Molly Shannon asks about Irish Goodbyes
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Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chattin' with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers! Cheers! Welcome to the Handsome Pod. It's your handsome host, Forgin' Feimster. And I'm one of your handsome hosts, Mae Martin. And I am your very, very dear friend, also a host on the Handsome Pod, Tig Notaro. Woo-hoo!

We're back together. We are. It's been a while. It feels good. You guys are both in Toronto. I'm away from you. I feel like a piece of me is missing. Two pieces. Yeah. That's right. Two pieces. Two crucial pieces. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mae, how's filming going? Oh, it's going well. Thank you. Yeah. I got like three weeks left and yeah, it's got like...

Finally hit my groove right near the end of the shoot. You're like, I got this down. I think I got this. Yeah, I'm having a great time. I saw Lisa Gilroy today. Lisa Gilroy, yes. And Alana Johnson. I think they both saw a clip or something of your show and they're like, this looks incredible.

really? Well, okay. Lisa Gilroy and Alana Johnston were both at my house last night because I was closing the bear portal finally. And, uh, they came over to paint bears and, um,

And then next thing you knew, everybody left and just the three of us watched that new M. Night Shyamalan movie, The Trap. Yeah, it was a real blast. Did you get scared? I spent about 20 minutes deciding whether I was going to scare Lisa. Like I had a whole plan to go out of the room and secretly exit the house and go around to the window. And then I thought, you know what?

I don't know. Does Lisa scare easily? Yes, and I'm thinking the one time that she got scared and she did burst into tears, so I thought, I don't want that. We were in one of those immersive horror things that I make people go to. Yeah. You two are pranksters. I don't do the pranks. Yeah, you don't like a spook as much. I don't like scaring people. Oh, okay. You just like being silly. Yeah, I like...

not just being silly, but teeing myself up to look very foolish. Yes. Yes. How's your, how's your filming going? Have you had any, uh, any, I'm just working a lot with Holly Hunter and, uh, that scared me. Get out on the deck. We've got the space to save. Yeah.

The space. We gotta save the space. I feel like, I don't know. I don't know why I'm getting faster speech from her. Cause I feel like, well, I'm not hearing her be like, we gotta save the space. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like she's more on it. Like a little more jacked up. Yeah. It's kind of how it feels. Dr. Pepper. Yeah.

When you're saving space, you've got to be jacked. I think it's called The Space. Sorry, when you're saving the space, you've got to be on it. Yeah, you've got to save the space. You can't just dilly-dally. You've got to get out there and save that space. I was never really into science as a kid, so that's why I don't know more about the space. I thought you were going to say you were never really into Holly Hunter. Oh, no, I'm definitely into Holly Hunter. Do not talk about the star...

Of Starfleet Academy. Like Starfleet Academy. Definitely into Holly Hunter. Holly Hunter is Stephanie's favorite actor across the board. No ifs, ands, or buts. I get it. Raising Arizona. Come on now. Oh, Raising Arizona. Yeah. I wish I had that kind of certainty about anything. Like this is my favorite actor. It would be so relaxing to just know. I kind of feel that way about the Beatles. I'm like, they are my favorite and that's calming to me.

I feel that way about Kelly Clarkson. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Had a power ballad. There's a lot of space news going on because we have two moons at the moment. Did you see that? Oh. Are you about to moon us? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Go to YouTube right now. Go to YouTube right now.

May's pants are down. Full moon. That would be the best. Full moon. We call it a full main. Main. The best setup ever. Did you guys hear we have two moons at the moment? And then you pull your pants down and ass right in the zoom. Right in the zoom. But I did... When they announced it so casually, they were like, oh yeah, we're going to have two moons for the next couple months. And it's like...

What? Like no one ever said, oh, at some point we might have two moons like that. Like it feels a bit not. You needed a heads up. I needed a heads up. Yeah. Yeah. You can't just spring two moons on May. I know if you were to see them. One of them is the size of a school bus. So I think it's too small to see. But I don't get why. So it's orbiting us for like a month and a half and then it's just going to go away like.

Not to be a conspiracy theorist, but this sounds like aliens. I have to be really honest with everybody right now. Do it. Here we go. I never heard about two moons.

You gotta get online. Is it in the news? Yeah. Well, truth be told, I have been staying away from the news as of late. Today is election day. Go vote. Whatever you do. Go vote. Listen to our podcast and then go vote. We encourage everyone to exercise your freedom to vote because ladies and gents, you gotta vote.

And everyone in between. Pretty little ladies, pretty little ladies. Yeah. And our dudes listening, go vote. Please go vote. But I stayed away from the news because it's just been conspiracy theory to the nth degree for a while. It is so crazy how conspiracy theories used to be so... Fringe. So fringe. And now it is...

It is. Oh, go ahead. I feel like...

Maybe I'm part of the problem. Oh, for sure you are. For sure I am. I see a news headline that's like, top scientists have figured out how to travel backwards in time, and then you just keep scrolling. I think any day now something crazy is going to happen. That second moon is going to descend. I think I'm so in the what we're dealing with on a daily basis just from...

The climate stuff and the weather stuff and the hurricanes and... Wait, that's all the climate stuff. The politics and... But you know what I mean. Like, all of it. It's not just the hurricane. It's all of it combined. And the politics and the division and the fighting and the guns and the... It's like, I can't also handle the conspiracy theories on top of... Right. Like...

I thought you were going to say you can't also handle a second moon moving in. I think that's fair. The moon I can handle. There are worse things. I can handle a school bus size moon. Throw that at me any old day. I think I it must be I wonder if it's

like on purpose to distract us from all the real problems they're like well there's a second moon or or maybe i just as escapism so i don't have to face all the really pressing problems i'm like yeah this moon guy i think it might be more for you to escape because i don't i don't know that a lot of people out there like oh man

You hear about that second moon? I don't know. How are we going to keep going? It was a lot to process. Thomas, were you aware of the second moon? I knew about the second moon, yes. See, the Canadians love the moon story. It was a big topic of conversation last night when we were doing our bear paintings, talking about the second moon. And would you guys like to see my bear painting? We would absolutely. I've already seen it. Have you? Yeah, Lisa showed me. Oh, okay.

okay. Okay. Oh, wow. I don't know how I feel about that. With the inside scoop of the bear paintings. Oh, way to attack me, Fortune, about seeing a bear painting before you did. I don't need you to show it to me because my best friend, Lisa, already showed it to me. Yeah. Me and Lisa are really close and she's like, Hey, look at May's bear painting and here's mine. And, uh, don't tell Fortune. Well,

Sorry, things got real nasty. Sorry, the election's pulling everyone apart. I know. It's the gravitational pull of the second moon. It's fucking with all of our internal fluids and waters. Definitely the moon, not the pending election. Yeah. Okay, so this was, I was worried about painting the wrestling bear Caesar, and then I checked with Raph, that woman who did the Malochio spell. If you're just listening to the pod for the first time, you're like,

This is not anything new. Yeah, this is part of a saga. I said a bear journey. This is, I think, now the saga's ending, so this is my bear. Whoa, that's really good, Mae. Thank you so much. He's wearing a Caesar crown. He looks like a bear wolf.

Oh, yeah, I see that. Yeah, here's his face. I would say it barely looks like a wolf. Beowulf. Beowulf. That's what we call him. Beowulf. That's really good. Beowulf. And so the painting was part of the release to get it.

- You'll notice in the painting the bear is like really releasing its rage, which is what the real wrestling bear never did. He was so docile and placid and I feel like I gotta release my inner bear rage and so I painted it. I feel good, I might give the painting to Joe, that's what I think I might do. - That would be nice. - Joe the button maker?

Hi, my name is Jo. I've got a wife and three kids and a family. And I work at a batten factory. And I push batten. So you feel like you release some inner rage from that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's the coincidences continue because my friend brought a bear painting over that she's had for 15 years. And we're looking at the painting. And then on the back, we see it says for Jesse the elder. And we're like, what? You can imagine this electrifies me. Then it's like the artist assigned it Mike Juno. And we're talking about this. And then my buddy Jason comes over to my random buddy Jason. And he goes, Oh, I know Mike Juno.

We go, what? He goes, yeah, yeah. Because she goes, I bought it at a yard sale 15 years ago. And Jason goes, let me text Mike Junot. Texts him, goes, did you paint this bear? He goes, yeah. Guess what Mike Junot's job is now? What? He's a wrestler.

For real. So anyway, I think that closed the loop. Yeah. Are you feeling better? Much. Yeah. Do you paint? I feel like painting just for fun, for a couple hours, you light a candle, you sit. Do you do that with your kids, Tig? Well, I was going to say...

Max and Finn, of course, do art and painting because they're children. But Max, we call it his art studio, and it's this table set up in our driveway. And he just sets up all of the paint, and he'll come home from school, put his backpack down, walk out to the driveway, and just start painting. Wow.

And it's really incredible just that he has that interest and drive. Yeah, I kind of understand art therapy now because I'm like something about just pushing colors around. Yeah, people love it. I am not a big painter or drawer person.

But when presented with the opportunity, I've found that I really thrive. One recent example being that Chili's. Baby back ribs. They have a thing where you can color a chili pepper, not the band, an actual pepper. Yeah, sure. And they raise money for St. Jude's. They sent me some markers.

To paint a pepper. A real pepper? No, like a picture of a pepper. Oh, cool. And what was your style? So I went gay. Yeah, that checks out. And made the pepper of the rainbow flag.

And I felt because the headquarters of Chili's is in Texas. Yeah. And so my pepper was going to go be sent to Texas to be put in one of their stores. And I thought, you know what? I'm going to send a little gay. Yeah. Chili pepper to Texas. Well, they do have gay people in Texas. They sure do. And they have gay and gay people love Chili's. Love a triple dipper.

I've never been. That's my go-to. You've never been to Texas? You've never been to Chili's? Either. I've never been to Texas. You've never been to Texas or Chili's? No. What? I know. What?

