Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
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Welcome to the Handsome Podcast. I'm Mae Martin. I'm joined, of course, by my extremely handsome co-hosts and friends, I would say, at this stage. Oh, yeah. I'm Fortune Beamster. And I am Tig Notaro. Hi, guys. And we're handsome. We've been keeping it handsome since the last podcast where we suggested that everyone keep it handsome. And we continue to do that, I think, for sure. We walk the walk, yeah. I've done six push-ups. Oh!
I woke up early and thanks to Tig who texted me her excitement about it last night I treaded water again No way! Today? Today and for 30 minutes Shut up! Fortune, my head is exploding Tell me about it I'm truly blown away by this I'm really obsessed with it I don't want to beat a dead horse because I talked about it last episode
But I really love it. Mate, you're welcome to come over and tread water anytime. I want to because I don't want to do it in a public pool where there's old ladies trying to pass me. I got to do it in someone's private pool. Okay. But listen, Thomas, put this on the list. The three of us treading water. Yes. And I will gladly be the old lady that swims past you.
okay we have to do it gladly do it with you guys for sure okay but i i'm not sure if i'm ready for a public pool by myself yet no because i listen i have to listen to like a show or music i i don't know if i could just do it for 30 minutes thinking okay whatever what about this could you do could you do a podcast while doing it could we record an episode oh
if we all had those headsets on that fortune's wearing yeah i'm wearing a headset right now yeah uh yeah why not i mean we need a long cord no thomas could hold a boom yeah oh yeah thomas thomas boom microphone yeah i feel so good after i do it and i told jacks i was like and
am I going to do this this coming week before radio every day? And she goes, I think you should. So yeah, what does she think about it? She thinks it's great. I mean, listen, anything that I'm doing that's a health benefit, she's a big fan of because I go through my, you know, resistance to it. Such a good way to wake up though. It is. I feel so refreshed. That's why my hair is wet.
Now tell me this, maybe this is because I've had, you know, surgeries that have stiffened my body and I'm almost 53, but do you feel, cause once I tread water, I feel so loose and, and flexible. I feel strong. I just feel strong. Yeah. I feel like awake and strong. Yeah. That's pretty great. I'm really glad that you clarified that your hair is wet. Cause I kind of thought it was like a wet gel look, like a kind of, uh,
Like being a greaser from the movie Grease. Were you thinking, how are we going to tell Fortune that she looks like maybe... Like a crisp wet gel. She's made some bad fashion decisions. I picked a really bad gel. Your hair is real crispy crunchy right now. It is weird to see me with wet hair because...
I usually have the big fro. This is my final treading water question. How was it bumping from... Were you doing 20? Yep. Bumping 20 to 30. Yeah. It was not bad. It was not a bad bump. Okay. Because I'm listening to a podcast, I'm just...
like enjoying the podcast, not really thinking I've been in there 10 more minutes. And once you pass like a certain threshold, the endorphins are already flowing. You can just keep going. I think so. It's a matter of just making the time to do it. Yeah. What podcast do you listen to? Is it one about the Pied Piper? Yeah. I was learning about the Pied Piper of Hamlin. Good memory. Wow. Yeah. Come on guys.
Bringing Damar Hamlin back. If you're listening from Hamlin, shout out to Hamlin. That's right, Hamlin. So that was my morning. I'm happy to be here. Nice. I'm hungover. You're hungover. I'm a little hungover, yeah. I went to a holiday party, a sort of a nice gathering, and I met Tig's lawyer. Yeah? Yep. I love it when you hang out with Tig's lawyer. Yeah, I mean, you...
You were meant to be there, Tegan, instead of your lovely lawyer was there. What a charming man. I know. I know. He and his family are wonderful. Yeah. Yeah. Stephanie got, she was feeling under the weather. So she got in bed at, I think like six or something. Oh, man. And then she was like, you can go without me. And I was like, I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can. Yeah.
just found myself sometimes I'm like a bit of a broken record at a party. Like I, I recently did another immersive experience, like an immersive theater experience, a scary one. And I just every conversation I was in, I was going, you ever done this immersive experience? Oh my god, hilarious. Get something else to say. Like, I so an immersive theater. Yeah, what is that? Maybe this should be another handsome outing. But I truly can't
because I've done it twice and I think the actors would start to think I was creepy if I went back. But this is an experience called The Willows in LA. And this is not an ad. Like the movie Willow that you two don't remember. Oh my God.
not only don't remember never heard of it is not related to willow whatever go on cork it electric slide so this is you go to a residential house in like koreatown what i know are you already pumped you get to see a residential house and there's like 10 guests who are not actors and you arrive with your group and you're and
then there's a family inside and they're, they're all actors and there's like an old lady and there's the patriarch and there's the crazy young boy. And they're like, they're like, Oh, thank you so much for coming, you know, to honor Jonathan. Cause Jonathan's dead. Oh no. Yeah. And you're like, you kind of just get swept up in the plot and then you all sit down to dinner. You eat a real dinner with his family. And you're like at a, a wake or something.
