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Hello there, it's Tig Notaro, and I'm sitting here with my co-hosts. Fortune Feimster. Hello there, it's Mae Martin as well. Oh. And you're listening to Handsome. The Handsome Pod! Woo! That's us. You can really hear when people are smiling while they're talking, right? Like, I really heard, and you're listening to hands. I heard the smile. Yeah. You're keeping it smooth and sexy, but fun. Yeah.
Smiling on through with smooth jazz. I have a lot of energy this morning. Why? I don't really know because mornings, I'm not like a typical like morning person. Okay, you're atypical. Yeah, and maybe that's the stand up in me. Yeah, I'm a night owl. When do you go to bed? Like midnight.
I don't know if that counts as night owl. Really? To go to bed at midnight? Well, especially... That's pretty late. That's an early night for Mae. Mae, what's your bedtime? Well, it's changing and evolving now, especially I'm in the writer's room again, but normally I can't get to bed till like 2, 2.30. Oh, that is a night owl. I know. And then I wake up like 9.30, kind of. But why did you shoot out of bed this morning? Like a little, I don't know.
popping candy like a pretty little lady I was excited to see you guys girl
skipping around as you make your coffee yeah i do make coffee i used to go buy it because i'm a big coffee person i love espresso and i used to go buy it and it's pretty expensive if you buy it like every day yeah so i got one of those like um barista machines oh nice so maybe that's why i'm in a good mood i had my coffee what do you guys wear to sleep
Oh, May. I can't believe I... Yeah. I'm picturing Tig in a matching set of PJs and a little hat, but... Now we're getting to the nitty gritty. Yes.
What does everyone wear to bed? I'll tell you right now. Tell us. Just, just my panties. For real, just that? Yeah. Really? My panties. Yeah. Yeah, that's, I like that. Yeah. Yeah, me too. No onesie. Yeah, you too, bro. Yeah. You go night-night in your panties. Yeah, cool, me too, bro. You go night-night in your panties. Yeah.
All right. All right, dude. I'm going to go night-night in my panties. No, I'm in the boy shorts and a t-shirt. Yeah. What do you do, Mae? That's what is on everyone's mind. Full leather. No, I go boy shorts, boxers, and t-shirt. I think I see...
I slept fully naked as a kid until like too late. Like until maybe 13, I was just getting up in the morning, fully naked, going, making my tea, making your coffee. Yeah.
Yeah, it was. I loved being naked. Nary a panty. Nary a panty to be seen. You strike me as someone who doesn't mind being naked still, still though. Yeah. You know what? Well, before like top surgery and stuff, I felt confident naked, but not confident in clothes. Like I, but once I'm naked, I know what, what I'm up to. Yeah.
I don't know what that means, what I just said. Once I'm naked, I'm going out. Once I'm naked, I have no clue what I'm up to. I've lost me. Once I'm naked, I know what I'm up to. I don't know what I meant by that. Like sexy time, I assume? No? Yeah, I guess it was like the...
Yeah. Once I'm naked, I think the clothes made me feel more awkward. Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't mind being naked. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a lights off kind of girl. What is lights? Oh, lights off. I thought you said light soft. I'm a light soft kind of girl. Yeah.
When I'm in my panties, I like the lights very soft. Yeah, no, I don't. This is not a body that likes to be naked. Well, I don't like to sleep naked because I want to be ready for anything. Like if zombies come or a murderer. Zombs. Zombs. Great memory.
Yeah, if Zombs come, I want to be able to jump up and fight them. I was thinking more like earthquakes, but sure, Zombs. Well, so am I in a real situation because I'm just sleeping in my ponties? Well, you definitely need a pair of shoes nearby and maybe a pair of pants. I always have my little slippers next to the bed. Do they have little bunny ears on them? Might as well.
I do like the visual of you just in your panties and slippers outside with like everyone else who's like just endured an earthquake. And you're in bunny rabbit slippers. You're like, guys, that was a 5.5. Anyone else's hair get messed up?
Yeah, so am I a little, is it too vulnerable to just be in ponties? It's all about how you feel. You know, if you feel like you could take on a zomb in your ponties, I'm not going to stop you. Taking on a zomb in my ponties. Yeah, I could do it. How did you wake up feeling this morning, Tig? Like, full of beans or? A little tired. Yeah. I am not a heavy drinker. Hmm.
And I had a skinny margarita last night. And I'm noticing that... It's not turquoise. Tequila. Tequila really makes me sleep. Oh, because it's supposed to be one of the uppers. Yeah. And then I read, found a May fact online, how tequila...
is really helpful with sleeping. - Really? - Yeah. - I did not know that. - And so when I have a margarita, which is my go-to when I'm down to party, my next morning I'm a little like, oh boy, not hungover, but it just makes, yeah. I'm not a big booze hound. - Well, I know that 'cause you called tequila turquoise.
