Pretty Little Episode #9
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Pretty Little Episode. Hello, welcome to the Pretty Little Episode. It's me, your friend Tig Notaro. And me, your friend Fortune Feimster. Yay!

It's us. We're pretty little ladies. Yes, we're missing our lady today. I know. May is filming their show, which I'm sure will be a smash hit. That's right. It was pretty fun when we had that live show seeing how many people get their ponties out

In a bunch. Oh, no, that's the wrong phrase. Ponty's in a bunch is when you're irritated. Ponty's... I don't want to say wet. That's gross. I know. Fortune! I'm trying not to say that. You already said it. But over May, it's very fun to see these fans lose it. Just May's a heartthrob. Yeah, yeah. I mean, not that we're not. It's just, you know...

We're married. We're like married and we're not getting poncies thrown at us just because people are trying to be respectful. I'm, you know, all this talk about, you know, single cat ladies. I'm a married cat lady. I've got a wife. I come with a lot. A wife...

Two kids and three cats. I mean... That's why people think you're sexy too, but they're not throwing their ponies at you. No, let's be honest. You and I are not heartthrobs on this show, okay? It's all named after Mae. This show is named after Mae. It's handsome. Mae's a heartthrob, but you have that Tom Cruise...

thing that the pretty little ladies love as well. Sure. I'm Tom Cruise in CVS readers. Absolutely. Yeah, it's just it was just funny to see. Are you talking about after the show or just during the show? During and after. Yeah. How do you know all the attention was

Towards May. How do you know it wasn't towards your handsome face? Because I guess maybe May's fans were more verbal. There were a lot of signs of May, will you marry me kind of thing. I saw a lot of Fortune Marie's, but that's just more of them doing your Fortune Marie impression. When you're wandering around Toronto, do you have people...

When people approach you...

Are they chill? Are they like, whether it's about your stand-up or acting or the podcast, are they like, how do they interact with you? Yeah, pretty chill. Because I run into a lot more people in Toronto because I'm on foot a lot more than in L.A. In L.A., you're just driving more places by nature of that giant city being so spread out. Here, people just are very nice. I think people approach me in a way that like...

Like, hey, old friend. Yeah. Good to see you. Like, it's funny because especially when Biggie's here, I go walk him out by the sidewalk. I've had like three people stop when I'm outside and they're like, this is so crazy.

But I'm literally listening to Handsome right now. And I'm like, that's so funny. And then one guy was walking down here past me and he stopped. He goes, oh, my God. And he puts his phone up to me and it's Handsome. And that tickles me the most. Yeah, that's great. How about with you? Yeah, I was going to say it's so refreshing the –

The chillness where I'll be walking to get a coffee or something and, you know, a guy will walk past me and be like, Tig, hey, how's it going? And I'm like, good, thanks. Like a familiar thing, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's nice. This girl yesterday when I was walking to the store, she came up and she goes, are you Tig Notaro? And I said, yes. And she goes, well, you have a wonderful day. Yeah.

It's like you as well. If you weren't taking the Taro, I'm not wishing you a good day. I've been wanting to say no, but I get that a lot just to see, you know, how that flies. I'm always like really proud of like when I do shows, when the venues are like your fans are so nice and kind and what a lovely vibe. I definitely think our pod has that as well, like that positive vibe.

Like, we're putting out something good, or at least that's our intention. And I think when you do that, you know, it comes back to you and you see that in the kind of listeners that listen and just that like lovely spirit. Yeah, it is such a funny feeling when the venues change.

on the fan base, being nice and kind and chill. Yeah, you're like, who's been in here? Yeah, that's exactly it. I'm like, what the hell? Especially with comedians. Like, I just wonder what different comedians are drawing. Yeah. What, like, rude. What rowdy crowd. Rowdy or, like, rude beings.

bitchy or trashed, you know, all of that kind of stuff. Yeah. Well, we appreciate the love for sure. Yeah. Well, should we hear what our pretty little listeners want to ask? Absolutely. That's why I'm here. Hey, handsomes. My name is Jordan Sullivan. And my question for you is, um,

Do you use voices for your pets? And if so, what are they? Well, I... Does Kitty City have some voices?

Just to be clear, the question is, like, do I use a voice to speak as the animal? Or, yeah, because I was thinking I definitely have a voice to speak to Biggie. Mm-hmm. But I guess she's, yeah, if your animal had a voice, do you ever make that voice? Well, we have our cat, Linus. Linus. Linus. There's something about his face.

He destroys me. He just like, he's the cutest little thing and his face just breaks my heart. And he just misses us so much whenever we're not home. And so like whenever we come in and he is clearly being extra affectionate, I always imagine his voice being like to Stephanie, I'm

Mom, mom, hi, I missed you, mom. Oh, mom, where are you? I love you so much, mom. And so I always do that voice for Linus. Oh, I love that. Hi, mom. Mom, mom, where were you? I was under the bed for two weeks. So, yeah, what's your biggie voice? Oh, I was trying to think, like, um...

If I've ever done a voice as him, and I haven't actually. I have my voice to him where it's that baby voice where I'm like, hello, my biggie baby bear. I love you so much. Oh, my God. I love you. I'm always putting my face in his and I'm just like, I love you, my biggie baby bear. But I've never done a like...

I don't know what his voice would be because I don't think he's gay. I definitely think he's a straight man. When you're in his face going, hello, biggie, baby bear, does he still do that blank stare? Yeah. He's just like, she needs this.

This is for her. Yeah. Yeah. At home, he's actually, he has that blank stare when he's out in public. Yeah. But when he's at home. That's so cute. He's running around. And when he's playing with a toy, which is often at home, he then looks like he's smiling. Aw. But when there's a bunch of strangers around, he just has that like.

Blank thing going on. It's so cute. It is so cute. I wish you could see him at home, though. Just like he has this whole like

tray with like um stuffed carrots and he he can go to town on those all day um stuffed carrots what do you mean like toys or like actual carrots with yeah toy carrots that are stuffed oh okay soft stuff whatever he loves a squeaky toy if you it jacks was that night of the show she's like oh yeah exactly

She forgot a squeaky toy because she squeaks a toy and throws it and he comes out and he looks like he's smiling because he's so pumped about the squeaky toy. I mean, what a life, huh? He's got a good one. So if you had to make up a voice on the spot, life or death, you've got to come up with Biggie's voice. What is it right now, Fortune Marie?

What's up, you guys? It's Biggie. I'm having a great day. If you're in my face, cool. But I'm going to need to get a little salmon out of this interaction. And I'm going to have to nibble on the carrots. He's a cool guy. He's real cool. Because my favorite animal voice is kind of like, hey, guys, it's me, Biggie.

But I don't think he's gay. You don't think he's gay? No. I could see him experimenting. I mean, I can see people being into him. He's a pretty, he's all looks. We took him to a dog party once and Jax dressed him up in a tuxedo. What is a dog party? Allison Dunbar had one of these. Oh, okay. Of course. And this was years ago. So everyone brought their dog and this was part of her party.

Like, yeah, she just want to have a dog party. And Jack's dressed up in a tuxedo. And there are all these big dogs around. And he kept running up to them and going like trying to like show his dominance. And Allison was like, he's doing this because y'all dress some love like a fucking idiot. Classic Dunbar. Yeah.

Is there anyone funnier than Alison Dunbar? She's so funny. She makes me laugh. She is so painfully funny. If you're not familiar with Alison Dunbar, do yourself a favor and seek her out. Yes. Okay. Should we hear Jordan's answer to the question? My wife and I, yes, of course, we have voices for our kids.

A.K.A. dogs. Berlin's voice is very southern. She's a German short hair pointer, but somehow she turned into a southern veil just like this. And our other dog, Bryson, he likes to talk like this because he's a very good boy. Yeah, very good boy. And you all are so handsome. Thank you so much for your time. You're so handsome. That's hilarious. That makes me realize that I didn't mention what Fluff or Skip said.

what their voices are like, but you know, that's for another episode. Yeah. Don't give it all away in this one episode. Gotta leave more to come back to. Ah,

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Not available in every state based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary. All right. What's our next question, Mr. Thomas? This one is from Nina. Nina. Let's hear it, Nina. Hi, Handsome. This is Nina Willow from Seattle.

Love the pod so much. I love to be out on a walk with my earbuds in, giggling by myself. I am a total fangirl. And my question for you is, when was the last time someone surprised you with kindness? Hmm. Hmm. Surprised you with kindness. It goes back to what we were talking about earlier. I do feel like...

I have been abundantly over blessed with kindness this summer being in Toronto and being on the streets every day. Somebody comes up to me and says something kind. Um, I mean, truly there's not been one day I've walked outside of this apartment and someone hasn't said, love your work or keep doing what you're doing. Um,

But a man the other day, I was walking down the street and he, he kind of clocked me and he was like, you know, that kind of like, wait, I think I, I know you. And he stopped and he like looked me in the eye very earnestly. And he said, you keep doing what you're doing because it's, it means a lot and it makes people happy. And he just like made this really beautiful eye contact and was very sincere about

And I was just like, man, thank you for that. It really touched me that he wanted to connect in that way and let me know that he appreciated my work. And that was really nice. Yeah, that is really nice. I can't say that mine was a surprise, but I think I'm always...

I'm not surprised because it's been an ongoing thing, but I'm regularly surprised that I'm still experiencing this. But a friend of mine named Steph, who is not my wife, she has really, not just for me, but also for our good friend, Andrea Gibson, has just...

it upon herself to help us with navigating our doctor's appointments and all of our medical issues and acts as an advocate for us. And it's so helpful to have her at appointments, on phone calls, on Zooms, on email threads, because when you're dealing with different

medical issues that are beyond just the common cold. It can sometimes be very complicated with decisions you're making. You're talking to so many different specialists. And this is just a friend-

Out of the goodness of her heart. That's awesome. It is incredible. And I'm so thankful for her. And I've told her that, but as I'm saying it on here, I'm realizing I should really be pointed with my appreciation because she really...

She takes pages of notes. Wow. She does research. She really, really is so helpful. And to me, that is just like a different level of kindness. Yeah, that's a rare bird right there. Yeah, truly. She is a rare bird. She's just so, so smart. So smart. And she just comprehends everything where I'm like,

I don't know. What do you think? I don't know. Yeah. With different medications and treatments. And it's just it's I'm just very thankful for that. Shout out, Steph. That's a good person. Yeah, truly kind. All right. Let's hear Nina's answer. My brother called me out of the blue to tell me how much he loved me and how much he appreciated me.

And that he just was so glad I was in the world. And it was such a sweet, random message. Okay, thanks. Love this new free bonus. And yeah, I mean, that's that thing of like, I have thanked Steph, I have expressed gratitude.

deep appreciation, but I should probably just randomly thank her. It's kind of like how we've talked about in relationships. It's important to just surprise people and show your appreciation. So for sure. Yeah. All right. Let's get a, let's get one more question. This next question is from Annie. So I'm from Alabama and I was married for almost 30 years to a man and

And anyways, I am gay and it took me a long time, you know, to figure this out, I guess. But anyways, now I'm having trouble figuring out how to meet women in Birmingham, Alabama area.

And also, I don't know. There's no bar. I mean, we used to go to bars. And there's not really any bars for women my age, I guess. I don't know. I just feel like I'm very old and don't know how to start all this. The search. Thanks. Yeah.

Oh, man, I love a new gay. Welcome. Welcome to the gay club. Welcome to gay town. I actually have some, I think, pretty good advice. Oh, good. Because I discovered, and maybe Annie knows this, and I know it's not Birmingham, and it's not Alabama. Yeah.

But in Arkansas, isn't that close to Alabama? It's on planet Earth as well. It's like in that vicinity. And again, I know this isn't a perfect answer, but in Arkansas, there are gay enclaves that

Fayetteville, Arkansas, Eureka Springs. They're full of lesbians. Did you know this? I didn't. They're full of lesbians. So you're telling Annie to go date in Arkansas? Yeah, I'm just telling her to leave. Oh my gosh, Annie, I have a great idea.

You should go out in New York City. No. And go to San Francisco and West Hollywood. That's too far. Oh, my gosh. Annie, do it. Annie, do it. I'm just saying, take a trip for the weekend to Fayetteville. There's some places there. And then you'll meet and you'll be like, well, hey, one of us, because we're Southern. Hey, one of us should move to...

You want to come to Alabama or you want to come to Arkansas? Let's do it. Let's bump uglies in one of these A states. Fortune Marie! One of these A states, baby. Come on, let's do it. That's my advice. It's not great. I'll come up with something better. Tig, what do you think? I mean, it's hard to argue with Fortune's idea of someone in Alabama dating in Arkansas. Yeah.

I do love that you lit up with excitement like you had solved the problem. Because I couldn't believe there are all these gays in Arkansas. Well, they're everywhere. That's why the saying is we're everywhere. But a concentrated big community full of gays. Well, here's another option, Annie. Okay. There are...

Gay cruises. Ooh, I've got a cruise. There are, you know, like gay resort weekend type things that I think have been really helpful for people that are, it's not just like meet somebody online. It's like, oh, go to,

If you can afford it, obviously, but it's an option. I mean, look, if you're going to be traveling to... Freaking Arkansas. Yeah, then why not just get a cabin on a cruise? Okay, first off, I said drive Arkansas. You're telling her to go to a port and travel to Mexico? I mean, I feel like mine was the better option here. Okay, so you either drive to Arkansas alone...

And what, drive around with your windows down? I've got a better idea. Fly to Miami and get on a cruise to Mexico. Okay, drive to Miami. I know you love driving everywhere. So we'll get Annie. You can either drive or fly to a port and get on a gay cruise or go to a gay resort week or weekend. Those are fun, and people make a lot of friends. Yeah.

More than friends. Yeah. And there are people from all around the world on those things, all around the country. And yes, including Arkansas and Alabama. Just because the states are in the South, starting with an A, doesn't mean that you have to date in that. That's true. Yeah.

You don't have a date in the A-state. Yeah. But also tell your, speaking of friends, tell your friends, hey, I'm looking. You know any gays? Book a sister up. Isn't there a handsome page on some social, like on Facebook or something? I think on Facebook, yeah. Yeah. So what, I don't know what it's called, but I think you can go...

Someone wrote me and told me in one of our episodes where we were singing, they're like, I think Tig wanted to kill Fortune because I was singing a lot. And I'm like, Tig was fine. Everybody calm down. Why do people think we're... People write me and like, I saw so-and-so getting irritated or rolling their eyes. We're fine.

We're doing a comedy podcast. Nobody's irritated with anybody. These are bits. These are jokes and silliness. But yeah, Thomas just put this up, the Handsome Podcast fan page. That might also be a place to go to. And ask them, do you guys know any lesbians in Birmingham? In Arkansas. I know gays in Birmingham. So the...

It's a lot of gays in Birmingham. But do go to the fan page or go book yourself a ticket on a cruise or get in the car and drive to Arkansas. Make it happen. We wish you the best of luck, Annie.

And we're excited for your new lesbian journey. Yeah. Keep us posted, please. Send in a picture when you meet that special someone in the hills and mountains of Arkansas. Eureka Springs.

All right. Well, thank you guys for tuning in and for your questions. Yes. And definitely tell your friends and your loved ones about this ridiculous, silly show where we are having a good time. And yeah, subscribe. And until next time.

Keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast!

Home shopping season is here. That means you're on the lookout for new home insurance, whether you're a first-time buyer or a long-time owner. Allstate can save you time and money on your home insurance policy. So check with Allstate and start saving.

Check Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance. No hassle, just savings. You're in good hands with Allstate. Not available in every state based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary.