Courteney Cox asks about putting yourself first
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Hello there, handsome little ladies. It's your friend Tig Notaro. I wanted to remind you or let you know for the very first time in your life that my new stand-up special, Hello Again, is available now on Prime Video. Check it out, rate it, give it five stars, tell a friend. And

Share it. Yes. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. I mean, I think we should drop the whiskey vibe from our show. Really? Because it's 830 in the morning? Well, and because we're never drinking it.

Yeah, maybe it should be a slurp of coffee. Yeah, I don't really drink, and I certainly don't drink whiskey, and Fortune looks stunned and upset. Wait, is this part of the show? I don't know.

We haven't even said welcome to the handsome pod. Oh, right. Oh, you want to say that? Welcome to the handsome pod. It's Fortune Beamster. And Tig Notaro. Oh, I'm Mae Martin. Hi, and we should drop whiskey or drink whiskey?

Well, I do love whiskey, but if you don't really drink whiskey, you know. It feels inauthentic. I don't think there's anything wrong with cheers. Oh, right, right, right. Nobody knows what's in the little cups. Yeah, you should have a coffee in there. Could be Pepto-Bismol. Yeah, or the generic version, Pink Bismuth. Are you kidding me? Wait, what's Pepto-Bismuth? How's it pronounced? Okay, Pepto-Bismol is that...

antacid thing that you I think I'm saying it right. Pepto-bismol. You're not familiar with Pepto-bismol? Yes, but I don't know how to pronounce the second word. Pepto-bismol? You can't say bismol? Bismol. What do you call it? I think I thought it was called Pepto-bismo.

Pepto-Bismol? I just think that sounds better. How have you been alive for as long as you have Pepto-Bismol? I've only taken it once in my life and I thought it was Pepto-Bismol. And honestly, I think if it's not that, it should be that.

Well, I agree with you there. Pepto-Bismol sounds like a Lord of the Rings character. And the fellowship, little Pepto-Bismol. But wait, what did you say, Tig, about pink? I said pink bismuth. I was at a store, like at a drug. You're really not going to know what this is if you don't know what Pepto-Bismol is. I know what Pepto-Bismol is. No, too late. You already said you don't.

I was at like a drugstore and I saw their knockoff brand was called Pink Bismuth. That's so funny. It's like, have you ever seen the knockoff Triscuits? I think they're at Whole Foods. They're called Woven Wheats.

Oh my God, won't we? I don't want that. You don't? Do you not like... No, I like Triscuits. I love Triscuits. You know what I love so much? Tell me. Tell me what you dig. You know when Triscuits have that real kind of like dark burnt edge? Oh, sure. Dark burnt. Yeah. Does that happen often? I mean, I... My mouth just made a weird noise. Was that yours? Sounds like someone named Pink Bismuth.

Someone needs a big dose of pink bismuth. I'm like stopped up right now, as you can probably hear. My nose and mouth have been making noises on their own.

Your body was like, did someone say pink business? Help me down here. We need it. Somehow Thomas to isolate that noise and crank it up so that we can hear it. It was like a full frog in your throat. My nose was making noises last night and Jackson was like, for God's sake, go blow your nose. Go sleep in the garage.

Yeah, that too. Did I ever tell you about my friend? He woke up in the night terrified because he heard a woman screaming in the distance, like out his window. So he's holding his breath, listening, and he can't hear it. And then he relaxes. He hears it again. So he's listening, holding his breath. He can't hear it. And he relaxes. He realizes it's his nose whistling with the air. And he just thought it was a woman screaming. Oh, my God. He thought it was like, whoo.

Like in the distance, but it was just a gentle whistle. I gotta go find that woman screaming. But every time he listened, he was so scared that he was holding his breath. I feel like we're all full of beans today. You're wearing your pretty little lady sweater. If we're full of beans, then we need Pepto-Fistful. Oh boy, we're on fire. Do you know what I love most is that most people I feel like

If their throat went rogue and did that spring noise of that your throat did, they would be like, can you edit that out? But you're just like, my throat just made that weird noise. Once my nose starts doing it too, I'll let you know. We'll know. We'll be like, there's a woman screaming on this podcast. We are full of beans today though, guys.

what do you mean beans circling i don't know that's what may said wait do you guys not silly stop it you don't know that expression full of beans i've heard it i think full of many moons ago what is it full of beans yeah just like full of uh like energy like bouncing around full of beans okay okay all right now i know

I'm full of coffee beans. You know what else? We were full of beans. Oh my God. Good segue. When we filmed, remember a while ago when we filmed after midnight? I do remember. That was actually really fun. We haven't talked about that yet. That was a real, a real hoot. I was nervous. I was a little nervous. I was nervous because as you know, I, well,

When I say nervous, I wasn't like sweating and shaking and like, oh God, I don't know if I can do it. It was more of like, I, as you know, don't... And, you know, people give me a hard time. Like, there's no way you don't fall...

I promise you, I don't follow any pop culture. And After Midnight is a topical pop culture based comedy show where you're responding to the news. When I was asked to do it before when it had a different host, I was like, no possible way. And the reason I did it this time was because we were asked as a full podcast to go on. As a triad. You also, just before we went on...

