Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Welcome to Handsome. It's me, your friend Tig Notaro, and my co-hosts... Mae Martin. And Fortune Feimster. Looking handsome.
What's up, you guys? How is everybody doing? Well, more importantly, how are you doing, shrimp nose? I'm great. I feel good. Yeah? Yeah. Okay. I've got a cup of coffee here. We know you love your Joe. Brought to you by Ford. Oh.
Oh my gosh. My coffee cup has Ford on it. This is not an ad. Why do you have a Ford coffee cup? Because someone gave it to me. Okay. I don't really need that attitude. Probably someone from Ford. Okay.
Why do I feel like we, I feel like we just hit on a sore spot. Like there's some secret about who gave you that mug. There really is no secret. I think it was an event and I'm actually, yeah, I think no one gave it to me. I think I won it. Hitting all the Ford events. Okay. I like it cause it's, um, you know, like our, uh, what a podcast Tumblr. Yeah. It's kind of like that.
It's that material. Seamless plug for our merch. Listen, I'm not here to plug Ford. I am here to plug our What A Podcast Tumblr. Get your own. Now, Fortune, you use almond milk or oat milk in your... I use oat milk. Oat milk, that's right. Oh, can I bring something up that I wrote down to bring up? Yeah, please. I wrote this down because I was like, I got to bring this up with Tig.
And you, Fortune. So, you know, we've talked about almond milk. Yeah. And I'm like alarmed about the milk coming from the nut. And you explained it. I recently, like Parv was explaining how it's made. And it's that you add water to it. That's where you get the liquid. So there's no milk within the nut. Yeah, there's not milk in there.
It's not like you bite into it and milk squirts out. This is what I thought, that if you just compress them hard enough, milk emerges. But I guess I didn't realize you're adding water to... You put the nuts in a pouch or something, and you pour water into it, and then it extracts.
Like I'm trying to be healthier. Parv's going to make some almond milk at home. I think it's hard to make it. Wait, is that? Well, there's this thing you can buy. This is not an ad either, but if they want to. Feels like it. Almond cow. What's that? Almond cow? Almond cow. It's this thing that makes different nut milk for you at home.
Yeah. Because it takes a while and it requires a lot of nuts. Yeah.
I tried to make my own cashew milk and it was tasty, but cashews ain't cheap. Bless you. Yeah, fortune doesn't have cashew cash just lying around. I don't have no cashew cash laying around. And it takes a long time to milk those suckers, but by milking, I mean pouring water through them and whatever. I'm just going to go buy it, y'all. I got that.
I don't have cashew money, but I got cashew milk money. Uh-huh. Now, what are your steps to be healthier and what caused this, if I can ask? And is your one main change that you're going to start drinking almond milk? Well, if I'm honest, what caused it is a moment of tension in the home. Ooh.
A moment of tension. We love hot goss. Is this the first moment of tension in the home? One of the first. Like we generally were on a pretty similar level of like tidiness and things like that. So we don't have like roommate style tension. But all that happened was.
Okay, here's the hot gossip.
What the hell is this? I didn't say those words, but that was my feeling. Wait, did you say that? What the hell is this? This was the energy because... How dare you surprise me with dinner that you didn't ask me exactly what I wanted.
What the hell is this? Look, I come out of this story looking bad. You're going into it looking bad too. I know, I know. So the child in the home has like a delicious slice of pepperoni pizza or something. Maybe some nuggets. Like just my kind of food. Fortune, calm down. Some chopped up peppers and things like that. Fortune! Fortune!
Parv, for us, has got something called a salad pizza. No. So this is, thank you, Fortune. Yes. Thank you, Fortune. Was there arugula on it? Oh, yeah. Oh, why are they going to do that? Give Parvati my number. Why are they going to do that to that poor pizza? Oh, yeah, a little arugula on that. I just...
What the hell is this? My disappointment. Like this was, uh, so there's no tomato sauce. It's a flat bread, essentially like a piece of crust. There's some kind of cheese substitute. And then there's lettuce, cheese,
chopped up lettuce i'm salivating my head's exploding thank you fortune my face fell two against one i think it was that she was like specifically excited that she was like this is i love this place they do this great thing called salad pizza and i was like are you joking she has good taste and she cares about you go on she's trying to be healthy it was warm droopy lettuce
a pizza it was I couldn't hide my disappointment and she goes are you is there any left listen I'm gonna order some to your home as a surprise for you thank you she goes can I just check she's really calm she goes can I just check are you complaining about the pizza and then I knew I was like oh yeah and I went no I would I would never dream of it
Is that what you said? Yes. Were you being sarcastic or were you? Okay. I was masking. And then what did she say to your sarcasm? Well, I was kind of making light. Like we were, we were then sort of laughing, but I, cause I knew I fucked up, but the fact that. I thought this was going to be some juicy blowout. Oh yeah. Then we had a full rage. No, it was just that the,
Yeah, we really have differing opinions on the salad pizza. And I thought I should bring this to the pod because I had a feeling you two would be divided on this. And you wrote this down. Very divided. You wrote it down. I wrote down salad pizza and there's no milk within the nut. Now, I'm guilty of sometimes judging these things and being like, oh, what is this? And then I taste it and I'm like, you know what? Not bad. I was wrong. Let me tell you. How did you feel once you ate it?
save yourself the fortune, the experiment, because this was warm. I have a thing about warm lettuce anyway. I don't like warm lettuce either. Yeah, but it was, you know, I guess it was nice. It had a nice sharp dressing on it. It was like a Greek salad on it. Oh, dressing's on the pizza too. Oh, well, it says fortune's back in the game. Instead of the mater sauce, it's a dressing. I just, I like don't call it a pizza. Call it a
salad on a salad crispy bread salad bread salad bread salad dough why they don't want no mater sauce on there why they don't want no mater sauce now if are you familiar with calling bananas nanners yeah oh my god no but i love that nanners okay because i was just thinking of maters and nanners and when stephanie and i first got together i
I put on the list. See, I had a list before Thomas. Yeah, you did. Yeah. And I put on the grocery list. This was months into us living together. And I wrote nanners. And she texted me and was like, what is nanners? I'm like, you don't know what nanner? Like bananas. You may not know about nanners. Get me some nanners. Get me some dates.
And taters. And maters. And naters. And yeah. I'm going to start using that. Congrats on your big entrance into healthy living. Oh, yeah. With lettuce, warm lettuce on your... But it doesn't sound like the fight was that too bad. No.
Yeah, give us something better. I know. Well, we were laughing about it the next day. Okay, I do have something better. Oh, here we go. Hot goss. Yeah, so this is... So I had a little... I don't know if I was like hormonal or something, but I got like...
We hadn't really hung out in a few days. Now it's all coming out. Now it seems like things are great. Why hadn't you hung out in a few days? Were you sleeping elsewhere? We were just so busy. Was she on an island trying to survive? Trying to scheme and deceive? Was she in a Scottish castle? What was Parmody up to this time? Yeah, we got like...
I don't know. We just, it, things felt like a little disconnected or something. And, and I was kind of emotion down about time scarcity or something. And she was like a really good listener. And then the next day she did this like very romantic, um, like dinner. And she'd written this list of the things she loved about me. Like it was really, really salad pizza. It was not salad pizza. It was my, it was my fave. Chiz mashed potatoes and gravy and chicken and broccoli.
So it was really good. And I was really happy. You like the classic, classic mashed potato, gravy, chicken. Potatoes. Comfort food, right? Yeah. So then she, we're talking about it like a week later. And I'm like, that was so romantic. And she's like, yeah, can I tell you something? I bought a book. She was like, I told my friend that you seemed a little down. And then I bought a book on how to be romantic. Oh. I'm a robot.
Romance for dummies.
I might need this book. Page four. Give hug. Blow kiss. What is this book? I need it. Lettuce pizza. I thought that she was really evolving and growing and becoming romantic because it doesn't come naturally to her. Really, it was the book. Then I find the book. This book is insane. If you did the things in this book, people would think you were out of control. I took a picture of one page. You were so romantic. What's so funny about it is
it's kind of like trying to teach her how to be queer as well. Like that's the vibe I'm getting because it's like, okay. Number four, gallantry never goes out of style. Every once in a while, kiss her hand with a flourish. No, the proper, like it's definitely written for men, right? The proper way to kiss a woman's hand is to lower your lips to her hand. You don't raise her hand to your lips.
See, I kiss my own hand. That's my... I love when you do that. Yes, yes. So, go on. So sexy, Tig. This is a psycho... Mute your microphone for a minute. Go on, Meg. She knows.
If someone did this, I would call the police. Okay. Gift wrap a chicken wishbone in a jewelry box. Send it to her with a note that says, I wish you were here. No, this isn't a book.
No, I hope. Oh, please no one do that. Weird and dumb. And if I pulled a bone out of a wrapping paper, I would be scared. Isn't that horrifying? Yeah.
That's very horrifying. What else do they got? Also, a chicken had to die for that. Exactly. That's grounds for divorce. You got a bone from Stephanie. It feels like a threat. I got a bone to pick with you. Yes, exactly. If you don't have the right note, they might think that's what you're trying to say. Also, you can always find a stick that looks like...
- A wishbone. - Completely. - True. - Exactly. Wrap that. - Save the chicken. - Or you can just give the person a call, say, "I wish you were here." - Or wrap some almond milk. Anyway, go on. - Number seven, unplug the TV, put a note on the screen saying, "Turn me on instead."
What year was this book written? What year was this book written? I don't know. I only have a photo of the page. What year do you think? It sounds like 1970s. It sounds like the 50s or 60s or something. Turn me on instead. How is that romantic? She's trying to watch a TV show. She's like, I'd really like to watch myself in Traitors. This is...
but related. My stepfather did not understand how the internet worked. And at night before bed,
he used to unplug his computer so he wouldn't get any emails while he was asleep oh my god that's so funny i was like what are you doing i'll get to these in the morrow i'm no fool i am unplugging my computer i don't want to miss anything i don't want to hear any of those you've got mail yeah
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Listen, I'll dig into a shell for pistachio, but this is just so easy. You pop them in your mouth. I take them on trips. They are so good. So visit wonderfulpistachios.com to learn more. That's wonderfulpistachios.com. Okay, there's two more. This one I don't even understand. Go through revolving doors together. Oh, I get it. Okay.
You know the revolving doors? Go through them together. Each section has a nook. No, I know. You're in the nook together. I know, but do they mean like go out? But then you're... Fortune! Stop it!
Here's the thing. You are in that little pizza. We're back to pizza. The little pizza wedge together in the revolving door. But then here's where it breaks the romantic element. You're both walking weird. You know how when you're stuck, there's very little room and you have to hurry and then you're on your tiptoes and then you're out of the room. You get that little adrenaline spike as you try to make sure you don't have to go around again. And you're out. I'm an uglies.
Also, do they mean like go out of the house and find revolving doors and like plan this as a date? Or if you just see one. What if you don't have one? I know. I mean, of course, my house, we have several revolving doors. For all our Chicago listeners right now, you guys are in for a treat. A very romantic excursion. All right. What's the last and final terrible idea?
This one's really bizarre. Keep candles in the car. Eat dinner by candlelight the next time you go to McDonald's. This is a very un-vegan book. And then just as a final little sprinkle of flavor, it says the theme song of this chapter is Love Don't Cost a Thing by Jennifer Lopez. That's how you know it's great literature. It's a more modern book, though. I know. Well, McDonald's already...
reveal. True. But I guess the McDonald's was around in the 50s? Around the 50s, yeah. Anyway, I just love that I thought that
parv was really on a growth journey of becoming romantic really she has this insane book that now i feel like my life is gonna get really strange does she know that you've read the book yeah to us so she's not gonna be able to surprise you i think she'll be a little alarmed when she listens to this episode in general maybe maybe she's taking the good from it and ignoring the rest but if you do have
have a note on the TV that says turn me on instead please let us know yeah are you gonna start doing some of those things to Parvati I
-I think maybe we should both be-- Maybe it could become like a game where we have to guess if the weird thing the other person's doing is from the book or from their own imagination. I can give her a sock with three stones in it and they-- -I wouldn't mind a romance book, but maybe not that one. -We should write our own. What would you guys say is a good romantic gesture? Maybe you're in the doghouse because you were down on the salad pizza. -You know what I did?
When I was in Europe on my tour in October, I was in Amsterdam, which is a place Stephanie and I have gone two times together. And I was there. It's a romantic city. Yes. And we, oh my gosh, we had so much fun both times. When I was there by myself without her, I thought, you know what? I'm going to write Stephanie a handwritten love letter.
And I did it. I sat down in my hotel room in Amsterdam, wrote her a handwritten love letter from our little European town and sent it to her. And she said she about died. She was so happy. Like you sent it in the mail? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Aww. And so when it arrived, were you already back home? We had already broken up. Yeah. Okay.
but like i i didn't i didn't veer off into jokes or sarcasm i really got in touch with how much i love her what i'm so grateful for all these thoughts and feelings i had and i just wrote that to her that's so sweet that unexpected thing i think is yeah
Yeah, a big part of it like yes. Oh my god your day and then all of a sudden what's this? Yeah, a love letter from my wife that I've been with for 11 years. Huh?
That's very romantic. You get to the end of the letter, it's like, I'm so stoned in Amsterdam. With a sex worker. Yeah, I'm big. She's helping me spell. Thinking of you. Just walk through the red light district thinking of you.
Yeah, are you romantic, Fortune? No, I need to be better about it. What's the last romantic thing you did? I say, please don't be mad at me. Oh, baby talk. Was that romantic? I'm sorry I did that. Please don't be mad at me. Oh my God, Fortune. She's like, I have never been more attracted to you.
Please don't be mad. Oh my God. Jax is, yeah, we have a more silly kind of rapport. I'll write, we used to early on in our relationship when we would travel together, similar to that Tig, but we would get whatever the hotel pad paper, you know, the paper paper
sure and write each other a little love like a short love note and hide it in each other's bags oh i love that oh that was cute we haven't done that in a while but i should do it bring that back do it yeah they're not necessarily finding it she's not finding it like that day but she'll find it like a little bit later or something so that was yeah that was cute
Do you know Cyrano de Bergerac, that story where the guy is writing love letters for the other guy? May fact.
But what if like Tig wrote some love letters to Jax and then you could just sign them? Like if it's not your strength. Yeah, Tig can do it. And then I did that with a friend of mine who he really did. He worked with this girl that he was so into and he was so scared to talk to her. He didn't know what to say. And I would be like, just go up to her and say this or that. And some of it was like just kind of off the cuff love.
chill, funny stuff to make her laugh. And he was like, I can't say that. And then so we started doing this thing where I would tell him, I'd go into her office and say...
I can't even remember what I told him to say, but he ended up dating her. Oh, hey. Yeah, he ended up dating her for a couple of years. A couple of years? Wow. Yeah, he told me that he owes it to me for all the little lines that I told him to say to her. And then in real life, she's like, you know,
You don't have a lot to say, do you? Yeah. Once it's just me and you, you're kind of a bit of a drab. It does get hard to keep the romance alive the longer you've been together. Because you're just like, you know. Different kind of romance. She's out there like doing laundry, washing dirty panties.
She's watching your ponties. You're traveling all around the world and Jax is just scrubbing your filthy ponties. Good God, Fortune.
She washes the bounties in the house. Please don't be mad at me. Please don't be mad at my dirty panties. I just picture her like really scrubbing your panties. Like what the hell, Fortune? I feel sorry.
Oh my God, this is never going to come out. So if our listeners can give us some romance tips. Oh, poor Jax. Yeah, poor Jax for sure. Goodbye, I must hop a flight to France. Okay, I'll be home cleaning these ponties. But on the flip side, I am a fun partner because I'll be like, listen, do you want to go on a vacation? Do you want to go to Paris? Yes.
Do it. You want me to wear your set in an off on her own? Without you?
Yeah, I might be. I'm probably working. Oh my God. I'm such a fun person. We've gone together. We've been to Italy and Paris. Fortune's so fun that she tells her wife to go alone out of town. No, but like who doesn't want to be like, hey, you want to take a cool trip with your friend? Do it. I'll pay for it. That's romantic. I think that is romantic. That's like a free trip. Come on. Yeah. That's romantic as hell.
You want that bag? You got it, babe. I throw money at that romance. I think that's valid. That's your love language. Buy yourself a bag and pack it and leave. Girl, what you want? You name it. I'll buy it. Now get out of town. I'm throwing dollar bills over here. Come on. Romance, baby.
Okay. Meanwhile, I'm just sending a letter that takes three weeks to reach my love. You got your romance points for sure. May, do you have a romance story? Yeah. I mean, I think that's why I bought the book because I'm like, that's like my vibe. You're romantic. I'm writing notes. I'm writing songs. I'm like doing weird little surprises and stuff. I mean, I'm trying to think.
I'm trying to think of a good example. It sounds like I'm lying. What about when you said, ew, what's this? When she bought the pizza. See, I make an effort. No, I do. Yeah. I mean, one time with an ex, I...
We went for dinner and then I had got the restaurant. I had given them a CD of all her favorite songs and like our songs and to play as the ambient music in the restaurant. So like the first song that came on, she was like, oh my God, I love this song. And then the second song, she was like, I love this song. And then the third one, she was like, wait, what?
And then it was really, it was strange though, because the, we'd only been dating a few months. The restaurant was like, okay, I guess we can like, is this, are you going to propose? Yeah, they had to really trust you. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, nope, just a little fun little trick from the old shrimp nose. Yeah.
Well, well, well, if it isn't shrimp nose. I was so anxious the whole meal leading up to it. It was pretty good though. I could see you being in a chair surrounded by candles with your guitar.
And Parvati gets in those. How would you get in or out if Mae is surrounded? You get in that circle. The candles are around you. Then you light them. Okay. And then how do you get out? You blow them out and then you... Well, that's where Parvati's going to have to help at some point. She's going to have to snuff those candles. And then Parvati walks in in her headbands. Mm-hmm. And she sees Mae across the way. I played her a song recording of a song I wrote recently.
She should write the song May Across the Way, but I played a recording of a song I wrote and I was like all embarrassed about it. And she was like, I love it. And then I was like, oh, do you like the clarinets? Because I'd added these clarinets and she goes, no.
Well, yeah, most people are like, where's more clarinet in this song? And they were drowning out all the lyrics. It was way too much. How would I possibly know that you love me if it isn't full of clarinets? Exactly.
- I wish this song had more clarinet. - It was like a decent song that's not a clarinet. That was a tuba. - What even does a clarinet sound like? - Kinda like that. I like a woodwind, you know? - Sure, sure, a woodwind. - What a funny word. - What does it mean, a woodwind?
Speaking of... Should we get to our question that has nothing to do with woodwinds? Please. I love this little romance journey we went on, though. Yeah, me too. It's weird that I'm the most romantic of all of us. Clean my ponties! Clean my ponties and go on a trip.
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Well, today's questioner is an actor, comedian, and filmmaker celebrated for his role as Saul Goodman on Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul. He co-created the sketch comedy series Mr. Show with Bob and David. We've got a question from the very handsome Bob Odenkirk. Yes, I'm a big fan of Bob Odenkirk. He's good. Bob's one of the first people
real comedians and actors who took time to like talk with me and sit down and be cool early on in my career. Did he sit you down and say, listen,
Here's some notes on your comedy. Well, I knew his wife. His wife, Naomi, is a talent manager. And she worked with a lot of Groundlings people. So I met him through her. And then my first year, I did Montreal's Just for Laughs Festival. He and I somehow ended up together...
We ran into each other in the food court of the mall and we just sat down and just had like a nice chat and he was so cool and gave me advice and over Panda Express. Yeah.
And now it's so cool. Now he's like on billboards and buses. It's so cool to see where his career's gone. I always love when a comedian like really successfully does drama acting, like transitions into like, he's a really brilliant actor. I was walking behind him when he was, I think he was with his wife walking up Griffith Park to the observatory.
And I just was walking with my friend and noticed that he was in front of me. I could hear his, I recognized his voice. And then, so I just like fell silent in my conversation so I could listen to his. And my friend just thought I was being so weird. I couldn't say why until after he left. I was just like, yeah. Well, and he, he and his daughter also put out a book. Oh, no way. Yeah. And she illustrated it. So that's cool. Yeah. It's a children's book. And,
My kids have a copy. Very talented family. Yeah. Seriously. Should we hear what his question is? Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if it'll be deep. No. Hey, handsome pod. It's Bob Odenkirk. Okay, here we go. What is your favorite movie?
Oh, I was I was wrong. I was wrong. It is deep. It is super deep. Yeah, I actually feel like that's color. I haven't been asked this in a while. In a way of all the deep philosophical questions we've been asked. I feel like that's one of the hardest to answer. Like I really I don't know if you I'm very interested to know if you guys have like a clear answer. Green. There you go. End of podcast. All right. Should we hear his answer? Yeah.
I love Kelly Green. I love Dark Green, Hunter Green, all of, I love Green so much. Yeah. Kelly Green, I thought that was the name of a person. What's Kelly Green? Oh,
I mean, Google it. I don't know how to explain Kelly Green. I know what Heather Green is. But is Kelly like a plant? Kelly's a real bitch. I don't know. Fortune? Kelly Green. There are many Kellys listening. It's almost in the lime green. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, I see. I see. Yeah. Isn't it crazy, though, that we don't really know if we're seeing the same color as each other? Mm hmm. You know what I mean? Some people see colors differently, right? That's right. Some people are color blind. That's correct. I wouldn't like that.
I really love watching videos of colorblind people putting on those special glasses for the first time. They can see all the colors and they start to weep. Oh my gosh. Speaking of blind, I saw a video of a blind dog who loves to play fetch. Stop. And couldn't find the ball. And was so happy and just bouncing around looking for it. I was like, are you trying to kill me?
Adds a new dimension to the game. Oh my gosh. So cute. I saw a video of a deaf woman getting the implant. What are they called? Yeah, cochlear implant. And she could hear her family for the first time and started crying. Yeah. And it was so beautiful. But then she heard her own voice and did not seem to be into it. Right.
- Really? - Yeah, and I was like, oh no. - Yeah, what if you hear your-- - Is that gonna be like, what if she's gonna be like, I don't want that, to hear that though. - Or what if you hear your partner's voice for the first time and you're like, oh God, like they're like, hey. Even though they're really-- - I'm shrimp nose. - Yeah, and you're like, what? - Hey, I'm May's weird character. - I thought you would never know.
Yeah. I was like, I had never thought about that option. Like, you don't like what you hear all of a sudden. And like, what if all the noise is too overwhelming? Well, it's, you know, before getting into stand up, I couldn't stand hearing my voice. And now I'm so used to it that it's like, it's funny when you hear people struggling with hearing their voice. Because I'm like 28 years into it.
I won't stop talking. Yeah, yeah. I don't really love hearing myself either. Same. And I have a thing where it's usually if I'm like with someone cool or someone I'm dating and like a hot guy comes up and I feel kind of like, oh, I wish I was that hot guy or I feel kind of like emasculated. Then when I try to speak, almost without fail, the hot guy goes, sorry, what? And I'm like, is my voice just like meep?
Like it doesn't penetrate. I think I'm like Beaker from the Muppets. This isn't penetrating the hot guy's ears. Yeah, so often that happens where there's some hot dude who's just so suave and effortless and he looks like he's really good at like diving off a diving board. I'm sorry, what? That to me is the epitome of masculinity. Is a diver...
just an effortless dive like he doesn't have to steady himself at the edge of the board he just what about a belly flopper yeah that's pretty cool too in a way I feel like that's pretty masculine I'm just whatever yeah I'm flailing and then at the last minute as I fall I'm grabbing with one pinky finger onto the diving board my little legs dangling yeah and then so if they're this guy's usually I'm
I'm saying this really specifically because it happened last night where the manager of the restaurant knew Parv from her old party days. I was like, hey, great to see you. And this guy was cool. He was just suave, confident. He was like, it's been ages. How are you doing, man? And he was like, oh, nice to meet you. And then...
he said something about the dessert and I went, what's up dude? I know. I tried to join in. I went, Oh, I, we really liked the, um, uh, the, uh, the Japanese matcha cheesecake. Yeah. Whatever, bro. How's it going par? Um,
He went, sorry, what? And I was like, the Japanese, and then he got down on my level to hear he was being super nice. But he like crouched down like I was a fire old. I was just saying, I love my milk. I love my milk. I'm a little cold. Hey, little cowboy, you like that meal? I do. I want some more milk and I'm a little cold. Can you?
- Turn the air conditioning a little warmer. - Fortune, what's your favorite color? - My favorite color normally is a blue. I tend to like blues, different shades, but occasionally I don't mind a pink.
Girl. I've seen you rock a pink. You guys, I'm not afraid of a pink. No, not afraid of a pink. Yeah, every now and then, you know, you pop that pink in there and that color's popping like a pippity pop pop pop. Yes, indeed. And people don't expect it, you know? I feel like your aura is kind of pink. Like it's a very, there's a
Sort of sweetness. Yeah. But my eye tends to gravitate towards blues.
But like, yeah, popping a pink there every now and then. And I like it. We just painted our entryway in our house kind of a smoky pink. Smoky pink. Smoky, smoky pink. Smoky pink. Well, I know like colors can really affect your mood and apparently. And so they're always like, don't paint.
your room red or you'll turn into like Jack Nicholson in The Shining or something and I did when I was like 18 I did paint my bedroom red and I did feel a little crazy wow I've never heard that well you heard it first here on the handsome pod yeah yeah
And yellow is happy, I think. Yeah. Is that right? My mom loves yellow. Oh, really? My mother loved yellow. At 10, they would take bright colors. What did Max and Finn like? I feel like when you're a kid, your favorite color is like a question you get asked a lot. Yeah. Well, it's changed. Finn used to be very into pink. And Max was very into red.
And I think that, you know, after Finn went off to school, you know...
Yeah. Oh, they're like cultural norms trickled in. We don't know what happened exactly. We didn't want to put a lot of attention on anything. Yeah. But he used to have a pink baseball glove and he would wear pink shirts and he just loved them. And then, yeah, now he's...
He's blue. He's like, I like steel. Yeah. I would say brown. Yeah. Max is between blue and red. I think. Yeah. Um,
Yeah, I feel like when you're a kid and you enter school, it's like the only way you know how to kind of make friends is like, what's your favorite color? What's your favorite animal? You got to have an answer to both. And then a judgment will be made. What's your favorite number? Yeah, number, favorite number. And some people have that synesthesia where they see numbers as colors, like they're like three is 100% red or whatever it is. You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't experience it, but I have heard.
What is your favorite color, Mae? I think I'm going to go... This is riveting stuff, but I think I'm going to go
but green is a close second. I'm really, like maybe it would be a bluey green if, you know, an indigo, a teal. Yeah. That was my grandmother's name. Turquoise. Your grandma's name was teal? Well, Matt Teal, which, you know, my name is Matt Teal. My mother's name was Matt Teal. My grandmother was Matt Teal. My grandmother went by Teal. My mother went by Susie.
And I'm your friend, Tig. I love that. My grandma was pretty into turquoise. She would always buy turquoise and collect it. And so sometimes if I'm feeling mystical and I want to contact her, I get a lump of turquoise out. You rub the turquoise? Yeah, I get that. Grandmother. My sweaty palm, I'm just like rubbing some turquoise. I do a character named Brenda who's a southern housewife who goes to the hot tub and
And just yells about her husband, Tim. And I don't know. This is a character I created when I was bored. And now, you know, I just got to give people what they want. But her she'll be so exasperated with her husband. Like, I swear to God, this good for nothing, Tim. Yeah.
he is just working my last nerve and then it'll cut to Tim just got me this turquoise bracelet and I swear to God I have never been more in love I'm gonna have to go give him a BJ fortune fortune
So wait, that's all it takes for Brenda? That is literally all it takes. So people come to my shows now and give me turquoise. You've got to get some turquoise for Jax. I have. My whole dresser over there is full of turquoise. Does Jax like it? Jax is not. Jax isn't a big color person. She's more into grays and blacks. And she likes pink too.
She does like pink. The smoky pink. Yeah, yeah. But she's more of the solid colors, darker colors. I like earth tones. I want to take back my previous answer and say green, like a sort of emerald green because I'm really into like the oz and emeralds and that. I don't know. There's something pretty magical about a green, I think. Two against one. Yeah, sorry. I like green too, you guys.
Nope, nope, it's too late. Sometimes my eyes are green and sometimes my eyes are blue. That's not possible. I swear to God. No, they don't change. I swear to God, Tim. I swear to God, dude. I swear on my life, man. Fortune would not lie about this, Mae. I'm telling you, Mae, every time I wear different shirts, it changes the colors. I swear to God. I swear to God, if you're lying, dude, I'll never trust you again. If I'm in a green shirt, we'll find out.
out otherwise you guys you're out of the pod you're out of the pod yeah dude you're out of the pod if your eyes don't switch colors i'm telling you when i wear a green shirt that those eyes are popping green baby but if i put on a sweet blue oh boy you better get lost in these ocean blue eyes really you better get lost in them get you i'll tell you what i'll tell you what mine are brown
24-7. But as I get older, they're a little cloudy brown. I heard someone say to someone, your eyes are brown because you're so full of shit. Have I told you that before? You have, but why stop?
Yeah, why stop telling it? Yeah. I say we set aside a moment each episode. Stop me if I've told this before. Don't stop me, please. This has to come out again. Fortune, we should put on the list, like testing your theory about your eyes, because I do need to know. Yeah, put it on the list, Thomas. Now I'm nervous, but I'm telling you. You're going to get caught. Am I? No. Fortunately.
No! Well, I haven't worn green in a while, but yeah, right now my eyes are green. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Did you watch The Princess Bride? You know that movie? Oh, yeah. I did not see it. Have fun storming the castle. I think Max and Finn would really like it. It's a kids movie. Yeah, have they never watched it? I don't know. I'll have to ask. It's really good. They should watch it.
Okay, there's a part in it where she the like heroin describes the guy she loves and she goes, his eyes were like the sea after a storm. And I always remembered it as a kid. I was like, my eyes are like the sea after a storm. I loved it. I wanted my eyes to be like that. What are what color your eyes? They're blue with like flecks of green and yellow.
All of a sudden, everybody's got blue and green eyes. They might shift a little based on what color you're wearing, maybe. I have a little yellow in mine, but I think it's jaundice or something. Come on. The way you describe your eyes, Tig. So sexy. Cloudy brown eyes with a little speck of jaundice in there. Oh, my God.
I did have jaundice as a baby. Do y'all notice when you meet people eyes right away? Yeah. Do I notice eyes? Some people, I know some people who are always like, oh yeah, they have blue eyes or brown eyes. I'm like, I have no idea what my friend's eyes colors are. No clue. Yeah, me too, I guess. Me too. No clue. I remember not knowing.
what made for pretty eyes. Because my mother used to always say that about people. She would be like, oh my gosh, you have such beautiful eyes. You have such beautiful eyes. And I would, like, robotically, similarly to... To everyone? Not, she didn't think everyone's eyes were beautiful, but when she did, she would say it. But I was full-on Parvati, like, robot. Like, what do you mean? How do you, how can you tell somebody's eyes are pretty? How can you tell that they're beautiful? And then I remember when I was...
Sitting with a childhood friend at like age 21 or something, we were having a beer and I was looking at her and I was like, oh my gosh, I'm
you have really pretty eyes. Thank you. It was the first time I ever noticed somebody's eyes. You're like, I finally get it. Yeah. Yeah. It's not something I noticed. It's kind of crazy that we, that we can like ascribe qualities of like to just people's features. Like, um, I was watching some cooking show, some British cooking show and they were one of the contestants talking about this other contestant and goes, I hate her smile. And I thought, well,
Poor woman. That's her smile. Yeah, when she's experiencing joy, other people are like, oh, God. I hate this. Don't look over there. Yeah, imagine someone being like, she's got ugly eyes. That sucks. Well, probably with me, you know, yellow, brown, cloudy eyes. Should we hear what Bob has to say? Yes. Now, my answer to you is royal blue.
I know a lot of you like blue. Fine. But royal blue is way better than your blue. Whatever it is. It's the dark... Not because it's royalty. I don't care about... Come on. Am I that shallow to you? Look, it's just a deep blue, sort of purpley, and it's really intensely awesome, soothing-ish, and kind of just cool-ish.
This is very manly, said me, the man, and I like it. There's colors I don't like, too. Lime green, ugh.
Thanks, handsome pod. That's kind of what Kelly Green looks like. Fortune, don't say that. Don't say that. I'm just telling you, Lime Green and Kelly Green are pretty similar. Don't say that. Lime Green's a little brighter, but it's in the same vein. I feel like Bob just specifically was like, I hate your color. Yeah, he was attacking me. A royal blue. Let me Google. A royal blue is beautiful.
royal blue everyone keep your headphones in while fortune googles everyone hold on to your ponties and if you're cleaning your ponties hold on to them that's a pretty bright blue though i dated somebody years ago that was obsessed with royal blue and i wasn't really familiar with it and but she uh
She wore it a lot. She loved it. So I'm very familiar with Royal Blue. I still think about her. You have some associations. When Royal Blue comes up. It makes me think of Jim Carrey in the movie Liar Liar when he can't tell a lie and he's trying to tell a lie and he's got a pen that's blue and he's trying to say the pen is red. Do you remember this? This is an iconic scene. I think go on YouTube and watch it and he's like, the pen is...
He's trying to say red and he can't. He's like, the pen is... And then he goes, the pen is... Oh, yeah, I remember that. God, I really committed to that. I tend to lean more towards this kind of blue. I don't know what you would call this. You have to go to our YouTube page to see. You have to go to the YouTube page to see this. It's not as dark. It's on the... Yeah, like a sky or like a Carolina blue.
Or if anyone's interested in seeing my cloudy brown eyes with little specks of jaundice, you'll have to go to the YouTube. Can you get up closer to the camera and give our viewers a little taste? Oh, taste getting very close. Wow. I see the cloud. That was amazing. How dare you? How dare you? Hypnotic. I love that. I saw the light in your eyes.
The literal light reflecting. Fortune saw the light. Fortune just had a religious experience. I saw the light. Back to your Googled picture of the color blue. Yeah, what are you... Yeah, so what are you looking there? I was looking at colors. Okay. We're trying to wrap up the show and you're just off Googling? Well, I did tell you... I don't want to... Well...
I don't know if I want to share this. I think you should. Do you want us to beg you? We will. Please. Come on. It's not that exciting. It's not about colors, though. It's fine. We're interested in anything you have to say. I don't know. Come on. Fortune, please. Just try us out. Well, I did something fun this week. Wait, hold on. I'll be right back. Okay.
I did something fun this week, and I meant to tell you guys earlier. Okay. I didn't want to rub it in your face, but before we end the show, I feel like I should tell you that I did something really fun. What?
I saw Madonna in concert. Oh, my God. And you waited till now to tell us? And this is as we're wrapping up the pod, you decide to drop the Madonna ball? Yeah. I went and saw Madonna in concert. Was it a good concert? It was great. Now, Jax is a huge Madonna fan. They're both from Michigan. Jax went to the same high school. And Jax came out at 15, which in the 90s was...
you know, not easy to be out at 15. And a big part of her coming out journey was Madonna and her being like unapologetically her and so supportive of the gay community when everyone else was like shunning her.
the community Madonna was riding, you know, ride or die for, uh, for our community. And it just, uh, was a big influence on her. And, um, she was just like, she can, you know, be bold and who she is. I can too. And so that's been her girl for her whole life. So anytime we can see Madonna, we go.
Madonna was dating Sandra Bernhardt, right? In the 90s? Did they date? I feel like they did. Maybe they were besties. I don't know. I can't remember. They might have been besties and people speculated something. Maybe there was like a late night make out session. Yeah, a little rubby rub. But who knows? Madonna's sex book was pretty ahead of the times too. That was like so scandalous. That documentary was...
All the stuff was like so faux pas. She was like, I don't give a shit. So did Jax love the concert? Was she emotional? Yeah, and we had front row seats. It was pretty cool. Had she seen her before? She's seen her like a gazillion times. But watching Jax beam, just smiling the whole time was so fun. She's never met her. That is on the bucket list.
Put it on the list, Thomas. Madonna's not the easiest person to try to meet because she's a superstar that's been famous forever. She's not just at Ralph's grocery shopping. What do you think her favorite color is? Good question. Black. Shiny black.
Pointy. New. Black. Pointy. That's a color. Pointy. Shiny. Black. Oh, I did see. There were some boobies in that show. Fortune. There were some boobies. I saw some boobies. Fortune Marie. Remember when we talked about motorboating on this podcast? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. We've really covered some pretty great topics. Yeah. Some important stuff. I guess we'll have to next get a question from Madonna, which I'm sure will be easy breezy. I'm just trying to get Jax to meet her so we can get...
Jackson meter and a question that would pretty much make Madonna. And so is this your cry for help on the podcast? Oh, I mean, word gets back to Madonna. No, I mean, your wife, unless Madonna's listening. What up, Madonna? She's totally listening. Yeah. Who doesn't listen to this podcast? What up, girl? Madonna was one of our first subscribers. That's right. I'm just saying my wife's a ride or die. There's nothing that Madonna could do to make her not be
be a ride or die so that's like me and Chrissy Hynde I'm like that's my person that's my person no matter what well if you can get the word out to Madonna or if you like this episode yeah Thomas can you call Madonna put it on the list Thomas call Madonna yeah
But yeah, thank you so much, Bob Odenkirk for the question. Thank you, Bob. Thank you for digging deep into your heart and soul for this question. If people want to share their favorite colors with us on our socials, hey, we'd love to hear it. We wanted
want to know is it green is it red is it yellow is it purple is it blue and what does it say about your personality maybe there's some kind of color expert that can tell us what this all means about us we don't know yeah there must be something behind it right like i i mean i do i do that harry potter sorting hat quiz a lot online to find out what harry potter house i'm in and that i'm
My kids did that with me. Oh, really? And what were you? Don't remember. The word didn't connect. It wasn't a word I had ever heard before. Yeah.
So we had didn't stick. I was like, okay, I I'm going to tell everybody what I'm up to here. And May 17th, I'm going to be at dynasty typewriter in Los Angeles. And then May 26th, I'll be at Largo in Los Angeles, working out new material and,
And, you know, it's real hit or miss. It's not like a greatest hits Madonna set list, okay? This is me scrambling around trying to make things funny. Go to tignotaro.com for other shows and ticket information. And also check out my special Hello Again on Amazon. Nice. Anyone else? I'll just be at Massey Hall in Toronto.
May 18th. If May's in town, maybe I'll get May to pop in. I'll be there, man. We'll see. And then I've got some casinos this summer coming. So yeah, go to fortunefever.com for those tickets. All right. Well, until then, keep it handsome. Please don't be mad at me. We need a podcast.
Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! What a podcast!