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Cheers! Hello, it is your friend and mine, Tig Notaro, joined by my co-hosts of The Handsome Pod, Mae Martin and Fortune Feimster. Hello. Mmm.
You guys. Yeah, girl. I missed you. I know. It has been...
10 minutes since we wrapped up our last episode. I asked for a 10 minute break because I went and just woofed down some food real fast and then ran back up. What did you woof down? Some overnight oats that I make. Oh, you're so healthy. What are you putting in there? Okay, I was hoping you'd ask. Yeah, I knew you wanted it. It is steel cut oats. Okay. Okay.
Okay. Chia seeds, hemp seeds, flax seeds, raspberries, wild blueberries, bananas, and then a little cacao powder. Mix that up.
Cinnamon on top when you eat it. You put on the amount of cinnamon you want. And then that just sits in the fridge for like five days. And then Stephanie and I just help ourselves to it as we like. It's such a great breakfast, but it's also a delicious dessert or snack during the day because it's so easy to access and it's so nutrient dense. Oh, it sounds very healthy. What's like the liquid that it soaks up?
Well, I do it only with water. Oh, cool. Yeah. You sprinkle that dike sauce on it? What's it called?
What's it called? Dyke dust. Dyke dust. No, dyke dust is specifically for savory. Oh, okay. Whereas this overnight oats that I make, it's more on the sweeter side, but it's like natural sweet. Oh, okay. You know, like I don't add sugar. I don't add honey or some maple syrup or anything like that. Oh, honey sounds good on that. Yeah. I bet you could open a vegan cafe. Like, because...
Everything you're describing sounds amazing to me. I just don't have the sort of, I don't know, wherewithal to do it. To make it and stuff. Okay, so I appreciate that, but my cafe would just be oatmeal? Yeah, and dike dust. And dike dust. And it's bring your own meal and then I'll sprinkle dike dust on there. I like calling it dike sauce. Yeah. You got that dike sauce on that. Overnight oats out there.
I need to start shifting my palate because to see your face light up like that, describing one of the healthiest dishes I've ever heard of is like I love your joy. I'm like, "I need more of that in my life." -Well, you should try this and make a week's worth. -Jax, do you know how to make overnight oats?
Jax does. Yeah, but the key is you want to use steel cut oats. You don't want to use instant oats and you don't want to use even just regular oats. You can. It has the same nutritional value, but steel cut oats...
they don't spike your blood sugar the way that regular oats do. Well, because doesn't instant oats have the chemicals and stuff in there? Well, yeah, I don't know what they're... There's probably an old shoe in there too. An old shoe. Yeah. I probably eat a lot of things with old shoes in it. Yeah. If not an old shoe. Yeah.
In the oat factory. Just as a fuck you. Every day somebody's got to give up a shoe to put in there. Yeah, absolutely. What did you do with your 10 minute break, Fortune? Good question. I went potty. For 10 minutes? A long slow stream. A long slow stream of what? Just sat in the toilet texting. No, sending some text. And then I potty.
I did reapply a little bit of foundation for our podcast. I wanted to look handsome for my handsomes. I didn't apply anything to my face and it shows. Go on. But you're in a hotel room with Jax at the moment. Yeah, Jax and I had a staycation. We don't do that often, but yeah, we are in a hotel in the city in which we live.
that's nice i really like that what a staycation is or you just stay home and cation i actually love being at home that's great too but we had like a a little package thing that we had bid on for a charity like a year and a half ago and we were like we've never why don't we just use this yeah so you can get why don't you use it and go podcast there yeah i know podcast i know i was like i am gonna
I'm going to be podcasting for a couple hours. That's fine. Because it was Jax's birthday and...
We were celebrating that and we had a nice dinner and we had a spa day. Do you sing to Jax on her... I imagine she wakes up and you're singing happy birthday in a beautiful falsetto. I did sing her happy birthday. I asked her what she wanted. We were at home on her birthday and I said, what do you want for breakfast? I can pick up anything and... Get Tate to send over some dike dust. Yeah, oats. She told me she wanted...
For me to make her gluten-free pumpkin pancakes. Now I say this like I know how to make freshly cooked
baked pumpkin pancakes, but it's a box from Trader Joe's. I was going to say, I don't know that anyone's baking pancakes. They're actually cakes in a pan. You know what I mean. Yeah, but you know. So you pulled it off? I pulled it off. The pancakes were great. I did put candles in the pancakes, not thinking that the pancakes were hot and it made some of the wax fall off. You know, they're also known as hot cakes. So...