Yes. And shit starts to get freaky. Like people are making toast to Jonathan and you start to kind of piece together. Oh, OK, maybe something sketchy happened here. There's like this is classic me. I then they take you off into private rooms and stuff and everyone has a different experience. And I found myself like one on one with this.
who's like a scullery maid. She's like, and she's like, oh, well, she wasn't British actually. That's okay. You know we're dazzled by Debbie. Yeah. And she's like,
oh, you're not safe here. You've got to get out. And I'm like, well, what do I do? Oh, I found Jonathan, didn't I? Oh, and she was in the bath. Oh, it was awful. And then all of a sudden the bath starts running by itself and that like shit starts to get really scary. And then I'm just trying to make, I got very uncomfortable if anyone tried to be funny that wasn't an actor. You wanted it to be all real. Yes. And then, um,
In the end, they kind of... I don't want to spoil it, but they pick one person. Please don't spoil it because Tegan and I are definitely... We are next in line. That's...
I have side plans. I actually don't want to spoil it, but it basically is very intense and intimate and fun and weird. You guys have to go. And then as you're in your car, you go, where's my wallet? Yeah. Fortune, would you do that? If May had asked me to do that, I would have been like, that sounds odd, but...
But if you're really wanting to do that, let's do it. At one point, I ended up tied up in a basement with a bag over my head. Exactly. Okay, here's the thing. I feel like you're ringing the doorbell to say, hi, I'm here to be murdered.
Right. Yeah, that does feel like that vibe at first. If you're walking to a residential area. It's a whole world of immersive theater. But yeah, it'd be very easy to kill someone for sure. But the best part of it was so you're sitting at the dinner table and going around and there's like the guests and then the actors will do little monologues and like they'll be like,
I'm Conrad. I was Jonathan's brother. And then so then this woman is sort of dressed kind of kooky gets up. She's like, my name is Feather and I am a hairdresser. She's like, I was a hairdresser for Jonathan. And then she keeps kind of heckling and stuff. And I slowly realized this is just a guest like me, not one of the actors. Oh, no. She was trying to be a part of it. She was trying to be a part of it. And she was taking it so far. Like she...
She was touching everyone. She was like, oh, well, Jonathan, I'm surprised that anything went off the rails in this situation. What a curveball. Oh, my God. You're saying you rang a doorbell in Koreatown. Someone tied you up in a basement and some lunatic lady is walking around lying also and touching people. I would have gotten right out of there. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
That is wild. Yes. I will never do that. I don't know if I'm someone you'd want to do that with, but I'm a hard pass. You would not be someone to do that with because the whole time you're like, all right, what are we doing? Okay, weirdo. Out of my way, clown. I don't care whose house this is.
I think we should design and develop an immersive experience where people, it's our, we, we rent a house. People know it's your house. It's my house. Yeah. And people come in and Tig tells them boring stories to put them to bed. Oh my God. I need to, it's terrible. I need to record the audio at night when I go into my son's bedroom. And when they're like, when they say, Mary, will you tell us boring stories? Um,
And then I should record my boring stories for you guys. This reminds me of the time I took a former girlfriend to a murder mystery dinner. I love it. Thinking that this was going to be so fun and like something new to do. And it was at like the bottom like banquet hall of
a like Holiday Inn Express out by the airport oh my god and like you know it's like dinner will be served and like the description of it all sounded very like classy at first for the internet
I mean, like give me like a bread roll. Tomato soup. I should have read the Yelp reviews. I did it. I took them for their word that this was the classy evening. You're supposed to get dressed up. Cause at first it doesn't tell you like what hotel just tells you like, Oh, it's in like Santa Monica or something. Well, of course they're not going to tell you it's the Ramada Inn. Of course it was.
goes on in Ramada Inn basements. And then we dressed up and I go, wait, this is like at the airport. Yeah.
And then we get there and they like give you name tags. And we're like, Oh God. The whole thing. And then, you know, we sit, we're in the Ramada in basement and the food is just like disgusting. Like watered down carrot soup. Yeah. Watered down water. How much were the tickets to this? Honestly, it's probably not cheap. Give me a ballpark. 20 bucks each. 200 each. Yeah.
like 75 oh you fool and um and then they started to perform you know everyone's eating dinner and then all of a sudden it's like one guy stands up like oh no we have something everyone stop eating put your forks down you know and then like someone's like hunched over with a knife by the rack then
murdered and you're like you can't say murdered like that I don't believe you you can't say murdered did you say that yeah and then I did recognize one of the guys in the cast no well now I really am not believing this was it Tom Hanks
to do this hanks is doing it for the love of the craft he just needs to be acting most nights he wants to be acting that's right yeah yeah that is so funny it was not my best it was not my best day i tried that's such a fun story to have after like you could enjoy how bad it was no i
I know. When you're at a table with a bunch of strangers and they're like, so what do you do? What do you do? And then we have a...
