Matinee Monday: Kazaam LIVE! (w/ Kay Cannon)
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How much am I spending on travel?

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I have a wish that Shaquille O'Neal never acts again. We saw Kazam, so you know what that means. Hey!

Howdy.

Hello people of earth and hello people of life.

We are live at Largo at the Coronet, our home for live shows in Los Angeles with a very exciting night. That's right, Shaquille O'Neal as a genie. The movie is called Kazam. And please welcome my two co-hosts to the stage. Please welcome Jason Manzoukas. Merry Christmas, assholes. Also welcome June Diane Raphael. June. June.

And our very special guest tonight, please welcome Kay Cannon. All right. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go now.

Kazam? Kazam. I will say that this is a movie that I saw the DVD of, like the box, the cover of, a million times, never thought to watch it. And so happy that I did. Why wouldn't you watch this movie? What would keep you, one thing that would keep you from watching this genie movie starring Shaquille O'Neal? I think I thought it would be too real.

I couldn't handle the truth. I didn't want to get into the whole genie gin argument. I didn't want to go down. It's too much. You know, the minute you start the movie, that can of worms is open. It makes you question a lot of different things. This movie is amazing because it's so...

I mean, we'll talk about the whole thing, but it's on every level. I mean, I said we can barely get, I mean, with 24 hours, we wouldn't get through the whole thing. There's so much to talk about. I was asked to watch it for tonight, and it was a complete joy. It was the best homework assignment I've ever had in my life. Well, just so people know, the movie starts off with this kid who seems like a total asshole. Mm-hmm.

And like a badass bully. And then within a second of establishing that he's a badass bully, other bullies are beating the shit out of him. It's a handful of bullies. Yeah, it's a lot of bullies going on. This movie exists in a world where bullies have bullies. This kid is, Max, is the most unlikable kid character I've ever seen. Yep.

I would say, and I don't mean, I mean, he's older now, I don't know, but charmless is a word that would come to mind. Like he, he, like, I mean, he's written that way. He's a lovely child, but there's nothing, there's nothing about him that I'm engaging with. I have to say, I'm shocked to hear this. I'm really shocked because I, I cared for Max.

And once I found out in the apartment scene that he was struggling with his stepfather and his stepfather's arrival in the family, I felt I understood everything about him. This kid's dad's been gone for decades. Ten years. He doesn't remember him. And then he's got the nicest fireman, soon-to-be stepdad. The best. I'll say this. Travis is a saint. What?

He's a goddamn saint. All he's doing is eating spoonful after spoonful of shit from this Max. It's all he's doing. He's just cramming it down his throat and he's like, don't you worry. I'm going to be here when you're ready. Literally, Max goes out, stays out all night, and Travis is like, let's get him a baseball. By the way, let's take care of him. So we're clear. Max is 12.

We're not talking about like a troubled 16 year old. This is a 12 year old child. I don't want to get too far ahead, but also Max, I don't,

it's unclear how long Kazam is around. Yes, 100%. But Max does not shower or brush his teeth or change his clothes for the entirety of the movie. Yes, you're right. But then he takes objection with how Kazam smells. I know! Leading to one of the most upsetting scenes in the movie. Oh my God. In which a grown genie showers in front of a boy.

What? What are we doing here? With a giant surprise. I don't know who this movie's for. Well, it is a children's movie where, I mean, I will say that it's a racist overtone or undertone under it, too, with Mac. Well, first of all, he stumbles into a genie. We should establish that. While running away from his bullies, he finds the genie's lamp, which is a boombox.

Because he fell out of the lamp into the boom box. Which I didn't even understand. That I didn't really understand. So he was in a lamp originally. Yeah, and then when the wrecking ball comes in, you hear... On the fifth floor lamp shop. You hear Kazam go, whoa! Whoa!

Which made me go like, what's going on in the life of a genie slam? Is he like in an apartment in there? Okay, but this is a really, honestly, this is a really big question. Okay, hang on. We will come to know, this is a very serious question. We'll come to find out that Shaq wants a career as a performer.

Specifically a rap artist. Do you think that while in the regular lamp, he always felt that way? Or was it something about being transported to that boom box? That's a good question. I don't know. That's a very good question. Because...

Does rap go back 5,000 years? If rap is poetry, then the answer is yes. I would argue that he's not even really rapping. He comes out... I will say, he comes out speaking in, like, rhyming couplets. Well, let's show how Kazam... Right, but genie dudes really do. Let's show how Kazam kind of... What June is correct in referring to is standard genie talk. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, but the genie talk comes and goes. Oh, yeah. By the way, thank God. Thank God. For the first two minutes, he's speaking in rhyming couplets, and I was like, I'm going to have to kill myself. There's no getting out of this. If he talks like this for the whole movie, I will straight up murder my own self.

All I know is at this point, I'm like, this screenplay was written in all caps lock. It's nothing but screaming. This movie is meant to be screamed. Just take a look. We don't have to watch the whole scene, but you just get a sense of how Shaq popped. To wake me. Ain't gonna make this a mystery. Don't wanna do times on your wishes three. Hey!

Watch it, boy. You don't want to diss me, or I'll dish out my misery. Who's that sorry wannabe that disturbed my views? Wannabe number one, I'm sorry, boy, that's been done. But if you got the itches for a sack of riches, don't matter how avaricious, I'm the man that could grant your wishes. Hey, don't turn your butt on me.

It doesn't stop for so much longer than even that. What's interesting in watching his arrival is that throughout the entire movie, I was wondering, you know, there's this issue of does he want to be a genie? Does he hate being a genie? Does he want to grant wishes? It seems like he's like a self-hating genie.

Like he doesn't. And he's so angry. Yeah. Like you're not. You're definitely. I wasn't tracking his emotional. No. I was like, he's like, you've got to make. First, it's like he says three wishes. Max wishes for a car. He's unable to do it. Not able to do it. And then he's like, you've got to make your wishes real quick. Well, basically, though, what he says is by summoning the genie, the genie basically becomes your slave.

So I don't think anybody wants to be put in that position. So the quicker we get this out of the way, the quicker I get back to kicking back in the bottle, aka the boombox. Or in my mind, all genie understanding is the inside of the genie bottle from I Dream of Genie.

Which seems spacious on that show too. Oh, beautiful. But then later on, later on when they're in the basketball court, he says that he doesn't want to be a genie and then he wants to get out of it. because he wants to be a gen. Now he wants showbiz. I could not stop thinking about when you're just like hearing him rap the whole time or whatever he was doing right there. But, um,

But I was like, this is around the same time that I think Shaquille had released his rap album, right? Yes, it came out, yes. So he honestly thought, I think, that he was going to bodyguard this, like Whitney Houston style, and be like, look at how great I rap. 100%, because there's two rap songs in this film that are very specific to genies. Like, if the audience might be like, I think this dude's a genie, because...

He's rapping a lot about genie-specific things. All of his references are from 3,000 years ago.

But he's not a good genie right out the gate. Or a good rapper. Terrible. What he just did might as well have been written by Ronnie the limo driver from the Howard Stern show. You know what I mean? The part especially where we get more Zs who disturbed my Zs is the comparison I'm making. Don't worry about it. Stern fans get it.

I do find him charming. Look, I think that Shaq is a lovely guy. But he, but I honestly didn't know, like, I felt like he didn't seem to have any care for this kid. Like, and then they, like, at the end, we'll get to the end, but it's like, oh, yeah, I loved him and I had a whole thing. It was like, wait, no, I never got that.

He was my only friend. Yeah, like I never got like, he was like, I'm looking out for this kid. I'm going to help him out. No, that's not true. I feel like during Wish 1 and a little bit past, when he's kind of like, how can you let these kids treat you like that? Or blah, blah, blah. Okay. He's trying to get into it. And I think what the movie is trying to sell us is that Shaq's own, the hubris of Shaq thinking, I could become a rap superstar. Yeah.

it makes him veer off course, which is to help Max fulfill his wishes. And as a result, Max dies. Yeah. The lead child. As a result, the child star of the movie dies.

After, I believe it's the second time he's been pushed down a giant hole. Yeah. Multiple times this child falls upwards of five stories. One falling through floor by floor by floor, floorboards, everything. And one just an elevator shaft at the end of which he meets his end. Yeah.

For those of you listening, it's not fulfilling, but we're just playing the kid falling through the floor on repeat, which is even funnier. This is a child. This is a child doing this in this movie. I think... I think...

is trying to do is show that he's the ultimate tough guy. Yeah. And Kazam tells us many times over that he is a tough guy. Oh, yeah. Kazam is not to be reckoned with. Yeah, so Kazam also winds up sleeping and spooning this kid too, right? Yeah.

And the blame bad, yeah. But at that point, I felt like it was like really huge guy with little kid and they were trying to just show as many possible ways to show a big guy with a little kid because there's a really weird shot of just his hand on his face. And it was just like, oh, this will make audiences laugh because his whole hand is on this kid's face. He can bomb his face like a basketball. Like, I also noticed, I think it's just... He could have done that anywhere. Yeah.

He could have bombed the kid's face anywhere. It did not have to be sharing a twin-size bed. Just saying. You wouldn't have seen how big Shaquille is in a twin-size bed. That is true. I do have a question at the top here, too. When the kid first brings Shaquille O'Neal to his hangout, is it just like a junkyard playground? Like where the candy comes from?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, like it's like a weird junkyard or something like that. It's like a... Sorry. Wasn't that the same place, though, where the... Where they built the steel suit? Where the G-Lamp was? Different movie. Different movie. Built the steel suit, right? Different movie. It's the next movie. Different Jack movie. Almost identical plot space.

But anyway, you said you had a theory about the candy. Well, I have an issue about the candy because, okay, so he wishes for junk food to this guy, right? And then it's like, you see burgers and whatever and then ultimately there's like tons of junk food and then like piles of pancakes, right? Or whatever. Oh, yeah. And then afterwards, I have just so many problems with Kazam's magic abilities or like genie abilities and then afterwards, he's like, I'm hungry. Kazam says this. It's like, will you just

left and an entire thing of food and he's like really a big deal about how hungry he is and he's like let's stop for lunch and he's wearing clothes like they somehow found shorts like as big too big for Shaquille O'Neal well Shaquille O'Neal's clothing is upsetting on so many levels he wears a collar there's like lapels that are going like 18 inches

There's like this really long shot of his shorts falling off him. It's like, oh, you found, why don't they fit? Yeah, at that point, you're making a kitchen tablecloth. I mean, there's like, Shaquille's size, his shoe is 22. So if he like, that's saying that there's someone larger than Shaquille O'Neal that they're making shorts for? No. And he found those shorts. He found a shirt that fit great. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, the shirt would have fit. I've realized who I think the kid is.

It's as if they made, as the protagonist of a movie, the little brother from Teen Witch, who is a real piece of shit. And then she tricks him and he's like, I took the liberty of ironing your homework. We're going to do Teen Witch. I love that movie. I have never even heard of this movie. Holy shit. We're going to do Teen Witch for Top That Alone. Oh, I do remember Top That. Top That.

June, I feel like you would have thoughts on Teen Witch. I don't remember the brother on Teen Witch, but I do remember Top That. Of course. Who doesn't remember Top That? Of course. The greatest rap battle. I need to get on some Teen Witch.

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I thought at certain points that this kid also acted like he could have been played by a 60-year-old man, too. Because when he first met his mom, I'm like, is this his mother or his wife? He's like, ah, leave me alone, woman. You don't know what I go through. Give me my cigar and my newspaper. I'm going to take a shit. Like, it just like there was an energy. Yeah, also that mom was in a totally different movie. Like, she was like, Max, come on, Max. Max, Max, come back, Max.

That's why we were married. And by the way, this director who was, you pointed out. Starsky. From Starsky and Hutch. Like, I think they were so psyched about this opening shot of the mom, which was through the vacuum cleaner. Like, the mom is like staring down the barrel of a vacuum cleaner. It's like, ooh, cool shot, Kazam. But yeah, the whole mom relationship is crazy. And it's, well, I mean, we didn't get to the dad. The dad...

Everybody just gave up. Wow. The dad is like, so the movie exists in a world in which it's a kid, it's his single mom, they're having a tough time, she's falling in love with a fireman who the kid gives a hard time to, Kazam shows up and then the kid finds his dad who is like a villain in a different movie. Okay, so what I want

I want to know if you had... If dad is a villain... If you had to say, okay, the title of the dad's job is...

Okay. I think the dad is a club runner, club owner. I think he's the front for a bad news businessman. For all those bootleg CDs. Yeah. He's the front man of the club that is the front for the CD manufacturing counterfeit CD. No? What do we think? So,

so Max comes in. I don't know. Max comes in to his club, right? And, and so they're not divorced because there's like some paperwork that hasn't been signed. 10 year old paperwork. But like, I'm assuming the mom has talked to the dad about it. And the kid comes in and this, and this dad looks at him and he's like, what's your name? And he's like, Max. And there's no recollection. None. Until the second time he says, Connor.

And he's like, that's my kid. And we're supposed to think like he's a dick to the kid. But when he finds out he's his son, he's like really cool to him. He's like, oh, is that acceptable? That like he says, oh, he's only a dick to kids he doesn't know. But like it was a weird thing about the movie. You have no idea whether or not you should care about this dad and his rehabilitation. Yeah, I think it's a redemption story for him, if anything. Right. But the dad is a piece of garbage.

Yeah. But is he? Well, he's real mean to his assistant. Oh, yeah. What was that guy that he was going to... What does that guy do? It seemed to me... I'll tell you this is what it seemed like to me. It seemed like there's the owner of the club, the guy who's eating Nubian Godas.

A lot. And that guy, I love that guy. Then I feel like... Don't you feel like that guy was maybe also 3,000 years old? Yes. Yes. Halfway through the movie, I was like, he's a genie too. He's a genie. I thought he was a gen. He instantly had access to like a bunch of information. Yeah. Immediately. And then the woman who Shaquille goes on a date with,

Was she a gin? We haven't even gotten into his dating life. That whole love plot is insane. So they got this owner who's eating newbie and go dies. Then we have Max's dad, who I'm going to argue is a promoter of... What are you saying? Hold on. This person... Yes, all right. Okay, hold on. Hold on. I'll get a mic to you. I'll get a mic. All right. What do you say? You don't have to stand up.

I was equally confused. And he actually is in the industry of music piracy. Well, that wasn't really helpful at all. Well, yeah.

We know he's pirating. That's not a job position in the industry of music piracy. But in 1996, that would have been a big deal. I guess, yeah. And that's what underground, that's where they're doing is making counterfeit CDs. Well, I thought it was this. He was the club promoter, so he would go, hey, Da Brat, come play my club. Then Da Brat would come play the club. Then they would secretly record it and then sell it. So I thought he was the fun man to be like, hey, Da Brat.

And so he's a trickster. He was a trickster who then was having his assistant. Is he a trickster god? But so then, wait a second. But then why does the guy who's above him, the guy, the other genie, why does he... Who's not a genie. He must be a genie. Yeah, why does that genie want... Other genie, yes. Why does other genie want, like, why is other genie excited about Shaq's...

Yeah, because he wants his wishes. He saw the boombox explode. Okay, but does he... And shoot diamonds. But does other genie, is he making money off of the tapes that are being flagged? Yes, millions. A million dollars. A million dollars for a Da Brat concert. The one night of Da Brat is going to net them $1 million. This is what I'm confused by. Wait, is that... Is Da Brat...

the actual name of okay so they were there the next night when Shaquille performed right so why didn't they just when the tape was stolen why didn't they just like re-record them

It would make a lot of sense. I mean, and we're living also in a world that like, is that, I don't think there's ever been a market for live concert, like in that level, like you have a Billy Joel at Madison Square Garden tape? I'll pay thousands. It's not like, yeah, so it wasn't like, oh, this is all new material that the Brad is doing. It's just a concert. Right.

June, you're saying you know what the dad does? Okay, so I think the dad in the legit world is considered like an artist liaison to the club. Promoter.

Yeah, a promoter, but he's not, the promoter to me implies like he's trying to get people in the club. That's not what he's doing. He seeks the talent. Is that what you're saying? He gets the talent. Yes, he gets the talent. He makes them feel comfortable. He sets up some drinks, whatever. He sets up a green room? Yes, but what he's actually doing. Do you think he's in charge of those VIP relationships? Yes. Yeah. How many guests do you want to accomplish? We have bracelets. We'll give them all to those people. So Brad is like,

is like, I'm not coming unless Nick is going to be there. What he's actually doing is organizing the piracy. Oh, God. And setting up the all that nice guy behind the scenes who's ordering pizzas for everybody. Nick, Nick, everybody's friend. Nick again. Kazam is like, I'm hungry. Yeah.

He asked, he was like, "Where's that pizza coming?" And then he comes, Shazam comes, or Kazam, not Shazam. It's Shaquille and Kazam together. - By the way, it should have been Shazam. His name is fucking Shaquille.

The easiest connection. You can't call him Shazam. Shazam already exists. He walks in with like six pizzas. I'm sorry, I can't let it go. I'm so mad about it. Guys, anytime anybody's hungry in this movie, all they need to do is go to that warehouse and...

where there is still six inches of food. Old hot dogs and hamburgers and burritos on the floor. All of it is there. So many candy bars. By the way, they do set up the rules a lot. I'm like, by minute 48, the third time, Shaquille's like, no, no, I don't do that kind of wish. I'm like, got it. We got it. No one in the movie gets it. He's like, I wish that my

you changed my dad's life. He's like, no, I don't do that. He's like, okay, 20 minutes later, changed my dad's life. Nah, how many times, kid, do I have to tell you that's not the shit I do? That's ethereal. Yeah, it's ethereal. Now, is that a rule across the board with genies or is this specific? What now? Do you mean with real genies? Yeah.

No, I'm basing this off of other genies I've seen in movies and TV. Sure, like Aladdin. Aladdin's really the only one that's coming to mind. And I dream of genie, of course. Of course, but what was her deal? What did she do? She, you know, listen, if we are to believe the theme song of the show, he is an astronaut, right? He falls from space in his capsule, lands on a beach. He's walking down the beach. He finds the lamp. He rubs the lamp. Genie pops out of it.

He fucks her? She becomes his life slave. I think he maybe is like, one of my wishes is for you to love me for the rest of my life, even if I turn into a... No, that's the other one. That's Bewitched. But that's ethereal. Wait, did they both have different ones? Or no, just Bewitched. Okay. But that's ethereal. Oh, it's Harry Hagman.

Right. Right. But that's I mean, but she was she was basically his slave for. Right. Because she doesn't remember this being true where genies can only produce material objects. Are there any genies in the audience? What if what if in the last scene of the last episode of I Dream of Genie, Larry Hagman dies?

And Jeannie is finally released from having to do the cursed wish that she's been doing her whole his whole life, which is loving him. And then the show ended. That would be a real Sopranos ender. Yeah. I want to bring up the fact and this is nothing not trying to be anything, but just calling out a point.

was there no makeup on this movie? Because Shaquille O'Neal sweats like he's shooting this movie during a timeout of a fucking championship basketball. Also, there are plenty of shots of people trying to wipe him and put makeup on him and they can't reach his head. And so they're like, on his neck.

Whatever the stylistic choice was they chose for this, they also chose it in steel. Where he also looks like exactly what you said. He must have a problem, right? Like he's doing it at halftime of the game. Hey, Shaquille, can we do one quick shot with you before you get back? Yeah, sure, man. Let's go. Hey, kid, I can't grant ethereal wishes. Back in there. Pass me the ball. I have a question. Did Kazam...

During the course of this movie, admit to perpetrating Pompeii. Yeah. He lived under the ash for 347 years. Legitimately guilty of crimes against humanity. Which is why he committed a genocide. That's why he's in the situation he's in, right? Well, no, because I thought he was a genie. Then he did Pompeii. Then he went 347 years under the ashes. And then I guess something else happened. Oh, so he was born a genie.

That's a great question. By the way, we're going to find out right now. Why don't we let Shaquille O'Neal tell you exactly how he came to be a genie in this rap. And as people who are watching this theater can see his 18 inch collars.

In this scene. But this sets up how Shaquille became who he is. Here we go. Listen to the man, cause I'm the Sultan of Sand. Is that it? Is that the whole deal? You wanna be a hit, you better get real. I did have this friend in the thousand BC. We discover a bevy of bathing beauties. Her bird looks to me and I says to he, why don't we jump in that old U-Fraid-Ease?

That's the whole story. That's all you gotta tell. You got to listen to my rap from bell to bell. Those babies had rabies and we was in Hades because we moved with the harem of the Prince of Africa. So it's you and her bird in a thousand pieces. Buried to our necks in sand like a sea. By assaulting with a sword and a lock and a key. They're in deep. Will they ever get free? So it's me and her bird in a thousand pieces. Praying to the gods. And what do you see?

What are we, Max?

We genie. I cannot hear you. What are we? We genie. Genie. Okay. So that's the story of how he came to be. Like, I know we all just watched that together, and I still don't know what's happening. I don't know. I have no idea. When I got it, him and his buddy saw some pretty ladies who had rabies.

They were then... What is that? I don't understand what that was. In the Euphrates. In the Euphrates. They were then caught by a sultan who put them in quicksand. They were about to die. And as they were about to die, like, oh, please don't kill us. Then this god came down and said, I'm going to make you guys genies. So we don't know where his friend is. His friend is maybe in another land. His friend is the eye-eating... That would have been a better movie.

If that bad guy had been revealed to be, in fact... Again, I just wonder. So it seems like being a genie saved his life. But it also seems like he hates being a genie. Well, I think it's some sort of indentured servitude or something. Right. Of course. It's a life he has to obey. It's not a life he chooses. And I can understand that. He's at the whim of somebody who could make a volcano erupt and kill everybody. And he's got to be like, okay. Okay.

I guess a part of me, and maybe this is small thinking, but I would think it would be kind of nice to give someone their wish. You know, that there's something fun about that. But you spent 3,000 years granting everybody else's wish, and you were like, what about me? What about my wish to be a rapper? Yeah, yeah. That's also granting my wish. If a genie met another genie, do you think they could ask for a wish? Yes. If that genie...

If he knocked the genie out of whatever he was in or she. Hey, hey. Hey, look, that's a sequel I want to see. I'm comfortable living in a world where a genie can be a woman. Comfortable with it. And then he'd owe them, right? The same rules would apply. Or you run into a djinn who seems to be

the most powerful who could probably do a lot more stuff. I gotta tell you, I did not see the Jen thing coming at the end. Yeah. I was like, when he had kind of a Patrick Swayze from Ghost. He kind of just morphed into a giant version of himself. The already giant man becomes giant-er. Yeah, at a certain point, Shaq is like three stories tall. And Max is still talking to him. It was weird. Yeah.

Max is kind of, I feel like Shaq never did reverse angles. So I feel like Max was just doing a one man show to like a tennis ball and a stick for most of the movie. I never felt like Max was truly afraid of Kazam. He was downright abusive to Kazam. He threw, when he woke

the morning he wasn't scared he was angry he's like get the fuck out of my bed he threw a baseball at kazam's face at point blank range like bam like it was like are you kidding this is a strange man in his bed i have no problem with what he did i'm 100 cool and we use this movie to show my own children

How to behave should they find a seven foot six man in their bed spooning them in the morning. I don't have children. It's funny though, because I wasn't clear on, you know, what his powers were exactly. Because...

I know he's able to grant wishes, but it also seems like he can hear Max wherever he is. And then suck Max through space and time. Right, and out of a water glass. So he's on a date, he's distracted, he tries to tune him out. But I also very much agree with you, June, because I was like, he could be in front of Max at any point, and Max kept leaving and getting ahead, and then he'd all of a sudden be there. Until...

Max got on his bike and then it seemed like Kazam had to also get on a bike to then race him when he could have just stopped him in front and put his hand out and said, you're not going to ride this bike anymore. Or probably flown. I think he can fly. That's what happens. He's on this little bike. Again, I think this whole movie was like, how can we make a very big guy on a bunch of little things to elicit laughter? And then the

And then the bike became a flying bike and it was like he was getting his powers back. I get that's what they were trying to do. But I mean, I felt like even with the powers back, like when the kid wishes for candy, he doesn't like...

Like, oh, that's a shitty wish. But when the kid wishes, like, for the tape, he's like, no, I'm not going to grant you that one. Like, you had no problem with the candy. Right, right, right. The candy is not going to pay off ever. Apparently. Is he going to go back there for, like, what, 15 years? Like, oh, I'm hungry. Go get my Tootsie Roll from this weird warehouse. The kid, Max is more afraid of the kids who are bullies than he is of Kazam. Like, he didn't want to go back to them and ask for the tape. He is, in the beginning of this movie,

Think about the child Max's arc of the film. He is being bullied by kids at school. Then he is being relentlessly stalked by Shaquille O'Neal. Ha ha!

His mother is trying to bring another man into his house. He finds his father. A very good man. A very good man. Who he forsakes. He finds his real father, who's a piece of shit, gets embroiled in nonsense, dies, is brought back to life, and then mourns the loss of Shaquille O'Neal. This is a crazy movie. Do you think that Shaquille, that Kazam...

Brought him back to life? Yes. Yes. He did it. June, what did you think happened? How else? That's how he became Jen. Yeah, that's what he did. That's how he's like, oh, I did it for the first time. I think what he did was because he made his own wish come true. He was the first time. Oh, wait a second. It was the first time because Zam has never been selfish. Right. Because he always is like, I got to grant somebody else's wish. I'm going to do my own thing. And that was the first time he was like, you know what?

You're my only friend and I want you to live. Yeah. But you know what? The person you forgot through his whole, in Max's world, is his friend he makes a face to at the beginning. And then we only see the friend one more time and he's like, you okay? You okay? Yeah.

I got a feeling there were a lot more scenes with that kid. That kid was like, I'm four on the call sheet. I'm so psyched to be in this Kazam movie. I'm the lead character's best friend. I'm all over this. This back to school season, spend less on your kids with Amazon. Now, here's the thing. I love back to school season, but I'm going to be honest. It's expensive.

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Friends. Oh, friends. You want a podcast? I'm going to tell you about one. It is called Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson sometimes. Now, after Cheers wrapped up decades ago, Ted and Woody have reunited sharing stories with their friends that they have met over the years. Kristen Bell, Will Arnett, Conan O'Brien, Jane Fonda. These are just a few of the guests they have had on their show just decades ago.

to kind of hang out with and just laugh. It is a fun hangout show. What are you waiting for? New episodes of Where Everybody Knows Your Name drop Wednesday. Be sure to listen wherever you get your podcasts. For music piraters, or whatever, counterfeiters of CDs, the bad guys have such an easy time murdering

inclusive of children, murdering anybody. Like they, this is like a, this is not a hyper-violent crime to just be in a warehouse making CDs, but they have no problem just murdering people. I wonder if it was. And laughing about it. You know what though, Jason? I got the sense that piracy was just one part of a bigger business they were doing. Oh, you think so? You think this was like an empire of corruption and greed? Yeah.

Well, I mean, it seemed like when they were in the basement, there were just a lot of CDs. A lot of CDs were down there. It didn't seem like guns or anything like that. Yeah, it almost seemed like they were waiting for a genie to show up. So that they were trying to attract a genie so they could make the wish to have all the money in the world. That was like the long...

Khan. Do you think that maybe there was a version of the script where it was like drugs? Because drugs would have been so much easier. I think what must have happened is that Shaq said, I need to rap in this movie. Of course. I mean, it is just shoehorned in because there's...

The way we get into music piracy and the understanding of this crime is so convoluted and so strange. Well, yeah, the valuable thing is, like we said, live recordings of rap artists. And the only reason why Shazam, or sorry, Kazam, gets popular is because the brat in the middle of her show does what all rappers do, points at someone in the crowd and goes, now you rap.

Now it's your turn. In her defense, it wasn't just anyone she pointed to. Right, it was him. It was a seven foot six tall man. With a giant boom box, yeah. And then he took that lead and overnight, first of all, everyone wants his autograph after that performance. They want his autograph and he becomes class K class.

They call him Class K. Wait, I didn't catch that. What was that? That's the second night he's performing. Kazam is called Class K. That's his rap name. He doesn't go by Kazam. Kazam. Kazam. Kazam would have been a great rap name. What? What are you telling me? You're saying he's like, okay, here I am, Kazam. Now I'm a rapper. I guess I got to come up with a rap name. Your name is Class K. I can't use Kazam. That's just my normal name.

What? Boring. It has a Z in it. I'm thinking about the movie. There are so many plots and I feel like it's like that movie. My rap name is Gary. That's the only way it would make sense. If his rap name was like Gary Smith. Mine is Brenda.

I was thinking that there are so many plots in this. It's like watching that movie Time Code because I feel like I've checked out of certain ones. There's one whole plot of the club owner, Kazam, and the girl that's going on in the limo in their night because I think he's orchestrating Kazam's career. Then there's another plot. No, he wants Kazam. Oh, sorry. He wants his genie powers. He wants his power, but initially he wanted, but when he's eating the Nubian eyeballs, he wanted him to rap, right? He was on, remember he says like,

everyone has a secret. Your job is to find out his secret. So he was like on to him. He was on to Merle. Because remember, when Kazam had the boombox, like a little glow diamond on his table, and he kept trying to catch it. Much to this day. And then he's like, ah, I got it. No, there's nothing there. And then he's like, that guy seems to be able to emit imaginary diamonds, so I should become his friend by feeding him goat eyeballs.

And introducing him to the love of his life. And is he dating

lady. That's another plot line that seems very underdeveloped. She has an interesting journey because all of a sudden out of nowhere, she seems to really care about Max. Yeah. Yes. Oh yeah. And, and then at the end when she's a spoiler alert, when they're walking away, uh, uh, Kazam and she's like, he's like, I haven't worked in 5,000 years. She's like, well, you better get used to it. Like, I'm like, well, is she also a genie?

Because she says, you don't get it. You don't have control here. Like, she seems to be in the know. She's on board with that. Right. And maybe he was totally up front with her and just put it all out on the table. Well, now that he's a gin, does he have to work? Because then the gin would just be like, give me a million dollars and he'd have it. No, because she's telling him you're getting a job.

So is he a human being at the end? I don't know. He's human? I thought he was human. I thought he had given up all of his powers. He did. You know why? Because he got married. That's what it felt like. That's what it felt like. Oh my gosh. Guys, I am single. Oh my gosh.

I feel like we should get into the audience here and see what questions the audience has. In case you're keeping track, Jason has no children. And not married. Not married. All right, questions here from the audience. Your name, what you would name Kazam as a rapper, and your question. I have no idea. I think Class K is pretty good. Okay, great. Okay.

My name is Sarah. Okay. Did anybody else notice during one of the scenes when Kazam is talking to Max, he mentions that Jesus is basically a genie? Oh, I do remember that now. Really? It was so shocking. Him and another biblical character who I don't remember, but he says Jesus is a genie. Right. Yeah. Wow. This kid's movie got dark. Okay.

Yeah, so I guess Shaquille really is breaking it down early on. Okay, yes. It's like one of the wishes was to turn water into wine. And he's like, I can do that. And somebody was like, oh, I wish Lazarus was still alive. And he's like, done. Bingo.

Well, for pointing out that fact, I'm going to give you this great book that I really love. It's called The Great Showdowns of Revenge by Scott C. I wrote the introduction to it, but it's really awesome. He's amazing. It's really good. Get that book. All right. You, sir, what do you got? Your name, your Kazan rap name. I was going to say, what do you think the dad does? Oh, yeah. That's good, too. Your name, what do you think the dad does? Okay. And your question, what do you think the dad does?

My name's Rob. I think the dad just runs a warehouse party day in and day out. All right. They show up in the middle of the day, and that's when Da Brat's there. Oh, you're right. It's daytime. It's daytime. Well, it was the 90s, so it was different. That's true. So late in the movie, Max kind of has a breakdown. He's really upset about everything, and he's like, I'm going to show them all. I'm going to show them all. Like, maybe I'll become a personal assistant. Personal assistant. I heard that. Yeah. Max does. Max does.

I heard that. Oh, it was amazing.

Yeah, that was a weird moment because Jaquille at that point became an image on the ceiling, like a constellation on the ceiling. And it was talking to him as a two-dimensional, a one-dimensional person. The only thing I can, I don't know, come up with is that the dad had a personal assistant who he also seemed to beat up from time to time. But who seemed sort of like a son figure to him. So I don't know. Maybe he just thought that was a job that was open and...

He worked closer to his father. Everyone knows the power is in the personal assistance to the biggest people. They know everything. Yeah, exactly. All right, sir. What do you think the dad does? Your name and your question. Brad. I think the dad, I agree the dad's like a talent relation. Yeah. An observation, the friend, the make a face friend, that's the director's son.

Well, well, well. I like them. And by the way, his son wasn't good enough to actually get the bigger part of Max. So at the very end of the credits, it says it's dedicated to three people. Elizabeth, somebody, somebody. I didn't know. I didn't look it up or anything if they were his children. But I just started to think. I was like, if I was his child, I'd be like, it's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't waste your time on this one. Yeah.

You guys seem like you have a partnership here that you need this information. No. A quick thing. All right. Quick thing. Here. Touch my hand on the mic. I'll hold the mic to your face. He was talking to it. Those bullies sodomize him with a key. What? Oh, right. They said they'll put the key up his ass, right? Where it will only fit. When he comes home, he doesn't have any bruises, so all they did...

We'll sodomize him with the key and then sodomize him. Well, he has a little bit on his face because his mother's like, what happened to your face? Right, what happened to you? But I think makeup was not again. Yeah, they're not, Shaq is a sweaty mess. They couldn't do, they couldn't do any effect. Do you think his butt is a safe? By the way, there was something about Max that I loved too, which is like, his mom's like, have this OJ. He's like, what kid doesn't like OJ?

And he's like, eat these pancakes or waffles. He's like, ugh. It's not like his mom was trying to feed him health food. It was like the most kid-friendly food. We didn't even talk about that scene, how they ate the French toast behind the mom's back. The flying French toast. The flying French toast. And then she had to make more. The kid won't eat it, so he makes the French toast fly into his mouth in one whole bite. And almost, I mean, I feel like...

That was a deadly serving. How about when the bad guy, when the main bad guy is like, you're going to do what I want, or maybe he's going to wake up dead. I get it. You are foreign and the villain, but once people are dead, by definition, that means they do not wake up.

All right, ma'am, your name, your Kazam rap name, if you have one, and your question. Hi, my name is Julia, and my Kazam rap name would be Trakeel O'Neal. Ooh. Did you write that down, or are you just consulting your notes? I may have.

She does have a lot of notes and I'm very happy about this. I know how you like your notes. Okay, I'd like to turn this around onto the panel. When it comes to sharing a race car twin-sized bed with Shaquille O'Neal, would you prefer to be big or little spoon? Wow, amazing question. You're going to get one of these great showdown books too. I would like somebody to start a Tumblr where all of you can just post images of your notes for these movies. Okay.

I would like to be... Wait, wait. Which is big and which is little? Who was the question? Would you like to be spooned or spooned? I would like to be spooned. I would like to be spooned. I always like to be big spooned, so... Wait, which is big? Big spoon is the one who's doing the spooning. Who's behind, yeah. I like to be spooned. Yeah, I would... Okay. Hey, what's happening? It's a match! Ha ha!

Guys, spoon for us right now. Guys, let's take a poll and everybody in the room split up by preference of spooning. Left-hand side of the room, spoonies, spooners on the right. And then we're all going to run at each other. And whoever we spoon with is remated for life. Let's just make this decision now and not look back.

Kay, where do you fall? Spoonie or spooner? Oh, I like to spoon the person. And like for 10 seconds, I'd be done. I actually think it's interesting. I think most men like to be spooned.

And I think most women like to do the spooning. Paul. Okay. Well, I'm agreeing with June. If there was a Shaquille O'Neal in my bed, I would want him to envelop me in every way. I want to be the little spoon to Shaquille's big spoon. Scoop me up. Drive me away in that race car bed to dreamland. Okay.

May it never end. All right, who else has a good question? You have a great question. Your name, your Shaquille O'Neal rap name, and your question. My name's Latoya. I have a really tasteful name, Magic K. It's pretty to the point. I like it. I'm going to steal that. I have just one more to make, and then my question. It wasn't just Da Brat performing. It was Salt-N-Pepa's Spinderella. Spinderella. Okay, very good. Yes. Very good point. Thank you. All right.

And that's why it would probably be worth a million dollars. Maybe it was a collab that doesn't often happen. Not a cool half a mil normal Debrat show. It started as $50,000. I remember hearing $50,000. Don't lose this tape, $50,000. And then other genie was like, it's worth a million dollars. That's a big jump. That's a huge jump. All right, your question. When you have the end in Salt-N-Pepa, then.

Yeah, that is big. Well, my question is, if you could recast Shaq with another 90s basketball player, who would it be? I would go with Dennis Rodman, obviously. Ooh, Dennis Rodman as the genie. Who else? All right, so 90s basketball player. Well, I would go, who played Grandma Ma? Who was the Grandma Ma guy? Larry Jones. Carl Malone. Oh, no, it's easy. Larry Bird. Oh, no.

Done and done. Larry Bird as Kazam. Don't change a line of dialogue. Nope. I am here to say I will give Larry Bird $500,000 to do a shot for shot remake of Kazam. And I want the kid who played Max, no matter how old he is now, to play Max.

I would say Muggsy Bogues because Muggsy Bogues is probably smaller than Max in size. So I think it would be the reverse where Max would be the big and then Muggsy Bogues would be the small. All right. Who has a good question in the back? All right. Yes. Your name, your Shaq rap name and your question. My name's Jake. I would be Kazant. All right. I don't I felt it. Yeah. He can't rap.

I was wondering if anybody else picked up when Sam goes to meet up with his dad. He goes into that party. You mean Max? I'm sorry, Max. Thank you. Bro, get it together. The woman that Shaq ends up dating does a lock eye with him and straight up wants to fuck him.

Who, the dad? He goes to a POV shot. They're like, this is whoever she is. And she is straight up just, mmm. So she's, you, yeah, go ahead. I'm just, I'm wondering, maybe that's why she cares so much about him later. Because it's a sexual, an intense sexual attraction. I mean, that's just real. Do you think Max is her son? Oh, wait, you say he did to Max. To Max, that's what you say to Max. To Max's dad, I think. Wait, who are you saying?

He's saying that the woman that Shaquille O'Neal eventually did, she like looks at him like she wants to fuck the kid. No, I did not see that. I think you misread that. I think you misread that. Hey, guy, I think that says more about you than about the movie.

We're going to do a quick palate cleanser here, ma'am. Your name, your rap name for Shaquille and your question. My name is Liz. Can I say what I think the dad does? Yeah, of course. I think whatever it is, it's the same job that Mariah Carey's boyfriend did in Glitter. Oh, that's a good call.

And so I was wondering if he's been away for either 3,000 or 5,000 years because I heard both, how does he know who Thomas Jefferson is, let alone Jesus? Yeah, and he talks about Elvis, I think, at one point, too, or John Wayne. He definitely mentions those two. Yeah, that's a mystery. I wonder if learning goes on in the bottle. Yeah, how much knowledge is passed through? I mean, the boombox had a radio. Okay.

Let me see. I'm going to... That's some good questions. Yeah, I'm still curious about what's inside that genie bottle in general. Like, he doesn't... He doesn't seem to talk about it like it's an awful existence. Well, and I'm also trying to remember, like, when genies get out of their lamp, do they need to then carry the lamps around with them?

I don't think so. Only if they're going back into it and need it. I do think they need to know where it is. At all times. Probably. But what I forgot was, like, normally when you see the bottle, the bottle is, like, this big. Yeah. And Shaq's was... Shaq's was a big bottle. It was really, really big. Well, Shaq, as evidenced in the movie, is an incredibly tall man. Yeah.

He doesn't stick out at all. You can tell because they're constantly putting him in perspective with a child in bed. All right. I was wondering if they ever made one of those shack things that you could stand up against in your house to measure how tall you are. And that's kind of what this whole movie is. Yeah. All right. Sir, your name, your Shaquille O'Neal rap name and your question.

My name is Micah. Shaquille O'Neal rap name would probably be MC something because it was the 90s. Okay. Half an answer. MC something. I believe that the father was the talent booker for the club and then his other job was pirating the CDs and the $50,000 figure that came up was the club owner was saying...

You know, we have $50,000 worth of CD blanks coming in today. And I need you to make the counterfeits because then they will be worth a million dollars. Are you here, Other Genie? It's Other Genie. It's Other Genie. We're going to get that guy a book. He did answer a lot of questions. Thank you, Other Genie. They're treating it like it's counterfeit money, like you need plates.

To make the CDs, like we have to get the plates. $50,000 worth of blank CDs. That's a lot. You're investing a lot in this Debrack concert. Ridiculous. Is that your question or just your justification? Because I don't want to cut you off because you already had to. All right. Wow. He gave an answer more than a question. And by the way, great restraint. Quit while he was ahead and fucking nailed that free throw unlike Shaquille and then walked away. All right. Who has a good one? Who believes in themselves? All right. Great. Here we go.

Your name, your Shaquille rap name, and your question. My name is Brie, and my Shaquille rap name would be Jeannie and Juice. Nice. I like that. So as you guys pointed out, Max fell through an extraordinary amount of floors. So I'm wondering, is it possible that he was fatally wounded and the rest of the movie is a Jacob's Ladder scenario? I see where you're going.

I see where you're going. So you're saying the only part of the movie that is real is the initial meeting with the bullies in which he goes into the abandoned house, he falls through all the floors, and the rest of the movie is the last few moments of his life ebbing out of his body, and he's imagining that whole rest of the movie. If that were the case, he's mentally insane. Five stars. Five stars. Five stars.

What if, I'm going to posit one more theory. How about the second time he falls down the elevator shaft,

The end is the Jacob Ladder scenario, which is he lived the entire thing, but he never came out of it. He only imagined Shaquille getting free and the life and everything like that that would justify it. Ooh, that would be amazing. Wait, when he falls the second time, because I really do think he's a genie, the other guy, they don't touch him, right? He just kind of is like, what?

Was he running backwards or something like that? What happened? He throws him off. Doesn't he hit him with the boom box? No, you're right. He did throw him. He throws him. I think he tossed him. Or something like that. I thought he tossed him right off. Did he toss him? I had that in my head. Did he toss him, audience? Yes. Oh, he tossed him. Oh, I thought he just fell backwards. I do remember him tossing him, yeah. Well, that kid should have better balance. Okay. Where else? How does the kid keep getting into the club?

By the way, that kid should not be allowed in that club at all. That kid gets to go everywhere and he's gone all night. His mom's like, don't do that again.

He's like the king of New York City. Yeah. And then those bullies are trying to get in the club too. And even when he's trying to be cool in front of those bullies, they don't believe he had the lanyard. Right? They're like, that's bullshit. You don't have that. It's like, yeah, he's wearing it. Like, there's nothing in this movie that makes sense. Like, at that point, the bullies should be like, whoa, cool, you got into the club. No. They're like, fuck you. We're shoving another key up your ass. Rough neighborhood. Oh, yeah. In the beginning, I

I forgot about this. Doesn't he tell the boys like there's gold in a locker? Yeah, and he lied to him so that made him real mad. All right, sir. Your name, your Shaquille rap name or father's profession in your question. My name is Walker. I think his rap name should be Special K. Nice. Clean. Because listening to him makes you pass out? No.

My question is, so not only did Starsky direct the movie, but he also did the story. So do you think that he's plugging away on Starsky and Hutch like, I got this great idea with Wilt Chamberlain. It's going to be, I just got to let this grow for a little while. And he finally got the cachet in Hollywood to get this made. Just like 30 years later. Just pull out that old Wilt Chamberlain script. That is kind of funny to think that that was his dream project to write now.

at the very beginning, I gotta say, I kind of, in the first 20 minutes, I was like, I'm really digging this movie. Like, I was like, it kind of feels like Goonies or like, I mean, a little, I mean, I wasn't like so sold on Max, but I was like,

It wasn't until Kazam shows up and I was like, no, I'm done. Well, I agree because I think the basic conceit of it, like the idea that a child could have a genie, could own a genie, that could grant wishes is a fun idea for kids to see. But he doesn't use it for any of the problems that they really established in the first 10 minutes. It's like,

I wish those bullies get embarrassed. Doesn't do it for that. Doesn't use it for being cool. Right. But you know Starsky was just like, I got Shaquille. Like, I got Shaquille O'Neal in this movie. Like, this is going to be the best thing that I ever do in my whole career. And then Shaquille was like, oh, I need to rap in the movie. And he was like, fuck. You need to what now? Fuck.

I wonder if Starsky is a divorced dad and he was writing this as like, like from his perspective to his kid. Like, yeah, there are some things I need to make amends for, but I did it. I did it for you and I made some mistakes and you know what? Sure, I got involved in some shady showbiz shit, but I'm back on track now.

All right, sir, your name, your Shaquille O'Neal rap name and your question. Go ahead. My name's John. I refuse to give him a name because he's so bad. I would just encourage him to rap more. I got a quick comment, then a question. Starsky never directed again because of how bad this movie was. Arguably. Yes.

One of the 50 million times Max asks for his parents to get back together, Shaq's like, I can't do that. Only Jinns can do that because they believe in fairy tales. I don't believe in fairy tales. But in the end, what is the fairy tale and Max being dead and then him being sad about it? Why does he become Jin now? Well, we'll have to all think about that. We're stymied. You did it. You did it. You stumped us.

I was. Did you guys think this? I did think that the ending was going to be... Like, I thought this would be the biggest fuck you ending. It should be like his parents to get back together. Like, I thought like, and then that stepdad would just disappear. No, instead what happens, which is...

which is in the chase in the warehouse where they're making the fake CDs, which is in the basement of the club. There's a fire. The whole club gets on fire. Blah, blah, blah, blah. The kid, once again, a corpse at the bottom of an elevator shaft is brought back to life by Shaq, become going from genie to gin and,

Travis, his stepfather, picks him up, scoops the kid up, runs out with him. That's not really... If I could amend what you're saying. Sure, sure. Because we never see that happen. He actually catches... Sorry, you're right. It makes it look like Travis saved Max because you can't let it know that it's Kazam who did it. So Travis is the...

Again, I contend. Greatest guy. The best, greatest guy in the whole world. They go outside. They reunite with the mom. Right? And all fine. And he's the fireman. And that's all good. And they're putting out fires. And his dad comes up, gets a second chance. And Max is like, yeah, you can come too, Travis. Who just saved my life? Also, Travis, a fireman, walks away from an active fire. He does not. I'm the fire.

Okay, Max, this movie exists in a world in where Max is almost omnipotent over all adults. He's like, Travis, are you coming? Travis is like, fuck it, yeah. There's like a lot of fire still. There's a lot of fire. He is going AWOL from his job.

It takes him a really long time to get the blanket, too. Like, she's like, the mom's like, can you get him a blanket? It's like a really long scene. The next day they're like, Travis, where the fuck were you? He's like, you don't understand. The kid finally wanted me there. I just saw something here that took me on a little detour. I wish it was more research.

So, Paul Michael Glazer, the director of this, directed the movie Running Man with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Obviously a huge hit, which I would like to do on this show. But he also directed The Air Up There, a movie about another large basketball player with Kevin Bacon, where Kevin Bacon, it was just this guy, this giant guy. He did direct again. This wasn't the only thing. Well, this is before. It's a Running Man, The Air Up There. His specialty was... Charles Kana Mayanna.

And he played Salia. So basically, college basketball coach Kevin Bacon goes to Africa to find the next big thing. And the poster is, you can't see it that far away, but it's a very tall man with a very small man. So I think maybe that was his thing. That's like maybe you might even call it a fetish.

I'm pretty amazed at that. Okay. So that's it. Obviously, we had an opinion about this movie, but there are other people out there that had a different opinion. It is now time for Second Opinions. Woo!

As always, we come to you, the audience, to sing the theme. If someone out there has a theme ready to go, I'll run to you, but if not, you have to all sing it again. So anyone have a theme ready to go? Anyone ready to sing it by themselves? Going once, going twice. All right, everyone, sing your best rendition, your own lyrics of the second opinion theme. Go. All right, that's our second opinion theme. You think you guys would have rehearsed a little before the show. That was terrible.

These are second opinions culled from Amazon five-star reviews. They're all pretty short, but I figured this was... This is by Mark Bouffar, written in May of 2015. Simply this. Three words. Great genie movie. And genie is spelt here like J-E-A-N-I-E. Like Genie MacArthur. Yeah.

That is... But this is the one that I really liked here. Okay. All right, so... This one is five stars by Jeff Gahn. Shaq Diesel, a.k.a. Shaquille O'Neal, has done what few professional athletes have ever accomplished. Successfully crossed over to the big screen. I like the cover of this movie. Still have yet to see the whole thing.

But not because I didn't want to watch it. I just keep on getting interrupted. And I'm starting to get a little frustrated. Frustrated at the movie? At himself? I feel like Shaq really likes kids, which is fun. And I'm sure this movie is fun too. Five stars. Doctor, we're going to need you back in surgery right now. Are you serious? Ugh. Ugh.

Why wouldn't anybody let me finish this? This one is a very long one, but I want to just read... Oh, man. All right. This one, I just want to read this middle of it. It goes, it says, does every movie have to be... This is what it's titled. Does every movie have to be War and Peace by the autistic werewolf? Um...

Written December 10th, 2003. Come on, people, lighten up. This movie was meant to be fun, nothing else. Kazam has a cute little message of a children's hope sustained in the midst of adversity by a special friend and a message delivered rather well. Kazam's bad singing is just a fun, is just a fun.

Remember, it's one of those, hey, genie dude, don't quit your day job things. I'm an adult and I love this movie. Shaquille did a great job in it. Shaq gave a genie a wild special turban flavor. Compassion and dignity that's way different from all those traditional genie depictions that I found refreshing. Shaq was a hood genie. Everyone in the hood thinks they're the next ghetto MIA. Shaq.

Sorry. Ghetto, I am a cool dude rap star. Sorry, I read it wrong. A hood genie living in a boombox would not logically be any different from all the rest of the rap star wannabes. Hence, the movie keeps to its urban theme. Kazam's for kids or the adults who've managed to remain a kid at heart. Anyone else who has done more than just grow up, they have gotten old in the worst context.

There's no more fun inside of you. There are no more connections to the joys and the pains of youth that this movie taps into. If your heart is still young, you'll love Kazam. If not, I pity you. And then goes, P.S. Amazon sells a lot of high-tone movies, too, by the way. I bought a few in my time. Go for it. I don't know what that means. Five stars. So do you think...

Do you think that's just a normal guy all the time and then full moon comes out autistic werewolf? Or is he an autistic guy all the time, full moon, werewolf? We'll never know. He doesn't lose being autistic. He was autistic. Does he only write in the full moon? Okay, so would you recommend watching this movie? I would say yes. What would you say? Yeah. Yeah. Sort of. Yeah.

For the rap alone, Jason, come on. I would maybe speed through. I would maybe fast forward during some stuff. There's... I mean, it's tedious. Well, I think he's... I mean, watch the kid die, for sure. He's... To me, he's definitely... Shaquille is very charming. I think he's like... I think so, too. I actually, having seen now two Shaquille O'Neal films today, I...

I feel I can say with confidence, I think he's doing a great job as an actor. And I think he has some charisma that is coming through. It really is. I'm not going to like shit on Shaquille O'Neal. I will say that his go-to is yelling.

Yeah. But I think he was trying to be like powerful and show his presence. Like imposing as the genie. If you were to compare him to other athletes and how they would have done, I think he like wins an Oscar for athletic performance. There's a reason why Shaquille O'Neal has been in like four or five movies. I think he does have. I mean, now, meanwhile, there's also a reason why Shaquille O'Neal has been in four or five movies.

And a lot of commercials. A lot of commercials. Would you see Yao Ming in this movie? Would that be the new version? I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to see Yao Ming. Shaquille can carry it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I was going to ask who Yao Ming is. But I think I know who it is.

Okay, well, before we go, before we go, I'm going to play one more rap, but what do we have to plug? Kay, you are an amazing writer and now a director. What do you want to plug? What do you want to tell people about to see or watch? I don't know. Watch Kazam again. I wrote it, guys. Okay.

Pitch Perfect 3 is coming out in a year and a half or whatever. That's amazing. In a year and a half, go see that. Or re-watch the first two. People in a year and a half are going to be like, oh, Kay was plugging this a year and a half ago. On that epic, we've got to go see it. Have they even begun production on it? No. All right, great.

You're getting the inside scoop. I just finished the first draft today, actually. Nice. Thank you. Amazing. It's terrible. It's real bad. It's a singing movie, so is there a part for Shaquille? That's a great question. Let me tell you something. Yes. There is definitely a part for Shaquille. If this brought this together in a year and a half and we all go to the theater and see Shaquille, we will know where this came from. You guys, I'm

If that happens, if that happens, and he's singing to a crowd of people, I would like Paul, June, and I to be in the front row of that crowd. Absolutely. Absolutely. By the way, Shaquille was in Fresh Off the Boat. He was very good. He brought the heat in Fresh Off the Boat. The Miami heat? He brought the Orlando magic. Rats. It's a basketball team though, right? I don't know. June, what would you... You can still watch the first season of Grace and Frankie on Netflix.

Perfect. And yeah. Jason? I have a very small part on a very wonderful show called Transparent on Amazon. Season two just came out. And Kay, I'm sure people can watch Pitch Perfect 2 right now on iTunes, right? Oh, sure. Yeah. Check that out. And Pitch Perfect 1. Sure. No. No.

But you would prefer for people to wait a year and a half, see three, and then go backwards and treat them like prequels. You understand you're allowed to talk about things from the past. Oh, I did not know that. All plugs don't have to be future looking. Oh, I did not know. I did not know. I would like to plug, obviously, Fresh Off the Boat is a fun show, but also the first ever Vine series. I'm the voice of White Ninja. You can watch it on Vine. That's a thing that happened. Um...

So we did all that and now I'll say this Shaquille take it away In your coffee, I'm the queen don't wish I get it you

By the way, I noticed that there, that whoever, somebody holds the mic like I hold the mic at this audience's face. Just holding the mic in front of Shaquille O'Neal's face. Because he has to hold the boom box, which is emitting fire in a crowd. And people are psyched about it. That was before, I'm not going to make a joke about that. All right. Thank you. I didn't. I didn't.

I didn't. You all are disgusting people. I stopped. You went forward. It's your fault. Big thank you to everybody at Earwolf, everybody here at Largo, our interns, April Halle, Nick Kiley, and Marissa Zeitz. Thank you guys so much for coming out. We will do these shows again. Thank you. Good night. Be warned that once you pick up a refreshingly cold drink from McDonald's and

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