So she was like, I'm going to pick the wax out of it. I was like, here, switch with me. She's like, no, it's fine. She's like picking wax out of her pancakes. Did you do any sort of shapes or faces or spell anything out with the pancakes? I'm not that skilled. I'm not either, but I mean, I do it for Max and Finn, you know. Oh, really? I'll do an M and an F and.
I didn't think about that. You put a couple of drops of green food coloring in and then you make it the shape of kind of like a Mickey Mouse head but then the ears are the you put banana slices there and then a bit of red jam for the guts and it's roadkill. Roadkill frog. I did not think of that. Bulbous toad. Yeah.
I did sing her happy birthday. Jax doesn't like attention, even if it's just the two of us. So I sang in falsetto. She's like, don't look at me. Happy birthday to you. And she's like, oh, God. I'm like, hey, people would really enjoy me singing this. I like how Jax doesn't like to be touched or looked at. Yeah, yeah.
And then you sing to her and she plugs her ears. She's amazing. She's the best. She's her own person. That's what I love about her. Of course. Jax is radical, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. My grandma used to call from England to sing happy birthday and she'd
What did that sound like? Such a nice tradition. She'd sing it too fast to get through it. And she'd go, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Like that, and get through it really fast. Didn't want to run up her long distance bill. Then click, hangs up at the end. My friend and I used to, as completely grown adults in our 40s, used to prank call people. And we would do this thing where we would act like
we were an elderly couple and we would call and somebody would answer the phone and as soon as they answered we'd be like happy birthday to you and we'd sing the whole song and at the end we'd be like i love you sweetheart and then somebody would awkwardly go i think you have the wrong number and we're like i
I don't think so. I have it written down right here. And just go back and forth with these people that are being so sweet to this couple that clearly dialed the wrong number. That's perfect because you're not going to interrupt someone singing the song. No. And they sit through the whole thing. Oh, that's good. It's amazing. Do you guys remember when it was so popular at chain restaurants? Yes.
to tell them it was your birthday and then you would get a free dessert i still do that i remember in high school our big thing was it was not someone's birthday but we desperately wanted a free dessert so we would always pick one person and not tell them and we would tell the waitress that that was the person's birthday and then all of a sudden here came like
the parade of clapping and singing. It never gets old. That was like for one scoop of vanilla ice cream with a candle. And we were like, we got you. We got you. You didn't even see that coming. And then we're all eating the dessert. You're all sharing one scoop. Yeah.
Chili's was a big one because back then they'd bring you the molten cake. Now, I doubt they do that, but that was a big one. Back pre-pandemic, you get the molten cake. Back in them days.
I've always wanted to go to a restaurant by myself and then go up to the front counter and be like, hi, excuse me. I just wanted to let you know it's my birthday. And then go sit down and wait for them to surprise me with a big molten cake.
You know, I always picture myself at a Mexican restaurant with like a sombrero on because there's a restaurant in Texas that I used to go to when I was a kid and you'd wear the sombrero and they'd sing to you. And so I was always imagining that prank happening by myself at the Mexican restaurant wearing a sombrero with all of them standing around singing to me by myself.
You might get a whole free meal that way. They feel so bad for you. I love that idea. And then like posing by myself like, could you take a picture of me please? Imagine you're on a plane and you say to the flight attendant, excuse me, it's my birthday. Can I meet the pilot? Right.
So many moments. All the perks of having a birthday. I know. Yeah, you get a free thing at Starbucks too, I think. What do you get? You get a drink. Do you go to Starbucks? I do, yeah. We'll edit that out. Yeah, edit that out. I go because they have one snack box that is so nostalgic for me because it's like a tiny peanut butter and jam sandwich, a
string cheese, some carrots and some apple slices and some chocolate covered raisins. And I'm just like, I'm happy in my heart. You know, that sounds tasty. Yeah. Gross. I love a PB and J. Love a PB and J. I do too. Oh my gosh. I love it. So good. And I know it's again, full of chemicals, but those little Uncrustables. What's Uncrustables? It is the greatest thing. You,
You're gonna have a pot on your mouth. Okay, new sponsor. Is it the frozen ones? It's the frozen ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's in the freezer section of a grocery store. Again, I know it's not a healthy treat, but whatever. It's no steel cut oats. YOLO. It's like in a little round shape and it's
they have either grape jelly or strawberry jam. Um, and it's peanut butter and jelly or peanut butter and strawberry jam, no crust. So it's the middle part of the sandwich. The best part, the crust is that doogie butt. Um, fortune, fortune Marie. Oh,
Emily. And it's frozen. Emily. You can either take it out and let it just thaw or you can like put it in the microwave for like 20 seconds. And. Oh my God. May Marie. May Pearl. It is. This is like a treat in your mouth. It's in bread though? Yeah, it's in bread. Why do they call it crustables? Uncrustables. Uncrustables. Oh, uncrustables. Okay. Now it all makes sense. Right on track now. Yeah.
