Brooke and Connor Are Soulmates
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Of course I had a tumblr. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not gonna go into that. But I and I did I was obsessed I liked tumblr I was I was a photographer I was really killing it in the space and I think I had a thousand something whatever the people were called. So I joined my friend told me he was like Followers? I have followers. I'm so glad you guys are here. Thank you so much for having us. Thanks for having us. It's kind of good to be together don't you think?

I do think so, but there was also a part of me that never wanted to be in a room with you just due to how funny you are. She said that. I've said that. I've said that verbatim. Yeah, you've avoided me like the plague. No, I have. Yeah, and it's just crazy because I'm such a huge fan of both of yours that I've been dying to be in a room with both of you. I've been in a room with you, but I needed to be with both of you. Well, I've wanted to be with you, but also not wanted to be with you just due to... Yeah.

The funny levels that are happening. Thank you. Yeah. The raw chemistry as well. And the raw chemistry too. Because there has been something since you walked in here of like, will they date? Won't they date? People have been asking. Between you and I. And I'd like to, I'm leaning towards, yes. But we were talking about dating before the episode. We were. And what, how's that? What are you thinking? It's not going. It's not going. It's not going. And you're not trying? Not enough. Like I'm not trying in a way that like I have any right to complain about it. And yet.

One thing about me is I will not try dating for like months and then I will just complain endlessly. Yeah, I just complain about it and do nothing. But I do leave the house and kind of I try to do open body language. Yeah. Okay. Not crossing my arms. Letting everyone know you can feel free to approach. Come up to me. And no one has. Well, there's a real fear around approaching.

In dating, I think. Well, I'm doing open body language. I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. Yeah. Well, maybe you could wear like a shirt made that says like, feel free to hit on me. Yeah, that's true. Do you think that would be a good idea? I'd definitely be willing to try it. I'm open to anything at this point. Yeah.

Yeah. So yeah. That could be the next step. You're doing Only Guys. Right now, yes. Right. And who knows what might happen? Literally, who knows? I wouldn't be surprised to go in any direction. And Connor, what's up with you? Are you dating? No. No. No, she's over here either. I'm always like, I'm kind of focusing on my career. How's your career going?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm really focused on my career. How is it? Like I'm a doctor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm actually working on some patients right now that are taking a lot of time. Well, I've got a lot of charts to get through. I'm like just sitting looking at the wall and I'm like, oh, I have to go to Caleb's podcast now and no time for dating. Yeah. So. Well, I have to say to hear that you two aren't dating or that it's not going well, two very hot, funny, like charming people. It actually makes me.

It makes me really really upset. Why? I'm gonna cry because you guys You guys should have it all you guys should literally be dating you guys should have husbands and wives. That means the world to me. Thank you. And I feel that way about you. We always say like we said we haven't said it in a while but I think it's time to circle back on the cult conversation. The what? The cult conversation. I could accidentally join a cult I'm so open to that. Yeah. You know just have that community. How did you get there?

Because you go from not dating for so long and you're like, oh, I'm open to try wearing a shirt that says, hit on me. It's only a couple steps to be like, yeah, I'll join the cult. I'm open. I'm open body language. Yeah. Okay. Do you think what would you... You're facing the Scientology building. Okay. One thing leads to another. Okay. What would you guys provide in one of those post-apocalyptic communes? What would your role be on the commune? You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

I don't see myself being any sort of help. Okay. Per se. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe some personality. A personality add. Okay. I just can barely take care of myself. I can't imagine taking care of a commune. She's so... You have the mothering gene. I think that you would be...

Not like go get pregnant at the commune, but I'm saying you have the teacher gene. You've got the teacher gene. Oh my God, I could teach the children. You could teach the children. Yeah, I'll teach the children. Things would change also in a commune post-apocalyptic. We don't need to learn... What would you teach them? Well...

We don't need to learn how to write a check. Let's say I'm teaching preschool again. They still need to learn how to communicate with each other and how not to grab things and punch each other in the face. That I can offer them. So true. That is so true. And I really see that for you. So true. That's a skill the commune could use, teaching the kids, for sure. I'd love to teach the kids in the commune. Connor, what are you going to be doing? Let's just plan because we never know. You're right.

You're right. Can I have another second to think? Will you tell us what you would do in the commune and I'll start noodling on it? I would be a gay comedian. Yes. Really? Yeah, yeah. I would be – I think in every universe I would be a gay comedian. I would be like in the commune. I'd be like talking in front of everyone. I'd be like, oh, God, like –

I hooked up with this guy the other week and it was crazy and everyone be laughing laughing yeah laughing laughing laughing yeah and I'll watch your I'll watch your kid while you're on what you're doing oh I'm gonna have I'm gonna father a lot of children in the commune yes yeah so I'll have a bunch of kids and then I'll be yeah just gay comedian I would find a way to create content in every timeline I love that yeah

And I really love it. I would like draw, maybe if we didn't have like internet, maybe I would like draw little pictures of myself doing a podcast and I would like hand them out. Like a business card. Yeah. I would find a way to go viral in any circumstance. And I believe that 100%. Connor, what about you? I think in the commune, I would just be like, I'd finally let my hair down. I think my role would be kind of like trying new things. Yeah. Has it been up? No.

Yeah, because most of the time when I check in on you, you're like riding a bike in Manhattan Beach or something. No shoes. It doesn't seem like you're. Yeah. I think my role in the commune is like guy who is finally like letting go, you know, like and every commune needs the guy that's like willing to try new things. You can't put me in a box. Yeah. In the commune. Yes. Yeah. Okay. I do think there's still an important question needs to be answered, which is do you think you've been buttoned up?

Do you think you've been in a box? Maybe I would button up in the commune now that I'm thinking about it. Maybe I would clean up. We don't need an accountant, but what's accountant adjacent without an economy? There's an economy within the cult probably. I don't know why I thought post-apocalyptic there would be a king. You were talking about being a gay comedian. I'm like, oh, he's a jester. But we wouldn't go backwards in time. Oh my god.

Being called a jester. Wait, is that a slur? That's a slur, yeah. Is it actually? Yeah. Are you fucking joking? Yeah, yeah. Okay, everyone's shrugging. Okay, thank you. Finally. Because I was like, hang on, hang on. We can start over. Woo! Imagine... No, just like all the other slurs you've said, we're going to cut that. Oh, perfect, okay. Yeah, just like all the other ones you let out in here. Oh my God, my heart literally just dropped into my ass. That is so...

You guys think we wouldn't cut? This edit's going to be very generous to you. We're going to take care of you. Thank you. All Connor slurs are going to be edited out. We're going to be really focused up on you. Do you guys worry about getting canceled? Every waking second of every day. We finish our podcast and we go, so I think I'm going to cut that thing that I said about not really knowing what NATO is. You know?

And Brooke's like, I'm going to cut that thing about what I said about... What was it? Something horrible. And we can't repeat it. Yeah, obviously we're not going to get into it. It just comes from a place of not having a finger on the pulse. Or two. Or two fingers. You'd want to put two on the pulse. You'd want to get two just to check it. We mean no harm. It's just like a lot of stuff for us. We always say...

Everyone knows our heart. We're not super in the loop, I would think is a better way to put it. And I don't think we're uneducated. No. No. No. It's not that. I think that we're just really focusing on our career right now. Do you know what I want to do when I die? And it will come. Someday I will die. Don't say that. No time soon. I'm sorry, but it'll happen. I want to have...

and all of you guys can write this down and commit this to like, um, this is, this is gospel. I want to have all the moments that I've cut from this podcast because I'm being mean or inappropriate or whatever. I want to have them all released as a super cut episode. I love that. That is awesome.