I'd love to. Well, we'll have to solve the Texas one for you at some point. Yeah. And we can solve the Chili's situation for you as well when you're back home. What did you say? You had a triple dipper? Yeah, Mae. What is a triple dipper? What is that? Oh, my friends, thank God you asked. Now, Tig's not going to be interested in this. I don't think there's a lot of vegan food at Chili's. Oh, my God.

They have a salad. So a triple dipper, and it's very popular on TikTok right now, but I've been an OG lover of triple dipper my entire life. It's an appetizer at Chili's.

where you can pick three of their appetizers, hence the triple dipper. And all three of those apps have a sauce you can dip it in, hence the dipper. Is one of them like mozzarella sticks with the marinara? Not only is there a mozzarella stick situation where you can get the OG original with marinara sauce,

And I'm not sponsored by Chili's. Oh, my God. This is just... Wait, when were you at Chili's last? It has been a minute. What's a minute? Like a week or a year? Like six months, probably. You're due for another... I'm due for a dipper. I'm due for a dipper, for sure. Now they have mozzarella sticks with either a Nashville hot sauce...

Or some kind of like honey bourbon glaze or something like that. And according to the kids on TikTok, they love them. It's so weird that TikTok is celebrating. It's like, we got to get on board with this triple dipper. It's been a resurgence. It's weird. These youngins on TikTok, they find these things and they act like they've just discovered them.

They're like, what's this? This triple dipper. What is this? Oh, my God. And they might have just discovered it. I think they might have. But I've been going there since I was five. So you love Chili's. Yeah, they have Southwest Southwest Chili's.

Southwestern egg rolls, which are amazing. They have honey chicken crispers, which is a chicken tender with this sweet honey sauce. This is exactly my type of palate. This is perfect for me. All right, Mae, we'll go. And you were correct in that it's not quite up my alley. It's not for you. Let's face it. Saving money can be tough. So when there's an opportunity to save, you've got to take it. Here's an easy one.

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Wait, can we, Fortune, can we tell, because we did a mini-sode and one of the questions really stuck with me, which was, if you were one food and one beverage, what are you? Right? It's like one food and one drink. And what did we say? Fortune was like... I was what my friend told me I was, which was a chicken sandwich...

And a Shirley Temple. But Mae thought I was milk and chocolate chip cookies, and either of those I think apply. But Shirley Temple, I really see. You're a Shirley Temple. And then I can't remember what I was. But then, yeah, Tate, what do you think you are? Well, I'm going to go ahead and be a Roy Rogers. Oh.

I think Thomas said water. Thomas said a glass of cold water. Who, me? Thomas said, yeah, free water. It's kind of the only thing I drank is water. Yeah, I think that's why. Roy Rogers is what, whiskey? I don't even know what it is. Wait, is it Coke and...

Maybe a maraschino cherry juice. Oh, the grenadine. That's what's in a Sprite. I mean, a Shirley Temple grenadine Sprite. I guess that's in a Coke is a Roy Rogers. I said you'd be a salad maybe. No, you know, I'd be, here's what I'd be. I'd be a kombucha, a ginger kombucha, and I would be a delicious grain bowl.

Oh my God. Okay. Yeah, there'd be like mushrooms, quinoa. What are they? Sweet potatoes, broccoli, carrots.

God, yes. Avocado. Hello, grain bowl. Hello, grain bowl. I thought, I think I said for you, maybe one of the, you described that like date dessert one time. Oh, my friend makes those after listening to our handsome pod. Does she love them or what? It's a gay boy, a gay man. I don't know.

And he loves, absolutely loves them. And I went to a party at Karen Kilgariff's house, which you were invited to a couple months back. And he brought them to that party. Were they a hit? They were fantastic. Yeah.

Because any time I've brought them or I've made them at a party, people are like, what? What is this? Oh, dates. I don't know. And I'm like, just cork it. It was Zagnoe Towers. Very funny comedian. He made them after listening to The Handsome Pod. Yeah, it's really good. But I still stand by I'm a ginger kombucha and a delicious grain bowl. Yeah. You know, I like that. I have realized that I do love food that comes in a bowl.

I do too. Yeah, I did realize that about myself. There used to be a place in LA called Grain Lab and it's no longer, or they sold it. It's not this, I don't know what's the deal with it now, but it used to just be these bowls with like veggies and I would get, I do eat meat. I apologize. Hey. You do you, girl. And it was like a chicken and couscous bowl or like a steak and sweet potato bowl and

And it was like my favorite thing in the world to eat. And I only want my food in bowls now. I got made fun of because I like, like if I order takeout, like Vietnamese or something, I got like a pho or a, or like a, one of those,

like a bun, you know, a noodle salad thing. I want to eat it out of like a trough. Like I'm, I sometimes get like a giant pot that you would cook past in like a metal pot and I'll just dump everything in there. I'm going to spoon. You just want it all mixed in together and stuff. Yeah. Cause I don't want it. It won't all fit on one plate and I don't want to do, you know, I have a question. Yeah, sure. Yeah.

Is it called pho or pho? I thought it was. It's definitely pho. You're right. It's pho. I get embarrassed because I feel like I'm being like croissant. Croissant. You know what I mean? So I just say. Oh, I see. That makes sense because I've spent a good amount of time in Australia doing shows. Oh, my God. That's so funny that you brought that up, Tig, because I too spit a lot of time. Wait. Who were you with? I was with Jennifer Lopez. Oh, my God.

Yeah, yeah. And there was lots of things to do in Australia. Yeah. Wow. No, no, I'm not from Australia. I know it's very hard to tell from the accent. Did you – Tig, were you starting to become Australian? Yeah, do the accent, Tig. I was with Jennifer Lopez and we, of course, were –

Riding kangaroos. Kangaroos? I haven't yet to watch out for razor blades. Yeah, a lot of razor blades. Wait, what's that reference? It's just an easy word to say in an Australian accent. Razor blades. Razor blades. And do you know how I learned this? And this is going to be... A lot of people probably know this trick, but if you don't know this trick, you can convince somebody for like two seconds that you can speak an Australian accent if you say raze.

up lights raise up lights raise up lights say it raise up lights oh right and it sounds if you say it fast yeah you got to put it together raise up lights raise up lights do you guys are you guys all

Did you make this up? No, someone told me about it years ago. Raise up blights. See, but put it together faster. Raise up blights. Raise up blights. Raise up blights. Oh my God. Our Australian listeners right now are dying. Are throwing up. Raise up blights. They're like these stupid American and Canadian hosts. Raise up blights.

Rise up lights. And then if you put it all into one thing and don't enunciate, rise up lights. But now you're not saying raise up lights at all. Say rise. Rise. Say rise. Rise. Rise. Rise. Up. Rise up. Rise up.

Take the P off of it. Can't we just say Risa? Risa. Risa. Risa. Lights. But go Blides. Risa Blides. This is, I want my money back is what I want. Yeah, me too. Me too.

I truly, I thought that you guys were, I thought that the sentence like to learn an Australian accent was closer to an Australian accent than you've ever been by saying raise up lights. Jennifer Lopez. See, I thought you guys were saying a sentence that was designed to give you an Australian accent, which was always with Jennifer Lopez. Oh, I brought up Australia not to go down this weird road.

Sue me. Sue me. Okay. I'll see you in court. We're going to have some listeners going, oh my gosh, Tig is suing Fortune. Tig, eat my ass. Gladly. Eat my ass. Say that. Say eight. And you have to have the last part sound like a question. Eat my ass. Eight. Eight. My. My. Ass. Ass. Eat my ass. No.

We apologize to all of our Australian listeners. We love you. And even listeners everywhere else where they're listening. All I wanted to say is I understand what you're saying, Mae, about pho and pho. Because after spending so much time in Melbourne. Melbourne? All of the locals say Melbourne. And you sound so weird being an American in Australia saying, I love your city, Melbourne. Melbourne.

And then I left Australia and I was like, oh yeah, I was in Melbourne. And people were like, Melbourne? And I'm like, you can't win. You can't win. You're right. You can't win. I want to win. I want to win so bad. I want you both to win. Thank you. You don't have to say it back. Raise up lights. Raise up lights. I don't want you to say it back. Anywho. Well...

Should we get to our question? Yeah, let's get to our question. Yeah, great. I'm a massive deep fan. We're all deep fans of this person. Yes, we are. Who isn't? Today's questioner is an actress, comedian, and writer who became one of the most beloved SNL cast members of all time over the course of her six years on the show. She won the Spirit Award for Best Supporting Actress for her role in Other People and has appeared in films including Happiness and Wet Hot American Summer as well as...

TV shows like The Other Two, White Lotus. Molly Shannon is asking today's question. She's the best. I just could go on about Molly forever. She is such an influence on my comedy. I know. Because growing up, her cast, the Will Ferrell cast, and Sherry O'Terry, they were like...

my people yeah same i thought they were the cast for me and i have to say one of my absolute favorite movies of all time is happiness oh really i was one of my favorite movies of all time is superstar superstar is so good when she makes out with that tree and she's so committed to it and it's so embarrassing and she's just being like talking dirty to this tree and being like you're a bad

boy it's so good I lost my shit I think I've told you all this before but I have the absolute pleasure of living in the same neighborhood as Molly and she rides her bike around the neighborhood she is a fixture in our neighborhood with her little bike and her basket and I love it it is such a

a treat to, um, to see her just peddling around just like the mayor of our neighborhood. Cause she's such a like present person. You'll talk to her. She's looking in the eyes and she's very passionate about talking to you. And,

When I was in high school, I would like have like little moments of being funny or like try to be a performer. And for my senior year, we had like a talent show that you could sign up for. And I dressed up as Mary Catherine Gallagher and just basically did her sketch and

in the talent show and that was like my first taste of performing were you wearing a roll of blights no blights no roll of blights because i didn't want a full but i had the whole catholic school girl outfit the long wig oh my god did like the hands in the armpits and the smelling of them and sometimes when i get nervous i put my hands under my arms

And then I smell them. Do you remember when she is confessing to the priest in the confessional and he says, what are your sins or whatever? And she says, Father, I think my feelings would best be expressed in a monologue from a Sissy Spacek movie. And she does a dramatic monologue that's so insane. Meredith Baxter Burney or something like that. Yeah, yeah. Oh, God. Because she just commits so hard to these characters and

Sally O'Malley. Anytime a friend turns 50, I'm so giddy to be like, I'm 50. 50 years old and I like to kick and stretch and kick because I'm 50. Yeah.

I feel like we've found a way to say that on the pod a bunch of times. I don't know why. It's like one of our main quotes. But yeah, she's unbelievable. And I've seen her in social situations, but I've never, I don't think I've ever told her just how much I love her. Me neither.

So maybe she'll listen to this one day and she'll know. We love you, Molly. We love you. Every single person alive loves Molly Shannon. End of story. End of story. Should we hear her question? Yes. Please.

Hello, handsome podcast. It's Molly Shannon. And my question for all of you today is, and it's a very serious question. When you are leaving a party, do you say goodbye on your way out or do you do the Irish exit? The quick say no goodbye exit. That's my question.

All right. That's a really good one. From an Irish. Why do you think they call it an Irish exit? I don't know because I've heard it called a French exit as well. Yeah, I've heard a few different exits. Yeah. Yeah, maybe in Ireland they're just never, they say top of the morning and they never say bottom of the night. Bottom of the night. Bottom of the night. Bottom of the night. Bottom of the night.

Are you allowed to make fun of them being drunk if you're not Irish? I don't know. Or are you Irish? I am Irish. Oh, I thought you were Italian. Irish Italian. Are you only one thing? As an Irish person that doesn't ever leave parties drunk, I feel like my fellow Irish people.

Irish folk maybe stumble out and they can't find anyone to say goodbye to. Saying goodbye. I don't know if this is at every party or if this is an LA thing, but it is like a 45 minute process. Yes. It is so long and I will have to gear up for it. Like we went to a thing, we went to this charity event last night and I had to

I had to say to Jax, all right, we need to go. Let's go say goodbye to Arnold. Let's go say goodbye to Heather. We got to say like I'm doing an exit strategy of like, and it's still 45 minutes later. We're leaving. I do say goodbye. You do? I do. I do say goodbye when I leave and do my thank yous and everything. But I kind of, that's kind of my favorite part of,

being at a party is being like, okay, it's time to leave. Let's go say goodbye. Because then you have a mission and you don't get stuck talking to a weird person. You just like, you go in and you say goodbye. You talk to the host and the people that you know, and then you bolt. Because if you're in the middle of a party and you don't really know anybody or you don't, you know, some people,

You're just a sitting duck. And I am not somebody that needs to be babysat or talked to at a party or anything. I like to sit and watch.

you know? Yeah. I respect that a lot. Yeah. And then when it's time to go, I love to get up and be line over and do my goodbyes. And that is the most fun. I'm a, I'm an Irish Exeter in a big way. And because I think partly cause I have no boundaries. So that's prime time when I'm saying goodbyes to just be making promises. I can't keep writing checks. I can't cash. I'm saying, Hey, it was so good to see you. So let's hang out tomorrow. And we're like, let's see, like, Oh, we got to do that thing, you know? And, and,

And so I end up just making all these promises. And then so when I do an Irish exit, I really appreciate the friends in my life who give me grace. Like the other night I had, I hosted like a kind of cast gathering and I booked karaoke for an after party. I knew I wasn't going to go in my heart. It was like late. I was tired and everyone was like, okay, karaoke. And I was the one that organized it. And I went, yeah, yeah, I'm going to meet you guys there. I'm just going to go. And I knew, and my friend looked at me and was like, you're not coming, right? And I was like, no.

no and she said I give you grace she said don't worry about it and she didn't you know what I mean and she let me do this my lie and say no I'm just stopping at home funny though was your friend Jennifer Lopez yeah yeah but has there ever been a part of you that as you've gotten older that where you're like maybe I should just not tell people I'm going to do the thing I'm no I'm not gonna do that's my lifelong journey for sure for sure yeah

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Because there'll be some 0.001% of me that's like, yeah, maybe I'll get a second wind, but I know deep down I won't. But I always assume that you're always on your second and third wind because don't you stay out all night and do you? No, no. I, I, maybe when we started this pod, I was doing that. Yeah. I'm, I'm working too much, but maybe, maybe I'm heading back into, into a while. Are you a late night goose?

Used to be. Yeah, I mean, I stay up late, but I'm usually just reading sad poems and things. Stay up late reading sad poems. Poems. Poems. Poems.

Yeah, I'm definitely running on fumes though. That's true. And over those eight hours last night, I was too busy watching Josh Hartnett. I slept like five hours. My God, I would kill to sleep five hours. Really? Oh my God. I'm going on like three. Seriously? Yes. From the night sweats from the onesie. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm a full blown menopause. I'm like,

man, I'd give anything for five hours. Really? I love a good seven or eight hour night. Listen, I would, what I would do for seven hours sleep. I've been getting seven or eight the last couple of weeks and it's nice. That's really nice. Look at this face. Cause you know what? If you don't sleep for like, it's not long. Oh, sorry. I'm looking at that face. Yeah. YouTube right now. If you want to see. Oh,

Thanks to eight hours sleep and my Jennifer Lopez JLo beauty mask. Whoa. You are glowing, I will say. Thank you. Oh, my gosh. You know, one of our number one fans, Amanda Klutz. Love Amanda. Love Amanda. She listens to this podcast religiously. Wow.

Well, after we promoted Jennifer Lopez. JLo Beauty. JLo Beauty. She texted me and teased me about how much better I looked since I started using JLo. It's true. Yeah. Look at it. But yeah, you are really glowing. I know I'm glowing because I've been using my JLo Beauty and sleeping. But if you don't sleep for like...

Three or four days. It's not even that long. You die. Like, it's crazy that we are designed that way. Yeah. Like you, it's going to take, you need more sleep. I'm worried about you. I will die. I just want to let, we're all, we're all headed in that direction. How dare you? How dare you? I'm getting, you know, three. Oh my God. Go to YouTube. Go to YouTube.

Should we wear that at my funeral? And because you're Irish-Italian, I'll sing, old daddy boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling.

From glen to glen and down the mountainside. The snow has come and all the roses falling. Tigglebee turning in her grave. It's you. Wait, it's me. It's you. It's you or me. It doesn't matter. It's me. It's me. It's us. I must go and bide and my must bide. I'll work on the lyrics before. Would you mind singing that to me to sleep?

Singing back to me to sleep? Singing to top of the morning to you. I'm not just known for my Irish goodbyes. I'm also known for singing a little ditty at a funeral. Or also if you're having menopause and you need to sleep.

I feel like somehow... I was going to say, you're not known for your Irish accent. How dare you? How dare you? I feel like, Fortune, you're going to find a way to sing at your own funeral somehow. I'm going to have a pre-recorded album that they're forced to play. Yeah. And everyone's going to have to sit there and listen.

Do you guys know my old roommate, Chris Fairbanks? Yes. Love Chris. Okay. He's one of the funniest people walking around this planet. When we first moved in, we used to live in Venice together, Venice, California. And when we first moved into our house, we,

We used to always talk to each other like, oh, he calls me Tiggity. And he's like, hey, hello, Tiggity. And I call him Prissity. And when we first moved in, we were just walking around the house, getting things set up, cleaning and

and talking to each other like that like and he takes some trash out and meets our neighbor and he's still talking like that he's like yeah we just moved in here and me and my friend and the guy was like where are you from and Chris was like oh so

Sorry, I'm actually from Montana. My roommate and I were just talking like we were from Ireland. Anyway. When did you guys live together? Was it when you first moved to LA? No, we were performing in Boise, Idaho, and he opened for me, and we had so much fun. We were crying, laughing the whole weekend, and he was just going through a breakup, and I had just rented this house, and

And I said, if you don't have anywhere to go, you're welcome to move in with me. I didn't have an extra bedroom, but I had like this. Oh, my God. I had this extra room that just had a door that like slid closed. There was no closet in there or anything. So he was like, really? And I was like, yeah, because I just I was like, oh, my God, I love this guy. And we moved in. We lived together almost a decade. No.

way yes just that's amazing you knew right away when you met him and you're good in a crisis we know this and he yeah he was going through a breakup and you said all right yeah it's like hey because he he just just broke up with his girlfriend and he was like in the middle he was like really in flux and I just thought well I love this guy I lived with a boy for like eight years

Fortune. Tell us. Not romantically. Okay. Who was the boy? My friend Steve, shout out. His last name was shout out? I was in desperate need of a place to live at the end of my first year in L.A.,

I had met him through, he was working on the show that the lady I was working for was on. He had a North Carolina Chapel Hill shirt on and I was like, oh my God, I'm from North Carolina. As if we're all supposed to be friends. I came on a little strong.

And I think he thought I had a crush on him. Did he? Oh, boy. So he was like kind of, you know, when you like think someone likes you and you don't like them, you don't want to like do anything to give them the wrong impression. I said yes, but actually I can't relate because if anyone, if I think there's even a hint, I'm like...

On it. A little steam ahead. Yeah. No matter who it is? Well, maybe I just like the flirtation. Yeah, yeah. I was going to say attention. But he did not want that attention from me. And I was desperate to make friends. So I was like coming on very strong. I knew as a friend, he thought romantically. And I was like, you want to be friends? And he's like, uh.