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Sometimes they'll have them on like sets because it's an easy like little like pick me up. And it's small like it's it's like eating a sandwich but a little bit less than a full sandwich because there's no crust. I eat a lot of peanut butter and Parv said that when she was on Survivor it was really weird like for some reason that's the one you're starving on a beach and people became obsessed with peanut butter like your mind just goes to like high calorie kind of
like it knows what it needs like protein thick something thick in your mouth in your mouth fortune yeah guys you need you really when you're on a beach and you're trying to survive you really need something thick in your mouth fortune marie i don't know i could not do that i could not have something thick in your mouth that and i couldn't do survivor
Why? Trying to survive in the wilderness or wherever the freak they are? Uh-uh. Trying to survive? And then you're doing challenges. It's not enough just to be miserable and cold and thirsty and hungry, but now you have to have challenges and now people are trying to like...
backstab you. I know. I would be like, what are we doing? Yeah. Have like an existential day two. You'd be like, what are we all doing? A hundred percent. Yeah. We need to build a raft and head home. Even though I was a Girl Scout, I'm not much of a survivalist. I can't believe how much you talk about your Girl Scout days. It is so insane. You're like,
the baseball player that won't let the glory days go. I'm really proud of that time of my life. I mean, truly. Like I, I,
you know what is so crazy i was i told you i was on the brownies i have a picture of myself on the brownies in a frame i made around it in the brownies wait talk about not letting the glory days start you're like thank you yeah this one i can't believe you brought up girl scouts again here is my homemade brownie photo that's tig is in a as a
brownie you gotta post that take that is so cute for those of you watching via youtube that's a real treat and this is how old it is this is an old like beer can to hang it up yeah the frame is the girl scout symbol wait here is also a picture
Let me just go through my childhood here. This is a picture of me on the very end, like all of the cute girls in my class that we're having a sleepover. I'm sticking my tongue out. There you are in a little t-shirt. Yeah, you look like a badass. That's awesome. You had a cigarette in one hand. What did your t-shirt say, Tig? None of your business, Thomas.
It says, uh, love you blue. Love you blue? Yeah, that was the, um. Like Blue's Clues? No. No. That's some Hank Williams song. Yeah.
No, it's from... God forbid it be a child thing like Blue's Clues. No! Hank Williams! Houston Oilers. That was the football team in Houston. And that was their whatever saying. Love you, Blue. And they sang it.
to the Beatles song Love Me Do. Love, love you blue. Yeah. That's cool. I'm still not over the fact that you dragged me for my Girl Scouts and you just popped up.
A gallery. A homemade Girl Scout frame. How dare you bring this up again? Listen, I don't have a problem with you bringing it up again. I just can't believe how much it comes up. I know. I clearly have talked a lot about my Girl Scout days because the Girl Scouts, they reached out to me. They did? Gave me a swag bag of Girl Scout goods.
Are you serious? Yeah, like the organization came to... People from the organization came to one of my shows and dropped off a bunch of girls. Because of this show? No, I talk about... On other shows you still talk about?
my special sweet and salty I do a whole girl scout bit oh my god fortune marie because my brothers were in the boy scouts I was and I talked about how they would get dropped off here she goes again on the top of a mountain with like an egg and a match and I was like we were I was trying to start massage trains where we would an egg and a match shoulder
What do you do with an egg and a match? Exactly. You just use the egg to light it. Is that right? I don't know. My brothers were always packing for their camping trips with hiking boots and protein bars. I'm just like, Mom, where's my stuffed animal? Where's the lotion for the massage? Two very different vibes. Yeah.
