Should I Stay or Should I Go with Alexia Nepola
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You're listening to I Do Part Two, an innovative, one-of-a-kind experiment in podcasting and love. This is a chance for people who are unlucky in love the first time around to have another shot at love. I'm one of your hosts, Jana Kramer, and I am living proof that you can get love right the next chance around or the next chance around after that.

Today, we're going to be joined by one of our celebrity mentors. You know her as the Cuban Barbie from Real Housewives of Miami, and she's the co-host of the podcast, I, Por Favor. Please welcome Alexia Napola to the podcast. Alexia, I just have to be honest with you. I haven't had the pleasure of watching the Miami. Honestly, I haven't had the pleasure of watching the Miami.

I feel like I've been kind of in a bubble. I'm 10 months postpartum and I feel like I'm now out of the bubble getting out of it. But I'm like, I need to catch up on all the shows, all the things because I'm just, I feel so out of the loop. But what I love about this is connecting with you on a human level because, you know, this show is about connecting people and finding love and you have been on such a journey and there's so many pieces of your story that I

to so much. So I'm so excited to just kind of get into the weeds of all of it. But right now though, are you, are you currently filming, not filming? Like what's, what's going on?

So we are. We are filming our season seven of The Real Housewives of Miami. And I guess you'll get to see my love journey on there this season. Because I feel like I've had different love journeys throughout all my seasons, unfortunately. Because all I wanted to do is be married all my life, by the way. Well, and so that is so interesting that you say that because I feel like that piece I relate to too. Because all I've wanted is to just have one person

one marriage and just be with the love of my life. But it's been a hell of a ride to get to that point because I've just picked the wrong man, gotten into wrong relationships, unhealed versions of myself. And

you know, finally, you know, on my, I'm not even going to tell you what number it is, but you know, I know, but it's like, it's one of those things where I'm like, I didn't want it to be that many. That's not, that's, I didn't go into things being like, oh, I want to be divorced this many times. And so I'm curious with your first relationship with your

with your first husband that you have your two sons with. When, how old were you when that marriage took place? I was 23 when I started my relationship with them, 22, 23. So I feel like we, we have, we love different, you know, at that age or we look for different things, you know, at that age, by the way, I mean, I feel like we look for different things at, doesn't really matter the age, but it depends on what you're going through your life.

And that's where you're talking about how we pick, which is so important. So that's what I needed at that time in my life. My father had passed away and my mother had moved to Spain. And it was the first time that I really felt like,

alone, you know, in my life. And then I met this guy that was, you know, my age. He brought me so much happiness. I was at a very like vulnerable place, very, you know, sad time in my life. And he was like my Prince charming. He came, he swept me off my feet. You know, he, it's like what I needed. And that's what, you know, what I went for, you know, and I had my two beautiful kids, um,

But, you know, that wasn't, again, he, I, at that moment, I thought he was a love of my life, but then I realized, you know, soon enough that love isn't enough sometimes that no matter how much he loved the person, you know, because he was going through other things that I was like, not okay with and, um, kind of like kept it a secret, which I know it's like, what's something that we're going to talk about in relationships, right?

you know, that how, you know, these secrets do affect, you know, us and affect our relationships. Yeah, no, for sure. How long were you in that marriage for? About 10 years. You know, we've gotten legally, you know, divorced, not because we wanted to, but because of the circumstances. And I had, you know, two children with him and I still have, you know, a friendship and a relationship with him because of my kids. My kids adore him. And, you know, I always tell my kids to love their father. You know, I wasn't one of these moms that, you know,

you know, talked like ugly things about their dad. You know, I always wanted my kids to have a good relationship with their father, you know, regardless what the circumstances were and their father does love them a lot. And, you know, I think the kids grow up healthier that way. And, you know, we don't choose our parents, you know, and this is, this is their dad and he's a good man and he's, you know, been there for them as much as he can. And, and they today have a good relationship.

But what I love about you and I is that despite all these painful past relationships, we're never giving up on love. And like, that's kind of like what I did, you know, like that was that chapter in my life. And then I moved on to my second husband at a different stage of my life where I had two children. And, you know, that makes it so much more difficult. And you look for different things, you know, when you have children. And I feel like your first husband is who you want to have a family with.

And it's like a fairy tale story that you want a beautiful wedding, you want to have the kids, the house, the family and all that. And I unfortunately got little bits and pieces of it, but not the whole thing that I wanted. And, you know, 10 years later, we separated. And I quickly pretty much met my second husband.

And you see, that's what I've learned today, that we need to take some time between relationships because we need to heal. We need to learn from them. We need to grow. And at that point, I was 34 years old. And, you know, I wanted, again, you know, that marriage, that family that I hadn't had with my other husband.

So, you know, within he was older than me. He like right away came in also like at a time in my life where I was kind of down. Also, you know, I had two small kids. I was a single mom. You know, I was working as a school teacher and and I was just doing everything by myself. And this came this amazing man that was very charismatic.

very kind, very loving, and, you know, successful, smart. He was like a problem solver. So he just came into my life like, like, what do you need? What can I do for you? You know, like that kind of thing. And it was different. Like, I feel like my first husband was like love at first sight. And like the butterflies in the stomach. And you know, I was young. And, and it was, it was completely different, like from my 30s when I met, you know, my second husband.

And, you know, I kind of like to love him and understand, you know, and I thought with him, you know, I can have that not that perfect marriage because perfect marriages do not exist. And we're all imperfect. But it's kind of more like what I wanted, the security, the stability that I didn't have in my first marriage. I think there is something where what you said about not jumping in right away is not such a huge piece because, you know, a lot of times people,

if I reflect back on my history, I'm like, I was always jumping from relationship to relationship. And especially this, you know, this, my last divorce, I was like, I cannot keep putting my happiness in a relationship and with another man, because that's where,

I always said, if I'm happy, that means that I'm in a happy, loving relationship. And like, that should not be what my happiness and how my happiness exists. And so, and I've even talked to a few of my divorced girlfriends who are like, oh, I just wish...

I could just meet someone and I'm like, that is not going to make you happy. I guarantee you, like you'll have a dopamine hit within the first few weeks, but like you will go right back to feeling, why do I feel not happy? Why do I feel, you know, X, Y, and Z. And then I had another girlfriend, um,

you know, she was just like, she was still married to her husband. She's like, I want to divorce him, but I think it'd be easier if I found someone first. And I'm like, no, like, no, no, no, no, no. Like literally no. Because I'm like, again, I know how that would be easier. And there was pieces of me too, where in my last marriage, I mean, like I was, I was so out that I was like, you know what? I hope I meet someone, but it was, I'm so glad that that wasn't the catalyst for my last ending of my marriage because A,

A, I got to walk out clean in that marriage, you know, not do the same thing. Yeah. I just was like, like, if anything is going to like leave this, like it's, you're just going to be the only cheater in this. Like, I will not give you that satisfaction of, of cheating on you too. But with, you know, I was like, but also like having that piece actually leaving someone, um,

when you don't have someone else was the, it was grueling and it was so hard, but I found myself through that process. And then I took, I did date soon-ish after. And again, I was, saw that I was repeating that same mistake and I'm like, okay, I'm literally attracting the same dude, the same cast, just a different name. You know what I mean? Same character. Well, mine have all been different. Mine have all been different. Well, that's good. So I can't, yeah, yeah. They've all been way different.

different, right? They've had different problems that I had my first, but I have done the same thing kind of, you know, and then it's funny, like you said about your friends, because when you're in a situation like that, I feel like you have to, at one point, just like shut off all the noise, because you know, all your friends are going to give you different advice. And you know, oh, you need this, you need to do that. You know how you forget about this when you move on to the next one.

And in reality, we know, you and I know that because we've gone through it, that that doesn't work. You need time for yourself. Your happiness does not depend on any man. You need to find that happiness within yourself, whatever it may be. You need to self-reflect. You need to like,

search for that. And I think that that comes with like age and wisdom too. Cause you know, at 20 something, I didn't know that, you know, I thought the same thing. I mean, I didn't think so much. I said, you know what? I need like a man that's like older, more mature. That's already like settled. He's going to give me stability. And it's not, it wasn't even about the finances.

It's just like the way they make you feel. And he gave me that like support and that security that I needed, you know, that I didn't have in my first relationship. So my son, Frankie, while I was married to my second husband, he was involved in a horrific car accident.

And he almost passed away, but he's a miracle. He's alive and he's very much healthy and with us today. He suffers from a brain injury. But you see, there's where my husband, my husband at the time was really there for me. So my second husband passed away in 2016. We were separated. But

but not divorced. And, but we still had a great relationship. We worked together. He visited the house. He was a stepfather to my kids and he was a great, you know, stepfather to them. And we had a great relationship. It was just like, I felt like with a tragic, like, you know, Frankie's accident, your family gets together and,

for many ways, but you also become distant, you know, as a couple, you know, and I felt that, you know, my main focus obviously was in saving Frankie's life. And that affected our entire family dynamics that affected my older son, it affected my relationship with Herman, in the way that, you know, I wasn't really there for him, you know. So a few years later, that was in 2011. In 2015,

you know, we decide to have that uncomfortable conversation, which a lot of couples have to have kind of like, you're not happy. I'm not happy. And, um, you know, Frankie and Peter are already well. And it's kind of like, I had a moment to think for myself and I said, wow, what has happened? Like I lost myself. Like I didn't know who I was. And, um,

So I had the conversation with him and he said, listen, you've gone through a lot. I'm always going to love you. But, you know, I think it's just better we take some time off and you deserve to be happy. You know, I deserve to be happy. And at that point, I wanted to go to counseling.

