Every Peach is a Miracle with Samin Nosrat
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Before we get going today, I wanted to tell you about another Radiotopia podcast you should be listening to, Song Exploder. Song Exploder is an award-winning show about the creative process behind music. Artists break down one of their songs, letting you hear all the different layers in the recording, from instruments to beats to vocals. And most importantly, they talk about why they made the creative choices they did. Song Exploder is not just for music nerds. It's for anybody who cares about creativity or wants to feel inspired to create something.

It's hosted by Rishi Keshe Hiraway, who you might know from the podcast Home Cooking or the West Wing Weekly. The episodes are short, about 20 minutes each, and my recommendation is to start with an episode featuring an artist you love. And then listen to one with an artist you don't know at all. There are over 250 episodes with guests like Fleetwood Mac, Madonna, Solange, Beats,

Billy Eilish, Phoebe Bridgers, FK Twigs, The Killers, Dua Lipa, and John Batiste, and more. Each episode is really a miniature portrait of an artist and how their creative mind works, with the song as the lens we see them through. It's also a great way to discover new music. It's a different kind of experience to get introduced to a song this way, learning how and why each piece and idea came together before you hear the whole song at the end.

Find your favorite episode of Song Exploder and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or at songexploder.net. Hi, and welcome back to Normal Gossip. This is the season four premiere, and we are so excited to be back with a brand new partner, Radiotopia, who we're very excited about. We talked a whole bunch of business in the episode we released in February, so if you want to know more about that, you can listen. And we're going to be talking about the

This season will be 10 episodes long, one zero, 10, one a week, all out on Wednesdays. So this is the beginning of your 10 week journey into normal and also into gossip. That's beautiful to me.

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Welcome to Normal Gossip. In each episode of this podcast, we're going to bring you an anonymous morsel of gossip from the real world. Today, I am freaking out. I am so excited to have with me Samin Nosrat. Samin is a cook, teacher, and author of the James Beard Award-winning and number one New York Times bestseller, Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat, a book that I personally love. She is also the co-host of the Home Cooking podcast, a former EAT columnist at the New York Times Magazine, and the host of the Netflix original documentary series,

based on her book. Hi! Samin, welcome. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here on my favorite. Oh my god, I'm so excited that you're here. You are like already giggling, which I think is a great vibe for us going forward. Oh, I've just been giggling for weeks ever since I knew this was gonna happen. Like why? Why are you so excited to be here? Tell me.

Um, well, I mean, first of all, I just love listening to these stories. They just make me so happy. I just think about them every once in a while. I'll be like, orchid guy. You know, I mean, I just love thinking about people behaving badly, which is what it just always is, basically. And, um...

Yeah, you're just like, oh, human nature. We have some real bad behavior for you today. So do you want to start off with the classic first question and tell me what your relationship to gossip is like? Oh, yes. I definitely, I think I have kind of an extra demented relationship to gossip. It'll really reveal my broken psychology, which is... We endorse that. My family is from Iran. And we, in our culture, and I know there are other cultures that have sort of similar cultures.

very intense cultural forms of etiquette and ideas about the way things should be. And the idea of that appearances are very important that are sort of taught to children. And in my family and in our culture, these things were really of the utmost importance. And so there was a lot of like, what's appropriate, what's appropriate to ask, and you must respect everybody's privacy. And

You must be a proper young girl and all these kinds of things. And so like my mom was like, you can never ask anyone's age and you can never talk about weight and you can never do this and you must always be so proper. And so I really internalized all that kind of stuff. And yes, as a kid and much to my own detriment that I have now spent many, many years of humanity and therapy trying to undo. Right.

Because it's really been very, very harmful to my own sort of self-conception and just like what it means to be a whole happy human, right?

And I'm also like a deeply curious person. So a lot of it is like, just don't ask stuff. So then I end up being like, well, I have to go around. So I end up actually like into people who I deeply love and I'm close to in my own life. I have found this pattern where I actually gossip about them.

And you're like, but I asked all of our mutual friends how you're doing. Yeah, totally. Totally.

No, I actually really care. I just, this thing, this training is so deep in me that I have to go around.

To make sure I'm understanding that kind of the ethics that you were brought up under don't change based on who you're talking to. So when you're talking to someone who like grew up in California and is white, you're still like, I can't ask you if you're having an emotional breakdown. I must ask our mutual friends. And then I do this kind of really messed up thing where I am very emotionally open. So I'm

What I think I'm doing is I'm like emotionally vomiting. And so I'm like, oh, well, I'm modeling to you openness. And I'm hence I'm I'm like, that's an invitation to you to do the same. And some people then do. But others others need to be asked.

And I just have a really hard time doing the asking. And it's been like now I have, you know, I'm now 43. I have a lot of friends who have told me you need to ask me. And so now I am getting better at practicing and I do do the asking and get over that lump of discomfort. But like I've like specifically apologized to people I deeply love and care for who by saying like, just so you know, like,

I found out these things about you because I went to our third friend. I think this is so interesting, though, because like something I've been thinking a lot about is how, you know, pendulums swing. And when we started this podcast barely a year ago, it was like the vibe was kind of in the American culture that gossip was bad and gossip was a sin and like doing gossip was bad.

Mm-hmm.

And it's interesting to hear you say like gossip both helped you survive within one culture and then sabotaged your relationships in another. It's like the same skill can be both. And it's even still in my own, like my own nuclear family. It's really the only way like very basic information gets around is what I think would be called gossip. Because

Like still sort of like my mom, my own mom doesn't tell me stuff. And so then you have to ask someone else. Yeah, I have to get it from somebody else. And so it's really messed up. But that's part of why it's hard, right? Is that like you can't completely break down that skill because you still need it to communicate with your own family, which is like complicated. It's really complicated. So it's so frustrating and so interesting. And also like I will never not be in therapy. Yeah. Yeah.

So I think it's interesting that like you had this dynamic growing up and then you moved into a career that is like notoriously, in my opinion, gossipy. Very. And I'm curious, like, did it serve you well there, this ability? Like, how did it transition for you? I would say.

There have absolutely been some points at which it's actually been of serious and like incredibly important service to others. The fact that I am a gossip and am a person through whom information flows and often flows quite safely. For example, during the like sort of Me Too restaurant thing,

I was a person that like a group of about 35 women came to because I had one foot in the restaurant world and one foot in the journalism world. And they came to me to help them be connected to a journalist because they had stories and complaints about one particular chef. And so that's one example. And then, you know, there's also like,

20-something year-long career that continues where we all also share all sorts of much less important...

And much less discriminating gossip. Right. I mean, I feel like I say this on almost every episode, but we really just need some more words. Because you're right. To be a safe harbor for people's gossip that is filled with pain and suffering and to help them transition that into something that can provide relief or at least attention is a form of gossip.

And then there is also the gossip that is like the line cook is angry because his girlfriend broke up with him. Be nice to him today. Right. Right. And like those are gossip. Totally. Okay. So something I'm curious about for you personally is that you had kind of a like.

