Matinee Monday: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow LIVE!
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BAS.com slash bonkers and use the code bonkers at checkout. Sky Captain, Sky Captain, come in! We're being attacked by too much CGI! It's all over the place and it's closing in fast! Help us before we all die of boredom! We saw Sky Captain in the world of tomorrow! You know what that means! Sky Captain!

Howdy.

Hello people of earth and hello people of lord.

We are so excited to be here tonight to be talking to you about Sky Captain and the world of tomorrow. If you've watched this movie, I apologize. I managed to avoid it until just this week. And boy, oh boy, it's rough. But good thing we have an all-star panel tonight to help us dissect this blue screen masterpiece.

Let me bring out my co-host, Jason Manzoukas! Welcome! What's up, jerks? How we doing? We're here to talk about a terrible movie. I'll ask this of everyone. A movie that is 90% real-time navigation. Lots of maps, a lot of charts, a lot of compasses. And none of it was there. All of it, pointless.

in which Gwyneth Paltrow gets punched into unconsciousness.

Sky Captain and the Turd of Tomorrow. It is a problematic movie indeed for many a reason. I did not enjoy this. Well, here's a question I will ask of everyone that comes out here. How long did it take you to get through this hour and 40 minute movie? I watched this movie today, okay? And it was awful.

It was awful. My first note is, I'm six minutes in and I'm already exhausted. Next note, wow, comma, this is awful. Next note, this must have been tortured to make. Next note, this looks awful. Next note, I hate this boring movie. Next note, how is it possible Giovanni Ribisi is still doing this map shit? Next note,

This was happening all day for me. I watched this movie. I started the movie at 8 p.m. I finished it at 12.45 at night because I stopped it for breaks and I rewound it a numerous amount of times where I found that I just stopped paying attention. I finished this movie. I finished this movie and was, I'm going to be honest, furious.

I was furious, but thankfully I realized I had enough time before I had to come here. Boom. Den of Thieves on iTunes. Fucking killing it. Gerard Butler, the salve to all my woes. I was going to think that that would be a good movie for this podcast. It is. Great.

Actually, no, it's not, because it's fucking rad. If you are casting Den of Thieves 2, put me in that shit. I am excited for that now. All right, well...

To break this movie down a little bit further, we have a How Did This Get Made All-Star. We haven't seen this person since Arnold Schwarzenegger was chasing after his very exciting Turbo Man toy. It was episode 28, an episode called Jingle All the Way. You know this guy from his hilarious Netflix special, Joe Mandy's award-winning comedy special, What's Up?

which is now also streaming. You don't have to watch it. You can listen to it wherever you listen to streaming comedy or anything like that. Please welcome Joe Mandy. Welcome, Joe. Hello. Hello. This movie falls in the category of movies that I feel guilty asking people to watch when they come do the podcast. No, no, no. I have a high tolerance for this kind of stuff. I loved it. I actually loved it.

So you... Did you digest it in one sitting? Well, I'll be honest. I rented it last night and I got high. And then it's funny that you had the six-minute mark because after six minutes, I stopped. I was like, I've read more in these six minutes than I have...

like a book this year. Like there's so much reading involved that I was like, I'm too high to watch this movie right now. I got to like sleep this off. Yeah. And it's also in soft focus too. So it also makes the reading challenging. The whole movie is shot. It's like, it was at the time, I think like very innovative to capture this look, but it's really just an Instagram filter. Like they just shot the whole movie with like Valencia or whatever. Yeah.

Willow. It also feels like they wanted to make the movie black and white, but someone was like, guys, guys, sepia. Sepia, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sepia. Please, please, you gotta, don't make it black and white. It won't work. You know what sells tickets? Brown. Yeah. Yeah.

A real gauzy brown. Oh, you need that dirty yellow. Come on. Oof, my goof. It's straight up no good. And I believe... There's lots of live action people running in front of animated backdrops like it's a fucking banana splits goddamn nonsense where they're like, what was the banana splits? Like Tom Sawyer and... Wait, how...

How old is everybody here? Does everybody know what I'm talking about vis-a-vis banana splits? Right? Wasn't it Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn, but it was all animated backgrounds? Yeah. All right, thank you. It's rough. It is rough. And I'm going to blow your mind on the sense that, yes, this was innovative, but it was also... No, it wasn't. The amount of...

Blue Screen was innovative at the time, but Sin City came out the same year. They did it way better the same time. So it wasn't like, this wasn't like 1987. It wasn't 1987. It was not. Was it 86? Yes.

Also here tonight to discuss the film, she is on two great podcasts, one called Yo, Is This Racist? and Supergroup. You know her from shows like Bajillion Dollar Properties. Please welcome Tawny Newsome. Welcome, Tawny. Oh, my God. Here we go. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Now, Tawny, I know that you also had issues with watching this in one sitting. How long did it take you to get through this? Three goddamn days. LAUGHTER

I rented this shit on Tuesday and was like, I can't do this to myself. I don't need to go through this in one sitting. I'll watch it tomorrow. Got busy with life shit. Didn't watch it tomorrow. Watched it tomorrow's tomorrow. And if you're familiar with Murphy's Law, the simplest answer, no, it's more like iTunes Law of Rentals, which is when you wait 72 hours, you have to pay for this garbage movie again. Yeah.

That's why I just buy now because I never can watch anymore. I can't buy it. Jude Law is going to get a check in a couple of months and be like, why did everybody... Why did a whole mess of people rent this shit movie? I'm like horny young Dumbledore. What's up? I hope...

I pray to God for my teenage self. I pray to God Jude uses that money to stay bathing in yogurt and children's blood that keeps him looking so goddamn beautiful. But it was so bad. I was so mad to fork over that money again, only to find out I only had like 20 minutes left of it. And I was like, I could have predicted the ending of this. But the last 20 minutes, they do reveal the entire plot that we are kept in the dark for. We don't know exactly what's going on. But we've seen the Wizard of Oz before, so we know what's going to happen. Yeah.

Well, I just want to start off with this as my opening salvo here. Why does anyone assume we want this?

Right? Like, I feel like there's this thing of like, oh, it's like the 1940s cereal. Now, we like it when it's like Indiana Jones because it's like, it is like a cereal, but it's updated to a movie that people watch. Yeah. But it's not like we don't want a 1940s cereal. Like, I don't think, right? Is it just people want a lot of tweed on white people? No.

Or a lot, people are like, you know what we don't have enough of in movies? Dirigibles. But I think it's this weird thing that, again, it comes back into bed. It's like, I feel like somebody is a fan of it and convinces other people. Like, you know what everyone wants to hear about? Vinyl. We'll make a whole series called Vinyl. I feel about the aesthetic. I feel about the aesthetic of this movie the way I feel also about, like, steampunk.

I'm like, I think this is a great big bag of no thanks. Yeah. I don't want this. I didn't ask for this. So get it out of my movies. I'm looking at you, Peter Jackson. London on wheels or whatever this movie is that's coming out. I don't get it. No thanks. Like who made the...

But didn't, like, the Farrelly brothers, like, remake the Three Stooges and just, like, made Three Stooges? Like, no. We are past it. It's okay to be past it. Like, we don't have to go back to it. Yeah, this whole movie felt like it was, what are those called, like, in video games, like, cut scenes? Yes. It was like a whole movie of a cut scene for the video game version of The Rocketeer. I've also...

What the fuck am I watching? I've also seen cut scenes that had better acting in them than... And better written dialogue. I would argue this is like a video game cut scene of like an old game, like Wing Commander or something like that. Like, it's not even a new game. I also find this to be a very rude reconciliation of Gwyneth and Jude since the talented Mr. Ripley. Like, how dare this be the next time we see them together? By the way... It should have been epic. Fuck you. Fuck you.