But anyway, those are what I like to call the glory days.
awesome song by uh bruce springsteen did you ever see that bruce springsteen um special that he did a few years ago where he would tell stories between the songs and oh his what his broadway yeah yeah it was so it's supposed to be incredible yeah i was wanting to go out there for the the live broadway show but it didn't line up with my schedule he's so hot
Oh my God. 70s Bruce Springsteen? You don't get better than that. There is nothing hotter than 70s Bruce Springsteen. Like 1970s or him in the 70s? In the 1970s. What are you talking about? Him in his 70s? 70s Bruce Springsteen. Have you seen him at age 71? Have you seen 79-year-old Bruce Springsteen? How old is he?
I don't know. It must be in his 70s. I'm going to Google it. I would guess he is 70. He's 74. 74. Never looked better. No, he did look better in the 70s. We already went over that. I'm into the 70s. In the 90s. I have a vintage 90s.
1983 to 84 Bruce Springsteen born to run not born to run born in the USA t-shirt like Courtney Cox in his video that's what I was gonna bring up Courtney Cox in that video that that like tricked me into thinking that if you went to any concert and you were just like charming enough someone would bring you up yeah yeah end up in a video dancing god that's good fortune fortune
Wow. Do I look like Courtney Cox? Yes. My hair is flowing. But also, you know who dances like that is the Go-Go's. Oh, yeah. Do they? Yeah. When you see their song Vacation, the Go-Go's song Vacation. Sing it. Sing it. Oh, my God. Walk like a vacation. Yeah. That's the Bengals. That's their hit song. Oh, yeah.
Which I'm very curious if the Bengals called themselves the Bengals...
in response to the Beatles, like beat and bang. Oh, bang. I never thought about that. Never did either. And also the lead singer of the Bengals plays a Rickenbacker, which is what John Lennon played. Oh, no way. Yeah. I just bought two guitars. Oh, yeah. Do you know how to play guitar, Fortune? I know how to play four chords. Four chords.
And you can play a lot of songs with four chords. I taught myself like eight chords in college. And then you lost four? And then I've over the years lost four of them. They might be four chords.
They might come back to me if I have, but I don't have a guitar right now. And I learned how to play some songs. And the big one I learned in college was leaving on a jet plane. Oh, yeah. And I would sit in the breezeway of the dorm. I probably drove people crazy. And I would be like, all my bags are packed. Oh, my God.
I'm ready to go. And you didn't know you were gay yet. I know. I'm standing there outside your door. Hopefully some hot guy will hear me singing. I hate to wake you up to say goodbye. So kiss me.
me. I would sing this for hours. I love John Denver. Was this around the time Armageddon came out? The movie Armageddon featured that song. Armageddon I don't think had come out yet. So I don't know how I got Peter, Paul, and Mary
In my head Oh Peter Paul and Mary version I was thinking John Denver I like the John Denver too But I like the more folksy version And just hours and hours of playing songs How someone didn't come outside And be like shut the F up I don't know Smash that guitar But I was doing it in my girly voice So kiss me And smile for me I'll be there
- Well, I'll tell you why no one told you to shut up. It's 'cause they were all looking out of the window laughing their faces off at this nerd out there. - So yeah, that was, and then I took my, when I moved to Spain for a year, I was like, I'm gonna take my guitar and become an amazing guitar player. And all it was was just like a difficult thing to travel with. I never played it.
Did you bring your guitar with you on the Sound of Music tour that you went on with? I did not. I did not. I'm like, why am I bringing a giant guitar to Spain? This is crazy. You're nuts, Fortune Marie. Should we hear our question today? Yeah. So our question is from Craig Robinson.
He's an actor and comedian known for portraying Daryl on The Office as well as movies like Pineapple Express, Hot Tub Time Machine, and The Bad Guys. He stars and produces in the Peacock series Killing It, which has been doing super well and people really love it. He's so funny. I saw him at an event at the Improv, so I wanted to
ask him a question that show killing it is like on on all the kind of cool lists of like what's the funniest show right now it's it's on all those lists i can't i've got to watch it it looks amazing he's such a talented actor but he's also an amazing musician he's a big piano player
Yeah. Can play like any song. Like he's one of those guys where you're like, play such and such. And he knows it. I was at a party once. It was like me and Wanda Sykes and a bunch of our friends. You and Wanda in these parties. I know. And...
There was a piano and he sat down And it was literally like 25 lesbians And Craig Robinson And him just serenading And he just started playing songs And we all gathered around him
Did you just say we all gathered round him? We gathered round Craig. But did you really just say that? Yes. That is so incredible. And we started belting out these songs and he would go from song to song to song for like two hours. What were the songs that you and the fellas were requesting? I don't know.