My mom was a psychiatrist. She was very therapeutic. And even though she got divorced five times, she was really good at giving couples therapy. Not that that was her specialty, but she was always very adamant about couples staying together, unless it was physical abuse or even some kind of emotional abuse, which is just as bad as physical abuse. But she always encouraged you to be a good man. And there were a lot of things you can work on to work on that.

So with that being said, you know, we had a friendly, nice conversation. And I said, well, okay. I mean, I really didn't know what to do with that conversation. I said, but, you know, let's just have fun. He told me, like, you can start going out with your friends. You can, you know, kind of like do what you want to do for now because, you know, I'm older than you and I want to live my life. You know, at that point, he was going out a lot and I didn't want to go out, obviously, because I wanted to stay home with my kids. So we started growing apart.

And I feel like as a woman, you always feel it. You know, like sometimes you say, oh my God, like I never, you know, I never imagined you would do something like that. Or like everything was perfect. It's like the signs are there and we don't want to see them. In this case, everything happened, appeared to be fine. But when I had a moment to breathe and to realize, you know, what was going on in my life, I said, I am so disconnected, you know, from this person.

And when I had the conversation with him, it was I didn't have like the same I didn't have the response that I wanted to have, which was like, you know, let's work on this and let's go to therapy. It was kind of like, you know, you've gone through a lot. So, you know, maybe just like start having some fun.

was his alternative motive for him to be doing those other, the other relationship that he was in? Like, do you, do you kind of go, wait a minute? No, no, I don't blame myself. I think at this point, I'm saying, do you think back and go, was he putting that on you to, to, so that he could have his other extramarital relationship?

I, yes. Now that's a really good question. And I have thought about that because, you know, I feel like sometimes when the men are keeping secrets, it's like to protect themselves also to protect me. And I always, the good thing about me is that I've in my first two marriages, I've always thought the men have kept secrets.

but not to hurt me. Obviously, the first reason is to protect themselves because they're afraid if they share this kind of information, whether it's, you know, legal things that they've done in their past or whether it's, you know, sexual things or infidelity, obviously, they know that we're not going to be okay with that. We're going to judge them, shame them, get into a fight, whatever. So I felt like

He was having this conversation with me because he didn't want to be selfish. Like he loved me so much. And I really do believe that, that he just wanted me. He couldn't have the conversation where he was actually going to come out and say, listen, you know, I am having an affair with somebody and it happens to be a man. He didn't want to hurt me. So this man would have never told me that.

So, but at that point, I think that he was already involved with that person. Yeah. So it was easier, like you said, to put it on me and said, you know what, go have fun. And by the way, I did. Yeah. I said, well, you've left me all the toys. So you know what? And I needed it, Jaina. Like I really needed it, you know? So, so that's what I did. I started going out with my friends. We would work together. It was weird. Like all my things have always been weird, honestly, my relationships.

It's kind of like we're afraid to talk about uncomfortable things, you know, that are going to hurt us because, you know, we love each other. You know, I don't know if other couples have, you know, that problem too. It's a communication problem pretty much because we're afraid to say things to each other that are going to hurt us. Well, I think also too, it brings up things where it's like sometimes when I say something to my husband, he's

he hears something totally different. Like he hears me questioning him. Like that's not, I wasn't questioning. I was just asking a question because I'm just curious, but like, because they have their own past things from their relationships where the woman might have been questioning his reasoning for things. I'm like, no, that's not it at all. I was just more like curious. And so, but how they react. And so it's, it's learning, um,

you know, the other people's traumas and past relationships and what they had to and how they reacted to things. And it's all, I mean, like you said in the very beginning, there's no perfect relationship. It's really figuring out how to communicate with each other. And, you know, I think a lot of times,

when, you know, I've had people reach out to me a lot because my last husband had multiple affairs. And, you know, when I first found everything out, it was everything felt like a lie. Every, like from the wedding to, you know, the birth of our daughter to our sons, like everything, you know, was,

meant nothing and it was all a lie and I've been able to figure out now that there are truths and there's lies within things but that it wasn't all a lie for me it was real and you know for him to not allow to take away those memories and you know learning that your one ex-husband was would you say he was gay or he was bisexual I feel like he was bisexual like towards the end

You know, while we were separated, you know, while I was married to him, I, I had no idea. But how do you, how do you deal with that? That lie of, okay, our marriage was a lie or like, what do you do? No, you know, I don't, I never know. So that's, I never felt like our marriage was a lie. I felt that he did have the ability to love me and fall in love with me. And he did. And that's how we got married. And, you know, we had, you know, 13 beautiful years.

And I just think that it was like towards the end of our marriage, like I said, I really do believe that when you go through a traumatic experience in your family, your family falls apart. And there's different things that fall apart. And again, I'm not blaming myself because I'm a mother before anything. And I had to focus on my children and he supported that.

But with that being said, you know, he also like, you know, started going out and, you know, finding his outlets, you know, like everybody deals with pain differently. And, and that affected him a lot, Frankie's accident. And,

And, you know, he was also older, you know, and I feel like sometimes, you know, men go through different midlife crises and they deal with things differently. And I guess it's just something that he had, you know, within him that he wanted to experience and it happened. I wish he would have told me because, you know, I would have been so open to this. You know, I am such an open person.

And, you know, I don't even, it might sound funny, but like, I'd rather a guy cheat with a guy than with a girl. You know, that's just me. I may be different. I may be crazy. But for me, it's kind of like, okay, well, I can't give him what a man can give him, you know, physically, you know, maybe emotionally, yes. But, you know, for me, it's just like, you know, love is love. Like it could be with a man, it could be with a woman. But, you know, it was really hard for me because I found out after he passed away, like the day after we buried him.

So that what was it was like a betrayal, obviously. But then you kind of like try to justify it, right? Like saying, you know, how can somebody like this, like sit down the wife, you know, how can a husband sit down the wife and say, you know, by the way, you know, I'm in love with another man. It's hard, especially like a Latino man.

you know, that has, you know, somebody that's like well known in the community, you know, there were so many prejudices, like he could have never done it. So I actually felt that, you know, I still do, you know, I'm happy that he got to live that. Right. If you could ask him one question, what would it be? If he was happy, if he thought, yeah, if he was happy. And I really believe that he was, because I got to speak to that person and he told me like the whole story. And by the way, he told the man also,

Like, this is my wife. He showed him a picture. This is my wife and I love her. And I don't ever want her to find out. So, you know, and I know that like I, so that's why I'm okay with it because I know how much he loved me. Like his intentions for me, it's all about intentions and people can see it the other way around. Well, if he loved you so much, then he wouldn't have done that to you.

Right. It's it's a struggle. I get that. I also understand that. It's true. If they love you, why do they want to hurt you? In his case, he was keeping it a secret because he didn't want to hurt me. And I know those were his intentions. And I'll know that forever. Do you believe in monogamous relationships? Do you do believe a man can be monogamous in a relationship?

I do. Yeah, I do. I really do believe that. And I always want to believe that just like I believe in love. I want to believe that monogamous because I feel like when you have that love and connection, and you just can't be with another person. You know, for me, it's that for me, it's like the whole my body. So like, I need to be connected with the person.

So I feel like the time you find that disconnection with your husband or with your partner, you have to go. Because that means you're going to start being unfaithful and you can have like, you know, the lack of trust and dishonesty in a relationship. So then how long, so when he passes you guys, how does that work? Does it, do you have to like do divorce papers or how like? No, no. I was his wife.

I was his wife. I mean, I had a prenup, which I know your girls have talked about. So I did have a prenup, but I was, you know, legally his wife. We, as a matter of fact, we never even filed. We never even went to see an attorney. It was kind of like, if that's what I'm saying, all of my circumstances honestly have been so strange because with him, we had that conversation and

And then maybe a few months later, he moved out of the house because he was going out at night and getting home super late. And I was like, you know what? This is not going to end okay. And then by the way, I was going out too.

and if i would be home like before him he would call me like when are you coming home i'm like well wait i mean we're husband and wife but you know we're you know technically like really not together we're taking a break it was weird that's something i will not recommend to anybody i know some people you know break up and things work for there's different like i could never personally have anyone come in a relationship man woman anything like i i'm like i i

I know what that does for me, having the years of affairs and stuff. But, you know, some people are cool with swinging or this or that or having people... Oh, no. Me, never. No. I am so jealous and possessive. I'm like Cuban. There's no way I...

No, for me, it was never about that. And he knew that. So that's why he had to, you know, take his own way. So that's why he decided, you know, to move to an apartment. So he had just gone in an apartment a few months, you know, prior before he passed away. And unfortunately, he had a heart attack and he passed away. It was horrible. After that, how long was it until you met your next husband? How many years? So...

I already knew my husband today while Herman was still alive.

And I had dated him. You know, we were like dating for a while. I mean, for a few months, whatever. We were just dating. But, you know, I wasn't ready. This is like, there I knew. You know, I was in my 40s. And I had gone through so much, you know, in both of my relationships. And not only in my relationships, but really what changed my life was my son's accident. I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry. Like, it's...

second you said son I'm like oh it's like it's like when a dog dies in a movie it's even worse you know I mean like your kids I can't like I love my husband but my children if anything happens like I I'm so sorry like I can't even imagine like the way I know you are you're a mom that was that's indescribable only a mom that's been there knows that pain

So I was like, you know what, when Herman and I just decided to take a break, like we said, or some time off, I was like, you know what, Alexia, like you cannot be in a relationship with a man. You need to just have fun. You need to, you know, do things for yourself. And, you know, and that's what I did. And I did meet my third

third husband. And, but like I said, I was not ready. I knew I couldn't be in a relationship like that at that moment. Cause I feel like timing is so important.

As well for and you know, the listeners out there, the girls should be thinking about that. Because I always had like with my friends, like, oh, it's all about time. It's all about timing. Sometimes the right man comes into your life at the wrong time in your life. And sometimes when you're ready, the wrong guy comes into your life. So like timing is really important. So I was very aware at that moment that I did not want to have a serious relationship. But you know, I did like him and I did date him.

And then it was six months after Herman passed away that we started seeing each other again. And you've been married for how long with him? Legally married two years, together eight years. Together we've been living together for eight years, legally married for two years. So I read that he filed for divorce. And do we know why? He did.

So I didn't know myself at the moment why he would do this. So you had no idea he just filed and you had no idea? There wasn't like, hey, we should get a divorce conversation? No, no. So there wasn't. And he first left the house on a Saturday and then he filed for divorce on Thursday.

And I wasn't expecting him to leave, like to move out of the apartment like that either. So basically, it's, you know, a lot of things, you know, it's just not like one thing. And by the way, with my second husband, it wasn't really about his sexuality either. You know, it wasn't like we had that conversation. And that's why, you know, we just kind of like, drifted apart, like I said, as a couple, because of the circumstances. And then, you know, eventually, I found out after he passed away, what had happened.

And with the father of my kids, it was a lot of things, you know, he had gone to prison, he had come back home, you know, you lose respect. And, you know, that respect and admiration that I had for him, you know, I saw him like as weak, you know, it's so hard, you know, to come back into society again, back into your family and to just,

you know, keep on living a normal life. Like that affected us a lot. I was a single mom for five years. I had two kids. It was just crazy stuff. And I didn't have the tools. I didn't have the maturity, um,

I, you know, I didn't have the support. And that's why we just, you know, we're arguing all the time we were fighting. You know, it's never really been more than that. You know, I just think it was like two young people that had those horrible circumstances. We didn't know how to deal with it.

And we just, you know, grew apart and just kind of broke off. Yeah, I don't know. I'm just thinking like if my husband just was like filed for divorce, I mean, a feeling super blindsided, but also I'd be like, okay, here's a here's maybe why like, he was unhappy with x, y, and z. Oh, okay. Well, yes. Well, obviously, I mean, I don't think anybody falls for divorce if they're happy in the relationship.

But was I expecting a no? So he's, yes, he's saying that he was unhappy because first of all, I'm a public person, which he already knew about. Right. And like you, you know that when you're a public person, and especially the kind of show that I'm on, everybody knows my story. Everybody knows my life. But when he did start dating me, he had already done three seasons of the show. He already knew who I was.

And this is the person that he fell in love with. He fell in love with me and my world. He knew my baggage, which I don't even like to call it baggage because my children are not my baggage. They're an extension of me and they go with me everywhere. And if you love me, you have to love my kids and be accepting of them. So he knew all the circumstances. Like with this relationship, I can tell you with my third relationship, my last one,

Um, there was no secrets at all, at least. Well, there's never been secrets with any of my husbands on my part. But and I want to believe that he didn't have any secrets either, like the last one. But what I'm trying to say is that he knew who I was. He knew my entire life.

And I was so honest. And, you know, I had done so much growth, you know, in dealing because once I started dating him again, I was still grieving Herman's loss. Because even though I wasn't physically with him for the last year and a half, I was very emotionally connected to Herman. He was a very good person. He was a very kind man. We spent many years together. And I have a lot of love for him.

And so once again, I get into a relationship six months later. And again, I felt like all of my relationships I've gone into when I've been down. You know, they haven't seen the best of Alexia. It's not Alexia's best. They've gotten me when I've been like down and vulnerable. And like you said, looking for happiness because I haven't been happy myself because a lot of things, obviously, I was grieving Herm's death.

Right. And all this new information that I was finding out and I had all these questions and I had legal problems with like Herman's children. So I was going through a lot is what I'm trying to tell you. Right. But I but I also I just want to say this because I feel like a lot of times we take the hit for going through a lot. Like when I when I started dating someone post-divorce, you know, the guy was very much like.

call me when you heal. And I'm like, you know, it made me feel bad for crying when I didn't have my kids, you know, for Christmas. And it was like the first of all the many firsts that I was having. And it's like, listen, you made me feel bad for feeling like I had a lot to heal and work on. Like,

I know I have a lot to heal and work on, but I don't need someone to remind me that I'm, like, I'm not a bad person for having feelings or for having, for feeling grief or sadness because of a situation. And like, you know, hearing you say like you had stuff, well, of course you did. You were, you're dealing with traumas and grief and loss and, you know, separation. Those are things that, you know, the man shouldn't make you feel like,

Like, yes, did you get, did they get the perfect versions of both of us? No, but also they don't need to shed, like, they don't need to make us feel bad about that. Right. Make it worse. Right. No. And a good partner. Right. You're right. You're absolutely right. And a good partner will be there to listen to you, lift you up your feet and help you get through it. Right. And navigate through that. And that's what it happened. That's actually what happened. And that's why we did get married. Right.

But, you know, he has two daughters, you know, I have my children, his daughters came to live with us, you know, we never, you know, blended as a family, you know, it's really hard for him, you know, like being, you know, father full time living with us full time, we had a lot of pressure, you

You know, we went from being like boyfriend and girlfriend, you know, kind of like on our own and, you know, traveling and just like that honeymoon state that we had like the first two or three years. Of course, our relationship was beautiful. Once again, he came in, he swept me off my feet. I started feeling happy again, which is like what you're saying when you're like in a bad place and we meet a guy and they bring all this joy into our life. We're like, this is it. He's the guy. Oh my God, I haven't felt happy like this in years.

And it's kind of like you confuse it and then it's easy for you to, you know, to pick that guy. Just like not the first one that comes along, but it's kind of like, okay, you really feel inside like this is the man that's going to make me happy. And I mean, initially we, I mean, we all want to be happy, but like you said, we have to be happy ourselves so we can make others happy. Like now I know that I just want them to add happiness to my life.

You know, just don't come take it away. Yeah. And in this marriage, now that he's divorced, I've heard that you guys have kind of hooked up post the filings. Is that a thing where you can maybe get, well, of course it is. You love this person. He loves you. But I'm curious, like, is there, is there reconciliation within that where you're like, okay, I'm going to go work on this thing.

And then can we work on this together? And can this work? Because I'm a big believer in reconciliation when two people are willing to show up to their, then be their best versions and know. You have to show up. Yeah. That's where we're at. Exactly. Because, you know, and just like therapy that we tried therapy, I feel like for this to work, both of us have to want it.

It takes so much work and effort. And I think that today, you know, couples just want to give up because it's easier. They don't want to put in the work. They don't want to go to therapy. They don't want to take time for themselves and say, I'm the problem or you're the problem. And it's not even about who's the problem. It's like, how are we going to make this better and fix it and own accountability and validate each other's feelings? You know, so it's it's hard. I feel like it's so much easier today.

than back in the day to just walk away. And then there's so many options for the other people. You know, like saying, like you're saying your friends, like, isn't it easier? Like just to like give up on it and like find another guy. Like look at you. Because your problems are still going to exist and they're going to have problems. So now you're going to have a whole new cruise ship of other problems that you have to then deal with. Yeah. I'm like, I don't even want to see a man. Like honestly, I'm like right now I have not.

So, you know, and so this is what's made it so hard this time around, because we were in love with each other. We were like, I think it's like an obsession. Honestly, I don't even know if it's love anymore. It's an obsession and addiction. I don't know what you want to call it. But and, you know, we do have problems, you know, communicating, but I feel like

you know, a lot of couples do, right? It's just learning how to talk to each other. So we'll have like the highs and the lows, some good days, some bad days. But then on top of it, you know, I'm filming the show. So that makes it like a lot easier. I mean, sorry, it makes it a lot harder on my relationship because he never liked the show. That is the truth. And I've always said it. And I've always said, I've said it publicly. I said it to him.

I will always pick you, you know, meaning my husband and Todd in this case, and my children and my family over the show. And, but, you know, sometimes I feel like he's using it as an escape goal because he doesn't like it.

And, and honestly, you know, I feel like whatever partner you have in your life needs to support you. And I haven't had that support from him. You know, I get it. He doesn't align with the show. He doesn't like it. And by the way, it's really not a men's show. Like, I honestly don't recommend for any of the husbands to be involved. But it is what it is. But we never really had that conversation about, you know, pick me or the show.

Right. So because it would always it would always be him. Oh, it would always be him. And I gave him that option. I wanted to do it. But he's like, oh, no, like I can't. You know, you can't do that because then you're going to resent me. So, you know, it's been like a emotional roller coaster. I feel like I'm in an emotional limbo because, you know, I don't know what to do. It's been six months. Does he want to try to make it work?

I feel like we're both trying to make it work, but why isn't it working after six months? Right. It's like, do you, how much time do you give yourself? Like how much time do you think? Right. I mean, that's, that's just a question because it's like, you got to address the, the main issue. What is, what is the issue? And then work on that because if it doesn't change, then it's just the same things going to keep happening again and again. Then how long do you continue to try to,

Right. But I mean, if you guys are dating again, I mean, I feel like and there's hope for potential reconciliation. I mean, I again, I'm always the one that's like, if you guys can get to the root of it and then, you know, plant a new seed with it, it grows. Right. I mean, I feel like whatever problems we had before, we don't have anymore. Right.

But just because his daughters went to college. And so I think that added a lot of stress on the marriage. And the show, a reality show, adds a lot of stress on your marriage as well. You have to have a very, very tight bond. You have to be a team. And even so, I mean, obviously, there's editing takes into place.

So sometimes you see yourself, you know, on the show and you're like, my God, like, I'm not that person. You know, why are you know, why am I looking that way? So, you know, I respect all of that. You know, when I get it, these guys don't show up to do these kind of shows. They don't sign up for it. We do.

But I feel like there's more there. You know, I think that that's just easier for him to say like, well, you know, I don't like the show. I don't like your life. I don't like your world. So I'm just going to like exit it. Well, but here's the deal. Like you're saying that you'll choose him. So that's my, that's my piece. I'm like, what is he, why is he trying to push you away when you're saying I will choose you? Right. Well, I've said that, right. And I'll keep on saying it because, you know, I, that is the real story. Mm-hmm.

Are you guys living together apart? We're not living together, which is, it's good and it's bad because, you know, I've had a lot of time, you know, for myself to do things for me, to heal, to understand things, to read books, to listen to podcasts, to go on walks. And so it's fun, you know, it's hot and sexy to like date and see each other again, because we still have that chemistry and we like each other. But it's when we start talking about deeper things that we, you know, start talking about

you know, not with the fighting, but with like the disagreements. Will you guys do therapy together? Like, do you believe in that together? So we tried that. And it really didn't work for us because, well, in my case, I wanted to continue it because I can take it. Like I can take talking about the past, crying about it and moving forward. But I felt like in his case, he was, he just couldn't take it. You know, it's hard. If you've been to therapy, you have to relive, you

You know, all those horrible moments that you did fight about and were triggers, you have to relive them again. And so it was really, really tough for him. But, you know, at least he tried. And then we kind of agreed that it wasn't great for us. I don't know if it was the therapist or if it was just us ourselves. And, you know, we're both like reading books and talking to each other. We're more like, I can tell you for sure that I'm a lot more self-aware.

and educated. And I think that that really changes things because sometimes when you're in it, you know, you don't realize it. But now that we have time apart and we have time for ourselves, you kind of like, when we start the conversation, I'm like, okay, I know where this is going. I know what you're doing and you know, whatnot.

But, but yeah, I still don't know what we're doing. You know, I know we're liking going out and kind of like the dating, but I'm like, am I going to go from being your wife to being like your girlfriend? Like, it doesn't make any sense. I mean, I still feel like his wife. I think if there's love still there and, you know, two people are willing to try, I'm always like such an advocate for that. And my therapist one time said, don't make any big decisions. He's just, she's like do a year essentially. So yeah,

You know, you have to trust your heart with that. But I always say to people again, like it's not, it's not greener stepping out. It's, it's, you can have a stronger marriage if, you know, if you, and like you said, you're like, you're, you want to put in the work and you're trying to do it. And so, you know, I think, you know, for our listeners, what would be your biggest tip to them?

that you would tell them if they were in the situation? Because that's the times a lot of times I, I shadow that because I'm like, what would I tell my friend? Because that's the advice and that I would want to take. That's true. Well, apparently I give really good advice to everyone else and to my friends, but then I don't, I don't apply it to myself.

You know, I've always been the kind of person that has followed her heart. And even if I had all the obstacles and challenges and the entire world telling me, don't do it, Alexia, don't do it. And, you know, your friends obviously love and want to protect you and want to protect your heart. So everybody has a different opinion. But I've always really followed my heart.

So whatever my heart, my heart's telling me right now to continue to fight for this, you know, and, and to try to fix it and make it better. That's another thing about me that I'm like a fixer, like I need to fix everything. And, and sometimes you have to know when there's no more you can do, right? It's kind of like you have to know when to walk away.

Well, and you're an insane, smart businesswoman too. Like you're very smart with all of that. So I think, you know, for our listeners too, you're, you know, when it comes to finances, like you are very savvy. Um, what has been your biggest mistake you've made in that department in relationships? And then what do you think has saved you the most?

So I feel that the worst thing that I've done is that I've never really been involved in the finances with the men. The men have taken care of everything because they've had those personalities and they've usually had more money.

So they've taken it upon themselves to pay for everything and to kind of like just share what they've wanted to share. And, you know, I believe like your first husband is different from like your second and third husband. You know, I feel like when you get married together and, you know, for the first time and, you know, you're both starting off.

I believe that it's usually more like you share more about the finances and you know, you kind of like are growing your life and building your life and growing. So you're more involved. But I found with like my second husband, it was kind of like he never really shared, you know, how much he had or how much he didn't have. You know, I kind of like found out after he passed away. And I was but he always made me feel secure. So it's not like I had to like question, you know, his finances.

But, you know, I advise every woman that they really need to be involved and they need to know what's going on and, you know, take that initiative because things happen like divorce or death. And then, you know, they don't know what's going on, which is really what happened to me after Herman's death. Yeah, sure. What do you think is the one thing that you need to work on the most for like in the relationship and then also just you personally, like your one thing that you're like, this is what I keep going.

hitting up against? So, I mean, I feel like I need to work more on just being a little bit more guarded with my heart. You know, I feel like I'm such an empath. Now I'm an educated empath. So it's like, I, you know, I, you need to protect your heart sometimes because you can't give it away just to anyone or to anybody. And I just need to take my time, you know, to just feel good about myself and

And like I said, I've gone through so much in my life. And now I'm to the point, I used to be ashamed about a lot of things in my life, not about me and me as a person, but about what was around me. And so I've done good with that as far as seeing the good about it, seeing my life lessons, learning from it, and actually being proud that I am the woman that I am today because of what I've gone through and learned from.

And as far as the finances is like, you have to have your own money. You have to be independent. And if the guy has money, more power to you. But I feel like a man respects a woman a lot more in a marriage when she comes with her own education, with her own money, with her own, with her own skills. And like,

It's not like she has to contribute to the household and she has to, I'm sure she will. But I feel like the whole thing changes. You know, they have a different perspective of who you are. They respect you more. As long as they're secure. Because my problem is my past relationships, the guys...

always said that was like their favorite quality about me that I, you know, provided that I was the quote unquote breadwinner. But then that became the thing they used against me too. Sure. And I feel like that came from their own insecurities of things. But then I'm like, well, but I...

I remember when I got divorced, my husband was like, well, have fun making money. I'm like, is that a bad thing? Like, I guess I'm supporting you and paying child support. I wouldn't complain about like, why? What? He should want you to make more money. Yeah. I'm like, huh? But speaking of that co-parenting side of things, what is your, and I so agree with you because there's nothing like I could, you know, I could say the meanest things about him to, you

you know, one day my kids and now I could just treat him terribly. But I'm like, for what, what, what is that going to help or do? And like, for me, I'm like, you know, they think their dad is the most amazing human on the planet. Amazing. I'm doing my job then as, as a mom, you know, so they always believe that, you know? And if they want to ask questions later on, they can go to him or us later. Like fine. But,

But, you know, and we do kind of high five ourselves at times being like, hey, this is, hasn't been an easy journey to get here, but, you know, thanks for being a good, you know, cause I've been kind to him. He's been kind back to me. So it's like, it's been good, but I know a lot of people struggle in that co-parenting. And since this is, I do part two, most people are probably gonna come with kids. So what is your biggest tip for co-parenting for the listeners when they start to find love?

you know, I mean, it's not the kid's fault that the parents are no longer together and our children are always going to want us with obviously their dad, but the, you know, the moms and dads really don't realize and understand how much they hurt their kids by speaking badly about their mothers and fathers. Because at the end of the day,

they know it already inside. Like sometimes obviously they grow up and then they'll find their own assumptions. They know everything that's going on. I mean, years later, my older son said, with both of my marriages, my older son has said, you know what, mom, I know you tried. You're an amazing mom and I love you. I know how much you tried. And,

And I understand why you divorced my dad. And I understand why you and Herman are separated. Like there's an understanding there. It's uncomfortable to talk to them, but you need to protect them. Yeah.

And I'm always about protecting, you know, my kids and their hearts. Like, you know, they're not blind. They're not deaf. Like they're listening. They're seeing. So deep inside, they know. So why put more on them? It's already hard enough. You know, the parents really have to learn how to get along. And I get it. In the beginning, it's hard, especially under circumstances like that of like cheating or betrayal or whatnot. But you need to move past that. Yeah.

and be there for their children. Because no matter what, no matter how bad you talk about the dad or the mom, they're still going to love their parents. I mean, or, you know, once they grow up and once they're 18, they're going to have the right, you know, to go live with whatever parent they want to spend more time.

So just do that to them. 100%. And then what do you hope to teach the listeners through this experience? Well, I first want to say don't give up on love because, you know, love is there and you just have to want it. You have to be open to it, have an open mind, have an open heart.

Manifest it, you know, manifest the kind of man, the kind of relationship you want, you know, what you're looking for. Don't be obsessed because, you know, there's a lot of women like, oh, my God, every time they go out, it's like to look for a guy. Like I have to find a guy. You know, I find that you find that person when you're least looking for it. And that's how it's happened to me. Like I have not been looking for any of my men.

you know, in any of these relationships. I just wanted to be out, have fun, talk to people, have a drink. And I've, you know, and that's how I've met like my three husbands. I haven't done the dating online thing. I don't think I'm very much like, I like to like see the guy, like see the person and interact. I don't know about...

online dating. I know it's very popular now. You're going to be such an amazing guest mentor. So thank you so much for coming on this journey alongside with us. We appreciate you so much. And I just, I love a girl that loves to love, like, you know, just, we all got a little JLo in us. So yes, that is for sure. Never give up. You know, love is everything. I mean, this is why you fight for everything because of love, love for your children, love for your husband, different kinds of love, but

that feeling of love is just everything. And that's what keeps me going. And we're going to love ourselves first and then everyone else around us gets amen. Alexia, you're the best. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you, Dana. So much fun, honey. Bye.

We are so thrilled to have Alexia be a part of our celebrity mentor team on I Do Part 2. So if you are struggling on if you should stay in a relationship or leave it or how to reconcile a relationship, we want to hear from you. Or if you're single and ready to find love again, call us 1-844-4IDOPOD. That's 844-443-6763. Or email us at idopod at iheartradio.com. Follow us on Instagram at idopart2pod.

I do part two. That's the number two pod. I do part two and I heart radio podcast. We're falling in love is the main objective