Jennie Garth’s Sex Education from Susan and Kathy of The Golden Bachelor
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I'm Dr. Laurie Santos. I'm a psychology professor at Yale, and I started to notice that a lot of my students weren't all that happy. So I created a new class. Welcome, everybody, to Psychology and the Good Life. It became the biggest class in the history of Yale. I'm a little bit surprised to see as many of you are here as are here, but that's great. But it's not just my students who need to understand the science of well-being. And that's why we launched the Happiness Lab, so you can learn about it, too.

Are you ready to feel happier? Head to the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you like to listen. Brought to you by Colgate Total. Be dentist ready.

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Welcome, welcome. This is I Do Part 2, an innovative, one-of-a-kind experiment in podcasting and love. We are going to rip the band-aid off you guys and talk about all the things you need to know if you're jumping back into the relationship pool.

I did basically a belly flop when I jumped back in. I'd been married for 17 years and I would have rather licked

I don't know, something really gross than to have to start dating again later in my life. But that's what happened and I was not prepared. So we are going to get you prepped and ready for this next amazing chapter in your life. We're going to get you ready to open yourself up to love again. And I am excited about

I'm one of your hosts, Jenny Garth. This week, we are going to talk about a very important part of a romantic relationship. More specifically, sex in our second act.

And if you know me, you know I can get a little squirmy when the sex topic comes up. That's one area of my life that I like to keep private. So I'm so relieved that I'm going to be joined by two fab women. You know them from The Golden Bachelor and their podcast, Bachelor Happy Hour, Golden Hour. Please welcome Susan Knowles and Kathy Swartz to the podcast. Hi. Ladies. Hi. Hi.

Oh my gosh. You're beautiful and you're beautiful. That was a great entry and I am not squeamish at all. Okay, good. It's a natural bodily function. Well, let's just jump right in. I want to talk to you, ladies and gentlemen.

about what Goldie Hawn recently said. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have been together for 40 years. And she recently said that the secret to a long-lasting relationship is good sex. So let's talk about that. What do you think? Do you agree with that?

When you're in your 50s and your 60s, is good sex important or is it more about companionship? I think that good sex is important in every marriage or every relationship, not even marriage, just every relationship. And it doesn't matter if you're 20 or 70. And I think it looks a little bit different. You know, women...

after they go through menopause, you know, get as dry as the Saharan desert and that you got to deal with that. Okay. We're ripping it off guys. I told you nothing's off topic. Unless of course you get bioidentical hormones and I'm as wet as a teenager. So I do not. Between the two of us were normal.

Oh, my goodness. I feel like it's very important, at least intimacy. Yeah. Because some men at a certain age cannot perform one way. There's always oral, you know, which you should be very comfortable with. But intimacy is very important, whether their sexual act itself is done or not, just making out or touching, right? Yeah. And I also remember after I went through menopause, I remember that having sex was

it was freeing in a way because you know you didn't have to worry about getting pregnant I remember that distinctly this is great I think frequency changes that

Not that I didn't use birth control. I'm just saying the worry of, oh God, did I take my pill or is my IUD going to fall out? I mean, things you don't worry about anymore. But I think that maybe frequency changes. How often do you think in a healthy relationship should somebody be having sex? What time is it? You don't have kids in the house anymore. Like you have a lot more free time. So-

Yeah, a lot more than when I was married raising kids. Yeah. So two times a week, three times a week, four times. I need numbers. Depends on the week and your life schedule. I think it depends on the guy. Yeah, it does. My personal experience has been that. So my husband passed away and my sexual relationships since then have not been as good as it was with my husband. She had a good one, in other words. I had a great sex with my husband. Yeah.

The men that I have had sex with, all of them are on that blue pill. One of them had an internal battery pack. I mean, yeah. We're going to get to that. I need to know more about this. Educate us, Kat. I want to know. Can you recharge the battery? How do you guys even meet your guys? Like, how do you meet guys these days? That's the hard part. Is it? Well, yeah.

Do I bring that up? I mean, I'm dialous. Okay. We both agree. Dating apps for us, they have not worked. Mm-hmm.

And in my case, we've talked about this too. I'm very active. I do lots of things, you know, bicycle and play golf and walk and snow ski. And we're open. And we're open to dating younger men. But it's hard at our age because they want somebody younger. They want somebody younger. Yeah. The men your age want younger now. Yeah. They're fools. However, we have a little story. Yeah.

This just happened last night, the night before. And I can verify this is all true, what she's about to say. Okay, okay. Lay it on me. So Kathy keeps an eye on my spending, if you will, because I could go crazy. And we were in a shopping plaza and I saw a pretty cool store, not something you see all the time. Of course, I fall in love with an outfit. I'm in the dressing room and the gentleman comes back in to see if I need anything. And it was expensive. And I said to him,

Do me a favor, take my charge, go ring this up. - 'Cause she didn't want to hear real. - I don't want Kathy to know I'm buying. - She doesn't want me to bitch and moan about the money she's spending because Susan's always saying, "Stop me from shopping," until she shops and then it's let me shop. So go ahead. - So long story short, he had all my information. I come out and she catches the funny out and it was funny. Two hours, three hours later, we went to dinner, we're in the back of an Uber on our way back to the hotel and I get a text message.

Susan, if you'd like to have some fun before you leave on Friday, I would be happy to be your boy toy. What?

And he was like 28 years old. 28? Oh, my God, Kathy. We were done. We were done. Then the guy in the Uber, I said, how old are you? He goes, 28. I said, great. We've got a boy 23, 24. Oh, my God. This is so fascinating. Okay. So. I did not respond. You didn't? I did not respond. Well, you know what? I expected you to respond, actually. I know, right? I'm a little disappointed in you. No, I'm not. Well.

Okay, so you meet a guy. How long do you wait to have sex? Like, later in life? Because I'm like, okay, time has thickened, and I don't have a lot of time to waste here. So there used to be a rule, right? You have to wait, I don't know, six dates or three months or whatever. I don't know if that was a Catholic thing, a Jewish thing. What is that?

I don't know. I think it's what we teach our daughters. Yeah, really. Oh, is my daughter going to hear this? Oops. I don't on the first date. No. You know, I've had sex with a guy that I didn't know that well. Interestingly, the guy that I was most interested in since my husband passed away, I didn't have sex with him because it's not that I'm old fashioned. It's that I felt like if I had sex,

sex with him, it was going to mean something to me that we were going down that road. And I think he was just, he kept saying to me, you know, sex is just an experience. It's a getting to know you. And I thought, no. Yeah. It's different. It means different things for different people. So I didn't. Yeah. Do you think that once you give it up, that you lose control? That's been said. Yeah. Once you give it up, then.

You're invested emotionally. That's for me. Yeah, that's, I think, the big difference between women and men, generally speaking. I don't think of sex as going out and playing around a golf. Like, it's not, it's an experience, but it's, you know, it's not like grocery shopping either. Like, to me, it means something. So, sure. Yeah, right. I think

to a lot of people it does chemistry is super important like that energy that you just almost can't even describe have you ever had to end a relationship because there wasn't chemistry in the bedroom

Yep. Really? Yeah. Susan always has chemistry in the bedroom. Look at her. I mean, we could have just stopped at Susan has chemistry. I don't get to the bedroom if there's no chemistry. No, I didn't. Yeah. I didn't. Exactly. Okay. I didn't end it because there was no chemistry in the bedroom. I ended it because the lack of chemistry in the bedroom is,

add it was just another thing on the list. It was like the cherry on top. Exactly. You know what? I will share when they don't kiss well or make out well, that is part of sex. That's so important. Yeah. It's part of the intercourse. I've had a partner that

doesn't do that part. Like everything else was great. And I'm like, yeah, now I'm missing that. You know, you need it. It's good to know. I mean, at our age, we know what we want, what we need and what we don't want and what we don't. And that's scary. I will say to you, I think that's another difference of women being older, or maybe it's just Susan and I are outspoken, but it's,

I have no problem telling a guy what I want and what works for me. And I think what younger women sometimes are afraid to do that. Yeah. They want to please, please. They want to please. And now I make men feel uncomfortable because I tell them what I do. I have toys. I have my own. I gave one to Kathy for her birthday.

It's called the womanizer. You don't need a man. However, I need that physical touch. I miss that making out. But as far as pleasing myself or having an orgasm, if you will, that's done on a regular. The closest I have come to an orgasm recently is using NARS blush and the name of it is called orgasm.

I'm Dr. Laurie Santos. I'm a psychology professor at Yale, and I started to notice that a lot of my students weren't all that happy. So I created a new class. Welcome, everybody, to Psychology and the Good Life. It became the biggest class in the history of Yale. I'm a little bit surprised to see as many of you are here as are here, but that's great. But it's not just my students who need to understand the science of well-being. And that's why we launched the Happiness Lab, so you can learn about it, too.

Are you ready to feel happier? Head to the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you like to listen. Brought to you by Colgate Total. Be dentist ready.

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We'll be right back.

Do you think you can teach someone to be a better lover?

You can direct and you can speak it and tell them what it is you like. Either they know where that area is or they don't. I don't think all men necessarily are invested in learning how to please a woman. I think some are and some aren't. I wouldn't go out with them if they weren't. Well, you wouldn't know that until you got into bed, Susan.

You mentioned before the little blue pill. Yeah. Okay. So I've never messed around with a little blue pill. My husband is nine years younger than me. So we need like the opposite, like, I want instead of Viagra. I want nap. Agra Viagra is incredibly common with men of a certain age. Yeah, really? Since my husband who didn't need Viagra.

That's what happens as you age, though. They have problems. They have problems, but so unless you're like Susan, you know, who's got a pellet in her ass that keeps her sliding down the mountain. It's just how sex changes. You have to be comfortable using sex.

whatever it takes, right? For both parties. That's what I'm saying. It just looks different. Have you ever gotten with a guy and maybe you didn't discuss it first and then realized, oh, he's on it and this is going to be a problem tonight? He's on it, meaning he's taken his pill. He's going to stay hard for four hours. Dude, you better come because I'm going to last four hours. Can I just tell you? Maybe it's happened to you. I've

It's a myth that it lasts four hours. Yeah, I don't know. How long did it last? They say, you know, the commercial says if in four hours it don't go down, go to the hospital. Yeah, rush to the emergency room. Oh, my God. Would you love that? Rush into med. Excuse me. Excuse me. We have a critical issue here. I think they would know right away what the issue is. It's a blue pill issue. Help. Oh.

Oh, my God. They should make a blue pill for women. They do. Oh, they do? They do. But Jenny, I'm telling you, I have a lot of friends who are younger than I am in their 40s and 50s. And they...

many of them tell me their sex drive is gone and they don't want sex and menopausal women. Yeah. Menopausal women. I think that's a big issue too. Not for me, but well, doctor explained to me one time,

he gave me percentages and I could be off, but he said 80 some percent of women going through menopause lose their libido. And then a very small percentage stay the same. And then an even smaller percentage of women, their libido increases. And I was like a dog in heat in menopause. Before that,

And my married life, I was just normal. I didn't know I could feel certain ways until way later in life. Like how old were you when this happened?

In my 50s. In your 50s. I was 50, exactly. And I'm like Susan, it didn't change. I mean, my sex drive was always healthy and still is. I think you guys are lucky. A lot of, I'm telling you, and I've talked to men and some of my friends who are now divorced and they said that was one of the big things that contributed to their divorce. They didn't want sex and their husband did and they were like,

move on. We've all been that person though to keep your husband happy. You just go through the motions and hurry up. Now at this stage of the game, I enjoy every minute of it.

Live it up. Because it's more about me than about satisfying them now. Right. Well, that's what happens. You've decided to choose yourself, which I love so much about you. So is it weird to discuss sexual history with a partner at this age? I do ask the question. I mean, I haven't in a few years because I haven't had a date, but I would ask the question again.

number one, have you been tested? I mean, are you healthy? I don't ask for proof on the papers, but I do have the conversation. Yeah, it's important because you don't want to get STD, any kind of, no. You got to make sure they're clean. And where I'm coming from,

the sexual experiences I've had, it's usually like one guy I dated, he and his wife hadn't had sex in 10 years. Like he was like, he was reentering the whole world of intimacy, which I found incredibly bizarre, but you know, it is something to consider. I know women that have gone years and have no desire, which is okay. If that's okay with them, it's only okay. In my mind, if both women,

parties agree. I think that really, you know, they talk about what hurts marriages. I mean, obviously finances, disagreement about finances, raising children, but I think people underplay how important sex is in a marriage and can break up a marriage. I have dear friends that, you know, actually Kathy, that do not have sex. He struggles and she doesn't care. So their marriage is perfect.

They have a great time, but they just don't. Why aren't we dating? We are sexual beings. I don't know. Do you think it's because we're too loud or upfront or- Too strong. Strong? Maybe, yeah. I mean, guys are intimidated by that. Yeah. But, come. We'd like to. Oh, sorry.

That is the plan. You're funny. You're funny. Okay, wait, I have a question. Yes. As women of your age, my age, do you still get hung up on body image? Like, you know, when it's time to get nakey, do you get insecure or nervous about the way you look? We have different answers. So little known fact, but becoming more and more well-known, definitely.

Back in another lifetime, I have body image problems because I used to weigh 200 pounds. So for me, I still look in the mirror and see, you know, a fat person. And so, and my skin is, you know, because I was heavy, my skin is not as tight. Even though I work out, I do push-ups. Skin isn't as tight as our age. I know, but for me, it's exacerbated by the fat.

that I weighed so much. So for me, it's in the beginning, it's a little struggle and then I get over it. But for me, it's a little struggle in the beginning. I'm going to guess that you don't have body image issues when it's time to get naked. I feel a little self-conscious for about 30 seconds. Yeah. Do you like to dim the lights? No.

I used to. I used to be a dark girl. Yes. Because I didn't want them to see anything. And now it's like, it is what it is. I wouldn't sleep with somebody that I wasn't comfortable with.

Do you know what I mean? I would know this person prior to getting into bed with him. So I was quite surprised the last time that, you know, I'm sorry, it's not what it used to be. Things aren't as firm. And he was like, oh, my God, the way you dress, you look so much bigger. You have an amazing body. And I was like, wow.

That's good to hear. That makes you feel good. I think men struggle with that a little bit too. So it's kind of a two-way street there. Right. You're in your head about it and they're in their head about it for themselves. And I think like most things, if you just communicate that fact that, hey,

you know, I'm a little self-conscious at my age. I can say that. But when I was younger, please don't look. Yeah. Tell me. Yeah. I would have had the sheet pulled up really quickly. Now, now it's like, I'm like Susan. It's a little uncomfortable at the beginning. Now, what the hell? I've grown into my own skin though. I don't care anymore.

And I know men appreciate a woman's body and it's at 67. It's not perfect. Right. You know what I mean? But they still appreciate it. But the point is they're not perfect. Yeah. Right. Yeah. No. Well, the problem is they're looking for younger, perfect girls. So that you and Kathy both say that a lot. I want to know, Jenny, how you got a guy nine years younger. Yeah. What did we do? That's what I want. Jenny's younger than us. That's what I want. I want it. But you know,

You want younger. I was going to ask you, how do you feel about dating younger men? Is there a range, like an age range you stick to? I would date someone 10 years younger. Yeah, probably, depending on the man, go 10. But my thing is, like...

when we come from similar errors we like the same music and we like that it's things in life relatability they're common also also you know you i want a guy who's retired because i want to travel i want to do things i don't want to you know have the cocktail waiting and you know nine to five and yeah yeah nine i mean folks don't you don't cook but i'm great in bed so it evens out that's right i

There's definitely a difference because if you're dating a younger guy, they're innately in a different place in their life developmentally. So you have to know what you're getting into. I don't think...

I don't think that's necessarily true. I realized that I'm that I'm, I'm different in that I'm really fit when we're on the golden bachelor, you know, I won the pickleball contest. I could, I'm in swimming races. I would, I am very fit. I work out in the gym. I hike. I'm just saying, I'm kind of a, an outlier in that way. I don't want to use to die. That's my thing. I've said, it's just the show. I don't want a guy who says, Oh,

You know, I used to play tennis. I used to kayak. I used to swim. And now I sit on the sofa. I don't want to use the guy.

guy. I like that. Yeah. So it's hard. It's hard to find those guys that will not look at my age number. They'll just say, you know what? She looks like she might be interesting. I'm going to give her a shot. That's what I'm looking for. That guy, my son, Susan actually performed the marriage. My son was divorced and met and Susan married them in March. She's 10 years older than my son and they are great together. Great marriage.

That's so good to hear. Yeah. I mean, personally speaking, it's had its challenges and luckily my nine year younger husband acts like he's 80. So, and I,

I have a thing for older men. Like I love older men, but I'm with a younger man, but it works out because he acts like an old man. How did you meet him? That was a setup, like a blind date. As blind as you can get in this day and age. I looked him up, but I think I found the wrong guy because the guy I looked up was a Chip and Dale's dancer. Long story. Anyways, it was a setup. I'll send you the Chip and Dale's guy.

Talk about bodies. Yeah, right. Yeah, that's what we need as a Chippendale dancer. I don't know what I'd do with that. Like, oh, can I touch it? Oh, I know, right? But I do think that, you know, just getting back to our original conversation, unless you want to set us up and then we can just, you know, go from there. But I really do think that I'm surprised at the number of women who literally will say to me, I've had my children, I don't care about sex. And I always feel like a freak because...

I really enjoy sex. And a lot of women just don't. So I don't know. I, you know, I don't get it. That's the thing to each their own, whatever works for you, but it's good that if you're with somebody that you're on the same page, that's really good. So I, it's not just the idea of sex. Like men can go out and have one night stands. Just the sex thing is good. I like sex.

the romance and the intimacy. And that's what I was saying earlier. Like for me, if I'm going to bet with a man, there's, I feel something. It's not, it's like I said, it's not an activity. It's not like the French, the Italians. It's just sex. It's just the sex. I like, I call it pillow talk. I like, I want to get deeper. He's a romantic. Yeah. I love it. Oh,

Okay, so do you guys sext? Is sexting a thing? Have I ever? I don't sext Kathy. No, but like... Thank God. Are guys in their 50s and 60s sexting still? Yeah.

And now, you know, with video, I mean, there's all kinds of stuff that goes on. I will personally say I do not send pictures because I know those could end up anywhere. Oh, definitely. You might see my boobs out there somewhere. I'm going to look for, I'm going to Google it. Susan's boobs are everywhere. Let's be honest.

That's funny. I mean, yeah, I'm not that comfortable with sexting or anything in writing like that. Yeah. Come back to haunt you. Talking dirty. Do you like to talk dirty? So when I was younger, I was very intimidated by that.

Very. Well, when we were younger, there wasn't texting. It was like you picked up the phone and it had a rotary dial, you remember? And then when things get in my head, then I start overthinking things and then I'm due.

I don't think sexiness is big though, at least for me. It's not as big a thing. I want it in person. I want the touch. The connection. I feel like the phone is a cop-out. Well, if I want to get somebody's attention that I haven't seen, like I'm in a relationship and I haven't seen, I'll send a little sexy shot or something, nothing that I'm mortified about to get them going. Then they're like, Jesus. It's like a toy. They're like,

Susan's got a guy that we can't talk about it yet, but a guy that she's sort of maybe chit-chatting with. And I saw her video with him this morning. Wait, wait, wait. Is this the guy from Marshalls? No, he's gone. Okay. Well, he's still my friend. Okay, good. That's all he wants is friendship. And I'll see him again. I'm sure I will. Mm-hmm.

Nothing there. Meanwhile, I've been hanging out at Neiman Marcus hoping the same thing happens to me. You're stepping it up. You're going to Neiman Marcus. That's right. Now, this is a face that's been on television. And the world seemed to think that we were a lot alike and that we should meet. And I've been watching because, you know, Susan and I are out here in LA. And so they've talked a few times and videoed a couple times. In fact, he FaceTimed her this morning.

And because that's who I am. I picked up the phone and answered her phone and said, oh, hello. I didn't know you were so interested. And his face was like, oh, you're like, where am I? But you were very flirty with him. I can see where this is the beginning of chemistry. Oh, exciting. Yeah. I was flirty. Are you kidding me? What did I do? Because I had to put nipple shields on.

I didn't do it in front of him. But she's talking about. But I knew I was going to see you. And I have. She was talking about her nipples arriving and wearing nipples. He says something like, oh, I love nipples. And I'm sitting there going. I'm very comfortable. That is very flirty. You're right. Very flirty. But can you believe she just said to me, Jenny, am I flirty? I don't think that's flirty. Talking about your nipples. No, it was something I had to do. Excuse me. I got to get off the screen. I got to put my nipple shield on.

Yeah, that's not that sexy. Sorry. I want to talk about something that's, you know, just a little bit more deep. You mean Susan's nipples aren't deep enough? No, I'm enjoying that conversation greatly. But I want to talk about like when you're looking for love again, our minds kind of automatically go to, oh, they had a divorce. But for so many out there looking for love again is because of a loss.

Does having a sexual relationship become more complicated if your partner has lost a spouse or if you have lost a spouse? Depending on the time, she could answer that better than me because I didn't. But I wouldn't want somebody fresh...

out of losing his spouse, his wife. Because I'm not going to replace anybody. I couldn't be who he was with. So I would just hope that there was some time in between and he was open and ready. Like when you watch Joan, the other night last week when she said, I don't know if I'm ready. And she

When she accepted the fact that she's not going to replace her husband, she'll always have the memory of him. Yeah, but that's more, I mean, that's... Just be open to loving him. All that's true. I think for me, my husband died, it's five and a half years ago. And I think I thought I was ready earlier for sex and an intimate relationship.

before I really was ready. I mean, I can honestly say now I will never, my husband will, I always will carry him in my heart. And just like having children, my heart is expanded to be open to a new relationship. And sexually I've never compared my,

I've just never compared emotionally, intellectually, anything. I've never compared because everyone's different. I think...

It would have been a lot harder if I'd been in serious relationships too soon. You have to have that time to hear. You have to have that time, you know, to get through grief, you have to walk through it and to get to a place where you're ready for an intimate relationship. It takes a lot of work and time. I was never divorced. Susan's divorced. I think it looks a little different to someone who has lost a partner and

That was happily in love. That was happily. I mean, all marriages have issues where you, you know, your ex-husband's alive and she was ready to move on. Mine was abruptly taken from me. So I think it depends on the situation. Yeah. Well, I'm very sorry for your loss. Thank you. That's so hard. And I know so many women out there listening. Yeah.

are faced with that and it's so complicated and layered, the emotions around it. - It is, but I just, I wish women would understand that you have to give yourself grace and time. And my husband died by suicide, so I had a lot of guilt and fear, all kinds of things, and life is not over. That's the message I always, your intimate relationships

You can have another one. It's not defaming your relationship you had. It's not saying, I forget that. It's just...

It's the one life we have. Other people, some women feel like they're not even worthy anymore. Yeah, they don't feel worthy and they feel like their life is over. And that's the message that life is not over. Your sex life, you know, you are in control. You can get up off the sofa and build yourself a new life. And I have a suggestion for those ladies.

Tell us. The womanizer. Oh. And you do it at home. She's really into this. And you feel so much better. Well, I feel 100,000% better after I have an orgasm. It's a healthy thing for me, for my body. Okay, right. My attitude changes. I can roll with it. It's a chemical difference. Yeah, it is chemical. Yes, it is. So women that are stuck calm and feeling so low, try it.

See what happens. You'll make yourself happy. Choose yourself. And then you might be more open to finding somebody, you know? Right, yeah. It ignites something. I also think women feel guilty. We've talked about this. I think women any age sometimes feel guilty for wanting to feel sexually satisfied. Like, you know, it's that Victorian thing where you're not supposed, not you, no. But I do think some women, don't you think some women feel that way? I hope not. Oh, I, I. I hope.

I hope not. That's not healthy. I didn't say it was healthy. I just say- Do you really feel like they don't deserve to- Not me. I think- I am. It's not you. There are women, I think, at every age who believe sex is something to produce children. Is that Victorian? Oh, that old school. If you don't have sex for enjoyment, you have sex because you're going to procreate. I think there's still women- There's all the Italian Catholics might still feel like that. Yeah. I think-

I feel like that women have always just worried about pleasing, pleasing, pleasing, especially in bed. Until you're 50. Until you're 50 and then you're like, fuck it. Yeah. You know what? I might have said fuck it a little before 50, but yeah. Does your husband please you first? Yes. There's the importance right there.

Men that want to go in and go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are we doing? Thank you, ma'am. If we're going to do this, we're going to have fun. We're going to enjoy it, explore each other. I'm not into women. Yeah, I know.

I'd like give a bus to catch. Sometimes, not ever. Don't you ever just want a quick little thing and then be done with it, right? Oh, yeah. That's when I was married, but I don't have a boyfriend now, so I don't get to do any of the above. You want to enjoy the whole thing. At this stage of the game, when we do it, it's going to take hours. And I'm trying to remember, having sex, what is that?

I want roses and champagne and ice cream. Oh, let's do it for hours and pray it's just pouring raining outside. That's the best when it's raining outside. The room with a fire. The AC turned up. Music.

Champagne. Not so much the lifeguard stand or anything, you know. Wait, what? Remember those days? Oh, you mean the back of the car? Back in the day. Wait, you did it in a lifeguard stand? No, I tried. I couldn't do it. What do you mean you couldn't do it? I mean, I stood there while they did it, but I didn't want to do anything. Okay. Was it because it was a lifeguard stand? 20-some years.

Was it in the daytime or the nighttime? Nighttime. It's just making sure. Because I'm so outspoken and comfortable with the conversation of it. People assume a lot of things about me.

me that are mostly not true, but it's okay if you want to think it. I come across like I was easy and had multiple millions of partners and I have not, but I'm not here to explain that to anybody. I don't care what they think anymore. But like people think I have tattoos all the time. Oh, you must have a lot of tattoos. Everybody. Why would they?

They assume people assume because I'm loud and I'm vocal. I'm super quiet and I have tattoos. So there you go. You don't have any and you're loud.

I've never heard tattoos going with being laughed. I've never heard that. It's just a personality thing because I don't want to say the word obnoxious, but I'm fine. That's what it is. You're outspoken. Yeah, you're fine. That's what it takes for tattoos. Covered. I rode a motorcycle. I did too. Right away they thought, oh, you're tired. I'm pierced, but I'm not tired. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're pierced?

Yeah. In your ears? Yes. Oh, you're not piercing any place. Not anymore. Oh, you've pierced. Because I have an MRI. You had to take it out. I didn't. I made the doctor do it. Wait, where was the piercing, please? Can I know? Oh, in my hood.

Okay, in your vaginal area. Right. Okay. I've never explored that. Yes, I did that for my 50th birthday. Why'd you do that? Because it was something that I thought was cool. And I didn't want a tattoo. You know why she did it? She did it when she could meet a guy. It was called a great conversation starter. Oh, yeah. Well, did it hurt? And how was...

No, and then... No, it was very professionally done. Did it get in the way of things? Never, never. Actually, I thought it would do more than it did. You thought it would help you? Yeah, I thought it would stimulate either him or I or something. No, it didn't help.

It was a novelty. It was an earring that lost its partner. It lost its way. I feel like though at 70 I'm going to do it again. Okay. Or 69. Okay.

Okay. It's 69. I like that better. You're probably going to have to go with her, Kathy, and make sure it's done right. I would love for a partner to go with me, like in a relationship, and he'd think it was cool and hold my hand and go in and do it together. Like that would thrill me. You are wild. In the 90s, I had my belly button pierced. That's it. That's about it. I thought I was so cool.

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I'm Dr. Laurie Santos. I'm a psychology professor at Yale, and I started to notice that a lot of my students weren't all that happy. So I created a new class. Welcome everybody to Psychology and the Good Life. It became the biggest class in the history of Yale. I'm a little bit surprised to see as many of you are here as are here, but that's great. But it's not just my students who need to understand the science of well-being. And that's why we launched the Happiness Lab, so you can learn about it too.

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Can we just talk about the Golden Bachelorette? What do you, who do you think are the most? Oh my God, I love the men. They're all so warm and they shared their emotions. How about it? How many times do you cry during one of the, I can't stop crying.

Well, I got choked up when their kids came on. That was, yeah. I think what I thought about our season, I think that these men are showing like we showed on our show that they're mature. They have feelings. They know how to have fun. Their lives aren't over. They're ready to be vulnerable. They're grateful for their life experiences. And I love that. One of the hardest parts for me. And I want to date with one of them. Yeah.

I'm watching them at the rose ceremony and that hope in their eyes. I remember what that felt like. Yes. Like, Oh God, it's my turn to go home or is he going to call my name or.

But don't you love that the hope you can feel? We've talked about this. Maybe it's because we were on the show. Right. We know what they're feeling. We know what they're feeling. And they're all, they're hoping for a second chance at love. They believe in the process. I know. And then they get disappointed and it's crushing. It's so crushing. And you know what?

1-800-CALL-CATHY-AND-SUSAN. Right. Okay. Just putting that out there. I may or may not be speaking to someone on that show. She may or may not be speaking to someone, said Kathy Notting, who was on that show. Who is it? Is it Charles? No. Oh, God bless Charles. The world loves him. I know. How do you think Joan is handling all these men? And who do you think she has the most chemistry with?

Well, from the day one, we had a couple people in mind. We had four. We had a different four. Guy, we thought she was attractive. Guy, Jonathan, Chalk, and Jordan. Wait, wait. In this week's episode, Chalk did some shocking things. He went home because his mother passed away. But then he came back. That's just it. That's it. He came back. Yeah.

You know why? Because he's falling in love. And I think she has a sparkle in her eye for him. See, we know her. We know Joan. So when she was on the Disney date, you could see a sparkle in her eye. I mean, like I said from the beginning, my money's on Chuck. That's why I thought it from the first time I saw them together.

Well, thank God he came back then. And it's funny because that's what happened on our show. Trust me, we've tried to find out. Joe won't tell us. On our show, it was that first important date that he ended up with.

whether it was a great decision or not, but that's, Teresa was the first date that they bonded over similar things. And I just saw the same thing with Chuck and June bonding. But it was also the look. I mean, we know her. I'm not sure people, you know, out in Bachelor Nation know.

But we know her. We're friends with her. And there's a look in her eye, the smile. We were watching together and we both looked at each other and went, that's looking pretty promising. So we know who's left over. Yeah, so we know. And then there's, I think, Guy. I think she's interested in Guy. He's the ER doctor. I mean, she's getting down to it now because she's sending lots of people home. And that's hard. It's tough. Yeah, it's so hard. I have to ask you this, though.

In your season, would you have slept with Gary? I love the way she says no. Emphatic no across the board.

That's what I thought.

and talk to him, you know, accumulation of what, an hour and a half if I had a one-on-one and now I'm going to bed down. That's the only problem that I have with the show is they don't get enough time to get to know each other. I wish... I think Joan's getting more time. Well, yes, she has a two-hour show, but I...

really wish that they would maybe lessen the amount of people and let an actual, you know, relationship start with several people to make that decision. And you know, we've talked to Gary, we've talked to Gary and he said to me, I wish I'd gotten to know you better, Kathy. I just didn't know who you were. And that's true. You get caught up in a moment. We hardly talked. I mean, although I'm grateful there is a show.

Oh, yeah. Now rumor has some, I don't know, paradise thing for seniors. Susan's going to be exhibiting all her tattoos. I am so ready for that. I'm going to be wearing. However, they can't do it the same. Number one, I'm not going with bugs. And I'm not wearing a bikini. Not happening in Mexico. Paradise to us is different. Way different.

yes it's like my idea camping is no phone in the room but you know what i gotta say i could fall in love we're both similar that way fall you know fall fast and fall hard if i found something i was interested in yeah i could see me falling in love well if i was head over heels under gary i would have been a whole different character on that show i would do but

That was totally me. I mean, you can't hide from being yourself. Neither one of us wanted to go pick corn and run through corn mazes in Indiana. It wasn't an exciting... But he's a nice guy. Do you think that in the Fantasy Suite episode, I just... What happens in there when the cameras are off? Something that needs to happen happens. You are not...

being filmed, you are not being recorded. You speak from the soul. The majority of the world thinks you're getting laid and maybe some people do. That's not what it's about. I don't know because we were not in the fantasy suites with each other or anyone else. But I think they have the conversations about finances and life and children. And does it work? Yeah, it doesn't. Do you take the blue pill or is this a natural thing?

You know what? That would not be the conversation I'd be having in the fantasy suite. But I think that those are important conversations to have because it's such a truncated section of your life. It's fast. It's furious. But you need those. Yeah. I know Joan made a statement.

prior to the show that she was not going to sleep over. Well, you know what? People get laid in two hours and you can still leave the room at 2 a.m. So don't think that's what's going to convince the world. Oh, my God. I'm serious. Well, she's going into it trying to be respectable. She wants to put out the right message. You guys are so amazing. I love that you're just like open books and talking to people.

women of a certain age about all this because nobody's talking about it and we should all be just talking about it openly and sharing our experiences. Even women at a younger age can get things from us. Absolutely. Yeah. We started this whole thing. I said, it's a normal bodily function. It's like sex should be part of everyone's life. It's part of life and a good sex life.

But if you have daughters, you don't want them to experience it until way later. Well, until they're emotionally ready. But, you know, I think we're old enough. I think we passed that boycott. We are not dead yet. You are in your prime. This is it. Late bloomer.

You're both so amazing. And it's okay to want different things in your relationships as you grow and change, you know, and just identifying those things and knowing what's important to you.

And finding a person that matches up. And possibly a lot of your listeners and a lot of people judge both of us. Yeah. But I know I've been judged for, oh, well, I'm not like you, Susan. I'm not outgoing and I'm not this and I'm not that. But you have feelings inside. You have thoughts. And when you become of a certain age, you're

You're less intimidated maybe by what others are thinking. You're comfortable in your own skin. Yeah. But I think also she's absolutely right. I couldn't agree with you more. That's nice when we agree. It's scary when we agree. But here's the thing. I think I would want your listeners to know that.

Life doesn't begin and end with sex. And so people who are sitting at home saying, I'm afraid to date. I don't know what to do. I think my body's good enough. All those things that we do to ourselves. I think it's a progression. And so try the womanizer. No, no, no. Get out there and live your life.

and build relationships, then use the womanizer, then go back out. In other words, sex, good, healthy sex life, intimacy doesn't just happen, right? You have to get out and do things. And I think sometimes women are intimidated by putting themselves out there. So don't be intimidated. Get out there. And the only other thing I could...

hopefully suggest is be comfortable in your own skin. Be okay with your body, no matter what it looks like, because none of us look great after a certain age, except who you are. That's my whole thing. I just want everybody who's listening to remember, if you take nothing away from this conversation, take away the fact that the second time around at Love,

starts with loving yourself. Amen. If you don't love yourself, you can't possibly love someone else. You have to love yourself to be open to letting someone love you and loving them back.

Words of wisdom. I love you guys. If you are single and ready to find love again, or you want to ask me questions about love and dating and relationships, then call us at 1-844-4IDOPOD. That's 844-443-6763. Or you can email us.

I do pod at I heart radio.com and be sure to follow us on Instagram. I do part two pod. That's the number two. I do part two pod. I do part two and I heart radio podcast where falling in love is the main objective.

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I'm Dr. Laurie Santos. I'm a psychology professor at Yale, and I started to notice that a lot of my students weren't all that happy. So I created a new class. Welcome, everybody, to Psychology and the Good Life. It became the biggest class in the history of Yale. I'm a little bit surprised to see as many of you are here as are here, but that's great. But it's not just my students who need to understand the science of well-being. And that's why we launched the Happiness Lab, so you can learn about it, too.

Are you ready to feel happier? Head to the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to listen. Brought to you by Colgate Total. Be dentist ready.