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Welcome to another episode of the Handsome Pod. It's Fortune Famester, and I'm joined by... Deme Martin. Tig Notaro. I fucked it up.
Oh, you didn't. I like that we consistently, like we don't decide what order we're going to do. It's a big adrenaline jolt right at the start for me. Yeah, we just kind of jump in. It's like life, guys. It's like one of those improv workshop warm-ups where you're trying to count to 10 without speaking at the same time as anyone. You know what I mean? I've never done improv. Oh, yeah. Right, right. You never did improv? No.
-No. -I just did a guest spot on an improv show at the Groundlings last week. It was my first time there in two years. -Was it fun? -It is fun. It's just a whole different thing. You have to let yourself be silly again and not judge. -Where would you rank
stand-up improv sketch acting writing all that kind of stuff in in your careers in terms of like enjoyment yeah what do you what are you drawn to most may oh man that's really hard i kind of rediscovered stand-up or sorry improv after um feel good came out because i felt like
then people were coming to see me when they wanted like really dark personal standup. And I just wanted to be dumb and silly. And I loved just like playing with my friends and doing dumb voices and playing like an old lady or like, yeah, yeah. So I've fallen back in love with it. So at the moment I'm like, Oh,
I don't know, man, but then I'm never going to stop doing stand-up. It's the best. So that's my answer is, I don't know. You've been doing a lot of shows in LA. They're just improv, right? A lot of the ones you've been doing lately? I do a lot of improvised stand-up with a bucket of questions from the audience. And I really love doing that. The shows you do with Stephanie...
Are those stand-up or improv or both? No, those are just improv. Me, Stephanie, and Alana. Man, those two are so funny. And we have such different energies. It is super fun. Yeah, that's like the funnest. Yeah, I've seen that. Yeah, we'll do like an hour-long show and it gets really melodramatic and kind of emotionally cathartic. And Stephanie's just such a good actor that there's something so funny about when she's just really grounded in a scene. And you're like,
I'm just acting with a really brilliant actor who's playing like a therapist or like, you know, it's just so funny when she really commits to just being like very where you're like, well, my leg fell off in a sewer. And she's like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Like she just is playing the truth of the reaction. Yeah.
Yeah, she's funny. She's good. I live with her. Stephanie was right behind me in the Groundlings program, and I would love going to see her shows because she was always so funny.
unique when you said stephanie was right behind me in the groundlings i just pictured her just following you around like standing right behind you she was in the program the the group right behind after mine and she did a thing at the mall the sketch take uh took place at a chico's and it was a fashion show for chico's that made me laugh so hard everyone's in these like culottes and
Blouses. What's a culotte? It's like a pant that has big flowy legs. Okay. That women wear in the summer when they don't want to wear shorts. Oh, nice. She was like the person narrating the fashion show. It was just so funny. Okay.
Oh, comedy's fun, you guys. You guys. Not always, but sometimes. Well, I started in improv. That was my way into stand-up. Stand-up seemed too scary to just start there. So I took classes at the Groundlings to learn improv, and that's what helped me
get like I had stage fright back then and that helped me get rid of it learning improv and did you move to LA fortune to be an actor or a stand-up or no I didn't really know what I wanted to do I got you just knew you were a star yeah I didn't know that for sure you just knew you were one of God's favorite children yes the chosen one I had never done stand-up I had never done improv when I moved to LA
I had done acting and theater at college, but it wasn't the best. Again, I had that stage fright. We also weren't doing comedies, so it was dramatic stuff and Shakespeare. What was your vision in your head when you were moving to LA? I got a job doing PA type stuff. I moved for just the life experience. I was like, oh, I don't really want to go to grad school yet and
I've never been to LA and I got this job opportunity. I was like, why not? Let's just have a life thing and then I can be a grown up later. So I moved not really knowing what I was doing. And then when I was here, I had a hard time making friends. What? Yeah. I can't imagine. You're the most like rude. You are the rudest, coldest person.
I was shy though. Really? I was in a shy phase because I had just moved from Spain. I was living in Spain for a year. Right. And I found when I was living in Spain, I became kind of more introverted. I'm already kind of an extroverted introvert. And that Spain made me really introverted and it seeped into my first year in LA. I was pretty shy. Right. So it wasn't like
the bubbly chatty i was just kind of like hey guys you were the shy pa yeah the shy pa is a pretty good character anybody want to hang out hi i'm sorry do you want to they're like why haven't you asked me if i want a coffee and you're like i was going to i just didn't know how to um ask do you want one yeah i'm not shy speak up
Oh, hi, I'm the shy production assistant, sir. I wasn't even out yet. I didn't even know I was gay when I moved to LA. Everyone else did. They sure did. The shy closeted PA is my favorite new sitcom. I'm like, yeah, any single guys are like, who is this person?
Wait, were you really inquiring about single guys? I wasn't inquiring, but I was like, oh yeah, I'm single. I'm not the right guy.
