Matinee Monday: Road House LIVE! (w/ Doug Benson)
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BAS.com slash bonkers and use the code bonkers at checkout. Throat rips, monster trucks, bar fights, and pleated pants. We saw Roadhouse, so you know what that means. Now it's time for...

Hello people of Earth and welcome to How Did This Get Made Live!

We are in Seattle at Bumbershoot and man oh man we have an amazing movie today but first let's welcome my two co-hosts please welcome Jason Van Zoukas. All right. June Diane Rayfield and our very special guest the first returning guest on How Did This Get Made Doug Benson. All right here we go. What's up jerks?

This...

This movie, wow. I haven't seen it in a long time, Roadhouse, and it is, it's amazing. This movie is fucking fantastic. It's quite good. I think it's probably the best, like the best B movie there is, and there's so much insane stuff in it. Like it's a mainstream movie, but it's insane. Just when the movie starts to slow down, I feel like shit happens that is just like, oh, we're going to drive a monster truck through a car shop right now? All right, cool.

You know a movie's good when in the first three minutes a woman is being kicked in the pussy. Yeah.

Well, that's a crazy moment, too, because she calls, in one of the first scenes of the movie, she calls a guy who she's with at a bar, an asshole, and then he kicks her off a stool. She stabs him first. She stabs him first. No, she didn't stab him. Yeah, she stabs the money. She stabs the money. She says, what is something? Yeah, yeah, sorry, you're right. He gives her $100. This is also an era where everybody's carrying $100 bills, inexplicably like, here's a $100 bill. She stabs it. He kicks her in the fucking pussy.

Every single person in this movie carries a knife. It's as if there is no such thing as guns. Yes. It really is like, well, I've got my knife that's strapped to my leg or I've got my knife over here. Everybody's got knives. And the knives are super big, like almost comically, and the guns are tiny.

Yeah, that's true. The nice per capita in this city, in this little outskirts of Kansas City. Where are they in again? I forget the name of the town. Oh, Jasper. Jasper, yeah. Good old Jasper. Good old Jasper. But it starts, that first fight with the $100 bill is in New York, right? That's his first bar, isn't it? No, he's not in New York anymore, right? I thought his car is just New York plates. Where's the first bar that he's at?

Undisclosed. The place where what's-his-name finds him and is like, I know who you are. I think it's Undisclosed. It's just in another... It's somewhere else. It's the city, though. Yeah. I do think the movie starts off very boldly because you start off, you know, Patrick Swayze is being watched as he's being a cooler, which is not a bouncer. This is a guy above the bouncers. Coolers... Well, Paul, you don't have to explain it because everybody knows what a cooler is, right? Was William H. Macy a cooler in that movie?

in that movie, The Cooler? That's a different kind of cooler. No, that's a, yeah. Patrick Swayze doesn't go places and make people's luck change while playing cards. He's the uber bouncer. He's the uber bouncer who has three rules, but it's a bold move to have a fight scene and the first time you reveal him full, he's wearing like Z Cavaricis. I'm not afraid of a bouncer in pleated pants.

Oh, yeah. And he is later in the movie wearing what appears to be like a blousey jeans and a karate gi as a shirt. Yeah. That karate gi shirt is pretty amazing. He is constantly wearing, I'm pretty sure, women's clothes.

Jonah Ray called that karate casual when we did a live interruption of the movie one time. I love that he also is unfazed by being stabbed. He gets stabbed in, again, the first five minutes. Doesn't even blink. Doesn't even question it. Like, oh, all right, here we go. Come outside. And it was a bad stab, too. Oh, yeah. But he stitches it up himself because he's a fucking badass. Yeah.

He's like five foot five, a hundred pounds of pure power. He must be standing on like an Apple box every scene. Kelly Lynch's love interest literally is a giant. He is miniature.

They hammer him with the I thought you'd be bigger thing. Like, they really make a big point out of how small he is. Well, I mean, also, if we're going to talk about, like, the ridiculousness of Patrick Swayze being a bouncer, then Ben Gazzara is the bad guy? Even in this, Ben Gazzara is an old man. Like, he's, like, in his, like, late 40s, early 50s. Like, he's no match for the 20-year-old Patrick Swayze, even in his blousey clothes. Yeah.

And his sweatpants. And he has that crazy scene where he's just driving in his caddy singing along to what's he listening to? Like Frank Sinatra or Tony Bennett? It's so like 80s Richie Rich X-Tax. I'm so rich I'm not. I use the whole road. That's how rich I am. That's how much money I have. I put a dog on top of the car and I use the whole road.

The way that they show that he's a bad guy in the beginning is that he takes over the whole road. He also has late night parties, like swim parties. Oh, and he rides in a helicopter. He rides in a helicopter. He commutes in a helicopter. Yeah, by the way, commutes to where? To town? Who knows? Because his business appears to be extorting money from the townspeople. From only this town. Only this town. Only Jasper, which is maybe... It's like a tiny town in Texas. Yeah, it is.

And he appears to be a multi-millionaire by extorting them for protection money. He is like a one-man mafia for a ghost town in Texas. But how much money could those places really be bringing in? Because he only takes 10% of the auto shop. That's like what? Maybe 15, 20 bucks? Maybe. Maybe six people a week come in for wipers and oil. Seriously.

Like, nothing. Oh, I showed June this. If you watch that scene, I didn't put it here because it doesn't really fit for the podcast, but if you watch the scene where he's getting wipers for Patrick Swayze's character, you can see a prop master handing the wipers through. Oh, that's awesome. It's like literally handing it through the corner of the screen.

Go back and watch that scene. It's pretty amazing. My favorite Ben Gazzara line that establishes, he has like a whole speech to Patrick Swayze about how powerful he is. And he goes, JCPenney is coming here because of me. What? That's your brag? We're getting a Walgreens. That's how powerful I am. You get the max for the minimum at TJ Maxx because of me. KB Toys is rumored to be developing in our town square.

Need I bring up Build-A-Bear? We're getting two of them. I'm talking to the people at Orange Julius. They're not ready to commit yet. The other thing about this small town, besides the fact that he's extorting them and is a rich millionaire, is the fact that there's no cops in this movie. There's no penalties for serious crimes. Such as murder. Yeah.

Swayze straight up murders a dude. Nothing happens. Nothing. He gets flowers. He rips a dude's throat out. Zero happens.

Let me just give you an idea of what the bar fights in this town look like. Obviously, Patrick Swayze's recruited to come to this town because this guy has big plans for his bar. Wait, can I just, for one second, that guy, wait, it's Kevin Tug, right? Is his name? Okay, he's trying to recruit Patrick Swayze and this is what he says about his bar. It used to be a pretty sweet deal. Now it's the kind of place where they sweep up eyeballs after closing. Yeah.

Sweep up the eyeballs, man. Plural. Plural. Eyeballs. Oh, I guess we lock the doors. Let's sweep up the eyeballs. Why don't they just have the eyeball club meet somewhere else? Guys, stop bringing these eyeballs into the bar. Come on. Your bottles break all the time. Ah, JK, it's just peeled grapes.

They're really good. It's scary for Halloween. All right, so this is a fight that breaks out after a man that has a woman with very nice bosoms. He's like, hey, you want to feel my girlfriend's breasts for $20? Kiss him. He says you can kiss him for $20. Guy goes over, gropes her for a little bit of time, and then he's like, I don't have $20. And then all hell breaks loose. By the way, though,

though, before you play this, Paul, she seems totally fine with what's happening. The guy that is offering it is disgusting. He's covered in sweat and looks like a monster. Also, there's a great line in here, too. I'll play this first. Here we go. This is a normal night. ... ...

This is a normal night. That is a normal night for that bar.

The most insane fight scene ever. That makes like, just because one man didn't have $20, that broke out. Immediately. One person. Immediately. It escalates so quickly too. It is like as if everybody is ready to fight and it's just that one guy pushes the other guy and then it's like, rah! Yeah, we all have permission. Let's go down to the double deuce and wait for fighting.

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There's two little great lines. Throughout this whole movie, there's a lot of ADR where they record the lines after the movie's shot. And one during a fight scene, guy's like, God damn it! You're ripping my best shirt! That's like during a scene where he's getting pummeled on the ground.

Did anyone else notice that the music the band's playing is so low in this movie? Like, while the band's playing, you hear people on the dance floor scream out, yeah! Way louder than the music itself. The other thing they have is they clearly were like, when you guys are talking, like, the woman that's the waitress, what's her name? Baby Joan Cusack? Yes, who plays Luke's sister on Gilmore Girls, who is, like, she's his pal. Kathleen Wilhoite. What's that? Nobody. Uh...

She, they were clearly in one scene, they were like, well, we're going to have music and stuff. So talk loud. So she is literally screaming at Patrick Swayze in one scene, even though there is barely no music. There's barely music, yeah. She's like, what's your name? Oh, I heard about you. I thought you'd her. And clearly, what did you say?

Oh, there's so many great non-bad insult lines. I wrote this down, too. It says, a girl comes over. She says, vodka rocks. Then one of the guys on the spectrum goes, how about nipple to nipple? I wrote that line down, too. And then she replies, I can do that myself. Yeah.

What are these comments? Nipple to nipple. You can't do that. She was pushing her boobs together. Nipple to nipple. I would like to see that. You do see her tits later. She definitely can't do it. Well,

Well, you see her having sex with the bartender who's on break. No, no, that's a different girl. Oh, it's a different girl. That's Ben Gazzara's girl, isn't it, who orders vodka rocks? Oh, you're right. But that seems crazy, though, when Patrick Swayze catches them having sex in the inventory closet because he opens the door. They're in darkness. They are flooded with light. I mean, it's like a spotlight hit them. They keep on fucking for a while. Yeah.

But there's nothing more sexy in that scene than the guy pulling up his tighty-whities. Oh, yeah. Get these on. It's so uncomfortable. But when he's having sex with her, he does say, you're going to be my regular Saturday night thing. That's like a sexy thing to say. Girls like being called a thing, right? He also says, though, I think to her earlier in that scene when he's at a table with her, man, you're so well put together.

What? He goes, then he goes, I get off at two and I'm going to get you off. That guy has a million great lines in this movie.

I got to say, I think I do like Ben Gazzara because Ben Gazzara to me, he's rich in this time, but he kind of feels like Richie Rich. Because there is a scene where he longingly looks at Patrick Swayze and he's riding an RV. You ever remember that scene where he's just riding an RV on his own property? Oh, you mean when Patrick Swayze is shirtless in sweatpants doing Tai Chi? Oh, yeah.

That happens for a long time. A bunch. It happens a bunch. Patrick Swayze is a guy who will read philosophy, do Tai Chi, smoke cigarettes.

That Tai Chi sequence. Bareback fuck Kelly Lynch because it's the 80s, so we don't need condoms, right? Wrong. AIDS just happened. This may be the reason why AIDS broke out this town. Jasper. There was no AIDS monkey. It was Jasper. This movie is all raw dogging. Everybody's raw dogging everybody. It is filthy.

Jasper, I'm assuming it's Texas. It is like chlamydia herpes capital of the world. It starts here, it goes there. They're ground zero. She's a doctor. Yeah. She's a doctor. I don't trust. It's happening. I don't trust. It's 1989, yeah. She's like, you're a bouncer at a bar. I'm sure you're safe. Put it in me raw. Who cares? Well, she knows that he's safe because he carries his own medical files with him. That's true. And when she looks through it, she's like, oh, you went to NYU. Yeah.

be in a medical file. He went to NYU for philosophy. She's like, well, great. I'm going to go seduce you wearing my picnic dress, which is basically like a tablecloth of a picnic. A smock. A smock. Oh, no. In that one, it's the picnic dress. Later, she shows up at his house to fuck, and she is wearing a smock. She's wearing a lacy, weird smock and no underwear. And no bra. And no bra. Do you want to play the sexy? It's called easy access for raw dogging. Yeah. That's right.

And Swayze, by the way, not wearing underwear. And later you see Sam Elliott's pubes also not wearing underwear. Nobody wears underwear in this movie. They can't. They gotta be ready to raw dog at any moment. Guys, it is not hygienic.

It should have been called Raw Dog House. Here is the sex scene. There's no nudity, so kids don't worry about it. This is the sex scene. Here we go. What's he doing with his shoulders? He does so much shoulder work in this scene. She goes for it. Look at his shoulders.

No underwear. And I'm in. No conversation about safe sex? Nope, nothing. Nothing. This is the real Dirty Dancing. Oh, yeah.

Now look here at the perspective of their body sizes in a minute. She's giant, he's tiny. She's giant and he's tiny. And that fireplace cannot feel good against her back. No. The worst place to have sex is up against hard brick. Uneven, jagged brick. He is barely as tall as her neck.

Why is she laughing? He just told her a good one about his dick being in it. Oh, he does so much tongue work, too. Oh, yeah. Look at how big her body is. Her torso is as big as him from butt to head.

He's like, this is like a dance sequence. He's like just... It's fuck dancing. They do dance, right? They do dance, yeah. And that's, and I, yeah, there it is. All of his fight moves are dance moves as well. Well, the big fight scene looks like a choreographed ballet between two guys who are not fighters. I mean, Patrick Swayze is fighting a guy who looks like a bizarro, like, Patrick Duffy, you know? Yeah.

And they just like, there's a lot of dancing. Somewhere right now, Patrick Duffy's like, someone's talking about me. I know it. I can feel it. Someone is talking about me. Hooray. All right. We talked about that. Did we talk about the monster truck? Did we talk about his mock turtleneck?

Oh no, what mock turtleneck? He's wearing like the black mock turtleneck. He looks like Steve Jobs in one scene. Swayze? He's Swayze. It's when he's telling them the three rules, be nice, blah, blah, blah. He's wearing like a Steve Jobs mock turtleneck. I half expect him to be like, but there's one more thing.

That's a Steve Jobs line, guys. He is, by the way, still dead. RIP Steve Jobs. He is still dead. Did you notice that Keith David was in this movie? Keith David has one line, which is, whiskey's running low.

That's it. Main build in the credits. Yep. Fourth build person in this movie. Does he ever even help out in a fight? Nope. Because he's a huge guy. Nope. He's just a bartender. Clearly his subplot was cut out because it would break the rule of having a black person in this movie. Yep.

They did not. There's only white people here. I don't know what happened. I want someone, I hope someone has some Roadhouse trivia, what happened with Keith David's great character. Keith David is here, I think, and he's ready. I'm just kidding. Thank you very much. There's an ADR line in there as well during the first kind of big fight where somebody goes, that's Dalton. He's our new cooler.

As if somebody is saying to someone else, like, no, duh, obviously we've got a cooler and he's the new one. But wait, but wait, what about the whole fact that the coolers have some sort of network in which they communicate? At one point, Patrick Swayze calls up Sam Elliott and he goes, oh, yeah, I heard you're working in Jasper.

How? Are they on like an internet message board? Like, they're getting on Prodigy posting like, I'll be here. All right, what's going on here? There's no, they're like, yeah, I heard about you. Oh, yeah, I heard about that guy. That's a crazy scene too though because after Swayze says, I'm having a really hard time, there's a lot going on in this town, Sam Elliott just says, gotta go and hangs up the phone.

Swayze in that kind of macho coat is clearly calling to ask for help, but can't say, I need help. And Sam Elliott doesn't pick up on it and just hangs up on it. Not at all. Sam Elliott appears to be working at a bar that is having not a wet t-shirt contest, a wet g-string contest. Because the ladies are already topless. So they're just spraying down their vaginas so that everybody can get a yeast infection. Ugh.

Too gross? Like a really gross one. Like with discharge. Okay. Like Fettuccine Alfredo, guys. Oh, I'm going to do this. We're going there. It's only getting worse. I have a clip of some yeast infections right now. We have a bunch of clips of yeast infections now. We're going to show them. This is a protective service. Ladies, clean it up!

I also, this is a small moment, but the owner, that guy Kevin Tye, the owner of the Double Deuce, at one point, you know, the bar is in great disrepair before Patrick Swayze shows up, and he walks by the phone, and on the wall it says, for a great fuck call, and there's a number, and he's like, oh boy. Takes out a pen. First he looks, first he looks around to be like, is anybody looking at what I'm gonna do? By the way, it's his bar. He can do whatever he wants. And,

And then he looks around, pulls out a pen. Is there a baby? Yeah, there is. Is there a literal baby in this show? This baby is learning everything he needs to do about life right now. Wait a second. Is there a teeny tiny baby that I just said vaginal discharge in front of? We showed that teeny tiny baby a sex scene and we've talked about vaginal discharge. How old is the baby?

Oh yeah, now you're keeping your secrets. Must be a pretty young baby if he refuses to answer. One and a half. One and a half, okay, that's too old. If he's a tiny baby, I would like to hold the baby. That baby doesn't even know how old it is. If you brought a tiny baby, please bring it up here. I would like to hold it for the rest of the show. Because I'm only going to say more horrible things and it's only going to be funnier if I'm holding a baby. Bring us your baby.

Andrew Day's Clay held the baby for the last six years of his act, doing those nursery rhymes. So he sees this thing for a great fuck call, looks around and changes it to Buick, like he makes the F into a B, adds an I, and then changes the K into an H. Or, no, no, yeah, I don't know how you spell Buick. No, doesn't. Hey, sorry, guys. Wait a second. Sorry. For a second. No, he doesn't change the K. Buick is right. I don't know why. Sorry.

I don't know why there isn't a hilarious scene where one of those, you know, dirtbags that works at the bar that probably wrote that answers his phone and goes, for the 40th time, I don't have a Buick. That would be amazing. It's Keith David's old phone number. That was his old plot line. That's the excised story.

Oh, man. I have a couple clips. I didn't know if just you guys get a sense of the villain that Patrick Swayze has to fight. I want baby. Do you like this baby? Give me your baby. You offer it as a sacrifice. This is this is how tough Ben Gazzara is beating up his gang. All right. So here we go.

Watch this. You're going to be fine. And you know why? Because I like you.

Fuck!

By the way, they're casually driving that monster truck in that scene. They just pull up to the house in a monster truck. There is a scene later in the movie where Patrick Swayze finishes work for the night, comes out to the parking lot. There's no cars there, but Kelly Lynch is standing there provocatively next to her Jeep. And they get in her Jeep and they drive away. And the two dudes have been spying on them in the parking lot in a monster truck. Ha ha ha!

That's correct. It is as if he like walks out the door, there is a Jeep and a hot girl, and there's a monster truck over there. Giant, that giant monster truck. Which he ignores, and it's just like, well, here's my girl, I guess I'm going to raw dog her for a little while. And then the bad guys are like, hey, hey, hey, hey, we got you now. Like, if you're going to stake someone out, don't do it in like the biggest, in like a truck that is a two-story truck. Yeah.

But they were... That monster truck is amazing. The monster truck comes into play later on when Ben Gazzara starts...

Treating the town gets behind Dalton, obviously, because Patrick Swayze is the best. And then he's like, I got to teach him a lesson. So he blows up an auto parts store and then he just lets a monster truck drive through the showroom of a car dealership and destroy every one of the cars. There is no law. Yeah. But just in terms of his business plan, too, like he wants more money from these establishments. He's destroying all of them.

Like, there's no... He wants everybody to stay in line. He's like, you gotta pay me my money, and you gotta stay in line because he destroys the... He blows up the auto parts place. Oh, there are explosions in this movie that are so big that they literally are like, it'll be like a little bit of an explosion, and it'll be like, oh, everything's okay, oh no, Red's auto shop is on fire, and then the place will blow up like Hiroshima. Yeah.

Like, it will be an enormous explosion. And normally these are just like wood cabin kind of places that they're blowing up, that they would not have this much, you wouldn't need that much to blow up these places. But they are, every place is a gas factory and it's like, pfft.

Even at the end when Patrick Swayze lets his Mercedes loose, that blows up like a crazy thing too. Ignites on fire. Lonnie Anderson's, I call her like Bobo Lonnie Anderson, which is Ben Gazzara's girlfriend. She gets a classic 80s movie treatment in that she gets out of line so she gets beat up a little.

Just a little. By the way, when Patrick Swayze walks into his home and sees her there and sees that she's his girl, she's doing a workout. Gazzara's girl. Gazzara's girl. She's doing an 80s workout and clearly has a black eye, but instead of turning her face, she continues to look at Patrick Swayze and just covers one eye. Don't see it. You don't see it if I lay it. You don't see it now.

It's covered. I feel like this is an era when it was like, oh no, we gotta tell people it's not cool to hit ladies.

Because up until then, apparently it was, I feel like, people were just like, punching ladies is cool. Well, I mean, that's crazy. He's going to step up and be like, uh-oh. And that's why, too, though, that's why Kelly, what's her face as a doctor in the movie? Because it's also like late 80s, early 90s counterpoint to all these hoochies running around. That baby agrees. Give me your baby. I want that baby.

I'm coming to get it, too. You've got to record this, Mike. Why don't you just go stand near it? I'm going to find that baby, you guys. But the beat-up girlfriend of Ben Gazzara also does a strip tease in the middle of the movie to reveal...

The biggest granny panties of all time. They're so crazy. They're granny panty thongs, which is the wildest combination I ever did see. So wide back, and then it gets real narrow at the bottom, right? Yeah, they're like white cotton panties. It's unsettling how, especially, because you know thongs exist because we've seen it earlier at the G-string contest. First of all, she's the only person in this movie that I'm convinced wears underwear.

She is. Yeah. That is for sure true. If you're going to wear underwear, make it provocative. Her and the guy in tighty-whities. Yeah, I can see him pulling those up. You only can wear underwear if it's weird. Wait a second. Maybe only the bad guys in this movie wear underwear. That's what delineates them. Bad guys wear underwear. Good guys just rock on. Well, here's the thing, though, because both her and the guy who pulls up his tighty-whities are wearing white underwear, which would tell me they're good guys. But you're right.

That's the thing. You don't have to be white because Patrick Swayze is kind of, you know. He's got a dark side. But when we see Patrick Swayze, when What's-Her-Name comes to bring him breakfast, we see his bare butt and she basically comes when she sees it. Oh, God. He like gets out of bed and you see his butt and she's like, ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Like, she like full-blown comes and then is like, here's some coffee. Right, baby?

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Hi guys, Amy Nicholson from unspooled here and the national sales event is on at your Toyota dealer making now the perfect time to get a great deal on a dependable new truck, like a rugged half ton Tundra combining raw capability with premium comfort and advanced tech to fuel your wildest adventures or check out the fully redesigned Tacoma delivering trail dominating power and captivating style. The new Tacoma was born to make your off-roading dreams come true.

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Hey, Cam, mine's sending me over our new Wi-Fi password. Oh, sorry, Mitch, you can't be trusted. What? It's your phone. It's different than mine. Cam! And I thought I was a judgy one. No, it's just messages between different devices aren't encrypted. Okay. Since when do you know about encryption? I know what encryption is, and it's because I'm the last line of defense against any would-be Wi-Fi thieves. Cam, come on. Okay, fine. I'll send it somewhere more private. Thank you.

Safely send messages between different devices on WhatsApp. Message privately with everyone.

I was very excited that the final fight scene where Patrick Swayze has to fight the main bad guy's henchman, he was fighting a denim on top, denim on bottom bad guy. Which is denim shirt, denim pants. Denim on bottom. I wanted to show, this is just a classic scene. Everyone knows or has heard about the throat rip. So good.

But there's a little moment before that that's worthy of showing. Here we go. Take a look. This is the big final fight. I used to fuck guys like you in prison. What? What? Little gun. Baby gun. I'm going to kill you the old-fashioned way. Ah! Ah!

You would think that ripping out his throat, he wouldn't need a finishing move. She's checking out. Already dead. Is the throat out? Yeah, the throat's out. This guy's gone. Throat's gone. Already dead. He kicked him into the water so that he would bleed out in the water. It would take him minutes to die. It would take him minutes to die. She could have saved him. She's a doctor. Keep in mind, that character is a doctor.

I do like that the throat rip is his signature move. Earlier in the movie, somebody's like, I heard he killed a guy. He ripped his throat out. Well, you knew that was coming later when they set that up in the first five minutes. We got to see the throat rip. But that's a crazy, brutal move. And then he almost rips Gazzara's throat out. Yeah, he stares at his hand. He's like, I want to do this. Should we? Let's have the house. That throat looks so good.

We can open up to some questions if you guys have any questions about things that we haven't talked about. We still have to talk about the grizzly bear. Well, you should ask the baby first. Baby questions. Raise your hand if you have a question.

I wanted to know if you could talk about the irony of Patrick Swayze always talking about how important it is to be nice to everybody. He says that many times in the movie and then just beats the shit out of everybody. Yeah, that's true. He never doesn't get into a fight. The three rules that he has is always be nice. That's the most important one. He's the most violent dude in the entire town.

He has like, he's capable of like Wolverine level blind rage. Yes. Where is that baby? We've got baby Wolverine in the house. Now that the lights are on, I'm going to find you, baby. Don't you worry, baby. I'm looking for you. I'm coming for your baby wherever you are. Where is that baby? Where is this baby?

Where is it? Where is your baby? It's over here. Right here. Baby is on the aisle. Give me your baby. We're going over. I see you, baby. Very cute baby. I see you, baby. Oh my God. What a cute baby. Don't ever date Ben Gazzara when you get older.

Do they ever explain how he got the skills to beat the shit out of everybody? Was there ever a backstory? There's no backstory, right? He's never not been a cooler. He seems to be Sam Elliott's protege, right? But there was a moment, though, where he was studying philosophy at NYU and then became the most badass guy in the world. Yeah, he doesn't have a kind of backstory that involves he was in the military or he was blah, blah, blah. He really just

Sam Elliott, the thing we haven't talked about is Sam Elliott comes in like three quarters of the way through the movie. And as far as I'm concerned, the true love story in this movie is Swayze and Sam Elliott. Yeah, man. Because they hug and caress each other to a degree that is shocking. Yeah.

By the way, you know when Sam Elliott's about to throw down because he pulls his hair back in a scrunchie. Yeah, yeah. Also, the most awkward scene is basically, you know, so Patrick Swayze's kind of into this girl. They've slept together. And then he introduces them to Sam Elliott. And Sam Elliott kind of starts trying to take her away from Patrick Swayze. They have like a very sexy dance. And then he says something like, as she's walking away, he says...

A woman shouldn't be that smart. No, no, he said she's got too much brains to have that good of an ass. Yes, but she's wearing a very blousey, poofy pleated skirt. There's just no way he could know that. She's wearing, she has a doctor's salary. She should get a much better outfit.

By the way, she's been up all night and is going in to start her shift. Yeah. Guess what I don't need on somebody who's about to perform surgery on me? That they've been raging all night with maniacs. What's your question? All right. What's the better line? Polar bear fell on me or pain don't hurt. Ooh, this guy is a fan or he wrote the movie.

I will have to play this polar bear. My vote is the polar bear, because when else can you say a polar bear fell on me? And by the way, it's also an amazing button to a crazy scene. This is the scene where... Do you have the whole scene? I just have the polar bear scene. But you'll see what we're talking about. Dalton is loose in the mansion, and all the bad guys are looking for him. And here is what happens.

This is the fattest, dumbest one. I hate this place. He doesn't like scary animals. He's like, I feel like my character would have tape on a couple of his fingers. Right. Because maybe he got hurt or something. Gazara. I may not have cued this up perfectly. Here we go. Oh, here. I think he did get his fingers smashed earlier in the movie. Wait.

Guys, that is not Dom DeLuise. We're made for each other. Then Patrick Swayze goes, you guys are made for each other. Again, an insult that doesn't really pay off. It's like, I guess? Does anybody in fear make the...

Has anybody ever made that noise? Well, that's a crazy moment, too, because... Okay, so he says, I hate this place, acknowledging that there are a lot of animals who are dead here and stuffed. So in that moment where he's shooting the polar bear, does he genuinely think that polar bear's real?

I'm asking this genuinely, you guys. This is not a bit. I'm asking. Let's dig into this. Do you think he thinks there's a polar bear coming at me? I do believe that. Also, by the way, why couldn't he just do this?

That's what I'm saying. Why is he shooting him? He has three options. Stay completely still, move to the right, move to the left. He could have done either of these. He stood still. And then fired. And then there's a scene later on where he decides to, because he does survive this, he's not killed by the fake polar bear. Spoiler alert. Huge spoiler alert. And then later on. So that he can have a spinoff, we hope.

Fingers crossed. And then later on, when he decides to join the good guys, he looks at the stuffed monkeys for a long time. Well, the stuffed monkeys are in the position of see no evil, hear no evil. Did you see that? I didn't realize that. I didn't realize that. I'm all set. Because the sheriff comes and says, what happened here? By the way, the first time you see the cops is after Ben Gazzara is murdered.

like brutally murdered in his own house. Probably the only time not in public a person is killed. This is what happens. Like it's the end of the movie and Patrick Swayze, Ben Gazzara has Patrick Swayze dead to rights with a gun. I have it. I can play it, right? Here we go. It's over. These are the townsfolk whose businesses he's been ruining. That guy's weird.

The guy's still stuck behind the pole there. You'll see him in a second. Pole there. This is our town, and don't you forget it. What? Still stuck.

That was it. And then basically the cops come in. So then the cops come in and say, what happens here? And all the townspeople are like, and it's intense, right? Because they all just murdered him in cold blood. And everybody says, I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything. And then trapped under polar bear goes, I was trapped under a pale, a polar bear fell on me. And everybody goes, ha ha ha ha. Everybody laughs. They are murderers. They are murderers. But did they call the cops?

Who called them? I don't know, but this is also the first time the cops have shown up to anything. Yeah. And they come in force. The sheriff accompanies them. I mean, the fire department did show up when Red's auto shop blew up. Yes, they came. That was the only time you saw any federal involvement in this town. Any other questions? Yeah, okay, this question over here. So one of the bouncers didn't look like they were letting in underage kids.

Yes. And wasn't that the same guy that was like, God, like having sex? Well, that's the girl. He lets in the girl with a Sears card. He says, this is a Sears card. And then he lets them in and then he plows her in the storage. Sure. Yeah. And she's probably like, she's, I mean, under 18. She's probably 16 years old. He is not wearing a condom. Guys, it doesn't matter. When you're under 18, you can't get any diseases. It's not. That's right. Because the female body has a way of shutting that down. Yeah. That's true.

That is true. I mean, it's been getting a lot of attention lately. It's right there, yeah. That's what I've heard. Yeah, it's totally cool. It's called legitimating. She can't get pregnant. Let's see. I'm going to go around. Yeah, what's your question? If this movie was remade today, who would replace Patrick Swayze? Ooh, good question. That's such a good question. Guys, let's all fucking think about this for a second. Who could replace Patrick Swayze? I don't have to think about it for very long. Statham is pretty good, but a little on the nose. Yeah.

Liam Neeson would be the Sam Elliott character. Yeah, Liam Neeson, yeah, you're right, would be Sam Elliott. He could play Patrick Swayze's dad, Liam Neeson. Zac Efron. Zac Efron. Really? Shame on you.

Shame on you. Zac Efron. Oh, I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. It's not a Nicholas Sparks novel, lady. Channing Tatum. Channing Tatum, yeah. Channing Tatum. Channing Tatum, Liam Neeson, let's do this. Guys, holy shit, that's a fucking home run movie. I would see that movie in a heartbeat. Remake that. Get Joe Carnahan to direct it. And then who would be Ben Gazzara? The Grey. And there's a wolf. Just cuz. Yeah.

There's a question here. Oh, wait. Clint Eastwood should be Ben Gazzara. Oh. It always comes to this time where, obviously, we had an opinion about this movie that it's awesome, and other people also agree. These are reviews that were culled from Amazon. It's time for a second opinion. These are second opinions from top to bottom. Crazy movies are fun.

These are great reviews, five star reviews on Amazon about Roadhouse. Here it goes. This is the greatest movie I own. It has everything you could ever want. Fighting, boozing, strippers, blowed up buildings, and a monster truck. Plus, there's a character who gets his throat ripped out by a sweaty Patrick Swayze. Five stars.

That criteria is never matched in any other movie. If those are the only things that he wants, not looking up. This one is a great one. It sneaks up on you like an STD. And you don't know you have it until you really have it. From Swayze's peacock mullet to his grease-up body doing slow-mo kung fu moves. This movie is art for artists.

Then these are just like little ones that I liked in here too. Make no mistake about it. This is about violence, not dancing or romance. Some scenes are, all caps, very sexy. Especially in the back of the bar when they're on break. He spells break B-R-A-K-E.

If you know what I mean. Okay. Sharp Marble writes, a classic guy's movie that has parts for gals, too. June, did it have parts for gals? It had a few parts for gals. I also thought it was really weird that Patrick Swayze falls in love with Kelly Lynch's character, whose name is Elizabeth, but only calls her Doc for the whole movie. Yeah. So he's like, listen, Doc, you gotta get out of here. Like, what? What?

Did anyone else notice too when we're first introduced to her she has on glasses and her hair is like pulled back in a French braid. When she goes out on her first date with Swayze she styles her hair in like Swayze bangs. Yep. Did you notice that? And never wears her glasses ever again. And they were amazing.

amazing. I thought that was her best look. Oh, absolutely. Well, she's got to wear those glasses to show everybody at work that she's really smart. Super smart. Yeah. I mean, look at that. She works on an x-ray machine that I've never seen before, too, like an automated x. She's like she's in there doing x-rays.

I don't know what she's looking at, but she's looking at a ton of x-rays. A ton of x-rays at once. Yeah. It's almost like a rotating thing of x-rays. Oh, I got to examine all these people's x-rays all together. All right. So I think we covered everything. This is the Mount Everest of bad movies. It's not a bad movie. It's a great movie executed amazingly. Oh, this movie, we do movies that I would never recommend people watch. The Last Airbender. Um...

And this is one everybody should leave currently and watch immediately. This goes up in the pantheon of like Fast Five, Crank 2, and Roadhouse. They are the must-owns of the How Did This Get Made collection. They are amazing.

So that brings us to the end of our first live episode from Bumbershoot. And Jason Manzoukas is still not on Twitter, but I am at Paul Scheer. June is at June Diane Rayfield. Make a comment. Put it on our iTunes page. We love it. And continue to send us cool shit. We've got a bunch of neat fan art. We appreciate it all. All right. See you next week. Bye-bye. I'm just going to be here, Lord.

Hi guys, Amy Nicholson from unspooled here and the national sales event is on at your Toyota dealer making now the perfect time to get a great deal on a dependable new truck, like a rugged half ton Tundra combining raw capability with premium comfort and advanced tech to fuel your wildest adventures or check out the fully redesigned Tacoma delivering trail dominating power and captivating style. The new Tacoma was born to make your off-roading dreams come true.

Check out more national sales event deals when you visit buyatoyota.com. Toyota, let's go places.

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