I feel like this is a snake oil salesman to kind of get this movie because Gwyneth Paltrow signed on without a script. Did not know what she was doing. She saw like a screensaver that that guy made and was like... Ooh, those toasters have wings. I'm in. She saw a moving magic eye poster and was like, I want to be in that. You're telling me this movie has blimps and maps? I'm in. Yeah.

She's been looking for a good blimp and map project. Ooh, blimps, maps, and robots? Yes, please. This movie is trash. It did make me long for the Star Wars prequels. I was like, yeah. Give me something. Give me something tactile.

Everything felt like gauzy. It was like, what are we doing? And like, this is like, I pull this one still just be like, like, that's it. Like Angelina Jolie just blew. There's nothing there. Just nothing. She worked on this movie for 14 minutes of one day.

And was probably paid $7 million to do it. God bless. I hope so. She was paid 7 million maps. All the maps you can carry. This movie exists in a world in which maps... CGI maps. Now you should have asked. In which maps are currency. Um...

The movie's shot in 29 days. Angelina Jolie shot for three of the 29 days. Wait, if it's shot for 29 days, how is that possible? Because the movie itself is 32 days long. Wow. Yes, that's crazy. 29 days, I will say, is an incredibly short amount. Like, a 29-day shoot is like an indie movie. Yes. Like...

that's crazy that they did that and then somebody basically took an amount of time to paint nonsense pictures behind them. Yeah. Apparently the director shot the entire movie with stand-ins, then showed them their scenes, and they just duplicated the moves of the stand-ins, and then that's how they were able to get it done so quickly. And these three A-list actors looked at this trash and said, yes, yes, I want to be in this adult highlights magazine. Well...

I don't want to spoil anything. There are four A-list actors, one of whom is a dead man. Oh, yeah. Yes. This is a good... Yeah, this is a very... Like, so much more... Like, people got so mad about the hologram Tupac. This is so much more awful to do to a person's legacy. So unfair. Laurence Olivier was called together by used footage and only was in the movie because Jude Law was like, I've always wanted to act with Laurence Olivier. Yeah.

And the director's like, you got it, bud. Here he is right here. Nothing's there. We'll put it in post. Don't worry about it. Yeah, we'll just like Max Headroom, the greatest actor of all time. It'll be fine. I wrote Max Headroom down in my thing as well. It is egregious what they do in this movie. It's awful. To Giovanni Ribisi. Yes. Yes.

Giovanni Ribisi, was his gum CGI? No, he has gum in every movie he does. It's in his rider at this point. Why is he so... He apparently is one of the probably smartest people on the planet, according to the movie. But he treats Jude Law like Jude Law is the boss.

Like, apparently Giovanni Ribisi should be the boss. He can, like, he's important. He can, like, understand what's up. Also, it felt like in the first draft of the movie, Giovanni Ribisi's character is a smart dog because...

Every time he does something, Jude Law goes, good boy. He calls him good boy the entire time. And he's like, thanks, Cap. And I'm like, I don't like this relationship at all. I got to see what the age difference is because it doesn't seem like they're that great. They're not. They're like the same. Two years? No way. You'd never know it. Jude could be 65 goddamn years old. And still be young Dumbledore.

What is Gwyneth Paltrow? Is she a reporter or a photographer? You're asking what is Gwyneth Paltrow? I mean, what is her role? A photographer? She's like a whole bunch of goop in a really shiny package. Nailed it.

But I was confused about her role. Like, is she a reporter? Yeah, she's like a His Girl Friday level screwball comedy reporter. But she also seems very into the photos, too. Yeah, but she's also, like, lobotomized as well. Like, the dumbest character. So one-dimensional. Unbelievable. The worst character arc I've ever seen, maybe, is, like, this reporter is very concerned she's going to run out of photos. That's like if you had

I feel like if you had a character arc that was like, this hostess isn't sure if all her guests like their bread mayonnaise on both sides. Or this woman doesn't want to wash her car. She's worried it's going to rain and that's kind of what drives her. Or this woman doesn't want to take off her mascara because her friends might text and they might still go out, but then they're not texting. So she's just watching Netflix in her mascara. Like it's not a character trait. Yeah.

How about when Gwyneth Paltrow in the back of the plane pulls out a journal from one of the scientists and just basically reads exposition about the bad guy. She's then just looking at photos and just inferring things. And it's

it is exposition written as if it's like from a exposition description. It's not like you would enter in your journal. She pulled out the script of the movie and just started reading the stage director. It's like, he apparently was, you know, like, while looking at a photo. Yeah, it was apparently disgraced from this, but wanted to, but I was like, what fucking,

fuck is happening? And it gots to my biggest problem with this movie, which is no one reacts to any environment that they're in. She's in a fucking plane. She's like, well, so anyway. A plane that can fly from the United States to Nepal so easily. And become a submarine too. Oh, that's right. They're driving down...

They have a chase scene in New York City that is like a car chase with airplanes flying so low. It's like, take a left at the drug store. He's like, okay. Well, it's also every woman's experience talking to her Lyft or Uber driver just being like, no, trust me, I know these streets. No, trust me, turn left. No, please turn left. And they're like, well, I don't know, the GPS set. And you're like, no, I fucking live here. Just turn left.

And she doesn't know because she messes up the directions. She messes up. Right, she's dumb. Yeah. She never gets it. Dumb broad, that's her character. She's an award-winning journalist, but her whole character is like, I need to get pictures of this. Why would anyone trust my writing? And her publisher, Michael Gambon, is like, where are you? What are you doing? I'm nervous. Yeah.

She also, I mean, I know this is a nitpicky note, but she has essentially what would be like an automatic camera. Like there's no zooming in features on that camera. She's always like, oh, let me take a picture of this giant robot. It would be a shitty picture. It would be a nondescript picture. Yeah, it's not even a good camera. That's my issue. For you, you were like, oh, if she'd only had a Leica.

Then I would buy into this movie more. And I'm not saying it because Laika's the sponsor of the show and has a great digital camera. But Laika, please send me a camera. Please. Send us cameras, Laika.

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I'd also just like to mention that the very first frame of this film is an image of the Hindenburg, which is a giant bloated thing known to be a famous disaster. Like, it's like, that's how you're starting this $700 million movie? And the words Hindenburg. Yeah, there it is. Take a look. This is how we open up the movie. This is a symbol of the movie.

Hindenburg 3. Right. So you meant to believe that like, oh, they really worked out the kinks. Yeah. Well, yes. I mean, this is very strange. It's an alternate universe where like it's 19, late 30s, but like the Nazis. The camera is never not moving. The whole movie is like, the plot doesn't. Dutch angle nonsense.

There are moments in this movie where text is all over the screen. Like, when they're typing at the office, like... Yes, that's what I'm talking about. We have to read all this shit. All right, sure, I'm getting this. Hindenburg 3, New York docks. Aiden Voyage, airship, US Bax. Police, Sikh, scientists. Polly Perkins. Oh, Polly Perkins, she wrote that. Professor Jorge. Oh, okay, Chronicle. That must be where... Metro. She works in the Metro division. And she starts typing, and then words just come flying in.

Yeah, there... Okay, fuck. Conservative. Color-faced. Scar-faced. Scientology. Okay. Meek Mill. Missing. Missing. All right. So much text. Too much text. It's very important to the movie.

I like when the guy on the Hindenburg is like, oh, I'm going to tell you this super secret thing. And then they turn back and he's gone. He's still on the blimp somewhere. I promise. But they also make it like he's gone. And then they do another shot where you see him walking off the blimp. Yeah. So it seemed. That's weird. Cause like, I was like, is that scientist missing? I hope that comes back. I hope there's text about that at some point. Uh,

I'd like to know what happened with that scientist. Gosh, I hope he's not missing. Also, I got to say, I thought that the, it was pretty anticlimactic docking with the Empire State Building. No one seemed excited about it. It was the first time that, if that was front page news, you would think people were like, hey, or there'd be some level of excitement. He walks off as if he was like the last person out of seeing like a matinee of A Quiet Place, like in the middle of the week. Like, that was good. I enjoyed it. That was fun.

Oh, God, this movie. I just really have verbs and adjectives here. I'm like, bird planes, robot planes, backseat driving, Sala. Can I talk about the first shot of Jude Law? Oh, yeah. Because I looked at my notes and I remembered I wanted to bring this up. Jude Law, the first shot of Jude Law is not Jude Law. What? It's like...

Prove to me that it's him. He is so covered. He's got, like, a high-collar fur bomber jacket situation. He's got, like, goggles on. He's got a hat. His eyes are just Cate Blanchett. Like, it is...

It is not Jude Law. So you think it's Cate Blanchett? I think it's Cate Blanchett. I think she was the stand-in. She was the stand-in. I love it. And I think she shot this movie before Jude Law stepped in and went, yeah, I can one-up old Katie. If you look at that shot, it's not him. I'm kind of confused about what a sky captain is and what their job is because at one point they're like, robots are attacking the city. Sky captain will figure it out. It's like,

Really? Okay, is that his job? He seems to be some sort of superhero, so much so that when the bird planes attack the base that he's at... By the way, the stupidest thing, bird planes. They don't scramble any... That's what they are! That's what they fucking are! Planes are birds! They don't need to have wings that flap. But they basically only scramble him.

to get out there and fight them. They have so many planes on the ground, none of which do they launch into the air to fight these bird planes. They just get him out there so he can take them all down. I don't even understand now that I've seen the whole movie what the bird planes or the robot planes even were doing. I don't think they know. They were stealing the generators. They were stealing minerals or whatever. But to...

And were they putting that in Noah's Ark? They were stealing our precious tiny elephants. Oh, I did like the tiny elephant. Yeah, that was cute. You're right. Oh, I loved the tiny elephant.

Tiny elephant is the best part. But it did lead me to believe that Jude Law had superhero powers because they did only scramble him out there. So I was sitting there thinking, well, this motherfucker is Superman or some shit. They have so much exposition in this movie. They go, sky captains are? And it's like, tell us, let someone know. Is he just a part of the Air Force? Is he a superhero? No.

Because Angelina Jolie seemingly is cool. Well, she's a sky pirate. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Angelina Jolie is a Nick Fury character. She has an eye patch and she is in a floating hover thing. Like an aircraft carrier. In the aircraft carrier in the sky. That's just Nick Fury. But British. British.

But British, yes. The title of this movie actually, now that you bring it up, What's a Sky Captain? It seems like it's like that thing where like a movie is released in like Thailand or something and they can't accurately describe it. And so it's like, initially it's called like Airplane Pilot and the future. And it's like Sky Captain, that's close enough.

The world of tomorrow. And are we meant to believe that the world of tomorrow is the world that they go to, like the Shangri-La world in Nepal? I think they said it's what will happen with the space Noah's Ark. Right, because the space Noah's Ark will blow up the Earth. Oh, I missed that. Where is that thing going?

Where is it going? Where is it going? Mars? They're starting a new planet, right? Yeah, they didn't specify what planet. I mean, here's the basic... I mean, if you want to understand the whole movie, here it is. Good boy Dex. He explains the whole thing right here. This comes in the very last ten minutes of the movie. Good boy Dex. Thanks, Kat. Who are they? They're Unit 11. Oh, what's left of them? They were brought here to finish what they started 30 years ago. Finish what?

Watching this mix reminds me Jude Law is an idiot. Jude Law's character in this movie has been given all of the information he needs to know who these men are, what's going on, and what's happening. So either they are so uncomfortable with where they are in the movie that they're like, the audience won't know what's happening. We have to explain it to them. Or he's a fucking moron.

His character is like, I've not been listening to anyone. I've just been thinking about maps. I'm all about the maps. I'm all about fuel and maps. That's my gig, baby. Everything else, I don't care about at all. Until I get to punch Gwyneth Paltrow. What is this role? This is crazy. I will just say this, which is interesting. The two filmmakers...

There was two? Two. Initially, Carrie and his brother Kevin had nothing more than just a vague idea of this guy who flew a plane. And then? And then we would talk about all the stuff that we liked, like Indiana Jones. And that was the creative process. Also, this is the other thing that really bummed me out. Carrie, the director of the film, had never been to New York City when he made the film. Oh!

It's kind of a bummer. It's like that... It feels like the movie takes place... Yeah, I got it from pictures. I got it. The big set piece of my whole movie. I got it. I can see him being like, you know what? I'd never been to 1942 either. And I nailed that. And I fucking crushed it. Nailed that. Where's the lie? Oh, my gosh.

And apparently they were really bummed out because the entire movie was shot on blue screen, but there's one scene that they actually shot in a real location because they ran out of time. Yes, the office, Polly's editor's office. So it's the only scene in the entire movie shot. You can't do that on a blue screen. You can't put a desk in front of a blue screen. Michael Gambon was like, I need a real room or I'm going to freak out.

I certainly most won't do this shit. Put me in a real room. I am the second Dumbledore. One of two Dumbledores in this movie, guys. Oh, you didn't think I would notice there's two goddamn Dumbledores in this movie? Because there is. Two fucking Dumbledores.

Do you want to hear the rest of the plot of the movie? It's just a little bit more to hear the rest of it. He was doomed to extinction. So he proposed the unthinkable to build a vessel that would carry the building blocks of a new civilization into space. He uses machines to collect specimens representing all life on Earth.

What Totenkopf called the world of tomorrow. Those vials that Dr. Jennings gave me, what were they? Adam and Eve, Totenkopf's masterpiece. Seeds of a technological utopia. He smuggles them off this island, knowing Totenkopf would never leave without them. But now that he has them again, there is nothing left to keep him here. Then let him go. Let him go where he can't harm anyone. No, no, no, no. That ship must never leave this earth. Why?

What haven't you told us? When the rocket reaches 100 kilometers at the edge of space, Earth will be incinerated. How do we stop it? Only Tobikov can stop it now. But we've never been allowed near him. He's too well guarded even to be seen. Where is he? We're on our way, Cap. Good boy, Dix.

So that scene is bookended by good boy Dex. Yeah. That is so much exposition. And I, like, that is, no, we don't know that. As the moviegoer, like, you don't know any of that information. No. That the world is going to blow up, that their plan is for the world of tomorrow, that it's Adam and Eve. Everything is laid out, like, real last minute. It was.

I still don't know what the Adam and Eve thing is. They were in the vials, Joe. But yeah. The whole movie, she's handed to Whippet...

And then she's like keeping them safe. And at the end, it's like, yeah, it's like it's full of sperm and eggs or what. I don't know what's inside. What is the birth of civilization? It's Adam and Eve. But yeah, but it's tiny people shrunk down like the elephant. It would need a catalyst of some kind to like you can't just like shoot sperm up in space. Don't worry about it.

It'll get done. Shit will figure out. And they'll breed. They'll breed. They'll be cool. Yeah, it seems odd. It seems like it should have been planted in something. Or inhaled.

Oh my gosh. Can we talk about the character that's clearly, as I said, their inspiration was Indiana Jones, the Sala character, like the guy who's their buddy who they wind up naked in bed with at one point. Yeah. Oh, the cool wake up where it's just like Gwyneth Paltrow being like, was I raped? Is that what happened here? Like she just looks around like, what happened?

what happened? Well, she's like very concerned that Jude Law has raped her. Like, we're naked and then they like zoom out and the three of them and she's like not concerned about him. No, not at all. She's like, I'm fine if he did it. Yeah, she's like, I'm cool with Kaji but I don't like it if Jude Law is here. Right. Because he was mean to me once. Because there's also flower petals on the bed? Why? Why? Why was it romantic? Yeah, they really... It's like a jerk-off massage parlor. Yeah.

So you mean a massage parlor? Yeah. Like a nice one. So this guy, this Sala guy, which I think has the best line in the entire movie, you know, they get him to work for him for Vienna sausages. That should go to Dex for being a good boy. Yeah. That should be his treat. He may have stole them from Dex. Here we go. Yeah, they're inside.

So when he asks them, when he asks them if they can speak the language, when he says, can you speak the language, he goes, to be like, yes I do, he says, when cold, nipples hard.

So the answer is no. Yeah. Well, most of my, like, most of my understanding of other languages is how to convey the state of my nipples vis-a-vis the temperature that we find ourselves at. With zero prepositions. It's like, do you speak the language? When rug stand, here I do. Gwyneth Paltrow really should burn every copy of this movie. I mean...

Better than this. I can't understand any light source in this movie. I know. I was about to say that you said... Where is the... What are we... Is this the sun that's doing... What is going on? Only like crescent moons of people's faces are illuminated. The shoot was 29 days. Everyone was performing their lines into the ether while someone stood next to them with a flashlight. Like...

every angle that anyone was photographed at or filmed at looks like they're the other face in a velvet painting you know you have the one that's looking at you and then the one above you that's just like straight up 45 degree angle profile that's the dead twin that's the that's the dead twin the one that was absorbed I'm alive my twin is dead

Apparently, Angelina Jolie did a lot of work on this movie. As far as researching her character, she spent... Yeah, I read this. This is insane. What? What? Yeah, she spent... In preparation for her role, Angelina Jolie met and interviewed dozens of British World War II veterans and pilots. Untrue. And adopted them. Can you mention those? You're mine now. Here's a little taste of Angelina Jolie, her first entrance.

Oh, by the way, just one quick thing. You can see it here in the audience. All the extras were also never on set. He shot the extras...

without them being there. So you see her walking through, but really what it is... She's the only live person there. Yes, as this shows. So that she didn't have to be near civilians? No, no. It was simply because the director felt like he could manipulate them better by shooting them all against a blue screen and then putting them in the way he wanted. So he basically was like, I could never create a formation of four men standing...

So let me do that in post and I can worry about this. Which again, I just think every scene feels like nobody and nothing is there. Joseph Sullivan. I was sure you'd be dead by now. It's good to see you too, Frankie. This had better be important or one of us is in trouble. It's important. What is that?

Gwyneth Paltrow also pregnant throughout this entire film. You be nice. Commander Cook, meet Polly Perkins. Polly Perkins. I've heard so much about you. It's a pleasure to finally meet the competition. Paul, can you pause? It's been a long time. Paul and Angelina? Yes. If you can. Absolutely. Did they have to put her eyebrow above the eye patch? Right?

That's not her eyebrow, right? They put that there, I think. It almost looks like the eye patch is inserted inside her eye socket. It seems as though that eyebrow is for the eye patch itself, not for her eyeball. It's the past future, Jason. That's how they do it. I've got a lot of questions about this eyebrow. I want to look at it. It's also, it's the same.

eye patch I've ever seen. It's like the slinkiest, it's like the thong of eye patches. It is. It's like, do you want to show, do you want to have a missing eye, but do you also want to look like a slut? Please. Slim this out. Oh yeah, everybody knows it's like nothing but an eye pussy underneath that patch.

Just barely covering that eye gap. Well, that's the thing. It's like... This becomes a sort of love triangle where Gwyneth Paltrow gets kind of jealous of Angelina Jolie for some kind of tryst that they clearly had in Nanjing. And it's like, well, is that how she lost her eye? Like...

I'm so... Is there some kind of sexual mishap? They don't explain it. All we know is that they were in Nanjing. I'm so impressed you remembered Nanjing, first of all. For three months of

Jude Law's relationship with Gwyneth Paltrow, he was cheating on her with Angelina Jolie. But then Gwyneth Paltrow did something super psycho too, which was like sabotage his plane. She downed his plane so he became like a POW. So there's blame on both sides. Now when he doesn't help her get down the plane, he just makes her slide down the wing. You're like, I get it.

I love the message of this movie is like this man was a cheating dog, but this woman tried to kill him. Women, you know, and it's like, wait, wait, wait. So she should be hit. They should both just hit each other. This back to school season, spend less on your kids with Amazon. Now, here's the thing. I love back to school season, but I'm going to be honest. It's expensive.

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The dynamite locker scene. Oh, yeah. Oh, that ruled. Very cool. That ruled. Very cool. There is a, like, they get trapped in a, like, safe, and they turn around, and there's a Wile E. Coyote-level wall of dynamite. Like as if it just got mailed from Acme itself. Exactly.

Even did that effect of boxes of dynamite and then it tilted up to see that it went on forever? Because, by the way, even two boxes of dynamite would kill them fine. You don't even need 15, 35 boxes of dynamite. They're dead. But no, that was so stupid. The movie is...

And I don't want to be like, oh, the CGI sucks. Take that all out of the equation. Let's just go plot. Yeah, the thing is, if they wanted to do an Indiana... Indiana Jones is capable. Right. You know what I mean? He is an adventurer, an archaeologist. We understand his profession. Yes. And...

He's not a sky captain. Jude Law in this movie is like, what if a cartoon character came to life and was the star of the movie? You know what I mean? It's that. Well, I would argue his plane is more interesting than him. His plane does more cool things than Jude Law does. Jude Law doesn't have any power or skill. The villain is more interesting than Jude Law is, and he died 20 years ago.

Well, I don't... What's better than a villain that is already deceased? What are we doing? To what end? What is this movie? Why did this happen to us? Is this a crime? Can we sue? If so, who? Tell me! I would like to sue them for the fact that I had to watch this movie. You know, I was thinking about this.

So the whole thing about this movie was there was a short, a six-minute short that looked just like the film. Wait, this movie was six minutes long? Yeah. This felt like an hour and a half. Why didn't you let us watch that one? I know, we should. It was somewhere between six minutes and 32 days. So this is, by the way, I'm just going to scrub through it. I passed away during this movie. This movie is my Jacob's Ladder scenario. Ah...

I guess that's what I assume I deserve. So basically, you look at this movie, this short film, it looks just like the movie. And they do the whole thing in six minutes. Cool. By the way, cool. Yeah, right? And so someone said, let's make that a movie. And I thought, oh, this is like the pixels of...

19... Yes, it's proto-Pixels. Yeah, right, because people saw Pixels and were like, that's really cool. They're like, let's make it a movie. No, let's not. Wait, was Pixels a short? Yeah, a really cool looking short. And they're like, let's now have Josh Gad fuck Pac-Man. I mean, that became... I believe it's Q-Bert. Yeah, you're right. Sorry. Pac-Man would never. I only say that because Q-Bert's begging for it.

Hubert also has a really cool eyebrow over his nose. Yeah, no, it's a bizarre thing. You feel like people got so excited about this movie

like technology that they just forgot to ask every other question you would ask on any other movie. Like why are there killer robots but Giovanni Ribisi still has to use a paper compass? Like what is this technology world that both can exist? And why do you need maps when the ground you're flying over is a map? Laughter

Like they're flying over the earth and it's like, oh, well, it says right there it's the East China Sea. I guess we're going in the right direction. There are so many scenes where they're just like in the back, like figuring it out. You know what I'm like? Shouldn't somebody be flying? Shouldn't something be happening? I don't know.

There's a scene that actually, and you can tell that I was high when I was watching it because I stopped the movie because it didn't make sense in my head, but like Gwyneth Paltrow is jealous. She's just a jealous woman for about...

I would say 35 minutes of the movie. When she does some of her classic harumphs. Yes, so many harumphs. They get to the Skull Island or wherever the fuck they are. They park their seaplane. She's still fuming that Jude Law wants to fuck that pirate or whatever.

And then she gets out of the plane and then she looks down and his, the like number on the tail of his airplane is like lowercase H dash 11 dash lowercase O lowercase D, I believe. And then she looks down and the reflection in the water is,

when she looks down, it says the word Holly, like her Polly, her name. And she, and then she smiles. Cause she's like, Oh, he loves me. That's a sign that he named his plane that. So if in the water it's reflected, that's my name. And then I, but I was like, that can't, that's not, it's not. Cause then I like wrote it out. I paused the movie and wrote down H O 11 and, and it spells you'll lop.

So that means that for him to prove that he loves her secretly, even subconsciously, she would have needed to see the water reflection and then look at that in a mirror. That's true love. I should earn money for that. Like, I should be paid for, like, fuck you. I can't believe I put that much mental energy to find a hole in a movie. That's like an SAG question. Yeah.

I should go to the Harvard of fuck this movie. But this is like the anger that this movie gets you. But that's the anger level that you get with this movie because it's like, why? It is. It's infuriating to you. Or at least to me, it was like,

It could just, I don't know, it could have been better. It could have been simpler. It could have been a million things, but it's like, it just gets worse and worse and worse. Like, I'm okay for that first sequence. I thought, all right, this is actually not that bad. And then it's just like, no, it is. And it will get worse. We will show you, like, we will make you upset. You mean the first six minutes? You're like, I can't wait to read this movie. Yeah.

I was like, all right, cool, robots in the street. I'm down. I'll watch this. Gwyneth Paltrow, I don't understand why you're not running away from these robots. But you're just standing under tow at any given point. You have a million buildings to run into. It's fine. I do like that everyone is slightly looking at the wrong eyeline the whole time. Everyone's kind of looking at the different thing. How tall are these robots?

It keeps it exciting. I also love the underwater explosions. That made me really extremely angry because I was like, okay, maybe this movie isn't for me. Maybe it's just for sci-fi people who are willing to take some... But sci-fi...

know that you cannot have fire sustained underwater and they have that you know they're flying or they're swimming or whatever the fuck these sub planes do and when they hit a rock suddenly there's like a big explosion as though it's out in space fire doesn't work underwater it made me so mad for people that are smarter than me that know why fire doesn't work underwater laughter

Well, at least Gwyneth Paltrow's character at the end here also gets a little bit like she finally, you know, she finally wins because she gets that great shot.

Well, throughout the movie, she's about to take a picture. She's about to get a picture of a dragon. And she's like, no, I can't. I only have two pictures. Use it on the dragon. I would use it on the dragon. I would use it on the dragon. Or the future Noah's Ark. Yeah, use it once. Or the Lucy Arnaz, whatchamacallit, machine. Conveyor belt. You know what I'm trying to say? Conveyor belt. Thank you. I call that a Lucy Arnaz.

I feel you. I do, too. It's a perfect... It's era-appropriate for them. By the way, Lucy Arnaz is a great... Yeah, she's not often referred to as Lucy Arnaz. You know. It's good. Thank you for referring to her as Lucy Arnaz. You're welcome, you guys. Desi's wife. But, like, so... So...

Of Desi. Of Desi Jr.'s mom. Of Desi. So, but, you know, see, this person has been maligned and she's kind of been treated badly the entire movie. She has her final shot. She's going to take it as this great thing and then she's like, no, I'm going to take it as Sky Captain. And then she takes it and then he goes, lens caps on. That's how the movie ends. Wait, who just gasped? Somebody in the audience just gasped like, oh no! Oh no!

Don't gasp for Gwyneth Paltrow's camera work in this terrible movie. Yeah, did you gasp because we spoiled this trash film for you? Oh no, you mean she took it? By the way, I did... It's funny because she's stupid. Well, that's like, I was like, you don't give her anything. No. Like, you don't go like, oh, at least you got that picture. Nope. Nope. No, she got one thing. She got punched in the face. Punched in the face.

This character whose driving force has been what pictures are good gets punched in the face, gets a man who doesn't even love her because he can't reflection reverse spell her name. Then at the end she takes a picture of the inside of a lens cap and the last word of the film is lens cap. It's like toe pick. It's just like lens cap. Well, it's like the aristocrats or something. It's just like

Lens cap. Also, Sky Captain is the least compelling character of all the heroes. Yes. Everybody should be into the scientists or Dex or anybody. Sky Captain is like a moron who just flies... But they both are. She gives up her picture for a picture of him. She could take a picture of him any fucking day of the week. But like...

She took a picture of the ground at one point. Yeah. And he laughed at her face and called her stupid. Can I say something? This is what I'm going to say. I think Totenkopf is right. Let's fucking blow up this world. Let's start fresh. With tiny animals. I honestly...

I agree with you. I was thinking the same thing because it was like, just disarm the part where the world explodes. Like, go ahead. Fucking make a new life with small elephants or whatever. Like, who cares? Great. Let's do it. Tiny animals. Human beings. Start from scratch. Whip it full of cum. I get it. Thanos was right. What?

Oh, my goodness. Well, let's see what you have to say, audience. We're going to come out here for another chance at correction and omission. All right, you, sir, come over here. Come down to the aisle. Come out to the aisles if you're deep in the aisles so I can get to you. All right. Sir, your title for this film and your question. Sky Captor, the best movie ever fucking made. All right, great.

This is the director of Sky Captain of the World tomorrow. And your question. Two observations. When, what's her name, Gwyneth Paltrow, when she gets off the phone in the phone booth, she runs away to an alley away from the robots and a cop says, stop, come back? Yes. Yes.

And then, oh, what was my other one? Oh, yeah. So Sky Captain is known for having milk of magnesia, which is supposed to settle your stomach, but also it relieves constipation. So for a 19-hour plane trip from New York City to Nepal using modern-day speeds and technology, he would be shitting himself so hard.

the entire time. I love that that guy just was like, I was going to say that, never mind. That was great. So by the way, if your question is based on milk of magnesia and diarrhea, you can sit down. We got it. Wow, the entire audience just sat. Oh yeah. What a lot of people don't realize is that this movie is scat porn. Yeah.

All right, sir, your title of the film and your question. Actually, the tagline. Okay, great. The sky's the limit, but not for my patients. Great. We've pointed... And you're a doctor in this scenario, right? Good job, Paul. Solid. We've...

We've pointed out that Polly Perkins is not very smart, yet she knows Morse code and she can read German inexplicably to hit an eject button of the rocket where it collapses out from underneath. Well, we don't know that. It might just be a German word that if you look hard enough, it turns into English. It's a magic eye poster. By the way, that was the dumbest... A magic eye painting if you look at it hard enough. That was the dumbest thing, too. It's like...

Do we, the audience, not... I mean, why couldn't you just communicate that without the word changing into eject? Oh, that was lame. I do want to note that Milka

milk of magnesia was clearly real everything in this in this movie was smoke and mirrors and bullshit and finger painting but that milk of magnesia turned my stomach in a way that only true sloggy milky fucking stomach shit can just a viscous well you imagine the prop master probably spent the most time on it because he had like four things to get map compass milk of magnesia eye patch

All right, your name of the film and your question. Fuzzy Robots and the A-List Celebrities. Nice. I was curious, have anyone else noticed that lobotomized Gwyneth Paltrow kept falling? And if that brought you any joy, then it brought me. You know, it makes her relatable. Anything that knocks her off her high. She's too dumb to walk. I noticed that too, and I love that when she fell, her arms always went up.

In a way that was like, I'm falling, but I'm also a beautiful bird. I'm falling, but maybe I'm about to take off. Your title and your question. My title is a sky captain in the world of gaslighting.

And my question is if anyone can explain the assassin robot lady. Yes, Bae Ling plays the assassin robot lady who... Wait, Bae Ling from Crank 2? Of course. I didn't realize that's who it was. Yeah, she does like slow motion parkour.

Which is also just climbing. Yeah. But like in a very like, like as if she's floating. She also like... I thought she was a witch or a ghost when I first saw her. Because the movie does have a lot of crazy things in it. But because she does like kind of fly or I guess that's slow motion parkour, but I don't know. But she is a robot.

She's a robot. I thought that... I sort of concluded that she had absorbed Laurence Olivier's consciousness. Well, because... Because they say when Max Headroom Head goes away and they see his dead body, they were like, he's become this spaceship. It's the wires and the... You mean when they're all in the Wizard's Throne room? Yes. It's like Dorothy and the Scarecrow and Nipsey Russell and all them standing there. He had like...

What was that Johnny Depp movie? Transference. Yeah, he uploaded his Transcendence. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Transcendence, this is a tangent. I have a low score on Uber because I saw Transcendence and then got into a fight with my Uber driver who liked Transcendence. I was like, are you fucking dumb? That movie's terrible. And then he was like, I'm not driving you, and he pulled me over. What? It was crazy. It was truly crazy.

And how did you get into transcendence with the Uber driver? Why are you talking to your Uber driver? What's wrong? Are you lonely?

I... No, I... Well, yes. I went to Transcendence by myself. Like, I had eaten an edible and then, like, I called an Uber and I was just, like, equally mad about that movie. And, like, and then the guy was like, the guy was like, you see a movie? And I was like, yeah, it fucking sucked. And he was like, well, what is it? Transcendence. Oh, I like that movie. And then for, like...

I mean, it's on me. For like three minutes, I was like, are you dumb? And then I listed all the reasons why Transcendence was bad, and then he was like very mad. I love that you didn't wait until you got home. No. Like the move is wait until you get home, open the door and be like, hey, just for the record, you're a moron. Slam. Yeah. Well, then he would have known where you lived, so you probably were better off being dropped off on the side of the road. Holy cow. Yeah. Was it worth it?

I can't use Uber now, so I guess I'm like an activist or whatever. Okay, so your title and your question. Title is Sky Captain and the Briefcase of Exposition. And my question is, where in the hell is his base? It's in some weird alpine island that's a ten minute drive from Manhattan? It's in White Plains. Yeah.

Yeah, Chappaqua, I think, right? Sunni New Paltz. Yeah, that is an odd thing. And he's, I mean, maybe I'm being too weird. Like, the fact that he is British, right, but they don't, like, is he a part of, like, a UN force? Is he, I don't know. I have questions about sky captains. I do. Is he British or does he just talk through a permanent smirk?

By the way, he could be British or also have a 1940s accent, too. That's another thing. Transatlantic. Yeah. Sir, your title, your question. Title is Milk, Milk, Lemonade, Around the Corner, This Film. I like it. Because it's a piece of shit. My question is, well, it's not really a question. When they're showing all the sentinel attacks. We're about to get a statement, everyone. In a...

in like all the different countries and stuff they show a Japanese newspaper and you can see Godzilla fighting the Sentinel things so like how is that not a big story like Godzilla exists right I have an update for you that's a question

That is a question. I did notice, similarly, there's a scene in New York when the robots are happening where King Kong is on. You can see King Kong. So it's like, well, I mean, I feel like Pauly should be also writing about that. That's a big news story, too, that King Kong is also in New York. How are we so unaware of the events in the world? It literally is a...

movie where they were like we could do anything in CG and they're like and we will like they're like with reckless abandon small elephants Godzilla dinosaurs flying planes robot planes airship it's like it's too much shit it's like it's like the equivalent of Spencer's GIFs

You know, it's like, I got it. Well, it's what happens when you drink too much milk of magnesia. Yeah, except no edible underwear, which is what they used to have at Spencer's Gifts when I was a kid. Your title of the movie and your question. So my title is Sky Captain and the World of PS2 Graphics.

And my question is, can any New York beat cop call in Sky Captain? Because it seems like just some random patrolman gets on the horn and calls in, like, heavy air support. Again. Yes. To answer your question, yes. He's also available for birthday parties. But not bar mitzvahs. All right. Sir, your title, your question. Sky Captain and the misogynists of today. Topical.

Time's up. Time is up. So when they're in Shangri-La and they interview the sole survivor of the experiments and they get the info and they say, what can we do for you? And he leans out and he says, kill me. And they just do the cut. Are we supposed to assume that Jude Law is an angel of death and kills that guy?

He killed that cloud-faced man. That man had a face made of clouds. Yeah, I think he would have to. He agreed. That made me so happy. There's a writer on Good Place named Dylan Morgan who always pitches that inanimate objects and mutant beings gain sentience and then say the words, kill me. And so I rewound that and just sent him that scene because I was like, this is your favorite movie. This is what you always pitch. It's happened. This is real.

The first sketch show I ever did at UCB in 1999 in New York, Dylan Morgan wrote. Okay, we all have resumes. I once worked at a Hollywood video and I watched Empire Records every day. Dylan wrote that. Fuck, I love Dylan. Your title and your question. Pressure's on. My title is Any Reason to Punch Gwyneth Paltrow?

My question is, you mentioned that the actors and the scenery never match up, and the most obvious example of that to me was when they're having a very intense conversation near the beginning of the movie,

with the Wizard of Oz playing in the background, loudly standing, talking, and it's in a theater where people are trying to watch a movie, and they all just... Radio City Music Hall, as a matter of fact. Stand up and walk out like there wasn't a loud conversation right in front of them in the middle of the movie. They are in the top of the balcony blocking seemingly everyone's view because the movie is packed.

It's not an empty theater. Yeah, that is an odd. I noticed that too. Again, one of the problems of not having extras there the day of the shoot and also not thinking about anything that you make in the movie. All right, let's go through a speed round. Question. I was just a little confused how this movie fits into history because they referenced World War I, which means World War II must have happened. So I just want to, or is happening. So I just want to know why isn't Sky Captain fighting Hitler?

He's too good. He's too good for Hitler. Like, save him for the robots. Maybe in this future past, Hitler was a good guy and, you know, switched it around. Maybe America was... Wait, Shear, you just said Hitler is a good guy? I just want to make sure we got the quote right. I said in the future past, Hitler is a good guy. Did we get it clean? Can you say it again? Can we just... Can we get it clean? Can somebody just pull that audio and make a theme song out of it?

It's a ringtone. Yeah, send that shit to Breitbart right now. Hitler is a good guy. Hitler is a good guy. Wow, interesting. Okay. Never knew that's where we were. Got it. My guy. My title is Sky Captain. Just look it up on Wikipedia. And it's more of a comment, but Reddit has a strange love for this movie. And if you're a fan, the top three recommendations are Sucker Punch, The Shadow, and The Phantom.

Are those just three things that happened to Gwyneth Paltrow in this movie? We basically, I guess, Reddit, that is three films that we have done on this show, so that Reddit community not listening, not listeners of this show at all. Some interesting facts about this movie. It has 71% on Rotten Tomatoes. How? Really? Roger Ebert gave it four stars. Wow.

It came out in 2004. So in 2004, the number three movies were Shrek 2, Spider-Man 2, and The Passion of the Christ. Scores all done by Smash Mouth. Hey now, you're God's son. You're on the cross. Yeah. Hey now, you're God's son. You're the chosen one. Bleed. Bleed. Bleed.

Yeah, because the... All that blood is wine. Okay, so... Ranked 70... Did you say, all the blood is wine? Yeah. All that blood is wine and the crown is thorns. Um...

It came in 77th of all the movies made in 2004. And I will just say again... I hope there were only 77 movies made in that year. Yeah. Well, I can't find anything that we've done in this show that it's beat. But I'll say, like, the CGI in Spider-Man 2 is pretty good. Like, so, again, this is not a movie that is like, wow, it was mind-blowing how they were able to do that. Like, they were doing it successfully. Um...

Can I just tell you my, quickly, my favorite piece of trivia about this movie? Is that the kiss where Gwyneth Paltrow gets punched into unconsciousness was nominated for best kiss at the MTV Movie Awards. Whoa, did not know that. Did it win? Lost to the kiss in the notebook. Which was also a great kiss. Yeah. Just because she never remembers it. So, so both of these women. She's got that Alzheimer's. Both of these women got kissed.

but didn't get to remember it. Into oblivion. The budget of this movie was $70 million. Worth every penny. Mm-hmm.

And opening weekend, it cracked in with 15.5. It made a total here in America of 37, and then a worldwide finishing gross of 57.9. I'm actually shocked that it made that much. I think because of the stars, they suckered them in. And here are some of the taglines. Anyone want to guess at a tagline of the movie? How about, Sky Captain, the world of tomorrow. Why not? Yeah.

It's a movie, question mark. This one is, the world will tremble this September 11th, 2004. It was just a bad day to release this movie. 2004, when this movie came out. I like that three years later they were like, we can use this for marketing. You guys didn't like my September 11th joke?

Okay, cool. Got it. Message received. I was once at some MTV event and Jamie Foxx was performing and his album was coming out on September 11th. He's like, Jamie Foxx, y'all. 9-11, y'all. Jamie Foxx, y'all. 9-11, y'all. Jamie Foxx, y'all. Ended up saying that, not realizing that that's probably not what you want to be yelling on a stage. Wow. Only a couple years later...

I always remember that. 9-11, y'all. I do want that ringtone, though. Jamie Foxx, y'all. 9-11, y'all. And then the other tagline. Just assign it to Jamie Foxx when he calls. Without warning, without mercy.

That's another tagline of this movie. Without warning, without mercy? That is terrifying. That's not some shit Truman said? Yeah. I mean, it doesn't reek of like, oh, that sounds fun. Okay, Casey Affleck was supposed to play Dex. That's interesting. A little side note there. The actor or someone's dog they named Casey Affleck as a joke.

I will say... It's a Rottweiler named Kate the Affleck.

All right, so obviously we had an opinion about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for Second Opinions. Was it great or was it shit? I just can't make sense of it. But maybe if some internet dick tells me how to think, I can make my pick. Second Opinions. Bunkers. Yeah, give it up. Thank you.

Say your name one more time. Patrick. Give it up for Patrick. Patrick is walking away. Great work, Patrick. Patrick is walking away with an IMAX poster, a mini IMAX poster of Star Wars The Last Jedi from our friends at IMAX. Mini posters for very big movies. I'm just saying, if you're in a band...

Why not write a second opinion song, come up here and promote it at the pod. I'm looking at you, Brian, from Silver Sun Pickups in the audience. All right, here we go. So, a lot of positive reviews of this movie. A lot of positive reviews here. And they all have a couple of...

Like a couple of themes. We'll get into them here. So, okay, this one is by Gary. And it just said... Gary. Gary. It's all in caps. And it says, I had this movie years ago on videotape, but who even has a videotape player these days? I love to watch movies while I eat my lunch during...

during the week on my Kindle Fire, and I could hardly remember watching this film, so I snagged it using my Amazon Prime account. This film was one of the first to make use of green screen technology, and I really enjoyed it while eating my Italian sandwich, to which I am addicted. This film is worth a download if you like the 40s and giant flying robots and bat-shaped wing-flapping airplanes and excitement. Five stars. This movie looked great, and I liked the retro feel.

It's like a call for help. You know what I mean? It's like... The all caps really puts it over the edge. Every one of these, every one of the five-star second opinions is doubles as a suicide note. But like, I've never heard so many brands name-checked in a suicide note. It's like my Amazon Kindle, my Amazon Prime account, my fire, et cetera, my Italian sandwich from Subway. Where was that Italian sandwich from? Firehouse Subs, I hope. Yeah.

Sign Jeff Bezos. I mean, Gary. Jeff Bezos does this thing, apparently, which I thought I read this thing the other day. He was saying that there's a lot of complaints about customer service and they don't pick up early enough. And so he had this big board meeting where they're like, no, no, customer service picks up right away. And he called customer service and everyone waited while he...

got through to customer service and it was like four minutes and the way that people described the meeting was like it was the most uncomfortable time just like watching it just like him on hold music and him just staring at everybody and then and then when they go Amazon may I help you he was like no click and he hung up just to prove his point but it was like a button he pressed that like a cleaver went down and killed that person they were immediately replaced by a robot and

This one is titled Better Than Disney Princesses. And I would pronounce the name, but I can't. It says, this has been my son's favorite movie from ages three to seven. It's awesome. My only complaint is it's impossible to find theme merchandise to decorate his room. Five stars. Wait, wait, wait. So the title is... Better Than Disney Princesses. What is he implying? That it's...

He doesn't want to buy his son Disney princess stuff for his room? I would say that there's such a surplus of Disney princess merchandise to decorate bedrooms with. He's like, better than the Disney princess... Where the fuck is the Sky Captain aisle? Like, why I get all this fucking Frozen shit? Why can't I get Sky Captain sheets? Why can't I get Sky Captain pajamas?

Real question. Why can't I? My kid loves Laurence Olivier and only wants a Sky Captain. Where the fuck can I buy child-sized Tesla coils for my son's bedroom? Instead, he's just swimming in candlestick from Beauty and the Beast bed sheets. He's so mad. Oh my gosh, is that map on your wall from Sky Captain? What?

I love your... But they do have a lot of bathroom theming. Milk of Magnesia you can get. It's really great. Oh, and you know that, like, tourism to Nepal just skyrocketed after this movie. Those are some solid reviews, and they really do... They really go show you everything. Any final thoughts? Any final thoughts? Anything we didn't cover? I did not care for this. I wish I hadn't seen it. I... I hate this movie. Ha ha!

Joe, you say... I wrote so few notes. It's like a real marker of a really terrible movie when I look at the notes and I'm like, oh, I barely wrote anything because it held my attention so little. You know, it was such a difficult watch that I had to den of thieves myself afterwards just to be like, oh, right, this is what a great movie is?

I mean, I wrote a lot of shit down. Yeah. I mean, I wrote a lot, but Joe, you say you have a high tolerance for these movies. Yeah. And where does it fall on like, what is a movie, just because I'm curious, that was the hardest for you to get through? Or are you past that? I'm past that.

I can pretty much endure anything. This was hard. I actually like, I like walked my dogs and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, no, it was, this took all day. Okay, yeah. It took me all night to watch it, yeah. Yeah. And it was the only movie that I've watched in recent memory where I was watching it, giving it attention, and then realizing like 10 minutes later, oh, I've checked out. Like,

but I'm still watching it. It's like sometimes when you're reading a book and you start thinking about something but you keep on flipping pages like that. And I was like, oh, I gotta go back. I rewound it a few times. I rewound When Cold Nipples Hard because I was like, what's happening? What did he say? Did I miss it? Like, yeah, it, it,

Yeah, it really... I guess also trying to make sense of it. Yeah, it was hard. But anything else you want to add? Anything? Tawny, what about you? I guess, yeah, I was tuning out too. Within the first seven minutes, there have been two characters that are old, white, bespectacled men with thick accents. And I'm just like, I'm a limited person. I cannot keep track. All these men look alike to me, and I can't. It was like one Doc Brown, two Doc Brown. LAUGHTER

You know, and like, it just, it made me instantly like, I don't care. I don't care. I was like, I don't care about their journey. I don't want to know what they're going through. The number of civilian casualties in this movie must be in the tens of thousands. Truly. Yeah.

You know, like between the attack on Manhattan, between the bombing, then the bird planes that attack, they kill a ton of people. There's like a lot of... And then according to those newspaper articles, it was also Tokyo and Berlin. Yeah. This could be like a Thanos-level event. But Godzilla seems to be working on the side of good, like Hitler, right? Yeah, he's a line. Yeah.

Godzilla and King Kong are both pretty cool, I guess. Yeah. You know what? This movie kind of proves that just because you really like movies doesn't mean you have to make one. Yeah.

Like, this whole movie was, like, proof, like, I like movies. Look, here's Wizard of Oz. Here's King Kong. Sure. Like, it's like, you just... Just watch them. Just don't... Or sometimes... How about sometimes a short is enough? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, yeah, you did it, man. You did... Congrats. Congratulations. Great. Six minutes. That's your limit as an artist. Yes. It's fine. Six minutes. You know, that's pretty great. You know?

So we all agree that at six minutes, we're all on board with this movie. Sure, sure, sure, sure. This movie felt like six hours. Yeah, this movie felt like a miniseries. I've been told six minutes is fine. So let's just keep it... I was told it's six minutes until Doug E. Fresh is on. Who remembers Doug E. Fresh? Come on. He was one of those guys with Tom Sawyer. So...

I am going to... Oh, I'm making all 1970s references. I know, I said Nipsey Russell earlier, like a real young, cool kid. We're doing great. I thought you said Nipsey Hussle. I thought you were cool. So we're going down the line and just saying that none of us recommend that you watch this. And we apologize if you did. I'm going to be honest. If you watch this movie for this episode, I'm sorry. Yeah.

Fair warning. Like, you should not have, and I wish I could have been able to tell you ahead of time. Paul did tell us. Paul, you did apologize in your email to me booking me. You said, I'm so sorry for this one. Yeah, because I was like, I had already seen it at that point, and I knew what you were out in store for. How dare you? I know. It was a tough one. I feel bad. I feel bad doing it. But we got this great piece of podcast history now in the books, locked and loaded. We did it. We did it.

And by the way, content. By the way, we just found out this episode got a castie. Yes! Castie, one of the prestigious podcasting awards. One of the best, you know. And here's Joe Rogan to give it to us. Ladies and gentlemen. All right, so he's actually in the deprivation tank as he's giving us. He's going to kiss you and then punch you in the face.

All right, so Tani, what do you want to plug? What do you want to talk about? Yeah, thank you for mentioning. I'm the new co-host for Yo, Is This Racist? So if you have racism questions, but you also want to laugh, that's a bad tagline, but listen to that.

new podcast coming out on Stitcher Premium with my co-host Alex Kleiner. It's called The Super Group. If you like music and comedy but not necessarily together, please listen to that. And if you run a television network, fucking put me on it because I'm sick of just doing podcasts. Joe, what do you got? You can watch my Netflix special. You can listen to it. You can watch The Good Place, a show I write for. One of the best shows on TV.

Oh, this would be great, actually, for this show. I feel like your fan base could help me with this. My Wikipedia page is being held hostage by a lunatic. So if you want to, like, correct some of those errors, I don't know who it is. It might be that Uber driver, actually. But...

So you are saying, because we have wreaked havoc with people's Wikipedia, our fans have, you want us to do that to you, but correctly. No, no, no. No, we want to free his page. His page is being held hostage. You can see it, look on Wikipedia. It's crazy. It's being held hostage. I'm just saying, like, I'm saying do the opposite of... You're saying do a good thing. I'm saying be altruistic. Yes, okay, good, good. Unless you didn't like my jokes, then yeah, go crazy. No, no, no, no, no.

We don't want to get them backed in there. We need to free Joe from this cave of a... Or just open it up. You can wreak havoc. I just want this one person to not have so much control. So fucking go nuts. Just open up the world a little. Stellar skateboard this. Yeah. Yeah.

I just, I resent that one person has control over my life. Okay, well, while we're getting the fans to do shit for us, I recently discovered I have a wiki feat page. Like, fuck that entirely, first of all. But secondly, like, one of the pictures is of my Chinese friend, Jessica. So can we talk to the feat people community about how not all brown people look alike? Well...

There's a full-faced Chinese woman on it. We're laying it down. Yes, WikiFeet does not have the highest level of like... What's WikiFeet? Like you don't know. But for those who may not know... Oh, here we go, WikiFeet. Ew, I don't like feet. Feet of the day. They rank celebrities and lowly podcasters' feet. That reminds me. I want a WikiFeet page, so if you can...

Jason, what do you want to promote? Nothing. No, no, I don't want to promote anything. Where are we right now? We're, you know... In a general month, where are we, do you think? May, June. May, June? Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm good. 9-11.

Jamie Foxx. 9-11. I will promote 9-11. You can also follow us. We have a brand new website at hdtgminfo.com. So it's our initials, howdidthisgetmadeinfo.com. And that has all of our tour dates, the movies that are playing when we are doing those tour dates, ticket information, frequently asked questions, all of that.

All that stuff in one space, hdtgminfo.com. And also, check out a new podcast that I'm doing with Amy Nicholson from the Canon called Unspooled, where we watch good movies. The converse of this show, we're going to watch the top 100 movies on the AFI list, and it's been super fun because those movies are enjoyable.

In so many ways. Good acting, good set design, everything. And it actually makes this show more painful. So I feel like I'm going deeper. I'm testing myself on a level that I didn't even know existed anymore. It's like French connection, then Sky Captain. And it battles out in my soul.

So you can subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. That is all. A big thank you to Avril Halle for pulling these clips because she had to watch the movie multiple times to pull these clips. Nate Kiley, who did all of our research. Everybody here at Largo, thank you so much for coming out. We'll give you a chance to take a picture in one second. Bye-bye, everybody. Good night. I just can't wait. Here I go.

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