Honestly, I don't remember. Probably a lot of classics, like old school songs. Like, say a little prayer for you. That kind of stuff. Leaving on a jet plane would be a good sing-along. Mm-hmm.
If you're really into the Peter, Paul and Mary tunes. Or John Denver. Or Chantel Kravetsik, the Canadian singer. Oh, I don't know her. I saw her at a party recently and I went up to her so excited that I think she thought I was making fun of her. What? Because I was like, oh my God, Chantel Kravetsik. I was like, you're like my favorite. You're the voice of my team. She was like, all right. Is there a hit song that I would know that's crossed the border? Oh,
And you can fuck. Are you saying fuck? Are you trying not to word fuck? What album is that? I am right behind you. Picture this person going into the record label and being like, okay, that's what I got for you. Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.
I'm going to really elongate this word. Get ready. That song's called In This Life, I believe. I don't think I know this song. In this life. Oh my God. You're going to be a big star, kid.
It was an era where her music would pop up a lot on Dawson's Creek soundtrack and stuff. A regular old Sarah McLachlan, huh? Exactly, exactly. I love it when we bring our American and Canadian childhoods together. Me too. To learn and grow. It's a beautiful thing. To learn and grow. We're learning and growing and growing and learn. Well, let's hear Craig's question. Hey, handsome.
This is Craig Robinson. My question, what is your response to this? Ba-da-ba-da-da-da-ba-da-da Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
If I've been asked this once, I have been asked this a million times. Yeah, come up with some original. I mean, what a hack. I just love that. I was like, Cray, you can ask us anything. And he's like, okay. At first, I thought it was the McDonald's thing. The McDonald's, yeah, song. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba.
I'm loving it. T, you don't know this? No. But you love everything McDonald's stands for.
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You've never heard of that commercial? I mean, I've heard I'm Lovin' It, but I don't know the song. Their big jingle is, I'm lovin' it. Never heard it in my life. Wow. But then he really went, I mean, that was a confidence surge.
scat would you say is that i would say yeah that's a scat it wasn't a shy scat no very confident scat like i would say overly confident scat do you think we should hear it again yeah no okay fine let's hear it again played a scat i think this warrants it we've also never not known what to do with a question yeah let's hear it what
is your response to this. I'm loving it. Oh, I think I would say... Nice. I couldn't agree more. Well, except I would add in...
Yeah. May, what about you? I agree with everything you guys are saying, but I would add... Yes, I forgot skiddly-do-dee-bops in there. And then you take it down and...
Yeah. That's what, yeah. While you're being handed a cocktail. I feel like there used to be more, like in music in the 50s, there was a lot more kind of nonsense. Like a lot of like, bebop, balooba, cheese, mom, babe. Like now you don't hear as much bebop, balooba. Well, that's, yeah, that's a country song. What's the one from...
You know. Oh. Clang clang. Clangety clang. Shabab. Blank night. No way. Yeah. Shabu. Yeah. Like was everyone a nerd back then? A million percent. Yeah. Like these were the cool kids being like clang clang. Shabu de be be. And everyone was like cool man. Clang clang. Clang clang. Blam blam blam. Blam blam blam. Blam blam.
Yeah, where did that go? I know. Or who put the bop in the bop-shoe-bop-shoe-bop? Who put the bang in the sh- Bang-a-bang-a-ding-dong. Who put the rum in the rum- Fortune! Fortune! Fortune!
- - "I like to shake his hand. He made my baby fall in love with me." -Or you had Sharon Lois and Bram Skinner-mer-inky-dinky-duck. -Yes. -Skinner-mer-inky-duck. -Did I talk about it on this? Oh, yes, I did. In the '50s or whatever when songs were like, "Johnny, no." -Oh, yes. I love that. -It's like, "Whoa." -Johnny, beep out the loo.
There's like this story that the song tells of like the bad boy that the parents don't I want to hear like Phoebe Bridgers be like be papaloosha do pop that like it What about Billy Eilish? Yeah, Billy Eilish doing a little scene at the beginning - yeah Johnny Johnny like that. That was good. How's your Billy Eilish? Oh
What about, what's her name? Swifty. If she did it, it would put it back in the zeitgeist and there'd be a lot more Bebopaluba. There is no room in the zeitgeist for anything other than Taylor Swift right now. I know. It really is dominating. Though you mentioned Phoebe Bridgers, people really love Boy Genius, but now they're taking a hiatus. Oh yeah, I saw that. Yeah.