And so I knew him in that way. You weren't out yet, right? I wasn't out yet, no. But I knew, I was not just like,

I knew I was not into him in that way. Um, and, uh, but I was desperate for friends cause it was so hard to meet people out here. And then like six months into knowing him, um, that was back when there was the AOL chat rooms, you know? Yeah. And, and he put on his like away message that he needed a new roommate. Oh,

And I was, and I needed, I desperately needed a place to live. Cause I need a place to stay. I need a place to stay. So I, I like wrote him like, I need a, I need a roommate. I need to move into somewhere. And,

he kind of was like oh okay oh my god like reluctant and then i ended up being his roommate for like almost a decade and the whole time you were trying to get with him the whole time crawling into bed with him at night yeah so he you lived with him when you came out yeah yeah was he shocked that you didn't want a piece of that um i honestly don't know i don't i don't

I don't know. He was shocked, but he wasn't also like, it wasn't like on the nose for him. And, um, when you were living with him, were you flashing your sexy calves? No, no,

No, your gams. Your sexy gams. Yeah. He saw my gams. He knew what I was working with. Okay. But immediately as I moved in, he saw right away there was no sexual anything ever. Right. No chemistry, nothing in that way.

at all and it was like high fives immediately and yeah he's still one of my best friends oh when he moved out of LA it was a sad sad day where'd he go I miss him he moved to Chicago first and then and he's in Atlanta he has a family of three kids now wife kids all the things and is she jealous of you yeah he's not allowed to talk to you anymore he's jealous of me because I don't have kids laughing

But he's great. He's a super great guy. But yeah, so that was my... I had grown up with brothers, so I knew they were gross to live with. That's where I remembered living with Steve that men somehow end up having their pubes everywhere. Yeah.

It just, it doesn't matter. They, their pubes end up literally everywhere. And that's what you were dealing with? Yeah. Guys, whatever male, no, the ladies know too that are listening right now who live with a man, um,

Wait, Fortune, you have to say, you have to say what end up everywhere. You have to say that again and end it with right ladies. Right. Am I right? Ladies, pubes everywhere. It's, it's wild how they can just manage to float.

I think I'm equally bad, not with pubes, but like I trim my hair a lot myself and I've had roommates be like, there's tiny yellow hairs, like all like you can never quite clean them all up by the sink. And it's a real compulsion. I can't stop. Like last night when we were painting the bears, I went up to pee and I just find myself holding the scissors, giving myself a haircut in the middle of hosting a party. And so wait, May, is your hair not brown anymore? No.

Oh, no, it is. Yeah. It's brown, but it's still got a hint of blonde. Yeah, it's like a... Go to YouTube. Go to YouTube. I did find myself turning into a naggy wife living with a man. Oh, really? Yeah, which Jack deals with now with me. So it's all full circle.

Wait, you nagged Jax? No, she nags me. Oh, yeah. I was going to say. But when I was living with, because many of the times, Steve and I had another roommate, so I would live with two boys. So I was always like, guys, can you please take out the trash? It's literally overflowing. You became that character. I became that woman. Can you please? Can you please? For the love of God. You're passing the mailbox. Can you just bring the mail in for once? Yes.

Can you clean up your pubes? Did I tell you guys about the guy, Mike, that I found on Craigslist to be my roommate? And he seemed like this quiet little nerd. He was younger than me. And I just desperately needed a roommate fast. This is not long ago. I was like 30 in London. And he moved in. And right away, I was like, he stayed in his room all the time. And then after about a week, he came home.

I hear all the doorbells in the whole apartment building basically buzzing and he's wasted and he comes in and he's like slurring and he starts being like, can I have a hug? I just met him like a week ago and I was like, no, I'm good. And he goes, go stand in the corner. Oh no. No, I'm fine. I was by myself. So I was like, oh, this is bad. So I texted my friend and I start recording him and he's going like,

do you ever like bone your groupies? And he's just being really gross and weird. And he keeps telling me to stand in the corner and hug him. So I went, I'm going to go to bed and I locked the door and, and then I hear him. This is not a fun story, is it? Anyway, it depends on where it goes. Yeah. We don't know where the ending is. I hear him smashing around.

Anyway, so the next day I go out and I go, hey, Mike. Well, he stayed in his room for like 24 hours. Then he comes out really hungover. And I was like, hey, man, you were really creepy last night. He's like, OK, so what? Not apologetic. And I went, well, I feel like you got to move out. Like you were I have a recording because in case you didn't remember, you kept telling me to stand in the corner and hug you. And you were talking about your dick. And it was weird.

And he goes, okay, fine. I'll move out. I was like, okay. And then I said, well, I'll give you your deposit back. And he goes, I don't need your charity. And I was like, all right, well, and then this is the mistake I made. I said, I'm going on tour. So if you can just be out when I get back, I'll be back in two weeks. I leave. I come back from tour. He, it is destroyed. My house, like my TV's broken. There's bottles. No.

There is poo smeared on the wall in the bathroom. There's pee and pubes everywhere. There's my TV broken and just like garbage that's been sitting in the sun in the apartment with no air conditioning. Like it was, yeah. And I never heard from him. I just changed the locks. I never saw him again. I bet you're going to hear from him now. I hope he's listening. He's like, uh,

Yeah. And wait, you just he was just randomly from online or? He was like 26 and seemed so he was like, he was like five foot four and like 100 pounds like this little, you know, tech guy and he seemed like the least threatening guy ever. And then I think, yeah, he would have murdered me for sure. Yeah, they have a whole series called my worst murder.

