Bob The Drag Queen Loves a Downfall
01:07:34 Share

My mom dies, I will... Yeah, I just can't. It's too much. It stinks. It stinks. Hot take. You know what's so true to me? My mom dying was a nightmare. Please tell me we're rolling. Please tell me we're rolling when Bob said I'm successful. Please, God. I'll never say it again if we weren't rolling. No, Bob. What are you doing in L.A.?

I live here. Do you live here? Yeah, I live right around the corner. I straight up thought you lived in New York. No, I lived in New York for 12 years. I live in Hollywood, right here in Hollywood. Shut up. Yeah. Oh my God. And we're technically in WeHo. I technically live in WeHo, but I tell people Hollywood when I travel internationally. Because of homophobia. Yours. Because of your individual homophobia. Because of my internalized homophobia. I wouldn't think I'm rougher than I really am. Yeah, I live in Hollywood. The main streets of Hollywood. Yeah.

I'm a couple blocks... I live right off the Chinese theater, so... Liquid death. When did you move to L.A.? I really thought you just visited all the time. October 2020. Wow. I actually moved here kind of for a boy and kind of because... Well, we're not together anymore, so please stop snapping. No, classic. Honey, I'm snapping because I knew you weren't together anymore. I knew you didn't move to L.A. and meet the love of your life. Exactly. And I was on an episode of...

But I told myself that it was because I was on an episode of Lucifer. Come on. By the way, not a series regular. I was on one episode of Lucifer and I was like, I'm not moving for the man. I'm moving for Lucifer. For Lucifer. I was in like three.

three minutes of an episode of Lucifer and I was like and that's why I moved to Los Angeles well I'm moving to LA for my job on Lucifer but we did stay together we stayed together for like three years though so two years three years about three years that's like a million in gay guys I know I know I'm proud of myself we did well for ourselves that's really good is that your longest relationship no I was so I'm in another relationship at the same time so me and Jacob have been together oh I forgot about you

I know. Oh my goodness. We're everywhere. We will be heading out literature. Yeah. Yeah, that's what you do at the Chinese theater. Yes, yes. Heading out literature. Now, me and Jacob have been together for like seven, almost eight years now. I'm really happy for you. Well, how does, okay, you're poly? Yeah, yeah, for sure. Okay. And what does that look like? You know, it's not that exciting. I guess it's just like, I've been a ho for a long time. I've never not been, um,

I just don't have what it takes in me. I know I'd be a cheater. Yeah. So up front, I'm just like, I'm not going to be monogamous. Yeah. And if you're not cool with that, that's okay. I think I'm honest to a fault. I'm a little too honest sometimes, maybe. So I told my partner, I was like, I'm not monogamous. And then maybe like three years in, four years in, I met another guy. And then we started dating. And honestly, it's pretty chill. It takes the pressure off of me, honestly, to...

to not be my partner is everything. So, and I travel so much. So like, I can't be there. I can't really be there for him that often. See that sleeping with other people when you have our kind of schedule, like traveling all the time, sleeping with other people makes total sense to me into that. The multiple relationships. I'm like, how are you? Is it not exhausting?

Yeah, the answer is yes, it is. Okay, cool. Good. Thank God. Thank you. The answer is yes, it is exhausting. I used to live, so I had two apartments. I lived with each of them, and we were like three minutes from each other. Yeah. And it was honestly really exhausting. If you're going to do, I love looking straight to the lens. If you're going to do polyamory, I suggest polyamory.

someone who lives out of state. Yeah. It'll make your life so much easier. Another coast. Because the thing was, I would go from apartment to apartment to apartment to apartment, and they each had a night alone. Yeah. I never got a night by myself. See, that's not right. And I want a night by myself sometimes. You need a night by yourself. Yeah, I deserve it. On the point of you being maybe honest to a fault, you have a quality that I'm a huge fan, by the way. Well, thank you. But you have a quality that I...

You, maybe more than almost anyone on the internet, can pick up your phone, look into it, and seemingly, off the cuff, just absolutely undress somebody. Just absolutely take someone down so hurtfully. Hurtfully's right. You're right. I have a real fear that you might someday turn on me. Because whatever you say, I know would be true and hurt. You know what I mean? What?

I mean, I guess, you know what it is. You know, and I learned this actually from Jinx Monsoon on tour. And I think she was actually trying to be sweet, but it ended up being quite vicious instead. We were doing the Haters Roast, which is like a traveling roast show. And she was like, I don't want to attack anyone's physical appearance. I don't want to attack anyone's, I don't want to, like that, I don't want to attack anyone's race. I'm going to do the PC thing. So what she was doing was just attacking our character. Yeah.

And I was like, that's actually much more hurtful. Get my appearance. Get my appearance. Like a black joke, a gay joke. I'm like, yeah, okay, I've heard all of those. But when you start attacking me as a person, who I am individually. What'd she say? I mean, I can't remember. This roast was so long ago. But it was just like, instead of being like, you're so fat, you're so ugly. She was like, have you noticed that people don't really like you? Ha ha ha ha!

You struggle to commit and it's a problem. She's like, I don't know if you've noticed this, but like people don't like to be around you and that's why you don't get a lot of work. It was stuff like that. And I was like, wow, that's so vicious. So like I'm in it with this guy right now named AJ. He's one of the, I call this the self-hating gays. And he's like, well, he's kind of like a, I wouldn't say he's as severe as like my

what was it, Milo Yiannopoulos. I beef with him. It's not quite that. I mean, that guy's like a full-on white supremacist. Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly. Allegedly, allegedly. But this guy, AJ, he's more like a, he's very, what people would call a pick-me gay. You know what I mean? So he's one who's very much like,

Why do we need to take the T out of the LGB? And, you know, he was one of the people who jumped on the bandwagon of saying that the Algerian woman was a man. And he said like immediately. And then he was like, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. But I'm but I am going to leave the video up. Well, the only thing I want to take out with these gays is them out back and beat their ass. We.

We are not taking the tea out of anything, you fucking weirdos. You know, I can't really figure out why these gays think that they are going to, like, in the queer revolution, when the Civil War starts, they're not going to be on... Do you think that the straights are going to be like, we like you, you're one of the good ones. They won't like you. And I want to say, too, because you know right now, what's his name is going down. I don't really know him, but...

That's all I can see on my TikTok. It's Moschino Dorito. Is he getting taken down? Have you not seen this? No, I'm not on TikTok really. Where have been? He's getting taken down? He's getting taken down. They hate him now. What do you do? So he, Moschino Dorito is just like a straight guy TikToker. I know. I know a straight one. See, I do know a straight one. You know a straight person. And he. Y'all, can we clap for Bob? Thank you. Because that is hard in your line of work. Oh, man.

But it was, he basically was like, he's anti-Kamala, which isn't the end of the world, but he used Sonia Massey's death to, like, make a joke about why you shouldn't vote for Kamala Harris. Right. And then everyone's like, okay. And then when everyone's like, wow, all these black folks are like, this is really messy, you shouldn't do this, he started posting videos of books, like, black

thought pieces, but they were like by like black revolutionaries. But these books were like when I say brand new, I mean, like you could still see the fucking shrink wrap on the ground behind like the corners were crisp, not an ear, not an earmark, not a highlight, nothing. These books, he Amazon prime that shit to his door. So he started being like, read you blacks. He didn't say black, but the undertext was if you read, if you fucking darkies could read, you

No. No, that was the under text. Right, that was there. Present. I'm really good at subtext. I went to school for theater. So he's going through all this stuff, and now he's on the down spiral. Damn. I've been watching a lot of people's downfall lately. It's kind of wild. Are you enjoying it? Some of them, yes. Some of them.

Some of them I feel bad for, but some of them I don't really feel bad for. It's just like a couple of people who, like, what's the name? What's the name going down to? Who? Vanita. Is she going down? They're dragging her too, girl. They're dragging her. What does she do? Well, she was pretty anti-black on the, it's really a lot of people are anti-black. She was like, you know, she lost a lot of weight. I do. Trust me, I know. God, if she hasn't let us know.

Keep this in. We get it, girl. And then we should also, the weight, she was like, I never liked you. And now that I'm skinny and pretty, I can say whatever I want. And then people were like, nah. And then they, so now she's plummeting in the... Can I just say also, if you get weight loss surgery, we shouldn't compliment you. We should compliment your surgeon. I don't, you were asleep. He did all this...

He did all the stuff. You laid there. You laid there asleep, and you didn't even go to sleep. They had to put you there. And then he... It's not like you were lying. No, you didn't even... You didn't even like... You were fighting it. He was like, count one, two...

Count backwards from 10-10. I mean. Have you ever been put to sleep? No. That'd make you count. I know. I did do it once, actually. When I was 15, though. For what? I had knee surgery. I played football. Oh, my God. Were you like a linebacker? Oh, honey. You know I was a lineman. Oh, yeah. That's fierce. Don't flirt with me. Nice try. That's the only. I don't know any football. Quarterback? Uh-huh. Is there a difference between a linebacker and a lineman? Is that a difference? There sure is.

And the linebacker is the one who stands behind the lineman. That is a really on defense specifically. There's a middle linebacker and outside linebacker. What's R.O.L.B.? I forget that one. R.O.L.B. Rolling on the fucking rolling out fucking laughing. R.O.L.B. Rolling on my lower back. What is R.O.L.B.? I have no clue what that is. Exactly correct. Thank you. You allow the straights to speak in your presence. Chance gets this. That was his one for the week.

And if he does it again, he goes back to his kennel. Do you ever have guests who don't know how to hold the mic? Do you ever get

Yeah. It's so annoying. And I know it is such a small thing, but when I see people talking on podcasts and they do this. Yeah. And I'm like, I know you talk with your hands, but you have to realize that this device is what's capturing your sound. Well, you also, and this is no shade to you. I know this is your community, but you have to be careful having theater people on because theater people will get too animated and just run off frame. Yeah.

Like Dylan Mulvaney, God love her. She was an incredible guest, but she was in the rafters. You know what I mean? That is very her. At one point, she scaled the wall. You know what I mean? That's very herself. Because she had to do an act out from a Shakespeare play or whatever. These theater people, you can't keep them in a fucking chair. You're going to become a one. A theater person? Yeah. Why would you say that to me? I see it for you. Well, I see your pipeline. I already see it. I feel like...

I feel like... Oh, tell me. I'm fascinated. And maybe in a couple of years, you're going to get a sitcom. Oh. I see that for you. In my name? Yeah, for sure. Like Caleb's House? No, for sure. Maybe not Caleb's House. It'll be called something. Because, you know, they do this thing where celebrities and comedians, they get sitcoms, and they keep their first name, but they change their last name. Yeah. And then their life is vaguely similar to their own. Yeah, it's like Caleb Herring. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you'll end up...

Probably getting like a gig in a Broadway show or something like that. Yeah. And then you'll be running around. I can't tell if this is a read or a compliment. Oh, no, this is a compliment. Okay. This is a compliment. These are all great things. You know what? Before the show, I texted two of your good friends, Nick and Mateo. Oh, yeah.

Are you having them on? Well, I've had Mateo on. And Nick, if he ever comes to LA. Yeah, he rarely comes. I was talking to Nick this morning. That's so funny. Well, I texted him and said, is there anything scandalous I should ask Bob about? And the only thing that either of them said back is not scandalous at all, so they love you bad. Mateo said, ask Bob why he only likes to eat off his friend's plates. What?

Well, I don't only like, you know, but here's the thing. I am not one of those people. I don't resource guard. Yeah. Like a chihuahua. You know what I mean? I'm like, let me have some of that. Like, it looks good. Let me have a bite. It's not like I go to a restaurant and not order anything and I'm just looking around with my knife and fork at their food. I let people eat off my plate. Yeah. Famous. I have no problems with anyone eating. You know, can I tell you a quick story? When I first moved to New York City, I had this group of friends and they

We all went out, and I did not have any money. And I don't mean like – my mom was famous. She told me, rest in peace, my mother. She said, white people always have money. She said, I don't care what they say. They always have money somewhere. There's always – They're lying. They're hiding it. There is always some money. It's liquid or it's in assets or something. But if they fall on hard times, I promise you there's something. And honestly, she's been right on it.

Hey, she should meet my family because they would love to know that. It's somewhere. It's hidden. It's hidden. They might not even know where it is. But I was with these people and there were some white folks. I didn't really know that many white people before I moved to New York City because I'm from Atlanta, which is – there are more black people in Atlanta than white people. And I went to a black high school and everything. But I was around these folks and they were New York rich.

Not just Atlanta, not just like, yeah, New York rich is like rich, rich, right? Coast rich runs deep. Yeah. It's only second to like, you know, middle Eastern rich, like, like, you know, fucking Saudi Arabia rich. But, um, so we were sitting there and then we, they were like, do you want to go to the restaurant? I said, I don't know why I keep looking at you as if you're the one doing the interview. Um,

She basically is. They were like, do you want... I said, listen, I would love to go out to you, but I don't have any money. Yeah. I do not. I would love... But I'm going to tell you right now, I will come. I will drink my water. I don't have any money. It's okay. No big deal. First of all, that's when you all as a group should be like, let's buy this guy a meal. Yeah. Like you should... And someone should have been like...

I got you. Don't worry about it. But, Bob, here's one thing that people with money won't do, and that's be generous. That is so – They will never do it. So true. But your poor friends will. Your poor friends will buy your meal. It's true. Poor friends will buy you fucking food. I know. So I'm sitting there, and they all watched me with nothing in front of them. And they kept being like, appetizers. Should we get appetizers? Should we get – let's order extra drinks.

let's get this. And then the, then the check came and there were like six of us there and they looked at me and they said, split it six ways. You better drop one number off that total six ways. I was, and I, and I literally started panicking. I was like, guys, I,

I did not eat anything. I sat here hungry just for the company. It was an expensive Mexican restaurant on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. I will never forget this. And they were like, well, we – and I was like, I told you guys when I came here. I was like 23 years old. I was like, I told you I don't have any money. I told you I'm broke. I just wanted to be in the company. And I never hung out with those people again. Well, thank God. And also beyond being logistically insane, that's humiliating. Yeah.

Very. You think I don't want to be able to split this with you guys? It was very, it was a very upsetting situation. But all my broke friends, they will, broke friends will fucking feed you against your will. Yeah. Whether you want it or not. They'll be dishing it out. Yeah, force feed you. That is so, I really, yeah, I grew up very, we did not have money and I, some of my friends. Missouri. Missouri. Did you know that Mormons believe that when Jesus comes back, his first stop is

It's going to be Bethlehem and the next going to Missouri. Baby, we all three are from Missouri. And these head shakes are – Why is Jesus coming to – of all places. Well, you know what? Also, it's not only that, but there's a huge Amish population right around where – more up by where we grew up than down by chance. But there's a bunch of – did I say Mormon? I meant Amish. But there are a bunch of Mormons as well. You said Amish. Oh, Amish. There are a bunch of Amish people. And I went to my first rumspringer when I was in high school. Wow.

And let me tell you, they throw the fuck down. Those people lit a wagon on fire. Well, they only get – These kids lit a wagon. I said, we need to go. You know that anything can be an album cover? Yes. And, honey, I literally – they brought in a kid from the town to DJ who was a meth addict. And he was – so he's a really good DJ. And he was DJing. Give it up for DJ Rumschburger. Yeah.