I drank some turquoise last night. And I've never looked better. That, I guess, is a real tell. But, yeah, that's how I woke up. A little groggy. And we're going to...
My sister-in-law's wedding, and so this morning I got to see a real cute parade in our bedroom. Oh, you saw the little suits that are going to be worn? The three-piece tuxes. I mean, God help me when I saw parading through the bedroom. Aw, I love a kid in a three-piece suit. It's so cute. I mean, or like little Nikes.
I like a baby in Nikes. Oh. Yeah, they can only wear them for like two weeks. Like not as cute as baby in Adidas? I mean, I like an Adidas situation too. Just like a sneaker. So are they in the wedding or this is just that? They are? What are their duties? I think they're, you know...
I don't know. You're like, what happens at weddings? I don't know. You're like, I'm still drunk from my skinny turquoise. Yeah. I had a skinny margarita 18 hours ago. Don't talk to me. They either have flower petals or a ring. I don't know. They're officiating. They're officiating. God, that would be amazing if they were officiating. They're like, dearly beloved. Okay.
That's a funeral. Oh, my bad. Oh, no, that's a wedding. Wait, we don't know. No, we do because of Prince. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today. Yeah, it's a wedding. We only know what a wedding is based on Prince. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today.
Do you get asked a lot to officiate weddings? I feel like that's something that people would ask you both. Yes. I have officiated weddings. You have? I've performed at weddings. Yeah. I got my certificate. Oh, wow.
Tig just saw a ghost. Yeah, ghost. No, I was looking for my certificate on the wall and then I realized I didn't hang that up on the wall. I've been asked to officiate weddings, but I mean, I don't know the people. Yeah. And I just feel like they should know the person. Yes. Also, I'm a little busy. Also...
They got to kick down the cash. Yeah, I would... That's the other thing. What kind of cash you talking? Oh, man. If the price was right... I'm talking cold hard cash, too. I don't think anyone wants me to officiate their wedding because they're scared I'd start like...
Talking about non-monogamy during the... Oh, no. But I... You know how, like... What do you guys think of throuples? You know how you hear about, like, really famous people, like, just dropping in on weddings? Like, they're in the same hotel. Yeah, like, Tom Hanks is walking by. Imagine being that level of famous that you just know they're going to be happy to see me at this wedding. That's a pet peeve of mine. Oh, really? Oof.
yeah it's pretty wild right although i love tom i love what about it you just don't like the like you're just making such a i can't imagine doing that i know i can't imagine like when people photobomb you know somebody's wedding or um or interrupt something can you imagine the three of us walking in you're it's a statement of like
I'm so famous or important. Special. The special that I can just barge in here. I can make this day about me. Yeah. Well, it's just that, you know, people are going to go, oh my God.
I don't know. I bless this union. I know. I'm with you. But then as I said it, I was like, if I was getting married and like Bette Midler walked in, I'd be glad she did. Yeah. Come on. I bet with like Tom, like a Tom Hanks situation, he might have been just like walking through and they're like, oh my God, Tom, Tom, Tom, come here, come here, take a picture. It might have been like that. Listen, I'm going to give Tom a pass.
Okay. But in general, I just think it's so cheesy and presumptuous. And you're just saying, hey, I'm such a big deal. Yeah. Because it's like, who would you go in between some random couple when they're getting their engagement pictures and be like, hey, you know, like if you weren't known, they would not be amused. They'd be like, get out of...
we're paying by the hour here. I'm, I'm, I'm learning how to use like a film camera, like a, like, you know, sure. Like for photographs and a camera. Yeah. Camera. Yeah. I was, I was walking around a central park by myself and taking pics and being all arty. And then there was a couple taking engagement photos and like a beautiful, and I started taking tons of pictures of them. And then I got too confident. I was getting up too close. Like,
Because it was just there was their official photographer like taking and they had lighting and everything. And then I started really getting in there, worming my way in. Oh, my God. And when I got the pictures developed, like one of the pictures that I got developed, the groom is just looking directly into my lens like fuck off.
The photographer's like, did you guys hire another competing photographer? You should walk around with your business card and then you give it to them and then if they're interested in buying the photo that you took. Yeah. You'd be like, I got some of the best shots. You're not going to want to miss out on these. Here's my card and my Venmo. And it's all Tom Hanks jumping into people's photos. Yeah.
I want to be very clear here. I love Tom Hanks. Wow. Yeah, it felt like you didn't for a second. Don't you dare. I love it.
And I did say I would give him a pass. True. And you are a big rom-com gal. I am a huge rom-tom. Rom-tom. Rom-tom. Rom-a-tom-tom. I love a good rom-tom. That is what it should be called. It should be. He and Meg Ryan need to bring it back. Make another, yeah. Rom-tom. Make a rom-tom. Yeah.