I just haven't met the right guy yet. That's what... I used to do a joke about that when people were like, oh, yeah, you just haven't found the right guy yet. I was like, you're right. And until then, I'll just keep... I'm going to do this gay thing. Yeah, I'm just going to keep gaying it up until the right guy comes along. Well, obviously, in hindsight, I look back and go, oh, my God, like...
Are you kidding me? I was so gay. I'm single. I'm single and shy. I mean, since I was like a kid. Do you know any shy guys? Are there any like really sensitive guys that like to talk about their feelings? Because I'd be really into that. It's fine if they're gay. Okay.
So I was single, clearly. Single and no friends. Were you tempted to try New York ever, you two? Or was LA always the... I didn't plan to move to LA. My childhood best friends. We grew up together. We moved around just based on where they were going to college or grad school and all of that. You tagged along? Yeah, I was just tagging along. And then we were in Colorado and...
My friend finished getting her master's and the two of them wanted to move to L.A. to get into TV and film. And I was like, well, I guess I'll come just not because I wanted to be in TV or film or stand up or anything. I was just like, well, I couldn't possibly imagine my life without them. So we moved out to L.A. and I slept on their couch and.
Got a place. But I saw in the paper that you could do stand up at like coffee shops and laundromats and everywhere in L.A. So I started doing stand up and then I accidentally landed here. Remember when you could find stuff in the paper? Like I found I used to find all my apartments and jobs in the newspaper. Like in Toronto, the weekly Now magazine. Yeah, you go to the back and it would be like looking for a roommate.
or um you know call center job or whatever those are those are the days oh my god was popular when i first moved to la that's how i did start making friends eventually was i went on craigslist stop well i joined the growlings the improv started making friends there and then i joined like a ultimate frisbee team and a
soccer team. Oh my gosh. I went to an African drumming. Well, like any good straight shy girl would do. I know. I also went to African drumming classes. Seriously? Oh my gosh, fortune. Casting a wide net to make friends. Oh my gosh. You were doing that solely to make friends? Solely to make friends. And who is your lasting friend from your African drumming class, from your... She just texted me last week, Monica. She's having her birthday party soon, but...
Yeah, I went from like, because I remember it was 2005. I had been in L.A. for a year and a half, and it was Christmas time, and I called my mom. I'm like, I'm so sad. I don't have any friends. L.A. is so hard. Nobody's nice. Nobody talks to each other. I don't know what to do. And she goes, do you want to come home and move in with me? I go, no. And she said, then she goes, then you need to stop.
Start trying to make friends. You need to put yourself out there. How old were you? I would have been 25. Okay. She was like, you know, of course, she's like, go to church. I'm like, no, next. She's like, okay, do this, do that. When I moved to England, I weirdly...
a slow time making friends in England but I moved there with my girlfriend so we had each other but I had this day job in like a call center and I weirdly did go to a church group to meet people I was just interested it was like a I could go on my lunch break at work it was right around the corner and I went once a week because I really like the stories and the mythology and stuff and I thought maybe this is what I'm missing I would go and you get a ham sandwich and you
talk about St. Paul and his letters to the Ephesians or whatever. And I was very quickly, I was like, Oh no, this is bad. Cause they were like, they weren't into me and they were not into gay people. And I was like, damn, cause I kind of was hoping I'd find this like, I was really into y'all stories, but I guess I'll leave. Yeah. I was loving these stories. Loved your ham sandwiches, man. Yeah. Yeah. I guess I'll go date girls now. Yeah.
I was just trying to be proactive and I thought maybe I'd find some spirituality I was lacking. Well, people do meet each other at those churches. You know, you just have to both your life...
views and morals have to line up for that to be your people, you know? I should have found like a Unitarian, like kind of, you know, something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I ended up going from, my mom was just like, if you want to be there and you want to, if you don't want to come home, then you have to start being the one trying. Yeah.
And I ended up, that's when I went to Craigslist, found all those different sports, African drumming, all these things. So in 2005, I went from also being in the closet and having no friends to now I realize I'm gay.
I've joined all these groups, all these sports teams. By summertime, I have so many friends and I'm throwing barbecues in my backyard. I'm introducing people to each other. Wow. I have like all the friends and I'm now like the social guru for the next like eight years. Oh,
Oh my God. And like people met their now spouse at my barbecues. I'd have these big barbecues every year and I would have friends perform and we'd raise money for charity things. And, um, and like people were like, I met so many friends at your barbecues. And, um, and that's also the year I started standup. All these things happen. Wow. Cause I put myself out there. I remember when I first moved to LA, I called my mother and I was, I told her,
I was so scared about an earthquake hit it. You know, I just, I'd only seen them in movies and TV shows and it seemed like, it was my impression that an earthquake meant that
the city, the building, everything would be rattling for like 30 minutes. I didn't think it was quick. And I remember when I called my mother concerned about earthquakes, she said, oh, well, sweetie, why don't you move home? And I was like almost 30 years old. I mean, I was like maybe 26, 27. I was like, I can't move home because I'm scared of an earthquake. Yeah.