That is awesome. Yeah, just tarnish my legacy instantly. Oh, that's a great idea. Everyone I've talked shit on. All comedians should really do that. Yeah, it's like beautiful because there's so many great, I mean, Chance can tell you, there's a lot of moments every week that I'm like, that's really funny, but if we put that out, I'm toast. I'm toast. Right, because if that moves forward with living outside of, oh my God, we always talk about this too. As soon as something reaches an audience that is not yours, the corner of the internet it goes to,

It's dark. When it goes a certain amount viral, you're no longer gaining fans. You're gaining enemies. You're gaining enemies. Yeah. Ooh. Yeah. Yeah. Gaining enemies is a good... You know what? That's a good name for a podcast. Gaining enemies. Gaining enemies. That's going to work better than Brooke and Connor make a podcast, honestly. That's true.

You guys should change the title to Gaining Enemies. Gaining Enemies. We honestly should. I get a lot of DMs about you guys. Really? I get a lot of DMs. We get comments, too. People being like, Brook and Connor, Brook and Connor. They really want us to be around each other. Positive, I hope.

It was delayed? I should have said that like 15 seconds before. No, that was really good timing. The delay made it work, actually. Sorry, this Alani, like the sugar alcohol, the alcohol sugars in this, whatever, whichever. Hello? It's really hitting my, like, not getting fast. Connor, you're bleeding from the nose. What is going on? Tell us about those DMs. Well, they are nice. We get DMs about you, too. People are like, you guys should be hanging out. And I'm like, I literally want to. We have to make it happen. Yeah. How did you guys meet? How did this whole thing start?

You want to do it? I just said so many words so fast, I'm kind of catching my breath. Do you want to do it? Sure. We basically, both of us started posting on TikTok in 2020, kind of like peak COVID TikTok time. And then we both started getting tagged in each other's videos, like, oh, you remind me of Vava, of Fibula, and oh, you remind me of Lady Ephron, and whatever. And then we started communicating via the app. And then...

I think you were maybe drinking one night. And then I was like, I want to come visit you. Me and my friend Kat, who is also on TikTok. We were like, oh, we want to come visit you. And he had agreed and then probably forgot that he had agreed the next day. But we booked our flight. Oh, where were you living? Philadelphia. Philly. I love Philly. Philly. So we actually booked our flight. And I don't think that you were anticipating that we would. So we went to visit him and actually had like the greatest time.

really kind of connected spiritually and emotionally. And now here we are. Yeah. Yeah. So you were living in Philly. I was living in Philly. And I don't really know where you live. I know you're from Texas. Are you living from Texas? You live out here, but it's not you don't live in L.A. You live in like is it Manhattan Beach? I live in Venice. You live in Venice. Yeah. But at the time. No, no, it's completely OK. At the time I was working at

uh bird scooters so i already lived in la yeah and then i got fired as soon as i got there basically like as soon as i moved across the country i got fired so i moved down to newport with a friend and that's where she came to visit me which i think you thought that i thought that newport beach was la i thought that that was los angeles like literally like downtown la that'll happen yeah that'll definitely happen that'll definitely happen and then i got here like in hot i think we stayed in hollywood for the first few nights and i was like what what

- What is this area? - What is happening here? Where's the water? - What's the story of this region? - Is the water close to the Walk of Fame or not really? - That's so funny. Did you have a job? - I was a preschool teacher. - Okay, you were actually a preschool teacher. - I was actually a preschool teacher. - Up on the floor, yeah. - And then posted, I was miserable. And then posted a video that got like, maybe like 50,000 views, turned in my letter of resignation. - You got 50,000? - Yeah.

You got 50,000 views and you said, y'all, this has been so much fun. I'm out of here. My favorite thing, too, that she said, because we ended up signing... We ended up getting the first... Our first agent was, like, the same person. And...

Or our first agents. Yeah. And they, Brooke, I remember Brooke being like, so when should I move to LA? And they're like, you actually don't have to move to LA. It's like, great. I just found an apartment. Great. I will. We can get lunch next week. I will be there. That is so funny. The desire to move. Cause when I, when my whole thing started happening, I was in Chicago.

And I did the same thing. My team was like, you don't really actually have to move to LA. And I was like, I will be there in one month. I will be there. I want to actually be in LA. Yeah. And why did you get fired from Bird Scooters? What did you do? What did I do? Well, not at my job at all. I want to be very clear. Like I kind of snuck in. In interviews, especially tech companies, if you're just like kind of loud and fun, they're like, it's a good add to the team, honestly. Like he'll learn how to do it.

- No, I did not learn how to do it. I'm so lucky I got let go because half of my day there I was kind of applying to other jobs. - What was your title there?

I was just on the marketing team. You were VP of sales, right? Weren't you? You were vice president of global sales. Well, that's when I was interviewing at other companies on that company's time. I was VP of sales, yes. It was whatever position, new position I was applying to. Because you can kind of, in marketing, you kind of like just lie. Because you're just marketing yourself at that point. And that's a great skill to have. Yeah, totally. But no, I was not really doing a good job, I would say. And so...

Being let go because of COVID, which was kind of a blessing. They let you go because of COVID. Because of COVID. And I was last one in, so I was first one out. Perfect. Which is awesome. That is awesome. I love that. It worked out. It did. It really did. But I...

So lucky. My favorite thing to do at an office job when I was in Chicago was I would, you know my strategy, I would get hired. I would go charm them, as you're saying. I would go in and just be like, y'all, we're going to turn this place around. I'm so excited to work with you guys. I'd love to be part of the family. I would tell them whatever they wanted to hear. They would hire me. And then I would spend like six weeks being like, I don't really know how email works.

Yeah, yeah. I would play so stupid and be like, can I actually grab lunch with you to talk about what it means to show up on time? And then I would fool everyone into thinking I was trying really hard to learn. And then as soon as they expected more of me, I'd be like,

I got to quit. I would go get another one. What was the job? Oh, Annie, I had so many jobs in Chicago. I worked at a finance firm. I walked dogs. I worked at a heating and air conditioning company. Oh, my God. What can't you do? Well, what can I do? I really, truly did none of those jobs. But heating and air conditioning company was tough, particularly because...

They hired me and it was a really – I shouldn't have blown that one because at the time it was a good gig. They were paying me pretty good money and they let me make my own schedule, which at the time I was auditioning and doing improv. Wow. This was before any internet stuff. So I really needed time to go do stuff at the theaters and things. And I was like, yeah, I want to –

I was like, yeah, I want to work Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. And I only want to work from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. That's your right. Yeah, as we should be able to. This is the greatest country on earth. We should be doing that for people. And they were like, well, we really need someone who works full time. And I was like, I can't do that. And they were like, okay, deal. And I was like, cool. Wow, called their bluff. Wow, they needed you so bad. Well, it was also a sales position. And I am like an incredible on the phone.

Yeah. Because part of it was a mock sale and I was like, I can sell a heating and air conditioning. Do you remember your pitch? How I sold the heating and air conditioning? I was like, your house is hot. Oh,

I've been there. You're going to love this air conditioner. I'm in the basement. Yeah. I mean, it was just like pretty easy because you just memorize the product qualifications and then you find out how to like cleverly talk shit on other products. You're like, yeah, if you want to go with the other guys, like they're great. I know some people over there. They're lovely people. Their units do like break down after like two years and their insurance policy isn't great. But like, you know, if you want to spend less for like a long-term product that won't last, that's totally a way to go about it, you know? And then, oh my God. I almost bought one from you. Yeah.

I was like, what was the name of the company? Do you want to plug it? And then, so basically though, the job was to like call people and take calls. And I didn't do anything. I mean, I'm talking like every day I would show up, fuck around, do other stuff. I would like have my screen up when my boss was around me. And then I would be like writing jokes in a Google doc or like doing anything other than my job. And like three weeks in, they were like, how's it going? And I was like, really good. Like trying to get these numbers up, like just hustling. And they were like,

So we do actually have data on how often you're in the software and we can actually see that you're like not taking a call ever once in a day. Okay. Because there's a system where you can bypass the call and send it to your manager if it's like a high profile client or question. And I was just every call being like, hello?

