Katie Kershaw Has a Belly Ache
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what you'll wear on that third date. Download the Instacart app today to get free delivery on your first three orders while supplies last. Minimum $10 per order. Additional terms apply. So me and Katie take our seats. Uh-huh. And we're sitting there. Not me, by the way. Not you, by the way. We take our seats and I just look over and I go, hey, I don't think it's going to happen for us. Everyone's in love with their seat. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

We were just talking about our favorite old lesbians. Yeah. And I immediately, sort of impulsively, my whole body was overtaken by the desire to say Cherry Jones. Cherry Jones and I... Right. ...have never met physically. Right.

I'm so deeply in love with her. I got a bootleg of her performance in Doubt on Broadway when I was in college. Tell them about it. And I was like, I have to see this. Oh, boy. A bootleg of her performance in Doubt on Broadway. Yeah. That's a level of gay that it's hard to imagine. Next question. Next question. I mean, I once slept with a guy because he was like, oh, yeah, actually. Boo! Boo!

He was like, my family, my sister bought Cherry Jones's family's old floral shop in Tennessee. And I was like, I'm one step closer. You slept with him because they bought a flower shop? His sister bought Cherry Jones's family's old floral shop. And I said, yeah. And you said, I'm about to bust it open for you, brother. No!

You said, guess what? Door's open. Come on in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, that's beautiful. I love cherry. If I knew that all I had to do to get a little bit of ass was buy a flower shop, I'd be buying flower shops left and right. Yeah.

Please do. Dude, dude, dude. On the Mary Beth episode, for some reason I kept slipping in and out of like a, what would we call it? A persona. I kept, at one point, at one point in the episode, I literally said, she said something about impossible. And I said, well, you look at the word impossible right there. It says I'm possible. I couldn't stop doing shit like that. I don't know. I'm possible.

Impossible. Impossible. Oh, my God. Who's your favorite singer of all time? Favorite singer of all time? You can only pick one. And by the way, all the others have to die. These are the little games I like to play. You play it every week. Let me see. And everyone dies. Everyone dies except for this singer. Do they just kind of poof left behind style? Yeah, it's not going to be violent. It's just going to be like, doop. They'll be standing there. In a second, when you name the name, every singer that isn't that person, they'll just go,

Oh my God. And then they're gone. It can't be a band. It can't be a duo. No. Pick one of them. You know who I'm going to save? Tyler Childers. I'll save Tyler. Tyler. You and Tyler are buddies. Yes, we are. How do you know Tyler? So Tyler's cousin, his first cousin, Johnny Cowcook. I can already tell this is about to be the most Kentucky shit I've ever heard in my life. I already...

I already know that the way you know this singer is going to be the most Kentucky shit ever. So Tyler's cousin went down, he went to the same fish fry. Basically. No, so Tyler's first cousin, John Kyle Cook, and I went to college together. And when we were in college, Tyler was like a teen basically. And he would come stay with us and sleep on Johnny's couch. And like,

do random, like, open mics at, like, Potbelly. Yeah, fuck yeah. Let's go, dude. Yeah, and he would, like, put on little concerts in Johnny's living room. And then when we lived in Chicago, Tyler did the same thing. And so I just always knew him as Johnny's little cousin and was just, like, a huge fan. Just obsessed. Would see him everywhere. I love him. And then I got to see him at Kia Forum. Crazy. Yeah, and I was...

I was just so overwhelmed. Did you cry? Yes. Yeah, of course. I would sob. Yes. And then we go backstage and I'm like, oh, it's Tyler. He has, as you know, I'm a mega fan. Yeah. I love Tyler Childers. He's unbelievable. Tyler, shout out, brother. We could also be friends. Hit me up. I'll go to your pot belly shows. No, he has one of my favorite lyrics of all time. Which one? She's working hard to make some sense, but she ain't got a dime. Oh, God.

Come on. She ain't got a dime. She ain't got a dime. Oh, his lyrics are unreal. They're nuts. And he's been writing them, I mean, since he was a child. It's wild. Yeah. God, it's so much cooler than comedy, huh?

It's so much cooler than comedy. It's so much cooler than comedy. And the fact that he's charming, kind, nice, funny. Yeah. Shouldn't be allowed. Bucked up handsome. Handsome. He is a handsome boy. I'll go so far as to say. Yeah. Wife also talented. She's a phenomenal singer. Beautiful by the way. And like gorgeous. Oh, she's a singer. Yeah. You would love her stuff. I'll send it to you. So you know what you just did when you picked Tyler? What? I killed her. Yep. She's gone. She's out of here.

In this world, in this podcast studio, that's crazy, Katie. But also, she's so many... I can almost cry. She's so many... She's so many other... She's also a mother. She's a mother. And so, if you think about it, then Katie and me... Yeah, it's not... She's a mother, so she stays.

Absolutely the best way to bully anyone, just repeat them using that voice. No, she's a mother, so she stays. She's a mother. That's not the rules. That's what I'm going to start doing all the time when someone says anything to me. Do it. Can I take your order? What can I get you guys started with? I don't know. Oh my God. You know what I did last night? What did you do? Me, Allie, and Gabby went to Smokehouse in Burbank. You been? No.

Smokehouse, old steakhouse by the studios up there. Like an old Hollywood steakhouse. Anyone been to Smokehouse? I knew Casey would. I knew Chance would. Okay. Smokehouse. We went crazy. It was a beautiful night. We got garlic bread. We got shrimp cocktail. We got bacon wrapped scallops.

Thank you. At one point, a woman comes around with a camera and she goes, we're doing complimentary postcards to mark your experience here tonight. Can I take your picture? We go, yes, ma'am. Takes our picture. Then I got a rack of lamb. No. The girls both got steaks. After the picture? Baby. Baby. It was so... I had the night of my life. Then we went back to their place, smoked a little weed. We took four different types of sour gummy candies and made a salad out of them. Oh, what are those? Like the TikTok thing? Well, yeah, but this was not for content. Oh!

This is personal content. This is even sadder because we did it just for us. I wish there was a viral video element to what we did. No, no, no. It's pure that way. Yeah. It's pure. I had to... I was wearing... Okay, so let me know what you think about this. I will. I think my 30s... I'm turning 30 in... I'll hold. Please hold 101 days. Uh-huh. Okay? From the time we're recording this. 101 day-o-mations. Uh-huh. 101 day-o-mations. I say it every day. Anyway.

I'm turning 30 in 101 Dalmatians. And I've been thinking about my 30s. Okay? And I'm just pretty much over the moon about it. I'm so excited. Oh, good. Good. I said this the other day in an episode and some guy commented and was like, quick turn from not wanting to date someone who's 37 to being excited for your 30s. Fuck you, loser. There's no... I still don't want to date someone 37 just because I'm 30. Sorry. I'm 37. No worries. Okay.

I cannot get comfy. I am so sorry. All right. That's the only thing stopping us from being together.

Is my age. Is your age. Has nothing to do with my pussy. It has nothing to do with your pussy. It has nothing to do with my pussy. No. It's just your age. Just my age. Okay, continue. So sorry. So my 30s. I'm thinking about them. So my 30s, y'all. I'm thinking about my 30s. And okay, I'm thinking about God, I've got so many things. Well, we can talk about my 30th birthday party if you want to. But before that, I want to tell you, this is what made me think of it. I'm thinking of becoming...

A tailored slacks with cowboy boots guy. Now, how does that sit with everybody? Tailored slacks. So just like a really well cut slack. Yeah. That's going to have like a little cuff on the bottom. At times. At times. Yeah. At times. A really well tailored slack with a Chicova boot. What do y'all think?

Whoa. Okay. Give me a sec. Okay. And just so you know, your response has to be positive. Because I'm really looking forward to it. I love it. Yeah. I love it. What can I say? I love it. Do you really? I do. I do. I really think that works for you. I love a good cowboy boot, even though I had a great pair that I left on the red line in Chicago. I think about them daily.

Let me circle back really quick. Yeah. How did you leave your boots on the red line in Chicago? Sure, sure, sure. I was wearing them to do, I don't know, some sort of dumb little sketch show. And they weren't broken in. So I like put sneakers on because, you know, kind of a working girl thing. Keep the heels in the bag. So then they were in like a separate, like, I don't know, like Jewel Osco bag. And I just got off the train and there they went.

Jewel Osco. Yeah, I said it. I went local. I could have said Ralph's. I could have said Kroger. You shopped local. Always, always, always, always. Jewel Osco, man. Those rotisserie chickens actually saved my life a couple times. Do you ever eat those? Speak on it. Sorry, I'm going to start crying. No, those rotisserie chickens. Okay, my definitive ranking of rotisserie chickens. Go.

Costco. 100%. Let's start there. Yeah. Then, what is that? John's. John's. John's in LA. Rotisserie chicken. Baby. I've never had the rotisserie chicken. Maybe $4? Incredible. Juicy. Wonderful. Ugh.

So they also have those big buckets with the spigot on them. They use the taco stands to serve horchata and stuff. I like to get those when I'm throwing a party to make jungle juice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You ever had my jungle juice? Yes, I've been a victim. Hey, I didn't spend four years in a fraternity for nothing, honey. I mean, I believe it was your birthday last year, and I was like, I just keep drinking. I'm feeling nothing. Yeah. And then still kind of...

I still kind of felt nothing until the next day. We poured so many people into Ubers that night. Yeah. I made a jungle juice for my birthday party last year, 29, my LA birthday party, that really fucked people up. Yeah. Really fucked people up. Are you going to have an LA 30? I don't know. Do you have to travel? There's a lot of different things I'm thinking for 30. I thought about doing a Museum of Caleb experience. I like that.

For my 30th birthday. Through the decades? Yeah, so I invite everyone to a sort of gallery space, and I say, dress up, we're going to have cocktails and hors d'oeuvres. And then all of the pieces would be different paintings and memorabilia about me. My face would be everywhere. And all the little stories next to it would be, I might write something, my friends might guest write something, you might write a thing. Just things about me, things like, you know, on a Sunday afternoon, Caleb loves to take a walk. And then it's maybe a painting of me mid-stride. Oh, I love that.

I love that. You know, and it's just a museum of Caleb and that's the evening. And okay, so then this is another idea I had. So at the museum of Caleb, everyone comes. No, where's Caleb? Where's Caleb? Where's physical Caleb? Are you not even there? I'm not there, but you know who is there?

Some guy who's walking around, some mysterious man with a weird face. Kind of a fucked up face. Kind of a fucked up face. And he's walking around and he's going, tell me your favorite thing about Caleb. Stop it. And tell me, how has this young man impacted your life?

And I go, and the guy's saying to people, he's saying, you know, it's so beautiful to have a friend like Caleb, isn't it? Stop. And the whole night they're like, who is, everyone's whispering, who is this weird guy at the Museum of Caleb tonight? And where is Caleb? And at the end of the night, the weird guy stands up on a podium. Okay, he stands up on a little pedestal.

It's me. It's me under there. I don't know why I thought you were going to say it's Sean Penn, but it does make sense to be you. That's a way better idea. Fuck, that's a way better idea. Yeah, to have Sean Penn. It's Nathan Lane. Nathan Lane, he just gets his little claws into everything. He's just in everything. He really is. We can't keep him out of film and television. Ah.

And stage! Triple threat! Movies, TV, stage, classic triple threat. Your birthday party last year, L.A. party,

I do believe was in a gallery. It was in a gallery. But it was not the Museum of Caleb. It was not the Museum of Caleb, and that was a massive misstep. Huge mistake. Well, another thing I want to do, and I don't know that I have the time, the money, or the production support. You know how Refinery29 does the 29 rooms? That horrible exhibit where they're like, every room is a different Instagram selfie opportunity. I would maybe do 30 rooms of Caleb.

Well, I mean, the size of room does not have to be defined. Right. It could be very small. You're so real. This is what I've always said about you. You're so real. People say that about me all the time. You're real as fuck. Yeah. I mean, it's good. You got it. Actually, I don't like it. Oh, okay. I'll stop. Yeah, I actually don't like it. I'll stop. I actually want to apologize for doing it to you earlier because I realize I don't like it. You've held a mirror up to me and I don't like what I see. Wait, I have a question for you. Please.

Okay, tell me, I'm wondering about this, because I recently had a pretty perfect day. What is your perfect day? Okay. Like place, people, activities, pace, all of it. Your perfect day. I think I'd be in Kentucky. In Hazard? Hazard or Lexington, I don't know. Hazard, I'll say Hazard. We're going to be in Hazard, okay. We're in Hazard.

I sleep till I wake up, but I wake up fresh as a daisy at like 8 a.m. Oh, I love those. Like I feel so rested, but I'm not like it's not like 10 a.m. And I'm like, what's going on? I go to the cute little coffee shop. Shout out. Hazard Coffee Company. Hazard Coffee Company. Shout out, y'all. Yeah. Feel free to sponsor. I get a little coffee and I sit there and maybe I like read or do my New York Times games there. Yeah.

then maybe I go back home. My lovely girlfriend and partner, Kylie is there. Kylie. Um,

And so it was like my mom and my granny and my sister and we all just kind of like hang out lazy day. I love that. And I can drink coffee all day without having like negative consequences. I love the taste of coffee. Yeah. But it will give me a panic attack after a certain point. For sure. Yeah. It's unhealthy and bad. Not supposed to be drink in mass. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I would like to. God knows I do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's why. What's your perfect day? Oh.

Wait, I want to know more about yours. What were you reading? If you were reading a book, what kind of book were you reading? Probably Ta-Nehisi Coates, something casual. Yeah, I'm reading The Atlantic. Yeah. No, I would just think whatever book I'm reading right now, I'm reading this book.

called Daryl that's about a cuck. So I'd probably be reading... Fiction? Fiction. Yeah. Cuck fiction? Cuck fiction, yeah. Fuck, okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really cool. I think that's probably what I'd be reading. I had a pretty perfect day Sunday of this past week. Uh-huh. The night before, I had married my friends. Jesus, whoa. So I officiated their wedding. So there were a bunch of people staying at my house. My aunt, my uncle, my friend Doyle, my friend Katie.

A bunch of people staying at my house in Kin City. And we woke up. Everyone else woke up before me. But we woke up. I woke up natural. No alarm. No alarm is always the perfect day recipe. That's how it starts. 100%. And I'm...

What did we do? Oh, we went to my favorite bakery and got pastries and coffee. And Holmes joined us. Oh, nice. And then Holmes' parents were out on their morning walk and they happened to stop by as well. So we ran into them. Running into someone unexpectedly that you're excited to see is always a part of my perfect day recipe. A hundred percent. It's a big part of it.

And then after that, me and some of those people left. And then me and some other friends smoked a little weed and went and got Chinese food for lunch. A Chinese buffet, even. And it was Sunday, too, so you know they were on it. They were fucking cooking. And it was all church people in there. And someone, some big table of people was having a birthday. And the birthday girl walked in while we were eating and everyone erupted. And then when her people erupted, we all erupted as well and cheered for her.

That was really fun. Yeah. And then after that, we went on like a two hour walk in my favorite park in Kansas City, Loose Park. It's big, beautiful, like rolling hills. Y'all know.

Four Kansas Cityans sitting in the wing, shaking their head. Yeah, really big, beautiful hills and meadows and ponds. It's gorgeous. And then after that, we went to the town of Kansas Bridge, which is this bridge that goes out onto Berkeley River. It's really pretty. It was a beautiful... It was like 65 degrees all day. Yeah. Beautiful. Smoked some more weed. I was high all day, which I never do. Yeah. But it just felt right. And then...

Everyone else had to leave town because they were visiting. And then Holmes and I took a joint to the art museum lawn, the Nelson Atkins, and sat on a little hill on a blanket and smoked joints and read our books and chatted while the sun set. Beautiful. Yeah. And then we went and got Vietnamese food. What were you reading? I, up there, was reading Heartland. It's this writer who wrote, it's called Heartland Being Broke in the Richest Country on Earth. Whoa.

It's kind of an anthology of a family in Kansas. It's by this really brilliant writer, Sarah Smarsh. She's a Kansas City writer. Shout out, Sarah. It's really brilliant. I went to Lawrence, Kansas recently for just like a fun little day to one of my favorite bookstores. And they had a section called What to Read Instead of Hillbilly Elegy. Fuck J.D. Vance. That was the name of the section. And this book was in there. Yeah, I mean, as someone from eastern Kentucky, there's so many amazing authors to read besides Lawrence.

Fucking J.D. Vance, who's not even from there. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't he from like fucking Ohio or something? He's from Southern Ohio, which there is like a like a storied history of people going from eastern Kentucky to southern Ohio. Yeah. And they called that like highway, like the Hillbilly Highway that would take you right there. But he didn't grow up there. His mother didn't grow up there. His grandparents did. And he would spend occasional summers in Jackson. Yeah.

where Sturgill Simpson is from. Just kind of giving you some geography. We're getting it all in, yeah. And yeah, he's just a piece of shit who doesn't understand Appalachians. Yeah, he's a freak. He's a freak.

What's up guys, it's me Caleb. November 23rd in Kansas City, Waxahachie and I are co-hosting a bunch of our friends, comedians and musicians at The Midland. We are doing a benefit show called Yeehaw to benefit the Tenants Union. Tara's episode is out and she talked a bunch about the Tenant Union. But please, please, please, if you live in Kansas City or nearby, Omaha, come on down. Chicago, come on down. November 23rd at The Midland, we're doing a show to benefit the Tenant Union that we're so excited about it.

about me, Waxahachie, a bunch of other fun people that we'll announce. But yes, please come. You ladies and girls and everyone in between, spark something uncommon this holiday with just the right gift from Uncommon Goods. The busy holiday season is here. Yikes. And Uncommon Goods makes it less stressful with incredible hand-picked gifts for everyone on your list, all in one spot. Gifts that spark joy, wonder, delight, and that

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We're all out of the ordinary.

What do you... Well, other than people calling it Appalachia instead of Appalachia or whatever the fuck people say. Appalachia is correct. Appalachia is wrong. Exactly correct. And I know that. And I know that because I'm friends with you. Yes, that's right. What do you... You're from Kentucky. You're very proud of Kentucky. I am. What do you think people are getting wrong about Appalachia? I think they're getting...

They're getting a lot wrong. Like it's hard to nail it down. But just like any like underserved area, we did not create the problems that we're currently dealing with. We did not we did not own the hills that they took all of our coal from. We had to work on that land. So therefore, there's no like ownership there. We didn't have we weren't able to put that money back into our community.

There's a scarcity of bringing like high quality foods down there because it's the land itself is hard to farm. I mean, there's great farmers market. There are great people that have small farms, but it's not flat land. Yeah, I think people are just getting around top to bottom like it's hard to

To even say, you know, we mine the coal, we power an entire country, and then coal is not clean energy. So we take it away. Now you blame the people who mind all the coal. And it's like, we don't even have the money for it. We just have black law. Yeah.

And then you... It's one of those t-shirts. It's like, I mined the energy for this whole country and all I got was Black Long. Yes. That's what it should be. The official tea. The official tea. And we need to give that money back to the people who own the mines, you know? Yeah. Yeah, let's ship the merch money up to the mine owners. Yeah.

It's just such a gorgeous place, too. It's so beautiful. It is so beautiful. It's insane. Our accent, I think, is stunning. I wish I still had mine. I kind of actively got rid of it. And I regret that. But...

I don't know. It's just gorgeous. I love it so much. It is gorgeous. I know. It feels to me like a larger example of like... Kind of like what took place in a lot of cities with White Flight. All the moneyed, privileged people left the inner city and took all of their resources and their funding and their tax dollars for schools and everything out to the suburbs. Yeah. And then they turned around and shit on cities for being like, oh, there's all these inner city urban problems. And it's like created by you. Right. I mean, they really...

You know, Appalachia had had early, like, Scots-Irish settlers, but then the coal companies came in, created coal camps, coal towns. The only money that they had was fake money that they could pay back to the coal company. The schools were made by the coal companies, and they just forced us into these lines without having anything for ourselves. And it's just...

I don't know. I get so mad. Yeah, of course. Yeah. You do have a very funny story that I'm not... We can cut it if you don't want to tell it. No, no, no. But your story about the person on the hill in your town who had the cable. Cable? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, I have countless insane stories. Will you tell that one? That's one of my favorites. Yeah, of course. So for a long time, the way we got TV...

So, well, first off, so the geography of Hazard, my hometown, it's like 4,000 people. There are tons of little neighborhoods similar to like having a borough in New York. Yeah. Very similar. Very similar. My family lives in Walkertown, just up from the KFC. And when the whole town got new cable, right?

Like, finally, um, Walker town. We were like, we don't trust you. Cause we don't, we have a fear of outsiders because everyone just comes in and either like our land or gives us a bunch of like Oxycontin to see what it does to the human body. You know? So it's like kind of like, why would we, things have gotten a little weird. Yeah. We're a little scared. Yeah. Yep. So for my entire childhood, we paid a woman on the hill, uh,

What ranged from like $3 to $8. I think it started at like $3 and then got up to $8 was the highest I ever got. For cable. Because she negotiated directly with the cable company. And we only had...

We only had the channels that that neighborhood wanted. Yeah. So I was one of the few kids because my mom, single mom, we lived with my grandparents and it was a much older neighborhood. So we didn't have MTV, VH1. We had CNN. Yeah. ESPN. We did have Nickelodeon. Did you get Hallmark?

We eventually got Hallmark. Okay, we got there. Yeah, we did. It took a while. But then eventually that woman died. Her son took over. Turns out he was addicted to drugs and was using the cable money for drugs. That'll happen, yep. And now they are fully incorporated with the rest of the town and they've got every channel you can imagine. The idea of one woman on the hill negotiating with the cable company for the whole town is so fucking funny. She was like, y'all, I got it.

She calls him and she's like, no, we don't want that. I don't want MTV. It's fucking hilarious to me. Yeah, I'm not paying for it. I will not. I don't care. God damn, that's so fucking funny. My grandbabies aren't here enough to watch it. They're not watching it. I don't want it. So after church on Sundays, we would go to my great granny's house. She lived out in the county. So she was a part of the rest of the world getting TV. And she had MTV and VH1. And my sister and I truly loved it.

treated it like it was like tutoring. Like it was school. We would sit inches from the TV watching every single video, like taking notes so we could come in on Monday and be like, did you see that Lisa Loeb? That's really crazy. Once again, lesbian. The immediate pull being a singer songwriter from the nineties. Lesbian. Sorry. That video was great. Um,

So we were like, truly like, I am being abused. I don't have Disney. I don't understand what anyone is talking about at school. Yeah. And we would just sit there inches away while everyone else was in the other room talking about the end of times and eating chicken. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. Talking about the end days, which are coming. Yes. I mean, every Sunday it was just like...

watching TV and then eventually like we would just stay so long that nothing interesting would be on VH1 which is hard and the other room would just be like I swear they've got fires up in these mountains that I've never seen before that's Jesus coming back end of days and I would just they're like

so terrified yeah of course like god is coming down at any second so scared i got really spun out about weird shit about the afterlife as a kid like it wasn't necessarily being dead that bothered me i remember very vividly i had started playing soccer and was like really enjoying it maybe i was like for third or fourth grade and i was just like sobbing one day and my mom was like what what are you saw what is going on and i was like do we get to play soccer in heaven and she was like

Yeah. She was like, sure, yeah. Whatever. Whatever gets you to relax. Yeah. But I just would get so spun out about the rules of the universe. I was like, what is allowed to happen in heaven? What isn't?

Cause I didn't understand. I was like, how do we, we're going with our bodies, but people who are disabled don't have that body. But then if you go to hell, you get nobody. I just was like, I could not understand the rules of the universes. Oh, I, same, same. And then my uncle, my dad's oldest brother was not from Appalachia, but he's a, he was a pastor, a Lutheran pastor. And I remember one time walking around like a track. I don't know. We were like a family reunion or some shit. And we were walking around and I was like, you know,

Uncle Tom like what happens when we died like will I know you will I know my mom will I know this and he was like no you won't know anyone it'll be like pure peace and I was like but I'll miss my mom's like no because you won't have that concept you'll just be there and I'm like

How the fuck do you know that? Yeah, fuck you, first of all. I know. I went home and like, actually, my granny's Southern Baptist Church is right. I will see all of you in glory. I don't need any of this shit. I will walk on clouds with everybody I love. Thank you, Annette. Yeah, the pets will be there. Yeah.

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I was terrified of all of it. It was so scary to me. I could not wrap my head around it. And it was perfect for a kid like me who was like,

pretty anxious and didn't have a lot of control and like a home home life was not super stable like it was it was all there was a piece of church that I think I really clung on to because home life was so unstable I mean my mom is lovely but like she worked a lot of jobs we moved a lot like my dad wasn't around like it was a little chaotic and there was a part of church that I think I really latched on to because it offered some clarity and some structure it

It was like, if I am good, good things will happen. If I am bad, bad things will happen. That's all I have to know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But then, yeah, the rules of the situation started to really fuck me up. I was like, that doesn't make sense. I thought we were here for certainty. And then when like the preacher will just like at the end, like make everyone who sins like come to the front. I'm like, fuck off. Fuck, man. And we lived in like walking distance from our church. And I would just like lean over me like, Granny, I gotta bail. Yike. I gotta go. Granny.

I got a bellyache. I can't be a sinner today. Yeah, I've got to poop. I've got to go. I've got to poop so bad. I've got to go. And she would just let you skate out? Oh, to a point. And then she caught on and was like, no one has that many bellyaches, Katie. If it's that bad, we've got to go to the doctor. Katie, you're lying about your bellyaches, and I know it. Truth be told, my stomach's always been fine. Yeah, actually, you're like, no, I really do have a fucked up stomach. I'm having Mountain Dew for breakfast, honey.

I certainly, I was drinking so much fucking soda and so high. Church was just so, I couldn't, I was vibrating all the time. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't have a ton of soda except when my dad would. Y'all weren't drinking soda? No, we were, but not a ton. Huh? Really? I know. Kind of weird. I was. But I had a weekend dad. So when he would pick me up and be like, can I have surge? And I would immediately. Yeah.

I immediately get some surge. I need a surge bad, brother. Yeah, and then I was just like there at his house with his new wife and kids, and I would just be like... Vibrating. Yeah, like, I want more surge! Pulsating. Yeah, yeah. So, you grew up in Kentucky. Yes, I did. And then you go to college in Kentucky. Yes. And then you move to Chicago. Yes. And then you start comedy in Chicago. I do, yeah. Where's the first place? Did you go to Second City first or I.O.? I went to I.O. I really didn't...

have a plan to do comedy. I wanted to go to Chicago and be a serious actor. But I was like, well, I'm not any type that exists right now. I'm just kind of a fat 20-something. And at the time, not really that cool in the world of theater. So I was basically like, I'll just take an improv class because I enjoyed improv in college. And I got so, so lucky. Shout out

To the family I nannied for. They paid for my classes. Whoa. Yeah, they were like, you did not move to the city to nanny our child. We are very lucky to have you. You moved to the city to do something else. That could almost make me cry, actually. That's so sweet. They're the best fucking people. So they paid for a lot of my classes. So I did IO and I did...

Did all of IO. Got on a team there. And halfway through IO, I started doing Second City. Did the conservatory. And there's nothing after that. That's it? Yeah, that's it. And then eventually, you know, it was just like doing improv everywhere. Like constantly. And then you did Boom Chicago in Amsterdam, right? I did do Boom in Amsterdam. So I did a cruise ship for Second City. Yeah. And I had been told I didn't get Boom. And then...

And right before I leave for the ship, they reach out and say, we'd actually love to have you. And I'm like, well, I'm about to do a cruise ship and I really can't get out of that contract. And they're like, OK, we'll just come as soon as you're done. I was like, OK. So then I did a cruise ship for four months. I had two days off, one of those being Thanksgiving. And I then...

um flew to amsterdam and lived there and worked at boom for a while how long i was only there for three months um because of some issues right that were out of my control i wish i could have stayed longer um but they were having some issues with visas at the time and i was like i'm not gonna risk not being able to go to europe again yeah so i living in amsterdam for three months pretty sweet

It was amazing. I love Amsterdam. I love Amsterdam. And everyone will always talk about like Dutch honesty, which is truly insane, but it's the same as like Appalachian honesty. Like it wasn't that different. Yeah. But like one of my castmates and our friend got a haircut ER and our Dutch friend looked at them and said, oh, that's much better. Yeah.

And they were like, what? Did you think my old hair was bad? I'm like, no, I didn't know it was bad. But now that I see it good, that is better. And it's like... Didn't have to be said, but lovely, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you do that and then go back to Chicago for a while. Of course, now you're in LA. Yeah, so I go back to Chicago and it was like the day...

The day I got back, it was all weird timing. It was like the next day was the Second City Generals, which was like, well, no one gets hired from Generals, but you can go. And I talked to Mick Napier, who runs the Annoyance, who's always like a mentor of mine, who's from Hazard, Kentucky. And I was like, what do I need to do? Like, can you give me tips on these auditions? And he went, just be funnier than everyone else. Obsessed, yeah. Just be a star. And it did give me the permission to just like kind of like

It's an audition. I need a fucking scene hog. I need to like make this work. Yeah. Got hired, toured for them for like a year, did a stage for a year. And then I got cast in Mrs. Fletcher. Yeah. Filmed in New York and then came here. Yeah. And now you're here. That's my entire life story. That's my whole life story. Well, it's leading into a question I ask a lot of people on this show. I think most everybody, which is like, what do you want? You know? So you're...

You're one of the funniest comedians I know. Oh, thank you. Extremely, like, you've done all the training. You're in L.A. You've got your podcast with TN and ER, which is so funny. What do you want? What's the idea? I mean, overall, I want things to just be easy for me and my friends. I just want things to be easy. But career-wise, like, I've never figured out the Internet. Got to do that.

always thinking I need to be doing that and to sell the script I just wrote I think that's really what I want which script is this? it's the one about my childhood I want to read it alright I'll send it over damn that fucking rocks yeah like I never feel like I'm a comedian and I never feel like I can speak correctly what's going on? voice is absolutely losing here um

Yeah, I've never really felt like a comedian, so I'm like, maybe I should do live shows and stuff. I don't know. Well, you are a comedian. Oh. In my opinion, unless you don't want to be one. Fuck. Fuck. Thank you. Well, I mean, if you're funny and you make people laugh, what else? That's it. Who else are you? Who else are you? A politician? Name something. Name something you are, if not a comedian. A mother. A homemaker. I would say, first and foremost, citizen of this earth. Citizen of this earth, and specifically, this country. Okay.

I'm an American above all else. An American? Well before I'm a Californian. That is so fucking funny. Wait, we have voicemails from our listeners if you want to hear one. I would love to. I would love to as well. Let me see which of these. Okay, yes. Who knows what these people are going to say. You never do. So far. Hi.

The truth I'm wanting to know about is what barbecue do you prefer? Like, do you prefer the wet barbecue or the dry barbecue? Just get back to me whenever you can on the podcast, obviously. Okay. Bye.

Okay. Loving them. I love them. No introduction. No bullshit. Strictly business. That's what I want out of a voicemail. Don't fuck around with me. No. Yeah. Just do you like wet or dry barbecue? Say no. Yeah. Get back to me. For me, here's what I prefer. Okay. All barbecue should be seasoned and smoked so well that you don't need sauce.

Yeah. The sauce is additive. Uh-huh. I want smoked ribs. I want...

Really fucking good burnt ends. I want incredible, like a delicious jalapeno cheddar sausage. I'm starving. Dude, I'm so hungry. Actually, I'm going to cry. My mouth is watering. I know. We should go to Moosecraft sometime. You've been to Moosecraft? No. Best barbecue in LA. Bledsoe's is like a close second. I want to go. Bledsoe's resting on their laurels a little bit. I'll say. Resting on their laurels a little bit. Moosecraft, hungry, young, getting after it. Love that. Love that. When they're hungry and young and getting after it. That's what I want out of everything, out of my team. Hungry.

Young and getting after it. Exactly. So I want the meat to be so good on its own that you don't need the sauce, but I'm using the sauce. I'm drizzling some. I like a thick sweet sauce, a thick sweet brown molasses base. I like a Carolina mustard sauce. I'll do it all. What about you? Here's the thing. The barbecue should be wet somehow. Yes. Is it from the juices coming out, the fat that's melted? Speak on it. Speak on it. Nothing should be dry. Right.

No, it should not be dry. It should not be dry. I mean, the concept of a dry rub love. Right. But yes, it should be seasoned so beautifully. I'm going to spit on the mic. I'm going to throw up. I'm so excited about this. Oh my God.

It should be seasoned so well. I need this so bad right now. But that also means that, like, moisture should be there. No matter how it was made. It's just like it could be the juices from the meat or a sauce situation. It's like fat. And then I am going to drizzle because I love sauce. Oh, my God. I'm actually so fucking hungry. I know. This is insane. This is crazy. Will somebody see if Moose Craft delivers? Can we get some Moose Craft to the stew? Ooh!

Yeah, I do. I do. I want a smoked meat. What's your favorite? Okay, you can only pick one item from a barbecue restaurant. The others. They all die. They die when you pick the one. Along with everyone who's ever touched that kind of meat. Yeah. Burn-ins. Yeah, burn-ins of the ship. Yeah. Burn-ins of the ship. Have you been to Kansas City?

Only for like a day. You got to come stay with me. Yeah, stay to the 21C. I don't know. What are we doing? I don't know. Why are you and I not at my house in Kin City? I would prefer that. Why are we not eating burnt ends together? Talking about wet or dry. I'm wet right now thinking about those burnt ends. We go into like a 1980s male comic duo. Would love it. I think we would do well in that world too. I think that's also our lane.

They're not ready for us. No, they're not. They're not ready for us to do that. Do you think you would be the, what do you think your catchphrase would be in like a 90s, 80s male comic type thing? Okay, eat my ass. I don't know. It's the first thing that came to mind. No, that's really good. How about you? Mine? Think again. Okay, eat my ass. Think again.

Okay, yeah. See, that works together. That works really well together. Let's not bleep those either. I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put that out. Keep it in. Put that out. I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Katie, what's so true to you? That losing weight does not look good on everyone. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Baby. I mean, Ozempic is really showing us whose face needs fat to support it. The fat is structural. It's a load-bearing fat. Yes, exactly. We could not knock down that wall. We cannot knock down that wall. No. You're so right about that. Yeah, I really kind of can't. You're so right about that. I can't. Yeah.

It's the truth. My face needs it. Oh, yeah. I mean, until we find out I go on Manjaro, like, tomorrow. Yeah. But it needs it. I would look really hot skinny. Well, I think we both would look unbelievably good. It would work out for me, unfortunately. No, it would work out for me. It would work out for both of us. We would look good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're, like, the exception. Yeah. Yeah, I would look really good skinny, unfortunately. Yeah. Not trying, but...

No, I have no plans. No plans? To become skinny? No plans to become skinny. In these past 37 years, I've yet to make that plan. No, it's not us. No, it's not us. But should I ever decide to enter that Coliseum, I know that I'll walk out my head tall victorious. See, I think this is why I don't do stand-up, because I know I'd be too good at it. Right. And I don't lose weight, because I know I would be the number one thin. Yeah. Yeah. You can't be the number one thin. No, I can't. You'd be too powerful. Yeah.

Were you a thin stand-up comedian, the world would tremble. Yeah. Oh, my God. We got any update on that barbecue? They don't go over. Fuck. Okay. Well, I got to go then. Play the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme song right here. Freeze Katie and I right here and play it. Nice. Nice. That'll be fun. You guys are welcome for that. What was I going to ask you? Okay. So...

Talked about what you want. Talked about you're so true. Yeah. What else is going on with you? What do you see? Anything good lately? Tell me about you. Hold on. Tell me about you. Okay. Well, if you want to know what I've seen lately. Yeah. I just started seven season. What is that? Or seven season. The season seven. Yeah. Of. I just started seventh season. I was like, I was like, okay, fuck. And I've started drinking a lot. Yeah. Yeah. I'm drunk on the job. Yeah. No, I.

Casey, do you love how I keep moving this? Okay. Casey. Actually not recording me. It was a cucumber. Yeah. All right, fine. Yeah, we put this episode out. It's solo of me. We've like AI'd all your responses. Just be like, back to you, Caleb. No, I'm currently watching the TNT original, The Closer, starring Keira Sedgwick.

Thank you. That is in the same vein of a show that I've rewatched three times. Uh-oh. The FX original, The Shield.

Starring Michael Chiklis. They are in the same... Very same world. Yeah. Wow, three times. Yeah, I've seen... Should I watch it? I've seen The Shield three times. Not really. Okay, I can't recommend The Closer either. Yeah, there's just something about it that I can't get away from, but it's not particularly like... Yeah. I don't need you to be over there. No, I mean like every episode is Keira Sedgwick doing a Southern accent and...

her like big character flaw is that she loves eating chocolate. Yeah. And so she'll want sweets and she'll literally go like... And then like she's having a hard time figuring out the case and then like her husband will be like, I got you a water and then she'll be like, a water? That was it. Oh!

He was just trying to get water and then he killed that girl. Fritz, I've got to go. And then he goes and solves the murder. That's every episode. I love that. Yeah, it's great. I would love to reboot it. I love her and Kevin Bacon. Oh, me too. I love the little videos they post. They're as a married couple. Uh-huh. That is them. I'm not wrong. No, they're married and they do make videos. Her and Kevin Bacon will just get online any time of day, any old day. And he's playing guitar.

And she's just like dancing around in the kitchen. It's so cute. It's just adorable. I will say any chance my mother gets to say this fact, she will. She'll go, Kevin Bacon, here's Cedric. Lost all their money in Birdie Mite Off.

Did they? Don't know. I don't know. Did they lose all their money in Bernie Madoff? Don't know. But my mom also, the day that he was caught, you know, Bernie Madoff, don't think about him a lot. I do. My mom calls me on that day because it is my birthday. And she goes, they're calling it the new 9-11. And I said, why are they calling the new 9-11? Oh.

To get a call. So Bacon said that he and his wife lost most of their money when Bernie Madoff notoriously cheated thousands of investors out of billions of dollars. Kevin Bacon said there's obvious life lessons there. If something's too good to be true, it's too good to be true. Yeah, Kevin Bacon. Yeah. The idea of getting a call on your birthday that starts with,

They're calling it the new 9-11. I remember exactly where I was. Living in Cincinnati. Just drove across the Roebling Bridge. Gorgeous bridge. I turned the corner and I'm like, oh, hey, mom.

They're calling it the new 9-11. No clue what she's talking about. Oh my God, dude. I am completely obsessed with that. And also, no, they're not. No one did. No one did. No, they're not. A bunch of rich people lost money is not the same. They're calling it the new 9-11. I'm going to start using that. 15 minute wait at the restaurant I'm trying to go to. Yeah. They're calling it the new 9-11. Yeah.

I absolutely love that. I read this Heartland, this book I was talking about earlier that I'm reading. There's a line in it where she, the writer, as a kid is talking to, I think her granny or something. And her grandma had a much worse life than she did. And she's saying some dramatic kind of kid thing about like, oh, you don't know how hard life is or something. And I believe it was her grandma while smoking a cigarette goes, darling, you haven't the foggiest.

You haven't the foggiest? It's been trapped in my head since I read it. Oh, my granny says shit like that. Oh, my God. The devil's in the detail. The proof's in the pudding. That dog don't hunt. Yeah, twice on Sundays.

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I could just, those, any kind of like little Southern like phrase, idiom, maxim, it all, it's all lodges right in here. Oh, it's so beautiful. All hat, no cattle. Ooh. All hat, no cattle for somebody who isn't of substance. I love that. I used to have a phone note of some of these. I wonder if I can find it. Hold on. I feel like I need to find. You got one in there? Yeah. I used to write, well, there's one I'll have to tell off, Mike.

Oh, my granny says all had no cattle. So I guess I guess I only put two of them in here. But I had the intention. I do this. I start iPhone notes convinced that I'm going to keep track of stuff. On June 4th, 2023 at 839 p.m. I started a note that's called phrases I love and I put all had no cattle and I put she thinks he hung the moon.

To say that you really adore someone, I think he hung the moon. I think that's really pretty. Let's see. Oh, like, side-goggling? That's a good one. Side-goggling? Side-goggling. Hold on. Here's the thing. Where I'm from, we make up words. Right. Well, my grandpa said once, and I say this all the time now, he said, I'm happier than a raccoon on trash day. Ooh, I love that. And that just...

I just love that. We were always saying, I'm sweating like a whore in church. Oh, yeah. Always. But yeah, side-goggling is something that's crooked or off-center. It's hotter than a goat's ass in a pepper patch? That's hot. That's another one. That is hot. That's hot. Ain't no hill for a climber? Don't know. What does that mean? I don't know. I just Googled some stuff. I just Googled some stuff. Ain't no hill for a climber. Ain't no hill for a climber. Ever heard of it?

Okay. They're calling it the new 9-11. They're calling it the new 9-11. They're calling it the new 9-11 is actually going to be so... I can just feel... You know when something formative happens to you? Yeah. Hearing that, I'm like, this is a pivotal thing that occurred to me. They're calling it the new 9-11. I love that. Katie, I have a segment for you. Okay, great. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to read you 15 statements. Okay. On my handy clipboard. Right there.

You're going to tell me as quickly as you can. Don't look over here. Don't cheat. You're going to tell me as quickly. If I can see it, it's not cheating because it's just in my. It's cheating, hon. Okay. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can after each one. Speed is of the essence. If you think it's true or false, if you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 US dollars. Okay. Basketball was invented in 1945. False. False. 1891. Thomas Jefferson is on the $2 bill. False. True. Fuck. Snapchat's owned by Coca-Cola.

False. False. It's not. Skydiving is illegal in Sweden. False. False. The space between your eyebrows is called your crock ridge. I want to know. False. Fuck. Glabella. Katie Short Thompson is the current president of Northern Kentucky University. False. True. I went there. I went there. The Earth's moon is larger than Mars.

True. False. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True.

True. True. All right. Twinkies only have a shelf life of 45 days. False. True. Chicago's Green Line train goes to O'Hare Airport. False. False. It's the Blue Line. Yeah, duh. How'd she do? Oh, Shug. I'm so close. Oh, Shug, don't worry. You have value in other things. This is the new 9-11. It doesn't have to be this. They're calling it the new 9-11. They're calling it the new 9-11. They're calling it the new 9-11. What would you, if you could be one person who isn't you...

For a day, who would it be? And by the way, whoever you pick, everyone else. Oh, well, that's hard because my pick was going to be, I guess I would be Cherry Jones. I was going to say be Cherry Jones's wife. Oh, nice. Yeah. It would be fun to be Cherry Jones's wife. Yeah, it would be. I'd love to be like a ranch hand that works under Cherry Jones.

somewhere like in this world cherry jones owns a ranch yeah and i'm like just a just a boy in town for the summer who rolled through ran out of ran out of gas on the highway gotta make some money to get on my way back west and now i gotta work on cherry's farm for the summer oh yeah what's gonna happen i'm sure we'll learn a lot about farming but we might along the way learn a little about ourselves as well and love and love a lot about living a little about love

A little baller. You know what? I feel like we could go toe-to-toe on 90s country like nobody else. God. I had some friends in the car the other day. We did a little road trip. And I played... Now, okay. We all said we were Alan Jackson fans. Yeah, who isn't? Right? So I start playing my favorite Alan Jackson songs. I play Little Man. Uh-huh. It killed the little man. You know? Do you know? I played Little Bitty. I played...

Yeah. They told me I was playing all the sad ones. They're like, we don't know these ones. I was like, oh. Little bitty's not sad. No, I think that was one they did. No, I'm trying to think of the other ones I played that they didn't like. The little man. What's the other one that's like, he's like.

Small Town Southern Man. Okay. Small Town Southern Man was one that I played that they were like, this one's kind of sad. I didn't think it was sad. I just thought it was slower. Yeah. You know Small Town Southern Man? I don't know if I do. Natural way of life if you're lucky for Small Town Southern Man. Gorgeous voice. You do. Gorgeous voice. Me? Stone-an. You think I have a pretty singing voice? Singing.

and a pretty singing voice. They're calling it the new 9-11. They're calling it the new 9-11. Katie just mocked me in my voice. They're calling it the new 9-11. This might be the most times I've said 9-11 on the show. Well, next guest, see if you can beat it without kind of telling them. Just see how many times you can bring it up. Our next guest today is a tenant organizer. What?

Bigger challenge. A bigger challenge. A bigger challenge. So tell me a little bit, 9-11, about your work. Just trying to sneak it in subliminally wherever I can. Well, actually, on 9-11, I... Oh, my God. You know what just happened to me? What? Yesterday. I'm on an airplane.

I can't believe I'm just remembering this. I've been wanting to air this one out. Okay, tell me. Yesterday, me and my friend, me and two of my friends are flying from Kansas City to LA. Okay. Okay, this is yesterday afternoon. Okay. One of my friends has a seat in economy. No worries, God bless her. And me and my other friend are both in first, but she's got, she was only able to get the far window seat and I was only able to get the other far window seat in row one, right? So there's two aisle seats between us and then the aisle.

Well, I'm getting on there. I've never in my life had someone, if someone asked me to move seats and it's in the same section, I always do it, whether I'm giving up my window or my aisle or whatever. And I've always only had people say yes. Yeah. I've never thought that was a problem. Well, so my friend's like, well, you ask someone to switch so we can sit next to each other. And I go, of course, we're going to sit next to each other and chat on the flight. I get on, I turned to the guy next to her and I go, hey, would you mind taking my window seat so I could just sit next to my buddy? And he goes, I really like the aisle, man.

And I was like, technically, that's your right, but you're a fucking loser. Like, I'm sorry, but I couldn't believe it. I was like...

Fuck off if you're not willing to make yourself a little uncomfortable for a two-hour flight for someone else's comfort. It's first class, by the way. There's not a fucking difference. I'm not asking you to take the middle seat. There's no middle seat, should. I couldn't believe. And then, so I go, okay, no worries, of course. Thank you. Yeah, that's your rate. I go to my seat. The guy next to me, I go, would you mind switching with my friend over there so she could come sit by me? We just want to sit next to each other on the flight. And he goes, I don't. I just want to stay where I am.

And I go, okay, yeah, totally. I'm like, you know, this is technically you're right. Technically, we don't have to be part of a society or a community. Yeah, you can keep your seat if you want to, I guess. I'm like, I'm losing faith in humanity. I turn to the two people behind me. I go, are you guys traveling together? They go, no, they don't know each other. And I go, would you guys mind swapping me and my friends so we could sit back here? Stop it, stop it. And they go, we like to have the storage in front of us and you're in the front row. So we just, we can't, sorry. And I was like,

You are fucking kidding me. I walk around this world thinking that people are generally good. No, they're not. And you're telling me four goddamn people can't give up their special idea of a seat. By the way, not a long haul flight to Australia. No. Two and a half hours. I couldn't believe it. I know who they're voting for. I,

Just on that behavior. Baby, Jill Stein. So me and Katie take our seats. Uh-huh. Not me, by the way. Not you, by the way. We take our seats, and I just look over, and I go, hey, I don't think it's going to happen for us. Everyone's in love with their seat. And every single person who said no kind of pretended they didn't hear it. They heard it.

I was pissed. I was like, this is fucking insane. Just because you have the right to say no is like, what is your problem? I have said yes to people for that every single time someone's asked. Yeah. Then the old guy next to me reading his book for a little bit who had said no. And to be in his defense, I do think he was a little confused by the question at first. And then maybe me saying that he understood who my friend was and where he'd have to sit. He's reading his book for a little bit after I say that. And I'm texting Katie. I'm like, these people fucking suck. I can't believe this. He can't see my phone. I made sure he's reading his book. And then he just goes, okay, I'll do it.

He was really sweet. He was really sweet. I think he was confused at first, and so that's why I wasn't, I was like, okay, we'll see. And then he switched seats, and then there was this really sweet moment. So, mind you, I had lost all faith in humanity during this time. Yeah. And Katie comes and sits by me. We chat the whole flight, have a lovely time, and then we land, and as soon as we're getting our bags and stuff, I lean over to the old guy, and I was like, hey, thank you again so much. That was so nice to sit with my friend. And he goes, it was awesome. I think I might prefer the window now. I got a lot of pictures. Oh!

And that man was Tim Walz. That man was Tim Walz. That man was Santa Claus. Can you, I mean, the idea. I love that. He just hadn't tried the window and he likes it because he got a lot of pictures. I was like, you're the sweetest person I've ever encountered. I love that. And to think, mere two and a half hours ago, I was ready to have you killed. Yeah.

You went on quite the journey. I did. I learned a lot about myself in that moment on that little plane. And about people. And about people. I mean, I do think there's a lot of things that like... I think society has deteriorated so much in the last five years. Yeah, 100%. The social contract is like rapidly evaporating. And people, just because you can do something, you're allowed to keep your ILC. But guess what? If two people, you're sitting next to a stranger and they want to sit next to their friend...

I think you have a social obligation to change your fucking seat. Yeah, I do too. Unless you're disabled or something and you need that. Like, you should have a pretty overwhelming reason. It shouldn't just be like, well, this is my favorite thing. Yeah, unless you're saying like, I had a premonition that I will only stay alive on this plane if I sit in this seat. And even then, that's not real. That's not real. So change that fucking seat. Yeah. I just can't. I don't understand. There's people that do this shit all the time. Yeah. They're so like obsessed with their own little thing. They won't do anything for someone else. It makes me feel insane. Don't get me started on Chase Bank.

Don't get me started on my experience at Chase Bank the other day. I walk in there. A couple things I need to do. Seven people working.

Woman comes over. I left. So I walk in. There's seven people working. I wait. I stand at the teller's window for like probably genuinely, I'm not exaggerating, 12 minutes. No one's helping me. And I go, okay, I've got some other stuff to do in the neighborhood. So I walk out, go get a coffee, run and print something at FedEx, and then come back. And one of the people goes, I'm so sorry. I saw you left. We were just like really busy. I was like, oh my God, no worries. I figured you guys were just busy. Can I get some help with, I need to deposit this check, move some money, take some money out.

She goes, you can actually do all that on our kiosk. No, that's not what I asked. They're calling it the new 9-11. I can do all that on the kiosk? You know what else I could do? Walk outside and step in front of a moving truck. Yeah. I don't want to do it on the kiosk. I hate the kiosk. I hate the kiosk. I want to talk to somebody. I know, you look like you're about to cry. I want to. There's like four different things I need to do in here. I don't want to be fucking clicking around on a kiosk. Also, seven of you are working. Does no one want to chit chat with me?

You're a delight. No one wants to chit chat with me. Are you kidding me? I want to have a nice little... I couldn't believe it. That's so fucked. The kiosk situation is out of control. I don't want to talk to robots anymore. No. Oh.

Don't get me started on it. I'm starting it. I'm starting it. Go. It's the new 9-11. Dude, it really... It bums me out. I don't want to talk to the kiosk. And it's not some weirdo, like, puritanical old guy thing about, you're at work. You should help me. It's not like, I want you to do your job with me. It's like, the kiosk is...

We're removing all of these small, beautiful interactions from our lives until we're just not going to talk to anybody. So during the pandemic, sorry, I'm going there. During the pandemic, I drove across the country a couple of times. And one time I stopped in Kansas City and I stayed at the 21C. And it had just been so long since I'd had those little interactions that I nearly cried. I got up to my room and I called my sister right away. And I was like, the woman at the front desk.

Her husband is a vet. He has a dog. That dog is a pit bull, but it is a service animal and their landlord's giving them a bunch of shit. And they're thinking about fostering children. Like just went through every detail of this woman's life. And I had so much joy. Yeah. Those interactions are everything. They're absolutely everything. And my, my concern is that a lot of people came out of the pandemic, uh, depressed.

like it was a good thing that we didn't have them for a while. Fuck off. It's making me feel distant from those people and crazy because I'm like, I felt like dying the whole time because I wanted those things back so badly. Yeah, I want a man staying next to me at Walmart while I'm getting like sandpaper to tell me about how his daughter was murdered. Yeah. That really happened. Yes. Tell me about that. I was at Walmart and

and I was buying sandpaper because I had just, you know, got a piece of furniture from the street. Of course. And this man was next to me. He's like, oh, they don't give you a lot of options because at Walmart, not really a place where you get sandpaper, not a ton. Yeah. And I was like, oh, yeah. He's like, what are you doing? I was like, redoing this desk I found. He's like, I wish my daughter could do that. Yeah, he was like, yeah, I'm just, we're actually redoing our kitchen. Money kind of came through. And so I'm like, okay,

I know where I am. Someone's had some sort of accident and probably got paid from the government. Classic. Yeah. We've all been there. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, no, the state settled with us after they mishandled my daughter's... After they mishandled my daughter's murder. So I'll never have her back. But, you know, my wife's like, well, might as well redo the house. Yeah.

And you know where that story would never happen? The kiosk at Chase Bank. Thank you. Because the kiosk doesn't have a daughter to get murdered. That's right. That's right.

And then I'm walking around the rest of Walmart, immediately call my sister, as I often do, and I'm like, I just talked to this man. And then he passes through and is like, have a good day! And I was like, for sure, for sure, for sure, for sure! He killed his daughter! What's going on? Oh my god, not the new kitchen from the daughter's murder. Yeah, my mom has always told me that my...

Third eye is a bit too open because people just tell me shit. You and I have this in common. Yeah, this is one of our big things. People will tell me in a room of a thousand strangers, somebody will find their way through all of them to me to tell me something crazy. Yeah. There's something about it. I briefly worked at an opera company and I did education stuff, but I was at one of our big donor events.

And our director of development was like, okay, so you can talk to her. She uses the same plastic surgeon as her, blah, blah, blah. I didn't have to say anything. They were just like, what a charming little country girl. And they would just come over and just spill all these secrets about their husband, their mistress. And I would just be like, great. Would you like to make a donation? Yeah, sounds good. We need money for the opera. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if you have that. Nobody's going. Yeah. People aren't coming. Yeah, thank you. We need money now. Yeah. Yeah.

But no, I was like, there was a part of me in like another life. I'm like, do I work in development and just have rich people just tell me secrets? And then I just ask for money. I went on a date with a guy recently who did that. Oh, really? He was like the, uh, his job, somebody, he was, um, his job was like, he was the, um, financial researcher for, uh, um, an opera company.

It was an opera and there was something else in that group. But his job was like research rich people and figure out who could donate what amounts of money. I love that. Yeah, he was cool. Time for me to do a pivot to that. Pivot time. Pivot time back to your roots. Yeah. That'd be fun. Yeah. I'd love to work at an opera.

I had a great time. I really loved it. Because famously, most people take education out of the schools, as did Cincinnati, Ohio. So we would bring opera into the classroom. And it was so fun. That's beautiful. Yeah, it was great. Everything started going downhill when they took Ghana out of the schools. I've always said. Speak on it. I've always said. That's the new 9-11. Taking Ghana.

Katie, it's been a delight to have you. This episode will not be released. This will not be put out. This will not be put out. Will you please tell people where to find you? Yeah. I am on Instagram at this is Katie Kershaw. For some reason, I think my TikTok is Katie New Shoes, but I couldn't tell you. Not on there a lot. Good. And

So head over there, y'all. Find me. And then I host a podcast with two of my best friends, TN Tran and ER Fightmaster at JocularPod. At JocularPod. At JocularPod. Three icons. I love that. Thank you so much for being on. Thank you so much for having me. Are you kidding me? I love you. I'm starving. I love you. I'm actually starving. Yeah. We've got to figure something out about my starving before the day continues. Yeah. Let's figure out something about our starving together. I love you. I love you more. I love you more.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.