Maybe they're just building a little bit of hype so that when they come back for the inevitable... It makes us want them more. Yeah, yeah. That's what's going to happen when we go on hiatus. Yeah. What are people going to do without us? Wait, are we going on hiatus? Well, I mean, we want to make the people want more, right? What if there are riots? We're going on hiatus for a week.
If they're not going to hear us till next Tuesday. Yeah. Yeah. What will people do? I don't know. I don't think it's really our problem to worry about. You're right. They got to fill their time. However. Yeah. Yeah. They could listen to who put the bop and the bop, shoobop, shoobop, who put the ram and
Who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong? Oh my god, you know what would be so fun is if somebody, maybe if one of our listeners would put together a song that connects all of those old type of noises and words from those. Oh, that would be good. I was thinking if they took us in this episode doing all our
different bits and like remix them yeah yeah now you guys seem pretty musical Tig so do you and you know a lot of music knowledge Mae plays guitar and sings do you think we should start a band
-No. -You sing, don't you, Tig? -Terribly. -Really? -But you're a drummer, right? -I play a bit of guitar. -A little bit of guitar. Now, Mae, you go on stage and play shows, right? -I've never done a music show, but at Largo, I sometimes do.
with a musical guest I'll do a song with them but I'm putting an album out this year you are yeah like a wow like a serious earnest album that is so I shouldn't be saying this but it is so mediocre but I just don't care because I I truly just did it for me and it was so fun and
I think probably people who are like into me will be like, oh, this is cool. If a musician listens to it, they'll be like, this is so mediocre. Oh, I bet it's great. It's like fine. I'm truly like, oh, I have. Yeah, but I'm excited about it. But what are you getting at, Fortune? You think we should start a band? I was saying with Boy Genius going on hiatus, I don't know if we needed to fill that void. Yeah, there's a niche to fill. Well, Fortune, do you play piano? Put our little suits on, get out there.
No, I don't. Thomas does. You do, Thomas? Really? We have a piano player. But Fortune, you're the voice. Come on. You're singing. I do sing like an angel. And then May, you're going to play guitar. I'll play drums. That is a band. That would be so fun. Wait, Tig, for our next live show, can you bring a drum kit? Yeah. Thomas plays piano. I bring my guitar. Fortune sings. We've got to do this.
Yeah. I'm serious. You would sing too. You could harmonize with fortune. I could harmonize. Yeah. I've had Thomas sings and can fort, fort, fort,
Hortian can whore herself out. I bet Thomas can whore himself into singing. What song would we sing? Yeah. Well, I think it has to be one of the songs in our episodes that we've mentioned. Yeah. Like, Come to My Window, for sure. That would be good. Thomas, you know how to play that on piano? I can learn. That's got to be just... I've already got the vocals down. We know this. Oh, Leaving on a Jet Plane? Oh, my God. Too loud.
window fortune are you okay okay we gotta do this kiss me oh my gosh for me that one there is harmony in that may so i could do it right now in the harmonies i'm leaving
Don't know when I'll be back again. We don't want to give it away. We don't want to scare people off, not give it away. We don't want to give away the milk for free. This is going to be an album.
I feel like they have a drum set maybe at Dynasty. I've seen one at Dynasty too. You're right. Yeah. So I feel like we can just show up and then rock the house. Bang a drum or two. No rehearsal. Just. No rehearsal. This is going to be painful.
This will be one of those things where it's like funny for us and the audience is like... Boy Genius is like, don't ever do that again. Boy Genius is in the audience, yeah. Yeah. No, Boy Genius just hears about it and is like, hey, don't do that ever again. Please don't ever compare us. So leaving on a jet plane...
- Come to my window. - Come to my window. - What's another, oh, Closer to Fine? - Closer to Fine. - Wait, what about from the beginning-- - I'm trying to tell you something about my life. - Like Jimmy Buffett or one of those old-- - Oh yeah, like Hamburger, Cheeseburger in Paradise. - You don't have to tell me twice, but Mae didn't know any of the songs. - I'm gonna have to learn that one. - I like mine with--
let's not let's not do this again what about grandma got run over by reindeer yes yes i wish that i could just pause time in life like there's so if i could just pause time and the three of us had like
Everyone else is frozen. Our lives are frozen and we just have a week to practice songs, hang out. That's what you would do? If I could freeze time, I would practice Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. That was humiliating. I just said I would pause time to hang out with you guys for a week and you guys were like, anyway. It just seems like such a superpower. Hard to be able to do.
you're like a week yeah that's what you've chosen with you too god no um nevermind right guys i mean i was joking guys right i was just testing you guys i'm literally gonna be able to stop time and just sing with you too
No, but we'll freeze our lives. It's just us three. And nothing will be lost. Yeah, I think I'll be busy. Fortune, what about you? Nah, man. Nah, man. You're on your own. No one showed up to band practice for a week.
Oh my god. Mae's just pacing around the studio waiting. God bless Mae that this is how you're going to use that ginormous superpower. And even though you guys are not frozen and the rest of the world is frozen, you're still not choosing to hang out with the only other un-frozen. I'm finally ordering dining room chairs. Oh my god.
This is humiliating. Okay, it's going to be so great. Oh my God. I really thought you guys were going to be on board with me here. I truly thought you guys were going to be like, finally. Yeah, we're going to get so good. I was truly in my mind thinking, why? I truly was like,
Finally, seven days of uninterrupted hangout time. And I'm thinking, what could we solve in the world? Why would we do that? While time has stopped for seven days. Thomas, are you down? Yeah, for sure. Okay, me and Thomas hanging out seven days straight. Let's stop time together, Mae. Yes, yes.
We're going to have one heck of an album. I will have solved some world issues. Fortune and I are just going to be back out in the world sitting in traffic and doing all the stuff that we would have preferred to do over spending a week with May singing.
Peter, Paul, and Mary songs. You're like, again, we're like, oh my God, how many times are we going to sing this song? We got time, guys. But guys, we have seven and six and a half more days. Literally nothing else going on and our loved ones aren't bugging us to come home. Should we share a bed? Yeah.
Wouldn't that be nice, guys? I'm making pancakes. God bless, Mae. God bless. You're the best buns. I would love it. Well, let's hear what Craig had to say. Very curious to hear, actually, what Craig said. I would go...
See, that makes sense. He went really high and then low. Yeah. I think he just kind of wanted to show his range. That final note was sort of sexy. It was like a little like... He kind of was competing with Tiggs, right?
Yeah. Yeah, that's true. People do ask who is that deep voice on the Handsome Pod song and it is Tiz I. I was about to say it was Tiz U. Gather round, Tiz Tig.
Tis I. Pod. He was in that vein. It does make me want to have another gathering and invite Craig. Okay, so you're hanging out with Craig and practicing music, but you don't want to hang out for seven days with me? Let me be clear. One party, one night. Okay. Everyone go home. I'm definitely the person that's like, okay, I'm starting to clean things up.
While letting people know it's time to go. See, when I'm cleaning up, that does not indicate that it means it's time to go. Really? No, no, not at all. Oh, you just want it to be clean? I just like to, I'm the kind of person where in the kitchen with cooking, I immediately clean up after myself. And as soon as people finish eating at the dining room table, I'm like,
I start clearing the plates and... But I always say like, I'm not rushing you. I'm just clearing the plates and... Yeah. It's always kind of stressful on... Can anyone relate to this on Christmas when you're opening presents with your family and someone starts aggressively cleaning up all the wrapping paper and... I do that. You do? And like shoving it into a plastic bag and you're like, okay, I guess this is over. Yeah. Yeah. Stephanie and I are both exactly the same and we always...
crack up because if we have people over for dinner, the entire house is clean and dishes are done and everything is in place. Food is in the refrigerator, leftovers are in the refrigerator.
And we laugh because as soon as somebody walks out the door, we just turn the light off and go up to bed. Oh, wow. Because you clean it while they're still there. That's so funny. Yeah. And every time we die laughing because truly the whole house is in order. That's wild. And there's not a sign that there was anybody over for dinner. They walk out the door. We shut it.
lights are off and we set the alarm and we go what are you gonna do if when they're if when they're teenagers max and finn are like we are messy or like we want to be i guess you can let them have their bedrooms like there's something important i think about like
having autonomy over your room when you're a teenager. So maybe they can be like filthy in their rooms. Yeah. Well, I mean, Finn already has like the cleaning bug. Oh, he's into it. And he goes in and organizes Max's room. But they're also at an age now where they're shutting their bedroom door.
when they go in there and then they have little signs that they've now put on their doors that say do not enter and then you have if you do you have to sign your name in oh my god you can't just you can't casually go into Max and Finn's bedrooms anymore
Wow. Unless you sign in and sign out. Apply for a pass via a complicated app system. It truly is. How do they know that you're signing in? Do you be like, I'm signing. No, you have to wait till they give the okay. Oh, okay. Yeah. And then you, when they agree to let you in, then you have to sign the little
The little stick it note. Yeah. Okay. So it's looking like they're not going to be sloppy teens. They're going to be. Well, Max, you know, I don't. Max is, you know, when you tell him to clean his room, everything's shoved under his bed and behind a chair and on the closet floor and assumes you'll never notice that. Yeah. When you go in to inspect the
That's what I was... Yeah, I was really messy as a teenager. How'd we get onto this? Because of...
It lets us have a band. What's the name of our band? Handsome? I guess it's Handsome. Or the Pretty Little Ladies? Handsome the band. Like man genius instead of boy genius? Pretty Little Lady geniuses? Yeah. Have you heard about this scientist made a discovery about diarrhea?
Turns out it's in your jeans. Oh, okay. You like that? Good one. Good one. Max and Finn might like that. What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? What? One is $1.99 and the other one is under a buck. Oh, boy. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Okay. I have one that's not as quick. Let's hear it. It's my favorite joke.
This couple is in bed, middle of the night, completely asleep. Somebody knocks on their door. It's like two or three in the morning. And the husband gets out of bed. Yes, this is a hetero joke. Okay, still on board. Husband gets out of bed, goes to the door, comes back to bed. And his wife said, who was that? And he said, it was a stranger.
And she said, what did they want? And he said, they were asking me if I'd give them a push. And she was like, what did you say? And he said, well, I said no. And she said, well, why did you say no? I mean, imagine if we needed something and we needed a push in the middle of the night. And he was like, okay. So he gets up, gets dressed. He goes to the door, opens the door, and he yells into the darkness, hey, hey.
Are you still out there? And the guy's like, yeah. And he said, do you still need a push? And he said, yeah. And he goes, where are you? And he said, I'm over here on the swing. Good one.
Oh, I love that. Come on, that is good. I love the long setup too. It's like, yeah, that's really good. It's so good. It's my favorite joke. You hear about the multi-story parking lot? It's just wrong on so many levels. Okay. I don't think I set that up properly. That's one that needed a longer...
Well, have I told you Max's joke? No. Why the chicken crossed the road? Oh, wait. This rings a bell. Yeah, let's hear it. Let's hear it again. To take a two-hour dump. That's my kind of joke. That is. Tell them the diarrhea joke. I think that's my audience. Well, they'd have to know what genes are. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so...
today explain genetics to them. Yeah. Can you go through that? And then in like three days you can hit them with a chain. Okay. Well, this was a delightful episode and it feels like we've reached the end is how I feel. I feel like there's a natural ending here. All right. Well, you know, I'm on the last leg of my live, laugh, love tour this coming weekend. I'm doing a big show in Los Angeles. It's my only hour show.
Show I'm doing in LA at the theater at the Ace Hotel. And then going to San Luis Obispo, Albany, New York, Hartford, Connecticut, New York City at the Beacon, Bakersfield, California, and Rancho Mirage, California. Then ending it with filming my special in Seattle and then Toronto in May.
So go to fortunefemester.com if you want to come see a show. Awesome. And also make sure to check out my new standup special on Amazon called HelloFortune.
Hello again, and maybe get a little gaggle of pretty little ladies and handsome faces to watch. That'll be fun, right? And then I'll also be able to be found around Los Angeles working on new material at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter. So go to tignotaro.com for ticket and show information.
I'm planning on freezing time for a week and just watching your special over and over. Yeah, good. I am at Largo on March 26th with Brett Goldstein and other special guests. And then, yeah. Oh, check out my Instagram. I'm always doing improv at The Elysian and Dynasty and Largo. And mainly, just thanks so much for listening to the pod and telling your pals.
Subscribe. Yeah, subscribe, please. Make sure you subscribe. You know, people are like, don't stop doing this show. I love it so much. The way to keep us is to click subscribe and grow the audience. Tell your friends, send them an episode.
Get some merch. Yeah, it all helps. Walk around in your pretty little lady. Yeah, rock those handsome t-shirts. Yeah. Cool. Little cowboy. All of it. I want to see all the merch of my shows. I do. I love seeing it. Yeah, it's really fun. Yeah. And until then. Yeah. All that remains. Is to keep it handsome.
Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. Follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast!