What do you need? And it would be anything at all. And I'd be like, that's for my manager. I would send it up. And they actually found out pretty quick. But I had a lot of them. And did you guys end up parting ways? We parted ways. I actually ended up quitting before they could fire me because a job that I had quit was

I had a job at a nonprofit working with school, like teachers and kids. And I had quit that job, the full-time role. And then right when I was figuring out I needed to leave the heating and air conditioning company because the jig was sort of up for me. Sure. They were like, hey, we need part-time help on this big event we're doing. Will you come back? And I was like, yes, that sounds great. So I quit the heating and air conditioning and went back and did part-time work at my old company. That's perfect. Yeah. I had...

I don't think I've told you this. I had a job in college. I really wanted to buy a drone.

I thought it was going to be a photographer for a long time. Yeah. And by a long time, I mean like three months, four months max. Of course. We all had that. And I was like, oh, I need a drone. Yeah. I need a drone. It's a write-off. So you can airstrike your enemies. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So I could attach my GoPro to it so I could film my aerial shots of- Absolutely. And you had a Tumblr, yes? Of course I had a Tumblr. Yeah. I'm not going to go into that. But-

And I did. I was obsessed. I liked Tumblr. I was a photographer. I was really killing it in the space. I think I had a thousand something, whatever the people were called. So I joined. My friend told me he was like... Followers? I have followers. I had... I had...

a friend that worked at the call center at my college. It's like, it is so no brainer. So easy. Go in, walk in, like hand them your resume. They will hire you on the spot. It is, you walk in, it's the most bleak, um, like office, like fluorescent lights, um,

You all face the same way, and then there's a room with a one-way mirror that the managers sit in and watch. What? And they randomly clock into your calls. And the call center is to call people that recently graduated and then ask them for donations. I did this job, yeah.

You wear the headset. Yeah. You have a binder. I'd love to see you in a headset. Oh, my gosh. It's mind-blowing. Anyone that works there, like, it gets better. I was sitting there, and they do the same thing. They clock into your calls. Now, sometimes I would call people, and I got the College of Liberal Arts. One year out of college, they're not going to have a job to donate money to me. So I'm calling them, and I'm saying, hey –

I'm at UT and we love you so much. Thank you for coming here. Can I have $50? And they're like, no, I spent all my money on face piercings and hair dye. Yeah. Right. And they'd be like, I obviously don't have a job. Like, you know, I'm like, I'm so sorry. Like under my breath because I knew that like,

They are listening, you know? But they told us, you are not allowed to take the first no. You're not allowed to take the second no. You have to get three no's before you can let them go. Yeah. Now, I call some people whose parents would answer and say, they are deceased. I'm so sorry to hear that. Do you think that they were lying? I go, I'm so sorry. Enjoy the rest of your day. Enjoy your day. Boots coming from behind me.

Hello, Connor, can we speak to you in the back? And then I got reprimanded because I took the first no from someone whose kid died. And then they were like, you should have asked them for $200. I'm like, no, no. I'm on your boss's side. You're not a hustler. You gotta hustle. I was like, I can't do this. And there were so many people that were like, you have to be, they'd cuss me out. And I'd be like, I know.

You guys are so right. I know. I made the exact amount of money for my drone, and then I no-called, no-showed, and they texted me, or they emailed me, do not use this as a reference. I was like, I wasn't planning on it. Straight up won't. In fact, this was such a traumatic experience for me that I'm blacking it out from my own memory. I don't even remember working there. Yeah. Who are you? Wow, yeah. I had no idea that happened to you. Horrible experience for me. I still can picture that building, walking into it. How many shifts did you work? Eight. Yeah.

I think I worked twice a week for one month. Oh my gosh. And then calling my phone, I'm like, oh no, I'm free. I felt like I escaped like a slaughterhouse. Like if I was like an animal at a butcher, butchery. Absolutely. A butchery. What's it called? A butchery. Absolutely. La boucherie. La boucherie. La boucherie. I had a, there was a job I had right when I got to Chicago. I worked at a,

not a marketing, an advertising firm. And my friend's aunt was like a high up VP there and she had like pulled strings to get me like a really good internship there. And it was horrible. Like from jump, they like tracked your bathroom breaks. It was like one of those places where you had to be like, every 15 minutes, what were you doing? What client are we billing to? And it was just horrible. And the other interns were like little sociopaths who like wanted to be like the head of the Corona account someday. And I was just like, I can't fucking be here, dog. These people are whack and this place sucks. Like,

And I had to commute downtown to go to this. Chance, you remember this. This is right when we moved to Chicago. And I fucking hated that place. And I literally just like...

I was like doing a I was doing a bad job on purpose because I was like I don't want to be here I just I'm trying to get this check it was good money yeah but then my boss was such a bitch I hated her so much like she and not I'm talking like she was right to clock that I wasn't doing my job but she was like extra bitchy to me about it but she would insult my intelligence I'm like you know I'm smart I was just bad at my job right she I hated her and um then one day I was like I'm gonna quit today and I woke up late and I was like well I'm just gonna go in an hour and a half late and then quit because I don't want to go in on time

Totally. Why would I do that? So I like, I text her on the way. I was like, Hey, we need to talk when I get in. And she was like, yeah, I think HR should join. And I was like, for sure. I don't, yeah, bring them. I don't care. And then we got in there and I was like, Hey, I got another job. I'm going to go do that instead. I did not have a job. And, um, they were like, okay, so, um, can you tell us like what happened that you wanted to leave? And I was like, Nope, just got another job. Like I didn't want to talk about how much I hated the people. And then I got an email later on that day from my friend's aunt that was like,

Like, hey, heard that you abruptly quit. Like, stuck my neck out to get you this gig. Oh, my God. That's horrible. And I was like, you hired an intern with, like, a really good resume. And then it didn't work out. I think everything's going to be fine. But it was so... She was like, I'm really disappointed in you. It was really crazy. Have you guys lost touch? We were never really in touch. We met one time and then she recommended me for the job. So I'm like...

Ultimately, I am sorry that I made you look bad, but at the end of the day, maybe do two meetings. Right. Maybe you're bad at your job, actually. You should abruptly quit. I feel like I'm missing so many life skills because I've never had an office job. Really?

- Really? - Yeah, never. I really, I still dream of it one day, of having one. - No you do not. - I do. I think at least for a little bit, like I think that would teach me so much. - You love The Office, right? - 'Cause I can't talk on the phone.

I still can't talk on the phone. Yes, I love The Office. Like, I think that as... Do you think that romanticizes it? You know what's funny? It's like people that have not had an office job look at The Office and they say, I love that sense of community. It's fun. There's hijinks. I love hijinks. I see The Office and I see fluorescent lights, a bleak, meaningless, like, sorry for people that, you know, whatever. It's...

You're like, I see a job that most people have and I see suicide radiation. I see... Okay, that's my experience. That's my truth. My truth is thinking of... Under those lights, but like... I get it, but you did not miss out. No, I did. And in fact, you probably have way more people skills than a lot of people that work in that office. No, that's not true. You really do. She cannot make an appointment to save her life, honestly. I can't. I'm completely blind. I can't make an eye doctor's appointment.

Ward knows I have to go to the dentist. Like, I am struggling. I can't make a phone call. You can't make appointments. Why? Because you're scared of the phone? I just, I can't. There's something about the phone. I've never been able to talk on the phone. Really? Yeah, I used to have to do exposure therapy when I was little with the therapist. They used to, she made me call Target. Ha ha ha!

In the office. Did your parents send you to exposure therapy so that you could learn how to call Target? Well, I was in exposure therapy for a few different things. There was so many things going on, this being the least of everyone's concerns. Yeah.

Like the phone stuff we can honestly get over. Yeah, phone stuff, just one quick session. Yeah, I had to call Target and different stores to ask if things were in stock. And it didn't, it was literally, it was a nightmare. My worst nightmare. It obviously didn't work because you sold it. No, if anything, it made it worse. Yeah. Because guess what? They didn't have the items in stock. We'll go check in the back. Please don't, please don't, please don't, please don't. Can I really quickly flag, is Alani a sponsor of this podcast? No. Okay, I want to just flag like,

I'm probably gonna, my heart's gonna give out. No, no, no, it's okay. I should have known, like, when my heart was pounding, I could feel it in my chin that, like, I probably should have stopped. Did you drink the whole thing? Oh, yeah.

You drink that whole can? No, no, it's okay. It does, like my feet are itching. Okay, your feet always itch. That's true. No, no, I'm okay. You're like, do you want to sober up a little bit? No, I just want to flag, like in case anyone's like curious about Alani energy drinks, they work, but like stop halfway through. Yeah. Thank you for flagging. Thank you for flagging. What's the, let me see the label. Yeah.

It looks like something that would hurt you. I wouldn't know what I'm looking at. I'm shaking. I don't drink energy drinks for this exact reason. Okay. I will tell you, though. Oh, I didn't... 200 milligrams of caffeine. Okay. How much is a cup of coffee? Probably like one. No, I'm kidding. One gram? One milligram? Guys, there is a Vietnamese place...

Do you remember that day? There's a Vietnamese place around the corner where we get lunch a lot while we're at the studio. And one day I decided to have, I've had Vietnamese coffee before, but this one, they like, God must have interviewed. Like they must have something special happening with it. I had one. And then we came and recorded an episode and I was like,

I was vibrating in color. Like, I was like literally like we in Virginia had one, too. And we literally after the episode, we all were like, do you guys think we're going to die for real? Like, it was so intense. I had no idea about Vietnamese coffee. They're not fucking around. The Vietnamese Vietnamese people. I love your coffee and I love your sandwiches. Thank you for buying me. The coffee is really I'm worried for y'all. Damn. I do want to try one. No, I mean, it's it's like Panera energy refreshers or whatever was people.

Okay, what food would you guys want to kill you if you had to die by a food? Oh, that's an awesome question. Thank you. You know what I did last night that was foul and I would do again? Yeah. I, you know, I got a little bit high off of one of those canned drinks. Thank you. And I had breakfast potatoes from Erewhon and I...

Took a huge handful of chips and crunched the chips over the potatoes. Yeah. Which is like a little bit incestuous, I guess, just because it's like potato on potato. Beautiful, yeah. And that was so good. That sounds delicious. That sounds great. That I would let it kill me. That's a great way to die. Thank you. I would add mashed potatoes to that too. Oh, fuck. I love mashed potatoes. I have been recently thinking about...

If I choked on some food in my apartment that I live alone in. Yeah. That would be so embarrassing. How embarrassing that would be. Brooke. Yes. I hope it kills. What are you? Yeah. Oh my gosh. I always, this is how far in advance I think like someone's going to be like, I know someone who choked to death. I'm like, I'm just saying for me, I would be humiliated if they were like, yeah, he choked on a grape alone at his house. I'm personally as Caleb going to take a step further and say, if your friend died of choking to death, that's humiliating.

Thank you. Your friends should be embarrassed. Thank you for taking the brunt of that feedback. The most embarrassing way to go. I mean, am I six? Like, why am I...

Well, I'm choking on food. What am I, a schnauzer? And I know that my dog would be licking my face as I'm like, I'm not clean. I need to teach him how to do something because- The dog. He just sits around, you know? Well, they're useless. They're cute, but they don't really do much. He cleans up food when I drop it on the ground, which is why I got him. Yeah. Because I hate bending down to pick stuff up. So what was your answer? Oh, I'm sorry. Okay.

Food that I was allowed to kill me. Probably the Alani drinks, huh? Oh my gosh. No, I don't think I'll have another one of those. It tastes like if I left like a popsicle out in a cup outside and it melted just into the cup and then someone thought it was like a drink that someone was still working on and put it back in the fridge. That sounds awesome. And then I drank it cold. That sounds really good. That's like a good sell. You described a really good drink. Yeah.

Well, you should try one. I might. Yeah. You're really selling it. Well, what would I let kill me? Come on. What would I let kill me? You should have said sushi because she eats so much sushi. I do. She's going to have mercury poisoning. I have to have it. There's literally no way. Yeah. I mean, I let sushi kill me. It's not mercury. It's the microplastics. It's not the microplastics. Someone told me yesterday that if you put vegetables in the microwave, it zaps the nutrients out. Good. Get them out of there.

Fuck them. Get those fucking nutrients out of there. But surely that can't be true. I think. I mean, it's like radioactive. Yeah.

Surely it's fine. Yeah. I think whatever we need to believe to go forward, I think is the important thing in life. Like if I need to believe that the nutrients stay in the vegetables when I microwave them, that's just, I'll just run with that. Exactly. If that's what I need. Exactly. Yeah. Sometimes the truth is not what's important. It's what keeps you going. The truth is rarely important. Yeah. I have always said that. The truth is rarely important. It's about how things make you feel. Yeah. Vibes are way more important than the truth.

Like, I really truly think if something is untrue and it's making me feel good, you do not need to tell me. Placebo. I completely agree. Like, if I'm telling a story and I'm like completely fudging the facts and someone calls me out on it, it's like I'm just trying to focus on how I want the story to make you feel. The facts are not important. It's the spirit of the story. Exactly. It doesn't matter if that person actually said that. It's the fact that that person...

is kind of a bitch and someone who's a bitch might have said that. Exactly. I'm getting the vibe and that's what I'm trying to transmit. Yeah. Not the facts. I don't deal in logistics. I deal in essence. Oh my God. I'm a vibes guy. Put that on a shirt. Don't you think? Yes. With all three of our faces above it. I'm a vibes guy. I'm a vibes guy. I'm a vibes guy. Wait, so what food would you let kill you? Oh my God. No, Connor's really avoiding the question in a way that's crazy. I'm kind of like in a lasagna. I took that one.

Era? Garfield ass. Garfield ass answer. Really? You would die with lasagna? Yeah, I like foods that are not one thing. Lasagna is pasta, but it's just in a shape. Can I ask you a follow-up question? Yes. How do you feel about Mondays? Because if you hate them, I have something to tell you. You're an orange tabby. Surprise.

I resonate with Garfield. He's fucking awesome. He's also like a hater in his heart. Yeah. Except for the stuff he likes. He's lazy. He's kind of fucking disgusting. He knows what he loves. He's passionate. Yeah. He's like a cool little guy who lives in someone else's house for free. He's got kind of a nasty attitude. I really fuck with him. Okay, I love that. I wish I knew more about him. Because everything you just said, I didn't know was what Garfield stood for. There's three big things you have to know about Garfield. Number one...

Tell us. Tell us. Number one, he like super fucks with lasagna. He fucking loves it. It's like his favorite thing. Like if you bring a lasagna around, like he will partake. Okay. And to say the least, like he really will. Bare minimum. Yeah. He goes out of his way for lasagna. That's number one. Number two, he fucking hates Mondays. He literally like...

If you even mention Monday to him, he's, like, honestly going to be sick. Like, he hates Mondays, like, the most. And really it's because he's anti-capitalist and he, like, loves the weekend. You took the words out of my mouth. He's, like, an anti-capitalist hero. And so he hates Mondays. And then the third thing is he's just honestly, like, an Hall of Fame chiller. Like, he is somebody who will, like, take a nap. Like, he is somebody who will prioritize himself. Like, it is, like – for Garfield, it's, like, Garfield over everybody. Like, he is, like, a guy who just, like, looks out for number one. He could run –

For Office, like...

In an independent third party kind of way, almost in like a Bernie Sanders-esque way. Yeah. He would be the leader of the commune that we find ourselves on. And we would worship him. Honestly, it doesn't even have to be Garfield the cat. It's like if somebody did run for office third party in the United States and was like totally normal, loved to chill, was obsessed with lasagna and wanted to eliminate Mondays, I think 315 electoral votes. Completely. One million percent. Yeah, I think landslide. Landslide. Okay, so who's our Garfield?

Unfortunately, it's RFK Jr. He has always said he hates Mondays. He probably does fuck with lasagna. The woman in front of me hit that bear. I just wanted to skim it. Is that so wrong? So I was at Rehoboth Beach. Who are you guys voting for? Because you guys are big Trump people, right? Yes! No. And...

What's up, you guys? Thank you so much, ZocDoc, for being a sponsor of this episode. We absolutely love you. Look, some things in life are okay to be a total crapshoot, like trying a new type of milk in your coffee or a cheap Instagram ad impulse buy or rolling the dice on a new workout class or mixing it up with a new takeout spot, okay? All those things can be a crapshoot, but finding the right doctor shouldn't be a total crapshoot.

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We are such pussies. I'm actually scared people are going to think that they're running for Trump. Yes, we are literally such

So terrified of everything. No, no one's going to think that. Everyone knows this show. Everyone knows how I am. They know that I'm lying. We need to be more ourselves on our podcast. We do. No, we do. We have to be pretty direct because people are like, when they blinked weird, do you think that they were voting for Trump? Like when they slow blinked at each other? Really? Yeah. I feel like recently we've gotten more on edge. Yeah, we have. It's so interesting. I don't... Because of the woke left. I don't worry about being canceled. That's...

I don't read the comments either though, mostly. Oh, I have a disorder. I try really hard. I do sometimes end up in there and it always spins me out in a way that like, yeah, it totally makes me like second guess my personhood. Yeah. Me too. But yeah, I try not to. It's not good over there. No, it's so, it's so bad for you. We kind of lucked out because we put ourselves in a category of our own where like,

There's a certain percentage of our episode every week that we talk about like poop and butts. Yeah. And then and that's always safe. Yeah. Always safe. Because we've all we all everybody all have butts. Have you guys been in a writer's room? Do you guys write? Are you guys writers? What do you mean when you say write? I think we both would like to think yes. Well, in a way, yes. You write your stand up.

We have not been in a writer's room. No, to answer your question, no, not at all. Well, me also, me barely. Do you guys desire to make TV and film? I ask people on this show a lot, what do you want? What is all this about?

I recently kind of came to the conclusion that I want to write a book. I think that'd be fucking awesome. Thanks. What kind of book do you think? Just like fiction because I read so much. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, sometimes I'm reading and I'm like, I could do this. You totally could. So just do it. So I just started kind of doing that. You were starting to write a book? Kind of. You're starting to write a book? I book. I literally didn't get all my words out because I got so excited. I said, you're starting to write a book? Yeah, I book right now.

But yeah, I, so yes, I do kind of write. That's what I've been doing recently, but it's like really hard to say if it's, if it's good or not.

Well, that's not even really a necessary question to ask or answer at this stage. A lot of things aren't good and they do really well. That's very true. I would like it to be good if possible. It's good. I'm sure it's good. Well, it will be. But if you're also on the first draft, I really am... For me, writing is all about rewriting and that's not something I came up with. I mean, that's obviously a thing that people say. But it doesn't need to be good on the first try. That's so true. It's not important. It'll be good on the fifth draft or the sixth or seventh draft. It's like the first draft should actually be...

bad and just thrown down and like put like it should barely be anything the first draft doesn't need to be good that just like truly like paved the way for a better week for me the fact that you're doing it is like the thing you're already doing it and also the fun thing to me about like writing scripts or writing I was just talking to a friend about this last night who's writing her first novel and I'm like the exciting thing about writing like a novel or something with a page count like you know a fiction novel can be any amount of pages but I think they're probably somewhere in like what the 300 350 page range yeah

But you just say, okay, I'm going to write three pages a day until a really bad first version of this is done. And then that's the easy part, even though it seems like the hardest part, because later on you have to worry about making it good. Right. But you're just trying to get it done the first time. Right. So true. That's nice. So true. I would love to read some of it if you would ever let me. I would love to send it to you when it's just like a little bit better. Totally. Totally.

I believe in you. Oh my God, thank you. I think that'd be really fun. What is, it's like a fiction, like is it like sci-fi fantasy? No, it's kind of just like contemporary, I guess would be the word. Yeah. Just like about, about a girl. I love. About a girl, if you will. Women's stories matter. Women's stories matter. Women's voices matter. I'm happy to contribute. I'm so happy you're doing it. Thank you so much and I can't wait to send it to you. Connor, how far along are you? I just hit my 50th page.

Which honestly, like I never thought that that was possible. That's amazing. So yeah, that's like a lot of pages when you have them all together. 50 is a lot of pages. No, 50 is definitely an amount of pages. If I read 50 pages, I'd be like, you know what I mean? You'd be like, I'm kind of a genius today. Like I'd shut it and be like,

You know what I mean? Like, I just did something. I'm grounded in a comic book. I can't imagine writing 50 pages. 50 pages is half a movie. That's a lot of pages. Yeah. A movie's only 100 pages? I mean, it depends. Like, 90 pages maybe, like, for a comedy, like a big studio comedy would be, like, 90 pages. Maybe 100 pages, 110 pages for, like, a drama. But 120, I mean, you don't want to get up. It's a page a minute. Wow. You don't want it to be too much more than, like, 120 is a long movie. That's two hours. Okay. Okay.

Which is the minimum for all movies now, kind of. Yeah, because they have to be $85 million. Exactly. Yeah. Perfect. Connor, how's the stand-up going? It's good. Yeah? Yeah. I'm going back on tour in like two weeks. Yeah? Yeah.

Are you doing an hour, half hour? I'm doing like just about an hour. Yeah. And I split it up into two segments, which I didn't know you're not supposed to do. Because I was only hosting up until I went on tour. Yeah. And so I'm hosting, you come out first, you come out in between everybody. But I come out first and then I bring out like three or four comedians and then I come out at the end. That's fine. I sandwich it. What's wrong with that?

It's kind of hard when I have two shows back to back because then I get to the second show and I get really bad deja vu because I've basically come out four times that night and I can't remember if I've told certain jokes. Yeah. Oh. And it gets confusing, so I'd like to just come out twice if I do two shows. Twice if possible. Twice if possible at this time because for ease.

Because I want it to be easier. Well, that's, yeah, there's no should. You do whatever you want. But if that feels good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It got so late in the first tour, it got too late to change it because no one told me. So I was like, I can't change it now because this is how the jokes are written. Well, I thought it was great. Thank you. If that helps. Thank you. Yeah, that helps. Yeah, it's super fun. And then I forget, like, no one knows how it's supposed to go. Yeah. Which is a beautiful thing. Yeah. And no one's, like, out to get me or mad at me. Yeah.

There also genuinely is no supposed to. You can do whatever you want. Right. It's crazy. Venues sometimes will think I'm weird because I almost always host my own shows. Yeah. I come out and bring up my opener and stuff. No one really does that, but I'm like, that's how I like doing it. Yeah. Same kind of thing. By the way, the last time I saw you was at the Elysian, I think, right? Right.

I think so. And it was so funny. It was you and Rachel Sinnott, and I can't remember who else was there. Rachel Sinnott? Yeah. That had to be so long ago. I know. It was so funny. Damn. I'm trying to think of what show that would have been. Yeah, The Elysian. I'm usually doing new stuff there. So I'm happy to hear that it was funny. Yeah. Well, it's so funny because my...

I'm now understanding different people's style of comedy. And some people are very material based and some people are like, I have some jokes that I'll get to, but you're so good with the crowd and it's so casual. I'm fucking around up there. And it disarms people. It's like, oh, I can't tell if you're writing this on stage or if you're weaving material into your crowd work or if this is crowd work at all. I don't know. I was pretty new to comedy the last time I saw you, but in person. Yeah.

but i was like oh this is interesting there's so many styles that you can go with how many styles it's fun it's exciting i mean i think the fun thing is figuring out your own version of it and i figured out pretty early that i don't do open mics they just don't work for me same so when i'm doing a new material show like if i'm like a show like that i was probably doing like i'll do like 30 guarantee like old material that i know is good and then i'll do like 70 new jokes and usually when i'm writing new jokes i do write them on stage like i improvise through them and

And then I decide if... It works for me and sometimes it doesn't go well, but I never mind that. And then it's like, yeah, if I find something in there that I'm like, that was really exciting, I should chase that and write more of it. And then sometimes I'll improvise something and be like, that was not interesting. You should abandon that. And then...

sometimes it's interesting that I'll do, I'll improvise a story and I'll hate it and I'll be like, that was boring, move on. And then like a year later, I'll be desperate for new material and I'll be like, try that thing again and it'll go great. And then I'll be like, oh, that actually, there is something there. It's fun how it all like exists in the universe until you pluck it down. Right.