You're literally describing my dream date. This is my dream. I love this. Well, that is true. I mean, every time something goes awry, and obviously this is not breaking news, but if it doesn't go off in the most magnificent way and it just tanks, I am equally as thankful for what I have been gifted with this whole...
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I'd be really happy if my career sort of ended to just be a part of immersive. I would like to design escape rooms in immersive dinner theater. Get started. Yeah. What about that? One of those sexy ones. Wasn't there like a, it was kind of like sleep no more or something. Oh yeah. Sleep no more. It's really hot. Is that immersive? Yeah, for sure. But it's sexy. I could see you being a part of a sexy one. Fortune. Fortune. Fortune.
That's a little cowboy. A little cowboy could be leading people in the rooms going, what is your fantasy? Something like that. Not just leading them in, lassoing them. I mean, I don't think you're allowed to touch them. I don't think you can touch them. You can, though. You can? Well, first of all, in my one, you can. You sign it for them before you go in. But also at the Willows, they were all over me. Willow. So wait, you're signing a document that says...
You can be touched and then you check it off and sign your name. I did that. And then also it kind of brought out the worst of me because I can get kind of uptight about
not messing with the experience like I want to be immersed so before we went in I was with Sabrina, Julisse and my girlfriend and a couple people and I said guys this is not about us stealing the show we just got to go along with it like just let it wash over you be immersed and just you know be yourself don't be crazy so then before we go in this guy's like giving us the safety rules and he's talking really he's in a cape and he's talking really he's like oh okay he's like there's a safe word once you're in there if you become overwhelmed and uh please
please, you know, separate, have your own experience. Then he goes, does anyone have any questions? And my girlfriend goes, are you a werewolf? And I went, I walked away. I, I, it brought out such a bad side. I was like, I got to leave. I was like, what are you doing? I just said, please. And I said, please let this wash over you. And she was like, what? I wanted to know if he was a werewolf. He looked, he was in a cape. He looked and I was like, why am I being the most uptight, least fun person ever? My question is, is that really her voice? I,
Are you a werewolf? You know what? When I do her voice, I do it like that. But she definitely has a sometimes like a sort of. Oh, my God, you're a werewolf. It's not. It's a really sexy voice. It's sort of an iconically sexy voice. I would say. I get told that a lot as well.
I also have that. I get told that a lot as well. That's so weird that she gets that because I also get that. But seriously, are you a werewolf? Are you a werewolf? I need to know if you're a werewolf before I go in there and get touched. I checked the box that said I could get touched and I just need to know if a werewolf is going to touch me. Yeah. See, I'm turned on by that. Oh. May! I'm pretty basic, you know. May!
I will say the cape would have thrown me off too. If you're like, we're going into a real experience, let it wash over you, and then a guy's in a cape, I'm like, Mae, I heard what you told me, but also can we acknowledge that this guy is in a cape? Yeah, she was just having a good time, you know? Would you have been taken out of this immersive experience if they had said at the table, Jonathan has been...
I would have been like, okay, and that's the choice they're making and I'm letting it warsh over me. I like how you said warsh. Warsh. Warsh over you. Why do people say warsh? I've never heard someone do that before. Southern drawl. Oh, really? Warsh.
Yeah, but people in like Pennsylvania say it. They do? Yeah, they'll be like, I have to wash my clothes. Well, we're going to need people from Pennsylvania to weigh in on this. I've never, of course. Two against one. Yeah, of course.
Sometimes we're all on the same page. No. Have we been? No. This podcast is a disaster. What a podcast disaster. What a podcast disaster. So, but you're a little hungover today. Oh, right. Very social. Yes, I'm a little hungover. I will say, maybe this will stop at some point, but like every sort of
three months or something, I decide I want to go dancing. And I'm a really self-conscious dancer. I'm not a good dancer, but I really love it if I get into it. And so I'll find like a 90s
club night or something and I'll go but I have to be I have to get to a really take level like I have to do a few shots and stuff and that's like I'll let myself get really and then sweat it out on the dance floor Stephanie and I were just talking about how we would love to make plans to go dancing and neither of us are dancing folk and
Yes. And I love to dance. Let's go. Put it on the list, Thomas. I don't want to brag, but I'm actually a pretty good dancer. Oh, I don't doubt that. Yeah. Let's go. I got some rhythm. Okay. Well, put it on the list. I used to go to the, it's closed now, which is heartbreaking, but I used to go to the Gay Country Western Bar. Oh, in the Valley? Yeah.
Yeah. And I am a very good two-stepper. Oh, no way. I would twirl. I would, I could lead and follow. So I would twirl people around the dance floor and do all the moves. Cause my good friend in college taught me how to salsa dance. So I incorporated my salsa moves into two-stepping. Then there was like some ballroom, some gay ballroom dancer guys, uh,
who were like, oh, she knows how to dance. So they go, do you want to dance? And then they trolled me around the floor. Little lady. I was a little lady. Would you ever go on Dancing with the Stars? And would you go with a male partner or a female partner? Oh, that's a good question. Honestly, I don't. I've turned down a lot of those big reality shows.
I don't know. I think I would say no. Yeah. But if I did do it, I don't know. I would be open to either. Yeah. See, if I did Dancing with the Stars, I would be, if I was on, if I was mic'd, you'd hear, oh, oh, oh, Jesus. Oh, oh, oh, God. And then they would just send me to the emergency room. Yeah. I love, I love dancing, but my, my dad's got good rhythm. So,
So my mother was a dancer. Oh, nice. Yeah. My parents had a house party the other day or about six months ago. And I wasn't there, but they said, yeah. And then we ended up dancing like we all all of our friends are in their mid 60s. We put music on. We're dancing. And there were like four injuries like there. It was like, yeah. And so they were like, yeah.
They were bummed about it after. We got a torn hammy over here. Like bulging discs. May, would you go on Dancing with the Stars? If no one would watch it, like if it was just, hey, would you spend months learning dancing and competing with it? Then that sounds great. But people watching it,
Well, that would just be dance lessons, Mae. Yeah, just go to Arthur Murray. Oh, yeah. Or whatever it's called. Or just like rent a VHS tape of how to do different dances, you know. Do you know in Saturday Night Fever, the pairs dancing routine that Travolta does with his partner, I think to More Than a Woman, and I'd love to learn that with someone where I get to be him. More than a woman. More than a woman.
You're looking handsome. You're looking handsome to me. I believe that was all of us. That just shot to number one. Together.
Keeping it handsome. Let's hear our question. I'm very excited because this is a very kind man who I really enjoy. We have a question from Jack Whitehall. Nice. I became very aware of when I lived in England. He's an English comedian and an actor. He also starred as Alfie in the sitcom Bad Education. I thought you were going to say starred as Alf. He also starred as Alf.
I wish. He was also in a show called Fresh Meat with a lot of friends of mine. It was a huge sitcom in England that was really, really good. You know him from the movie Jungle Cruise. He's hilarious in that movie. And he tours the world doing stand-up. And he's got a very funny show, actually, with his dad. His dad. Yeah. He and his father kind of...
in uncomfortable situations and they have great chemistry. He's like huge. And I mean, he, he's known here too. Obviously he's doing all these movies, but he's massive, huge in England, massive, like massive arenas and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy how comics in England can do arena tours and it just, it's like its own little world there. Yeah. I did new faces with him at this big festival. They call, uh, you guys know what it is, but I'm just telling our listeners, uh,
just for laughs in Montreal. We did it in 2010. Wow. So this was a while ago. Yeah. And the whole festival was like, he was in my new faces with me, but they all were losing their minds over him. He was already getting that huge in 2010. And like, yeah, they were all like, this is the guy.
This is, and he's, yeah, he's like performing for like the Royals and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he, I saw, are you, but just privately, you don't secretly. Yeah. I got him to, to ask this question when we were in Montreal fortune doing that VR show. I know I was, I was with you. Oh, you were with me when I asked him. Oh my God. It was a special moment. Clearly.
I said, May, you ask him and you're like, I don't know. And I go, whatever. I'm just going to ask him. Oh my God, you're so right that I rewrote that whole. I was like, yeah, I remember that. Yeah, it was fully you that asked him. That's really funny. Okay, this is our question from Jack Whitehall. Hello. So I was going to ask you about how you clean your assholes, but apparently that question has already been asked. So instead, I will ask you, do you believe that
that there are aliens out there. Out where? Out there. Doesn't he have a lovely voice? He does. He does, but not nearly as nice as Debbie. Debbie. Oh my gosh.
Aliens, I'm 100% on board with aliens. I think they walk among us. Really? I don't know about walking among us, actually, but there is a documentary on Amazon called Phenomenon that's like, there is so much documented sort of government stuff about...
things that defy the laws of physics moving through the sky. And I mean, for decades and decades, I mean, the Navy released those videos a couple years ago, shot by Navy pilots. But I sometimes have a theory that
I sometimes have this theory, other times not, that UFOs that we're seeing, it's actually us from the future and we figured out time travel and we've come back and that's why we're not sort of making contact. We're just coming to look. What do you think? Write that movie, man. Interesting. Write that movie. Do you think? Because you know how everyone describes aliens with those big almond eyes, but they have a kind of...
humanoid structure that could be how we evolved to look because we just stay indoors all the time and we're just on our phones and we become gray gelatinous big eyed little freaks our heads have become just have been moved from the shape of our phones pushing into them yeah well for me bluetooth in my ear but yes yeah yeah yeah so your one ear has become yeah my thing is with uh ufos
Well, we're talking about aliens. But I feel like it's all encompassing. Yeah. You can talk about UFOs. What I want to say about UFOs is when there is a sighting and it's...
On the news or whatever people like there are UFOs. Do you believe in you don't believe in UFOs? All it stands for is unidentified flying object. So I could throw something through my house and somebody doesn't know what just flew by them. And I could be like, that's a UFO. It's an unidentified flying object.
So I believe my point is, I believe in UFOs, because I think you can't identify all objects that are flying. But what about when they behave in ways that defy the laws of physics, like like the those videos that the Navy pilots shot that are, they're accelerating at such crazy speeds, and they're changing direction midair. And there are things that it's not like,
It could be, you know, technology from China or Russia that we don't know about yet. Like it... There is no way that this could be happening. I'm not doubting there are aliens and alien spacecraft or whatever's going on. I just feel like people get so worked up when they're like, they spotted a UFO. And that's just a technical term. Yeah, for sure. You know? And people...
it as, oh, there's a flying saucer hovering over the United States. And sometimes maybe there is, but...
But other times it's just like, whoa, this thing we saw, we don't know what that was. I never knew how I felt about it, but I always was like, clearly there's got to be something to this because it keeps getting brought up all the time. People are having experiences they can't explain. They're having these vivid recollections of something coming down. I have a friend that's high up in one of those armed services and I was like, are there aliens?
and she was like, all I can say is that, and this was pre those videos being released, is that there are things out there that we cannot explain. I love that. I'm so ready. I think it would, I hope it would unify us as a species. It definitely would not. I was going to say, there's no way.
There's too many egos. COVID didn't even unify us. Millions of people dying didn't even unify us. You're so right. It would just become like a... It would be another... One side believes this and one side believes that. You're right. Unfortunately.
it become like a campaign like tool yeah yeah shit i recently recently interviewed a scientist about this and he's talking about all the technology that they are identifying wait who interviewed you and who oh uh sorry uh on my radio show with tom pop oh yeah you and jack's had an astronaut over randomly talk to scientists
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But, you know, they've got the technology that they're discovering other things out there. And, you know, it definitely is like, okay, that we are clearly we're not alone. Yeah. I love it. I mean, yeah, it would be crazy to imagine that we are alone, I guess. Like all the top guys. I mean, there was this thing. I don't know if you remember, like,
how many years ago it was called Oua Muamua. Okay. I do not know this. Two against one. Two against one. Oua Muamua. Thomas, do you remember Oua Muamua? I don't. Three against one. I hope I didn't dream this. Oua Muamua. Okay. Oh yeah. Sounds very scientific. It's like a Disney ride. I think it's a Hawaiian word, but basically there was this, there was this asteroid. It was a, a sort of rock.
floating through our solar system and we were tracking it and it was shaped in this long cylindrical way and the weird thing was that it accelerated as it as it passed through like it it accelerated instead of
which a rock wouldn't do. And it was shaped, they thought, like a solar panel. And they thought, well, maybe as it got close to the sun, it accelerated. Like it was some alien technology that had been sent off however many thousands of years ago. Anyway, it was called Uamuamua and it was in the news a bunch. And then we're just like, anyway, what are you having for dinner? Like we just move on. And I'm like, wait, what? Like I want to get a test moves on.
I want to get Uamua Mua tattooed on me, but it looks a bit like a turd, so I can't. Yeah, don't get a turd on you. Couldn't you just get the words rather than poop? Uamua Mua doesn't... Yeah, I guess I could...
It's not the coolest. It's a long tattoo. It's a lot of vowels to have on you. There it is. Do not get that tattooed. That is a giant dookie. It is just a giant. I'm sorry, but that is the picture of a giant dookie in space. Fortune. Also, you can... It's very phallic as well. A giant dookie in space. Depending on the color that you have it on your... They're like, is that a dookie or a dong? Yeah.
Fortune. I mean, we need to wash your mouth out with poop. It's weird. I'm always torn between like, should we put, should we be putting all of our money and resources into fixing the problems on earth? I mean, the three of us. Yeah. Yeah.
Wait, that's not very much money. And then we'd bring Thomas, our assistant. We need to get all our savings together and we need to fix the problems on Earth. All right, I'm willing to do it. We would all be to have spent all our money and they go, guess what, guys? We didn't actually solve anything. This didn't even touch the sides. Can we all have the glass things over our heads? Like the space...
where? Sure. Because we'd probably have to go out there and check on things. I have no desire to go to space. Nor do I. I feel like maybe I want to go. I want to go and populate a planet. Just me. Just get everyone pregnant? Yeah. I have no
I've never had any desire for space travel. If I actually was faced with the opportunity, I don't know. I'd be absolutely terrified, but I am pretty fascinated. And did you know if you go in a hot air balloon, you can go... It's only like 62 miles up to get through the atmosphere and be in the darkness of space. Like that's not... If you don't stop for gas and you're driving in a car, that's like...
you know, less than an hour drive. It just seems like so much can go wrong on your way up. But can you go into space in an air balloon? Because sign me up for that. If you definitely put that on the list. No, you can't. You can't break the barrier. Can you? Yeah. You go through the atmosphere. Okay. Let me tell you, there is a guy called Joe Kittinger and I have his name tattooed on me. And it was like 1950. I want to say it was, but did you get the right name?
Oh, I don't know if I even spelled it right. I hope that every may fact is somehow a tattoo on you. I gotta stop just getting things I think are cool. But he was a United States pilot guy and he was the first person to go through the ozone layer and see the curvature of the earth and see the darkness of space. And he was in a hot air balloon in a space suit and he had...
oxygen but here's the thing no one had ever gone that high before and he had to jump out into the blackness of space and free fall back through and and no they had figured i'd do that stuff yeah you'd do that they were hoping that gravity would be enough to pull him back to earth but they weren't 100 sure and so he had to jump out and
he did it and there's a video of it and he lost consciousness from the g-force and just free fell and then his his parachute was on a timer he actually did it twice and then uh this doesn't seem worth it his his glove ripped and so his hand swelled up to the size of a balloon but then they have the so like a backup balloon yeah he had a backup hand balloon
And when he landed, they have footage of him. They go and take off the helmet and they're like, what did you see? And he just starts sobbing from like the beauty of what he saw. It's very beautiful. Yeah. So I got tattooed on me when I was 16. What Kittinger saw.
It's really a bad tattoo. Oh, wait. Oh, May's got a lot of tattoos. This is the money shot right here. Wow, that's a big one. It's a big one, and I don't even know what I meant. I guess that he saw... It was misspelled, by the way. Oh, my God. Don't... Well, I think you're trying to encapsulate the beauty of what you saw. Yeah, and the bravery. I guess so. I'm just surprised that at 16...
You were so moved by that to get a tattoo. Me too. I don't know that I was that deep at 16.
-Yes, I was into him. Then in 2012, Red Bull sponsored. It was the first time they'd done it since then. They had a guy go up in a hot air balloon and then jump and free fall. Guess what? Joe Kittinger was still alive and he was talking to the guy on a headset, coaching him through it, just being like, "You can do this. I've done it myself." -Then another guy comes in on the thing and goes, "All right, this is where you crack open that Red Bull."
This is paying for this trip, baby. Come on. Red Bull. Now. Cracker open.
Now, would you guys want to see an alien? Yeah, I want to see everything, you know? Would you get on? So if a spaceship landed, you're driving home, you're alone, dark, empty street. It lands in front of your car. The guy gets out. The guy looks like your classic alien. Why alone? Why not have people so a sighting is more believable? That's true. Thank you. Okay, let's say you're with Stephanie and the alien says, guys,
get if you want you can get on my spaceship i can take you up to my planet and i can't all i can tell you is it's better than here it's awesome there and we can pick up max and finn and the four of you can go would you want to do it no cool no i don't i have to agree with tig i mean it's fun you don't trust this guy i don't want i'm backing up
Like getting the hell out of there. I don't want any part of this. I just don't even know, you know, how I would possibly explain to my kids that
Yeah, all their friends are. Yeah, we can't bring anyone else. We're just going to go. And they're like, but how is it better? And I'm like, I don't know. A Martian told me, an alien, and we're just going. Yeah, that's true. Plus we have cats. We'd have to, like when the cats go to space. And what do you do with your bank account? Like is money even relevant out there? You know what always amuses me is that
The words, like when you're like, we're going to space. Space. Space just means there's space up there. It's like when you go to a party and you go, where should I put my bag? They go, oh, there's some space behind the couch. And it's like, we're calling...
That, everything where the universe was formed, we're just calling it space? Tia is very into the semantics of this alien situation. But that always cracks me up that people are like, oh yeah, we're going to space. And it truly just means, it's just area up there. But when you say, oh yeah, I need my space.
You just need like some room. Yeah. But nobody's like, whoa, she needs AIDS. Just one word can mean different things. And that one always amuses me. I mean, we got to figure out interstellar travel. That's the only way we're going to find out like about other habitable planets and things like that. But I really romanticize like early space travel where it was so dangerous, but we were just...
being intrepid and there's this female astronaut this is boring yes yes i have like one more anecdote to tell of related to space that i'm just like i just did the joe kittinger thing maybe i need to just give it a rest this was your jam i love it there was a the first female astronaut sally ride yes i guess ride sally run yeah i don't know if those are i don't know i don't think those have anything to do there's no way to know
That's not the chick from The Challenger, is it? No. That was Krista McAuliffe or something like that. That made me never want to go to space. Oh, that's so fucked up. But so Sally Ride, they were like, I don't know if we can let a woman go to space. I don't know. And she was like,
trust me we can i'm gonna do it and then they said to her okay are you gonna have your period while you're in space because we're really worried about that and she said no i'm not i know my schedule and i'm not an app on her phone but she was like a hundred percent i can guarantee i'm i'm not gonna get my period while i'm up there and they were like don't tell me don't tell me no it's worse than that they go no diarrhea
They go, what if you do? She's like, I'm not going to. And then they go, well, we want to send you up with some tampons. She was going up for like three days and they went, would a hundred tampons be enough?
This was like the male astronauts just had no idea. And they said, by the way, we're also going to be voting on what we think is best for your body. Yes, exactly. And so they ended up sending her up with 100 tampons, even though there was barely any room on this spaceship. She's like, I got to plug my cooter. Yeah. 30 times a day. Fortune! Fortune!
Also, did these men not have mothers or wives or girlfriends? They're not asking about their damn thoughts. But I mean, you would see a woman come into the house from Costco. Yeah, lugging box after box. With like a huge truck backing up to the house. And these guys are like, I'm assuming that's for two days. Boo!
Oh my God. That's wild. Yeah. You see that tampon truck just going around all neighborhoods, backing up to people's houses. I need a hundred more tampons. Wait, is that a woman's voice? Fortune? Yeah. Hey, I know I don't look like a woman, but I still need tampons. I got a cooter. And the truck passes your house by.
My favorite thing is when I go to buy tampons and the person at the store thinks that I'm buying them for my girlfriend and I'm a boy and they go, Hey, you're a good boyfriend doing this. And I'm like, yeah, yeah. Anyone that comments on that purchase, that is so weird. Like, why are you commenting on this? Like, let me just get my ponds. Yeah.
tampon let me get my ponds and be out yeah plug that cooter right on up fortune oh my god stop eating hey i need you it's that time of the month
Like a milkman, but a tampon man. Yeah, door's open. Door's open. Just bring him right in. I'm on the toilet. The ice cream man. Hey, I'm going to space. Give me 200. You're going to space? Up, up and away in a beautiful balloon. That was a little late for the balloon reference, by the way. I'm going to space in a balloon. I was right on time. Crammed full of tampons.
You got them in your ears, your nostrils. I got a jug of water, a Red Bull, and a hundred tampons. We're going to space, baby. You're flying down from space. Sponsored by Playtex. What is it? Playtex? What? Playtex? Wait, no text? What the fuck? Playtex isn't right. What is it?
Wait, why can't I think of a single tampon brand and I've been using them my whole life? What are the brands? It might be Playtex. Is there Playtex and Kotex? Oh, wait. Is it Playtex and Kotex? Hold on. I just said that. I know, but no. Playtex is right. I was right. Okay. Is there Kotex? Is that like the knockoff brand?
Thomas is nodding. Why is everything a Kotex? We should start our own. Kotex with a K. We should start our own Hamtex. Yes, handsome tampons. Plug her up. Plug her up. Gents. Plug them up.
Oh my God. We just didn't. We knew brands, but didn't know brands. That is crazy that I've been buying them my whole life and I couldn't think of a brand name. I said Playtex and we were all like, that can't be right. Yeah, OB. OB. Yeah. Where you get in there. We went from aliens to naming tampon brands. Oh my God.
If this is not the greatest podcast on earth, then I don't know what is. In space. Yeah. Oh my lord. Is there such a thing as like a tampon for your bum? Like a bum pun? Why do we need one? I don't know. Is your butt leaky? I don't know. I don't know. Why do we need to plug our bell? I don't know. I don't know. Cork it.
Oh my god. Should we hear what Jack said? Yes. Yes. Let's hear it. Let's get ourselves out of this tampon conversation. No utter nonsense. Boulder Dash and Piffle, if you ask me.