It became clear you'd never seen the show. You had no idea what... You were like, I don't know what this is. As we're walking out onto the set, it was so funny. Well, I mean, I had a great time. Me too. And the producers said, do whatever you want. You know, go nuts. And I truly was like, yeah. And I thought, well, okay. That's where I was like, oh boy. I don't want to ruin the show. And I hate...

doing shows when... And when I say hate, I just mean like I prefer not to do shows if I don't understand the show or I don't know the topic because the fans... Well, the fans...

are tuning in because they love whatever the topic is and so i'm scared i'm gonna ruin things by coming on and being like i don't know what you're talking about right and it's not like i can just catch up and research pop culture quickly because you don't know what they're gonna ask you and might i also mention the things that were popping up this is how dumb i am

I didn't even connect. The things that were on the screen were necessarily pop culture things. I thought they were just random weird pictures. Are you serious? Yeah. Random weird pictures. It was pretty electrifying.

doing a show like that with you because I I'm like I get super nervous do you mean you take or you both of us oh sorry uh just take oh okay continue you sit over there and sniffle I just went um like I was inspired to like break the rules like I didn't you find fortune it was like oh it was oh yeah oh I too was electrified

Yeah. I mean, but I knew the three of us together, it was going to be insane. I told him before we walked out there, I go, just so you know, this is going to go off the rails like in two seconds. Yeah.

I know there was someone made a joke like maybe Taylor the host was like said something like oh imagine if Tig left and I was like don't tempt her because like Tig will walk off the stage to commit to the bit and go and I'll drive home and call you yes no fortune you too you I liked when you walked out from behind the podium and like that was pre-electrifying that was electrifying yeah that was electrifying

I was just there sort of stumbling my way through earnest emotional declarations. But that's the beauty of this triangle is everybody brings something really different to the table, which is great. It compliments each other. I agree. If anyone missed it, you can watch it on their YouTube, which I highly recommend because if you want to see us be ridiculous...

in a different format that definitely happens there wearing our suits and also there were some handsome pod fans in the audience like so we were just doing inside jokes of handsome pod on this televised show like being like may fact and people in the audience people in the audience yeah before we before we did you started talking and they went may fact yeah that's so nice

That's crazy. I have a thing when I get my makeup done for TV. I don't enjoy it. I don't know how you guys feel, but I don't like... Because I always have to go, you know, just do it like you would do a boy. Just do it neutral. And then...

I got it in my head that there was like a small discoloration patch on my nose. I think it was in my head anyway. And then I went, I was like, great. Yeah, I'm happy with the makeup. And then I went to my green room, to the dressing room and like redid it all. Oh, really? When she saw me, she was like, okay, I think so.

Okay, cool. We'll work with this. Like I just undone everything she had done. You like wiped it off or something? Yeah, I like wiped a bunch off. I added a bunch of different... There was like a different color. Like I don't know what I did. I'm impressed that you can do your own makeup because whenever they're like, what do you want done? And they'll ask specific like, do you want...

you know this or that yeah and i'm like i have no clue what you are asking me right now jacks will be like did you bring your makeup and i'll get out this bag and i'll open it and it's fully empty except for a chapstick one foundation and she's like this is it i'm like yes i'm picturing like one bobby pin and like a little pink bismuth

She's like, I can't work with this. I'm like, well, this is my makeup kit. Whenever I have to go do something, I'll hand somebody my car key and my chapstick and my phone. I'll say, can you hold my purse?

and then just walk off i'm always like i just want to look like my face but better like i don't want to be adding dimensions that aren't already there you know what i mean like you don't want to be a pretty little lady i don't want to be a pretty little lady i want to know like fortune i want to be a pretty little lady i'm wearing our pretty little lady sweatshirt oh it looks good

Speaking of Pretty Little Ladies, I was telling you guys, and I don't know if this is appropriate or inappropriate to share on here, but I got feedback that I seemed flirtatious with the host. Of After Midnight. Yeah, of After Midnight. Breaking news. Breaking news. A friend of yours just watched it. I know it came out a minute ago. Yeah, a fellow comedian...

Who's been on the show. Uh-oh, who could it be? We will not name names. You have to. We won't name names. Yes. And they said, what, Tig, you're flirting with Taylor Thomas? She was like, you know, me and my husband, we were watching and it felt like you're being flirtatious. Whoa. And I thought, that is so wild. And so my apologies to the host and my wife. Yeah.

-No, listen. -You were not flirting at all. -I didn't think I was either. -No, you were being ridiculous but not flirty. -Maybe that says more about your friend and what they're attracted to then because you were being assertive and acerbic and you were demanding points. -Yes, you were being bossy, truth be told. -Yes. -Yes. -Yes. -Maybe that's what they're into. I feel like by that logic,

you're yeah you're flirting with most people in your life yeah i would just say people not because you're bossing them around but this there's like a dry uh playfulness yeah yeah it's and then you did your signature move where you grabbed taylor's hand and kissed your hand yep there's that i did that to me too moments before uh-huh yeah yeah yeah so maybe

I don't know. Maybe I'm just a real loose goose out there. You are so loosey-goosey. No, I definitely did not. That vibe was not happening in real life. I don't know what came across on screen. Yeah. So let us know if you found me to be inappropriately flirting with the TV host of the show I was on. What if we watched it and we found out that they'd edit it so every time you spoke it was like... Right?

