"CLOWNS" (w/ Ana Gasteyer)
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And now, Lost Cult. Drums.

Look, Matt. Where? Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow, is that culture? Yes. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas. Ding dong. Las Culturistas calling. I mean, it's a new era. And what do you mean by that? Christmas. Oh. It's officially...

It's officially the holidays. It's officially the holidays. That's a fun spin on everything that's happened. It's holidays now. Do you think that the Christmas spirit can thrive under fascism? You know, that's an interesting... Well, the thing is, we're not officially in fascism yet. We still have one hard Christmas. But you know, some people might argue with you. Your known chomskies might say, oh, we've always been under...

we've been in fascism for so long, which is, God, what a terrible, rancid tone to start this episode on. What are we going to do? When you look around and the world's on fire, what are you going to say? Like, ooh, pass me my iced tea? That's what we're meant to do as entertainers sometimes, is pass the iced tea. Hey, pass me the iced tea. I mean, it's a complicated thing, people. It's our first episode recording since the election. Obviously, want to...

express to everyone out there that is feeling terrible that, you know, we are all in it together. Lots of avalanche of reasons why this may have happened. It's kind of neither here nor there. Certainly you're not going to get into it here on this episode. No, certainly not. But just if you're feeling... Although we have the greatest political minds in one room. Yeah. I'm looking around and everyone... Here has something to say. Everyone has something to contribute to the solution. I mean it.

We just want to say, if you're feeling down, that you have a hug from us. And I really appreciate you saying that, Matt, about being in this together. I think this is an easy time for people to start to go for individualism and say, well, as long as I'm taken care of, then it's the best I can do. And that's true, and that's important. But also, I think, I was talking to someone like a week before, just being like, God, but what if it happens? And then...

We were saying, like, I think the best thing to do is just to...

Be there for each other. Which sounds so saccharine, but I think it really is the only thing. I think it's actually kind of time to think about things in a way like that, to be honest. Because, again, more to come later when it feels appropriate and things have died down a little bit. But community is going to be the way and maybe some unexpected community. If you're in New York, New York cares. Great thing to do just in terms of like...

A spirit of volunteerism. I really enjoy the times, the few times that I've done something New York Cares related, but it was during lockdown and it was kind of like the only thing that made me

feel good. Yeah. So I'm going to start doing that again. Tiny, beautiful things. Tiny, beautiful things. And we have a tiny, beautiful person. Tiny, beautiful. But here's the thing. Big, gorgeous talent. Oh, of course. A front runner for title of app. Big, gorgeous talent. She's pointing to her talents. She's cupping her talent. I have like a confession to make. When I was a kid,

When I heard about Once Upon a Mattress being revived, I was a little bit like, really? Because it's one of those shows where I'm like, I just was surprised to hear that that was getting revived. I went to go see it.

A delight from start to finish. It is one of our great, joyful shows. My first musical that I ever did in high school. Really? I was the jester's understudy. I had to learn the choreography for Very Soft Shoes. And I know every song word for word. This is important to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, sensitivity is...

Oh, it's great. A plus. A plus villains. I think I just forgot how delightful it is and combined with this really amazing new book by Amy Sherman Palladino who just like punched it up for all it's worth. I mean, it's so funny. It's like really just like from start to finish a great time at the theater. Here's the thing. It has a couple more weeks on Broadway when this comes out. And then from January

December 10th to January 5th, you can see it at the Amundsen in Los Angeles. This would be well worth your time. Absolutely. And it stars our guest who, among other things, is also Christmas royalty. Christmas royalty. Oh, I talked about this with her, actually. Of course. Because if Mariah is the queen of Christmas and I'm the prince, we're actually speaking with the Duchess of Christmas, self-appointed. The only way to gain royalty in Christmas is to self-appoint. That's true. And so this person has done it.

And we're so grateful and happy. Sugar and booze, the... At this point, I would say it's...

It's in the canon of great Christmas albums. It's in the canon. Truly, she is going to do a few cities at the beginning of December. Lansing, Evanston, Illinois, Indianapolis. Please catch her. What a sublime time that will be. Of course, you know and love her from being a true SNL legend. I mean, one of the greats of all time. We are...

Absolutely fucking thrilled to welcome to this podcast, the one, the only, Amigar! Yay! It's Jay!

Can you imagine when's going to come the point where she comes out and does it and it sounds like that? We're like, oh no. It drops down like four octaves. It's time. But it is time. It is time. Hi, thank you for mentioning my Christmas status. Title? Yes, my status. Thank you, my title. My honorific. Thank you so much. Okay, self-appointed duchess. There's a court we have to fill out or there's a whole feudal system. Yes, correct. Right.

But I feel like I've earned it. I mean, I'm best known for Shreddy Balls at SNL, which runs in the Christmas episode. Yes, yes, yes. Martha Stewart's Topless Christmas. Yes. Then I wrote Clusterfunk Christmas, which was the Hallmark parody movie with Dratch. Yes. And yeah, lots of things have happened around holiday time. It's my favorite time of year. Did you seek out this Christmas canon status or do you think it happened, happy accident? It is a good fit for who, like for my value system, if that makes sense. Yes, yes. Not to say that I'm like really obsessed with Jesus's birthday as much as...

I do have a little bit of an old-fashioned traditional side. Do you? And just sort of more in like the domestic part and the kind of... Actually, oddly, referring to what you were talking even post-election, the sort of coziness and the I love to cook and I love throwing parties and I love kind of domestic connection. And I do think that the holidays kind of allows us a little bit of an old-fashioned broad kind of a moment. And that's why the album...

the album felt so important to do, not just to like make a Christmas album, but rather that it fit kind of my style. You can be sort of throwback-y in a way that doesn't feel as kitschy or as annoying to people. Yes. Well, that's the thing. I feel like the Cocktail Lounge jazz aesthetic of Sugar and Booze is that it's like,

It's very... It's like the wink is so pretty. And that's such a nice sort of comedy sensibility about it. That was sort of what we went for. It should feel like an old-fashioned album, but not campy or not like...

kitschy, I guess is the word, like avoiding kitsch and making it more like... My biggest compliment that I was so excited by, the LA Times reviewed it, they said Frank and Dino would have wanted to sing this song. Which to me was like, as opposed to just like, ♪ Someone doing a lounge act ♪ Like you're saying, it feels a little more somewhere in between. And you're a real vocalist too. So it's like your Christmas stuff definitely resonates in that way as well. There's a coziness to the holidays. There's a reason they play the standards at Banana Republic.

when you go in. And that's the most Christmas place of all. Oh, absolutely. It's a cozy Christmas vibe. Hashtag, dreamboard that. J.Crew is very, they kind of nail the Christmas vibe. They love Christmas. I'm trying to get close. That's why I'm saying this right now. But I wear a lot of there. I always end up buying a lot of J.Crew to wear in my show. It really, honestly, you walk in J.Crew, it's hard to leave empty-handed. Oh, yeah. It is. Because you want to know what? Coziness is

which is really what this is really about. We're not saying the word cozy, but it's about being cozy. It's huge. Hygge? Are we talking about hygge? Hygge, sure. That's a placement thing. And it's placed here, right between the eyes? Yeah, I think anyone Scandinavian would place it right here.

Yeah, in their upper. Which is really a hard place to find. Hard place to find. Now, are you on this sort of within your coterie of SNL people? Like, I feel like everyone is obsessed with Iceland newly because of Polar. Oh, yeah. She's loving Iceland. The last time I spoke to her, she was like, are y'all going to Iceland or Scandinavia in general? It's funny that you said that. I mean, it's not high.

not high on our list. You should go. I do want to see, I mean, we're always sort of debating because we have these like reunions. The girls have all these reunions and so we're always debating, you know, there's an East Coast, West Coast kind of conversation and different places come up depending on what's happening. I mean, at the moment, I think everybody's just going to, you know, try to,

have dinner in New York together. Right. That's nice. Okay, who's holding it down on the East Coast right now? It's you, Tina. It's me, Tina Paula. Paula lives up in, you know, Westchester, Westchester. With her a million, Westchester. Her dog's on wheels. Yeah, her dog's on wheels. She just got another wheeled dog. The best. She like zooms around the apartment, that house. Yes, and Polar's here part of the time and then Maya's in LA and Spivey's up in North Carolina. So down in North Carolina. Spivey.

Yeah, so we sort of float. What's been the best vacation you guys have taken together? Was it what Wine Country's based on? Yeah, Wine Country was really fantastic. I mean, it was actually in Wine Country, and we ate and drank to our heart's contents. Literally the whole movie. It was like, basic dude! And then, you know, we like... Like, our night at the strip club was just like an antique mall. You know? Like, oh, look at this tea! And then...

For my birthday, we did Palm Springs and everybody wore really old fashioned. We wore muumuu's and we wore a really old fashioned bathing caps that I bought everybody on the internet and I made everybody wear it like, do like gentle, don't ruin your hair swims. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is an important image. Hair up like, okay, okay, okay. Neck up. Totally neck up.

But lately we've done more cozy things. We've gone to Fire Island or we've gone to people's... Where do you go? Fair Harbor? Basically, Salt Air. Salt Air. Salt Air, Fair Harbor area. Gay audience. These are the non-fine areas. I get a lot of gay cred when I say Fire Island and then it immediately evaporates by the vague white supremacy of my area. Don't worry. No, you should take the gay cred. I try. Also, you have plenty from...

From so many things. From your life. Yeah, I try. You're an alphabet for gossip. Before I go any further, my daughter said to tell you, and I quote, on air, that she's a huge fan and so are all her gay friends. Hello! But I wasn't going to get credit if I said it off air. She was like, you have to tell them on air. So I guess that she's a Katie. Yes, I believe. That's what I would imagine. Of course, of course. And a Katie is...

Katie has a lot of gay friends. Has a lot of gay friends. So we have some subsects of our fandom. I see. She's a Katie, for sure. I believe a Katie would be like me and all my gay friends love it. I don't know how she could be my child and not be a Katie. Well, yeah. Of course. Because I have a number of guzbands, which is G apostrophe silent H. Sure. Who's the top guzband? My top guzband's my friend Tony, who I've lived with on and off, who was my first director at the Groundlings. My actual husband named him my guzband because I lived with him throughout a bunch of TV shows I did in L.A. Yes. Great. Because as you know, everybody in L.A. has like a second guzband.

bedroom. So I for years just had pajamas and things there. So people have more space. My next guzman is my friend Ryan, who is my what was the name of that character? It's too old to reference that Murphy Brown, that guy that lived in her house and did all her work. Anyway, he's like my carpenter. He's a former Broadway boy now. Now a talented contractor. And he just he helps me fix up Fire Island. He does my Ikea run and my Costco run with me. He's really done a lot for my actual marriage with my straight husband.

That's wonderful. Did you acquire a lot of Guzman's and Guzman types during your run as Elphaba? I mean, I've always had Guzman's. You've always had them. You didn't need to be Elphaba to have Guzman's. No, but it certainly helped. Yeah. As soon as the news of the belting got out, my gay cue went way up. I do remember like being obviously loving you forever on Saturday Night Live and then hearing that you were belting on Broadway as Elphaba did make something like your shoulders drop as a gay person. Yeah, it was a relief. It was a relief. And she can suppress.

She can support. She can sustain. And she does vibrato at the end. Yeah, all of those things got me very far. No long, straight tone with a little vibrato at the end. Yeah. Well, you know, I mean... It took me a second, but I'm like, oh! And that's it. Wow. I was going to say, you know, the sketch that really...

hooked me when I moved to the US was Gemini's Twin. Oh my God. Thank you. And the line read that even rang in my ears today. No, no, no. You're going to love it. It was, it was whack, whack. And then at one point, this is the Charlize Theron episode. This is like the first, the first episode I ever saw.

Oh my God. And then you had a line where someone's Carson Daly, it's TRL. And then they're like, you know, what's the song about? And then Maya has a line. It's about, or Maya Charlize has a line. You know, it's about like when you're done with a man and then it's you and you say, Oh no.

It's also about a pancake breakfast. It's about a what? It's also about a pancake breakfast. It wasn't like flip-flop, flip-flop, whack-whack-flapjack. It's also about a pancake breakfast. It's also about a pancake breakfast. And like that, and that, I barely laughed as a fucking... It's so stupid. It's the funniest line. I wish that they would, you know, they never re-air any of this. One of my great sadnesses is because music rights are so expensive. So many of my sketches don't re-air. God.

in a regular way, which is sad because we wrote so many dumb things. And Gemini's Twin, we wrote this ridiculous thing with Lucy Liu about airplane safety. And that's my favorite Gemini's Twin because Lucy Liu at one point bends over and kind of fingers her own crotch. It's so dirty. It was so shocking. I think it was about airplane safety. I don't even remember what it was about. And then we did one with Pierce Brosnan that all I remember...

Oh, it was actually good. I need a man. I need a man. I need a... Oh, God. It was so dumb. It was like, with a something credit card and a central pay tan, I need a man. It was a real man. It was a man. Anyway, he, for some reason, we did like a Frankenstein. This is a bad story. You should just watch it. But it doesn't air because of the music rights. He had like... You can find it. Somebody sent it to me. He's doing like a Frankenstein thing. Oh, yeah, because we were like Dr. Evil-ing it. And I don't even remember...

don't even remember what the premise was but I remember waiting for him like he was like I'm alive I'm all up in air it was so dumb anyway why are the music rights so tricky with that when it's like an original I don't know because I know ASCAP rights or whatever there's that but the

But the Britney Spears one too. I think that was super politically incorrect. Didn't we do like a Dixie number? Oh, it was like, um, it was like we were, we were on a fence. You guys worked on, it was, you guys worked on like Monticello or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Monticello. I thought it was more like Gone with the Wind kind of vibes. Or maybe it was, it might have been Tara. It might have been. It was Tara. I don't remember, but I was so, yeah, it was so fun because it was Maya. I mean, it was again like those, those nights with Maya and with like Will on Bobby and Marty were like, those are my most like,

truly treasured nights because they were James Anderson and Paula Pell and like the greats. I mean, and I'm a terrible procrastinator. We would stay up. Bobby and Marty, we were like super famous. Like when people would start something late, they would be like, no, I mean famous for how much we dicked around where they would be like, we're Bobby and Marty-ing it like starting at six or whatever. It was just because we would sit and do bits and talk. Yeah. Light farts, like all of the

You know, until like four in the morning. Oh, wow. We talk about six in the morning on Wednesday. On Wednesday. Holy moly. All the way up to the line. And then we would write it. And then many times we would go to McDonald's and get a night McMuffin on the way home at like eight or often will because will famously. So this is another will dressed as Jerry Reed from the Smokey and the Bandit series. OK, bear with me, please.

So Norm Macdonald and Will did Burt Reynolds. It was the Burt Reynolds. They were writing to the Burt Reynolds impression at the time. And they did these Smokey and the Bannock commercials. And Will, it was like a pre-tape. And Will was dressed as Jerry Reed, but he had to keep going into blocking. And so he never got out of his outfit of Jerry Reed, which just was like a 70s trucker costume, basically. Like really kind of high, bad pants and like a Western thing and a big trucker hat.

And Adam, it was like a bit. And somebody was like, are you not going to ever change out of that? And so then he didn't. And it became this like, what's the term? Like a bell, like a lightning rod, like a thing where you could tell who was fun and who wasn't. But who would be like, certain people in the front office were like, why are you still wearing that?

outfit you know like and and meanwhile he was just like i'm gonna i'm gonna wear this all season so he proceeded to wear it from before it was like around thanksgiving all the way if you go back it would have been the two 1997 eight season he wore that costume tom broker would just go and like clean it at every break oh blast and because he of course got it he was like well he's comfortable

in it. You know, just like immediately. Tom Berger always gets it. Exactly. And then, anyway, many, many times writing a Bobby and Marty, Will would fall asleep on the sofas in the old research area, which is now offices. Yes. Which was like across the hall. Because back in the day, we just had a million VHSs. There was no internet. There was no internet, yeah. Wow. So, I know, crazy. Did you ever meet Chip Kudrow? No. So this, I guess, was Will's character of Lisa Kudrow's brother. Oh,

No, but he also did... Yes, I remember Chip Q. Drew. He also did Jim Signorelli's former DP. That started a party, a zipper boot party at my house where everybody had to wear zipper boots and Harper, Steele, and he, and all those people all wearing zipper boots. Oh, wow. Fun. And then, like, 70s boots zipped. And then he wore, like, a red pantsuit with an ascot. And then he just... That was Chip. Yeah. And then Ron. Did you ever hear about Ron? No. No, wait a minute. That was Ron. Ron was...

Jim Signorelli's fired DP who was still trying to get jobs. And so he was coming around and he's dressed as Ron. And then famously when P Diddy came, we're getting into it. I got to find this tape because I have it. He of course like shut down the whole building. Like, you know, SNL, it's like, you can tell like the five assholes and the six years that I was there when they would be like, so-and-so's in the building. Everybody stay in your dressing rooms, you know, like, and you're like, which is a,

applicable if you're a presidential candidate. But apart from that, really, it's my house. And they did it for P. Diddy? For P. Diddy. He demanded a totally closed set. Oh, no, no, no. Cool. Sean Cohn. Sean Cohn. Yes. And he was doing Kashmir. Do you remember that? Oh, of course. I remember that performance well. Right. Okay. And they brought in like the New York Phil.

Oh, wow. And they had them in there and they were sealed off on Thursday and we were in the writer's room on nine and Will and typically McKay or somebody was like, I would be so, he was dressed as Ron because he would stay in character for like the whole week. So he was dressed as Ron at the table. I think we were rewriting Bobby and Marty and he went down, they were like, wouldn't it be so funny if Ron just went in? And he did.

He went on down the stairs and he marched right in. And I have the video from the control room. He goes on stage? Where Sean Combs is like rapping with like, behind him. And he's just like, Ron's like walking around looking really disoriented and looking for Jim Sten. He's like, have you seen Jim Sten? You're right.

Fearless. Jim Signorelli, to be clear to your listeners, was the OG pre-tape guy. So he was like the director who did all of the commercial parodies, all of the Gemini's twin videos, all of the videos that you would do before Lonely Island came. It was like you would go and they were shot on film by this guy, Jim Signorelli, who was a character in his own right. Yeah.

So, yeah. It is the greatest thing that's ever happened because what a deserved person to have their Kashmir moment interrupted by Ron. And he really did not roll with it. He was very uncomfortable. But it was also just like the artifice of all that

importance. Like, what's going to happen? You're going to walk into the studio and you're going to be like, I'm in the studio. I work here. Yeah. What's crazy about the P. Diddy of it all is it's like, you look back at his time of being like, when he was huge, huge, huge in pop culture, it was always weird. Like, if you go back and watch like, Making the Band,

The way that he treats people is so crazy. The way he talks to these, especially like, I think it was the second season where they were making Danity Kane. Uh-huh. The way he talks to these girls is absurd. You wouldn't believe how they talked to us in the 90s. I mean, it's really like the bend, the mind bend is like every now and then I look back and I'm like, wow, like the things that we sort of endured. But I mean, whatever, like it all evolves and thank God for you guys and your generation. And you know, we didn't do it. No, you didn't do it.

You didn't do it. You weren't born. No, but that's what I'm saying. Like, it's just been, I really do want to speak to what you said about community at the beginning of your show. Yeah, please. Because I'm old enough now that I've endured a few of these, like, bumps. And I was telling you right before we went on, like, the first time the election didn't go, you know, our way, I had to do a reshoot the next day of the Goldbergs where a chandelier fell on me. And it's literally like... How did it fall on you?

Oh my God. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But all I'm saying is... Did the character die? I wish. Were you killed on the Goldbergs? I wish. A very special Goldbergs. No, I...

I don't remember. It just pretended a lot. Yeah, and this year I had to wake up and dress up as Martha Stewart and go be with Martha Stewart on the Drew Barrymore show. And then doing Mattress, which is this extraordinarily joy-oriented show. It really is. Full of people who are just of the best, sweetest intentions. Everybody who did Mattress did it in high school or at camp. Wow. And there's like this real kind of collective, I do have this weird moment of gratitude for

in this time that there are so many of us who love making joy and who will take care of one another and will take care of our community. I have more faith oddly enough than ever in that. And I do feel like whatever, even in this terrible scenario, no matter how we want to parse it, there's still half of us. I mean, it's a lot of people. And, you know, it's a lot of people. It's millions and millions and millions of people. And you guys know because you tour. Like I'm going to Indiana, which is a red state. And these people show up

with tears in their eyes at my shows sometimes. I mean, it's like the joy and that's, I don't mean to be arrogant about that and whatever. Like, I just, I feel like we have one move left and that is literally send in the clowns. This is your job. And have a good time doing it and take care of other human beings because church is gone for a lot of people. And as a singer, the corny part of me

That is the closest I've ever felt to God. And I'm not a religious person at all. Like at all. I went to like a Quaker school. Like, you know, that's like as close as it got, which is not saying very much, you know? So service, as you mentioned,

outwards towards others when you are feeling desperate is very helpful. Yeah. And singing with others like there are these like pop up one day choirs. Have you read about that? Oh, yeah. Yeah. You don't have to audition. People just get together to make music together. And I do think when you sing and when you join, that's why I went back to do musicals after all was

said and done because sharing that it's outside of your control whether you can sing you know and so like being able to share that with other people not to be corny but like no I don't think it's corny at all I actually think especially after like doing something and we love SNL and you know there's lots of amazing memories as you were saying but it does feel like by nature of the show a lot is out of your control so when you leave you want to run towards the joy yeah and I feel like do you think that that is a

direct correlation that you can see in looking back. That's such a cool way of putting it. I've never thought about it. Yes, absolutely. And even with regards to my gender and my whatever, all those specific things to each of us that we felt have impacted who we became or whatever, I do find, especially in this chapter, which I guess is my third chapter of five, let's say, total, I definitely feel... We're on three and there's two more. We've got two more. Okay. Yeah, we've got two more. Thank you. Well, listen, you know, but I do like in this chapter,

After so many, like actually, literally, when I got the offer for a mattress and I hadn't worked for a while because I've seen your parents. I was dealing with them and some stuff was going on and after the strike and all that. So I literally looked at the offer and I saw the cast. I saw Daniel Breaker. I saw Brooks Ashbanskis. I saw Sutton. I saw Michael. I saw like the people lined up. And I said to my husband, oh my God, this cast is so fun. And he was like, stop. Don't even tell me anything else about it.

go do it. Because for me, backstage is everything. It's much more fun. Each person's different. But SNL, my favorite was never Saturday. My favorite was always the rewrite table, which is weird because the writers hate the rewrite table. But I loved it. Like, I love the idea that you could be with all these funny fuckers who would make your thing better. You're in a lab and you're just like...

And like blocking on Thursday's fun. And that joy of the community is ultimately for me what makes a thing real. And Elphaba to that point was a hard job. Yeah. To follow up SNL with Wicked was...

Yeah, you didn't give yourself a break. I mean, it's really hard, especially that early. I was like the whatever. Third, fourth? Third or fourth alphabet, yeah. Replacement, yeah. I mean, I was the, yeah, because it went. 2006? Idina, Shoshana, Eden? So I was in that audition round, which is how I got Chicago. So it was me, Shoshana, and Eden, I think. Eden and Shoshana had been standbys on Broadway. So usually those people get bumped because the costumes are already made.

But also because they're amazing. They are fantastic. And then Stephanie, who had been in San Francisco, went on First National, and then I did Chicago. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So arguably I was the first person outside the family. Yeah, wow. It was great. But it was super hard work. Who was your Glinda? Kate Reinders. Oh, fun. And so what I was starting to say is that Kate, everything's funnier from a Glinda, by the way, because they're all suddenly like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like even when she was angry about something, she would be like, he looks old for

You know, it would always make me laugh. But she said, she was like, we're probably best friends. So should we just, we should just probably be best friends. And we were. And we still are. Like, she's a really good girl. And we've always been very close. We just took care of each other. And again, as number one, and you know, you said all the tones. I was like, we can gossip and we can talk shit, but only to each other. To each other. But you guys really, I think like people talk about that cast when you were Elphaba, just like that was setting this model for the future on like how like,

this is the tone setting that we want. This is the environment that we want. It's not toxic. Not that anything before was like noxious, but you know. But no, it really wasn't. It was a really sweet group of humans. And part of it was Chicago too. We had a lot of Steppenwolf, like Rondi, we had like a Tony winner from the Steppenwolf's production of August Osage County. Like incredible people were there. Heidi Kettenring, who I went to college with, like she played Nessa forever.

So there was this real gratitude amongst a lot of the Chicago locals that this is a good equity gig for a long time. People bought houses and stuff. So there was a nice feeling and we did Thanksgiving together and mattresses, I mean, next level. We have a book club. We play Traders.

You play traitors? Yeah, I mean, all of it. Like, all of the things. It's so cute. Daniel Breaker's like an incredible chef. So he's like, every other day, they'll be like, oh, there's jambalaya in the green room that Daniel made, you know, pulled pork. He made pulled pork the morning after the election. You can tell. You actually can tell that it's like that when you see the show. It's really fun. And you get the sense, too, that while all of the amazing physical comedy is incredibly well-blocked and everything, it feels...

improvisational there's a lot of it yeah and the ensemble is really really engaged it's a small ensemble we're close it's nice yeah yeah just a fun show that there's those songs are really well the music is fantastic and that's actually probably the most important part and nothing outside of our control but because that stuff gets when you do a musical gets stuck in your head yeah i've been living with it for some time so what else what else wait but was singing first or was it violin first for you

Growing up. So violin, theoretically, and truly, I love that you know that, but I really hated it. That's a lonely ass instrument. Do you play the violin? I played growing up. Yeah. And I have neutral, complicated feelings about it. It's complicated. I was good at it and I enjoyed it. I was better at it than piano for sure. But the perfectionism fact is really, if you're a little OCD, as I imagine everybody in our community is, is really dangerous. And it's lonely. Lonely. I mean, the sad part is, so I was playing violin. I was good. I was good.

Yeah. Same exact like you. Like if I had really loved it, that would have been the thing. Yeah. Went to like camps for it and stuff like that. And then I went to Interlochen. Oh, wow. Sure. Cedar Camp Break. And I went as a violin major. And I went and I was like, I want to do plays. Like I saw. So I came back and

immediately booked in my middle school, Helen Keller and the Miracle Worker. You were Helen? Were you Annie? I was Helen. You were Helen! I mean, yes. Go off. I love it. Go off, Helen. And even as blind, deaf, mute Helen Keller, I was like, I'm home. I'm home.

I found my thing. Yes. And from then on, I was like, oh, I think this is my... Honestly, it was all backstage people. It was people doing bits backstage. Even like in seventh grade, I was like, oh, this is what I want to do. Like the bits. But I didn't know that they were bits then. I just thought, you know, it's funny. It's funny. Was it college? Was it Northwestern where you were like comedy? Yeah.

Yes, because then I switched to voice. I bargained out from violin because my family was very classical music, very training oriented. So my mom, there was not going to be not doing an instrument or training of some sort. So I bargained into a classical vocal program. I did some roles in the Washington Opera as a kid. Wow. Like...

La Boheme Children's Chorus, Ghost and Macbeth, like, whatever. Which I also hated. And then, again, community. I liked the kids, but that was it. And then when I got to North... I sang my way into Northwestern. I never would have gotten in without my audition. And then I was the worst music student on earth. I mean, I don't... Because you lost interest or... I just...

I mean, I did not want to be an opera singer. Got it. Sure. And then I found improv there. Titanic Players? Was it? It was called Meow Show. And like Seth was in it. And I think Sarah Sherman was in it. Yes. And yeah, it's a very like all the legacy vibes. Julie Louis-Dreyfus. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. But,

But that's how I did it. I just found the people. And I'm sure when you start doing improv, you're like, oh my God, my mutant friends. Yes. Yeah. And then that's why I went to LA and went into TV and I didn't do anything vocally. I kind of part, I was like smoked a bunch of cigarettes and did comedy and then did the groundlings. But I was always like going back to singing because it's in the toolkit. And then after SNL, I sort of wanted to like, it was reaction formation, all the chaos and the sort of, the thing I started to feel at the end of SNL was like,

I was sort of always just not failing, if that makes sense. Like I was sort of not like just pulling it off. Whereas with theater, like you have the opportunity to constantly refine and make it better and better and better. It's so ephemeral. It's so ephemeral doing it at SNL. Sorry. Yes, exactly. Exactly. And especially if you're one shot Saturday night and you're like, I kind of, you know, didn't love how it went at air. I went, you know, whatever. Yeah.

Yeah, that is a feeling, I guess, you never get to correct anything. Never. Which is kind of beautiful, but also frustrating. Yes. I'm at the frustrating point. It's frustrating. It's a weird feeling because the stakes feel very high, which they are. But also what I will say is, not that you're asking, but, you know, 22 years out, the part I remember is the creative part. The part I remember is the people and the community and the making things. And those skills never go away. Mm.

They never go away. And the community never goes away. I mean, I've worked with so many people across so many generations of SNL that I wasn't even on the show with. But the shorthand of understanding one another, I mean, Rachel and I never wrote together at the show. And she's like my writing partner now. So it's like, you know, Yorma I've done things with, Fred Armisen and I have done things, like people who, because you know the shorthand, you know, the mutant skin. Sure. It's the mutant skin. And also, but I feel like what you've done with SNL sort of like, I don't

I don't know, I guess like holding some kind of like weight on the tablescape of it is like, so it is your own specific tableau of things. Like, like no one else from SNL has been that kind of vocalist and has like used their specific talent in that way, the way that you have. And I feel like that's just what's kind of incredible about everything. Well, you kind of, you know, whatever, what is it? Necessity is the mother of invention. I mean, just what things that you love and that you do. And it gives you, I mean, it really does give you the freedom to,

to go a lot of places. I mean, it's insane. I couldn't even get generals as a girl on SNL in the 90s. Wow. Like coming out. And then now, like it's just, you know, the legacy of the place is such a gift. Like it's unreal. It's so crazy because I feel like that was the time when everyone was talking about the women of SNL, the women of SNL, the women of SNL. We definitely got a lot of attention. We definitely did. And I don't mean to disturb that in any way. Like especially the beginning with Molly, Sherry and I, just because it was coming. Like when I got the show, I'm not making this up.

It was a reset. People came up to me and they were like, oh, you're so funny. I'm so bummed that you're going on SNL. You're going to be squandered. Like the idea of being a woman on the show was not a good idea. Right. Because they had just fired Janine Garofalo. Do you remember that? Sarah Silverman had been fired. Like all these really kind of interesting girls had just sort of been eaten up and chewed out. Right. Or chewed up and...

Eat now? No, that's not what I meant to say. Let's stay away from this metaphor. They got mauled and shit out. It was hard, you know, it was hard to navigate. But for whatever kind of cosmic reasons, the three of us kind of powered through. And then by the time I left, there were a lot of women. There was like Amy and Tina and all these kind of dominant female figures. It did feel watershed. And then all of a sudden, almost like ever since then, it's like, who are the women of SNL? I love it this way. No one's really...

ever talked about the guys since. And I'm like, that's totally fine. I think even now it's like the women of SNL are killing it. And it's like, I love that. And Bowen. The women and Bowen. The women and this gay guy. That is not true. You cut right through my friend.

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One of my fondest SNL memories ever was doing my most random update ever. I don't even want to mention it because it was just... Mention it, though. It was Bottle Boy. It was a total, like, let's just fucking write it. It was fine. And then I just, like, went into my dressing room and then I was just kind of like, I had, like, a light show. I had nothing else to do and I just sat in my dressing room and then I hear a knock at the door and I think it's, like, a page dropping off, like, Chris Redd's lunch or something. And I'm like, come in. Nothing. Nothing.

another knock come in and then I finally like open up the door and then it's you Dratch and Tina it was your aunties it was my aunties the aunties they're a gaff you we wanted

I was, it was so surreal to me. We all watched the show. Like, we love it. But the three of you at the same time. It was a lot. The three-headed monster. When I just like screamed at the door, like, come in! But I was like, oh, and I couldn't believe it. And we talked about Fire Island. We talked about, we talked about Salt Air. That's what we do. And that was just such a, I will never forget that. He texted me when you guys did that. It was so sweet. I mean, you have to know, like, for gay boys who grew up with SNL, like,

you guys are legends. I mean, like, I'll never forget. Like, I mean, we talk about Gemini's twin, talk about sweaty balls. All these things are like in the fabric of our comedic upbringing, you know? And that, that it's not just that, I mean, mean girls, I mean like all these things, so many of the things I'll never forget. Like watching the intro to divas live. Okay. I can't believe you just said that.

Well, I'm saying. No, you want to know why? Because when you, your question about what the cultural moment is, like I've been like really chewing on it. We'll get there. But it's funny because I was like, do I bring up Diva's life? Because I do, that wasn't, speaking to the power of the women on the show, that was a moment where I think, you know, you have these moments when you're like a nobody and then suddenly you're on, it must be so intense now because you guys are all over social and whatever. We were just like,

I mean, you know, the day I got the show, I think I had on my OG answering machine, 36 like messages at the time. I was like, and it's also funny because it's a lot of assholes, like agents who didn't sign you and stuff. Like, you know, we're like, I just wanted to say congratulations. We had such a sense and you've landed where you deserve. Such a sense.

Even though we told you you wouldn't work and I see you look like Courtney Thorne Smith. Deep cut, but true. Twice. That had to have been said to me twice. No, no one would say whatever. Isn't that crazy? Terrible. I know. Well, Tina and I have a saying, which is ethnic in the 80s because we both had like super curly Greek hair. We were ethnic

ethnic in the 80s. She's Greek-ness. My mom is Greek. I'm also Greek. Ethnic in the 80s. I thought I saw. Yeah, so ethnic in the 80s and now, because literally my school was like, you know, wanted me to, you know, whatever, West Side Story. Now you're like, my daughter is scandalized when I tell her that. She's like, you gave it up!

So you were Celine Dion. Molly was Shania. Right. And Sherry was Mariah. Mariah. And it was the three of you like all discussing. It was a sketch with the three of you before the show started. And do you know who was there? It opened with you guys. It was Destiny's Child. We were introducing Destiny's Child. Isn't that crazy? Wow. After you'd already done Gemini. No, no, because Maya hadn't been at the show. Maya wasn't on the show yet. Maya wasn't on the show yet. Wow. It was 96, I think, or seven, early seven. Wow.

That was my first moment where I was like, oh, this is a thing. And the first paper to mention it, the first paper of record was Playboy. Wow. Playboy did like a little story on the girls of SNL popping. Wow. Isn't that weird? But it used to be. My husband has a plan, by the way. Playboy's for sale. He's like, I think we should buy Playboy and we should just quietly talk to all the white straight boys who don't know how to vote.

And they do need to be spoken to. And give them a place that isn't like such, like it's only semi-toxic masculinity. Exactly. No, there's a way to cut it. Give them a gray scale. Give them a gray scale. Yeah. Yeah. So I think we're kind of. Let's include, I mean, I have a sweet straight boy, so I want it to be okay. No, and listen, they're not all bad. No, they're not all bad. No, they're not. But like, how'd you get him that way?

He has an anxiety disorder. That's it. So he just runs constantly. Oh, great. So he's healthy. He runs like constantly. Running, like distance running? Like he ran the Brooklyn Half as a sophomore in high school. So that's how he handles his despair about the world. You know what's funny? Looking back, I know that was why I was a runner too. Because I was also a heavy track athlete. Yeah, I bet you were. And looking back, I'm like...

It was my anxiety. Oh, yeah. It's so good for anxiety. I ran cross-country in high school, too. Did you? Badly. Badly? But I liked it. It was the only thing that kept me sane because it was, you know, very... Sure. It was pre-diagnosis times. Right, right, right. I keep aging myself. In my day, my mother bought me Dexatrim. Dexatrim. My mom bought me Dexatrim. Can you imagine? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know what? You should probably... We all did the Scarsdale diet. The Scarsdale diet? It was so gross. It was like...

I can't imagine having an adolescent in my house be like, here's your half a grapefruit and black coffee. It was black coffee, half a grapefruit, and then hilarious 80s pasta for dinner.

But it offsets it with the grapefruit. Well, you were all on Dexatrum anyway, so it didn't matter. Yeah, but you know what, though? You were all high as a kite. Judy Garland, Jesus. We were told, like, you can't eat enough pasta, the runners. You know what I mean? Like, it was a carbo load all the time. That's actually still a thing. Well, yeah. I remember I would go for pasta party dinners at Applebee's, and I would fuck myself up because I would just have the three cheese chicken penne, and I would run my race the next day and be shitting. Yeah.

But you were fast. There was a day where I had to stop and shit, which was like horrible. No, I just read an article about it. Yeah. Like it's out there. It's happening. We're kind of existing in this area where I think we should ask the question. Yes, I think we should. Because we're sort of back in time. So Ana Gasteyer, what was the culture that made you say culture was for you? Okay, so I'm going to be, this is, I'm not going to be as fun on this answer as you might want. No, please. That's okay. Because we are existing in this time and it is the only thing I can think of and it's going to sound really humble braggy, but it is about SNL and it's about the importance of laughter.

I can't believe I just said that. My friend Tony and I have a bit where we always make fun of people who use the word humor. Oh, of course. It's so humorous. It just sucks all comments. I love your humor. Yeah, people who call that out. Exactly. It's a smile like this. I love how you use humor. Humor. Someone calls himself a humorist. A humorist. Done. I love how you use humor to diffuse awkward situations. Yeah.

Just destroying it, ruining everything. Ruining it. Random humor. What I was going to say, so this is a weird thing to throw out there, but as a kid, I was friends with Amy Carter, President Jimmy Carter's daughter. Oh. I grew up in Washington. Okay. So for starters, let me just start with culture. Like I grew up in a totally black neighborhood. I was a little white girl who played the violin and I had an eye patch. Why? So due to blindness. Oh.

Due to. Due to permanent, just whatever, legal bond is my right. So I was always patched. They patched me for like ever. So I would go to like my all black elementary school with my violin and my eye patch. And as you can imagine, I developed a sense of, I used humor a lot to get through the situations. Okay. So anyway, but,

then, weirdly, I was in this after-school program, like this GT kind of thing, and I got... I became friends with Amy Carter, Jimmy Carter's daughter, and we became really good friends. And she played the violin, and she was like a reader. And so I weirdly had this, like...

whole childhood life in middle school where I would go and like sleep over at the White House and like go to Camp David. Like I went to Camp David during the Camp David Accords. I played, if you research it, if you go to- You played the violin for- I played the violin for Anwar Sadat and Menachem Begin. Just me. And it's such a weird like- For the Middle Eastern leaders. Yes, for the Middle Eastern. I watched Star Wars with the Sadats.

insane. You're king. Okay. So just to make this clear, this is while he was president. 100%. Okay. So all this kind of weird fact about my life, just by this accidental biography. Okay. To say that I was in the White House sleeping over at Amy Carter's. And now remember, Saturday Night Live started in 75. Yes. And it was everybody like liberal parents, all the people on my block, everybody was aware that this kind of like

piece of television had come out. And again, I know for your audience, it's hard to imagine, but nobody had made fun of the news. Nobody had made fun of basic sort of tropes that we're accustomed to. The Onion, that was so radical. And I was a kid. I was little. But I was aware that they were edgy and cool and making choices that were strange and wearing costumes and funny. We knew it was cool and hip. It's right after Watergate. It's right after The Last Chopper leaves Vietnam. And basically, what we watched was

which was great. It was like Carol Burnett and Bob Newhart and like what was on TV when it was scheduled. Right. Yeah. So you just kind of like consumed television idly, if you will. So, and again, also I remember I was 10, 11. So I'm in the White House and it's after dinner. It's late. It's a sleepover. And we go to this little like kitchenette in the living quarters and

And President Carter was like never there because he was the president. And we were usually just with her nanny and her maybe Rosalind Carter was around a little bit. And we went to get a snack and we came out and sort of in the middle of the White House living area, President Jimmy Carter was sitting in a chair with a burgundy v-neck.

and a beer. And he was watching Dan Aykroyd play himself on Saturday Night Live. And he was laughing hysterically. Oh my God. And it like imprinted in my brain of the, well, obviously the surrealness of like, whatever. There's this person dressed as this person imitating this person, president, leader of the free world. And also, I just think he's the most amazing human being. Obviously, we all know he went on to do incredible acts of humanity and humanism. But, um,

It has stayed with me so much in the last 12 years, our lack of empathy and understanding. Like when, as soon as the president elect, I'm not going to say his name, was not able to laugh at anything about himself. In fact, arguably ran for president because he was a laughingstock. Right. Because Seth made fun of him. Yeah. It's so, the ability to laugh at things and the ability to pull yourself out of situations and to find what's funny about it. And I can't even believe I'm saying this, but like the, like the gift that humor does actually give us as a piece of sort of like storytelling and political commentary is,

As much as I really hated dressing as Martha Stewart the day after the election and I hated doing the Goldbergs and having a chandelier fall on me,

it's more important than I thought, you know? And I feel like we're going to have a lot of places in this new era where whatever news has proven itself to be untrustworthy and social media has certainly proven itself to be on. Like maybe we idiotic performers will be able to tell the truth a little bit. It's starting to get all deep. No, no, no. That's really important. What a special memory to have. Yeah. That is wild. Even my 10 year old brain was like, Oh, he's so good at, he's laughing at himself. Like I understood it on some profound level.

And like you understood what was being shown on television was this like purposeful lampooning. I mean, I don't think I like was I was a kid, so I wasn't like dialed into like the nuance of the politic, you know, but you saw him laughing. You just you just understood that he understood that it was an impression of him that he was we were in the White House and that he was watching this Saturday Night Live. Still and yet that one of the cooler pieces of cultural reformation.

in our society. And that he understood that it was funny and that there was a power to that. Yeah. It's like the Ron thing or it's like, it's like whatever. It's like, it's like either you, it's a bellwether. Either you get it or you don't. Yeah. And like right now you got to get it. We got to get it. I mean, it's really hard. I don't get it. I don't think anything's funny right now except for you and all of the work that you do. But it's like,

But you know what I'm saying? Totally. Yeah. And whatever, sometimes that means we just need something light and fluffy and joyful and whatever the moment calls for. I just, I don't know what that's supposed to mean. It's about humility. Humility. It takes you out of solipsism. It takes you out of like thinking that your own reality is the most important one. I've definitely been thinking a lot about like, because as we, as we have like this platform where we're expected to comment on culture and everything, it has been, I don't know how, if you feel this way, but it's sometimes can be confusing about like,

do we come on here and like say this is what I think and like that and react in real time or are we supposed to be clowns and I think it's sort of a mix of both it's been an interesting walk you know I would imagine that like it feels probably very similar when you are on Saturday Night Live it's like

We do have to speak to real issues, but also at the same time, like what we do and what our talents are, are being funny and being the jesters. And the literal role of the jester is to point to the king and say, this is what's crazy about the king. I mean, and it feels, that's like where humor, that's like where comedy is birthed from. That's literally the job of the comedian is to do the very thing. But it can sometimes feel, I think,

And this is where I think we can, as comedians and as people in the arts, check ourselves, is it can become very self-important. And didactic. Oh my God! I want to get in there. Didactic. But when people, I sometimes, like, for example, I've really been thinking a lot about, like, the celebrity endorsement, right? Yeah. And, like, how it didn't, I mean, it literally didn't matter at all in one sense. Like, of course, it's great to be able to speak out against, like,

like, fascism and these, like, objective evils and to let people know, like, hi, women, I see you. I'm sticking up for you. I'm standing up to this. But at the same time, it feels like we've been given a clear message that, like...

The public, I think, across the board wants entertainers to be entertainers. And not scolds. And not scolds. And also to not feel like they can control culture. Because I think we've seen that they don't. You know what I mean? I'm not saying, like, don't speak up. But I am saying it seems like... Yeah, I mean, I do see some fault at the feet of those who have characterized it as such. I do feel like...

yes, stay in your lane to a certain degree, but we also are what we're made of, right? So finding common ground as human beings is part of what comedy is, like finding the things that we share in common. And actually I do think it gets harder and harder and harder as we're more and more sort of forced into these tribal lanes. It's really tricky. But, you know, whatever, like I love, that's what I'm saying. Like I love doing shows in Kansas and red States and, you know, places where I can just share a love of the holidays and try to find a place that's like a little less

lightning roddy for people. But there are fewer and fewer places to do that. The holidays is one. But just the things that we all kind of universally share. But I do feel like, I guess what I was really trying to say is that people are like, shut up, you entitled libs. I think that that's very activating for me too because...

in many ways we share the same values. And I think for women in particular, it's heartbreaking. I mean, Beyonce, Taylor Swift, like those people showing up to people like my daughter who are 22, it meant a lot because it's very, that's a very hopeless feeling to be a young woman right now in this country, not just from the tactical standpoints of reproductive care, but also, you know, they've now in their very short lives seen misogyny really run the, really,

Now, pull the camera back. We've run two candidates in 12 years. That's not bad. I never thought a woman was even an option for a president, let alone a person of color. Like it was not even in there. So whatever, in 50 years, yeah, we're probably going to have both of those boxes checked. You know, it just feels very immediate right now. Right. And this is the thing that I've learned from like Mike Shoemaker via Seth. Yeah. I don't know if this gives me pause or if this like puts me into more despair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just like,

Anytime Seth wanted to have it out with someone at SNL, she'd make her be like, it's a long life. It's a long life. If you wait, whatever you're feeling about these particular people is going to go away and then they'll be at your wedding.

Well, that is true about SNL. Totally. And I don't know how I'm going to apply that to the greater landscape. I don't think Trump is going to come to any of my children's christening. He might. He might. It could happen. I don't know. You were friends with the Carters. It's true. I was friends with the Carters. And he turned out to be the best president ever. Oh, my God. Did you ever go to Georgia or Atlanta? No. I mean, they literally moved back and that was sort of that. And again, this was like pre, it was like long distance friends.

phone calls, call something, you know, but I mean, we had some friends in common over the years and President Carter did a pen, whatever, this is just humble bragging now, but somebody told me that a book on tape editor had also worked on his memoirs and I don't know how it came up, but he mentioned, he was like, oh, the comedian, Ana Gasteyer, she was a friend of his. Wow. Which was such a weird feeling that he knew who I was, but like, of course, like I was on television. Yeah. But not of course, but...

No, but at a time when everyone... That was monoculture. SNL was monoculture. Yeah. And the thing about Christmas, sorry to go back to this, but for you two... Yeah, edit that again. So braggy. No, but you two kind of going across the country performing these shows about Christmas...

having it be so resonant and people loving it, it's like, it's because Christmas feels like, the holidays feel like the last kind of bit of monoculture too. They do, they're the last safe space that we can all get in. And also because they are so just admittedly pagan at this point, it's not like, you know, I always... I know what's funny about it. I know, it is kind of funny because I just feel like people like need a fucking break. I know. Like they just, can I say fucking? Yeah, of course you can. That they like...

People are just tired and they want to be... It's a funny time for programming. Like, it also gets really... Because I've done so much now, like with Clusterfunk, with our Christmas movie and Lifetime and Hallmark and like... We're developing the Clusterfunk into a musical, actually, for the stage. But I know, so fun. But...

Everyone's always like, well, yeah, it's such a weird time to program because nobody thinks about it. And then everybody's trapped in the house and they're all watching Hallmark movies because all they want to do is comfort food. Because they just want something new because the old stuff kind of like... Why don't we visit the old stuff as much as possible? There's not that much. But many people do.

I know many people do, but I'm like... Like, I do White Christmas. I do It's a Wonderful Life. Yeah. I do Rudolph. You do Rudolph. I do... What do you do? Charlie Brown. Charlie Brown. Rudolph is good. Frosty is good. Yeah. Heatmiser and... Yeah, the Heatmiser. Those are bops, by the way. Yeah, they all are. I'm Mr. Heatmiser. Whatever I touch starts to melt in my clutch. Yeah. I'm too much. Rankin and Bass, right? That's what those are. B, B. Yeah, that was good. You know what's funny, though? Like, you're talking about, like, going to...

like red States. And I remember I was looking at, cause I'm going on the road for all of December and the by far slowest markets, like the tour is selling great, but like the slowest ones were Philadelphia and Atlanta. And I asked my agent, I'm like, why are these so slow? And they were like, Oh, cause those cities are like, the anxiety is so high for the election. And like, as he said, across the board, like those are

Any swing state is tough. And now it's kind of like... I really do hope people come out because I think that the amount of anxiety that had to have been felt in places like that... Well, they were also getting called a million times a day. Robocalls, exactly. Oh, yeah. Spending a lot of money, I bet, too, at different events. Because people that were really activated in those areas are spending a lot of money in the way that other areas may not have been. Also, just...

I mean, we were in Pennsylvania recently and it's tense. Yeah. Like it is tense. You look around at people and you're like, how are you looking at me? And I think that, you know what I'm saying? I know. We were just there. It was rough. No, I had people like in canvassing say like, I'm afraid to vote.

because I'm afraid what my neighbors will do. I mean, it's, you know, people are scared. Yeah, it's tough. That's why we're going to continue to need a little Christmas right this very moment. Need a little Christmas. I feel this end of the clouds theme is really, really trenchant or trenchant. Yeah. I don't know what that means, but I like it. We need to find out in real time. Well, favorite Christmas on a cover.

Say what? Favorite Christmas song to cover. On the album or off the album? Off Sugar and Booze. Favorite Christmas song to cover. I'm so sorry. Oh, sorry. To cover. Well, I love the version that on my album is Sleigh Ride. Sleigh Ride. It's great. Sleigh Ride. Nobody like, it's not that popular. Like, nobody listens to it. But I love, it's like this sort of Bossa Nova cover. And I love it. Yeah. You're so at home in that style, too. I love it. You and I in that, like, sort of like Cuban style.

Yeah, we have that Secret Santa song that I wrote. Yeah, Maya's so funny on it. You know where we recorded that, which is so crazy because Maya's like knows everybody. We recorded that in Joni Mitchell's studio. Wow. In LA because her friend like runs that studio. Oh, it's amazing.

And actually Pharrell, they snuck us in to do it really fast because apparently Pharrell had it for the day. So Pharrell doesn't know that he paid for my studio time for that song, which is kind of excellent. He's good for it. Yeah. He's good for it. Exactly. Trenchant means vigorous or incisive in expression or style. And what did I say was trenchant? The point that Send in the Clowns. Send in the Clowns is trenchant. I would say vigorous and incisive in expression or style. Send in the Clown. Send in the Clowns, duh, is trenchant.

That's a rule of culture. That's rule of culture number 75. Sending the clowns is trenchant. Good.

you would do a great rendition of that song it's kind of a downer yeah but that's okay there's an ounce of triumph to it yeah a little bit yeah I think it's beautiful and how sad and resigned I know now that I'm in my third chapter I don't feel anything I try to shut down feelings as fast as possible you know what I know because I figure fourth chapter is going to be about getting them no fourth because fourth chapter a lot of people are going to start dying and so then I'm going to have to cry a lot so and then by fifth chapter be like well we were good friends and then I'll be it

It is crazy. I was watching, Hillary was obviously doing the rounds a little bit, and a lot of her friends are dead. Hillary Clinton is dead.

Well, Kelly, this is my friend who died and this is my friend who died. And I was like, oh, God, I mean, it happens. It happens. I know. What about my friend? She was she was like we were talking about when certain people were going to die that, you know, might die that maybe we're just elected. And we were talking just loosely about that. Right. And she was just in theory, you know, just how that might go. And she was saying she was like the people who feel die more.

Right. No, no, no. Someone was saying this. Like people who are that disgusting tend to live so long. Guys, I know because they don't, they're not troubled. They don't get cancer from being sad. Right.

Do you like podcasts, music, and audiobooks? Because when you subscribe to Amazon Music Unlimited, you get all three in one app. Imagine listening to your favorite podcasts and music on the go to work, school, the gym, or better yet, vacation. I love those. Now imagine being on vacation with your favorite audiobook from Audible and then listening to a new one every month from a huge selection of popular titles while not on vacation. That sounds like a pretty good vacation, right? Audible is now included on Amazon Music Unlimited. Download the Amazon Music app now to start listening. Terms apply.

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And so many more. All kinds of shows...

All kinds of venues. All kinds of funny. Head to LiveNation.com slash comedy to get your tickets today. That's LiveNation.com slash comedy.

Toyota has been building a legacy of excellence for years. From developing hybrid technology to upping the standards of safety and efficiency, Toyota is always innovating, always making progress. And with Toyota's superior lineup of SUVs in stock at your local Toyota dealer, you can experience the legacy for yourself. So check out an adventure-ready RAV4 designed to be the

perfect mix of style, practicality, and go-anywhere attitude. Or test drive a capable and affordable Corolla Cross with the style, space, and available tech to keep you cool and connected. And best of all,

And both RAV4 and Corolla Cross are available with all-wheel drive, giving you the freedom to roam. Quality, reliability, efficiency. That's the legacy of Toyota. Visit BuyAToyota.com, the official website for deals, to find out more. Toyota, let's go places. ♪

Black Friday is coming, and for the adults in your life who love the coolest toys, well, there's something for them this year too. Bartesian is the premier craft cocktail maker that automatically makes more than 60 seasonal and classic cocktails, each in under 30 seconds at the push of a button.

And right now, Bartesian is having a huge site-wide sale. You can get $100 off any Cocktail Maker or Cocktail Maker Bundle when you spend $400 or more. So, if the cocktail lover in your life has been good this year, or the right kind of bad...

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The point I was making earlier, I'm a little self-conscious about because it's not really what I believe about celebrities and the celebrity endorsement of it all. No, I'm glad you said that. What I'm talking about is like standing up for issues is important. And I think standing up for women is important. I just think all of that is important. What I'm saying is, though, when a celebrity is at a certain privilege level,

level. We all are. Some people are not listening and they feel patronized for it. And I think there's something to learn from that in maybe how comfortable we all felt. No, listen, I want to say my husband just, he's in advertising, but he just did this huge research project on the heartland because he also feels as we all do, I think correctly, that

many people in rural America feel patronized. And that is an understandable point of view. That is, I think, very real. And it is incumbent upon us to find common ground when people feel that marginalized. And...

What's interesting is that this is common ground that he discovered. First of all, community is really important in rural America. That was like the number one thing. Your community is almost more important than other things. And the second is making and doing, which was really, really interesting in the research. So we may be making and putting on a show or whatever, like putting on our wigs and...

you know, getting a barn together decoratively. But it's funny because Martha Stewart, bringing back to her, one of the reasons she appeals is making and doing. There's like a lot of time spent with sort of crafts and taking care of your property and taking care of your car and sort of mechanical uses of your time, literally. But what we have in common with that is we also make things. That's what we do. And so somehow finding the way to communicate the two of those things so it's not just arrogant fucking...

didactic entertainment and it's not just like, you know, mud races. Like, there's got to be somewhere where those two things do overlap slightly and it doesn't have to be as divisive as it is. Exactly. You know? Exactly. Because a lot of the messaging might have been from the left, like, be more like us. Yes, exactly. There's a level of disdain that's implied there. Yes, completely. And there's something about like,

redistributing respect. It's really hard. It's so hard. It's hard when you don't feel respected. You know, it's understandable as a gay person in America or as an ethnic woman in the 80s. Yeah. A Greek woman in the 80s. I iron my hair. See me.

Yes. But I mean, so I know. I know. I know. It came down. Let's talk about Disney. Yeah. Disney. Oh my God. Our listeners hate us for talking about Disney. We've been talking about Disney so much. Our listeners are so mad. I'm so, well, we're going to hopefully go December. Oh, I'll tell you when. But no, because there's this one thing that I have done over the years that is so incredible, which I'm going to tell you. We all talk about off camera. What is it? Just that. You can do it. Just a second.

Candlelight Processional. Oh, you've done it? I've done it. Wow. Wonderful. That's one of my dreams. I want to do that. You absolutely have to do it. First of all, like I said, not a religious person, but boy, does Jesus flow through me when I do that because there are 350 voices behind you. Your spine shakes from the bass of the singers. There are 56 pieces in that orchestra with those Disney arrangements. There were eight songs

Heralding trumpets. It is so spectacularly magnificent. You read the story of Christmas and it's very hard not to cry. Yes, that's beautiful. This is it. There's no church anymore, but what needs to be replaced is meaning. Oh my God. And also, a big part of the meaning is the fact that my family gets the guide the whole time that I'm there. Oh yeah, that's huge. It's very meaningful. Very meaningful. It means no lie. Meaningfully Christ. It means, as my husband says, you got in front of the handicapped, which apparently is the American dream.

Shout out to our VIP guy, Matt. We'll see you soon, babe. Matt and Sam. I have Sam too. Sam has Tina and Mariah Carey. Matt was like spit out of like a Disney sort of 3D printer, right? Are we talking about the same person? He's the most lovely young guy. This guy is great. He's delightful. Oh, we love Matt so much. Do you take in a show when you go to Disney?

I like to take in a show just to cool my jets. What do you mean take in a show? Like, I'll go take in a show. Yeah, I'll sit down and enjoy that year's Beauty and the Beast or whatever. Oh, you know, what did we see? Did we go into the Frozen show? I think we stayed till Let It Go and left. Yeah, yeah. That's fair. I mean, Aladdin, nice little 45 minute. Oh, I love it. We saw Beauty and the Beast for sure. We saw her twirl. Yeah, Fantasmic. I mean, I enjoyed

I enjoy taking a show for a break because it's often air conditioned. Of course. Oh, that's the thing. And you can settle in. Yeah. And where's your favorite place to eat? Wait, you like, do you like Walt Disney World or Disneyland? We'll do both. I love, I love World. I love Tiffin's Animal Kingdom. Tiffin's in Animal Kingdom? I haven't been to Tiffin's. Oh, you should go. It's good. No, so Jeff and Tina turned us on to the Cars one. Do you ever go to, not Cars, World. Do you ever go to the old timey

In Frontierland? Sci-fi movie. Oh, the sci-fi drive-in. Yes, yes. Also really good for, again, a lot of our thoughts are around. The kids. Yeah, my kids are old now. But early on, these taking in a show and sitting in the drive-in, those are like, it's hot, everybody's overstimulated, let's sit in the dark for a few minutes. Yes, yes. That's important. Where we went for lunch this last time was the Space Restaurant. Remember that? Oh, um. Space 220. Space 220, which is the restaurant in Mission Space.

But it's like... They pretend it's an elevator that takes... Yes, yes, yes. I think it was booked when we were there. We tried to get in. It's kind of goofy, but it was fun. It's goofy, but it's fun. I do OG Blue Bayou. Oh, yeah, come on. Of course, of course. So you can have a cocktail. God damn it. I mean, why not? Yeah. It might glow in the dark. It might. It just might be too sweet. That's the thing. It's like now whenever I go drink there, I always drink beer because everything is so sweet.

Everything's so sweet. Now you're in your sugar watching time. Yes, but also like sweet cocktails. Like it's really tough. Like you can get wine over in California Adventure. You sure can. So your listeners are tired of hearing it anyway. So we have this game in my family. It's called Nervous Breakdown Job. Go ahead. It's what you're going to do after your nervous breakdown.

Oh, great. What's yours? Well, mine is going to be, and it's kind of a cheat because it is a job at Disney, but we have different versions of it. My main one is that I'm going to work at Trader Joe's on the fearless flyer where I write up reviews of new Trader Joe's products. That's good. But if I have a nervous breakdown and I end up in Disney, I'm going to try to audition to be the wicked stepmother meet and greet lady.

Oh my God, Lady Tremaine. They're so funny. Those women are so funny. So I'll just yell at people, yell at children. It's not unlike my character actually in Mattress. No, actually you're rehearsed. My husband's nervous breakdown job at Walt Disney World is- It's all Disney. He wants to manage- They're going to be so mad. He's sorry, everybody. He's going to manage the tiny barge trip from the Yacht Club to Epcot. Oh, that's wonderful. You know, they get on and they're like, oh, but-

Oh, that's perfect. You know what? Those simple joys. And then let the people off and then all aboard. Yeah, you just go right back. It's so funny. He's going to do that all day and find it soothing. You know what? The culture that made me say culture for me in many regards was, this is not Disney, but it was Universal Studios, the Jaws ride, the boat, the skipper. I actually am off book on it. And I'm not kidding you. I did a show years ago at UCB called a one man show called You Will Get Wet. I love it.

Which actually doesn't really qualify as where my character's biggest dream was to be that. You bet. And Bo and Yang played the shark. I bet you did. Oh, I see where this is going in your future careers as well. I staged the ride and there was water effects and everything. I did it in the basement at UCB Chelsea. Actually, there is a YouTube video of it. I don't know if I've taken it down. That sounds fantastic. It was good. It was good. Shannon O'Neill did not give me a run, but

It was an excellent show. It was almost that. Honestly, honestly. Sandy and the Clowns. Sandy and the Clowns. One of these days. Is that a great title, You Will Get Wet? Yes. It's really good. Bring it back. I'm going to use it for something else. Listen, there's going to be a lot of Disney times in the coming years for a lot of America if they drop their prices because it's gotten very expensive. Can I say this is a thing though? It's like after the results came in, I was like, you know,

It's the separation of wealth because the families can't even go to fucking Disney World anymore. You're absolutely right. Like that's what it is. It's like we talk about the separation of wealth. We talk about wealth inequality ad nauseum. And then it's like the Democratic Party decides to put someone up who doesn't make that a forefront issue at least enough for people. And we're surprised. I mean, the separation of wealth is the number one thing that we have to fix. Money has to come out of politics. There needs to be some redistribution. Like, I mean, a billion dollars.

It's crazy. And meanwhile, this like, whatever. I'm just saying it's like you talk about these things and then it is sad because families can't experience it anymore. That's ridiculous. Yeah. The prices are out of control. Why don't we start a fund? Maybe. I was going to start a community college fund, but you know what? Let's start a Disney fund. Disney fund. For everybody. For the community. It's for the community.

community. It's just so sad. Why not? Everybody gets a guide. Everybody gets a guide. Honestly, I should be a guide. I really should be a guide. Well, that's a good nervous breakdown job for you. Get your steps. Perfect. Get your steps. This is my nervous breakdown job. So when you get a guide, when you arrive at each park, there's someone waiting there with a wicker tray full of like Laura bars, Luna bars. And I want to hold that tray.

You know what I really want to do? Okay, this is cutting deep, but when they give you the guide for Candlelight Processional, they give you VIP housing. So the housing is unbelievable. Okay, so we stay in like Yacht Club. We stayed in like the Polynesian in the apartment where the Beatles broke up. Yes, yes, all the things. The Beatles broke up at Disney World? I know, go figure. Well, John Lennon was there with his

Anyway, he was like standing there. I love it. He was like, oh, fuck it. I'm out. But in the nice, like fancy, you know how there's club levels in hotels? Right, right, right. So they have, and my family always gets so excited about this because you'll have like a little breakfast spread. Not a big one because it's like the club level. Like you're still expected to go to breakfast, but there's some like, you know, a little like croissants and whatever. And they come out throughout the day and it always, it tells you the times of the day. And every time my husband's like,

are the desserts and cordials out yet? I always get excited. We're like, let's check out the desserts and cordials. You were doing a service, a candlelight professional service, and you deserved all those desserts and cordials. I want a cordial. I want a cordial and dessert. It's the Christmas season, damn it. I want to eat fresh fruit with y'all in the morning. You bet. You can come. We always have extra beds.

I haven't done it for a long time. You gotta go. Why not this year? I guess you're gonna be busy. Because of mattress. No, believe me. Every year, I'm like... Next year, next year. We went during COVID and we all discovered we had COVID the last morning because obviously we got it because it was Florida. Nobody was masked. It was like that weird little Omicron break. Okay? And as we landed at Orlando, I received three calls from the Department of Health from my son. He has been exposed. He has been... I was like...

Have you been around a lot of Florida people? And then literally everybody in Florida, no mask, nary a mask to be found. And then the last morning, and my mom, my old mom had shared a room. I mean, granted, it was a big Disney room. So it was like two queen size beds and he was in one. But literally my mom from the other room, she's like, what is Tula?

me. I was like, get in the car. God, can you imagine all these public health officials taking sewage water from Orlando? Oh my God. It's a lot of COVID and turkish. I was like, Sam, my man. We're down. We're down bad. Sorry. We're

We're down bad. But also, it was, and I'm not a good person. I got on a plane. I double masked everybody. I was like, no one even on the plane had a mask. Sure. I was like, we're going home. I am not going to spend a week at Disney quarantined with a child. No, you double masked it up. We double masked and we got home. We also, we were also on vacation. Then we got, we got COVID. Well, you had just had COVID. Yes. I, we thought we were in the clear and then I got COVID.

in Mexico City. Oh. Yeah. Lonely. And I, it was crazy because I was like, In a hotel. Well, in a hotel in Mexico City and I was starting to feel a little weird like two hours before we had to get on the plane. Was this early? Well, I took a test and it was like, and it said I was negative but I was starting to feel weird so I like triple masked it and I got on the plane and I went. But you weren't sure if it was like some,

like a water that you drank or something. It was, it could have been anything. And so I was like, I'm going to test. And it said I was negative. Masked up, got on the plane because then what was I going to do? Like be, I would have had to be there for a week. I think a lot of people did that. And that is why we had an epidemic. Anyway. You're right. Ever heard of patient zero? That little girl was me. We are really keeping it.

This post-election special. We're using humor. This post-election special. Title of app. How does it feel to be on the post-election special? Really painful. But happy. Painful and harmful.

Do you like podcasts, music, and audiobooks? Because when you subscribe to Amazon Music Unlimited, you get all three in one app. Imagine listening to your favorite podcasts and music on the go to work, school, the gym, or better yet, vacation. I love those. Now imagine being on vacation with your favorite audiobook from Audible and then listening to a new one every month from a huge deluxion of popular titles while not on vacation. That sounds like a pretty good vacation, right? Audible is now included on Amazon Music Unlimited. Download the Amazon Music app now to start listening. Terms apply.

The following ad is sponsored by Pets Best Insurance Services. Your pet is your bestie, your therapist, your preferred match. It's easy to love them, even when they sneak your snacks. It's easy to protect them, too, with pet insurance coverage from Pets Best.

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And so many more. All kinds of shows...

All kinds of venues. All kinds of funny. Head to LiveNation.com slash comedy to get your tickets today. That's LiveNation.com slash comedy.

Toyota has been building a legacy of excellence for years. From developing hybrid technology to upping the standards of safety and efficiency, Toyota is always innovating, always making progress. And with Toyota's superior lineup of SUVs in stock at your local Toyota dealer, you can experience the legacy for yourself. So check out an adventure-ready RAV4 designed to be the

perfect mix of style, practicality, and go-anywhere attitude. Or test drive a capable and affordable Corolla Cross with the style, space, and available tech to keep you cool and connected. And both RAV4 and Corolla Cross are available with all-wheel drive, giving you the freedom to roam.

Quality, reliability, efficiency. That's the legacy of Toyota. Visit buyatoyota.com, the official website for deals, to find out more. Toyota, let's go places. Black Friday is coming. And for the adults in your life who love the coolest toys, well, there's something for them this year, too. Bartesian is the premier craft cocktail maker that automatically makes more than 60 seasonal and classic cocktails, each in under 30 seconds at the push of a button. And

And right now, Bartesian is having a huge site-wide sale. You can get $100 off any Cocktail Maker or Cocktail Maker Bundle when you spend $400 or more. So, if the cocktail lover in your life has been good this year, or the right kind of bad...

Get them Bartesian. At the push of a button, make bar-quality cosmopolitans, martinis, Manhattans, and more. All in just 30 seconds. All for a hundred off. Amazing toys aren't just for kids. Get a hundred off a cocktail maker when you spend 400 through Cyber Monday. Visit bartesian.com slash cocktail. That's B-A-R-T-E-S-I-A-N dot com slash cocktail.

This is I Don't Think So Honey. This is our segment where we take one minute to rant and rail like on something in culture that we don't love. Do you have something? You'll go first? I do have something. I do have something. Okay. This is Matt Breyer's We All Have Something. Very good.

This is Matt Rogers' I Don't Think So Honey. Time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey. So the Beatles song, the new song now and then, is nominated for record of the year. And the way that they got John Lennon's voice on it is by AI-ing his voice out. Like they had to bring his voice out so they used AI on it to make it a real vocal. I Don't Think So Honey. I Don't Think So Honey, the AI like recreation of people that have been long dead. He's been dead for 40 years.

plus years. I don't think so, honey. The Whitney Houston holographic. I don't think so, honey. The Elvis holographic. These people actually can't consent to releasing music. And this is not just John Lennon. This is also George Harrison. And I get that his wife says, you know, George would have been on board for this. I don't know what Yoko is saying, but I don't think so, honey. If I ever die, no AI Las Culturistas.

I'm telling you. I don't care what, how much money Bowen Yang needs because he's talking about pivoting to holding a wicker tray at Disney. I don't care how south his career goes. No AI Lost Coach after I Am Dead. No AI Beatles song now, especially not nominated for a record of the year at the Grammys. Where was Ariana Grande? I don't think so, honey. Where was Ariana Grande? That's one minute. No way, especially if it's going to suck up all the power that could be used to

you know, power a small town. That's another thing is like how harmful AI was for the environment. I didn't know that. Oh yeah. I'm really glad to know that. It needs a lot of water to cool down all of the whatever servers. Like a hologram or AI voicing? All of it, I guess, is part of it. Now it's all kind of blending together. It's like anything generative is AI, but for anything AI, it has to be derivative by default too. So it's like, I don't know, weirdly I'm like, eh, about it. Cause I'm like, it will always be derivative by definition. Correct. Yeah.

That's correct. Oh, you're right. As a comedian, that's such a weird sort of almost constitutional stance. You know? What's the word? Constitutional. I don't know. I made it up. Is it constitutional? Like you have to take a big shit after you... If it references your constitution. People say like, let's take a constitutional. They mean like a gentle walk or a massive dump. Let's take shits together? Let's do it. A communal constitutional. Your sort of comedians don't like people who copy them. There you go.

There you go. It's so trenchant the way I said it. It's so trenchant that we've said this. There's no worse thing. I don't know. The AI of it all, like, no one, because now I get really wary of people that are like, yeah, but about AI. I'm like, I don't think so. I really think that overall. I mean, maybe. Okay. Oops, I just did it. But medical research or like quick research. Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure. But isn't that just like a computer? Yeah.

I'm just like, yeah. I don't want an AI operation, but I wouldn't mind somebody saying this cancer cure is this effective. Based on your vitals. Like, absolutely. I'm just thinking like the everyday uses of it, people are still trying to figure out. Even Apple's kind of like, you can write your emails with it. Not really. I know how to write an email. Totally. We need to stigmatize this idea of like, if you need AI to write an email for you, get bucked.

I mean, by the way, yeah, whatever happened to like plagiarism being bad? Like, no, you can't. Truly. You can't. Why is he getting in trouble for reading Cliff Notes back in the day? It's the same idea. I'm just not a fan of anything that like if we participate in it to enough of an extent makes us lazier and dumber.

Correct. You know what I'm saying? By the way, and that's like the Google Maps of it all. I don't know if you ever do this, but you turn it off every blue moon and try to go somewhere. Can't. Well, also, it's a really important piece of your, the navigational piece of your brain affects other things you do in life. So if you don't want to just turn into a total, you know,

Yeah. Like in LA, every blue moon, I will just not, it's so instinctive to just plug it in. If I'm driving, I'm like, right, I know how to drive there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't even thought about that. Like allowing myself to have enough respect for my navigational ability. Exactly. Because otherwise you do feel like a soul adrift in space and it's like you're just being told where to go. Well, think how easy it's like a bad like Blade Runner movie where we could all just be programmed to drive to the same place to be bombed.

I went there. Honestly. Don't bring in the clown. Okay, this. I'm asked to leave. No, that was too far. It was too far. You went too far. You finally went there. You went too far. Why'd your brother bring Blade Runner and Google Maps and a bomb?

This is Bowen Yang. Do you have anything you want to rail? Yeah. Okay, this is Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So Honey. His time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey, putting little stickers over the hole in coffee cups that you're supposed to drink out of. Because I got to take the sticker off and guess what? Now I'm drinking sticker juice instead of coffee. And now my lips are sticking together and I go, no, I just want to enjoy my iced black coffee. That's it. I'm not asking for much. I just want iced coffee in a cup

And I understand that it's to prevent spillage. And I understand that you're taping over the bag so that there's no tampering and it's all security theater. But sometimes I just want something without all this, literally all this red tape or this white circle of tape over my drink hole. I just want an unencumbered drink hole so I can sip, sip,

sip suck suck suck guzzle guzzle guzzle the caffeine into my system because I need it to get through this damn day in this damn year of this damn world get the sticker and the adhesive off my coffee otherwise I'll be drinking epoxy for god's sakes when I just want a gorgeous cup of Dunkin Donuts laughing

That's one minute. Good timing. That was great. I will also say, you said so many words and didn't even touch on what I think is the most annoying part, which is when you have to peel the sticker off. Then you have stickery fingers on this part of your fingers. Very bad. Part two, see gravity. This is higher. Why...

We don't need it. We don't know that. It's not coming out much of the top. It's only spilling. Let me just add on, which is a peeve of mine. It's only spilling if the fucker filled it too high. Right. So it's coming out the sides. It's not coming out the top. I blame the fucker. I blame that little barista shithead. Lid culture is in a state of disarray. No one can figure out what lid to put on anything. And sometimes it's like you go to a certain coffee place because you know they're not going crazy with their lids. And they'll have changed. Right.

Like, I don't know. And you know what? I take it back. I love a barista and I have a fondness to a barista. They're artists. They're clowns. And I really love, I love coffee. I love coffee so much that I've actually had this thought. I'm not proud.

If I went to prison, I'd be super sad because the coffee situation would be so bad. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What is the coffee situation in prison? I'm sure it's non-existent. It's not great. So I love coffee. I didn't give it up when I was pregnant. I didn't give it up. I will never, ever, ever give up coffee. Should we start a fund for prison coffee? Yes. What would it be called? Doesn't it sound terrible? It doesn't sound good. No. Joe behind bars? Joe behind bars. Bruce behind bars. Right.

Why is my brain going to we did it Joe? We really did it. We didn't do it. We didn't do it Joe at all. Joe, we didn't. Joe. What did you do? It's so Jover. It's so Jover. Well, what's begun now is now are you ready? Because this is your moment. Okay. Okay. This is on a goth stars. I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now. Okay. This is what? What? Are we starting now? No, start again. I'm sorry. Her time starts next. Oh, Kelly's going to pass. Oh, her time starts next.

Commercial break. This is on a God Star. I don't think so. Her time starts now. Okay, so my I don't think so, honey, is about TikToker POV videos. Instagrams. Nobody understands that it has to be an actual point of view. That is something new. So here's what it has to be a new take. It has to be observational. It has to be something that I haven't thought of. That's a witty use of humor. For example, I just saw one that was POV.

you get to the airport, find your gate, pee and get a snack. That's not a POV. That is just going to the airport and doing what people do when they go to the airport. There's no pithy observation therein. That's not, oh,

god my dad got a dog he didn't want it and now he's carrying it around in a baby bjorn i get it that's a pov that's funny what's not a pov is pov i took a shower before i went to work what is wrong with people you have to have some kind of a take and if you're not doing that you know what phone down and go to the airport five seconds and get a magazine and piss and get on your plane and if you open up google maps you're dead and that's one minute

You know, I hate to break it to you, but I think that they know this and willfully aren't doing it because I'll be shocked. Do something without your phone then. Just live your life for four seconds just being a human. I guess the thing is, though, they're more interested in virality than humanness. Who is going to like or comment on POV, you find your gate and get a sandwich? So many people. I'm telling you, it's like when I have worked with social media people, if I ever had to do like a TikTok or something for my album. Yeah.

I'll be shocked sometimes when you realize what's trending. It's like, hey, so you have to walk from here to here and this song is going to play. POV, you got on the elevator. Yeah, but literally it's like... No, it's not a thing. People want... POV, you're mailing a letter. The appetite is for everyday mundanity. Well, that's fine. At least if you're going to be pithy about it, like I don't mind something that's like...

I don't know. Something new or observational. Like it's the Seinfeldian moment of it all. Of course. Like, oh my God, you know. But the POV thing is even so stupid because they don't understand what POV stands for. No, they have no idea. It's not from the first person point of view at all. It's just like POV, I'm going to the airport and then they're in the frame. You know what I mean? That's what these kids are doing too. Right, right. And I don't... At the airport and then it's them. POV.

POV, me with my friend. It's just me. POV, I'm hanging out with my friend, but the friend isn't there. Again, I'm just like...

You have to develop some semblance of an observer. If this is supposed to be funny or engaging in any way. This is my almost, I'm going to say, boomer take, which is like, oh, language is breaking down. No one knows how to communicate with each other, and therefore, and here we are. I mean, but that's also secondary. All of the amplification of life is...

Yeah, exactly. Like you're we early on tried to like address phone usage with our kids or whatever. And everybody was like the only way they communicate is to take and picture of themselves on Snap and send it to one another. Yeah. Nude or otherwise. But it's just even like if there's courtship rituals. They don't believe in nudity. You're right. Absolutely right. My 16 year old is like, you'll see him do that. You're like, what are you doing? Oh, I just snapped something. I had to stop my phone.

Like there's no, there's no, hey, I'm at a restaurant with my folks or like there's no, even texting is one iteration too boring and bloated for them. It's jokey. This, this has infiltrated being at dinner with your family. Like nothing is sacred anymore. But also this is why we are where we are. We are sheep. Totally. Did you see that Australia wants to do a ban on social media until the kids are 16? Well,

Well, I think it's actually... Well, this is boring to talk about to our audience, but I actually think it's coming. I do. I really do believe the tide is turning because that is actually a purple state issue. People across the board are understanding that attention spans aren't... Oh, it's wild. Just screaming all...

Now what is this, a third election and we're just screaming at Facebook. Like that's all we're doing. So, you know, into Instagram or none of us are actually engaging or having conversations that are face-to-face or human-to-human and it's not going to get any better. Or with anyone that would challenge an opinion that you may have. I mean, that's, I watched AOC's live like the day or two after the election. The chandelier day? The chandelier day. We'll call it the chandelier day. The crashing chandelier. The Martha day. And the big poll, she said she was like, sectarianism has to stop.

Like, that's why I'm so kind of blown away by people being like, unfollow this person. If you follow me on your list, I'm like, I understand where this comes from. But if you can't see the forest for the trees, that this is the problem. The fact that we were so shocked.

That it went that way if you were shocked. Like, that is because we are siloed off. All of us. From one another. And if we want to be a country, which I think is a question, it seems like. Correct. If we want to be a country, we cannot silo off. We're in like an algorithmic echo chamber. Yes. All of us, you know, except for to pop out and troll people. That's literally it. Right. Not me.

No, never Bowen. You aren't trolled or you don't troll? I'm not in an echo chamber. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, he has incredible... I'm outside, honey. Okay, that's your thing. I'm not indoors. But that's because of the... I love it. I love it. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. And you power down for 48 hours every week, right? Yes. Just for your mental health? I'm looking at math.

paper. He reaches across the aisle. It's why they call him old school, triple A. I miss those, honestly. I do too. Oh, A7. They're pretty. I know, I know. So, so cute. But I mean, even those little, everybody, we're all addicts. We're all addicts. Thoughts on the Martha Stewart doc? Oh my God, I loved it. I loved it. I loved it, actually. I love her.

I think she'd be good on this show. She'd be great on this show. She would be great on this show. She, especially in her sixth chapter, is extraordinarily enjoying all the things she's been through and she's letting herself soften. I mean, I've known her now for a few-ish. My impersonation was 30 years ago or 28 or whatever. And she's always been a great sport.

and all that. Yeah, by Jimmy Carter. She allowed the clown. But she's been Jimmy Carter. She allowed... Even though she's not like a terrifically funny person, but she's very easy... She understood. She's a good business person. But mostly, I have to say, this is my fifth chapter take on her eighth chapter. Sixth chapter. Is that... My third chapter take on her fifth chapter. Sixth. Her sixth. Is that she really is like... I don't know. There's something to be said for this. Like old people wisdom. Yeah. Like you get your heart broken a lot in a life. And she kind of...

I love that whole thing that she says about like, I don't want to deal with feelings all the time. Like, I like guys that do stuff. I want to go places. I want to take in the world. Her boyfriend, Charles, that she had for a while, she was like, he's just a doer. Like, we would do stuff. And I get that. Like, there's so many... I do, of course, I validate feelings and of course I want, but there is a point at which we have to get up and put our shoes on and not POV, we're at the airport, but rather just go get the sandwich and pee. And like...

have plans and do things and go to Disney and water the garden and make a party and invite your friends over. And I don't know, there's just something very, granted she lives deeply within privilege, but she, I love that she's just, she doesn't sleep at all. That's a true thing about her. I know her assistant. That's really true. She's never, all of her businesses were born of insomnia. That was early on. And the fact that she was doing crafts with those ladies in the prison and like

growing, working on the garden and like she just is a doer and there's something deeply inspirational to me about that. That garden thing is what kind of

cracked something open for me where she was like, if you want to be married for a year, if you want to be happy for a year, get married. If you want to be happy for a decade, get a pet, get a dog. If you want to be happy for a lifetime, get a garden, plant a garden, plant a garden. And I'm like, oh, that's it. Yeah. Or any kind of garden, any size. You just have to do something. Yeah, exactly. Literally mold the earth with your hands. And she's doing that every day in different ways. I mean, and she's endlessly creative from a business standpoint. But I

Also, let's just say, OG feminist because she turned domestication on its ear and became a billionaire. She took...

She somehow understood Purple State. Early on, people were very shitty, including me on SNL, about her selling that brand to Kmart. And she was like, why wouldn't people at Kmart want nice things? And it's, she just. She would say that on Letterman. Yeah. It makes total sense to me. I love that. I love that she, you know, again, I mean, it's insane. Like when you look at like, whatever, let's have Cornish Hens for a hundred in that catering company. It was insane. It was totally insane. I mean, you know, you're just looking at her stuff. Like what? That's impossible.

No, I know. But she was just making it happen and then she was like, this is a business, this is a business. And she's been very open-minded about lots of types of all kinds of people across our, you know, culture. I think she's great. I didn't realize that Andy Stewart, her husband, was so like that. But then that story about her in the cathedral. I know. So beautiful. So beautiful. But also random. She's like, I got so overwhelmed by being in a cathedral that I made out with an Italian stranger. I love her though. That's such a gay guy thing. I know. Yeah.

It really was. It was the pines. I found it deeply relatable. I mean, she was like, it wasn't cheating. I was in a basilica. I kissed him. The basilica is a, you can't judge yourself. Everybody's God in that space. Yeah. Everybody's God. And that's what she really is. She's like an instrument of beauty. Like she loves beautiful things and she wants everyone to experience. I mean, and they are like, I don't know, like there's a big part of me that's like,

it's so cheesy, but like Paris is my favorite city. And like, I've gone and it's like, you have a, you're like, I just can't stand how every single thing here is. Perfect. I'm so happy. Like it's, you're, you vibrate with beauty. And it reminds me of the Will and Harper thing where at the end, like he gets Harper those earrings. I know.

It's okay to like nice things. That was beautiful. It's okay to like lovely things. I know. And I'm like, that's it. And it doesn't have to be the most expensive. Like, that's what's so cool. Garden. There you go. Plant a garden. A plant, a garden, a flower, a vegetable, a fruit. It's a lovely thing that you made. I know. And she was so cool when I was on Drew. She was so, like, I mean, we quote unquote surprised her, which I was always like, you know, again, it's just a nightmare because, you know, it's not a person who loves a surprise. And she like, you know, I didn't. And I,

And I'm like sailing in dressed as her. And she was so sweet. Sailing in. She just kept. Sailing in. She kept like grabbing my hand and she was, you know, ruining it by talking through the floor. Like, oh, you look so much like me. But it was still like so charming. And she hugged me after. And her assistant was like, it's so great to see you. We should do more together. It was just very. She gets it. She's always gotten it. Totally. We were mean on

on Saturday night and she always got it. Actually, everybody on SNL, Celine Dion, same thing. So graceful about it. And I, you know, well, partially I think she thought I had a bad voice, which helped. But, because she said that to me. She was like, your voice is so horrible to hear. Ah!

Which I was like, this is a language barrier thing. I'm going to choose to believe this is a language barrier. Your voice is so horrible to hear. Your voice is so horrible to hear. Okay, this area we got to wrap up, which means it's time to say one more time that you can see Once Upon a Mattress at the Amundsen in LA from December 10th to January 5th, and you should. And also, if you can catch it in the last...

I guess, couple weeks on Broadway. November 30th. It really is. It's joyous. It's fun. Sugar and booze. You better be streaming it and checking out the shows in the Midwest and in LA. What day on December 16th? One night only. Yeah. Love. But mostly just listen to it because it really, I did make it to bring people joy and listen to it while you're wrapping your presents and you're shaking your drinks and you're shaking your ass and you're shaking your everything. Yeah. Shake and jiggle. Shake that ass. Shake that ass while you're listening to Sugar and Booze.

We are so happy you're here. Thank you for joining us. You guys are the best. Thank you for having me and my daughter and her fellow gays. Say thank you. We say hi to all the gays and the gusbands and everybody out there. We want to say hello to you and we end every episode with a song. Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Let your heart be bright. We'll work on it. Why didn't we say...

Why'd you start so high? Goddamn tenors. We're not tenors. This is the second time in a row or third time in a row that a guest has clocked me for the key. No, it's a nice... It's your song. It's your show. And have yourself a merry little Christmas night. Yay! Let's coach!

Hey, everybody. It's me, Matt Rogers, letting you know tickets are on sale now to see me on tour. The Prince of Christmas tour, that's right.

I'm doing my whole album, Have You Heard of Christmas, plus a lot more with the whole band all throughout December. Go to www.mattrogersofficial.com to see me in a city near you.

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