Man, we really miss the boat on that being a popular word. What, rum-tum? Yeah. It sounds like rumple stiltzkin. We just got to get another big tom to be a romantic lead. Yeah. Okay, I just got it. I just, I just, oh wait, you just understood. I don't know what I was laughing at. Come on in. Come on in. I just.
What did I say? I go, yeah, like Rumpelstiltskin. What? And we're like, okay. Yeah, exactly. Like Rumpelstiltskin. Two minutes later. Just got it. Oh, not. Okay. Not like Rumpelstiltskin. Oh, geez. And I didn't even have a skinny turquoise last night. Oh, my God. That is too funny. That is so funny.
I love your bravery in admitting you got it two minutes later. Two minutes? It was much longer than that. I don't know. I'm not keeping watch on the clock. Yeah, even using the word rumble-silk skin is such a reach.
Where is it? I've ignored you. You've fully ignored me. That word never fits into conversation. I know. It never comes up. Just like ripples, still skin. We're like, what? Okay. I guess now's the time to wedge it into a conversation. Ah, yeah. Just like ripples, still skin. Okay. Where that came from is... Fortune, I have blank faces. I'm crying.
I'm like crying right now. I was like, oh, not like Ruffles. If you're a homeowner who doesn't want to deal with switching your home insurance, we understand. Switching can feel like a lot of work. That's why Allstate is dedicated to making finding a lower home insurance rate as easy and simple as possible. Check Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance.
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I think I kind of thought you guys were laughing at how rom-tom sounds like rin-tin-tin. Oh, God, not even close. You wandered off from the pack there. I strayed. Oh, my God. Yeah, so Rumpelstiltskin.
Yeah, kind of like... You say that name all the time when you're in preschool, and then it never comes up again. Yeah, same with Rapunzel. You talked about Rapunzel before. You definitely like him. Yeah, you bring up these fairy tales. Hansel, Gretel, all the greats. All the greats. My friend's dad almost called her and her brother Hansel and Gretel when they were born. Oh.
That would be a cruel joke. Yeah. Was he at least German? I don't know. He's Italian. Hey. Ansel. Ansel. Hey. Pasquale. That was my father's name, Pasquale. No way. Is that Italian? Pasquale Notaro. Pasquale. A pizza pasta. That's right. Pasquale. Pasquale. Kind of like Rum Tom. Oh, yeah. Pasquale, like Rumpelstiltskin.
You've probably been reading fairy tales lately, so that might be on your brain. I'm very into mythology and folklore on my own. Very into the Pied Piper of Hamelin as an allegory for what happens if you don't look at darkness. Wait, what? Well, I don't know. I'm into the Pied Piper. Rumpelstiltskin stuff. Yeah.
The Pied Piper of Hamlin? Yeah. That's right. You know the Pied Piper? Dick! Wait, you guys know the Pied Piper? Dick has no idea what you're talking about either, just for the record. Wait, are you serious? I don't know this. Okay, okay. I mean, I've heard the word Pied Piper. Yeah. What is Hamlin? That's a good one.
Why are we trying to pretend like we don't have a side podcast about Hamlin and the Pied Piper? About mythology. Where we do a deep dive on it, okay? The Pied Piper's from Hamlin. You know what's crazy is I just literally listened to a podcast that was a deep dive on the Pied Piper of Hamlin. Seriously. Oh my God. And then on their download count, it just says one.
And I'm like, oh, wonderful. Can't wait to dig my teeth into this. This podcast goes out to Mae Martin. I've only heard the phrase like you're going to have to pay the answer to the Pied Piper, pay the Pied Piper, whatever that phrase is. Yeah. So basically they had this rat problem in the small town. Oh boy. Mae fact. Well, this is a, I don't even know if this is based in truth. Can't be.
Who cares? Who cares? May fantasy. Yeah, there should be a May fantasy. And then so this guy, this sort of magical outsider shows up all dressed in colorful robes and stuff. And he says, if you pay me this amount of money, I'll play my little pipe and I'll lead all the rats out of town.
So he does and he leads them all away. And then the greedy townspeople don't pay him. And he had warned them. Then he plays his little pipe and all the children of the town follow him. And he leads them into a mountain and they're never seen again. Wow, that went dark. All those fairy tales are so dark. Yeah, true. But I'm sorry to back up. You're into this story? You have follow up questions? I dig it.