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I'm still a little scared of earthquakes. Oh, yeah, they're scary. Yeah. But luckily, they don't last 30 minutes. Right. I felt one. It was like a year ago or so and I just got dumped and I was so sad. And then and then the like the night after I got dumped, the earthquake, it was the first time I'd ever been awake and felt one. And it was like, man, there's nothing lonelier than being alone in an earthquake. Like just like awake in bed and like, well, yeah.
No one to look out for? No one to reach for. And you're just like, I guess the earth is about to swallow me whole. And God love it. I feel the earth move under my feet. Our son Finn came into our room when he was like...
three maybe in the middle of the night. And right when he got in our bed, an earthquake hit and it like really rattled and like moved the house. He was so confused and scared. And after that happened, anybody he came across, he was like,
wanting to talk about earthquakes and how it's gonna be okay. And you don't have to be scared. No! Yeah, and he was processing it through nurturing other people that weren't even concerned or asking about it. And this went on for a good year. Oh my God. It was the saddest, cutest thing to see him trying to work that out. But it didn't go away quickly for him. Yeah.
He's like, I'm never getting in that bed again. Yeah, exactly. That's so funny, though. I love when kids are working stuff out via thinking that they're helping other people, but it's so obvious that this child who I live with struggles with losing at board games. Yeah, finds that really upsetting. And so I was like, oh, this is a good idea. I'm going to pretend...
So I was like, oh man, sometimes if I lose a board game, I just flip out. Like I get so mad. And we were playing this board game. I was like, guys, if I lose, like I might like cause some real shit here. Like I'm going to freak out. She was like...
Yeah. And she was like, no, you know, but then she's like soothing me and she's like, you know, sometimes you lose and it's like helping her because she's like, you can't win all the time. And then, and then I, she kind of wants to see me lose now. So I, I lose and I'm like, Oh my God. And then I like throw up, destroy the house. Yeah. I go outside. I'm like, I got to cool down. I got to go outside. And she's like, okay, you got to take a deep breath. And then we're playing a,
and then I'm slowly realizing like she, there's a point at which she just thinks I'm a psychopath. Like I got it, you know, yeah, I'm teaching her, but I don't want her to think I'm actually real angry. This is related, but unrelated, but who cares? Um, last night, uh,
Max and Finn had these little ice cream pops and Finn had his first and then Max came downstairs and Finn is so aware of these ice cream pops. They love them. He loves them in particular. He loves them so much. And so if we have friends coming over, he's always like,
Maybe we should buy a few boxes of those ice creams. And so he's like really, he's really on it, you know? So last night he finishes his ice cream. Time goes by. Then Max comes down and Finn is like, Max, do you want your ice cream? And Max is like, yeah, sure. And he goes, okay, Max, do you want me to get it for you?
And so he's assisting in the whole process because he wants to be close to that ice cream. He wants it, but he knows he can't have it. So he gets ice cream out of the freezer for Max. And then he's like, Max, do you want a little bowl to put your ice cream in when you're not eating it?
And Max is just like, sure. Just like going along. But Finn is just like, here you go, Max. And he's putting it on the counter and like, you know, pulls the chair out for Max to sit down. And he's just sitting. He's like, what? What that translates to is just like, I want that ice cream so desperately. Yeah.
Oh my God. It was so cute. I could hardly deal with it. Is there a world in which he ever gets to, or that's a big, no, no, he they've gotten to, and it's mainly when they've helped themselves to the second one. And, and then they act like, Oh, I didn't know. I couldn't just keep eating endless ice cream cones.
Me? Yeah. And then it's like, and they're like, good. Do I just finish it or do you want it, Mare? And it's like, no, you can have it, but you can't just eat ice cream until bedtime. That sounds like me. What? I didn't know. Okay. Nobody told me. I didn't know that we shouldn't do that. I didn't know there was a limit. Except I'm a grown woman and this is my wife that I'm having this conversation with. Oh.
Oh, my bad. I mean, it was just there. I was like, okay. We had one of those boxes of chocolates that have different flavors all in it. And I had set it aside because it wasn't vegan to give to somebody else. And when I decided, oh, all right, that box of chocolates, I'll bring that, give that to this person, whatever. And I open it.
No joke. There was a nibble out of every chocolate in there. And one or both of our roommates had gone in there and tasted all of the chocolates.
But what self-restraint to not eat the whole thing, like just to take a little nibble? But I think it was because it's not vegan. It probably tasted weird to them. Oh, that's interesting. That's so funny. Well, should we get into our question? We should. I'm excited about this because we've wanted to get them on. Well, we did record. We recorded like an hour and a half long. Great episode. Great. It actually was really good.
I know. It was like an interview episode. It was when we were testing our podcast and what it would be. Trying to figure out what it is. Yeah, like the format. We had like a guest in person and Brett was like one of us.
Yeah. And then we were like, we're just going to get people to do questions. So I'm glad that we finally have got him on. A lot of people have asked for him on the socials. So today we have Brett Goldstein. He's an actor, a writer, a comedian, best known for playing Roy Kent on Ted Lasso. He's won two Emmys for that role, which is insane. Two Emmys. He also co-created the show Shrinking. And you can listen to his podcast films to be buried with it.
It's the most handsome comedian around, Brett Goldstein. Nice. Hi, handsomes. This is Brett Goldstein. Big fan. Huge fan. My question for you all is, do you have a recurring dream or nightmare that you've perhaps had all your life? I'd like to hear from all three of you, please, in a specific order. Tig first, then Mavis, then Fortune.
I like how Brett says our names. That's the first guest who's requested a specific order. Yeah. Yeah, I like it. But I feel a little on the spot here, especially since I don't really remember my dreams. Really? No. Well, think about it for a second. I do want to say about Brett...
I have a lot to say about Brett. He's just the dreamiest. He really is. I know I'm a big old les. We all know this about me. Yeah. My wife's a big old les. My wife's been out since she was 15. We're both gold stars. Yeah. That means we've never had the pain.
I know where this is going, but Brett, is your... I mean, my wife saw him last night. We went to this thing and he was there. And she giggled like a schoolgirl. My wife does not... There's no man in the world that can make my wife giggle. And she was like...
That's so funny. And then she, she realized she did it. She goes, Oh my God, he just made me giggle. I go, I know. You're like, yeah, I know. How do you think I feel, honey?
I thought it was very confusing to me too. But I see he has that effect on everyone. Even like giant celebrities. I see them meet him and like they are giggling. He's got this thing. I know he really does. But it's so funny like
I think he had to come to America for that to really explode. Like he was successful in England and I've known him for so long. I'm just from the standup circuit. And we lived together one summer at the Edinburgh fringe and stuff. And he was always like amazing and so charming and something he, he has morphed into a true heartthrob. I don't know. The British folks didn't appreciate it quite like the Americans do. They do now. And they did, but I don't know. He's,
I think he really tapped into something with that character, Roy Kent. I think he really lit people's ponties on fire with that. He really lit the ponties on fire for sure. Well, I think Americans, they love an accent, you know. He's bringing it. And he's got that combination of masculinity and vulnerability. Yes. Like catnip. He's like such a dude, but then he's like, Fortune, how are you feeling? You know, he'll have this deep...
conversation where he was looking you in the eyes and he's like that's great who's been your favorite person tonight that you've talked to yeah i mean i also think the bar is in this at some of those parties those like hollywood parties the bar is so low for just like people actually being engaged and looking in the eye and saying something and just like so i think a lot of the brits stand out for that reason because they're like
they actually want to chat you know oh was that a british thing because yeah the la thing is you're talking to someone and they're looking over your shoulder yeah who else is in the room i hate that yeah they're like oh there's thomas willett that's right yeah there he is
We, Brett and I, a video of me and Brett kissing on stage went on, someone posted on Twitter or something and it's the most watched thing of anything I've ever done in my whole career. Like the most, it got the more attention than anything I've ever done and people were like, is that Simon Cowell and Ellen DeGeneres? Well,
We all did a show together and you named it. What was it called? Yeah, that we make love to one another live on stage. We do a lot of making out. We do a lot of, yeah. Well, so y'all named it that kind of as a joke, right? But then people came really wanting y'all to make out. Yeah, the event, we arrived to do it and the venue was like, do you guys need a tarp on stage or something? We were like, what do you think this is? Do you need a bed? Yeah. You're going to have a sex show? Yeah.
Yeah. You guys probably need a tarp, right? We did make out for real once in our lives. Oh, really? How did that go? We were at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and we were like, we were both single. I think we went into the month, we were sharing an apartment and at the beginning of the month, we were like,
hey man both of us were like you know we're probably going to be out a lot we're probably going to bring home a lot of babes like this is going to be a really fun month we could not get laid the whole month and every night we'd go out and being like i think i got a vibe with this person and for some reason we couldn't get we couldn't even kiss anyone we were striking out left right and center and we were like what is wrong are we repulsive like what's happening and
And then right near the end of the month, we went to a party and I think I had instigated spin the bottle at the party and class. We were like, tonight's the night. We're going to hook up with people. Again, ended up walking home, just the two of us. The sun's coming up. And we were like, I mean, yeah, exactly. And then I think I did a smooth move, which is I got a...
I got like a glass bottle from a recycling bin. We were walking by and I spun it on the ground. I was like, should we just play spin the bottle? And then we made out for a bit and then it was, and then we were both like, all right, well anyway, good night. It didn't have the magic that the friendship has.
The friendship is too magic. It's too magical, yeah. Sometimes you just don't have that smoochy smooch with your friends. Like you tried it and it was like, eh. I love kissing him. But yeah, he's just the best, kindest friend. Well, I have remembered a dream that I've had a few times. Oh, great. See, all we had to do was...
