‘Meet the Parents’ With Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt
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But we like to mix it up. You're a man of many interests, Kyle Brandt. We're doing a comedy from 2000 that's iconic. Meet the Parents is next. I milked a cat once. Greg is spending the weekend with his girlfriend's parents. I had no idea you could milk a cat. Oh, yeah, you can milk anything with nipples. I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me? What could possibly go wrong? Jake, she's strictly a house cat. You can't let them outside. Ah! Ah!

From the director of Austin Powers. You tried to milk him, didn't you, you sick son of a... Robert De Niro. Ben Stiller. You okay, sweetie? Meet the Parents. Rated PG-13. At theaters Friday, October 6th. All right, Kyle Branagh's here. Meet the Parents came out 24 years ago. It made a lot of money. It spawned two sequels that also made a lot of money. And it struck me. I'm older than you, but we watch the same TV shows. Yep. And there is a Three's Company...

kind of generation of comedy that this movie is kind of the last son of. I don't think there's grandsons of the Three's Company, which is basically like scenario. Things go wrong. Misunderstandings. Things go sideways. Things get worse. Everything unravels. And then at the end, we kind of piece it together. And Three's Company would do this over and over again in a 23-minute episode. And this is just what they did. And it spawned a lot of imitators.

And it makes me nostalgic for those shows because they don't do that anymore, really, right? I don't think so. I don't watch sitcoms, really, but you'd get in some wacky screwball scenario and there was always resolution in like 22 minutes of airtime. And also with Three's Company, you just you're swapping in Fokker for Ritter. There would always be like lots of fun sex play, too. And like, you know, like they would hear something that sounded really dirty. But Jack would just be saying like, hey, help me fit

this in here. And he's like trying to talk about like getting a couch in a room or something. And this has a lot of sex in it too. Right. Jack, Jack would be like, no, no, just move backwards. And then I'll put it in. And Mr. Roper would, his eyes would be bulging out of his head and then they'd open up and they'd be running and try to try to help out. It's I was a little kid for those, but I still remember I was kind of watching something naughty and it was simple. It was like part of this complete breakfast. There's a problem. There's fun characters and there's an immediate resolution that

And I think we have some of that, Meet the Parents. I'm very excited to do this pod, Bill. I paid a quick visit to the microphone fairy, and I am ready to go. There's definitely some Jack Tripper with Greg Fokker.

Right. Where it's just, you're rooting for him, but he keeps screwing things up for himself. And you don't even know by, by the time we're an hour into the movie, you're like, I don't even know why I'm rooting for this guy. He's a complete mess. He's a screw up. She probably should have marry him. Um,

and everybody should just move on. And yet you're rooting for them to work out. Bill was tripper. I'm trying to, it was tripper smoker. I feel like everyone was in the eighties and smoking plays a big part in this movie. Yeah. I can see tripper like burning through a camel light outside the house or something like that. That feels on brand. He definitely hung out with Larry, who I think was wearing a smoking jacket and a smoker. So this, this was also the other old school theme about this was there's like a Jewish Anglo-Saxon Protestant, uh,

kind of meeting of the worlds, right? And they lean into it. They do it really subversively and smartly, but it's hanging over there. This is an old school. My daughter's not going to sleep in the same bed as her boyfriend, kind of just like family out of the 50s.

And like even this scene when he asks him to say grace and it's just religion is a part of this in a way that I feel like it would be more stumbly in 2024 than it was back then. Well, also, I mean, I don't want to speak for the Burns family, but I'm pretty sure they're Republicans. And yeah.

I got a pretty good feeling how Jack votes. I could be wrong, but to tear from the headlines, I feel like there's some of that going on too. Yeah, no question. There's some great everyday fodder here that this taps into. And we're going to make Craig jump on a bunch of times because he just went through this with meeting the in-laws, asking for permission. You and I are years and years removed for that. But some of this stuff like

What if my last name sucks? Yeah. Like this guy's last name is Fokker. What do you do? Do you change it? Do you keep it? Do you ask your future wife to take your terrible last name? Like this is just an everyday conundrum, right? Would you, would you change the name Fokker? I think for TV you'd have to, right? You couldn't be Kyle Fokker.

I don't know. There's some cojones in just owning it. Who gives a damn? Owning Fokker. I think especially if my name was Fokker in the wake of this movie, it might actually work ironically for me. But no, I didn't have that problem. Your name is just right on the screws. Simmons. My name is fine. I didn't have that problem. But listen, I know people and I've worked with people who have changed their names professionally who had names that they didn't think hit the palette right. I think it's more common than people know, even in sports. Yeah.

Craig, do you like your name? No, I haven't really thought about changing my name, but I do not like my last name. As you know, Bill, very difficult to pronounce. Yeah. Well, your wife has a great name, Liz Kelly. I should have taken her name. Craig Kelly sounds like a quarterback. I debated doing that for a second. Was there any conversation, Craig? Did it ever come up? No, and I don't mind that she wants to keep her name. I completely get it. I feel like that's more common these days.

I like Craig's name, but I've also learned how to say it over the last five years. Now it's like, roll back. I like that Bill faked a little bit of foreplay where we talked about my name for a second before obviously wanting to talk about Craig's name. Yeah, I was like, I know where this is going. Yeah, yeah. Um...

Craig, just come on the Zoom for a second because I have more questions and you've looked through some of these. So meeting the in-laws, what if my in-laws don't like me? Right? So I met my wife's parents in 1999. It was 25 years ago. I literally don't even remember what happened. I do remember my college girlfriend where they're very like Irish family.

you know, there was a huge generational difference and it was hard to connect with them. But Craig, what, walk us through your experience meeting the in-laws. What, what was it like? What happened? Well, for those who don't know, I met my wife, my now wife, Liz at the ringer. Yeah. It's a, it's our favorite ringer marriage. It's a ringer success story. Sure. Six years ago we met and I met her parents a year after that 2019 at some point we went to dinner and honestly, a little bit like, uh,

Greg here, her parents are both lawyers, retired lawyers. And is the modern male nurse a 25-year-old podcaster? Because there was a little bit of like, so what do you do? And I was like, I'm a podcaster. Oh, you host them? Well, I really produce them. What does that mean? Yeah.

So, you know. Yeah, but sometimes they bring me on at the end to ask my take about Under Siege. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes I come in hot for 120 seconds. It went generally okay, though, because luckily she worked in the same business as I did, so that leveled the playing field a little bit. But one of the best interactions I had with her family and introducing myself to her family is she has three other siblings, two brothers and a sister. I'm really close with the brothers now and the sister, but the brothers and I are very tight. The first day I met...

her youngest brother, who's 23 now, so he's seven years younger than me. He claims that the first thing I said to him is, what's up, bro? And I dapped him up. I have never said bro earnestly in my life. Yeah, I don't see you saying that. I don't do it. And to this day, it's been a massive fight that he initially was like,

I don't like this guy's vibe because he said, what's up, bro, to me. And I will refute that till the day I die. I never say that. Craig, there's a legendary story that the first time Aaron Rodgers met Brett Favre, he said, what's up, Gramps? And he denies it. But Jeff Perlman in his book says that that's what happened. And Rodgers just says, that's not true. It's not true. But you can never kind of erase the myth of that if you make the bad first impression. And that doesn't sound like Aaron Rodgers at all, like just being a dick for no reason. Kyle, what do you remember from meeting the in-laws?

It's such a great question, and I feel like this movie has so many of the trappings. There's a couple things that go on here that I remember from my experience, and the first one is...

Um, when Greg gets out of the car and they go up to the Burns house, it is that miscommunication on the handshake hug with Blythe Danner, which they, you don't know what you don't know how to greet. No. And I remember my wife, we did, we did the thing where we traveled, Brooke and I, my wife traveled to Chicago to meet my mom in Chicago and the whole ride there to the house was

my wife is really concerned about, should I hug her or shake her hands? And I'm like, listen to me. My mom is going to go for the hug. This is a familiar thing. Hug her, hug her, hug her. And sure enough, my mom meets us on the curb at O'Hare. Brooke goes for the hug and my mom stuck her fucking hand out and Brooke still won't forgive me for it. And it was a Focker Blythe Danner completely. We messed it up. I don't know what my mom was thinking. I told her like, this was the one she went for the handshake.

Oh my God. I remember I went to see my wife with her parents in upstate New York and it was for the holidays and it was the first time. So I got to meet a bunch of the family, including nephew Kyle and nephew Kyle was like, I don't know, maybe eight or nine. And he got in trouble at one point and we were walking around and he was sitting on the stairs and his dad was kind of yelling at him.

And his dad was like, you're going to stay on these stairs until you have an answer for what you did. And Kyle, Kyle was sitting on the stairs and he goes,

But what if I don't have an answer? And my wife and I thought this was the funniest thing. And it became this running joke of like, but I don't have an answer. We would do this for years and years. And then he became my podcast producer eventually. So I remember more meeting Kyle than meeting her parents. Does he have answers now for you? Yeah. We still know. It's a bummer that I watched this movie when I, I don't know when I watched this movie for the first time, I was definitely young to 12, 14, 16. I don't know. It hits, uh,

30 times harder after you have met somebody and gotten married. It has aged like wine. It's absolutely beautiful. The second you know this movie's gonna work, it's right when, what Kyle's talking about, right when they meet each other, they walk in, Ben Stiller's wife goes, oh, Greg hates cats. The worst. Right. And he's like,

It's an undermining. You're in like when somebody goes to their own parents' house, I feel like you kind of revert back to your former self. Like the, the, like I am a couple with my partner thing kind of goes out the window subconsciously and you become like a child again. Yeah. And I lived with my in-laws for, for months and months during the pandemic. Oh my God. Yeah.

Yeah, and that like push and pull of like, Craig, no, I thought you said you were really hungry. And I'm like, no, no, I'm fine. I don't need to eat now. You know, that feeling, they captured perfectly. There's another trapping bill that I really related to. And it's that when you go to your future in-laws or in-laws house, that bringing of the gift-

Like that was really important to me when I first met my in-laws or Brooke met ours. And it's like, I did, I did what Fokker did, which is like, I don't want to just bring like a bottle of wine. That's boring. I want to like really sink their battleship with something really cool. And there's a lot of pressure on it. And it usually doesn't go over well. And it didn't with mine either. I just, it just, they don't really care that much. Just bring the wine. I think is the lesson. You can do this. We do this for hours. You can tell me. There's two other things with the father-in-law, like the father-in-law could be super intimidating. Yeah.

But then the whole, do you ask the father-in-law for permission before you propose, which is a really old school antiquated thing. And I think my wife's dad didn't care.

I would fucking care. Like whoever proposes to my daughter, better make a stop by to old Simbo over here and get my permission first. What's really the downside? Like it's kind of a win-win. Like it's a great look if you do it. Even if it were to go terribly and they were to say no, I feel like-

That becomes then an issue with your partner and her father then. But like, yes. Yeah. The way I went about it was I didn't necessarily ask for like permission, but I, my, the way I thought about it was like getting their blessing. Right. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's what it, that's what it really is. Like, Hey, heads up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to be proposing. Just, just wanted to let you guys know, but it's basically a blessing. I did it. I got the blessing. I also did it several times on days of our lives and was told no a few times in character. So I have a lot. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Oh yeah. You're, you're all over the gamut. Well, then it has the, another everyday fodder thing. The, what if my girlfriend's previous boyfriend just brought way more to the table than I did. And I'm just in the shadow and her family loved this guy. And so that it taps into that. It taps into the, what if people look down on me because of my job, which Craig mentioned when I met my wife's parents, I was writing an internet column.

And I was bartending and I was writing an internet column during a time when people were going, Oh, so yeah.

Do you get paid for that? Like it was like one of those. It was 1999. So do you get paid by the column? Is it a job? And you just had to get, no, no, the internet, it's going to be a thing. Like I'm in early and you had to like explain it. Yeah, it's tough. And then the other one is getting caught in an early lie during the interaction and then deciding whether to just...

cut bait on the lie or you just have to like kind of hold on to it to the bitter end which he does in this but i think one of the reasons this movie is so successful and made so much money is everybody's been in this situation who's gotten married right there's not one person who's like i can't identify with some piece of this i also think the first hour is like genuinely hilariously funny it is it is um it tails off in the second half which we'll talk about but um so craig you dove into this

in your teens and then it's evolved over the years which i think is kind of going to be the legacy of this movie i feel like 25 years from now it'll still be completely watchable yeah it's a bummer that i think of most people my age probably saw this movie before they got married and have not revisited it since and i think it's it should be a requirement that you re-watch this after getting married but the funny thing is none of us have are meet the fuckers people i don't think i've even seen it i've never seen either of the sequels i'm not interested in them i

I saw it, and I think I remember it being fine. It's funny. It's the same group. I mean, Jay Roach directed it. The two writers wrote the script. They got De Niro and everybody back, and it made like over half a billion dollars. It made more money. You know what it feels like, Craig? It feels like the Hangover sequels to me. Like, they're probably fine, but I'm out on them. I don't give a shit. I want to watch the first one only. I don't care. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Craig, we'll bring you back later. I have another spot for you. Ben Stiller.

This is right during his, it's really starting to happen. Oh yeah. There's something about Mary was two years before Meet the Parents of 2000. Zoolander's coming the next year. He has that whole Long Cane Polly, Starsky and Hutch Anchorman, Dodgeball. And he's just, for 12 years, he's...

probably in the most successful comedies of anybody. Would you, where do you stand on Stiller? Just big picture. Cause I wrote down the Michael Jordan of emasculated comedy actors. That's really what he was the best at. There's, there's nobody who does it better. Um, I struggled a lot. I know we're going to get to apex mountain. I thought a lot about it because, so the deal is 98. There's something about Mary's this landmark movie and he blows up for me. Like I had seen the Ben Stiller show a little bit before then, but something about Mary was me. Um,

Cameron Diaz wins that movie like the takeaway from that movie is holy shit Cameron Diaz is going to be a superstar two years later than now he now when he hits meet the parents it's now he has two massive huge financial movies and then Zoolander's come in and we didn't I mean like years later he's going to do the whole night at the museum thing which yeah kids love so um I think the question is like I was thinking about is like is this my favorite Stiller performance I I

I can't think of one that I like better. I know he does funny character work and he's like really good and dodgeball and stuff like that. But just him playing Ben Stiller, I don't think he's better. Yeah, it's this or there's something about Mary, right?

Yeah, it's just those two. And I just think he him working with De Niro. I like just a little bit more than him working with Cameron Diaz. He would also when this thing blew up, though, like he would get a couple of times he would host the VMAs when the VMAs really mattered or the video music awards that the MTV Awards. And one of my favorite things he's ever done was he did Mission Improbable where he played Tom Cruise's stunt double as Tom Cruise. And it's laugh out loud funny. It's unbelievable.

He had a really nice rise in the 90s, right? He was on SNL for a split second, and they should have kept him, and they fucked it up. Did the Ben Stiller show. Just kind of scrapped around, had this little comedy group, directed Reality Bites, and everybody liked him, and I think everybody was rooting for him. He was still in Mayor's Kid. Stiller started to have this second...

His dad started to have the second run on Seinfeld. So then he was directing Cable Guy. And it just was like, oh, I like this guy. This guy's going to be something. I never expected what happened to happen, where he became basically like the first call. Now, we have great casting what ifs for this. He was not the first call of this movie. But by the time we get to the mid-2000s,

he's the first call for any movie like this. No, he's running it. And cause then you're, you're getting in tropic thunder and he's running that whole thing. If anybody wants a really fun watch, there's a crazy video of Ben Stiller auditioning for Marty McFly on YouTube. And it's really weird. And he looks out of place and he's obviously very young, didn't get the part, but like, I remember him starting to show up in places and,

Like when he shows up and even in Happy Gilmore, just in a few scenes, it's like an all time Dion Waiters. It's fantastic as the like handmade quality shit we're talking about. He right. He steals those scenes. And I like that dude. And then even in the cable guy, which is just Jim Carrey chewing up scenery and he directs, he plays the twins and he has real funny moments, just tiny ones in that before he became the first name. You were rooting for him when he showed up.

Yeah, he's almost like three people, right? Because he's like the guy in Meet the Parents, but then he's like this really fun character actor that would just pop into these comedies and be insane. And then there's this third part, because he made a movie that I really liked in 98 called Your Friends and Neighbors with Jason Patrick and Aaron Eckhart.

And he's really good in that movie. And that movie is actually, I think, a really good movie. It has one of the most insane five-minute scenes of any movie in the 90s. But he always kind of vacillated between those three worlds. And you always felt like there was...

somebody like Jim Carrey or Will Ferrell was like, these guys are born comedians. They're just meant to, you know, entertain a large group, no matter where they are. I never totally felt that way with Ben Stower. It almost seemed like he was like an analytical comment, like comedian where he's like, I know it's funny. I'm going to be able to play this, but

He was always kind of levitating above it. Does that make sense? I think, I think he's a very intelligent and I think you can tell that when you listen to him. I know a lot of you guys, you have talked a lot on the rewatchables about Mike Myers, how he's never just Mike Myers. He was like one time and it was, so I married an ax murderer.

Stiller wasn't that cause he'll do the crazy Mike Myers character, like in heavyweights or when he plays white, when he plays white good many, when he's in the dodge ball, but then he's okay. Just showing up and being like, I'm Ben Stiller. And along came Polly and all these, I'm just Ben. There's no makeup. There's no accent and there's no wig. So I think it really worked for him. Cause he could do both. Like he's, you know, he's an anchorman. He shows up for five seconds with a wig and a whip and it works. He's not Ben Stiller, but in this he is. And I think he's at his best.

And I think he could have been in So I Married an Axe Murderer. Like that was definitely a Ben Stiller part. Oh, yes. Which also made me wonder if Mike Myers could have been in Meet the Parents, which I think they offered him and he wasn't interested. Oh, no shit. I didn't know that. I screwed up a casting. I'm just thinking of Stiller doing beat poetry in So I Married an Axe Murderer. Woman. Whoa, man. He could totally do it. He wouldn't have nailed the smoking. I'll tell you that. Robert De Niro, who gave one of the funniest performances of the entire 80s in Midnight Run.

And then did not do a comedy again for 10 years and was just dramas. And then finally did analyze this crystal, which did well. Um, and then was like, Hey, I'm going to branch out a little bit. I've done it all after heat. I've peaked.

I've made the greatest movie of all time. That's spawned the, that's going to eventually spawn the rewatchables podcast. So he's in analyze this rocking bullwinkle and then does this part, which he was a tiny bit young for. And I think they aged him out. I think it's a really important De Niro part. Like I, I, I don't, I mean, we can do this now or later, but if you're going Mount Rushmore De Niro parts, uh,

So I was thinking about this. It might be one of the four for me. He is so good in this movie. I actually think he's the best part of the movie. I think he's better than Stiller. He's fantastic. Yeah, I agree. Every single little cutaway where he's just kind of shrugging or like raising his eyebrows is fantastic.

But like, you know, if you start to say it's one of De Niro's favorite parts, like, you know, the film nerds will come with you with Travis Bickle and the deer hunter and all that shit. I totally get it. I'm just saying favorite for me. I'm not saying his best. Yeah, for me, I think it might be on the, I think Midnight Run, this movie, he, I don't

And Goodfellas, I think, are my four favorite De Niro's. All right, so this is good. So for me, I got a different list. I mean, I just have to put Goodfellas, even though he's not the lead. I have this. I definitely have Cape Fear. I fucking love Max Cady. Like, Cape Fear is huge for me.

And then I would probably have, I'd probably have midnight run as well. It's just so good. And I, I, that's my, cause I don't like, I don't have taxi driver in my top four. I know he's great in mean streets. It's like, that's not necessarily my thing. Godfather two would be the toughest cut for me. Uh, some of the Nero stuff is the dad, some of his quirks that I think were pretty cool. Um, see smoking is a sign of weakness. Um,

Judgmental about rental cars. Yeah. Has to bless a proposal. Believes in carrying on an airplane at all times. He thinks puff the magic dragon is basically stairway to heaven. He thinks geniuses pick green. I've never heard that before. He thinks dogs are emotionally shallow animals. He does not want you to sleep in the same bed with his daughter in your house. And he has a family circle of trust.

I'm down with most of those. I puff the magic dragon. Maybe he loses me in that. Are you down with having your deceased mother's ashes and toasting them before dinner every night? Yeah, that's pretty weird. That's pretty weird. It's a lot, but it's a great setup when that cork goes blasting, isn't it? Yeah, it's unbelievable. This movie is written by Jim Hertzfeld and John Hamburg and directed by Jay Roach. There's a whole backstory that I never knew.

About how this was originally an indie movie made by somebody named Greg Gliena in 1992 during the height of like, I can make a movie for $30,000. And it was called Meet the Parents. But I guess it was different in a lot of ways, but it was like this, you know, made it for no money. Universal bought the rights. They tried to shop it around with all these directors. And I can't wait to talk about a couple of them. And eventually got this movie made eight years later. What's interesting is

They basically set the other movie on fire. It doesn't exist. And I guess it's part of his contract where I guess he didn't realize when they bought the rights from him that they were also buying the other movie and they could just do whatever they wanted with it. So every once in a while, he'll put it up on YouTube and then they'll take it down. And he's just kind of like, my movie is completely different than this movie. Why can't it exist? And he's still giving interviews about it in 2024, but it's just like gone.

It shows up occasionally and it goes away. It's like the McRib of movies. What? He'll put it on YouTube and then Universal's like, that's coming down. They made a billion dollars from the three movies. Put the fucking thing on YouTube. It'd be fun to watch. So that was a bummer. So Randy Newman's A Fool in Love was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Original Song. I don't know if you have any Randy Newman takes.

But I don't know if anyone's ever outkicked their coverage more than Randy Newman. Go on. Go on. What do you mean? I like this. I mean, multiple Oscars. He's played at the end of every Lakers and Dodgers game. It's just like you would think this guy was fucking Paul Simon. It bothers me. Pretty much the voice of Pixar with you got a friend in...

me all the songs sound the same like could you have been Randy Newman if we if you learned how to play the guitar for 20 minutes probably so they make him out like he's John Williams who is like an actual wizard genius but he just sings about we love it yeah my cup of tea man like if we had gone to Randy Newman for the rewatchables theme he just would have been like rewatchables is a podcast

They're talking movies every day. I'm hanging with the Latham. Yeah. Romo and Collinsworth. We love it. All right, so we've shit on Taxi Driver and also Randy Newman. We're on fire. Let's go. No shots fired at Randy Newman, but I've never understood it. He's just phenomenally successful. John Williams is a whole other animal. I get John Williams. Anyway, $55 million budget for this movie. It made $330 million.

It beat Remember the Titans opening weekend. You must have made a choice that weekend. Oh, yeah. And I was with a girlfriend. You went to Remember the Titans. We didn't go to Denzel. No, no, no. We went to meet... Everyone was going to meet the parents. You couldn't miss it. Oh, interesting. I think I might have done both. I didn't have a lot going on. Sneak into the second one for free. Seventh biggest movie of 2000. So...

It made less movie than meet the Fockers, which made $522.7 million. And then little Fockers, which I don't even remember coming out, made 310.7 million in 2010. That was a money grab.

It reminds me of the Look Who's Talking movies, where then it was like, look who's talking to, and then look who's talking now, where they're having animals talk. The Fockers are eventually having babies. And I just, again, the hangover thing, I wasn't interested. I was fine with my first one. I've never seen them. I was talking to Schrager the other day at work, and I was like, have you seen the, like, this Fockers sequels? He's like, yeah, they're good. They're really good. I'm like, I'm out on those. I'm not going to watch them. He likes them. Somebody does. Well, Schrager's a huge Streisand guy. Yeah.

He's like, meet the Fockers. I'm in. It's possible. I don't know. This movie also did $200 million in video sales just in 2001. Sure. Back in the era when you could release a movie and then make 50% of what you made on the movie in video sales. Roger Ebert, three stars.

He was not a huge fan of the Austin Powers movies, but he thought Meet the Parents is funnier because it never tries too hard, which I think is fair. It goes pretty hard in the second act a few times. But the first half, like you said, it's just simple conversations and funny little social nuances, and it's great.

Today's most rewatchable scene is brought to you by the Home Depot, one of my favorite places. Spread more joy with the Home Depot's giant holiday decor. Make your home something that people want to see again and again and again. At the Home Depot, there's a huge choice of lights and trees and decorations, of course, but you can really go bigger with larger-than-life decor. When do you get your tree? What day?

We get our tree right after Thanksgiving. But I have to tell you, Bill, last year at Home Depot, we bought an eight-foot Santa Claus that goes in front of our house. And we're like celebrities in the neighborhood because everyone's like, where'd you get that Santa Claus? Where'd you get that Santa Claus? I'm like, dude, we get it at the depot. They got it. Go get it. They love it.

I mean, there you go. Well, they have a tree you can put together in a few clicks like the Grand Duchess. They have that eight-foot towering sand with opposable arms and a flame effect lantern. They have an eight-and-a-half-foot towering reindeer with illuminated flashing bells. The Home Depot for a real blockbuster holiday season. Okay, rewatchable scenes. So...

I kind of like the aborted marriage proposal with the kids. Okay. Go on. I'm just, I'm just shot. I like when the kids, the letters are wrong and he's like pushing them around. Then he aborts. I, it's just solid. I just wanted to flag it. Meeting Pam's parents is the first like true rewatchable scene. That's where we get geniuses pick green. We get some rental car shaming. We get the kitty litter revelation. We get, he can't lift the seat, Greg. He lacks the strength and the opposable thumbs. Yeah.

Um, we get the, it's okay if you hate cats, Greg. That's incredible. So how did you teach the cat to use the toilet? Well, that was easy, Greg. I just designed a litter box to put inside the toilet. And then once he got used to it, I took it away. Oh, that's, yeah, it makes sense. But I don't think he likes it very much. I mean, every chance he gets, he tries to dick squat and bury. I had to move all my potted plants off the floor. Plus, you got another guy around the house to leave the seat up. He can't lift the seat, Greg.

He lacks the strength and the opposable thumbs. Ah, right. Imposable. Didn't think about that. The male nursing reaction. There's so much going on. It's just an elite five minutes. It's De Niro setting the table for how the movie is going to go. And he goes, it's okay to hate cats, Greg. There are things that I hate. And Greg's like, oh no, I don't hate really like what? And you're like, ah, shit. It's tense as hell already. I hate that moment. It makes me uncomfortable, but it's so well acted. Yeah. Um,

the car ride with De Niro and Stiller. Let's go. The Puff the Magic Dragon scene. Some people think that to puff the magic dragon means they're really to smoke smoke marijuana, cigarette. Puffs is just the name of the boy's magical dragon. Right.

Are you a pothead fucker? No, no. What? No, no, no, no, no. Jack, no, I'm not. I pass on grass all the time. Dogs versus cats combo, which I want to dive into later. Puff the magic dragon. Are you a pothead fucker? If we're going to nitpick, like even in 2000, pretty weird to just drive in a car listening to Puff the magic dragon. Like was he a serial killer? What's going on there?

It's very weird. And it appears that he pops in a cassette tape when he does it. It's speaking of serial killers. That scene reminds me a lot of the scene in something about Mary, the seven minute abscene with Harlan Williams, where he's sitting there and it's just still a riding in a car with a weird guy, just making strange reactions to the guy saying strange stuff. And when he goes, well, you know, you know, the whole drug thing. No, I don't want you to tell me. And it's that's that scene is one of the five best in the movie by far.

Are you a pothead fucker? No, no, Jack, no. The dinner scene, which is going to be my choice for most rewatchable, which includes Greg saying grace. And we thank you, oh sweet, sweet lord of hosts, for the smorgasbord you have so aptly lain at our table this day and each day by day. Just completely mangling it.

The urn with the remains of Jack's mother revelation. The poem, My Mother by Jack Burns. You gave me life. You gave me milk. You gave me courage. Your name was Angela, the angel from heaven. But you were also an angel of God. And he needed you too. Selfishly, I tried to keep you here while the cancer ate away your organs like an unstoppable rebel force.

But I couldn't save you, and I shall see your face nevermore. You gave me life. You gave me milk. Selfishly, I tried to keep you here as the cancer ate away your organs like an unstoppable rebel force. And then we get the, I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me? Unbelievable. Which is probably the best line in the movie. I had no idea you could milk a cat. Oh, yeah, you can milk anything with nipples.

I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me? Okay, could we change subject, perhaps? We have the you were engaged revelation, and then the cork from the champagne hitting the air and breaking it. And Jigsy, no! This is just a perfect comedy scene. It's perfect. It's fantastic. It has a beginning, a middle, and an end, and each keeps outdoing itself. I have a question for you about Jack Byrne's poem,

Which do you think is a better poem? This is a would you rather. Jack Burns poem or read Rothschild's poem in the hot tub, which goes, I love you. You love me going down the sugar tree. We'll go down the sugar tree and see lots of bees. Plain, plain, but they won't sting because you love me. That's it. And Dirk goes, holy shit, man, you fucking wrote that? Who you got? Which is a better poem?

I think I like My Mother by Jack Burns. It's moving, for sure. It's moving. That she's an angel from heaven. That she gave him life and milk. The delivery of it. Yeah. I think I, what about you? What do you have? The bees don't sting him because they love you. I mean, that's very, very moving. And it's right as Eddie changes his name to Dirk. Yeah, that is a great scene. Let's call it even.

Next scene, borrowing clothes from your brother, from the brother. Just a fun monkey wrench. We're just in like Greg Brady's attic for two minutes and there's a little Kim poster and Ben Stower's trying to act cool and he's like the least cool person on the planet. Just solid scene. The clothes thing is so big here because from the second Stiller shows up to the house. All right, so he doesn't have his bag. He can't smoke, which is going to make him uncomfortable. He has to say grace and

And the clothes thing is immediately putting him uncomfortable. Like the outfit that they put Ben Stiller in for the dinner with the most uncomfortable looking turtleneck sweater of all time and a flannel over it. You're just uncomfortable and itchy watching it. And then he turns into stoner clothes and he just looks like an asshole. I love the clothing devices here. You left out that made him sleep in the basement and the toilet didn't work.

Who does that? Very strange. Hey, don't use the toilet. There's a bathroom in there, but the toilet doesn't work. Don't flush it. Oh, cool. Thank you. Yeah, what if he had to take a dump? What is he supposed to do then? Sneak upstairs. Maybe Jinxy will teach him how to do it. Next scene I have is Luke Wilson bragging about himself and all the stuff he's doing right into the volleyball scene and the spike, which includes moments like

Yeah, I was really lucky. I was able to salvage this wood from an old seaman's chapel in Nantucket. It's just like genius writing about to make this guy as douchey as possible. It took about 70 hours, which isn't bad considering I carved it all by hand from one piece of wood. And then he says how he starts talking about Pam. And by the way, she just had the nicest things to say about you. Really? Yeah. Oh, gosh. And we had some good times together.

Boy, she is a Tomcat. She was a Tomcat. I think I'm out if somebody says that about my future wife. I'm out. It's ludicrous. But I think, in my opinion, it is the most entertaining seven-minute stretch of the whole movie when they show up at Kevin's house and Owen Wilson just runs out of the bullpen throwing 300 miles an hour. I mean, the whole Q&A with Greg about, are you a homeowner, Greg? Yeah.

What kind of work are you in? I'm in healthcare. Oh, so you know, I don't have to tell you. A lot of ventures to be made right now. And then De Niro will just come in. Greg's a male nurse. De Niro's so happy. He loves Luke Wilson so much. Greg's Jewish. And he has this signature handshake. And they met at lacrosse camp. Yeah, lacrosse camp was a great sneak in. It's awesome. And then it ends with volleyball. It's sports and food and booze and weed jokes. It's unbelievable.

Nice shot, Iceman. We get the favorite sneaky line is our guy James Rebhorn saying, well, Florence Lentengale over here played a little defense. It's just like under his breath. It's so good. I missed one shot. It was a big shot.

It's fucking awesome. The volleyball scene is... And his girlfriend is high-fiving with Owen Wilson, and they're all like hugging. And then meanwhile, Jack is still annihilating him for being a pothead. So if I went up there, we'd be able to get... Well, I'd have to be pretty high. Well, I bet you would, Panama Red. Every line absolutely kills. And the spike itself. You might be right. This might be the best seven minutes. I think I'm changing my answer. I think this is better. It's so...

Yeah, you might be right. Luke Wilson's he's starring 109. Greg burns everything down. Really fun visually, but it leads to De Niro just screaming at him. You tried to milk him, didn't you, you sick son of a bitch? Just out of nowhere. Greg gets caught

Which I would not put as a most rewatchable scene, but it's a really solid, necessary, everything has just completely fallen apart scene. Yeah. Which we have in all of these comedies. There's always that moment like Dumb and Dumber has it when all of a sudden they have the fight and they go in different directions. There's sad music and you just know it's going bad. Second lie detector scene and then the hidden camera ending. So we're going with Luke Wilson's house. I think that's the right call.

I think it is too. In so many other movies, even just the Puff the Magic Dragon scene is the funniest scene, but it's like fourth here. It's the barbecue at Kevin's with the hopa and all that. I think that's the best. Right. Today's most rewatchable scene that was brought to you by The Home Depot. Spread more joy this holiday season. Really go big with The Home Depot's giant, large-than-life holiday decor. Shop now in-store or online at homedepot.com. We're going to take a break.

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Come back from the break. Craig reminded us that we were calling Owen Wilson, Luke Wilson during that entire segment. Yeah. My apologies to both Wilsons. I think I might've called them Russell Wilson and Carney Wilson a few times too. Sorry, boys. That's our bad. Mookie Wilson. We just got all the Wilsons, but I'm usually good with my Owen Wilson, Luke Wilson.

separation but I yeah I'm so excited to do the pot I just screwed it up I was too Owen Wilson also gives us one of his signature wows when he's talking about the hopa it's great Owen Wilson Owen Wilson we got it you know a Cobram yeah even my home stores a pick sometimes yeah sometimes it leads to mistakes yeah that's true even the greats make mistakes that's all right what's the most 2000 thing about this movie that

I got to say it. I could give you eight choices, but it's really looking down on a male nurse feels so 24 years ago. All right. It's this like giant, giant plot point. I feel like now if they did this, the association of male nurses would be protested in the movie and they would turn in a whole social media campaign. And back then it was just like, we're just going to shit on male nurses for literally a hundred minutes.

one after another. And, you know, now it's like, now they're first responders and they're like some of the most important people in the world and the men should do that profession. See, Bill, don't ever let anybody tell you you don't have a heart because I was just going to be like, yeah, the most 2000 thing is Denny's corn poster. Yeah.

And you're out here sticking up for male nurses. I think that's a totally different take. And they do 50 jokes about male nurses in this. It never ends. Can you imagine being a male nurse in 2000 or 2001 after this movie? You're just fucker to everybody. It sucks. By the way, you said I stuck up for them. I laughed at all of the jokes. So I just want to put that there. I think the runner up for this was the little Kim poster.

Yeah. I mean, that felt very, Danny's room in general was 2000. He's got the beasties, little Kim. Yeah. A lot going on there. What's aged the best. The premise of losing your luggage in a movie, I think is undefeated. I don't, I don't, I can't think of a single movie where it didn't work as a plot device.

It just puts whoever we're rooting for is on the defense and playing catch up from the moment it happens. Yeah. And it's immediately relatable too. You know how many jokes they milk out of him losing his luggage? It's the reason he's wearing the bikini swimsuit still. It's the reason that he gets the dildo sent to him when they send the wrong luggage back. Plus you get to do pre-2001 TSA jokes and like those always hit. It's like a horn of plenty of comedy when you lose the luggage.

I have to correct you on something. It wasn't a dildo. It was a $24.99 strap-on dildo. Oh! Yeah. I guess a dildo and a strap-on is different, right? Because the strap-on is attachable. The strap-on dildo felt a little more sinister. The, now that Morwood says it's the best, the eye point, I'm looking at you doing this with the fingers. All the time. I've always enjoyed that. What else do you have? I have a bunch of stuff.

I laugh every time they say fucker still, especially some of them. Like one of them, one of them, Rebhorn goes like the animal doesn't even have opposable thumbs. Fucker. And every time it hits to me, the volleyball game, they're just fuckering him. It's such a dumb thing. Like it sounds like fucker and they changed one letter, but I laugh when they yell and call him fucker every time. That's a great one. Yeah.

Stuff bear nanny cameras have aged the best because I think these exist now. It seemed kind of state-of-the-art in 2000. Now I feel like, I mean, this is like one of the fears of staying in an Airbnb. There could be a camera literally anywhere in the Airbnb. Yeah, and everyone has one in their doorbell now. But when Jack breaks out the teddy bear, it was like science fiction. You couldn't believe it. And then, of course, Greg points it at Blythe Danner's crotch, and that's a funny side gag too. Him saying, little Kim, she's fat.

P H a T. Yeah. Um, that made me laugh. The expression fat with a PhD team makes me think of like Carson Daly and TRL, like introducing like Lou Bega or something like, Oh, it's totally, it's fat new track. That was cool for a minute. De Niro's babysitting monitoring monitor business in general, I think was a pretty good idea. Just, I like when they have ideas and movies where you're like, Oh, that could be a business.

Terry Polo looks great in this movie. I'm just going to shout out to her. She looks great. Fantastic. Great job by her. So all the home movies at the beginning of the movie were actual home movies of her taken by her then husband. And the reason they did it was because, and I can't wait to talk about this specific theme later because I have a spot for it. But in the test screenings,

She tested, her character tested so poorly that they were just trying to figure out ways to make her more likable in the movie. And that was one of the reasons they put those home movies in there to make it seem like somebody you'd want to fall in love with, which I think was smart. Oh, plus they have the wildly talented Randy Newman singing over him. So it just really pulls on the heartstrings, right? We know that. Anytime you go with the Rand man, we love him. Randy dialed it up. So-

You know, a lot of people know her from this movie. I know her from the Travolta Vince Vaughn movie. Domestic Disturbance. Domestic Disturbance. One of my absolute favorite, favorite, favorite bad from hell movies, which...

You might get a text from me at some point. Hey, do you guys want to do domestic disturbance? I'm not kidding. I've watched it at least eight times. I just love it. Evil Vince Vaughn and John Travolta, like right as it's starting to flip. Yeah. When he's like, I'll do it for five million. They're like, done. And I was like, all right, I guess I'm making domestic disturbance. Bill, do you think Travolta's hair might be faking that? Do you think he might be wearing a hairpiece in that?

Yeah, we might have to do that one. Craig, when we get a text from Bill that says, guys, we're doing domestic disturbance. Like, Bill's going to be drunk off his ass, but let's make it happen. I'm ready. I'm ready to do it. It's a great one. So there's a what's the best hair of like, should Greg, should this have even worked out for Greg? I think one of the reasons this movie is so rewatchable is you're watching him and he makes so many bad decisions. Mm-hmm.

That part of the rewatch ability of it is like, ah, like don't flush the fucking broken toilet. They told you not to do that. He does it causes a septic take overflow. Don't let jinx outside. He's he's domesticated. Let's him outside. Um, don't smoke around my dad's house. He's like, fuck it. I'll have a cigarette on the roof and then I'll throw it into a bunch of leaves. Don't he goes to the, the, the, uh, pet place and brings back a stray cat.

spray paints the tail and thinks crazy Jack who's taught this cat all the tricks was going to notice. Like he's such an idiot in this movie that it makes it actually fun to rewatch. I would think the apex of his terrible decisions is while you're wearing the Stoner brothers clothes on the roof, trying to get the cat, do you really need to light up a SIG? Like, couldn't you just get back in the house? I'm not a smoker. Maybe it's easy for me to get stones, but he probably shouldn't have lit the SIG. I would think not. Yeah. If you're doing that,

You're smoking two packs a day. Like you're smoking as you're eating dinner. You're like one of those smokers. You're having between 40 and 50 cigarettes a day. That's how badly you need a cigarette. You're going to be on your in-laws roof wearing your brother-in-law's sweatshirt

You know, with foliage outside, you're just going to fucking light up. There's no way. Well, also, he's hammering that Nicorette gum the whole time, too. So I think, like, he's a fiend for it, which is a little weird because he's a nurse. But I was watching an interview that they did, and one of the things Stiller said was, not a smoker at all in life, felt totally uncomfortable smoking, and something that you'd love, he's like, I was looking at Bob and...

And Bob's like the greatest movie smoker ever. And so like, I felt so insecure because me just puffing the cigarette was making me sick to my stomach. And I'm with the greatest smoker in movie history. He felt totally insecure about it.

So that's amazing because I had coming up later for the Ruffalo, Hannah Rubinick, Partridge overacting word, the three seconds where Ben Stewart tries to smoke. This is an obsession of Chris Ryan and Ryan. Yeah, I know. I know. I listen. When people incorrectly smoke in movies and you can just tell they have no idea to do it. So he tried to do the De Niro. He brought it up and then he switched and he switched to his thumb and finger and did the Jimmy Conway, but he didn't hail the cigarette.

So he did it. Everything looked right, but he just had the cigarette, the cigarette smoke just in his mouth and he blew it out. And it was like, oh, you're not a smoker. And he, I think he's like a health guy. So I think it was really alien to him. So I, I'm sorry. I'm such like a prude. I have never smoked a cigarette in my life. Is it really difficult to learn how to smoke and like get good at it? I don't, I don't know.

I, there's a rhythm to it that you would only have if you've just smoked a ton of cigarettes, I think. Yeah. And that's why De Niro, like we covered in the good fellas podcast, like his smoking and the good fellas is the apex. Like if you ever want to know how to smoke a cigarette, which apparently Ben still were studied, the good fellas De Niro is what to study. He is perfect. Uh, do you have any other, what stage the best? Um, no, I got some other ones in the other categories that are better.

Um, the fortune three clap award, which you created for us for most gifable moment. Yeah. I think it's what I sent you this morning to Nero's face during that one moment when Greg saying grace and he does like the triple take. Yes.

I'll put it on the Rewatchables Twitter feed so people can see it. It's a very usable gif when someone tweets something stupid. I mean, it would have been really easy this week. But like if, you know, Russell Wilson is going to start for the Steelers, they're benching Justin Fields. And then the person just tweets to Nero being like, huh? Like any sort of questionable decision, even if it works out, it is really good. I'd go with that or the finger point to the eyes and go like that. But I like yours a little bit better because it's more usable online.

The Jaguars have decided to see what they have with Mac Jones. Immediate De Niro face. Gerard Mayo says his team is soft. De Niro face. Great check order award. I couldn't really find one for this one. I do like when the wedding burns down, that whole, the watching the whole, the, the,

the cord like going around setting the lacquered altar on fire that's pretty good i guess i'm at the end of that sequence uh greg's almost uh western movie like return with the fake mr jinx when he holds it out and like for instance in slow-mo and it's almost a fish eye and it's his hero shot that's my favorite shot and cracks me up den of thieves benihana award for um scene stealing location i don't know

That restaurant where they go and get fucked up in the live band with the pay phones and the martinis. Cool spot. But this isn't a location type movie. Nah, I don't think we have one. Kid Cudi pursuit of happiness where for best needle drop. We do have one puff, the magic dragon just coming in out of nowhere.

It's true. I haven't heard that song in a while. I was hoping that when they would go to Denny's room, we would actually get to hear some corn. Like they would play us ball tongue or something, but that'd be too much to license. The Puff the Magic Dragon, as they're talking about smoking a marijuana cigarette, it's the best. You're right. Big Kahuna Burger Award for best use of food and drinks. So there's two. Go on. She, when the first day, when he's hanging out with the in-laws...

Blythe Danner, De Niro's wife in this movie. Yeah. She serves, it looks like pigs in the blanket, but she calls them papooses. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. She calls them the red hot papooses, but I'd never heard that. And I even Googled papooses. I don't even know what that is. I think it's a family joke. They're trying to make them, they're just so cute and so family oriented that they've made them for 30 years. I don't know what they are either. But those were pigs in the blanket, which as you know, David Stern's favorite cocktail. Yep.

Right. No, for real. Every NBA party. Oh yeah. Every NBA party that had that pigs in the blanket. And I was at a party once, I think it was all-star weekend where they didn't have them. And Stern was like chewing out somebody. It's like, I've told you there's always gotta be pigs in the blanket. That was his thing. It's like, so yeah. Love pigs in the blanket. I know. I mean, they're good. You like dipping them. Okay. Uh, so I'd go with that or the pot roast. I don't know. You pick.

You can serve me up one of those nice tall Tom Collins. I'll take it. I'm not going to turn that away. Oh yeah. You're right. Tom Collins should win this. Yeah. And I'm already nervous there. It's a, it's a gin cocktail with lemon juice, simple sugar. And like, it just, I would be pounding those Tom Collins, especially if you, you can't smoke and you're nervous as hell. Like I'd be, I'd be slamming them. The Brandy Booth award for best performance by a pet. We don't normally don't have multiple candidates for this. Cause I,

I thought Jinxie was great, but fake Jinxie really brought it to another level. Fake Jinxie brought down the china, the wedding dress. I don't know. I think it might be fake Jinxie. And convinced Jack Burns, at least initially, that it was real Jinxie. So fake Jinxie, whatever the hell the thing's name is, with the spray-painted tail. And I got some questions later about how that went down. But yes, fake Jinxie gets a great nominee. All right. It's time. The Butcher's Girlfriend Award for weak link of the film. Yeah.

Pam is an atrocious girlfriend. I just, I have a whole list. I don't, do you want to start? And I can just go through my list after like, I just can't believe what a shitty girlfriend she is in this movie, which might be the point. Cause it's a comedy, but it's kind of unbelievable.

It's a terrible character. It's a terrible girlfriend. My wife won't watch this movie because she hates Pam so much. She says she's the villain of this movie. It starts really, really early, which she doesn't tell Greg about the not smoking. She just says, don't tell him we live together. As the front door is opening, the second the dad is hugging a cat and showing love to the cat, she hits him with, Greg hates cats, idiotic.

The whole thing with Kevin, the ex-boyfriend is ludicrous. And she says, oh, it was whatever. It was the stupid sexual thing. You fucking leave when that gets said. It's so inappropriate. She never comes to Greg's defense. I think she's a, I have her as what's aged worst. I got like, I have all kinds of Pam takes almost ruins the movie. Really? It really does. Doesn't tell Greg what her dad did. Yep. Never admitted she was engaged.

Didn't push to stay in the same room with Greg. Like, hey, it's my boyfriend. I'm 29 years old, dad. We're staying in the same room. Didn't wake him up first thing in the morning so he looked like a schmuck. I hate that one. You look like such a piece of shit sleeping in all day. Wake him up. Didn't say, hey, we're going to my old boyfriend's house. And by the way, he's loaded. No heads up on that. Didn't I tell you? No, you didn't tell me. You think I would remember that? No, you didn't fucking tell me. Idiot. By the way, he's got pictures of the two of them all over the place.

Right after she said, ah, it was more of a physical thing. Oh, awesome. Here's one. Puts Greg in her robe. Talk about emasculating. Go up and get clothes from Denny's room. The worst. Just go up there and grab a sweatshirt. You're going to put them in your flower robe. Makes Greg go up and get the clothes himself from the brother who he hasn't met yet. He's just going to go up there. Hey, I'm Greg. I need some clothes. Go up there and get him some fucking clothes. You're the sister. Okay.

And then ditched him immediately. Like hour 10, hour 20 mark of the movie. Like some things went wrong. Did she stand by him? No. And then she kind of leaves a half-hearted answer machine message to save the day. I thought Pam was reprehensible.

We're leaving meat on the bone, too. She's on the same volleyball team as the old boyfriend in the pool, practically dry humping him, high-fiving him the whole time. They're having a romantic dance at the party, and she goes, oh, look at Kevin. He's so lonely. Should I ask him to dance? What the fuck? What is this relationship? No. She's the worst. And you know what the problem is? The reason it's the real weak link in the movie is that

The heart doesn't deliver for me in this movie. They're trying really hard to make it a romantic comedy with Randy Newman and all that shit. I'm not rooting for Greg and Pam. At the end, when they get back together, I'm actually pissed because she sucks so much. It doesn't work in the second half because that romantic part, it's shallow for me. I'm like, Greg, get the fuck out of there while you still can. You know, Randy Newman had another song, actually, that they didn't use for the movie. It was called, Pam is a raging bitch. Ha ha!

She really sucks as a girlfriend. She's going to fake a pregnancy to get the ring. And you know it. We love it. I'll tell you another thing she did. And you'll appreciate this probably the most of anybody that I could say this to. She no-sells some of his content when they're with the parents. Talk about this. Yes. I hate that.

Like, let's say for instance, either of us had experience being on a studio show where you're setting up material and making, making a joke. Sure. And you kind of need some help from the other people on the desk, right? To sell the point. You have a little punchline, you hit something and you need somebody to be like, Oh yeah. Yeah. Buy in. They're laughing.

he's doing stuff when he's meeting them at the dinner and she's fucking no selling him left and right. And the only thing she does to try to sell him is like, so Greg, how's your job? So great. What?

You're his girlfriend. You've just spent nine hours with him. Why are you saying it that way? She sucks. Phil, this is so good. The no-sell is worse to me than if she had gone back to having sex with Kevin right in front of him. The no-sell is so personal and so violating. Here's the setup. Greg had just crossed the threshold to get in the house. He's really nervous around Jack. They tell the story about Jinxy can't flush the toilet. Greg says, you know, plus then you got another guy around who will put the toilet seat down. That's not a bad joke. That's a perfectly fine ice-breaking joke.

And she does nothing. And if you've ever been on live TV and you decided to take a shot, maybe put yourself out there a little bit and someone does nothing. You never forget it. Trust me. We'll leave it at that. What's the worst? Yeah. We mentioned bedstowers smoking.

I mean, this goes to the Pam discussion again. Why did she let Greg and why didn't she just stay in Kevin? She explains it later in the movie as I was never in love with Kevin. I'm in love with you. And it's like, really? You haven't shown one sign that you're in love with them other than you got a little frisky with them in the bedroom there for five seconds. But like, it seems like you just should have been with this douche bag.

Well, you were going skydiving, scuba diving, riding horses with this really rich guy with blonde hair. And now you're in love with the chain-smoking nurse who doesn't have any balls. It's a little bit strange. You're right. I don't know why he's with her. I guess he's with her because she's hot. But I'm not sure exactly what's in it for her. Well, I mean, it begs the question, what was wrong with Owen Wilson? Like premature ejaculator? Mm.

I'm trying to think, like weird sex hangups or maybe too rough. Like it feels like it had to have been something. He talks about how she was a tomcat. Maybe couldn't handle it. I don't know. My take on Pam is that I think Pam is great at sex. Like great. Okay. Because obviously...

Kevin's character, the Tomcat, that's a hell of a description. She's constantly looking for it from Greg. And also, why else is really Greg with her? She's really obnoxious, non-supportive, and cold. I think it is fantastic with her, and God bless her for it.

And Greg's, you know, male nurse. He's used to, he's a giving lover. That's true. He's used to the body. He's comfortable with that. I also have another take on Danville. It's kind of an interesting one relating to Terry Polo. I think she is, the character is terrible. I think she does a really nice job in this. I think she's beautiful. I think she's got huge star potential. It didn't really work out. Like she didn't become Sandra or Julia. She didn't even really become Ashley Judd.

She also got caught up in that 2000s Maxim Hot 100 list, number 33, Terry Polo, which was never great. She also decided around 2004 to pose nude for Playboy.

Which I didn't know. I didn't like at a time when Playboy just wasn't cool anymore. No, but fully nude and not like some controversial thing when they found old pictures of her. She went, I saw a clip of her on Ellen being like, yeah, it was really freeing and I loved it. That's fine. But like, I thought she had big potential. Like I would have had Terry Polo stock coming out of this. Like this one could be a massive leading lady. And I don't know. The Playboy thing was surprising to me.

Yeah, if she was going to do the naked thing, she should have just done some sort of erotic thriller or something. Done a movie that is self-serving. That actually helps your career. In 2005, for anybody to think a Playboy spread would help their career, that's nuts. No, 1985 it would help. I don't know. Maybe she did it for money or something. Who knows? But I was surprised to see that.

What's aged the worst? Getting in early on wireless IPOs? Things just skyrocketed. Things are rocket ship.

Looking down on marijuana use. Yeah. Now you walk through New York City and you're just walking through a haze of marijuana at 7.15 in the morning trying to get some coffee. Back in 2000, it's accusatory. Yeah, and it was this whole thing about Ben's going to tell about Denny, that Denny's puffing the magic dragon as if Denny was a pedophile or something. No, it's just weed. Every kid does it. It's okay. Same bomb in an airplane. All right.

The whole airplane part yelling at a flight attendant. You and I were texting. Did you, did you watch this? Then the rewatch, did you watch it on a plane?

I actually did. And they kept all the bomb stuff in there. Yeah. I was surprised. Oh, I thought they would take that out. He's screaming bomb on the planet. Maybe they did. And then they put it back. Yeah, no, it was in there. I was surprised because I was doing the research. I watched it twice. I was doing the research the first time I watched it and it was saying how it got taken out on airplanes. But on my airplane, it was, it was on there. Yeah. The whole, I mean, just all,

All of the pre-9-11, anytime there's an airplane scene, it's always hilarious. People just waltzing in last minute, buying a ticket, just coming in, trying to check giant suitcases. Yeah, the security guys are always like, hey, pal, back of the line. It's not like that now. They got submachine guns and stuff. Any other what's aged the worst for you? Um...

You know, there's a really interesting moment in technology here. This is the rare movie that has scenes that are built around cell phones and also built around pay phones that we're right at the vortex. I like this. It's right there in the first scene when the kids are doing the proposal. Pam gets a call on her cell phone. But at the party scene, both Jack and Fokker are at pay phones dueling. So it was like it was like two ships passing in the night. It's a rare movie that has both.

Yeah, that would have been good for what was the most 2000s thing about this movie. Yeah. Jack calling in to check his messages and having a passcode on it. That's something we used to do. I think the last time anyone used a payphone was in 2009 when House and I were in Portland on my book tour. And House ate so much food at the seafood restaurant that he went to go to the bathroom and just ended up standing in the phone booth and then sitting in it.

just to like regroup. And we found him in a phone booth. And I think that was the last time anyone's used a phone booth. Has any, have you seen a phone booth in the last 10 years? I haven't. He might've killed it. I saw the movie phone booth in the theater. Oh yeah. Maybe that killed phone booths. It's either that or house. Kiefer Sutherland had a gun on house the whole time after the seafood. Craig, what's, Craig, what's your generation's relationship with phone booths?

If I go to London, there's people taking photos in one for Instagram. Yeah. Craig, have you ever put a quarter in one and made a call? No, I have never put a quarter in a phone booth and made a call. I actually one time as a kid used a pay phone inside of a basketball gym as a joke in front of my eight-year-old friends to call 911 thinking it wouldn't work. And it actually did work. Yeah, it works. And the police came. Yeah. So I learned that the hard way. And on that note, we're going to take a break.

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All right, coming back. Was there a better title for this movie? I'm going to say no. Meet the Parents, really strong. Right on the nose. Can you dig it a word for most memorable quote? I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me? Pretty tough to top, right? I think that's, I mean, the one that makes me laugh the most is she was a tomcat. But in terms of the script, it is, no, you can milk anything with nipples. I have nipples, Greg. Can you milk me is the best line in the movie.

The CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford. Hottest take a word. I have one. Do you have one for this? I do. Yeah. Um,

Meet the Parents is a horror movie. It is just get out, but the boyfriend's a white guy. Greg is basically tortured the whole time. There's a secret layer in there. Blythe Danner is like this kind of witch, and the girlfriend is terrible and goes to burn him in the end. There's the idiot brother. I feel like Owen Wilson is under some kind of spell, and that's why he's so weird and still single and sitting there. He's like the Lakeith Stanfield character? Yeah.

I do. And I think that like, there's only missing a scene where Greg and goes and finds all the pictures of all the other boyfriends who have been by and who have been put on the lie detector. I think they were all given the Tom Collins. They were all given the same talk. And it's just, this is get out with the white boyfriend. This is a horror movie with Randy Newman music. And it's just hiding right there in plain sight. Great take. I mean, you could even take that, take another level and say, Jordan Peele came up with get out. Cause he was watching meet the parents and was like, what if,

I think he stole Get Out from Meet the Parents and he just tweaked a few things, but it's pretty much the same deal. That's a great take. So mine is, I'm a dog guy, as you know. Oh, here we go. Dogs only. I've never had a cat. Don't like cats. I think De Niro's defense in this movie of cats over dogs is the best argument I've ever heard for cats over dogs. He basically says, dogs are emotionally shallow animals that are very easy to break. Yep.

Cats make you work for their affection. They don't sell out the way dogs do. I'm like, you know what? Those are some great points.

Dogs are emotionally shallow animals. He was like, you yell at a dog, they put their tail between their legs. You can break a dog. You can't break a cat. I'm like, eh, solid points. They put their tail between their legs to cover their genitals. And it's so perfect. And when Greg's like, you know, it's like he's happy to see you. And he goes, you need that kind of reassurance, do you? And he goes on this great monologue. Bill, I also am a dog owner, never owned a cat. And every time he says that,

I'm a little bit like, holy shit, that brings up some interesting points. You know what? It reminds me when I was young and the first time I saw Reservoir Dogs and Mr. Pink is going on about no tipping. I was like, yeah, he's kind of making a point there. And then you grow up and see like, oh no, that's not cool. But as a kid, I'm like, you know, there were some shots fired for sure. I still like dogs, but Jack Burns, like,

He's going for it. And I hear what you're saying. Well, you get a cat because of listening. No, never. Some good casting. What ifs for this? So Steven Soderbergh brought this to universal 95 and tried to get it made when it was as the remake after they had the rights. Right. And dropped out to do out of sight. That's one Spielberg wanted to direct and produce with Jim Carrey as Fokker and maybe Al Pacino is the dad.

I was having coffee with Fokker a half an hour ago. That fell through. Pam's got a great ass. Oh, that's good. Oh, shit. Pacino. Yeah, I guess. Sure. It's De Niro, Pacino. That's just fucked me up. I didn't know that was a thing.

Hmm. So then Jim Carrey stayed and was going to do it and actually contributed to, you know, some of the thinking behind some of the scenes in the movie, but then he left and the filmmakers tried to get Mike Myers and he turned it down. Maybe unclear research was conflicting on this because Jay Roach directed him in powers. And then, uh, Jay Roach cast Stiller, uh,

As soon as they were for sure that Carrie was out, but it was supposed to be a Carrie movie, which is a great fork in the road. I don't think it works as well. Right. Different movie. It's a lot more hijinks. I can see him up on the roof and the fire and the cat, and he's doing his physical comedy thing. Stiller's better doing awkward humor. He's the Michael Jordan of awkward humor and Jim Carrey would have been a funny movie. They made the right choice. I think he's way, way better with Stiller in this sitting at that dinner table, doing that prayer.

Supposedly the script with Carrie was way more physical stuff, way more on that like a scintillacide. I don't know if it would work. Yeah, it's like he comes to the table singing day by day, but he's talking with his ass cheeks while he's like, I don't need that. I want the awkward. That's interesting. The Spielberg thing is crazy too. My version of it where it's a horror film, I went like the Fincher version of it. Yeah.

And the basement is like girl with the dragon tattoo and it's super dark and scary. The Spielberg version would probably have adultery between the parents because he always goes there. But I think we landed on the right guy. Yeah, I think we did too. So here's another one. Naomi Watts was initially cast as Pam and then they backed out of it and gave it to Terry Polo. And she said in an interview that the producers told her they didn't think she was sexy enough.

Which is bonkers. Tough beat. Yeah, because Naomi Watts is really good looking. I'm surprised that was the reason. So who knows what happened there? The backup choice if De Niro said no to Jack Burns, Christopher Walken. Interesting. It's basically Wedding Crashers, right? We got it in Wedding Crashers, so we know what it is.

Are you a pothead fucker? The dog's covered his genitals. You know who they should have cast as, not as Jack, who they should have cast as Pam. It's fucking sitting right there and they couldn't have gotten her. But Gwyneth is Pam. Gwyneth. Oh, well, I thought of that too. Yeah, her mom is the mom. You're going to play De Niro's daughter and it's a quickie. She would have been great. I had that as a casting couch thing where if Gwyneth was Pam, I

And then Terry Polo was the sister getting married. Is this just a better movie? Let me add another one. To build up on Kevin and how rich he is and how perfect he is, what if Brad Pitt is Kevin and he's doing this old Siemens chocolate in Nantucket? Owen Wilson is amazing. But I also think it's really funny if Kevin is inappropriately good looking too. So that would have worked as well. But now we're just dream casting.

Yeah. Well, speaking of dream casting, De Niro turned down any given Sunday to do meet the parents. Yeah. He's going to be coached. We're all around this. I don't know how he would have done that. And then this isn't a casting with it, but Phyllis George is James Redhorn's wife. Phyllis George from Irv Crossbrent Musburger NFL today. Married.

Brief Celtics owner John White Brown, who almost destroyed the Celtics and caused Robert Auerbach to leave, and whose daughter is now a CNN anchor, Pamela Brown. Yeah, if you watched any CNN election night, and I don't know if you did or not, but she was everywhere. She's very talented, very good. And then Phyllis George just showing up. I don't think a lot of people know who Phyllis George is if you're young enough, but she was iconic, like landmark broadcaster. I was trying to think, who's Phyllis George now? Um...

shit, it's hard. I mean, listen at those studio desks, like there's, there's not a lot. Cause the thing is it was a studio show that was being watched by like 35 million people every Sunday. Cause we only had four channels. So I, you know, she's way more famous than I think any talking head sports person now.

Yeah, I mean, you turn on Amazon on Thursday night and Carissa Thompson is at the desk. Right, she's like Carissa on Carissa x 10. Yeah, and because there was like three channels and it was massive. She's a total legend. Speaking of legends, Best Act Guy Award. So Rebhorn's already won this a couple times. I just want to point out, as you know, we keep track of actors who have been in rewatchables movies and De Niro has added to his total. Rebhorn from 1992 to 2000 has now been in seven rewatchable movies.

Basic Instinct, My Cousin Vinny, Scent of a Woman, Independence Day, The Game, Talented Mr. Ripley, and Meet the Parents. I think that's the best that guy run anyone's had. All movies that matter. I have it written down right here, Bill. It says, what's your favorite Rebhorn? What do you got? I know mine. What's yours? Great question.

For me, it's Talented Mr. Ripley. Oh. Yeah. Okay. What do you have? The game. The way he sets up the game. He's great in the game. And then later when he gets kidnapped and he's at the zoo with his family. He's awesome in that movie. It's an important part too. He's kind of James Rebhorn in every movie, but this tapped into comedy James Rebhorn, which I appreciated. You got to crash the net up there, fucker. Rebhorn's really good. You know, speaking of the rewatchable standings,

Since we did meet the parents. De Niro pulling into a tie with Pacino at 13. Oh, this is great. This is everything. Crew's still leading with 15. Pacino and De Niro, this is how it should be. Both tied at 13 and Denzel's at 11. And then Hanks, Damon, and Stallone at 10. Is there a glaring De Niro that hasn't been done? I know you guys, you've done even ones that maybe aren't that mainstream. You've done Ronan a couple of years ago. I wonder what's sticking out there.

You'd have to not analyze this if you care. I mean, it's a big successful movie. We haven't done analyze this. Yeah, there's one...

Well, we haven't done Raging Bull, but I don't even know if Raging Bull is rewatchable, even though it's one of the great movies. But it's not a movie you're like, I'm going to sit down and crank out some Raging Bull. Yeah, we've kind of gone through most of the De Niro catalog. We're not going to do the fan pod where he stalks Wesley Snipes or whatever the fuck that is. It's not a good movie. So Van wants to do the fan. He does? The van? Van loves the fan. Yeah. He thinks the fan's great. And Chris Ryan would never turn down Tony Scott. So I don't know if the fan is...

Maybe that'll come into play. Wow, Juan Primo getting killed in the shower. Look, man, I respect it. Go get it. I'll listen. I listen to even movies I haven't seen sometimes. That's how big a fan I am. Well, we appreciate it. Thank you. The question is, does Rebhorn win this? Because we also have Tom McCarthy.

who played Scott Pendleton in season five of The Wire, The Reporter, and then became a really good director. And it's crazy that he had this old acting side because he became, I think, one of the better directors we've had the last 10 years. He plays Dr., who's the guy, Dr., I'm blanking, the guy who's getting married. Dr. Bob. He's like, oh, Dr. Bob. Yeah. Or you can call me Bob, MD. Yeah. Yeah.

But super douchey. So it's either him or Rebhorn, but I feel like Rebhorn's earned it. And here's why. Like, to you, and I'm sure to CR and Fantasy, he's James Rebhorn. People don't know James Rebhorn's name. I think generally in the public, they nike him and they recognize him. I don't think he's James Rebhorn to the public. May he rest in peace. I think it's Jimmy Rebhorn. Dion Waiters Award is obviously going to go to Owen Wilson. But I want to make a case for drugstore counter guy. Judah Freelander? Yeah.

Or bitchy flight attendant. Yeah. Flight attendant's good. Listen, we can make a case. My question for you on Dion Waiters is with all these shows that you've done and all these episodes, because I think this is an all-time Dion. It's like one of the greatest ever. Do you have a favorite number one all-time Dion in any of the shows that you've done? There's too many. Yeah, I can't.

Let me throw some out. Yeah, too many to count. I can't think of a better ever Dion than, for me, my personal favorite is Drexel in True Romance. Like, just unbelievably captivating, tiny screen time. But you could argue Floyd was a better Dion in that movie. There's three. Floyd, Walken, Drexel. Yeah. All of those guys are unbelievable. And then, of course, I know you guys did this recently. Given the screen time and given the impact, multiple makes an awful...

All-time Dion Waiters. He might be the GOAT. Mix was a great one. I think Boogie Nights had one of the all-time classics was Floyd Gondali.

Who just came in for the one scene. Yeah. He liked the simple things, you know, butter his ass, lollipops in his mouth. I like people on film fucking. Okay. I just, that's a me. We've had a lot of them. I, I, I would like to go through all the movies and just see the entire list of DN waiters. Craig was always talking about, do we do a bracket? Craig, we should, we do that. A hundred percent. We should.

We do the March Madness bracket with all the Deion Waiters. Yeah, we should pick our top 64 internally and then put it out there for a vote. Because Superbad, who won in Superbad? That was another good one. Well, Bill, you have one of the categories. Coach Finstock won for Teen Wolf. Fantastic. Coach Finstock was out of his mind. Yeah, that's a great Deion Waiters. Superbad is probably Joe Latruglia. I don't know. Hmm.

We'll have to go through. Recasting couch director, City. So I feel like we could do better with the younger brother. And I was thinking...

Young Seth Rogen is sitting right there. I don't know if he's in the Apatow universe yet. Maybe he's a struggling actor, comedian. He would have been the right age. You could have totally seen him in the attic as a stoner. It would have been fun to have young Seth Rogen in a movie 24 years later. And I just felt like that was a good one. It would have been great. And I'm meeting you 50% of the way there. When this movie came out, this guy was playing all these roles. I went Seth Green. Oh, yeah. Seth Green would have been great too. He's right there. That's good.

Romo Collinsworth or someone else for the director's commentary? I don't know if you have any thoughts. I was thinking this movie cries out for Romo. Okay. The urn just broke, Jim. I think Jixie might take a dump on Grandma's ashes. She's going to do it, Jim. Romo's been good this year. I must want to take him out of the category. But no, you can't take him out. I will zag, though, and I'm going to go...

I'm going to go Scott Hansen breaking down this movie. We go to the Burns house where Gaylord Fokker is in for 48 hours of commercial free torture for his psychotic father, asshole fiance. Wow.

That was great. Scott Hanson. Yeah. Welcome to the club. Scott Hanson in the red zone, breaking it down. The witching hour where relationships become marriages or divorces. That's exactly right. He put his nuts in a vice for pleasure for 48 hours. Scott, you're the man. I kind of just want to do Ryan Rucco every week for this too. Go on. Cheeksy on the ashes, you bet.

Half-assed internet research. De Niro came up with the idea for the polygraph test scene. This is a bummer. So the sister was played by Nicole DeHuff.

Who tragically died at age 30 in 2005. She had pneumonia. They thought it was bronchitis and something bad happened and she died. The girl who gets hit by the volleyball. She died. Yeah. Oh, that sucks. I don't know if that's why she wasn't in the sequel, but, um, cause she died after that. But, uh, yeah. So there you go. Um, jinx, the cat was played by two five-year-old Himalayan cats named Bailey and Misha.

Um, most of the scenes are done by Misha. So Jim Carrey came up with the idea for the Fokker surname. That was his contribution. Yeah. Okay. De Niro loved Mr. Jinx and would play with the cat between scenes and kind of shoehorned him into a couple more scenes.

I like that when De Niro likes anything, it just seems funny to me. Cause it just seems like the most boring guy who ever lived. Like you forwarded that COVID to tell them about the COVID thing. So I'm looking around YouTube just for inner two interviews of this. And in 2020, Hoda Kotb got the cast together for one of those meetups that we would do during the pandemic and

And it's Terry Polo and Blythe Danner and De Niro, Jay Roach, and sure enough, Ben Stiller. And it's like, I don't know if De Niro was under contractual obligation to be there, but Hoda's all smiles. And she's like, Bob, the scene that I love is when you read the poem at dinner. It's so funny. What do you remember about that scene? And he'd be like, I don't really remember it.

oh okay and then they like stiller would try to jump in and like rescue it and be like well what i remember like de niro contributed nothing and even jay roach was like bob i remember you really liked mr jinx you liked the cat remember and he's right i i i don't i don't remember the cat he was like probably the worst late night guest of all time yeah rough like way worse than harrison ford way worse

It's funny because people would always give Belichick shit about his press conferences and stuff. To me, real life De Niro is a way worse hang than press conference Belichick. I have him as a minus 300 in the finals against press conference Belichick. Because at least Belichick is trying to withhold tactical information from the press. Bob, we're like, hey, did you like the cat on the set of the movie, Bob? Just fucking lie and say you like the cat. I don't really remember the cat. What a dick.

He's such a labyrinth because he hit this stage and it was right after this movie where he's just doing five movies a year and grabbing paychecks left and right. Like, like, like he was like completely broke, but he wasn't.

And one of the reasons we know he's not broke, other than that, he'd like basically helped build up Tribeca and owns like a shitload of stuff there. But he's one of the founders of Nobu. Like he was the big investor. He started Nobu, which I think is the most successful restaurant empire that we have. Crazy, fancy, expensive sushi restaurant. Yeah. I think he owns like 25%, one third of that. I have no idea why he just makes, I don't understand anything about De Niro.

And I love the guy and he's one of my favorite actors, but I think off screen, he's super weird. Well, I think part of the press for this movie is I don't, I don't think he's like super proud of this stuff. I think he's still like, yeah, like I know I did analyze that, but, and I have to contractually do these appearances, but I still am doing mean streets and taxi driver. And I don't think he embraces it. And it's like,

fine i guess he's really funny in the movie i don't really give a shit how he is on the junket you know well it's another funny thing about the research for this is he just kind of stayed away from ben stower because he wanted the characters to be uneasy with each other so they didn't really hang out a lot in the set so then you get in the interviews it's like ben what was it like to work with robert de niro he's like oh you know total pro yes but it's clear like it's

Not like crazy fun to be in a movie set with Robert De Niro. No, Stiller says in that reunion special, he's like, look, he was my favorite actor growing up. He was my idol. I loved him. And like, and this is in a zoom with De Niro. He's like, Bob, wasn't that nice. And I'm just going to say it now, 20 years later. And like, he knows it and I know, and then De Niro kind of smiles, but like,

I don't know if he's doing the method thing or if he's just kind of a dick and like, doesn't want to interact with the other people or somewhere in between. But then the other part is Scorsese loves him. And he's like, I want to narrow in all my movies. So he, he loves Bobby. This feels like the Belichick thing. It's how like Belichick has like the seven people that really like him. Right. And it's, I mean, do you think Belichick and Brady like each other?

I'd like, what would they talk about after like, if they were at dinner, would they run out of stuff to talk about in 20 minutes? Yeah, I think they would. So I think Scott, Marty and Bobby are like tighter than Tommy and Billy. It's just complicated relationships. Cause the other weird thing is De Niro was in that whole like cocaine, late seventies, eighties, early eighties, like in a lot of the John Belushi stuff, he would hang out with John Belushi and Robin Williams. And I was always like,

Can you imagine De Niro hanging out with John Belushi and Robin Williams, like two of the most volatile comic forces we've had in the last 50 years? And like, there's De Niro with them just like smoking cigs and like laughing at their jokes. I just wish there was a videotape. Yeah, you. Robin, you're very funny. You're a very funny person. So the MPAA would not allow them to use the name Fokker.

Unless filmmakers could find an actual person who had the name fucker, which they did. And there's people, I thought it was like, had to have an X rating cause it was too close to fucker. Um, the movie inspired a cat toilet training product called litter quitter, which sold well, apparently. Um,

Oh, you mentioned Terry Polo, like a weird 2000. She also had, there's this whole, like she filed for bankruptcy in 2014 thing with her too. And she did all those, the sequels and everything. Yeah. Who knows? All right. One more break and then we're going to do apex mountain.

Adlassian.

All right, ripping through this. Apex Mountain. Ben Stiller, we litigated already. It's somewhere between here and Zoolander, I think. We're in like Apex Mountain range. You can see the top of the mountain. Yeah. De Niro, no. Nicorette gum in a movie? I think it has to be. It's a huge part of it. They name it by the brand name.

In-law movies. So older people would make the case for The In-Laws with Alan Arkin and Peter Falk, which I think is considered a true 70s comedy classic. My dad's best friend, Roy Anderson, it's his favorite movie. And forever and ever, he'd be like, did you see The In-Laws yet? Did you see The In-Laws yet? And I find it's super funny. It's great. So I think it's probably those two in the finals, but it's old. It's a movie out of the 70s. Terry Polo, I'm going to say yes. Yeah, definitely.

How about septic tank disasters in a movie? Can you think of a bigger one? I can think of clogged toilets, like dumb and dumber and like a lot of shit humor, but not quite like this one. Did you have any septic tank experience in your childhood or life?

I didn't. I told a story on the radio once that I was house hunting, trying to find a place to live in Hermosa Beach when I was about 28 years old. And I went to an open house and I had to use the bathroom because it had a bender the night before. And I clogged the toilet and I didn't know what to do. And it was like an open house and the owner was walking around. So I just left.

I just left and never came back to the house. And I don't know what happened. I told that story on the radio years ago and people still ask me about it. I'm giving the sped up version now, but I didn't know. I couldn't go up to the owner and be like, hey, do you have a plunger? Like I just couldn't. So I left and I don't know what happened to the house or the owner. Sorry. That's a plumbing story. That's not a septic tank story. I enjoyed it just as much. It's septic adjacent. You clogged an open house. I did. Amazing. That's right. Yeah.

Why, have you? Do you have a septic tank story? I do, actually. What do you got? The lady who lived next to us when my mom remarried in Connecticut had a septic tank that occasionally would overflow and have issues. And we had this dog, Bee, who used to...

The goal in his life was if the septic tank in this place overflowed or had some sort of spillage or anything, he was getting over there and rolling around in it. And then he would just show up back home. Like, sorry guys, did it again. And we just have these pictures of him just covered in septic tank. It's disgusting by the way, when those things overflow.

And so B would come back covered in shit and you would yell at B and its tail would go between its legs to cover its genitals. Yeah. Because he's an emotionally shallow animal. Yeah. That's what happened. Sell out. Little Kim posters. Definitely Apex mountain. How about smoking meal nurses? I has to be. I mean, I don't know. I don't know any.

The Mountie strap on dildo for $24.99. A hundred percent. Yes. They move product because of that. Like I, Bill usually Google crazy stuff for this show. I made a point of not Googling mountain strap on dildo, uh, kitty litter in a movie. Um, it's way up there.

I mean, it has a whole shitting on the ashes scene. Yeah, there's a movie where a cat shits and I can't think of it. But yeah, I mean, it's not even litter. It's actually like a burned up old grandmother. So yeah, that's up there. Do you think this was the peak for Atlantic American Airlines? Do you ever fly Atlantic American Airlines? What's their lounge? Yeah, they have a good lounge. A lot of points. I think subtle lacrosse camp jokes, 100% the best that's ever been done in this movie. And then lie detectors.

Yeah, what's like, there must be some 80s movies where they use them like earnestly, like to figure it out. Like, but this is, this is what you think of. It's the, it's the poster. The lie detector is the poster of the movie and it made 300 million bucks or something. Basic NSYNC has some pretty good lie detector stuff. And there's the debate about, can you beat one? Yeah. And like she can beat one. It's an essential part of the plot. That was the only one that was like. It's gotta be Apex Mountain for cats in movies, right? Oh, Apex Mountain for cats, period. Yeah.

Great performance by the cats. Good cat. Also. It's a central storyline. Yeah. Great defense of cats over dogs. Probably the best ever done. Other than Mallory Rubin just babbling on about how great cats are. This is way better than that. The low point for cats in movie would be the movie cats. Actually. So we're off on that too. Sorry, Taylor Swift. She was in it.

Or I would say the low point for cats is the last season, The Sopranos, when Pauly's the cat staring at the painting of Christopher and Pauly's getting freaked out. And I think he finally, the cat, they're the fucking devil tone. He gets totally weirded out. Also, Great Cat in Pet Sematary, a movie that scared the shit out of me as a kid. Spooky movie he won this last week, but Great Cat in Pet Sematary. Cats creep me out. I think they're creepy. Cruise or Hank's?

For the Ben Stower part. I'm going to make the case for Hanks, but I think Cruise is a more fun movie. Okay. You guys got into this during the Halloween pod where Craig was like running in like a referee. It has to be the lead role, right? This movie has two leads. It can't be a side character. All right, make the case.

It's more of a Hank's part. I think he was really good at these kind of parts in the 80s. He did this a bunch of times in different ways. In Bachelor Party, he's basically got... That's an in-laws movie, which features one of the funniest scenes ever when he's playing tennis. But I think he would have had trouble playing it as an emasculated one. Cruise trying to do this would have been way funnier. Cruise trying to be funny with scenes with De Niro. But I think it's Hank's.

It would be weird if it was Cruz because there's dialogue about Maverick and Iceman. Oh, right. It's like crossing the beams. Yeah. So he's out. And he's playing volleyball again. And you know that he's not doing volleyball again. So it's got to be Hanks. Put one in the Hanks score ledger. Racehorse, Rock Band, Wrestler, Fantasy Team name.

Probably something Fokker related. I got a, for a horse, I got a Bolivian Wormwood, which is the floor is in Kevin's kitchen. I think it works nicely in here. I always, the Bolivian Wormwood is my horse. The Siemens Chapel. Yeah. And then tuck it. Picking knits. Well, Pam's sister got engaged and then married in two weeks. Who does this? I don't literally don't know one person who's ever done this.

Especially in an old fashioned family where the father's an asshole and has all these tests you have to pass. That doesn't make sense. Yeah, we're getting married two weeks from today. Greg was going to get engaged without ever meeting Pam's parents. Who does that? They've been together 10 months and they've never met. And they're extremely hands-on parents. Doesn't make sense either. I had that as well. And they're living in New York City and the family's in Oyster Bay. Isn't that like an hour and a half? No, they're in Chicago. They live in Chicago. What's Oyster Bay?

Oyster Bay. I think it's on Long Island. Oh, yeah. You're right. They live in Chicago. I fucked that up. Keep that in, Craig, so people can know. Keep it in, Craig. So little kids would just never be able to keep a marriage proposal secret before, during, or after. And even after, they'd be like, what happened? He was supposed to propose. One of those eight-year-olds would have fucked it up. And they did fuck it up. They can't even spell marry me, Pam. They're fucking that up. It's basic shit. You know why? Because Pam's probably a terrible teacher. Like, she's a terrible girlfriend. Right.

Greg becomes the second usher after knowing everyone for two minutes. Stupid. And they don't like them. It's like, Hey, will you be the second usher guy? Male nurse. We don't like. They, they ask him that 10 seconds after red horns. Like you didn't want to go for the MD. Like the dynamic is really weird. Fucker. What? I have two more. Do you have anything? Yeah. Okay. So Greg's bag didn't show up. It got lost.

You wake up the next morning or the second you get home and you drive to Target and you buy some sweatpants and some underwear and some socks. It's ludicrous that he's borrowing the entire family's clothes. He even is going into Denny's fucking underpants. You are not borrowing another guy's underpants. That would not happen. You go and buy the clothes. You buy the socks.

It's a great point. He's up at 730 in the morning going to the nearest department store. That's not realistic. Even back then when you didn't have Amazon, there's all kinds of stores. You just need basic sweatpants for a little while. It doesn't make sense. And you can't say that he didn't have the money because later in the movie, he spends like $1,000 to change his flight. So he definitely has enough money to go to freaking-

And he's buying like a whole pallet of Nicorette. I think that stuff's pretty expensive. Like he buys, he wants the expensive bottle of champagne. Like he can buy some Russell athletic sweats to get it through. Terrible job by him.

Why don't they have a sign on the toilet in the den? Don't flush it. Just put a fucking sign on there. Just remind people. How about this? How about fixing the toilet? You're retired, Robert De Niro. Jack Burns. And all the boyfriends that have come through for Pam, Jack has the same test. It's the toilet test. And he sees if they can listen. Oh, you think it's a test? And then he's watching them on video. Like, it's all get out. It's all video. It's all secret cameras. Oh, that's a great point. I think he lays a trap for the boyfriends and Greg failed it. I think he doesn't touch them. You're right, because if he could...

if he could create stuffed animal cameras, he could probably fix a toilet. Definitely. Would be my guess. Yes. Dying Jinx's tail is so stupid. It just has to be mentioned as a nitpick. Craig, did you have any nitpicks? Well, I actually, other than the, other than the spray paint, one of my, this is like a semi-hot take was I actually, I think every single move Craig Fokker makes in this movie is defensible. Is defensible? Can you come on the zoom for this so we can see you as you make this terrible take? Lay it out, Craig. Look,

Other than the cat spray, which is where I draw the line, you can't do that. Funnily enough, Liz's family has a cat named Jinx that I don't have a great relationship with. I'm not a big cat guy. I might be half allergic. But...

Look, the champagne pop into the urn, accident, nice call to get the champagne. The flower gift at the beginning, really thoughtful gift, honestly. Amazing gift if you think he is an actual florist. It's a great point. The volleyball spike, that's what they wanted him to do. It was bad timing and it was an accident. I thought it was a great athletic play. Flushing the toilet at four in the morning,

You forget it was your first night. It's four in the morning. You're delirious. It's instinct. You flush the toilet. Big deal. Letting the cat out as it's clawing at your leg. You're not a cat guy into the backyard. Maybe you think it's a side yard. He's safe in there. And then even smoking the cigarette on the roof. He's having the worst weekend of his life. And he was up there looking for the cat anyway. He found the cigarettes. He thought he'd stop for a smoke. I defend everything he did until he sprayed the cat's tail. You know, the volleyball spike we probably should dive into here for a second.

Why weren't her hands up? What is she just like, her hands are just in the water. They were mad at Falker for not going up there to defend the spike on the other side. Same thing. Just takes it. And why was there so much blood from a volleyball spike? Cause it insinuates a broken nose, but it was then you, you look at it eyes. So where was the blood coming from? Like that sounds like stitches in the emergency room.

It was an absolute gusher. And it also makes me think if it was Hanks, then we'd have another Hanks volleyball scene. And that would be kind of fun. Oh, yeah. That's funny. You want to get into volleyball logistics. Rebhorn seems like a good six foot, at least. Stiller's tiny. Why is Stiller at the front? Why is he at the net? You're right.

Oh, that's a great point. Yeah, Steller should have been in the back as like a center. Yeah, he's a libero. The best shot of that whole scene, maybe my great shot, Gordo, is after Fokker spikes it, they go to a shot of him and he's so fucking happy. He has this shit-eating grin on his face. Coming out of the water. Because he finally made the play. And then it's just gushing blood. And Blythe Danner jumps into the pool in her clothes. That's a really underrated moment. It is. Great call.

Craig, stay on for the rest of this. Sequel, prequel, prestige TV, all black cast are untouchable. They made two sequels.

Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Danny Trejo, Sid Goldberg, Sam Jackson, JT Walsh, Nell, Byron Mayo, Harling Mays, Eva Laffey, Ramon Raymond? This is getting long. Long legs or Philip Baker Hall? I did Philip Baker Hall already as Jack. So what do you think? Well, I was thinking Philip Baker Hall as Floyd Gondali as the dog, as the Rebhorn character. You could talk me into pretty fast. Oh, yeah. All right.

I was thinking of him as Jack. Jack is like, look. Oh, as the dad. Yeah. I like Tom Collins and I like butter up my ass and have a seat in the Jerusalem tulip. I like people on film fucking. It's that easy. You're right. I think you should go for the Jack role. Greg, I want you to meet some of my friends that are the future stars of this business. This is the talent. Just one Oscar who gets it. I think it's De Niro. Yeah. Right.

Well, it should be. I know fantasy talks about this sometimes. Like it should be an Oscar for best comedy and they should win it for 2000 for the best comedy. The movie is awesome and it should win for a best comedy of the year. This is why the Oscars suck. Yeah. We've been saying this, I think since Grantland, like best horror film, best comedy, best

best action film. You can even give them as Oscars the day before and make the Oscars smaller, but they should, the whole point is to commemorate the year in movies so that people can look back and be like, Oh, 2000. That's when I just saw this take where he was saying just this week, he's like, it is such a shame that Eddie Murphy does not have an Academy award for the nutty professor. That is one of the greatest performances in any role ever. Right. And they just don't have it. Cause it's a zany comedy and they shouldn't. Yeah.

All right, probably unanswerable questions. Did De Niro's stuff that he did in this movie lead to the creation of SimpliSafe? Home protection, cameras. Yeah, probably.

It's that and the, what is the nocturnal activity movies? Those are bad. Paranormal? Yes. Paranormal activity, yeah. Do you think that Jack, having fought in Vietnam and is a CIA guy, don't you think he would have smoked cigarettes? I'm surprised he didn't. That's a great point. He's seen some shit, hasn't he? He's smoking cigarettes in Vietnam for sure. They need to have him look down on cigarettes though.

but you're right. I, De Niro should smoke in every movie. That would just be, I would have that in the contract. Who would name their kid? Gaylord Fokker. It's gotta be a junior or second or third or something. Right. And I think they address it in the, in the sequel, but I can't remember why. And then Jack jokes that the parents must be hippies or something to name their kid. That which they kind of are. Dustin Hoffman's name. Gaylord in the movie. He's like Gaylord senior. I should check. Um,

Did this movie destroy the future of male nursing? Let's talk it out. Maybe it came back like 10 years later.

Yeah, I mean, we need as many nurses as possible. I just keep going. You know what I think about sometimes, Bill? I think about people right now who are just normal, nice women going through their lives, not bothering anybody, and their name is Karen. And now they're looked at as some sort of racist, elitist asshole. They never hurt anybody. I have an Aunt Karen. She's a wonderful woman. And now it's like, ha-ha, Karen. I didn't do anything. Some guy who was a nurse in 2000 is just helping people or helping the elderly. She's taking strays. Yeah, taking in strays, like putting catheters in old guys'

Now you're like, haha, male nurse. It sucks. It's unfortunate. I don't like it. Any other announcements from you guys? I got one. So they stopped the lie detector scene, like kind of in the middle of the scene, and it's just getting good. Like he's asking Greg, like, have you ever watched pornographic movies? Right. And I'm like, I want to know, what else did he ask him? What does he have? Like, is this 2000? Is he like...

Did you vote for Bob Dole in the last election? Do you like the Patriots sixth round draft pick, the quarterback from Michigan? Like, I want to know what he gets into. What is, what are your politics? Have you had sex with more than 10 women? They could have thrown that in. Above or below 10 women. Like what other drugs have you, I want to get into that stuff. And it made me think of like what I would ask if I was Jack. And then my daughter's boyfriend was there. You got to get into that some of the stuff.

One unanswerable question that I had is, this movie has such a lovely late 90s, early 2000s aesthetic. It looks great. The clothes, the way the home looks. I don't know why they didn't make this a holiday movie. They should have made this a Christmas movie because it would have been replayed for years and years and years. Great call. You have a tree, you have a Christmas scene, and it gets played 10,000 more times every year. So the fix would be instead of

The sister getting married in two weeks. She's engaged and they're going to celebrate it over Christmas.

And Greg's going there for Christmas anyway. And he's got the gift of the flowers. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. This movie doesn't have a season. The reunion Zoom that I keep referring to, the question was asked, would you guys come back for a fourth movie? And Stiller and De Niro were like, yeah, maybe. And Terry Polo was like, yes, I would. It would be like a Fokker family Christmas. That would be the special that they would do. That's the name of the movie, probably. Terry Polo's like, I'm in. I'm blind in. Yeah.

Anything. I think it's called the Merry fucking Christmas. And you bring them back. But then it's like, then the Fockers do Hanukkah too. So there's something for everybody. That's a great idea, Craig.

FYI, Meet the Grandparents is sitting there for Netflix. I know. Like, it's just fucking crush. There's no way like 80 million people are watching that. Yeah. Maybe it's Meet the Fockers crossed with the Menendez brothers because they, you know, the Menendez brothers did so well for them. They figured out how to work the Menendez. Yeah, it's where the Fockers shoot Jack with a shotgun and kill him. Yeah. And then go sit courtside. Meet the Menendezes. I think that would work. Imagine what they'd do to Jinx. Yeah. Best double feature choice, Meet the Fockers.

Indian Red's what narrow word would happen the next day. Meet the Fox or Fockers. Uh, what pace of memorabilia would you want from this movie? I could offer you Jinxy's collar. I could offer you the burndown lacquered altar. I could offer you the antique polygraph machine, the suitcase, uh,

Anything? I'm so, I'm so boring and domesticated at this point. I want that fucking tulip in the pot. I want that plant. I want to have that thing. And I like that Greg says, yeah, they say if you just water it steadily for six months, it'll bloom. Six months of watering. I want that thing. I want it. I'll,

I'll take the urn. Can I have that? Can I put it back together? Oh, the glued back together. That's a good one. Coach Finstock or best life lesson. Don't lie to your in-laws and don't marry Pam. No. And then who won the movie? Robert De Niro. I think we all agree on that one. Yeah. I was tempted to give it to Owen Wilson for stealing it, but De Niro is so good in it. I think he's better than Stiller. Even he's perfect. I'll give it to Stiller. All right, Craig, even though you've been on three different times, give us your big picture. Take.

I just think this is one of like the tightest comedy scripts ever. And I didn't, I didn't, I think when I saw it when I was younger, you don't really realize how good it is watching it again. I am like, man, there is no fluff. This movie is so expertly crafted. And I also think, I don't think this movie ages poorly and really anyway, it's pretty remarkable that this movie is just jokes for like a hundred minutes and

And it's like, sure, the male nurse thing, there's like one slight Jewish barb. But in general, this movie is like pretty politically correct. There is nothing wrong with it. And it is still incredibly funny, which I think is just another sign of really, really good writing that you can show this movie now. It's not, it doesn't even feel that dated. All of the issues that are going on in that movie could happen today. Technology doesn't really change that much of it. I agree. I just think it's like airtight. A timeless comedy. And it obeyed the Craig rule of, uh,

What's it, under 100 minutes? What is it, like 97? Nowadays, under two hours is fine. But back in the day, under an hour 45 is what gets me excited. It's tight.

I was thinking of Craig when I saw that movie. What's that movie called with Demi Moore? Substance. Where she gets the plastic surgery? Substance? No, I don't know. Not seeing it. And I started the movie and I'm like, I wonder how long this is. It was like two hours, 24 minutes. I'm like, God, you gotta be fucking kidding me. Really? This is two hours and 24 minutes for a plastic surgery horror movie? I'm going to Wicked this weekend for a screening. It's two hours and 40 minutes. Wicked. 240? What are we doing? That's like the Godfather. What are we doing? Holy shit.

It's like, I know you got to squeeze in all the songs, but it's part one. It's wicked part one. I think that's longer than the Broadway show. Rebel Ridge, which I really liked, was like 2.15. Wow. It's crazy. How is that movie not 94 minutes? I don't know. It's like cut and dry, easy pie. I like Rebel Ridge, but man. I think Naked Gun is 87 minutes, man. That's all you need. It's shit.

Yeah, Craig. It forced you to write better, I think, when you had limitations like that. Talk about it. The happiest Craig is when we have a rewatchables movie that's 100 minutes or less. Well, it's like we just did like body double. It's like an hour 48. It's lovely.

Kyle Brandt, great to see you as always. One of these days, we're going to do one of these in person because you have to pop out from LA from time to time. We're going to do it. And Bill, I love to pass on these anecdotes. A few months back, I was at something called the Sports Emmy Awards, this big fancy award show in Midtown Manhattan in New York City, and everybody's there. It's black tie, and I'm presenting.

presenting with Nate Burleson and I. We're out in the crowd. It's one of those people where you're in the aisle with the microphones. And as we're in commercial, I feel somebody tap me on the elbow. And I turn and it's like a very, very successful executive in sports media. And he goes, I got to tell you, man, I really, really love your work. And I go, oh, thank you. That is so cool. And he goes, especially.

especially the Roadhouse episode, was really like the best you've done. He was just like, wow. Unbelievable. And I get that all the time. It is always about the rewatchables, which I'll take, but I'm like, guys, I do do other things that put food on the table, but love the fans. A lot of rewatchable people. Thank you for dedicating your life to Steven Seagal. Thank you so much.

Well, we almost did Seagal for this episode, but we put it, we backburnered it. We did a hard pivot to everybody listening and it was a good one, but we'll get back to it. We had something locked and loaded. There will be justice served, shall we say? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's coming. All right. This was produced by Craig Horlbeck. You can watch Kyle Brand on Good Morning Football and you're still doing the CBS hits.

a bunch, right? CBS hits for the NFL today. Yes. But most importantly, I appear on the rewatchables podcast with Bill Simmons and Craig Horbeck. You guys know where to find me. All right. So had our guys Shregs. Good to see you. Have a great weekend.