And after every scene, I'm kissing her hand. Yeah, they just edited that one. It's the same clip over and over. I'll have to ask Taylor if she thought you were being flirty. Yes, ask her if she thought I was being flirty with her on network television.

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I think you made her nervous, but not in that flirty way, but in that she respects your comedy a lot. Well, that's probably long gone after she saw me on that show. Probably nervous because, yeah, you were completely unpredictable. That too. You were like...

approaching her podium and like smashing her points button. Did they leave in Tig saying at one point, I'm bored? I didn't see it. Oh my God, yes. When you buzzed your buzzer and she was like, yes, Tig, to get an answer and you went, I'm bored. It was so good. Because apparently they, you guys will never guess, we had way more banter than what was even on the show. Yeah, they edited a lot out. We were full of beans. We showed up full of beans. Yeah.

I still feel like my Pepto-Bismol joke with full of beans was better than the reception it got. Oh, sorry. We're circling back to when I said... Yeah, we need to go back. It was really funny for a change. You guys were full of beans and I was like, guess we need some Pepto-Bismol and you guys moved on. No, it was really good. It was really good. You should work it into your live show as your closer.

And have you guys ever thought maybe it should be pepped to bismo? Anyway, think about it. That is a good tag. You should get me on tour with you and I'll just come on and do the full of beans thing. Yeah. I'll just say it and then so then you can do the tag of... You're not busy or anything. No, I'm free. In my mind now, because you said...

When did people say full of beans? And then you said, sorry, I know we're now circling right back again, but you said many moons ago. And then in my head, I started writing like a limerick that was like many moons ago, we were full of beans. It sounds like you didn't really get started on writing that. Many, many moons ago, we were full of beans. The end. Yeah, we sloshed about, we buzzed about, we lived beyond our means.

Whoa, okay. I was trying to think, how do we, I get the word peen in there. I was, fortune! God. You can't be wearing a pretty little lady sweatshirt and add that word. I feel like that's the perfect time to add that word. When I'm feeling like a pretty little lady, I just talk about wieners. Fortune! Oh,

Oh my God. Can I ask how, so we started recording at 8.30. When did you guys wake up? I woke up at 7.45. Okay. I woke up at 7. What time did you wake up, Mae? Yeah, 7 as well. This is hard-hitting questions right here on the Handsome Pod. It takes probably a morning person because you have kids. Are you a morning person, Mae? Thank you. This is sort of what I was hoping would happen with that. If I brought up the when did you wake up question, I thought maybe it'd be a jumping off point for...

But no, I'm not a morning person, no. But I had very intense dreams last night. As I was falling asleep, my woman who I'm involved with said to me, she was really- My woman? My woman. My woman said to me- I'm involved with-

She goes, are you going to go to the lower astral plane or the higher astral plane tonight? And I was like, excuse me? She was almost asleep. And she was like, I'm going to the higher one. I'll see you there or something. And then fell. It was like, whoa. You guys are perfect for each other. I know. I would never think to ask that.

I don't know what she's talking about. I'm just like, see you later. It's so funny that we just lie unconscious next to people and are like, well, goodbye. And then we're just out. It is so weird. It's so weird. It's like, I used up all my energy.

night night i know and then we just lie next to people just like never thought about any of this you haven't half of our lives we are you're unconscious it's more it's a third of your life betty white only slept four hours a night do you guys know that how would i know that how do you know that why do you know that you didn't follow betty white facts that's weird it's

hits out an instagram she would say it but i also i don't want to brag but back i used to be a journalist for seven years and i interviewed her back when i first moved to l.a she ate a hot dog every day and slept four hours a night and she lives a long life that is disgusting ate a wiener every day one hot dog isn't that hot i thought hot dogs are supposed to be the most carcinogenic food that's what they said but betty

lived a long life. I mean, maybe she was eating different hot dogs, you know, for a good portion. She could have lived longer. Well, maybe she started that later in her life where she's like, what? Why am I not eating a hot dog a day? You know, like I'm 80 something at that point. Time to introduce hot dogs. Let's go balls to the wall. Fortune. Fortune.

And she liked vodka. She sounds like a real mess. Can I say that my... So my girlfriend, after she said that about the higher astral plane, and then I...

slept so deeply and then in the morning i was like what'd you dream about we both dreamt that and i know because she said hers first that she's not lying because she often lies uh she said that uh she's we both dreamt about traitors going through doors like we were presented with options of doors and behind the one that we chose she went in and there was a male god

And then I went in mine and I became a pretty little lady. I looked in the mirror, I had long hair and boobs. And I had to go to like a different dimension. So we both had like door options where there were like strange gender things going on. Isn't that cool? What gender is behind door number three? Sounds like we could have a show that follows after midnight. Oh my god, it's called gender doors. We have to come up with a title.

Yeah, working title. Do you know what plane that ended up being? I think it was like... Good question. I think it was the higher astral plane because we were like going into different dimensions and stuff.

I think lower astral plane is like... I think that's when you dream about just like going to the store and buying triscuits or woven weeds or something. See, I'm on an even lower plane than the lower plane. What's that? I don't remember anything. I'm just unconscious. Oh, you're just like... I feel like I am like that too. And I have a cat sleeping on my head. And usually a seven and a half year old boy has crawled into bed around three. Oh.

That's really funny. Yeah. It's just a different thing. You wouldn't, you know. It's like someone's just hit you over the head with a frying pan. You're just out. Somebody hit me over the head with an eight pound cat. Yeah. I only have dreams that I remember at least every so often. I need to reach one of these planes. I need to ask Jax why she's, if she's dreaming about doors. You got to find out what gender door Jax is going through every night in her astral world.

All right. It sounded like you were mad at me there. All right, fine. All right, I'll ask her. Fortune is mad at you. She mentioned that before we started recording. Did she text you before we logged on? So mad at me right now? Well, me and Thomas have been texting that we're mad at ourselves. Wow. You and Thomas are texting? That's cool. We're Canadian, so. Fortune, calm down.

I'm glad that you and Thomas are texting. Yeah, us Southerners are texting too. I've also texted Thomas before. Wow, now she's getting nasty. This really spiraled quickly into passive aggression. Should we get into our listener question? Is it a listener question? No, she doesn't listen to this podcast for sure. She might. We don't know. There's no chance. This is a very exciting, exciting day.

It really is. Especially after coming off the heels of last week's episode. Mm hmm. That's right. Oh, gosh. If you don't know, it was Jennifer Aniston. Yeah. And then today's questioner. You're not going to believe this is huge for me still. I can't I still can't believe this. Yeah. Well, get ready and believe it because it's true.

Our questioner is an actor, producer, filmmaker who stars as Monica. Monica Geller. In the TV show Friends. She also starred in the shows Dirt, Cougar Town, and Shining Veil. And the Scream franchise, lest we forget. She plays Gail Weathers in all the Scream movies, and I'm a huge Scream head. Well.

Well, Courtney Cox has a question for Handsome. Courtney Cox. And also, not just that, she also danced in the Bruce Springsteen. Oh my God, of course. That's pretty iconic. She's actually gotten a lot more into music lately. I know, I see on her Instagram. She taught herself to play piano and sings and has people... Because her...

The person she's heavily involved with is a musician. It seems like she has these like jam sessions with musicians. Do you think that we should? I really want to go. Oh yeah, the handsome band. Yeah, the handsome band should go. Not to be confused with the handsome band. This is a handsome band.

Wait, I love that. Let people get it confused. I think that'll be nice. On the Jennifer Aniston episode and this one, we've invited ourselves over to their house. Both episodes have been like, we should go. We should go over there. We should go to Jen's house for dinner. This is so fun.

This time we should go to Courtney's house for a jam session. Ooh, it could be like a progressive dinner. You know what I'm talking about? Progressive dinner? Have you ever heard of a progressive dinner? No. Progressive insurance? So it helps if you guys live near each other. So you go to one person's house for appetizers, one person's house for drinks, then appetizers, and then another person's house for dinner, and another person's house for dessert. Lisa Kudrow's house for dessert. We're doing it. Mm-hmm.

And it's not up to them. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to Kudrow's house for dessert. Kudrow. Kudrow. Maybe we go to Courtney's house for dessert because then the jam session happens after that. Yes, you're right. You're right. Where do we go for an after dinner drink and coffee after dessert? Reese Witherspoon?

Reese. Yeah, Reese, what is up? We are headed over. 1 a.m., we're rocking up to Reese's. We just end up at our friend Janice's house, and she's like, I went to Ralph's, and I got some cookies. I just saw a TMZ headline, a string of break-ins from the handsome pod as they... No, I see a headline that says, the handsome pod goes to Janice's house for coffee. What?

Oh, let's bring it back around. Let's go to Taylor's house. Taylor Tomlinson. Yeah. Taylor Tomlinson. So you can go Taylor Swift. I was like, okay, well, we should swing by Taylor Swift's house too. Yeah. We're just swinging for the stars here. Why don't we go spend the night at Taylor Swift's house and ask her what plane she'll be dreaming on? What astral plane? She's like my private one. Oh,

And then, you know, we're having breakfast with Ariana Grande. At what point? You're disappointed, Tig? That was a real turn. You weren't into that, huh? No, I'm good with Ariana Grande. She just doesn't know anything about Ariana Grande. I hate you.

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We still haven't heard Courtney's question. And we still don't know who Janice is, but let's hear Courtney's question. Hi, handsomes. Okay, here's my question. If there is a chance or a possibility to make a change that you think would make your life easier or better or less complicated, but in the process, you're hurting someone else, do you...

and go, nevermind, it's just not worth hurting someone. And you're not certain it's gonna make your life better, but you think it will. Or do you go, you know what? I come first and I'm not doing it to the other person that's gonna be hurt. I'm doing it for myself. Which is it? And I'm not talking life or death. I'm just talking ways to make your life simpler. But you're still hurting someone. I mean, if it was life or death, you'd just be a dumb ass if you didn't choose yourself. But...

That's my question. Whoa, I love that. Okay, I have a specific example, for instance, because I want to know if I've understood this question. So like, for instance, you decide that you really want more privacy. And so you want to build like a giant hedge that's super high, but it's going to block the view of your neighbors.

Like, would you do that? That's what came to mind. Is that kind of interesting? Is there a happy medium where the hedge doesn't have to be that high? I know. Or are you just being like piggish and you're like, it's going as high as I want. I want privacy. Quit looking. Peeking. You could spend your time in the backyard just yelling, quit peeking. Quit looking back here. Quit peeking. Quit peeking.

Yeah, do you like give up something for yourself in order to appease somebody else? It's really tough. I feel like we live in a culture where, well, right now, like in the zeitgeist, like self-care is big and like you got to put yourself first. And I think that's probably true in some ways. Like if you, like you got to put your oxygen mask on yourself first on the plane before you put on someone else.

But when does that straighten to selfishness? You know what I mean? Right. Because some people at some point get used to you doing certain things for them and take advantage of that. And at what point do you go, you know what, I'm not doing that anymore because that doesn't serve me. Yeah, I am a real people pleaser. There definitely have been creative projects even in the past that I've said yes to.

And then I'm like, I don't have the time to do this. And then it's... Is it the handsome podcast? Yeah, sorry, guys. It's the handsome podcast. Yeah, this is how May tells us.

I do it a lot because I'm always like worried about hurting people. I have this thing where I just don't want to bum anyone out or disappoint anyone. I've gotten better about it with age. I definitely was like way worse about it in my 30s. And...

Jax has helped because she's really strong with boundaries. Boundaries were tough for me. Yeah, like we've talked before about like, not in a dramatic way, but stepping back from relationships or friendships that are like hurting you. And that could hurt the other person, but it might ultimately be the best thing for you. Tig, you'd strike me as someone who's pretty black and white. Like if this isn't good for me, but not in a selfish way. You know what I mean? You seem like Jax, like you're very clear cut with boundaries. Yeah.

Yeah, I think I've gotten more so as I've gotten older. I was terrible, terrible with boundaries when I was, you know, younger. Yeah, yeah. And then I feel like if you are aware of it and you want it and there's a conscious...

Yeah, just a conscious awareness of like, I want to make this change. And you start moving in that direction with that idea, then you're going to start obviously making better decisions. And I feel like that's something that I made a conscious decision to do for myself. And I'm still making those decisions just last or two nights ago.

When Stephanie and I were getting ready for bed, I was telling her how there are

so many things that I agree to do just because I have open space in my calendar. But it's not necessarily things that I want to do. Yes, that's what I mean by the creative projects thing too. Just being like, yeah, I'll do that show or I'll do Yeah, yeah. Like, oh, I have I'm open from one to four today. I can throw that in there. Yeah. I think also having children and

Stephanie and that is I mean it's really cliche that I that's really where I would prefer to spend my time is at home with my roommates and and I often think about how and I don't know if this is tied to having trauma in my life and you know my mother like hitting her head dying that kind of thing but I I feel like

I try really hard to make decisions based on, of course, bad news is always horrible, but I want to make sure I'm doing what I want to be doing. Because if I get a call that some bad news call, I don't want to be doing something that is so stupid that I did just because I was asked to do it. And it took me from my life to,

And I could have been with my family. You know what I mean? Like, that's where my head goes. But I just think that comes with age, too. And I think that you have to approach each situation also individually. Because there are times where it is nice to do a favor for somebody, help somebody out. But I would say the majority of your time, you should be basing it on

what makes sense for me. And I really in recent times have started to feel like I don't want to run myself into the ground. I like that you're kind of aware of mortality and that that's kind of driving some of your decisions because I think that's a good way to do it with like case by case things. Like if you have a friend who's like,

I'm getting married and it's in this really annoying city far away at a really inconvenient time for you. But like, and you go, okay, on my deathbed, will I be sad? I didn't go to that person's wedding because it's, you know, it only happens once. Yeah. And then sometimes you end up going even though it's a real pain in the ass. And then I guess with relationships and family and stuff, sometimes you got to let people down because...

you're like run into the ground and you're like, if I don't sleep today or do this, then I'm just going to be a worse partner. You know what I mean? So like I got to skip this one thing so that I can be better tomorrow. And also like with career things, I've had stuff come up where reps of mine have been like, this is major. This could be massive down the road. This could be, and I had to really check in with myself and go, okay,

Okay, but the reality of the day-to-day of working on that and the crapshoot of who might be a part of it when it's not really a driving passion of mine. I'm going to have to say no. I think that too. Because I just...

I just can't. Yeah. I've had that too, where it's like, Oh, this would be like a high profile thing and a cool thing. I go, yeah, but doing that thing will be full of drama and full of chaos. I know based on who's involved and what's involved that that will be pleasant. Yeah.

And I don't want to live my life like that. It's interesting too with career stuff. I rarely regret the no's. And I do regret the yes's some. Listen, it's not like offers are flying in left and right for me. But that was what I was talking to Stephanie about a couple of nights ago is that I'm very proud of myself because it's a whole new version of myself

no, I have the time. I'm not going to do it. Yeah, I like that. I like that a lot. Sometimes, though, I kind of get a grim satisfaction by like putting myself and this like not martyrdom, but like I think people in my family have this quality to it being like, no, it's just a little old me again. I'll just and then it builds up until and then you and then you can go and then you can freak out. That's healthy, right?

But I've been reading a lot about it. Wait, what do you mean little old me? Like you go, oh no, of course, I'll take the garbage out again and do the thing. Oh, because someone's being a martyr. Yes. I think I have in the past had that quality of like doing stuff a lot and then it builds up and then finally you're like, I never take time for myself. You like weirdly have to train those people in your life. Yeah. That's where the boundaries come in because I was bad about that too being like,

well, they really need this help or that, you know, I got to do this for them because I felt bad. I was always feeling bad or guilty. Yes, me too. Guilt was a big part of my experience. Guilt is my main emotion. Yeah. And so I would, yeah, I kind of had to re-

tool in my brain and I'm still figuring it out where it's just like setting that boundary where it's like, I know I could do this thing, but I've done it a thousand times now. And I'm, I'm going to teach them that, that,

thing's not happening now. Yeah. And then they come to respect that boundary eventually. I used to just wake up feeling guilty. Like that was my main default thing. Like I should be somewhere, I should be doing something. And I think I've only just been like, oh no, I'm an adult with my own life and I'm making my own choices. But sometimes the pressure to have self-care seems exhausting because it's like,

okay, you got to meditate. You got to set your alarm 20 minutes early. You better take a fucking bubble bath. And you're like, okay, God. Get out those bath bombs. Maybe don't yell at yourself in your to-do list. Yeah, that's true. In capital letters. Yeah. Have you guys ever done an affirmation in the mirror? It always makes me laugh in movies. No. People look in the mirror and go, I am strong. I am capable. Like Stuart Small. No.

Stuart Smalley? Was that the SNL character? Smiley? Oh. You're smart enough and doggone it, people like you. Yeah.

I wish that Tig was like, yeah, I do that every morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? I do want to share that I think might be very controversial where I had a hard boundary. Yeah. And this is, it was very, very difficult for me to do this. A childhood friend of mine who was, I mean, one of the closest in my life, her stepfather was terminally ill.

And I'm sorry, I'm taking this to a very, but I just, I think this, I think about this a lot because my relationship with her changed after this and quite possibly it was this, but also who knows, I knew her family very well and was close to them, but we haven't been as close as, you know, in our forties and after. Yeah.

And they live in San Diego. And she had reached out saying, hey, you know, he's dying. And would you come see him and say hello? You know, because I really loved him and we got along well. And she said, I feel like you would brighten his day. And I was in the middle of my own personal life.

Yeah. It was going on like real bad stuff. Yeah. And, uh, and I didn't want to go into it with her because I hadn't really been in contact with her. You know, this is again, somebody I was very close to in my childhood and young adult years, but in my thirties, forties, you know, we, we definitely grew apart. And, um, I had to say to her, um,

I'm just not able to be there for you or your family right now. And I'm sorry, because she was wanting me to drive down to see him. Did she understand? She said she did. Yeah. But I don't know. And you still remember it. That's like, you know what I mean? Those things are really tough. And then... Well, I remember it because it was only...

Oh, five years ago. Okay. No, it was five years ago. But I was, I was having some stuff going on. Now that you're in a different place. Do you, what are your thoughts on your decision now? I'm okay with it because I know I was not capable of doing that at the time. I would have had to really put aside my,

my the intense stuff going on in my life to do that and I just I couldn't yeah I really couldn't yeah so I have to trust you know there's you have to take things for granted

face value sometimes that you did your best in the moment yeah and she said she understood and so i had to take that and hope that she meant that yeah but i do still have waves of like god i i wish i was in a better place i would i loved him yeah i love her family well that's what you could say if you ever feel like there's an unfinished thing there you could say hey by the way i i wish i'd been in a better place you know it's not saying like i wish i'd gone because you

You couldn't at the time. Yeah, it's not that I wish I'd gone. That's the thing. I couldn't. I couldn't possibly. And so...

I guess that's what it is now that I'm talking it through is I'm glad I took care of myself in that moment. But what I also could have done differently is I guess I could have maybe written to him or something because I did really love him. And so I'm glad I did what I did, but I guess I should share that

I wish I could have. - Yeah, you could communicate that to her. Oh man. - So that was a hard boundary. That was a hard, hard boundary. - That is a perfect example of what Courtney was asking of those times where you have to put yourself first because of whatever place you're at in your life.

Yeah, sorry to take it to a really intense place. I like it. But that is something that comes back for me where I go, God. But it never comes back like I should have gone. Right.

yeah just to lighten things up a bit would you eat someone if you oh did you that's a turn you know how at the um at the end of her question Courtney was like obviously in life and death you got to choose yourself so then I was thinking in one of those like plane crash in the Andes like oh sure sure yeah could you I loved that movie that is a movie I saw I saw alive I did and I was obsessed with it for wait is that the recent one

The original one? Oh, there was a new one about Andy's plane crash, I think. Oh, really? There's a new one called Society of the Snow. It's really good. Oh, shit. Okay. Because I saw Alive. Yeah. And man, oh man, was I obsessed with that movie. I'm obsessed with survival stories. Because you think, what would I do? And survivor cast members. I'm just going to peace out.

I'm going to just be like, guys, do we really want to... How long do we want to sit out here in the snow? Oh, you four should just like eat my ass. Eat my ass. I'm pretty meaty. Oh, look, I'm eating ass after one day out there, but not in the same way. That's my last words. I just want to let you guys know. Eat my ass. May has a totally different understanding of the term. I'm just going down on everyone.

And we're like, no, no. And what did Fortune say before she died? Eat my ass? Get out of there, May. I hope that makes it in the movie. Yeah, they finally rescue us. They're like, so how did you survive? And well, May was eating ass day one. And May starved to death. May starved to death, but we all came back.

It's like watching The Walking Dead. I'm like, what about this new life is appealing? Let's just call it a day. Oh, yeah. You're like, let's just give up. There's this survival story that I always think about where it was four kids and they were ages 1, 4, 5, and 13, I think. And they were in a plane crash in the Amazon jungle. They survived for 40 days.

Imagine that, the 13-year-old looking after the one-year-old and they survived and they were found after 40 days in the jungle. I'm sorry. It was just the two of them? Four kids. Four. One, four, and like nine and 13 or something. You're like yelling at the one-year-old, you're not carrying your own weight. Yeah, I know.

You should be potty trained by now. Somebody survived a crash in the Amazon because the seat that was ejected from the plane got stuck in the trees or something. Julianne Kopchak, I think her name was. Oh, I don't know. Mayfack. She was the sole survivor of a plane that was struck by lightning. She was stuck in a tree in her chair? Her whole seat flew out of the plane and she landed in...

in her seat in the jungle. Oh my God. Okay.

I would, as horrified as I'd be, I would also laugh. I would be like, oh my God. My life has been teeing up for this moment. I know, but then you're in that tree going like, what is down there? Oh my God. What do you mean, what is down there? In the freaking Amazon. You're going to have to survive snakes and spiders. Well, they're in the tree too. Nobody.

No, but at some point you're going to be on the ground. Right. But those snakes and critters are, they're not just like do-do-do, just walking by. I know, but the more of them are on the ground. They're like flying everywhere, biting everything, choking everything. There's a monkey trying to eat your ass. Yeah, there's a monkey, yeah, a monkey eating your ass. There's,

monkey picking ticks out of your hair. She had a broken collarbone and I think like a broken arm and she was by herself in the jungle, sole survivor, and she walked for like 12 days or nine days or something and she survived. You think she unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the tree? She unbuckled, clambered down, and then she ended up, she had to like wade through

the rivers and just eat my ass at this point. Just eat my ass. Just let the piranhas eat my ass at this point. Fortune unbuckles their seatbelt. Who wants to eat my ass? No.

Free us, Eden! It's all horrifying. But she eventually was found by these fishermen who thought that she was a demon because she looked so horrific that they were like, this is a monster. And anyway, they saved her. But the crazy thing is Werner Herzog, you know, the documentary guy?

Sure. He was supposed to be on that flight. Oh, really? Yeah, so he made a documentary about her where he got her to relive the journey. No! He took her to the jungle. I'm like, come on, leave her alone. That's where you eat my ass. Just eat it. Just eat it at this point. That's where you set a boundary. You're like, I know this is good for you. This is not good for me. Yes! The trauma of that. I know. I know this would be good for your movie, but...

She was 17. Yeah. And is that documentary called Just Eat My Ass? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Should we listen to what Courtney has to say? We should. This has really been a roaming app. I love it. We're full of beans. Hi, handsomes. Okay, here's my answer to the question I asked. I, sadly, freeze. I end up just ruminating and going, oh, well...

What if it doesn't really make my life easier? What if I'm making a mistake and then I've already hurt that person and I don't want to hurt them. And I just start second guessing and I end up not doing anything. I just get stuck. And that's not good. I think that's not a good answer, but it's the truth. Okay. Bye. I'm a little guilty of that as well. Like I used to like, um, right. Like long excuses and just like,

And then Jack's like, why are you doing that? Like, that's ridiculous. You don't want to do something. Just don't do it. And now I'm just like, don't write someone back every now and then. Like, if I'm really close to the person, I'll just be like, this is the deal. I can't do this. But if I don't know them well, because L.A. is full of people. Here comes a long excuse from Fortune if she doesn't know you well. Yeah. L.A. is just full of people who always are asking for things. Yes. People like us. I don't know. We don't know.

we are like people i don't people like don't ask courtney but like even even in the comedy they're relentless like my phone is full of people asking me every day all day to do favors yeah i mean same but do you find like whenever i do a long excuse i always then have to throw in at the end like oh but maybe maybe next month off time or maybe or like but hit me up so then you end up just

breaking promises again and again. So sometimes just not engaging is the best way. Well, I think actually the best thing to do in that situation. And I think the three of us and Thomas and all of our listeners can walk away, especially Courtney as well. We can walk away with a new lesson of just responding with just eat my ass. Yeah.

I knew that was going. Like any time, any time somebody asks anything, just write, just eat my ass. You know what? We have to let Courtney know that this is the new mantra. This is the new way. And if anything, it'll whittle down your friend group pretty quick.

Oh my gosh. What a dream to have just a few friends, but I'm too popular. But honestly, if it's a good friend who knows where you're at in your life and what you're going through,

Everyone knows that people go through hills and valleys and would hopefully respect where you're at if you do set some boundary. You know what I mean? I know. I've said this before maybe, but as I get older and living in this town with what we do and things are so busy, I really value the friends who are...

are like, yeah, well, you know, every, you'll, you might disappear for a couple of months and then we're right back where we left off and they get it and they're not, I have people who are just acquaintances who are being like, Hey, I'm really hurt that you blah, blah, that you didn't like, when did, when did I agree to be hanging out with you every week? Like, yeah, yeah.

The guilt trips. I can't handle the guilt trips. No, it just makes me shut down and freeze. The people that I remain the closest to as years go are the ones that are like, there's no having to feel bad that we haven't talked. We just pick up. We're good. They're doing their thing. I'm doing my thing. No one's making anyone feel bad. Yeah. Well, that's like I have a good friend that is late all the time. And I know that I have a couple of friends that are like really,

really late like egregiously late yeah all the time and you know it's those moments where you go

I enjoy this person and I'm going to let go of any of my frustration around that. And she came over the other day. She was supposed to be here at like three or something. Got here at like 3.30, 3.40. And she was like, sorry, I'm late. And I was like, I wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't expect anything else. I've never been mad at her for being late, but it's more of just like,

turning it into a lighthearted I mean all we were going to do was just hang out it's not like I had a yeah you know hot pie out of the oven ever waiting for her now it's you have to eat cold pie but you know what else you can eat

My ass. Followed by Pepto-Bismol. Yeah, I agree. You meet people where they're at. And then they, I think people really appreciate that. And then it means, you know, they don't end up just continually breaking promises because when they feel guilty, they over promise. I'm talking about myself. When I feel guilty, I'm like, yes, but I'll actually help you move house tomorrow, even though you're not moving. Yeah.

I'm moving all your belongings. I say give your friends grace and then if there are other friends who are just constantly disappointing you, evaluate that too and...

you eventually probably will move out of that space with that friend. And yeah. Oh, and I have a friend that cancels all the time. Yeah. And I used to get frustrated. Yeah. And now I just have a backup plan in the event that she does cancel. And when she does cancel, I'm like, yeah, no sweat. You know, when people cancel, I'm like, Oh, I got free three hours. I love it. Yeah.

I'm also not like advocating for always canceling or always being late or I'm not, you know, it's like ideal if that stuff isn't going on, but, um, but we do the best to show up for people when we can and they show up for us when they can. And that's the best you can do. As my grandma's, my grandma's best friend used to say, the best is all you can do when you can't do any better. Yeah.

yeah i like that there was also a guy in jail once who said i wasn't in jail but i went to a field trip and he said wherever you go there you are oh yeah i like that that is let me write that down when i told you guys that before yeah making sure you remember that you're writing it down tag yeah i'm writing that down the best is all you can do when you can't do any better and no no the other one there you are okay wherever you go

You know what my grandma's friend said? You. What? Eat my ass. Oh, that's good. Hold on. Write that down, Tig. Okay. My grandmother used to say, where are my teeth? Actually, genuinely, my grandmother's friend used to tell me I had tapeworms all the time because I'd always go, oh, I'm starving. And she'd go, you have tapeworms, darling. I was like, no, I think I'm just hungry. Tapeworms. Look for them in your diarrhea, dear. Ha!

Lovely seeing you. Are you looking through your dookie? Fortune! Oh my God. You really pushed it there.

All right. Oh my God. My nose is going to start making noises. Well, what a podcast. What a stellar podcast. This has been one of my faves for a while. I loved this one. And if you were watching YouTube and you like this pretty little lady sweatshirt, we have a bunch of merch just like it. Go check it out. Handsomepod.com. Yeah, we got some little cowboy hats. Oh, May posted a picture of a very handsome listener wearing a little cowboy hat. I was like, these hats look amazing.

Like, amazing. I'm going to be at Dynasty Typewriter April 19th, and then I am going to be at Largo on April 28th. Come down, watch me work through the new material. Just working it through. And also make sure to check out my new special on Amazon called Hello Again. My wife Stephanie directed it, and yeah, that's on Amazon. Hello Again.

I'm on the last leg of my stand-up tour this Thursday night, April 4th, Bakersfield, California at the Fox Theater. Let me see you handsomes out there in Bakersfield. April 6th, if you live in Rancho Mirage, California or Palm Springs, I'm going to be at the Agua Caliente Casino in Rancho Mirage. April 7th, Brea, California.

We have added a last minute show at the Bray Improv April 12th and 13th in Seattle, Washington. I'm filming my comedy special there. So I would love to have you handsomes come be a part of that. May 11th in Los Angeles at the Netflix is a Joke Festival. A really cool show at the YouTube theater with Matea Lane and Chelsea Handler. May 18th, my Canadians, Toronto, Ontario. I'll be at Massey Hall. You might see a familiar face. So go to fortunefeimster.com for those tickets.

I am always at Largo. So check out my Instagram or the Largo website. And also for the Netflix is a joke fest at the beginning of May, I'm doing a bunch of shows. I'm doing a May Martin and Brett Goldstein make love to one another live on stage. I think we're doing three nights and we're adding extra nights. So check out the Netflix is a joke website. And also, as always, check out SAP on Netflix, my special. And also the sitcom Feel Good with Lisa.

Lisa Kudrow and Charlotte Ritchie. Share an episode. Share your favorite episode and for sure click subscribe. Don't just download an episode. Click subscribe. Look at Fortune interpreting what I'm saying right now. What I'm trying to explain is that we need you to subscribe to the show if you want us to continue to do this. Yeah, and go to our YouTube page. You can see all of the funny faces that we've made. And lastly...

Please keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast!