‘Dodgeball’ With Craig Horlbeck, Danny Heifetz, and Danny Kelly
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And Ringer Movies, which is our YouTube channel where you can watch the rewatchables on video and big picture. You can hear me on the Ringer Fantasy Football Show with my two co-hosts, Laser and Blazer. That's right. Dodgeball is next. You've got to make $50,000 so your gym becomes my gym. On the edge of sanity. We can play dodgeball. You can dodge a wrench. You can dodge a ball. On the edge of decency.

That's not good. On the edge of reason. You like the rough stuff, huh? Real. Freaking naughty. Dodgeball, a true underdog story. Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. All right, I'm here with Danny Hivins and Danny Kelly. I think it was only right that we followed up a four and a half hour podcast on maybe one of the greatest movies ever made, Pulp Fiction, with Dodgeball, with the three of us. Dodgeball, a true underdog story.

This movie came out 20 years ago, 2004. Heifetz and I, I believe, were 10? Yeah. And DK, you were 20? 21? I was in college, yeah. Yeah, I kind of wanted to start with that. Did you see this movie in theaters? Because obviously, you didn't, right? Heifetz? No, no. Yeah, did you see it in theaters? I don't remember, actually, specifically the first time I saw it. I just know it was within a string of some of the all-time best comedies. That was the golden era of comedies in at least...

In my life? It was probably so fun for you. Because you, like, from, like, 18 to, like, 25, you had the whole, like, Adam Sandler to Will Ferrell run. Yeah. And I was, like, in the exact right age group for those movies, I feel like. You know. So, if this was 2004, I would have been 22. Yeah. When did you first see it? Definitely 10 or 11. I learned...

so much this was like my rosetta stone for adulthood like i the concepts i learned from this movie i explained so much 100 learned what lesbians were from this movie oh i 100 learned what bisexuals were yes wow 100 like when i remember in health class in whatever in like 11th grade in high school and they were teaching us stuff and bisexuality came up and i was like oh yeah like dodgeball yeah like wow that is really wild to me

That never crossed my mind, but I like that. You were familiar with bisexuals at 22 years old. Oh, yeah. That's what college is for. Yeah. Yeah, this was a real great time. Because it was like late 90s, early 2000s was like the frat pack guys. I know they don't even like being called that. Stiller, Farrell, Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, Luke Wilson, Jack Black. And then like Paul Rudd was kind of in both. And then he went on to like the Apatow guys. But...

This was just like the era of turning every like classic sports movie trope to like screwball level 11. Right. And they really did like every sport.

They've done, they did racing with Talladega Knights, golf with Happy Gilmore, soccer, kicking and screaming. They did wrestling, Nacho Libre. They remade Bad News Bears. They remade Longest Yard to do baseball and football. Semi-pro basketball, Will Ferrell movie. Oh, yeah. Sneaky underrated. They did ping pong with Balls of Fury, if you remember that. I put that, yeah, I had that on my list. Ice skating, Blades of Glory. Yeah. And then they did dodgeball.

And it kind of ended, I feel like, in... 06 was Talladega Nights, Balls of Fury 07, and then SemiPro 08. And then it kind of died. And then it kind of moved from, like...

dudes in their 30s who are losers and like playing sports and like more like slapsticky like SNL characters. Then it was like, now we're just going to stoners who want to get laid. Yeah. And then it was just like the Apatow era was like Jonah Hill and all these guys were just like high schoolers trying to get laid. Right. And it was just like way less zany characters. I feel like these movies, I wanted to ask you guys about like the era, the Apatow era and then the whatever you want to call this era, the dodgeball era. Yeah.

which do you think is more quotable and rewatchable? Because even though I love like forgetting Sarah Marshall, super bad pineapple express knocked up. I always come back to Talladega nights and dodgeball as like movies that like stick in my brain more. I was going to say the same thing. I, if I had to make a list of like my favorite comedies of all time, I think dodgeball would sort of land right in the middle. It's not, you know, like my favorite movie of all time, my favorite comedy of all time, but

Maybe the movie I quoted the most, honestly, among all these movies in college and the years after college was this movie. There's so many really quotable lines in this movie that you can use with everything. I know we'll get into a ton of them, but I think just the slapstickness of it, just the absurdity of the characters. Ben Stiller sort of just...

in his, like, prime, like, the greatest, like, Ben Stiller character, maybe. And so, yeah, I would say, and these are just more rewatchable than the other ones. I think these movies feel more written. Punchline, set up, joke. And I think the Apatow movies are a bit more, like, loose, improvised. These are more like sitcoms where it's like,

They're telling you when to laugh a little bit. And then like the Apatow era, it's more like mockumentary style. It's like The Office is like the evolution of how it went from like Friends and Seinfeld to like Parks and Rec and The Office. And I feel like these movies are actually easier to go back on. And when I rewatched this, in my head, I was like, oh, I remember maybe 10, 11 scenes from this movie. And then when I rewatched it, I was like, oh, that's every scene in the movie. There's like no fluff. Like every scene is just jam-packed with jokes. And I just, I remember all of them. I feel like this is the last

era of movies where the movies were the main thing you quoted with your friends like before the internet and before social media where even just a few years later there's there's youtube there's facebook there's instagram there's twitter there's now obviously tiktok and stuff where that becomes the main source of what you're quoting and this was the last thing before we started the transition so to your point like i feel like there's that meme of like guys will just sit around and for four hours that's gonna be this podcast yeah

But Dodgeball's right there, though. I do think Dodgeball's right there with Anchorman as like the thing that I quoted the most growing up. 100%. Yeah. And this movie's crazy, too, because it's obviously called Dodgeball, A True Underdog Story. And the movie itself, like the making of this movie, is also an underdog story. Yeah. There's a great oral history that went up just a few months ago on The Ringer. It was written by Jake Kring-Schreifels. Great oral history.

So this director, his name is Rosson Marshall Thurber. What a name. What a name. Sounds like the name in Dodgeball, like he would be a character in this movie. He actually is in this movie. He's the guy who throws the drink at the pirate at the end of Vegas. Oh, really? And he like, really? Yeah, and he's like, screw you! That's such a random... Go back to Treasure Island! Wait, also, not to step on picking nits, but I was... My nit was...

That's an incredible throw. He should have been on the team. I was like, why is he so mean? Also, isn't Vegas like the last place you'd be shocked to see a guy in a costume? Yeah, this is Vegas. This is the last place I would throw something. He just got out of doing his show. He's like driving. He's like, you guys are tired. Rawson went to USC, wrote this movie when he was in his early 20s, sent red dodgeballs to every studio. I know. That's crazy. He stenciled on, he like spray painted on the name of the movie on a dodgeball, which is great. Like,

Like I was a film major when I went to college, what, God, eight, nine years ago? And like in our heads, like what Rawson did is like what everybody still thinks they can do. Everybody said no. It somehow got in front of Ben Stiller and he was like, this is kind of good. And then Todd Phillips was like,

you should get Vince Vaughn to do it. And he wrote it for Vince Vaughn. And Ben Stiller. Right. That is unbelievable. Every film since, I'll write it for Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn. I'll send it to their company and then Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn are like, yeah, I love this. It's a true underdog story. It is kind of wild. Craig, exactly right. Like, this is the sort of Hollywood dream I'm sure that every, you know, person who's ever written a script has is like, you,

Literally, they got the three top guys in this movie. It was Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, and then Justin Long, he had in mind, too, for the role of Justin. He literally named him Justin. And it just worked out so perfectly. I think...

past that, you know, getting the movie made was really difficult. Like, like apparently there was, you know, a whole bunch of other stuff going on at the time with Fox. They were like just focused on everything else. They had to do this big table read. This is again, this is from Jake Kring trifles, oral history. They had this big table read where they brought in like most of the actors that ended up being in the movie. And it was like really funny. They all played off each other really well. And that was like,

The reason... That was like the big push they needed to get this movie actually made. Yeah, Fox basically said, we'll make it, but as long as Ben Stiller's salary stays low. So Stiller took less than a million dollars to make it. I just can't believe these stories are like why people are still...

like believe in hollywood and like this is why people move to la when you read a story like this i read the caa book which is more about like the 70s 80s and the start of caa but those stories are always so nuts it's always like i was 22 years old and i walked into mike govitz's office and i was like fuck you give me a job and he was like you got moxie the biggest agent in hollywood right and i'm like man this still happened in 04 this guy got this movie made he wrote it for ben stiller and vince vaughn

I think even the cast is like a little bit underdoggy outside of Vaughn and Stiller. I mean, the supporting cast, they all feel like the fifth choice for each role. It's like you have Chris Williams, Justin Long, Joel David Moore, Alan Tudyk, and Steven Root. Yeah. Compare that to movies like, you know, Talladega Nights is filled with like SNL people. Anchorman has everybody. So yeah, I mean, it's pretty remarkable. They didn't even want him to direct this movie, but then...

I had no idea this was the same guy. Terry Tate off his linebacker. I was blown away by this little factoid. That blew my mind. I completely forgot that existed until I was researching this movie. That was like my favorite thing when I was 12 years old. I had watched the entire supercut. And as soon... Shout out to Jake's profile for The Ringer, which is amazing. Or just the oral history of the movie. But as soon as he wrote that, I was like, oh my God, they are shot the same way. Like the comedy. But the fact that that Terry Tate...

became... Because they were like, oh, yeah, he didn't have that much tape. The director barely had any proof. He was like 23 when he wrote it. He hadn't really directed anything. They basically were like, can you direct comedy? Can you direct... Like, can you...

Where's the proof, I guess, that you have the ability to like shoot a comedy in the way that we want it to be shot? And it was like, oh, this Terry Tate office linebacker thing, which by the way, got picked up by... It's a Super Bowl commercial. Yeah, it was like a Super Bowl, one of the best Super Bowl commercials of all time. You kill the Joe, you make some more. You know that, baby? And I can't believe he was the one who came up with that. That's amazing. Hey, Janice. That's a long distance call, Doug.

Did you actually make 23 and directed the best Super Bowl commercial? Dude, that was, I know, unbelievable. I just like, that blew my mind. I completely forgot about Terry Tate. Such a good idea. I can't believe nothing else came of that. They didn't continue it. What was it, like Reebok commercial or something? It was a Reebok, yeah. And I,

It is crazy that I really can't get over that he just graduated film school, did Terry Tate's Super Bowl commercial. It was the best Super Bowl commercial that he just made, Dodgeball. You know, Hollywood used to be the best. But yeah, so this movie came out, it came out the same weekend as The Terminal, a Spielberg movie with Tom Hanks. And everybody was like, Dodgeball's got no shot. This was an $18 million budget. Terminal was $60 million. They thought it was going to be like a distant second place.

Not only did it beat the terminal, it killed the terminal. The terminal ends up being a flop. Anchorman or dodgeball made a ton of money. Here's what's crazy about dodgeball. And again, speaks to why it is, I think it's an underdog rewatchable. The

This movie made twice as much money as Anchorman. Really? That's crazy. It made the same amount as Talladega Nights. And yet, I don't think people put it in that category. But when you ask, oh, have you seen Dodgeball? It's like, of course. Yeah. It just was like the timing of everything and then it went on. And it was like, I think they had, and I'm reading about how they

were really worried about that movie Terminal going into the weekend. They're like, oh, we'd be happy if we get like a little bit of buzz. Yeah, I mean, Spielberg and Tom Hanks. Yeah. In 2004. That's like the worst thing you could possibly go up against. I just put myself in their shoes like during that weekend. They're like starting to get the numbers and they're like, whoa, we've got something special here. This is amazing. Two for one switcheroo. I love that Spielberg is the real life white Goodman that's just trying to like determine all this globo chip. I'm going to buy out your little movie, Le Fleur. Um,

Stiller, who I think is also underrated by my generation, I think...

