Matinee Monday: Judge Dredd (w/ Erica Oyama)
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Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to How Did This Get Made, the bad movie podcast. I am joined, as always, by my co-host, June Diane Raphael. How are you? Good. Good.

And Jason Mantzoukas. How are you? What's happening? If you are just tuning in, I don't know why I'm saying I'm just tuning in. Let's edit that out. Just go right from June. No, let's keep it in. Yeah, if you're just tuning in. If you're just tuning in. If you're just joining us. You are just tuning in. You're just joining us at the very beginning of this podcast. You are just tuning in. If you're just tuning in, all you've missed is the theme song. You have just tuned in to miss the...

If you fast forwarded your podcast to this point and are just tuning in, don't touch that dial. You should just play it from the beginning. You really should. I'm just tuning in. Something happened to your iTunes. Oh, man.

We're joined by a very special guest today. She is the writer, creator of the brand new hit web series, Burning Love, which you can find on burninglove.com. Please welcome Erica Oyama. How are you? Hello. Nice to see you. Nice to see you as well. Well, Judge Dredd.

Boy, oh boy. Sylvester Stallone, his Judge Dredd. The movie takes place in the third millennium where much of Earth has become an uninhabitable wasteland. And the majority of humanity kind of resides in these giant megacities. And basically all justice is in one person. These judges who are a police officer, judge, jury and executioner.

It seems a lot like Game of Thrones. Like the setup to me was like independent cities and just wasteland in between. Yeah. It's exactly like Game of Thrones, right guys? No, not at all. Run the end credits. Wait a second.

Show's over. No, no, no. I think we got some more to cover here. A little bit more. The movie, yeah. So, I mean, it's based on a big premise that could be executed really well. It's based on a comic book, too. Right, yeah, comic book. And so the first thing that I realized in this movie is that

even though it's the third millennia, cargo shorts are still in. Oh, yeah. Because the first person we meet is Rob Schneider, and he's in those cargo shorts. Classics. Classics. It's been a test of time. The other thing I noticed, I was like, I genuinely feel like they shot this entire movie on the same sets as Pluto Nash.

Yes! Oh, it looked just like that. It was exactly like Pluto Nash. And I was like, how dare you? It so sounds stagey. Yeah. And it's that same idea of everything is like, buildings on top of buildings. And all of a sudden, the Statue of Liberty is in the middle of the city. It's like, nothing makes sense. But it's trying to be cool. It's trying to be like the fifth element, but with no budget. I was going to say, everybody wants to be Blade Runner. Nobody is.

No. Yeah, you're right. It is like a lame French Blade Runner. That took place in two different hallways. Yes. Yes.

They're like, well, let's just do this one in the other hallway, but shooting this way. And everyone also, the futuristic clothes, everyone looked like they were like reject costumes from Back to the Future 2. Like I was expecting like Griff Tannen to come out. Like I'm wearing this, like there's like in these like crazy, like very bright colors. So we follow Rob Schneider's character who is very excited to be living in a mega city.

Oh, my God. He's just been released from prison. Exactly. And he's now being moved into his new facility. Well, at first he thinks he's going to Heavenly Haven. Yes. We have about a five-minute scene where he's in a spaceship looking out the window. Ooh, cool! Ooh!

Because when I go to a movie called Judge Dredd that's like a shoot-em-up action movie, what I want is for the first eight minutes to be with Rob Schneider. Just having a good time. We don't know when Judge Dredd is coming in. Just exploring things. Yeah. Just fucking... Just reacting. Just digging in. Digging in with Schneider.

So Schneider winds up at this apartment complex where there's a full-on riot. Yep. He goes to his... Block Wars. Block Wars. He arrives in his apartment, finds out it's taken over by these three people who could be in Biff Tannen's gang and back to be just... And it's James Remar. Yes.

Oh, really? That's James Remar, right? I didn't realize that. Wait a second. Wait a second. I'm almost positive it's James Remar, who is the bad guy in... Warriors? In... Let me see. Well, wait, yeah, but no, he's also... I'm thinking of...

48 hours. Isn't he the bad guy in 48 hours? Oh, I know who you're talking about. Yeah, let me see. I don't see his name here on the credits. Is it not? I'm wrong? God damn. I mean, it's very hard to decide who's who. It's Squatter 1, Squatter 2, Zed Squatter, Aspengard. It's like, yeah, no one has really good names here. Hold on. Hold on.

I'm getting... Somebody else talk. I'm going to figure this out. Well, here's my question, though. Was Rob Schneider... That wasn't his old apartment before he was put in jail by the judges. No, he didn't know what Heavenly Gate was. Like, he was moving to Heavenly Havens. So he was excited when he thought it was those hot girls by the pool. He thought that was Heavenly Haven. Yeah, no, no, no. Heavenly Havens is a scrap area. So after... Okay, so after you get out of jail in this world, you are given an apartment and a place to live. That's not too bad. No.

I mean, everywhere looks equally bad, though. I mean, like, what was he expecting, really? Yeah, he was... I have great news, guys. He is uncredited...

block warlord in Judge Dredd. Fucking nailed it. He's like, do you guys mind not crediting me? He's like, I am ashamed of this. So if you could not put my name in it, that would be aces. I'm sure that he did it as a favor to somebody. He owed the studio something.

Oh my gosh. Man. All right. So yeah, he goes in there and then all of a sudden, you know, he goes to this crappy apartment and a gang is just in there.

They're not really fighting anyone yet. No, they're about to. They're about to fight the people in the building across the street. Because then what happens is the apartment building, this is apparently what block wars are. Yes. The apartment buildings just start shooting each other across the street. Yes. Is there any sense like what started this or it's just like senseless violence? June, I'm sorry. Did you not hear me say block wars? No.

Because I'm pretty sure block wars explains everything, even though it explains nothing. Block war is going on. It is the new form of street violence. And now here come the judge dreads or the judges. Led by, in this instance, Diane Lane. Judge Hershey. Judge Hershey.

Judge Hershey squirts Diane Lane. Comes in and I have to say...

It is ridiculous. Their costumes are ridiculous. Like, they look like characters out of, like, Toy Story. It's like it's too, like, they look like super. I don't know if you saw in the credits that Judge Dredd's costume specifically was designed. There was a costume designer, but then his costume was designed by either Giorgio Armani or Versace. No. Yes. I'm dead serious. Paul, look it up. They designed, like, the name tag. The different from other things. Those gold plates. Yeah.

Oh, that looked like watch straps? Yes. I had a problem with the Judge Dredd costume. First of all, so... Wait, you did? Yeah. I did it. I thought it made perfect sense. Nope, I had some problems with it. You don't like Armani? He's got like 25 pounds of gold on his shoulders. They have protective gold on the shoulders. Yeah. On the shoulders. Why? The rest of his body totally open to being wounded. The rest of his body was like spandex. Yes. Navy spandex. Yeah.

He's like, load my shoulders up with metal, but leave my chest and head basically uncovered. Because you know bad guys go for the shoulders. Protect my shoulders! And also, when you first meet Judge Dredd, he arrives on a motorcycle that's so lame. It's so lame, the kickstand goes down, which makes it even lamer. Did you mean his lawmaker? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Because that's what they're called. The motorcycles? The camera goes up, you hit his cot. Slow-mo. Slow-mo. You get to see that he has some protective knee things on to protect his knees. A big old cod piece. Yeah. And then it goes up to his gold thing. It's all about accents for that costume. Just accents. I feel like one of the shoulder things appears to end in an eagle's head or something. Yes. Right? It comes to a bit of a point.

Oh, man. And then... But wait, the best part is, the best part is, just because we passed it by for a second, is when Diane Lane and her rookie partner show up to the block war, she's like, we gotta call for backup, we gotta call for backup. So she calls for backup to their location, which is the intersection of Abbott and Costello Avenues. What? What are you saying? I did not hear that. Okay, and then later...

They call for, there's a call that goes into some sort of disturbance at Burns and Allen. What? All of the streets in this city in the third millennium are named after people from our era. Can I get some backup at Nichols and May, please? Backup at Nichols and May. Oh, we've got a fire at Stiller and Mara. Oh, we got a robbery at Smothers and Smothers. Ah.

I mean, it is crazy what's going on in this movie. Wow. That is hilarious. I thought for sure you guys would have heard that. I know. So they go in and- Because I wrote, did she just say on the corner of Abbott and Costello? Oh my God. So basically the judges go in, they're fighting, and then Stallone comes in.

And he decides the best way to take down this block gang is to go above them, shoot holes in the floor, and then fall. Fall from above. Now, he's not a robot. He's not superpowered. He's just a man. Or all these... He's still alone. Yeah, he's still alone. He's still alone. And we don't want to give away the twist just yet. But all these judges are just human. But we're going to be disappointed when we do. Yeah, it's going to be pretty great. And he just...

Shoots out the floor like a cartoon. Almost like a cartoon coyote would saw out a circle. And he comes in and he just kills everybody in the room. Well, but he kills them in very specific ways. Yes. He has specific, I guess, gun settings. Yes. Settings on his gun. Voice control. That are voice controlled. Thank you, Erica.

And when he wants to take out two guys at the same time, he'd run out into the hallway and say to his gun something like, double whammy. Double whammy. It is double whammy. Double whammy.

And then come back in and sort of take them out in a one-two. Well, yeah, the gun was very, like, grenade. Now, this gun did not look... It was not a very big gun. It looked like a regular handgun. It looked like a Nintendo gun. It did. It looked like a duck-hunt gun. Yeah, and it would just be like, grenade, lasers. And the gun was like, okay, gotcha, here we go. There is nothing that could be more disadvantageous to you in war than having to tell your gun what to do. Yes. Like that, because...

There's no way that's helpful. You know what I mean? Like, just shoot your gun. You shouldn't have to prepare your gun for battle. Well, he also has to... He can't just... He can't be firing and go, grenade. He has to bring it to his... He has to bring the handpiece... He has to go to a quiet place. Yeah. Grenade, grenade. Armor piercing. He's got to talk into it like it's a microphone. It is not helpful. Well, these guns are interesting because they also can sense when someone else picks them up.

Who's not a judge. Who's not a judge because then they explode on that person immediately. Well, they shock them first, don't they? They shock them and then I think they explode. But if you're wondering at this point in the movie where Rob Schneider is because he was in that apartment. Oh, wait. Yeah, wait. Oh, can I just say one thing before we reveal where he is? Yeah.

So then the rookie goes, I'm going to take on the other room of bad guys by myself. Runs there. One shot. Killed. That was it. For all that armor, for all that headgear, one shot. The guy is done. It wasn't a massacre. It was like, bang. And he opens the door. There's like four bad guys in the room with machine guns. One guy just shoots him. One. Just like, bop. Bye. See you later. And Diane Lane's like, no!

Oh, why? She's so annoyed. He was my responsibility. I was supposed to look out for him. And Judge Dredd's like, don't worry about it. He knew the risks. Then we never hear about that guy again, though. No, that guy is gone. Diane Lane moves on pretty quickly. By the way, yeah, I think Diane Lane was the only person here really committing to this movie. I like Diane Lane in this movie. Oh, you know what we got to do, too? We got to do the one that's the, what's the Stallone, Julianne Moore movie?

We've got to do that, too. That's a good one. You know, we were saying that we feel like Stallone is an untapped world that we have to get into. We've been blinded by Nick Cage. I've forgotten about Stallone. Stallone has some classics. He's hiding under Nick Cage's shadow. Well, Jean, I didn't want to cut you off, but Jean, you said you wanted to talk about where Rob Schneider was hiding, because this is pretty great. Well,

Well, before, I think before he goes into the apartment, I'm not sure, Rob Schneider sees this little robot walk by. Eat recycled food. It's great for the environment, good for you. Okay for you. Okay for you. Coors. I was just going to say, but the robot is not sponsored by anybody, right? Oh, just Coors Light. No, Coors, regular Coors. Coors, regular.

I have a question about that food, though. It's like a course sign circling on top of the robot. But does recycled food mean that it was eaten...

thrown up and then yeah like what does that mean because ultimately during this shootout we find out later on that Rob Schneider somehow hid himself inside the robot and seems to be covered in spaghetti he's covered in spaghetti and he's eating that spaghetti so I don't understand what that spaghetti was

I don't understand how he got covered in it. What is recycled food? Is it trash? It seems like it's trash. No, I'm guessing it's trash. Oh, okay. But it looks like food. It looked like spaghetti. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. Like thrown away food.

Oh. I was guessing that it was. But that's not recycled. Well, it is. Like, you could say, if I saw a half-eaten hamburger in the garbage and I picked it out, I could say, I'm recycling. Because I'm giving this hamburger a second life, right? It doesn't need to be processed to be recycled, right? Right. I buy that. I mean, I love that this is what we're trying to figure out. Okay. But that was my guess, is that this was like, basically the equivalent of a garbage can.

Yeah, he was a little guy. I really don't know that. Well, because here's the thing. Now I'm almost thinking that, you know, he has all this food like sort of in his mouth and all these spaghetti strands all around him. Now what I'm thinking is because later on there's such a big deal out of him being able to, of Rob Schneider being able to rewire a thing, that he was actually moving that robot with those spaghetti strands. Yeah.

No. Those were the innards. Wait a minute. You are overthinking this. Let's let her figure this out. June, wait a second. Those were sort of the inner workings of that machine. And so he wasn't just sitting there eating. He was actually trying to move, work that robot so that it would work. So the robot is run on the food itself. That's correct. It's a self-sustaining robot. So this robot is powered by spaghetti. Yes.

And Rob Schneider was manipulating the spaghetti. Because what we know about Rob Schneider and June, you have now posited one of the most insane theories in all of How Did This Get Made history. But because what we know about Rob Schneider is that he's a hacker. Yes. Like, we are told he's a hacker. That's why he was in prison. That's why he was in prison. That's why he can rewire a robot later. Spoiler alert. But you're saying that he's able to hack the food robot by using the spaghetti within it. That's correct. Okay. That's correct. Do we think...

I don't want to rain on your parade tune. But do you think maybe he was moving the spaghetti to get to the wires? Maybe there's real wires in there, too. From what I remember, he was sitting there. He didn't even need to hack it. He didn't even need to hack it. He was hiding. He was just hiding out in an R2-D2. So you think, though, because it's not in line with his character, that he would just be sitting there while all this is going on and just eating the spaghetti. It's not in line with his character? No.

On what planet does character motivation fit any of this movie? It doesn't seem like it. No, no. This is like... No, to me it was he hid in the robot because the robot was going to keep going away. Yes. No matter what. And he saw it as a way out. It's basically the equivalent of jumping in a garbage chute. And so he was also... He happened to be hungry as well and then just started eating the spaghetti. I don't remember him eating the spaghetti. He did say he was eating it. Yeah, he had it in his mouth. I remember it.

We spent five full minutes of this 35-minute show talking about the most irrelevant scene in

Well, it's not irrelevant because Judge Dredd judges him, finds him guilty, and sends him to prison. When we lose Rob Schneider for a bit, you don't think he's going to come back? We'll see. He'll come back around. And why does he send him to prison? Because he was hacking the pasta robot. Okay.

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And so then we cut to a prison in Aspen.

the Aspen prison where a very intimidating Armand DeSante is being in a special cell. The warden comes in. This is what I didn't understand. What?

The warden gives them, like, a gift. A present, yeah. A present. Your anonymous benefactor has sent you a gift. Hey, guess what you don't do when you are the warden of a maximum security prison and you have an incredibly dangerous person? Allow anonymous people to send them stuff. Exactly. Or, like, not look at what they're being given. Not even open it. Because he opens it. I don't know what to do.

He opens it. There's a picture of the benefactor who's a news reporter. No, no, no. That's the picture of the person he's supposed to kill. Yeah.

What it is is the Judge Dredd badge and the picture of the person he's supposed to assassinate. So who sent him that? But he had a Rico badge in there, I thought. The guy. No, I thought it said Dredd. So that's why he was... Remember? Oh, I thought it said Rico. His name is Rico. It had to say Dredd because that's who he walked in as. But who sent him that?

Oh, the guy who takes over for Max von Sydow. Oh, all right, all right. Because the member goes and finds that guy, and the guy's like, we were supposed to meet in secret. All the council members who run America now are foreign. Yes. Which is bizarre. Well, we don't even know if it's America. It's just the world. They're all living in Mexico. I guess so. So this isn't like Aspen, Colorado? Oh, I guess you're right. Actually, you're 100% right. It is Aspen, Colorado. So he gets this credit card deal.

that turns into a gun. Now, this is my issue with... It's a credit card that turns into a gun. That's super confusing. It was like a little credit card thing. It was like a box. It was like a box. A very thin box. A very thin box that had stuff in it and then turned into a gun. Yes, you're right. But this is where I was most confused. It would have been a huge problem if it was like a Visa card that turned into a gun.

The warden walks into the prison, and cameras scan him up and down. He's like, voice activation. He's like, a warden, so-and-so. Okay. And it lets him go in. And then later on in the thing, once he gives Rico the gun, Rico shoots the guy in the throat, so he can't voice activate the security systems. But the cameras then shoot him.

But it's cameras and voice activation. So you'd think there would be a stopgap at one level. It wasn't just... The cameras shoot the word immediately. It's not...

constantly looking for voice recognition. No, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, it's not a constant test. Like, he's already passed. Yeah. But then when he says to the things like, shoot him, or what does it say? It says, voice not recognized, and it shoots him, the warden, instead. Yeah, which, again, we've been established that these cameras are on the guns, too. So...

There's a failsafe that went wrong here when the guy gets shot in the throat. Well, again, I have to go back to it. I know we just discussed it, but that's spaghetti. No, the warden is bringing— Maybe the spaghetti short-circuited in the camera guns. Maybe, maybe. The warden is bringing, I would say, the most dangerous prisoner in this entire prison.

right? Yes. Just... Okay, he's so dangerous that he's got this protective shield around him. He's like in a magneto prison. Yeah, it's essentially Hannibal Lecter. And...

He just drops off a present for him. And also, not only that, but when he goes in, the guy's in a protective shield, and he's like, shields down. There are no other guards in the room. So now the warden is alone in a room with the most dangerous murderer. But he's got his voice activation. I guess those guns. Guns behind him. I guess that's it. But I was like, why would you do that?

Why would you ever do that? And then also, again, why give an assassin or whatever he is, like a murderous maniac, an anonymous gift? And then the warden goes, what is it?

The word in goes. What is it? Hey, guess what, dum-dum? You should know what you're giving the murderers in your prison. The most scary person. Oh, hey, someone dropped this off for you. What is it? It's a gun. Boom, you're dead. Oh, damn. I should have checked that. Oh, bananas. No x-rays. No one playing with it. And I gotta say, I gotta ask another question.

Why is it the warden's responsibility to drop this off? Hey, the warden likes to deal with his prisoners. He's a hands-on warden. He's a hands-on. He wants to make friends. Now, meanwhile, Judge Dredd's in trouble because he killed all those people on the street in the street wars. And now he's being sentenced to... No, no, no.

No. No, no, no. That's not why he's in trouble. He's in trouble. Oh, okay. So he's in trouble because then Rico, Rico, Armando Sante, leaves. He has the Judge Dredd badge. He goes. He gets a judge uniform. And then he goes and he assassinates. No, no, no. But before this, he was. Getting a talking to. He's in trouble. You have to go teach. Yes.

He's getting his... Because he killed the people, yeah. I'm sorry. I thought you were jumping ahead. He's getting a slap on the back. Oh, okay. Got it. You're right. Slap on the back by the cops. No, no. You're 100% right. I thought you were jumping ahead. No, no. He killed some people in the street and they're like, hey, you got to go teach class now. Ethics. Yeah, you got to go teach ethics. So he goes to this class with a bunch of young judges. Cadets.

And they start firing on people in Judge Dreg. Like, their target practice is people in Judge Dreg costume. I didn't realize that. Which was also odd. It's like, why would cops be firing at cops? Like, get it, get it, get it, get it. Yeah, you killed it. You killed the judge. He was supposed to be demonstrating, like, the protective gear. He was like, this will be yours when you graduate.

Wait, how have we gotten this far into this before you bust out your Stallone impression, Erica? How dare you hold out on us? I just wanted to make it special. But, like, we just saw somebody die very easily. Yeah, dude, that uniform. That very uniform. If you're a very bad shot, you may hit some of the armor that's oddly placed. If you shoot at kneecaps, cod pieces, and shoulders, this will protect you for the rest of your life. Anywhere else you are, you are done for.

Oh, man. So he's teaching classes and then gives this really depressing long monologue about...

You know, the life of the judge is that you judge and then you judge. And then we find out that if you're a good judge, then you retire by being sent out into the... Cursed earth. The cursed earth. On the long walk. On the long walk to just dole out judgment for the rest of your days. I guess. Yeah? I mean, like... I was confused about that. Well, see...

We see Max... Von Sido. How do you pronounce it? Oh, I say Von Sido. Von Sido or Sido. Von Sido. Yeah, whatever, either way. On the long walk later on in the movie. And it just seems like he's going out to die. Yes. Right, okay. I think that's part of it. Oh, that's a part of it. I think that the idea is that you will die... Judges don't die. They are killed.

I guess, right? I mean... It seemed to me to be like a kind of like almost barbaric, like you outworn your purpose, now wander in the wilderness. Like a Viking funeral. Wander in the wilderness. As long as you survive is how long you survive, but the presumption is you are now walking to your death. That's kind of beautiful. To me, it was like Marley and Me when the dog knew he was going to die. He goes out by that tree and then lets it all happen. They don't want to be a burden on their family. You know what we've not talked about? What?

is the fact that the judges have co-ed locker rooms. Oh, yeah. They have co-ed locker rooms, and at the beginning of the movie, Diane Lane comes up to Judge Dredd, and she's trying to talk to him like a human being. He's like, I don't understand. And she's like, haven't you ever had a friend? And he goes, yes. And she goes, what happened? And he closes his locker, and he goes, I judged him. How is that even easy?

Well, here's what I thought about the locker room situation. I actually think that in this world... I mean, my impression isn't as good as Erica's. I'm sorry. I'll do it again. Yeah, do it. But I think that...

I'm not sure that in this world judges or anyone have genitals and that there's... I'm dead serious. Well, they have a giant cock. Wait a second. Wait, wait, wait. Let's let June chase this down because this is interesting. First the pasta robot, now... They're filled with spaghetti. They're made of spaghetti. They've got spaghetti genitals. They wear those...

those spandex outfits the whole time in the locker room so we never see anyone's body really and then later on when Rico's making clones of himself those clones from what we see do not have genitalia well they weren't fully formed in the last 30 minutes the last 30 minutes was saved for the sex organs yeah

And by the way, Judge Dredd and Rico are the only, I mean, spoiler alert, are the only artificially made judges. Everybody else is just like, they're just like the police force. They're just people who signed up to be judges and now they're cadets. Like Diane Lane has a stone cold vagina in this movie. She would use it. She wants to use it on Judge Dredd. She wants to get plugged by Dredd.

She wants her to judge him with his dick. He's like, he's like, he whispers to his dick, come. Okay. His dick is like his gum. Guys, do you get it? Yes. So hopefully, hopefully he doesn't say to his dick, signal flare. Right, guys? Ah!

Absolutely. Signal flare? Absolutely. I don't understand sex. My favorite thing about their locker room conversation is that she's like, that was really depressing what you told them. Like, the cadets, like, how do you want to sugarcoat it? This world is so depressing. Everybody dies.

Oh, yeah, you want to sugarcoat the world where everywhere is desert, and in the desert there are cannibals, and in the megacities it's like, yeah, you shouldn't be alive. And she's like, I have friends. Like, I hang out. Like, where does she hang out? Yeah, we never see her with friends either. She let her partner die, and she never talks about him again. Never agrees. She's like, I've got friends. We go to that Pluto Nash bar all the time. We're having a great time. We go see Jay Moore sing his songs. Yeah, we're going to go to Lunar Beach.

I got one of those Randy Quaid robots to keep me company. Guys, why is there a giant robot in this movie? Oh. Like from Real Steel? Yeah, Real Steel. Why is there a fucking... Rico decides to pull out the old big giant robot to do his bidding. Now, Rico is a judge who was judged by Stallone. They were brothers, but not really brothers. Not really brothers.

They're like test tube brothers. But they didn't know that. It's like twins. They were twins. They are twins. Do you feel like that Armand DeSante was trying to do a Stallone impression? Yes, a little bit. Yes. But I got to say, that's the one thing about this movie I really bought by the end. To me, they were starting to look a lot like each other. No, I actually thought it was good casting. Yeah, it was really good casting. They did seem alike in a good way. Eyes were spaced in the exact same distance from each other. Yep.

That's what I noticed, too, the eye spacing. I was like, are they related? Well, let me check out the one marker of relatedness, eye spacing. Ooh, they did a good job. The casting director's like, we're looking for the same eye spacing. But it's all ethnicity. If you can please submit actors who have 23 centimeters between their right and left eye. It's all ethnicity, so.

Look, you would have gotten the part, but you had 19 centimeters. Not gender specific. Eyespacing specific. I fucking lost it again to that guy who's got perfect eyespacing. I would like to actually play this clip. This is a clip of just Armand Asante and Sylvester Stallone just yelling at each other. And this is a perfect example of them both losing their voice. So take a listen to this. Why did you judge me? You killed innocent people. The means to an end. You started a massacre. I caused a revolution. You betrayed the law.

I love that clip. I love the fact that it's just Armando Sande going, doesn't even make any sense. Armando Sande out Stallone Stallone to his face. He's just vocalizing. These two brothers. Anyway, so Stallone's framed.

for killing this reporter who's doing stories on the fact that these judges have too much power. Now, here's my question. When Stallone is framed for killing this reporter, how come he himself is not judged and executed right then and there? He goes to a court.

It defeats the whole purpose of the movie. Well, no, I assume because the judges can't judge each other, they have to be judged by the counsel. But he judged Rico, who was a judge. Oh, good call. And sent Rico to prison. So I guess there are some situations where there are trials. But 90...

98% of the time. When you kill news reporters, that calls for a special trial. A special tribunal needs. Because there's a videotape of Judge Dredd coming in, killing. By the way, a really shoddy videotape. In a thousand years, videotape footage should be flawless. Well, also, why does this guy have a camera in his living room? Don't know.

Here's the whole weird thing about the movie. Because he's a pervert? Yeah. That's for his home sex tapes and he's like, oh, good thing it caught my murderer. By the way, I felt like when he was shot up in his apartment with his wife there, who we've just gotten to know, who's like this kind of sweet lady, that was just dark to me. It was like, why

did we have to put her in there? I don't know. Why did she have to be sacrificed? Why did they have to kill Vargas? You know what though? To be honest, she was cheating on him.

With the pasta robot? She was cheating on him with a pasta robot. So really, to be honest with you, June, she kind of deserved it. She deserved it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was a real bitch. She was a real bitch. And she was a racist. Here's the fatal flaw of the movie, though. We're supposed to... This one? The fatal flaw? The only one. The only one. We're supposed to be... Okay, so there are these two brothers, one who doesn't believe in the law at all, and...

wants this sort of lawless land, right, of just complete chaos. Yeah. And the other who abides by the law and whose whole life is the law and the code of ethics around the law. But the problem is, is that Stallone is actually a very trigger-happy cop.

He's not at all like this fair, reasonable, ethical cop. Am I right? Well, I mean, he only kills people that are killing people. Yeah. But he's very quick to judge people. He sent Schneider to jail for being in that. But that's the law. That's the law. The book. You know, he's got the book. But then, okay, but riddle me this. Then why is he sent to cadet school to go over the code of ethics?

Not to go over it. Not to go over it because I think Max von Sydow... Okay, because here's why. This is what I think.

So Judge Dredd and Judge Rico are brothers, right? They're test tube. The test tube, they were created by the council to be the perfect judges, right? But what they accidentally did was create men without remorse, right? And what Rico turned into, what one of them says at the time, one of them says, instead, Rico turned into the perfect criminal.

criminal, right? And Judge Dredd turned into the perfect judge, but I think I think that's exactly how it's described in the movie, too. It's like something happened, and he became the perfect criminal, and that's like all the explanations. It is like twins. One became the perfect genetic person, and the other one was the sloppy Danny DeVito. Rico's DeVito and Schwarzenegger's Stallone. I think he sends him to do ethics because I think Max von Sydow is worried that he lacks

some humanity or some human empathy or something like that is the problem. And he wants him to attach more to people. He's wearing colored contacts though, right? Is he? Is he? No, Stallone. Does he have blue eyes? Oh, wow. I only know how far apart they are. I do not know the color. You're probably right. The amount that we're talking about eyes in this podcast is unbelievable. Unbelievable.

For a movie that takes place a lot of time with people wearing visors. Yeah, Stallone is wearing a helmet. By the way, in the comic book, Judge Dredd never takes off his helmet. In this one, Stallone's like, all right, yeah, I'll take this off. Yeah, I'll take this off immediately. It just doesn't seem to me that Stallone is the perfect judge to begin with. Okay, good. He's the one everybody... Okay, this is what I think. Judge Dredd is essentially RoboCop. Right. But he's not a robot and he's just a good cop. I mean, all those judges are like that, right? Yeah.

I get. No, no, no. They're all just like regular police. That's what I'm saying. But he's, I mean, to his knowledge until later in the movie. He is too, I think what the point is, he's too severe. That's what I'm saying. But he's not killing normal people or anything like that. He's just, he's too by the book. He judges Rob Schneider and sends him to prison because that's what the book says. For crying he didn't really commit. He did. He did monkey with the pasta robot. He hacked the pasta robot. What?

This is the most insane conversation. You really want to make a case out for Judge Dredd. He's the good guy. He's a little like, look, he's emotionless. He's just too by the book. He's too by the book. And the book says he violated his parole and he was tampering with a fucking poster robot. So he goes back to jail. Those are the rules.

What Judge Dredd doesn't have is the ability to make in the moment decisions about like, oh, extenuating circumstances tells me you were trying to escape a murderous situation. He just is going by the book. Right. You did this. You fucked with the imposter robot. And you gotta go to jail. You gotta go to Aspen. You gotta go to Aspen jail. Which is now a terrible place. Yeah, Aspen really went downhill. Holy shit, this is the best conversation we've ever had.

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So, Stallone is found guilty of killing Vartis, the reporter, not his wife. And by the way, Diane Lane represents him. Oh yeah, Diane Lane is his lawyer. Top of her class in law understanding or whatever. Because she's a judge. They're all lawyers. I mean, that's the other thing. They're all lawyers in this world. They don't need lawyers. He really could represent himself. Right. Yes. And then he's found guilty. And when he's found guilty, he gives this speech. And what was the result?

The computer check of the DNA coding on those bullets. The DNA is a perfect match for Judge Joseph Dredd. It's a lie! The evidence has been falsified! It's impossible! I never wrote the law! Which is, I think, Oscar-worthy at best. I'm shocked he did not. The evidence is on the law! You gotta believe me! You gotta believe me! Say it! Say it!

So, you know, he is sent to Aspen. And the reason why he's found guilty is because they find his DNA. Yes. On the bullets. On the bullets. On the bullets. On the bullets.

On the bullets? Which makes sense when you find out that he was actually genetically mutated in Armand DeSantis. The same genetic, yeah, the same genetic name. Same genes, same eye spacing. Perfect crime. Yeah, the eye spacing. Perfect crime. This is where, this is what happened, this is my favorite part of the movie. Found guilty for similar eye spacing.

Your eyes are 20 centimeters apart. My favorite part of the movie comes at this section. He's sent to Aspen. He gets on this flight with Rob Schneider. The plane is shot. Reunited. Reunited at last. It feels so good. The plane is shot down by some cowboy cannibals. Yep.

who decide they're going to eat everyone on this flight. Yeah. And they're so excited to shoot down this plane. Because the harvest has come. Yep. Yes, exactly. Oh, my gosh. That's upsetting. So these cowboys are going to eat everybody. Rob Schneider is like, don't eat me, don't eat me. I got warts and eczema and zits.

That was his defense on not getting eaten. We've also not, please, I mean, it is like an inbred, it's basically hillbillies. Yes. Is what it is. It's like an inbred dad, his two sons, who are like gross animals, and then a cyborg. And then a half-man, half-metal machine cyborg. Yes. Who has an arm that is like a gun and a blade and like scissors. I don't even. A ball at the end. I literally.

Oh, there is a giant round ball at the end of it. First generation Edward Scissorhands. It was so crazy. That doesn't have another arm at all. No, missing one full arm. If you can make that arm a robotic Insanathon, but you can't give him another arm at all, the other arm is just amputated. Like, what are you doing? You're doing some things wrong. Yes. You're definitely doing some things... Now, they... Now, uh...

There's some logic jumps from this part of the movie on. There are? Yeah. Because up until this point, it's made perfect logical sense. I do feel like there were some big cuts made. Oh, yeah, I get to stand in 95 minutes. And there's one glaring one coming up. But...

What happened to the rest of the crew of that ship? Did they all die? They all died, remember? And then the judges send judges the secret, the black suited judges. And they're like, the pilot's still alive. And the council member is like, no one leaves that plane alive. Fine dread. Okay, all right. Everyone died on that plane. And then the guy shoots them. But we're not to understand that the council member had anything to do with that plane going.

No, no, no. The plane going down was just a fluke. No, it's not. It's a cannibal shot. Cannibal shot it down. And it's also a fluke that Max von Sydow on his walkabout finds Judge Dredd in a cave. Happens to find him in the middle of the earth.

I thought that they were in charge of the plane going down. I wasn't sure. The hillbillies were like, yes, God is bringing us people to eat. I don't think so, though. No, because that allowed Judge Dredd to get away. And that's when the hillbillies shoot it with a rocket. They want Judge Dredd to get killed. But they shot him with a rocket. But you know what? I think maybe what they did was they told the coordinates that...

To the cannibal cowboys. No, I'm not buying this. And they go, hey, guys, if you want to eat good, there's a ship coming by. Come check it out. I'm not buying it. So they have this big fight scene with the cannibal cowboys. They defeat them. Max von Sydow dies. Very quickly. Very quickly. He's like...

Saves the day in that. There's nothing better than a death scene between one of the greatest actors of all time. Yes. And Sylvester Stallone. Like that conversation is next level crazy. Like it is the most bizarre set of acting styles I've ever seen.

Well, do you think that he brought the A-game out of Stallone in that scene? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's, you know what's a great scene there? That is like a trio of powerhouse actors. Von Sydow, Stallone, Schneider. Armand Asante. Just killing it in that scene.

So amazing. Did they go, is this one of the lines? I'm looking at quotes on IMDb. It goes, the blind lady. Who is she? Oh my God, it's Justice. Yeah, Justice, before your time. We should have never taken Justice out of her hands.

You put order to chaos, sir. Yeah, we solved many problems, but we created many more. Now, the blind lady, the statue of blind justice just happens to be in this little cave area? Yes. In the hillbilly's house. In the hillbilly's house. Yes. In the hillbilly's house, there is a statue of justice, right? Who?

has huge tits. I didn't notice that. The statue of Lady Justice is stacked. From what I remember, that's always the case, though. Really? Cannibal cowboys have one allegiance, and it's to the Lady of Justice. That's why they keep it in all their caves. By the way, in that death scene, it was thunder and lightning out, but they're deep in a cave. The cave is illuminating. There are windows throughout this cave the entire time. It's like...

They're like, oh yeah, we'll make it dramatic. We'll put some thunder and lightning in. Yeah, just put some sound effects of thunder and lightning. So Judge Dredd now has to make it back to his city. Make it back to his city. The only problem is the only entrance to the city emits fire every 30 seconds.

So like a video game, they need to run inside the fire tunnel and time it. There's a straight line. Rob Schneider trips because he's... On nothing. On nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Well, he trips on nothing. Not just trips, but trips and stays down. Freezes. Yeah. Stays down. Help! Dread! Like, what? I really did want to know what was going on with him in that moment. Like, he just... Do you think he was just frozen with panic? I think so.

I guess. He trips over nothing. And then stands... And stays down. But stands there like he can't get out of anywhere. Yeah. But we don't see anything. His character changes to whatever the scene needs him to be. Yes. Funny, mean, like sarcastic. And they never understood why they needed to be teamed up together. There was never a reason why they needed... Only at the end does his purpose come in. But...

There's no reason. There's not like, come with me. There's no reason why I need to come with him. And their big plan to escape that fire tunnel was they'd run about 30 feet in and then Judge Dredd would shoot the floor again like Wile E. Coyote, carve out a little hole and then drop down. But why couldn't they do that right when they got in? They were like, we'll run, we'll make it really dramatic and then shoot out the floor and then dive in.

Oh, wait, can we go back to when he was stuck in the hillbilly house and they're like tied up, hanging from the thing. And then all of a sudden, like whenever he feels like he needs to, Stallone can just get himself out of his robes. Easily. Never and not a problem to get out of those robes. No problem at all. He's like, okay, I'm going to get out now. Well, and what Schneider keeps on doing throughout the film is calling him by his Christian name, Judge Dredd, which...

people go crazy about once they realize who he is. But he does that a number, a number of times. And so much so that Judge Dredd at some point is like, will you shut your mouth? Or something like that. You talk too much. Yeah, you talk too much. That's exactly what it was. Because they're on the prisoner transport and Schneider realizes it and is like, Dredd? And then the other prisoners are like, huh?

Because Judge Dredd apparently put every prisoner into prison. And also, it activates one of the prisoners on that prison transport who happened to sneak a knife in. And can get out of his restraints. Yeah, easily. Sneaks a knife out of his leg. And he walks around freely on that. Yeah, no one patted down these criminals before they got on their prison transport. Like a full knife. Yeah, it was like Con Air style prison transport. No one ever checked these guys. Like, he pulled out a knife, cut his restraints, and then tried to stab Judge Dredd. Oh, boy. Um.

Oh, my God. So now this is where I got confused. This is... They get into this... The pasta robot. They get back into the city, and then all of a sudden, Judge Dredd's in full costume. Yep.

You don't understand how that happened. They get so easily into the craziest part was when Rob Schneider, they're in the locker room and Rob Schneider's like, am I in the right place? What's going on? It would be like as if you snuck into the most protected city and then made your way into CIA headquarters. And we're just like, what's going on?

on, guys? By the way, were we led to believe that the entire Judge Dredd headquarters was in the Statue of Liberty? Yes. Okay. So, yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, just that. That was just Rico's. The secret lab, I believe, was under the Statue of Liberty because that's where the power surge comes from. Got it. I thought it was on top of the crown.

It was in the crowd. Oh, it was in the crowd? Yeah, because they shot out that part of the statue of the Great Space. Oh, you're right. You're right. You're right. Oh, man. So what was Rob Schneider talking about when he was like, what do we do? Just say, cursed earth pizza? Yeah, that was my favorite line. Get into the headquarters that they easily get into? Yeah, he's like, how are we supposed to get in here? Cursed earth pizza? And then they were in. You never saw it. They got in. There was no reason. And then all of a sudden, basically...

Stallone's being framed by Rico. Rico kills every member of the council. He's like, I thought politics were boring. And then Stallone comes in two seconds later and he's like, hey, wait! And then Rico runs off and someone's like, hey, Judge Dredd killed all these people. He's like, oh, no! I also love these members of the council because every time one of their ideas isn't passed, and this happens with Max von Sydow, too, they just resign. Yeah. They're like...

They're like, I'm out. I'm out. Oh, man. So, man, oh, man. I don't even know where. So terrible.

This movie is terrible. And by the way, the Statue of Liberty they established has been moved from where it was to the middle of the dystopian Pluto-Nash-style city. Yes. This is there. So there's skyscrapers all around it and just the Statue of Liberty. Right. Where it's holding a secret lab. No one ever thinks to look inside the crown of the Statue of Liberty. Where what's-her-name is?

We've forgotten, what's her name? The scientist. Who works in... Joan Shen. Yeah, Joan Shen. Dr. Lisa Hayden. She was on Twin Peaks, right? Yeah. The Last Emperor and Lust, Caution, and Homesung Stories. That's what I see here. And she's just there and is neither good nor bad and then becomes a bad guy. Yeah. Yeah, nope, she's a bad guy. You know there's going to be a bitch fight when you see a short-haired Asian. Yeah.

You know it's coming. Well, Diane Lane and her really go to town. They have a big fight. Stallone has a big fight with Rico. But my favorite thing was that Rico programs that giant robot to rip off everyone's arms and legs. Like,

Rip their arms and legs off. Like, that was their big move. And then he was like, no, rip his head off and give it to her. And then it's like, what is going on? He said about her, cut that bitch's arms or rip that bitch's arms off. Really, like, quite a lot.

Especially that council member who, like, didn't want, obviously he didn't want Rico to use his own DNA to create these clones. He wanted to use the best of the council's DNA. And so was fighting him on that point. But to rip that guy's arms and legs off for that? Yeah.

He's helped him so much up until that point. The robot is so extraneous. The robot is fully unnecessary. I have to ask, did he set up the robot as having... Were these robots once...

running rampant through the city? Were they just a part of everyday life there? No, no, no. So he just finds one in a pawn shop. Yeah. Oh, no, I think it was the original Judge Dredd robots, right? Because he, because I think because he said, like, oh, they can only be activated by Judge Dredd things and he touched it and then the robot came on.

And he's like, mission, bodyguard. Yeah. He's like, you know, he's like, double whammy. I think, maybe. I don't know. I couldn't figure out what the purpose of those robots were. Or maybe it was just a bodyguard robot. I don't know. By the way, he was having like a love affair with that robot.

robot. He had so many tender scenes. He is straight up fucking that robot if he had genitals. And by the way, that robot is real steel. Just a picture in your head. It looks like a robot from real steel. It's like really lanky and big. And the whole last section of the movie, the rope of Diane, poor Diane Lane, I can't imagine what the action was. She just had to be

She was being held in place by her head by the robot. Oh, that's terrible. Yes. Those days acting must have just been brutal. Just pretend like it's holding your head. Okay. But it's not hurting. You're just stuck. Okay.

And then, you know, Rico knows he's outnumbered, so he goes, unleash the clones. They're like, well, look, it's too early. The clones are, like, they're half formed. It's four more hours. He's like, all right. So they release these, like, zombie clones that are all coming out of goo. And they're just slimy mummies. Yeah, they're slimy mummies and muscles. And how do they even get rid of those guys? That's never explained. Who knows? Yeah, they don't, right? The clones never come back.

Sequel. Sequel. The clones come back in the sequel to fight baby Godzilla. That takes place in cursed earth pizza. And so, I mean, then basically, of course, there's a huge fight scene and the front face of the Statue of Liberty, Judge Dredd hangs outside the window and Rico hangs outside the window and then... Well, Schneider turns it around, turns the robot around. Oh, right, yes. Oh, that's right. He hacks it. All of a sudden, the robot paws Armand Asante gently in the face and he falls to the ground. And we're like, what?

That was the thing about those fight scenes. You could see everybody clearly and it was clearly like, okay, we're going to stage, all stage fighting. I was like, I'm going to punch you but I'll be five feet away from you. Every punch was not coming anywhere close to the actors. Everyone was like, but yeah, you're right. That robot just pawed

Armand is like, get down. He's ripped everybody else's limbs off. Then Rob Schneider gets in the back. Yeah, Rob Schneider basically tweaked the robot. He hacks it. He hacks it. Spaghetti style. Spaghetti style. He gets into the spaghetti guts of the robot. All robots are made of spaghetti. He finds a bunch of rigatoni in there.

Oh, that's why. It's rigatoni. It's too al dente. I know this. I can do this. You can do this, man. Connect the rigatoni to the ziti, and I just have to upload the pen, eh? They're obviously... It's got a bad gnocchi core.

We gotta make a movie where all robots are run on pasta. The pasta robots. That should be a sequel to Judge Red. I will say, Sylvester Stallone had some complaints about this movie.

In 2008, he said, I loved that property when I read it because it took a genre that I love, the action morality genre. It's a total genre that we all know. And made it a bit more sophisticated. There's a lot of action in the movie and some great acting too, but it wasn't balls to the wall.

I look back on Judge Dredd as a real missed opportunity. It should have been more funny and fun. What I learned out of that experience was we shouldn't have tried to make Hamlet. We should have tried to make Hamlet and eggs. Oh, my God. Wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa. Wait, what now? We shouldn't have tried to make it Hamlet. We should have made Hamlet and eggs. So he misjudged it.

Oh, my God. No worries. There's a lot of wordplay around judging in this movie. Obviously, we had an opinion about this movie, but there were some people who thought more highly of it. So now it's time for a second opinion. These are all reviews cold from Amazon.com. Right here, there's a theme that I want to see if you guys can pick out in these reviews.

This is from NMNims. There are a few films that everyone in my family can enjoy, and a film that my father isn't complaining about at the end is the rarest thing I can think of. Judge Dredd is one of these very, very, very, very few films. My father isn't complaining about this movie, but he actually praises it and wants to watch it again.

Even with our incredibly high expectations, everyone in my family, including my father, loves this movie. That's a five-star review. Now, that would be interesting, but here's a second review.

Whoa. What a great Stallone film. I haven't seen a great one since Ants. Stallone may not be the handsomest guy, but he is a good actor. My father especially loves The Line. What is going on right now? What is happening? For real, I'm freaking out right now. I'm settling. My father especially loves The Line. I knew you'd say that.

As a matter of fact, it's become one of our family's favorite sayings. So these are two reviews about dads. So for Father's Day, pop in Judge Dredd. Yeah. It's really uncomfortable. And bond with your dad. And then I only picked out this review here. That was also a five-star review. I only picked out this one because it was written in 2011. This is one of the best comic-to-films adaptations ever made.

If you're not familiar with comics and graphic novels, you can't appreciate what a fine film this is. This is done in 2011. That's great. So that means that Spider-Man has come out. Yeah. Batman. Both Batman. Two Batmans. A lot of movies have come out. Yeah. But this is to be the best, the best comic movie.

Oh, man. Any final thoughts on this? This is a good one. Oh, I think you should definitely. Oh, and it's on YouTube. It's on YouTube. The full movie's on YouTube. It might be hard for you to find. It is on YouTube. It is well worth the watch. And there's some stuff that we haven't even touched on. I just want to thank Andrew Vagina for producing it. I'm so happy!

How could that guy not have changed his name? That must be a really difficult name. I didn't notice that. One of the producers' names, first thing up, is Andrew Vagina. V-A-J-N-A. Vagina. Wow.

Well, there you go. Yeah, you've got to change that if you're going to be in Hollywood. So we highly recommend it. Andrew Vagina, by the way, let's see, he's done a lot of different things. He has School for Scumbags. He's the producer on that. He did Basic Instinct 2. Of course. Oh, and he produced the movie I Spy, the remake with Eddie Murphy and Owen Wilson. Oh, my God. And let's see, anything else? The 13th Warrior and Evita. Evita. Evita.

And Nixon. He actually has a pretty impressive career. Vagina. Getting it together. That name hasn't held him back. So...

We all highly recommend it. We're all down with it. Everybody loves Vagina, right? We love it a lot. I love a Vagina movie. If you like our show, review it on iTunes. We always like a good review on there. We have t-shirts, Crank 2 inspired t-shirts with Bidling on them. They're awesome. I really get behind these shirts. Please get one. Some plugs. So Burning Love, obviously. Get on that. Get on that. Burninglove.com. Wow. Thank you. June really likes the plug the Yahoo address. I didn't mean to, Eric. That was a mistake.

She really likes to plug Yahoo. She doesn't like the direct link to burninglove.com. Oh, that's fine. Isn't it a part of Yahoo, though? It is, but we just did the Burning Love so people could find it. Okay. Wait, is it The Burning Love or Burning Love? It's just burninglove.com. Burninglove.com. It's hilariously funny. It's super great. It has so many awesome, awesome people in it. And what else? Jason?

I don't know when we're putting this up, but if The Dictator is still out, I'm still in it. You are still in it, right? That is true. I've been assured that I'm going to be in it for the run of it being in theaters. If it goes on DVD, will you be in it on DVD? When it comes out on DVD, I will be cut out completely. Oh, wow. That will be a bummer. Which will make the movie make less sense.

Let's make this last for you. You can follow me on Twitter. I'm at Paul Scheer. At Miss June Diane. I'm not on Twitter. And Erica. I'm at Erica Oyama. How do you spell that? O-Y-A-M-A.

Perfect. Like Obama with a Y. Oh, it looked nice. And if you think you're following me on Twitter, that's not me. Yeah, that's not Jason. Although that person did a very good job of trying to make it seem like it was me. Trying to mimic me. Yeah. Pastiche. Yeah, Kroll thought it was me. I know. I emailed him. I was like, you should take down that thing. A big thanks to everybody here at Earwolf. Cody, our engineer. Caroline, who does all of our web stuff. And Dave Steffi, who pulls all of our clips. Thank you so much. Join us next time. Bye-bye. Earwolf.

We all have that friend who wakes up early to go get everyone McDonald's breakfast while the rest of us sleep in. This is your sign to thank them. And if you're that friend, this is us saying...

Thank you. Just a friendly reminder that right now, get any size iced coffee before 11 a.m. for just 99 cents. And a satisfying sausage McMuffin with egg is just $2.79. Price and participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer or combo meal. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.

So many options for toilet paper. Quintuple ply? This roll is titanium enforced. This one is made from elderly trees. Is that good? Just grab Angel Soft. It's simple, soft, and strong. And for any budget. Angel Soft. Soft and strong. Simple.