Worst roommate ever or something. Worst roommate ever. No, he probably was just going through something. I had many of Craigslist roommates. It is wild to just have a stranger move in. It's wild, right? I haven't done that. It was very popular at one point. Yeah. I lived with a woman called Joanne who...

And then I was the sketchy Craigslist roommate because I was like a sketchy teen and I lied about my age and I moved in. I knew I didn't have enough rent really. But she was a nice lady and she was maybe in her 50s. And when I would leave the house, she'd go, oh, you forgot something. And I'd be like, what? And she'd say, you haven't said goodbye to Elvis. And I had to say goodbye to the cat every time I left. Oh, I thought she was going to say your rent. Yeah. You forgot something just to pay me any rent. And also can you pay me my rent? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I never answered Molly's question. To answer Molly's question, I'm not an Irish goodbyer exiter because I feel too guilty. I feel like I need to properly say thank you to the host and

to tell my friends I'm leaving. That's why it's always a 45-minute process to me. But we've mentioned her on this podcast before. Tig and I have a mutual friend named Alison Dunbar. She is the queen of Irish exiters. And I didn't even know that term until her. And she would famously at every party just disappear.

And I think once people expect it of you, no one gives a crap. Yeah. Like you said. Also, Alison Dunbar can do whatever she wants as far as I'm concerned. That's right. She sure can. There's nobody funnier, cooler, smarter. And you just, Alison Dunbar does anything she wants in my book. Whatever she wants. Yeah. Oh my God. Imagine being that person. Yeah. That sounds like heaven. Because she didn't give a shit. If you were to be like, hey, I'm...

offended that you left without saying goodbye, she'd laugh in your face and you'd be like, all right, let's hear what, uh, Molly has to say. Yes. Yeah. Um, and now my answer, I did an outfit change for the answer. So I prefer an Irish exit. I once, um, had to go to a, uh, cast wrap party that I didn't really want to go to cause it was at a club downtown and it was really loud, but I felt like I should go. Um,

So I went in and there was a dance circle and I made a big scene so that everybody could see me and there was a dance off and I did a big like number in the middle of the circle of people were like, yeah.

And I zipped out and I was only there for probably 15 minutes at the party. And I got into my car and I was like, Oh, I was so excited. And everybody thought the next day that I had stayed really late because they, they all saw me. I made a big, you know, to do, but then sneaked out. It was, it was my perfect Irish exit.

That's amazing. I just said, yeah, like she was talking to me directly. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that would seem like you were really there partying if you've made such a huge scene like that. Yeah. That's a good thing. That's a good plan if you don't want to go somewhere for a long time to make your presence known online.

pretty hardcore and then just dip out yeah if you're gonna commit a murder that's a good thing too for your alibi like you go to a party didn't think about that you're really present at the party and then everyone's gonna think you were there yeah yeah i would love to be at a party why did your brain go to that oh sorry sorry murder

What an alibi. I was break dancing in the kitchen. I couldn't have done it. Didn't you see me there? I was there. I really would love to be at a party where Molly Shannon instigates a dance circle and does a huge number. I would just be levitating with joy. Oh, yeah. She is one of those people that you could watch her do anything and you'd be cracking up. Yes. She is a silly, silly bird. Let's have a party at some point and invite her.

Put it on the list. Put it on the list. Yeah. Just the four of us invite Molly Shannon over. Seriously. She's like, why isn't no one else here? Well, we know she doesn't like loud clubs. That's true. So maybe she'd like a quiet evening with four. A quiet evening in with Molly. With a grain bowl and triple dippers. Yeah. Yeah. And what was my food? I like shrimp dumplings, but I'm embarrassed about it. That's all right. Don't be embarrassed. No. Be proud. Be out and proud about your dumplings. Well,

Well, what an episode. I hope everybody votes today. Please. And tell your family. Tell your neighbors. Your neighbor. Tell your Nana. Share your same political views. Then don't remind them.

But vote is very important. It is our basic civic duty. Yes. And many people fought for us to be able to vote. So go vote. Fortune speaking the truth. That's right. If you want merch, go to handsomepod.com because we have some great merch. Hoodie.

keep a handsome hoodie, a Yago shirt. It's never too late to wear that because everyone has ghosts in their house and you want to give them a shout out. Yeah. And it's also never too late to order my album. Hello again. Get that at Tig Notaro.com. I can still be seen very regularly at comedy bar in Toronto. I'm working out new material, um,

And some nights it's real off the rails and loosey goosey. And but the crowds have been so fun and nice. And I've really been enjoying it. I am finally well, when this comes out, I will be finally back in LA. I'm finally doing the loosey goosey new material stuff. I'm at Largo December 15th.

December 4th at Largo. So there's going to be really good special guests and stand up and improv and music and stuff. And until next time, there you go. Let's keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod.

What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a HeadGum Podcast.

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