Bill's generation and Sean and Chris when they typically do their watchbooks, I think they have a more of a respect for Stiller because of kind of what he did before he kind of became a movie star, his show and all that stuff. And yeah, I also think that Will Ferrell kind of became the guy from this era and everybody just goes to Will Ferrell. I'm willing to say that when Stiller plays like a screwball character, like straight man Stiller, I think is fine. Something about Mary? Yeah. Along came Pauly.

I think Wacky Stiller is honestly right there with Will Ferrell. I totally agree. Like, you put the sideburns on him in Starsky and Hutch. Zoolander, like, you need something weird about him. Happy Gilmore. He's the Christian Wood meme with Shaq, and he's like, I wasn't familiar with your game. 100%. Like, because, I mean, we weren't born yet when he had the show. No. Like, the sketch show. But I 100% agree. Like, this performance...

This character is as good as any of the dumb Will Ferrell characters of the entire century. Maybe it's like a tier below Ron Burgundy, but it's up there with honestly anything else. Well, it's funny that you say that. It's like you get your generation underrates him. I feel like in that era, in that time, he was, to me and all my friends, like an A-list guy. Like he was one of the top comics or whatever comedians. I mean, he was like prolific. He had four movies come out in 2004. It was like Meet the Fockers, Dodgeball, Starsky and Hutch, and one other I'm forgetting. I mean, he was...

I think people were getting sick of Ben Stiller. Anchorman. He was a cameo. Cameo King, too. Tony Wonder in Arrested Development, which is out of control. The anchorman. He always has a funny mustache or beard. I was thinking he has almost the exact same mustache in this movie as he does in the Happy Gilmore. He's like, oh, now your fingers hurt? Your back's going to hurt. He's just pulled landscaping duty. Anybody else's fingers hurt?

Have you guys seen Heavyweights? Yeah. He's good at that. He's basically just like Tony Perkis. He basically just like turned that up. And he's so ripped in this movie. He is. Stiller was ripped for like no body hair. Stiller was kind of ripped for like 10 years. From Heavyweights, he was ripped.

through Dodgeball he was ripped and then Tropic Thunder in 08 ripped yeah he is pretty ripped yeah kind of impressive he's like low-key Daniel Day-Lewis like he transforms his body he gets really into the character he like got all his body shaved for this movie and I think he did a bunch of tanning I like when in the beginning the movie gets in he's like I want to burn that's like me in June every year it's summertime let's get a base coat turn it up Reggie

I want to burn. I want to burn. Which is also like he goes in with a full outfit. He's going to get horrible tan eyes. Yeah. Why doesn't he just like shorts? He wears like the bib. It's like the, you know, that's like a bike. Back in the day it was like what bikers would wear. It's like the bib thing or like wrestlers and he's just like, I want to burn. He's got the feathered hair. Feathered and lethal. Oh my God. And then Vaughn who is,

It's kind of always Vince Vaughn, but we love that about him. He does dodgeball right after he does wedding crashers. I think

I think he's a little better in Wedding Crashers, I'm not going to lie. I think Vaughn's underplaying this character a little bit in this movie. It almost feels like he doesn't know if the movie's going to be good. I think what he said in Jake's piece was that everyone else was so zany that he felt like his character had to be the normal person. Yeah, he's the straight guy in all the scenes. But I agree. He's a little underselling it. Rewatching this movie...

None of the things you quote are him. Except for like two things. Like he is really just everyone else's. I think that to your point about everyone else being like the fifth choice, I think he's elevating everyone. And then everyone in Jake's piece was basically saying that like they felt that he was elevating their game. But he's like the Draymond, like had, you know, four assists and four points. Yeah, he's probably like 8-8-8. Yeah. His plus minus was 28. But he's got like charisma. You know, the Peter LeFleur character is...

exactly who it was in Wedding Crashers, which he did the next year. And it was like, he's like winking at people. You know, there's like the scene in the car wash where he's like, hello, purple, or whatever. You know, it's like that to me is like Jeremy from Wedding Crashers. It's like the same exact character. There's actually times where he says some of the exact same things that he says in Wedding Crashers. I wrote this down because I just thought it was interesting. He's like,

You know, he's flirting with Kate, the main character in Dodgeball. And he's like, oh, I'm so stupid. Like, you know, and he says almost the exact same thing in Wedding Crash. He's like, I'm all over his radar. I'm stupid. So it's like it's almost like the exact same character, which, by the way, is, I think, just Vince Vaughn in real life. Totally. Yeah. And he did old school right before Dodgeball, which, again, like kind of similar character. Yeah. Roger Ebert.

Three stars? Yeah. Also, I kind of don't care what Roger Ebert thinks about Dodgeball. Also, I read his review and it was very just short and to the point. Like, he didn't really say a whole lot. Yeah. It's just like, this is a silly, zany movie. One thing I will say is I found a different review from our CEO, Bill Simmons. Oh. In 2004 on page two. He actually sent me it. And he was like, I forgot I wrote about this movie in 2004. So, I'm going to read you Bill's review. Just like the last paragraph of it. He went and saw it with his buddy, Gus.

Nice. He said, part of me hopes that the audience wasn't stoned that night and that the movie really was that good and that Gus and I are just getting old and grumpy. They thought it was okay. Bill gave it a 6.5 out of 10. Is that why we get to do this movie? Yeah. He doesn't even like it. He said, the other part of me believes fervently that the movie stunk and I'm never getting that 11 bucks back. That's how much a ticket costs then. And since that question will never be definitively answered, I have to judge accordingly. But Bill did text me saying I very much underrated the rewatchability of this movie. Yeah.

And I also think, you know, Bill didn't know where comedy was going, unfortunately. I know he didn't know how good he had it. No, and, you know, it's like only 10 years later, they'd be dead. Desperate for times like this. Yeah, so I think looking back now, he's like, oh, yeah, this movie was so much better. So, yeah, it opened, like I said, it beat the Terminal. It made $30 million its opening weekend. The Terminal made $19 million.

I think I actually agree though with Simmons on this. Like I already said it. I, when I make a list of like my all time favorite comedies, this is not a top one, but it's so rewatchable. It just moves really quickly. Every scene has either a really great line or some form of physical comedy that is hilarious. Um,

And it just like really works. There's tons of quotable lines. But again, I'm like, I don't know if it's top 20 of my favorite movies, like even my favorite comedies. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride, this movie. Everyone loves it and has seen it. Probably not anybody's top five. Right. Okay, today's most rewatchable scene is brought to you by Nissan. Find your path in the Nissan Pathfinder Rock Creek. Most rewatchable scenes, I'm going to hit you with nine. Yeah.

You let me know if I missed any. Opening montage. I love a movie that starts with a commercial, a trailer, a montage. Tropic Thunder opens with all the trailers, you know, of all their movies that the guys are in. This opens with the montage and the white Goodman commercial for Globo Gym. We're better than you and we know it.

Here at Globo Gym, we understand that ugliness and fatness are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia. And it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it. And that's where we come in.

And then I'm going right into meeting Peter and the Average Joe's customers. You get in and you meet everybody super quickly. It's like Owen can't find a date. Justin Long's character, the cheerleading thing. Steven Root, who's hilarious reading, what is it? Obscure Sports Month? Obscure Sports Month. Quarterly. OSQ? Is it quarterly? They're only putting out for a year.

And then Steve the Pirate, who's inexplicable. Yar. Gar. Gar. Gar. Dude, Steve the Pirate's laugh is like worth watching the movie a little. Ha ha! He's actually very good at like that, being the pirate. Gar.

We meet like Peter, classic loser living. He's drinking like the Yoo-Hoo in the morning. The porn movies that he has to return. Oh, Hussies 5, Back to Videorama? Drunken Hussies 3, Backdoor Patrol 5, and Mona Lisa Smile. That was like actually one of the most quoted lines we used to do back when I was in college. And Mona Lisa Smile, which I never saw. You never saw that one? No. That wasn't in the woods? No.

And then Patton Oswalt's doing that voice. He's also doing the line with the pizza. Yeah. Next one, White Goodman tasing his nipples and pumping up his crotch and reading the dictionary. Like the first true introduction of White Goodman. That's how I got ready for this show. Yeah, I can see it. You look good. I like to break a mental sweat as well. Hello, Catherine. Good to see you. I didn't know you were dropping by. You asked me to come over. Did I? Are you...

Reading the dictionary? You caught me. I like to break a mental sweat, too. Grab a chair. So, I trust everything's going... Are you reading the dictionary? Oh, you caught me. Kate actually, like, calls him out on all his stuff every time she sees him, which is great. Well, that's his wife. Yeah. Yeah. Which is another weird dynamic of the whole thing. Same thing with Zoolander. She and Zoolander. We should mate. Next one, the sub-regional qualifiers against the Girl Scouts. Yeah.

To this day, the beaver tranquilizer, anabolic steroid girl. God damn you, Bernice! Right. She's also like not even in, like she's not in the opening shot. No, you don't see her before that. She like shows up at the end and she's like got the hair in her arms. Um,

Next one, White crashing their celebration at the bar. Oh, that was mine. So good. Top scene. The dirty Sanchez. Peter's like, didn't realize Nazi camp got out early. Did you guys skip arts and crafts? He's like, yes, I did. Oh, hey, White. I didn't think that Nazi camp got out until eight. Did you decide to skip arts and crafts? Yes, I did. Oh, hello, Kate. I wasn't aware I was paying you to socialize. You're not. I'm off the clock. Well, isn't that convenient for you?

Also in that scene, you get a really good view of how short Ben Stiller is. He is to their waist. It is like Derrick Henry and the Deion Lewis photo. Yes, it is. With Michel. And also in that line when they come in with Fran Stalinov, I can't even say her name, and she's like, her nuclear power plant. Her nuclear power plant team won the championship. Her home country of Romanovia.

Nuclear power plant. I still think maybe the funniest thing in the whole movie is just she takes out the guy standing next to the jukebox and he's just like laying there. Justin's like, I think that guy's dead. He's just like, there's like beer dripping down. He's just like dead. We meet the team. Blade. Lame.

laser blazer my consigliere michelle and then fran walks out a perfect example just a change up a perfect example of what we were saying at the beginning of how this movie is like sneaky enduring quotes is every guy at some point has said ball me blazer 100% ball me blazer I can't believe how many quotes from this movie and we'll get to that like have stuck incredible and I don't even think about dodgeball when I say them anymore yeah so that seems great yeah you meet the team I just said that I know you just said that no

He knocks over the waitress carrying the gigantic... There's like a thousand items on this tray and he knocks her into the table.

I know. I feel like the cast of this movie really got put through the ringer. Oh, yeah. I have a whole lot on that later. You know? Justin Long got the shit kicked out of him. They wouldn't let him drive home because they threw so many balls in his face. Dude, he went blind. Yeah, he did. He literally lost his vision for a while, and he was actually worried he was going blind. Yeah, they were like, you know, the only way to film somebody getting hit in the head with a dodgeball is to just hit him in the head with a dodgeball. Like 60 miles an hour from the Juggs machine. He had CTE. Yeah.

Next one, training scene with Patches. We meet Patches. Played by Rip Torn. A guy I have no relationship to. Do you? Does Rip Torn mean anything to you? He's the guy from...

Men in Black. Yeah, Men in Black, Larry Sanders show. He's been around forever, I'm sure. Chris and Sean and Bill have... R.A.G. is definitely showing with Rip. R.I.P. to Rip. I know, R.I.P. died a couple years ago. We get the wrenches. We get the 5Ds of dodgeball. Shouldn't we learn by dodging balls that are thrown at us? That's what this sack of wrenches is for. Yeah.

If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. When he takes the bag, he's just like, that's what this bag of wrenches is for. The sack of wrenches. The sack of wrenches. There's like a big red one with, it's like, they have the entire gamut of like wrenches that are available in the world. It's like, I don't even know what that wrench is used for. It's like tightening down like...

a nuclear like steam pipe or something. It's like the biggest wrench I've ever seen. Dude, when he hits Justin Long in the face, that is one of the more painful scenes in movie history. They nailed that sound. That like hitting him in his orbital bone and he's on the ground like agonizing in pain. He's writhing. I love when they linger on someone who's in pain like they come back.

The Dodge traffic thing is hilarious. Stephen Root getting hit by two cars. And then Kate joining the team. And Patch is just assuming she's gay. All right, Billie Jean King. Oh, man. And then we get to Vegas, where I feel like this movie reaches another level. Yes. We meet Cotton McKnight and Pepper Brooks. Oh, God. What a combo.

Welcome to this year's annual Las Vegas International Dodgeball Open, brought to you exclusively here on ESPN8, The Ocho. We're coming to you live from the Las Vegas University Learning Annex. My name is Cotton McKnight, and with me as always is my partner in crime, Pepper Brooks. Pepper. Yeah. Cotton. Hey.

Everybody, 32 teams in play. That means four wins is going to get you in the final match with that fifth win getting you the 50K that everyone's chasing. Cotton. Well, there's some electricity in the... All-time indelible people in my life. Yeah. Especially Pepper Brooks.

They did the entire thing in five hours. Yeah. Filming. Oh, really? Just one day? And they weren't watching anything. They literally just sat there. They did five hours of filming the announcing stuff and left. And it's, it is the most incredible part. Yeah, they're like, we can use that. We'll fill that in where it works.

Um, yeah, Pepper, or Bateman wearing the, like the BMX shirt. I just, I want, I strive to be as happy and in the moment as Pepper Brooks is in that whole time. He's like, half the time he's just like looking back at the crowd, like in awe of like how fun this is. Pepper needs new shorts! Cotton!

I love how he's gumming. Yeah. An announcer is gumming. Yeah, totally. Some good clean family fun right there. And then we get ESPN The Ocho, which has also lived on and become a huge joke. ESPN has even like weaved that into their programming over the years. Yeah. As if the timing for the show could not be better. Literally ESPN The Ocho I think is like next, after the Olympics, they're going to ESPN The Ocho. I saw it on, I was at my friend's house the other day and just in the background there was like,

the National Pillow Fight Championships. Have you seen this? No. They were pillow fighting, and I was like, whoa, this is like the Ocho. And then I looked closer, and it said on the... It was like in a boxing ring. On the ring, it said, ESPN ate the Ocho. Oh, yeah. It is lived on 20 years later. Yeah, because the director...

Was watching ESPN 2 and they were calling it the deuce. The deuce. And he was like, all right. Well, also, I think back in the day there was just a lot of different ESPN channels and they've sort of pared it down. Yeah. Do you want the list of all the sports they have on? Like, talk about art imitates life. Do you want the real sports they put on the real ESPN 8 video channel? Yeah.

pop a shot roller derby cross net quidditch what's cross net i don't know trampoline dodgeball air hockey darts disc golf chess boxing sports stacking chess boxing chess boxing okay uh is it like you move a piece get a punch i i guess there's also that slapping game have you seen car jujitsu now which is like black belt jujitsu but you're in a car that's a new one you fight in the car yes it's in a car

Like a van? People are in the same car or they're in different cars? Oh, good question. Same car. That's a good question. Otherwise, it would just be racing. They also have cheese rolling. Bumper cars. Extreme pogo shuffleboard. Extreme pogo shuffleboard? Yeah. I want to watch that. Obscure Sports Quarterly. The Ocho. The OSQ. Yeah, so Vegas...

The S&M jersey swap. They beat the Germans. We get the Hasselhoff. Our guy, Hasselhoff, our Baywatch king. Losers! Schweiner. And then I wanted to throw in a mini scene. I don't know if it's a full scene. It's a moment. I legitimately get chills every time I watch Steven Root get angry and have that moment. That legitimately fires me up. It's like the Gary Bertier moment in Remember the Titans and Steven Root getting angry in Dodgeball.

Also, I think Root sneaky looks athletic. He's built. He can play like linemen. He actually moves quite well. When he actually turns into the Hulk and has to be a good dodgeball player for three minutes, I actually think him as an actor...

like seems coordinated like his throws the way he moves he catches a ball he's like like Patrick Willis yeah fleet of foot maybe is that why they did like the character development where he's always like yeah you know you gotta shock the sisters you gotta shock the body I'm gonna maybe blast my pecs for a little bit and then I'm gonna get the glue keep the body guessing that was in my what's the best that is like kind of how I treat working out he actually knows what he's doing keep the body guessing

I'm going to do some glutes, work the biceps, then hit some cardio. L for love. That was also a big one. L for love. And then, okay, so I have next one, the final match, which features Lance Armstrong's cameo, the let them play part. Also, I get chills. I get chills at the three-player swing. I'm such a mark. Oh, the three-player swing was good. Oh, my God. Just turn the tables. Long catches it.

And then Kate runs in, catches another one, and then LeFleur comes in. And LeFleur, like, intercepts one when she's about to get hit. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, she catches one. He comes in, catches another one. It's a three-man swing. All the way through sudden death, and then the end of the movie, the bisexuality thing, which is just, like, the bizarrest end of the movie. And then I have to add the post-credits scene with milkshakes. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, that's the problem with the American cinema.

That might have been like the biggest

thing that people have taken away from this movie is remembering Ben Stiller doing the milkshakes dance at the end of the post-credit. I think Marvel created a totally different relationship with post-credit scenes like post-Iron Man and all that stuff. But this, I feel like it was like a sensation when this happened. That's the perfect song. And then like four or five years later, Hangover had a huge like famous post-credit scene with all the Polaroids. I think this leads to that. Yeah, showing all the photos of the night. Oh no, yeah, I was thinking of old school. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, right. Old school too.

I also love in the very last scene, or I think it's in the post-credits as it's like the commercial for the new Average Joes. Did you notice that Justin Long's girlfriend is pregnant? She's like 19 years old. She's like eight months pregnant. She's immediately having kids.

So I think my winner, I think the final match starting with the Lance Armstrong scene through the final match is still my most rewatchable. I mean, yeah, you have to choose that one. Plus you add in all the Cotton McKnight. Yeah. Like iconic calls, you know, down goes Goodman, down goes. And then he's like, do you believe in unlikelihoods? He will not be able to see very well Cotton. Yeah.

Oh, man. You have that too, Hyman? I think the training montage where they just the sack of wrenches through traffic. I just, it is up there with the Anchorman fight scene for me. Just the app, like when he starts throwing wrenches, I'm just like locking. I can't tell. Is this movie better for 24-year-olds or 14-year-olds? 14. I think 14-year-olds. I don't know.

That's a good question. You know, I'm just trying to think about why this movie persisted. It's a lot of wrenches to the face and the balls. I know. It is very, very slapstick. Yeah, but when does getting hit in the balls become not funny for a person? I think 20. No, I mean, I was still laughing. Oh, okay. I was still laughing too. 30? Never is the point. Yeah, it is.

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No matter your drive, find your path in the Nissan Pathfinder Rock Creek. Learn more at NissanUSA.com. Intelligent four-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhancement traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Okay, what's aged the best? I said the Ocho. 100%? Yeah. I think the ESPN thing, I have this in here as well. I think ESPN, being the sponsor of the tournament, like legitimized the movie.

Yeah. I think that's a good call. Just like seeing ESPN when I watched this movie, so many, I hate when films have like fake sports teams. Yes. Fake sports leagues, fake networks. Just seeing ESPN and they actually wanted it to be Fox because Fox made this movie. Right, right, right. Fox was like, we're not doing that. And ESPN was like, sure.

which is a great call. But yeah, just seeing ESPN like on the banner, I think completely legitimized the movie. I have Globo Gym as a concept because it's kind of Equinox. I was going to say, it's like Gold's Gym. For my era, like at least when I was growing up, it was like Gold's Gym. You go there and there's dudes that are

like, huge. Yeah. And they're wearing, like, the little teeny tiny tank tops. Yeah. But it's also, like, hot, rich people. There's tanning beds there. Oh, and they do plastic surgery in Global Gym. I'm like, Equinox should also offer, yeah, they do emergency. Maybe they do. Plastic surgery is part of it. I had forgotten about he's wheeling out the person in the full body cast. The mummy.

I forgot about that. I have the name White Goodman just as a movie villain name. I'm white. It's right up there with Shooter McGavin. I think Shooter still has the belt, but it's up there. Yeah. W-H-I-T-E-E.

Yeah, I said movies that open with a commercial or a montage. This movie's 92 minutes. That'll always age well to me. Just so tight. No fluff. There's barely, I wouldn't cut a single thing from this movie. Yeah. It used to be so great. 92 minutes. Make movies shorter. There's no better feeling when it's like, oh, we're doing this rewatchable. The movie came out in 1987. I look it up. Hour 41. I'm like, God, that's so nice. Now it's like, even Deadpool's like two hour, 10 minutes. The first one was 100. Yeah.

Anyway, what do you guys have for what's aged the best? I have Vince Vaughn's nihilism.

that's your quote there we go dk the apathy but i just like when i watched this when i was like 11 years old and he's like you know i've found if you have a goal you might not reach it but if you don't have one you're never disappointed i gotta tell you it feels phenomenal and when i was 11 yeah feels phenomenal when i was 11 i was like what a loser now i'm like 30 and i'm like that guy has that guy's on to something yes that guy's right he's like a little too nihilistic you know he's like

Well, we're gonna lose the gym. I'll be in my office playing Mad Lib. Yeah. Like, okay, guy. Come on, just try a little. Passing beer out to all of the customers at his gym. I put the concept of dodging wrenches as a training method. Yeah. It's like maybe the most brilliant part of the whole movie. One of the most brilliant concepts I've ever seen in a comedy. Like, can you think of anything...

that you'd rather get hit with less. Like, a wrench would hurt more than anything else. I can't think of any physical object that would hurt more. It's just pure metal. Yeah, like, if you want to train someone how to play dodgeball as fast as possible, just throw a wrench at them. You can dodge a wrench? You can dodge a ball? Is a timeless concept. It's so brilliant. So I gotta give credit to Patches for that. And then... Yeah, the bench is good. I was gonna talk about Justin Long a little bit more, but, like, his physical comedy in this movie...

So good. Is incredible. He gets hit in the head or knocked over or like beats a crap in like every scene that he's in. It's amazing. Yeah. I love Long. I've always been a Long guy. He's never really had like his movie, I wouldn't say. You're stepping on my take here, but yeah. Oh, I love Accepted, which came out two years after this movie, which is kind of, that is like his vehicle and the movie did okay, but that was kind of like his chance. Yeah. That movie also has a lot of good people in it, Jonah Hill.

Justin Long's intro to the movie is him just getting strangled by like the wire machine. He's like, he has got like his leg up in it. It's just so perfect, man. He's so funny in that movie. What else you guys got? Anything else? I mean, just I'm not a lesbian. I'm bisexual. That aged pretty well. Yeah, it did. That held up. Sure. Yeah. Taught me a lot. I love that you guys learned. I love that. That's incredible. The concept was incredible. I was like 11 years old. I probably never heard the word. Yeah, honestly. Yeah.

uh, McKnight says something in the, in the, during one of the matches, he's like from the island of the island of Lesbos. Yeah. Of course. Virgil, the poet. Right.

I have white shoving pizza down his crotch. It's so messy, too. Like, when Michel comes in, it's like there's cheese flying all over the place. How dare you disturb me during my private reflection period? Michel's reaction's great, too. Cotton and Pepper have aged great. Oh, yeah. And, yeah, the post-credits scene has set up so many other ones for years. You guys have anything else? No, that's all I got. That's all I got.

All right, next category here is, what is the most 2004 thing about this movie? Lance Armstrong being a beacon of perseverance. I had that on What's Aged the Worst, but that works also, yeah. Unbelievable. Dude, I know, it was... He said he was like five Tour de France's in at that point. He won seven eventually. Yeah. So this was like the peak. I think he won five in a row. Right. Also, right after the... The other reason I think this is...

this has to be the most 2004 thing, is how big Livestrong was. Like, Livestrong is the- Everyone had the yellow- Everyone had them. Everyone had the Livestrongs. And, like, this was, like, this was Lance Armstrong's, like, apex mountain, basically. 100%. They got him at the absolute peak. And, like, you know, Peter, when I was suffering from cancer in my brain, lungs, and testicles, I also thought about giving up, but- He's like, what's killing you that's making you not go to this game? I'm sure you have a great reason. He's like, shame. I'm sure this decision won't haunt you for the rest of your life.

I think you better hurry up or you're gonna be late. Actually, I decided to quit. - What? - Quit? You know, once I was thinking about quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung and testicular cancer all at the same time. But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and I won the Tour de France five times in a row. But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit.

Armstrong's good at this scene. He actually does a great job. I like how, for some reason, the way that he delivers his lines, he's like looking Peter up and down. It's like, maybe it's just like a tick that he has where he's like nervous or whatever, but he's like going like this, like...

And judging him is so good. We might need to change the name of that category to like the Lance Armstrong Dodgeball What's Aged to Work. What's Aged to Work. I think the other 2004 thing about this movie is the song Milkshake by Khalees. Great one. I mean, man. Wait, is this What's Aged to Work or Most 2004? Most 2004. Oh, yeah. Milkshake. Milkshake. Extremely. So 2004. That'll come back though on TikTok. That's got to come back.

I know. I remember also being 10 years old and being like, what is a milkshake? Really? I remember like, like, you know, I was like nine when I was like, no, not literally a milkshake. Oh, the metaphor. Yeah. What does it mean? Nine years old. Why does the milkshake bring the boys to the yard? I don't understand. That song feels like a TikTok song. Like that song sounds like it was made in 2021. It does. It totally. The other, do you have any other 2004s? No. What do you got?

Chuck Norris being the judge. Hell yeah. Chuck Norris. I had that too. Like Chuck Norris being like a big piece of pop culture, but also kind of like punchline jokey. Yeah. Like he, I guess like he didn't really know whether he wanted to come on this movie because they had to kind of gas him up. Yeah. They didn't know whether they were making fun of him or not. And apparently he just flew in in a helicopter, did his scene and then flew off in a helicopter. He had one line. Thank you, Peter. Just thumbs up.

Thank you, Chuck Norris. And then like the movie closes with him saying, fucking Chuck Norris. This is absolute fucking cock. I actually had forgotten about the ending of the movie just being fucking Chuck Norris. Fucking Chuck Norris. I was going to say from someone who was in college during this era, 2004,

No grundle at the very beginning. And then later in the movie, he goes, what's a taint? Yeah. People my age obsessed with the words grundle and taint. And gooch. Yeah, gooch became popular. It was like big. People would love talking about taints in the 2004 era. And you know what? It held on.

You guys had that too? Yeah. Taint Gooch. Yeah. You're like, what's a taint? I don't know. It sounds bad. Very common phrase. The movie opening is just a dog like moving his junk around. The first thing he says in the movie is like, no grundle, no grundle. That feels nice. No grundle.

Next award here, Big Kahuna Burger for best use of food or drink. I love... Oh, this is... There's a lot of choices here. I actually love White stuffing the hot dog in his mouth as soon as he loses the final match. He hits the kid to the ground. He launches that kid to the ground and shoves the hot dog in his mouth. I mean, it has to be either the pizza down the pants or the donuts with the electrodes on his nipples when he touches the donut. But it has to be the pizza down the pants. Private reflection period.

The Vincent Chase Award for Are We Sure This Character Was Actually Good at Their Job. Kate Veach? I don't know. I'd put that too. She doesn't really do, like, a lot of work on the whole thing, and then she starts just fraternizing with the clients or the people that she's trying to take down. Yeah, she's, like, going out to beers with them immediately. She's never in her office. She's always just hanging out at the gym. Yeah.

I had a, I mean, this is the, this is sort of the whole point of his character, but Peter is a horrible businessman. Oh yeah. I was going to honestly, I actually have employees. I would give the Vincent chase award to Vince Vaughn because he hasn't collected membership dues in 13 months to totally go out of business. Right? Like that's the entire, how did this ever get open? Why is he an entrepreneur? He should not own a business. Like, let's be real. We'll just do it now. Let's get to the, the CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford's hottest take award.

LeFleur sucks. Yeah. Like, LeFleur sucks. How did he get this job? How did he own a gym? One. Yeah. He slept with three Globo gym trainers in a day. Just a man slut. He seems completely fine with giving up the gym. Hasn't collected membership fees in 13 months. Accepts a bribe. He sexually harasses Kate the first time he sees her. Definitely. Low-key alcoholic. Right.

Let's all those other guys push his car. He just sits in the passenger seat. The gym definitely should foreclose. There's probably a million health hazards. And he's just not that into the whole thing, the entire movie. Justin Long's out there almost hanging himself in the gym by accident. He's like, oh, do that again. Yeah, but he's giving all these misfits a place to hang out and be themselves. And he's encouraging it. I mean, I think he says all the right things, but also he kind of just sucks. He sucks. He's not a good hang. Peter LeFleur.

Do you have a hottest take? Either of you? Oh, I was going like truly right along those same lines. By the way, I saw, I went back and re-listened to the Chris, the, it was the old school one, right? What? The,

The Chris Ryan, Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford. I stumbled upon that in the wild. I was like dying. So good. The actual take that happened. Chris and Bill just couldn't let him live it down for the rest of the pod. I went right along with just the spirit of this topic. And I thought Justin Long was really good. I really liked Justin Long in those days. And so I'm like, Justin Long could have been in his generations like Matthew Broderick. How about that? Like kind of a lovable...

doofus-y guy, but also has some charisma to him. Like, in Accepted, he's kind of like a Ferris Bueller type of character. Yeah, a little bit. He's got some charisma. He gets the girl. You know, he does, like, some wacky things. I really like that movie. But he also has, like, a lot of range. He was really good in Jeepers Creepers. That was the first time I saw him. He was, like, the terrified kid, you know, who eventually meets this crazy-ass demise. But...

hilarious physical comedian. Again, I thought he was like incredible. There was so many just cut-ups of him just getting hit by the dodgeball like in the head or like in the crotch or just like there's one where he's like in a fetal position. It was the trailer for the movie, right? It was just a perception of him getting hit by the dodgeball. It's so freaking funny. I do agree. He's a floor lifter. He makes every movie better. You're never upset to see Justin Long. And he's worked so much. But yeah, he's never really had... He never really took off after Accepted. He was in Waiting.

which was a funny movie, kind of a low-key funny movie. Like, unfortunately, he could have been also on the list of what's the most 2004 thing about this movie. It's also kind of Justin Long. He was the Apple spokesman. The Mac. Oh, yeah. The Mac commercials. Mac guy versus the dorky. It was Mac versus PC. Wait, was the PC guy the... John Hodgman. Who's that? He was the other guy in the commercials.

Oh, I was thinking for a second it was the dude in this movie who plays... Steven Root? Yeah, yeah. I'm pretty positive it's John Hodgman. Check on that. Yeah, but he's been in so many movies. He's just like the fifth guy, sixth guy in every comic. He's good in New Girl. Yeah, I love Justin Long. He was good in New Girl. Do you have a hot take? My hottest take is that Ben Stiller is the best Nepo baby.

Wow. Ever? What do we do? Like in Hollywood? The best. Even that's dicey. Hollywood, I have to think. Wow. Did you come up with a list? I mean, there's a lot. We could go through the whole, I mean, depends how you count, but I basically think that- David Ellison just bought Paramount with his dad's money. Well, I think he has the title belt. I think that David Ellison has the belt right now. Oh, okay. Right? Like, that's pretty great. Bronny James is probably second. Although, is it really like LeBron's actually gets the dad title?

He gets the helicopter dad award. Because I feel like Bronny hasn't actually done it yet. I'm talking like the Nepo baby who started with the head start and then actually is good of their own right. Kyle Shanahan is actually good. He's a Nepo baby. I think Ben Stiller stands on his own feet. And in terms of that, LeBron's the helicopter category. David Ellison, I don't know what I'd put him in. He's just kind of doing fun stuff with his money. Stiller has gotten to the point where

When you find out Jerry Stiller's his dad, you're not like, it's almost like reverse Nepo. You're like, oh, wow, that's Ben Stiller's dad? I like that. I'm trying to think of other Hollywood Nepo babies. There's so many.

I mean, Jamie Lee. Jamie Lee Curtis. Yeah, I mean, the reason when the, did you guys see the, you know the Please Don't Destroy guys for SNL? Yeah. They did the Nepo Baby sketch with Dakota Johnson, which was super funny. But those guys I think are really funny. Like, they are kind of in that stiller zone where you're like, okay, two to three of them are Nepo Babies, but every time I watch their videos, I'm like, okay, they actually kind of, they have it. It's like the Kyle Shanahan thing. They grew up around football, so maybe they, they grew up around comedy, so maybe they just like know how it works and they're actually funny.

All right. Next category here. The Butch's girlfriend award for the weak link of the film. To be honest, don't really have one. If you wanted, if you had to pick someone, you almost pick Vince Vaughn, but I don't think you pick Vince Vaughn. No, I don't think it's anyone. He's not the weak link. I don't think there is one, honestly. I put if you really like have to pick one, the Owen character.

Oh. He doesn't do a lot. You don't like the Owen and Missy Pyle relationship? I mean, it's fine. I will say, I agree with you that Owen is like a kind of a weird character, but I also think... He just like gets benched and then he doesn't really do anything. But then, I actually think the stupidest best bit in the movie is that he's like... He didn't know who Steve the Pirate was. That's actually really funny. There's a guy in our friend group on our team who dresses like a pirate. Yes. That's a very like 2004 style joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scurvy. Yeah. He's like, not ringing a bell. Not ringing a bell.

All right, what's aged the worst? We mentioned Lance Armstrong. You know, there's some language that doesn't hold up. I think the stereotype teams in the tournament. The skills that kills teams. The kamikaze team. Like, that stuff doesn't really work anymore. And the bisexual thing is definitely used as a gimmick. Vitamin water. Like, a huge feature of this movie is vitamin water. It's everywhere. Yeah. Yeah.

Jake was telling us, Jake Kring-Schreifels, who wrote that oral history, he's saying one of the producers met someone from Vitamin Water and they agreed to feed the cast so they put Vitamin Water in the movie or something like that. Yeah, Vitamin Water. I actually drink Vitamin Water. Still? Yeah, I think. Really?

I mean, not like a lot. I've had it a few times lately. You've had it a few times lately? Paid money for it? What does that mean? It's like if it's on a shelf somewhere, I'll grab it. I can't remember the last time I've seen a vitamin water. It's kind of like I saw this stuff at Mio the other day, and I couldn't believe they were making that at Mio. Is vitamin water still around? I'm pretty sure. You just had one. I know. I think that's what I'm saying. I'm pretty sure I've drank it lately. What? Did you or did you not? Yeah. What is going on?

Don't pay attention to what I put in my body. I'm pretty sure I've had it, yeah. It's still around. I feel like it was early on in the like flavored sports drink, sports water. You know, remember Propel? Oh, yeah. What happened with that? All those died and got replaced with new stuff. Propel also still exists. That was the other one I saw recently. Propel exists. I couldn't believe it. That was good, dude. Vitamin water is fine.

It is fine. That's correct. I have, for what stage, the worst. Justin Long's haircut. Worst haircut of all time for me. Of all time? It's bad. It's a terrible haircut. It's like stringy, hanging down over his forehead, bowl cut. Also, Vince Vaughn's hair. Terrible. Terrible male hair other than my boy White. White. The feather. Feathered and lethal. What do you guys have?

I said everything Patches says, basically. Yeah, generally. Not great. Yeah, that's about it. I said, obviously, Lance Armstrong is the bright, shining example of what not aged. A motivational figure of hard work. I think the thing that ages the worst is that the climax of the movie

is that Vince Vaughn bet on his own team to win. And when I was 11, I was like, dude, that's so smart. And now I'm like, dude, this is a year-long suspension, at least. This is a huge Jontae Porter situation. Like, this is a year-long... What are you talking about? Pete Rose did. He bet on his team to win. Jontae bet against himself. That's true. But this is a Calvin Ridley. This is an 88... It should be legal if you're betting on yourself. 100%. This is a huge... That's what Pete Rose has been saying for 40 years. It's a thing that we encourage everyone to do. Bet on yourself. Yeah, bet on yourself. Do you think 50-1 odds was correct?

No, he put out $100,000 on 50-1 odds. This was my picking nits. Well, this is my picking nits. 50-1 in a championship? Feels ridiculous. This is my picking nits. Is any sportsbook taking $100,000 at 50-1 on a dodgeball game? Maybe it was off the book. And then they're like, aren't you the guy on the team? Aren't you the captain of the team?

There's a few... There's a few, like... You could pick nits, I guess, with some of the plot lines. By the way, I think it's really funny. In the final scene, there's, like, the pot of gold or whatever, or the pot of money that comes in. And on it, it says, Yeah. Which...

for those who don't know, I'm sure most people listening to this pod do, is like an act of God in a movie that like changes the outcome of what everyone, it just says it on the pod of God. It's really funny. Do sex machina. Yeah, yeah. Okay, the Ruffalo Hannah Rubinick Partridge Overacting Award. They knew and they let it happen. Don't you call me lady. I come in here. I give these things to you. Give it all you got. Give it all you got.

I treated you like a son! You fucking stabbed me in the heart! Fuck you! Fuck you!

These movies are always tough to give this award because everyone's kind of going for it. I think Stiller in moments. It's Stiller by far. But like most of them work though, I think, and are completely warranted. I think there are moments, like I think when he gets, when he hits Kate in the face with the ball in the final match and he gets a warning and he's like, he's doing like a baseball manager thing. He's sweating like a grease monkey out here. That's the worst call I've ever seen in my life. He's sweating like a grease monkey out here. How would you call that? He's like doing like a baseball manager yelling to an umpire type thing. Yeah. Blatant cheap shot to Dwight Goodman.

That's court misconduct! That's a warning! Oh, come on! Give me a break! You okay? Yeah, I'm fine. Jesus. Are you sure? Yeah, I'm alright. It was an accident! Come on! I thought she was in play! Not a chance. What? We're sweating like grease monkeys out here! I can't hold onto a ball! Sorry, miss, but you're out. You gotta get off the court.

That's a little bit hot. And he's waving the little red flag in front of, like, yeah. Everything he says in the entire movie is overacting, but it's, like, the reason you want to watch the movie, so it doesn't matter. I mean, like, the scene where he's doing the weightlifting and Michel is, like, spotting him, and he's like...

It felt very spasms. Watch the show. Watch the show. Like, just like that is him the entire movie. It's so good. But to me, this award is about overacting that doesn't work. Okay. Because I think 90% of his lines to me still work. So here's my question then. Is Steve the Pirate the first overacting character? Right.

Like, just the entire concept? Is to just overact? Yeah. I can't get my head around how they came up with that. They thought that was the litmus test for when executives would read the script and whether they got the character or not. Right, if they thought that was funny. If they like Pete. Like, they knew Ball. It was their, like, brown M&Ms for Van Halen. It was just like, they were like, if you, yeah, they knew Ball. And I guess that the woman who ended up greenlighting the whole project and shepherded it through Fox, basically, was...

Like the first thing they said when they walked in was like, I love Steve the Pirate. But yeah, where did that come from? See, this is what like AI could never write Steve the Pirate. He would never think of it. It would never think of it. Although I bet it was a hallucination though. I know. Even if I was given that spec script, if my friend gave me the dodgeball script, I would probably read it and be like, I don't know about the Steve the Pirate thing. There are some ideas. There are some ideas. I don't know. Where even if someone could go back and be like, I got an idea. It's going to be like a taxi service where you get in the car with a total stranger.

And I'm like, I wouldn't have invested in that. And like, no, same thing. I would never have been like, keep the Steve the Pirate thing. I know. It's so funny how that stuff works. Okay. Next one here. Is there a better title? Is there a better title for this movie? No. No way. It's a great title. The Can You Dig It Award for the most memorable quote. Clear my schedule. How much time you got? I don't know. You want to each pick three?

Sure. Yeah. I'm going to go with in terms of how things have aged, how much they have worked their way into the lexicon. Yeah. What is still in cycle? I think there's two or three that are Mount Rushmore. I think bold strategy cotton is huge. People still say that. Yeah. Balmy blazer.

Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. I love that one. If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. And also the five Ds of dodgeball. Yeah. Dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge. I think Loki, the funniest line in the entire movie for me is...

LeFleur after he has to go talk to the team after Patches dies and he goes yeah they don't really make a sorry your dodgeball coach got crushed by two tons of irony Hallmark card he literally gets crushed by a luck of the Irish like sign I thought like forever I thought that's the most hilarious line of the movie I love Patches saying tomorrow we're gonna pecker slap those global bastards dude Patches he's like

but I drink my urine because it's sterile and I like the taste of it. The shit he says in the movie is just wild. I said, is it necessary to drink my own urine every time someone said necessary for 15 years? But it's sterile and I like the taste. The way he delivers every line is so funny. Also, just...

I've seen the great walls of China. I've seen the great pyramids in Egypt. I've even seen a grown man satisfy a camel. Unbelievable. Everything White says to me, just cramming up your cram hole to the floor. Joni loves Chachi. I know you. You know you. I know that you know that I know you.

He has like four conversations with Peter in this movie where like, all the tongue twisters. What? I know that. I know you just said that. Yeah, I just said, yeah, you just said that. Touche. Yeah, touche. Touche also is incredible. I think like a couple of the quotes that are not like as funny, but are still in the lexicon are, I read about it.

In a book. In a book. In a book. I love, uh, that'll buy you one hell of a Blumpkin. God, dude. Didn't know what a Blumpkin was. Yeah, this is another 2004-ism, I feel like. The Dirty Sanchez, the Blumpkin, like, there was a big trend for naming sexual acts. Yeah, it was like Urban Dictionary's rise. Yeah, Dirty Sanchez, all that stuff. Alaskan Pipeline. Look that one up. Don't know about that one. Uh, any other quotes?

You're about as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop. Rip torn. Sending it. I actually, right. That's my judgment for quarterbacks. Like Desmond Ritter, you couldn't hit water if you thought of a poop. All right. We'll take a quick break and then we'll be right back. This episode is supported by State Farm. Think about your first reaction after you have an accident. What do you do? You scream, oh no, or man, why did this happen? On the flip side,

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A lot of options here. I think our threshold for who qualifies as a that guy is much lower than that of Bill, Chris, and Sean, who know every actor. I think I know just as much as Sean. Yeah, you probably do. You should go up against him in a quiz show. Yeah, yeah. Um...

Like for me, I think Gary Cole, I know Gary Cole's name, but I think for average people, they're like, oh, that guy. Lumberg. The guy from Veep. The guy from Talladega Nights. Right. I think Gary Cole kind of qualifies as a that guy. Alan Tudyk, I think, qualifies as a that guy. That's Steve the Pirate? Yes. Yeah. Chris Williams, the guy who plays Dwight. I don't know that guy's name. Every time I see him, I'm like, oh, yeah. He's Crazy Ice Killer, yeah. Yeah, right.

And then the ref who every time I see that guy, I'm like, the ref from Dodgeball. That guy's name is Al Kaplan. He's a real ref. He was a ref for American Gladiators? Yeah, he was a minor league baseball ref. He did a great job in the movie too. Fantastic job. Except for the part where he waited about 10 seconds to like announce the foot foul on the final play. Everyone's like celebrating. The announcers are talking about it and then he's like,

Stop! Everything! The foot was over the line! He got the call right. You're such a hater on that. It took him way too long. Isn't that better? He got the call right. That's the point. You were such a hater with referees. Yeah, he should have done it quicker. Who do you guys have for that guy? Booger. Booger? Booger. Which one's Booger? People in my generation will know what I'm talking about. He is the...

or whatever of the regional match where they get in. He played Booger in Revenge of the Nerds. He's the guy who's like three anabolic steroids in one. Oh, right. And he has just been Booger

For me, for my entire life. I don't know his actual real name. I just Googled Booger. That was not the right way to do this. Actor? Let me see what his actual name is here. That is a good one. Curtis Armstrong. Curtis Armstrong, right. But he's been a bit actor, I think, in probably like 100 movies since. But I just see him as Booger every time. Yeah, I agree. I don't know as many actors' names. I mean, if Sean Fennessey knows the guy who plays Steve the Pirate, I don't think that counts. But also, I just think, yeah, that Gordon, that he's the uncle in Barry. Right. That really was wow. Yeah.

He was the guy from The Office Sorry no Office Space Yeah Milton That's like where I know him from Yeah I know I kind of think all these guys qualify And Gary Cole by the way Who's Lumberg in Office Space Right Shit Lumberg fucked her Just like Lumberg in that In that movie Is like an all type character Shit

All right, Dion Waiters Award. There's a million options here. Yeah. Again, I think the definition is probably different for us. Well, I don't think anyone on either of the teams really qualify. I don't think anyone on Global Gym or Average does qualify. And Patches is in the movie probably too much to be Dion Waiters. I think Patches is disqualified as well. Yeah. I think it's obvious then. I think it's Bateman.

100%. Pepper Brooks? Pepper Brooks. Yeah, he has so many great lines. He will not be able to see with that. Yeah, that's a great one. I think that's the obvious one. I was going to throw this out. We already talked about it. Patton Oswalt just doing the voiceovers for Drunken Hussies 3, Backdoor Patrol 5, and Mona Lisa Smile. He's describing in detail how to cook a pizza later. Who's the guy in the Celtics who came in only to shoot the half-court shot and he made it? Peyton Pritchard? Yeah, I think that's Oswalt. He came in for like three seconds and he made a half-court.

We hit the rewatchables quota of mentioning a Celtic. There we go. I thought Gary Cole and Jason Bateman are like... Yeah, I think together. They're just sending it. As a duo? Separating the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian...

I love that he's like, this hasn't happened since the 1919 Helsinki episode. And we all know how that turned out. Pepper's just like looking at the crowd. I was young enough when I saw this movie that I thought that was a real thing. 1919 Helsinki? I thought something had actually happened. All right. Recasting couch director of City. How do you guys feel about Christine Taylor? I think, yeah, it's a good question. I think she works pretty well. I think the one...

thing that like makes it funny or weird is that she has unicorns in her house like she really loves unicorns oh yeah that was a random looking back on that i'm like i don't know why that was in the movie that probably didn't need to be there right i want to see like a whole different scene on that one i think they needed a way to make it seem more plausible that she would like hanging out with these losers right so they need to make her like a bit of a weirdo as well right um but i don't know i never leave a movie being like

Christine Taylor, I'm going to remember that performance. I think she's always fine. I liked her. I liked her. Same with Zoolander. She kind of is just kind of a five out of ten for me. I think she's even better in Zoolander than this one. Yeah. I liked her in both. Like, I remember when I was, you know, live watching these movies, like, she was, like, super hot, like, really funny actress. Like, she... I think, like...

nails the like she's really beautiful and also can like you know like I said earlier she's like calling out all of white Goodman shit the entire time in like a really wry way I like that I would have I had a suggestion Courtney Cox I thought right

That worked for Kate. Or, I mean, Jennifer Aniston. Could you have pulled them off Friends at that point? Aniston, I think, was probably too big to play that. I think Courtney, I mean, Courtney Cox was still big too. It was 2004. Right. You know, but. Like a million an episode on Friends at that point? Lisa Kudrow? I don't know. So the other part of this category that I like is when we spin it forward. I want to do 2024 recasting couch. Who would play Peter and White today? Ooh. And it's so damn hard. Yeah. It is harder than ever to figure this out.

there's like barely any actors in there of 30s to even name. In my head, I'm like, I think Glenn Powell could maybe be White Goodman. Yeah. He's too like athletic. Well, he just, I didn't actually, I didn't see the movie yet, but, Hitman. Right, where he like plays a whole bunch of different characters. Yeah, he flexes his chops playing kind of like zany characters in that movie. How old was Vince Vaughn when this was filmed? They're all like in their mid 30s. Like 30s.

Miles Teller Adam Driver I've been I really want to do a comedy I think Adam Driver is I could see that awesome at comedies great on SNL I could see that yeah you know that would work it's just so weird now that like we don't have your go-to you know late 20s mid 30s actor that you're like oh like we have a studio comedy I can see Adam Driver running Hussies 5 and also Mona Lisa Smile yeah Andy Samberg for White Goodman oh that's pretty good

I can see that. He's got the hair. Yeah. And he's got the ability to like go super weird. Be wacky. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. No one's slapstick anymore. You don't see these like outlandish characters. How old is Hater? He's probably too old. Oh, wow. Oh, for right now, Hater? I know he's 46. I think he'd play younger. Yeah, maybe. Hater would be really funny.

Wait, do you like him for the Vince Vaughn role or for the, who do you like, where do you like him? I was thinking Vince Vaughn role. Hader kind of did that in Trainwreck. Do you see that movie, Trainwreck with LeBron? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he kind of played a straight man in that. You don't often see him as the straight man. I guess Barry a little bit, but then that kind of goes haywire. Yeah, LeBron won't pay for anything. Yeah, he won't pay the tab at like a coffee shop. That's good bit. Forgot my wallet. All right.

Is this movie better with Tony Romo or Chris Collinsworth for director's commentary? I would pay pay-per-view to get Tony Romo on this announcing set. Dude, I think Tony Romo bases his whole persona off of Pepper. Like, Tony Romo is like just a less out-there version of Pepper. Put the blindfold on, Jim! Jim!

gonna see very well, Jim! Double fold, Jim! 113D! I just wanted Craig to do the Romo impression, but like, truly, he's like, I'm so excited, Jim! Like, he just is, you know, sort of unprepared, really not like...

buttoned up for sure maybe like a little hungover version of Pepper. Yeah, we need Romo in the BMX outfit. Also, by the way, there's a really funny story about the unrated version of the DVD. I haven't watched Director's Commentary in forever but like there's a Director's Commentary on the unrated version of the DVD which is fake where Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn and the director are

are all talking and like Ben Stiller's 20 minutes late. They're all mad at him throughout the whole time. They get in a big fight. Halfway through the movie of the commentary, they leave. And then the sound guy like freaks out and puts on the director's commentary for something about Mary for the rest of the movie. And that's just like a little Easter egg. Oh, that's really funny.

All right, half-assed internet research. There's a lot here. I'll keep it to just like a few nuggets. So this movie basically kickstarted the dodgeball boom across the country. A bunch of leagues popped up. Yeah, I remember that. For all the actors, we touched on this a little bit. It was like a pretty rigorous training regimen. A lot of people got banged up. There were twisted ankles.

Maybe concussions. Justin Long went blind. Justin Long went blind. Ben Stiller threw a ball and it hit his wife in the face. Yeah, they used a jugs machine to shoot dodgeballs at people. The sound effects of this movie, by the way, are amazing. Perfect. The dodgeballs hitting the people in the face is like the perfect sound. It transports me back to middle school playing dodgeball. When you guys play dodgeball, I feel like

our generation, they had phased out the rubber balls because they were too... We had foam balls. Yeah, we had foam. We had real, like, dodge balls. Those were heavy, huh? I don't know if, like, heavy, but they were kind of hard. I feel like you basically played with, like, a kickball. It's like getting slapped in the face. Yeah. They had phased that out between you and I. That's probably why you can't remember anything. Right, right. Yeah, yeah. But the sound of the rubber is incredible. Ours were those foam ones that, like...

Like, if you threw it, it was basically a slider. It slows down. Yes, exactly. It, like, had a natural curve to it. By the way, this is my dream. Being an actor in a sports movie where all you do for, like, two months is train and learn how to play a sport is, like, my dream in life. Like, I remember Glenn Powell was talking about Everybody Wants Some, the Richard Linklater baseball movie, and he was like, oh, yeah, just, like, two months. Just played baseball? Yeah, played baseball in Texas. Kind of hung out, went to bars. I'm like, God, that is the coolest thing in the world. Yeah.

There's some funny rip torn stuff. It basically sounds like he had no idea what movie he was in. You can see it while he's like, after you know that fact, when you watch him deliver his lines, you're like, this guy has no idea what he's, how he got involved in this movie. He's like, why am I saying these lines? But it kind of makes the movie better. You know, the final scene where he's looking at his patches of hula hand thing that he's going to put on his face. He's like, you can do it.

Good luck. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Like, to me, I'm like, he's like, I don't know why I'm here. That was a weird moment. Like, I felt like that could have been funnier, but I don't know. The delivery was so weird. I love to say bye-bye. Bye-bye. Yeah, he also doesn't really, like, insult him. It's not very patchy. He's just like, remember your training. Good luck. You can do it. Yeah. Okay. So weird. Yeah, there's weird stories about him there. Basically, like, he didn't seek this project out. We kind of had to coax him into doing this. Right. He was actually mean to Justin Long.

Yeah. And then he was just like leaving set all the time. They basically had a handler for him to try and like make sure he wasn't leaving. He was like, it's Christine Taylor's brother. Yeah. And they would like try to, he would like get in a van and drive away for hours and hours and like miss scenes. They shot this at the Cabrillo high school in long beach, the Vegas tournament. Hmm.

They used sports camera operators that came in that were used to shooting football and basketball. Looks good. I like the sports shots. I know, and that's actually why you're saying you got goosebumps. It actually feels... It's an absurd sport to cover for a movie. You know, it's like something you play in elementary school. But it feels like you're into it. You really get...

drawn into the action of the movie. Gordon getting fired up. Dude, when, like, the solid hit, like, when you see someone get hit really solid and they, like, load up and actually, like, come in and just hit him really hard or whatever, like, two balls at the same time, I'm like, oh, yeah, like, I want to go play. Yeah. Well, you know, we should have mentioned Gordon's wife as a potential overacting award. She's really cooking. But also, like, 30 seconds, yeah. How's that going? Re!

Really, really good. Really great. Really, really great. The Average Joe's jerseys are based on the Hoosiers jerseys. Oh, yeah. Which is fun. Yeah. A lot of the seat fillers in Vegas were, like, from a halfway program. Mm-hmm. Or were on, like, work releases. They got, like, kind of rowdy. Yeah. They were just, like, getting anybody they could kind of thing. And then Vince Vaughn was taking everybody out to strip clubs at night while they were filming. Yeah, in the Vegas part. He was, like, the real-life...

the person that everyone glommed on to. He was like the on-set glue guy. Right. Yeah. Apparently they were at, I read something where he was at, they were at a strip club at like four in the morning and Chris Williams, the guy who plays Dwight, was like, I gotta go home. We have a big day tomorrow. And Vince Vaughn's like, you're not going home. He's like, gave him 400 bucks. Yeah. He's like, we're going back now. He ends up with 400 bucks. He's like, make me proud. Yeah. He's like,

He winks at him. Do you have any other research you want to hit? Just that Missy Pyle who played the Fran on the Globo Gym team. Originally, that character is supposed to be a fembot. Like Austin Powers. Freak out the fembots! Just a robot. All right. Apex Mountain. I think Stiller, it's like right around this time. Yep. Yeah. I think it's in the discussion. I mean, he had four movies come out this year.

I mean, I know that Something About Mary was probably his biggest hit. So, 98 was Something About Mary, 2000, Meet the Parents, 2001, Zoolander, and Royal Tenenbaums. Yeah. But while we're checking off the rewatchables, like, while we talk about what it actually Apex Mountain means, if it's supposed to be the peak of your clout and ability to do things, he got a movie made about dodgeball.

Like, Ben, I feel like this has to be this stretch. Yeah, with a first-time writer-director. Yeah. That's crazy you shepherded that. If you look after it, so in 2004, he had Along Came Polly, which is great. Dodgeball, Anchorman, he was a cameo. Starsky and Hutch. Starsky and Hutch. And Meet the Fockers. Meet the Fockers. He had five movies. Yeah, I think this has to be Apex Mountain. Was Meet the Fockers? It was big. But, like, I wouldn't list it as one of my favorite movies ever, but I remember it being, like, kind of a big deal at the time. Are you talking specifically about the sequel or the franchise in general? Because Meet the Parents is the original, which was huge.

And he's still making a movie with Robert De Niro. Yeah. Meet the Parents was in 2000 and it made like $300 million. And then after that, it was Night at the Museum, Tropic Thunder. I think you could make the argument Tropic Thunder was his apex, but I don't know. I think it's now. I think it's 2004. Yeah, it's 2004. Vaughn, I would say maybe Wedding Crashers. I would. It has to be Wedding Crashers. Which is just a year later, so he's close too. It's ish. It's right in there. Christine Taylor, I'm going to say yes.

The sport of dodgeball. That's what I put. Trillion percent. Right? Completely revitalized it. Stunt casting in a movie. These are hard because I don't have the encyclopedic knowledge of all films, but...

Hank Azaria, Lance Armstrong, Chuck Norris, William Shatner, and David Hasselhoff are all in this movie. Yeah, it's pretty good. An $18 million comedy from 2004, and they got all these people to be in this movie. And like half of them were like, oh, I know him. Yeah. So let's bring him in. Like, I think that was one of the producers knew David Hasselhoff. Yeah. He had worked with him or something. This is one of those things that every time I listen to this show,

I'm just, I don't understand how much movies cost to make. Like it never like, Oh yeah, it costs $200 million to make. I'm like, how? And I'm like, Oh yeah, $18 million for this movie. Also we helicoptered Chuck Norris to do 30 seconds. And I don't really understand, but yeah, like getting Lance Armstrong and Chuck Norris and a movie that's under $20 million. It makes me not understand what they're doing with 150. You know, we didn't mention Armstrong for Dion waiters. He's, he's, he's up there.

He's just not, he, I feel like he doesn't. If you had to give a cameo Dion Waiters, it's probably. Yeah. Peyton Pritchard. Peyton Pritchard. Half court shot. Half court shot. I got another one. International talk like a pirate day in 2004. Apex Mountain.

Couldn't have got much better than that in terms of talk like a pirate day, folks. Gar! Wait, was Pirates of the Caribbean also 2004? Oh, yes, it was. This was maybe Apex Mountain for Pirates. Apex Mountain for Pirates. Oh, it was 03, still. Oh, still, that's true. You don't think it was actually, you don't think the Pirates Apex Mountain was actually during like the late 1700s? Like the Barbary? Real? Actual Pirates? I don't know. Just a thought. Fighting the Faldeans? Blackbeard? Yeah, Blackbeard. Yeah, it's tough.

This was like a little, yeah, this is like the last Warriors title. This is like the end, yeah. Apex Mountain for air-pumped baseball cups for your crotch? Dude. This or, doesn't he do it in Austin Powers? Doesn't he have the pump? Oh, does he? Well, he has the penis enlarger pump. Yeah. Oh, he's handed that one to Kuzakriov. But it's not in his pants. They had like a pump going to Steeler's crotch and there was like a guy behind the desk pumping out. Apparently, I think, I read that they tried a whole bunch of different types of things. They had like something that would like

down his leg too to like make it look, you know, something as, are you just happy to see me or is that something in your pocket? I have a funny quick story. When I, out of college, I lived in New York for a year and I was a PA on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, the Tina Fey show. And there was one day where they were trying to like rig a machine to Fred Armisen's pants so that he could wet himself. And,

and they needed somebody to test it out because I guess Fred Armisen wasn't going to do it. So they brought me down and I just stood for like an hour on stage and Jon Hamm was sitting there watching because he was in the scene and they were just figuring out and I would just get a new pair of pants on every five minutes and they would just

have me wet myself and be like, oh, does that look like an authentic, you know, pants wedding? No, it's, that's way too heavy of a flow. And I just did that for an hour. So I always love like stupid shit, like Vince Vaughn or a crotch pump. Trying to like engineer something. Yeah. I just remember going home that day and I just like called my parents and I was like, John Hammond front arms and just watched me pee myself for an hour. Oh, that's good. American dream. I think it's Apex Mountain for announcers and movies. Oh, wow. Great one.

I mean, the first thing I thought of was the movie Major League. And shoot, I'm blanking on his name, but he's like an actual Hall of Fame baseball announcer. Let me look that up real quick. I just listened to the Major League. Is it Vin Scully? No, it's I'm just blanking on his name. He has a really famous name. Hold on. This is good, though. I mean, this is up there. I know that the original Longest Yard has like an awesome announcer. Bob Uecker.

Bob Uecker to me is the first thing I think of when I think of announcers in movies. Like he's, that's an all-time performance. For fake sport movie announcers, easily these two. For a non-real major league sport. Yeah. The only other one I'll throw out is Apex Mountain for cash and suitcases.

Oh, that was funny. Oh, that was funny. It's not very impressive when you see it. You ever see what $100,000 looks like? It's just like 10 bills. One rubber band in the seat. Cruiser Hanks.

The Cruise and Stiller connection. Do you remember how Stiller used to do the Tom Cruise impression? But you think Cruise as Peter? I think Tom Cruise could have been White Goodman. I think if he does the Tropic Thunder impression, like there's a version of that that's White Goodman. I agree. It's Cruise as Goodman, but it's absolutely Hanks as Peter. But he was in Terminal. Whoa. Do you think that... I guess this is a stupid question, but do you think that Vince Vaughn is the star of the movie or is it Stiller? I think it's Peter. Vince Vaughn's the star, but...

on paper but when you watch he's the protagonist but Ben Stiller's the star right right right best racehorse rock band wrestler or fantasy team name for this movie Purple Cobras yeah great even just like Patches of Hoolan that would be a great horse name Patches of Hoolan I had a couple you had me at Blood and Semen sure

I'm thinking like racehorse names here. Ipso facto, I'm your boss. Great line. That's actually another line that I said all the time. Ipso facto. Ipso facto, I'm your boss. That was how our show started. Well, you know, like, I'm your, you're his boss, whatever. Ipso facto, I'm your boss. Bank works for me. You work for the bank. So ipso facto.

And then fantasy name, the Fitness Consigliere's. Ooh, that's good. My Fitness Consigliere, Michel. How about just fucking Chuck Norris? Fucking Chuck Norris. Fucking Chuck Norris. All right, picking nits. Look, this is a movie called Dodgeball. Yeah, yeah. Wouldn't the 50K be taxed

Isn't 50K like not very much? Well, he needed 50K, but even if they won that, wouldn't it be taxed? Yeah, you split it in six. Yeah, you take taxes out of it. Like 50%. He'd get like 32 of it. Right. So I don't know how that would work. That'd be a funny like way to end the movie. Also, you couldn't buy a controlling interest in a company with $2 million. Like LA Fitness is worth $2 billion. Right. Like he buys Globo Gym with $2 million. Yeah, go ahead. Well, I was just saying,

The actual thing that hit me now that I feel like I'm old is the idea of a bank sending a real human being to help a small business file their paperwork. And I'm just like with the picky bits and I'm like, I feel like you can't even get a human from a bank on a phone now.

Do gyms like this exist, like Average Joe's, where they're just like dilapidated, barely running, and nobody goes to them? They're just the gyms where they care about the wellness of the people as opposed to just collecting membership. It's funny, Craig, because I had sort of the opposite impression. I'm like, in the scenes where they're at Average Joe's, there's like a lot of people there. It's like actually doing okay. 15 people. And it's relatively put together. Like the building looks shitty from the outside, but the inside is like clean. They have like towels for everyone.

I don't know. Yeah. I was like, this isn't as bad as they make it seem. You would go to Average Joe's? I would go to Average Joe's, yeah. What do you think it costs? What was the monthly membership fee? Zero. You didn't collect. No, I know. What do you think it was? Five bucks? Yeah. Yeah. A couple questions. How old is Patches supposed to be?

So... This is unanswerable. Well, I guess you could put that too, but like in the video from the beginning... With Hank Azaria? Yeah. So it says 80AA since 1938 and I think it had a copyright in 1954. So that'd be 50 years before this movie. It's in black and white. And he was like a 40-year-old man in the video. Like, is he 90? I actually looked up how old Hank Azaria was in 2004 and he was 40. Oh, really? Yeah. And so I'm like,

Patches is not 90. That's just a picking nit. He looks great for 90. Also, there's some confusing timeline stuff in this because in the opening scene, it says six years and 600 pounds earlier. This was 1987.

And so that would have made the movie 1993. Oh, I did not pick up on that. Look at you questioning the timeline of Dodgeball. Yeah, I know. Well, the reason I did it is because I was trying to figure out how old Patches was. I'm like doing the math. You're like carbon dating this movie. I'm like fucking looking deep into this. So I guess it's implied that this is from 1993, but then...

Lance Armstrong is in it and he didn't start winning his titles until like 1904 yeah I think it's 1904 but I think they started out thinking it was supposed to be 1993 yeah

And then they were like, oh, we got to get Lance. I think it's weird that, so when they have the qualifying round, the sub-regional round against the Girl Scouts, they have team jerseys that kind of look exactly the same as the new ones. And I'm like, where'd they get those? There's just yellow average Joe's jerseys. In one day. And then Owen gets the new ones and he basically just looks like he laundered the old ones. They should have kept the S&M ones. They probably had shirts at gym though. They probably had shirts for like some softball game or something. They probably had them around.

Peter O'Flor seems like he's the type of guy to buy everyone softball jerseys. Oh, he lets someone else do it for him because he doesn't do anything. And then does, so at the end of the movie, it is a double lane violation, correct? Yeah. Vince Vaughn does not, Peter does not look like he steps over the line or gets even close.

No, no, no. White Goodman steps over the line, but during the throw, no, no, no. He gets, the throw counts. But it's a double lane violation. No, it's a double fault. No, it's a, God, we're parsing the rest. Well, they mentioned it earlier because they were like, we're going to. Rule 113D, double fault. He steps over the line, so White Goodman's out. But in the action of stepping over the line, he hit Peter with the ball. So because. How is it a double fault?

Because it's a, I don't know, they're making it up. It's like, yeah, the throw shouldn't count. White should be out because he hit the movie, but they count the throw for whatever reason. Like, the rule doesn't make sense. If he steps over the line and then hits Peter, the game should be over. He should be out. Why do they get to go to sudden death? That's like such a break for White. Or like a redo. Yeah, it's a redo. It shouldn't be sudden death. And I don't understand why it's called a double fault. I thought they were implying they both step over the line

Right. Like Peter steps over the line when he hits Michelle. No. Was it the second time he stepped over the line? Like in like a double fault? No. No. Never understood that. There we go. That's way too in the weeds. Really bothers me. Anybody, anything else? I mean, I mentioned that just the sports book taking 10 grand on 50 to one for the cap, a bet from the captain of the team. Yeah. A guy like Peter, a guy like Peter would never own a company. He would never, he would never have. He would never have employees. Yeah.

I know. Because the joke that White started the gym because of his dad's wealth. And I'm like, I feel like Peter's dad also gave him the gym. Right, right. That's actually a really funny line. And a generous inheritance from my father, Earl Goodman. Like, just drop it. Earl Goodman. All right, let's take one more break.

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and help them unwind with the newest albums on Apple Music, subscriptions to their favorite streaming services, access to over 200 games, and much, much more. Visit apple.com for details and to send Apple gift cards this back-to-school season. All right, sequel, prequel, Prestige TV, all black casts are untouchable. Just don't touch any of these movies. Well, yeah, obviously. I hate sequels. They made Zoolander 2. It was terrible. Anchorman 2, I'm still working through. Complicated feelings.

But like, just don't, just don't ever. I feel like we're a few years away from a sequel with like live dodgeball. Oh, that's good. Yeah. I think if you had to make one, I would choose a prequel because I would like to know how the rivalry started between these two guys. And Peter kept having sex with the employees. Yeah. Well, yeah, but I would like to see that. Yeah.

Like, it sounds like Peter was actually instigating the acrobat. Maybe your take that Peter is the worst is actually right. Peter is a bully, and that set off the whole Globo Jim thing. Yeah. And maybe that he's actually the protagonist. Maybe White Goodman's the protagonist. White's trying to just get people in shape. New category, fantasy drafting the players from Globo and Average Joe's. Ooh. There we go. We are the ringer fantasy football show, so I thought this was perfect. Who's number one pick?

I don't know the difference between Blaze, Laser, and... It's Blade? Blade, Laser, and Blazer. Yes. They're in the same tier. Yeah, they're all in the same tier. Is number one... Like, when does the first average Joe player come off the board? Is it after the entire run of Globo? After all with Purple Cobras. Globo, yeah. Globo's the Warriors. Average Joe's just like the Hornets. Fran doesn't do a lot. She's hyped up. I think Fran... No, I... She's a robot.

No, I think Fran might be my 101. I think she just didn't play well. She killed a guy in a bar. She killed a guy. With a changeup. She fell in love with a guy on the court. And then got hit. Weak link. I think it's Michelle. 101. Oh, yeah. Hit right on the dome. So big, so strong. Nimble. He caught the ball that hit white. That was good. That was big time. Yeah. Who's your number one off average, Jost? Are you taking Peter or Kate? I think it's got to be Kate because she's got the cannon and she can catch. Yeah. Peter can do it with his eyes closed.

You think Peter's one-on-one? I mean, it's gotta be Peter. He might even show up to the game. He took a bribe for the team. He showed up. He's Kawhi Leonard. He's like, we don't even know if he's gonna play. He's the ringer. Everyone's like, where's the best player on this team? And everyone's like, I don't know. I think he's at the airport. Dude, sneaky. He's like, Peter. He's like, I was all state. I'll put it wherever I want. I'm making rain. Is it the exact same character? Wait, you think that is what happens with Kawhi Leonard? He just runs into Lance Armstrong at the airport. He's like, I should go back.

I sneaky think Gordon might be my 102. I kind of like that. He's a gamer. Blast the glutes. Kind of a boom bust. Yeah. He's an old guy. Just got to get him mad. Just one Oscar, who gets it? Stiller? I think yes. Script? I put Rip Torn. Oh! You love Patches. You fucking love Patches. He's just like, he's 100 miles an hour in every scene. Yeah, he's Paul Skeetons. He's throwing 105. Because it's sterile and I like the taste.

It's so weird. All right, probably unanswerable questions. So are Peter and Kate and Joyce in a thruple now? I don't know. That's a good question. It was like sort of open-ended. Yeah.

How is that? I think yes, because they actually set it up in the beginning with when you find your three people. Yeah. It's like one of the fifth lines he says. Yeah. I like how you know her name. Joyce. Kate and Joyce. I thought you were in Guam. I got an earlier flight from Guam to Vegas. Yeah, they have multiple a day. I think this is my ultimate takeaway every time I watch this movie is like, why isn't dodgeball more of a thing?

dodgeball's a great sport right that's a good question shouldn't it be in the olympics handball's in the olympics they're already playing handball you know what I was thinking this is maybe a picky nit but like dodgeball it's a short game it has to be like 3 out of 5 best of 7 I think because it's like everyone's out half the people are out like a minute into the game it's like probably 2-3 minute games I think you do best of 7 yeah

Yeah. I mean, I would watch it, honestly. Yeah, how do we have... Yeah, we have breakdancing in the Olympics. We don't have dodgeball. It's kind of weird. Yeah, like handball... The scene with the breakdancers. Like, they're doing a little bit too much breakdancing over there. The guy's, like, doing, like, the moonwalk. He just gets nailed. Yeah, I feel like dodgeball is a few tweaks away from being, like, a really engaging sport. Yeah. You played it in PE, right? In high school? Yeah. It's fun. It's weird. I don't know why it's not a thing. That's a good point.

What do you guys have? Do you think that pizza down the pants feels good? It's got to be scalding hot oil. Well, you make sure it's the right temp. You just make sure it's not scalding. Wait. Yeah. Okay. Well, no one explained that to me. It probably doesn't feel bad. It's like a hand warmer.

We're getting into like American Pie territory here. Right, right, right. I was going to say, there's some weird, vague Nazi references with the ADAA. Oh. You think it's like... Also, Peter accuses White of being a Nazi. Right. You think ADAA is like part of HYDRA?

It's like, so the video with ADAA, it's the Uber American Institute instructional film. And it started in 38. And it's like, it's like a German thing. And the, and the leader of dodgeball is the chancellor. Yeah, that's true. I'm like, was there like a different timeline that they just ended up cutting out of the movie about like how the dodgeball association was like started by the Nazis or something? I don't know. That's honestly, maybe patches is actually secretly just American Nazi. Wow.

Wow, okay. I mean, I wouldn't put it past him. It's an unanswerable question. We should ask the director about that. Maybe his fall from grace came because he was a Nazi. My other unanswerable question is, do you think Tom Brady ever took a low-grade beaver tranquilizer? 100%. Will Levis is on it right now. Got a dart in your neck. Jason Bateman, how has he not aged in 20 years? He looks exactly the same right now as he did then. Yeah. Look, man. Hollywood, you can do anything. Yeah, they get plastic surgery. He might be a better...

like, less of an age than Paul Rudd. Yeah, Paul Rudd's another one who's like, forehead hasn't moved since he was 25. Best double feature choice for this movie? I went Talladega. I think that's good because it's like a sports movie. I wrote down Basketball, Happy Gilmore, Kingpin, like another kind of slapstick-y...

you know, weird sports. Yeah. Or like less common sports. I guess heavy Gilmore is obviously huge, but bowling and basketball. I think Wedding Crashers. I had Wedding Crashers too. Just because Vince Vaughn is so funny in both of these movies. And he's like essentially the same character. Wedding Crashers is sort of like a sequel. Yeah. Also, I just had like Zoolander just because you have so many of the same people, but you also have Ben Stiller with his wife and his dad and they're all, everyone's just kind of killing each other. Which we literally did this week. Yeah.

Yeah. On fantasy. We watched Zoolander and this movie, Dodgeball, like right back to back. Do you guys think White Goodman or Derek Zoolander is the preeminent Ben Stiller character? Zoolander, I would say. I think Zoolander is incredible, but actually after watching this, I think White is like more in mainstream culture than you think. Cramming up your cram hole. Yeah. White is incredible. I have a better time spending time with White Goodman. I know you. What was the question though? Ben Stiller's character, it's Zoolander probably.

I mean, I think White Goodman's funnier. Yeah, I agree. I think the star of Zoolander is Hansel, frankly. I think he's the funniest. Yeah, I think it's probably Dodgeball. The things around Zoolander are funny, around the character, but White Goodman itself, just in and of itself, is funny. Yeah.

All right, the Andy and Red Swan A Award for what happens the next day. We do kind of know, this movie tells us, they open Average Joe's, they take over Global Gym, everything's hunky-dory. Justin knocks up his girlfriend. Fucking Chuck Norris. Yeah, Justin knocks up, what's her name, Denise? Denise. I feel like Kate realizes Peter's a loser and leaves him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one threesome and then, yeah. I was gonna say, like, Peter becomes addicted to high-stakes gambling. You know, like, uh,

He loses it all and they have to do it again. You know the deer hunter? He's going to turn into like, he's going to just get right into just like, you know, Russian roulette. Just go right into it. Yeah, he's betting obscure sports quarterly. Yeah, I can see that. What piece of memorabilia would you want from this movie? I think the Globo Gym QZs, the purple ones are sweet. And then Average Joe's jersey is great.

The sudden death dodgeball is pretty cool with the skull on it. Yeah. Oh, I don't even remember that. It's silver. It looks like the Raiders logo. The thing I want, no question, is I want the giant painting in White Goodman's office. Oh, right.

And where he's like grabbing the bull by the horns. He's like, that's me. That really happened. It's a metaphor. That really happened though. Really happened though. I want that painting. So they said it exists. It's a real painting. Yeah. They like put his face on it. Yeah. In his production office. They had it in his office. They said it's somewhere. If you are listening to this and you know where that painting is,

I will pay anything for that painting. That should go in this studio. Bill would buy that. That's actually a great point. Bill, if you're listening to see how we did, please buy this painting. It's a metaphor. That really happened, though. It really happened. He does that a lot in the movies. Like, but seriously, I got him. Yeah. But I'm serious. I got him. I was going to say the luck of the Irish sign. Oh, damn. 2,000 pounds of irony. Kills patches. I thought that was the funniest thing for like 10 years. Yeah. Got crushed by 2,000 pounds of irony.

The pump pants.

Yeah. Why not? That'd be a fun party trick. The coupon for one free back rub from Peter LeFleur? Even that, like, slightly creepy. Yeah. It might turn into a whole body. It's like, all right, dude. Yeah, exactly, yeah. That's now a line 20 years later you would give to the villain. Also, like, what's Peter doing? Like, he just walks into her house. I smell cookies. Barges right into her house. Yeah, he's like low-key, low-creepy. Sneaky predator. It's the only thing that he tries is to be creep. Yeah. So if he has any effort in it.

She just walks into his hotel room later. Like, no key. I was picking it up. It was open, though. It was open. Okay, but like, you can't even, I don't even know how to leave a hotel door. What hotel rooms are open? But it was open. I think she like pushed it and it opened up. I don't know. Whatever. She's creepy, too? No, I don't know. The Coach Finstock Award Best Life Lesson.

gamble on your own games Pete Roche bet on yourself always put 100 grand on a 50 to 1 underdog bet yeah also just like get in where you fit in oh well that's actually really nice like average Joe's I'd go there yeah what does White say he's like I know your whole thing it's like I'm not okay you're okay but that's okay I was like that's kind of a nice little slogan there's some like motivational signs on the in the gym or whatever it's like

you know, they're just like takes on like pain is just, or what is it? Just leaving your body. Pain is weakness. Weakness leaving your body. But there's, that's like the Marines. Yeah. But they're all like pain. It's fine. You'll try better next time or whatever. It's like, there's some good messages there. Uh, all right. Who won the movie? Stiller. Do you think it's still, or do you think it's the director who just came out of film school, made a Superbowl commercial and then made a movie with the people he wrote a script for immediately. Yeah.

Not Peter? No. No, it's not. It's not Vaughn. You don't think the guy who won the movie is the director who just like wrote a script for Ben Stiller and then got Ben Stiller to make it with his company? But to be honest, it didn't like propel him in any... I mean, he's had a career. He's directed like Central Intelligence. He did Skyscraper, We Are the Millers, and Red Notice. In the moment, I can see the argument, but also Ben Stiller got this movie made. It made $160 million. Oh, that's true. And he's like now one of the most iconic sports comedy characters ever.

Yeah, and also he got, it launched Stiller into like the animated kids movies I'm doing for a ton of money for my children. Madagascar. Madagascar and like Night at the Museum, which aren't like prestige or anything, but I feel like actors when they reach that level where I'm going to take the biggest check and my kids will like this is kind of like another level. Yeah, I think it's Stiller. That's fair. I mean, it's still incredible that what Ross and Thurber was able to do, but you have to go Stiller. Yeah. Okay. I like it. All right, that's it.

Dodgeball. Danny Ive with Danny Kelly. Listen to us on the Ringer Fantasy Football Show. We're in full swing. It's August now.

It's a podcast of violence, exclusion, and degradation. That's right. Yeah. Doing three episodes a week. You'll be able to watch this episode on YouTube if you want. Ringer Movies, our YouTube channel. And we will see you next week. Who knows if Bill's coming back? We don't know. He said it was going to be the end of the feed with Pulp Fiction. Now we're here. Next week. I'm not sure Bill's coming back either. I don't know. So we'll see. This will be the last one. Yeah. We're canceled.