It's not a nightmare. Did he say nightmare? Yeah, dream or nightmare. Okay. Well, I've had a dream probably, I don't know, two or three times in my life where I realize I'm in someone's house. I know them and I'm in their house. And I'm like, whoa. Okay.
Why am I in Fortune's kitchen? You know what I mean? Where I don't understand how I ended up in that room of somebody's house. Wait, that's it? Yeah. Sorry. Oh my god, Tig. What? What? I guess as someone who doesn't regularly remember their dreams, you're like, oh yeah, I got one. But that's like, I think to the average person, that's like the first 1% of a dream. You know, like...
Well, I'm lucky I got even that. I mean, because I just wake up going, well, I guess I was just unconscious and now I'll just get this new day started. You know, I'm kind of like that, too, though. Seriously? Yeah. I don't have I don't have a lot of vivid dreams that I remember. Oh, my God.
I'm just tossing and turning, talking in my sleep, dreaming. I think my subconscious is more unhealthy than yours, guys. What does it mean if someone has a lot of dreams? Are we all having dreams that some of us remember and some of us don't? Well, it depends on if you get to that realm, right? Because some of them you don't.
dream right of like rem because you know i have this i have this app called sleep talk that records it records your whole night and it's activated by sound so it records if you're talking in your sleep and mainly it's farts let's be honest but then there's so you have a chatty bottom it's like i have a and wait what does parvati think about your chatty bottom
No, I'm not really farting a lot in my sleep. I like a chatty bottom. It sounds like maybe you have a chatty bottom. Does anyone out there listening have a chatty bottom? If so, let us know here at the Handsome Pod. Honk, honk.
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conflict averse person in my life I never raise my voice really very rarely and in my sleep I am like fuck you I am angry it's so crazy and I wanted to find get all that aggression out in your dreams yes it's life telling you to speak up let it out may so then in the app it saves all the recordings let's hear your chatty bottom go on
let's hear that chatty bottom hang on who's got that chatty bottom may's got that chatty bottom i said who's got that chatty bottom may's got that chatty bottom chatty bottom yeah okay and then behind may is
Isn't that the Charlie Brown? This is one that is funny because I sound so lucid. And what I'm saying is this is a rat. And I'm saying it, it sounds like I'm in Game of Thrones or something. In the mafia. Wait.
I don't know what that was actually. That was sexy time. Yeah, that sounded very intimate. Put your hand here. No, put it here. Is that what that was? Okay, I don't... Put your hand right here. I don't know what that was. Put your hand on my chatty bottom. No, that's not... Can you plug my chatty bottom? No. I want you to plug it. Plug my chatty bottom. Of course. Just get a finger and put it in my chatty bottom. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
yeah what was that put your hand right here okay okay this is that is my chatty bottom here's this is a rat this is a rat that wasn't your sound i'm asleep and i sound like judy dench can you play that one more time yeah okay ready can you make that a song
Do you think I should remix it? Yes, of course. Okay. This is a rat. It's insane. It's insane. I hope that there is somebody on the other side of that going, what is this? And they're just pointing at a rodent. This is a rat. And you are so like, it sounds like you're fully awake and you're enunciating. This is a rat.
Okay, this is years ago. I'm in England. I was dating someone at the time and she's you can hear her. She's in bed with me. And this is what she wakes up to. Okay, ready? Imagine this fucking hypocrite. But I'm asleep. Yes. And I sound strangled. I'm fully asleep. I swear I'm gonna play for you again.
Fucking hypocrite. Like what? That sounds like a scene from a movie. It's so abusive. So then she goes, what? And then I go, I won't break up with you.
I'm really laughing. I want to break up with you and you're laughing. I might break up with you and you're laughing. So she's trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. And then we get to the bottom of what's going on. So in this next clip, you can hear her poor little scared voice. And she's like, Mae, stop it. You're scaring me. You're scaring me. And it's not funny. And I'm completely asleep. And I'm like, I'm awake.
I love that you record all these. Well, that's the app. Get that app, Fortune. Okay. Okay. I'm sorry, honey. I'm really pissed. Well, stop it because you're talking and it's scaring me.
it's so scary did you okay then i say why i'm mad okay then this is the big reveal of why i've been going you fucking hypocrite i'm gonna break up with you the reveal is coming up she doesn't know what a rat is yeah right i don't know okay so this is the big reveal yeah it's so scary did you fuck her as well
Did you fuck Harry Stile? With no S. I thought you said, did you fuck her still? No, did you fuck Harry Stile? And I love her reaction, my girlfriend at the time. Did you fuck Harry Stile? You want to wake up? Come on. Don't piss off. Wow. Okay, but here's my concern.
I have a few. How old is your mattress? It did go... It's like a cartoon. Like just talking, it's squeaking...
Like Willy Wonka's grandparents bed. Sounds like you were in a Charles Dickens novel. Yeah, I was completely picturing Willy Wonka's grandparents, all four of them lying in that old bed, head to toe. Look, it's an Ikea bed frame. I built it very badly. You're scaring me. And do you think she brought Harry Style back to that squeaky bed? Did you fuck Harry Style? Like, I'm so abusive and scary and...
Your voice is very like, yeah, like you're in the mafia. It's like real emotion, right? Yeah. It felt like a scene from your show Feel Good. Really? Mm-hmm. Because of the British accent? May, stop.
You're scaring me. And that accent is sexy. It's a sexy accent. Oh, just in my day-to-day life, I'm not a jealous person. I'm not accusatory. In my subconscious, I'm like, you better not fucking look at anyone. Like, it's crazy. I think at some point we've all been concerned. Did our partner sleep with Harry Styles?
The only happy sleep talk recording I have, because they're all kind of upsetting. And then the only really cheerful one I have is there's one a couple of years ago, one night I go, oh boy, I got a puppy. And I say it like that. Oh boy, I got a puppy. Oh boy. Wow, that's cool. Yeah, I didn't even know about this app before.
No. So you don't remember your dreams either, Fortune? No, not really. I have this one dream I remember when I was a kid of a witch, kind of like the Wizard of Oz, coming over the banister, and that scared me for years. Over the banister? Yeah, like the green witch, very giant witch, came. It was at my grandmother's house. She had this wraparound staircase.
And the witch like came over the staircase and with the big scary green, I'd probably just watch the Wizard of Oz or something. I would bet that's true. But in general, yeah. I mean, like last night I had a dream where it's like I couldn't find my car. So sometimes I'll have like stressful dreams where I wake up going, I'm so stressed about whatever I was like. I can consciously when I wake up be like, thank God I woke up.
I was so stressed that I couldn't figure out whatever was happening in that dream. It's so crazy when you have... I had a dream once that I kissed Rikki Lindholm. Oh, really? Who's Rikki Lindholm? She's an actress, writer, director. She's part of Garfunkel and Oates. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the blonde. She's an old friend, and I have never looked at her that way. And I had a dream that we macked dead.
And then when I saw her again, I was like, Ricky, oh my gosh, I had this insane dream where we were kissing. Oh my God. Yeah, I think there was probably a week where I thought I was kind of attracted to Ricky because of that kiss.
kiss in my dream it was so crazy i haven't had many dreams like that about somebody and it was so ricky felt so random to me i wonder yeah what she represents to your subconscious or something that's so funny it's so funny to me how your brain it's like you're sitting in
side stage as a director and you're like, okay, now bring on the elephant with the wig, okay? And now take make out with Ricky. It's like a director that is out of their mind. Nothing makes sense. And you're just like, oh, okay, Ricky Lindholm. Okay, sure, I'll kiss her. I had a dream about Eminem once, like Marshall Mathers, where it was a full love story where like, when I woke up, I felt like I
I understood him. I connected to him. I felt so much loyalty to Eminem. And guys, I get him. Yeah, it felt so real. But my dad used to have... He is good at lucid dreaming. And in his childhood and into his teens, if he was having a nightmare...
He knew that if he could just find a bowl of tomato soup in the dream, like he'd go, oh, fuck, I'm in a nightmare right now. I got to look for the bowl of tomato soup. And he'd find it like behind a couch or under a table. And if he could just take a sip of it, then the whole dream would be flooded by warm tomato soup and he'd wake up. Oh, that's interesting. That is wild. I've never heard of that. Yeah. My wife has had dreams where in her dream, I did something wrong.
That she didn't care for. Or like kissed a girl or something and she would wake up upset with me. And I'd be like, what's going on? I've had that where that is a recurring dream where Stephanie breaks up with me. Now the truth comes out. There's a lot of dreaming. We got Ricky. We got...
Yeah, I woke up a few days devastated and upset with Stephanie. And they're just like, I didn't do anything. I was over here snoring. You're like, I did not care for the way you broke up with me. The thing that I have done that has stood out the most to me was...
Clearly there was some sort of dream happening. I talk about it in my standup special sweet and salty, but I had done that whole 30 thing where you cut out all this stuff and you only eat whole foods, you know, and I had eliminated sugar and dairy and gluten and everything. And I stayed off of that stuff for a couple months. And then when I,
I had a show in Toronto and I came and everyone was like, you have to eat this chicken sandwich. And I don't know why I decided to break my whole foods thing. And I ate it. And that night, I guess I had like crazy dreams and I've never had this happen before, but I woke up and I had my hands on Jack's like kind of towards her chest and
You were going to kill her? I don't know. Or eat her. Oh, my God. Yeah, eat her like a sandwich. And she goes, what are you doing? I go, what? What? And I'm like, and I'm like coming to. And she's like, oh, my God. I go, oh, my God. And I go, what was that? She goes, I don't know. And we're both looking at each other like, what the F? And I go, it's the gluten. It's the gluten.
Can you imagine that in a trial? Your Honor, it was the gluten. Yeah. It was the craziest thing I've ever experienced. I think something was happening in my dream. I was like trying to protect myself and didn't realize I had like lunged at Jax. Oh my God. And it wasn't, thank God it wasn't like a real, like it was just kind of my hands were in her vicinity. Yeah.
were like oh my god did were you sent to the guest room for the next month i mean she definitely was like what the f and i go i don't know i i don't i don't it has never happened since nothing it's not like i'm not like a sleep talker a walker yeah yeah choker or any of it you're not a sleep choker but it was um i really do think the gluten the gluten got me
Wow. If you're listening to this, and also you guys, there's a video on YouTube, just search mom sleepwalking. And it's this kid in his 20s. And he's filmed his mom sleepwalking. And she's
Being hilarious. She's like the tomato cage is open or something like that. And then he shows her then there's a video of he's showing her that video. And she has no idea she's been filmed. She's like, what are we about to watch? He's like, just watch, just watch. And then you watch her react to seeing herself.
in the kitchen fully doing these weird movements and it is so funny she goes oh that's not that's not right that's not right it's crazy you gotta watch it i also find it fascinating when people do like all that like online shopping and stuff on ambien and then they have yeah i have friends that have like been on ambien and they ordered like a ton of stuff from amazon and
And all these packages showed up a couple days later and they're like, what is this? It's wild when your body can just function like that and move about the world and do things and you're not, there's nobody at home. What if I had done this whole, like every episode of our podcast, I'd just been on Ambien the whole time. Like I didn't even know I was doing the handsome pod. You're like, wait, I'm on the handsome pod? Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, obviously, Mike Birbiglia, our previous guest, he very famously jumped out of a window. What? Yeah, you don't know about that? No. He's a sleepwalker. He jumped out of a second story window. Oh, fuck. And to this day, he has to be...
zipped up in this like sleeping bag with mittens on so he like can't get himself out of that oh my god i mean i can't imagine yeah he did a show about it in a movie about it called sleepwalk with me okay i'm gonna watch that that's crazy yeah yeah i bet there are a lot of people who use it as a fake defense and in court like i mean there definitely have been cases where they're
The person was like, I had no idea. I was asleep. Yeah. I robbed that bank. I was fully asleep. They're in the bank being like, did you fuck Harry Styles? To the cashier. With your chatty bottom. Honk honk. Should we listen to Brett's answer? Yes, please. Yeah, let's do it. I regret putting that order.
I think the order may have been a mistake. I didn't realise it would lead to such trouble between the three of you. It was just top of my head, the order wasn't in. It didn't mean anything. It didn't take any meaning from the order. My answer to... I have a recurring dream. Quite a dark one. I have a dream that someone gives me drugs before a show.
And I smoke the drugs and the drugs are so strong that I go blind and I can't communicate or explain that I'm so high that I can't see and I sort of get put on stage, like, "Go and do this show." And I'm blind and so high I can't speak and that's kind of the dream. So it's sort of like dreaming that you've forgotten your lines but instead of that you're blind and you're fucked. LAUGHTER
I have had dreams before about forgetting lines in plays or not getting my homework done in school as an adult.
Yeah. I've always had a fear of forgetting my lines in a live like stage show. Have you ever had that happen? I've I've definitely blanked out before. I had it happen on Conan. My very first Conan set when I did stand up, they they were supposed to have my bullet points on a cue card.
And no one told the, it didn't go down the chain of command. Oh my God. So I was started my set and it was going well, but I just like, I'm just going to glance at the cue cards. And the cue card guy was sitting on the ground with the cue cards on his lap. So then my like OCD kicked in.
Of like, oh, wait, he's supposed to have the cue cards and he's not. And should someone tell him that he doesn't have the cue cards? And I couldn't call up my next... Like, this is all going in my head. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I couldn't call up my next joke because...
My like OCD kind of thing was spinning. And why is he just sitting there with them in his lap? No one told him I needed cue cards. He assumed that the comedian knew their own material. Knew their five-minute set. But it was my, it was my, it was a long time ago and it was my very first televised set. So I was nervous. So I wanted the bullet points as a security blanket. Yeah, yeah. So I was looking at, I was going, um...
And it felt like a lifetime. It was my true nightmare come to life. I look at Conan, he's smiling. I look at Andy, he's smiling. Everyone's like, I know they're feeling for me. And I kind of stumble my way back into my set. And thank God, I figured it out and kept it going. And then when they put it out, they took out that part, luckily. Because I got done...
And there are people come running over, oh, my God, we're so sorry that was –
They knew it wasn't on me, so I think that's why they gave me the grace of editing it. Oh my gosh. I'm glad that you were able to get your mojo back and finish it. Because I was stuck. I was paralyzed. I was like, I don't know how to get pull out of this. I know we already talked on another episode about my Taylor Dane bit, but I did that bit on Conan.
And it was during a time when I had just been so sick and hospitalized for my intestinal disease and my mother had died and my girlfriend and I broke up that day. And I went on and was doing Taylor Day and I spaced out and I was so overwhelmed with life.
And the audience was like laughing nervously and thinking I was doing a bit. And I was acknowledging that I was like, oh, you think I'm doing a bit. I'm actually... I was just blanked. And then when I...
Went backstage. The producer came up. He was like, hey, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. We can clean that up. And I was so down and out that I just was like, you know what? I don't even care. Just go.
Just put it out like that. Just put it out like that. I'm sure people will be interested to see somebody flailing like that. I'm fine with it. And he was like, really? And I said, yeah, if you could just put it out like that. Oh, you actually wanted that. You're like, I want that. I just thought I was just in such a crazy headspace of like,
you know, losing my health and my mother and my girlfriend that I was just like, yeah, I'll just, I don't even care. Just put it out like it is. I don't, I, I'm not together. So you don't even have to make it look like I'm together. So it went out. And then I remember somebody had written a piece about that.
appearance yeah speculating if i was doing a bit or not right oh my god is this meta yeah i was not doing a bit i was stumbling through the whole thing and oh my god yeah so it's out there for your enjoyment
You are unpredictable in that way that I would not know either if it was a bit. I'd be like, is this some genius Andy Kaufman meta anti-comedy thing? Nope, it was just someone down and out, just went through a breakup hours before. Oh, God. And I didn't even know right around the corner I was going to get a cancer diagnosis. That was just creeping around the corner.
But yeah, it's, I've been endlessly amused watching that because of what the audience thought was going on. That was not what was going on. They're like, gosh, Tig, she, she's so inventive. She's so inventive when she, when you think she's going to zig, she zags. Yeah.
When you think she's going to zip, she zap zaps. Zap zaps. Zapping and zapping. I was just thinking that, but I don't have the training to know zap zop zip or whatever it was. Zip zap zop.
So you get where Brett's anxiety comes from, though. That's like a profoundly universal fear to be in front of an audience and, yeah, incapacitated like that. Yeah. God, and he was really, he was regretting giving us the order to answer in, but little did he know we would ignore that instruction completely. Yeah.
we sort of followed it. Did we? I just love, he's the only person on earth that calls me Mavis. And I want to clarify, my name is not short for Mavis. It's just what he calls me. And he's the only one who I would allow that. Your lover boy. Yeah. I call him Bradley because one time he, he has a story that he was on vacation in Jamaica and, uh,
he introduced himself to this guy like five times. And every time the guy just thought his name was Bradley. So he'd be like, morning, Bradley. And he might play one of the grumpiest characters on television and, you know, quote unquote meanest. And he's the nicest, biggest sweetheart. Yeah. Well, that was a fun episode. I got to keep it in my ponties over here. Yeah. Seriously. Oh,
Yeah, that was great. We have some stuff to plug. If you guys are into seeing some more comedy, we've got it for you. I am at Largo on the 24th of Feb. That's all I know at the moment, confirmed. Definitely come to that, though. And if you're out in New York, I'm going to be in Peekskill, New York, March 8th.
second show added in Waterville, Maine, March 10th. And then just zigzagging around, zip zap, zip zops, all
all around Los Angeles between Largo and Dynasty typewriters. So just go to my website, tignotaro.com. Sign up for the email list so you get all the important information right away and it'll give you all ticket and show information there too. I hope some of you guys will join me on the last leg of my stand-up tour. Early March, Houston, Texas and Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Mid-March, Wilmington,
North Carolina and Durham, North Carolina, then Los Angeles, California at the theater at the Ace Hotel. We've also added four new shows, San Luis Obispo, California, Albany, New York, Hartford, Connecticut, and Bakersfield, California. Then I have The Beacon in New York City, Rancho Mirage, California, Seattle, Washington, and then Toronto in mid-May. So go to fortunefeimster.com for tickets. As always, check out handsomepod.com for merch.
And we got some good gear. Yes, the merch. It's really good. Yeah, it keeps sending us pictures. We love seeing people in your handsome shirts and hats and your pretty little lady sweatshirts. It's so fun to see. It's so good. Also, make sure you subscribe to Handsome. That is so key. Subscribe to the show if you want to see us continue doing this. That's what keeps us going.
Big time. Also, tell a friend. Share an episode. Share this episode. Tell an enemy. You know, tell anyone. Yeah, tell an enemy. We don't care. If you hate somebody, make them laugh. Yeah. And review us. Give us five stars. Give us a rave review. We do really appreciate everybody who keeps listening this podcast.
Podcast continues to blow us away as far as the response and people just, it feels like a little community that we've created. We have pages that our fans chat with each other and on our Instagram, on a Facebook fan page, there's a lot of handsome folks that are finding that community. And I love that. I love that people have a place they can go that are, you know, where they're
share with each other and i don't think i knew there was a facebook community going i haven't been in there but that i was told about that okay nice yeah man reddit all kinds of stuff well until next time right yeah
How about you guys? Keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast!