Popping The Question with Amy & T.J.
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Hello, everyone. I'm Amy Robach. And I'm TJ Holmes. I just said you start this one, and that's what you start with? I thought you had a big laid-out intro. No, just letting people know who they're hearing. Okay. I'm TJ Holmes. Now I got to keep going? No, I can continue. Now we are two of your hosts on I Do Part Two. Hopefully, maybe you know us from our other podcast, Amy and TJ, and maybe you're listening to our daily podcast, The Morning Run.

Yes, we got a lot. But this one's been fun, and this might be the one where we have the most experience in talking about it. This is the one we're experts in, but I do part two. It's been a fun podcast we've been a part of, helping people find love if they didn't get it right the first time.

Or second, or even third time around. That's what we're here for, but we're going to have a little fun in this one. Yes, that's right. We're going to ask each other some questions, and hopefully you all can ask yourselves these questions, maybe your significant other or the person you're dating. This is just a fun kind of pop quiz where it gets people thinking about what you like, what you don't. So I'll start. Okay.

Okay, and we have these in front of us, but we purposely did not look through the questions ahead of time, so we actually don't know what's coming. So, go right ahead. These are from the producers of I Do Part Two, so let's just take a great blind stab at this. If a woman is dating someone who only texts her late at night to hang out, but she's wanting a relationship, what should she say or do to get her point across without scaring the guy off?

Nothing. You do not need to. I say this to my female friends all the time. Do not cater to someone who is showing you what he thinks about you in the time he wants to spend. It's not that difficult. A guy is texting you late at night. You're not getting what you want. Be willing to walk. Skip.

scare him off. Bye. You're the one that should be scared off. You should be scared by his behavior. So I'm not a big fan, certainly when it comes to adults. You've heard me say this to female friends. You're a grown-ass woman. Grown. You ain't got time. Your biological clock is ticking, according to you. So why are you wasting time with someone who is clearly showing you what he thinks about you and this relationship? Yes. So this might be an extreme thing, but my mom always told me this. She said...

If a man wants to be with you, he will walk across water to be with you. If a man is only calling you at 11 p.m. or at 2 a.m. for, yes, a booty call, that's what he thinks of you and that's what he wants from you and you're not going to change his mind. So I don't think, I think sometimes us women think we can change a guy or we can get him to like us or we can play enough games. How does that work out? It

It doesn't work out because I just – and you know, deep down, you know when you're getting these late-night phone calls, you're not getting the attention that you deserve in a relationship, in a real relationship with all of the things you're hoping for, including a lifelong partner. That's not what a lifelong partner does. And so sometimes it's just about being honest with yourself. I don't think you can change, manipulate, or control that situation. You have to accept it. You're an adult. Ask one time. Say, I noticed you've been –

Only text me late at night. You can ask why. What are you expecting? How would you like to move? Ask it one time. It's okay. But you already know the answer. You do. If you have to ask it. I agree with you. But if you want to give it the shot that you want, at least ask so you'll know and move. It's okay to move.

on i say this oftentimes about guys we i'm not gonna say that okay actually that wasn't now you piqued my interest you've heard me say it before okay all right uh next up here robes when you're dating someone new when should you have the what are we conversation when do guys know they want to make someone their girlfriend when do women know so in the first part of that when should you have the what are we conversation

I think once you know you've developed strong feelings for someone and you want something more, I think that's when you say, hey. And I think this is when you be vulnerable. It's okay to be vulnerable because if you're afraid to hear the answer, it's better to know it now than six months from now or a year from now. I'd rather know. So when I've developed or when you've developed strong feelings for somebody and you want to take it to the next level, instead of saying, what are we, say, hey.

I don't know if you're feeling the same way I do, but I would like to be serious with you. I would like for us to be exclusive and take that step. That's what I would suggest. Anything short of first date. I mean, you're not going to first date and say, hey, where are we going? Obviously, you're not going to do that, but anytime you feel comfortable doing so, anytime you are ready,

And if you don't know, the moment you don't know, ask would be my suggestion. If most of the time we are not confused about what's happening and what's going on, then you eventually have a question about, I wonder if they're dating anybody else. I wonder if they're seeing anybody else. You have got to ask that question as soon as you're unsure.

Is what I would. We asked. We had that conversation. Like, well, obviously we had been friends for eight years. But once we decided to start seeing each other as more than friends, I flat out said to you right away. And by the way, because of our relationship, because of our history, I'm not going into this.

relationship with you just dating you casually. So if you're not okay with that, then we should probably just stay friends. And I think it's important, if you know, I think it's important to state it. No, I think it's so funny that you're, it's that significant of a moment in a relationship that I remember we were at Bloom's Bar, I remember the table we were sitting at in Midtown when that conversation happened. I remember the setting, I remember the feel of it, because I remember being a little nervous saying it, but knowing that I needed to say it. I just am a firm believer if you know how you feel,

You should say it. And if you know what you want, you should say it. Period. Okay. So we're on the same page with that. All right. When a relationship ends. Okay. I'm sorry. I missed the other two. When do guys know they want to make someone their girlfriend and when do women know? When do guys know? There's no... Okay. You say. When do guys know they want to make someone their girlfriend? That just varies. And oftentimes, a guy will not...

make someone his girlfriend until he's been forced to make that decision. Right? That's not a good thing? I don't think it's a good thing. You would like for the guy to, you know, take that upon him on his own without being nudged or it being suggested. But sometimes you got to get the clarity and it's okay to ask. And sometimes the guy doesn't realize where the woman is in the relationship. It's just a conversation that has to take place. But that's not some magical moment where a guy...

will turn that page, but sometimes you have to make the guy. Because if he has a... He's dating this woman, that woman, that woman. And...

One of the women he's dating is not complaining. Everything seems to be fine. Text her 11 o'clock. She responds. She lets me come over. We don't have to go to lunch. I get to see her this weekend after football. Why would I let go? Why would I mess that up if she's not even complaining about it? So you have to be clear with a guy sometimes, I would argue. Although there's plenty of guys out there who meet someone and they're looking for a relationship and they want to be in an exclusive relationship. There are plenty of that out there. But sometimes you've got to force a guy's hand. Well, what did you think when I said that to you, by the way?

I was relieved, but we were in a different place in our lives. I was relieved. Glad to hear it. I'm like, okay, cool. That wasn't a difficult conversation. No, no, no. It was just kind of like, just to be sure, let's just say this out loud so we're both on the same page. And that was huge for us. Yes. And got out of the way and here we are. And in terms of when women know, I think the moment I know that I don't want the guy I'm seeing to see anyone else.

Then I know, you know, I think if I know and I don't want to see anyone else. I'm not still curious. I know I want to be with this person. It's just it's just something that's I think it's intangible. I couldn't put a timeline on it. I couldn't put a moment on it. You just feel like I want to be around this person. In fact, I never don't want to be around this person. You know, anyway, that would be the best way I could describe.

Thank you.

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Happy writing. Okay, next question. When a relationship ends, should you keep the things your ex gave you or get rid of them? That's personal choice, but if it's a wildly expensive item, hold on to it. Otherwise, just get it out the house. I mean, just don't want to look at it. And some people don't mind it. It's not a big deal. It doesn't matter if the relationship ended well or not so well. You just want to

clear things out. I'm a big believer that those items that have been given to you by someone else who you're no longer with, they carry memories and feelings and they end up weighing you down. So I'm a big believer. I've actually gifted it and said, hey, this is something that's of value. And, you know, would you like my daughters or like, so yes, I don't like hanging on to that stuff. I do not like hanging on to it. But again, it's a personal choice. I don't

think anyone should or shouldn't do it. I just, I get rid of it. All right, here we are. The holidays are upon us. How long should you be dating someone before inviting them to the holidays with family?

I don't think there's a timeline. Again, I think it's when you know that's the person who you are exclusively dating and you are actually excited about introducing your family to them. I mean, I think you have to say, I think this person potentially could become a part of our family. I wouldn't just bring anybody to meet my family. But anybody, what if, is there a time range? We've only been dating two months, but we're exclusive. I don't think you could put a timeline on it. How about you? I think...

It depends on the family. I think you could read your family. These are folks who would be open and welcoming and fun to whoever comes in, and they don't care who it is. They don't care how long you're going to be together. They're just good folks, and they'll welcome in other good folks.

The other part of it is your family might be very – you might not want to put your mate through your family at any time. You ain't ready for these folks yet. Right. That's absolutely – I get that. That's true. All right. We just learned this term.

I'm looking at it. It's cuffing season. I'm wondering if the listeners out there know what it is, but we actually have a definition here. It's defined as the time of year when single people actively search for short-term romantic partners to spend the colder months with, typically from October through March, culminating with Valentine's Day.

obviously alluding to handcuffs, attaching oneself to another individual. It's not sexual. It's just we're joined, right? That's romantic. Right? Let's cuff ourselves together. I feel like it's like body warmth or something. Like we need body heat for the colder months or something. But anyway. We're familiar with this segment of the calendar, if you will. Holidays are coming up. People want to be booed up. You got New Year's coming. People want to be booed up. Then you got Valentine's Day coming. People want to be booed up. After that, you've served your purpose.

purpose we can go our separate ways that makes hot girl summer coming up right

But I didn't know it was called, I didn't know it had that term. Cuffing season. All right, so the question is, what things should our single listeners be taking into consideration if they are thinking about rekindling with their ex right now? Remember why they're your ex, period. That is exactly what I was going to say. Okay, we're good with that one. Remember why they are your ex, and that should guide you. I didn't know you are actively searching for a short-term partner.

That's just a night out at the club. I mean, yeah. But it could be like revisited arguments. Imagine all the baggage that comes with looking or revisiting your ex. Again, there is a reason you broke up. All right, I think we can move on to the next question. All right, when a relationship or a marriage ends and you didn't have children together, should you maintain a connection with your ex's family? My answer starts with hell and it ends with no.

I mean, yes, that has been my experience. But I would say sometimes people develop a really wonderful relationship with the sister that they never had or they found a mom figure. I would never have been in that camp, but I can imagine there would be a situation in which that would be okay. It just...

Feels a little bit strange. Didn't you just give an answer about getting rid of stuff that your ex gave you? So get rid of the sweater, but keep the system. I will say this. It also would feel annoying to me. I'm just going to say this with my family. If an ex was constantly trying to keep relationships alive with my family members, I would be curious as to why were they trying to get back or stay in the loop. It would feel a little intrusive and a little invasive if you were the person whose family your ex was trying to keep.

maintain or keep a relationship with. That's a good point. Feels a little weird. All right. Do you think a relationship can last if people have opposing political views? Obviously, James Carville and his wife are doing just fine. Exactly. Of course you can. I guess it makes some of those family dinners a little more difficult. But we talk about having the same sense of humor, liking to do the same things, having the same backgrounds, parenting the same way. You've got to have so many things that it helps to have

similar ways of thinking in a lot of major areas. You could be a saver and I'm a spender. That makes a difference. So why wouldn't political views also make a difference? I think it can have a huge impact, but of course you can overcome it. You can overcome it if you respect one another. And I think maybe that's the big distinguishing factor. If you don't respect someone, any type of difference is not going to end well. So I think if you have a foundation of respect, you can actually maybe even look at your

partners' opposing views and take them in and maybe just keep an open mind about a lot of things. I know that in terms of even family members who have opposing political views, it constantly keeps you thinking and rethinking. You know what? It's so easy to point fingers at the other side, but it's an opportunity maybe to allow other opinions to exist. Again, the respect has to be there, though. All right. This next question here, I guess I'm supposed to answer this or maybe it could go both ways here. Do men...

get self-conscious about their bodies like women do before having sex with someone new? I believe that's something only you can answer. Okay, yeah, it says like women do. Because we do. Okay, but it assumed. Why is it just an assumption that women do and not the assumption that men do? I think, I mean, obviously there are outliers and generalizations aren't always good because there's going to be someone who doesn't fit the bill. But I think it's fair to say as a woman who...

Yes. People get divorced or they break up and they go to the gym. You know, you definitely start thinking, whoa, now my body is not, you know, this is going to be something seen by someone who I don't know that well who I'm going to want to impress. And yeah, we definitely get self-conscious. I do. I did. We had the conversation.

Yeah, we did. Yeah, because as friends, it was a weird thing to think about. I was like, we were talking about because we were friends and we were discussing our relationship, but we had not been physical. And we talked about, you know, how that was going to feel. And I definitely felt insecure. I remember now a ridiculous story along these lines that as much as self-conscious as we were, as comfortable as we were with each other.

And you talk about self-conscious about bodies before our relationship turned into what it is. And we got anywhere close to physical. There was a time we had to run to the studio in Times Square. And then we had to shower there. Right. To get ready for the day. There was something we did in the morning. So we had to shower there. There was only one bar of soap.

And I was so disgusted at the idea of sharing a bar of soap with you. I mean, with friends and colleagues, that is kind of gross. But to this question about self-confidence, to think that I was that ill.

Like, I was that, like, I didn't, we were at that point, and then we got to a point where we are talking about, I mean, the things we do now, we were, we've done really gross. I've seen you vomit for miles during a marathon. I have seen stuff in the bathroom I never want to see again. I have treated your planter's wart for you. All kinds of, nasty, nasty, nasty stuff. Yeah.

So self-conscious, I think it's natural for anybody. And for men, I don't know why we would be an exception to that. Oftentimes, I can't remember which comedian, he referred to it this way. You're always nervous when you're going to see the other person's cash and prizes for the first time. Right? It's kind of a big deal. Right.

So, yes, men get self-conscious about it, about their bodies. Of course they do. Okay. Next question. Do you know what each other's love language is? We've had this conversation plenty. And I never can remember what they are, but they are words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, physical touch. They were, I think we had two each. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Okay, mine is definitely...

What was it? I think it's quality time and words of affirmation. Yes, that's what I would have guessed for you. And I even said this is so interesting because my relationship with you, my love language, what I want and need is different than what I used to think of myself. So mine is quality time and physical touch. Right.

Because normally I would have said acts of service, but that's a given with us. Like in terms of modes of operation, we both kind of operate like that. You absolutely, without even thinking, are on the acts of service and I am too. So I don't have to ask that of you or want that from you because it's just a given. And you say physical touch now, and you say this all the time. It doesn't matter how heated of a disagreement we could be having. If I just reach over and put my hand on your leg or grab your hand.

We're good. Oh, my gosh. Immediate, like, relaxation. Like, okay, we're going to be okay. And it's the last thing I want. But when you do it, it makes such a big difference. Get off me. Get away from me, you meanie.

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This is an interesting one for me. If someone still follows their ex on social media, what does that mean? Do men and women view this differently? That wouldn't bother me. It's funny. I know people get really upset about who follows whom on social media. I have no... Oh, you don't follow anybody. Wait. Good point. So this is a non-issue. But if you did...

I don't know. I feel like if you're worried about that, you have bigger issues. To your point about earlier, if you're trying to rid your life of this person, why do you want to see updates about your ex? That's true. Call, text. Oh, you don't want to call or text, but you want to follow on social media, doing something more publicly? Okay. Now that you say it like that, I get that. But I just think that that's just maybe a symptom of a larger issue. Which would be what? What's the larger issue? That they're...

That they still are hung up on their ex, maybe. I think it feels sometimes like a lack of respect, and you feel as the partner...

You don't want to have to ask your mate, ask your spouse, will you please stop following your ex? You shouldn't be put in that position. I agree. If you are getting married for the second time, this is funny, should you have a gift registry or a honeymoon fund? I think it depends on where you are in your life. I mean, you could have had a very early marriage and it could have been quick and you are still getting back up on your feet. You get remarried and now you're starting a family and you need more things. So I don't think anyone could say...

It just absolutely depends on where you are in your life, your financial situation. And I think it's okay if you have a gift registry on your second marriage, for sure. What's the best way? I'm trying to think of scenarios here, right? You got married young at 22, didn't have a big wedding. Then you get divorced and you get married again at 34. It makes perfect sense. But we've heard somebody talking about this recently.

They were asking for money for something? Yes. What was a gift registry? I guess this is a new trend, and I feel like an old fogey at this point because I guess the new trend is on a registry to actually have just a cash deposit, basically, where you could say this is our honeymoon fund or this is our let's buy a house fund, but now new...

newlyweds are asking for instead of the Pottery Barn, you know, dish set, they're actually asking just for cash donations, which I guess is more practical, but growing up or coming up, that would have been considered uncouth or rude or, you know, not what you do. But if you're a wedding guest, does that make things easier for you just to get some cash? Yes, on one hand, but also it's, you're kind of on the hook for exactly what you gave.

You know what I mean? If you got a gift on sale or you got some cool deal, you feel like you got them something and they don't really know how much you spent. Now it's just like, yeah, you only gave 50 bucks. I wouldn't know what the right dollar amount was. Then you have to spend all this time figuring out how much is enough and not too little and not too much. But

I guess that makes a lot of sense to put money towards a house versus getting another crystal vase that you don't need. I think if you're getting married, this is one of the few times in your life you can ask other adults to give you stuff. Go for it. I didn't get married a second and third time and get nothing out of it. Well, I can guarantee you if there's a third marriage,

I don't think at this age and at this place in my life, it would be at all okay for there to be a gift registry. So no worries if you get an invite to a future wedding of mine, I will not have a gift registry. But what if your husband wants one? Your new husband? Whoever it's going to be. No, really. What if your husband wants one? Are you embarrassed? Yes. Really? Yes, I would be embarrassed. Oh, poor guy.

Really? Yes. No. What are your thoughts on that? Yes, I just said it. Go for it. I'm getting married. When ever in your life do you get to say, hey, give me stuff to another adult, people who are capable and willing to actually buy and almost feel pressured to do so? Go for it. Ask for anything you want. Everything. You've got to see my registry.

Wow. All right. That's good to know. And the producers wanted to ask us to ask each other if we'd learned any. I guess you just learned something about me. You didn't know I wanted the gift registry. No. But I'm looking through and going back over our answer. I know you well enough. I could have answered most of this for you. Yes, I think so.

Yes, we know each other that well. That's what eight years of friendship will do for you going into a relationship. You know what? That is head. I know you not because of the past two years of our relationship, but because of the past eight years before that of our friendship. Really, I know so much about you. Obviously, we're still learning about each other every day, but I did. I learned so much about you.

In those eight years. Prior to us getting in a relationship. Yeah, I think other than the gift registry answer, I would have been able to say what you thought about all of this as well. But, you know, for those people who don't have 10 years behind them in a relationship, this is a good, these questions are interesting and important to ask the person who you're seeing to see what they think and where they land. I think the love language one is huge. I was going to ask, how much stock do you put in that? Because people talk about it so much.

I put a lot of stock in it. Yes, because communication, we always talk about this. That is the thing that ends up undoing so many relationships. And if you know how that person receives love best, then you can give it. You know, I think we can all choose how we show love. And knowing how the other person prefers to receive it is huge. I just know, yeah, like today when you just came over and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

It was everything. And maybe you didn't want to do it, but it was a way to show me love that I really received. You know, that's growing on me, that idea. I really... It matters. I can make things so much easier on myself if I just give you a touch. I'm serious. I get in so much of my own problems.

But I stubbornly don't do it because I am not that physical touch guy. When there's an issue or I'm not feeling somebody, I do not want to be close. You distance yourself. I don't want to hug it out. I just don't. So I'm learning that about you and I'm trying to get better about it. You have gotten better about it and I appreciate it. Thank you. All right.

All right, folks, if you're wanting some dating advice, you're ready to find love again, and we want to hear from you, call us. Leave a voicemail with your questions. Ro, I'm going to let you take this next part because you're so good at giving the phone number and the email and the whole thing. This is my strong point. You know what happened this time around?

I learned and I put my reading glasses on. So I should do so much better now. You ready, folks? She's about to nail it. I was squinting through the last one. All right, folks, she's about to nail it. Get your pens up and your paper. Write this down. Call us at 1-844-4IDOOPOD or 844-443-6763. You can also email us at idopod at iheartradio.com. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at idopart2pod. idopart2, an iheart podcast.

radio podcast where falling in love is the main objective. Yeah, folks, that is some broadcasting prowess right there. She's been doing this for a long time.

Well, folks, we appreciate you all the way. This has been so much fun. I'm really enjoying I Do Part Two, and thanks to Amy Sugarman at iHeart and Heather Mundy, our producer, who is really putting this together for us and leading the way, and also our fellow hosts, co-hosts, Jenny Garth and Jenna Kramer, who we absolutely adore. So this has really been fun. I'm glad we got to do this. Yeah, we hope to hear from you, and we hope we can do our part to help you find love.

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