I Choose...To Ask For Help
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What does a therapist do when her family is the one who needs a little help? Seek therapy, of course. Don't miss the new season of the Hulu comedy Unprisoned starring Kerry Washington and Delroy Lindo. With a father out of prison, a son with growing anxiety, and a therapy practice in serious trouble, Kerry Washington's page needs to pull her family back together by any means necessary. Get ready for a new season of raw comedy and heartfelt connection on Unprisoned. All episodes are now streaming only on Hulu.

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Hey, it's Will Friedle. And Sabrina Bryan. And we're the hosts of the new podcast, Magical Rewind. You may know us from some of your favorite childhood TV movies like My Date with the President's Daughter. And the Cheetah Girls movies. Together we're sitting down to watch all the movies you grew up with and chat with some of your favorite stars and crew that made these iconic movies happen. So kick back, grab your popcorn, and join us. Listen to Magical Rewind on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Brought to you by State Farm. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hey, I am so happy to be here with you again. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for choosing to come here to the I Choose Me podcast to spend some time with me. And you know what? I also just want to take a second to thank everybody who has helped me get to do this with you. All the team at iHeart and my life crew, everyone

But mostly you. You are the reason I get to do this with you. You are the reason I want to do this with you. I mean it.

Me wanting and choosing to do a podcast came from you. It's because of the connections that I felt from all of you, the support you've always given me, the people I meet, the comments I see and hear. You guys lift me up every time I hear from you. And it makes me want to give you more and do more with you because you're

At the end of the day, you know what? I like you. More importantly, I am like you. We are all the same. We are all just working it out, finding our way, figuring out this amazing life thing. And we're all dealing with the same things, the same hurdles, the same challenges on some level. If you think my life looks a certain way on the gram or the talk or the whatever, it's

And that I'm not dealing with the same shit that you are. You are mistaken. You may not see that, but I promise you it is absolutely true. And the sooner we can all recognize that and give in to the notion that it's not just me and my story and my problems. It's we, our stories, our problems, the better off we're going to be.

So let's get comfortable enough with each other in this new I Choose Me community to grow together because that's what it's all about. We are here to love and to connect and to grow. Remember, if you're not growing, you're slowing. And I don't want to slow. I don't know about you.

So if you're like that, if you're like me, which I already know you are because you're here with me listening to this podcast, let's do this together. It's a lot more fun to do life together. Okay, so now I want to introduce you all to a very special someone in my life, Adele House, who will be gracing us with her wisdom and insights and

As a licensed therapist, our free therapist here at I Choose Me, I've known Adele for 30 years. This year actually marks our 30-year friends-iversary. She is the best person I know. We can literally ask her anything like this. Adele. Jenny. Adele.

What the fuck is wrong with me? How many times have I asked you that question? You're a human being. Oh, that little thing. Yeah. You always forget that part. We were just talking on the phone. Remember a couple of days ago. Do you remember way back when? Yeah. We were just talking about all the stress and all the things, but I feel like you, my whole life, you've known me. I've been stressed out.

Yeah, but there's a real reason for that, right? I was thinking about this too. And I was thinking about, so I met you 30 years ago, right? You were 21 years old. I just want to set the stage a little bit. Okay. I walked into your life. You were 21 and I was 26.

You were on a huge hit show, 90210. You were already a homeowner. Like at 26, I couldn't even fathom being a homeowner, right? You were...

internationally famous, right? So you were working a job that you had to show up to every day and memorize your lines and look good at 21. You had a boyfriend living with you or fiance. He might've been a fiance by then. Yeah, they always were. Yeah. He was, he was the sweetest guy, but he, you had the weight of the world on your shoulders. He had nothing.

no weight on his shoulders. He was living fancy free. He wasn't really helping you or supporting you in any way. He was just cute and sweet. And he played the drums.

What do you need? You had about 17 animals. I think you also had a ranch. But wait, wait, let's explain to our friends. You came into my life initially as my very first assistant ever. Yes.

And at 21, I had an assistant, which I don't even understand. Well, this is exactly why. I think you must have been so stressed out that Randy had a great thought. Why don't we get you an assistant? And he found me, luckily. Thank God for our lives and our paths. And I think I walked into your life and it was huge. Yeah.

And you were, at that point, already adulting so hard at 21. You were two years out of being a teenager. Think about your kids. Do you know what I mean? Lola is 21 right now. Yeah. So think if she had the responsibility that you had at her age right now. Oh, I wouldn't want that for her. Right. Right. So here I am a little bit older and maybe had a little more life experience. Not much. Right.

And I think I was somebody who just was standing in front of you saying, how can I help? How can I ease your stress? How can give me stuff? Give me stuff to do or let's do it together. You always like to do stuff together, which I always thought was so cute. Instead of just giving me stuff, you would be like, well, I've got a list for us for the day. But I think it was the first time everybody wanted something from you at that time. I mean, I remember going through piles of paper where there were just requests for you to

I mean, it's still your life, but even more, I think then like show up at this thing or sign this thing or donate this. And I think about it now and the kind of responsibilities you had. And you were also helping people and helping family members. Of course, you were stressed out. So there's I really what I really want to say to you is there's nothing wrong with you. You've had a huge life and you've had to be an adult very fast.

Yeah, adulting, not a lot of fun.

Yeah, especially at 21, right? It's like, it's not, it wasn't a natural time to be thrown into major adulting. And the other thing is you were so close to your mom when you were young. And I think you turned to her a lot and she would advise or guide. But there was a point you were also at 21 when you were differentiating from your mom and you needed space and you needed to be making your own decisions. And so you weren't turning to her as much. And I think...

for us, it was kind of perfect because I think I came into your life at the right time where you had a new confidant and you had someone that you could just ask advice from. So when did I come to you with this feeling that I was experiencing, this feeling of spinning, this feeling of the beginning, I think, of anxiety for me? Yeah, that's such a great question.

I think, I mean, it was fast. We bonded pretty quickly. And I think it's because neither of us are that interested in small talk. And I think we started talking, we just started going for it right away. And I remember it was within a couple of months. And I used to carry a pager of

When I first started working for you. Yeah, beeper. Wow. Oh my God. Sorry to age us. Okay. You called me late at night at like 10 o'clock at night. Wait, did I beep you? I think so. I beeped you. Or it was a landline. But you called me at like 10 o'clock at night and you were crying and you said, I'm really freaking out. I'm really stressed out. My head is spinning and spinning and I'm overthinking and I'm hearing like,

a ringing sound. And I was like, oh, she's so anxious. She is so stressed out. Now, I didn't have any experience at this. I wasn't a therapist then. Obviously, I was a personal assistant. You didn't have any therapy school or training or anything yet. No, but I had been to my own therapy. I started therapy at 19. I was 26 at this time. So I...

I immediately remembered a tool that, so I can't take credit for this tool, but I was given a tool for similar things, for stress, anxiety, fear. And so, tell me what I did. Do you remember what I did? Yes. No, I remember this vividly and I don't remember that much. So this is a very important time for me because this was the first time

time in my life that anybody ever gave me like a tangible usable skill, like a tool that I could use in my life on my own to get me through something that I was experiencing. And in this case, it was that spinning feeling, that anxious feeling. And, and at that time it was more just like a spinning, spinning, spinning, and like what, like a spinning top kind of feeling. Um, that's how kind of my anxiety started to, um,

manifest in my body. And you said, okay, I want you to just lay down on the couch. And I remember I had a similar couch to the one I'm sitting on right now. And you said, close your eyes.

You say it. Go ahead. I like it better when you say it. Well, I'm just listening to you saying, I'm like, God, the confidence I had at 26 to like just walk you through like an intervention, basically. But yeah, it was close your eyes. I want you to picture a stop sign. Right. And this is an intervention when you can't even grab onto a thought when you are just

spinning. You think about a stop sign and you picture it and you picture the color of it. You picture the red of it. You picture the eight sides of it. You go down every side, the octagonal shape of it and the line, the white line that frames it out. And you spend time with the S and then you spend time with the T and the O and

And then you picture the P and you think about the word and just spend time with the stop sign. And what happens for you when you do that? I just feel so much calmer. I just did it while you were explaining it. Oh, it feels it really does for me. That is one trick that just resonated. And I have used that since then.

Amazing. And you told me that the other day, and I had no idea you were still using it. I still use it. I give it to my daughters to use. Oh, I love that. Yeah. And it works. It works every time. It's an immediate intervention and it's free too. So it's a great tool for your listener, right? Any fear, any anxiety, any feeling out of control, right? Mm-hmm.

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I think so often when one person is spinning in this anxiety world and they're in a relationship with someone or in a partnership with someone, the other person doesn't know how to help them. They don't understand really sometimes what you're trying to make them understand, like what you're experiencing. And I think for me at that young age, that was my experience of it. I didn't really have anybody but you and I,

I wasn't going to therapy then. And you were just like, sort of like my guiding force, you know, my guiding light of how to come back to myself in all that chaos. What happens though, like in, when you're in a relationship and one person is having anxiety about something and they don't know what it is or where it's coming from, how do you handle that in a partnership?

Yeah, I think that's so important. And it's so misunderstood, especially among couples, because most people, when they're in a coupleship or they love somebody, when they know their partner's suffering, they want to fix it, right? But that's rarely do we want...

Somebody to fix it. Right? No, I don't want you to fix it. I just want you to listen to me. Yes. Right? So it's our job to kind of actually let them know that. So I think anybody who doesn't have any of this training, which we never really learned this stuff, you know, with a partner, you just want to say, you have to have the awareness first, right? That you are spinning. I feel it in my body. I am so strung out right now. I can't even grab onto a thought anymore.

I'm just letting you know where I'm at. I don't need you to do anything. I don't need you to fix it. I just need you to know and maybe be gentle on me or ask me what I need once in a while. Because you don't even know at any moment what you need. And you don't know also who else is sitting right next to you experiencing anxiety. Right.

I feel like so many people nowadays are experiencing anxiety with just the state of the world and everything that's happening and moving at lightning speed all the time. Yes. And the immense pressures that we put on ourselves to be something we see on social media or how we think we're supposed to be for others. I know I spent a great deal of my time worrying about that.

I still worry about that sometimes. And then I have to just like get myself under control, like, you know, bring myself back to my base and remind myself that it doesn't really matter.

Yeah. And that's your wisdom as you age, right? Because I think you have a little bit of distance now and a little bit more understanding and you're watching your daughters go through it. So you have that, it's externalized for you, right? So you're watching your three beautiful daughters going through it and going like, oh my God, that's what I do too. I don't want to do that anymore. How can I model for them how to do it differently? Yeah. Well, I've tried, but let me ask you this. Is it something that I've

given to my daughters? Is it like, is anxiety like something you pass down in your family? Is it a genetic thing or is it an environmental developed? You asked the best questions. I love this. It's like everything. It's a little of both, right? They're going to see it. They're going to feel it. They're going to feel your anxiety. They're going to take on your anxiety and there's no way you can't do it. So you didn't do anything wrong, right? Right.

And we all screw our kids up. I mean, that's just part of being a parent. That's in the definition of being a parent. I say to them all the time, so when are you going to be in therapy over me because of me? They're like, I already am.

But I also think that I believe it's a great question if it's genetic, but boy, anxiety runs in my family. I see it. So I don't know if it's just that we all absorbed it from generations past or if it's like physiology and physically, you know, we feel certain cues that give us anxiety. Mm-hmm.

This wasn't even a conversation not that long ago. Like people weren't openly talking about suffering from anxiety or anxiety disorder or depression. So I remember when Carson Daly started talking about his mental health challenges and things just sort of opened up after that point. Like everybody started talking about it. Yeah. And it's incredible now because the stigma has been taken away from people

talking about it, suffering from it. And I think that's just a huge opening for everybody to start getting a handle on it and start helping themselves. Yeah, it's all really normalized now in a way which when it wasn't. I

and everybody talks about going to therapy. So we were around it a little bit, you know, I mean, that's kind of a stereotype, but it's also quite true. But everybody, what everybody in LA, everybody goes to therapy and New York. But the other thing is, I think, you know, you were saying earlier, we live in this really unique time right now between social media, between the pandemic, between the last 10 years of sort of our, you know, the political landscape and how stressful it's been. Mm-hmm.

And so every people, we're all going through the same things kind of at the same time, especially when the pandemic hit. Like it was the first time when I was doing therapy, you know, I walked out of my office that March 13th or whatever, went online and started seeing everybody on video and

on telehealth. And suddenly, for the first time in almost 20 years of doing therapy, I was going through the same thing my clients were going through at the exact same time. And I think because it was a worldwide pandemic, it allowed us to really start talking about what we're going through, our feelings, our fears. And

And I love it. I'm so thrilled to see, especially people with the platform, you know, people, known people are talking about mental health now and normalizing it. Because guess what? We all have mental health issues. There's not a single family. There's not a single person walking. It's, you know, they say one in four people struggle with mental illness. Well, we all struggle with mental health issues. Mm-hmm.

So it's universal. So I hope that everybody that's listening today, and thank you for listening, and I'm so excited to be here, just starts to normalize it, be gentle on themselves, be gentle on others, ask for help. I did that with you so many times. I remember when...

my anxiety started to kick in to the next level. And this was a point in my life when it was kind of towards the end of my marriage with Peter. And I remember feeling like there was an elephant, literally a ginormous, big, fat elephant sitting right on my chest. And I could, this is terrible, but every time he would come around,

me, I would have that feeling. And I would literally, my breath would become shallow and I would just, and then I would start to focus on the feeling of like, oh man, what is this? What is this feeling I'm feeling in my chest? And why am I having a heart attack? Like what is going on? And then it would go away and then he would come back and I feel it again. And so I started to develop this pattern of like whenever I'm

a situation was around me that felt bigger than I could handle in that moment, my body would start to react in that physical manifestation, that physical feeling in my chest. Have you heard that a lot? Oh, yeah. I mean, that is the physical manifestation of stress, fear, anxiety. And that's why

We don't want to ignore that. You know, like sometimes maybe some episode, if we talk about listening to your gut or following your gut, that's part of your body talking to you, right? It's knocking from the inside out. And it's saying like, you need to listen to me. Something's going on here. It's saying, hello. Yeah. It's saying, hello, please listen to me. Don't be afraid of me. Right. And what we so often do is shut it out and quiet it with a number of things, right? Drugs, alcohol, ice cream. Yeah.

TV for me, that's my escape, right? Ugh, it's so hard.

But isn't that okay? Yes. Yes. I mean, not the drugs and alcohol part. Even drugs and alcohol. I mean, I'm not talking about illicit drugs, right? But like legal drugs or medicine to help with, you know, your neurotransmitters, if you're depressed, whatever, of course. You're talking like modern day medicine. I was talking about illicit drugs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just like numbing it. Yes. I,

I'm also a fan of numbing to a degree, right? I'm very much about like being gentle on yourself and listening to your body and taking care of yourself. And I think numbing out to TV is fine as long as you're not doing it for, you know, six days in a row, 10 days in a row, then you start to kind of get concerned about like, okay, is this person depressed? And we probably need to get them moving their body and kind of addressing what's going on. But yeah, of course, we need all those things.

But they can't be the only go-to either. Right. You can't go, I don't want to hear, I don't want to talk to you elephant. I don't want this elephant on my chest. I'm going to just drink. That's not okay. Yeah. I think that's what started to happen for me was I didn't know how to stop that feeling. And so I did turn to certain drugs to help me numb out, help me check out, help me deal with it.

Yeah. And we were, you and I have always been super, super close, but there have been times that I've been like, I cannot call her again with this problem. But I have never said to you, you can't call me. No, you never have. You never set that boundary. You know, I'm here, but I know you kind of tried to curb your, your Adele needs. I like hearing about the times you reach, you needed me. Yeah.

I remember sitting in your, remember you're off your primary suite in Toluca Lake in that little makeup room off the bedroom. And I knew you and Peter were in trouble. I'd known for a while. I mean, you guys had both let me in. And you said to me, I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. And I said, turn back.

towards your marriage and do everything you can to try to save it. And you're like, I don't know how. And I said, you've got to give it everything you've got. And he's trying. And you said to me, and this may be too intimate to share, and you'll say if it is, but you said, it's too painful to

to open my heart and close it every time he comes and goes, because he was working so much at that time. And I remember it's kind of making me choke up right now. Like it broke my heart because you have so much love to give and there was love there, you know, like I went through that whole 18 year partnership with you guys. I was there forever.

The weekend basically got you guys met and fell in love. Right. You have been through everything with me. This is insane. I was there when you told Dan you wanted a divorce and fell into my arms. Wait, you were there when you planned that first wedding. I did plan your first wedding. Yeah.

And then you were there when I got my first divorce. Uh-huh. I was there when you and Peter fell in love. Loved Peter. We had so much fun. And I really saw it. I really got it. And of course, really saw it and really got the Dave of it all too, which we'll talk about because you know how much I love my Davey. But yeah, yeah. And so...

It was heartbreaking and it was devastating. And I know you tried. I know you did what you could. And I know Peter tried too. I sometimes think because I have had such a roller coaster emotional journey since, gosh, since I was 12 years old, like I...

I've never been a person that's just even keeled, steady, bright and bubbly all the time, positive. You know, I don't have, I don't walk around with like rainbows and unicorns flying out of my ass, you know, like people expect you.

To be that way. Me? Everyone. Do I have rainbows and unicorns flying up my ass? Sometimes, yeah. I'm just saying, like, I felt like something was wrong with me all these years. Ooh.

Early on being pegged with like my nickname from my sisters, which was Puddles, because I cried a lot. And then moving into, you know, relationships that weren't that...

stable feeling or safe feeling and riding that emotional roller coaster and marriage and divorce and marriage and divorce and death and sick kids. Like I feel like I've been through so many ups and downs as we all have, but I do sometimes think, wait, why is something wrong with me that I'm that emotion? I call it emotion full.

Instead of emotional. I like that. It's so interesting because, you know, again, I know you so well and I've known you for 30 years and I don't see you. That's not how I would qualify you. I mean, yes, you have been through a lot and I think you have made choices over the years that didn't reflect. Here's maybe why we've stayed together all these years, too.

I see you differently, a little bit differently than you see yourself. Yes, I think you have had a lot of challenges in your life. You were, I'm not diagnosing you, but you were a parentified child. You had a dad who was sick most of his life. So you had a worry on your shoulders starting at a very young age. Mm-hmm.

And so the puddles thing, you know, you have some depression, but so do I. We've talked about that. Yeah. We've talked about that. Like, I remember my dad would say, do you want to go to Dairy Queen? Are you feeling blue? And I remember telling you about that and you said, I'm blue too. Yeah. Like, we're just blue. Early on. Yeah. We're just blue. We're blue people. Like, I'm not like yellow. Yeah.

Right. But you described me as like rainbows and unicorns, but I have like a chronic low grade depression. I have my whole life since I can remember. It may be manifest or looks a little bit different for each of us. It looks different on you because you know how to deal with it. I've learned how to deal with it. Well, I lean into it. I don't fight against it. Right.

I've learned to do that. I accept it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But for a long time, okay, we're getting to something here. Yes. For a long time, you didn't accept it. And the question you asked yourself is what is wrong with me? Right. Why am I this way? And it's why I said you're a human being because you're human. We all have something. The other thing I would say about you, Jen, that a lot of what we talk about is the way that you think about things. And I think we should do a whole episode on this.

Is being aware of our thoughts, right? Because our thoughts affect the way we feel and the way we feel affects our behaviors and our choices, right? That's our big thing is choices here. Right. Okay. So it starts as a thought. Yes. In your mind. Yes. Always. And you're the only one that's hearing that thought.

Only one, hopefully. And then what happens? And then that thought creates a feeling. Think about it. If you're, think about this for a second. If you're at Trader Joe's and you are at the register and the person who's checking you out is sort of unkind or cold, you could have a couple different thoughts. You could be like, oh God, what a jerk. They're being so rude to me, right? How do you feel when you have that thought? Mad. Yeah.

Exactly. Okay. What if you are standing there and that same guy is being a jerk or whatever, and you think, oh, he must be having a hard day. What do you feel? Empathy. Oh my God. It starts with a thought, right? This is what cognitive therapy is based on. It's like ABC. It's like a linear thing. Our thoughts affect our feelings. And then if we feel mad, we're going to like throw our money at them, right? At the register. Yeah.

Right. So your thoughts become your feelings and your feelings become your behaviors or your actions. Yeah. Or your choices. Right. Yeah. And that's kind of where you and I in our long friendship.

And I'm always talking to you sort of regularly saying like, well, like, why? Tell me what you're thinking. And your thinking is stinking sometimes. You're stinking thinking sometimes. Oh, that's a good one. I didn't make it up. It's a 12 step attitude.

I can't take credit, but you have black and white thoughts. You have hard thoughts and those thoughts set you up to feel, have very strong feelings, right? And then those strong feelings

drive you towards a certain action or behavior. I want to touch on one thing. Lorraine, my producer, wants to understand. She's curious as to why I would feel like I had an elephant sitting on my chest whenever Peter would come around. Yeah, I love that. I'd like to know too. Oh, I'm supposed to answer it? That was a question for you. Damn it. You can't answer it. Well, here's what I know.

That feeling had nothing to do with Peter. It had everything to do with me and my thoughts in that moment. But that's your growth, right? You didn't know it 10 years ago. No, I didn't. I would just sit there and be like, what the fuck is happening? Like, why do I feel anxious? This is my husband. This is my family. I'm happy. Look at all that I have. Why am I feeling this anxiety? And I would often, you know, share that.

And be sort of met with like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know why you have that. Everything's great. So must be your problem. And that just made it worse. But it wasn't very loving. Right. It was right, but it made it worse because I felt so alone in it. Okay, good. So what would you have wanted to hear from him in that moment? Well, now I would have wanted to hear, I'm sorry, babe. I...

hear you and I'm here for you. If you want to talk about it, if you do need a hug. Yeah. Because for me, a lot of times when I'm feeling spinny or I'm feeling anxious, I need a hug. I need a hug from one certain person. And that is usually my husband. And Dave gets that about me. He's learned that a hug will just regulate me.

And just bring me back down to earth. And I'm not a hugger. Yeah, you're not. I don't go around hugging people. Right.

Yeah, that's so beautiful. And I love that Dave knows that about you. And who knows whether you sort of trained him up and let him know or if he kind of figured it out. But you're and you even said it like regulates me. It grounds me. So you need it's funny because, you know, when I think about talking about stress and everything, one of what you know, one of the tips I was going to share today was just like physical grounding, either, you know, through a partner or a person or a family member or

or getting outside, right? Hugging a tree. I know that sounds so crazy. Okay, hugging a tree. Okay, but you would be surprised how great it is. You know, I love this idea, but I'm just, I'm playing devil's advocate right now. Please, always. Because people are like, oh, like I'm going to go hug a tree. Okay, you'd be surprised. You would be surprised how great it is. I wouldn't. I love hugging trees. Okay, I can see you doing it later today. I'll send you a picture. Tell us about it.

laughing

Okay. So ground yourself, hug a tree, put your feet in the earth on the earth. Yeah. Take a walk. Right. I mean, if we're talking about obviously like the stop sign is a very accessible, immediate free tool. It's an intervention. Another, my favorite, actually I have a couple of favorites. My very immediate favorite is breathing exercises because my physical manifestation of stress is muscle tension, right?

And I'm kind of a fight, flight and freeze. I'm a freezer. So everything in me just freezes. And so a deep breath opens up everything and it just slows. You just go back for a second. You said you're a fight, flight, freezer. So in any kind of situation, when we're feeling stress or tension, there's usually three responses, fight, flight or freeze.

And you do all three? No, I'm a freezer. You're a freezer. I'm a bunny. That's a bunny. Like a deer in the headlights kind of thing? Yep. Yeah, that's a freezer too. Yeah. What do you think you are? Okay, let me think. Oh, well, that doesn't take me long to answer that one. I think I know what it is. I've been all things though, honestly. I used to be a freezer because I was...

I didn't know what was happening with all the emotions that I was feeling. And I, I didn't know which way to turn or what to do. So I would just, you were overwhelmed and I would just shut up and I would let other people make the calls and I would just go with whatever anybody said. I remember those years. I've been a flighter because it's just easier. Honestly, problems arise. See ya.

Wouldn't want to be you. But I think I would say my general state of being is a fighter. Because, well, one, I'm an Aries and I have these horns. But two, because I...

This sounds so stupid, but I'm a seeker. Like I want to figure it all out. Like I want to know what's going on. I want to figure it out. I want to fix it and I want to move forward. And I want to do a lot of growing along the way. But that's the positive version of a fighter. You're fighting for something, right? You're fighting for yourself. You're fighting for the relationship. You're fighting for your kid's future and their wellbeing. That makes sense.

I used to spend a lot of time fighting for the wrong reasons. Right. But you took your fighter into a more evolved place. Thank God. It's exhausting being a fighter. And

It gives you wrinkles. So the intervention or the tip I was going to share is breathing, which there's one particular one called the 4-7-8 method. Do it. Tell us. So you basically breathe in four seconds. Okay. So how am I supposed to count my head? I'm doing this for everybody. All right. Breathe in for four seconds.

And when you get to the top of the four seconds, hold it for seven. Seven? Yeah, you can do it. Okay, let me try again. And then slowly breathe out for eight counts. I feel a little dizzy with like nothingness. Like I feel, you know, that feeling of like, just I feel like an empty, what is this body? A vessel. Yeah. So imagine doing that.

five times right or i might pass out well the other thing is i noticed you you took it you but you breathe very shallowly okay you're breathing so try to not just from up here in the chest but try to use your diaphragm tap into your actor training oh it's hard hold on okay so breathe in four counts hold it for seven

And slowly breathe out for eight and release the tension in your body. I love that one. You look like an angel. I'm at peace. Yeah. We don't do that for ourselves on a daily basis. Isn't that crazy? No, we breathe all day long. But we're not paying attention to it. We're not paying attention and we're not like getting the benefits of what a good deep breath can get you. I've often thought, okay, this is just my theory.

because I've helped a couple of people in my life stop smoking now. I've often thought like when people smoke, yeah, it's about the tobacco. It's about the nicotine, but it's also about taking a moment and taking a deep breath. And when you breathe it in and you hold it, that awful smoke, and then you breathe it out and then people are like, ah,

Yes, it's deep breathing, right? It's a moment for yourself. You're taking a break for yourself. You're deep breathing. Absolutely. And I think that some people who quit smoking even start practicing deep breathing.

It's really magical. Yeah. And it's nothing. You don't have to go anywhere to get it. You don't need an app. Right. You don't have to pay anything. It just comes with the body. It's immediate and it's free. And here's how I got better at it. Because again, all the things that I do, I'm not perfect at. I forget them still. You know, I teach these things and I forget to do them sometimes. But what happens is...

Again, awareness is so important, right? So if you start to ask yourself, why am I like for the Jenny version of it, when you're one of your awareness pieces could be when you save yourself, why am I right? Why am I this? Why am I that? Why am I so stressed out? Why am I so angry? Why am I so whatever? That's the beginning of your awareness for you like, oh, that's a cue. I'm in a stress state.

I just need to do some four, seven, eight breathing. I need to take 20 seconds and do it. It's free. It's immediate. It is effective. It reduces stress. Everything we're talking about. It increases your mood. It lowers your blood pressure. All the things. All the things. I am so lucky that you are my best friend. I'm lucky too.

You would never be my actual therapist all these years. No, I can't. We as therapists can't see people we know. As you might imagine, we wouldn't be particularly objective or unbiased.

It makes sense. It really does. It was called a dual relationship, right? To sort of see people that are your friends or your family, or it just doesn't work. It's a quagmire, way too many pitfalls. But as I've always said to you, you get it for free. Anytime. I always answer your call. You guys, I highly recommend finding yourself a best friend that's a therapist.

You get therapy for free. That's all I'm saying. Thanks for my sesh. Yeah, I love it. I love spending time with you. I love talking it out and breaking it down. And I know we'll do more of it. I love you. Bye-bye. I love you. Bye-bye.

For 25 years, Brightview Senior Living Associates have been committed to creating a vibrant culture and delivering exceptional services, making Brightview a great place to work and live. If you're looking for a rewarding opportunity to serve your local community and grow, we want you to join our team. Brightview Senior Living is growing and actively seeking vibrant associates to join our community teams, including directors, healthcare, activities, hospitality, and dining. Apply today at careers.brightviewseniorliving.com. Equal employment opportunities.

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I really needed that. I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did. And I love sharing my tips and tricks and Adele's with you. So this week, let's do that. Let's try those out. If you're feeling overwhelmed or you're stressed the F out over one thing or another, if you're experiencing anxiety, like I described, like that elephant on your chest,

I want you to remember that stop sign trick. I've used it for so many years and I highly recommend it. Or the four, seven, eight breathing that she told us about. You guys, if you want real change in your life, you have to take action. You have to choose yourself. And while you're at it, I want you to go on over to that mirror, look into your eyes and take a minute with yourself and

Even if you don't like what you see at this very moment, I want you to replace that negative automatic reaction with a kinder, more gentle thought. Instead of saying, ugh, say, okay, I see you. Just give that a try. I promise you, when you start to replace those old ingrained negative thoughts with loving thoughts,

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We want you to join our team. Brightview Senior Living is growing and actively seeking vibrant associates to join our community teams, including directors, healthcare, activities, hospitality, and dining. Apply today at careers.brightviewseniorliving.com. Equal employment opportunities. Text BVJOBS to 97211 to apply.

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