-Okay, you can dig a story-- -Also, that's why you have to pay the Pied Piper. -Yes, you got to pay the Pied Piper. -He doesn't kidnap your children. -Fortune wants to get full circle to like, "Why are we talking about the Pied Piper?" -Fortune's like, "Well, what's his Venmo?" Hamlin is where this took place? -I think so, yes. -Okay. -I think so. -Now we know the origin of that. -Thank God. -I think myths and fairy tales, the reason they endure and the end
and they resonate with us is that they speak to some inner truth that we know and they're helpful. -They're meant to scare you. -Yes. -Like what? -Like Bad Wolf or Itsy Bitsy Spider. -Or Rum Tum Tum. -Or Ripple Van Winkle. -What did Ripple's still skin do? I forgot. -He agreed to help this girl spin her hair into gold
And then he said, is something about guessing his name? If you guess my name, I'll... And then she guessed it or something. And then he stomped himself into the ground. He was so mad. Oh, he said, give me your firstborn child unless you can guess my name. Whoa. Good night, high stakes. Tiggs going night-night in her ponties. Yeah, night-night in my ponties. After that story.
And he's so angry, he stomped her into the ground. Do you have your ponchos on? Time to go night-night.
Oh my gosh. That's the best part about this podcast. We just really never know where we're going at some point. Should we go into our guest question? Yes, let's do it. Sure. Sure. That's why we're here. All right. Our question for this episode is from my dear old pal. I don't know how tight you guys are with Mr. Mike Birbiglia.
I don't know him well, but I really like him. Yeah. His one-man shows are really impressive. Oh, my gosh. I think I just met him for the first time in Montreal. Yeah. But you know someone's like a comedian's comedian when people just call them Birbiglia, like by the last name. Yeah. When you know you've made it as a comedian, people start calling you Birbiglia. That's right, Mae. Yeah.
Hey Burbakes I have known Mike forever and I just really admire his writing and performing everything he's so so talented and a very nice guy he's a stand up actor writer director you've seen him in the movies Sleepwalk With Me and A Man Called Otto with Tom Hanks Tom Hanks yeah
He actually, Mike just released his latest stand-up special called The Old Man and the Pool. And you can watch that on Netflix. I can't wait. Let's hear Brbigg's question. Ooh-hoo.
Hey, it's Mike Birbiglia. Okay, here's my question. What is the most surprising thing about being an adult that would have surprised your childhood self? Like, what would your childhood self be most shocked about, about your adult self? So much. Most surprising thing about being an adult.
I feel like for me out of the gate, I would never have believed that I could pull my life together and be, I feel like a good, reliable partner and parent and just kind of keep
the train moving, you know, because I was just so, I don't know. Chaotic. Yeah, it just might. Yeah, I was moving all the time. This job, that job, you know, I can't believe that I took this turn. Yeah.
and that I'm able to maintain a relationship, a family, a career, and all of that stuff. You were more just kind of flailing through the wind. Yeah, like get my mail, put it in a stack, and then my electricity goes off. And I'm like, what? What happened?
And then I'm like, oh, right. I got my mail and I didn't open my bills. You know? Yeah. I was that kind of person. And that started young for you, right? You were like, yeah, dropping out of school. Like, so did you, yeah. Did you imagine you were going to be a kind of
like lone wolf hitchhiker like you know what I mean well I mean I think when I was um you know a lone wolf failure dropout not really a lone wolf I mean I was I had a lot of great friends and but I was certainly not following a typical path and I was just I was failing and dropped out and I I
didn't think I was going to have much for myself. And I think it was also because what was drilled into my head that if I didn't do these things, then I wouldn't have much for myself. But I also didn't want too much for myself.
You didn't have like lofty goals. No. Oh my God. You felt like allergic to the kind of prescribed. Yeah. I was similar, I think. Yeah. It was not for me. And I just thought, well, it's fine. I'll just have a little hatchback, live in a studio apartment, have just, I'll deliver pizza and then just have my friends and...
girlfriend or maybe have a baby one day, but I didn't think I was going to be able to handle much more or have much more. And, um,
And that includes the much more meaning even ability to navigate my life. Yeah. Yeah. That's great then. That's very. When do you think the turning point was? Did you feel a shift at some point into this new path or was it gradual?
I think there's just been different shifts that have happened. I certainly could keep some things together in life. And I mean, I guess I had fantasies and dreams about something else, but I didn't believe that that would happen for me. I wanted to do work in music business. I mean, my deep dark secret was wanting to do stand-up, but I... My...
fantasy that I could share was that I wanted to work in music business. And so I had that kind of dream. And I, I had some things under control in life. But, but I would say, I remember I wrecked a friend's car. And that really kind of made me wake up a little more like, what am I I need to pull this together. Right, you know, and then that sent me into more of a
a traditional job while I was doing open mics, you know, but it felt good to have that desk job that I was, had a reliable income and that kind of stuff because I just felt really bad about myself when I wrecked that car. Yeah. Fortune, do you remember when you were a kid, what, how you pictured your life? I remember growing up,
feeling like there's gotta be more. There was always something missing, but I think my childhood was sort of over, like the thing that was kind of the shadow over it was just not knowing who I was. So I could never like live my life to the fullest in a certain way. Like I wasn't dating and I wasn't comfortable with myself because I didn't know myself. And a lot of that had to do with coming out
Later, I came out at 25 and I feel like, gosh, who even was I before then? I was just kind of always like something's missing. And I never would have guessed that at some point in my life I would have such a clear idea of who I am and have peace in that way.
Because everything felt very chaotic, very discombobulated. Yeah, so I have a lot more peace that I got once I became an adult and got to sort of be the captain of my own ship and make my own money and...
um make my own decisions i didn't i don't think i liked it in the hands of other people i like that uh both of you are like thinking about and and me too probably like about adulthood is happening like much later than like because the numbers are so arbitrary right like 18 you're you're an adult but now they're saying your brain isn't fully formed till you're 27 like that actual transition into like
I don't know, self-assuredness. And that happens a lot later, I think, for most people. Yeah, your 20s are insane. I feel like I was a different person almost. I was still like the essence of me was there. Like I was silly and I want to say I was kind and like I was still like kind of a good time gal, but in a very innocent kind of naive way. But I definitely feel like that...
that version of myself, I almost look at my childhood and that self as like a different person. Yeah. And I can kind of look back on her and give her grace and give her a little bit of a break because I was very hard on myself for a long time of not figuring it out and not knowing who I was. And why is this all feeling so all over the place? And
But, you know, when you're a kid, a lot of things aren't in your control. You are at the mercy of adults, you know, figuring it out for a lot of things for you. So I think I liked it once I could take the reins. It's interesting how getting to know yourself in life, there's so many chapters of that. Totally. Because once I really settled into who I was and was like, oh, okay, this is me. I'm like...
So on and into another chapter of learning who I am in a long term relationship, learning who I am as a parent, learning who I am as a boss, learning who I am in all of these different.
And it all morphs as it continues to. Authenticity is like when you're being closer to who you really are, then it feels like you get into like on a vinyl record, you kind of fall into the groove and things start happening more smoothly. And you know what I mean? And when you're out of alignment with with like,
what, who you actually are, then yeah, you're scratching all over the, around the town. Yeah. Yeah. What about for you, Mae? I think as a little kid, I was a lot more in line with, with who I was. Cause I was lucky. I don't know. I was lucky that I always said I wanted to be a comedian, even when I was like little, little, and I was wearing three piece suits and I was like silly. And I was, and then, and then I think puberty fucked me over. And then I was,
It just has taken me a long time to get back to who I was as a kid, like closer to who I was then, you know, closer to fine, closer to fine. And what do you, what do you mean by puberty fucked you over? Well, I think that that's like, I grew my hair long. I'd never had a long hair. I'd, I,
I suddenly felt that pressure to conform. So I grew my hair long for like three years or something around 13. Yeah. I got into drugs and just got, I mean, probably also because my body started changing at puberty and I was a little tranny probably. And I was like really upset by it and didn't know. I just felt like so...
terrible about it. And then if you're really off the rails and you, you know, then your meeting shrinks and you get kind of into like the system of
And then in rehab and stuff, and people are telling you... As soon as you sort of diagnose teenagers and throw around those things, it really limits how you see your own potential and the possibilities for your life. So when people are... Any labels do that, right? But if you're like, well, you're an addict and you're a compulsive liar or whatever, and it's like, yeah, I'm of course lying because I'm a teenager and I want to do drugs. But those labels really fucked with me. I was like, oh, I'm bad. And so I never...
I never thought about my life really beyond 30. I thought like I would just be being nuts and then probably something bad would happen. So it's, yeah, been a nice like, I'm surprised. Yeah. That this feels like so that just the start of my life, I, you know, yeah, it's exciting. That's awesome. Especially this is such a lame thing, but doing improv again, like,
it really taps into some silliness in me that it's like, yeah. And I, you know, in the past sort of five or six years, I've felt that with standup too. And, but I think for years I was not really myself on stage and it takes a while to figure that out. And, oh man, an improv is just like tapping into some primal early part of myself doing dumb voices and. Yeah. Like letting yourself be silly. Oh my God. Yeah. That's the best. Yeah. Well, we all got pretty deep. Hmm.
I liked that. The laughs all went away. I know. And you're like, well, I didn't find myself for another 10 years. I know. And then I was living on the streets. Literally. I wonder, do you think Mike probably intended us to be like, well, you know, bath time used to be fun as a kid. Yeah.
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Well, I certainly never thought I'd be a stand-up comedian. I mean, that to me seemed like not a real job. Yeah. You know, that was like one of those Hollywood is some fanciful place. It might as well have been Narnia for me. Now you're starting to sound like Mae. Mae's rubbing off on me. I'm like, oh, you're talking about Aslan? Did somebody say Narnia? Did somebody say...
Anything that you can say in this voice? Did somebody say it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do remember in college I did, I was my college graduation speaker and I was kind of trying to be funny up top. I wasn't like a class clown, but I had moments of funny moments.
And I gave this speech and it made people laugh in the beginning. And I remember that feeling of like, oh, that's really cool. And then I also had like a motivational bend to it. And I was like...
Even then I was like, oh, I want to be like a motivational speaker. It never occurred to me. Because I'd heard like Chris Farley. It's funny because it goes back to comedy. Hearing Chris Farley's character be like, I'm a motivational speaker. You're going to live in a van down by the river. And so I was like, I want to be a motivational speaker because I like...
I like using words to make people feel good. Yeah. But I remember having that thought of like, well, that's impossible. That like doesn't, how do you get a bunch of people to listen to you? How do you motivate people with the most tired voice? Yeah.
And with a microphone and just you. Hey, you gotta get up. Come on, let's get going. I was like a slow Matthew McConaughey. All right, all right, all right. It's fortune and I'm here to motivate you. You're gonna live in a van.
Down by the river. And here we are. Here we are talking to people and they're listening. I feel like kids always want to be vets. I wanted to. Did you? You wanted to be a vet? I did. And an architect.
And I wanted to be the fifth Beatle. Oh my God, that's good. I think we would have been pals, Tig. I was deeply into the Beatles as if I was the first person that discovered them. That was me. When I was in elementary school, we had this friend that lived in England and it's so hilarious because of course we could buy Beatles records in the States, but he would come from England to visit us
And he would bring me and my brother Beatles records, Rolling Stones records, The Who. And I got into the British invasion well after it happened. And I mean, I was so into all of that when I was in elementary school.
My brother went a little more Stones and I went a little more Beatles. But yeah, if I was able to do a report on somebody, it was always John Lennon. I would have been like, who are the Beatles?
Can we get some Jimmy Buffett going? You weren't into the Beatles as a kid? No. Jimmy Buffett, huh? I mean, yeah. Or Vanilla Ice. I don't know what to tell you. Jimmy Buffett or Vanilla Ice, baby. And Alf, of course.
Cherry berry. My tastes were not refined yet. Listen, Jimmy Buffett was a really great songwriter and he's obviously very known for Margaritaville. Yeah, I'm out there yelling salt, salt, salt. I've never heard this. Margaritaville? No. Oh my God. This is so hilarious. Some people say that there's a woman to blame.
Never in my damn fall. You don't know that song? How about Cheeseburger in Paradise? Paradise! No, that's not a real song. Yes, and he played it for like
30 years. He just died. Really? But do you know who Jimmy Buffett is? No. You've never heard the name Jimmy Buffett. Are you having a dig moment? I kind of recognize the name, but is he called Buffett because his songs are all about food and drinks? Well, they're not all that. What is it? Fans to the left, fans to the right. What?
he was like he was the guy that like started the like um island like music the other thing you're not gonna be aware of like well you know he's like wearing the floral what do you call them hawaiian shirts yeah it was a big thing like people would tailgate all day for his concerts he sang the same songs for like 30 years but if he played new stuff everyone's like
Boo! Sing cheeseburger in paradise. My old assistant who lives in our guest house at our office, he is such a parrot head, which is what his fans are called. What?
he patrick is such a parrot head that he started his own jimmy buffett podcast that got picked up by margaritaville jimmy's brand and now he's got i think an xm radio show heck yeah for uh jimmy buffett have you heard of the hotel or restaurant margaritaville
Oh my God. You're not even eating any coconut shrimp. I'm allergic to coconut. But yeah, we've gone over this. I forgot. It just seems crazy to me. This is blowing my mind, Mae. It seems crazy to me. I don't think I'd meet anyone who doesn't know who Jimmy Buffett is. I just don't like that it's cheeseburger in paradise because you'd think you'd call it hamburger in heaven. I think that's catchier. Cheeseburger in paradise. Paradise.
I have never... I've heard you the first time, Fortune. I know, but what are some other verses in that song? I can't think of it. Um...
How else does it go, Tig? We could get Patrick on the horn. Do you remember how the rest of the song goes? I don't remember. Is it actually about a cheeseburger? Yeah. What? Ah!
I like mine with lettuce and tomato, Heinz 57 and french fried potatoes. Okay, you gotta send me some clips. I gotta get into this.
And it shows people, like when he sang Margaritaville, people would yell salt. Salt, salt, salt, salt, salt. I just can't believe that people were at these concerts going nuts. It's the most mellow music ever. That's because they're drinking what Tig likes. Margaritas. Skinny Margaritaville. Did I just create something? This is a weight loss camp. It's called Skinny Margaritaville.
Yeah. Oh my gosh. You had a margarita when we went out, you, me, and Stephanie, and I took you to the only vegan restaurant I've ever heard of. And I don't think it was vegan, right? No, for the most part not, but there was quite a bit of vegan stuff. I'll take you to Craig's. Then you can eat vegan food and I can eat not vegan food. I've been to Craig's. What's Craig's? Craig's.
craigs is in west hollywood it's like an italian joint but that also has a pretty decent sized vegan menu okay yeah i'm going to a airbnb this weekend that i rented it has like a surprise birthday party for uh this woman who i'm heavily involved with this is a woman i was like who is it for a woman so she doesn't know
She knows that we're going to an Airbnb and that a couple of people are coming, but she doesn't know the extent. And I'm really nervous. I've never successfully pulled off. I don't think I've ever planned a surprise party. And it says on the Airbnb thing, no parties. Do not have parties. So wait, you're doing it anyway? It's too late now. I've invited everyone.
Oh my gosh. But it's a day zone. What are you going to do? Wait, is it down in the Palm Springs area? Because they are very ornery about that stuff. It's Malibu. And I'm hoping because it's run by one of those companies that runs a bunch of... That they won't be checking. I hope so. Wait, we have an Airbnb in Malibu where we have a message that says that you can't have parties. Wait, you have an Airbnb? No. Oh my God. I was like...
I was like, see, I would like to stay there. I have a really great fix for this issue. Oh, what? Have everybody dress in the exact same costume. So like a long trench coat, a mustache, black rimmed glasses, and a hat.
a hat and then it just looks like the same person. That's actually brilliant. Moving from room to room. And then you're like we think the same person keeps coming in. Keeps arriving to the Airbnb. It looks like the tape is glitched. Have everyone go buy the same outfit. You need to have everyone buy a sweatshirt because trench coats, that's a lot. Let's go with a sweatshirt.
and a mullet have everyone a trench coat's gonna hide the different body types and heights and stuff if it's a trench coat you want two kids but if they have dark jeans dark jeans dark sweatshirt mullet oh i have a better idea oh what do you oh and it's it's not too big of a stretch more with um you know investing in this
You gotta buy a few at like four of those big horse costumes where two people or three people are in there and somebody's on the shoulders and you can put a mullet on the horses and
And then they all just clomp into the party. And that's fun as part of the surprise. Yeah. And then you say, where does it say no horses at the party? Show me the clause where it says no horses. No horses. Also, here's how you can do it. You can have one horse comes to the party that you got three people crammed in that suit, right? That sounds like the start of a joke. One horse comes to the party. Oh, this is no joke.
I'm trying to help you have a successful party down at Malibu Beach. Okay, so you got three people crammed in the horse clump.
suit yeah then you get one of those things where three people sit on each other's shoulders and then they're like eight feet tall yeah you got three people there so that's six people and then the others just come in as people two horses and two giants that's 12 people two horses and two giants oh
Walk into an Airbnb. And then it's me, my girlfriend, and her daughter. And then two horses and two giants. That's the 15. That's good. Yeah. And you can put mullet wigs on all three of them. The horse and the two giants. Problem solved. Nothing to see here.
And then everyone just clomps into the party. How many are on the giant three people? Yeah. So you need someone that can really... You need a very firm base. Yeah. Fortune's right about this. It's like a Russian nesting doll. They need to get smaller as they go up. Yeah. Good thing the rock is coming. He can be the base. Yeah.
Good thing we're thinking all this stuff through right now. We were worried about your situation and now not worrying. Yeah, so have a good time. Great. I'm kind of bummed I'm not going to the party as a horse. You could be a surprise. Buy a trench coat, Tig.
Put a trench coat on my horse suit. Well, that'll be fun. I've never thrown a surprise. I don't think I've thrown a surprise party, so. Well, I mean, she knows there's something going on. And I keep being like, do you want to know in advance? And she's like, no, stop. That doesn't sound like you're trying to keep the surprise. I know. It's because I would hate it. I would want to know. Okay. I don't mind being surprised. So if you guys ever want to throw me a party with a bunch of horses. Let's do it. Tidge, get your cowboy hat out.
Has anyone thrown you a surprise party? Back in college, I got thrown a surprise party. That was really, really cool. Jax has surprised me with some friends coming over. Yeah. Like during the thick of the quarantine, I had a big milestone birthday, and she had two of my best friends surprise me. They made me a pie and sat 10 feet away in the backyard. Oh, that's nice. Whee!
But honestly, I was like, it's not how I expected to celebrate that birthday, but just having any joy, I was like, I'll take it. When is your birthday? July 1st.
Oh, great birthday. Canada Day. Yeah. Have we been over this, Tig? When's yours? March 24th. Yeah. Day before Elton John's birthday day. Huge. I actually do have the same birthday as The Rock. May 2nd. May. It was born in May. Yeah. Wow. David Beckham, The Rock, all the greats. May Martin. May Martin. You know who I share a birthday with is, what's his name? He's a football player.
Oh, well. And then I also Tom Brady. No. And it's the only one I know. I don't know why I brought this up. My apologies. And then the other one is the football player on the bills that got hurt. Oh, a few. Oh, there's a big moment when he got Lamar Hamlin, Damar Hamlin. I'm sorry. Hamlin.
Pied Piper event. Oh my God, what a full circle moment, you guys. We are so handsome. That is crazy. Wow, who knew that we'd be able to do that? Whoa. What a podcast. What a podcast. That was electric. Boogie, woogie, woogie, woogie.
Anyway. We have to capture that moment of Fortin saying, what a podcast, what a podcast. What a podcast. And make that, what is that, a meme or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I can't remember. Other people have my birthday, I'm sure. Jimmy Buffett, probably. Oh, brought Jimmy Buffett back.
What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast! Everyone, put your fist in the air! Should we listen to what Mike Birbiglia's answer is? Right, Mike. Let's hear what Mike has to say. I think the reason that this is my question was that
For me, it's kind of everything. Like, I'm surprised that I am married. I'm surprised that I have a child. I'm surprised that I'm a stand-up comedian. I'm surprised that I left Massachusetts and lived in New York. I actually think about this all the time because I could not have predicted any of it.
Anyway, thanks for having me on. Thanks, Mike. That's very in keeping with everything we said, right? Just like I can't believe that I am a functioning person. Yeah, that I'm a person. I think it's a testament to you can accomplish anything beyond your wildest dreams.
So don't ever think that you have to limit yourself or think that you can't do something that seems hard or impossible because you just never know. So why not try? Yeah. I was trying to be motivational because I didn't get to be a motivational speaker before.
So this is my moment. You can always wrap up each episode moving forward with a nice little motivational wrap up with fortune. Your own little fortune cookie. And we should end with a group. What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast. Oh man, this episode had everything. It had laughs. It had music.
awkward silences silence and uh motivational moments of deep thoughts and feelings rumple stiltzkin we should also we should remind people that we're um doing a live show december 18th oh yeah i'm so pumped at dynasty typewriter but also that you can watch it from anywhere in the world you can live stream it let's get a million people to watch it
Oh my gosh. Let's do it. Yeah. You would be in the book of world records. Yeah. For sure. I think we could pull that off between now and December 18th. Because no one's watched, there's never been a million people that's watched anything before. I know.
I feel like people don't really go out for world records like they used to in the 70s and 80s. You're so right. That used to be huge. If I can predict, I think at some point in our lifetime, May will attempt to break a world record of some sorts. Oh, I know what it's going to be. What? You're going to...
ride a motorcycle over a bunch of barrels i could see that yeah yes that's in your future man be careful out there please i thought you were gonna say something nerdy like a lot of barrels correcting the most grammar in one hour but like well it'd still be kind of nerdy if that's what you really set your mind to and well because i'll be wearing one of those hats with the propellers yeah
It'll help you take flight. Yeah. It'll lift me up. Tick, take it away. What do we got coming up? Well, our live handsome show is coming up on December 18th, Fortune, and you can join in the fun from anywhere.
Tickets are sold out in person, but you can join us streaming live on the internet by going to DynastyTypewriter.com. That's DynastyTypewriter.com to see our live streaming show December 18th.
And we also have some other cool stuff, Tig. What do we have? Merchandise. Yeah, for our handsome listeners. Yeah, we got merchandise. Yeah, we got tote bags. We got hats. We got stickers. Yeah, yeah. All your favorite words on those things, too. And those can be found at handsomepod.com. I do think we should make some merch that says, what was it? When I'm naked, I know what I'm up to or something. I don't know.
Keep the list going, Thomas. Keep the list going. That's right. Well, I hope if you guys enjoyed this episode, you'll go give us a five star review. It certainly is appreciated by all of us. Yes. You can also share the episode with friends. If you're thinking, oh my gosh, I'm going to do this.
I need to turn my friend on to this show. Here's a perfect example of the show. Send it over to them. -Yes, if you're like, "The Jimmy Buffett fan in my life needs to hear this." -I can't wait to bring in some parrot heads on this episode. -Yes.
but thank you so much for listening yeah is there any handsome stuff you would like our listeners to know about may yes fortune november 29th uh i'm at dynasty typewriter with uh stephanie allen and alana doing a yeah live streamed improv show uh and then largo december 2nd and 11th nice what about you fortune
I'm going to be on the road doing standup November 30th in Kansas city. After Christmas, I have St. Petersburg, Orlando, Jacksonville, and West Palm beach, Florida just added, uh, shows in Vancouver, Toronto, Los Angeles, uh,
New Jersey, London. I'm going to Europe for London and Amsterdam. So get your tickets at my website, fortunefeimster.com. Teg, what about you? Oh, thanks for asking. I'm going to be in College Park, Maryland, January 26th.
And then Waterville, Maine, March 9th. So go to tignotaro.com. Get all show information there. Well, thanks for listening. And as always, keep it handsome. Should we do a What a Podcast? Yeah. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast!
Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. Follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast. What a podcast. That was electric.