He's only been doing it for one year. He's fucking spinning it. And then the second they lit the wagon on fire, I said, y'all, let's get into my car and get out of here. That's kind of exciting. I got to say, I don't know much about Amish people, but a rumschmucka is a pretty sweet deal. It's a good concept. Go figure it out. Go live your life. What other religion offers you a year to just go be like, maybe, or I don't know. It's not a religion. It's like a lifestyle. It's a vibe, mostly. Got a vibe. Got a vibe. Maybe you're making me bring the rhyme. Yeah.

But giving you a year to go figure it out. I mean, I'm sure there's lots of problems with there's going to be some ex-Amish. Like, you don't even know. And the truth is, I don't. You're right. Yeah, we're being very upfront about that. Yeah, I have no clue. I saw my first Hasidic Jewish person when I moved to New York City. Yeah. 2008. And I thought he was Amish.

Yeah. Because I had never seen a Hasidic Jew. I'm from Atlanta. We don't have a huge Hasidic Jewish community. Yeah. You moved around a bunch when I was a kid, right? You were in like Mississippi, Alabama. Alabama, Mississippi, and Georgia. You were moving around. Yeah, the trifecta of deep, dirty South. Deep, dirty South. What was the moving around about? Poor. Yeah, same. Yeah.

They're just poor. So when I was born in Columbus, Georgia, then my mom, well, my mom's dead now, so I can actually tell this story without her being upset with me. But my mom had a, my mother was a mistress. Queen. And she was dating this married man named who's also dead. I don't know if I think he's dead. If not, I don't think he watches your YouTube channel. Let's not be so sure. Let's not be so sure that

He's going to be in this chair next week. Setting the record straight.

So he bought my mom a house in Phoenix City, Alabama. It's in Phoenix City, Alabama. I mean, still, as far as mistresses go. Right? I mean, not bad. He bought my mom a house in Phoenix City, Alabama. And I did not know that I was married until I was in college. My mom was like, I was married the whole time. I was like, oh, my God, that's crazy. So we moved to Phoenix City. And then my mom fell on some hard times. And she just sent me and my brother to live with her.

her sister in Mississippi. So I lived in Corinth, Mississippi and then we moved back when she got it together. Then we wanted to move to Atlanta together. So we sold the house and then moved to Atlanta and she wanted to go and set things up first. So we went and lived with her brother in LaGrange, Georgia and then I ended up in Atlanta from 7th to 12th grade. Then I moved to New York City in 2008.

Then I moved back to Columbus for college. I was going to say, you went to Columbus State. Yep. Then I went to Atlanta, to New York City straight from there. And then you were in New York. And then you were in LA. And that's the whole story. And I've also done a short stint in San Francisco, Minneapolis, Minnesota. I did...

maybe like six months in San Francisco and Berkeley. And then I did like nine months living in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Huh. Did you like Minneapolis? You know, it was fun. I was, uh, I think I was like maybe, uh,

19 years old. Yeah. I went to the gay nineties, which was a gay bar they had there. They had like a, uh, an 18 up night, which was so exciting for me. Um, it was the first time I actually like came out. Like I was like out when I moved there. And I remember being so bold about how I was going to come out.

Not like to like a few people like my f***ing hag here and my, you know, so-and-so there. It was like I was emailing my roommate at the time. And I was like, I need you to know something about me. He was like, you should know that I'm bringing my own TV. But I...

He said, fine, I'm gay. He was like, literally, he was like, I'm bringing my own TV and I'm legally blind. So I need help with things from time to time. But I want to control the TV if it's in the room and it's my TV. And I say, well, you should know something about me. I be sucking dicks. Yeah.

And then I was like, so I went and I bought this like rainbow belt and I was like, it was my first time being out really brave to be to out of a theater, a group of theater actors, really brave of me to come out to a room full of queers. Um, that was my first time being like out. And then I was basically much ever like out to everyone's system. Damn. Wait, I wanted to ask you something about, it was, Oh, well moving around a bunch as a kid. I also moved around a bunch as a kid also because we were poor. Um,

And it's either military or poor. That's like the two. Always. Or every once in a while, and in LA I found out it's because your parent is like fucking...

I don't know Aretha Franklin or Or a professor Or something Yeah Every once in a while You'll find one of those Rich types who moves around a lot too Yeah But mostly poor Especially where Like the part of the country we're from But I feel I'm really I hated it at the time Every time we uprooted I was like so Annoyed by it And like god Can we just have a normal Fucking For me I was like Can we just be normal Like I just would love Didn't have a dad It was just my mom And me and my brother And I was Well my dad was alive at the time But he just was not Good at it And so He was

I'm doing his own thing. Are your moms still alive? Yes. Here's the thing about your mom being dead. My mom just died, so I can't stop talking about it. Yeah. But someone said something recently, and it was so twisted, but it's so true. And I hope my dad does not see this, because he is very much living with someone. Once your mom dies, you're in this club that no one wants to be a part of, but you already paid your dues, and you can't get out of it. And she was like...

I really just wish that my dad had died first so I could have prepared for this. And I was like, that is so, so true. I don't want my dad to be dead. Oh, my God. He's going to see it. My dad also probably doesn't want it. My dad and my mom.

Assuming that I'm not killing with southern men of a certain age. In the straight black man community. How are you doing? I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Well, I'm doing actually better. I mean, it's one of those things where it's like, you know, it's sad a lot and you kind of can't stop. I was also a mama's boy too. So it was a huge part of my, there it is. It's a huge part of my identity. So I'm still recovering. So I keep mentioning it.

But I'm also like laughing about it. My mom was really funny. She's a really, really funny lady. That's where I get my sense of humor from. A lot of people tell me that I'm very much like my mom. So I'm doing well. Today's a good day, actually. Yeah. I can talk about it without being upset. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if this will make you feel better or worse. And I guess we'll just find out in real time together on camera. But my dad did die about two years ago. And my mom is still alive. See, I want you to know the laugh I said was before you said that. I was laughing. Yeah.

Let the record show. I said my dad died. You said. No, let the record show. The laugh was before. It was brewing. And then when he said my dad died, I cut it off. I clenched it. My dad died two years ago, and I am grateful that it was him and not my mom. I really am like, I'm like, thank God. And I don't think it at all prepared me. When my mom dies, I will, yeah, I just can't. It's too much. It stinks. It stinks. Yeah. Hot take. Yeah.

You know what's so true to me? My mom dying was a nightmare. Hot take. Was not funny.

Fun! Would not recommend. Yeah, 10 out of 10 would recommend. But moving around a bunch, I hated it at the time, but I'm so grateful for it now because I think I can hold my own in any room. Thank God, and it's my career. And you can too. You would kill anywhere. Do you think it has to do with moving around a bunch and having to reassert yourself in so many different spaces? Yeah, I think that funny people are fucked up people. Yeah. I really do think like funny people are fucked up people, and then the ones who want to be funny are...

There are certain groups of people, every once in a while, and it's not often, but every once in a while, someone who had a very privileged life and didn't have anything go wrong will end up being funny, but it's so rare. Most of the funny people are really, really fucked up. Comedians are sad people. I hate to break it. Or not necessarily sad, but they have had sad lives, and they just found a way to turn it into comedy.

Yeah. Oddly enough, yeah. I feel like you're giving me very grounded. Do you feel like a grounded person? I think I'm very grounded in reality. I think you are. Sometimes a little too grounded in reality, to be honest. I think that people do stuff that I find really absurd. Monet, my best friend, thinks that I'm really wacky and nutty, and I genuinely think that I am like,

I would say I'm the Doug of the cartoon world. I'm Doug. Doug is a cartoon about a guy who's really normal and everyone around him is so wacky. But she thinks I'm like super eccentric. I'm fucking Patty Mayonnaise or something.

Or Topanga, you know, from Boy Meets World. Yeah, like you're just like this flitty, goofy, insane character. I'm pretty, you know, level-headed. You know what I mean? I think you're giving me very grounded. You're giving me well also. I feel really good. I'm feeling pretty good. I had a crazy, crazy year. This year has been insane. What's going on? My house burned down in January. Jesus, what? What?

In L.A.? No, the house I bought my mom in Atlanta. My mom was in it when it burned down. My mom, my brother, my mom, my nephew, and my uncle. And then something else tragic happened. And then my mom died on Mother's Day. Bob. And then two weeks after my mom died to the day, I went and filmed The Traitors, which is like the most weird thing.

psychological reality TV show anyone could ever, it is the, filming The Traitors was the craziest thing I have ever done in my life. And I've done some wild stuff. The Traitors is a mind fuck. Are you familiar with The Traitors at all? - I've not seen it. - But so the concept is a murder mystery reality TV show. - Yeah. - And you have to find out who's the killers and who's the good guys. And it is 24 hours a day, nonstop mental fuckery. - How long?

It films for about a month. Jesus. It is insane. Everyone in the room, you guys have seen it? And it's all with other reality TV stars who are nutty as squirrel turd. Like, they are like, it is just like the baddiest people. You're so from the South. Yeah. That is crazy. What a year. And also, I was on tour with Madonna the whole time. By the way, which I didn't even have a chance to get to yet. How is that? Am I David or am I God? You're God. Okay.

Mother God. You're God. I'm so clearly David. It's crazy. You're a killer right now. You were on tour with Madonna. Yeah, me and Madonna. You know, I'm the first person to ever actually have my, that's what they say. I don't know. Her team said it to me. To actually have my name on the,

The poster. Now, it is tiny. Now, it's on there, though. You have to. But hold on. Let's just get out the monitor and just check it out. We both have round tortoiseshell spectacles. I complimented him when you walked in. And I looked at him like, that's why. Yeah. You gave yourself a compliment. Exactly correct. If I compliment you, I'm waiting for it to come back. Exactly. And I do like your glasses, obviously. Can we swap? I want to see how. Mine might be dirty. Don't judge me. People love to. I think you're going to win the blind game on me. Oh, no. We're kind of similar.

No, we're not, babe. No, listen. I'll tell you something. Hey. Where are you? Hold on. You – Hold on. One second here. You –

I can see what you're doing three minutes from now. These glasses. You look really cute in mine. Thank you. I mean, they're the same glasses. Are yours Warby Parker? No. These are Zenni, honey. Oh, who's Zenni? Zenni Optical. Zenni Optical. Reach out to me. I shouldn't. I have not said this publicly for so long. I don't know why I'm choosing now. But $20. I bought these like 10 years ago. Oh, work. They're like a really cheap frame company and I just, I have such a weird face, like a

that finding a good pair of glasses took me a long time. I was not looking good in my glasses in early college, can attest. I looked horrible. - Did you bring the whole crew from Missouri? - Well, no, I didn't make them come out here, but they did. - They are wearing shackles. - Yeah, yeah. Well, that's because they don't like to follow the rules.

I didn't make them out, but they can't go home. I'll say that. Yeah. Well, they work until they're done. No. Chance I met in college and have known him forever and doing college improv. Thank you. What did you study? Sociopolitical communication. Sociopolitical communication. And ask me what it means. Yeah. I was going to say, what the fuck do you do? What do you do with that? Well, I thought I was going to go to law school.

That was my big plan. I was going to go to law school. I was doing pre-law stuff. Sociopolitical communication is this custom degree that my school had that was sociology and politics. It was an approach to poli-sci from a sociological perspective. A little sprinkling of communications in there. Just a little bit. The lawyer-to-comedian pipeline is actually quite... It happens a lot. Sociopaths can be so many things. Ha ha ha!

I think Guy Brennan was a lawyer. Yes. Yeah. Yes. And I don't think Guy is a sociopath. But. I know he's a guy. I don't know Guy. I have a lot of proof, Guy.

No, yeah, but that was... And then Virginia, I met in Chicago doing comedy. Oh, nice. And then they moved out here. What was I even talking about, though? Bob, you threw me off. Your glasses. My glasses. We're going from Zinni Optical. They were cheap. They were cheap. The side story was actually more exciting than the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you got me on the right track. I don't... Do you... Okay. My...

Spending money. I don't really spend on like – I don't buy like designer anything. I buy very cheap clothes and like glasses and stuff. I spend on travel. Are you spending on something? I spend it on drag. I spend it on work stuff. You do drag? I know. Plot twist. Plot twist.

I spent it on my work stuff. And, you know, I actually did – I was working with Coach as a model for like two and a half years. And they still, to this day, send me free bags. And almost every bag I have is a Coach bag that they sent to me. Like almost every single bag I own is just a bag that Coach sent me. And then I'm just like swapping it out for the old one and putting the new one in there. Are you selling it? Are you selling the old ones? No, I just keep – I mean –

I use them up pretty bad. They're pretty used up. I'm putting these things to a head. They're sturdy. They are road hard and put up wet, so I don't feel comfortable selling the old bags, to be honest. I know. I know.

Every time we get a Southern person in here, I hear something that I'm like, my uncle's in the room. No, actually, my uncle's in the room. I don't have a Southern accent, but I have a very Southern vernacular and lexicon. Yeah. Oh, Southern sayings are my favorite, like proofs in the pudding, devils in the details. My mom had some great ones. My mom would say, you'd rather kiss a pit bull in the face than go toe-to-toe with me. I love that one.

I also love, I had uncles who would be like, boy, don't play with me. Boy, I fold your shirt while you're still wearing it. Yo, I love, you can't piss on me and tell me it's raining. You don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining. I mean, all day long. Or if you see a very attractive person, I drink a whole tub of your bath water. And I will say, I didn't understand this until I recently saw someone on TikTok, and I was like, I get it.

Like, if it would help me win you over, I would drink a tub of your bath water. Who was it? You know who it was? I can't remember. You know who I recently thought was hot, but I found out he was straight and he kind of turned me off? What's his name? Alton Lane?

No, he's like some model, and he's really insanely beautiful. And I was just sure that he was gay. Yeah. Fully straight. Really? Again, though, the wellness comes through. Him being straight turns you off. Alton Mason. Show me. Apparently, he's straight. I love that we're gayvestigating this person live on the pod. Who is this? He's a model. I mean, obviously, he's pretty. He's a model. Oh.

It's not really given straight. It doesn't give, but he's a model though, so they all have to be a little. God love him. Good luck with it. But then I found out, but he's hot, right? He's gorgeous. But I found out that he was, all hot people do backflips. I know that's a real hot take. Ha ha ha.

But when you see these hot guys, they're always on the beach doing back flips. They'll jump around. Hot people will jump. It's crazy. They'll jump. They'll flip. They'll skip. It's just when you're hot, like when you're conventionally hot, I think the world is a musical. Like life is so beautiful. Also, hot people aren't funny.

No. No. And there's not an exception to the rule, by the way. And they really think they are. Conventionally hot people. Now, I think all my funny friends are hot, but I'm saying like conventionally hot people. Let's get progressive. We get what you're saying. Let's get into it. Yeah. They're not. It's just not going well for them. Now, they can do funny things. Like, for example, it's.

If you have a there was a SNL where Britney Spears hosted SNL and there was all this funny stuff happening around her. But the joke is that Britney Spears isn't typically funny. And that's why she is funny in this moment. So Joan Rivers famously had a thing where she kept being like, Betty White's not that funny. Joan Rivers famously kept being like, Betty White's not that funny. You guys are laughing because you don't expect Betty White to say so. So when Joan Rivers says cunt.

no one cares because she says cunt forever. But Betty White doesn't say cunt. So when Betty White says cunt, just that by itself is funny because Betty White doesn't say cunt. Well, you know what it is. This is a communication principle called expectancy violation.

What we expect from a person or a situation being violated really, like, tersely and immediately, that will cause a reaction. Oh, yeah, for sure. Come on. So when someone isn't normally funny, it makes them funnier, but the bar is actually lower. They're not actually doing anything particularly hilarious. The bar is just so low for them. Yeah, it's like when a politician does, like, a talk show or something, and they're willing to go along with the game, where you're like, if a comedian did the same thing, we would not give a fuck. Right.

For sure. Like recently I was watching – have you been following the Harris-Walls campaign speech they've been giving? Yeah, I'm locked in. So Walls recently made a bit about – can we do politics here? Are we allowed to do politics here? Oh, we do politics here. So Walls recently did a bit where he was like, I can't wait to debate J.D. Vance if he'll get off the couch. Now that is funny. Yeah. But, I mean, he brought the House –

Down. Explosion. Literally. Everyone was like, wah! I was about to do a dilemma. Wah! Wah! Like, people were like... And, like, it was funny. It was funny. Yeah. And then also, see what I did there? Which is great. But if, you know, if you said it on stage at, like, a comedy show, it would be like a... Yeah. Well, if you did that, it would kill. Right.

But I have to build a lot of context around it, you know what I mean? But you're right, yeah. When people don't expect you to be very funny, you end up being even funnier because the bar is so low for you. Yeah, I also... Expectancy violation. Expectancy violation. Yeah. I think I really do feel for people who are not... Like, people who are not naturally funny. It is, yeah. I'm like, that must be really hard. Would you trade...

being hilarious for being very traditionally hot? I ask myself this question all the time. - In a heartbeat, yeah. - 'Cause I feel like life's just easier. - People are like opening doors for me, yeah. - I saw a man at Planet Smoothie at Penn Station one time. This was years ago. I'm still thinking about this man to this day.

I remember looking at him and I said to myself, there is no reason for you to be working at the Planet Smoothie at Penn Station. You could have anything. If I had enough money, I would take you out of this place right now. Someone like you, a creature as divine as you, should not be making smoothies for commuters at Penn motherfucking Station. Are you mentioning people on Grindr this way?

I'm very complimentary on Grindr. Yeah, because there are people who message on Grindr this way, and it works on me. I do not hold back compliments. And if you don't give me compliments, I block you. Immediately. Immediately.

If I go, you are so hot, and you say thanks, I will give you up to three minutes to give me a compliment. And if you don't sprinkle me with some love, block. You're giving three minutes? Three minutes. That's kind of a big window, actually. I'm really proud of you. I mean, if I give you a compliment, you have to, especially on Grindr. Yeah. Are you getting recognized on Grindr? Yes, and let me say something.

Let me say something directly to camera. Say it, honey. I do not want to fucking be your friend on Drive-Thru. Thank you. I do not care that you're my fan. Thank you. You can hit my Instagram DMs or you can hit the ticket link for the shows.

These f***s. I'm telling you. I haven't had it, Bob. I'm not going to coffee with you. You're not picking my brain. Yeah. I'll kill us both. You want to pick my brain? I will show up with a f***ing bomb on my chest at your front door and hit the button. They'll be picking your brains off the f***ing wall, bitch. I'll blow us both up at that Starbucks. It's so annoying. It's so annoying. I have had it with these f***s.

The fans messaging you on Grindr. First of all, it's three in the morning. You are a shirtless torso. You've messaged me, hey. I've responded because I'm a horny freak. Literally. I want to fuck you because I'm ill in the head and I have a sickness where I can't escape horniness. It's called gay. It's called gay. Okay.

It's called homosexuality. And I've got it bad terminal. Yeah. Stage six. Inoperable. Yeah. Inoperable. Stage six inoperable homosexuality. And I've replied and you're waiting six messages in to be like, I'm not really looking to hook up with you. I'm a huge fan. But the thing is, they know. They're using what they have. Yes. They're trading it. Girls.

The abs, they're using it to lure us in because they know they're hotter than us. Yes. And they know they'll keep us on the – and I will say this. If you will just toy with me long enough, you can keep me hooked for a long time. Yeah. If you drop a compliment in a nude every four minutes, you can have me on the – you can have me there for – I will text you for weeks. Weeks. Yeah. Yeah.

But if you are like, you know, but also once you finally do drop the, I'm not really looking for anything, I will go ballistic. You're out of here. I mean, just the block for you. I'm not going to like find you or anything, but I will be nuclear. It really sends me over the number of guys who have

wasted my time because they are a fan and they're and the thing is they do know what they're doing and they're being deceitful they're not the guys who message me right away and are like hey i'm sure this is weird but i'm a huge fan that's fine because i can just be like lol thanks and not message them again yeah i will always respond to all things just to see if they go also i want to fuck you i mean literally i hate we were like i like since the humor is so attractive no it's not

No, listen, I make people laugh, and I don't think my hee-hee ha-has have gotten me laid. You don't think so? I don't think so. I am very funny. You're very funny. And I do not think that that has gotten me laid. You know what actually ended up getting me laid more? As I got older and stopped looking so, like, twinkie and tiny, people who are into, like, larger, or, like, daddy, or just a person who's just, like, I'm just...

I'm 6'2", and I'm like 240 pounds. They want to be thrown around a little bit. Yeah, and I think that is more appealing. I think I'm more appealing to someone who wants to be thrown around. I think I was always too tall to throw anyone around. Yeah. Even when I was like, I was like 185 pounds at 6'2", which is very tiny. But they're still like, it's a little gangly. Yeah. You know what I mean? It can't toss me. Yeah, I wasn't like a 5'3 thing. I was like a tall Jack Skellington type. Yeah, yeah.

That's what, when people are mean to me online and act like I don't get laid, I'm like, you don't understand how many people just want to be tossed around a little bit. Has the humor gotten you laid? Absolutely. Are you just, are you just rolling to be like, knock, knock. Bitch.

Who's there? Yeah. I'll throw in a knock-knock joke. Why not? That is so fucking funny. No, I'm definitely getting laid for being funny. And I think you are. Maybe I have. Maybe I have. I think you are. I don't think. But also, you're hot and you are very charming. I am charming. You have an energy about you. I've got the charm. There's something in your eyes and your countenance, your presence. I have astigmatism in both eyes.

No, I'm saying there's something going on. Something about that football-shaped eyeball. Really? Getting me randy. I think you're getting laid for being funny. No, I do get laid. I do get laid. It's kind of a mental mind fuck, too, because I started getting laid more once I got famous. Then I was like, you know what?

If like some of the hot bodies using what they got to get laid, I'm going to use what I got. And I got fucking followers and I got charm and I, and I, you kind of already know who I am. So maybe you have like a crush on me from TV because you thought I was smart or funny or charming. So if you can use your abs, I can use, I can use my sense of humor. If you want to fuck me because I have some Instagram followers and you're cute,

I'm on through. Yeah, a couple of the rude girls are like, I don't fuck fans. I'm like, you're a fool. You're an idiot. You're a fool. You better fuck those. You're leaving a lot of money on the table. You're leaving a lot of dick on the table, honey. I don't know what to tell you. You better fuck those motherfucking fans. I'm a businessman. I will. So to the fans, I will fuck a fan. But you have to act like you're into me, though. You can't be like, I just want you to know. You can't do that to me.

I have to feel hot. I have to feel hot. Oh, yeah. No, I'm not a trans. Okay. Well, every time I tell this story on the pod, we end up cutting it, so I'm not going to tell it. But I'll tell you afterward. I'll tell you later. I'm a story repeater on the podcast. Simple why we're listeners are like, we've heard this story, and I'm like, you're going to hear it again. You're going to hear it again, bitch. I wanted to ask you, well, you know the name of the show. So true. So true. What is so true to you?

So I was on the way over here thinking about this really hard, and I had a couple of hot takes. And I think I've landed on the hottest of my hot takes. Okay, we're ready. Straight people don't exist. Thank you so much. It's not real. It's not going on. It's an illusion. It's not happening. There are no straight people. There's no proof of it. You can't make me believe it's real. We haven't seen it in nature.

And I'm just saying right now, I don't think straight people exist. I don't think they're real. I think they're a psyop by the government to stop us all from having a lot of fun. The birds are drones. Yes. And the straight people are Roombas. No, Roombas are far more useful than a straight person. The thing is...

I don't think that, I think that most straight women will acknowledge that women are sexy. They will acknowledge it. And they might even lickety splits every once in a while. Once in a while. A couple of Coronas.

All bets are off. She's going to Badgetown. Yeah. You know what I mean? One-way ticket. But the straight guys won't admit that they feel the same way. They will only admit it for Ryan Reynolds. Yeah, which, what is that about? I do not know what it is. What is that about? It took one brave straight guy to be like, oh, I think Ryan Reynolds is hot. And the guy's like, thank you. Like,

For saying what we've all been thinking. You know what I mean? And I think that if these straight guys can just acknowledge that they are indeed a little gay. We're not saying you're as gay. You could never be as gay as me, bitch. Yeah. Ever. No, you're like too gay. Yeah, exactly. I've been wanting to say something. I mean, I am a woman like three times a week. That's what I'm saying. That's how gay I am. But...

If we could get these straight guys to recognize they are at least a little bit gay, a little bit gay, then that would prove my theory because I believe they are all a little gay. I think we've got a bigger problem brewing, which is that we have trained straight guys up. We've done the work. We've made them too progressive, and we've taught them too much. And now straight guys are reading All About Love by Bell Hooks.

and they're really advancing at such a rapid pace that now you don't know who's gay and straight. The straight guys have earrings now. Alton fucking Mason. Well, that's what I'm saying. There's a lot of that going on.

There's a lot of blouses where there shouldn't be blouses. Literally. You're putting a blouse where God put a flannel. Literally. Literally. And these straight guys are out of control. We don't know what's going on. And I'm saying, if you genuinely are straight, if you're genuinely not going to even kind of consider fucking a guy a little bit. Suck my dick and prove it. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I'm kidding. I need to see the look of disgust on your face. And that's how I know you're straight. Prove it.

Yeah, there's something going on with the straight men. They're getting too advanced for me. Well, I mean, this is kind of our doing because we really praise the metro... How old are you? I'm 29. 29. So you were a little young for the metrosexual revolution. I remember it vaguely. We really praised them. It was a huge deal when the guys started just simply putting on moisturizer. Yeah. We were like, baby, metrosexual. Yeah.

And then came the man bun. Yeah. After the man bun, we got really big into them. And then it became the straight guys who were pearls. Oh, God. That's really ravaging the community right now. So we kept praising them more and more and more. And now they're just fully engaging in gay sex to prove how straight they are.

No, they really... I'm an ally. A lot of straight guys are having gay sex at least once now just to be like, yeah, you know, I had my moment. It's also shocking to realize how many of the straight guys are like...

Because we know that a lot of them are closetedly gay because a lot of them tried it with us in college. A lot of them tried it with us at work. A lot of them sneak around and do things with us. But then we have to watch them in the world acting like they're straight. It is so upsetting. It is infuriating because I'm bold enough to be myself. And then to see people out in the world, especially when they start advocating against. Now, there's the allies. The ally girlies are cool.

I'm hip with them. But, I mean, it's no surprise that... Did you know that Grindr crashed at the Republican National Convention? Who was surprised? Literally no one. This is what they do. Literally is insane. And the number of guys... I've said this on the podcast before, but the number of straight guys in Hollywood... Oh, yeah. Girl. The list is unbelievably long. And everyone just knows it. Everyone just openly jokes about it. You know what's so funny? When you go to a Broadway show, because it's the opposite of...

the world. When you ever go to a Broadway show, the actors are gay. Yeah. And it's always the gay guy acting like a straight guy. Yeah. But we know because during the show, he's like, you know, this character. And then in the curtain call, he's like, girl!

My favorite is when they can't even quite get the straight cosplay right for the show. I mean, they rarely can. Like, Rebecca! Literally. It's like, oh, fuck. They rarely, rarely can. But then in the real world, it's the opposite. It's the straight guys pretending to be... Oh, it's the same thing. It's the gay guys pretending to be straight, but they do it 24 hours a day instead of eight times a week. Well, they're doing drag. Literally. Yeah, they're doing straight drag all the time. My favorite kind of straight guy is a dumb...

idiot guy who just loves like football and uh steaks and cigars holds a laptop curly hair fucked up nikes sits over here produces the podcast can i tell you i recently realized what i'm attracted to and i think it's problematic what it's actually problematic i'm gonna acknowledge it okay uh first of all i love feminine men okay but i love this is so problematic say it broke dumb boys

Like if you're broke and dumb, that shit gets me wet. I don't know what it is. Broke, dumb boys. It's so hot. To watch you get easily confused with the simplest task.

I'm like, why can't you figure this out? And then I take the phone and I just Google it in three seconds. And I'm like, there's the answer. And I'm ready to fuck hard. Yeah. I don't know what it is. I cannot. You put the shapes blocks game out in front of them. They're trying to put the triangle in the circle. They just can't. And you get it. Broke dumb boys are fucking hot. I don't know why. I really agree with you is the crazy thing. Because I get to save you. Yeah. Woo! You're like a dumb. Well, yeah.

What? It does go too far sometimes, though. Oh, sometimes, yeah. Like, you fuck a broke, dumb guy for a while, and then you're starting to see them more and more, and then they're so dumb that you're like, I can't possibly fuck you again. Well, the thing about being stupid is, like, we really give people a hard time for being dumb, but if you're dumb, you're just dumb. You didn't do anything bad. You're just kind of dumb. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like...

I think a lot of people are smart. I don't really consider myself smart, but people always say that I'm smart. It's like, I'm so smart, whatever. But I didn't do it. It's not like I'm doing it. I've just always, my brain just works really fast. It's probably some of the

at some point in there going on. But if you are just like a person who just like your brain just moves slow, you're not doing anything wrong. Yeah. It doesn't make you a bad person. No, it's not moral. In fact, it makes you kind of sexy. Yeah. Well, for you, it's really doing something. Right? Yeah. You're down at the unemployment office looking for the most slack jawed guy in there.

Saying I'm taking you home For sure Mama's got you Especially if you like I will fly a guy out Oh same Have done will do And they get so excited They're like this first class seat And I'm like You're getting a first class? It depends Y'all fuck Bob not me You'll be middle seat economy if I'm flying you out

Sexy, though. Sitting in line is spirit. Here's what I'll tell you. Not spirit. Oh, Bob, not spirit. I want to fuck these guys. I want them to make it in one piece. The first time I fly someone out, you're getting an economy ticket. Now, if it goes past that, you move up in the plane. That's fair. We'll go, hey, Comfort Plus just arrived. It's the third date. First class, we're going to have to be pretty deep into what we're doing. And by marriage, you're a full-on pilot. But...

By marriage. You work at the airline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a shareholder. Who do you fly with? Delta's my airline. Delta is that girl. Delta, I love you, girl. Please reach out. I've been begging on the pod. Delta, hit me up, girl. I love you. Delta's my girl. Delta will always be that girl. She has always been that girl. You bought the medallion? Diamond. Diamond. Ooh. No, diamond. I'm a Delta 360. Come on.

Come on. Honey. Come on, Delta One Light On Flats. You have to be invited to Delta 360. Ooh. Can I show you my humble flex? Yeah. It's not humble at all, actually. As I say, it's not seeming humble just from the jump. From the jump, it's not humble. I wouldn't say I'm a hoarder, but I like to save things. I love to collect. Not the points, bitch. I'm going to kill you. I already know this. My miles are – I do not think you will ever meet a person with more miles than me. I don't think you will. Show me now.

Don't even say it out loud because I want these bitches to come for me and challenge me. I don't think you'll meet a person. That is – I have never seen something like that. That is insanity. And I'll let you all guess. Guess in the comments. Guess in the comments. And maybe in an episode or two, I'll let you know how many miles it was. I'll bury it in some future episode. That is crazy. And that's all in the past. What's wrong with you? I won't spend them. Why? Because I like to see them collect. I don't know why. Why?

I don't know why. And it's really kind of not great because they used to be worth more than they are now. The miles have gone down. And now I'm like, now I just don't want to. I just don't want to. I just want to keep them. And I'm very competitive and I want to have more miles than everyone else. Do you know how there's a common understanding on the left that everyone has a cop inside of us that we need to challenge? You have a billionaire inside of you that we need to take care of.

you what you just said is so crazy you're like i like seeing it go up it benefits me nothing but i need more that's crazy you know i'm fighting my inner capitalist right now fighting my inner inner capitalist but i am obsessed i will never spend i want to i every time i take a fight i check it i'm like oh yeah you love it and you're good at it and you're successful you're doing very well for yourself thank you but that brings me to my next question i ask people on this podcast all the time what do you want um i

I think that, well, right now I really want my tour to be, you know, I'm going on tour. I probably should have said the top of the episode. You can go to seethedragqueen.com, C, like with your I's, S-E-E, seethedragqueen.com to get tickets to my tour, This Is Wild. We just...

did our Australia leg. We're doing the American leg. We're going to be announcing our UK and EU dates very, very soon. And hopefully we'll be able to get some South America dates. I would love to get some Africa dates and some Asia dates on the map as well. But right now we're working on the EU and the UK and we're hoping to drop that pretty soon. Maybe I'll see you somewhere in Europe. But

But I'm hoping that goes well. And then I think that right now I'm trying to double down and do more of my social content. I think I fell off my social media game, my YouTubing and stuff because I was on tour. Working with Madonna was a, I've never met anyone who works harder than this. And I mean ever. In any job, in any field. I don't think there's a person on earth who works harder than Madonna. They're not phoning it in over there.

there literally no it's insane like what she does is and she doesn't have to do it like this she doesn't have to she could roll out in sweats and sit on a stool and people would show up and literally but she is I mean she really changed the game when it comes to touring when she reinvented what it means to do a tour to do a concert

on the scale that she does them. A lot of the people are following her blueprint. They don't even know they're doing it. They have no clue. You know, she's a perfectionist. I'm not. My greatest gift is that I'm not a perfectionist. That is probably, I will just do it. I will get it right next time. Yeah. Are you a perfectionist?

I'm really in a weird place with it right now where I don't know. I think I used to be, and I think I'm falling out of it a little bit. It feels really good to just create it and put it out there. For me, personally, I don't have a lot of anxiety about whether or not people like it enough. I like it, and it's good enough. I'm like, I'm going to go ahead and do it.

So I'm trying to get back into doing more of my social media YouTube-y stuff. That's such a business-minded answer. I was going to say, well, it's not a bad answer, but it's really interesting that it was so pragmatic. I also really want – I'm obsessed right now with chamoy candy, chamoy belt strips, chamoy peach rings, chamoy lollipops. I want –

Don't bring it to meet and greets. I don't eat candy. I don't eat food from fans. Yeah. Because that seems like a dangerous game. Yeah. That's a dangerous game, right? I'm not eating candy from fans. I will sleep with you. Yeah. No, I will stick my penis inside of you, but I will not eat your candy. Don't bring me a sucker. I will not eat your completely sealed, wrapped candy. Isn't that crazy? No, but I'm the same.

Someone gave me a joint after a show and I was, I gave it to someone, I gave it to a friend. Oh yeah, there's Fentanyl. Just take two hits of this. There's Fentanyl in that. Which is by a great drag name, Fentanyl. Fentanyl. Miss Fentanyl. Come on, y'all. Little southern girl, my name's Fentanyl. Fentanyl. Y'all, it's me, Miss Fentanyl. Welcome to the show, y'all. I'm stealing that. You see me on the next episode of this show in full drag. It's Fentanyl. So true with Fentanyl. But yeah, I do love, I do want candy. And I'm probably going to go here. I ordered some online.

TikTok is, when it comes to advertising to you, the things you want to buy, no one does it better than TikTok. They've made it so easy to buy that stuff. And I will buy all of it. I buy the candy. I buy the shoes. I buy the technology. I can't stop. You're buying on TikTok? All the time. Really? Non-stop. Last night I ate candy that I ordered on. I could have walked to the store and got the candy. I ordered it off of TikTok. Yeah. How crazy is that? That is crazy because it's really not working for me.

But I don't think I've trained my thing. I'm not on there. You have to teach your FYP what you want to look at. These guys are on my page more than I am. I'm not on there. Yeah, because you're looking at their stuff. Yeah. You're looking at what they want. That's why you don't want your... Ooh, interesting. And they're trying to trick you into buying the things for them. I'm seeing Chance of Virginia's algorithms on my page. Exactly. There it is. Yeah, I'm really not on there. I need to...

there's a lot of things I'm missing out on on there because other people are building out their, they're getting very specific stuff. They're talking about their, the side of TikTok that they're on. I'm not, none of this is happening for me. Well, you have to dedicate a lot of time just scrolling through TikTok and I dedicate an embarrassing amount of time. You put in the hours. Yeah. You put in the hours. An embarrassing amount of time. How do you feel about the internet? What's your relationship with the internet like? I love,

Love the internet. Really? Is that crazy? I love it. I think it is one of the best things that has ever happened, ever. It is the best technological advance since the wheel. It connects people in a way that is unheard of. We have the answer to every question.

question in the world, in our pockets. That's insane. We used to have to go to that one friend's house that had an encyclopedia. Yeah. And by the way, for those of you who don't know, an encyclopedia is not one book. It is a bookshelf full of books that you have to update every five years. And now it is in this little folder.

Fucking phone. I love that like four minutes ago you were like, yeah, I don't think I'm that smart. And now you're like, well, the Internet's nice because I don't have to use the encyclopedia anymore. It's like, baby, you might be a little more. I just Google stuff a lot. My friends always think that I Google things all the time. And I'm like, why would you not? I will watch my friends sit around and struggle with the national like, what's the most populated state in America? Like, I don't know. And they will just do that. I'm like, girl, if you don't fucking pull out your fucking phone.

It's California, bitch. It's motherfucking California. Yeah. I'm also really randomly good with countries and their populations. Okay. Tell me. Okay. America has 335 million people in it, roughly. Okay. And Canada is about 10% of that. And Australia and Canada have very similar populations. And Canada is the second largest country in the world. Did you know that? Canada? By land mass. Whoa. Canada is the second largest country in the world. Why does no one know that? I did not know that. That's what they're keeping from you.

Hey, they're lying to us. They don't want you to know. Y'all, get online. Check this stuff out. A lot of Canada is completely unusable. I think something like 80% of the population lives so close to the- It's unusable? Yeah, it's so cold. Oh, fuck. Yeah. And also kind of gross. No kidding. It's ugly up there. It's like when Tim Horton's up in the top. No, it's just really fucking cold and the ground is undrillable and you can't break ground, so it's really hard to use. I did not know. Probably like Alberta. Yeah.

Well, no, because I guess people do live there. This is not important. I have a segment for you, Bob. Oh, I'm ready. Yeah. We stay on a segment. I have a segment for you. This is a true-false segment. So basically, I'm going to read you – where the heck is my document? I'm going to read you 10 statements, right? 15. I'm going to read you 15 – like, I haven't done this literally 30 times. I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false. Okay. If you get 10 or more correct, I'm going to give you 50 U.S. dollars. Oh, wow. This is candy money, baby. I'm ready. Okay.

Galapagos tortoises sleep up to 16 hours a day. That's true. True. The Atlantic Ocean is the biggest ocean on Earth. That's false. That's false because it's the Pacific. The heart is the largest internal organ in the human body. That's false. That's false. It's the liver. Columbus State University's mascot is Cody the Cougar. Yes, Cody Cougar. That's true. Rugrats aired on Nickelodeon. Yeah, true. That's true. Pineapples grow on trees. That's true. False. They grow on the ground. Canada does not have an Air Force.

I'm going to say true. False. They do. Sutton Foster was a state champion basketball player in high school. She is tall. I'm going to say true. False. She was not. Marvel published its first comic in October 1939. 39? 39. That's so specific. And if you were, you don't seem like the kind of person who would make it 1940 and be like, gotcha, bitch. So I'm going to go with true. It's true. All the kings in the standard deck of cards have a mustache. True.

No, the heart doesn't have a mustache. King of Hearts does not. Correct. The state fish of Georgia is the largemouth bass. State fish of Georgia. Georgia. Is it a largemouth bass? That is false. It's true. The rarest blood type is AB negative. False. True. I was really racking them up in the beginning. It was so impressive. You were on an unprecedented run. Aspirin was invented by a dog. A dog? Mm-hmm. What are you doing?

Answer the question, Bob. What are you doing? You better answer the question. Aspirin was invented by a dog. You better answer this question. It's true. It's false. This guy is such a stupid statement. I was like, how? Beauty and the Beast was Disney's first Broadway musical. Beauty and the Beast. Let me see. Aladdin, no. Aida is actually a Broadway musical.

Okay, I'm going to hit you with this. Aida is a Disney musical. It was never a movie, but it is a musical. Question is, was it before Beauty and the Beast? We have never seen someone fumble such a huge lead in this segment. You are so... And I also feel like The Lion King came out in 1994, and I want to say it hit Broadway in 1996 or 1997. Beauty and the Beast certainly came out before...

That movie. And I remember Tony Braxton played Belle in Beauty and the Beast. Did Aida come out before Beauty and the Beast? I'm going to go with true. It's true. Yes. McDonald's has more locations than any other restaurant in the U.S. I will say this. I think in 2020, McDonald's first started closing locations. For the first time ever, they had less than the year before. Yeah.

That is true, I know for sure. McDonald's, they never had less locations than the year before. It's until 2020. And I'm thinking more than any other restaurant? Mm-hmm. Than any other restaurant because there's a Subway every 10 seconds. There would be a Subway next to a Subway. I'm like, how are you all staying in business? I'm going to go with false. False at Subway. Hey! How many did I get right? How did Bob do? Oh, man.

At least I don't owe you 50 bucks. But can I say that was impressive though? No, you do. Your run at the beginning, really legendary stuff. And the stuff I was working on in my head, I think was very impressive. The math, the thought process. You have a beautiful mind. Thank you. You have a really beautiful mind. Do you ever wonder what your mind looks like? What is your brain? Do you wonder what does your brain look like? Absolutely. I wonder what's going on in there.

You know when you get a brain surgery, you're awake. What? You're awake for brain surgery. What do you mean? You have to be awake during it. What? They're like, move your hand. You're awake. You know you're awake for it. Yeah. You're awake for brain surgery. Oh, I don't like that at all. You're awake for C-sections. Well, that's fine. I would have one of those. They put a thing and then you're fully awake while they are. Oh, God. Do you think you can feel it? No, you can't feel it. Like not pain-wise, but you think you can feel it. You can feel pressure. Who?

Yeah. Like the moving of your guts. Yeah. But sometimes you can't feel it because sometimes they'll be completely numb below the waist. But you can feel like if they push up, you can feel like a little bit of pressure. But you're awake during brain surgery. I think I'm going to throw up. I hate that. They put me to sleep for my wisdom tooth. I'm like, bitch, if you're tickling my brain, turn me off. I want to.

I want to be, honestly, I want to be put to sleep every time the dentist touched my tooth. If you're touching my teeth at all, I just, I have really, really sensitive teeth and they can never quite get me fully numb. Put me the fuck to sleep for anything. Do you think we're going to, have you been involved in any internet controversy? Have you fought any people? Fought any people? Yeah. People are really mean to me on there sometimes, but I don't really fight with them. But never any other like influencers or TikTokers or comedians? I've never had a beef. Would you like to have one? No.

Would you like to have one? No, no, no. I like you. I like you. I like you. We could cut this and we could do like a – after this you could be like, I just did a gay guy's podcast. Like we could do like a really – When you vague book. Yeah. Let's just say I was doing some fucking queers podcast. I'll tell you one thing that is so true. I won't say it's real. Whoa.

I've had a few internet beefs. Really? Yeah, but also my toxic trait is that I like to argue. I can see that about you. Isn't that horrible? Well, you're quite good at it. I can feel it. Isn't that horrible? It is a little toxic. I really enjoy it. It's really fun for me. Do you know what I will say? I'll tell you one thing about this show. I very frequently on this podcast right here in these chairs talk shit on somebody I don't like or somebody I don't think is talented. And then every single time we cut it, it never makes it to air.

I hate when I run into them in person. I had a...

thing on there was this couple who was like this they were like a TikTok couple which I just detest TikTok I detest it they were a very cutesy cutesy gay couple and I just posted it I stitched it being like I have to block these two I was like I have to block them I cannot and then I hosted the GLAAD Awards and they were the fucking trophy boys at the GLAAD Awards they were staring daggers through me yeah and they were right honestly rightfully so they didn't do anything to me they did end up breaking up though

A little bit of vindication for Bob, I feel. I'm sorry. I low-key won that battle. The battle that they weren't involved in, threw no punches in. The number of battles I've won that only took place in my head. Honey, I'm a world champion back to back to back to back in battles that only existed in my fucking brain. Last thing I'll say to you, I know we have to go. Did you see breakdancing at the Olympics? Yes. I thought that woman from Australia was really good. Shut up!

No way. There's no way she is the best breakdancer in Australia. It's just not possible. She couldn't have been the best breakdancer in a square mile of that place. Literally. There had to be someone in the audience that could have just winged it a little better. If breakdancing can be in the Olympics, I think voguing, and I'm not even kidding, should be allowed to be in the Olympics. Voguing should be in the Olympics. 100%. Also, there's this new thing on that. There's this new thing happening now that I don't like where people are like,

She works really hard at this, and you guys are making fun of it. It's probably breaking her heart. It's the Olympics. You went to the Olympics in a sport that you're supposed to be the best at. You're just going to be fine. You know they call stuff the Olympics of something? Like, drag race, the Olympics of drag. It's the Olympics. It's the actual Olympics. It's the Olympics. It's like if you said, don't criticize a rocket scientist. It's like, no, rocket science is the thing we compare quality to. You're supposed to be good if you go there. My boyfriend, both of his parents are scientists. Which boyfriend?

And on that note, thank you all so much for watching. Thank you for coming. Of course. I love you. I think you're the best. I'm going to give you my number when we leave here. Oh my God. And I can use it for personal reasons? Of course. I hope so. Like as a friend? Yeah, I hope so. Guys, a big day for me.