I would imagine rather stark shift in like popularity after Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat came out and especially after the show came out. How has that changed your perception with gossip or like how gossip affects you? Oh, interesting. I mean, in some ways, I would imagine that I am a subject of

Well, I don't even have to assume. I know that now that I am like a somewhat public person or something, that then people speculate about me. Sure. And so I know it because sometimes those speculations arrive to my doorstep. And so or to my ears. And I...

I'm a very emotionally porous person. So I have had to do my best to like put my head under the sand and protect myself from that happening as much as possible, which means like I basically just try not to go on the internet. I don't really read comments. I don't really, I just try to like avoid incoming things as much as possible. One time last year, I had a really sort of a,

emotionally tumultuous year, my father, who I was estranged from, was in the hospital and then passed away in a really complicated way. And it just sort of turned. Oh, thank you. And it turned my everything, my family sort of upside down. And just in my life, my life kind of came to a halt. And I started thinking a lot about my ancestry and

And various things about my grandparents. And I don't have anyone I can really ask a lot of these things from. So I had this momentary lapse of clarity. Yeah.

Oh, no. And I tried to figure something out about my family history by Googling it, which was a bad idea because it totally slipped my mind that there's no reason for anything about my family history to be online because my family is not like a notable family. And I...

am the most notable person in my family. So when I went to Google my grandfather's name, you know, like Google started filling in the question. And, and what what it felt even though I was typing in my grandfather's name, it filled it in with, like, I can't remember, it was just like, Samin, you know, and then and then, you know, it does like all of the suggested ones.

It's like how tall? Yeah. And so and like, I know that a lot of people are curious about a lot of things about me. And like, there's just in general, all of the ones about celebrities or notable people that are like, how much money do they have? Or like, right? Are they married? Whatever, all the ones, right? But then the first one that popped up was Samin Nasrat weight loss.

And I was like, I at the time, because I was so depressed and like, I mean, in the pandemic, I've been so depressed. And then also like I had just had so much tumultuous, like emotional, like I basically stopped eating. Like I was not able to eat. Oh, my God. So I was like, oh, my God. I was like, you people. I was like...

Right. I was like, I was like, if I gain weight, you're mad at me. If I lose weight, you're mad. You want to know what and I was like, but I was just like, this is insane. And then that like sent me down a whole rabbit hole. I was like, I don't want to know anything. So there's just kind of a I mean, there's not like some amount of delightful gossip I have access to because I now am public, but it's more that I have the discomfort of knowing that I'm the subject more than I was before of people talking about me. And I hate

knowing that. And also, like, yeah, I'm not like some narcissist. I definitely know where I stand in the order of things. I'm not some like, you know, I'm not that famous or anything. But it I think I just have this sort of, for me, what's a little bit confusing and uncomfortable is, I just never know when I'm going to be recognized or when it's going to happen, versus when it's not going to happen. So I always have to just assume that

That people will recognize me and I have to have my guard up in a certain way. And that's just a little bit uncomfortable. So I don't know if this answers your question. It does. Yeah, it's something that I've, I mean, honestly been thinking about a lot as the podcast like grows in popularity is the kind of like dynamic that happens when people create parasocial relationships with people that they don't actually know and then they

feel as if they know them. Yes. I'm very familiar. Yeah, I know you are. And that's part of this, right? Is that it's easy to feel as if you're gossiping about your friend when you're like, well, I listened to Samin's podcast and I read her book and I feel like I know her and therefore I want to know what's going on with her. And there's a kind of uncomfortable line there between like,

gossip and privacy invasion yeah that is like muddy and i don't really i don't really know what to do with it or think about it so i'm like samin do you know i don't i wish i knew i mean it's complicated too because then i also have that with other people whose things i enjoy exactly so then i um but also i i just have my own deep discomfort and confusion on this end of it and like there's not really a map

There's not really, you know, like, it's, I think, a new phenomenon in the world relatively. And, like, it's just there's not anyone who I know who I can turn to for advice in my world. And so I just feel in a lot of the time I feel really alone. And also you feel really weird and ungrateful complaining about it. Yeah. But then...

It's just a weird thing. I don't know. It's weird. I also feel weird about it. I didn't mean to take us in this direction. We're just here now. No, it's a nice thing to be. I mean, it's interesting because I know I'm not supposed to

this, but I do know we're talking about farmer's markets today. And the farmer's market is for me. Who told you? And the farmer's market for me is ground zero for the crazy eyed interact, that parasocial. Oh, because it's like being able to recognize someone in an environment you would expect them to be in. Right? Like, so people are like, I expect you to be in a farmer's market and therefore I'm able to recognize you here. Okay. Exactly.

What do you mean by ground zero? Well, it's like, well, shall I take us into our farmer's market conversation? I mean, sure. Whatever. Are you ready to go there? There are no rules in this podcast. Go for it. Am I the host? Yeah, you're in charge now. Congrats. So welcome to my podcast. This is normal gossip. I'm your host. Okay. Okay.

The farmer's market. It's a weird and wonderful thing. I'm so glad it exists. It's a source to buy amazing produce. It supports farmers. It's the place you get to see your neighbors. La la la la la. And I have a grand unified theory about it. Great. I live in the Bay Area. I live in Oakland. I've spent a lot of time going to Bay Area farmer's markets, which I think in some ways are

the like epitome of what one might think of as like the stereotypical sort of like, yeah, projecting your values, you know, carrying your reusable bag, you know, having your organic whatever. But in my experience...

any Western farmers market that I've been to. And by Western, I mean in the Western country, like honestly, any American, I'll say any, any, any United States farmers market that I've been to, I've had this experience. It isn't, it is not unique to the Bay area. So it's something about farmers markets. And I think they, they, they attract similarly oriented people.

And it has to do with a few things. I think part of it is in modern society, there are very few spaces that are temporary physical space where everything is not like clearly demarcated. And so already that is going to be a problem. So like when you go to the grocery store, in contrast, the lanes are clearly marked. Where the carts go is clearly marked. You know, um...

where all the produce has signs and prices and you sort of everything, everything is just very, very clear and there's order. And so, you know, you know, 15 items or less every, you know, pay with a check in this aisle only, whatever. All that kind of stuff is very, very clear. In a farmer's market, there's so much less clarity. Number one. Number two,

In our country, for reasons that are so complicated that I will not go into in this podcast, that has to do with farm subsidies and politics and all this kind of stuff. Unfortunately, food and farmers markets, which should be for everyone, is not. And so good food that comes directly from the earth is like now this like weird, like projection of your values that is mostly...

for middle class and upper middle class people although a lot of farmers markets do accept snap it's not the most efficient like use of your money so there's like a certain kind of person who is who who ends up there and they're very invested in what it's saying about them then there's a limit a lot of limited resources there's limited space you know the farmer's only bringing 12

12 precious baskets of the first strawberries and you have to be in competition. There's like, it's in a specific place where like it's really hard to park. So they're really high stakes on...

sort of artificially increased exactly in like all of these different levels there's also like many different although there's I think socioeconomically a relatively narrow type of person who goes there I think many different people from many different walks of life are interacting at a farmer's market in a way that like doesn't necessarily happen on a day-to-day basis in life and so that's a weird sort of opportunity for a lot of uh

awkward interaction and potential conflict. And then there's just, you know, regular white person entitlement. And where like, and because a lot of those people are a lot of people who are white, there's just a lot of entitlement. And so there's just a lot of like very, very, very intense feelings. And also what feels artificially high, like inflated stakes and

And then they're like the actual infrastructure of what will keep things running smoothly is not there. And so then I think there's potential for a lot of conflict. And that is, I think, what then leads there to be conflict and people behaving badly. And all of the sort of like, yeah, just like, oh, you leave there almost every time you're like,

with a bad taste in your mouth or why did that person do that thing or god they always cut in front of me or ugh like that i think that you're really gonna love and hate um this story that i have for you i cannot wait you want to do a gossip

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Hosted by Maria Garcia, this is My Devo, an Apple original podcast produced by Futuro Studios. Follow and listen on Apple Podcasts. Okay, so today we are going to the Great Plains, the middle of the country. Huge, big dome sky, yellow wheat in the fields, right? Like summer, harsh UV light, right? Like put your sunscreen on. Got it.

But right now, as our story starts, it is like dark dawn, right? Like little pink line on the horizon, very early morning. Okay. Our friend of a friend, we're going to call her Kara. Kara. Kara is awake. Okay. She's doing her makeup. She's sitting on the floor in front of her little mirror. She's putting her makeup on. Okay. She's listening to a podcast. She's like curling pieces of her hair so that they look perfect. Wow. Wow.

And she could hear her roommate, Madison, downstairs yelling at her, like up the stairs to be like, you're running late. Get down here. Like, stop. This early already? Okay. Already. Have you ever had like a roommate like this or been this roommate? Which one do you identify with? I'm the running late person. But without the makeup or the hair curling. My hair's already curly and I never wear makeup. So, okay. But I'm always late. Okay.

As demonstrated by the fact that I was 20 minutes late to the recording today. They don't need to know that. Okay. So Kara and Madison have another roommate, Ari. And the three of them are all in their like very early 20s. And they live in like a small house. It's like wooden and it has like a little porch. I can see it in my mind's eye. Tell me, what do you see in your mind's eye? Well, it's the Great Plains. So it's just like a cute, it's like a cute house from the 1900s.

And the rent is low. It's like, yeah, they have there's there's shady trees in the summertime. There's a yard there. Everything's flat as far as the eye can see. Exactly. And it's like one of those houses that would be worth a lot of money if it hadn't been like completely landlord specialed over time to the point where like the outlets are just caked in paint. Right. Because it's been a rental for so long.

The layout of this house is important, so I will give it to you. It is downstairs, kitchen, living room, main bedroom with an en suite bathroom. Wow. Okay. Okay. Upstairs, two bedrooms and a shared bath. Okay. Got it. Who lives downstairs? Thank you. Madison lives downstairs because Madison is the only one of the three of these girls who has a big girl job with a salary and vacation days. So she pays more rent to have the bigger room with the en suite bathroom. Okay.

And she's like very private. So she's like, I need to be on my own floor and like not share a bathroom because I have like, I want personal space. Not relatable to me, but I'm happy for her. Okay. Kara, who lives on the second floor and is the one getting ready, is a fiber artist. Oh, okay. That is her like dream. She wants to build like fiber installations. Okay. Okay. And because of that, she has like a bunch of side jobs, right? Yes. Because it's fiber arts.

are, are beautiful, but I would say maybe not the most like, sustainable career financially sound. Yeah, exactly. So and she knows that, right? She's like, got her little jobs, whatever.

So Kara is like running late. She's being yelled at by Madison. She's like looking in the mirror and she's like, my hair still doesn't look great. Like this side is too curly. I don't like it. And so she decides she's like, I'm going to braid it. Like that's a solution. She's a fiber. She fiber arts her hair. She's a fiber artist. And because she's a fiber artist, she like weaves ribbons into the braid. Right. So it is like looking beautiful. And also like she spent five hours on it.

And she looks in the mirror and she's like, it's too polished. And so she's like, what will I do here? I will add a dad hat. So she like adds her dad hat. She throws her phone into her overalls and she's like scampering out of the room to get downstairs. And still the sun hasn't come up. Still the sun is not up. And she comes like around the corner so that she can see down the stairs and she sees Madison at the bottom. And Madison is like, do not come down here without Ari. Oh, okay. And she's like, Ari's not up yet? And Madison's like, no, Ari is still asleep. Oh my God. Okay.

So Madison, like, goes into Ari's room. And Ari is, you know, infinitely younger. Madison and Kara are 24. Ari is 22. Oh, which in their 20s, that's like a thousand years. Exactly. She's, like, in her last semester of college. They're basically her mother. And so Kara goes in there and is like, Ari, wake up. Like, we have to go. What are you doing? And Ari, like, flips on the light. She's, like, wearing a hoodie, right? Like, already in the bed. Yeah.

And Kara's like, you need to study. Like, you said you were going to study today. You told us to wake you up. Get out of bed. And Ari's like, why would I get up when you weren't even ready? Like,

Like, I'm ready now. I just was sleeping until you were done. Oh, wow. Takara's like, all right. Being called out. Okay, I like it. Yeah, I know. So they get downstairs and Madison is like, oh my God, Takara. She's like, are you late? Because you were drawing on the freckles on your face. Like, are those fake freckles? And Kara's like, yeah, they're fake freckles. Like, what do you want from me?

I think I love Carol. Madison has made them all like coffees because she is like a type A girly. So they all get their little coffees and they get into the car. They're playing their music. They drop Ari off at a coffee shop so that she can study. And they're like, we'll see you in a few hours. And Ari's like, say hi to Brad for me. And they're like, we will not be doing that. I'm like, where are we going? Okay, okay. Where are we going? You know where we're going. Okay.

They drive across the town. The sun is like just starting to come up and they're like looking at the clock and they're like, we're late. They are always late. Like they're late every week. They're like, oh, we're late. They pull into this big parking lot. You know, it's like big and open, but not a ton of spots. And there are like awnings where people are beginning to set up like little stands. Why are they so early to the farmer's market? Why? Well, Sabine, because they work there. Oh, they work there. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

They get there and they're like, okay, we need to find our stand that we work at, right? And so they start walking through and they're like, where's Bradley's stand today? To the first person they see. And the first person they see is like, ooh, he's in row C. And they're like, oh shit, you go to a lot of farmer's markets. What do you know about farmer's market stand placement? Location is everything. Why? Unless you're a truly obsessive person like me.

Mm-hmm.

A lot of times you just buy the first thing you see. And so the farms that are farther away are going to have way fewer sales. So you definitely want to have the bigger, more beautiful display. You want to be farther up in the front. Yeah, you definitely do not want to be in the back. Right. So row seed sounds like it's third. And that's probably not so good. It's third of three. Oh, yeah. Which is like not what you want. Yeah.

And at this farmer's market, the spots are first come, first serve. Oh. Yeah, exactly. So the fact that our girls are late has played a part in this stand being in Roci, which they know. Uh-oh. The other thing about Roci, it is the furthest one from the parking lot. And you are right. Like, you have to work your way there, which not everyone is going to do. But because it's, like, furthest away, it also has, like –

Stands that sell like soy candles. Oh, right. So if you don't have produce, you're like trapped in with all the crafters.

Exactly. And there's like a stand that sells like, you know, local gin, right? But the real problem is that there is one stand in row C that these girls hate. And it is the vegan Jamaican stand that plays extremely loud music all the time. Oh, yeah. If you get stuck near the music. Oh, yeah. It's also like, it's 7am. Yeah. Right? Like nobody wants this like loud music. Just like wait until later. They're not waiting. Yeah.

Okay, so our girls hustle over there and they find Bradley, who is like the owner of their stand. And they're like, good morning, Bradley. And Bradley like sighs like his puppy has been kicked. And it's like, you're late. Because you're late, we're stuck in row C and we don't have enough tokens. I don't know why Bradley's, but why is Bradley blaming them? Because also Bradley was, were they supposed to get there before Bradley?

unclear to me okay all i know is that bradley is mad my guess what i would guess is that probably it's because like he didn't have enough hands to get things out fast okay okay to like grab a space right okay and bradley has like the opinion that you have already stated which is that like customers do not have loyalty for specific vegetable farms they're just going to the first stand they see with tomatoes and they're buying those okay and he's like now my stand is far away so no one is going to come here i kind of hate bradley so far but

Great. She's developing an enemy already. We love it. But I also, I'm not committed to this feeling. I just don't like that he's already so mad. But I also, I have to say in general, my sympathies are with the farmers. Yeah. So maybe I hate the customers who are so flaky that they don't have like...

They don't have any allegiances to their farms, no matter where they are. Yeah. Also, I don't know that I, yeah, like, I don't know that I like this system at this farmer's market of like first come, first serve. Yeah. It really like, I had never thought about the thing you said about there being no rules at the farmer's market. But like, it does make sense in this story that like, it's willy nilly and that willy nilliness is creating chaos. Chaos. Chaos.

So they show up and immediately they have like tasks, right? Bradley is like, car, can you go do this? Madison, can you go like unload crates from the truck? And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. So they're like doing their little jobs. The sun is like starting to come up. Customers are starting to arrive. It's going well because it is the best season to work at a farmer's market. It is peach season. Oh, so good. So good. Why is peach season so good? Oh, tell the listeners in case they don't know. Oh, well, peach season.

It's peach season. It's nectarine season. It's tomato season. It's just like all of my favorite things are sort of hitting at the same time. You've been waiting all year for this moment of all these things that you dream of. And sometimes you sneakily buy out of season. They never taste that good. But then like it's finally summer again and they're so sweet and ripe and delicious and

It's the best. It's so good. Yeah. Bradley asked them, he's like, because it's peach season, he's like, can you cut up a couple of these peaches, right, like into slices since we need to like entice people to shop at our stand, right? So like sample time. And so the girls are like, okay, yeah, yeah. So they're using their little plastic knives and like cutting up these little samples of peaches and putting them on a paper plate. While they're doing this, they see like

a figure approaching. Okay. Uh-oh. It is still, like, very early. So the sun is very low and this person is, like, backlit and silhouetted until they get, like, very close. And finally, they hear them be like, oh, can I try some of those? Yes, of course. Just use a toothpick. We need to be hygienic. This person is Jordan. Okay. Jordan. Jordan.

Is Kara's ex. Uh-oh. Jordan, you cannot have a peach. Get out of here. Kara and Jordan broke up like six-ish months ago. So not like super recently. And technically, Kara broke up with Jordan. Okay.

Jordan like steps forward. They have short hair and are very tan. Okay. Their sleeves are like rolled up, revealing like a little bit of a farmer's tan and like the kind of muscle definition that somehow only rock climbers have. They have like a full sleeve of like full color American traditional fruit tattoos. And they're wearing one of those like baseball caps.

But the ones that don't have a bill for some reason. Oh, do you know what I'm talking about? Just a bill-less hat? Yeah, it's like a beanie, but for summer. Weird. Okay. You would not like it. No, I don't think so. They have eyelashes that are so long that they could be like a Maybelline model. Okay. And Jordan is like, your sand always has the best peaches. Uh-oh. Jordan seems like a troublemaker. Are you familiar with the concept of like farmer's market hotties? Yes, absolutely. 100%.

Can you tell me what you know about them? In my experience as the shopper, the farmer's market hottie is often the person who works at the farmer's market. Right.

And that you are very excited to go shop from. And so they're often a younger person who either works at the farm and comes with the produce or is just like works in town and is hired by the farmer's market to like, you know, work at the stand. And, you know, I've been going to farmer's markets now, like since, yeah, late 90s or whatever. And so there have been like the eras of the specific people

Okay. And so, and we have different names, like my friends and I have different names. There was one person we had, his name was Kindface. Okay. Yeah, there was Kindface. Okay.

Who I still see. I still see around all the time. Yeah, I'm actually friends. At the farmer's market or just like around? No, just socially. Like I'm actually friends with Kindface now. I can't tell you his actual name. Now Kindface has been inducted. Yeah, don't. But I love that as a like moniker for a familiar stranger. That's a really nice one. Kindface was a good one. There's like a – Kindface. Kindface.

It's so gentle. Oh, he was a very gentle name. There was like, and then you have all these fantasy stories about the person. Yes. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Because you see them on Saturday that you have all day to make up the story. And there's just, you're like, do they go back? Sometimes you like know something about them. Yeah. Sometimes you might get to know their name.

I have a friend who loves this, like right now. I mean, she's married and happily and has a child. It doesn't matter. But she like has a full, like second life with the guy who sells the bread at our farmer's market. She's like, that's my farmer's market husband. Yeah, 100%. We're in love. Yeah. It's good. You need those things in your life. Yeah, like keeps her going. Just as little entertainment. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so Madison, not Kara, is like,

Hi, Jordan. And Kara is like flustered. She has this tick where she like takes one piece of her hair and just touches it over and over again when she's nervous. But because her hair is in a braid, she can't do that. So she's just like touching one of the ribbons in the braid like very awkwardly. There are like heat waves in the air of like horniness now that Jordan is here. Oh, no.

And Kara is like, I'm going to cut you like a little special bite. Like, I'll do it for you. Don't worry. Fresh. Wait, Kara's now back in the like, everyone's just entangled in the Jordan pheromones. Exactly. And Jordan takes the peach and is like, thank you, Kara. Oh, no.

So Jordan has like the little snack of peach and then they're like, I'm going to touch all of these peaches to like see they're so soft and like look at the yellow like lighting. Look at the pink. Like, why are you making that face? Because I'm well, also, I don't like it when people touch every single fruit. Yeah. Sorry. While they're doing this, Bradley, the farmer, comes over and he points at the handwritten sign that's above the peaches. Says don't touch every single one, please.

It says you squeeze it, you buy it. Oh, thank you. Do you like this side? Bradley, I love your side. So you think this is a fair side? Absolutely. Do you know how delicate? Okay, first of all, let's just do a little fruit lesson, people. Jordan, as a person who has fruit tattooed on your body, one would think... Be more respectful. Yeah, one would think you might know what it takes to grow a fruit.

Like, let me just tell you all of the magic and coincidences that need to happen in order for that peach to get to the farmer's market. Okay? Please tell me. I'm not even going to talk about like a whole bunch of other stuff. Okay? So like the weather has to be right. The rain has to be right.

The squirrels and the bees and the tree roots underneath the trees have to be talking to the other tree roots just right so that the blossoms come up at just the right time, not too early, not too late. And then the blossoms blossom. And it's not so cold that the blossoms freeze. It's not so hot that the blossoms burn. Shrivel. Yes. Ooh.

And also there have to be enough bees around so that the blossoms

During the time that they're open, the short time that they're open, the bees come and... What's it called? Pollinate. Pollinate. Thank you. Pollinate. I'm like fertilizing. No, it's pollinate. The bees do stuff to the flowers. I don't know if you know this, but the bees are all like disappearing, right? So that the bees have an opportunity to come pollinate the blossoms. And then once the blossoms are pollinated, if it's too windy or rainy and they blow off before they start to set fruit...

Then you don't get a fruit. So then it has to start setting fruit. Then if also the tree hasn't been properly pruned, there's like going to be too much fruit and then your peach won't get big enough.

Then like a million different things have to be just right. And then like imagine that fruit gets perfectly ripe, but then a squirrel comes and eats it or a bird comes and eats it, which happens all the time. So farmers have to have all of these like bird deterrents. So then they pick it on the day it's like perfectly ripe and bring it to the farmer's market. And then Jordan comes and squeezes it. And because also what's happening is,

So apricots are the only stone fruit that ripen from the inside out. So peaches ripen from the outside in. The other thing that's kind of remarkable about this is that when this fruit is ripening, the sugars are transforming in there, right? And that's why like the, you know, you know, like in a riper, like it's really obvious in a banana, like they get the brown spots, right? But like that happens in all fruits. And like when it gets overripe, it has those like too much of the brown spots, right?

And so then like in a peach, the best way to ripen a peach is to like every day gently turn it. Because what happens is like all of those, if you don't turn it too often enough, it just goes down. And then basically you have like a spot where like all the sugar has gone down. And no sugar. And they're, yeah, exactly. It's like uneven sugar distribution. So it's basically a miracle that we ever get a peach. It's a miracle to get a perfect farmer's peach. Do you know what I mean? And so this person coming and squeezing it

is creating like an uneven spot where like sugar is going to be more likely to go. And then you're going to come pay like,

whatever four dollars a pound or six whatever like crazy farmer's market price which those farmers deserve because they have like done 99 miracles to get that thing there and then you're going to take it home and you're going to be like wait a minute why is there like somebody's nine fingerprints on my peach it was because jordan the farmer's market hottie came and touched 22 peaches so yes brad is allowed to have their sign there okay

Bradley freaks out at Jordan for touching these and is like, get out of my stand and you tell Dale that I know what he's doing. Was Dale a competitor who sent Jordan as a spy? Well, Jordan works for Dale. Oh, no. And Dale has another vegetable stand. And Bradley turns to the girls and he's like, he is not allowed in here. And the girls are like, they...

And Bradley is like, they are not allowed in here. Jordan is a sleeper agent. They are sent by Dale to sabotage my products. I believe it. They are not allowed in here. Do you understand? You believe it. I believe it. The girls are like, okay, Bradley, because they don't believe him because they think that Jordan is there to flirt with them. Right? So they're like, Jordan is not here to sabotage your peaches. Jordan is here to like make eyes at us. Right? Like,

When Bradley leaves, Madison turns to Kara and is like, well, this does kind of solve our problem in that you don't have to see Jordan anymore. Like, now they're banished from our tent. And Kara's like, why wouldn't I want to see Jordan?

And Madison's like, you broke up with them. Yeah, you seemed like nervous and weird when they were here. And Kara's like, no, I love Jordan. Wait, what? And Madison's like, you love love them or like you love the idea of them and don't mind seeing them. And Kara's like, you know, in between, I'm just like really starting to reconsider my opinion of the van. What?

Kara broke up with Jordan because of the van. What's the van? The van is Jordan's passion. The van is not actually a van. It's actually a school bus. But Kara calls it a van. And she hates it. The van is where like Jordan lives. Jordan renovates the van. Right. Jordan is like van life. Oh, no.

And Kara hates this because she's like, the bus is really plasticky. It smells like old crayons that got too hot. Like there's no ventilation in there. So like any food smell that comes in stays in. She's like, I do not regret in her mind. She's like, I don't regret breaking up with Jordan because of this van. Like that was the right thing to do.

But like every time she sees Jordan, she's reminded that like she's still single and Jordan has dated basically every hot person that exists in this town. Oh my gosh. And plus Jordan and the van slash school bus are doing extremely well on Instagram. So Madison is like, are you reconsidering breaking up with them?

And Kara's like, no, no, no, no, no. It was irreconcilable van differences. Like they want to sleep in a van and not shower. Oh, my God. And I do not want to sleep in a van or date someone who sleeps in a van. Oh, my God. Do you think it's reasonable to not want to date someone because they live in a van? Even if they're a farmer's market hottie? Yes. Do you think?

But maybe that's just my age showing. I don't know. No, I agree with you. I think it's smelly to live in the van. I'm sure it's fine for some people, but I think it's reasonable to break up with someone because they live in a van. You're like, I don't like that.

And Kara is like, the other annoying thing here is that Madison is always trying to get information out of other people because she doesn't tell anyone anything. Oh. So Kara's like, I see what you're doing. Like, you're trying to get me to talk about this so that like, you don't have to answer any questions. And Bradley is like, girls, separate. Like, you are distracted. Go sell some vegetables. Yeah. Do you think this conversation about Jordan is over? Absolutely not. No. Yeah, of course not.

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It is so relatable to me. I would like never check my bank account unless I really, really have to because it gives me so much anxiety. And is there a reason that you check your bank account now? Yeah, I get these awesome emails from Rocket Money that are like, hey, FYI, this is how much you spent last week. And it feels like a gentle person holding my hand as I go to my bank account. Oh, yeah.

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Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash gossip. That's rocketmoney.com slash gossip. rocketmoney.com slash gossip. When Ari shows up to work the second shift at like 10 a.m., she's done with her essay, Madison is immediately like, guess who came over? Oh my God.

I wish listeners could just see the amazing shoulder. I don't even know. How do you...

describe this like her little coy yeah this like coy shoulder move that Kelsey just did like you truly embodied Kara thank you um Ari is furious Ari is like why is Jordan always coming over here when I'm not here I have never gotten to meet them you are always talking about what a hottie they are wait she still has not met Jordan

Yes, because she's like always at school because she's 21. So Ari's like, this isn't fair. I never get to meet them. Are they going to come back? And Madison is like, Bradley ran them away. They're forbidden from coming back. Kara is like, yeah, because of Dale. And Ari is like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. I did see that Dale got the like best spot today. Wait, so if Dale is the best spot...

I don't know. Maybe this theory of Bradley's doesn't make sense because like, why would, why if Dale has the best spot, does it really? Why does he need to sabotage? It's questionable. I'm still anti peach touching though. Okay. Good to know. Bradley overhearing this is like, yeah, Dale always gets the good spot and Dale's produce sucks and he's compensating with cheese. And now he has all these cheeses that are bad and he's just luring people to his stand with cheese. Yeah.

And Ari's like, do you two think that Dale is like actually sabotaging Bradley? And Kara and Madison are like, no. They all go home after their shift. Flash forward to next week because like nothing important happens the week in between. Yeah, only farmer's market matters. Exactly. Only farmer's market matters.

Same problem is happening leaving the house, right? Like they're late. The coffee in the mugs is cold. This week, they're all working the same shift because Ari doesn't have a paper. They show up and the stand is like in row A. Oh, yes. So like they have done it. But it is right across from Dale's. And so they're like, oh, oh my God. Okay, like buckle up. Here we go. Now we're gonna have to face Jordan the whole time. And Bradley's gonna be like giving side eye to Dale the whole time.

Yes. Do you think this is going to go well? No, but it's going to be a really good part of the story. The thing that is the most stark when they arrive at the farmer's market this morning is that Bradley has made new signs for every vegetable. They all say you squeeze it, you buy it now. Like every vegetable. And he has printed out pamphlets.

What do you imagine these pamphlets are like? Oh my god, what could the pamphlets possibly... Do they rhyme? I have no idea. I want you to think like Chipotle bag, Dr. Bronner's soap labels, like zines. Oh my god, so much information of like all the things one could do with the vegetable? All the things one could do with the vegetables. A lot of it is really helpful. It's like printed in not quite comic plans, but close. One of these like wild fonts.

Would you like to hear what part of the first page of this pamphlet says? Yes, please, obviously. Okay, here we go. Please do not maul the peaches. Do not maul any fruits or vegetables, but especially the peaches. Stay away from the stoke fruit. I get so angry when I see someone squeezing a dozen peaches for no reason. They are assaulting the peaches, bruising them, groping them, and then leaving them.

Oh my god, it's like Bradley read my mind. You two are insane. We really are! How do you feel about these pamphlets? Honestly...

I don't hate the pamphlets, but I, but I don't hate the sentiment of the pamphlet. But if I saw the pamphlet at the farmer's, like if I received the pamphlet, I would scoff and like, I would just be like, what is happening right now? You know, I mean, I, I don't, I completely understand. Like I 100% empathize. And also it's bananas. Yeah.

Yes. The girls are told that they need to put the pamphlets into the bags of everyone like purchasing fruits and vegetables. But I don't understand because if you already purchased the fruit, it's too late to tell someone to not squeeze the stuff. Yes. The girls are like, we don't want to do this.

So like all morning, there's like back and forth where Bradley's like, don't forget to put the pamphlets in there. And the girls are like, okay. And then they like don't. And then he comes over and is like, you need to put them in there. And they're like, okay. And then they don't. All of that is before Bradley like locks eyes with Dale around noon. Dale doesn't even come over. He doesn't like come into Bradley's tent. He just like stands in the aisle between Bradley and Dale's tents.

And Bradley flips out. He's like, get out of here. Stop looking at my stand. Go back to your little stand. Wow. I really want to know the backstory behind Dale and Bradley. Same. And Dale lobs back like, well, my stand is bigger than yours. And at least the peaches are ripe. Oh, my God. Bradley's like huffy all day, right? Because he's like, my enemy Dale has yelled at me.

So by the time the girls are done, they're like, we've been dealing with this pamphlet nonsense all day. Bradley's been in a terrible mood. Like, we're exhausted. And Kara is like, I'm exhausted, so I need a little treat. I want to go to Target. And Ari is like, me too. I also want to go to Target. Who doesn't want to go to Target? Everybody does. Madison is like, I'm exhausted. Like, I don't want to go to Target. I'm just, like, going to go home. They're like, sure. Okay, great. Okay.

So Cara and Ari go on their little like Starbucks stroll around Target. They have like a nice time. They get home a couple of hours later. Madison's not there. Now Cara has a classic conundrum that perhaps will be relatable to you. Alex and I call this hair math. Oh. It's when you're like, I need to wash my hair because I'm sweaty from the farmer's market. But also I like need to exercise and I know that I'm going to need to wash my hair again like in two days. Mm-hmm.

So like what are the order? What's the order of operations? Yes. This is even more intense when you have curly hair. Yes. Because you never want to wash your hair. Because it's a whole ordeal. Yes. You have to do a whole method I've heard. It's like 99 products in 400 steps. Yes.

So they like figure it out. They work out their math. They're like, okay, we went to the farmer's market. Ari's like, I have a yoga video like that we can do so you can exercise now and then shower after. Perfect. And Kara's like, great, perfect hair math solved. So while they're like doing their yoga video, they hear Madison return and they hear her like start the shower in her room. They don't like think anything of it.

Until the class is over and Cara goes to take her like well-planned shower and there's no hot water. I'm jumping to conclusions in my head. Keep them in your head. This has happened before in this house that they've like run out of hot water. A whole week goes by mostly fine.

But they're all, like, dreading Bradley's antics because they're, like, last week there was the pamphlets. We were all tired. Then we had this, like, weird roommate experience with the hot water. Like, bad vibes for a weekend, right? So this week they're, like, already on time because they're, like, we're worried that if we're late, they're going to freak out. They don't want to cause any more drama than necessary. Yes. And when they arrive, Bradley is, like, putting up poster board-sized signs. Oh, no.

The sign is a contract, basically. And at the top of it, it says in like big block letters, by entering this stand, you agree to the following code of conduct. Underneath, there are all sorts of rules about touching the fruit and behavior and feelings. There are like six whole lines in a very small font about not ripping the husks off the corn. Not removing. Okay.

Wait, I have a question. Besides Jordan, who we were, Bradley was convinced was sent as like this like devious chaos agent. Are there actual customers who are causing problems? Or is this just like all in Bradley's head?

It is like both and. Right? Like it is that he is blowing the like Jordan thing out of proportion and that like the customers are kind of shitting. Okay. Right? Like people are coming in touching all sorts of things and then refusing to buy corn because it's been opened already. And like, you know, that whole kind of like, I think common farmer's market like entitlement. I kind of get it, Bradley. I kind of get it. But also you're going full like...

over here. Yes. And at the bottom of the contract poster, it says that Bradley has the right to remove people from the tent. Oh, like physically? And Madison and Kara and Ari are like, does he though? Like, does he have the right to do that? Because it doesn't seem like he does. So Madison and Kara are like, we're non-confrontational and scared. May we work the register? And Bradley's like, yes. Yes.

And Ari is like, this is not fair. I'm also non-confrontational and scared. And they're like, well, too bad. We have the two registers. So Ari is like restocking the corn, trying to like get up the gumption to keep people from like opening it. Opening the ears, yeah. Yeah. When here comes Jordan. Uh-oh. Jordan appears out of the air and is like, I love Bradley's corn. It's so good. Oh.

And Ari's like, yeah, it is really good. And then Jordan begins peeling open a corn. No. Do you stop them? Yes. You do? Yes. You're like, Jordan, stop. Yes. Ari does not. Ari is just gabbing with Jordan. Oh, no, Ari. And while she's gabbing with them, she's like, Jordan seems clean. Like showered. Like showered. She's like...

Karen and Madison have always said that Jordan is not clean, that Jordan lives in this weird short bus and like is smelly. She's like, they said that this is a pivotal part of their personality. But now they seem like maybe six to seven days ago, they took a shower. Yes. And Ari is looking at Jordan and it's like their hair is just so fluffy. And like, they have to have showered recently, right? Like there's no way. Yeah.

And then Ari arrives at the conclusion you have already arrived on where she's like, what? Wait a fucking second. Jordan is clean. We were out of hot water. Madison was like being shady. 100%. What do you do with this information? Like you don't really technically know anything. I think you have to go to Madison. But also you know a lot. You have to go to Madison. I don't think you can go to Jordan because that's not your...

What are you going to do? Did you shower in my house? That's not weird. I think you have to go to the person you live with. Listen, I was told that you're very smelly. Yeah, you look clean. Ari is like trying to think really quick, right? She's like, how can I tell them that I know or try to figure this out? Like, what do I do? While Ari is thinking about this, Bradley spots Jordan and freaks out.

And like drags Jordan out by their elbow and like blows up. Oh my gosh. It's like, you can't be here. You're working for Dale. You're sabotaging this. Oh my gosh. Like leaves Jordan out of the like little hallway of the farmer's market and turns to Ari and is like, not only did you let Jordan in here, you let them open the door. Oh my gosh. Like a key rule.

And Ari is like, all of this drama has happened. Kara and Madison are, like, still just working at the cash register. Like, they are oblivious to this because they've been busy. So Ari sees an opportunity and she's like, perfect. I will tell them about this whole sequence of events and I will watch their faces for any sign of change or recognition. So she tells them, but neither of them, like, responds at all. Ari's like, okay, fine.

I could talk to Madison, but I like still don't really have enough information besides like Jordan looked clean and we ran out of hot water, which has happened before. Yeah, I guess it's not like conclusive. But that night Ari has no hot water for her shower. And neither does Kara. Oh, yeah.

And then on Wednesday, there's no hot water again. So Ari is like, Kara, what do we do about this? Kara doesn't know that Jordan is there. And Kara is like, I'm going to talk to Madison about it. Madison is like the adult among us. So Kara goes down and is like, Madison, we never have any hot water. What are we going to do about this? And Madison is like, I will send an email to the landlord. So Madison like sends the email to the landlord that's like, we never have any hot water.

Obviously, this is going nowhere. The landlord is not going to leave them. It couldn't care less, yeah. Thursday, no hot water. What do you think Ari should do? I still think the only thing Ari can do is has to go directly to Madison and say something. Yeah. At this point, there's nothing else left, right? So Ari goes to Madison and is like, knock, knock, knock. And Madison is like, sure, come in. She comes in and she's like, we need to talk about what's happening here. And Madison's like, what's happening where? Yeah.

And Ari's like, here, with there being no hot water. And Madison is like, yeah, I emailed the landlord. Like, I don't really know what else there is for me to do. And Ari's like, yeah, but it seems like someone else is also showering here and taking very long showers. And Madison is like, yeah, so. Admitting. And Ari is like, are you dating Jordan? Yeah.

And Madison is like, I'm not dating Jordan. Oh, are you letting Jordan shower here? Ari is like, is Jordan showering at our house? And Madison is like, those are just showers. They don't make us exclusive. And Ari is like, that is not the point. I don't care if you're exclusive with Jordan. You're letting Jordan shower at our house. You have to tell Kara. And Madison is like, why? It's my business.

It's not her business for no other reason because nobody else has any hot water. Yes. Ari is like, you literally make it other people's business when all of the hot water in this house is gone. Like you have made this everyone's business. She's like, and Kara is going to figure out that they're here eventually. So like you can tell her or I will. And Madison is like, fine, I'll tell her soon.

Okay, it's Saturday again. Oh my gosh. I'm so stressed out. Between Bradley and the water. This is just way too much. Things have been rapidly escalating. All of our girls are up yet again on time and like ready to go because they're like, nobody wants to be the problem that sets Bradley off, right?

Also, like, can't they just quit and go get another job? Like, I don't understand why this is... Everyone's continuing to work and it's like... Yeah. Like...

Like go work at Starbucks or something. Also, I do think that like, this is not explicit in our story, but I do think there's something to be said for these girls having the power of being farmer's market hotties, right? And that being useful for them. Yes, agreed. To be like, oh, I'm at the farmer's market just flirting all day. And if I have to deal with Bradley, that's the price that I pay for that. That's fine.

Okay. It's Saturday morning. Kara's up on time. Ari's up on time. They're standing in the kitchen. They're like, where's Madison? It's so weird that Madison is the one running late. Madison is never running late. Kara is like, it sounds like she's like still in the shower. Uh-oh. And Ari feels like a pit drop into her stomach. And she's like, I don't think we really need to worry about that. Let's just like go get in the car and not worry about it.

And as she's saying that, Madison comes in the front door to the house because she has been in the front doing God knows what, putting something in the car or something. Uh-oh. And Madison is like, oh, good. We're all up. We can go. And Kara is like, did you just leave your shower running? Is that why we never have hot water? Ari is like frantically looking back and forth between them. Madison is like, no, that's insane. Why would I leave my shower on?

And Kara's like, I can literally hear the shower on. Like, why is the water on? And Madison's like, oh, someone's in there. And Kara's like, who? Oh my God, do you have a date? Because famously, Madison is very private. And Madison is like, I want to talk to you about this, but can we talk about it later? Like, I really don't want us to be late. Bradley is like losing it. Let's go. And Kara's like, oh yeah, sure. And right as she says sure, the door to Madison's bedroom opens and out walks Jordan and the towel. Yeah.

Audio medium. Oh my. Oh my God. The timing is so melodramatic. I don't know. Also, how dare Jordan? I mean, Jordan knows that Saturday is a high stress time in this household. Yes. And Jordan also can hear this. Also, doesn't Jordan have to hurry up and get to the farmer's market? Like, what the heck? How come Jordan is so insensitive? Also, maybe Jordan's just trying to get back at Kara for dumping them. Wow. Maybe. Maybe.

That's a good theory. Ari internally is like, I knew it. I knew they were here. Like, here is the proof I wanted, right? Like, I did it. And Kara just goes, oh, my God, you have got to be kidding me. And Madison is like, we literally cannot do this right now. It's 545. We have to go.

And Kara's like, fine, we'll deal with it afterward. Oh my God. Good for you, Kara. They are silent in the car to the farmer's market. Silent getting out of the car. Silent unloading the produce and like getting things set up. Oh man. It isn't until like they're about to open that Kara turns to Madison and is like, you could have told me. Wow. And Madison's like, I didn't think you'd care. And Kara's like, I don't care. Oh my God.

Oh, my God. Being 24, like being a 24. I mean, it's funny because these are not like the kinds of things that I necessarily, I don't know, had conflict about with my friends. But like just the pettiness, like the 24-ness of it. It's amazing. I'm like, there's no amount of money you could pay me to do this again. Madison, like if you don't care, why are we having this conversation? Yeah.

And Kara's like, come on. And Madison is like, wait, is it that like you still have feelings for them? Because like I really thought you didn't. And like if that's the deal, like I will cut it off immediately. And Kara is like, no, that's not the deal. That's not the problem here. I, for one, do not want to be party to supporting their van life. That is literally the reason I broke up with them.

And Madison is like, you're being a little extreme. And Kara's like, they're literally using all of our hot water. It's true. It's true. It's so bananas. It's like, it's true. Jordan is so manipulative. At this point, Jordan, who has seen them riffing, comes over. And Jordan is like, don't fight. Like, I don't want to come between y'all. And they're like, you aren't. This is not about you. Jordan is truly evil. There's a problem here.

Jordan is inside the tent. Oh, Jordan's about to get lifted under the armpits. Yes. And Bradley clocks this, having overheard this whole back and forth between Kara and Madison. And is like, wait, this is the person that caused all this drama between the two of you? And Kara and Madison are like silent nodding like, mm-hmm, yes. And Bradley is like, first? Yes.

You maul the peaches. Second, you open up the corn. Third, you have created chaos amongst my employees. Three strikes, you're out. He like drags Jordan out into the like a hallway of the farmer's market and is like, damn. And Dale comes out and he's like, Dale, you did this. You sowed chaos amongst my employees. Do not send your spies over to my tent.

Or my employee's home. Yeah. And Dale's like, what spies? And Bradley's like, you're spies motioning to Jordan. And Dale's like, I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, my gosh. Dale's like, I've never met that person. And Bradley's like, you sowed chaos amongst my employees like you sow your mealy tomatoes. Yes.

And Dale is like, no, I didn't. And then Bradley begins throwing Dale's peaches onto the ground. What? Smashing them. That's truly, that's one step too far. You can't be disrespecting someone else's peaches. Dale runs across and tears the sign off of Bradley's stand and like tears it in half. What? The girls are all just like watching with their mouths open.

These men are like not going to fist fight, right? They are like not those type of men. No, they're just going to ruin each other's fruit. Yes. So like Jordan and the other farmers have to like pull these two boys apart and be like, chill out. This is bananas. We are basically at the end. How do you feel? I'm deeply stressed out. Like I really... I'm so sorry. There has been so much fruit harmed in this story. I can't... Yes. Okay. I...

Like, do you understand fruit to me? It's a miracle. Every fruit. Fruit is a miracle. I'm a defender of fruit. My ancestors were orchardists. Like, this is truly... As a defender of fruit, this story is offensive to you. It's very offensive. It's your heritage. It is. It's my heritage. I have to say, I originally was really, like, mad at Bradley. But I have to say, like, Bradley did almost nothing wrong in this story. Yeah.

Even Dale did almost nothing wrong. Like the farmers, they did almost nothing wrong. Jordan, however. Yeah, whose side are you on and whose side are you not? It seems like Jordan is coming out as your enemy. Jordan is bad news. Madison is bad news for harboring Jordan. Also, I mean, I don't know what the deal is with water in the Great Plains. I think they're fine. But in California, we have

We have a historic drought that will never end. So the use of water just hurts me to my soul. The misuse of water. Wasting all this water because you live in a weird van. Stop this. You chose to have that van life. You chose this for your lifestyle. And then you're coming and using these young people's resources to

It's just, it's unthinkable. Like, no, no, no. And then you just prance around with your good looks and your pheromones. Your beautiful tattoos and your beloved personality. I have one last question for you and then I will give you like the final updates. Okay. Which is, do you think that it's possible that Jordan was a plant? Oh, yes, I do think it's possible. You do? Why? Why?

Well, I mean, if Dale really had that bad of stuff, maybe. I mean, it does. Well, I guess considering like Jordan is so sort of like unselfaware and like I could see Jordan being devious enough to be a plant, to be working as a plant, considering the fact that they like are sort of I don't know if it's like deviousness is the thing of of like coming and using the water. But like certainly it's like selfishness.

And just like a sort of a lack of like not caring for other people, you know, and being narcissistic. And so then I could see. Yeah, I could see that happening. I don't think it's likely, but I could see. It's not like my number. I don't think it's like the most likely thing.

Would you like to hear the final updates that I have for you? Obviously, I want to know everything. Yes. Okay. The updates are as punishment for their brawl, the tents of Bradley and Dale now have to be far apart at the farmer's market. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Bradley has been exiled to row C, but this did lead the farmer's market to instituting assigned stand positions. Oh, good. Thank goodness.

So that is helpful, I guess. But I guess he's always in Rose Sea now, so... But now he's always in Rose Sea next to the vegan Jamaican stand, which is not ideal. Do they still work for him? It's been several years, so I don't think so, but I will find out. Um...

I mean, I just want to know now. So I'm curious. And Madison did not break up with Jordan. Whoa. But she didn't have to because Jordan left in their van after the fight and like has not been seen again. Has never come back. That tracks. I think that tracks. Like, I don't think Jordan has never really done one single action throughout this entire story.

that has been for anyone else except themselves. Yeah, that's true. That's true. They did get to squeeze a lot of peaches, which caused harm. Yeah, everything has been sort of self-motivated on Jordan's behalf. That's really true. Well, Samin, thank you so much for coming on Normal Gossip. It was a dream to have you. Wow, Kelsey, you really ruined my day with all this fruit abuse. Thanks. I'm so sorry to have put you through this, forced you to hear about peach season. But I will say, like, you've really also made me look forward to peach season. ♪

Thank you for listening to Normal Gossip. If you have a gossip story to share with us, email us at normalgossip at defector.com or you can leave us a voicemail at 2679GOSSIP. If you love this podcast and want us to keep making it, become a friend or a friend of a friend at supportnormalgossip.com. You can follow the show on Instagram and TikTok at normalgossip.

You can follow Kelsey on all social media at McKinneyKelsey. This podcast was produced by Alex Sujong-Loughlin. Diana Moskovitz is our story editor. Justin Ellis is Defectors Projects editor. Jasper Wang and Sean Kuhn are Defectors business guys. Tom Ley is our editor-in-chief.

J. Tolviera is our production assistant. Dan McQuaid runs our merch store, which you can find at normalgossip.store. Tara Jacoby designed our show art. Thanks to the rest of the Defector staff. Defector Media is a collectively owned, subscriber-based media company. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia. Normal Gossip is hosted by Kelsey McKinney. I'm Mariel Cabe, and remember, you did not hear this from me. Radiotopia.

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