I have just recently started writing things that are relevant. Like current events? Yeah, which I'm finding is very effective. Yeah. People like when I talk about what's actually going on right now. Yeah, no, I'm being so genuinely serious. I kind of wanted these almost Larry David-esque universal things

where it's like, this always happens to everyone versus like, okay, this happened in the news today. Like write a joke about it, you know, because everyone just saw this happen and like it perks their ears and then it's pretty easy to write, you know, stuff that's happening right now and no one's done it yet. Yeah. And I'm like, so I did that last week and I was like killed. So there was a, there's a woman, Sharna Halpern, who I don't care what you guys think. That woman has a lot of good points and she's,

She started a theater in Chicago called IO that a lot of people know about. But she had a rule that you weren't allowed to get on her stage without reading the news for the day. I love that. She was like, don't get on stage without reading the news. And that is a genuine. She's also an old kooky fixture in the scene. So that's what the laughter is about. But that's a really fucking good rule. I agree. That's pretty powerful. Is she a Fox News correspondent? Why did everybody laugh at her? No, everyone has shit.

There's God. What's her deal? What's her deal? Sharna, I mean. It's not about Sharna. Sharna, you might be listening, girl. I love Sharna. I mean, look, she's a complicated figure, but there's a lot of acrimony around her name in the Chicago scene because she, for what, 30 years, booked the SNL showcase in Chicago? Oh, wow. And she booked me, so I think she's got taste. I think she's pretty cool.

Would never say a bad word about it. But she's also an old white woman, right? So she has a lot of blind spots. Like she definitely has some tendencies towards like what she thinks is funny and is not funny that is steeped in being an old white woman. Like that is just straight up going to be a problem and has been a problem. And I wouldn't deny that. But there is this kind of like, not even talking about her anymore, but just moving more broadly about the way that we think about like people with

bad ideas or people that are a little bit older that are behind the times. I, I just, a thing that comes up a lot in leftist organizing that I'm involved in is like people are not disposable. And just because someone has a couple of bad ideas doesn't mean that they're like,

a lost cause and they're just like disgusting like horrible figure that we need to cast out it's like no they're just like they have some bad ideas we need to work on it and we just can fix it yeah I don't think it's that serious maybe you should be the third party yeah yeah yeah well I love lasagna and I hate Mondays so it really could work out and you're wearing orange you really are ah

I didn't want to point that out earlier, but you really could. Well, all I'm saying is every ballot has a write-in option, you guys. And in November, we have a big choice to make. No, the thing is that at least one person listening is like, I wasn't going to vote, but now...

I would love. I would love to get one right in. I'd love to see on election night just a tiny little two votes in California. If you get written in, are you notified? Or do you just hope to see it on the TV? I don't think you even see it on the TV. Nothing even happens. You would have to get 400,000 votes for it to register anywhere. Alex Earle could get

her name on the ballot. I'm saying. With one TikTok. That's what I'm saying. Hey guys, I just decided to get ready to run for office. You guys don't, I get the feeling you guys don't like politics and don't really want anything to do with it. Is that correct? What makes you say that? The fact that you kind of slid into your own skin when I mentioned politics earlier. Oh no. When I joked that you guys might vote for Trump and you were like, people might really, you guys are like,

It's not that. We're always sliding into our own skin. Yeah. We are obsessed with sliding. We're sliding. I love her skin. It sucks. It's like one of our like main interests. Yeah, I'm just really scared of sounding stupid.

And that, no, I know I'm not stupid, but I do tend to sound a little bit stupid. We never claim to be educated when, when politics comes up. So I just, I just stay silent. It's so funny that you would say that. Cause I, uh, have seen you a lot on the internet. I've never once seen you sound stupid. Either of you, you're both very smart. No, that is so sweet. Thank you. And I also, it is Connor and I talk about this a lot. Like,

just like being a woman in comedy, like there is a standard of like, you should know better. Yeah. That he doesn't necessarily get. Cause he's just like a sweet, a sweet boy of, of course they don't. So they, they definitely, they always say like, we expected more from Brooke. And I, and I'm like, I'm like, by the way, I said that she was just in the room. Yeah. So I just like,

kind of shut up sometimes have you guys ever seen and we can cut this if you guys don't want to talk about it because I don't know if you've ever talked about it but have you guys seen the way that people ship you to yeah oh yeah yeah yeah oh we can leave this in do you what do you guys think of that well we are fucking yeah but I'm just kidding but is it in game it's professional yeah we keep it very professional and high level yeah it honestly like does not bother no me

And people are always like, this is so parasocial and inappropriate. Like, they probably see this. Like, blah, blah, blah. I like the attention. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. And it's sweet. And it's always like these edits. I'm like, wow, they spend a lot of time on these edits. Yeah. That like have me and Brooke, like, it looks like we both passed away. And these edits, like, it's like a filter where it's like kind of hazy and like dream. And I'm like, oh, I ship them too. I literally, sometimes I watch and I'm like, oh, my God.

Oh my God. They really would work together. Yeah. I love, I love, I love the edits. Keep it up you guys. It's a great creative outlet and yeah, I encourage it. Scale of one to 10. How likely do you think it is that you guys might consider it someday? It'll get, we'll get to an age if Brooke doesn't end up married with kids and vice versa, then we'll probably, we'll have to sit down and have a serious conversation about it. What age do you think?

I've been thinking a lot about what age I would just turn over to like a sperm donor if I want to have a child. Or like when do people start considering freezing their eggs? Like yesterday. I know. I need to freeze mine too. Honestly, like women are starting to freeze their eggs at like 26, 27 now. That's just like – And they're doing brand deals too. Yeah. For the egg freezing. Companies are paying for it. I can't speak to it because I don't understand. No, speak on it. You should all cover. Speak on things you don't understand. You should. You should.

We expected more from you, but I don't understand egg freezing, to be honest, as a process. Like, it's crazy to me. Nor do I. It's very futuristic to me. How they keep sperm for so long. Should I freeze some sperm? I have. Really? No, everyone else. Don't freeze your sperm. No, you can have kids when you're 100. That's crazy. Do you know what actually really hurts my feelings? And I want all the lesbians out there to listen up.

I'm friends with a lot of lesbians, which is no worries. No worries at all. K lesbians. I love y'all. Thank you so much. I'm for the. Go ahead and bleep that chance. I love lesbians. But here's the thing. I have so many lesbian friends and I have for so long. None of them have ever asked me for my semen. Oh, not once. Not once. No one's asking for my. I can see how that's disheartening. I have come.

You have tons of cum to spare. I have cum to give and no one wants it. No one's asked for it. I have cum. Luckily I have cum. I have cum and no one's asked for it once. None of these lesbians. And a couple of them have asked other gay guys that we're friends with for their cum. That's just insane. I'd be pissed. Do you know how much that hurts? I can't even imagine what you're going through. Me, one of the sweetest, most charming boys. Sweetest guy in the world. Don't worry, when I turn 39 and I'm looking for my sperm donor, I'm knocking on your door. You're coming to me. Yep. Hey, please sir. With a little cup. Yep. Please. Oliver Twist. Please, can I have some more?

Bringing a little old-timey pail for someone to come in. Please, please help me. Please, please. What was I even supposed to be talking about? I asked you guys what you want. Eggs. Eggs. Did you guys say what you want? You're writing a book. Yeah. You're doing stand-up. But what do you want?

What is it? Like, what is your question? I want something good to happen. Yeah. To you or everyone? Me. I think. I want M2O2 and you and everybody in this room and those watching as well. But not everybody. Yeah. And I want to work the Barnes & Noble night shift. You would be really good at that. I saw that on TikTok. Are they open overnight? They have an overnight shift where you just organize the stock. Yeah. That, I mean, every hair on my body was rising up when I was watching that organization. Would you guys be so mad if I went pee?

No. Okay, and then came back. Oh my God, not at all. No, you can do that. We're going to continue. I'm just glad it wasn't me sharting my pants. This is time for us to talk. And you threw the stuff in there. Oh my God. Hang on. I'm not even here. I'm not even here. We're not cutting any of this. We're not cutting any of this. So you want to organize the books overnight. I want to organize the books overnight. Like that hash slinging slasher episode of Spongebob, that's me but in Barnes and Noble. The night shift. What is...

up with connor because he's been like really is he okay he is definitely today yeah he's like i think it's i think it's something else besides the alani too yeah yeah i think there's something else there wait i'm gonna okay wait i have an idea while connor's gone i'm gonna ask you some questions about him and then okay that's really fun that's really fun um oh chance will you keep track of the answers um what is what is connor's favorite food

He's big into lasagna. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's really big into lasagna. He loves sushi. Loves sushi. He eats a lot of disgusting looking bowls of... It literally looks like puke in a bowl. But he eats really healthy. Who's his favorite musician? Tom Misch. Tom Misch? Yeah, I don't know who he is. Okay. What's his favorite clothing brand? That's a good one. Favorite clothing brand...

Like honestly, maybe Madewell men's. Madewell men's. Yeah. Who's his favorite family member? His cousin Logan. His cousin Logan. Oh, this is so juicy. I can't wait to see how many you get right. Okay. Connor, Connor, Connor, Connor. I'm trying to think. What's his favorite thing to do on a day off? Like how does he relax? He doesn't know how to relax. He doesn't know how to relax. Okay. That's a really good answer. Yeah. He doesn't relax. I'm trying to think of like one or two more.

what's a good question to ask Brooke about Connor to see if she gets it right? What's, oh yeah, what's, what's his, what's his guilty pleasure? Oh, I don't know if he feels guilty about anything. He doesn't experience guilt. Honestly, his guilt. Okay, cool. Okay. Okay. And then, um, will you do me a favor and would you mind stepping out so I can ask Connor? I don't mind stepping out at all. Thank you so much. Um, what, what fun? Well, we, we, we created a segment while you were gone just by happening. Oh my gosh. Tell me about it. Um, okay. So, okay. As soon as,

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Okay, fantastic. Okay. So we asked Brooks some questions about you while you were gone. Oh, jeez. And now I'm going to ask them to you. I asked, what's your favorite clothing brand? My favorite clothing brand? Yeah. Am I supposed to have the same answers as her? No, she answered what she thinks yours would be. Oh. Probably J. Crew. Fuck. Okay. Did she say, like, Gap? No. Fuck. This is off to a really tough start. Who's your favorite musician? Um...

Like Cher or Tom Misch. Yeah! Wait, she got Tom Misch? Yes, she got Tom Misch. She did not get Tom Misch! She got Tom Misch! Yes, she did. Well, because I thought she was going to say Cher because we just had this conversation about how much I love Titanic. Yeah.

And that song is the reason I like Cher so much. I don't really know that much of her other work, but that's enough for me. And I love that. And we need to say another word about that. Who's your favorite relative? Your favorite family member? My favorite family member? Probably my Mimi. Okay. Or, yeah. Mimi. Mimi. Damn. She got that wrong? Yeah. She said your cousin Logan. It would be Logan. She's right. What's your guilty pleasure? Um.

Oh my God, you guys, this is freaking me out. Guilty pleasure? Yeah. I feel guilty about everything and it's weird because I'm not even... Okay. I'm not even Catholic, so I don't know where that stems from. I'm so confused, but... How would you relax on a day off? Probably have a couple drinks. Have a couple drinks. Yeah. What else did I ask? Oh, what's your favorite food? Now I'm framing it all as Brooke, even though she has such a clear mind that she probably answered...

With so much more clarity than I have to give, and she's right. She knows you better than you know yourself. When you have given me her answers about what I like, she's been right. I'm like, oh yeah, that family member I forgot about. She said you're not capable of experiencing guilt. I feel guilty about everything. And she knows that. Favorite food? I think just pizza, honestly. Brooke! Come back in here sweaty. Brooke! Hey, you did really well.

But I think the issue here, I think Connor, there's a bit of a gap because maybe you know Connor better than he knows himself. I know. You were right. Well, I honestly didn't. Now I'm like, okay, Brooke answered these questions. There's no way I've talked about Tom missed you, but you got that right. Yes, you do all the time. That's incredible. Yeah. And I'm a good listener. There was a little bit of a fall off because I said I feel guilty about everything. Every little interaction I have with people I don't stop thinking about. I lose sleep over stuff.

I think about things I say on the podcast with guilt. But that's not like a guilty pleasure. That's just anxiety. You have untreated anxiety. That's true. That's true.

Oh, I call it Catholic guilt. It is anxiety. I think you just need to see a therapist. Yeah. You guys are really fun together. I knew you were fun together, but I'm like, this is a friend who I really do stan. That's really sweet. I think we have a lot of breakthroughs together as if we're like talking. It feels like therapy actually when we talk. Good. Oh, I'm glad. But also I would go to a professional. I was going to say, do you feel the same way? If possible.

About you? Yeah. Yes. Yeah, you feel that that's therapy as well, the friendship. She texted me the other day that something I said gave her chills. What? What was it? I was talking about your book. What'd you say? Like almost the same thing Caleb said.

Oh my God. It definitely did give me chills. He said it better than I said it, but no, I don't think I bet we said it the same amount of good. I think mine was like in far less words. It was kind of like what you said. You have book. I think I said kind of the same thing. Yeah. You start book. Yeah. We'll have a segment for you guys.

A what? A segment. Oh, a segment. Cool, cool, cool. If you can believe it. Oh, yay. Okay, wait. It's when I got to go to your document. Thank you, Chance, for making this document every episode. Thank you, Chance. You're the best. You really are the best, Chance. Okay, you guys. I'm going to read you. Okay, this is a true-false segment. Okay. I'm going to read you 15 statements, and you're going to tell me as quickly as you can. You can quickly confer if you want to decide the answer together. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think it's true or false, and if you get 10 or more correct, I'm going to give you 50 U.S. dollars.

50 USD. Yes. USD. Real money. Wow. Vacuum cleaners were invented in 19... Wait, hang on. I'm so sorry. What were the rules of the game? True or false. 15 statements. You just tell me if you think they're true or false. Okay, okay, okay. You can collaborate. Vacuum cleaners were invented in 1997. I want to say false is probably true. This feels like a trick question. It's probably true. If I think it's false, it's probably true. Okay, but very easy technology. We had fans. You just turn the fan in reverse and add a bag. I think it's false. That was really... No. I want to defer to you. I trust you.

Just say it. What do you want me to say? It seems like a trick question. Okay. Do you want to say true? I don't want to be the one to blame. I don't either. I don't want the blame because of my Catholic guilt. Okay. I'll say it. We'll say it at the same time. One, two, three. What we really think. Okay. One, two, three. True. False. It was 1901. I told you. Owls can rotate their heads 270 degrees.

False. No, that's true. No, they can go all the way around. It's 360 like Charlie XCX. No, there's no way they could do 360. They can and I've seen it. Okay, true. No, no, no. I don't want to be the blame for this. I'm so sorry. No, it seems ridiculous now that I'm saying 360 out loud. True. I can do a 270. I mean false. Wait. This has got to be like almost. This is almost 180. It's not even 180. I'm sure someone that was flexible could do 180 and 270 just right here. Should be clear what you're trying to do.

No one could do 180 unless they have no bones in their neck. I'm sure Simone Biles can do 180. Wait, can you read the question one more time? Owls can rotate their heads 270 degrees. At least. True. Minimum. Yes. True. True. In Spain, Mr. Clean is known as Don Limpio. As who? Don Limpio. Oh, Don Limpio. Don Limpio is a historical figure in a different way. You're kidding. I don't know.

Don Lempio, the clean. Mr. Clean. Oh, that's just Mr. Clean in Spanish. I took French. I took Spanish for seven years. So? You need to say the answer. I don't want to. I can't. I feel like here's the thing. That's why I graduated in five years instead of four. There's been two trues. I feel like they want us to think that a false would be coming, but it's probably another true. Okay, ready? Yeah. Three, two, one. True. It's true. William McKinley was on the $500 bill. God damn it.

I cannot believe how long you guys are taking. It's so funny. You guys are so contemplative. What's his name? William McKinley was on the $500 bill. I only know who he is because that's the high school in Glee. I'm going to start assigning them to one of you. Brooke, this is yours. What do you think? I think he was not. It's true. Connor, the Rolling Stones formed before the invention of the lava lamp. It's true. That's true. Kamala Harris has a degree in musical theater. Brooke?

False. It is false. Connor, Melissa Gilliam is the current president of Boston University. Where did Brooke went? Well... I don't know. Oh my god, that's false. That's true. Brooke, the University of Texas at Austin has only one mascot. True. False. Bevo and Hook'em? No! Hang on. Bevo is the longhorn. Hook'em is the saying.

Okay, Brooke, that is not your fault. Well, Connor, Kraft Mac and Cheese is vegan. False. False. Brooke, there are 30 seasons of the Power Rangers TV show. True. True. Connor, Hinge was originally an app for hiring carpenters.

True. False. Jesus. Brooke, Quentin Tarantino played an Elvis impersonator on Golden Girls. True. True. Connor, sea otters hold hands when they sleep so they don't drift apart. True. True. Brooke, guinea pigs have 14 toes. False. True. Connor, Steve Carell's father was a billionaire oil tycoon. False. False. How'd they do? You guys were so close.

Honestly, honestly, those were good questions. Yeah, we did better than I thought we would. The UT Austin one was particularly insidious, I will say. That was crazy. Good work. Like, I didn't even kind of, I've never even heard that. But I had friends that were the guys that brought the, I almost said the dog. See, like I shouldn't have. I brought the dog out during the games. They brought the cow out, the longhorn out during the games. I knew all the hook'ems.

Damn. Damn. Still hook them though, y'all. For real. Still hook them. Seriously. Please, please hook them. For L. Not four years. Four L's. Five years. Five years. Not four years. For that degree. For that degree. Were you guys in fraternity and sorority? Mm-mm. I was for a second and I dropped very quickly. Really? I feel like BU didn't really have Greek life, but I was going to rush and then...

Fell asleep for the first rush event. And I was like, you know what? If this is any indicator of how things are going to go, let's just toss it. Yeah, let's just get it out of here. Wasn't meant to be. What is so true to both of you? Brooke has a good one. I have a good one that I've crowdsourced this before and it's gotten pretty negative feedback. Okay. Okay, good. But I'm curious about your take. It can't hurt to double check. I think that the Alvin and the Chipmunks versions of any song

Are better than the original. Whoa. That's a bold take. There's something about like the high pitch that feels really good to my body. Do you think just to existing songs that they've covered or do you think it could apply to any song? Wow. That is crazy. Do you know what came to my mind immediately? What? Hurt by Johnny Cash.

Alvin and the Chipmunks version. It would be good. It would be incredible. I think it could be incredible. Yeah. I'm telling you. There is not one song that those three Chipmunks couldn't cover beautifully. What do you think they've done most beautifully so far? I really love their rendition of Bad Day. Remember that song? Yeah. They had a bad day. I think.

I think they did that beautifully. They really killed it. Also, I don't want the chipettes to go unnoticed either because they do a great job as well. And they're girls. Yeah, and they're girls too, so it's important to uplift those voices. Girls can do it. No, they can't. Girls can do anything. Anything. I've always said that. Yeah. And I mean it. I do too. I genuinely do mean it. But they also don't have to if they don't want to. Girls can do anything but should do nothing.

If they want. Well said. I've always said two things are true. Girls can do anything. And I'm just a girl. And I'm just a girl. And I'm just a girl. I'm just a girl in the world. That's a statement with a lot of volume. Two truths are existing in the same space. And when you just swap out boy, it's not so much fun. No, it doesn't have the same...

really bring something evil to mind. Oh my God. Sinister. It doesn't feel good. No, they can't. Cause when boys have put their mind, it's gotten really, really quick. Yeah. Like order the flies. Yeah. Oh my God. The way I always bring up Lord of the flies on our podcast. Yeah. That's like, I haven't, I've never read that one. She hasn't. And she's a reader. I think you would really like it. I think you would really like it. It's basically just the way that boys will be. If you let them hang out too long. Boys. Yeah. Boys will be boys. Experiment like that.

And the girls formed like a very self-governing community and the boys made a huge mess and fought each other. Wow. Lord of the Flies. I don't even want to tell you the ending because it's a really good book. Yeah. Okay. I'll add it to my Goodreads. You should. You should. What's so true to you, Connor? I don't think having one pimple is kind of great. I think it's something to look forward to. It's a small project during the day that you could go home. I look forward when I have a pimple. I have something to work on when I get home. I don't know.

I love that. I think that's a beautiful, so true. And that's also one of the most unemployed guy things I've ever, you're like, it's nice to have something to think about during the day. And I relate to that. I also get excited. I'm sorry. Okay. It's nice to have something to think about as, yeah, that. And then also like something to take your mind off of other things, you know, it's like, well now I got to sit down.

I'm going to unwind and I'm going to get at this blackhead. Yeah. I got to really get after it. Would you rather a blackhead or a whitehead? Hard to say. It's all situational because a whitehead can be good if you get a couple pops out of it. A blackhead,

We've got to call in the special forces. You don't want to make it something that it isn't. It's a black hat, after all. But I like to get more than one squeeze out of those. Out of the black hats? Totally. What is the difference? I don't know. A black hat is hard. Oh. It's inward, I would say. Oh, yeah. It's convex. My sister has one on her back that I'm sure she's so excited that I'm talking about on this podcast. Oh!

And it's definitely become a medical situation. It's not bigger than it is there every time I see my sister, and I look forward to seeing my sister and her black cat. Do you pop it? Yes, I get after it. Two of your family members have taken big L's on the pod today. Your sister with the revelation of her back pimple, and obviously your cousin Logan. Did you say she wasn't your favorite? I forgot about her, and I said Mimi. Oh, shoot. Mimi would have been good, too. Yeah.

Logan is though. Yeah. She's definitely in the running. Logan shout out baby. We love you. And Mimi also sick as fuck. She's great. Sick as fuck. Love Mimi down. Yeah. But cousin Logan really did get a knife in the back. That is tough. That's tough. And you know she'll be pissed too. Mm hmm.

She's an avid truther. She's on here. She's watching. She is. She's listening. She knows the pod. She's very online. She texts me stuff that I don't know about that's happening online. That's huge. You need that person. It's helpful. Well, thank you guys so much for being on. Do you want to tell people where they can find you? Thank you so much for having us. I literally love both of you. Literally love you. Literally love you. Thank you. You tell them. I'm Fibula on all platforms. Connor Wood, otherwise, if you want to come see me on tour.

In the fall. And tell them about your podcast too. Yes. Oh my God. I have a podcast with Brooke here, Lady Efron, and it's called Brooke and Connor Make a Podcast. And it's everywhere as well. Well said. And I'm just Brooke Averick on Instagram and Lady Efron on TikTok.

And your guys' podcast is really, really good and successful. People should really get over there and check it out. Thank you so much. Thank you. And it's beautifully done as well. Every time I see it, I feel so warm. I feel like I want to be in there with you. Oh my God, that means the world. We would love to get you in there. I'm like, bring me on. If possible. You kind of want to live on that set. It's really cozy. It is. That was what we were going for. Show our thing to be lined on on the weekend. Sorry, we can wrap. Was those YouTube videos that are definitely made out of AI where it's like eight hours of smooth jazz inside of a coffee shop.

coffee shop slash library while it's raining outside. Yeah. So that's how we landed on that. You should get a rain sound machine. I think it might be distracting on an audio only podcast. It might fuck up. But it would be cool for the video. It would. I think it would be really gorgeous. It would. I love it. Thank you guys for being on. Thank you so much. We love you. Iconic guests. Love you. Thanks for having us.