Boulder Dash and Piffle. That is the most British response I've ever heard. Also, it sounds like space names. Utter nonsense. Boulder Dash and Piffle. Boulder Dash and Piffle. Yeah, I'm shocked. He does not believe in it. Even though I was there when he recorded this question, I did not remember that he came down so hard on that side. That's really coming down hard. That is the language. Boulder Dash and Piffle. I mean, I'm honestly offended. I've never heard Piffle.
heard piffle you could name your like cats utter nonsense balderdash and piffle utter nonsense balderdash and piffle had you used piffle when you lived in london i probably you know piffle i did a good prank in the writer's room the other day that i'm pretty proud of uh where because i i heard that when i wasn't in one of the writers said um said oh so this character is kind of a nincompoop and then she sort of stopped and went sorry can i say nincompoop and
And I found that really funny. Like she was worried. Oh, I don't know if this is an offensive word. And so someone told me and we were laughing about it and I went, okay, I got this. And then the next day I went in really serious and I sat down and I was like, morning everyone. Um, just really quickly and,
It's not a huge deal, but I do have to address it. We've had like our first HR complaint and apparently somebody, and I don't want to name names, use the word nincompoop. And she turned bright. She was genuinely for a minute. She was like, Oh God, I, I,
It was really satisfying. I have a writer's room bit that I did. Everyone's welcome to use it as long as you give me credit. Thomas has been there when I've done this. When you have to get on a conference call with the network and studio and they're giving notes about the scripts and whatever, I would push...
mute on that on the speakerphone that's in the middle of the table and I'd be like you know what you can just shut up nobody here is taking your note and everybody in the room was cringing I'd be like listen to me stop talking
for one minute oh you're an idiot you're all idiots and everybody is cringing with horror i would be so mortified that i didn't really hit mute yeah i'd be so scared i'm well aware of and i could casually thomas you remember those days of yeah yes yes genius i love that one horror
I'm going to do that. I'm going to try that. You should do that. I'm such a pussy. Fortune! Fortune! I'm a nincompoop. Fortune! Fortune! My God. We'll bleep that out. Thank you. We're going to start bleeping out everything that comes out of Fortune's mouth. I hope we're still doing this pod on April Fool's.
Anyway. Have a good one, guys. I really hope we make it to April. Fingers crossed. That's like when I was dating this girl once. She was like, I think it was maybe March. And she was like, what should we do for Thanksgiving? And I was like, Thanksgiving? Oh, my God.
I was truly stunned. I was frozen in my footsteps. Oh my God. I had not even considered anything like that. That's bold. Understandable for you to have those feelings about a relationship. I really hope we're doing this in April. We're open for years. Yeah, you're right. I gotta have more faith in us.
I'm going to start planning my April Fool's Day prank. I hope we're still doing this in April. May, I'll tell you a little secret. The podcast is doing well. Yeah, you're right. And we're going to keep going. Well, as long as people keep liking and subscribing and sharing. We do need that. We do. Yeah, what else should we say? Thanks so much for listening.
Yeah, we should say that. We should say that. That's always good. People can buy merch, which I'm really into our merch. I think it's actually cool. It's really good. Oh, it's really good stuff. It's really good. It's really good. HandsomePod.com. Oh, and also check out our YouTube channel, YouTube.com slash at HandsomePod. It's doing well.
Is it? Yeah, it's doing well. People wanted to see our handsome faces. Yeah, I think people are going to want to see my hair wet and me with a headset on. It's definitely crispy gel, let's be honest. Crispy gel. I'm actually going to be in Jack's Neck of the Woods. I'm doing shows in London.
Yeah, just here shortly, I think next weekend, the end of January at Union Chapel. Any London folks who are listening, I'll be there and Amsterdam that following Monday. And then also I have Madison and Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Houston, Los Angeles show, New York City and Toronto shows online.
All at my website, fortunefemaster.com. You can get tickets and come see some live comedy. And I'm filming my special in Seattle in mid-April. Come to that as well. I actually don't have anything. I haven't thought this far ahead. I'm in the writer's room.
Just wrapping up and going into pre-production for this show. So I got, I've always got like random LA live shows. You're always on shows, yeah. So check out my Instagram for those. I'm going to be in Maine.
Maine and Maryland and upstate New York. Go to Tig Notaro dot com to get all of my show and ticket information. Also, if you're in L.A., I'll be in at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter working on new stuff. Stephanie has been doing or did a show with me.
that we're going to do more of called She Said, She Said, where we talk about our life together on stage and do some crowd interaction as well. Well, thanks for another absolutely lovely hangout, you guys. I really love talking to you both.
I love this part of my day. It's the best. And our listeners are great. Thank you for all the information you gave us today, Mae. That was a lot of facts. Seriously. And no one's going to fact check. That's the beauty. People are loving correcting me online. Oh, okay. So they are fact checking you. But it's done with me.
It's done with love, right? It's always with love. It's done with love, but then every once in a while there's just a very humorless kind of... Actually, it's Chris Hadfield, not Tim Hadfield. And he's actually... There's nothing better than somebody with no sense of humor that gets upset by comedy podcasts. Yes, yes, I love it. Although I like being corrected, but yeah, you gotta at least give me a little smiley emoji. But guys, I guess all that remains... Mm-hmm, is to...
Keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast!