Abby Wambach asks about getting back to your self
58:19 Share

When you get a home insurance quote with Allstate, you might be pleasantly surprised. They make it easy to switch and save without the hassle or the headache. Home insurance doesn't have to be complicated, so give Allstate a try today. Check Allstate first because you could save $574 on your home insurance. No hassle, just savings. You're in good hands with Allstate. Not available in every state? Based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2021,

who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary. Credit Karma is your evolved financial assistant, making managing your finances simpler and more tailored to you. Join us at creditkarma.com to start your personalized financial journey today and continue to grow with our innovations. Credit Karma, evolve your finances.

Hey, handsomes, we've got some exciting news. Handsome is now a part of the HeadGum Podcast Network. HeadGum is an amazing network here in Los Angeles with a ton of fun podcasts, including now Handsome. Now, as far as your Handsome experience goes,

nothing is changing you can still listen to and watch our weekly episodes plus our pretty little episodes for free wherever you get your podcasts and stay tuned to our youtube channel because we're planning on popping into head gum studios and doing some in-person recordings very soon so keep it handsome and keep it head gum cheers this is a head gum podcast

Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I'm one of your three handsome hosts, Mae Martin, joined as always by... Fortune Feimster. And Tig Notaro. Tig Notaro. Right here.

Tig no taro. More like yes, taro. Have you ever had that before? I have. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I still think it's very clever. Very clever. Pretty much anything you can think of has been thought of. Do you think that's true? I sometimes try to think of a sentence that's never been said or thought, like a combination of words that just has never been. I can't think of one right now, but, you know, like. Well, give it a whirl. All right. Okay, here we go. Twelve minuscule lumps of peanut brittle.

miraculously merged. Wow. Do you think that's happened though? About the minuscule lumps? To form peanut brittle? Yeah, like there were smaller lumps and then they all merged together to form one. Maybe there's someone in a confectioner who said that. I don't know. Yeah. Off to an electric start for me. Maybe it's totally new. Yeah.

I can't say I've ever heard that sentence and I haven't ever thought that thought, but I also haven't heard a lot of things or thought a lot of things. Right. So I am the wrong one to ask. Did you guys know that Halloween is upon us? I did. No. How are you feeling about it? I don't know if you knew that, but it is upon us.

Do you have something for Biggie picked out? He does have holiday outfits and we will probably be breaking one of those out for a cute picture. He doesn't really care what he's in. Do you think he likes being in it? I think he's indifferent. I think he does whatever we do. He has that stare. He's got that thousand yard stare. Yeah. Yeah.

He does. He's got a biggie stare. Yeah. It's really cute. We get candy for the trick-or-treaters and we do hold him in our arms while the kids come and get candy. You're holding him no matter what. That's true. Do you wear matching gloves to the ground? Do you do like a group costume ever, all three of you? I have done it before. I think I was a California Raisin once. Whoa. Okay. Yeah.

And all three of you were? I think there were many of us. I think it was a large group. Okay. Like a whole bunch of... Yeah, a bunch of ravens. How are you feeling about Halloween in general, Tig? Well, we found out recently when I got together with Stephanie, I learned that she is Christmas obsessed with...

That doesn't match with her personality to me. I'd be shocked by that. No, yeah. Listen, that's all part of getting to know people. I was a little surprised. And yeah, full-blown Christmas. And so she goes real hard on Christmas and goes real hard on it with Max and Finn. And we found out this year

That they're about Christmas. Oh, no. Really? They're just like, it's fine.

It's fine. Wow. That would bum me out if I was really into it. And you've gone to so much trouble. But here's the thing. Here's the little twist in the story. A couple of years ago, Stephanie started to feel like, I'm a little, hmm, about Christmas. Oh. Yeah. She can't believe it. She can't believe that she's like, yeah, it's fine. So wait, so are you moving on to Halloween to make it the new big thing? Well, we found out.

This year, Max and Finn love, that's their number one favorite holiday. And I think that I've shared on this podcast that Finn wears Halloween socks year round. Yes. I don't know if I shared that or if you remember that. Year round, does not matter what outfit he's in, if he wears a little suit to something, if he's playing soccer, whatever it is, he's got little pumpkins on his socks.

It's a big time for the Yes Taro house. Yeah, for the Yes Taros. Yeah, and second in line is Easter for them. And then their birthday.

Their birthday is there. I feel like you should have little surveys for them that they fill out every year just to check up on the order. I have surveys for everything around this house. I liked Easter because who doesn't love a basket of treats? But Easter for me was synonymous with having to put on a dress, a very frilly dress, and go to church. That wasn't your style, was it?

No, I would get in fights with my mom every Sunday. Like, I don't want to wear a dress. Like, I didn't. I could go to church, but I wanted to wear jeans. And that was a big no-no. I think that church would probably get a lot more followers if they were just like, wear jeans. Well, now it's more casual. Is it? I went home last Christmas and I noticed jeans. And I was like, now we're talking. Now we're talking. They're wearing jeans. Yeah.

Jeans and bonnets. Sign me up for church. Do you enjoy church? No, but you know me. I love a hymn. I love a hymn. And a her. I like any kind of ritual, and I like people coming together and singing.

I haven't found a church I love. I'll say that one. Yeah, I'm not crazy about it. I like my hometown one just because they're pretty chill. You know, we were Methodists and Methodists are chill. But if it were like one of those hardcore churches, that would be hard for me. Instead, I get to go sing, you know.

Oh Lord, my God. It's funny. I get sent a lot of memes and stuff about quantum physics and like the power of intention and our thoughts shaping reality and stuff. So in a way, like if you're taking the,

time to pray at all or like light a candle, like you're focusing your intention and your wants. Maybe there's a quantum kind of explanation or value to like,

Thinking about what you want. I agree, Mae. Anyway, guys, tonight I have a show at 11 p.m. tonight. Can you believe? And also, Fortune, what's going on with that hat? Go to YouTube right this second. Go to YouTube right now. Stop what you're doing. Go to YouTube. It's worth it. While people are on YouTube, they might want to see one part of my Halloween costume. What?

Are you being a leprechaun this year? Oh, this week she's being a leprechaun. Is that not a leprechaun? No, no, no. I thought this was Alf. Oh, I have to get an Alf mask. You're good point. I imagine there will be multiple Halloween parties this weekend. So an Alf mask would be good. Yes. I just figured I bought when I went to, you guys remember how I went to Oktoberfest and

While I was in Munich, I bought two Lederhosens. I don't need two Lederhosens, but I bought two.

Because you love to shop. Because one was a bit sillier than the other one and then I realized I don't want to go silly. I want to look legit. You want to look serious in your lederhosen? I do want to look serious in my lederhosen. So for Halloween, I'm going to wear the silly lederhosen and this will be part of that costume. I thought it was leprechaun for sure. Oh boy. I think I'm too big to pass for a leprechaun. Disagree. Disagree.

You're an adult leprechaun. So what? So what? You guys like my hat? Yeah, I love it. It really suits you. Honestly, I don't like it. If I'm totally honest with you, I don't like it. I think the green compliments the blonde. It's like almost a Peter Pan vibe. I don't like it. Or it could be a fedora. You just look like a lesbian. Yeah.

That's what I go as every Halloween. I go whenever people are like, what are you? I say, I'm an aging lesbian. Oh my God. Do you think that there are a lot of lesbians still rocking fedoras? Yeah. Do we know? Probably, yeah. Write in. Write in if you're still rocking your fedora. Here's what I want to suggest. I would like to put it out there and I would like to see some photos too. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Of you and your two friends, whoever you are, and your two friends are going as handsome. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yes. And it didn't even occur to me that that could happen. Yeah, didn't either. Until I saw you in this clown suit.

How dare you? How dare you? I have to look at it. How dare you? I feel like this, it feels manipulative, but I do want to offer like a prize to the best handsome costume because I really want people to do it. So we should think of a prize. Probably something in our merch. How about that hat?

They can win fortunes. Lederhosen, huh? Do we send them like a pair of pineapple apart socks or something? I was thinking bigger. I was like, I'll fly to their house. All right. That's it. Great costumes. Give me your address. Give me your address. I'm coming over.

What else do I have to do? And then they're like, oh, we didn't think you were really going to come. They're like, turn off the lights. Pretend you're not home. I love that I started with our handsome socks.

And you went to, I will fly to your house and hang out. Classic May. Classic May. Classic May. Fortune and I are willing to throw some dirty socks your way. Dirty socks is what we've been warned. May is happy to fly. I'm assuming they're disgusting used, right? You win used. Sure.

You know what? New socks. No, here, I've got it. I will send Finn's pumpkin socks to you. Well, Finn's not going to like that. Yeah, he's not going to like that. Well, he's got endless amounts of pumpkin. He's got 25 pairs. Yeah, Halloween socks coming out of every drawer. Again, I was going to send new handsome pineapple barn socks. But if you win, I, you heard it here, you won't be able to get rid of me. You're going to be, because I will join your family. Wow.

I just want to give love and be loved. Wow. Now I'm very excited to see these handsome costumes because there's a lot at stake.

There's a lot at stake. I could end up relocating to Iowa or something. You sure could. As long as you can still do the handsome podcast. It doesn't matter to us. Why not? Please move to Iowa. If you move to Iowa, I think you're going to want to continue this podcast because you might get bored. I think it'll be a bright spot on my calendar. Iowa's a beautiful city, town. Of course. Country. It's a state. I got iced in Des Moines. Iced? Iced?

I don't know what iced is. Isn't that like assassinated? Do you think I got assassinated? Wait, Fortune, were you assassinated? Wait, you were assassinated? How is this just now coming up? Iced. Do you guys ever hear of Smirnoff Ice? Like somebody ignores you? No. Right? You get iced. Have you ever heard of the malt beverage Smirnoff Ice? Yeah. Okay. Okay.

So in the Midwest, it was very popular to ice somebody.

So what that means is that if someone comes up to you and hands you a Smirnoff Ice, you had to get on your knees and then chug this entire Smirnoff Ice in one gulp. Then you iced yourself. You have the choice to do it or not. Well, I do a whole story about it in my special good fortune book.

where I talk about that I got iced at a show of mine many, many years ago in Des Moines by a lesbian named Linda. Linda. One of my own turned against me. And did you know, so you knew about this tradition? No. Or did she say like, hey, you got to get on your knees? She said, she handed me this. She goes, hey, you've been iced. And the whole crowd went nuts.

Wait, crowd? Where were you? You were on stage? My show. A show of mine. And you were on stage when it happened? I was on stage. Oh my lord. And I was kind of tipsy. This is the only reason I think I agreed to it. I was tipsy. This was a wild show. It was not at a club. It was at this independent show I was doing at a bar that turned this room into like a...

stage there's like 400 people there it was my chelsea lately days so the crowd that knew me at that time like like to drink and party because chelsea liked to drink and party and so they kept sending me the whole show drink after drink and shot at my whole barstool was full of alcoholic beverages i couldn't keep up with all the drinks that were being sent to me

So I started to drink some of them and I was starting to get tipsy. And then the nail in the coffin was... When you were assassinated. Handed me a Smirnoff Ice and the whole crowd goes nuts. And she goes, you've been iced.

And I said, what does that mean? And they said, you have to get on your knees and drink this. I'm like, I'm not getting on my knees. And she was like, do it. This is during your show. Yes. This is what this whole bit's on. This whole bit's on my last special on Netflix. I don't want to give it away. But why did you agree to it? Because Linda. Why didn't you just say, step back, Linda? Because you try saying no to Linda in Des Moines. Yeah.

Handsome homeowners, we want to help you save on your home insurance. That's why we're proud to be sponsored by Allstate. With Allstate, they're not just saving you money, they're saving you time by making it easy to get a quote without all the headache. Check Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance. No hassle, just savings. You're in good hands with Allstate.

Not available in every state based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary. How do you know her name was Linda just because she was gay? Hey, my name's Linda. And you've been iced. Oh my God. What did Linda look like?

spiky hair, spiky gray hair, older. Yeah. This adds up. A leather vest. I said it looked like she might have had a dream catcher in her car.

Wow, Linda. Oh my God. And so were you wasted after? You had to continue the show? Yeah, I like, I woke up. You passed out. I passed out. Oh my God. I passed out. Who started this? Linda probably started it. It's a thing people do. I didn't make it up. I understand. No, I understand. But I'm saying, who made it up? Linda. Linda.

Probably Linda. And also, like, why do you have to get on your knees as part of getting iced? I don't know what to tell you. I didn't make the rules. I don't want to fight with you. I'm just saying this is so dumb and weird. Google it. It's a thing. I'm not Googling getting iced. So anyway, my point was that happened in Iowa.

hmm so be careful be careful may okay if linda's around yeah yeah i'm running what if what if i what if linda submits a photo and wins the competition and i gotta go live with her linda might who do you think linda would play of the three of us me pig yeah fine i'm linda oh god

I can't wait to see people's curly haired wigs. What are they going to have for May? Like spray paint their head yellow. Blonde beaver hair. And like little round head. You know what they could do? They could just tape a Q-tip onto the other two people and be like, there's May. Oh, no way.

Why a Q-tip? I think I look like a Q-tip and I have that vibe. Okay. If anyone wants to go. I can't see the Q-tip vibe, but... Okay, thanks. No. I see like a Bieber haircut with the like...

But if we do see Q-tips out this house, spooky Q-tips. Spooky. This one Halloween, actually, Thomas was with us. We were visiting Stephanie's mother when she lived in Rhinebeck, New York. And it was, oh my gosh, it was so funny. First of all, Thomas was very much like,

only allowing one candy or whatever per person. He was very, you know. You were really disciplined about Dickler. Wow, yeah. And also Stephanie's mother made us all, I don't know if you remember this, Thomas, make these little ghost covers for those dum-dum lollipops. And it was just a white little sheet with two dots and like a rubber band around it. And we were like,

why are we doing this? And she's like, it's fun because it's fun. And so we're like doing this, these, putting these little ghost costumes on dumb, dumb lollipops. And this kid came to the door and was like, what's this? Yeah.

Totally ruined the vibe. But it was also really funny because I think Max and Finn, they were maybe two and a half or something. And Finn just yelled, and ran out of the door and down the street. And we had to go retrieve him.

That's really good. Yeah. That's really good. Are you going to go trick-or-treating this year? I don't know because of my schedule. I'll be in Toronto. Oh, yeah. You're going to miss it. At least go trick-or-treating by yourself, please. Oh, my God. Halloween is not my thing. And I'm also not like you were saying you were in a group costume. I'm not a group costume person.

Yeah, I couldn't see you doing that. Yeah, I mean, I barely am able to get into a costume beyond an aging lesbian. But I don't like the... We're a thing together...

This is really throwing a spanner in our horse costume idea. Yeah, that's going to be hard to pull off. I'll take control of it so you won't have to do anything except get in it, step into it. I am more than happy to do that because it's not Halloween. It's every day. Oh, yeah, we can't do it on Halloween. No, just for like day-to-day life, clomping around, I'm happy to be...

A third in that, yeah, in that horse suit. You're going to give out candy, Fortune? I'm going to give out candy. I usually go to Tom Papa's house. He always has a big Halloween thing. But my dream, and I talked about this last Halloween, you know, I told you guys how when I was a kid, I would go to church. They had like a, they called it a bazaar.

Yes. I went to a church bazaar around Halloween. Yeah. And they would have the thing where you walk in the circle and if you won, you got a whole cake. I don't remember you talking about this, but yeah. I'm pretty sure I did. And because that was where I went dressed as Alf.

Oh my God. Yes. Yeah. Oh my God. And they, when you won, if you, cause it's basically musical chairs, but without the chairs, you're on a number. And if it stops on your number, you get to pick out a cake, an entire cake that some wonderful old lady made and,

And I've not experienced that since I was a kid, and I really want to be a part of a situation where everyone makes an entire cake, and I get to pick out one if I win. And what if you don't win? Would you be crushed? Yes. Because that's your only...

Yeah. Maybe we rig it. We rig it so you can win because that would be too sad. If I'm in this situation and I don't want a cake, my dreams will have been shattered. Okay. We can't let that happen. No. Thank you. We would never let your dreams be shattered, Fortune. I really love cake.

what's your favorite kind of cake yeah probably red velvet that's good i love red velvet i like cheap uh cheap white birthday cake like that like just where the flavor is basically just white yeah like it's not even vanilla like just yeah yeah i love king cake from mardi gras oh yeah it's almost like a danish though right

It's like a cinnamon roll type vibe, but it is. But then there's stuff in it, right? You might swallow like a mannequin. A baby. A mannequin. I was just going to say we should. A full grown mannequin in a king cake. Okay.

I'll tell you this, I do not want to swallow a mannequin. The cake is in the shape of a man. If you swallowed a mannequin, that would be your choice. You decided to swallow it because you would have so many chances to not swallow a mannequin. In my defense, you said...

There's a baby in there. So a mannequin, a baby, I don't know. Well, it's a little plastic baby or a penny. Sometimes they'll put a penny in there. Worse. Worse. I'd rather saw a mannequin. A mannequin. A mannequin.

Yeah. How are you going to put a penny in there? That's easily swallowable. I don't know. That's part of the jeopardy. I want to bring that back though, hiding stuff in cakes. Like there was one called a frozen Charlotte that were apparently, and you'd put like a frozen porcelain doll in it.

That's not far off from a mannequin. It is weird. Why are you hiding things? Yeah, I don't put anything in cakes. Like when people talk about proposing and they put the ring in the cake, I think that's terrible. Yeah, I'm not a fan of that. What are you supposed to eat? Chomp down on a ring? Come on. What are we doing here? So if you're in jail, you don't want me to smuggle you a little saw in the cake. I do want cake. You don't care about the saw? And I probably won't want you to smuggle it. I want you to smuggle it.

I'd like for you to smuggle a mannequin in my cake and then I'll have a buddy in my jail cell. Sounds like this is going to be a pretty fun Halloween for me. The only thing I don't want this Halloween, I don't want to see a ghost. Yeah, ghost. I'm always ready. I don't want it. I've heard you. The people that see ghosts are the ones who are susceptible to it.

So they have invited these ghosts into their life, into their... And I don't want it. I'm not... I don't want any part of it. The only ghosts I want to see are the yeah ghosts. I only want to see the yeah ghosts that our hands listeners are wearing. No, I've never seen a ghost. Well, it sounds like you are susceptible because you have this fear. Yeah, what if your fear actually magnetizes them? You guys...

Do not invite ghosts into my house. My house currently is a non-ghost house. I think we've talked about this, but I also am like, what is the problem? Who cares about ghosts? Like, what is the worst thing? A ghost that you can run your hand through them. Like, you don't even knock into any. Yeah. You talked about this. They rattle and chain. Ooh.

They rattle a chain. It's like, okay, please. What about a poltergeist is not harmless? Oh, fuck yeah. You don't want that. You don't want that. They could explode your TV or something. And you don't want... What if a ghost shows up and starts showing you your Christmas past and future? And you're like, I didn't want to see that. Who wants to go back in time? Okay. You're naming like some annoying things. Like they...

Blow your TV up. They rattle chains. I'll tell you the most fucked up thing they can do is get in your head and kind of start making you go crazy. Like they're going... That little girl goes...

I was playing with the woman in my room and she said to go to the pond at night. And the parents are like, what woman is this? Elmo, sweetie. She's like the woman. She comes every night. She tells me to go swimming in the dark. And the parents are like, you're you're have an imaginary friend. And then the next thing you know, your kids wading into the pond that night going, the woman told me.

Where did this happen? I made it up, but that's the kind of thing that could happen. And also, you're in a shower and it's steamy and all of a sudden they're writing in your mirror. Yeah, they're going, fuck you. And that happened to either of you or anyone you know? No. But it could. There are more things in heaven and earth. You know what could happen that is real? We could get our question from our questioner today. That is...

That's real. Yes, we could. Yeah, let's do it. Who do we have? Everyone watches women's sports. That's the t-shirt Fortune's wearing. I've worn this shirt before, but I wore it again in honor of today's questioner. Today's questioner is a gold medal winning athlete, a best-selling author and podcast host who was named U.S. Soccer Athlete of the Year six times. Not five. Six times. Six times.

She is the highest all-time goal scorer for the U.S. national team. Abby Wambach is asking today's question. I have to say really quick...

I'm very excited about Abby being on our podcast, who I think is our first athlete. Is that true? Yeah, that's true. Ask us a question. Well, Stephanie was on. Well, that's true. She played on the Pistol Shrimps. She sure did. But this is our first professional athlete. I know Abby now, which is very exciting. But I was a huge fan.

Abby fan for all of her run on the U S national team. I mean, one of the greatest soccer players of all time, men or men or a woman like watching her play was like,

Next level, unbelievable. She had some of the greatest goals in the history of soccer. I mean, she was phenomenal. She was a forward, like a striker. Yes. She scored goals in crunch times. She got us these gold medals or championships. Us meaning? Us.

I mean, we're all in this together, right? Right, right, right. I mean, they're playing, but I'm watching. Of course. Because everyone watches women's sports. I'm wearing this shirt because some of our teammates made these shirts. And women's sports is having a big moment that hopefully continues and grows. But Abby was on the forefront of being one of the first...

It was Mia Hamm and then Abby Wambach, these huge soccer stars. But she's an incredible athlete. And so when I got to meet her and got to know her a little bit, I was like so geeked out because I'm just a giant admirer of her.

athletic ability and what she did for the sport it was really cool really cool to watch her and she's so funny and kind and smart that's like yeah now she has a podcast with her wife glennon and um they're doing really really neat glennon sister is on uh the podcast too but yeah abby is do hard things abby's a real um

Delight of a human. A real delight. Only a good vibe around her. Yeah. For sure. Should we hear her question? Let's do it. Oh. All right. Hi, Tig. Hello, Fortune. Hello, May. You all are so handsome. First of all, I love your freaking podcast. It's the absolute best. We love listening to it. Number one. My question is,

is this. And as you can see, yes, I am in bed. And it has been a lot going on in our lives. We've got aging parents, and we've got teenage children, and we've got businesses, and we've got work stuff. And I've been trying to think of a really smart question to ask you guys. But I think that I'm going to just be more real, like,

I want to know some of the methods that you three employ and how to get, because I'm sure you're all just as busy as us. What are the ways in which you use? What are the things that you use for you to bring yourself back to yourself? I mean, I know we talk about we can do hard things on our other broadcasts. And I'm like, I'm kind of tired of talking about hard things all the time.

And I think sometimes I forget how to even do easy things because I don't know. I just need your help. I need your help figuring out what it is that you three do. I'm curious if you do things that are similar to me or if you could give me some new things that I can try to do to make myself feel more like myself and less overwhelmed or stressed or whatever. I love you guys.

Thanks for asking me to do this. Finally. Good luck with answering the question. I can't wait to hear the answers. Wow. This is like a direct give me some advice kind of thing. Yeah, I don't think we've had that before. No. It's a really good question. I struggle with it too. Like she said, bring you back to yourself. I'm like, I don't know if I was ever with myself. Yeah.

I think I came out of the womb like a gunshot went off and was like, zing! And I've just been running for my life ever since. You've been zinging around?

Well, it's so easy in this business to get so like consumed with work and the responsibilities that you do sort of become robotic at times or you don't feel like yourself or you just feel like you're kind of outside of your body going from one thing to the next to the next. So I totally relate to that feeling. Yeah. And it's different. It must be different for everyone what brings you back to yourself because like Abby said, how to –

to make me feel like myself again. So that would be specific to you. Like, yeah, maybe tapping into those hobbies or passions that you had when you were a kid that you haven't monetized. Like, I think it's hard if you do what you love. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then, but, you know, do you love to paint or play the piano? And it is interesting to hear Abby say, like, that she's doing all of these things in life that are stressful. And then also...

She is talking about hard things a lot. I mean, that's what their podcast is. Yeah. Yeah. We can do hard things and it's a great podcast. Yeah.

And although they are getting into a lot of heavy stuff, it is funny. I mean, they definitely find the humor there. And there's so much silliness at times. And that's great. But I can relate in that, you know, for myself, when there was kind of a heaviness and

in my life of being busy and also being in the middle of all of the stuff I was in the middle of when I was sick and everything in 2012. And that followed me for a long time where about it. Yeah. Talking about it and kind of staying in that loop. And even though there's certainly still elements of that, that's going to follow me for a long time. Um,

because I'm known for it, and because I still am dealing with hard things in that reality. But it's also, I reached a point where I had to stop and think, okay, I put out a comedy special, or more than one, wrote a book, had a TV show, documentary, all these different things that people can

go to and access for any sort of insight or help that they might think or hope to get from me. But that doesn't mean I have to stay there forever. And a lot of the things that I've been drawn to now is just a lot of silliness. And that's what I had to really get in touch with for myself of like,

Who am I? Yes, I went through that. And I still go through parts of it. And we'll continue to but who am I? And I'm like, Oh, I love hanging out with friends, talking, being silly,

That I love so, so much. That's a part of me, the seriousness and the hard stuff. But I really, really love laughing with friends. And I've had amazing laughs with Abby and Glennon and with you guys. And that, I don't know. I feel like that really brings me back.

Because I do think that sometimes you can get caught up in what people expect of you. Oh, my God. Yeah. On so many different levels. And then you back yourself into a corner and you're like, well, this is my thing or this is what people need from me. It's what they want or expect. And then you are stuck in that corner and you just are like, I just...

Yeah. And you might not realize it's taking a toll on you, too, because you've sort of narrativized it or you've like made it light. But then it's still personal and emotional and, you know, more to you than the person asking the question. And you're talking about this. Yeah. Yeah. OK. So silliness. Big time. Yeah. And I have...

One of my closest friends, she's Max and Finn's godmother. We've been tight since we were children. We don't see each other and talk to each other every day, but I would say she is one of my absolute closest friends. When I see her, I'm like, I cannot wait to see her. I mean, it brings me back to a...

centered place. Yeah. And a version of yourself that you like. Yeah. And it's, it's just, it's just relaxed and it's, it's every like we know each other from childhood.

We have been through all of the good and bad. And I mean horrendous and joyful together. And you're accountable. These people hold you accountable in life because they've seen every part of you. And I don't know. That centers me. And I think just in a simple day-to-day way, I like to just take a walk. No headphones. Nothing.

have my head clear, just look around, look up, think. That stuff centers me. Yeah. Bird poops in your eye. Yeah. I'll take it. I was going to say friends too because I feel like the older we get, the less we see of some of our friends. It used to be like,

My early days in LA, I was with friends all the time and we were such a big part of each other's lives. And we're just like always in touch, always at each other's houses. And then when my career started really picking up and I started, especially when I started touring, I was always gone. So then that stuff kind of fell by the wayside because it just, I wasn't around like I was before. So yeah,

when I'm feeling a little uncentered or like things have been too serious or too businessy or whatever, I have some of those core friends, um,

Who I can be silly with. And we don't all live in the same place anymore. But if we talk on the phone, they just know me in a way other people don't know me. And you can kind of say anything and be silly, like you said. And that definitely makes me feel good. Or we'll have brunch or something. And you're just like...

you're not uh you know the comedian or the actor the whatever person well you're just like friends and you're sharing a cinnamon roll you know did i tell you about my friend gabby the other day when i was real sad and uh like you're saying fortune though they also they remember all the

times that you've been sad and got through it too so there's like it's less alarmist because they're around and they're like oh yeah we've been through this before yeah but my friend Gabby she left the room for a minute I mean I was so sad I was like you know and she comes back into the room completely naked and runs around the kitchen island and her her little body just running around the island I've never seen her naked before like this is a surreal choice for her and it was just like to jolt me out of

What was going on? And it made me cry, laugh. It was so bold. That is hilarious. I've never had a friend do that for me. It was so unexpected. I'll do that for you, Fortune. Yes! Yes, please. Yeah. That's pretty funny. I like music and guitar and stuff. It was good, too. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes mine...

Is the opposite of that. I either like want to be with friends that know me and we're laughing and silly or I just want to be completely alone. Because I do, even though I'm extroverted, I have a big part of my personality that is introverted as well. And I need to just like be on my couch, like big in my lap.

Watching some trash TV show that I don't have to think about anything. Fireplace on. Yeah. Just chilling and not doing anything and not having anyone expect anything of me. And just allowing myself to just like not work or answer texts. Just like anything.

Being nothing. Yeah. The muscles in your face are just like totally relaxed. You're just like, I'm not even. Yeah. That sounds nice. Yeah. I love that. I love that more than anything to just like.

just wait can jacks be there or you just want to be that jack's gonna be there for sure because she's we have this she lives there still right she does she's on the she's on the one side of the couch i'm on the other and we're pretty we talk a ton but we are also very good about just being and chilling and not you know doing anything um

um so that helps me get re in like re-energized by just doing nothing i'm doing an improv show tonight and that kind of like i'm so tired and i would love to go to bed and the show's at 11 p.m but then i remember her our friend alana johnston is is doing it with me and that she's the silliest person i know and she's gonna come silly she enters a room like

It's like a firework went off. And she, one time we went to Sarah Silverman's party together. And she's not annoying. No.

No, not annoying. That's the thing is she's a delight. A delight. And she walked into the room and she starts going as she walks into Sarah Silverman's party. And I'm like, shy. I don't know anyone. And she and Elena walks in going, I know what boys like. She starts singing this song. Anyway. And did she know Sarah at the time or? Yeah, yeah. We knew her. We both knew her a bit. Oh, OK. Yeah. I wasn't sure if you were both first time.

I think it was our first time at the party, you know? So we were intimidated and she just is so fun as a plus one to anything. But yeah, we're doing improv tonight and I just know I'm going to, I'm, I just laugh on stage. I can't even hold it in. And she just does ridiculous things. That goes back to that silliness thing. I also think it's just so, um, I think it comes with age and, um, experience of starting to say no, um,

I gotta get better at that. Yeah. Yeah. It's so crucial because you really don't have to do everything. And you really don't. And, you know, it's like, you get asked all the time, like, will you do this charity event? Will you donate money? Will you be here for this appearance? Will you do this? And it's like,

You want to do things. You want to be helpful. You want to be involved. But it's like at what expense? Yeah, better to pick a few and then really put your all into them. Yeah. And really show up and really like promote it and prep it. Yeah, because I feel like some people get that you meaning me.

maybe the three of us and others in our kind of in entertainment, get asked to do a lot of things. And then I think there are other people that don't quite understand that you're not the first person that's asked, you know, it's, and so you it's, it's a balance of trying to figure out like, I want to do this, but I don't have time. And I always try to say something like,

you know, maybe another time just to keep the door open and keep it friendly and whatever. But I do think it's so important to do the lockdown when you're just beat to the ground or you just need some time off. What about nature? Like, do you guys go in? I never go in nature, really. And I know I have to. That's weird because there is a bear behind you. Where? It does look like a bear. What do you mean?

oh after the bear thing oh i'm sorry it just looks like there's a polar bear behind you felt there was a bear behind them i really there's no bear i mean maybe there is somewhere behind you on this planet it looks like a woolly mammoth like it's a weirdly like decorative fluffy chair yeah yeah um yeah nature though i remember going on a hike in the

mountains when I was like 20 and it was before I had a cell phone even and it was like and we were staying in little like guest houses up in the mountains and it was like it was the best no one could reach me no one knew where I was and I was just writing my little journal and yeah you like to go off the grid yeah did I tell you about this uh thing I heard about the darkness retreat I think we have talked about it where you go for three days so you sit in the dark you I don't know if you tell me about it but I've heard about it and it kind of intrigues me

Okay. Not me. No, thank you. Bye-bye. Y'all have fun. We'll go in adjacent rooms in the dark. I would be very interested. I heard about this probably 10 years ago. This was before I was triggered with claustrophobia. And so I'm curious how I would do now.

You have to know that door is open if you have to get out for any reason. Yeah. You just sit in the dark for all day? Yeah. So you go up. The one I saw was like in Oregon or something. And it's a little cabin and it's pitch black. And three times a day, someone who works there is going to bring you slide in a little meal and be like, you okay in there? And you're just sitting. And I think maybe you could have a little fire going or something, but a tiny one that you can't see.

And you're just in there for 72 hours. And when you get out, you're so grateful to be alive, I think. Yeah, I would need to have something in. Yeah, I would pay big, big money for this. But if I were in a dark cabin, I would need to have like a sledgehammer or

Because I think my claustrophobia would be like, oh, I'd be scared somebody on the other side would be able to lock me in. So that would trigger me. So I'd need something. And I actually don't think I'm strong enough to...

you're like lift it much less knock something down i'd be like ah my back yeah but um just knowing is there yeah i wonder if we one time did this podcast like from a dark pitch black room the three of us and how it would affect yeah like how it would affect us people to watch the videos

Oh, gosh. Wait, is this a new fedora? How are they going to see this fedora? Oh.

Is this a second hat? No, this is the hat. Well, we wouldn't be able to tell if you were wearing it. It would be pitch black. I don't even want to eat in the dark. I've heard of those experiences where you go pay at a restaurant and it's pitch dark. I don't even want to do that. I've done that. Oh my gosh. That's what I need. Light. I mean, you're essentially just...

Kind of talking about how dark it is through the whole dinner. Yeah. And but what made me laugh doing that, having that experience was how much

probably disgusting the room was that we're in because they have no reason to make it nice. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because it is pitch black. They lead you in and direct you to your chair. You can't see anything. And so I found it humorous slash disgusting when I thought about

The filth and ugliness we were probably sitting in. I need to see my food too. Because we went to this little burger place. It's very popular in New York City. And it was super dark. It was really hard to see. Is it McDonald's?

I'm McDonald's. No Happy Meals. And they're known for their burgers. And we were like, they gave us our burgers. And Jax takes a bite of hers. She's like, this, I don't know. Something doesn't feel right. Oh, God. And she took another bite. And she's like, I don't know. And so I had to get out my phone flashlight. And so we do the thing. And her burger's like raw. Oh.

Oh, my God. It was like kind of cooked on the outside, but like super raw in the middle of it. And it's a dark restaurant on purpose? It's a dark restaurant. I mean, just like the vibe. It's not like what you're describing, that one of those. It's just badly lit. It was just like hard to see. And it was like so raw. And I was like, I need to see my food. I got to see my food. And we even were like, hey, her burger is raw. And they were like, huh.

I love that waiter. It wasn't a fancy place by any means. They were like, okay. Bummer. Bummer for you. Yeah. Sorry to hear that. I'm off work. Yeah. All right. Well, oh, should we hear Abby's answer? Well, I just wanted to say real quick, like how does one chill or find that peace and

When you have kids, because Abby's house has kids, your house has kids. How do you find that? Right, but they're at school. Oh, are they? Okay. Yeah. I mean, Max and Finn, we drop them off at eight in the morning. They go to school till three and then they have these extracurricular activities

that they do after school or if they don't have extracurricular activities, they have just this free play. So that's where you find your me time. Yeah. And so we don't pick them up until just before five. Gotcha. And then we have them on the weekends all day and night, which I don't know. I just assume there's no peace when you have kids. What?

I guess like, I don't know, it would be hard to have full peace in your mind because your mind is kind of... You're worried all the time. You got like two little separate minds in your own mind that are just like keeping an eye on those two all the time, you know? Yeah. And I think there's also those weird moments in life where you're just going along and everything feels good. And then your child lets you in on, you know, a thought or feeling that they had where you're like,

Whoa, I didn't know you were thinking or feeling that. Right. You know, yeah, that can trigger a concern of what else don't I know? Or what?

What do they not even know to tell me or ask about? And then it spirals into, and then when they're a teenager, and then what if when they're off to this and that? Yeah, no thank you. But it is all worth it. I know. I'm sure you're right. I am. Let's hear what Abby has to say. Maybe she has...

some advice for us. Okay. So I just woke up from my nap and I guess I'm feeling a little better. That is one way that I returned to myself. Nap. I nap almost every single day. It is the thing that I have taken from the sports world. Um,

and brought it into my retirement world that, look, Glennon never participates. She doesn't understand napping. Every once in a blue moon I'll get her in here. I'm here every day. I also go for walks and I work out every day in the morning, every weekday. Those are things that bring me back to myself. I like to take a sauna every

And really, I think that most things that I'm feeling, like the way that I'm feeling, can be helped with a big glass of water. Oh. Hope you guys agree. A big glass of water? I disagree. I really disagree. Well, I disagree on the napping. I am not a napper. I'm not a napper either. Are you a napper? Yeah.

I try sometimes and it just makes me so sleepy after because I think we're probably all three of us so underslept and like so profoundly deficient in sleep that once you start your body's like, give me 20 hours. It's so confusing to take a nap for me. Yeah. Waking up and just being like, yeah, I get disoriented. What happened? How do you feel about a big glass of water though?

I like water. I mean, I drink water all day. I should be better about the exercising every day. Are you still treading? I treaded yesterday morning. Yeah. I do like that a lot. It actually has been something I look forward to when I do it a couple of times a week and really enjoy that. I like the idea of taking a sauna. If someone wants to give me an outdoor sauna, I'd be happy to take a sauna. I don't know.

We have a GoFundMe page for Fortune Sauna. Or if someone has a sauna company, I'll take a sauna. Oh, yeah. Sauna companies listening, send us each a sauna. We'd like a sauna, and then we can know what Abby's talking about. Well, it sounds like Abby knows how to bring herself back to herself. I know. She's learned some good skills. Yeah, she seems better at it than us. She's all set.

I'm like, do an improv show. Yeah, Abby, do an improv show. Oh my God, I would love to see Abby in an improv show. That's very funny. It is wild to think about professional athletes that they're forced to retire at such a young age. It would be jarring to like,

you've spent your entire life being the best at this thing. And, and to be a professional athlete requires like crazy amounts of dedication and time. And then all of a sudden at like 36, 38, you're like, that's it. That would be wild. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you would have to find ways to, to figure out yourself and,

who that person is beyond your sport. Like for me, I never was considered as a professional. You were never considered for professional. Fortune was never considered in this life. I was never considered for professional athleticism.

Well, and let me take a second to encourage people out there to continue supporting women's sports. Yes. They've made such huge strides. And to see these basketball games and soccer games and rugby games and volleyball games, to see these stadiums getting filled in a way that they had not seen before,

in the past. Although women, our women's soccer team led the charge in this. Um, it's really cool that they're finally getting, uh, their due. And we just have to continue to, to support these sports and these athletes, um, as they continue to, to do really amazing things. Big time. I couldn't have said it better. Well, everyone have a happy Halloween, uh, Santa Rosa for me, November 16th. Uh,

Get your merch. Yeah, Ghost. Wear them. Wear your tees. Yeah, get your Yeah, Ghost t-shirt. Also, if you're in Toronto, I am...

constantly at Comedy Bar on Danforth. So go to tignotaro.com to get all of my tour dates and also buy my new album, Hello Again. It's the audio version of my latest comedy special on Secretly Canadian Records. And you can buy that on my website or from theirs. And all of my show information is there too.

And send in your handsome costume photos and tag us at the handsome pod on Instagram. Yes, dress like us. And I will fly to your house. Yes, May is coming over no matter what. But truly, subscribe to YouTube and to the podcast. Rate and review us. And also send your favorite episodes to your friends. And until next time, keep it handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. Follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a HeadGum Podcast.

Handsome's, the audio version of my comedy special, Hello Again, is available everywhere just in time for the holidays. Go to TickNotaro.com to get a copy for you and a loved one now. There's no better time than today to save money on home insurance, whether you're a first-time buyer or a long-time owner. Allstate can save you cash, but they can also save you time because they make getting a quote quick and

and easy. Check Allstate first and you could save $574 on your home insurance. No hassle, just savings. You're in good hands with Allstate. Not available in every state. Based on the national average annual savings for new home insurance customers surveyed in 2023 who switched to Allstate and reported savings. Savings vary.