I think the thing is, probably not. Maybe. Okay. You're meant to make mistakes as a teenager. I made so many and I can't say that most of them had like a long-term bad effect, but a few of them did. Definitely a few of them. The ones that had a long-term bad effect on me were definitely surrounding relationships.

Things that are healable with time is like, I tested my mum. I tested the fuck out of my mum as a teenager. My dad too. I tested pretty much everybody actually. I was intense.

like I don't think you guys would believe me if I told you actually indulged you and what the fuck I was like at 15 but just know I wasn't pretty and I tested them and that's all like good now like it's something we laugh about I mean I think I aged my mom a little bit prematurely with the amount of stress she was under and I regret that like you're gonna have regrets but as long as they're not like severe regrets I think that

what the fuck are you doing if you don't have a couple? You know what I mean? I mean, do I regret stressing my mum out? Yes. Makes me sad to think about. Do I regret the amount that some of the experiences that I had grew me and developed me as a person? No. And I think some people have to push the boundaries more as a teenager. Here's a good example. I pushed every boundary placed in front of me from about the age of seven till about the age of

20. I was quite difficult to deal with for my parents. Like, I was an intense child. My sister never even so much as touched a boundary. She just sat pretty and she was polite and kind and she didn't do anything. She was just a good kid through and through. And that's very much a personality trait of her. Like, she's just a good fucking person. But...

As an adult, I feel like she is slightly more wild than I am because I'm kind of like retired. I'm kind of like, fuck it. I'm like done. I don't know. I'm still very chaotic and I still do a lot of shit that I shouldn't do. But I'm kind of like...

an observer of myself rather than actually going through any emotions or I go through emotions but I would say like I'm more just like wow this is crazy this is so fun but I'm not like in it as much as I was at 15 where I was like losing my fucking mind whereas my sister she's probably a little bit more let's just say she moved to the other side of the world at 22 you know what I mean whereas I'm firmly placed in my mummy's home I feel like if you need to get something out your system you

Get it out, queen. I think you're meant to be a mess as a teenager. It's like you're meant to make mistakes at every age of your life. They just get more severe. You need good people around you, though, because as a teenager, your brain literally stops you being able to make good decisions. Like that part of your brain has so much less activity than at any other point in your life. It's practically fucking dead. So you can't make good decisions.

or you're going to struggle to and that's literally biologically predetermined like that's not your fault it's not a reflection of you like you're meant to be in that developmental stage of like not knowing what the fuck you're doing and that's fine and I think also I learned this on

the other day but apparently when you're like 13 to like 24 or something that's like your peak fertility window apparently and apparently that's why you often hate your family or like think they're kind of stupid like your parents don't know anything and blah blah because you're meant to think they're dumb so that you will leave your tribe and go breed with other tribes so that you don't have incest that's crazy i didn't know that it makes so much sense anyway

What was your question? Should you make bad things that, you know, will hurt you because you're a teenager? It just depends what you're talking about. I mean, like, don't go and inject intravenous drugs. But equally, like, if you're just talking about, like, staying out a little bit too late and, I don't know, hanging out with some weirdos and, like, I don't know, drinking, like, have fun.

I don't know. Just you don't feel like you need to keep to all the rules when you're a teenager, because this is like the only time in your life where it's acceptable to fuck up all the time. Because once you turn like 20 something, if you're fucking up all the time, then well-adjusted people are going to be a bit annoyed by you. I shouldn't encourage you to fuck up. I don't know you. You could be talking about doing heinous criminal activities and I could be encouraging you, which I'm not. I'm just saying if you want to go have fun, go have fun. I don't think anyone's going to hold it against you.

But also, you don't deserve to be hurt. You know we'll hurt you because you're a teen. Yeah, you don't deserve to be hurt. So keep that in mind. Yeah, no, what the fuck? You don't deserve. Okay, I feel like I'm in surgery question. Urge to be hurt as a teenager is definitely a thing. I think the main thing I want to say is like you don't deserve to be hurt.

And readjust that to, like, do you want to have a bit of chaotic fun? Yes, absolutely, do that. And if you get hurt along the process in, like, little ways, you know, all good. Like...

I don't know, you date the wrong person for a while or you do whatever. You know, it's like touching the hot stove as a baby. You've got to do certain things. You've got to make certain mistakes to grow. And a lot of them are to be made in your teenage years. But if they're just hurting you, like, no, don't make those decisions. No intelligent adult is expecting a teenager to make good decisions all the time. So as long as you're moving with self-love, self-respect and caution and safety, do whatever the fuck you want. ♪

Give me advice. My boyfriend said he loved me, but I don't think I love him back. Is that bad? It's not ideal, obviously. I've been in this situation before. I think the kindest thing to do here is not be with them. Depends how long you've been with them. If you're not in love after like six months, a year, and you don't feel like it's going that way, then maybe you just need to take a step back. However, if your boyfriend has said that he loves you and you've been together for one month,

First of all, don't expect yourself to be in love after one month from you. There's still time. You don't know this person yet. But B, they might not have the greatest grip on their feelings. A lot of people will mistake...

infatuation and excitement for love but ultimately love is a choice and I remember I said this to one of my exes once and they had a fucking fit because they were like I can't believe you're making a choice I'm out of control I can't stop loving you I don't have any emotional stability in this relationship it's not my choice to be here with you I have to be with you and I was like offended because I was like oh that's crazy because I am well adjusted and I'm making the choice to be with you I don't want to feel like I'm almost not an option because you couldn't survive without me

Here's the thing. Love is a choice, but it has to be backed up by a feeling. You have to have the admiration and the soft spot and the deep, deep care and affection for somebody. But to love them is a choice. And the reason for that is because everybody is so ugly deep down. Everyone's also very beautiful deep down, but everybody has so much ugliness, so many...

so many traits that will not attract you in the start. That's why love comes slow, because they're not going to show you that for the first couple of years, even like it takes so long to fully know somebody. I don't think you even know them really after 10 years. You know what I mean? You learn more about the person as they learn more about themselves. And that's like a lifelong journey. Love is not always going to look attractive because it's not always going to be attractive. Sometimes you're going to see the

ugliest ugliest side of someone and you're still going to sit there and choose to commit to them to love them to support them because a you've decided that their good qualities make it worth it and b that feeling is still there that feeling that you don't have as much control over is still there for them so if they're saying like I love you and it's been like two months they definitely like your queen but don't worry too much about not having that feeling back for them

I think love is a little bit of a misconstrued feeling nowadays. I feel like that term is thrown around a lot. And I don't know. If he really does love you, that's great. Give yourself time. If you think it's already past a certain point where you're like, realistically, am I going to fall in love and have that amazing euphoric feeling with you and you're not getting that, then leave because that's not the right person for you. And there's nothing wrong with that. And the kindest thing you can also do for that person is to leave because me personally, there's nothing I would hate more than

letting myself fall in love with somebody or feeling like I'm

falling in love with somebody and hoping that they're feeling the same only to find out they've known that they're not going to be able to the whole time you know what I mean because sometimes you do sometimes that's what a relationship is meant to be sometimes you can really like someone and they're so fun to be around and you're really compatible you have loads of fun you've really fancy them and the sex is great but they're not a lover for you and that's fine like some people have a lesser role in your life that they're meant to fulfill but you just can't lead them on and make them think that it's something that it isn't you know what I mean

Forgiving them but still being resentful. Interesting. Very interesting. Very interesting.

I feel like resentment is a big signifier that you haven't managed to really find that much forgiveness for them in your heart. Maybe you've forgiven them externally. Maybe you've told them that you've forgiven them to their face and maybe the relationship has continued on or the friendship has continued on or whatever. But to genuinely forgive somebody in your actual self is really difficult to come by because you have to...

And you kind of have to completely heal from whatever they did and come out the other side to not be resentful that you're still having an emotional charge behind what the fuck they did, whatever it was they did. I don't know what they did, but say someone, let's take like a basic example, say they cheated on you and you for some reason you forgive them, right?

Right. But you're still suffering because you don't trust them anymore and you're on edge in the relationship now. And and maybe you have used to be a girl's girl and now you're like looking at other women like there's some kind of competition, for example. Right. And you're feeling resentment because you're not who you used to be. You like this version of yourself less. You're struggling more. You're feeling more negative emotions and you're more emotionally charged than you used to be.

Even if that's to a tiny, tiny extent, there's going to be resentment there because that person did this to you. And because you've not come to the other end of it, you can't just write it off and forgive them and say, well, I understand why you did what you did, because you can understand why someone did what they did and you can give them excuses. But it's not always a reason for an exception. Do you know what I mean? Like you can explain someone's behavior until the fucking cows come home.

But if the results of what they did haven't fully passed through your body and your psyche, there's going to be resentment because there should be. Because resentment is just signifying to you that you have more healing to do. Because at the end of the day, whatever that person did to you, you don't deserve to suffer the consequences of. You deserve to heal and be happy. So if you're not there yet, resentment is just a signifier that you have more of a way to go and that you shouldn't settle here just because, oh, well, I understand why they did it.

That's not forgiveness. That's great that you can do that, but it's not forgiveness and you deserve a lot more. Forgiveness is about you, not about them. I think that gets misconstrued a lot. You feel like, oh, I have to forgive them. Well, it's only to do with you because that person fucked up. So don't worry about what they're thinking or feeling or how much they need your forgiveness. They'll cope. How do you let yourself be okay with recovering from bad mental health? This is so interesting because...

When I first read this question, I was like, what the fuck? Like, why wouldn't you want to be happy? But then I remembered that for years I didn't want to be. And it's really crazy. Mental health, mental illness is such a strange thing to suffer with because...

Sometimes you don't want to get better and it makes no sense because you're obviously very unhappy. You're obviously having a massive struggle. But do you want to get better? Not necessarily. And it's weird. And I think people are like, oh, suffering is addicting. I don't think that's the case. I really don't. I think it comes from a place of low self-worth. I remember a friend of mine telling me once, they were like, I just don't think I really deserve to get better. So there's no urgency there.

pushing me to eat my meals or do this or do that because there's no voice in my head really telling me to you know what I mean and so I think a lot of it lies in like self-worth of like do you genuinely believe that you deserve to live a higher quality of life than you're living and if you don't then you're not going to be ready to get better and

And also like the idea of being okay can be really fucking scary sometimes. I used to not want to go to therapy for my phobia of being sick because I thought that if I stopped being scared of it, that I would get sick. It was so weird. And like, I didn't really want to stop being depressed as a teenager because...

Like, I wanted to stop so bad. Like, I wanted to be happy because, okay, the way I get depressed as an adult is very, very, very, very, very different to the way that I was depressed as a teenager.

As a teenager, it was very dramatic because it was like my parents had to be involved because obviously I was vulnerable when I was a child. It's like they had to know. So it was like a thing and it was just like messy and horrible and it felt so embarrassing. And I was like, I hate this. And now as an adult, if I'm sad, I'm just sad. I'm just staying in bed a little bit fucking longer and probably reply to less emails. But I handle it on my own and it's just like it's mine and I deal with it and I get on with it. And it rarely happens that I'm really, really, really just not happy anymore.

But, you know, I have a support system of friends and, you know, family if I want to talk to them. But, you know, it's very different. Whereas as a teenager, it was just such a huge part of life and I didn't want it to be a part of my life. But at the same time,

I didn't really know where I was without it or what I was going to do without it. And I was just kind of scared to embark on this journey of getting better. I remember I used to think, I've got so much wrong with my head and I just don't even want to go to there. I don't want to start getting better because it feels like there's just too much to unpack and too much to do. And I'm just going to give up before I've even tried. And like...

Thank God that bitch doesn't know I'm still in therapy to this day. She would definitely fucking give up. But I'm grateful to her every day for how hard that she fought because she really did. Like, I think back to... I was so, like, badass at 16 for no fucking reason. Like, if I was facing now what I was facing at 16, like, I don't think I would hack it. Like, I was just randomly...

in the trenches of mental illness and just like sitting a million exams and like forcing myself into school even though it gave me a billion panic sacks and like having my entire school year be like isn't that that weird girl that like got sent away for like three years like I just bossed it out and like

did things that I couldn't do now as a 22 year old and it's crazy and I'm so grateful for how hard I worked like going to therapy every week making myself uncomfortable every day in the name of one day being comfortable doing those things like I was so tense all the time and I just kept doing it because I was like I think future me is going to kind of need to be okay and now I'm okay because of her and it just makes me so grateful so if you feel like you're going to get better or you don't want to start on the journey and it's hard and it's whatever I'm

If I hadn't done that at 16, I wouldn't be doing anything I'm doing now. I don't know where I would be. God knows I might be dead. Like if I hadn't worked as hard as I did at 16, like I dread to think, I really do. It scares me to think because I just about skimmed getting the life that I have.

And I say that because I was out of education for like three years and then randomly was one day like, I have to go back. I have to get my GCSEs because I'd finally found a good therapist. And she was like, I think you're ready for like school. And I was like, oh my God, I am. And then my school was like, you have to drop a couple of years because you haven't been in school. So like, how do you expect to pass your exam? Sucker fat one. I'm going into year 11, which is my year group. I'm going in and there's nothing you can do to stop. So I went in.

And I passed my exams. One exam I passed by my teeth. I got a C in English language and a D is a fail at GCSE. So I passed it, just I skimmed it and I ended up getting a degree essentially in English language in linguistics. And...

Like, I often think if I'd have failed that exam, you can't do A-levels without it. And so I would have not done my A-levels. I'd have had to reset my GCSEs and I probably would have just given up and I would have got too much. Or like, I don't know what I would have done, but I just, I needed to like run at full speed. At that age, I needed to go back to school and do

do it like no excuses I need needed to be so busy that I couldn't dwell on how difficult everything felt for me and how awful my mental health was I just needed to like zone out and go and I did for like an entire six months I just focused and it was the best thing and those are all the questions was that shit advice maybe okay I love you guys thank you as always for being here okay love you bye